#early sandgrass

[thebotanicalarcade]

n214_w1150 by Biodiversity Heritage Library Via Flickr: The British grasses and sedges.. London,Society for promoting Christian knowledge,[1858?].. biodiversitylibrary.org/page/30664194

[earninganincomplete]

Venti Latte

Summary: You are out on a date with Venti, and her mood seems off, somehow.

Rating: G

Characters: Unnamed Builder, Venti

Pairing: Venti/you

A/N: For some reason I decided to do second person present tense.

Venti normally had plenty to say, but that night she only occasionally pipes up to share her thoughts. You don’t like to talk much, so it's slightly uncomfortable trying to lead the conversation.

At first, you assume she’s had an especially tiring day salvaging. Even with the best possible tools, it’s intense, physical work. She usually seems to draw energy from the garbage she sifts through, but tonight is an exception.

“Venti, are you all right?” Maybe she’s sick.

“Oh!” She immediately brightens, but there’s a plastic fakeness to it. “I’m great! Sorry. I don’t know where my head is!”

“If you’re tired, let’s just call it early.” It’s a shame, since you’re both so busy.

“No, no! Please don’t.” She reaches across the table and grips your arm. “I don’t want that. Can’t we just sit together? I’m sorry I’m not my usual chipper Venti self.”

You rest your hand on hers. “You don’t have to be. Just be yourself, okay? I was just worried you were coming down with something.”

“Peach, I hope not,” she says. “Nah, I’m just. I don’t know. Thinking. ‘Bout stuff maybe I shouldn’t.”

“And you don’t want to talk? That’s okay.”

She stares at your hand on hers, biting her lip.

You don’t know her as well as you want to. You’ve been dating for seasons, now, but you are both working so hard, it feels like you are still just a little better than acquaintances. You want everything, but all you have are scraps.

You wish life wasn’t so hectic, and that your work was just important, and not necessary like it is at the moment. Sandrock is bleeding out and you are part of the medical team struggling to keep its heart beating.

You need a vacation.

“I guess I’m just kind of worried,” Venti says, quiet.

With the way your thoughts are turning, you assume you know what she means. “About the water,” you say.

“No, I—” she breaks off, laughing. “Well, yeah! Pile that on too, I guess.” She sighs and retrieves her hand. “Can we go? Someplace quiet? I really want to see the stars right now. If that’s okay.”

You nod, and the two of you head out of the Blue Moon, hand in hand. She takes you to one of the higher points near your workshop, and you both lay down on the rocks and sandgrass.

The sky is clear; the stars bright. Sometimes dark shapes flutter across the moon. Clouds seem to race to escape the dry air of the desert. You can’t remember if it’s been two or three seasons since the last rain.

“I lied to you,” Venti says. “I just wanted to be close to you so bad, but…” she trails off.

“Is this about when we snuck in to the salvage yard? You know that didn’t bug me. I was just worried about you.”

“No, it’s not – well, maybe. Partially. I just – it’s so hard to explain what’s it’s like, you know? What everything was like for me, before Sandrock. I’m so happy here, but it all feels so fake, sometimes.”

“Does it?” You struggle to think what she means. You want to fix what’s making her miserable. You’ve always struggled with how some problems had to be “fixed” with sitting and listening, not by doing. If Venti needs a chair or a better axe to solve her problems, you’d help in a flash.

“I just had these dreams, you know? Getting to have a house someplace that’s not a dumpster. Having a job that pays good. Maybe running a business of my own. Meeting someone great and they’d be…” She covers her face with her hands. “Someone like you! And it is so great, better than I imagined. Even without the house and kids and a little cafe where I can stand behind the counter and wash mugs and talk to customers. I’m still happier now than I ever thought I would get to be.” She pulls her hands away from her face and smiles. Her eyes are wet. “I have such a big family, now! Pebbles calls me Auntie Venti and Krystal always wants to help me pick out clothes for when we go out, and, and – there’s you.”

She sniffs. You fumble to find a cloth, and eventually pull a scrap piece out of your pocket she can wipe her eyes on.

“I kind of love you,” she says. “And them. And all the people in town, even!” She blows her nose loudly on the cloth. “And the only reason I get to be here instead of someone else is ‘cause I’m a liar.”

“Maybe you’d feel better if you were honest with me about it, at least?” You’re still not sure what she’s talking about. “I can’t say I won’t be mad, but I can’t imagine ever hating you.”

“That’s what you say now.” She sighs. “But, okay.” She sits up and leans back on a rock outcropping.

A gust of wind sends sand scattering. You worry there will be a sandstorm soon, but right now it’s just pretty when the moonlight hits the particulates.

“I already told you how I got into school that one time, right? And then I used some weird stuff they said there to impress Rocky and get this job.”

“I don’t think he cares.” He had probably already guessed that Venti wasn’t a financial expert. “He knows you’re a hard worker. He told me himself you’re one of the best.”

“Did he? Aw! That’s sweet. I think if I don’t mess up again, my job will be okay. It’s actually...something else I’m trying to figure out how to talk about. I think I just want you to understand me. And like how everything good I have is ‘cause I’m a sneaky liar.”

“Everything I have right now is because my parents helped me at the start,” you say. “You didn’t have someone who could do that for you.”

“That’s what I always told myself, too! 'Venti, if you’re going to have anything, you have to take it!' Everything was free in the garbage dump. Because it was worthless. I didn’t want that. To be worthless forever. I can’t feel guilty about doing what I had to. To eat real food every day and sleep in an actual bed and not have to worry about clouds of noxious fumes from the garbage making me feel sick all the time. I can’t feel bad about it. Even if Rocky and everyone is so nice and so good to me now. I just can’t.”

