#eli isn’t really good at cutting hair tho

[iszapizza]

what if eli had to be the one to give thrawn that first haircut?

[bular]

Welcome to Live Commentary

I had no one to talk to while watching the movie and I hate being alone with my thoughts so I wrote everything down in my notes app. It's not coherent! Enjoy!

Aw yeah 1.5 seconds of Bular that is all I needed! Might as well stop now I've seen my boy I'm satisfied.

Why is there a nearly 4 minute recap as if I haven't watched the show at least 50 times. I should be the one giving the recap.

The beginning felt a bit forced to me but maybe that's just me? Like they just tried to squeeze too many things into a small timeframe without any buildup, it just didn't really work. Congrats on the engagement! This is my OTP so I'm very happy! But it came out of nowhere.

Nari in Douxies body is so wrong and I love it and hate it at the same time (positive)

Eli is BIG. I knew he was gonna be tall but I was not prepared for that chiseled face. Or the fact that he stepped off the ship without glasses? I wear glasses and I would not choose to step off a spaceship blind.

OkAY who had mpreg on their bingo card?

AAARRRGGHH actually said a full sentence 🥺 there is no heterosexual explanation for this scene and I'm here for it

Arcadia being the center of the universe really does make a lot of sense. I hate how much sense it makes. Despise it.

Strickler in a Christmas sweater is something i didn't know I needed. Jim's jacket too but that's just adorable, Jim's adorable. Oh sweet baby you're about to get fucked over so bad.

Love seeing Barbara actively participating in battle too. Good for her! Power family!!

Where are the kids tho? Is NotEnrique babysitting? Either that or they hired the girl from the Incredibles movie.

Nomura is so talented I love seeing her fighting on the good side. I can't explain it but I love digitigrade legs they're just so pretty?? Aesthetically pleasing??? Fuck yeah, legg! I could watch Nomura run around and be badass all day.

WAIT NO OH SHIT HOW DARE YOU FUCK

STRICKLER DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE NOT YOU TOO THAT'S TOO FUCKING RUDE DON'T DO THIS TO ME

THERE'S NO WAY HE'S DEAD RIGHT WE SAW NO BODY

Barbara does not deserve this I refuse to accept it. He's fine he'll be back they wouldn't kill two Changelings at once. Also Nomura is with Draal now I take no criticism.

So my favorite characters were Bular, Draal, Gunmar and Angor. And before this movie I always half-joked that everyone I love dies, how I still like Strickler and Nomura but apart from them all of my faves were killed in the very order of favoritism. AND NOW LOOK AT THIS. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I LOVE A CHARACTER. MY LOVE IS TOXIC.

OKAY I LOVE GUN RO- WAIT NO I DON'T LOVE HIM FUCK ABORT ABORT

It's great tho omg

I didn't realize it was Gun Robot when I saw it in the trailer this is amazing

Okay but imagine you're chilling in your trollmarket minding your own business when some misfit group of strangers waltzes in, steals your favorite shiny and celebrates your death before running off

"I AM GUN ROBOT" IS THE HORN LMAOOO

Nana better show up at some point to reunite with her boytoy, I'll cancel this entire franchise otherwise

Something bad is going to happen to Toby isn't it. He's getting too much screentime

Jim's hand got DEEP FRIED

ARCHIE NO

We can play Scrabble okay if they don't free them (which they must) I want an after credits scene of them playing scrabble

Douxie and Nari's bond 🥺🥺🥺

Nari pls just say what you fuckin mean the world is ending

Oh god is she going to remember killing Nomura oh nooo

Claire don't make the portal you will die again. Your hair gon be white all over

EVERYONE AVOIDING THE SCHOOL JUST RIGHT THERE LMAO RIP

I love how Darci is just with the school bus. Civilian girlfriend. But also love how the world is ending and Coach is like "fuck that I'm gonna teach these kids"

Does he know his son is pregnant

"Going back to the city where it's safe" buddy have you been to that city

Whatever happens, Nari has the coolest looking titan. Giant four legged gremlin. I'd adopt him.

