#dude is so angry about bj's existence and for what

[ofyorkshire]

I love BJ's easy, good-natured sassing.

[ackermanshoe]

Edited lmao: warning this is kinda pointless and alot of farfetched theory and a veryyy long post please read at your own risk 🤡

Edit again: my analysis when I started it 1 month ago: 👩‍💼🖨️📇✒️🖋️✏️

My post now: 🤡🤡🤡🕯️🕯️🤡

Edit: I started writing this like ages ago but I don't see my own point with this writting and I'm editing it after reading @nini14 's Ackerman breaking the cycle analysis and I feel like both of these go hand in hand. So without further ado:

Triangles

Let's see as we all are made aware that aot significantly revolves around trios of friends such as the following :

Although these are the main trios that is noticeable, other trios can be made out by taking some characters from their original trios to make trios based on looks / character and dynamics. And this is where my argument comes in with this trio:

Their dynamic has always been mother father and son. Now let me explain, idk if anyone has heard about the drama triangle but here

These terms can be applied to MLE trio, Levi being the persecutor, Mikasa is the rescuer and the victim being Eren. In the first 3 seasons at least, Eren was being taken away and his decisions constently put him in danger, Levi being the persecutor who always gives Eren what he deserves for being a pain the ass and Mikasa being the rescuer always siding with Eren and protecting him no matter what. Do you see it?

This is Mikasa to a T.

The following is an example of the dad being the rescuer and the son "junior" being a victim, and much like Eren, could possibly refuse the hand that is helping him.

So that being said now that we have an understanding of their dynamics in the relationship, let's get back to understanding a triangle. Did you know triangles are one of the strongest shape because it has three sides that rely on each other hence shifting their energies on to each side and it makes the perfect shape for a bridge, architectures favourite. Why am I tell you this?

Because these dynamics that every trio is made up of in aot is because they have strong relationships.

Someone mentioned isayama loves putting move triangles and I couldn't help but agree, look at how many times he has placed Eren historia and an angry Mikasa? And subtly he has always ( to me at least) hinted the love triangle between Levi Mikasa and Eren, outside of their father-mother-son dynamic. Personally this makes sense to me the most, fueled by mikasa's dream. A choice was there to make and she unknowingly chose Levi.

Now this brings me to the death of all the trios Levi has been part of, from Isabel & Farlan to hanjo & Erwin to where we are now. Our situation before S4 was EMA+Levi = 4 people but we all know that a square isn't as strong as a triangle so something shifted. Eren, even with him in it Armin and him were more connected as for Levi and Mikasa as a pair it was more obvious. Especially in the conversation EMA had in that stare place as depicted on @gilly-bj 's analysis on similarities between rivamika and Mika's parents. Not only was Mikasa placed directly next to Levi although being feets apart in reality but her lines "another conversation only you two understand" it. Visually and verbally divided Mikasa from Eren and Armin and connected her to Levi. Both alone.

Yet another triangle placed by isayama intentionally or not is Armin Mikasa and Levi.

Because a triangle represents the process of recycle and reuse it also represent the cycle of life, an on going thing that doesn't stop, a history that repeats itself. And going back to Ackerman finally breaking this cycle of tragic fate, will they?

The fact that the whole manga series start at chapter 0 is very suspicious in it self. Why does it isyamaa? A 0, a circle that comes back around? A 0 which represents both the ending and the beginning? Why is the 1st chapter called "to you, 2000 years from now"? ( That's such a fucking impactful chapter name gives me chills )

Before my theory start I just wanna add that the story started from a narrative perspective makes me wanna believe in rivamika even more. Did eldians share the same fate in 2000 years? Who knows, but I know for sure Erens and mikasa's dynamic as the impulsive hotheaded doer and their protective calm but strong friend thinker will continue forever just like the never ending triangles.

I forgot all these ppls names on chaoter 0 so PLS bare with me.

The main dude who heavily resembles Mikasa even tho he is a man, has a incredible power just like the Ackerman's as a human AND he can shift into a titan???? Last time I checked weren't Ackerman's the bio product of titans? Remember is science is on a ongoing journey and forever progressing towards the impossible ;)

Hmmm

The little girl who resembles Gabi, who has the same dynamic as Eren, the girl also looks up to his inhumanly powers, a little too much alike Eren's idolisation of Levi ( and looking up to Mikasa's strength I think )?

Lastly, chapter 0 makes me believe it was set in the future. Look at the buildings, 2 story buildings I don't remember seeing buildings like this in the pre time skip era have you? I could be wrong tho.

