#dude. get ur attachment issues under control

[mattiebluebird]

Dexter sees a murderer, ANY murderer, and goes "they just like me fr..."

[snowsheba]

ALSO not to steal ur ask but at first i also wanted to ask you as many as you wanted to answer but your tags seemed so contemplative i didn't want to pry LOL but your ask has emboldened me so... any extras you haven't answered that you particularly want to share!

EHEHEHEHEHE

i love talking about myself. LOL. under cut to spare your dashboards

1. what's the fic you're most proud of?

"thanks dad, love hana" was a HUGE undertaking. kind of wild how far i went and how well i made it work looking back.

that said: i am most fond of my grand theft auto/aveyond crossover au. it's the exact brand of controlled chaos full of fun and angst and random shit that i crave, LOL.

2. what's a fic that took you to an emotional/dark/hard place?

answered!

3. what fic are you emotionally attached to?

answered!

4. what fic of your own do you read for comfort?

i wouldn't call them "fics," but i do have some long-form fic starring original characters that i wrote and read back pretty consistently because they are honestly excellent. i haven't posted them anywhere because they are super niche, but i can if people are curious.

5. what fic of your own won't you read?

LOL... the ones that remained buried in my external hard drive... they can stay there.

6. what's the hardest part of the writing process for you?

probably starting? this is why i start with writing the summary, because otherwise it gets weird when i start out. oftentimes i have like three or four false starts before i get into a groove that i like. (i save all the false starts, too! they often get reused and recycled later on in the story.)

7. how does receiving or not receiving feedback/support impact you?

tdlh's success kind of ruined the whole thing for me in some ways. on the one hand, you get accustomed to HUGE amounts of interaction, so having no interaction feels weird. on the other hand, there is so much interaction that it is overwhelming, and it's not good when responding to engagement becomes a chore.

before i wrote tdlh i craved feedback and support because mental eelness and whatever. afterwards... it really put into perspective who i was writing for. most often i wasn't writing for me, i was writing for others. now that i'm writing for myself, i don't need feedback or support in the same way.

i mean let's be clear though i still LOVE to get engagement in general. it feels good when people like the stuff i write!!

8. does anyone in your personal life know you write fic? if not, would you tell anyone?

my immediate family does, in the sense that they know i write it (i don't share it with them lol). my partner does as well! but otherwise very, VERY rarely do i let irl people know i write fic.

9. what's your writing process like?

answered!

10. how has writing positively impacted your mental health or overall mood?

writing saved my life! this is undoubtedly true. i would not be here if i hadn't started writing when i did for as long as i have.

these days it's less of a coping mechanism and more of a fun hobby, and i always feel good when i finish something off and post it. the satisfaction of a story well-written is wonderful.

11. Has a fic you’ve written ever caused issues/controversy?

BOY. OH YES. i learned a lot from the experience, too.

essentially: overwatch has two characters, one is [finger wiggles] hispanic and the other is white, the man of color is demonized and becomes this evil terrible terrorist (real original, blizzard) while the white dude becomes this righteous rogue vigilante. i kept these roles in the fic i wrote them in and people started talking about the racist implications of this. rightfully so because it IS racist. this isn't the only big thing, but this is the one that was focused on because people shipped these two pretty hard back in the day.

it draws an interesting line though - as a fic writer, i can change the canon and do whatever i want. but i didn't do that, because i wanted to stay true to canon. if you had asked me back then, i would have said that's a good reason to let it be, but these days, i would have if not addressed it directly then changed it as needed to both suit my purposes and also... not have racism baked in if possible...

it's tough when your source material is already problematic enough and its parent company is a literal shitshow of issues (here's a pretty good summary of events). i take responsibility for the harm that my particular rendition did, but i would be remiss if i didn't acknowledge that actively writing a fic that attempts to remain consistent with canon (i.e. i would change story beats 30 chapters down the line when new lore came out) is bound to be as problematic as the source material itself.

12. What’s your perfect environment to create/write?

answered!

