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wherefore-whinnies · 7 months

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tl;dr if you say things like "there's no heterosexual/platonic explanation for this" or "historians will say they were roommates" or think a character not wanting romance/friendship is a thing to be fixed or think that actions are inherently romantic without considering the intent behind them or insist that ace attorney is ~the gay lawyer game~ or a whole variety of other aphobic behaviour that's been normalized in fandom please either unfollow me or commit to learning about aspec people and amatonormativity and changing your behaviour.

I've had people tell me stuff like "I'm sure most people in your fandoms are nice, decent people! if you just tell them about the things they do that are harmful I'm sure they will listen and try to change!" and "if you just sit there and feel bad about it nothing will ever change! not with that attitude!" about amatonormativity in fandom and like okay would you like to take on that responsibility then? would you like to try to educate people on how the basic way they engage with fandom is blatantly erasing a whole group of queer people? would you like to be the person telling a bunch of people who think the way they engage with fandom is so progressive and good that actually it's really not? would you like to bring up the word aphobia in regards to the things they post and bring to mind completely relevant parallels with things like homophobia and transphobia that they think they're above?

aro people get dogpiled and subjected to hate and mistreatment online just for saying they'd like to see more platonic friendships in media. ace people get dogpiled and subjected to hate and mistreatment online just for saying they don't like how unnecessary sex scenes have become a thing to be shoved so commonly into media. people will start screaming "homophobia!" and "purity culture!" and making up all these strawmen to argue against so that they can feel superior to and condescend to and make fun of aspecs. any mention of kink at pride invariably devolves into rampant and blatant acephobia from a website that insists acephobia is a thing of its past and they're so much better now. and it's not just random internet strangers. it gets put on my dash by people who are supposed to be my friends. so again. would you like to be the one to so nicely and politely explain to people and ask that aspecs pretty please be recognized as a portion of the queer community that matters and is worthy of respect?

at this point people know that aspec people exist and they continue to do this anyway. they'll claim to care about aspec people and insist that this is true until it comes to them actually having to change their behaviour. people don't want to accept that things they are doing are wrong and harmful. that's just how people are. allo (and even some aro, somehow) queers think they are engaging with fandom in such a progressive and morally pure way and do you really want to be the one to tell them that they're not?

I have had friends who have known perfectly well that I hate romance, have seen this on numerous, numerous occassions, and have still expected me to be thrilled about a particular romance because it was gay. (somehow people do not seem to realize that they are literally saying gay romance is not real romance when they do this. and yet I'm the homophobe.) it's really not a simple matter of just "explaining to people". not to mention that having to try to educate people on all this is fucking exhausting. aside from the actual figuring out what to say and how to say it and writing it all down you have to worry about the person not understanding anyway, or just brushing it all aside with cries of "homophobia!".

so you know, maybe consider taking some of that on instead of piling it all on my shoulders when I'm the one who will be most harmed by the outcome!

and please don't take this to mean that I want all of fandom to be all about friendships either. I may be alloplatonic but I am shaking hands with all my aplatonic comrades who are even more neglected in this sense than aros are. and in general, I would like to do what I can to speak out for you knowing that I am somewhat shielded from the outcome by virtue of being alloplatonic.

I've lost the thread of what I was ranting about at this point but no one's read this far anyway so 😇 anyway, if you do any of the stuff I wrote in the tl;dr and haven't unfollowed me yet and read this far instead (thank you!), please please please consider educating yourself on amatonormativity and how those kinds of comments are actually erasing an entire class of relationships had especially by, but not exclusively by, aspec people. please don't just dismiss this with the kneejerk reaction of "homophobia!!!". aspec people are queer people too and don't deserve to be erased for the purpose of propping other queer communities up. there are respectful ways to engage with fandom and shipping without doing this.

anyway i got a bunch of new followers and wanted to make sure to scare the aphobic ones away sooner rather than later :)

