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quarktrinity · 10 months

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quark watches star trek season 2 episode 12

wow what a conveniently expository conversation theyre having just after beaming down

no chekov dont enter the spooky building

holy shit a dead dude

yep that dude sure is dead

holy shit alive people

weirdly loud and intense music

obviously old people think theyre in their late 20s. uh oh

old guy: "elaine was so beautiful. so beautiful." kirk: :T

yes kirk we get it ur into blondes

"old friend" ok so shes his ex. how many exes does this dude have

"when my husband died" so shes single. alright

i think i realized why i find so many of the Kirk Romances boring and annoying and only some of them fun and interesting. most of them are entirely on the basis of "shes blonde and hot and likes him because hes blonde and hot," and all the interesting ones actually establish chemistry and tension and its not just showing that theyre attracted to each other, its showing WHY. and then the boring ones just assume u understand why kirk wants to bang this blonde chick of the week. i actually dont. shes boring, show me why he wants her

obviously plot relevant comet mentioned off-handedly by spock as having not been investigated

kirk having memory troubles methinks

it seems the whole crew is becoming Old

topless kirk <3 thaaaanks <3333

kirks definitely having memory troubles

kirks tummy is so good

kirk has Body Pains

mccoy has gray hairs. theyre all entering their dilf eras

mckirk sexual tension

kirk has arthritis. lmao

they tried to make kirk look like hes balding by just slicking back his hair. he looks kinda goofy

mccoy looks ancient

mccoys southern accent is coming out

whoever wrote this episode thinks aging is horrifying

off-screen lady is off-screen

ok blonde doctor lady is starting to get interesting. my favorite part of this is that kirk points out that she talks like spock. interesting of u to say abt a lady ur hot for kirk.

blonde doctor lady is into dilf kirk. aight

honestly they didnt make kirk very dilfy :/ they shouldnt have slicked his hair back like that, it looks silly

kirk calls out that blonde doctor lady is into older men

alright this is a good love interest. im cool with this

chekov is grumpy

kirks memory troubles are starting to become problematic

kirks napping <3

woah so crazy how the comet was plot relevant

kirk you gotta go take another nap or something

weird tinfoil dildo

spock says Its Too Cold

commodore guy says kirk is getting too stupid to be captain

"this isnt gonna hurt a bit" "thats what you said the last time!" "did it hurt?" "yes!"

dead lady

kirk is obviously insecure

spock were in crisis i think its fine if kirk repeats himself sometimes for a bit. give him time to fix this

mccoys napping <3

kirk is canonically 34

kirk is grounded

kirks being funny <3

kirk does make a good point that theyre wasting time they could spend fixing this problem

commodore dude immediately makes dumb decisions

kirk as a rambling old man is fun to watch

hes acting like a jilted lover with spock. i love this show

the camera is still obsessed with kirks ass

hahahaha this show thinks radiation poisoning can be treated

commodore dude forgot about the space cold war

kirk is once again in restraints

"it could cure or kill" so itll obviously work

kirk has no fear of death

camera is weirdly focused on kirks crotch

yes lets zoom on his crotch while he writhes on the bed in pain. i couldnt make this shit up if i tried

commodore dude doesnt know shit about the space cold war

kirk is Fine now. damn i almost forgot how sexy he is

kirk is so good at captaining

the romulans should know that kirk would never blow up his ship. dont they even watch star trek

mcspock banter

"well, gentlemen, all in all, an experience well remember in our old age- /stops, reaches for his back with a surprised and thoughtful expression, then adjusts so it looks like hes just holding his hand on his hip/ ...which wont be for some while, i hope" youre 34 kirk it happens

#quark watches star trek #star trek #star trek tos

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succubused · 4 years

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I know nothing about jojo. Teach me it out of context

part 1 phantom blood. um jonathan (British) has some personal problems with his adopted brother dio brando (also british) and then dio kills their dad and becomes a vampire. jonathan gets shounen powers and a guy survives for like fifteen minutes after being cut in half. dio gets decapitated so jonathan went and got married but then dios decapitated head appeared on the boat and was like jonathan i respect you so i want to use your decapitated body as my own. and jonathan was like dude thats kind of fucked up but the boat blew up and dio did it anyway. erina survived though

im putting these under a cut cause it got long as fuck but heres your jojo summaries

part 2 battle tendency is like. joseph who is jonathans thotty grandson teams up with caesar zeppeli (italian) (gay) to defeat the pillar men which include kars (milf) esidisi (milfs live in boyfriend) wamuu (adopted son). another milf called lisa lisa trains them into their shounen powers and then esidisi shows up and kills the teachers aides and possesses lisa lisas assistant and then dies. basically they all get into this arena deathmatch involving zombie horses and kars grows wings and runs around all sexy for a little bit before getting launched into space. caesar gets crushed by a stone cross after making a gay ass speech. love loses. also it turns out lisa lisa was josephs mom the whole time.

