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whispelanix · 7 years

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Suicide “Masterpost” By A Suicidal Person

Hi everyone. I’ve decided to do something different with my time today instead of posting dumb memes and mediocre art. I think I’ve made it clear based upon the title of this post.

Now you may be thinking – “Why are you doing this? What events occurred to make you suddenly want to talk about such a topic!?” Allow me to explain:

I personally, am currently experiencing severe depression and suicidal thoughts and it’s been going on for years, the suicidal part being more recent. Today Australia held an interview this morning on the topic of teen suicide and how we stay silent on the agenda. As someone who is struggling, I thought that instead of contemplating my own life, I could help spread awareness to save another.

Continue on further if you shall since I will dive into sensitive topics. The choice is up to you entirely, but if you want a better grasp of understanding, I will do my best to explain different areas of this situation.

So read on if you may, as I give you a “Suicide Masterpost Presented by a Suicidal Person”.

Let’s start with the basics. First of all: What is depression?

Depression is a common medical condition which can be often described as being in a really dark place that’s difficult to escape from and can create the feeling of numbness. Naturally, everyone can feel sad or low from time to time. It can last for months to even years and a lot of the time, occurs without reason. Depression is more than just that – it’s a serious condition that affects your mental and physical health.

How does this relate to suicide?

The links between depression and suicide are generally quiet strong. In fact, about 2/3 of people who commit suicide are depressed at the time of their death. Here are some more statistics…

· One of every 16 people diagnosed with depression eventually go to end their lives through suicide

· The risk of suicide in people suffering major depression is 20 times that of the general population

· People who have experienced multiple episodes of depression are at greater risk of suicide than those who have only experienced one episode

· Those with dependence on alcohol or drugs in addition to being depressed are at even greater stakes for suicide

Does self-harm have anything to do with this?

Absolutely. A lot of people cope with depression this way as it usually gives the person a sense of feeling against the emotional numbness. Self-harm is generally a coping mechanism, but can become a habit as they search for a relief from the stress. There are many different names given to self-harming. Some of them being:

· Cutting

· Self-mutilation

· Self-inflicted violence

· Parasuicide

· Self-abuse

Cutting isn’t the only form of self harm, however. Many other behaviours are:

· Overdosing of medication or drinking poison

· Burning your skin

· Scratching your skin which results in bleeding or welts

· Picking your skin

· Pulling your hair

· Hurting yourself with fists or other objects

· Punching walls or objects to hurt yourself

Keep in mind though, not everyone who is depressed hurts themselves, just like not every suicidal person is depressed. But self-harm can eventually trigger suicidal thoughts, as simply hurting yourself might eventually not be enough to cope with the emotional pain.

What are the common signs of depression and suicidal thoughts?

No two people experience depression or suicide in the same way. Multiple events can cause a person to feel like they’re not worth anything and that the world is a better place without them.

Common signs of depression are constant tiredness, being annoyed by small things, too little or too much sleep, eating too little or too much, chances of physical pain, lack of self-care, isolation, lack of interest, numbness, beating yourself up, forgetfulness, lack of concentration and suicidal thoughts.

Signs of suicide are threatening to hurt oneself, searching ways to end their life, or just having someone generally talking or writing about suicide, especially if the behaviour is very out of character for that person.

Many of these signs are experiences that should not be ignored, even if it’s just one of them.

How many people commit suicide annually?

Approximately one million people commit suicide each year worldwide. This equals to about one death every 40 seconds or 3,000 suicides per day. For every individual who takes their life, at least 20 of them attempt. The global morality rate of suicide is if 16% for every 100,000 people.

Who can I talk to if I’m experiencing depression or suicidal tendencies?

Here is a compiled list of suicide hotlines from around the world. I’ve included names of the country/continent/city in their main languages as well for non-English speakers (despite the fact that everything has probably been translated depending on where you currently live):

Argentina: +5402234930430

Australia: 131114

Austria (Österreich/Avstrija/Ausztria/): 017133374

Belgium (Belgique/België/Belgien): 106

Bosnia & Herzegovina (Bosna i Hercegovina/Босна и Херцеговина): 080 05 03 05

Botswana: 3911270

Brazil (Brasil): 212339191

Canada – Inside Montreal (Dans Montréal): 5147234000

Canada – Outside Montreal (Hors de Montréal): 18662773553

Croatia (Hrvatska): 014833888

Denmark (Danmark): +4570201201

Egypt (مصر): 7621602

Finland (Suomi): 010 195 202

France: 0145394000

Germany (Deutschland): 08001810771

Holland: 09000767

Hong Kong (香港): +852 2382 0000

Hungary (Magyarország): 116123

India (इंडिया): 8888817666

Ireland (Éireann): +4408457909090

Italy (Italia): 800860022

Japan (日本): +810352869090

Mexico (Méjico): 5255102550

New Zealand: 045861048

Norway (Norge): +4781533300

Philippines (Pilipinas): 028969191

Poland (Polska): 5270000

Russia (Россия/Росія/Rusiya): 0078202577577

Spain (España): 914590050

South Africa (Suid-Afrika/Iningizimu Afrika/Mzantsi Afrika): 0514445691

Sweden (Sverige/שוועדן/Ruotsi): 46317112400

Switzerland (Schweiz/Suisse/Svizzera): 143

United Kingdom: 08457909090

USA: 18002738255

Who else could I talk to for further assistance?