WAIT SHE CAN FEEL THE PAIN?

Me: oh i love that titan

The titan 5 seconds later:

Did Nari just fucking die what the FUCK

Oh of COURSE the pages are stuck together RIGHT THERE

Seriously tho how do you not notice an entire nougat nummy in a book

Wait so Arcadia has another heartstone? Or OH SO IT'S ALIVE. OKAY GREAT. GUNMAR COULDN'T EVEN DO THAT RIGHT HUH

Love how the Heartstone has been dormant/dead for months and apparently heard Blinky say it's alive and decided to wake up RIGHT THEN

Finally they're evacuating the city. This is like, the third apocalypse there. About time.

Okay so you can't pull Excalibur from the rock, but you CAN carve out the stone. Couldn't you just carve it off the sword as close as possible and like. Use that? Just swing the whole damn rock around?

God i can NOT get over Steve's pants. I mean I read a spoiler he was gonna be pregnant but I thought it was a prank or shitpost. I did not see this coming and I am never going to be over it. I love how he and Aja just roll with it and nobody else even cares. They've seen weirder stuff. So he's pregnant now. Whatever.

Jim's hand is bandaged and his ribs still hurt. I love that they're actually consistent with his injuries. I mean sucks for him but hell yeah for hero that doesn't always win!

Okayyy here comes the heartstone. Why not!

IS HE IN LABOR

So if you kiss an Akiridion 7 times you will have 3-5 babies in a few hours. How are they not overpopulated?? Also Aja couldn't have WARNED STEVE BEFOREHAND?

Eli is so supportive omfg

So uh where are the babies gonna come out of? I'm not into mpreg how does this usually work

OH STEVE THANKS FOR ASKING MY QUESTION

Oh good thing he happens to have 8 friends still alive. Otherwise this would've never worked. Nomura had to die otherwise there would've been 10 of them.

Why is everyone bowing to Jim? Did they rehearse this?

Stuart if you hadn't taken a bathroom break you would've thrown off the math and doomed the world. That was a poop of fate my man

Ahhh the signature quote. Where did Douxie and the Akiridions learn it? Did they rehearse this too? It's really cliché but I do like it tbh

If Strickler were dead we'd see more Barbara right?

WOOO BLINKY DRIVING

Ah Jim just used she/her for Bellroc! Finally we're learning some pronouns. I've been wondering this whole time.

MY VIRGIN EYES. WHAT IS GOING O N

How are they not dying with all this lava?

She really just yeeted Varvatos

Did Claire just tell AAARRRGGHH to jump off the titan and he did it without question

I want to say I like Stuart and want him to have more screentime, but I won't say it because I don't want him to die

Jim's poor ribs

Toby can drive yoooo

Tobyyy you're scaring meeeee

So did they really need the different stone or was the amulet just waiting for Jim to choose death over giving up

I saw the armor before but it looks VERY COOL

Also I didn't mention this before but I love that they cut Merlin's name from the incantation. Good for them.

Toby you lost your helmet noooo

For real tho I'm terrified for Toby rn. I saw a comment somewhere earlier that just said "Toby no" with no context and I am AFRAID

So do Bellroc's eyes work after all? I thought she was blinded back in Wizards in the past.

DID SHE JUST FUCKING STAB MY BOY

TOBY YOU SHOULD NOT BE THERE GET OUT THE TRUCK

Bellroc maybe screaming "i'm powerless" in front of your enemy isn't the best idea

She sploosh

DID JIM SURVIVE THAT FALL AND ALSO IS THE TACO TRUCK OKAY

How is he lifting Claire like that buddy you have bruised ribs and just got stabbed

ELI HI CAN WE SEE THE KIDS

SEVEN KIDS! AND ELI JR I LOVE IT

This show really loves to give people more than the recommended amount of babies with no warning huh

She immediately knows which one is Eli Jr 🥺 okay listen I'm not the biggest fan of comic relief sideplot surprise babies, but I have to admit they're cute. Cute couple. Throuple. Eli is in on this. He even has a Junior.