part 3 stardust crusaders i kind of hate but i love the characters so basically jotaro kujo (josephs grandson) um he gets his stand and hes like whats this evil spirit i have to be locked in prison for everyones protection. and then his mom gets a stand too but sike women arent people so shes going to die. this is of course dios fault and they have to kill dio. kakyoin tries to kill jotaro and then jotaro pulls the worm out of his head and theyre best friends after that. polnareff tries to kill avdol and avdol sets him on fire and theyre [redacted] after that. they all go on a wacky roadtrip to cairo to kill dio during which kakyoin feeds a baby its own shit and avdol fakes his death for a little over a week. killing dio doesnt go great and vanilla ice sucks avdol into the void and kills their dog iggy and i hate watching that part. kakyoin is crushed under the weight of his own hubris. dio thinks hes sexy for being able to stop time but jotaro can also stop time and he kills dio. jotaros very traumatized due to the entire experience. for some reason both polnareff and joseph survive. the end

part 4 diamond is unbreakable is basically josuke higashikata whos josephs kid out of wedlock hunting down a serial killer with a hand fetish. jotaro is there hes a marine biologist now and josuke is technically his uncle. theres also josukes best friend okuyasu theyre a lil gay but thats alright we like them. also got short king koichi and yukako. and evil twink mangaka rohan. its like murder mystery except a lil more fucked up cause its jojo. ultimately kira (murderer with hand fetish) gets his ultimate powers that manipulate time and space but it doesnt even matter cause josuke has protagonist disease okuyasu dies for like 10 mins but he gets better. kira gets punched into the street by jotaro and then an ambulance runs him over and he dies.

part 5 vento aureo is giorno giovanna whos dios kid but hes also jonathans kid bc dio fucked with jonathans body and thats how giorno was born. he kind of acts like dio if dio had jonathans moral code and hes blond. anyway hes 15 and he joins the mafia because he wants to end heroin abuse and he ends up getting god timespace manipulation powers and killing the boss diavolo but half of his friends are killed horribly so that sucks. and then he becomes the don of the italian mafia. and hes still 15. also polnareff is there for a minute he gets killed sort of but his ghost possesses a turtle so hes giornos turtle after that i guess.

part 6 stone ocean my favorite part cause theres finally lesbianism. jolyne who is jotaros daughter is in prison bc she got framed for murder by her boyfriend. jotaros been an absent father due to him having personal problems. he shows up to break her out of prison but he gets his soul and his stand turned into discs and pulled out of his head and he goes into a coma and most of the rest is jolyne trying to get the discs back. she has 2 girlfriends called hermes and foo fighters who is technically a mass of sentient plankton. weather report (sexy) and anasui (ugly) are also there. the main antagonist is pucci who is a priest and was also dios best friend when he (pucci) was 16 for some reason. by the end they get jotaros discs back and pucci successfully starts manipulating reality itself and it turns out weather report was his brother all along and their backstory is REALLY fucked up and then jotaro comes back and anasui is like jotaro can i marry your daughter and hes like no and then everyone gets killed and pucci resets the universe but emporio the ten year old theyve been hanging out with gets weather reports stand and uses it to follow pucci through the universe resets and he ends up creating one where pucci never existed. it ends with “irene” kujo meeting hermes and anasui/weather report are also there. its implied that this is a new universe where none of the bad shit ever happened. emporio is crying. it kind of sucks

part 7 steel ball run i really dont know how to summarize but basically johnny joestar whos like alt universe jonathan but actually not really like that at all. hes also paralyzed from the waist down and he wishes he wasnt. um he meets an italian (gyro zeppeli) and they go on a horse race across america to track down the body of christ. they meet diego brando whos like dio but hes more about class warfare than megalomania and hot pants who has a stand that lets her turn her flesh into spray. diegos stand is that he can turn himself and other living things into dinosaurs. johnny can shoot his fingernails like bullets. anyway they end up fighting the president of the united states (funny valentine) who was trying to turn lucy steele whos only like 14 into a vessel for the corpse of jesus or something and he kills gyro and hotpants and diego and johnnys like this sucks but sends him into an infinite death loop bc hes a dimension hopper but he just keeps dying over and over again in any dimension he goes into. and he deserved it

part 8 jojolion i havent read but gappy seems like a nice guy

#jjba #think i got brain damage #vulturousculturalist

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vanillamilkcloud · 5 years

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UNDER THE TREE || RM

pairing: Single Dad! RM x Baker! Reader

word count: 2,497

tags: fluff, some cookies were burnt, flour got in some spots, theres hot cocoa, domestic as hell, christmas obviously.

summary: after a visit to their favorite baker, Namjoon cant wrap presents for his boys. so with snagging your number some previous hours ago he decides to call for some help.

Kids were always hard, no matter what anyone did to try and help. Especially having two and also being a single dad. Though Namjoon had a way with the two that almost everyone wished they had with their kids. He had coaxed the boys into waking up this morning only to have them instantly asking about going to the bakery. It had become a sort of routine, once a week he’d show up at the door and instantly Hoseok would babble about everything he wanted while Yoongi pointed to things while hiding behind Namjoon’s leg.

And that was exactly your situation right now. Covered in flour, and some frosting on your cheek, standing behind the counter of the store.

“I want this and this and a cake pop and cake!” Hoseok giggled happily, his gloved hands pressed against the glass happily. Namjoon looked at you apologetically before glancing at what his son wanted.

“Cookie, you know you cant have all of that-” The blonde male had only started to speak before he saw you walking around the counter, handing the 4 year old a cake pop. At 8am, might you add. His baby voice was too hard to resist giving the sweets to him.

“Says who?” You gave an equal smile to the toddler’s as he squealed.

“Thank you noona!” He had already devoured the sweet in a happy fit of giggles. You couldn’t help but giggle at the bits of chocolate around his mouth. For a moment you had thought you heard Yoongi speak, only to be correct as he held his arms up. Namjoon chuckled softly.