If Isayama is as smart as we think he is then he might have related this chapter to the whole plot of aot. 🤷 Or it could mean something. And here's where my theory comes in and it may not be the most favourable for eldians. Let me start with the good part tho, the guy who looked like Mikasa is could be a descendant from the Ackerman clan, but he isn't half and half like Mikasa and Levi, he's full blooded. Which might be why he has the power to shift ( idk this kinda don't make sense since Mikasa and Levi can't buy hush )

So let's say rivamika got married had a family they always wanted and had the peaceful life and 2000 years from then this guy^ existed. Oddly familiar to great great great grammakasa 💀💀.

The cycle never ended for eldians, the whole world could still be mad at them for Erens action and has the prejudice against them for a long time. And the fact that they can shift is never going to change even 2000 years in the future. And the guy ( omg I keep calling him the guy cause I literally can not be bothered figuring out his name ) who lives in a far more developed society with richer civilization within the wall. It could be possible that Ymir or someone erased the eldians memories ONCE AGAIN after the rumbling ended. Because Mikasa levi weren't effected they probably were excused and got to live as they pleased. This dude is also the reason why I believe isayama does not consider the Ackerman's as side characters at all. In the end the story might have actually started with them, alluding to "the ending is just the beginning" as said by kingsama himself. ( Wtf am I saying lol )

So yeah in conclusion as I said yes story is weirdly really influenced by a large amount of triangles and loops. And yes ackerman probably would break the cycle of death after all living through hell fighting hell all for what? If not recreating into a heaven, giving it new life. I do believe in rivamika living the life they are destined for with each other but eldians fate might just be too tragic for me to see them as truly free people who gets to roam around outside the walls as they please.

I guess my point is that everything that goes around will come around, that will bring good karma for the Ackerman's and maybe a repeation of the past for the rest of the world. 😩😩 I think I fully somehow believe Eren is gone for good. Unless isayama draws him waking up from a long dream on his bed then 💀👀👀 I will throw myself away.

Thank you for reading 💞 once again I'm so sorry this post isn't as good as I'd like it to be I am sleep deprived right now and it isn't worded as well as of like it to be. But hope my delulu ness was enjoyable at least. ✌️💀

[wizisbored]

Ok to start I absolutely loved the start of bitb 2, loved lydia interacting with sky like that. Lydia confusing all the nurses is so funny to me I love it. I kinda had an idea here, cuz lydia’s gonna be spending a lot of time in the hospital, and I kinda feel like she’d see a bunch of ghosts bc duh it’s a hospital, and also I find it hard to believe everyone follows the rule book. I feel like there’s at least a few who saw that rule and just went no <3 I’m not going to this netherworld. Haven’t decided if they’re nice or they keep being mean or bug her, in which beej would scare them away. If he can’t scare any of the breathers some ghosts bothering lydia will do.

Also ohhhhh ohhhhh that angsty bugebroph concept is just so >>>>>>

Like I imagine beej just suggested the first born child thing as like a cliche dramatic moment and when charles agrees, internally he’s just like that was??? A joke??? And you seriously just gave up your daughter that quickly???? Ok cool so I’m taking her far away from this piece of shit. Lydia’s initially kinda pissed at bj but it doesn't last between “kid I suggested the whole first born thing as a joke” the fact that her father agreed so quickly and the fact that beej is pretty chill. I’m kinda imagining her as reg bugebroph but with More Rage.

Also just had this thought of emily recovering and charles explaining what happened and emilys rightfully pissed and just straight up leaves him and immediately leaves to find an actual legit psychic or medium or whoever she can find to try and contact this demon again and get her daughter back

aw thanks! i was a little nervous about starting the sequel because obviously it couldnt open with the same impact the first did, so im glad you like it! definately looking forward to writing more of lydia and skye. i did consider hospital ghosts but it would be this whole new thing to add (but i do actually have an in-universe excuse for the lack of ghosts.) definately fun to think about tho, im imagining a bbc ghosts type situation where theyre all mildly annoying but ultimately harmless and lydia is their long-suffering medium.

and as for the firstborn au i am so ready to develop and talk about this shit fuck yea. was definately thinking about beej quickly realising that charles probably shouldnt have this kid if hes so willing to give her to a fucking demon. but lydia, yeah shes definately angry but shes also fucking scared. tries not to show it but like this is terrifying for the poor kid and she really has no way to know that beetlejuice is telling the truth about having no real motive to take her. its going to take a while for her to start trusting him. and what makes her different from bugebroph is that bug is entirely comfortable among ghosts and demons and sees herself as more one of them than a breather, whereas here lydia didnt even know ghosts existed and now suddenly shes wrapped up in the supernatural (plus, im not sure id have her spend as much time in the netherworld as bugebroph. if im going to develop this seperately i want to go in another direction yknw). dont get me wrong though theres definately a lot of rage going on here at almost everyone involved in this situation. its lydia against the world, from her perspective.

also yeah charles is gonna get his arse Divorced like what the fuck dude? i know im the one who made him do this but like how did he think this would go.