I TOLD YOU WHERE'S THE DAMN TACO TRUCK NANA WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU AND NEITHER WILL I

Oh yea he better fuckin be alive I will commit murder

HE BETTER FUCKIN BE ALIVE BITCH

FUCK YOU

THAT'S A WHOLE ASS CHILD HE ISN'T ALLOWED TO DIE IT'S ILLEGAL

JIM IS GONNA LOOK DOWN AT THE GREEN GLOWING BITCH AAARRRGGHH CONVENIENTLY THREW THERE AND SEE HIM ALIVE OR SOMETHING

YEAH USE THE SWORD TO UNDEAD HIM! THAT'S HOW YOU USE SWORDS!

Unbecoming Part 2

So is Jim just gonna Groundhog Day it until everyone is fine? There's only 13 minutes left we're gonna need a bigger movie

Also I screamed so much about everyone's death and now everyone reading this after they already saw the whole thing is gonna shame me for clowning huh

The scene where Blinky is giving his goodbye speech, there are no babies and Steve has a round belly? Did he reabsorb them?? I mean I know Jim is about to un-birth them but he hasn't started yet

JUST HOW FAR BACK IS HE PLANNING TO GO

WAIT HOLD UP EXCUSE ME WHAT

Oh they did NOT just do that. I though he was just gonna go back to like, the start of the movie maybe. Not all the way

Imagine being in your early twenties with as much trauma as this kid has and having to pretend you're 16 again

Somewhere Unkar is complaining because "oh sure NOW it's a good idea"

I know Jim is wondering where Toby is because he was there before. But before, he made an entire meatloaf AND did his homework before leaving the house, so honey maybe wait a minute

For a second I thought Toby wasn't gonna be there and Jim would return to the right time. But there he is!

Alright so they're in school now, did they take the canal and just didn't mention the amulet on screen or did they pass it as if the Unbecoming episode hadn't been that traumatizing? Jim you know what happens when you ignore it

Jim maybe you're being too obvious here lmao

Soooo. Anyway. These whole past years I've rewatched this show over and over and over again are cancelled now?

OKAY AT LEAST WE SAW NANA FOR A SPLIT SECOND THAT'S IRONIC TIMING

So we get the quote again. And Trollhunter Tobias is nice. Cool. Cool AU I mean, but I don't know. I don't knowwww. I've been way too invested in everything to just accept that it never happened?? So uh. Hm. How about this.

Strickler survived because fuck you, and Toby also survived and just has scars now. Maybe a wheelchair but he's fine, also he can use the Warhammer for super speed and make it awesome once he's used to it. Archie and Charlie get freed once they rebuild the bridge (and they were playing scrabble to pass the time). Nomura is still dead because she died on screen and I can't really deny that but she's with Draal so it's okay. Everyone is traumatized but they'll be fine. NotEnrique is still babysitting 500 babies and Steve is about to bring 7 more.

In summary, I reject Groundhog Day ending but everything else was great, as long as it actually happened. It was a good movie. But you can't just cancel years of passion. Having the prospect of a million "canon AUs" sounds great for writing but at the same time nooo you can't do that he didn't have to go back THAT far HHHHH

I liked the movie. It was a great watch and a satisfying end to a franchise, but I gotta say I do not fancy the ending of it so I will from now on be in denial. I honestly feel kind of betrayed that this show was my whole life for so long, I learned every smallest fact, and they basically deleted it from existence. I know what they were going for, I think, but no thank you I will be going with my own opinion. Still gonna rewatch it a few dozen times though ✌🏻

And that concludes my live commentary that was supposed to be a small handful of notes. Feel free to shame me for my opinions. See ya!

