#dont even make me start on equius... god he freaks me out

[nestedfeathers]

i started watching home stuck recently. (several years late i know) but i actually really like it! i was... not expecting to.

[the-hs-etaverse]

Driving

John: He’s a fairly good driver when he doesn’t want to fly, he just hits the brakes and the gas too hard sometimes. He also has no fear of tight turns. He will go 40 around a hairpin bend. “what do you mean, it’s not normal to have your body jolt from side to side while you’re driving?” He’s never been in an accident.

Rose: Legit has no fear of death. Also, she’s a New Yorker, so that automatically means she’s mediocre at best. Merges in as tight a gap as she can possibly manage. “I would have had plenty of space if you had only paid attention!” Listens to podcasts and audiobooks during long trips. Forgets to turn them off when the cops pull her over. Pays her tickets.

Dave: Decent. Plays the radio, but not very loudly. Has been known to switch on cruise control and put his feet up on the dashboard. Fell asleep while driving once. He woke up and saw that his car had been totaled and that there was lots of shrapnel in him, so he went back in time to fetch his past self out of the car before succumbing to his wounds. He is haunted by the experience to this day. Has never gotten a ticket.

Jade: Has never been in a car before. Never wants to get in a car. Dave makes fun of her, like, “all dogs love car rides and im sure youd love sticking your head out the window” but that only makes Jade more determined to avoid car rides like the plague. She teleports everywhere. She teleported to a hospital once and legit gave the nurse a heart attack.

Jane: Drives very well. Obeys all the rules of the road. Stays five over the speed limit. She keeps her car clean as a whistle: she makes everyone knock off their shoes before getting in her car, and God forbid if you eat anything. She probably has one of those “St. Christopher Protect Us” visor clips despite not being Catholic. (She’s Lutheran.)

Roxy: Is Not Safe. Has been in at least three accidents. Blasts rock music. One time [this is based on a true story], she was pulling into the driveway with her radio blasting away, and Dave, Jake, and Karkat were outside, and they started waving at her because there was something scraping the ground on the underside of her car. Her response? Turn the music up EVEN LOUDER, drowning out the scraping, and wave back.

Dirk: Excellent driver. Forgets to use turn signals. Occasionally drifts around corners, but only when nobody’s around. Occasionally puts Lil Cal in the passenger seat so he can use the carpool lane. For whatever reason, doesn’t ever let anyone ride with him.

Jake: Is a surprisingly good driver. Sometimes, he’ll get carried away with talking to his passengers and will have to be reminded to keep his eyes on the road. He uses one foot for the gas and the other for the brake, so occasionally, there’ll be this terrible grinding noise when he tries to brake. Put diesel in his car once. [Also based on a true story.] Nobody will let him live it down.

Aradia: Drives decently well, but does NOT put her hands on the wheel. She turns it with her telekinesis. She says “it helps me get a better feel f0r the car”. She has received numerous tickets. She does not care. The government can’t catch her if they can’t find her.

Tavros: Can’t legally drive because of his paralysis. He’s afraid of cars, partly due to his aforementioned paralysis. “dON’T YOU KNOW, hOW MANY PEOPLE, gET INJURED IN CAR ACCIDENTS,” Jade is more than happy to teleport him wherever he wants to go.

Sollux: Doesn’t have a license. Carpools with Aradia all the time. Knows how to drive in theory (because Video Games), but doesn’t. In video games, he’s fast and very prone to drifting, but somehow never crashes ever, except in the most extreme of situations.

Karkat: Doesn’t own a car. Very good driver. Complains constantly about all the other drivers. I mean, he’s good, so he’s justified? But still? Sometimes, he slows down in front of particularly pernicious vehicles just because he can. Slows down but does not actually stop at stop signs. Sings along with the radio.

Nepeta: Chaos driver. Makes U-turns whenever and wherever she wants. Goes out of her way to run down squirrels. (But not deer, because Equius would throw a fit.) Gets serious road rage. Honk at her? The next ten seconds of your life will be hell. Her car’s a legit mess.

Kanaya: The go-to carpool lady, if you're not in a rush. Very safe driver. Always drives the posted speed limit. Doesn’t move from the right lane, ever. Has threatened to turn Aradia in to the government. “Dont Make Me Turn This Car Around” Plays show tunes and sings along. Karkat and Roxy will join in.

Terezi: Legally blind and cannot drive. Is still a backseat driver. Every once in a while, she’ll yell “R4C3 R4C3 R4C3″ or something. Five minutes later, she’ll accost the driver for not using turn signals. Nepeta let her try driving one whole time, in an empty Target parking lot at 3 in the morning. It... went surprisingly well. They almost crashed into a line of shopping carts, but it still went well.

Vriska: Her license was suspended a year ago. Don’t ask why. She’s currently plotting to get it back.

Equius: Excellent driver. Stays 5 over the speed limit. Fixes everyone’s cars, so long as the customer does him a favour in return. His car is immaculate, somehow, despite letting the likes of Nepeta into it.