[holylulusworld]

Angry Anniversary

Request: Jared x reader where they are married and have a special event probably like their anniversary and Jared comes home late from work and is super tired and kinda stubborn but the reader is hurt but understands and yet try to give him a good night and when they are in bed, Jared falls asleep after a good BJ without even consider the readers feelings, she gets pissed but does not wake him up, sleeps in the guest room .....2) and get bed him the worst kind of silent treatment everrrrr, she doesn't even acknowledge his presence in the house when they have guests over probably the spn casts and a few notice it. Jared had to confront her and they fight about it and they have the BEST ANGRY SEX EVER with a lot of fluff afterward.

Pairing: Jared x Reader, Jensen Ackles, Misha Collins

Warnings: angst, language, silent treatment, arguments, smut, angry sex, rough sex, hair pulling, spanking, dirty talk, dom!Jared, unprotected sex (you are smarter)

Waiting patiently, you smile. You got the perfect gift for Jared to your fifth wedding anniversary. But the more hours pass you are sure he won’t make it to dinner.

Blowing the candles out you sigh. You even cooked his favorite meal. He could’ve at least called you to tell you he’s not going to make it.

Three hours later you are almost asleep on the couch when you hear the front door opening. Seeing you lying on the couch in a dress Jared feels a pang in his heart.

He wanted to be on time for dinner, but he had to film a scene with a new cast member for at least ten times.

“I’m sorry.” He mumbles planting a kiss to your head.

“Do you want to eat dinner?” You ask hopefully.

“Honestly I’m beaten. Tired and my body aches. Sorry.”

“But I cooked the whole day and wanted to spend the evening with you. Jared. It’s our anniversary.

“I was working my ass off. I’m tired, okay. I’m not in the mood for dinner or anything else. We have a party next week. Isn’t that enough?” Jared mutters not understanding why you insist on eating dinner.

“Sorry, it’s okay. Let’s have a rest then. I can throw the food away tomorrow.” You say trying to hide the disappointment you feel.

“Good.”

----

Beyond tired Jared lies onto his pillow waiting for you to come to bed. Crawling onto the bed you smile at Jared. Seeing him wearing only his boxers you decide to take things in your own hands.

When you do not lie down Jared looks at you crawl up his legs. The moment you drag his boxers down his eyes widen.

“Baby?”

“Shh…just enjoy, Jared.” You say in a low voice. Gently starting to pump his length you chuckle when he starts growling. Tongue darting out you give the head a few kitten licks.

“Shit. Just like that.” Jared growls.

Spreading his legs wider so you can lie down onto your stomach below him Jared watches you with darkened eyes.

Licking all sides of him you look up at your husband. After wetting your lips you slowly swallow his length until he hits the back of your throat.

“God. I love the feeling of your lips around me. Go ahead. Give Daddy what he needs.” Jared says.

Starting to move back and forth his hard length your place one hand onto his stomach. Gently stroking his skin, you enjoy the noises he makes for you.

Low growls leave his lips when you feel his cock twitching violently. Using your free hand to massages his balls you bob your head faster.

Spilling his cum down your throat Jared closes his eyes. Completely relaxed now he barely realizes when you release his dick. Kneeling between your husbands’ legs, waiting for him to return the favor you can’t believe that he starts snoring.

He fell asleep. That motherfucker has the guts to fall asleep after you helped him relax.

“Asshole.” You mutter angrily. Grabbing your pillow and blanket you storm out of the bedroom to spend the night in your guestroom. He won’t get any satisfaction for the next days or even weeks.

----

The next morning Jared wonders why you do not lie next to him. Your pillow and blanket are gone.

Walking out of the bedroom he can hear you talking to someone on the phone. The moment he enters the kitchen you hang up.

“Morning. Uh…who was on the phone?” He asks but you do not answer. Not looking at him you grab your cup of coffee to walk out of the room.

“Baby? No coffee for me?” Jared tries looking at the empty coffee pot.

Following you into the dining room he sees the candles and the dishes from yesterday still standing on the table. There’s a gift lying on the table too.