“Sugar, what are you doing?”

“I want up.” He murmured, taking his chance to hide behind you now. You shrugged then picked up the small boy. Yoongi had instantly nuzzled into your chest, his little cheeks red from the cold. It made you frown though you knew you couldn’t help it.

“Can I give them mini mugs of hot cocoa Joonie?” You asked, fluttering your eyes in that way you knew would make Namjoon give into you. He let out a small groan as you looked absolutely perfect to him right now, and like the kids were actually both of yours. But Namjoon hadn’t had the courage to ask you yet to see if this relationship could actually.. be something. He had to think about plenty of other things right now besides having his bed warm again, and the boys having a mom finally.

“Do you even have mini mugs?”

You grinned happily before nodding, walking behind the counter with Yoongi in your arms and Hoseok trailing behind you. It was a bit hard to lean downward before pulling out two baby mugs and some straws. You put them on the counter carefully. “I got them just for these two little dudes. Just make sure to bring them when you guys come.”

Yoongi made grabby hands at one of them, so you let him take the cup. His eyes held a type of curiousity you hadn’t ever actually seen in him. The boy was generally shy and quiet but you seemed to understand now how Namjoon managed to know what he wanted constantly. It was rather cute in your eyes as you could catch Hoseok almost drooling over all the pastries behind the glass, and then whining as he wanted up too. You couldnt carry the both of them though.

Namjoon on the other hand, was more than happy with his open fawning over you. You were such an angel with the boys and it made him more than happy with his trips. Hoseok was more than ready to expose his dad though.

“Daddy staring!” He giggled brightly, looking up to his dad through the glass. It caused a chain reaction as Yoongi was more than happy to join in. “Does dada like noona?”

A bright blush covered the male’s cheek in an instant. He was quick to recover though as you couldnt help but to laugh while filling up the two mugs, hanging mini candy canes off the edge. “No, I dont like _____ Sugar.” Namjoon replied.

“Not what Uncle Jinnie said!”

Namjoon facepalmed, shaking his head with a groan. He’d need to have a serious talk with that man later. “Uncle Jinnie tricked you okay? What do you want for breakfast?”

That seemed to change the topics easily, you placing the hot chocolates in Namjoon’s hands to cool off before letting the boys point while behind the glass. Both of them seemed rather happy to have your candy cane donuts, the one treat youd serve only on Christmas Eve and Christmas. Namjoon had asked for his usual strawberry bagel with cream cheese, so then you were free to go back to the kitchen once more.

“Byebye noona!!” The boys called out, making you grin.

“Youll see me next week, this isnt bye babies!” You replied. Namjoon couldnt help but laugh as the two were instantly excited all over again. Except, he came here to do something too, so he came up to the window to your kitchen quickly.

“Wait, ___,” The blonde seemed shy, but you couldn’t help but to smile at him.

“Did you forget something?”

He gave you a nod, and you looked at him curiously. “I forgot your number, can you give it to me again?”

The words that fell out of his mouth made you laugh, as you had essentially walked into him saying that yet you still felt dumbfounded. How was he that smooth? "Mm, give me your phone then, I'll put it in."

Namjoon complied with the words as he was smiling happily; a few of the customers in the store seemed to only cheer for him. You wanted to run away from the situation but you couldn't deny him like that! On Christmas Eve either, you had no hope. Within a few moments you handed the phone back with a bit of flour over the case.

"Oh lord, I'm sorry. I didnt mean to get flour on it."

"Don't be," Namjoon grinned. "Im used to you leaving flour prints on what you touch by now."

He gave you a wave, and went back to his kids. You hummed softly as you went into the back of the store before finding yourself trying to quietly squeal. Namjoon had actually asked you for your number! What you didn't know was that everyone had actually heard your little squeal, and it couldnt help but make everyone laugh as you fawned over your crush. Everyone knew for ages that you both had a thing for each other and now it seemed to get somewhere.

After a long day at work, and perhaps burning a few things in your distraction, you’ve finally made it home. The call of your bed seems almost instantly heeded. But there’s other things you need to do.

Namjoon, on the other hand, is struggling to wrap presents. He had taken quite some time just to wrap simple box shapes and now this gift wrapping thing seemed impossible to him. There was blankets and stuffed animals to be wrapped still, along with pillows and bed sheets that Hoseok had wanted because of them being PJ Mask themed. It was also an issue of he didn’t happen to have enough paper to finish wrapping anything. The blonde combed a hand through his hair with a soft groan; He couldn’t leave the house to get any extra paper because then nobody was home with the boys. The male also didn’t want to leave them with anyone, so he scrolled through his phone contacts, clicking your name with a soft hum.

“Hello?” You asked, clearly a bit tired so Namjoon was almost tempted to hang up then and there.

“Hey _____.” He chuckled softly as he once again couldnt figure out how to wrap the damned elephant plushie.

“Oh, hi Joonie! What’s up?”

“I, um, well. I can’t wrap the kids presents so I thought you might be able to help. I don’t happen to have any paper or that left either, and I cant leave to get any.” Namjoon sighed softly as he tossed the paper in the trash once again, leaning against the sofa as he sat on the floor. “I swear I’ll pay you back for it, I just didn’t know who else to call.”

You giggled through the line, pretending to think in silence. It was almost audible how nervous he was. “I can come help. Can you text me your address then?”

“Yeah I can, thank you so much.”