13. Do you take pride in your writing, or does it embarrass you? Why?

i DO take pride in my writing. it also embarrasses me immensely.

i don't want to show my ass too much, but i grew up in a household where if i wasn't working on school stuff i'd get punished, so obviously my parents hated how much time i spent writing. there was a lot of shame that went along with it because of the whole "why does it even matter? it's not original fiction" thing as well, so i am very protective of my fanworks and don't advertise them at all irl. because it's embarrassing to explain myself over and over again to people who really don't care, LOL.

of course, these days my parents love to fawn about how good of a writer i am and make me write the yearly christmas newsletters and whatever, but that's parents for you!

14. Do you compare yourself to other writers? In a positive or negative way?

i think i used to, in the way that every kid aspires to be like a particular role model. these days, not at all - there's no point in it. i know my strengths!

15. How do you think your writing as improved over time?

i stopped using ellipses so much, for one. LOL.

in general, reading lots of books and being exposed to lots of different writing mediums has given me a lot of perspective. that's more valuable than anything else, imo. having more experiences to fall back on, more knowledge of the world around me, and a better understanding of people means that my written works have more depth and scope. i think in terms of technical skill i've plateaued to a point that i'm happy with, but when it comes to the actual content and its presentation (i guess rhetoric is the term here), there is ALWAYS more to learn. i've definitely gotten better at rhetoric over the years.

16. Do you re-read old fics? Is there a time in your writing you won’t go back to?

answered!

17. What’s the best engagement/interaction/feedback you’ve received from someone who’s read your work?

answered!

18. Do you only write when you’re inspired, or do you try and sit down at specific times and write no matter what?

these days i only really do write when i feel inspired to, but that's not because i don't think writing regularly is boring. i mentioned this in another post somewhere, but the majority of my high-volume writing output was during a time of deep depression - writing was an escape, and now that i don't need to escape anymore, it's hard to resume my previous schedule. moreoever, i don't want to, because that schedule was symptomatic of other issues for me. so just when i'm inspired! it helps that when i open a file and look at it, i often feel compelled to write a bit more as the ideals percolate in my brain.

19. If you could write an ideal fic, what would it include?

this changes day by day, but i looooooove a good banter. (what a shocker, i know.) i also love huge explosive emotions and the fallout from them. if a fic can answer the question of what it means to be human in some way, then it's ideal for me.

20. What’s the greatest gift you’ve gotten from your writing?

friends! i've met so many cool people through writing and i continue to keep meeting cool people as i continue to write. it's a gift that never stops giving 🥰

[caatws]

i would love to hear ur you s3 thats my guilty pleasure show

OKAY I NEEDED SOME TIME REMEMBERING THE PLOT BUT I REMEMBER MOST OF IT NOW!!!! (i just finished my s2 rewatch with my mom which helped bring a lot of it back to memory sdfklb)

putting under a read more bc it's kinda long SNDBFLKSNDFB

so joe is infatuated with neighbor lady right.....so we made neighbor lady an actress married to a shitty film producer dude who had some personal issues that then led to marital issues and all that fun stuff. but anyway film producer dude decides to make forty's film adaptation of beck's book and casts his wife, neighbor lady actress, to play beck. so basically joe's new love is playing his s1 love!!! absolutely bonkers.

meanwhile pregnant love and her mom are planning a wedding i think for joe/love but also love quickly suspects that joe is cheating with neighbor lady. my writing partner from the class and i wrote the 4th or 5th episode out of the season (i think we had about 6 eps overall? i can't remember) which was basically about joe getting physically intimate with neighbor lady actress while she's on set to play beck, meanwhile love decides to snoop around the neighbor lady's house to find proof of joe cheating. BUT THEN LOVE GOES INTO LABOR!! AT THE LADY'S HOUSE!!! and has the baby there!!!! and joe misses the birth of his baby bc he's too busy hooking up with neighbor lady!!

things spin out of control and joe ends up pushing film producer dude off a cliff (so he dead) after this. meanwhile, ellie and fincher are collaborating to try to go above lapd to have a Real investigation into joe and love and the quinn family, which leads to joe (and also maybe love? idr) being arrested in the season finale. the final scene i believe is joe in custody getting read to go on trial or smth, so the big cliffhanger is how will he get back to his daughter??

you is not exactly one of my favorite shows but it's funny how writing joe and love and their world for a few months got me kinda attached to them like...when i was rewatching s2 i was like aw, joe and love are so terrible and i hate them and what they do, but also, am now nostalgic for the time i spent writing them.... <3

i just found out the other day they're making an s3 for real so let's see if they steal from my class /j