#eh i'm rambling again. i guess it's just nice to see people caring. even when the people who should speak for us civilians do not.

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

on my quest to find more books to read this year, there's been something kind of heartwarming to see that of the books on hold at my local library, or on the weekly bestseller's list at my local bookstores, there's always at least one book up there that's about Palestine. It's at least nice to see that some people in my area want to learn about the historical context of what's happening now, and learn far more than what a few posts on their feed can tell them. It makes me hope that public perception will continue to change for the better - and that the kind of support I've seen in my area won't die down immediately after a ceasefire is called

[sery-chan-13]

Stay High

Karube Daikichi × Reader

Based off this song

No, because It's a three am sad thought that should have been kept in my head. This is totally not based off of my deepest darkest feeling and fears. Anyways, ignore that. Um... yeah.

Warnings: Episode 3 spoilers, Manga spoilers, weed, smoking, suicide (this went darker than I intended, ok?), and another terrible attempt at angst :)

"Karu! For the last time, we're not getting a freaking parrot!" You scolded. "Aww, why not babe? They're cute," he said, pouting. You smiled kissing him quickly. "... I'll think about it," you said, before heading out. "I think that means we will have a-" "Don't push your luck babe. I'll see you after work."

_______________________________________

"And here is my attempt at trying to be nice. Happy anniversary!" You chirped, sliding a rather large gift his way. It had a draped cover over it, so he couldn't see inside. He looked at you suspiciously, slowly taking it in his hands. You had a camera in your hands, and we're smirking. He didn't trust that smirk. "Why do you have that camera?" He asked, nodding to it. "Just filming. It's a special day babe," you said, hiding your smile. "Can i-" "Don't you dare shake it-" He raised his hands in mock surrender, before slowly lifting the sheet.

You saw the smile that spread across his face. "I said I'd think about it," you said. He stood up, pulling your waist into him. He kissed you softly, making you smile in your head. "I'm guessing this means you like your gift?" You asked, a smirk on your face. "It's a fucking parrot, hell yeah I like it," he said. You laughed, pressing a kiss to his temple.

Tears blurred your vision, falling onto the screen of the camera. Had it really been a year since then?

"Ok, now I get to film you! Welcome to day 1 of our roadtrip, I don't know where we're going, but we'll find out soon enough," Karube said, turning the camera to face him. He then turned it to face you. You were putting your luggage into the trunk of your car, and looked up with a smile, giving the camera a peace sign. The parrot, who you two decided to name Nijiko after much deliberation due to its coloring, squawked on your shoulder. You smiled. "Yes, you'll be going to day care  for a while Nijiko," you spoke to the bird, petting it's beak softly. The bird shivered. "Day care? Nijiko day care?" It squawked, tilting it's head to the side. You nodded. "Yes, smart bird. Nijiko is going to daycare," you praised. "I sometimes wonder if she loves the bird more than me. The answer is yes. Yes she does," Karube said, laughing as you spoke to the bird.

"Update, it's been 4 hours, and we are in the middle of no where. The child(the bird) has been dropped off at day care... well boarding? For the week. The music's pretty good though, and this angel next to me is still here, so we're all good," he said. He was really serious about filming this. "Babe, why are you filming this again?" You asked, reaching to grab his hand on the center console. "Because memories baby girl," he responded, kissing the back of your hand as it was intertwined with his. You laughed, blowing him a kiss, turning your attention back to the road.

"Day 3 of our roadtrip, (Y/N) is deciding on what to wear, but as I've told her, she looks great in everything," he stated. You flipped him off, picking out something to wear finally. "Wowwwww, I can really feel the love," he said sarcastically, holding a hand to his chest dramatically. "Shut up, you know I love you," you said, rolling your eyes. "I know you do. Who wouldn't love me?" he joked. "I don't know babe. Watch it though, 'cause you're mine~!"