The line went dead after that, as Namjoon sent you their address. He took the opportunity to go check on the boys. It had to be quick because Yoongi was a light sleeper unless Hoseok happened to move into his bed. Namjoon was certain those two would be inseperable later on, so he never bothered to seperate them. He opened the door quietly after making sure the hall light was off, only to chuckle as the boys were indeed under one blanket. With similar quietness he shut the door once again before walking to the kitchen and starting to brew a pot of coffee. The father didn’t happen to have any more hot chocolate either right now, as much as he knew you had a preference for the drink.

Namjoon let his thoughts wonder about you as he drew two mugs out of the cabinet, and not mini ones this time. The house was quiet besides the gentle christmas songs playing on the radio. Gingerbread had filled the air as hours ago the boys insisted to make gingerbread men for Santa, even left out with the milk on a plate with their notes. They were such precious things to him, the father felt a bit sad to realize that this is what their mother had decide to miss out on. But he also was happy because she wasn’t the type of woman to enjoy this type of stuff. She’d simply go about her business as she please. It was like a household housing two seperate families.

The knock on the door pulled Namjoon out of his mind, and he quickly answered it before you could knock again. Snow had covered your hat, the bits of your hair that decided to peek out under it, and on your shoulders. He was quick to let you in, even taking the bags of gift wrap and tape and perhaps a gift for each of the boys.

“Thank you so much-” He smiled warmly, rubbing his temples as he sat the bags on the sofa. You shook your head at him.

“Don’t thank me you dork. I’m more than happy to help you with anything.” The words were perhaps a bit more implying than what either of you cared to admit, but Namjoon was still happy none the less. Once you were free of your extra layers you took out the rolls of gift wrap and tape. You also made sure to put your gifts under the tree too.

Namjoon watched as you didnt bother to speak in your focus now. He couldn’t help but to admire your small form in his living room, almost expertly wrapping each thing he had struggled with. You simply didn’t want him to notice the bright blush on your cheeks. It made you excited to actually be here as much as it didn’t feel the same without the boys. You had spent so much time around them as a group that you felt shy when you both were alone.

“Here’s some coffee, since the boys drank all the hot chocolate.” Namjoon’s voice made you squeak, and he couldnt help but laugh brightly. His grin made his dimples show; you wanted to kiss him right there but you knew better.

“Thank you.” You whispered. The girly girl in you was practically squealing with how close he was. A yawn passed Namjoon’s lips as your hands held the elephant plushie that he didn’t have patience for only about an hour ago. He looked tired, but he didn’t want to have you leave. Your fingers worked in a quick motion to wrap it like a giant candy. WIth the use of scissors you even made the ends all pointy.

“Ill put them under, you can stay the night if you want.” Namjoon hummed, watching you look up at him curiously. The face you held seemed to depict that you were nervous to him. “I won’t do anything, at least right now.”

“What do you mean right now?” You looked more puzzled now. Namjoon facepalmed as he realized the words slipped before he had stopped it.

“Um, well, you see.” He started off, once again making you chuckle. You couldn’t read him often but this seemed to be one of the rare moments you could. Kim Namjoon was embarrassed and he couldnt change the topic. Hoseok and Yoongi were often his way of avoiding conversations like these with you. But they were fast asleep. “Consider it your Christmas present, but I’ve liked you for quite some time now. The boys even like you too. It means the damn world to me because I love those two to death and they almost always get excited as soon as I mention you.”

You couldn’t help but to blush with his confession, but it made you grin none the less. “Are we sure that isn’t because I give them sugar every time they come?”

Both of you exchanged a bright laugh at the words. The boys were only 4 and 5, of course sugar could buy their hearts in an instant. Namjoon couldn't help but to smile at you in such a pure adoration.

“No, because they dont touch much of the pastries we have unless we make them ourselves, or we got them from you.” The father replied. “And also, I’ve known you’ve liked me for awhile.”

This was your turn to groan. “Since when!” You whined, rubbing your temple with your fingers.

“The squeal when you gave me your number. I had just gotten up to leave with the boys when I heard it.”

You pouted softly, knowing that was probably the most obvious of times that you definetely had something for him. This you couldn’t try to deny either. “Okay fine, perhaps I’ve liked you for awhile now too.”

Namjoon smiled brightly, pulling you into a hug. There was something different about this though. It felt much more warm and loving than when he would be forced to hug you because of his kids. Only when you yawned did he realize you really needed to go to sleep, so he picked you up without a warning. The simple action made your heart swell as you realized this was probably one of the best things to happen just in time for the holidays.

#try 2 to post this #namjoon #namjoon imagine #bts x reader #bts #bts fanfic #bts rm #we love domestic relationships #whole shit load of fluff