“I’m sorry. Okay. It was one hell of a day.”

Still not answering you start reading the newspaper. It seems like you don’t even see Jared.

“It’s getting ridiculous, Y/N. Come on. I said I’m sorry. Let’s have dinner tonight instead.”

Hearing your phone ring you turn to leave the dining room. Ignoring Jared’s boring looks you act like he’s not even around.

----

One week later you still do not talk to Jared. You even slept in the guest instead of your bedroom. Walking around to greet your guests you ignore Jared calling your name.

Even in front of his colleagues and friends, you don’t talk to him. Ignoring his whole existence you talk to Danneel and Jensen. When Misha waves at you to come around you excuse yourself.

“Did you have the feeling Y/N is mad at Jared?” Danneel asks her husband.

“Don’t know but somethings off. He’s grumpy as hell and some minutes ago he called her name and she ignored him completely.”

“Maybe we should ask him?”

“Let me handle this.”

“Okay.”

Walking toward his friend Jensen can see the looks he gives you. Trying to get your attention Jared calls your name again but you do not react.

“Hey…uh…Is something wrong? I mean Y/N doesn’t talk to you. She even ignores you calling her name.” Jensen says.

“I came home late at our anniversary and wasn’t in the mood for dinner.”

“Dude! At your anniversary? Did she cook?”

“Yeah. My favorite meal. She even bought me the watch I wanted. Since that night she doesn’t talk to me. Even ignores me.”

“You better fix this…beg for forgiveness.”

“Beg? She’s stubborn not me. I will not beg her.” Jared mutters angrily clenching his jaw.

----

After the last guest left the house you kick your shoes off. Yawning you want to go to the guest room but Jared blocks your path.

“We will talk things out. Right now! Stop acting like a selfish child!” Jared says narrowing his eyes.

“Selfish? I’m selfish? Seriously? You come late. Miss the dinner I prepared for hours. I was understanding and help you relax and you have the guts to fall asleep after I blew you off! The only selfish person in this house is you!”

“That’s ridicules. I was beyond tired. You helped me relax. I didn’t plan on falling asleep!”

“Nonsense! You let me take care of your needs once again. When was the last time you cared about what I need or want? When was the last time you made me cum?” You spat and Jared’s eyes darken.

“Are you telling me you didn’t cum?”

“Yes, I do!” You talk back and Jared loses the shit. Grabbing your arm harshly he drags you toward the bedroom. One swift motion and he rips your dress open.

Slapping his face, you want to kick his shin but he pushes you onto the bed. Yelping you struggle against his strength when he slides your panties down.

“Wet! Little slut! All wet for me! You like me manhandling you?”

“Fuck you!” You spat.

A devilish grin on his face Jared flips you over. Trying to crawl away you get dragged back by strong hands.

“Stop wiggling.” The tall man mutters unclasping your bra. Kicking and wiggling you squeal when Jared slaps your ass. Angrily looking over your shoulder you give him a glare.

“You better not hit me again!” You warn but his hand lands on your ass again…and again.

“I will show you what happens when you act like a child!” Jared mutters.

“Asshole!” You grunt and he slaps your ass again.

“You will pay for that.” You mutter but when the next slap hits you a moan escapes your lips.

The noise of his zipper catches your attention. You won’t give him the chance to find satisfaction so you try to crawl away once again, but his rough hands already grab your waist.

“Stop fighting me! I’m your husband and I will teach you how to be a good girl!”

“In your dreams, Padalecki.” You snarl.

Turning around you push against his chest. Ignoring your outburst he strips his shirt off. Of course, he sees you ogling his chiseled torso. Grinning he believes you give on so he strips his pants off, follow by his boxers but all he gets is a slap to his face.

Giggling you get off the bed to run away but he’s faster with his goddamn long legs. Dragging you toward the bed he tries to kiss you but you push him onto the bed instead.

Almost pouncing on him you straddle his lap. “Give me that cock!” You order and he helps you sinking down on him. Normally you would go slow and let him feel you but right now you are too angry.

Starting to ride him hard and faster right away you fist his hair harshly. Growling Jared watches you bouncing up and down his thick shaft with all your strength. To punish him you raise your hips to let him slide out of so that only the tip remains and slam back down. Repeading the move you can see a dangeorus glimmer in your husbands eyes.

“Little brat!” Jared grunts.

Grabbing your waist roughly he flips you onto your back. Hands pinning yours down he chuckles when you squirm underneath him.

“Bad girl.” He whispers in your ear and then he starts thrusting. Crying out you can feel him hitting your cervix with every hard thrust.

