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[elduwrites]

ANYTHING FOR YOU - CHAPTER 13

With two younger brothers in need of food and security, a dead-beat alcoholic for a father, and no marketable skills of his own, Dean started selling himself shortly after he presented omega. At 17, he both has regular clients, and those who find him in or outside of the dingy bar where he often resides. It’s not a life he wants, but he’s willing to offer everything he is to create a better life for his brothers.

After some bad experiences and years of alphas telling him he’s a worthless bitch, he finds himself ready to believe it. Then a new client steps into his life, a handsome alpha with intense blue eyes that seem able to stare into his very core. The alpha is determined to care for him in a way that no-one else ever has, contesting his hard-earned belief that all alphas are douchebags.

But Dean knows that trusting an alpha is the best way to get heartbroken, and that gentle words can hide a ton of bad intentions. Still, this Castiel pays well and that’s something he can’t afford to turn down. Neither does he want to deprive himself of someone who seems to care about his pleasure as well as their own. Even as he must remind himself that he can’t give a client any part of him that’s actually real.

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Chapter word count: 5287

Chapter 13/?

Chapter 1 Chapter 12 Chapter 14

Dean woke up slowly. The bed was soft and welcoming, and he allowed himself a few moments of gentle stretching before he opened his eyes. A ray of sun shone through a gap in the curtains, bathing the room in a soft golden light. Castiel was still asleep next to him, breathing heavily. That was unusual. The alpha was always awake before him. Usually long enough to both make coffee and drain at least one cup while reading in bed. So why was he still asleep? Was it that early? It certainly didn’t feel like it.

A quick glance at his phone confirmed his suspicions. It was almost eleven. That was way past their normal wake up time. How had they even managed to sleep that long? Wasn’t like they’d stayed up till four in the morning or anything either.

Oh well. He was awake now, and for once able to observe Castiel’s sleeping face. He looked so peaceful, expression void of worry lines and confusion. His hair was the usual unkempt mess. If anything, slightly more wild than usual with a few strands of hair falling unto his forehead. Dean pushed himself up on one forearm and reached forwards to brush them back into place.

Castiel was beautiful like this. His face seemed softer somehow, while still shaped by those sharp cheekbones. A light stubble roughened the features up a bit, but that didn’t take away from how pretty he was. Rather added to it really. Of course, alphas were supposed to be handsome and tough and strong or whatever. Perfect masculine specimen. And this alpha was that. Usually, he commanded more respect by raising an eyebrow than most others when they shouted orders. But like this, so relaxed in the soft barely-there sunlight. Like this he was just beautiful.

Beautiful. And kind. And caring. How had Dean been lucky enough to be allowed so much time around him? Why would someone like that even look twice at him?

“I can feel you watching me you know,” Castiel said. His voice was dark with sleep, significantly deeper than even his normal gruff one. It sent shivers down Dean’s spine.

“Sorry Alpha.” He started to pull away, only to be stopped by a firm hand on his left shoulder.

“I didn’t say I minded.” Castiel pulled gently at his arm, making him sit more upright and move closer. Another hand settled on his waist, guiding him until he was sitting on top of the alpha, his ass resting against the others lower abdomen.

“Good morning you.” Castiel smiled up at him. His hands stroked lightly up and down the omega’s sides, leaving goosebumps in their wake.  

“Good morning Alpha. You sleep well?”

“Exceedingly so. Better than in quite some time.”

“That’s good.” Better yet, it looked, and smelled, true. The alpha looked almost as peaceful awake as he had while sleeping, and the rich tones of smoked bacon and chocolate in his scent covered Dean like a comforting blanket.

“Mhm.” Castiel moved one hand to the omega’s hair, tugging him forward until their lips crushed together in a hungry kiss. This was not like the sweet kisses of most their mornings together. No. The alpha licked into his mouth almost immediately, demanding entrance he was happy to give. It was all tongues tangling and dominance from there. With the grip on his hair as leverage, the alpha turned his head any way he pleased while thoroughly exploring his mouth.

Castiel’s hands moved down his body to settle on his hips, not so gently pushing him backwards until his clothed ass settled over an impressive erection.

“Oh,” Dean gasped into the others mouth. He started moving his hips in small circles, earning a moan from the alpha. Spurred on, he moved with more purpose, grinding down against the cock beneath him. The movements had him leaking slick. A welcome difference to how sexual encounters with clients usually started.

“Too many clothes,” Castiel said as they broke the kiss for some much needed air.

“Yeah,” he easily agreed. He sat up slightly to help the alpha pull the boxers down to his knees, then moved around a bit to get them all the way down his legs. It had the potential of getting awkward, if not for the greedy way the alpha watched him the entire time. As if he wanted to devour him whole. He couldn’t help it, he preened under the intense positive attention.

When his own underwear was out of the way, he pulled off Castiel's boxers as well. With only limited help from the alpha, who seemed too focused on admiring him to do much else. Once the offending garments were discarded, he settled easily back into place. His slick production increased when so close to an alpha cock, easing the movement of that dick between his cheeks. Every time they moved against each other, Dean longed to have him closer. To have that knot filling him.

He hadn't felt this desperate for an alpha to fuck him in years. Not since it was good with Michael. And no, he wasn't going there right now. This was about him and Castiel. And absolutely no-one or nothing else. He was allowed to just be in the moment. In fact, that meant he was being good at his job.    

“Is this okay?” Castiel asked in a coarse voice. Judging by his tone and scent, he was just as desperate for things to escalate as Dean. If not more. Given his alpha blood and everything. The spicy tones added to his chocolate scent were borderline addicting.

“’Course Alpha,” he replied. And he really meant it. Everything about this was okay. Except for the fact that Castiel was still not in him. Holy fuck. He'd never been this desperate outside of heat. He didn’t do desperate. Then the alpha squeezed his hips. And damn. Yeah. Apparently he did do desperate.

“Dean. Look at me. Are you sure it’s okay?” He suddenly sounded very serious. How, why, was he focused on that when Dean was naked on top of him? That was surely much more important.

“Of course Alpha. Whatever you want.” It was okay. But also, Castiel was paying for this. He could have anything.

The alpha let out a low, frustrated growl. “Let’s make one thing clear,” he said, sounding almost more angry than horny. His scent, however, gave him away as quite the opposite. “Whatever you think you have to do, that’s not how this works. You can always say no.”

Dean snorted in a wholly unattractive way. That was a ridiculous sentiment. Probably the least true thing the alpha had ever told him. Sure, right now he really wanted this. But even if he hadn’t, it was never up to him to refuse a client anything they asked for. Well, almost anything. He did have his standards after all. Low as they were.  

“Let me reiterate that,” Castiel half growled. “You can always say no to me.”

And Christ. Dean shivered again. It did things to him when the alpha got commanding like that. Things he didn’t want to look too much into. Cuz fighting against that instinct had been important ever since he presented. But Castiel made commanding alpha be sexy. And he was anything but immune to that. Of course, he still didn’t actually believe what the guy said. But the alpha seemed very sure. And who was he to disagree?  

“Okay Alpha,” he soothed. “But I’m saying yes.”

He'd assumed that his words would be assurance enough and the alpha would finally take what he wanted. Instead, he was met with intense blue eyes that seemed to stare into his very soul. Castiel held his gaze for what felt like hours, his nostrils flaring at the same time. Clearly picking out every little nuance of his scent. Could that really be more complicated than horny and slightly impatient?

“Trying to understand my feelings better than I do?” he asked in a moment of poorly concealed snark. Luckily, this alpha was not one to be offended by such clear lack of respect. If he’d used that tone with any other client, he’d be in big trouble. But Castiel just grinned and gave his hip a light squeeze.

“Turn around for me sweetheart.” It was said in a gentle tone, but clearly a command. Dean swiftly moved until he was straddling the alpha with his back to him. Before he had time to figure out exactly why, Castiel gripped his hips and pulled them towards his face. He didn’t stop until the omega was on his hands and knees with his ass right over the other’s mouth. The hands shifted from his hips to his cheeks, pulling them apart to give the alpha a good view of his hole.

“Already so wet for me,” Castiel groaned happily. Then he licked a line through the slick, chasing it all towards the omega’s entrance. “Absolutely delicious.”

Dean whimpered as the alpha really got to work. First there were exploratory licks between his cheeks, making his leak more and more slick. Even this gentle attention was so good. It had him shaking, his entire body begging for me. The scent of happy, aroused omega filled the room around them.

Then that talented tongue lapped against his rim and pushed inside him. And holy fuck. That was something else. Totally different from a cock or even fingers. No one had ever… But Castiel ate him out as if he was his favorite meal. The tongue filled him again and again, prodding deep. At one point, the alpha pulled slightly back to suck on his rim, moaning deeply at the taste. Dean could almost have orgasmed then and there.

Still, Castiel just dove right back in, pushing his tongue as long as it could go. Longer than should have been possible. How could a tongue make him feel so pleasantly full when he took knots on the regular?

Any attempt at logical thought flew out the window when first one and then another finger pushed into him. They pulled at his rim, holding him open for the alpha to taste. Then they dove deeper, twisting him open and pushing against his inner walls. His arms were shaking with the effort of holding himself up. It was so good. One hand still kneading at his ass while the other stretched him and held him open to be devoured.

He’d never known it could feel like this.

And then Castiel crooked his fingers exactly right, brushing against his prostate. He almost collapsed with the sudden onslaught of pleasure, moaning loudly and pressing his ass even closer to the alpha’s face. Castiel hummed in pleasure and dragged his fingers against the same spot over and over. Fucking hell. Familiar heat was coiling in his stomach. At this pace he wasn’t going to last.

“A-alpha,” he moaned out. “I'm so close.”

If anything, it only made Castiel more determined. The alpha pressed harder against his prostate and licked deeply into him a few more times. Then he pulled back to bite the omega's asscheek. Hard.

That was all it took. Dean came all over his stomach with an almost embarrassingly loud moan. This time, he did actually collapse as the alpha pulled out his fingers.

“Fuck. Alpha. So good,” he gasped, unable to form a complete sentence. That was the most intense orgasm he’d had in a very long time. And without any attention paid to his dick. Castiel seemed to have eaten his brain out of his fucking ass. The thought made him giggle as he turned his head to look at the other man. What met him was a pleased smile and very dark eyes that trailed slowly up and down his body.

“I’ll happily repeat that whenever you want. You taste just as wonderful as you smell.” Castiel’s hands moved back to his ass, kneading the flesh gently. It burned slightly where the alpha had bit him, but Dean reveled in the feeling. It was only right for his alpha to mark him up.  

Well, not his exactly, but…

A hand grabbing and pulling lightly at his hair stopped that thought in its tracks. Castiel gently guided him until he was looking right at the alpha’s straining erection. Oh. Right. Here he was, satisfied out of his mind, and the alpha hadn’t even come yet. He was never supposed to come before a client. But then, that hadn’t really been up to him this time. Right?

It was not worth dwelling on. Instead, he'd just give the alpha the blowjob of his life.

Collecting his limbs under himself, he got back up on all fours and leaned down to lick a stripe up the length of the alpha’s cock. Castiel made another pleased sound and moved both hands back to the omega’s butt, squeezing the cheeks and running a finger lazily over his hole. Dean followed that up by opening his mouth, relaxing his throat and sinking down on the other’s cock.

Castiel was big. Not in comparison to the heftiest he’d taken. But big enough to compete with some of the alpha’s who liked to brag about their huge dicks. Not that it mattered. Dean was experienced enough to take all of him with little effort. He only bobbed his head up and down a few times before he took him to the root. The cockhead was safely nestled in his throat, and he breathed through his nose for a few long moments, allowing the alpha to enjoy the sensation. And, possibly, showing off a little. He couldn’t imagine that many of Castiel’s previous partners had been as talented at this as him. He could, when necessary, warm a cock for hours.

“Fuck. The things you do to me, sweet omega,” Castiel moaned and squeezed his ass hard enough for nails to dig into it. For a few wonderful seconds he basked in the alpha’s obvious approval. Then he got to work.

His lips stretched wide as we moved up and down the cock, making sure to apply just enough pressure to make the alpha go wild. Every now and then he stopped to give the head extra attention, sucking with uncharacteristic enthusiasm and licking at the slit. That always caused the alpha to groan loudly and bite lightly at his asscheeks.

The only thing that got a stronger reaction was when he took all of the alpha inside him again while purposefully swallowing around him. The first time he did that, Castiel grabbed his hair and bucked into his mouth, causing him to choke. Still, Dean repeated it a few times for the pleasure of having the alpha moaning out his name in an almost worshipping tone.

He got lost in the act of giving pleasure, and in the words of praise Castiel said in an almost broken voice. Gorgeous. Breathtaking. Perfect. They all washed over him. For once he was all too happy to keep going for as long as the alpha wanted. To have his mouth filled by a huge knot locking him in place. Putting him completely at the alpha’s mercy. Perhaps Castiel would eat him out again once they were tied?          

Then a strong hand grabbed his hair and pulled him completely off the cock. The alpha was panting behind him for a good minute, the grip on his hair keeping him from moving.

“Turn around. I want to see you.” Castiel still sounded gruff, obviously affected. But with every steading breath, he seemed to re-gain some control. Dean did as told, returning to his previous position with the alpha's cock resting just behind his ass. What now?

Before he had time to ask, Castiel sat up and pulled him into a deep kiss. The alpha tasted like slick and sex. Dean was sure that he tasted off pre-come and alpha cock. It didn't make Castiel kiss him with any less passion. Rather the opposite. He seemed desperate to kiss him deep and thorough. Desperate to hold him close. It was nothing short of addicting.    

“One of these days I'm going to knot that pretty mouth and admire how you look with your lips fully stretched,” the alpha said as they pulled apart. “But for now I want you to ride me. Slowly.”

“Yes Alpha.”

That he could do. He sat up properly and moved into position. With one hand on Castiel’s stomach for balance and the other on his cock to guide it, he eased himself down in one smooth slide. They both groaned when he fully settled, and he allowed himself a few seconds to just feel while his body adjusted. It had been a while since he’d been filled like this. And, well, Castiel had said to go slow.  

He almost expected a familiar sense of panic to settled in. If not actively, at least a part of his mind had done so. Part of him braced for it, but it never came. This was still a job, but that was as far as the comparison went. It was just him and Castiel. So far everything had been amazing. He didn’t have to worry. It was okay to enjoy this. To enjoy them. Just for now.

“Okay?” he asked, looking at the alpha.

“Absolutely wonderful,” came the reply. And he felt it. It was wonderful.

He placed both hands on Castiel’s stomach and started moving, slow and measured. It was barely more than circling his hips, never lifting them more than an inch. It wasn't enough to truly satisfy either of them, but it was still so good. He’d never had it like this. Slow and tender. Parts of him wanted to revel in it. Just move like this forever.

Another part of him rejoiced when Castiel gripped his hips to help guide his movements. The alpha kept to his own command, keeping a leisurely tempo. But Dean was riding him properly now, rising up and down. Feeling that cock pressing up inside him, filling him in every way. Fuck. It was glorious.    

“Just like that,” the alpha praised. “You’re doing so well.”  

He arched his back slightly, adjusting their angle so the cock dragged against his prostate every time he sunk back down. Tiny bolts of pleasure shoot up his spine. Enough for his own dick to take interest again. Never before had he been on the way to a second orgasm before the client had even had their first. But all of this was new. His alpha was underneath him, staring at him with intense admiration. As if he was something special. And they weren't even fucking. Not really. This was much closer to making love. Which was something he figured he'd never do.    

“You’re gorgeous,” Castiel said. “The most exquisite person I’ve ever seen.”

He wanted to cry again. Well, wanted was the wrong word. But he did almost cry. Something about having an alpha, this alpha, truly see him like this was too much. Castiel had to ease up on the sappiness, or he'd be in danger of breaking down.

He hoped the words of affection would never cease.

Closing his eyes, he just focused on their bodies moving together. The hard, possessive grip on his hips that were bound to leave marks. That glorious cock that filled him up and pushed against his prostate over and over, making him moan out in pleasure every time. The way they came together, fit together. It was fucking fantastic.

Castiel guided him to speed up a little, and pulled him down with more force on every thrust. It made him shiver in pleasure. The new rhythm had the alpha pounding into his prostate with clear intention. Dean was hurrying towards a second orgasm at a surprising speed. At this point he’d reach it before that knot even popped.

It was so unprofessional of him. And he loved every second of it. Castiel could fuck as many orgasms out of him as he damned well wanted.

“No one’s ever made it feel like this,” he admitted. The alpha’s rhythm faltered for a moment, leaving them out of synch. Then one of Castiel’s hands let go of his hip to wrap around his dick and start jacking him off. Fuck. This man was going to be the death of him. In the best possible way.

“It will always feel like this with me.” Castiel said it like a promise. “I want to watch you fall apart.”

Dean looked at him then. The alpha smiled warmly at him, even as they started moving together once more. One thing was certain, Castiel would get that wish fulfilled very soon. Swallowing hard, Dean redoubled his efforts, riding the man with fervor. His thighs were screaming by then, but he kept it up, moving hard and fast, and the alpha groaned deeply in appreciation. He needed Castiel to at least be close to an orgasm before he had his second. But Christ, the alpha had some staying power.

“A-alpha,” he gasped out as the hand on his cock speed up. Pushing him closer. Closer.  

“You’re incredible,” Castiel said. “My good omega.” That did it. Dean's movements stilled as he came for the second time in less than an hour. Somehow, it felt just as intense as the first time. Perhaps even more with the constant pressure on his prostate prolonging the orgasm into seemingly eternity.

He was barely down from that high, had just gotten his breathing back to semi-normal, when Castiel tightened the grip around his hips once more and started pounding up into him. Fuck. None of what the alpha had done so far was even close to this. It was hard and fast, and all Dean could do was hold on as he grappled with over sensitivity.

It was too much. Too soon. But Castiel was moaning deeply, griping him tighter. And damn, he'd do anything to hear that sound again. So he did his best to meet the alpha halfway. Allowing him to take, take, take. Letting him use his body as he wanted while the knot was growing. Soon it was barely able to fit past his rim, popping back and forth with an almost painful sensation.

With one particularly hard trust, the knot locked into place and tied them together. Castiel moaned loudly as he sat up and bit down on Dean's shoulder. Hard. Then his cum painted the omega's insides. Dean rocked gently against him, milking the knot for all it was worth.

It was the alpha’s turn to whimper then, his face pressed against the omega’s shoulder. “You're a marvel, ” Castiel whispered against his skin. Dean's cock twitched in a valiant attempt to get hard again. Fucking insatiable.

“Not too bad yourself alpha.” His attempt at sass was severely undermined when he all but collapsed against the alpha. It had been quite the exercise session for so early in the morning.

Castiel laughed softly and eased them down until they were laying on the bed. Dean rested his entire weight on the alpha, not bothering to ease the pressure unless he got a complaint. It was nice there. Soft hands started stroking up and down his back, occasionally ruffling his hair or resting over the bite mark on his shoulder.

His brain tried, almost desperately, to kick into fight or flight mode. He was trapped on a knot after all. Locked to an alpha for God knew how long. Except, this time he wasn’t trapped. There was nothing to be afraid of here. No harsh words and harder touches. Only gentleness and the comforting scent of his very satisfied alpha. The time, he could just bask in the aftermath. His anxiety ridden brain be damned.      

Castiel had called him gorgeous and good. Sounded so sure. So honest. Almost like he was stating a fact, not a highly controversial opinion. Dean wanted to ask, but it wasn’t his place. Still, the question burned on his tongue. Was he still considered good now when the alpha was no longer chasing his own pleasure? Would he still be later, when they were no longer knotted?

“You’re perfect,” Castiel said quietly against his hair. He could almost cry with relief. Instead, he buried his nose against the alpha’s scent gland and breathed him in, in, in. It was all those dark earth notes, that delicious smokey bacon, and an almost overpowering amount of chocolate. His alpha smelled happy and satisfied. And right. Just like he was always supposed to. It had to mean that Dean had done something right.  

“So good for me.”

Dean whimpered. There were no other words for it. He wanted it so bad. Wanted to stay there and be good forever. “I want to be.” It was as open as he’d ever been with anyone. Even if the alpha couldn’t possibly know how much it meant.

“You are sweetheart. You’re incredible.” Castiel kept stroking his back, kept whispering endearments in his hair. It was lucky that he'd accepted the alpha’s offer the evening before. Cuz knowing how this could feel, he wasn't sure he could ever go back to how it used to be.      

They laid there for a long time. Just scenting and touching. Cuddling in the aftermath like they were some normal beta couple. Dean buried himself in the alpha's scent until he couldn't smell anything else. In return, the alpha kept stroking every inch of skin available to him, making the omega feel high on comforting touch.  

Eventually, it was Castiel who started a more proper conversation. One that required answers. “If you could do whatever you wanted, live whatever life you choose. What would you do?”

The questions was so sudden that Dean was pulled almost completely out of his comfortable headspace. What? Why? It was such a ridiculous question. That couldn't ever happen. He didn't get to choose what life to live. So why would he talk, or even think, about it?

“I’d rather not think about that,” he replied. It was mostly true. Certainly as honest as he had the capacity to be.

“Indulge me?” The question wasn't commanding. Not really. More like a plea. Like this would please Castiel greatly. ‘I want to know how your brain works,’ he’d said once. Perhaps this was part of that?

He’d be lying if he said he hadn’t thought about it. Much as he didn't want to do it, he couldn’t help himself. The answers had changed over the years. Police officer. Firefighter. A mom, like Mary. Mechanic, like Bobby. Doctor, or nurse even, after that incident with Sam’s broken arm. It was different now. But also the same somehow. Could it hurt to let Castiel know? Yes. Of course it could. Speaking a dream always made it much more real. But perhaps it was worth it anyway.

“I want to help people like me,” he said in an almost-whisper. “Not the way you do it. It’s great and all, but not really for me,” he hurried to add. Wouldn’t want him to get the wrong picture.

“Fair enough,” Castiel smiled and kissed his forehead gently. “In what way then?”

“More personal I guess? Like I’d actually want to be there for the kids. Talk to them. Make ‘em understand that none of this is their fault. That they’re worth just as much as everyone else.” If given the opportunity, perhaps he could convince himself of that as well.

“Like a counselor perhaps? Or the specialist that come with me on some cases to guide and help the omegas through the process?”

“I'm not sure. Guess it's not that well thought out.  Not like it's gonna happen anyway. No use dwelling on it.” He’d been correct. It could hurt to talk about it. Stupid to go around putting big dreams in the alpha’s head.

Castiel opened his mouth as if to say something, then shook his head lightly. For a few moments, his eyes glazed over as he stared at something seemingly far away. Then he met other’s eyes once more with a put-upon smile. “It’s a good wish for the future Dean. I hope you never stop dreaming.”

*

It was surprisingly hard to leave that evening. Difficult to get in the car, knowing that Castiel would drop him off and drive back to his nice house that smelled like them. That he himself had to return to a house with no trace of the alpha. Even as part of him longed to scent his pup and tuck him into bed. It was confusing, and it made warning bells go off in the back of his head. This was a new level of attachment. But fuck, he was too tired to keep worrying about that all the time. Better to just ignore it. Push those feelings far down where they belonged.

The car stopped and he prepared to get out. To leave. Then a hand wrapped around his forearm, causing him to re-focus all his attention on his alpha. The. The alpha.

“I have a favor to ask of you,” Castiel said solemnly.

“Okay?” He settled back in the seat, watching the alpha. Why hadn’t he asked before? They’d been together all day after all.

“I need you to understand that I’m asking this. I’m not commanding you to do anything. And if you do say yes, you’ll be fairly compensated. But if you say no, nothing will change. Okay? I will never hold that against you.”

“Starting to freak me out a bit here Alpha.” What could he ask of him that needed that strong of a disclaimer? He’d already agreed to exclusivity and increasing their time together. What more was there?

“I apologize. That was not my intention.” Castiel took a deep breath, seemingly preparing himself as his scent turned from nervous to determined. “My rut is coming up. It should arrive around New Years. If you’re amenable, I’d like you to share it with me.”

Dean stared at him. There were no words. His body thumped with the familiar rhythm of danger, rut, danger. He'd be crazy to put himself at the mercy of a rutting alpha again. Not after… No. That only led to pain and suffering. And accidental claiming. Even this alpha couldn’t be trusted when in rut. None of them could be.

“Shhhh. Calm down.” Castiel cupped his face with a gentle hand. Soothing alpha pheromones tried to cover his frightened omega scent. “You can say no Dean. You can always say no. And you don't have to answer now. Just think about it?”