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sikereviewdotcom · 5 years

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undercover brother (2002) review

sup been a while but didnt forget about yall and your eager butts to dive head first right in the flooding words coming out of my mouth today gonna rev "undercover brother" (2002), its gonna be solid guys

so we start with an introduction where we talk about how black culture was losing its flavour after the 70s, progress was slowed down n all as we reached 2000 but dont be fooled, its all cause of a buncha events orchastred by "the man"... a big racist mf ig whos also the kkk equivalent of the team rocket boss, sitting in a ig chair, never see his face in the flashbacks or like the bad guy in inspector gadget, more like him ig since we actually see the team R boss face quite often nonetheless, theres a form of mystery folding this whole business... THE MAN acts in the shadows and he hates to see how dark those are, he wants things to be like it used to be back in slavery times good oltime for him but.. not for the fam

ofc then here is introduced THE REAL MAN OF MEN => undercover brother, our hero and damn he has the style of a whole pack of elephants trampling around in pink disco suits every ladies wanna a piece of that sweet fro he is packing up on his head, funky

ngl, the whole way this mov is filmed n edited is sike asf, dope guys especially considerin its actually made in 2002, loving it anyway then were also introduced to the other secondary protags who are from an organisation here to stop The Mans evil doings and careful: undercover bro was actually a solo act until now cause now they gonna collaborate all throughout da mov: its the B.R.O.T.H.E.R.H.O.O.D, with conspiracy brother (tbh a fav here, guys wack like the whole plot guy thinks computer comes from a story involving peanut and idk guys he keeps rambling bout bs which makes him a+ character) smart brother, chief and sister girl (original name/10)

so btw the organization is on a mission rn at the beginning to destroy The Man (lets call him tm for the rest of this rev) financial infrastructure aka funds to stop him better or smthg and it gets spicy as they get caught but ofc undercover bro barges in from nowhere wow big disguise as an old man no one noticed him so like slash bawow boom vlam, bad guys ko and he squeedaddle out of there like twas breeze gg man, he also get fed a nice editing of xrays battle like with a side of kungfu n whatnot, undercover bro knows his stuff

nice sounds effects ah yes btw romantic intrigue with sister girl begins here, its the zinc of the flinch as ub (undercover brother) notices her big wink wink nudge nudge, btw later she is asked to go enlist him in the corps so he can help stop the man with them n shit and he trynna get her in his bed cause thats we this brother is used to, getting laid as soon as he meets a chick, who can resist this dude?

he gots moves, fro, style, skills and also at times he is a pussy but k, not everyones perf sometimes you just simp for a white blond blue eyed woman (spoiler) and crawls on all four looking like a big preppy nerd btw in this review im trynna not spoil the whole plot cause guys, this movie gotta be on yo watch list kay? im not here to ruin this experience in yo life itd be pretty uncool of me so im just gonna state the big lines then its up to you to swoop the tiny ones out of the watch, knot your own breds n stuff

back on the whooper slapping: intro credits roll, we get some nice back story for our hero, making sure we can understand his cause in saving the black peeps from TMs assholery might truth n justice be your guide

so what the big plot then? well yknow how a big antag cant do shit on his own cause hes too busy sticking brooms up his ass in his private quarters? yea well same goes here so there this gay guy who will be twerking later on btw, a scene to behold, rumps to ogle at, so hes a bad guy and gay n gonna do most of the dirty work for TM, whats new? idk what to think of it yknow its a stereotype in movs so ig ok still uncool but ill see it as all in good spirit cause theres bad n good im not excepting this to be the best watch of my life, nah it wasnt either, but i had a good laugh kay? makes up for it cause unlike some here i got no shit up my ass alley its clean scrubbed up n down so i can smoothly take a chillax up n a shit out without a night tormented by constipation, nah its all sliding where it should no pain no sweat

so the big lines is that a war hero whos a black man is gonna become president and wtf no is the only react racist mf could have which is what they have, bad guys gonna stop it from happening at once and the brotherhood aint letting it happens cause obvs something is wrong as every black peeps gonna turn into a stereotype like waddup in this mad world? its all because of the poisonous fried chicken brand TM will get around ty to another poison to make our war hero delusional n so on were also introduced to white evil she-ra later btw, just dropping this in cause undercover brother really wants to make oreos with her n sister girl (his words) ig shes the second love interest, im not too invested in this romantic intrigue it was just necessary not like twas very developped anyway its even more of a bedroom intrigue when it comes the the white blue eyed blond chick, sister girl before hoes yo

whats it in conclusion about this movie? first, the plot: hilarious biznasty worthy a+ bs especially how its turned yknow, the clichés were turned upside down n if not theyre just turned into a big satire of themselves editing + music ? yknow its actually good, and funky asf im digging it, a travel in time nostalgia of times i lived acting is pretty neat its not an ironically good movie cause its hilariously ridiculous in the making way its all about the plot here, plot twists and characters, the whole universe ig like its superior to big mamma sorta plot or maybe im dropping this comparison cause its been a while since i saw big maam, for sure twas under estimated while over brought when this here? it got freshness packed in

the spoiling was light and this is cause this movie got a 69/10 rating jk 8/10 if were gonna be serious, im gonna list wats unwoke n uncool here: 1 gay villain stereot, gotta be honest here its not that big of a deal tme seeing when it was made and how i still laughed yknow idc this much but some could go apeshit over it 2 not enough conspiracy brother content: this is all i ask for 3 had no snacks while watching the movie, too bad id dig a aj or grape soda right about now n then 4 more lines for car wash chicks jk this last one idc about, but car wash representation is lacking once again in american movies, i cant believe how looked over it is, as if they didnt need smore rep in the medias its not an easy job washing car all day long, standin in those ghost buster lookin suit while staring at the hot guys in hot wheelys, whos gonna pay you a drink when youre just an old carwash lady? thought finally a hero would step up in this movie but there it goes thrown out da window, the potential was real until it got blown away sure sister girl was a solid character but give the washers some credits cut them a slack of free time n have a lil date together there on top of a truck to keep it native

nonetheless this is a top rec for anyone who feels like slipping into some conspiracy slippers