[rrrawrf-writes]

sasha eliseo montoya

nicknames/aliases: eli, seo, flowers, monty, flower metal, escudo brillante

age: mid-thirties

appearance: around 6′4″, broad shoulders, very strong. hair is naturally brown, but he generally dyes it bright pink, and keeps it cut short in something between a crew cut and a faux hawk. wears several earrings in both ears, usually simple metal studs or small hoops. has extensive tattoos of flowers and vines that go down both arms and across the sides and back of his neck. has a scar through his left eyebrow. a few other scars, but nothing otherwise remarkable.

when he uses his powers, his entire body, including hair, turns to metal, but his clothes remain as they are. 

current location: strawberry, colorado, USA - a tiny town where MI HQ is secretly located

family: all right nerds, buckle in

eli is the oldest of twelve kids. they are all still living. both parents are still living.

mother from russia

father from spain

both living in the US

siblings scattered in various parts of the country/world

several nieces and nephews so far

(soon-to-be) ex-husband: daniel 

two daughters: nikita, six, tatiana, eight

both adopted, both sisters, both african-american

nikita can levitate, tatiana tested negative for powers

one son: siope, still like 18 months old or thereabouts, samoan, adopted, has not been tested for powers but is known to come from a family rotten with them, has not shown anything yet

powers: eli can transform parts of all of his body into any kind of metal, as long as he has skin contact with it. this, apart from the aesthetic, is why he wears several earrings in each ear. each one is a different kind of metal. when he can’t wear the earrings, he’ll go either for rings, or for a leather belt that has metal studs.

he can turn into more than one kind of metal alloy at a time, but it’s difficult to keep up, so eli generally has to focus or touch whichever kind of metal he wants. sometimes his transformation is automatically triggered under surprise or duress, such as when someone throws a stapler at his face, or he’s stabbed or shot or otherwise unexpectedly attacked.

eli is already very strong, but he gains additional enhanced strength while he’s transformed. he is also slower, and being metal for longer than an hour or so starts to become exhausting, as it feels like he’s basically carrying his own body weight. eli is not completely impenetrable in this state; bullets generally don’t do more than bruise, and he can generally withstand close explosions, but he can still be injured int he right set of circumstances. his blood, unlike basically everything else in his body, does not change.

weaknesses: very weak to electricity, can’t swim very well

personality: pretty easy-going, very upbeat. the mom of the office. total crap at budgeting, which has gotten him into financial trouble several times. he dotes on his kids, his younger siblings, their kids, his teammates, basically everyone.

he is very compassionate, and believes in giving people second chances. and third chances. and fifth chances. and sixth chances. and -

eli is also scarily good at separating his work life from his personal. his job requires him to go toe-to-toe with a lot of people, yet he very rarely holds any kind of grudge against them afterwards, regardless if he won or lost or ended up in the hospital. several people who probably should count him as an enemy - or at least a problem - often find themselves in the confusing position of really liking this guy they’re supposed to be beating the crap out of.

he is fiercely protective of his family, to the point where if you show up at his house uninvited and you are known to be any sort of dangerous, eli will not hesitate to pull a gun on you. you’ve basically become family when he invites you over and lets you meet his kids. 

currently, besides the kids, eli has kawai, javed, and alexei bunking at his place for various reasons. this is a normal thing. he needs a babysitter (and not for the children).

daniel the almost-ex-husband bought the girls a couple rabbits because they were obsessed with them, and didn’t bother to check if they were fixed or the same gender. as a result, eli got saddled with raising a ton of bunny rabbits, and has reluctantly grown to love them. his daughters name them all after superheroes. they’re running out of names. they are also running out of room.

eli often encrypts important MI information in pictures of his bunnies. the office has a theory that this is just so he can make them all look at them during slideshow presentations. he also often calls his daughters his ‘rabbits.’