“O-okay Alpha.” How could he refuse this alpha anything he wanted? How could he ever grant him this?

“I would never hurt you. I promise you that.”

“Your rut might not agree Alpha.” He could say as many sweet words as he wanted, but in the end that mean nothing. Rut turned the rational parts of their brains off. Made them into instinctual creatures only interested in breeding and claiming.

“Never,” Castiel said again, pinning his gaze with unwavering eyes. “You are safe with me.”

“Okay Alpha.” It seemed like he believed his own words at least, even if Dean couldn’t. No omega was safe with an alpha in rut. Their stupid biology didn’t work like that. But if Castiel wanted to fool himself, he wouldn’t fight him on it. “I’ll go now.”

He turned towards the door again, only to once more be stopped by a firm hand on his shoulder. Turning slightly, he met Castiel’s gaze for a moment before the alpha leaned in to kiss his forehead.

“Take care my good omega. I’ll see you in a few days.”

[ankur-jiva]

Book Review We Are Voulhire

We Are Voulhire by Matthew Tysz is a multilayer story of a series & it is the first part of the series. A young man almost consumed by the gravity of a civil war, fortune smiles at him & transports him to a new life in a distant place where he redeems the fortune of his uncle’s wealth. A king struggling to restore faith among his people in one part of his kingdom & on the verge of breaking a war with one of his banished General. Would they be successful in achieving their endeavors? Is life going to put them on the same platform? The war-torn country has spoiled everything in the life of a boy who lost hope for the future. Life takes drastic turns & he gets an opportunity to settle in a new country ‘Voulhire’ & start’s a new life as per his late uncle’s will. The King of the same empire has sent a new Lord ‘Eldus Alderman’ to a small town ‘Hill port’ which is struggling to recover from the pain & the mischiefs given by its last two Lords. ‘Dalehigh Meldorath’ one of the old Lord was an old general & a fearsome mage whose name was forbidden in the town. The King has him captive & made people believe that he is dead, later he emerges out of his captivity and conspires with another army to take over the town of ‘Hill port’ leaving the city in peril. Matthew Tysz is an intelligent writer who has tried to deliver a good blend of fiction & sorcery. I was a bit apprehensive after reading the initial pages & was finding the story a bit ponderous. Later the story takes a fast pace & infuses more graphical scenarios and turns into a captivating read. Being the first part of a series, it is more of an introductory book which is quite interesting. The Author has unfolded different plots in the first series and delivered a cohesive character-based storyline. In my opinion, Matthew should have given more stress in character development, except Meldorath none of the characters is well descriptive. The storyline is quite strong and the Author has a descriptive bend in writing however, the book has many loose ends. Understandably, it is only the first part of an entire series, I think every part deserves a finishing touch. I would rate this book 3 out of 4 because of the aforementioned reasons. The book is professionally edited & well formatted. I could not find any grammatical mistakes, there is no profanity used in the writing & language of the book is suitable for readers of all age group. I would recommend this book to adults who are interested in fiction stories and keen to have a rich experience of a long series. There are some episodes of graphical violence, so readers who are little reluctant to read such stories should not go for it

[eldunariamastica]

Brittana one-shot "Mine"

There are moments in your life that changes them forever, and there are moments when you understand that you have to do something do prevent that change. For Santana that happened one evening when she heard the love of her live talk about the person she was interested in.

~ 2800 Words

It’s weirdhow time flies by. Days are over before you have time to wake up. Weeks disappear into each other. A blink of an eye and a suddenly there’s a new year. I don’t know where all the years went. It feels like I was in Ohio a few days ago, lying with you in one of our beds, legs tangled and hands entwined. But no. That’s years ago now. You don’t sleep in my arms anymore. I never wake up in a room that’s filled with your smell, that sweet, faint aroma of flowers that just always seems to be there. Actually, we barely see each other anymore. Some times we do of course, when the old gang meet up. I see you at birthdays, new years, and some other days. But, you’re not part of my life anymore. And I’m not part of yours. We’re not Brittana, or Santittany or whatever we were called way back when. Now we’re just Santana Lopez and Brittany Suzanne Pierce. Two individuals in this messed up world.

Still, I think about you Britt, more often than I probably should. I sleep with a random girl I met at a party and wake up wanting that girl to be you. I write songs and notice that almost all of them, everyone that actually means something, is about you. When I sing, when I really lose myself in a song, I think about you. Imagine you there with me. Holding my hand, or just watching me with that sweet half-smile you have. I wasn’t supposed to tell you this. I thought I would be able to get over you. But, then that night happened. We were at Sam and Mercedes’s little reunion. There was talking and alcohol and sometime after two I heard you talk to Quinn and Blaine about this guy your sleeping with now. You said he was something else, that you thought you liked him. And they told you to tell him what you feel. I was shocked, not because I haven’t been with other people. You have probably been with others too. But, no one that actually meant anything. In the years we’ve been apart none of us have had anything really romantic. And suddenly you’re there, on your way to be in love. I sat there, on the same couch as you, and for a moment I couldn’t breathe.

That night made me think. And now I can’t get you out of my mind. It’s much worse than it has been in a long time. I see you everywhere now. Every day is filled with memories of you, and I can’t sleep at night because you fill my mind. Even when I finally fall asleep, all my dreams are of you. I go through our whole time together in my head, from the day we first met until today. I remember all the good times, and the bad ones. The things I did wrong. All my countless mistakes.

We met sixteen years ago. It was the first day of school and everyone was nervous and exited. I tried to hide it, was Lime Heights born and breed after all. I doubt I was successful, but my first grade self was confident no one noticed my real feelings. Not that I remember much of that day, but I do remember you. You came into the classroom with blond pigtails, a cute skirt and an even cuter smile. With just one look I decided that I wanted to get to know you, and the moment I heard your laugh I wanted to be your best friend. Still, I barely talked to you in the beginning, just said that “I’m Santana,” learned that your name’s Brittany. That was all the communication we had for several weeks. Until I came over you and a couple of second graders. They were making fun of you, calling you names and pulling your hair. I fumed, lost it completely, hated the jerks on sight. In retrospective that was some good judgment on my part, Azimo and his gang never stopped being assholes after all. And that day was not the last time I gave him a black eye. The boys ran when their leader was overpowered, and we were left alone, you with tears in your eyes and me still angry. From that day on, I refused to leave your side under the excuse that “those boys could come back at any time, you should have someone to protect you.”

We became friends over the following years, and soon we were barely seen without each other. You became my whole world. The one I came to when I was happy, and the one who held me when I was sad. I did that for you too, of course. And as we grew into teens I think I’m the only one who really saw you cry. I know that you, at that time, were the only person I’d ever shed tears in front of. While people around us drifted apart, we just grew closer. There was nothing in the entire world that could tear me away from you, or so I thought. You were my rock, the one thing in my life I never doubted. The one person who never doubted me. If I knew then what I know now. That we would be ripped apart, not by any force of nature or unfairness, but by ourselves. If I knew what my future held… I’m not sure I would be alive right now.

One discovers many things about oneself as a teenager. Especially many things about ones sexuality. For me, it meant discovering that I prefer girls, in every way. That discovery was late and slow, but it came, and even with all the terrible things that has brought to my life, I’m so glad I figured that out. It’s better to be a freak who’s sure of herself than one who isn’t. Discovering my sexuality also meant understanding my feelings for you.

I first understood that I was falling for you eight years ago. We were fourteen at the time, hanging out in your bedroom. I was studying for some stupid test, can’t recall what it was about anymore. You were playing with your new cat. He was a beauty back then, Lord Tubbington. I can still remember the moment when I looked at you and thought that maybe there’s something more than friendship here. I had closed the book, tired of school, and you were sitting with Lord Tubbington in your lap, placing a lose strand back behind your ear. There was something about that motion that just awoke something in me. My heart started beating just a little bit faster and my eyes were glued to you for the rest of the day. No matter what I did, I couldn’t get you out of my mind.

With time those feelings just grew stronger. It started with just an inkling, but soon you were the only thing I could think about. Every time I say you coming towards me, a bounce in your step and a smile on your lips, my heart leaped. When we touched it felt like a healing light went through my body. And when you sent me that special look I felt like I could die of happiness. Still, I did not tell you anything, not a word. Maybe I was a coward. But, I was right to be frightened. So much could go wrong if I told you. Maybe you’d hate me for it. Or think me liking girls was revolting. What if you liked someone else? Or didn’t want to hang out with me anymore if I told you? No, for the time being I thought it would be batter to keep my lips sealed. I was punished for that soon enough.

Seven years ago you got into your first serious relationship. His name was Matt and he was an amazing, really sweet, though kind of one-tracked guy. I loathed him. With passion. What business had he to come into our lives like that? He took up a lot of your time. It was so weird. Up till that date you had never declined an invitation from me. Not ever. But suddenly it was “no, I have plans with Matt today,” or “Matt is taking me to this amazing zoo tomorrow.” I could have done those things for you. It should have been me who did that. I ought to have been the one to make you happy every day. The one to put that smile on your face and hold you when you cried. I should have been the one to take your virginity.

But, you were happy with him, you really were. And you deserved that. I knew that, of course I did. I knew that I just ought to let you be happy. And if Matt was the one who would make you feel like that, I should just get over myself and let you guys be together. Still, I could not keep the beast in my stomach from lashing out every time I saw him kiss you. That was supposed to be my job, not his. Never his. But, there was nothing I could do about that. You were with him, and there was nothing I could do about it. Until, suddenly there was. Time flies, and almost a year after you first got together with the idiot, you broke his heart. You left him, told him you didn’t love him anymore and that was it. Later you told me that you’d never actually loved him, you just thought you did. But, the feelings you had for him was nowhere near the ones you had for Lord Tubbington. Or me. Even so, I did not dare to tell you how I felt. Well, I told you that you were amazing and that I loved you. But, not in a way that would make you understand that it was as any other way than the way I had loved you our entire lives.

Another year went by. One year filled with hope, plans and chickening out. ‘Cause even though I don’t like to admit it, that was what I did. A school year came and went, you made out with half the guys in the school, I had a long off and on thing with Puck. And still, I just wanted you. That was all. That was everything. But, I never said a word to you. Luckily, you did. It was evening in July and we were hanging at my house. My parents were out of town and we had the whole place to ourselves. So naturally, we spend most of the day in my room. Habits die hard I suppose. It was nothing special about that day, not really. Not until you looked at me with those beautiful blue eyes and told me that “I love you Tana, like I want to get lady kisses on with you. I think you would be a good kisser.” Safe to say we spent most of the evening proving that she was right. I finally had my girl, and she was mine. Only mine. From that time on no one else would touch her. Never again. That was the plan anyway. And it worked out for a while. I told you I loved you too, and the following morning I asked you to be my girlfriend. That was our new beginning, the time when we evolved from friends to lovers. And we understood the true meaning of the word “soulmates”.

We were happy for a while. Like, actually quite a long time. Our relationship was mostly as it had always been, just better. We watched movies, played with Lord Tubbington, cuddled in bed together and shared our sweet lady kisses. We lived in that happy little bubble of love for over a year. I even managed to tell most people that we were an item, and you were the only person that I wanted. The only person that I really loved. Everything was amazing, just perfect. Too perfect. I see that in hindsight. Things just couldn’t continue to be that good. That’s not possible. The world can’t be happy all the time. Not even for the two of us. The problems started when I told my abuela about us. She didn’t want anything to do with me after that, to this day I still haven’t talked to or seen her again. That shook something in me, something that should have been left alone. I pulled away after that, I didn’t mean to, I really didn’t. But, I just didn’t manage to be honest about my sexuality anymore. When abuela was unable to accept me for who I was, why should anyone else? We’d been together for over a year, everyone knew, and then I started to deny the fact that I liked girls. That hurt you of course, when I refused to talk about feelings. I suddenly acted like what we had only was physical. Nothing more than friends with benefits.

At one point you’d had enough. You told me that if I couldn’t appreciate you, you would find someone who did. Still, I didn’t manage to pull myself together, and three years ago you moved on to someone that gave you what you deserved. Someone who cherished you and laughed at your jokes, someone who looked at you as if you hang the sun in the sky. A really nice, blond guy, called Sam Evans. You said you cared about him, but you never really loved him, did you? I don’t think so at least. It was more as a way to get back at me, to show me that you were worth more. If I had just swallowed my pride at that point I could have gotten you back. But, I didn’t fight for you, I didn’t even try. Instead I watched as the best thing I’ve ever had disappeared, all because of me. What we had was real and so precious to me. And if I had just told you that, you would probably have been with me now. But, I didn’t. And you were with Sam for at least three months, maybe four. Not that it ever was real, but he liked you and was exactly what you needed at the time. Still, you didn’t have passion. You didn’t have love. And when all else fell apart, I hold on to the small thought that I’m the only person you’ve ever really loved.

Or I was at least. But, then I heard you talk about that new guy, someone who meant something to you. I’ve always fostered this small dream that we might one day be together again. That I would ride back into your life and take you away on a cloud of love. But that night you shattered all those dreams. How was I supposed to live with that? You liked someone else, someone who might make you happy. You had one more shot at true happiness, and it was with someone other than me. Had I been an idiot for dreaming about you all this time? Yeah, I probably had. But, how was I supposed to stop myself? The truth is that even now, when we barely talk, you’re my best friend. And nothing’s going to change that. You will always be the most important person in my life Britt-Britt, even if I’m no longer a part of yours. And, to be even more truthful, the reason I went home a mere fifteen minutes after you told them about this new guy, was that I needed space to breath. And time to cry. And I found that. I found my bed, my tears found me, and we stayed together all night.

One good thing came out of that night though. At least I hope it was a good thing. I realized that I can’t live without you. You, Brittany Suzanne Pierce is my everything. And I will not lose you, not again. I screwed up, I know that. I wasn’t ready that time, but I am now. It’s been years, and we’ve grown. Maybe I’m too late, I probably am. But, I have to at least try. If nothing comes of it, then so be it. I’ll probably rip my heart out and finally become the heartless creature everyone always thought I was, but at least I’ll know. So, before you get to confess your feeling to this new guy, I’ll tell you how I feel. I’m here now, I’m ready, and I’m standing outside your door to beg for another chance. And if you give it to me I’ll never let you go. I stand here, ready to confess, in no uncertain terms, that I love you.

[elduwrites]

ANYTHING FOR YOU - CHAPTER 12

With two younger brothers in need of food and security, a dead-beat alcoholic for a father, and no marketable skills of his own, Dean started selling himself shortly after he presented omega. At 17, he both has regular clients, and those who find him in or outside of the dingy bar where he often resides. It’s not a life he wants, but he’s willing to offer everything he is to create a better life for his brothers.

After some bad experiences and years of alphas telling him he’s a worthless bitch, he finds himself ready to believe it. Then a new client steps into his life, a handsome alpha with intense blue eyes that seem able to stare into his very core. The alpha is determined to care for him in a way that no-one else ever has, contesting his hard-earned belief that all alphas are douchebags.

But Dean knows that trusting an alpha is the best way to get heartbroken, and that gentle words can hide a ton of bad intentions. Still, this Castiel pays well and that’s something he can’t afford to turn down. Neither does he want to deprive himself of someone who seems to care about his pleasure as well as their own. Even as he must remind himself that he can’t give a client any part of him that’s actually real.

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Chapter word count: 2919

Chapter 12/?

Chapter 1 Chapter 11 Chapter 13

Castiel was acting weird. Like, weird even for him. Or maybe it felt strange because he was the one doing it, not because of what he was doing. No matter the reason, Dean didn’t know what to make of it. The alpha had been a weird mix of clingy and standoff-ish ever since he arrived that evening. Had he done something wrong to make the other man act this way? Was this because of the sexual encounter they’d had a week earlier? Had it made the alpha realize that Dean wasn’t what he wanted after all? That he wasn’t worth the effort?

As the silence stretched out between them in the car and again in the hallway, something along those lines seemed to be the only plausible explanation. But then Castiel insisted on bathing him, taking time to rub down every ounce of his body with a soft sponge. A whispered “you seemed to enjoy this last time,” the only offered explanation. The softness lulled him into a feeling of almost safety. Like things were okay after all.  

Until dinner when Castiel seemed distant again, seemingly lost in his own world. He said a few words, and answered every question Dean put forth. But his mind was obviously far off. His replies were short and all but void of emotion. They seemed more like a formality than anything else. As if the alpha owed him anything.

If theirs had been any other kind of relationship, Dean would have asked him. The question lay burning on his tongue, begging to be voiced. What did I do wrong? Why couldn’t the alpha just tell him? That way he could fix whatever it was. Make this right again. And make sure he never did it again.

The newfound silence continued while they watched a program he was sure neither of them paid attention to. He certainly did not, and Castiel wasn’t even looking at the TV. Damn it. The tense atmosphere was worse than almost any punishment the alpha could have come up with. He’d preferred it if the guy could just yell at him over all his shortcomings instead. That, at least, he knew what to do with. How to react to. Though the certainty that he had disappointed this man threatened to tear him apart. Why couldn’t he ever be good enough? Despite his constant efforts, he always fell short.

Only meticulous self-restraint kept his legs from shaking and hands from drumming out an anxious beat on the coffee table. It wouldn’t do well to annoy the other man further. But he needed something to distract his brain before he was unable to stay put. And Castiel was still silent and looking at nothing. No help there. God. Wouldn’t knowing be better than this uncertainty? Even if it made whatever punishment he had coming worse for speaking out of turn, he'd rather have it over and done with.

Well, unless Castiel was ending their agreement that was. Then he’d rather sit in this tension forever. Still though… He had to know.    

“Alpha?” His voice sounded small and uncertain even to his own ears. But there was nothing to be done about that.

“Yes?” Castiel turned halfway towards him. His eyes seemed unfocused for a moment, but then he sniffed the air lightly, and his gaze turned intense so quickly that Dean felt dizzy. All of the alpha’s attention was on him as the man shuffled closer and spoke again. “What’s wrong?”  

And yeah, okay, he was probably stinking of self-loathing or whatever, but that was not the actual issue. It was all a byproduct of the older man’s obvious irritation.

“I think I should be asking you that Alpha.”

Castiel sat up straighter again. Effectively creating more distance between them. Not that that was surprising given the circumstances. At least the alpha didn’t look away. Instead he squinted at him like he always did when something confused him, wrinkling his nose slightly and tilting his head to the right. Dean stayed silent while he was observed, keeping his own eyes low. Had he gone too far this time? Been too familiar in coming with a question of his own instead of answering? Was that why-

“I haven’t been quite myself this evening, have I?” Castiel asked. A tone of self-deprecation was evident in both his tone and scent, curling uncomfortably around them.

“Not really Alpha, no.”

“I apologize Dean. It is by no means your fault.”

He was barely able to hold in a snort at that. Of course it was his fault. If not, the alpha wouldn’t be acting like this around him. Just foolish of him to try to spare Dean’s feelings. Not like they mattered anyway.

“I started working on a new case this week,” he continued, seemingly undeterred by the lack of response. “It’s not the most prestigious case I’ve ever had. Far from it as all the omegas involved are poor, many abandoned by families long ago. But it is the most emotionally taxing. People can be so cruel. And it feels more… personal this time.”  

He seemed to almost curl into himself then, the confident alpha-aura completely gone. His eyes glazed over as he seemed to be looking at something that clearly wasn’t there. All of that, however, paled in comparison to the pained, almost desperate notes in his scent. This clearly affected Castiel more than he wanted to admit.

On the upside, this was a work issue and clearly not Dean’s fault.

On the downside, the alpha was a lot worse off than he’d originally thought. And for some reason, he wasn’t demanding, or even asking for, what he needed from Dean. Which meant he had to figure that out himself. Anything to return the comforting chocolate to Castiel’s scent.

“Do you-“ Dean cleared his throat lightly and started over. This wasn’t how they usually did things. “Do you want to talk about it Alpha?”

Castiel stayed quiet for a long time. For a while, he kept staring at whatever it was his brain had conjured up. Then his eyes slowly returned to normal, and he looked at Dean with an intensity that seemed to mean that he’d never have the opportunity again. As if he was mapping out the omega’s every feature. Committing him to memory.

“Yes. I think I do,” he eventually replied. “But not here. Let’s clean up. Get in bed. I’ll tell you there.”

They cleaned up in silence and got ready for bed with only a few words spoken between them. Dean followed the alpha’s lead and took of everything but his boxers. Anything that could make the older man more comfortable in the moment was worth it. And Castiel always seemed to enjoy skin-to-skin contact, even when it wasn’t sexual. Perhaps especially then. It only made sense that he’d seek it out now.

It was strange. Most self-proclaimed ‘proper’ alphas in Dean’s life had scuffed at the way he cuddled with Adam. The way he sought out physical contact and affection. They said it made him weak. Less than somehow. Even Sammy pulled away a little after he presented. Though perhaps that was just a teenager thing? Bottom line was that Dean had trained himself into not needing it anymore. Suppressing the cravings when he could. Hugging his youngest brother tight when he couldn’t.

But here was an alpha who enjoyed it as much as he did. Maybe even more. Did that mean that Dean wasn’t the only one burying that need? Perhaps it was a human necessity, not specific to just pups and omegas.  

They settled into bed. Castiel sat with his back against the headboard, and tugged Dean close to sit between his legs, chest to back. The omega simply rested into it, allowing the other to scent him deeply. Not that that could possibly do much good. As much as he tried to force his scent to be calming, there was no use. The alpha clearly understood how anxious he was. His scent had to be spiking with it. Even so, the alpha scented him for a long time with an enthusiasm not unlike that of their first evening. Just slightly more subdued.  

“You know I take on a lot of cases that can be difficult to handle,” Castiel began, a clear note of uncertainty to his voice. “It comes with the territory.”

“I know Alpha.” He’d heard enough about the kidnapping, rape and seemingly impossible to win domestic abuse cases to know that he never wanted to be an omega rights lawyer. Even if that had been in the cards. It was a miracle that Castiel wasn’t a mess after every case.

“This one is particularly difficult. The police infiltrated an underground whorehouse that portrayed itself as an exclusive and luxurious club. None of the omegas where there by choice. They’ve told countless stories of being taken from dark alleys, parks, freaking playgrounds. Some were trained to please alphas, taught what do to. And how. Others were chained down and raped without so much as an explanation.” It was all said in a cold, almost emotionless voice. More like he was stating facts than re-counting someone’s living hell. Is that how he sounded in court? Cold and deadly.

“Several of them were barely more than pups. The youngest not even presented yet. And still they’ve… they’ve…” That was apparently the breaking point. Castiel’s sure voice gave way to a sob. Followed by another. And another. He clung to the omega in his arms, his crushing grip bordering on painful. “I don’t understand how anyone can hurt them like this.”

“That’s part of what makes you a good alpha. That you don’t understand.” What else was there to say? It was horrific and heartbreaking and probably happening in every major city in their god forsaken country. But Castiel already knew all of that. Saying it wouldn’t help. Dean’s arms curled around the alpha’s, taking comfort as well as giving it.

He wanted to cry. To just join in the silent sobs of his alpha. But if he started, he’d never stop. It was too much. Too unfair. Instead he kept talking, barely thinking about the words.  

“A lot of them like us young. You know that. It satisfies ‘em. Makes ‘em feel powerful.” He shrugged lightly. That was just the alpha way. Nothing more to it. “And some really like it when we struggle. I’ve had clients request it. Want to feel like they can dominate their omega completely. Like they’ve won the right to have them.”    

That’s how he’d always explained that behavior to himself at least. It was the only was he could make any kind of sense of it. Many, if not most, alphas would say it was instinctual. The hunt for a mate. He wasn’t so sure. Their instincts couldn’t be that strong or harmful, At least not outside of rut. Not that he knew for sure. He wasn’t an alpha. All he knew was that pretending to fight often made him feel worse than pretending to like it. Felt less like work and more like an actual attack.  

“I rarely want to hurt people,” Castiel said darkly. “But I want to cause serious harm to everyone who ever did that to you. Or to any other omega. The legal measures I can take are far from enough.” His voice had gone cold again, but it was far from emotionless this time. It made Dean believe him. That he both wanted to hurt them, and possessed the raw strength to do it.

“I prefer the way you do it now,” he replied gently. “It doesn’t end with you behind bars.”

“But it never seems to stop them.” Castiel’s grip tightened around him again. Blunt fingernails dug into his sides. Despite the tension in the alpha’s body, his voice was barely more than a whisper when he spoke again. “I keep thinking how easily it could have been you.”  

“W-what?”

