#dude are you just gonna delete all your posts at this point😭

[spideyhexx]

as you said…sometimes i forget he is a man. he is not curating to the fan girls

he’s not😔

[icantscreamwhycantiscream]

I'm gonna fucking vomit

I'm so stressed out

Like big time stressed out

Like fuck

Packing. Moving. Breaking lease. My cat is missing. One of my friends is making me her relationship therapist. The other is crashing out and doing every drug they can get their hands on while mourning a great loss. My right leg is literally swelling from the amount of pain I'm in. I didn't sleep last night. My room is a mess. The vibrator for my charger is missing. I'm out of weed.

I'm all out of weed...

😭 fucking take me out back and tell me to look at the trees when you blast my brains open

I'm this close to relapsing. Idk. I also drank my last bottle of vodka all night and now morning. I wanna cry. I wanna rot. I wanna check out. I can't be here anymore. But also I can't because if I leave that all to my boyfriend to do, while I just stare at a wall, I'd probably feel so shitty I'd want to kms even more like wtf do I do???

I'm at a point where I've scheduled a therapy appointment with someone who specializes in EDMR but also if I have to go another day feeling like this I might strip naked and set myself on fire in the parking lot, ya know????

I want to die lolololol

Fuck me. Fuck you. Fuck everything. Fuck shitty ass neighbors who threaten your animals and shitty friends who never ask how I'm doing. Like I love these people so deeply yet feel so hurt and rejected all the time. I've known some of my friends since kindergarten to highschool. And I have always been the therapy friend. Even when I am going through it I acknowledge my pain isn't as bad as everyone else's and I minimize myself and make myself small and shove myself to the sidelines because what I am going through right now is laughable compared to everyone else's bullshit. But it's ALWAYS like that. My shit is ALWAYS nothing compared to everyone's bullshit. When's my big mental break down??

Ugh I deleted like half of my rant cause it's dumb and nothing matters dude. I don't matter. It doesn't matter. And I've been trying to make everything not mattering a positive thing lately but holy SHIT is it slowly killing me.

If you read this far sorry for disappointing you. Idk how to finish a post properly.