His hips crash into yours in abandon. Your screams echo through the room while your husband is busy showing you who you belong to.

“Jared…” You whine but he doesn’t stop.

Every pump of his cock makes you cry out louder. Your whole body on his mercy you squeeze your eyes shut when you feel the coil is close to snap.

Rocking into you without getting slower Jared grins down at you when he feels you pulsing around his member.

“Shit…fuck. You squeeze me so hard, Baby.” An almost inhuman noise leaves Jared’s lips the minute he fills you with his cum.

“I’m still mad at you! An orgasm won’t change that!”

“I’m sorry, Baby. Can you not forgive me? I love you. You know that.” Jared whispers.

“You made me feel like our anniversary means nothing to you.” You sniff.

“No, please no. Let me make it up to you. I’ll take a week off and we can spend it together. We can have a short vacation. Anything you want.”

“I want my husband to not treat me like I’m self-evident.”

“Please never believe I think about you that way. I love you. You know I do. I’m really sorry about what happened.”

----

Snuggling closer to Jared you draw a heart onto his chest with your finger. Gently kissing the crown of your head he looks at your wedding band.

“I love you too, Jared.” You finally say and he sighs.

“I swear from now on I will try to care more about your feelings.”

“I know you care. It just hurt.”

“How about I cook us dinner tomorrow?”

“No way! You said you want to care more about my feelings. Not poison me with your food.” You tease.

“I could at least try.”

“Nope. We order pizza and cuddle on the couch. Maybe I let you see me naked again.”

Growling Jared looks at you in his arms. “Just maybe?”

“Maybe…”

“Please…”

“Fine. But only if you don’t fall asleep again.”

“Deal. Love you, Baby.”

“Love you too, Jared.”

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[your-dietician]

Health Awaits: Spirit Adrift's Nate Garrett on Conquering Alcoholism Through Physical Fitness

New Post has been published on https://tattlepress.com/fitness/health-awaits-spirit-adrifts-nate-garrett-on-conquering-alcoholism-through-physical-fitness/

Health Awaits: Spirit Adrift's Nate Garrett on Conquering Alcoholism Through Physical Fitness

photo: Dillon Vaughn

Nate Garrett (Spirit Adrift, ex-Gatecreeper) is a survivor. We’re all survivors of something, but Garrett’s something was as big as it gets, a 15-year bout with alcoholism that left him at death’s door. At the brink, he chose to live.

Living is a struggle, and out of struggle comes strength. Today Garrett is in top shape and writing music nonstop. He tells us how he got this far, and what he does to stay on the straight and narrow.

(A good companion to this interview is BJ Fogg’s book Tiny Habits: The Small Changes That Change Everything, which teaches techniques for things Garrett mentions, such as starting out small and replacing bad habits with good ones.)

Given the epidemic, let’s start out with mental fitness. Do you “work out” in that way?

The primary reason I work out physically is for the mental effect. One of the main things I’m trying to mitigate by working out so much is the latent rage that I have. I guess it’s from traumatic events in my life. It takes a lot to get me to the point that I get extremely angry. But when I do, it’s really bad.

My anxiety is at an all-time low. I’ve always struggled with anxiety so bad to the point that it would give me insomnia, and I would have panic attacks. I can’t actually remember the last time I had a full-blown panic attack. So I’m doing really good, man. I mitigate all that stuff with physical activity, writing music, staying busy with music, reading. I’m getting really into stoicism. I’m getting better and better at practicing that, day to day.

The drug and alcohol recovery work that I do every day – that helps immensely. I’ve found a new group of guys that I’ve been hanging with on Zoom that’s awesome. I do it every morning. It’s a multi-tiered approach. That shit can sneak up on you. No one thing for me is going to fix my mental issues. I have to stay fluid and vigilant with it.

Tell me about the morning work.

I found that during this whole [pandemic], routine has been awesome for me. I’ve been doing sun salutation for a really long time. It gets your breathing going. It centers you in the morning, stretches everything out. And then I’ll walk the dogs. It’s kind of a core workout because they’re really strong, and they pull because they’re still puppies. Then I get home, and at the same time every morning, I meet with the group of guys.

Again, it’s about centering yourself. It’s about being vigilant about your thoughts. Your thoughts begin to dictate your actions, which begin to dictate your habits, which over the course of weeks and months and years—then that’s your life. Your thoughts become your actions become your habits become your life. Your life is essentially habit on a long enough timeline. The key is breaking bad habits or reducing bad habits and increasing good habits.