“They’re all young omegas who were kidnapped when out on their own. Some even while surrounded by a small group of friends. I keep thinking of you, of how long you’ve been forced to do the work you do. How many nights you’ve spent alone out there. A few of those kids were prostitutes before, and were taken by people pretending to be clients.  And I can’t stop thinking that it could have been you. I know that’s wrong of me. Selfish even. These kids deserve my undivided attention. But I just. Can’t. Help. It.” The alpha’s voice broke towards the end, as if he was moments away from crying again. His scent spiked with another wave of desperation, mixed with an increasingly strong note of possessiveness.

When had he gotten so good at understanding the nuances of Castiel’s scent anyway?

“It’s okay Alpha. You’re helping them as best you can. You always do.” He wanted to give more, to comfort the alpha somehow. But he couldn’t tell him not to worry. Not when he worried about the same thing every damned day of his life. It could easily have been him.

“It’s not. They deserve better. And I just can’t properly function when I’m worrying about you being out there. I know this is selfish of me and I have no right to ask. But Dean, please don’t return to your other clients. I know you planned on doing so now that your father’s gone again. But there is no reason for you to do so. You can come here as often as you need. We can discuss a pay raise if that’s what it takes. Just stay Dean. I can’t function properly if I’m worried about you all the time.”

Dean stared at the wall in front of him. At the TV once again disguised as a nature painting. Working exclusively for this alpha sounded like a dream come true. It would make his days, and income, more dependable. He’d be less exhausted and never have to hide the ugly marks of a client gone too far. Being around this alpha, only this alpha, would also make his inner omega very happy.

Which is why he had to say no.

Being exclusive was dangerous territory. They had already gotten too attached after some weeks of it. How will it be after months? Especially when they start fucking. It’s a disaster waiting to happen. He isn’t one to risk everything like that. It’ll be so good in the short run. Of course it will. But sooner or later he’ll regret it if he accepts. The logical, reasonable decision is to say no.

He turns slowly to straddle the other’s legs. Castiel looks like a mess. His eyes are slightly puffy. Not quite the red of tears, but on the verge of it. And there’s a wildness in his gaze that’s never been there before. He’s serious about this. About the suggestion yes, but also about the emotions. This really is because he worries. Because, despite everything, Castiel cares about him. He’s seemingly already very attached. Which just emphasizes the fact that Dean should turn him down. Getting attached is fucking dangerous. For them both.

With a deep intake of breath, he met the others gaze and held it for a long moment.  

“Okay Alpha,” he said quietly. “I’ll stay. I’ll be yours.”

“Thank you.” Castiel pulled him close, pressing his face against the alpha’s neck and scent gland. Dean took several deep breaths, reveling in the sudden scent of happiness and pure relief that filled his nostrils. Allowing himself to simply enjoy the comforting notes of chocolate. This was much closer to how his alpha was always supposed to smell.

Except… Castiel wasn’t his. He exclusively worked for him now. And it seemed like the alpha wasn’t seeing or sleeping with anyone else at the moment either. But that was all. It didn’t mean anything. Even if he wanted to stay right there forever.

Needing some distraction from his self-destructing thoughts, he pulled away and forced a half-smile. ”This probably isn’t the right time to tell you, but I got my test results back. Clean bill of health. You can eat my ass to your hearts content now.” Who needed tact when he had humor and fake-it-till-you-make-it charm?

Castiel let out a surprise bark of laughter, leaning his head back against the wall. His hands feel down to settle on the omega’s hips, squeezing lightly. “You’re something else sweetheart. What would I do without you? And I promise to do just that.” His eyes darkened slightly as he looked Dean up and down. “Not tonight though. This evening has been emotionally exhausting enough as it is. We both need some rest.”

That was probably true. They were too tired to start something, and it really wasn’t the right time. Not when the room still smelled of their shared grief. Not while his alpha had puffy red eyes, and was probably one painful memory away from breaking down once more.  

“Come here then.” Dean slipped off his lap and laid down on his back with his arms open in invitation. The alpha quickly took him up on it, laying down and settling close. For once, it was Castiel who rested his head on the others chest while the omega carded gentle fingers through his hair. Not one to let the opportunity go, Dean sent out calming pheromones and kept the gentle head massage up until longer after the alpha fell asleep.

[elduwrites]

Chapter 17 is (finally) out!

Chapters: 17/? Fandom: Supernatural Rating: Explicit Warnings: Underage Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester/Other(s), Adam Milligan & Dean Winchester Characters: Dean Winchester, Castiel (Supernatural), Sam Winchester, Adam Milligan, Benny Lafitte, Alastair (Supernatural), Balthazar (Supernatural), John Winchester, Charlie Bradbury Additional Tags: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha/Omega, Alpha Castiel/Omega Dean Winchester, Alpha Castiel (Supernatural), Omega Dean Winchester, Prostitute Dean Winchester, Caring Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester Needs a Hug, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, Alpha Sam Winchester, Kid Adam Milligan, Top Castiel/Bottom Dean Winchester, Oral Sex, Oral Knotting, Anal Sex, Knotting, Dubious Consent, Threats of Rape/Non-Con, Rape/Non-con Elements, NOT between Cas and Dean, Derogatory Language, Hurt/Comfort, Breathplay, Under-negotiated Kink Summary:

With two younger brothers in need of food and security, a dead-beat alcoholic for a father, and no marketable skills of his own, Dean started selling himself shortly after he presented omega. At 17, he both has regular clients, and those who find him in or outside of the dingy bar where he often resides. It’s not a life he wants, but he’s willing to offer everything he is to create a better life for his brothers.

After some bad experiences and years of alphas telling him he’s a worthless bitch, he finds himself ready to believe it. Then a new client steps into his life, a handsome alpha with intense blue eyes that seem able to stare into his very core. The alpha is determined to care for him in a way that no-one else ever has, contesting his hard-earned belief that all alphas are douchebags.

But Dean knows that trusting an alpha is the best way to get heartbroken, and that gentle words can hide a ton of bad intentions. Still, this Castiel pays well and that’s something he can’t afford to turn down. Neither does he want to deprive himself of someone who seems to care about his pleasure as well as their own. Even as he must remind himself that he can’t give a client any part of him that’s actually real.

[elduwrites]

Chapter 16 is out!

Chapters: 16/? Fandom: Supernatural Rating: Explicit Warnings: Underage Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester/Other(s), Adam Milligan & Dean Winchester Characters: Dean Winchester, Castiel (Supernatural), Sam Winchester, Adam Milligan, Benny Lafitte, Alastair (Supernatural), Balthazar (Supernatural), John Winchester, Charlie Bradbury Additional Tags: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha/Omega, Alpha Castiel/Omega Dean Winchester, Alpha Castiel (Supernatural), Omega Dean Winchester, Prostitute Dean Winchester, Caring Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester Needs a Hug, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, Alpha Sam Winchester, Kid Adam Milligan, Top Castiel/Bottom Dean Winchester, Oral Sex, Oral Knotting, Anal Sex, Knotting, Dubious Consent, Threats of Rape/Non-Con, Rape/Non-con Elements, NOT between Cas and Dean, Derogatory Language, Hurt/Comfort Summary:

With two younger brothers in need of food and security, a dead-beat alcoholic for a father, and no marketable skills of his own, Dean started selling himself shortly after he presented omega. At 17, he both has regular clients, and those who find him in or outside of the dingy bar where he often resides. It’s not a life he wants, but he’s willing to offer everything he is to create a better life for his brothers.

After some bad experiences and years of alphas telling him he’s a worthless bitch, he finds himself ready to believe it. Then a new client steps into his life, a handsome alpha with intense blue eyes that seem able to stare into his very core. The alpha is determined to care for him in a way that no-one else ever has, contesting his hard-earned belief that all alphas are douchebags.

But Dean knows that trusting an alpha is the best way to get heartbroken, and that gentle words can hide a ton of bad intentions. Still, this Castiel pays well and that’s something he can’t afford to turn down. Neither does he want to deprive himself of someone who seems to care about his pleasure as well as their own. Even as he must remind himself that he can’t give a client any part of him that’s actually real.

[elduwrites]

Chapter 15 is out!

Chapters: 15/? Fandom: Supernatural Rating: Explicit Warnings: Underage Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester/Other(s), Adam Milligan & Dean Winchester Characters: Dean Winchester, Castiel (Supernatural), Sam Winchester, Adam Milligan, Benny Lafitte, Alastair (Supernatural), Balthazar (Supernatural), John Winchester, Charlie Bradbury Additional Tags: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha/Omega, Alpha Castiel/Omega Dean Winchester, Alpha Castiel (Supernatural), Omega Dean Winchester, Prostitute Dean Winchester, Caring Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester Needs a Hug, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, Alpha Sam Winchester, Kid Adam Milligan, Top Castiel/Bottom Dean Winchester, Oral Sex, Oral Knotting, Anal Sex, Knotting, Dubious Consent, Threats of Rape/Non-Con, Rape/Non-con Elements, NOT between Cas and Dean, Derogatory Language, Hurt/Comfort Summary:

With two younger brothers in need of food and security, a dead-beat alcoholic for a father, and no marketable skills of his own, Dean started selling himself shortly after he presented omega. At 17, he both has regular clients, and those who find him in or outside of the dingy bar where he often resides. It’s not a life he wants, but he’s willing to offer everything he is to create a better life for his brothers.

After some bad experiences and years of alphas telling him he’s a worthless bitch, he finds himself ready to believe it. Then a new client steps into his life, a handsome alpha with intense blue eyes that seem able to stare into his very core. The alpha is determined to care for him in a way that no-one else ever has, contesting his hard-earned belief that all alphas are douchebags.

But Dean knows that trusting an alpha is the best way to get heartbroken, and that gentle words can hide a ton of bad intentions. Still, this Castiel pays well and that’s something he can’t afford to turn down. Neither does he want to deprive himself of someone who seems to care about his pleasure as well as their own. Even as he must remind himself that he can’t give a client any part of him that’s actually real.

[elduwrites]

ANYTHING FOR YOU - CHAPTER 14

With two younger brothers in need of food and security, a dead-beat alcoholic for a father, and no marketable skills of his own, Dean started selling himself shortly after he presented omega. At 17, he both has regular clients, and those who find him in or outside of the dingy bar where he often resides. It’s not a life he wants, but he’s willing to offer everything he is to create a better life for his brothers.

After some bad experiences and years of alphas telling him he’s a worthless bitch, he finds himself ready to believe it. Then a new client steps into his life, a handsome alpha with intense blue eyes that seem able to stare into his very core. The alpha is determined to care for him in a way that no-one else ever has, contesting his hard-earned belief that all alphas are douchebags.

But Dean knows that trusting an alpha is the best way to get heartbroken, and that gentle words can hide a ton of bad intentions. Still, this Castiel pays well and that’s something he can’t afford to turn down. Neither does he want to deprive himself of someone who seems to care about his pleasure as well as their own. Even as he must remind himself that he can’t give a client any part of him that’s actually real.

Also available on AO3

Chapter word count: 2883

Chapter 14/?

Chapter 1 Chapter 13

November turned into December, and life kept being almost the same. Sam seemed to use all his free time studying, running between school, the local library and the small desk in his bedroom. Only occasionally being social enough to study at the kitchen table. It would have been worrying if the kid hadn’t seemed to enjoy studying so much. And he was going to become something great. He needed to practice that brain of his.

What was more worrying was his tentative hints that he needed a new computer. Not that he’d ever outright said so. Oh no. Dean knew what he was doing of course. Even small hints meant that he really needed a new one. But he didn’t want his big brother to feel bad if they couldn’t afford it. While it was good of him to try, it only made Dean feel more guilty. Sam was only thirteen. He shouldn’t have to think about things like that.

This year, he decided, was the right time for such an expense. With some luck, it would last Sam through all of high school. And he was earning more than ever now. With three to four evenings a week at Castiel’s, in addition to the Saturday dayshift, he had a consistent and reliable stream of money. And if he accepted the rut proposal… No. He wasn’t thinking about that yet. But he would afford that computer. A good one too. He would.

At this rate, he’d also finish the year with a decent GPA. Perhaps better than decent even. Not like Sammy was bound to get of course, but better than anyone had ever expected of him. That would show everyone who had ever told him that high school was a waste of time for someone like him. Not that it mattered in the long run, he didn’t need those grades for anything. But it felt good.

His newfound academic hope was partly because the current routine gave him more energy to actually study. Time to actually apply himself. Mostly though, it was thanks to the many hours he spent studying at Castiel’s place. The alpha was swamped with work, spending more hours than was healthy working on that case. Of course, in his shoes, Dean would have done the exact same thing. So many people were dependent on this man. And he seemed to take that responsibility very seriously.

Consequently, he spent many days and evenings like the current one, laying on his stomach on Castiel’s office floor, with his homework spread out around him. There was a strange kind of peace when they were like this, Castiel at his desk and Dean right beside him. It was nice. Nice enough for him to ignore the slight twinge in his elbow every time he put weight on it to take notes. He didn’t wanna disturb the atmosphere by moving around too much.

It was better to lay on the floor than to sit at his own table anyhow. He’d tried studying at a small table next to Castiel’s desk a couple times, but if felt wrong somehow. Like he was doing something he shouldn’t. Doing homework on the floor didn’t. And with the exception of that elbow, it was rather comfortable. More so after Castiel put down a mat and a couple of pillows for him. As an added bonus, the alpha would sometimes lean down to stroke his hair. That was always really nice. Made him feel cared for. And wanted.

Even while he knew he shouldn’t. That this wasn’t about that. They weren’t like that.

It was strange, this routine they’d so easily fallen into. Any other alpha would have had him warming their knot while they worked, but not this one. Then again, he didn’t think he’d mind doing that for Castiel. Quite the opposite in fact. But what they had? This peace and casual time spent around each other. It was so much better than anything he’d ever imagined he could have with an alpha. Or anyone, for that matter.

The shrill ringing of a phone cut through the quiet, startling them both. Dean looked up at Castiel as the alpha frowned at his phone before picking up.

“Hello Luke. Do you have news for me?” It sounded surprisingly harsh. Could this be how Castiel spoke to his brothers? Or was it some other Luke? Perhaps someone from work? But Castiel had never mentioned someone else with that name. A muffled voice responded something Dean couldn’t make out. Whatever it was, it only seemed to make the alpha more annoyed.

“You never do, and I seriously doubt this is a social call. So get to it. I’m busy.”

Dean looked back down at his schoolbooks. It wouldn’t do to eavesdrop on the conversation so openly. It was rude. And none of his freaking business.

“If it was easy, I would have done it myself. I’m not completely incapable.”

While listening to Luke’s reply, Castiel stood up and started pacing the room. Dean did his best not to stare at him, but it was difficult when he was so clearly agitated. Something in him urged him to go to the alpha. To sooth him somehow. But no, it wasn’t the right time. Neither was it his place.

“I don’t remember telling you it had to be done be legal means,” Castiel snapped into the phone. And what? Wasn’t legal the alpha’s entire job? “I turned to you because of your tendency to bend the rules. Losing this case is not an option. And you owe me this much. I never ask anything of you.”  

The scent of the alpha’s righteous anger slowly filled the room, wrapping around them both. Dean swallowed hard. The intensity of that anger ought to scare him. Probably would have coming from anyone else. But Castiel wasn’t mad at him. Seemed like he never was. Moreover, he was angry because he wanted to protect other people, and seemingly desperate to punish the people who had hurt them. Rather than scary, that was kinda hot.

“Whatever it takes Luke. Find him. Make him talk.” Castiel listened to the phone for a few tense moments before he hung up with a short “Thank you. Goodbye.”

The alpha stood in silence, just breathing for a while. He was clearly trying to calm himself down as the scent of his anger slowly receded. It felt wrong to see him like that. As if he thought he wasn’t allowed to have negative feelings around Dean of all people. Like he needed to be protected from it.

And yeah, some months ago he would have recoiled from than anger. Even knowing that it wasn’t aimed towards him. But he knew Castiel better now. Knew that the reactions that could save him in other situations were unnecessary here. Surely the alpha was aware of that?

“Work stuff?” Dean asked, tone carefully neutral. He wanted the alpha to get out of his head, to share whatever was going on. But he couldn’t pressure too much or risk startling him when he was already agitated. Especially since he was mostly doing this for his own benefit.

“Something like that.” Castiel’s sharp gaze turned from the floor to the omega. His entire attention seemed to zero in on him and he took a couple of steps closer. Apparently, one question was all that was needed to stop the alpha from hiding away.

“With your brother?”

“Luke. Yes. He can be very helpful when he isn’t busy being an ass.” Castiel reached the end of his mat and stopped to look down at him. Dean had to crane his neck to keep meeting his gaze.

“Seemed like he was being an ass today.” He said it lightly, trying to defuse some of the sudden tension. It had no effect on the alpha, who still seemed laser focused on him, and only him.

“He was.” Castiel stepped over him with one leg, then sat down to straddle him, a knee on either side of his hips. He leaned close to nuzzle at the omega’s scent gland, very obviously breathing him in.

“What’s going on Alpha?” Not that he minded the change in activity, but Castiel never initiated things in his office. Well, nothing more serious than a light make out session at least. Nothing as intimate as this.

“I’m very happy you’re here today. I always work better with you around.”

“I seem more like a distraction than anything right now.” Of course, most of the time the alpha seemed very productive. But he was pretty sure that was simply how the man was. He probably just enjoyed having something pretty to look at was all. And someone else’s scent to fill the room when he got annoyed or outright outraged while working.

“Maybe. But that isn’t to say the distraction is unwelcome.” Castiel sucked lightly at his neck while one hand moved down to palm hiss ass. “Had I been alone, I would have paced this room for at least another twenty minutes. This is much preferable.”    

“Can’t argue with that.”

Castiel chuckled darkly into his ear and rubbed his growing erection against the omega’s ass. Dean arched into it and turned his head so their lips met in a proper kiss.

“I’ve been wanting to have you in here since the first time you laid on the floor to study,” the alpha said as they pulled apart. “You look delectable like his.”  

“That’s weeks ago Alpha. Why haven’t you?”

“Decorum I suppose. And to ensure that this was a room where I could actually focus.”

“And now?” Dean pushed against him in a highly suggestive way and tilted his head to the left to give unobstructed access to his neck. The him of only a few months ago would have been furious at himself for acting this way around a client. Around an alpha. Or rather, he’d be furious with himself for enjoying it. For the way he was already starting to slick like he did so often around Castiel these days. But he refused to listen to that voice now. This alpha made him enjoy himself. And that was okay. Honestly, it only made him better at his job.

“Fuck decorum,” Castiel half-growled against his neck. “Undress for me.”

It took a moment for the command to sink in, but once it did Dean was quick to follow it. The alpha moved a little, giving him just enough room to rid himself of his clothes. Once he was naked, Castiel wasted no time in biting into the back of his neck, effectively holding him in place, while pushing two fingers into him.

“Fuck. Alpha.”

“Yes, that’s the general idea.”

There was no drawn-out prep period this time. Castiel simply fingered him until he was leaking slick and open enough for nothing to hurt. Then he pulled his cock out of his pants and pushed into the omega, burying himself to the hilt in one firm movement. He paused there and kissed along Dean’s back and shoulders while the younger man adjusted to the sudden stretch. It quickly turned into a comfortably full feeling, and he rubbed against the alpha to encourage him to move.

“You sure you’re ready?” Trust Castiel to always worry about that, even when he was so obviously eager. That could have grown annoying if it hadn’t been so freaking heartwarming.

“You’re not only one who’s impatient Alpha.”

“Have it your way then,” the older man chuckled. One of his hands moved to the small of Dean’s back, while the other wrapped around his neck, pushing him down against the mat and pillows. With anyone else, a position like that would have been fucking horrifying. Would have made the omega feel small and used. But with Castiel he simply enjoyed how the purchase allowed the alpha to fuck in and out of him with long, hard thrusts.

“You have no idea what seeing you like this does to me. How hot you look while laying on my floor with that look of pure concentration.”

The alpha kept the hard snaps of his hips even while talking. The feel of his clothes pushing against the omega’s ass did things to Dean he’d rather not consider too deeply. Just another thing that felt degrading with other clients, but here it only proved how desperately Castiel desired him. That was a feeling he’d never get enough of.

“You always suck on your pens when there’s something you don’t understand. Did you know that?”  

Dean shook his head as well as he was able. Which was not much at all, the grip on his neck was too tight. That made him let out an involuntary moan. If only because it would all stop if he needed it to. Somehow, he was completely sure of that. Perhaps it was stupid. But Castiel didn’t want to hurt him, he’d proved that time and time again.

“It gives me an almost overwhelming need to own that mouth of yours.”

“You can Alpha. Whatever you want. Always.”

His words were almost pushed out of him with the force of the alpha’s thrusts. Even Castiel seemed halfway out of breath as he spoke. But all of it was oh so good. He hoped it never stopped.

“But it’s better when I keep myself in check.” The last word ended on a loud groan, and the alpha thrust into him several times before continuing talking. “It makes this so deliciously intense.”

And fuck yeah. It absolutely did. Castiel changed his angle slightly, making his dick brush up against the other’s prostate. And holy shit. It was so good. Dean moan loudly, making his appreciation very clear.

“There we are,” he could hear the grin in the alpha’s voice. “Can you come like this sweetheart?”  

Could he? He rarely, if ever, came untouched. But if anyone was gonna get him there, it would be this alpha. A particularly well-aimed thrust had him gasping as his cock leaked pre-come. And fuck yes. “Yes! Yes Alpha. Just… Harder. Please.”

“Of course.”

The grip around his neck tightened slightly as Castiel pounded into him for real. His dick rubbed between the mat and his stomach in delicious friction, and every brush of his prostate had him seeing stars. It didn’t take long at all before his balls drew up and he came with a long drawn-out moan.

“So good Dean. You feel so good,” Castiel gasped out over him. His knot was already growing, and it only took a few more thrusts before he was burying it inside the omega, tying them together. He came with a groan, filling the body underneath him.

“Really been pent up, huh?” Dean asked with a weak chuckle. It really wasn’t like the other man to lose control so suddenly.

“I meant what I said, having you in here is like a fantasy come to life. Difficult not to act upon it sometimes.” The alpha moved them around so they were laying on their sides, spooning. In turn, Dean re-adjusted the pillows before snuggling back against him.

“Should get a blanket in here if it’s gonna be a regular occurrence,” Dean mumbled. “Kinda cold now. Not that you’d notice.” He picked petulantly at the sleeve of the sweater Castiel was still wearing. That had been hot and all while they were fucking, but now he wanted their regular skin-to-skin contact back. Not that he’d ever complain about that. Wasn’t his place. And he wasn’t going to bother an alpha with his stupid needy omega tendencies anyway. They could go to hell for all he cared.

“I’ll take care of that for next time,” the alpha promised with a placating kiss to his shoulder. “For now we’ll just make do.”

Castiel moved around behind him, sitting up as much as was possible while still knotted. Dean craned his neck to look at him just in time to watch him pull his sweater over his head to lay it over the omega’s hips and thighs.

“Better?”

“A little.” Even more so as the alpha laid down behind him again, wrapping a, thankfully, bare arm around him. Dean stroked that arm a few times before tangling their hands together. Castiel let out a content hum and squeezed his hand in response.

“How is your schoolwork coming? You seemed pretty engrossed in it earlier,” the alpha asked in an even voice. Dean half-turned to give him an incredulous look.

“You wanna talk about school? Now?”

Castiel grinned back at him. “Why not? I like hearing about your life.”

“Fucking dork,” Dean mumbled in response, the froze, starring at the other man. He couldn’t say shit like that. Especially not to an alpha. And one who was paying him as well. He was paying to be insulted. Damn it. Couldn’t he just shut up sometimes?

He opened his mouth to apologize, but was cut off as his lips were captured in an insistent kiss. Castiel pulled him almost impossibly closer, and kissed him until he melted into it, all ideas of apologies slowly disappearing. He hadn’t meant it as an insult anyway, and it was clear that his alpha got that. And a knotted make out session was an excellent use of their time.

[elduwrites]

Me, writing on a random story I’ll probably never finish: This is so fun. This story basically writes itself! Words are easy

Me, writing the next chapter of current WIP: What are words? How do you sentence? Why won’t these characters listen to me??

[elduwrites]

Safe

Exhausted after a day of trying to fit in and intense sensory stimuli, Castiel thinks back on the events that brought him here, and seeks comfort in the arms of the one person who makes him feel truly safe.

Also available on AO3

Word count: 4248

It’s one of those days when Castiel’s completely worn out by the time his last seminar of the day draws to an end. He barely manages to keep a smile on his face long enough to nod goodbye to the two tentative friends he’s made that semester. Then he rushes off to the nearest semi-private space where he can drop the socially acceptable mask he wears so easily these days. At least he’d been prepared for the toll it would take today. Even that first conversation over breakfast with Balthazar had been difficult to get through. Most days that was a pleasant routine, sometimes even the highlight of the day. But that morning it left him feeling exhausted and hollow.