"Ok, it's a few hours later, (Y/N) is getting snacks, and I'm super nervous, because of this," he said, talking to camera. He pulled out a small box, showing the ring to the camera. "I've been documenting this whole thing like a maniac, because I didn't want her to be suspicious. But anyways, yeah... I've been thinking about it for a while, seeing as we've been together since high school. I am terrified, in all honesty," he rambled, running a hand through his hair. He put the small box back to where you wouldn't find it, but he wouldn't lose it. He saw you walking back to the car, and smiled. You opened the door, giving him a weird look. "You're filming again?" You questioned. He nodded. "You love the sound of your voice don't you?" You asked with a smile. He laughed, "Not as much as I love yours."

_______________________________________

He placed the camera was on a nearby fence post, facing you two, close enough to see and hear both of you. He started recording, and gave a thumbs up to the camera. You looked out to the water, admiring the hues of blue. The water crashed into the shore, spraying you with water. "You know when we get married, I'm definitely going to take you here again," he said. You kept looking out at the water, not noticing him. "When we get married? You already have this planed?" You laughed. You turned to face him, not seeing him at eye level. You looked down, and your eyes widened. "As I was saying, when we get married-" he started, getting interrupted when you jumped onto him, throwing your arms around his neck. You both fell to the sand, and you two couldn't help but laugh. "Are you serious? Like, really?" You asked, tears in your eyes. "Yeah, I'm serious. (Y/N), you've been with me for what seems like forever. I love you so much, and I want to be yours forever. Just as much as you'll be mine. So... would you do me the honor, and marry me?" He asked. He might have sounded confident, but he was shaking on the inside. The tears in your eyes fell, and you laughed nodding. "Yes, a million times yes," you said. He laughed, letting out a sigh of relief. You hugged him tightly, your head in the crook of his neck. "Forever and ever?" You whispered. "Forever and ever."

You looked down at the ring on your finger, crying even harder. His side of the bed stayed empty, no one would ever be able to sleep there. Not even you. His side of the room stayed untouched. The same way it had been left that morning. Before the accident.

"(Y/N)... I know you're sad, but this isn't healthy for you... just... call me back once you get this," Arisu sighed. "No answer again?" Usagi asked, placing a hand on his shoulder. He shook his head. "She's been with our group as long as I can remember. And she's been... she had been... with Karube even longer. If it's hard on me, I can't believe how hard it must be on her," Arisu explained. Usagi pressed a kiss to his cheek. "I'm sure she's fine. All people cope with things differently. Just give her space."

You were most definitely not fine. The grief that filled you everytime you saw Arisu's name on your phone, when you looked at anything that once belonged to Karube.  For the first time in the past few weeks, you wandered into the kitchen, and saw the binder filled with the ideas you two had for the wedding. You looked away, tears filling your eyes once more. You couldn't escape the sorrow that had filled your life. It seemed like he was everywhere. Even when you turned on the damn TV the news was talking about the incident. The names of the victims would pop up with pictures, and you would quickly turn it off. You grabbed the folder, ripping up all the papers in there, shredding them to bits in a fit of sadness. You dropped to your knees, holding the final piece of paper. You sniffled, wiping your eyes, looking down. It was in Karube's hand writing, and you took a deep breath. Eventually, you would have to read these things. Eventually, you would have to clean up his side of the room. You decided to start off small. By reading whatever this was.

'I may not be good at expressing my feelings, and this is not going to be the first time you've all heard me tell you how wonderful this woman is, and how much I love her. It certainly won't be the last, if I have any say in it. To which I do. If I could go back to the day we met, and you told me I would be marrying her, I would believe it. Because I've loved you from day one (Y/N). And now, I'll have you. Forever and ever.'

- Karube (rough draft, don't let (Y/N) find this)

You whimpered, holding the piece of paper to your chest. This was too much for you. You needed a distraction.

"Eh, just give me the money, no one will ever know," the woman said. You gave her the money, and she passed you a bag. "I promise it gets better dear. And be careful with that," she said sweetly. You nodded, your face so devoid of any emotion, it was hard to tell if you were still alive. Your world felt so numb to any emotion but hurt.