he has a tendency, whenever he gets really drunk, to kiss whatever guy is within arm’s reach. however, he also reaches the point where he gets super weepy and emotional. he tries to get home before he reaches that point. he almost always fails.

general history: eli grew up bouncing between spain and russia. his father was a small-time superhero in spain, and while he isn’t sure what his mother did in russia, while she doesn’t seem to have a criminal record, it still seemed like a good idea for her to get out of the country, and she is very cryptic about it. eventually, his father got into enough trouble, and the family was growing, that they decided to leave europe altogether. they moved to the united states when eli was sixteen, and during the process, had to disclose eli’s powers.

as a result, MUGD decided they wanted him and pretty much blackmailed him and his parents into sending him into their training program as a teenager. eli met javier during this process, and was something of a bully. he was pushed into the military at eighteen, did some [redacted], won a [redacted], saved lots of people in [redacted], [redacted] with [redacted], and along the way, met and fell in love with and also [redacted] daniel.

at some point, he wanders back to spain for a minute and ends up picking up where his dad left off. idk when this happens. or if it actually does.

daniel is not powered, but he was serving as a CO in MUGD. it is Not A Good Idea to date a superior officer. eli eventually gets out but daniel stays in, they get married, eli gets hired by MI. he and daniel eventually adopt nikita and tatiana, then soon after that, daniel wants to divorce him, starts the legal process, and then daniel starts stalling because he doesn’t want to go through with it.

sux 2 b him tho because eli is gonna see this through.

after the divorce is started, kawai shows up with a baby and convinces eli to adopt siope, too.

regrets: honestly, there’s a lot here. he regrets a ton of stuff he did as an american soldier, and also as an MI employee. he regrets ever sticking around to try and help starblast when that wasn’t part of the job, and starblast was known to hate MI. he regrets a lot of stuff he’s said to daniel, and sometimes, he regrets staying with MI even though he knows it’s highly dangerous for his family.

fears: drowning, his family being hurt, 

on a scale of 1-10, how angry would he be with someone hacking and stealing his identity: 99/10, youre dead sweaty (: (: (:

music: ABBA, upbeat, happy EDM. theme song is Overtime, by Cash Cash.  spotify playlist here (still being updated)

[tigerjpg]

sirius black

is short. and not like, average short. sirius orion black is 5′1 on a good day and u are cordially invited to fight me on this

can’t fucking wink to save his life?? and he’s really adamant that he can, too, like no of course i can wink, look!!!!   but he’s just furiously blinking

queen released bohemian rhapsody in 1975. let that sink in

like i’m not saying half of his band t-shirts were of queen but half of his band t-shirts were of queen

(remus, of course, was the one who introduced him to them in the first place)

not cishet! picture him however u want but he ain’t cishet and i know this bc he told me personally. in a dream. he said, “eli there are some ppl out there who really think im cishet and i need u to set them straight.” and then he said, “haha, ‘straight’. no but really please correct them.”

has the most expressive facial muscles and eyebrows on god’s green earth but will deadass shut off his emotions like a light switch when approaching Specific Sensitive Topics. it’s a little heartbreaking 

keeps trying to grow his hair out so it reaches the bottom of his back but keeps having to cut it off bc various pranking materials are just constantly getting stuck in it. at least 80% of it is james’ fault

if hogwarts had a theater group he would ,absolutely be all over that oh my god look me in the eye and tell me sirius black wouldnt love musicals & shakespeare

promised myself i wasn’t gonna make this ab pairings but FUCK if he isn’t in love with remus lupin oh my GOD tone down the heart eyes u smitten fuck!!!! 

still sometimes flinches when someones raises their voice around him or he’s caught off guard by unexpected movements. honey

marlene & him are such an iconic queer punk duo tho like, bye

catch them leaning against the castle outside sharing a cigarette and exchanging tips over eyeliner techniques!!! binch

has such a big heart? im actually so fucking upset i lvoe him he deserved better !!!!hol yfucking shit 

he’s my son thanks for ur time