When you got sober, did you stop one big habit cold turkey, or did you gradually stop small habits?

The gradual thing didn’t work for me, and I don’t think that works for a true alcoholic. My drinking career was about 15 years. I started when I was 12 or so, stopped when I was 27. Throughout that drinking career, there were countless times that I was like, “I’m going to stop.” But stopping forever never seemed possible or appealing in any way. The first time I got drunk, I was like, “I’m going to die drunk, because this fixes everything wrong with me, and it’s worth it to live a shorter life and die a horrible death if I get to be drunk every day and all of my problems are solved.” But the problem is, eventually you find out that dying a physical death from alcoholism is not good. It’s not quick. It doesn’t just end. It’s really shitty.

Your situation had a name, alcoholism and drug addiction is its sibling. But I would argue that most people have something similar. It just doesn’t look as dire. Maybe one is trapped in a bad relationship or in a job from which one needs money. What would be your advice to people wanting to drop that monkey off their back?

You just have to recognize the internal window of opportunity for action. It might take years for that to come. For the last two or three years of my drinking, I didn’t want to do it. I was trapped. And, yeah, it’s not just drugs or alcohol that can convince you that you need them. But I think we all have an internal gauge for our true selves and our true purpose and our true path to serenity and peace in this life. It’s been called different things by different people. Crowley calls it the holy guardian angel, our truest version of ourselves that’s connected to our purpose in this life.

Any day that you wake up could be the day that you are given whatever chemical reaction in your head that creates some kind of mood or some perspective shift where you say, “Fuck it, today is the day that this ends.” You don’t have to change your whole life in that moment. It’s corny, but you just take one step. Like Harley Flanagan, whom you just spoke to, said, if you’re sitting watching Netflix, get down and do a few pushups. And don’t feel bad if you can only do five pushups, or one or zero. And then just do that the next day, again.

Dude, six years ago, I was dying. I was basically in a state of paranoid schizophrenia. I had drunk myself into a complete mental illness that I didn’t even know was in me, or that I didn’t even know it was possible for me to experience. My internal organs were failing. I couldn’t eat. All I could do was drink alcohol. And if I stopped drinking alcohol on my own at home, I was going to die. Talk about an impossible condition. I really truly didn’t see a way out of it. I was certain I was going to die miserable and insane. But six years later, I’ve never been happier. And I’m not special. I just took a little bit of action.

Garrett in his home gym.

Did you pursue fitness when you were a drunk?

Hell no [laughs]. I was too fucked up.

Do you think physical fitness filled the space that alcoholism left?

Yeah, partially, and re-engaging and falling back in love with the stuff I was doing before I got in such bad shape. Falling back in love with listening to music and writing music. Falling back in love with interacting with people. I wasn’t interacting with any people at the end of my drinking at all, except the people in my head that didn’t actually exist.

When I was growing up, I was very active in sports. I always loved doing outdoors stuff. I played baseball for a really long time. I was a really good pitcher. My best friend growing up was a state champion wrestler in Oklahoma and a Golden Gloves boxer. We started a little amateur boxing group between our friends. We would just box each other in the front yard. I started lifting weights in high school. I really dug lifting weights and listening to Carnivore or Black Flag. That stuff always helped me with dealing with trauma and pain in my life, even from an early age.

But when the drinking and craziness took over, all of that stuff took a back seat to the real priority, which was staying out of my mind 24 hours a day, for years. By the end of my drinking, I wasn’t capable of doing anything. I couldn’t even eat. I was weak and dying. I had a terminal condition, and I still treat it to this day.

One of the first things that I did coming out of detox—we went to Target, and I bought running shoes and a pair of shorts. And I just started running, and running, and running. I was running all the time, every day. I think that helped me physically from the damage I’d done to myself. But it also burned up a lot of that obsessive excess energy that had no outlet. Alcohol had been my outlet for all this obsessive, crazy energy. So I wanted to make sure I didn’t just stop that obsession and sit there with no new obsession and no place for that [energy] to go.

After you got sober, you got back into lifting weights. Tell me about that.

The first serious weightlifting memory that I have was two years later, on tour with Cannibal Corpse. Alex Webster—who you should definitely talk to for this, he’s a fitness guy, a big runner—he came out with the sectioned dumbbells from which you can pull out different weights. A couple of guys on the crew busted out a fuckin’ bar and plates and all this stuff. And like I said, when I was 17, 18, I was big on compound lifting, like bench press, squats. But these dudes got me into deadlifting. And I was hooked immediately, to the point that we were doing it every day. And on subsequent tours with Gatecreeper, Eric Wagner and myself would bring a bar and plates and rack, and we would do deadlifts and squats and bench presses every day that we could.