tg, out

#undercover brother #sike reviews #movie review #undercover brother review

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dahliias · 7 years

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hello children it me theye. i am playing my love, my life, dahlia. you can read about my trash monster below n as always pls come plot w me ,,,,, u all know how i feel about plotting

lmao so. this is dahlia day hayes, aka twin sister to dexter hayes, aka the sensible one

jus call her dahlia . there are nicknames her Favorite People can use (dee namely) but if ur not someone she actively likes she’ll probably pour her drink on you lmao

ok so dahlia is 22, bisexual but its like a men 5 / 95 women thing , like she can appreciate the male form but 100% if u dont eat ur girl out she will

so dahlia grew up in new york with a really irresponsible mum and a constantly growing family; her dad abandoned her, shes got 5 younger siblings she helped raise, it was a real fun shitshow

basically her entire life up until about 16 was her family -- dexter, her siblings, her mother, she was consumed with morning routines, bedtimes, diapers, sick children, dishes, laundry -- she had almost no personality outside of “caretaker”

except .... dahlia is lowkey p freaking amazing up in her head ? she’s amazing at engineering and math. she can fix microwaves, toasters, ovens, driers, cars, blenders. if something broke in the hayes household, it’s dahlia you’d hear little voices screaming for.

she also has a calculator up in that head of hers. she’s been doing advanced calc since 8th grade, and senior year she was bored in two different ap math classes.

when she was 16 she decided that she wanted to try to make something of herself. she thought if she could claw her way out of the poverty-stricken mess, she could eventually bring her siblings with her and they could live a good life

so she applied for hundreds, hundreds of scholarships, met with college representatives, took her s.a.ts three times to get her 2300, -- all behind her family’s -- and dexter’s -- back

mid senior year, she found out that, against all odds, she had managed a full scholarship, living costs + relocation fees included, to berkley. with this knowledge, she pushed herself, and graduated with a 4.5.

she didn’t know how to tell her family, so she waited until a family dinner a few nights after her 18th birthday that she’d be leaving them. it broke her heart, but she desperately wanted to pursue her dreams, she wanted to know more about the world, and see more things than just the view from her crowded bedroom.

she left for berkley in august -- and it was nothing like she expected? it was horrid. overwhelming. her dorm room was too empty. she missed her family. it was like they were inside of her, ripping her to pieces trying to drag her back to them. she loved berkley, and finally had found a place she truly felt like she could belong and flourish, but she couldn’t handle being so far away from her twin, her babies, and her mother.

during spring break, when she finally saved up through work study to return, she dropped out and stayed with her family again; she hated herself for giving up something she was so excited and passionate about, but she felt like she couldn’t justify leaving her kids just to be selfish

so she adapted. she started working, although illegally, at a little nightclub as a waitress -- it helped, some, that she looked young, because sleezy drunk men were always willing to tip a young-looking blonde a little extra.

she did a fair bit of illegal shit too -- she stole, she cheated, she pickpocketed, she conned, -- and eventually she ended up in underground fighting

she’s good, too. at first she came home with the shit kicked out of her every night, but she learned to anticipate the throws and learned where to hit to make it hurt, and how to use her body to hurt other people.

she only fought on the weekends, but it was enough at the time

dahlia also grew angrier. every morning when she got home from a fight at 5 am and had to slather drugstore concealer all over her face to help get the kids up for school and out the door, she hated that -- once a genius with potential -- she let herself become a criminal.

when dexter left the family, she grew hard; it’s hard to learn that you can’t even trust your family, but she learned that. she started working double-time, with half the time to sleep, waitressing and pickpocketing, fighting in safe rings on the weekends didn’t cut it anymore, so she started to go to rings where she would be pit against grown men; it was riskier, but the pot was much larger.

eventually, one of the various dads of her siblings came back into their lives and tried to push in as “father,” and her mother, a wreck, let him. he told dahlia he wanted her to work on moving out because she was a bad influence on his kids, and dahlia was furious -- who was this man? a stranger who had left her family in the first place? she refused, obviously.

as time went on, the man became more and more aggressive with her, leading to an actual physical fight. she hurt him, and he kicked her out of the house she’d been raising her siblings in basically since she was a first grader.

she had literally no one -- so she took what money she had from the last few weeks, and put it together on a debit card. her plan was stupid and half-baked, but she decided that she would track down her wayward twin and force him to return with her so that she could get back the only purpose she had anymore -- her family.

dahlia’s not a nice girl. she doesn’t pretend to be. she’ll be perfectly cordial and nice, but if you pull a tone with her she’ll go 0 to bitch in ten seconds lmao.

she’s not afraid of very much at all, and she has literally like four switchblades on her at any given moment, even though she’s definitely dressed like some mannequin at forever 21 lmao

she always has a lighter or a box of matches on her, and when she gets restless or agitated, she starts striking the matches, shaking them out, and throwing them on the ground, or flicking her lighter open and lighting it over and over again

she’s v unimpressed w the male population. thank dexter and her dad for that lmao 99% sure her favorite water bottle dead ass says “male tears” on it

honestly dee is so ?? edgy n mean n tough ?? but she dead ass dresses like any other lil preppy thing w her shorts n skirts n her sheer ass shirt and heeled boots, she loves the hot weather in marbella so far so she’s just like yes please i love shorts and i hate jackets

she had never actually seen the ocean before bc berkley isn’t in beach county, so when she got to marbella and saw the ocean in person the first time she finally found the one thing that scares her and takes her breath away lol

so sometimes she just sits in the sand looking at it bc she hasn’t plucked up the courage to go and play in it yet shes honestly so intimidated by the ocean . she’ll never admit it bc she is the Man Of The House but still

it took her a while to hunt down her brother, she started in france and ended up here via hitch hiking and sneaking into trains, she has no fear its insane , so she’s probs only been in town like 2 weeks.