Every conversation throughout the day had only made it worse. Every smile and attempt at pleasant interactions felt fake and out of place. Like he was lying to every person he spoke to all day. In some ways, he supposed he was.

It should have been easier by now, this effort he put in to try to fit in. At some point in his life, he barely noticed doing it. Back when he was interning for his mother’s company and helping out in the church every Sunday. He didn’t even notice the mask coming on then. Simply did it out of habit whenever another person stepped into his vicinity. He’d spent all his teenage years perfecting that pleasantly socializing persona until it basically became his personality. It was impossible to say where that stopped and the real Castiel began. Looking back, it seemed like any trace of the actual him was buried too far down to be seen during those years.

Back then, he was always exhausted. And he was in pain at least four days out of five. Often more. That, however, seemed normal to him. He figured everyone carried much more pain than they ever let on. And that when people complained of headaches and muscle aches, it was as excruciating as his was the few times he dared mention them. As long as he was able to function with the throbbing in his head and back, he saw no need to trouble anyone else with it. That, however, was all before.

Before he knew the truth his parents had been hiding from him since he was four years old. Before he saw all the hidden notes from doctors and so-called specialists outlining different ways to treat him. To allegedly cure him. Before he understood why he’d been going to so many unfairly strict tutors as a child and seemed to have a vastly different primary school experience than his other siblings. Before his mother said the one throwaway sentence that made him go looking for that information. “I don’t understand what all these parents on TV are complaining about. Just train the autism out of them at a young age, that’s what I say. It worked perfectly fine with you.”

He severed contact with most of his family after that, and spent the following three years trying to figure out who he actually was. He went to university and abandoned virtually all his masking techniques at the same time. It had led to him having impressive grades, less pain than he could ever remember, and absolutely no social life. Well, close to none. He did re-connect with Gabriel that year, got to know Balthazar through him, and had a short-lived romance with a kind, but intense classmate named Hannah.

Hannah was good for him in some ways, but it became very clear that they cared more for Castiel than he ever could for them. Which was why they couldn’t remain friends after. Hannah was heartbroken, in their own stoic way, and seemed to harbour feeling for him long after the relationship ended. After that, he’d become even more of a recluse. Scared to make new connections and inevitably let them down again. Terrified of never making another meaningful friendship. Of never belonging to or with anyone again.

Which was why he started re-building the defence mechanisms and socially acceptable personality he’d previously abandoned. By the time he finished his bachelor’s degree, he was consciously masking at every opportunity. When he moved towns to start his graduate degree, he had started doing in subconsciously more often than not.

As such, it should be easier now. He’s been rebuilding those mechanisms for over a year. Most of his classmates have only ever seen this persona. They only know this side of him. They don’t see the exhaustion covering his face the moment he steps away from it all. Nor do they know how their mumbled conversations during seminars and the school’s affinity for fluorescent lights make his entire being scream in protest and head throb painfully in an increasingly insistent rhythm. They don’t see the effort behind the subconscious mask, and hopefully don’t notice how hard it is on days he must consciously raise his eyebrows into a more inviting posture, make sure not to squint at their every word and force a smile whenever it seemed expected. Much as he hates it, he just can’t go back to those friendless years when he was so visibly different.

These days there are just four people in his life who truly know him. Two of which he lives with, and one who knows him purely by accident. They aren’t friends. Not really. Not yet. But she’s so wholeheartedly accepting of everything and everyone that he can’t help being himself around her. And he never even feels self-conscious about it. But for today even her inviting energy is too much. Same with Gabriel and Baltazar. They’re good friends and lovely roommates most of the time, but they’re also intense. And they’ll know something is off if he comes home now. He’s too tired to pretend.

It’s not right to burden them with his issues anyway. Especially since he knows it won’t help. Tact has never been Balthazar’s strong suite. The guy cares and can hold his own in a serious conversation, but moments when Castiel needs the world to stop around him is not a good mix with that particular friend. With Gabriel it’s often even worse. He blames himself for not noticing more when they were young, and for hightailing out of the house the moment he turned eighteen. That guilt often turns into overcompensating, and somehow becoming everything Castiel needs him not to be. He needs… He needs calm. Yes. Calm and quiet. And for the light to stop hurting. And that’s not at home. Which is why he’s still leaning against a tree so long after the end of class.

His hands have long since covered his ears to protect against the light, shaking where he clasps them tight. Even while a small logical voice tells him that this isn’t efficient behaviour. Covering his ears won’t stop the sensory input, but it’s the only thing he can measure enough thought capacity to do. The only thing that seems to make sense while he focuses on his breathing and tries to figure out where to go next. He needs calm and quiet. But more than that. He needs… Needs…

He needs safety.

And that really only means one thing. One person. He just hopes he’s home. That he has time and energy to spare. And that an unannounced visit like this won’t be too intrusive. He had said that Castiel can come over whenever after all. Even seemed to mean it.

*

The walk over to the apartment never takes more than twenty-five minutes, but today it seems to take forever. Even with the noise cancelling headphones playing one of his calming playlists, everything seems to be loud and burning and just too much. By the time he reaches the door he’s almost ready to collapse. It has been a long time since he’s allowed it to get this bad. To the point where the world seems fuzzy and almost swimming around him. Like he’s trapped in a fishbowl and everything’s just a little bit off.

Gabriel always tells him to take breaks. To take care of himself. That therapist he saw for a few months after leaving his old life behind said something along the same lines. And he tries. It’s just hard when there’s so much important he has to do. Today, there had been no time for breaks. Now his body is retaliating for that. Or perhaps it is his mind.

The door opens mere seconds after he knocks, revealing a perplexed looking Dean. He’s dressed far too nicely for a Thursday evening, with tight dark washed jeans and that flannel that looks incredible on him, but always feels a little too rough under Castiel’s fingers. His hair is coiffed meticulously, almost identical to the way it looked when they first met outside the resident student-bar. He’s handsome as always, and obviously going somewhere. Ridiculous really to think he’d be available when they hadn’t agreed upon anything beforehand.

“Cas? Did we have plans? Fuck, did I forget again?” His eyes widen slightly, obvious guilt covering his face. Sweet Dean, always so quick to put the blame on himself. Even with no reason for it.

“No. There were no plans,” he hurries to reassure. “I just… I need…” To see you? To hide away in your arms and forget the world? Simply hide in general? That all seems too presumptuous. Dean’s busy. Guilting him into giving up his evening out isn’t fair. Even if the way back home will be abhorrent.  

“What do you need?” His voice is so gentle. Soft and familiar. Safe.

“It’s not important. I seem to be interrupting your plans.”

“U-huh. Like you’d come all the way here for something unimportant.” Dean rolls his eyes in an exaggerated fashion. “What do you need sweetheart? And don’t try to bullshit me. You never succeed, and I’ve had enough of people doing that today.” Despite the annoyance of his words, his tone is still soft and calming. And he said sweetheart, which signifies that they are good.

A car horn blares too close to comfort. Castiel’s hands covers his ears of their own accord. It’s all too much. “The lights are too loud,” he mumbles. No. That’s not right. “Bright. They’re too bright I mean. Everything else is loud. I need quiet. Just for a little. Please. I just need you.”

“Okay. Okay. Let’s get you inside, huh?” They do. The door closes the offensive world out, and then it’s just the two of them and the too-bright bulb of the hallway light.

“Hey Dean? Who was? Oh hey Cas!” Just the two of them, the bulb and the ever-enigmatic Charlie who pokes her head out from her bedroom. “Didn’t know you were joining us. But that’s lovely, we’ll have a proper double date!”

“That’s my bad,” Dean sends her his ever-charming smile. “I’d totally forgotten about movie-night with Cas when I said yes to karaoke. So, rain-check on that one?”

Charlie replies something, but Castiel closes his eyes against the sound. The insides of his eyelids are dark and welcoming. And Dean’s hand rests on his shoulder. This is okay. He can just wait here. Stay here until everything stops being so unfathomably intense. It’s okay.

His eyes stay securely closed until Charlie disappears with an uncharacteristically soft goodbye. Then he needs some visual assistance to move to the couch, but once he’s settled, he hurries to close them again. It’s better like this. Less intense while Dean’s busying himself with something or other. Doing what’s necessary to be okay with a night with him instead of going to a karaoke-bar with his best friend.

Castiel swallows while a lump of guilt settles heavy in his stomach. He never wants other people to be inconvenienced by his troubles with the world. Especially not Dean. Never Dean. And yet it’s always here he goes when he needs the comfort than no one else are able to give. When the world becomes too intense and his thoughts too loud to be left alone with. It isn’t fair to the other man of course. But there isn’t much to do about that now. Unless…  

“It was not my intention to keep you from your plans,” he says when Dean re-enters the room.

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll make it up to Charlie another time.” Dean shrugs as if it means nothing. As if his roommate’s feelings are the only ones affected. Like he wouldn’t much rather be out having fun with her and Glinda.

“I don’t want to deprive you of a fun evening. I can leave if you want to catch up with them.”

“Fucking Christ Cas.” Dean walks over in long strides, placing two cups carefully on the coffee table, then sits down next to him. Their thighs are barely not touching. Despite the rather large size of the couch, they’re existing within each other’s personal bubbles. Many people, the man next to him included, have informed Castiel about the importance of maintaining an appropriate amount of personal space. Then again, Dean hasn’t mentioned that in relation to them since the first time Castiel kissed him.

“If going out tonight was important to me, I’d have told you when you got here, okay?” Dean looks at him with the kind of intense stare that others have informed him is rude. He stares back. Because he can. Because Dean never tells him to stop these days, just looks right back or bashfully turns away. Because his boyfriend is beautiful and there is nothing he’d rather be looking at. Except, occasionally, a honeybee colony or the twinkling rays of a setting sun on the ocean. And because he doesn’t have to worry about what’s socially acceptable when it’s just the two of them.

“You’re beautiful,” he says, and Dean rolls his eyes again.

“Are you even listening to me?”

“Of course. You know I always value your input.”

“Okay. Then believe me when I say I’m happy you’re here, and that I’d tell you if I wasn’t. Most of the time I’d rather hang out with you anyhow.” Dean says it all straightforward without breaking eye-contact. That’s not something he’d usually do. Most times, he shies away from serious conversation, or reacts to them with either anger or awkwardness. Which really only means one thing.  

“I must look very unwell for you to be this unaffectedly honest with me.” It’s not a statement that needs reply, but Dean’s reaction is enough of an affirmative. This is what makes him bashful, makes him finally break eye contact and look down at his hands. Castiel instantly misses the connection.

“I made you some of that weird grass tea,” Dean says in lieu of an answer. “Put a little of that fancy honey of yours in it too.” It’s not that fancy. It’s just grown at a local farm, and because of his academic pursuits into the subject, Castiel was invited to take part in the harvesting. But there is no reason to correct the other man. They both know what it means. And he’s too busy leaving a grateful kiss to his boyfriend’s cheek to say anything at all.          

“Music or TV?” Dean asks after they’ve both taken a sip from their respective drinks.

Castiel curls his hands around the warm cup while he ponders the question. It’s wonderful that his boyfriend knows him well enough to understand that quiet doesn’t necessarily mean silence. That he needs pleasant distractions as much as anything. And that sound they pick themselves is something very different from the general noise of the world and people around them. “TV today.”

“What do you wanna watch then?”

“What are my options?”

“Let’s see.” Dean puts on a face of contemplation, though he probably has the options picked out already. He always has a line-up of both movies and tv-shows that it according to him is borderline blasphemous that his boyfriend hasn’t watched yet. Which many a time has led Castiel to remind him that being allowed to be borderline blasphemous is one of the perks of leaving the church behind. “We still have a few Indiana Jones movies on our list. Or there’s always that bee documentary you wanted to show me.”

“The pollinators yes. I think you might enjoy that one.” It’s nice of him to offer, even though he has no real interest in the documentaries himself. He’s just good like that. Always willing to listen to Castiel speak on the topic of bees, and occasionally to watch documentaries with him. Doesn’t even scroll on his phone while watching the way Gabriel and Baltazar almost always do. “Though I think I’m in the mood for something less informative today.”

“Well, there’s a Dr. Sexy marathon on tonight, so that’s an option too.” Dean says the last part almost shyly. As if Castiel will ever judge him for anything he enjoys.

“I’d like that.” The medical drama is just simple enough for him not to have to pay attention, but interesting enough that he can. Which is exactly what his brain needs at the moment.

“You sure?”  

“Of course Dean. You know I’m always honest with you.”

“Yeah, yeah. Okay.” This again makes Dean look flustered, even while he rolls his eyes in a put-upon act of nonchalance. Seems like they’ve had enough emotional honesty for a little while. That’s okay too. Castiel knows that Dean usually enjoys his bluntness, even when he pretends not too. In fact, they’ve had conversations on the topic. Rather long ones too. Well, as long as emotional conversations with Dean gets.

In that time, they did promise to be honest with each other. And to not judge each other for that honesty. It’s not a promise they always manage to keep, but things are somehow always better when they do. It’s why Castiel is able to be here now, instead of laying on the floor between the desk and bed in his own room. Because his boyfriend expects him to be himself. Even when ‘himself’ is someone he hides from nearly everyone else in his life.

The light around him dims considerably, and he looks up to find Dean returning from the light switch. The only source of light now is the TV, mixed with the barely there glow of the outside through the thick curtains.

“Thank you,” he murmurs into his teacup as his boyfriend settles next to him once again. That earns him a fond smile and a practiced shrug. As if Dean’s consideration of him is not worthy of thanks or mention. He is painfully aware that most people don’t show that level of care. Especially not unprompted.

This is, however, not the time to dwell on a past long since abandoned. He gently puts down his teacup and scoots closer to the other man on the couch. Close enough to rest his head on Dean’s shoulder and lay a hand on his stomach. He’s changed from the too-rough-flannel into an old, and very soft, band t-shirt.

“I really like this t-shirt.” He says it without meaning to. Without really considering the impact of the words first. Not that they needed much consideration of course. But he rarely allows himself to get so complacent. To just speak. Then again, being around Dean always brings it out of him.

“I know you do.”

Of course he does. That is probably the reason he’s wearing it now. Because he knows how much Castiel enjoys touching it. And touch it he does. His hands move over the material, all but rubbing it against his skin. It’s extremely soothing. All soft and familiar. He closes his eyes for a while, allowing his sense of touch to take over. It feels better than it probably should. Even better yet once his hands move from the worn material to Dean’s skin.

At first he only let’s his hands run over Dean’s arms. It’s a tentative, light touch, that seems to tickle based on how the man moves next to him. So he adds more pressure, rejoicing in the feel of that supple skin under his fingertips. It’s so good to be allowed to touch like this. There is no pressure here, no expectations on how to act or what’s going to happen next. His boyfriend is enjoying his medical drama, while Castiel finds pleasure in the simple act of touching him. Of having him close like this.

His hands move down Dean’s chest and under his t-shirt. One comes to rest on his stomach, the other sneaks around to rub his back. Dean lets out a pleased hum, edging impossibly closer to him. And yes, that’s another perk of an evening such as this. Castiel is mainly tending to his own needs at the moment. He’s touching because it settles something within him, makes him feel more like himself again. But his boyfriend is such a tactile man. Even though he mostly denies that part of himself. This allows him to indulge as well. To feel how much he is cared for. How deeply he is loved. This is beneficial for them both.

Stroking Dean’s back is a different sensory experience than doing so to any other part of him. Most of his skin is soft and even. Sometimes there are patches of hair or dry skin, but the feel is overall quite similar. The skin of his back however, is interrupted by bumps of varying sizes. They add an interesting texture to his exploration, as long as he doesn’t think too much about what they mean. When they are in bed together, he occasionally takes the time to trace the scars with warm kisses, trying to erase the bad memories in the process. For now, he just slowly maps them with the tips of his fingers. They tell the story of the life his boyfriend went through before they met. Of a childhood spent being far too harshly punished for things he could not control. Castiel wishes he could remove the bad parts of those years. Simply make the scars and, more importantly, the memories they carry go away. Even so, he treasures every part of his lover’s body. Even these. And he is so grateful that Dean allows him to touch them now. That he, at least to some extent, finally understands that this is not something to be ashamed of.

Dean’s stomach is another story completely. It’s soft and yielding under Castiel’s ministrations. More so than when they first met, in a way he knows his boyfriend is slightly self-conscious about. But Castiel appreciates it as proof of Dean finally allowing himself to enjoy life. He takes time to be happy now, instead of always striving to reach some impossible ideal of perfection. Moreover, it’s an excellent place to rest his head. Which he decides to do. He gently pushes Dean until he’s almost laying down on the couch, then lays down himself with his head cushioned by the soft stomach.

“Getting comfy?” Dean asks, a slight note of laughter in his voice.

“Yes. You are very comfortable.” Almost too comfortable he finds. His eyes close of their own volition while he nuzzles closer to the warm body beneath him. The battle he’s been fighting against the world all day is over, and his body and mind seems to have given up in the wake of it. Staying awake seems like an unlikely prospect. Especially once talented fingers start stroking his hair and gently massaging his head.  

“I will fall asleep if you continue doing that,” he warns in a soft voice. If anything, it only makes the fingers more determined.

“Then sleep. I have Dr. Sexy to keep me company. We’ll do dinner when you wake up.”

“Sounds wonderful.” He’s definitely slurring his words at this point. But that’s okay too. There is only him and Dean. No one will judge him here. Though he’ll likely get a stern talking to after dinner. Another pleading speech about how he needs to take better care of himself. How he’s good enough on his own and doesn’t have to try so hard to fit in. Maybe it’s correct. Being himself feels much better. And both Gabriel, Baltazar and Dean seem to like that version of him. The true one. But then, they are the only ones… Well, them and Charlie. Perhaps that’s okay. They can be enough. He doesn’t have a need for many more than three or four anyhow.  

That is, however, not thoughts that are helpful for sleep. It’s better to focus on how Dean’s stomach slowly rises and falls with every breath. And how his fingers keep massaging Castiel’s head. If he has the energy after dinner, he’ll treat Dean the way he deserves. He’ll take him to bed and worship his body the way they both love. Make him tremble in pleasure and fall apart over and over again under Castiel’s eager attention. Then they’ll both be sated and happy and just exist in each other’s space until morning. If he’s lucky, they’ll just exist together like this throughout the weekend as well. These days, that’s always when he feels the most content. And, unless he is misreading the signs completely, the same goes for Dean.

Castiel smiles at the thought while the sounds of the TV and his boyfriend’s heavy breathing slowly fade into nothing as he falls into a peaceful sleep.            

[elduwrites]

ANYTHING FOR YOU - CHAPTER 11

With two younger brothers in need of food and security, a dead-beat alcoholic for a father, and no marketable skills of his own, Dean started selling himself shortly after he presented omega. At 17, he both has regular clients, and those who find him in or outside of the dingy bar where he often resides. It’s not a life he wants, but he’s willing to offer everything he is to create a better life for his brothers.

After some bad experiences and years of alphas telling him he’s a worthless bitch, he finds himself ready to believe it. Then a new client steps into his life, a handsome alpha with intense blue eyes that seem able to stare into his very core. The alpha is determined to care for him in a way that no-one else ever has, contesting his hard-earned belief that all alphas are douchebags.

But Dean knows that trusting an alpha is the best way to get heartbroken, and that gentle words can hide a ton of bad intentions. Still, this Castiel pays well and that’s something he can’t afford to turn down. Neither does he want to deprive himself of someone who seems to care about his pleasure as well as their own. Even as he must remind himself that he can’t give a client any part of him that’s actually real.

Also available on AO3

Chapter word count: 2890

Chapter 11/?

Chapter 1 Chapter 10 Chapter 12

It was almost ironic. Would have been if he wasn’t so pissed about it. Or so miserable a voice in the back of his head interjected. But no. He was fucking pissed. That was the only emotion he had the capacity to feel. And it was the only one the man deserved. For weeks he’d wished that John would just leave them alone. That he would take the Impala, or better yet their other crappy car, and get out. They were better off without him. Always had been. But he seemed determined to stay and make their lives miserable for longer. Suspicious, paranoid asshole.

Until today. He waited until the one day they actually kinda needed him. Until the one parental obligation Dean absolutely despised came along. Then he hightailed out of there without as much as a goodbye to anyone other than Sam. Because he couldn’t risk having to do something responsible for once in his life. To show even an ounce of care about the future of his youngest son. Oh no, John Winchester was too fucking good for any of that.

Dean sighed as he made his way through the kindergarten building towards the classroom that belonged to Adam’s group. At least Lisa Braeden was a nice woman, and very unjudgmental at that. Perhaps this parent-teacher conference wouldn’t bee too bad? She wouldn’t question him about his relationship to Adam, and why their alpha or the pup’s proper omega didn’t attend. She already knew them better than that. And it was less suspicious when he showed up as Adam’s ‘parent’ than when he did the same for Sam.  

He reached the classroom door and sat down just as Toni Bevell exited the room, her expression morphing from bored to disgusted as she saw him. She checked her always too-tight ponytail, dusted some imaginary dirt of her pencil skirt, and left with one last look of undignified superiority in his direction. The fact that his little brother was her son’s best friend seemed to be the bane of her existent. She had certainly never allowed him to forget that she was above him in every way imaginable. Which is why Adam has never visited the boy he’s inseparable from whenever they’re in each other’s vicinity. He’s not allowed in the Bevell’s house. One of these days, Dean might inform Lady Superiority that her husband apparently isn’t satisfied in his marriage to an unpleasant beta woman, as the man’s been knotting him at least three times a month for the past year and a half. That would give her fancy friends something new to gossip about.    

The door opened again, this time by Miss Braden, who motioned him inside. He followed her to a table surrounded by four grownup sized chairs. They must have been brought in for the occasion. Miss Braden gave him a disarming smile as they took their seats. He answered with one of his own, turning up the charm a little. Just fifteen or twenty minutes of this and then he could head back to Adam and Charlie.

The beginning of the meeting went as expected. Miss Braden mostly had good things to say about Adam and his development. He was kind and helpful and while he still had a tendency to cling to the adults he liked, it had improved greatly over the last few months. She also remarked that he wasn’t the most adept socially, but that wasn’t a surprise. The pup had always grown strong attachments, but rather few of them.

In kindergarten he had his best friend Michael of course. And fuck, when would Dean stop flinching at that name? There was no relation between the Michael of his past and this weird rich kid his brother followed around everywhere. His brain needed to take a serious chill pill.

Recently, the boys had also befriended Alex, who Miss Braden thought was a great influence on both of them. Even with her sometimes violent tendencies towards the kids who weren’t her friends. The girl was apparently more confident than any other kid in kindergarten, and stood up for the boys when they were unable or unwilling to do so themselves. The trio mostly kept to themselves, Miss Braden said, but that was less worrisome now that they were three.

“It’s important that Adam practices his social skills now,” she underlined. “As he’ll probably have to make new friends in the fall. I’m sure you’re aware that Michael will go to private school, and last I heard Alex’s moms are leaning in that direction too. Though they may still change their minds. I doubt it though, our local public school doesn’t exactly have the best reputation.”

“I’m aware.” It deserved the bad reputation too. The fact that Sam was so clever was just a testament to him and perhaps that one teacher he had in sixth grade. The school in general was accountable for all the kids who did poorly, and lucky that some of them did well despite it all.

That seemed to be the most significant chunk of their conversation, as the social aspect was the only part where Miss Braden had any real sense of worry. All in all, the meeting seemed to have gone by rather painless when their allotted time was almost up. That was, until the teacher closed her notebook and met his gaze with renewed seriousness.

“I don’t think I have to tell you that Adam hasn’t quite seemed like himself over the past few weeks,” she said, obviously picking her words carefully. “He’s been quieter, more reserved. Sometimes even towards Michael. And me. As his teacher, it’s part of my job to worry about these kinds of changes.”

“Ah… Well,” Dean stroked the back of his neck and stared at a spot on the wall behind her. Of course this would come up. “Been a bit stressful at home is all. Our father’s been back in town for a while. The changes at home don’t sit well with the pup. Not that I blame him. Well…” Fuck. He was veering into dangerous territory. People weren’t supposed to know all this. “He’s gone off to work again is the important part. Won’t be back till next year I’m sure. So things should go back to normal.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” She really did sound sorry too. None of that saying it only to be polite crap that most people did. “Alpha’s can be difficult.”