Gamzee: The epitome of not caring. Drifts over lanes. Coasts through red lights. Has miraculously never been in an accident. Has been pulled over multiple times but has never been arrested. The police are afraid of him for some reason. Tries to charge people to carpool with him, but nobody ever wants to.

Eridan: Pretty good. He also has a boating license. Never uses windshield wipers, for some reason. Is actually fond of hydroplaning? NEVER ride with him when there’s precipitation.

Feferi: CHAOS DRIVER ROAD RAGE GET OUT OF HER FREAKING WAY

Calliope: Very good. A little too tentative sometimes. Never takes a turn faster than like 5 mph. Not overly fond of driving. Doesn’t have her own car.

Caliborn: Reads your bumper stickers to decide whether or not to cut you off. Has his brights on in the middle of the day. Goes 30 mph in parking lots. So basically, not horrible, but also very jerkish.

[supreme-duck-blog]

history of homestuck (not mine)

John lives in a house in a suburb filled with houses by a lake and its *beautiful!!* In the year negative a billion– John might not have been here. In the year negative 40000 he still wasnt here, but his ancestors were. So was betty crocker. But she sucks. Then time passed and time shit happened and now theres lots of ~kids~ Because it’s normal. Ding dong, it’s gamebro magazine and they have important news. Like really shitty reviews. And a game called ~sburb~ Now everyone has heard about sburb. That means if you own sburb then you can play the game, which is what everyone needs to *survive.* So that makes you important. Sburb hosts and server players spread all across the land and all the way to here. [points to america] The most important players were here, here, here, and here. But this one was the most most important started by John, or the heir of breath. Then the world started being destroyed by meteors. John made some changes, like getting into the game, and making the others more like his game, which was a game that got people into the game. “Hey random person!” Said john. “HEY DIPSHIT.” said a troll. “Can you call me something other than dipshit?” said John. “LIKE WHAT?” said the troll. “How about John Egbert?” Said john. And they got trolled by some trolls and wrote a guide. About themselves. And then they made a bunch of items and some more game dvds. Then they stopped changing povs every time a character did something and stayed with one person for a while, with Rose. And they got Dave in finally, lets get that squared away. A weird hipster named Vriska is bored of the slow playing and talks to John who begins to trust her which causes ~shipping~ Leaves and comes back causing John to be ~great~ for a while. And the game became a little easier so John didn’t give a shit about the chance of dying So if you do care about your fragile morality how are you supposed to protect your ass from Imps? ~Ascend to God Tier~ Everyone started focusing on going god tier. -People who got to quest bed went god tier. People who did not get to quest bed did not go god tier. God tiers became powerful and everyone wanted to become god tier. But the game didn’t care and killed them anyways. They let the kids go god tier but the game was actually still in control. Breaking news, Jack Noir has invaded the troll session. “I have invaded the troll session.” Said jack noir. “Please respect me or else I might kill you as well.” “Okay.” say the beta kids. [pulling out their weapons.] The trolls tried to run away and got killed by jack noir. But the kids were upset and got ready for battle and had a nice time fighting but then died to jack noir. Then the game kills John, but john comes back to life and wanders around skaia and meets WV. And John can stay alive a little longer, if he wants that’s fine. ~Now theres more trolls~ Like humans but grey and with horns, symbols, coolorful blood, quirks, ocs, and buckets. It’s time for who’s going to be the next leader. Sollux wanted it to be terezi, but terezi didn’t want to lead. So he tries to get someone else to be the leader of the red team, but no one wants to. So who’s it gonna be? Vote now on your husktops. And everyone voted so hard Karkat got angry and started yelling. Sollux actually didn’t care, he didnt want to play anymore anyways. And the entire game broke into pieces. Karkat became leader and the game was ok for a short period. Knock knock. It’s Vriska. No, she doesnt want to take over, she just wants to be a hero. By creating Jack noir. And killing Tavros. So that’s great. But everyone is still fighting each other. Now with Gamzee! Wouldn’t it be nice to be safe for once, with no one out to kill you? This troll (Eridan) Kills Feferi and Kanaya, but is then chainsawed in half by a vampire who came back to life. Surprise surprise, Gamzee’s on a murderous rampage. On that rampage, one troll named Equius gets killed and Nepeta is upset. Who also gets killed. Vriska is just about to go fight jack noir but he kills everyone else, so Terezi uses her seer powers to kill her and keep this from happening. And then she felt really really bad. “We are going to breed frogs and hopefully win the game” said Dave who tried but jack noir came and he died. But before he died his past self became his sprite and was now hanging out with his bro until jack noir came again. And jack noir was like “yeah right, it’s not gonna be a happy ending, you’re gonna die. Cuz I’m angry.” And so he killed Bro and almost Davesprite, who had his wing cut off and somehow bleeds despite being a sprite. A lot of people hate Jack, but Jade was just kinda ok with him. Someone comes and kills jade, and jack gets mad. Jack kills him, but jade is still