The burn of the smoke in your throat was satisfying. For the first time since his death, you felt something. Your eyes lazily looked up, staring at the ceiling.  The smell of the weed filled up the room and you rolled your eyes. For once the pain was gone. You couldn't think of anything in the moment other than being hungry. The first time in weeks that had happened.

That was your new routine. Wake up, lounge around, look through the videos and pictures of both of you, get high of your mind. It was the only way you'd forget. Was it healthy? No. Did you care? Also no. You started ignoring Arisu's calls, messages, and voice mails. Leaving them unseen, and unheard. He was worried, and Usagi had gotten worried as well, even though she'd only met you once at the hospital. You seemed like a pleasant person, and according to Arisu, you never left someone in the dark that long. You would usually respond quickly if you weren't at work. But, do to the incident, there wasn't work for a few weeks. That made him worry.

When he found out why you weren't answering, he was shocked. Your apartment wasn't exactly a mess. There were a few papers scattered in the kitchen, and uncollected mail, but other than that, your apartment was clean. He was so confused, hearing you giggling and talking to yourself in your room.

He knocked on the door, opening it slowly. "(Y-y/N)?" He asked hesitantly. You looked up, your eyes lazy and red. The smell of weed in your room was strong, the smoke going out of the window. How long had you been doing this? Had it become self destructive? These were questions he asked himself before seeing you doze off to sleep.

"What the hell were you thinking (Y/N)! You can't- you can't destroy your life over it! I- I was so worried! I've already lost two friends, I can't lose you too!" He scolded. It was a few hours later, and your high had passed. "Why do you care?" You snapped, the conversation being boring to you. The hurt you hadn't felt in weeks came back. He was back in your mind, not as your wonderful fiancé, but as the man you had lost. The man who you had to bury in the ground. It was horrible. Your mind hated the images of his body, lifeless and devoid of his usual smile. You hated it. Absolutely despised it.

"Because you're my friend! You've been my friend since high school! I know it hurts (Y/N), believe me I know, but you can't destroy your fucking life and mental health!" He scolded. It was so unfair to you, in your head. That he was saying something like that. "You want to know what's really destroying my mental health?! Not having him anymore! The fact that he's dead, and I can't- I can't-" you couldn't finish your sentence. Arisu felt bad, but this was an intervention. He had to be a bit forceful for you to stop. "Karube wouldn't want you to do this," he said softly. You felt more tears fall. But you didn't know how to deal with this. "How do you know what he wants?! He's dead!" You screamed. "H-hes dead," you whispered, your voice breaking. Arisu hugged you tightly as you cried. "Can I just know why?" He asked. "He's gone, and I have to stay high all the time to keep him off my mind. Gotta stay high... all my life to forget I'm missing him," you whispered. It was true. It was the only way you could feel something other than pain. The smoke made your mind hazy, and your sadness drifted away. But it wasn't healthy. And it would never be. "It gets better (Y/N)... please, just... stay with me for a week. So I can have peace of mind?"

2 years later

You sat on the sand of the beach, the waves crashed onto the rocks nearby, and a breeze blew the salt water into your face. You looked down at the ring on your finger, sighing at the sight of the shiny gem. You smiled sadly, pressing a kiss to it. "Soon my darling... soon we'll be together again. Forever and ever."

Because the high kept him off your mind, you didn't learn how to cope any other way. The only way was to feel any other pain. You had tried to meet other people, but no one was ever as good. You couldn't even talk to other guys without feeling guilt. It felt wrong. It was like whatever you did, you couldn't get over it. At all. In fact, it had gotten worse over the years. Especially on the yearly anniversary of the incident. Reporters would go to your home and ask you questions, seeing as people had asked you while you were in the hospital. How we're you supposed to get over it when you were reminded constantly?

So there was no thoughts in your head as you walked into the water. It was cold, shocking you. If you didn't drown, you'd die of hypothermia. And that was fine with you.

Forever and ever, no?