“You shouldn’t. Do you?”

“Not as much as I should if I was a good person.” She flings her arms in the air and makes a frustrated noise. “I know I’m not making sense! I’m sorry.” She settles down. “That’s not even what I wanted to tell you. You know that already.”

You set your hand on her calf and squeeze. You’re still on your back. “Just say it.”

“I know.” She rubs her forehead. “I know! Okay. It’ll be fine, Venti.” She grits her teeth and braces against the rock. When she speaks again, it’s in a rush of words. “I don’t like yakmel milk!”

You think you misheard. “Pardon?”

“I don’t hate it! But it’s just kind of weird tasting and I don’t like it! I wish everyone would stop giving it to me. But I lied! I lied to you and everyone and said I liked it! That I loved it!”

“What? Why?”

“So you’d like me! Rocky likes milk; the other salvagers like it – all the real Sandrockers like it. I thought if I said I didn’t want any, everyone would stop wanting to hang out with me.” She’s tearing up again. “I just wanted to belong somewhere that wasn’t a trash bin. I didn’t want anyone to go, ‘oh, you want to invite Venti? She’s so boring and she never wants to get drinks with us.’”

“You could just drink something else, couldn’t you?” It strikes you that you’re trying to logic your way out of an emotional issue, again. You’re not even trying to fix the right problem. “I don’t think they’d be like that. I figured out you weren’t that into milk when I saw how you looked at me whenever I gave you some. I saw the difference when I got you coffee. Your face would just light up.” You finally sit up, too, so you can look at her properly. She’s beautiful. “I wanted to spend more time with you.”

Covered in dirt, tear tracks on her face, a wad of scrap cloth in her hand – you want to kiss her every time you see her. You think it’s the bright light in her eyes that makes her so beautiful. Even when she’s upset you can see it glimmering. That strong, indefatigable hope. She’d been born at the bottom of the world, seeing sky in cracks between mountains of garbage. The sky was open to her now. You never wanted to see that light go out.

“I know,” she says, quiet. “I know you want to...be with me, now. But I feel like I tricked you. Into this. Because I wanted to be like you, or with you, or...both?”

“I think I could’ve cared for you, even if you told me right away you didn’t like milk.”

She snorts. “I know it sounds stupid. I know that.”

“Even if you had to trick me to get to know you. I’m glad you did. I’d want you to do it again.”

“It’s not just the milk, though,” she admitted. “It’s everything. The milk’s just, like, the obvious thing. Sometimes I’m not that optimistic or cheerful about things. But I pretend I am. Because I can’t do anything else. I’m so...I’m so, so scared this crisis or the next one is going to ruin everything. Rocky will have to close shop and we’ll all move. I have a real job to put on my resume now, so I’m not worried about finding more work, anymore. But I love this place. These people. Even if they don’t know me or like me, I care about them. I don’t want this all to go away. It feels like home here.”

You sidle over so you can put your arm around her. “I’m scared, too.”

“Oh no! You too? You’re always so confident. And at least you can help do something about all these things that keep happening, unlike me.”

“I’m sorry,” you say, “I lie sometimes, too. This was just a contract job, but the longer I'm here, the more I want to live here the rest of my life.”

“Yeah. It’s really good, isn’t it? Like, good good.” She buries her head in her knees. “Everyone says it’s okay to be scared. It doesn’t feel okay.”

“Yeah.”

She sighs. “I’m sorry if I made you feel like you had to be confident around me all the time. Good job, Venti. I know you’re a person and not, like, just someone for me to look up to.”

You nod. “When I’m working, it’s easy to be confident. So I’m not constantly afraid. But I feel it too, that same fear you do. I think that fear is more what makes you a Sandrocker right now than what you drink.”

She rests her weight against you. “It’s that we care, right? Listen to me! Acting like I’m from here, or something.”

“If you were just worried about the future, I’d say you could come back and live with me and my parents until I signed another contract. I’m sure wherever I went next would have salvaging work.”

“You’d want me to go with you?”

“I know it’s pretty early for that, but, yes. I would.”

“That does make me feel better, actually.” She knocks against your shoulder. “I would miss Rocky and Krystal and little Pebbles and Fei and even Peck...oh! And Amirah and her brother at the shop and Owen is always so nice to me and everyone. I wish we could stay with everyone forever, right here.”

“It could work out,” you say.

“But it’s too much about luck, right? Who knows when a big disaster will be too big to come back from.”

“Hey. Maybe it’ll be good luck, next time.”

“Maybe. I must be worried because I’ve been feeling too lucky lately. I’m so happy right now.”

“Me too.”

“I’m sorry I lied. Even if I’m not sorry if it made you like me.”

“I’m sorry I lied,” you say. “Unless it was the only reason you wanted to be my friend.”

“It’s not,” she says. She laughs. “You’re real pretty, too.”

You smile at that. “We didn’t have to worry, did we? Not about being friends. Because we’re both so beautiful.”

“Beautiful people like us are always attracted to each other! We’re like magnets.”

You nod. After a brief silence, you continue, “Let’s be more honest from now on.”

“Well, I’ll do my best.”

“Me too,” you say. You found yourself less concerned about the current crisis. If this place ends up not being able to be home, maybe Venti can be one with you.

But you aren’t going to give up on this place, either.

She looks up at you, finally meeting your eyes. She takes a deep breath, grabs the sides of your face with the palms of her hands, and pulls you towards her, into a kiss. The wind picks up and the air is sharply cool against your bare skin. Her hands and lips are warm and all your anxiety and hope fades away into the moment.