she’s currently staying at a lil youth hostel so she only really has a nice army backpack full of three or four mismatched outfits and a toothbrush and a phone + charger that only works w wifi. she’s stealing toiletries from tourists and makes a living pickpocketing atm

she’s probably going 2 be too easy to convince to kick back bc she hasnt had a goddamn day off in 4 years

when shes mad move anything breakable out of the way and do not stand close to a bar because she will throw a beer bottle at your head and she will destroy everything you own

the only ppl in the world who see any gentility to her are her baby siblings and they’re not here are they ?????

if she Adopts u she will show u how soft and sweet and lowkey maternal she can be, but otherwise nah

i genuinely am so brain dead now i cannot think of many plots but i have 3 i really want below so pls:

someone who she can stay with in the longterm -- just because she’s gonna be here for a while and there’s only so long she can pay the fees to stay at a youth hostel and live out of a bag honestly she’s gonna want to buy a bra and wash it regularly; i’d love if these two actually get along well whatever that means. like she’s not a horrible roommate bc shes spent her whole life cleaning up after other ppl but she’ll probs steal ur clothes bc shes not gonna buy her own lol

someone who can help her just fucking unwind for two seconds like girl needs to chill i swear ?? like get her drunk. get her to actually stand in the ocean. let her listen to music and eat good food. she’s never got to be a teenager, she needs that

a person who lowkey caught her with their wallet in her hand and was like dude wyd?? and instead of throwing a punch or calling The Law Enforcement Officers they actually stopped for a sec n now the two are unlikely bffs and they are her Emotional Support even tho shes mean and bitchy and likely is gonna be like “sad??? sad?????? i do not feel that emotion. nut the fuck up. ‘sad.’ what a pussy”

#islandrp:intro #cries theres so muchbackstory

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moon-dust-lust · 5 years

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I write bad stand up comedy so thanks