Ok, ok, ok.... wow, wowowowowow, this was a three am sad thought that did not have to be written, ok, um wow... that was darker than I intended, holy shit-

I promise I'm done with the terrible attempts at angst, and I promise I'm working on the my other oneshots/books. It's just that when I have an idea, I need to write it before I forget.

Remember that people love you, even if you think no one does, I promise you they do. If you really need help, please find it, and if you would like, I'm always glad to talk to people if they need my help.

[flowerbloom-arts]

Diggory Hodgkins ran up to his older brother, Samuel, after school had ended, he was rather excited because Samuel seemed to have been working on a new thing they'd be doing come after school on a Friday.

"Hullo Samuel!" He cried "We ought to do that thing we spoke of doing on this fine day?"

And a fine day indeed it was, not a single cloud in the sky, though the skies never seemed to appear that clear blue hue as depicted in illustrations or paintings, still, it was better than totally grey, atleast the sun was quite visible. Diggory would often get excited whenever the weather was anything other than dreary, though pathetic it may sound to some people, he enjoyed what little sunshine the heavens gave them.

"Hmh!" Samuel hummed with a nod.

"Yes!" Diggory exclaimed with a sense of victory, the two brothers started walking out of the school's campus, with Samuel in the lead "So what is it, might I ask? Excuse me! I know you like keeping secrets until the right moment but could you atleast spare a morsel of detail about it? My mind has been racking at what it could possibly be! But of course, one could never figure out what may be going on in that head of yours, oh goodness no."

"You'll see." Samuel stopped to pick up a wooden plank and some rope that he hid in a bush.

"Oh! Are those what you'll be using for the project?" Diggory guessed rather quickly.

"Yes." Samuel confirmed.

"Oh goody!" Diggory clapped "Perhaps I could guess what it is?"

"No." Sam answered harshly "How was school?" he asked and continued walking.

Diggory seemed a little deflated but understood that he shouldn't pry for answers to something he'll see quite soon, he adjusted his school satchel in a huff "Well." he started before following behind his brother "Quite the same actually, you know how it is. Teachers rambling academic nonsense for hours on end, peers picking on eachother, bland everything else. Seriously, I'm sorry but school is just so boring, yeah? How could anyone manage to sit down and listen and expect us to pay attention when there's nothing that even could be interesting!" He started to complain "What could possibly be so enticing about figuring out the third angle of a triangle? What would possibly motivate me to be invested in figuring out such a trivial conundrum to me personally? The teacher certainly never provides a solid motivation, it all becomes forgettable hogwash that has nothing to do with what I want out of life. Though I may possibly be rude, I'm sure you found that sort of thing fascinating given it may pertain to engineering in some way, right?" He paused for an answer from Samuel but then continued anyway "I guess you always were the academically inclined one, I'm over here 'daydreaming my school days off 'and 'being distracted' and whatever else people might say. It's interesting, really, how unlike eachother we are despite sharing the same blood, so to say." Diggory crossed his arms and started kicking a small pebble as a temporary companion on their journey "Some might even use the word funny. All I know is that we're stuck together until something or other separates us, and I believe that's what brothers ought to do. Shame we have a four year difference between us, wouldn't it be cool if we were twins instead?" He looks up at him eagerly, but then looks down again "Ah, you probably find it ridiculous that such a thing would be important. The prospect is rather poetic in my mind but I don't suppose you would endorse it, sorry. We do appear to live in two separate bubbles that might converge into a venn diagram with little in common... Excuse me, we must've had this conversation before, I must sound like a verbal equivalent of a merry-go-round... Have we had this conversation before?" Diggory paused a little for an answer "Samuel, I am genuinely asking this time."

"Ah. Yes, I think so." Samuel said thoughtfully, sometimes it was hard to tell when Diggory was actually looking for an answer or just pausing before continuing his rants, so it was often that he needed to clarify so Samuel can answer. Samuel stopped at a tree in front of a cliff side view and laid down his wooden plank and rope.

"Oh, all right, I suppose that sounds correct... Goodness these aren't actually conversations, really, I should stop calling them that." Diggory saw that Sam had stopped and looked at the sea "By my tail, that looks gorgeous! Does the ocean always sparkle like that?" He said in awe.