He looked back at her then, meeting her eyes. They were so open and honest. As if she knew what she was talking about. Hell, she was an omega too. Maybe she did.

“It is what it is,” he replied, too quietly in the large room.

“It doesn’t have to be.”

He let out an involuntary snort and looked away again. Apparently, she didn’t know what she was talking about. Just another person who thought people could change their life with a little positive thinking and a go-get-it attitude. That was not how any of this worked.

“Have you ever met my son?” she asked in a soft voice. Soft even for her, which said a lot. By Adam’s account, Miss Braden never yelled. Never even raised her voice unless it was really, really important. That was one of the reasons she was the pup’s favorite.  

“Your son?” His eyes locked with hers again. He had to have heard that wrong. This was a single omega with a good job and put-together life. She couldn’t have a kid.

“Here,” she put her phone out towards him. Her lock screen showed a boy a few years older than Adam. He wore a leather jacket a couple sizes too big for him over a black hoodie and jeans ripped from wear. He had dark brown hair, and a look of pure defiance as he stared down the picture-taker. “His name is Ben. He’s eight. He’s the reason I came here.”

“Why?” Not like this was the perfect place to raise a kid. Especially not as a single omega. It was a backwards town full of judgmental people.

“His father was an abusive piece of crap. I took it as long as it only was towards me, but when he endangered my child, I left. That was three and half years ago now. It took almost two years of lawyers and living in a safehouse, but we got away. Ben is all mine now. And my mate will never get to touch either of us again.” She said the word mate with the same kind of repulsion that he usually reserved for saying John. And that people like Toni Bevell probably used when speaking about him.

“Fuck. I’m sorry.” Almost on reflex, he reached out a hand to grab hers. She squeezed back and sent him a small smile.

“I’m not telling you this so you’ll feel sorry for me. I just want you to know that you’re not the only one who struggles. And that it’s possible to get out. I don’t know much about the things you have to do to keep your family together. And seeing how I’m a mandatory reporter, I suppose it’s better to keep it that way. But just… you can get away, if you need to. Your boys can too. I can even get you in contact with Meg, the omega who runs that safehouse, or one of her contacts in town. If that could help.”

“Right. Well,” he pulled his hand back and stood up from the chair. “Thank you for your concern, but we’re fine, so.”

“Okay,” she stood up as well and walked around the desk. “Let me walk you out Dean.”

He nodded tightly, and they walked towards the door in silence. Miss Braeden laid a hand on the doorknob, but then paused and looked at him again.

“I’m going to tell you something I wish someone told me when I was around your age.” Her voice was almost unnaturally soft again. It bordered too close to pity for his sake. Even so, he nodded. Seemed like she’d earned the right to give him some advice or whatever.

“No matter what the world has made you believe, you deserve to be happy.” He scoffed slightly at that, but she continued speaking, seemingly undeterred. “You and Adam both do. And Sam of course. It’s not wrong to want that, nor to take the opportunity should it present itself.” She gave him a knowing look, which he pointedly did not meet. This was his pup’s teacher; she has no business seeing through him quite that easily.

“Just think about it, there are options,” she said with a tone of finality. The she opened the door and Dean stepped through it.

“Right,” he replied quietly, then a little louder. “Goodbye Miss Braeden.”

“Goodbye Dean.” One last smile was sent his way, then the door closed and he walked back down the hallway. It seemed shorter than when he arrived. Almost too soon he was out in fresh air, headed towards the playground where his pup was waiting.

A pup. Miss Braeden had a pup too. A son. She was kind and put-together and respected. And a single omega mother. Had gotten away from her alpha even. Ran away. And somehow won the parental rights. How was that even possible? Alphas always had right to their children. Their word was law when it came to their pups and omegas. Except, apparently, not always.

“Dee!” Adam’s exited squeal interrupted his thoughts. Dean barely had time to look up before the pup jumped into his arms, the force of it almost making him step backwards.

“Hey there,” Dean chuckled, half-amused. “You miss me?”

“Yes.” Adam gave a short nod, then turned in his arms to point towards the playground. “Charlie used the slide with me.”

“Did she now?” Dean grinned towards the redhead, who was currently leaning towards said slide. She had to slump a bit in order to rest her head against the top of it. Imagining her sliding down it was certainly something. “Isn’t Charlie a little big for the slide?”

“We’re never too big for fun.” The pup sounded almost exasperated. As if that was the dumbest idea he’d ever heard.

“Of course not. What a silly thing for me to say.”  

“Yup.” Adam turned back towards him, smiling brightly. “Silly Dee.”

“Hey now,” Dean said, doing his best to sound offended, with barely any success. With practiced moves, he shifted the pup in his arms so he could poke him lightly in the side, making him giggle.

“That tickles.”

“’S What you get for calling me silly.” Dean re-doubled his efforts, properly tickling. It turned the pup’s giggles into full-blown laughter, complete with wriggling that made him difficult to hold on to.”

“B-but you are,” Adam said between bouts of laughter.

“Lies!” Dean tilted his arms until the pup was upside down, his hands barely grazing his big brother’s knees.

“You’re upside down!” Adam exclaimed in happiness, waving at Charlie.

“Naturally. I love walking on clouds,” she replied while spinning on the spot with her arms out.

The pup giggled again while Dean pulled him up so they were face-to-face. Adam’s face was red, his eyes still full of laughter and his scent full of joy. Just like it always ought to be. Dean ruffled the pup’s now very messy hair and walked towards Charlie while his brother nuzzled against his neck.

“Did the talk with Miss Braeden go okay?” Adam asked quietly, a note of nervousness suddenly coming through in his scent.

“’Course it did,” Dean squeezed him a bit tighter. “We both think you’re amazing.” The pup made a small sound of contentment and snuggled even closer, wrapping himself around his brother like a form of octopus backpack.

“Hiya Charlie,” Dean said as they arrived by the redhead. “Thanks for watching him.”

“Don’t thank me for that. Rather thank me for not stealing him away to hang with him always. Maybe make him a little bed so he could stay in my room and everything.”

“Your parents would never allow it.”

“As if that’s ever stopped me.” She grinned and pulled them into a hard hug. As always, her hugs were almost-overly long and much more comforting than he’d ever admit. She was aware though. At least if the gentle smile she sent him when stepping back was anything to go by.

“Dee?” Adam pulled a little away to be able to look into his eyes. “Can Charlie come for dinner? Please?”

“I dunno,” he sighed and looked over at the other omega. She just shrugged in answer. It was up to him then. Damn, he didn’t want to disappoint his pup. However… “Not today. We gotta fix the house up a bit before we have guests.” Clean any remnants of John out was more like it.

“But it’s Charlie. She doesn’t care,” the pup whined. Actually whined. And fuck, it was hard to say no to that.

“We can invite her soon,” he said soothingly. “Perhaps next week?” He directed that last part towards Charlie, who nodded thoughtfully, before breaking out into a wide smile.

“Next week sounds great, but you two are thinking too small,” she said, sending Adam an over-obvious wink. It had the desired effect, as the pup perked up to look at her. She grinned wide and continued now that all the attention was on her. “I think the two of you should invite me for a sleepover. Perhaps next weekend?”

“Yes!” Adam almost jumped out of his arms in excitement. “Can we Dee? Please? But…” His movements suddenly stopped, and he looked seriously over at Charlie. “Dee is almost never home on Friday nights anymore. He has to work.”

“Does he know?” The redhead sent him an unreadable look before leaning closer to the pup and saying in a stage-whisper. “That’s even better. We can do a sleepover without Dean. Just you, me, Sam, and something unhealthy made with tons of marshmallows.”

“Can we?” For a moment it looked like the pup’s eyes were actually shining as he turned towards his brother with a pleading look. “Please Dee? I wanna have a sleepover and make S’more-cake with Charlie.” And yeah, there was no way he was resisting that face for a second time in as many minutes.

“As long as Charlie’s sure, of course you can do that.”

“Yes!” Adam exclaimed, just as Charlie rolled her eyes and plucked him right out of Dean’s arms.

“Course I’m sure, silly. I love spending a day with my favorite boys.”

“See! Charlie knows you’re silly too.” Adam grinned wide, wrapping his arms safely around the redhead’s neck.

“You are both impossible.”

“We are,” Charlie agreed, sounding almost proud of it. “And now you’ll have to catch us!” With that she ran off across the playground, causing Adam to yelp with excitement and cling a little tighter to her. Dean stood still for all of three seconds before he ran after them with a playful shout. That had his pup giggling and encouraging Charlie to go “Faster! Faster!” Despite that, Dean got a little closer with every step. Not that he found it in himself to regret that. How could he when the pup was always ecstatic to be caught?      

[elduwrites]

ANYTHING FOR YOU - CHAPTER 10

With two younger brothers in need of food and security, a dead-beat alcoholic for a father, and no marketable skills of his own, Dean started selling himself shortly after he presented omega. At 17, he both has regular clients, and those who find him in or outside of the dingy bar where he often resides. It’s not a life he wants, but he’s willing to offer everything he is to create a better life for his brothers.

After some bad experiences and years of alphas telling him he’s a worthless bitch, he finds himself ready to believe it. Then a new client steps into his life, a handsome alpha with intense blue eyes that seem able to stare into his very core. The alpha is determined to care for him in a way that no-one else ever has, contesting his hard-earned belief that all alphas are douchebags.

But Dean knows that trusting an alpha is the best way to get heartbroken, and that gentle words can hide a ton of bad intentions. Still, this Castiel pays well and that’s something he can’t afford to turn down. Neither does he want to deprive himself of someone who seems to care about his pleasure as well as their own. Even as he must remind himself that he can’t give a client any part of him that’s actually real.

Also available on AO3

Chapter word count: 4920

Chapter 10/?

Chapter 1 Chapter 9 Chapter 11

Bubble baths, Dean decided, were a little slice of heaven. It wasn’t something he would have chosen to indulge in himself. But Castiel had insisted, so who was he to refuse? It had been a little awkward at first, this was the first time he was completely naked in front of the alpha. Any thought of that had however disappeared when he settled into the warm, soothing water. Now he just relaxed into the strong hands that dug into his muscles and occasionally travelled downwards to explore more of his body. It was nice really, the mix between an almost painful, but oh so pleasant, massage and the soft touches over his stomach and thighs.

It seemed like Castiel could read him like an open book. He was sure he’d gotten himself under control by the time he started work. In fact, judging by Sam and Adam, he came off as okay by the time he returned to their table a few hours earlier. Even so, Castiel needed less than a minute in his proximity to decide that they were doing something different that evening. Something new. Something incredible. And, somehow, exactly what he needed.  

“How do you always know what I need?” he asked in a low voice, almost hoping that the alpha didn’t hear him. He had to ask. Because well, Castiel read him too easily. And because he couldn’t ask for what he really wanted to know. Why did the alpha always fulfill his needs once he understood them? Asking how was certainly better than that.

Castiel just hummed thoughtfully in response. Then his fingers dug into Dean’s skull. And well, nothing else really mattered then. He all but melted into the touch, leaning heavily against the side of the bathtub. If he could afford one of these in his life, even one just a quarter as nice as this one, he’d be happy. Especially if it with came with Castiel, or someone very much like him.

“Keep your eyes closed,” the alpha murmured. Dean followed the gentle order, shutting them a little tighter as clean, warm water was poured over his head.

“There you go, all done.” Castiel stood and reached a hand down towards him. Taking the silent command, Dean grabbed it and made his way out of the tub. If it’d been up to him, he’d have stayed in that water forever. Or at least for another hour or two. Then again, the water had gotten noticeably cooler since he sat down, so the alpha was probably correct. Not that something as inconsequential as common sense changed the fact that stepping out of the water was bordering on unpleasant.

What did help was the soft towel that Castiel dried him off with. Dean just stood in the bathroom, moving his limbs this way and that at the alpha’s request as the older man slowly and methodically toweled off every part of his body. This again, was a new kind of intimacy for them. Despite that, Castiel kept an almost clinical air about him, not using more time in drying him off than was necessary. It was strange as always, being naked in front of an alpha who didn’t take advantage of the opportunity. It was also, much like the bath, absolutely wonderful.

Once he was dry and wrapped in a big bathroom that smelled deliciously of sandalwood and chocolate, Castiel ushered him into bed and told him to wait there. The alpha also gave him the remote to a TV that Dean up until that point could have sworn was a painting. Apparently, that was just an aesthetic choice, as what had been a flower field on a sunny day now was the Netflix menu. Rich people did the weirdest things. Wasn’t like the TV itself was ugly to look at or anything.

As he was left to his own devices, Dean put on an episode of Dr. Sexy MD. He might have seen it a hundred or so times before, but that didn’t affect the quality of the show, which was borderline horrendous, or is enjoyment of it, which was immense. Incrementally, he relaxed into the makeshift nest his alpha had made for him. No. The alpha. Castiel didn’t belong to him by any stretch of the imagination. But the alpha had made him a safe resting place, drenched in his comforting scent. He’d be a fool not to enjoy it.

That was how Castiel found him a while later, shortly after he’d started the second episode. He was cocooned under the covers on the alpha’s side of the bed, with a pillow under each arm for support. The alpha was carrying two bowl of some steaming hot food that smelled heavenly and surprisingly familiar.

“You told me that tomato rice soup is your comfort food of choice, and I figured we could need some of that today,” Castiel said, sounding almost sheepish.

“You remembered,” Dean replied. It was the only thing he could think of to say. People didn’t just remember things like that. And certainly not act on it if they did.

“Of course. It’s important to you.” The alpha sad it easily. As if that was reason enough to remember anything and everything.  

“Thank you alpha.” He moved over to his regular side of the bed, making room for Castiel beside him. The alpha handed him a bowl before settling down next to him with a noise of contentment. They were silent for a while after while they both ate their soup. Well, Castiel ate his soup. Dean all but devoured his own. He’d barely had tomato rice soup since his mom died. It had been their thing, and it felt wrong to make it for himself. But having it served like this was all kinds of wonderful, especially since the alpha made much better food than he had any reason to.

“You think my mother’ll come back to haunt me if I say your soup’s better than the one she used to make?” He asked when his bowl was empty. The question earned him a fond smile from the other man.

“I think you’d better not risk it.”

“In that case, this is the second-best tomato rice soup I’ve ever had,” he said with put-upon seriousness. Castiel laughed and ran a hand through the omega’s hair.

“There’s more in the kitchen if you want.”

“Tryin’ to make me fat alpha?” He joked half-heartedly. That wouldn’t be too bad really.

“Trying to make you healthy.”

He didn’t have a witty comeback for that, so he just retreated to the kitchen to refill his bowl. Castiel had to stop being so freaking earnest whenever he made a joke concerning himself or the two of them. It wasn’t good for his heart to be surrounded by this much straight-forward affection. A guy could grow complacent and spoiled on a fragment of what this alpha was giving him.

With an almost full bowl of soup in one hand, two glasses in the other and a big bottle of water under one arm, he carefully made his way back upstairs. With a little help, he managed to settle back into bed without spilling a drop. A minor feat considering everything. Then he attacked his second bowl of food, consuming it almost as fast as the first.

When the bowl was empty and put aside on the bedside table, he curled back under the covers with a content sigh. Dr. Sexy was giving some emotional speech to the intern he would soon be making out with in the hospital elevator, but for once he was content with just watching instead of imagining himself in the shoes of the lucky beta girl on screen. It seemed like a better deal to be in bed with Castiel than to be in the hospital with Dr. Sexy. Which, well… Fuck. He was so screwed.

“What are we watching?” Castiel asked, squinting slightly at the screen in front of him. And yeah of course the alpha didn’t know, or like, Dr. Sexy. He was much more of a nature documentary and high-brow TV-series that make you think kind of guy.

“We can change to something else,” he hurried to assure, reaching for the remote. Castiel, however, was quicker than him, grabbing it and putting it down on the table next to his side of the bed.

“I didn’t say, or even imply, that Dean. I simply want to know what this is. It seems very medically inaccurate. Not to mention the ethical ramification of this doctor’s behavior towards his subordinates, it is very unresponsible of him. And a rather off-putting use of an otherwise respectable position in the hospital.”

“It’s not supposed to be that deep or real to life,” Dean shook his head lightly and shuffled closer so he could bump his shoulder lightly against the alpha’s side. “Medical dramas like this one basically exist in another dimension where no-one’s ever faithful, all those ethical dilemmas barely mean anything unless they’re important to the plot, everyone has too many issues too count, and medical mysteries and bombs in the hospital are more usual than your run of the mill appendectomy. You just gotta roll with it and enjoy the show for what it is.”

“I see,” Castiel squinted harder at the screen for a while before he leaned more properly against the pillows and moved one hand to gently massage the omega’s head. Dean leaned into it, not even bothering to try to conceal the happy purr that escaped his throat. “I can understand why you enjoy it then. If the point of the genre is to look away from the obvious flaws, the overdone intrigue makes for exiting TV.”

“Again, seriously, it’s not that deep. I mostly just watch for Dr. Sexy and his cowboy boots. Nothing beats them.”

“If you say so.”

“I do.”

“Good.” Castiel smiled at him, then leaned down to kiss him deeply. He tasted wonderfully of tomato rice soup while his tongue explored Dean’s mouth. When he pulled away, the omega blinked at him in confusion.

“What was that for?”  

“Do I need a reason?”

“Course not alpha, I-”

“Believe it or not, I enjoy kissing you,” Castiel cut him off before he could get far into a poorly constructed explanation. “Especially when you seem comfortable enough in my company to be yourself.”  

That fucking earnestness again. Dean bit his lip and looked back at his screen, staring intently at the wonder of medicine that was happening before them. Just when he thought he understood the alpha, he said shit like that that threw him for a loop. Perhaps he wasn’t the only one who sometimes forgot that this thing between them was a business agreement, not one based on actual affection? The alpha certainly treated him more like a boyfriend than anything else. Was that just his natural caring nature shining through, or was there anything more going on?

Whatever, that was too much to think about in the moment. They were having a good evening. His thoughts were not allowed to ruin that. Determinedly shaking those off, he turned to nuzzle against the alpha’s hip and stomach, and murmured against his skin. “Just keep being good to me and I’ll stay comfortable in your nest alpha.”

“That is my intention.” Castiel tugged at his hair gently, guiding his head until it was planted firmly in the other’s lap. The TV was long forgotten, despite the yelling happening on it, while he looked up, meeting the steady gaze of those unnervingly blue eyes.

“I’ve always had a talent for reading people, for noticing the small shifts in facial expression and scents that they try to hide and others either tactfully ignore or simply don’t notice. In fact, it got me into quite a bit of trouble when I was young. I had a tendency to blurt out what I could sense of other’s emotions, especially when their scents and projected feelings didn’t match up with their actions. It rarely went over well. Though Gabriel found it endlessly amusing.” Castiel smiled for a moment while looking away, then let out a breath and met Dean’s gaze before speaking again.

“You asked me earlier why I’m so good at understanding your needs. I’m trying to explain it to both of us.”

“Oh. Right.” He’d been sure that the alpha ignored that on purpose. It had been too invasive a question. Instead, he’d been what? Biding his time? Trying to figure out what or how to explain it? Was he hiding something? Or just unsure of his own answer?

“I honed those skills in my career. It’s very helpful as a lawyer to understand when someone’s lying or telling half-truths. Or when I need to work harder to make the omega in my care more comfortable so they understand that I’ll protect them, not whichever low-life hurt them. It’s become second nature by now, to discover those inconsistencies and hidden nuances in people’s scents. I do it even when I perhaps shouldn’t, but I do it best when I feel at liberty to do so or like it’s my responsibility to take care of the other. That has certainly helped with you.”

Dean nodded slowly. That made sense, played into the alpha’s caregiving kink even. In the end, how different was he really from the other omegas Castiel worked with? They just met under slightly circumstances and all of them were far more traumatized by life and people than him.

“Even so,” Castiel continued “it’s always been different with you. I can’t quite explain how, but your scent is an open book to me. More so than most others. I can sense when you’re trying to hide your feelings, and I assume you’re rather prolific at it. Even so, they’re always very clear to me. The feelings you’re trying to project seem wrong somehow, like a book that’s slightly different from the last time you read it. But your truth is underneath, always there for me to see.”

“That’s a terrifying thought,” Dean replied. Cuz well, what was the point of hiding that? He probably smelled more scared than he had in the alpha’s presence in months. He’d always prided himself on his ability to keep his scent hidden when it really mattered, when he needed to shield others from his own emotions. But here was someone, an alpha at that, who saw right through his every attempt. This wasn’t news of course, but it felt different to have it spelled out like that. Then a thought occurred, distracting him from all the other raging ones. “Is that why you hate it when I lie to you? Or just omit the truth or whatever?”

“Well, in general I just don’t like being lied to. But yes, it is particularly off-putting when you do it.” The alpha seemed lost in thought, his brow furrowing deeply while his eyes gaze turned blank and out of focus. After a few moments, he shook himself lightly and moved his hand to cup the omega’s cheek gently. “Dean, you must know that I’d never use this to hurt you. I’d much rather do the opposite whenever I can.”

“I know.” If Castiel wanted to hurt him, he could have done so many times over with little to no consequences. And hadn’t he just wondered how the alpha always knew how to help him? “Guess I’m just used to hiding all this shit from everyone, it feels weird not being able to…” He looked away, biting his lip again. At least it was only Castiel, right? Better him than anyone else in his life. The guy could deal.

“Perhaps,” the alpha said, his voice eerily careful “you could see this as an opportunity?”

“An opportunity for what?” To learn how to be open and honest and live his life like a dance on roses? It didn’t work like that. No matter what anyone tried to tell him or themselves about the matter.

“To just be yourself. I can already scent your emotions, and I know that you’re almost always holding yourself back. But what do you really have to lose?” Castiel sounded so heartfelt again. He really believed that this was a great, life-solving solution. For someone so smart, he could be a real idiot at times. Or perhaps naïve was the right word.

“Besides my favorite and best paying customer and his incredible bed you mean?”

“Favorite, huh?” Castiel’s scent bloomed with something very akin to happiness, the chocolaty undertones taking the forefront. Dean rolled his eyes. Like the guy needed it spelled out.          

“You can’t possibly be surprised. You feed me, bathe me and indulge my horrible taste in TV shows. Hell, you’re the only client I’m seeing while John’s in town, doesn’t exactly take a genius to figure out that I prefer…” Oh crap. Dean shut his mouth with an audible snap. He was not supposed to share that information. Never let an alpha know you’re dependent on them. That was like omega 101. It seemed like he was breaking all his rules with this particular alpha. Even the really basic ones.

“That makes me very happy,” Castiel said. And yeah, he certainly smelled like it. His happiness was fucking intoxicating. More so when he pushed Dean back into the pillows to lay on his back, only to cover his body with his own and kissing him senseless. Any trepidation Dean felt about relaying that information soon fell away under the alpha’s warm mouth and talented tongue. This man wouldn’t intentionally hurt him. Despite his concerns, he could hold on to that.

Castiel pulled away far too soon, only to re-adjust their position slightly and start trailing kisses down his neck. The bathrobe fell open easily under the alpha’s hands, leaving Dean bare once again. This time the touches were far less innocent. The alpha grabbed his hair with one hand, angling his neck for better access as gentle kisses turned to small nips and bits along his throat and neck, focusing on and around his scent glands. His other hand found a nipple, rolling it gently before tugging until the omega moaned loudly.

“Fuck… Alpha.”

This was new. No one paid him this kind of attention. Except, of course Castiel did. The man never seemed to do anything halfway. It was so good. There were oh so gentle touches, paired with sharp bites and kisses that lit his skin on fire. He’d never been that happy to just stay there and take whatever an alpha gave to him. Whatever it was, it was bound to be amazing.

Then Castiel flipped the script, growling into his ear “I want to taste you.”

“You can.” Please do it. Suddenly there was nothing he wanted more.

“Not tonight,” Castiel shook his head lightly, pulling away. Dean whimpered at the loss of contact. “Will you do something for me?”

“Anything.” At that moment, he was sure he meant it. There was nothing the alpha could have asked of him that he’d refuse. If only he could have those lips back on him. Whatever needed to please his alpha.

“Can you get an STD screening? I will do so as well of course. And I’ll naturally cover any expenses it may bring. I really want to taste you Dean.”

“Yeah, yeah. Okay.” Of course he’d do that. He probably should have anyhow, but was too scared of the results to do it more than once or twice a year. But if it meant Castiel’s tongue in his ass? Hell yeah, he’d take this one ahead of schedule. Would have done it that very second if possible.