So nice of everyone to come tonight, on a good day I have no more than four people that look at me at one time, so this is definitely making me severely uncomfortable. I'm only 20 years old which means just like every other 20 year old I cry in the shower and use tinder. I at first thought of tinder as a great way to pick up prey as a serial killer. I watched criminal minds a kid and I watch FOX news so every predator showcased on those forums are white dudes. I am also from eugene oregon so pretty much all of tinder looks like the milk aisle. Some are organic, some are fat free and others are being fought over by two different women who will send you death threats over facebook and try and sabotage your relationship. It is just great. Anyways, I recently decided as an in debt 20 year old with too may bills to pay and a customer service job that I'm already dead inside, so if I died it'd be pretty much how it is now except I would no longer have obligations and all the guys from my high school would finally pay attention to me. My first experience was just as about as fucked as it gets. He was this hot guy, six foot, covered in tattoos. He had just moved from utah, or illinois or somewhere else unimportant. He asked me for my snapchat, which ws already a flag because he was 26 and no one except someone over the age of 12, a soccer mom that's had a little too much wine, or a celebrity uses it; but I let it slide. So he's sending me pics and it looks like he's outside. He's sitting in a tent and so I'm like, "oh are you camping? that's fun. Don't let me keep you from anything". He's all, "No I live in a tent". Come to find out he had no job, no car and was living in a tent on someone's property. He was a homeless man. Now, how I found hopefully the only homeless man on tinder is beside me, but the weirdest part is how he had a phone still and also how he thought he could pick up chicks. Like did he think as a date i would let him shower at my place? Or was he thinking my ass would get fully dressed up in make up and heels just to spend the night in his tent? Would he make me bring my own firewood and sleeping bag? My own can of beans? My experiences with men are pretty much summed up by this interaction alone. My first date ever, I showed up at this guy's house and it was infested with rabbits. I am talking ten or twelve. Then he took me up to his room to watch a movie, door open because this was high school and I had never even seen a condom before and his mom was downstairs watching something with jennfier aniston in it. His room was COVERED in pictures of his ex girlfriend. Pictures she drew of them, gifts she gave him, pictures of them together etc. SO, I was so uncomfortable but I was thinking it was probably just because he was too lazy to take them down. I was so wrong. So, so very wrong. Let me preface this by saying this was my first date, EVER. I had no idea what it was supposed to be like. He was a quarter back and he was all in shape and tan and that was pretty much all I knew about it. He had a really cliché rich white name and he was one of the only sophomores with a car and no curfew. He was a real bad boy. So after my date I got approached by his ex girlfriend at a party. She then told me that he was sending pictures of me while I wasn't looking to her and telling her how great of a time he was having and how he didn't need her. This was my first god damn date. I just cannot believe the progress I have made in the 5 years I have been dating. I never dated in middle school because i wore blue eyeliner and had a perm in the late 200s. I was really setting myself up to fail to begin with. I had one relationship that lasted three years. There is this funny thing about guys where they start out pretty normal and then after they really get comfortable they start to cheat on you and go crazy. It is just the weirdest thing. It's like the gremlins except instead of not feeding them after midnight you provide the with emotional stability and all the love in your hard. Big mistake ladies, Am I right? This guy I dated was so much fun. There was one time he told me I was absolutely perfect. He would tell me "Everything about you is perfect, except you could use a boob job". look, I will be the first to say i have the littlest titties in america, but I'll be damned if you dont appreciate them. They are like one piece of chocolate or the very back row of seats of a concert. You're just glad you got a little taste of your favorite thing, okay? I am like the bronze medal you get at a sporting event. Bitch you should just be happy you got any trophy at all. This guy was a real whackadoodle. He would cheat on me and then not let me go out with dudes, or ladies, bisexual pride woot woot, because he thought i would cheat to get back at him. But jokes on him because nobody likes me and I also didn't have any friends. I ended up breaking up with him because he was obviously terrible and he decided to stalk me. All i could think about when he would harass my family and try and show up at my school and had his parents blow up my phone is, "now you miss my lil tities?" who was gonna pay for all this shit in the first place? where did he think i was gonna get the fucking money for this? I am a broke college student, I drive a car that sounds like an eighty year old at the back of a movie theater coughing and I work at a restaurant where everyone is so stoned, it's like I'm at in the middle of portland on a saturday night. I go to the university of oregon. A very fun school, full of people who have no interest in talking to me. In their defense half the time I have my headphones in and I am crying so I guess it's just in everyone's best interest to not get into it. I am a psychology major, which I call the boring white girl major. I got into it to become a sex therapist, mostly because I am not having any and really want to find out if there's a book on how to make people not continuously reject you, but also because sex is a hard topc and I talk about it like a human urban dictionary. The worst part about the university is the talking. There was one time I had a 200 person anthropology class and these girls from a sorority who all obviously took the class together to cheat and not do anything ever, were describing their friend tiffany or gemma or some other rich fake tanned name's vomit. The color, texture, smell, everything. They were analyzing what she had eaten the previous morning and all the alcohol she mixed and all I could think was, " if you spent half as much time talking about your friend samantha's vomit as you would listening you wouldn't be failing this class and self medicating with alcohol to the point where you throw up because youre a bunch of clemintine sharp nailed looking green beans". Like i pay too much to listen to you explain the thong you bought and how it chafes your butthole when you dry hump alex from the frat across the street who is also fucking tina with the fake nose and even though he gave you clamydia six months ago, you trust him now you know? I own one bra and one pencil. I am wearing two completely different socks, one is a knee high and the other is an ankle one. Whenever I am hungry i dont go to sushi, I go to bed. So please Gretchen from Bitch, Bump &grind and beyond stop and let me at least get a C so I can land a job that makes me 12 dollars an hour and I can be poor in a different setting. I work full time and go to school. I am not like most millenials. I don't have time to eat avocado toast or catch HPV. At my little restaurant in junction city, the staff is absolutely questionable. I was the first girl there who was single and under the age of 40, so naturally I became bate for every man in society you hope you never run into in life. The first was our host. He looked like bowzer from mario if he were a white middle class man. He was shaped like a tear drop, so his head was small and oddly shaped and the rest of him just got wider and rounder as you went down. He always wore the same button down shirt, I think to try and impress me, but like it was his only button down shirt. Anyways, he is what I call the lingerer. If you are a woman who has ever had a man like you at work, you know exactly what I am talking about. He would follow around, but like at a creepy slow distance and he would stare at me until he thought i was looking and then looked away. He would also reach over or around me just so he could be close to me. It's weird and painful to watch. He also asked my sister, who also works there, if i was a lesbian because i wasnt immediately interested in him. Let me digress for a moment and say that just because a woman rejects you doesnt mean she loves only vagina. It usually means you arent a good person, or she just doesnt wanna date, or she has a boyfriend already, or you have no common interests, or she doesnt want to mix work with her personal life or maybe she has something personal against blonde guys, white guys, guys with glasses, she dated someone with your name and its weird, she has a lot of issues with touching, you have weird hands, you have bad breath, you are bad at your job, she is asexual, or THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO REASON SHE JUST DOESNT LIKE YOU AT ALL EVER. Men are so vapid about that sometimes. Anyways, he gave me a cash tip off one of my tables and I, trying to be civil was all, "oh i love free money thank you" trying to relate to him because he seemed like the type to bring a gun to work and I really wasnt in the mood to get shot or followed out to my car so i gotta keep is civil you know? so apparently you cannot be friends with sexual predators because then he gets all close and whispers in my ear "is that how I get in your pants, by throwing money at you?". The tip he gave me was only five dollars. If is ass thought having sex with me would cost only five dollars, he has no idea how bad inflation is or how much i spend on amazon a month. Also, even with my little titties and cellulite, no amount of money would let me fuck a guy who looked like barnie the dinosaur if he were a white pale ghost. I have very low standards, but they exist for sure. somewhere. deep down. The next guy i had was this old cook. he was 65 and he cooked in the morning. His wife was obviously dead, in his basement or both because he was always saying nasty things to me. He told me that if he were forty years younger he would hire me as his kid's babysitter so he could fuck me. He also told me he was extremely attracted to me and terrified of me at the same time. He one time came up to me and asked me what i had in my front seat because i was hiding something under a coat. He has rotted out teeth and children older than me. It is men like those guys that make me think, "am I really that bad to the point this is as good as it gets?

#badcomedy #standup #socially awkward #im fragile #trying my best #comedy

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