"Only in shining daylight, I believe." Samuel replied, inspecting the branches of the tree.

"Well, that's simply another reason to hate the drowsy weather. I can not wait until we get to travel across the ocean and get to live in country where there's more sun and less imbecilic grey clouds overhead, oh, the dream." Diggory continued staring at the sparkly waters before the pebble he was kicking before had landed on his head, thanks to the aim of his brother no less.

"Think you can climb?" Samuel asked, pointing a thumb at a nice-looking tall branch of his tree.

"Oh yeah! Hold on just a moment!" Diggory dropped his satchel and took off his shoes in a hurry. He ran up and started climbing the tree "It's a real shame you can't do this sort of thing, brother."

Samuel leaned against the tree and made a disinterested hum of confirmation, he didn't actually care much for it. He lifted his ears up as he waited, ready for another rambling.

Diggory continued climbing "Like in all seriousness, climbing trees is rather fun. You get to the tippy top on a tree and you get to see the world from a whole new perspective! Everything is alot smaller and perhaps at the right view you could pretend everyone is a tiny little creature that you can squash between your index and your thumb," he reached the last branch of the tree- the one he needed to get to, of course "Like this!" Diggory closes one eye and pretends to squish his brother's head between his fingers "But I suppose someone of your size already gets that sense, big blue."

"Yep. Which is part of what drives everyone away, I suppose." Samuel looks up at his brother and throws the rope up to him.

Diggory catches the rope in his paws "Well it's not just that, atleast from what I hear of you from others." He looks down at the rope "What am I to do with this, exactly?"

"Tie it to the branch." Samuel says as he takes out a knife from his own school satchel.

"Hm." Diggory ties a knot and started pondering what this latest contraption could possibly be again. "Is this another one of your 'practical joke' inventions for your enemies?" Samuel always liked building pranks for anyone he happened to dislike, it used to be a big habit years ago but later the amount of them dwindled as he matured, but even at his current age it's still not out of the realm of possibility.

"Nnnnnope." Samuel said, he put up the wood plank against it at a certain height and chopped off the rope with his knife accordingly, then threw the cut off rope up at his brother again "Tie that one about..." He uses the plank as a reference and placed his hand at a certain spot "Here."

"Well if it isn't a practical joke then what else could it possibly be?" Diggory adjusted the position of his rope to his brother's hand placement and tied a knot on the branch.

"Be patient, will you?" Samuel cut off the excess rope, he put the knife back in his satchel and took out a hand drill to use it on the ends of the plank.

"You know carrying those sorts of things on you is part of the reason why everyone thinks you're weird, right?" Diggory said.

"Mphm." Samuel replied as he's finished drilling the holes of the plank "By the by, you can come down now." he put one of the ropes through one of the holes and tied a knot under it, he did the same for the other one. After he was done he put his hands on his hips rather proudly.

Diggory climbed down enthusiastically to see what his brother had just created "A... Swing?" his enthusiasm seemed to turn into a rather puzzled expression toward his brother "Sam, I love you dearly, but I have to admit you have created far more impressive things than this. Unless this isn't all of it?"

"Eh. That's just about it." Samuel answered with a shrug.

"Really? But- why?" Diggory was absolutely bewildered by this.

"It's for you. You like looking at the sea, thought you'd like something a little more convenient." Samuel was still relatively proud of this small achievement.

"Ah, for me?" Diggory lightened up a little and went to sit on the newly built swing "Hm! I guess it is rather convenient for me!" He started swinging on it lightly "Such a nice view today, too. Suppose I should thank you, then!"

"No need." Samuel sat on the grass next to him and took off his own shoes "Rather exhausting. School. Possibly other things aswell. Nice to take a step back and make something like this with you." He slouches over and rested on his knee to view the ocean.

"Heh. Yeah..."

The two brothers sat with eachother until the sun came down, it was rather peaceful that day, the greyish blue skies just seemed to look like regular blue.