“Thank you.” The alpha captured his mouth in a deep kiss again. Dean wrapped his arms around his neck, keeping him close as they explored each other’s mouths. Damn, he didn’t want to wait for test results and all that shit. His ass was leaking, the bathrobe would smell like him for weeks, and he was hornier than he’d ever been in the presence of another person. And for some reason that still didn’t equate to him getting laid. None of this was like him, but he just wanted to, needed to, feel.

A hand wrapped around his dick, stroking him with certain movement. Meanwhile, Castiel licked even deeper into his mouth, pressing their bodies as close as possible given their activities. It was all he could do just to hold on, clutching the alpha as close as possible and allowing him to give and take whatever he wanted.

It was so fucking good. Castiel’s hand very talented as it stroked him quick and dirty, pausing every once in a while to stroke over his slit or fondle his balls. It was even better when the alpha tightened his grip slightly and kissed down to his shoulder, sucking hard at his scent gland. Marking him up for everyone to see. His senses were filled with safety and belonging, and alpha, alpha, alpha as he came over the other’s hand. The hand kept stroking while he came down, until he whimpered from oversensitivity. Then it quickly pulled away, leaving him to catch his breath while the alpha still nibbled lightly at his shoulder.

Castiel shifted a little next to him and started sucking more intently at his scent gland once again. It was almost too overwhelming, the sensation powerful in the wake of his climax. But he angled his head to give better access anyhow. Castiel hummed happily against his skin, and then the unmistakable sound of skin against skin started up next to him. Dean looked down the other’s body, and sure enough, the alpha was getting himself off.

“Want some help there alpha?” He asked, reaching down towards where the man was stroking himself. Surely this was not something he’d refuse. But Castiel took him by surprise again, grabbing both of the omega’s wrists in one hand and pinning them to the mattress over his head.

“No,” the alpha growled, leaning over him. “Not this time.”

With his hands pinned and the alpha’s lips now too far away to kiss, there was not much Dean could do while Castiel was stroking himself to completion. All he could do was watch, looking into the alpha’s eyes while that blue gaze seemed to be starring right into his soul. No one had ever looked at him quite like that. Certainly not in such a situation. It almost seemed like Castiel was more concerned with watching him than moving the hand he had wrapped around his cock.

That was until the alpha suddenly leaned close to bite his neck hard while long streaks of semen spluttered over the mattress and Dean’s stomach. They stayed like that for what felt like forever, but probably was less than five minutes. Castiel massaged his knot with his teeth firmly locked around the omega’s scent gland. His fangs were mercifully retracted, ensuring no accidental breaking of skin. Dean stayed still, only tilting his head slightly to the side so the alpha could get an even better angle. The bite was throbbingly painful in the best way, making his inner omega scream out for more, deeper. A proper bite. Thankfully, that was not something the alpha needed to know about.

Eventually, Castiel rolled to the side, letting go of his neck in the process. Gentle fingers took the place of his teeth, stroking over the area and probing at the many marks that were sure to last for days.

“Happy with your handywork?” Dean asked, trying to sound casual about it. The way he leaned into the alpha’s every touch surely gave him away as anything but.

“Yes.” Castiel pushed harder down against the teeth marks before slowly sitting up and moving away. “But now we must get you cleaned up.”

With that he was gone, only to return soon after with a warm washcloth. He meticulously washed every trace of semen off Dean’s skin, and got most of it off the sheets. Those were still sure to be stained and in need of changing in the morning. They sure as hell weren’t doing that before then. Dean was perfectly content in the bed just the way it was.

Well, at least he was so once the alpha settled down next to him again and pulled him close for a few soft kisses. When they pulled away, Dean refused to go far, opting on resting his head on the other’s chest instead.

“Apparently I’m a post-sex cuddler,” he mumbled into his skin. And really, who could have known? That had never been his MO before.

“Naturally,” Castiel said with obvious humor in his voice. “I’ve found you to be very fond of cuddling in general.”

“You’re the one who always insists on that,” he grumbled back. It was always the alpha that initiated it. Right?

“Of course. You’re probably right.” It did not seem like Castiel believed those words. At all. Whatever. It didn’t matter anyhow. Not like either of them were complaining about the arrangement.

He shuffled even closer to the alpha, rubbing his chin gently against his chest as he got comfortable. This was still one of the best places he had ever slept. As such, he was almost asleep when Castiel spoke again, his voice and words bringing him right back to the miserable world of the living and awake.

“Do you mind telling me why you were so upset when you arrived here this evening?” Did he mind? Of course he minded. He didn’t want to talk about it. Not anymore. Nothing good would come of that. And he had already talked it through with Benny. He didn’t need more than that. Then again, Castiel was such a worrywart. He probably couldn’t let this go if he didn’t know the truth. Though telling him wouldn’t exactly give him less reason to worry.  

“Will you be able to stop thinking about it if I don’t tell you?” He replied in a low voice, decidedly not looking at the alpha.

“No.” Ever the honest one. “But I’ll keep that to myself of course. Your secrets are yours to keep.”

Dean sighed heavily, grabbing at Castiel’s shoulder. Damn it all to hell.

“Promise not to think too poorly of me if I tell you?”

“Of course.” That was an empty promise, the alpha didn’t know what he was agreeing to after all, but it still felt better than nothing.

“I learned something new today,” Dean started. “About John’s involvement with an alpha I had a sort of relationship with when I was fourteen. The guy who gave me this,” he moved one hand to touch gently over the faint scars of the failed mating mark. Castiel’s fingers followed his, tracing lightly over the scar and the imprints of his own teeth that were all around it.

“I’ve been wondering about it,” the alpha said softly.

“Yeah, well, it was a really horrible night.” His voice threatened to give out on him, but he forced it to function and told Castiel about all of it. About Michael and John and the deal they apparently made, and the one they didn’t. About Michael’s rut, the first and only rut he’d ever shared with an alpha, and the mating bite that resulted in. How said alpha beat him bloody when it didn’t take, and he stumbled home weak and confused with all his instincts going highwire in the aftermath.

He took a break to just breath after that, but it was like a floodgate had opened. He needed to tell the rest. To just get it out. So he told Castiel about waking up in a strange house with a burly beta sitting watch over him. The first few hours there with Benny had been hell, as he convinced himself that the stranger was an alpha who had taken him for his own. Not until his much less intimating mate came back from work had he managed to relax. Even then, he was on edge while Andrea explained everything they’d done to keep him healthy and safe. He was on edge in Castiel’s bed too, as he recounted all of. The anger poring off the alpha in waves didn’t exactly help, but even his inner omega understood that it wasn’t directed at him.

“This alpha who tried to force a mating on you, what was his name again?”

“Michael Milton.” Of all the things Castiel could have focused in on in the story, why was that the thing? “Why?”

“Just getting my facts right,” the alpha squeezed him close for a moment, then coaxed him to raise his head so could look properly at each other. “He can’t hurt you anymore. Can’t get to you here.”

“I know.”

“I won’t let something like that happen to you again. I’ll keep you safe.”

“You can’t make that promise alpha.” As much as it felt true in the moment, it wouldn’t last. The alpha could only keep him safe while he was within the walls of his house. The alpha growled lightly at his words and dragged him closer until his face was once again buried against a firm chest. His senses were immediately filled with strong pulses of protection, with just a trace of anger and possessiveness still lingering.

“Not yet,” Castiel said against his hair, so quietly that he was unsure whether he was supposed to hear it or not. “But someday I will.”  

[elduwrites]

Reminders That I Love You - Chapter 3

“Don’t be a brat.” Cas tugged his hair again. It was harder this time and lasted until a small moan escaped Dean’s lips. Then the contact was gone. Damn. He usually had more control than that. But they had been very busy, and angry with each other, lately. This was a welcome change of pace.

“Anyway, I believe in you.” Cas grinned. “Now be quiet, I need to concentrate on my work.”    

Also available on AO3

Word count: 4916 (story total: 7603)

Chapter 3/3

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 

When Cas returned, Dean laid naked in the middle of the bed, legs spread and hands beneath his head. He grinned up at his boyfriend who stopped in the doorway for a while, just starring at him.

“See something you like?” Dean asked, letting his tongue dart over his bottom lip for good measure.

“Yes, you’re very beautiful Dean,” Cas replied matter-of-factly. Then he walked closer, keeping his eyes plastered to the man on the bed the entire time. “And you’re being very good for me.”    

“Not like you asked me to do anything complicated.” Dean looked away, lightly biting his lip. He wanted to be good, especially after the evening they had, but he had to earn it.

“The complexity of the task does not dictate how pleased I am when you succeed,” Cas said sternly as he sat down on the bed, leaning over the other man. “Some days I want you to prove just how good you can be for me. Today is not about that. For now, I want to remind you how wonderful you always are to me Dean. Even when you don’t see your own worth.”  

“What if I want, or need, to prove that I can be good for you?” His voice was small even to his own ears, but it needed to be said.

“Then that’s for another day.”

“But-”

“No,” Cas said firmly. “On Saturday I will have you collared on your knees with my cock in your mouth while I research my next paper, but I have a different plan for tonight. Are you going to be a brat and question my decisions, or will you be still and obedient like my good boy ought to?”

Dean swallowed hard, but kept his lips closed. Saturday could not come soon enough. But Cas knew what he needed, and what he could take. If he said that this wasn’t the day for proper play, then he was right. Of course he was. Dean looked up, meeting the others gaze and held it until his boyfriend smiled.

“Good,” Cas said. He ran one hand through Dean’s hair, tugging slightly before letting go. Dean leaned into the touch, whimpering slightly as it disappeared. “Remember these?” Cas pulled a bunch of pens out of his pocket. Except, these weren’t normal pens. They were the temporary tattoo markers they had bought for when Claire was desperate to draw on them. Cas had insisted that they were better for their skin than regular pens, and their niece was overjoyed with the vibrant colors that were much easier to cover their arms with.

“I remember,” Dean replied. How could he not? The guys at work always commented on his wonderful new tattoos whenever Claire had spent an artistic weekend at their place. They were rather hard to wash off too. Not that he really minded that part, it was usually a nice reminder of a good family weekend.

“I presumed you would. Now you’re going to lay back, relax, and stay as still as possible, while I cover your skin in all the reasons I love you.”

“Kinda hard both to relax and stay still,” Dean said. Mostly just to say something back to that declaration.

“Don’t be a brat.” Cas tugged his hair again. It was harder this time and lasted until a small moan escaped Dean’s lips. Then the contact was gone. Damn. He usually had more control than that. But they had been very busy, and angry with each other, lately. This was a welcome change of pace.

“Anyway, I believe in you.” Cas grinned. “Now be quiet, I need to concentrate on my work.”    

Dean took a few deep breaths, relaxing into the mattress as well as he could. Meanwhile, his boyfriend’s big hands ran down his chest, barely grazing his nipples, down his stomach and up his sides. He whimpered again, pushing up into the touch. Why had he denied himself this closeness for so long? Those hands on him were better than almost any sensations. Perhaps except for those fingers in him.

“So beautiful,” Cas said, leaving a small kiss slightly under his left nipple. It was followed by the familiar sensation of the marker on Dean’s skin. Familiar, but still different than when their niece was ‘making him pretty’ as she liked to call it. Cas’ hand seemed surer and less hesitant than Claire often was. And the skin of his sides and stomach was more sensitive than his arms and calves, which were usually the body parts decorated. As the pen stopped its motion, Dean looked down his body. Sure enough, the word beautiful was written in red over one of his ribs.

“Incredibly kind.” Cas left a kiss under the first word, then wrote with a new pen over that same spot. Soon the word kind shone out in orange letters.

“You’re so good with Claire, Madison and little Bobby. The best uncle and godfather anyone could wish for.” Another scribble over his skin. Dean focused on keeping his breathing even so as not to disrupt the others work. When he looked down again, amazing uncle, was written in bright yellow.

Another kiss, halfway down his side, then. “You’re so open and accepting of everyone who need it. I’ve never seen you judge anyone for anything other than being hateful assholes. And those people always deserve it.” The pen moved over his skin once more. As it stopped, Cas moved his hand to squeeze his hip lightly. Dean squinted at the newest word. It looked like it said accepting in deep green letters.

“Dude, are you making my stomach into a fucking rainbow?” Dean asked incredulously, while his boyfriend put down the green marker in favor of a blue one.

“Why are you surprised by this? I make everything into rainbows.” That much was true. After years of hiding his sexuality from overly religious parents, Cas had put all that repressed energy into buying and creating rainbow colored-everything. There were at least seven different flags, and far too many t-shirts. They had rainbow-colored throw pillows in many different designs, and a shower curtain decorated with a tree with rainbow leaves. There were rainbow coasters, cups, water bottles, and at least fifty different buttons and stickers. Everything Cas painted these days were either rainbow inspired, bees, flowers, or, somehow, all of the above. Dean had barely kept him from hanging up rainbow curtains in their living room. That shit was just tacky, and therefore banished to Cas’ office. The office that contained a stuffed rainbow unicorn next to the stuffed bee on top of the bookshelf. Not to mention the queer section of that bookshelf that had the books sorted by rainbow colors. So okay, this was not actually surprising. Still though…

“Don’t mean you have to make me into one.”

“Why does it bother you more that I’m writing in color that that I’m doing it in the first place? You seem to have your priorities mixed up sweetheart.”

“I dunno… It’s just real obvious is all.” That was a bad excuse. He was aware of that. It just felt different in all these colors than it would have otherwise. Even so, his boyfriend was right. It didn’t actually matter. So why’d it feel like a big deal?

“It’s not like anyone else is going to see you this way. Right Dean?”

“Of course not.” It was far too cold for him to go shirtless anywhere other than inside their house. And even during summer, he preferred to wear at least a t-shirt. Only Cas got to see him shirtless for long periods of time.

“Then why does it matter? I like you like this.”

“I dunno.” Dean looked away, biting lightly at his lip. It was hard to argue his point when he didn’t actually have any reasoning, and Cas was all cold logic. The rainbow thing wasn’t a problem either. Not really. He was just caught off guard was all. But there was no way he could admit that now.

“Do you know what I think?” Cas moved so his knees where on the other side of the other’s hips, rested his hands next to Dean’s head, and leant down so their faces were mere inches apart. “I think you’re trying to rile me up. I think you’re being difficult on purpose. This,” he ran his right hand down Dean’s side, stroking over the words, “doesn’t actually bother you. You’re just clinging to the only argument you could find because affectionate words make you uncomfortable. Perhaps you’re even angling for a punishment?”

Dean whimpered lightly at that. Trust his boyfriend to psychoanalyze him in a situation like this. As if they didn’t have better things to do than trying to get to the bottom of his issues. His fear of intimacy as both Cas and Charlie was so fond of calling it. This was not the time.

“Is that it Dean? Are you trying to make me be rough with you because that’s easier to deal with? Would you rather have me spank you till you’re a writhing mess or perhaps slap you hard enough that you’ll feel it for days?”

“Please.” He wasn’t sure what he was asking for, but his boyfriend seemed to have enough ideas of his own. As long as Cas gave him something.

“Too bad really, that I already told you we’re not doing that tonight.”

“Cas. Please.”

“I’m not changing my plans just because you’re being a brat,” Cas almost growled. “However, I can’t let that kind of behavior go completely unchecked either.”

“Please.” Dean repeated. By now it could be called pleading, almost begging. His boyfriend usually liked that, was more likely to fulfill his wishes when he asked nicely. But it didn’t seem like he was budging this time. His expression was blank, not betraying any of his thoughts. Would whatever he was planning be good or bad? Well, it was always good with Cas, but sometimes that also meant torturous. Then again, that was often the best of all.  

Cas suddenly sat up until he was kneeling over him. Then he ran his hands slowly down the other’s shoulders and chest, stopping to pay extra attention to his nipples. Dean swallowed the groan that wanted to erupt as both his nipples were pinched hard.

“Don’t be quiet on my account,” Cas said, pinching even harder. Then he let go off the left one, only to bend down and bite it. Dean moaned, arching his back into the pleasure-pain sensation.

“There you go. Keep making those pretty sounds for me,” Cas grinned down at him before leaning in to capture his lips in a rough kiss. Dean quickly opened up for him, allowing his boyfriend to dominate his mouth completely. As the kiss broke off, Cas moved so sit next to him on the bed again, one hand resting comfortingly on his stomach. Dean put weight on his elbows, wanting to follow, but one sharp look from the other man made him rest back onto the bed. That earned him a soft smile and a gentle hand playing with his hair.

“Touch yourself for me,” Cas said, giving a significant gaze down to the others cock, then back up to his eyes. Dean starred at him for a moment before he followed the order, slowly jacking himself off. This seemed too simple. Was this evening really all about pleasure? And affection or whatever?

“Faster. Put some effort into it.”

Dean fastened his grip and speed his movement to a pace that would have him desperate in no time.

“Good boy,” Cas murmured into his ear. “Tell me when you’re close.”

Oh. Of course. Dean closed his eyes, jerking himself in all the ways he enjoyed the most. Firm grip. Fast movements. A twist of his wrist on every third or fourth upstroke. Pausing for a moment to run his thumb over the slit, coaxing more pre-cum to ease his movements. He was hurdling steadily towards an orgasm, feeling his boyfriend’s heavy gaze on him the entire time.

“’M close,” he moaned out.

“Stop. Hands on the bed.”

Dean quickly followed the order, breathing hard as he tried to calm down. He whimpered sightly at the receding orgasm. It was so close, but far out of his grasp.

“So good for me,” Cas murmured, then leaned down to kiss his stomach. “I love seeing you like this. So desperate to please.”

Dean smiled, relaxing further into the bed. He was still on edge, desperate for release, but it seemed somehow less important. He was pleasing Cas, and his boyfriend would surely take care of him.

A sudden feeling of a marker over his skin almost made him flinch, but he managed to stay still as not to mess up the other man’s work. Peering down, he saw his boyfriend with a blue marker in hand, obviously continuing where he had left off earlier.

“Cas? What?”

“You didn’t think I was done, did you? I already told you I wasn’t changing my plans. I don’t like leaving my projects half-finished.”

“I guess not.” It certainly had seemed like he’d changed his plans. Dean really should have known better. When Cas first made up his mind, he stuck to it. He peered down at his stomach, seeing desperate to please written under the green accepting.

“Dean. Look at me.” Cas laid a hand on his cheek and starred intently at him as their eyes met. “Indulge me in this. Let me show you affection. You deserve to be loved.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Dean tried to look away, but the other’s eyes were captivating, holding his gaze steady. “Indulge yourself or whatever.”

“Imprudent boy,” Cas smacked his hip lightly. “I want to worship you, just let yourself enjoy it.” With that he picked up a purple marker, putting the tip of it against the skin right above Dean’s hipbone.

“You deserve to be loved,” Cas repeated while writing what was probably the same words into the other’s skin. Dean barely suppressed a shiver as those words finally washed over him. How many times had Cas told him that by now? And how many more times had he found himself doubting it?

“Now continue touching yourself.”

Dean’s hand moved almost on autopilot, wrapping around his cock and jacking it with sure movements. He kept his eyes open this time, taking in all the emotion in his boyfriend’s eyes. No one could convey emotion through a look quite like Cas. And he was using that ability now to express all the love he insisted that Dean deserved. It was enough to make a guy believe him.

Pleasure built up within him even faster this time around. He jerked off until he was moments away from orgasm before he moaned out that he was close.

“Stop.”

His movement stilled immediately, but he clutched the base of his cock for a few deep breaths before he was calm enough to place his hand back on the bed. Perhaps even closer than Cas would have taken him if the former had been doing the touching.    

“You’re doing remarkably well.” Cas left a kiss to each of his cheeks and the tip of his nose. Dean whimpered in return, struggling to keep himself from pleading for release. He really needed to come. Preferable five minutes ago. Instead, his boyfriend took up the red marker again, and started writing on the right side of his stomach. Dean couldn’t find the energy to read the words anymore, but it was impossible to ignore the several times Cas murmured “good boy” into his skin while he kissed around the new words. In return, Dean let out an undignified sound somewhere between a whimper and a moan. He was being good.

“Yes. Good boy with his pleasing sounds.” Cas smiled down at him, while stroking over his stomach in small circles. “And you are so good to everyone Dean. You care so much. I’m in awe of the love you show to all the people around you. Such a wonderful, caring man.” There were more pen scratches and kisses against Dean’s stomach. This time he simply breathed through it, letting the words and affectionate touches wash over him.

“Not to mention the love you put into your food. Before you, I mostly ate just to sustain myself. Now I do it for pleasure as well. You taught me that through your food, you’re such an amazing cook Dean.” More writing on his skin. More fingers tracing patterns on his stomach. More kisses to his side and chest, followed by a sharp bite to one nipple. He arched into it, chasing the mouth as it moved away. His boyfriend chuckled and pushed him back down with a flat hand on the middle of his stomach.

“Touch yourself again.”

He did. With fast strokes, spurred on by the hands exploring his body. Every time Cas pinched his skin or twisted a nipple, he moaned loudly. All the touches went straight to his dick, and within a couple of minutes he was writhing on the bed, barely able to contain the orgasm.

“’M so close. Please Cas.”

“Stop. Now.”

His movements stopped, but he looked pleadingly up at the other man. “Please Cas. I can’t… I need to come.”

“Patience sweetheart. You can wait. And you will.”

Dean whimpered again, but kept his mouth shut. There was no use arguing with Cas’ decisions. He had made that mistake in a similar position once before. That night he was not allowed to come at all. Taking several deep breaths calmed him enough to remove his hand, and finally look up at his boyfriend once more.

“Good boy. Now, where were we?” Cas looked down at his writing, tracing the words with a gentle finger. At that point, even the small gesture was enough to push Dean towards the edge. He shook with self-restraint, clutching the sheets hard and focusing on his breathing.

“Oh yes,” Cas continued in an even voice. “You, Dean Winchester, is one of the most selfless people I have ever met. You give so much of yourself to others. You say yes to helping out whenever the chance occurs, with no regard for how it will affect you. Every fiber of your being seems determined to change the world for the better. Your selflessness was one of the first things I noticed about you.”

“You’re way too articulate,” Dean half-moaned, earning him another chuckle. Then the pen was back, tracing over his skin. Followed by warm lips, copying the pattern of the letters. Every point of contact sent tingles through his already over-sensitive body, forcing small sounds of out him.

“You keep me grounded and sane. I’ve spent so much of my life with my head in the clouds, not really wanting to partake in the world around me. You changed that by showing me how good reality can be. I want to experience real life with you Dean.”

The statement was followed by more pen scratches, then kisses to his stomach, up his chest, and then peppering his face. Dean whimpered, lifting one hand to clutch at the others arm. A tear found his its way down his cheek, but was soon kissed away. It was all too much.

“Shhhh, just one more thing now,” Cas murmured into his skin. “You are doing so well for me.” Their lips met in a long, soft kiss that swallowed all the sounds coming out of Dean’s throat. Then Cas moved to write a last word on his stomach with slow, steady movement. As the pen disappeared, one hand traced all the words on his torso while his boyfriend left three small kisses to his stomach, chest, and forehead.

“Do you want to know what it says?” Cas asked, his lips curling into a smirk. Dean inclined his head in a way that was meant to be a nod. Apparently it was enough, as his boyfriend continued. “It says excellent cocksucker. The things you do with your mouth are downright sinful.” Dean almost chocked on air at those words, and his lips fell open of their own accord. Cas took the opportunity to push two long fingers into his mouth.

“Suck.” That was a command he didn’t really need. Closing his lips around anything Cas put between them was second nature by now. His boyfriend had a borderline obsession with that part of his body. Not that Dean would ever complain. It fit perfectly with his own love of having his mouth filled. Oral fixation Cas sometimes called it, his voice always filled with awe or deep pleasure. “Now touch yourself.”

He was slower to follow the command this time, more focused on the fingers pushing slowly in and out of his mouth. Even so, his entire body lit up with pleasure as his hand wrapped around his dick. It only took a few pumps before he was back on edge again. Cas was tugging at his hair and moving his fingers steadily faster and harder into his mouth. Dean almost gagged a few times, but forced himself to relax. The pleased expression on his boyfriend’s face was more than worth it. Pleasure built with every jerk of his hand, and every movement of Cas’ fingers. He was hurdling towards an orgasm, and this time it didn’t feel like he could stop. Moaning around the fingers, he tried to say that he was close, but it came out as a garbled mess. Fuck. He was so close, but he didn’t have permission to come. And he didn’t have permission to stop jerking off. Starring up, he tried to convey his desperation, tried to plead with his eyes. It was hard to focus on anything else than delaying his orgasm, the world seeming hazy around him. As such, he didn’t notice Cas’ face coming closer until a dark voice whispered into his ear.

“Come for me Dean.”