Are Cannibal Corpse putting the rack and weights below the bus?

Yeah, underneath. For us, it was way more of a pain in the ass. There was skepticism from some of the other guys in Gatecreeper at first because we just had a trailer. But it worked out. We figured out a system. We put the plates up in the front corner. We put all the weight stuff in the front of the trailer so that we could unload the gear, bust the stuff out on the street, work out real quick, and put it back. At the end of the night, it’s already in there, out of the way; we put the gear back in and go.

When you say street, you mean next to the venue.

Yeah. We played House of Blues in New Orleans, which is right in the middle of the French Quarter. We had this motherfucker set up on a main street in the French Quarter. We were doing heavy squats, and, man, it was fun. We met some characters doing that, all over the world. In Canada, we had some drunk guy fall into the bar and almost knock it over because he was trying to show us how it was done. In New Orleans, there was this dude from Oklahoma who was a former football coach. He came over and started talking shit to all of us about our technique. I just kept calling him, “Coach”. That was fun. A drug dealer came over and did some squats with us.

When are you doing these workouts before the show?

On the tour that we had all that equipment, it would be after load-in and before doors. On the last Spirit Adrift tour, I would do resistance band stuff and shadowboxing. On the last tour I did with Gatecreeper, I would actually find the closest boxing gym and go fuck around, which was really fun, to see each individual city’s boxing gyms. If I couldn’t find a boxing gym, I would just go to a regular gym and run or lift weights. I did that every day of that tour.

Garrett with Maleek Jackson at his boxing gym in Philly.

Tell me about staying sober on tour. Obviously, you’re seeing drinking and substance abuse around you.

It might actually make it easier. We run into people that probably shouldn’t be drinking and doing drugs the way that they are. A lot of fellow musicians and fans will talk to me when they’re fucked up about not wanting to be fucked up. So it’s a good reminder.

The program that I’m in, if you do it right, it works. I’ve never seen it not work with somebody that actually puts the effort in and does it. One of the things that happens early on is that the obsession is lifted. No one knows how far into sobriety that will be. But it’s happened to every single person that works the program that I’m in. At one point the obsession was lifted for me. It was well before I went back on tour.

Another thing that helps is seeing people. I know a few people that have kind of followed in my footsteps. There’s people whose footsteps I followed in also. It’s inspiring to see somebody that’s struggling and know that by saving my own life and improving my own life, that it may lay some groundwork for somebody to follow suit. That’s all way better than whatever fleeting experience I would have by getting drunk, which would inevitably ruin my life in the end.

Nita Strauss said that calories count on the road. Would you agree with her?

Yeah. I’m probably more active on tour than at home, despite all the sitting in a van. There’s a lot of walking. I load the gear every single night. I think I might eat more frequently on tour than I do at home. But I try to be super mindful. Thor from Swans wrote that thing about touring years ago, and one of the things he talked about was eating oranges for fiber, or just eating a piece of fruit. And I’m real big on that. You can get an apple and a banana almost anywhere—at a truck stop, in any state.

It’s a mental health thing. I don’t like feeling like shit. And there’s enough stuff on tour that builds up to make you feel like shit that you don’t need to be adding on to it in any way, shape, or form. You’re not going to get the right amount of sleep, which is really difficult for me. I read that a lack of sleep leads to an increase in negative thoughts, and I was like, “Oh, wow, that explains a lot.” I don’t have a capacity for an increase in negative thoughts. On tour, sometimes I’m like, god, I literally want to fucking kill everybody, and I don’t know why. So, I definitely don’t want to exacerbate an already fucked up, twisted brain by eating like shit.

Sometimes you have to. We eat a lot of Taco Bell on tour because I feel like it’s the lesser of the fast food evils. Even if the quality is shit, beans and rice will provide you with some protein and stuff like that. I eat as much fruit and vegetables as humanly possible. I hit grocery stores as much as I possibly can. I like to keep a stock of fruit and vegetables and kombucha. Kombucha is huge. I drink that stuff every day if I can.

What does it do for you?

Part of it is that it burns my throat and my esophagus in the same way that whiskey did, which is really nice. It just makes me feel good. It makes my blood feel a little on fire. I joke that it’s like a microdose of alcohol. I’ve been drinking kombucha since I got sober, and it hasn’t led to anything bad happening, so I think it’s OK.

What’s your diet like at home?