dead. ~Cascade~ And Jack takes Jade to the quest bed to go dog tier and save everyone’s life. But don’t get confused, Dave and Rose set off the tumor. And they died on their quest bed and ascended in the green sun with Aradia and Sollux who were also there. PM got a ring and looked just like jack. Except for the whole black and white thing, but they were equal in every other way. Now that everyone’s going somewhere we change povs to the alpha kids. There was Jane, Roxy, Jake, and Dirk who were the “ancestors” of the beta kids. Except there was betty crocker, carapaces, sburb alpha, gcat, and looming death. They tried to play the game and failed miserably so Dirk had to save their asses. We’re talking time shenanigans on rocketboards while freestyling and jumping through portals to all meet up, maybe even sea hitler. Over time they met Caliborn and Calliope and met with the others and– Knock knock. It’s the Trickster Arc. With drugs. And candy. Drug candy. “Come, play with us. Stop, running away.” said the Tricksters. There was really nothing they could do so they got high on candy and got to their quest beds but then had a hangover and died in a fire. They ascended and got thrown in jail by jade and jane. “That sucks!” They said. “This sucks!!” And with help from John’s retcon powers they got out. And somehow Jake had an imaginary dirk and had a hope temper tantrum, which jade couldn’t do anything about. Then she got crushed by a falling tower. And everyone else finally caught up, and was like “oh no.” And then the becs caught up and everyone was like “Oh no.” And you know what else was bad? That’s right, Fish hitler. So what did she do? Join the party. The becs start to take jade from under the tower and start to fly away. And Dave rushes in out of nowhere and says “stop no you cant do that we were gonna heal her with Jane’s lifey powers to save her” and they fly away anyways with Dave in pursuit. Then, Terezi finds Gamzee and they talk about their feelings. Did I say talk? I meant kick each others asses. And Jake says “Can you maybe chill?” And Gamzee says “How bout maybe YOU chill?” John kinda hates Caliborn. You’ll never guess who kinda hates John. Caliborn! So John and Caliborn start fighting because they really hate each other. Feeling really confident, John beats the shit out of caliborn and then gets zapped away with retcon powers. ~It’s time for s game over~ Everyone’s about to die. Because Aranea decided to do something different and everyone’s freaking out and Fish Hitler is about to fucking kill everybody. Meanwhile, Gamzee is still kicking Terezi’s ass and Karkat is *ANGRY.* and the next thing he does is get stabbed in the gut by Gamzee and enrages Kanaya. Kanaya slices Gamzee in half, who still has this fucking codpiece, because he killed Karkat who was friends with Kanaya and Karkat wanted to save Terezi who was getting beat up by Gamzee because of a terrible Kismesis. Err, actually, it probably wasn’t a kismesis at all. And Kanaya had a chainsaw. So you know what that means, duhh. ~Meanwhile with Aranea~ Aranea tries to stab Jane, which she wanted to do anyways. So she sort of manipul8ed a sword her way, but then Jake blocked it! And then the sword stabbed Jane too because swords are long. Now Dave and the Becs are at Jade’s questbed and congratulations, becs, you dropped her there and are now going to fight Dave 2 on 1 with totally unfair odds all for something really stupid that really shouldn’t have happened. And yes, Dave ends up dying to both of them at once. And also Sea Hitler kills Kanaya with a laser of death which makes rose ~super pissed~ And she starts charging at condy who kills her with a trident. That was bad but Roxy saved her from complete obliteration with voidy powers so that’s ok I guess. Planets are thrown around and Condy chokes Aranea who is like “noo don’t do that its mean and i have the ring of life which means im not supposed to be able to die…” And Condy said ~“how bout I do, anyway?”~ And Condy flipped the ring off her finger, and everyone’s pretty much dead now. You’ve got mail! Its from Terezi, who somehow isnt dead. She wants John to fix everything and keep everyone from dying. This was also forwarded to Roxy. They all decided to because they were alive. ~It’s time for S collide~ Vriska is alive in the new timeline who talked to some kids, then some more kids, then some more more kids on how to fight and terezi has a mental br8kdown and sees other timelines and is like “holy shiiit” and she sees another vriska and terezi together because they are ~good friends~ and then the omegapause happened and everyone started crying because “homestuck isnt updating so i dont know what to do. Plus there’s undertale and thats pretty cool.” Suddenly there’s upd8s again and everyone starts fighting but with a little less death. Less death than any other big flash, ever. Somehow. But they still get their asses kicked, things look bad for them, but suddenly heir of grief and serenity happened and they started kicking ass. But then Dirk gets Dirkapitated in the fight by Dave and they use timey powers to get out alive. Jack’s head explodes. And then Roxy kills Condy and everyone’s really happy. And PM punches Jade in the face because she was upset. And she cuts off jacks arm after a literal eternity of being threatened. And she punches him in the face too. (you win) After all this shit Jade finally makes the universe frog with just enough ingredients for a ~whole new universe~ and everyone is happy and free in the new universe. And also not dead. They make can town and repopulate earth. But then again Vriska is still gone and no one knows where she is for some reason. ~~bye~~