Two more jerks of his hand and he did just that. The orgasm tore through him, almost making him black out. His whole body convulsed in pleasure as cum coated his stomach. It was so good. Cas always made it better than he managed by himself. Even when he technically was doing all the work himself. He kept jerking in slow movements, drawing out the orgasm while he slowly came back to himself. Soon he grew oversensitive, but kept up the movement until strong fingers wrapped around his own and dragged his hand away. He sighed in relief and pure exhaustion, blinking up at the man above him.

“Hello Dean,” Cas murmured with a pleased smile. “You did perfectly for me.” Dean blushed at that, looking away. That only earned him slightly annoyed sound from the man above him before his face was peppered with kisses. “One day you will believe my praise.”

“One day yeah. Maybe.”

“You will. I intend to remind you of it as often as necessary until you do.” The statement was followed up with more soft kisses to Dean’s face, and a hand carting through his hair. Sighing contently, he leaned into that touch. This was, possibly, his favorite part. Cas was always so affectionate after sex. All soft touches and endless skin-to-skin contact. And like this, during the afterglow, Dean allowed himself to drown in it. Except, they weren’t both basking in the afterglow. With more effort than he was ready to admit, he lifted a hand up to Cas’ hip, squeezing lightly.

“Want me to get you off too?” He asked with a grin, eyes slowly drifting down the others body.

“Not tonight. I already got all I wanted.” He did this every once in a while. Actually, he did it rather often. As if he got more pleasure from getting Dean off than actually having an orgasm of his own. It wasn’t anything Dean could pretend like he understood, but Cas surely knew his own wants best. He was certainly direct enough about shoving his cock down the others throat when he felt like it.

“You’re sure?” Dean met the other’s gaze again, searching for any shred of indecision there.

“Yes Dean. I just wanted to watch you come apart. I might, however, fuck you in the morning.”

“Yeah. Okay. Awesome.” He grinned again, probably looking dopey as hell, as he relaxed back into the bed again. This time determined to stay put. Everything was right with the world again. Well, except for the rapidly drying pool of cum on his stomach, but that was a problem for future-Dean. That guy had energy for all sorts of things.

“I’ll get a washcloth,” Cas said as he stood up from the bed. Because he was freaking perfect. Dean told him as much, causing a fond smile to appear on his boyfriend’s face. Cas’ hand found his, giving one last squeeze as he started to turn away. Pain flared from Dean’s knuckles at the contact, making him flinch. His boyfriend froze at that, starring down at him.

“Dean? What?” Cas dragged his hand close, inspecting the tender area closely. His face turned from confused to worried, eyes scrunching up in familiar fashion. Dean looked at the hand as well. Now that they gave it attention, it was obvious that it was red and slightly swollen. A miracle that it hadn’t been noticed before. “Dean what happened?”

“Umm… I got into a fight with the shower wall.” The last thing he needed was for his boyfriend to blame this on himself. Sure, it happened because Dean was angry about their fight, but that was on him. Neither of them needed Cas to deal with any misplaced guilt over that.

“You got into a fight with the shower wall,” Cas repeated slowly.

“Not my finest moment.”

“Dean,” Cas sighed. “You need to take better care of yourself.”

“I know.”

“You can’t hurt yourself just because we fight.”

“I know.”

“Next time you decided to fight an inanimate object, please make it a verbal match. That one you at least have a chance to win.”

“That’s uncalled for.” Dean tried to scold his face into annoyed, but couldn’t keep a smile from breaking out. Apparently Cas was not in a lecturing, or self-hating, mood. This was going much better than expected.

“You know I’m right.” Cas smiled lightly, then looked more serious again. “Does it hurt?”

“Nothing I can’t handle man.”

“Dean.”

“Yeah. A bit.”

“Okay.” Cas nodded solemnly, then put his hand down and turned towards the door. “Wait here.” With that, he left the room, leaving Dean to study his knuckles. They didn’t look that bad really. He’d damaged them much worse on several occasions, but he’d mostly outgrown that part of his life. That was a teenage and early-to-mid-twenties thing. Which was probably why they looked more painful than they really should, they were no longer hardened by abuse. Or maybe he’d just hit that wall harder than intended. He shook his head lightly and laid the hands back on the bed. It didn’t matter now anyway. With a yawn, he closed his eyes, making himself more comfortable.

He was almost asleep when Cas returned, so he just grunted noncommittedly as a greeting. Sleep seemed more important than anything. Until a bag of freaking ice was dropped on his knuckle. His eyes flew open, and he starred down at the offending item. His boyfriend gave him an amused glance as he placed an ice bag on his other knuckle as well. Okay, they weren’t actually ice bags. When Dean looked closer, he saw they it was frozen peas partly packed into a dish towel. That didn’t change the fact that they felt like big bags of ice.

“Why?” He grunted, giving the pea bags a dirty look.

“Because you refuse to take care of yourself, so someone has to.” He couldn’t exactly argue with that. Instead he sighed, watching as Cas took a warm washcloth to his stomach, wiping off all the dried cum.

“You’re really confusing my senses here.”

“Sorry sweetheart.” Cas gave him a quick kiss to his forehead, before throwing the washcloth towards a corner, turning off the light, and getting into bed. Moving around with the freaking pea bags was complicated, but his boyfriend was efficient as always when cuddling was involved. Soon their legs were tangled, a comforter pulled over them, and Cas had an arm around his waist and head resting between his chest and shoulder.

“I’m glad you came back,” Dean murmured into the darkness, half-hoping the other wouldn’t hear him. Of course, he had no such luck.

“Me too. And Dean?”

He hummed lightly in response.

“I promise to be better at reminding you how much I love you. Maybe even stop walking out every time our fights get too intense. But you have to stop pushing me away.”

“Yeah I…. Fuck, I’m sorry Cas. I’ll do my best.” He took a deep breath, starring into the darkness of the room. “And I love you too. You know that, right?”

“I do. Most of the time.”

“Well I love you all the time,” Dean insisted, then gave his boyfriend an awkwardly placed kiss on his forehead. It seemed like he had to get better at those reminders too. He looked into nothing for several long minutes while Cas’ breathing turned heavy, soon making way for soft snores. Shaking off one of the pea bags, Dean circled an arm around his boyfriend, holding him close as sleep finally took him as well.

[elduwrites]

More Than Good Enough

Dean leaned into the touch, letting the words wash over him. He was being good, doing everything that was asked of him. He had failed in so many other ways today. But this, staying still and quiet for his Dom’s pleasure, this he could do. This he would do.

Also available on AO3

Word count: 2877

Dean let out a long breath as dark silk covered his eyes and Castiel’s talented fingers tied it behind his head. The blindfold felt comforting against his skin, the loss of sight more soothing than anything.  

"You look beautiful like this," the dark voice of his Dom murmured in his ear. "Down on your knees where you belong."

He could not contain the pleasant shudder that went through his body at those words. All he wanted to do was please, and for now he seemed to be doing everything right.

"Such a good boy," the voice whispered. Then warm lips left a trail of kisses along his neck while hands traised down his arms in a barely-there touch. His own hands were guided to clasp together behind his back, and then there was nothing. No low whisper in his ear. No ghost-like touch over his skin. No warm kisses keeping him grounded. Everything was dark and cold. He was blindfolded and alone. A needy whimper left his lips. Where was Cas? He wanted to call out, to ask for him. Or at the very least to remove the blindfold. But no, he had been instructed to stay still. And to stay silent. He did not want to break the rules. Not today. Even if he tried, his words would certainly fail him. Instead another whimper left his lips. This one louder and more desperate, reflecting the dark coil settling in his stomach.

"Shhh. Relax sweet boy I'm here." The voice said from right beside him while a comforting hand settled in his hair. "I was only getting a toy is all. Something to help you keep still. Though you are doing remarkably well on your own today."

Dean leaned into the touch, letting the words wash over him. He was being good, doing everything that was asked of him. He had failed in so many other ways today. But this, staying still and quiet for his Dom’s pleasure, this he could do. This he would do.

"Still. I do love you in these." The voice continued, while two familiar shackles were fasted around his wrists, keeping them together. He let out a relieved breath. He had been good enough. Still enough. And now he was rewarded with help. Handcuffs to stop him from touching, and the blindfold to keep him from getting lost in everything around them. All he could do now was listen and feel. And all that filled his senses was Castiel as the man moved to stand in front of him.

"You have been so good, sweet boy. I think you deserve a proper reward, don't you?"

He nodded quickly, then rose his head towards the other. There was not much he could express in his current predicament, but he looked as pleading as he could without the help of his puppy dog eyes.

"So eager," Castiel chuckled. "Who am I to deny my sweet boy anything?"

Dean listened intently to the sound of a zipper being opened. Another rustle of fabric later, a hard cock was pressed to his lips.

"Open up."

That was the only incentive he needed. He opened his mouth and sank down on the length in front of him. A hand tangled into his hair at the same time, but the grip was weak, so he ignored it in favour of bobbing up and down on the cock. Pulling out all the stops, he alternated between taking as much as he could in his mouth, running his tongue up the vein on the underside, and sucking hard on the head. Deep groans of pleasure from his Dom spurred him to take the length even deeper, and swallowing around it as it hit the back of his throat.

"Fuck," Castiel groaned, tightening the grip of his hair, keeping him completely still. Dean whimpered lowly and waited for what was sure to come next.

"Let's see how your training is coming along," the older man stated, tightening his grip even further. "Remember: breath through your nose and just relax. You have managed this before."

He was unable to answer in any way other than taking several deep breaths through his nose. They had worked towards this for a long time. If he could manage this now, manage to properly please his Dom, then everything else would be forgiven. Not that Castiel would hold it against him if he still needed more training. But he needed this himself. Needed to be good. To please. To pleasure.

His Dom gave one warning tug of his hair before he started trusting his hips in shallow movements. It was slow and controlled at first. Familiar. Then it became slightly faster and much deeper. The cock hitting the back of his throat at every other trust. He focused on repressing his gag reflex, his body would not betray them this time. Finally, after several erratic trusts, Castiel bottomed out and came down his throat with a loud moan. His face was nestled against the other's stomach, as close as possible in this position. He could not even taste the cum, only swallow around it as it shot its way down his throat. Concentrating on his breathing, he waited for the other man to regain his composure and pull out. Once he did, he immediately settled strong hands on Dean's arms, pulling him up and into a deep kiss.

"You did so good, sweet boy," Castiel said as they pulled apart. "So good for me."

He simply nuzzled closer to the other in answer, letting out a pleased moan as his lips were captured in yet another deep kiss. They stayed like that for a long time, just kissing and breathing each other in. Then Castiel pulled back, and gently removed the blindfold. Dean blinked rapidly in the dim light of the room. For a few moments his eyes locked with the piercing blue ones of his Dom, before he lowered his gaze towards the ground.

“Turn around,” Castiel murmured with a light push to his left hip. He did so without question, straightening up as a hand ran down his back. There was a familiar click, then the handcuffs were removed from his wrists, leaving only emptiness in their wake. A small whimper left his lips, unbidden. It was not enough. He still needed to be good. Needed to be better.

“Hush sweet boy,” his Dom murmured in his ear. His warm breath made Dean’s skin tingle. “We are not done yet, but these would only be in the way for the next part.” Strong arms circled Dean’s waits, pulling him closer, while warm lips left a kiss behind his ear. The warmth travelled down his neck, leaving kisses and an occasional bite until they reached his shoulder. Then both lips and arms retracted as Castiel took half a step back.

“On the bed. On your back.” The command left no room for questioning. Not that Dean wanted to question it. Their bed always meant good things. He hurried over and laid down, stretching out so his arms were touching the headboard and toes pointed towards the other side of the bed, legs spread slightly more than his natural pose.

“Good.” Castiel said as he came over to the bed as well. He was gloriously naked now. When had that happened?

“Hands on the headboard. Don’t let go. Can you manage that for me?”

Dean nodded, grabbing the headboard tightly with both hands. Of course he could manage this. Holding on to something was easy. Gave him something to focus on, to keep his hands from wandering when they were not allowed to touch.

“Words Dean.” The tone was strict, but then softer. “If they are back with you now.”

“I… Y-” That was harder. He had not spoken a word in almost two hours, and still they felt trapped in his chest. Not as much as before when… No. This was not the time to think about that. Castiel has asked something of him. This was how he could be good for his Dom. Just a few small words. That was all. “Y-Yes,” he managed to croak out. “I can d-do that.”

“Good boy,” Castiel leaned down to kiss him, dipping in with his tongue for a few seconds before he pulled back again. “You’re being so good for me Dean. Now you’re just going to listen and feel.”

He nodded slightly in return and rested his head back on the pillow. His Dom climbed up on the bed, and sat over him on his hands and knees, one leg resting on either side of Dean’s hips. Castiel’s lips moved to his collarbone, kissing and nibbling at it, while his hand moved to Dean’s left nipple, rolling it lightly before pinching it.

The movements made his slightly dampened arousal flare up again, reminding him that he had still not been allowed to come. The lips moved down his chest to lick over his right nipple. The sensation sent sparks right to his dick, and his hips bucked without his permission.

“Sensitive today are we?” Castiel chuckled lightly. Dean said nothing in return, only looked away in a futile attempt to hide his blush. Now that he was reminded of just how turned on he was, he was unable to ignore it. He just needed.

“You’re so beautiful like this,” his Dom murmured, while moving his hand from his nipple and down his stomach to his crotch. Dean could not contain the loud moan that left him as that hand started stroking his cock in long slow movements.

“Gorgeous.” Castiel said, then moved down to suck at his neck. That sent another wave of pleasure through Dean’s body. He closed his eyes in an attempt to both drown in and get away from the sensations. It was too much. And far from enough.

“You’re so incredible Dean. Both under me like this and out there in our daily lives.” The statement was sealed with a kiss to his right cheek. Dean whimpered slightly, and the hand around his cock tightened in response. How could Castiel still think so highly of him after a day like this?

“You’re strong.” A kiss to his other cheek. “Capable.” Teeth nibbled lightly at his bottom lip. “So very caring.” Warm lips pressed to his forehead. “You’re the best man I know.” The hand around his cock speed up, making him groan. “And you’re all mine.” Lips were pressed to his in a needy, possessive kiss. A tongue licked demandingly at his lips, and he opened up willingly, letting his Dom explore his mouth. Their tongues tangled for a long time, while the hand job brought him steadily towards climax.

“You’re my good boy,” Castiel said against his lips as they pulled apart. “And you’re always good enough.”

Dean let out another weak whimper at that. It did not feel true. He made too many mistakes all the time. He dropped the ball on his responsibilities, and then he shut down, shut people out, and even lost his ability to speak. How was any of that good enough? A sharp bite to his shoulder made him open his eyes and focus back on the man over him.

“None of that,” Castiel growled. As if he could read Dean’s mind. Perhaps he could? The hand on his cock had stilled. A proof of how he had disappointed his Dom. Again. “No matter what your mind keeps telling you, you’re always good enough for me.”

Dean focused on the other’s cheekbones. He could not look into his eyes. Not now. Castiel believed in him. Castiel thought he was caring and beautiful and good enough. And who was he to question his Dom? Perhaps he could at least believe in him here? His Dom would never lie to him after all. And if he believed it, Castiel would be pleased. And pleasing him meant that Dean actually was being good. Biting his lip, he nodded.

“Good boy.” He was rewarded with another kiss to his forehead. “Now tell me: How are your words?”

Dean knew what he was actually asking. Normally Castiel would have him repeating back all the praise, but not on a day like this. Because his Dom never asked anything of him that they knew he could not do. All he needed was to shake his head, and he would not have to say anything. Castiel would do whatever he had planned, and Dean would be allowed to just listen and feel.

But that would not be completely truthful. He had managed so say something earlier, surely he could do so again? His words were clearly what Castiel really wanted. That was the way he could be good. But if he could not do it, that was okay too. Castiel had never, and would never, judge him for that. Which was why he had to try.

His words were not great. That was the truth. Not great, he repeated to himself. Not great. Not great. Not great. “Not great,” he answered in a barely audible whisper.

“Then I shall only ask for a few of them,” Castiel replied and kissed him again. This one was all comfort and love, lips moving slowly against each other. Like they had all the time in the world.

“You, Dean Winchester, is an incredible human being,” Castiel finally said against his lips. “And you are more than good enough. I want you to repeat that back to me. Tell me you’re more than good enough.”

More than good enough? Dean swallowed. He could do this. Would do this. I am good, he thought to himself. I am good enough. I am good enough.

“I am good enough,” he whispered.

“You are,” Castiel agreed. “But that is not quite what I asked you to say.”

Dean’s eyes widened as he took a sharp breath. Has he said it wrong? How? What was-

“Let’s try this one more time,” Castiel said sternly. “You are more than good enough.”

Oh. That was what he forgot. He swallowed slowly, feeling that familiar pressure build in his lungs. The pressure that kept his words trapped, even when they were easy ones. More than good enough, he thought to himself. I am more than good enough. He repeated the words like a mantra until he knew precisely how they would form in his mouth. Until they were all he could feel.

“I am more than good enough,” he whispered. A few tears escaped his eyes as the words finally washed over him.

“That you are,” Castiel agreed easily, then gave him a firm kiss. “Now let me take care of you sweet boy.”

With those words, he started to kiss and bite his way down Dean’s body. Simultaneously, he snuck a hand around to massage the Sub’s ass-cheeks. Dean’s erection perked up at the change in activity, quickly desperate for attention.  

For every third kiss, Castiel said words of praise into his skin. Soon he was drowning in the sensation of lips and under the words of “Beautiful.” “Loyal.” “Intelligent.” “Passionate.” “Kind.” As always, when he really put his mind to it, Castiel was all-consuming.

“You, my sweet boy, somehow always exceed my expectations,” was murmured into his hipbone. “You are more than good enough.” Followed by a kiss to the base of his cock. “And you may come when you please.”

The last sentiment was followed up by Castiel sucking the head of Dean’s dick into his mouth. Then he blew him with an enthusiasm that seemed to say that blowing Dean was his favourite activity. It did not take long before Dean was coming down his throat with a noise that was closer to a scream than a moan.

“So good,” Castiel said as he moved up to capture his lips in another deep kiss. Dean smiled at him, accepting the kiss with pleasure. Strong hands wrapped around his wrists, dragging them away from the headboard. Gentle fingers massaged the parts that had earlier been covered by handcuffs.

“I love you so much,” Cas murmured into his hair before kissing his forehead.

I love you too, Dean thought loudly. I love you too. I love you too! It was as close to screaming as he could do in his mind.

“I. Love. You. Too,” he whispered slowly, his tongue feeling clumsy around the words. His husband hummed happily and hugged him tight.

“Now let’s get you some juice,” Cas said, making him chuckle. Back when they had started this, the juice itself seemed important to keep his spirits high. These days it was the ritual more than anything that brought him comfort after a scene.

As Cas rose from the bed, Dean grabbed his hand. He closed his lips around the other’s thumb, biting down as gently as possible, while meeting his husband’s eyes with a meaningful look.  

“Yes,” Cas said with a fond smile. “Of course I’ll bring you something to eat as well.”

Dean grinned happily and fell back into the pillows, accepting the chaste kiss to his forehead with a low hum. Hopefully Cas would bring back one of the cookies they had baked with Jack the day before. That would be the perfect bedtime snack.          

[elduwrites]

ANYTHING FOR YOU - CHAPTER 5

With two younger brothers in need of food and security, a dead-beat alcoholic for a father, and no marketable skills of his own, Dean started selling himself shortly after he presented omega. At 17, he both has regular clients, and those who find him in or outside of the dingy bar where he often resides. It’s not a life he wants, but he’s willing to offer everything he is to create a better life for his brothers.

After some bad experiences and years of alphas telling him he’s a worthless bitch, he finds himself ready to believe it. Then a new client steps into his life, a handsome alpha with intense blue eyes that seem able to stare into his very core. The alpha is determined to care for him in a way that no-one else ever has, contesting his hard-earned belief that all alphas are douchebags.

But Dean knows that trusting an alpha is the best way to get heartbroken, and that gentle words can hide a ton of bad intentions. Still, this Castiel pays well and that’s something he can’t afford to turn down. Neither does he want to deprive himself of someone who seems to care about his pleasure as well as their own. Even as he must remind himself that he can’t give a client any part of him that’s actually real.

Also available on AO3

Chapter word count: 3040

Chapter 5/?

Chapter 1 Chapter 4 Chapter 6

“Such a tight bitch. Just made to take knots all day,” Alastair growled as he pounded into the omega. “This hole of yours is never satisfied. I ought to tie you up somewhere and let all my friends take turns filling you up. Bet you’d like that. Such a dirty, desperate whore.”

Dean whimpered lowly, the sound mostly muffled by the brick wall his face was pressed into. His knees buckled under the force of the alpha’s thrusts, and his hands grasped unhelpfully for and kind of support. There was none to be had. Instead he was forced even closer to the wall as the huge knot started catching on his rim.

“Take it little slut. You know it’s all you’re good for. Take it!”

The knot popped in, effectively tying them together. Alastair’s movement turned shallow, but no less violent. His long nails dug into the omega’s skin, leaving long marks to match the bruises from being smashed into brick over and over again.

“Maybe I’ll mate you so I can use this hole whenever I want. Keep all the benefits of your slutty ways for myself.” The alpha bit lightly over his scent gland while pressing their bodies impossibly closer.

“We both know a forced mating won’t work,” Dean spat back. “Certainly not with someone who has taken as many different knots as me.”

“So you say. I think it’s time we found out.” Long fangs dug into his scent glands right before the alpha climaxed, filling his with hot cum. Dean screamed, trying to wrench himself away from the alpha’s strong hold.

*

“Dee? Dee?!” Adam yelled in his face while shaking him frantically. “Wake up Dee!”

Dean sat up with a start, making his brother fall of him, landing on his butt on the bed next to him. The omega quickly touched his own neck, feeling the soft skin where no mating bite was present. A dream. It had only been a dream. Based on a horrible evening with his worst client sure, but a dream nonetheless. Real-life Alastair had never tried to claim him. The guy liked to threaten with the possibility, but he was all bark and no bite. At least when it came to that.

“You okay Dee?” Adam climbed back into his lap, grabbing his face firmly in his small hands.

“Yeah, I’m okay pup.” Dean hugged the boy tightly, breathing in his scent. The comforting smell of pup and family was almost completely drowned out by a burnt smell of sadness and desperation. The omega shivered lightly. He had caused that. His brother was feeling like that because of him.

“It was only a bad dream,” Dean murmured. “You woke me up, I’m fine now.” He shifted Adam around so that his nose was pressed against the omega’s scent gland. Then he concentrated on his own scent, forcing the panic away and replacing it with soothing pheromones. “You’re taking such good care of me pup.”

“Was it about Mary?” Adam asked softly.

“Yeah, it was. Always is.” His last nightmare about his mom was probably two or three years ago by now, but he’d always woke up screaming when he dreamt about her death. There was probably no notable difference to his brother between that nightmare and this one.

“M’ sorry.”

“Not your fault pup. You make everything better by just being here.” He pulled the boy even closer and held him steady as he slowly got out of bed. The entire room stunk of panic and desperation, and his sheets were covered in sweat. Being in there wasn’t helping either of them. He opened a window to air out the smell, put on a pair of socks, and walked into the kitchen with the pup on his arm.

“Wanna help me make breakfast?” He held his brother a little away from his body to properly see his face, only for the pup to scramble back against him, mushing his face against his neck again. “Okay then. How about some cocoa on the couch instead? Breakfast can wait.” It was a school-day, but it was also half past five in the morning. They had time. And his brother needed him.

Adam nodded, and Dean tightened his grip on him once more. Preparing coca was made more difficult when he could only use one arm, but he was used to cooking with a clingy pup. Soon they were settled on the couch with a warm cup each and some children’s cartoons playing on the TV. Adam sat safely on his lap with a warm blanket wrapped tightly around him.

Dean sniffed his hair, relishing in the scent of pup and family once more, all undertones of sadness finally gone. There were few things so bad in his youngest brother’s life that something warm to drink and an abundance of hugs couldn’t fix it. If only he could stay that small and easy to comfort forever.

While Adam soon was entranced by the cartoons, even almost forgetting his drink, Dean thought back to the nightmare. It wasn’t unusual for him to have those, but this particular one hadn’t bothered him for a long time. A forced mating wasn’t anything to be scared of. At least not with his history. So why’d his brain brought that fear up again?