Pretty good. I’m not that strict on anything. My wife works for Whole Foods, so she’ll bring home good groceries. We do a lot of smoothies and fruit in the morning, usually some kind of chicken thing for lunch, just basically experimenting with all the different ways you can eat chicken. Lots of rice and veggies and stuff like that. We’ll plan a meal out where we’ll go fucking insane. But for the most part, simple meals at home.

Where do you get health and fitness cues from?

Right after I got sober, I started listening to the Joe Rogan podcast. I really enjoy it, man. I do get some of it from following MMA fighters. I’m really, really obsessed with MMA and boxing, more so MMA these days. David Goggins—when I found out about that guy, I started religiously following him.

Tell me about stoicism. What have you been reading?

A couple years ago I read Marcus Aurelius’ Meditations, which is kind of *the* book for stoicism. Before that, Marcus [Bryant, Spirit Adrift drummer] gave me the Tao Te Ching, which is proto-stoicism in certain ways. Most recently, I went and got Ryan Holiday’s books. There’s three of them. I read all three of them real quick. They’re almost like “Stoicism for Dummies,” and I don’t mean that as an insult at all. I think he would probably agree with that. I’m going to keep reading, because I like it a lot. Also, the recovery program I’m in, it’s an amalgamation of a lot of different things, but it draws heavily from stoicism. It took me a while to realize that. I think that’s where it started creeping into my life, through recovery.

For working out at home, what do you have, and what do you do?

I have a—I think PRx is the company—it’s a foldout rack. And I got a foldout bench in the garage. I do squats and overhead press, pullups, deadlifts, any sort of super-heavy compound lifting out there. We have a workout room which is more where my wife does her thing. I have an Aqua Bag in there, which is great. It’s just a big bag filled with water that you punch. So I work on my boxing in there. We have kettlebells and that sort of thing.

Do you write out your reps and sets?

It’s just kind of based on how I feel. I keep a loose track in the back of my mind about not doing anything two days in a row. If I feel like I’m good to go, I’ll do something. And if I feel like I should do something else, I do something else. If I feel like I should go run three miles, I’ll do that. If I feel like I’m slow, I’ll go do something that doesn’t require dynamic muscle movements, like I’ll go deadlift or something. If my back is hurting, I’ll do pull-ups and try to stretch my spine out a little bit. I don’t really adhere to anything all that tight. What I do is I make sure that I’m doing whatever I need to do every day to maintain consistency and discipline and also my mental health.

How do you handle rest and recovery?

Unfortunately, I don’t rest or recover enough. I keep saying I’m going to start doing yoga and stuff, but I really don’t do it. I went back to Arizona for a week to record an EP that we just did, and I didn’t do any working out for a week. And I was amazed at how good I felt. Because of the fact that my primary motivator for going so hard physically is to mitigate my mental issues, I don’t like to rest. When I rest, I sit there and I think.

With Austin kickboxing crew (featuring Blk Ops’ Champ Morgan, second from left)

Maybe recording filled that space for that week.

It did 100%, yeah. A lot of people don’t realize that thinking and mind activity burns calories. It literally burns energy. So, you can sit and be working on a record for 12 hours a day, and you’re not doing anything crazy, you’re not lifting anything heavy, your heart rate’s not being accelerated—by the end of the day, you feel physically exhausted, not just mentally exhausted. It’s because your brain is on overdrive.

Would you draw any connection between physical performance and musical performance?

I know that the more in shape I am, the better I sing. Singing is a very physical activity. And, playing, too. You just have more stamina. There’s a definite connection there, absolutely.

It helps to look good on stage, too.

Yeah, that’s important, I guess. One thing that I do keep in mind is, depending on what’s coming up in my musical life, I might change what I’m doing with my workout routine. So, knowing that I’m going to have to sing, I might start powerlifting less and running more to lean more into the cardiovascular training and be a little more light feeling with my muscles.

For someone who’s starting from ground zero and has been sitting on the couch and eating badly, what’s your advice to them?

If you want to change bad enough, just take that first step. If I could get out of the hole that I was in, anyone can do it. It might seem impossible, and I know that it’s easier to just sit and stew and wish that things were a certain way. But all you have to do is start. It’s going to take a while. Like I said early on, it’s all about habit. You just set a goal, and you work at it every day, every single day, just a little bit.

I was addicted to drinking whiskey. All I wanted to do was drink whiskey, that’s it. Now I’m addicted to stuff that’s not only not killing me, but actually improving my health. That just came over time and repetition and forming a new habit. One day you’ll look back and be amazed at what happened.

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