#eifie dot txt #eifie dot RAGE #aro propaganda tag #ace tag #aplatonic tag #loveless tag

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wherefore-whinnies · 5 months

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also a rant about dgs and amatonormativity. dgs 2 spoilers

there's this one flashback scene in 1-2 where Ryunosuke is asking Kazuma why he's going to such extreme lengths to smuggle him to Britain and Kazuma talks about his talent for lawyering and stuff and then says "but on a personal level... if you were to become a lawyer, then..." but doesn't finish the sentence and Ryunosuke says something about how the look in his eyes was darker than he had ever seen it before.

and the obvious implication after finishing the game (also supported by something Kazuma says during the epilogue about how there was no one he'd rather have defending him if he ended up arrested) is that Kazuma wanted Ryunosuke to come with him and become a lawyer specifically so that Ryunosuke could defend him if he got arrested after avenging his father's death. and boy does that have fun implications!!!

but basically no one else has ever agreed with me on this. everyone is always like OHHHH IT'S BECAUSE THEY'RE SO IN LOVE!!!!!!!!!! IT'S BECAUSE THEY'RE BOYFRIENDS!!!!!! THE ROMANCE OF SMUGGLING YOUR BOYFRIEND TO BRITAIN IN A SUITCASE BECAUSE YOU CAN'T BEAR TO BE PARTED FROM HIM!!!!!!!!!

imagine just completely denying an extremely important part of Kazuma's motivations and character because of your disgusting amatonormativity. i'm actually going to commit a murder

#eifie dot txt #eifie dot RAGE

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wherefore-whinnies · 5 hours

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I have been thinking so much lately about how binaries like straight relationships vs gay relationships or cis vs trans or aspec vs allo or even white vs non-white are all just complete bullshit actually and feeding into them with your activism really does not help anybody.

like at least at this point lots of people in my circles know the men vs non-men stuff is trash and mostly just repackaged radfem rhetoric right. honestly all of these are in some way. they're just used to perpetuate new forms of exclusionism and new forms of normativity.

"ew straight relationships" and sentiments like "lol I forgot women can date men" aren't progressive or cool. it's putting down tons of queer people who are in straight relationships or relationships that appear straight. bi people, trans people, genderfluid people, aspec people, multigender people, lots more. "oh but I don't mean *those* queer people!" well people don't have to explain or prove their identities to you. it's none of your business. your activism *has* to include straight people because other people's identities are none of your business and you *cannot* know what the identities of the people involved are unless they choose to share it with you and they have no obligation to. forever expanding the scope of "cis het allo perisex etc. etc. etc." on and on and on will always be limiting.

"lol I forgot not all men have x body part associated with afab people" isn't progressive or cool. it's excluding trans people who choose to have certain kinds of gender-affirming surgery, for one. I imagine it also excludes some intersex conditions.

making jokes about strangers being eggs because they appear male-presenting and like flowery deodorant scents isn't progressive or cool. it is literally gender essentialism. it doesn't become cool to shove people into boxes just because you think they're now the "right" boxes.

I know I've done this a lot but I don't think talking about things "the allos" do in those terms is useful or helpful either. I mean even in all the posts I make about them I end up putting in footnotes like "so many aspecs do this shit too". so literally what is the point. it's really not helpful to be putting down allo experiences on the basis of people being allo when the a spectrums are so varied that every allo experience can also be an aspec experience.

and even white vs non-white is not a simple binary, as I've learned from some of my mutuals. mixed people exist. talking about whether someone is "[non-white] enough" just harms people and is just more exclusionism.

idk man subscribing to the notion that all these things are binaries seems immensely unhelpful to what we are supposed to be actually trying to accomplish which is letting people just be themselves and do whatever they want and label themselves however they want forever (I understand this is more complicated when it comes to race). so what if that also helps "the straights". focus on lifting people up and not on putting putting people down. otherwise we're just going in the same circles over and over while pretending we're doing it sooooo progressively this time.

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