He’d never understood quite why, but there was probably some evolutionary bullshit behind it. Perhaps forced matings gave fewer children or something back in the day? Kevin had explained it all after that incident during freshman year, but Kevin’s understanding of these things was far past anything Dean would ever have. He only needed to remember to main point anyway. Forced matings almost never took. Not unless the alpha somehow forced a scent bond first or knotted the omega several times over several days or even weeks. It took time for biological instinct to override feelings, especially the omega’s need for safety.

It was even harder if the omega in question had been knotted by several alphas. Biology went all highwire from that, the chance of forming that kind of attachment with any of the alphas weakened. There was something unfair about that, as alphas didn’t have the same side-effects from sleeping around, but he could only be thankful. It was one of the few ways his biology actually protected him, kept him safe from people like Alastair. And Michael. Even if might weaken his ability to ever form a proper mate-bond. He’d never asked Kevin about that, never dared to voice that particular worry out loud. Not like mating was on the table for someone like him anyway.

Bottom line was that it was a stupid nightmare that meant next to nothing. Alastair would never try to mate with him. And even if he did, he’d fail. So his unconscious mind could fuck off and leave him alone. There were enough real things for him to worry about, he didn’t need made-up ones as well.

“I want pancakes.” Adam suddenly said, craning his neck to look up at his brother.

“Huh?”

“For breakfast. I want pancakes.” The pup smiled sweetly, big eyes widening innocently. He’d learned that particular look from Sammy. No doubt. They both knew how to make their big brother cave in no time.

“Then you’ll have to help me.”

“Of course. I love making breakfast.”

“Sure you do,” Dean rolled his eyes and ruffled the boys hair. That earned him a grin and ever-sweet aroma of happy pup.  

*

The Friday with Castiel started just as the Sunday had. The alpha sent him up to shower, leaving out some of his own clothes for the omega to dress in. This time there was no excuse of Dean smelling like another alpha, if anything he probably just smelled like other omegas and possibly pup after a day at school and couple of hours with his brothers. Not that he was going to complain about the shower, it was a wonderful luxury. And judging from the way Castiel nuzzled against his neck when he came downstairs, the alpha simply wanted to draw out his natural scent. No wonder if he smelled anywhere as close as good to the older man as the alpha did to him.

Afterwards they ate Chinese food on the couch with some nature documentary going on in the background. He didn’t really pay attention to that, more concerned with the food and the alpha who periodically stroked his arm or lightly squeezed his thigh. If he hadn’t been so nervous, it would’ve felt more like a date than a job. But no. That was a dangerous train of thought. He was there to provide a service. Sure, Castiel’s wants where different than most of his other clients. That didn’t change what their relationship actually was. Nor the fact that the alpha’s actions could alter at any given moment, proving that this was all a lie. Lowering his guard was risky, even though this man seemed determined to keep him healthy and comfortable.

When they’d finished eating, Castiel dragged him unto his lap so they sat face-to-face. Dean’s legs settled on the couch on either side of the other man, while his ass rested on a pair of muscular thighs. One of the alpha’s arms wrapped around his waist while his other hand cradled the omega’s face. Dean closed his eyes, leaning into the gentle touch for a while. Then the hand shifted from his face to the back of his neck, dragging him into a chaste kiss. That was quickly followed by a second, third and fourth. Careful kisses, barely even a brush of lips. Then the grip on his neck tightened and he was pulled into a more proper one. Their lips moved in synch, pressing against each other until they had to pull away for air.

“Absolutely beautiful,” Castiel said, letting his eyes move freely over the omega.

“Thank you alpha.”

He was pulled into another kiss, this one even deeper. The alpha’s tongue prodded at his lips, asking for entrance that he readily gave. The arm around his waist dragged him closer until they were chest to chest, still kissing like nothing else mattered. Tongues tangled as they thoroughly explored each other’s mouths. They pulled away to take a few breaths, only to crash back together repeatedly. Occasionally, the alpha broke of to kiss and suck at his neck, making him moan. Damn it, Castiel was an excellent kisser.

No one had kissed him this much in years. And never so gently, almost reverently. Like it mattered. It didn’t even seem to be leading anywhere. The alpha seemed to kiss him just for the act itself. Dean couldn’t stop himself from melting into the kiss. Castiel was commanding and dominant without taking over completely. He seemed in tune with the omega’s body language while simultaneously claiming him. It was intoxicating. And Dean found himself clinging to the alpha, arms curled tightly around his neck.

He almost whimpered when the alpha eventually pulled away and pushed him a little backwards. They were still close, but no longer sharing the same breaths, only a slight movement from kissing again. Dean dropped his hands to rest on the other’s thighs, just as the alpha’s hands moved to his hip, drawing small circles with his thumbs.

“I was going to talk to you,” Castiel said. “Get to know you. But having you so close makes me forget all that. You smell so good omega. I want to drown in it.”

“Thank you?” That seemed like a compliment. Kinda. A weird one, but a compliment nonetheless. “If you want to keep kissing me, or scenting me, then you’re welcome to do that. I’m yours for tonight alpha.”

That made the alpha let out a pleased growl. The hands on Dean’s hips tightened considerable, and Castiel took several deep breaths before he let up the grip.

“Tempting offer, but as I said, I want to get to know you Dean. Please, tell me about yourself.”

“I- Uh- What do you wanna know alpha?” This was very dangerous territory. Anything he told the older man was something he could use against him later. He didn’t share personal details with clients, that wasn’t how this worked. They were able to hurt him enough when they didn’t know anything. A client who actually knew him could do so much worse. What if someone came after him in his personal life? Or worse, came after his brothers? But Castiel wouldn’t do that, right?

“Anything you’re willing to share with me. You don’t have to say anything you’d rather keep private. Just share a little of who you are when you’re not doing this.”

Dean swallowed, looking down at the alpha’s chest. He’d forgotten to keep his scent in check again. Probably stank up the room with omega panic. Again. And now his freaking client was trying to comfort him. Again. He had to keep in control of himself better around Castiel. If not, this just wasn’t going to work. No one wanted a whore who freaked out every two minutes.

“There’s not much to tell alpha. I work, go to school, and take care of my family. Don’t have time for much else.”

“Well that’s all admirable things. You go to school?”

“Yeah. Not for much longer tho. I’m a senior in High School so come summer I’m free from that.” As if that was something to celebrate. Next year his friends would go off to college, and he’d be stuck here selling his body until no-one wanted him anymore.

“High school?” The alpha’s brows furrowed, and the grip on Dean’s hips tightened slightly. “Dean, how old are you?”

“I’m seventeen alpha.”

“Seven-” Castiel stiffened and his fingers dug almost painfully into Dean’s hips. “You’re so young.”

The omega snorted at that. “Not so young anymore alpha. I’ll be eighteen in a few months. Some of my clients have already dropped me cuz I’m getting too old.”

That drew another growl from the alpha, but this one was far from happy. His scent turned sharp and imposing, like a thunderstorm filled with ash. Dean forced himself to stay still, but hunched his shoulders a little under the force of that anger. Okay, better not mention his other clients around this one. He should have foreseen this. Castiel was very possessive after all.

“How long have you been doing this?”

“Oh. I-” That was not the question he’d expected. Why did that matter? “I started not long after I presented. Around the time I turned fourteen. So closing in on four years now.” Christ, he’d really been doing this for that long? No wonder people talked of him as already used up.

“Fourteen? You were just a child.” That imposing anger was still there in full force, but it slowly mixed with the scent of protective alpha. Dean relaxed at that. A protective alpha was not someone who would hurt him.  

“You know how it is alpha. The moment an omega presents we go from being innocent children to desirable mates if we’re lucky and holes that people wanna fuck if we’re not. Ain’t nothing like an omega child in most people’s eyes.” Though if Adam presented omega, he’d keep him safe from all that crap for as long as possible. His pup would be innocent for however long he wanted to be.

“Oh Dean.” Castiel suddenly pulled him close, basically cradling the omega to his chest. “I’m sorry the world has been so cruel to you.”

“Ain’t your fault alpha. Just the way things work.”

They sat like that for a long time while the alpha’s anger slowly died down. The air was still heavy with alpha protection, but that didn’t seem to be going away anytime soon. Not that Dean minded. His inner omega felt safer than in a long time in the presence of an alpha who wanted to protect him. A strong, kind alpha at that. If he’d had more energy, Dean would have argued with that. But it was late, and he was tired, so he let his omega bask in the scent as much as it wanted.

Eventually, Castiel decided that it was time for bed. Just like last time, he sent the omega up first to get ready. This time, there was a toothbrush waiting for him in the bathroom, leaving him perfectly content as he slipped into the comfortable bed. And damn, he’d forgotten just how good it was to lay in. None of his memories had done it justice. As he stretched out on it, he felt his spine pop in a couple of places. It was incredible.

The alpha soon joined him, crawling under the covers. As Dean started to turn his back on him, he was stopped by hands that guided him to turn towards the alpha instead. He allowed the older man to arrange him as he pleased, and soon found himself laying with his head resting on Castiel’s chest. The alpha’s arms wrapped around him, keeping him close. And safe his inner omega insisted.        

With his nose laying against the alpha’s chest, it was impossible not to scent him. He smelled of sandalwood and something smoky like fire or maybe bacon, and there was an undertone of something rich and sweet. Something familiar. Unable to resist, Dean adjusted a little to scent the alpha properly. Sandalwood. Freshly cooked bacon. Dark chocolate. He almost whimpered as Castiel’s full scent filled his sense. It smelled like home, like evenings and early mornings with his younger brothers. It felt like home. And safety. No wonder the alpha was so obsessed with scenting him. They were almost ridiculously compatible. Perhaps he could have this? Just for tonight. That was all.

It took another deep breath of that intoxicating smell and burrowed himself even closer to the alpha, barely managing to contain a happy purr. Castiel nuzzled his hair, leaving a soft kiss there, and held him even tighter. The air around them was once again filled with protective alpha, causing the omega to relax even further.

“Sleep well Dean.”

“You too alpha.”

He’d barely closed his eyes before he fell into a restful sleep, mercifully free of nightmares.  

[elduwrites]

ANYTHING FOR YOU - CHAPTER 8

With two younger brothers in need of food and security, a dead-beat alcoholic for a father, and no marketable skills of his own, Dean started selling himself shortly after he presented omega. At 17, he both has regular clients, and those who find him in or outside of the dingy bar where he often resides. It’s not a life he wants, but he’s willing to offer everything he is to create a better life for his brothers.

After some bad experiences and years of alphas telling him he’s a worthless bitch, he finds himself ready to believe it. Then a new client steps into his life, a handsome alpha with intense blue eyes that seem able to stare into his very core. The alpha is determined to care for him in a way that no-one else ever has, contesting his hard-earned belief that all alphas are douchebags.

But Dean knows that trusting an alpha is the best way to get heartbroken, and that gentle words can hide a ton of bad intentions. Still, this Castiel pays well and that’s something he can’t afford to turn down. Neither does he want to deprive himself of someone who seems to care about his pleasure as well as their own. Even as he must remind himself that he can’t give a client any part of him that’s actually real.

Also available on AO3

Chapter word count: 3108

Chapter 8/?

Chapter 1 Chapter 7 Chapter 9

John’s presence was heavily felt, though the man himself did little to enforce it that first evening. When Dean walked into the living room, he found him already half-asleep in the shabby armchair he favored. The man barely woke himself up enough to demand another beer and tell him he ought to take better care of his brothers. “Can’t leave Adam home alone like that. You’re his omega, he’s your responsibility.”

“Sam was here,” Dean replied in as calm of a tone as he managed. “And I had to work.” There was no use mentioning that the man had left him alone with a toddler when he was Adam’s age. Nor that the pup’s real omega was some strange woman John had picked up at a bar and stuck around with only until the baby was born. That would only lead to much worse. Better to hold his tongue.

“Work huh? Is that what getting railed by strangers is called these days? We had other words for that in my day.”

“Well, it’s all I got.” Dean took a few steps away. He didn’t need to have his father call him a dirty whore or an utter disappointment. Or the kind of omega that’s barely good enough to warm a knot, and certainly not able to do anything else. Because that was seemingly what people like him were called back in the day. Just showed that society, or at least the alpha part of it, hadn’t evolved much since his father was young.

The alpha didn’t try to stop him, just took a deep sip from his beer and let the empty bottle fall to the floor. That was close enough to a dismissal, and Dean hurried off to Sam’s room. His brothers were sitting together on Sam’s bed with a blanket pulled around their shoulders, and Adam’s teddies lying in front of them. Dean barely had time to close the door behind him before the youngest Winchester crossed the room and threw himself into his arms.

“Hey there pup,” he said in a soft voice while stroking one hand through his soft hair. “You doin’ okay?”

“Dad’s back.”

“Yeah, I know.” Dean hosted him a little higher up in his arms and walked towards the bed.

“Why does he even bother coming around?” Sam asked, sounding every bit like the bitter teenager he had every right to be. “It’s not like anyone wants him here.”  

Dean sighed, sitting down next to him and arranging Adam in his lap so they were both comfortable. This wasn’t a conversation he wanted to have around their youngest brother, but the pup wouldn’t let go of him for the rest of the evening. So what choice did he really have? They all had to live with this anyway. Even though he still hoped he could get Adam away from this life before he was old enough to retain all the bad memories.

“I don’t know,” he eventually said. “I guess some part of him still wants to be here for his family. Even though he’s mostly forgotten how to do that.”

“Like he ever knew. He’s never been a real parent to any of us.” The young alpha sounded more emotional than usual. Something must have happened between him and their father.

“I guess you’re right.” He just didn’t have it in him to defend John Winchester, even if their life would be less complicated if Sam got along better with him. And even though that was far from the truth. John had been a good parent once. But he wouldn’t torture himself by re-calling memories of a dad he barely remembered and a mom he fought hard not to forget. “I’m sure it’ll only be a few weeks; we just have to get through it. He’ll soon be back on his feet and back on the road.”

“Why is it our responsibility to get him there though? We shouldn’t have to take care of him!” Sam raised his voice, almost yelling, and Dean gave him a sharp look. It wouldn’t do them good to be overheard.

“Let’s get one thing clear Sam. This isn’t our responsibility. It’s mine. So just relax and lay low for a bit. I’ll take care of this. I always do. Okay?”

Whatever reply Sam might have given him was interrupted by a couple broken half-sobs from Adam. Dean took a deep breath, forcing his feelings to retreat and trying to send out soothing pheromones to very limited success. This was why they couldn’t talk about these things with the kid in the room.

“Let’s get you to bed pup. Wanna sleep in my bed tonight? I promise to stay with you all night.”

“R-really?”

“Of course.”

“O-okay.” Adam was still sniffling rather loudly, but at least it hadn’t developed into full on crying. Dean held him tight and leaned over to pull Sam into a rare hug. The young teen stiffened for a moment before hugging him back.

“I’m sorry Sammy. You deserve so much better than this.”

*

He sent his brothers off to the library early the next morning. It would be hard for Adam to be away from him after the previous evening. The pup had tossed and turned most of the night. In turn, Dean had gotten next to no sleep. Even so, it was better to keep the boys out of the house for a few hours. For as long as possible honestly.

It wasn’t fair to Sammy. He had a lot to do, and babysitting didn’t fit into his schedule. But they all had to chip in at times like these, and the younger teen understood that. He’d had that wise beyond his years look in his eyes when he answered that “Yeh of course I’ll take him with me. We’ll be fine, don’t worry.” Dean hated seeing him like that.

It did, however, free up his day. Gave him time to take care of all the things that needed fixing to ensure that the next few days or weeks would go as smooth as possible. If he could ensure that everything at home were up to John’s weird standards, then maybe the man wouldn’t be so disappointed by him and disgusted with them all. Not that it had ever worked before. But if he could just do better, then maybe… Maybe.

First, and most important, he collected all the money in the house. It wouldn’t do to have it laying around where John could find it and use it all on booze. Or worse yet, on gambling. He was always in a foul mood when he lost Dean’s hard-earned cash to some creepy poker dude he didn’t even know. And more than often, he came back needing even more just to satisfy his debt. If he didn’t have a way to buy into the games however, he surely wouldn’t be able to play at all. Then there wouldn’t be a need for any of the more… creative payback methods he sometimes mumbled about.

Once that was taken care of, Dean went to the store to buy everything they could need in the next week. He’d have to put more effort into the dinners now. To keep the peace. On the way back, he stopped by Benny’s restaurant and left the rest of the money with him. The beta looked, and smelled, worried, and tried to make him stay for a while, but Dean didn’t have time. With a tight smile and an unconvincing reassurance that everything was fine, he returned to the house.

By the time he’d unpacked the groceries and started cleaning the kitchen, it was early afternoon. There were still no traces of John, but by the time he started in on the living room, he could hear sounds coming from the alpha’s bedroom. He was fixing a chair that’d been ruined the last time his father was in a fit of drunken rage when the man finally appeared.

“The place is falling apart,” John said in greeting. “You need to take better care of it.”

“Yes sir. Sorry.” It stung to hear it, mostly because it was true. The house was old and needed a lot of care, more that he could give. But he used to be better at that. At finding time to fix things, clean and just keep it in near-decent shape. Now he’d left this chair laying around for months, every door was hard to close, and the porch railing was full or rot. Not to mention the window in John’s room that was still glassless and boarded over and all the shit he didn’t even have energy enough to notice. He used to better at all of this, somehow had more time before.

“This is why omegas shouldn’t go to school. Your place is here. Should’ve withdrawn you when you first presented, no matter what Bobby said.”

“Sorry sir. I’ll do better.”

John just grunted at that and walked into the kitchen. Hopefully to make himself some breakfast. More likely to have a cup of coffee with what whiskey was left over from the day before. Dean sighed heavily and turned his attention back to the chair. He’d have to make an early dinner. Make sure everyone were properly fed. At least that was one thing he could do right.    

*

Benny was a lifesaver. There was no judgement or questions from him. Only acceptance and a willingness to help. He didn’t even ask for anything in return, just promised to babysit and get the boys up for school. Sam would probably have protested that term loudly if he hadn’t been so damn happy to spend the night there. As it was, he just grinned and dragged Adam into the house while Benny stayed by the door with Dean. The beta smiled and insisted that he was happy to do this in his ever so calming voice.

It allowed Dean to go to work without an immense amount of guilt. He’d dropped working that Sunday, but he couldn’t miss this. Castiel was expecting him. And he paid well enough that Dean could limit himself to only two days a week while John was in town. He’d still be able to pay the bills, without leaving Sam with too much responsibility at home. Especially if Benny could have them over on Tuesdays. Maybe even Fridays if he didn’t get too swamped at the restaurant.

Not only that, but he couldn’t risk losing his most loyal and highest paying client. And he enjoyed working for Castiel. That wasn’t something John was allowed to mess up for him. He had a tentative sort of stability now, and that was more than he’d dared hoped for a few months earlier. Despite the current circumstance, he just had to make it work.

Walking into the alpha’s house felt more like coming home than returning to his own house had done the last few days. There was a sense of calm that Castiel’s scent always gave him. Nothing bad had ever happened to him there. It was one of the few places left in his life where that was true. Even Benny’s house carried memories of days of excruciating pain, and that was the closest to a safe space he’d had in years.

It shouldn’t come as a shock then, that he was overwhelmed by feelings the moment he stepped inside. Some protective wall just crumbled away, and he struggled hard to keep his scent even. This wasn’t Castiel’s problem to deal with, no need to worry him. Even so, it was hard to stay still and seem content when a whirlwind of emotions threatened to overtake him. It had been too much these last few days. He needed someone to take over and allow him to simply exist. Just for a little while.

“Dean, are you okay?” Castiel sounded worried. Already. Dean barely contained a whimper at his obvious failure. Then he took a deep breath, shaking his head lightly.

“Sorry alpha. I’m fine, just a lot on my mind is all. It’s nothin’ important. Should I go shower?” His words came out too fast to convince anyone. The lie was so painfully obvious that he was sure he’d get called on it. Maybe this was what would make this kind alpha snap as well. He’d asked for honestly after all, that was one of the things he really valued or whatever. And here Dean was, not even able to do that for him. Failing here as surely as he did everywhere else.  

Castiel looked at him for a while, blue eyes seemingly looking straight through him. Dean felt himself shrink under the gaze. It was so obvious that he was a complete mess, and now he’d be called out on that.

“Yes, go clean up. I’ll have the soup ready for when you come down.”

Dean blinked several times while the words sunk in. His lie was accepted just like that? No pressure to talk. No nothing? And, the soup would be ready? Did that mean? “Alpha, did you make soup?”

“Yes,” Castiel sounded amused by that. “Chicken noodle, I hope you approve of my recipe. I do know how to cook you know.”

“Yes. I- Of course alpha. You just never…” He was fumbling, unable to make the words make sense. Nothing was going quite as he’d expected.  

“I figured it was about time.” Castiel gave him a soft smile and leaned in to kiss his cheek. “Go shower now omega. We can talk more after.”  

That was a dismissal if he ever heard one, and he hurried off to shower and dress in the clothes put out for him. He made sure to be thorough as always, but couldn’t quite enjoy the warm water the way he usually did. Even that couldn’t quiet down the thoughts and emotions racing through his head. He had to calm down, at least a little, or he’d have to explain himself to Castiel. And he really didn’t want to trouble him with this.

His scent was almost neutral when he entered the living room, and he managed to keep it that way throughout most of the meal. Even allowed some notes of comfort and joy to come through. Because Castiel had cooked for him. It was really good soup too. One of the favorites from his childhood, which he was sure the alpha remembered. It was the kind of attention to detail that made it hard to remember that the man didn’t actually care about him. This wasn’t personal, just a part of his need to care for and save everyone.

Their usual routine of watching some show on TV while he rested heavily against Castiel’s side allowed his thoughts to wander. Adam hadn’t slept over anywhere that wasn’t their house since he was two. He probably didn’t’ remember sleeping somewhere that wasn’t his own or Dean’s bed, or occasionally Dean’s lap. How was he doing? Was everything okay? Would he have more nightmares, and would anyone be able to calm him down? Dean always used his pheromones to the best of his ability when his youngest brother needed it, but neither Benny nor Sam could do that. They just couldn’t be a safe haven the way he was, could they? And if they could, wouldn’t it be better for Adam to stay there? What could Dean even offer him then?

And what about John? How long was he staying this time? How bad would it get? Would Sam’s alpha status soothe the part of him that’d been particularly bad since Dean presented? Or would it just make Dean seem even more useless to him? Would this be what finally made him fulfill those threats about finding him a mate? He surely wouldn’t send him away while Adam was still so young, right? Or at all. Despite everything, John was still his father. All the mating crap was just drunken mumblings. He’d had those for years, but nothing had ever come of it. That had to mean that John cared about him in his own weird way, right?

“Dean.” The alpha’s deep voice brought him back to reality, and he turned slightly to face him. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” he replied, much too fast. Again. “Just spaced out for a little. It’s nothin’. Really. It won’t happen again.”

“Don’t do that.” Castiel reached out to rub a hand soothingly up and down his arm. “If you don’t want to tell me that’s fine, but please don’t lie to me Dean.”  

“S-sorry.” There he was again, doing the exact opposite of what the alpha wanted. Why did he even bother keeping him around? Too much trouble to go through the initial bonding time with a new omega perhaps? He turned halfway away from Castiel, stubbornly starring towards one of the walls. “Don’t wanna bother you with my problems alpha.”

“You’re not bothering me. I just want to help.” Castiel underlined the words by wrapping two strong arms around him and pulling him back to rest against the alpha’s chest. Dean took a few heavy breaths, forcing himself to relax into the position. It was better like this, easier, when he couldn’t see those searching blue eyes.

“John’s back,” he said in a low voice.

“John?” The alpha sounded confused for a moment. Then his grip tightened, and his scent turned sharp in poorly concealed anger. “Your father.”  

It wasn’t a question, but Dean answered him anyway with a quiet “yes.”

They were silent for a while after that. Castiel’s scent turned from anger to worry before eventually ending on comfort with an undertone of protectiveness. Dean relaxed into it, somehow this had become his favorite nuance of the alpha’s already intoxicating smell. It always made his inner omega settle down and feel safe, and he couldn’t help but follow.

“I know he can’t, or perhaps refuses to, see it,” Castiel said, his tone somehow both careful and assertive. “But you do so much for your family. More than anyone has any right to ask of you. You’re a much better son than he deserves, and a more remarkable man than he could ever hope to be.”

That seemed like a lie, but Castiel sounded completely sincere. Dean took several deep breaths, forcing himself not to tear up. This wasn’t something Castiel would lie about, right? He was being serious. But if he really meant it… Well, that was too much to deal with. Dean wouldn’t do it. Couldn’t do it. Instead, he turned around in the alpha’s arms and crushed their lips together in a deep, desperate kiss.