If you need to talk to someone you can get to know, one of the best options would be a psychologist or a counsellor. That way, you can get to know one another and hopefully not have to repeat the same story over and over again. Talking to a parent or a friend can help in situations as well for when you have no one to talk to. Remember that getting problems off your chest is more effective than bottling them up.

I’m too afraid to talk to anyone. I’m scared no one will want to listen. What should I do?

Take a few deep breaths and try to calm yourself before talking to someone about your problems. Depression can stand in the way of seeking any assistance and that alone is very risky. A good website to check out is Students against Depression. I’ll provide a link to all of my sources in the end.

What can I do about medication?

NEVER put yourself on antidepressants without guide from a professional. Different medication can put you on a high at first, but slowly bring down your mood even more then you wanted, further fuelling your depression and/or suicidal thoughts. Visit a psychiatrist who can help with the diagnosis and give recommendations of the best medication suited for your needs. Always do research on side effects of your prescribed medication as well so you know what you’re in for.

No one will miss me. Why bother?

NEVER say that. That is the biggest lie you could ever get yourself to believe. Suicide isn’t just squashing another ant on the face of the earth. It’s the removal of an entire existence of a being. The most tragic thing a person can do is end it all. When you go ahead and kill yourself, that’s it. It’s over… forever.

Let’s say someone you know decides to “leave this world” so to speak. You don’t get to see them again. A whole personality has been wiped off by a preventable situation. Everything that person has went through – from taking their first steps, the birthdays that were celebrated, the moments they laughed, the moments they cried, the people they met and the sights they saw. It’s vanished all with that one person. Each experience of life is unique – no two people are the same but everyone should be treated equally. Whether you know a person or not, the knowledge that someone you’ve made contact with has killed themselves is horrific. Having to wake up one day knowing you have to move on whether you like it or not is heartbreaking. Depression and suicidal thoughts make you blind to how much people actually care, which is devastating. The effect is has on the world around you is permanent. Don’t ever let yourself think that way.

How can I distract myself?

Find things you enjoy doing, whether it’s watching a movie, listening to music or reading a good book. Anything as long as it makes you happy.

Sources:

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/depression

https://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/clinical-resources/depression/what-is-depression

http://www.211palmbeach.org/links-between-suicide-and-depression

https://www.youthbeyondblue.com/understand-what's-going-on/self-harm-and-self-injury

http://www.health.gov.au/mentalhealth

https://www.healthyway.com/content/common-symptoms-of-depression-that-shouldnt-be-ignored/?param4=hwy-google-ppc-aunz-de&utm_source=adwords&utm_medium=cpc&utm_term=signs%20and%20symptoms%20of%20depression&utm_campaign=998820936&adgroupid=48935477723&network=g&creative=235821275988&device=c&devicemodel=&matchtype=b&adposition=1t2&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIj8iz-6fC2QIVmQgqCh26wwGXEAAYAiAAEgKxVvD_BwE

https://save.org/about-suicide/warning-signs-risk-factors-protective-factors/

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/234219.php

http://ibpf.org/resource/list-international-suicide-hotlines

http://studentsagainstdepression.org/get-support/building-support-networks/whats-stopping-you-getting-help/

#suicide #depression #oh the irony #tumblr #reblog

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theklancecollection · 7 years

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Hi do you know of any fics where either Keith or Lance are trans boys?

Hey there Anon!

These fics are in the collection, and ones that I have read myself:

Trans!Lance:

In English, Please - Anonymous

Word Count: 4, 943

Summary: Lance thinks he can get away with flirting with Keith if it’s in Spanish. Lance thinks if he says the words angrily enough no one will catch on to the ruse. Lance thinks his secret crush is safe. Lance, my friends, is very…very wrong.

Trans!Keith:

We’re Still Good - Qpenguin98

Word Count: 1, 913

Summary: He can feel Lance’s heartbeat, warm through the leather of his gloves.

It’s very quiet, for once Lance has nothing to say.

Below the cut are 41 fics that have been categorized into trans!keith, trans!lance, and trans!keith & trans!lance. Just so you know I haven’t read them myself, so read them at your own discretion:

Trans!Keith:

This love won't ever be convenient - Lynn1998

Word Count: 78, 078

Summary: *Complicated by Avril Lavigne plays in the distance*

I'll Never Be Her - Zirijava

Word Count: 4, 202

Summary: Kat’s life is amazing. She has wonderful friends, an equally wonderful, but albeit weird, boyfriend Lance and a scholarship to the college of her dreams! But what would Lance say when Kat tells him that his girlfriend is a trans boy?

Or, Kat realizes she’s maybe a boy and suddenly everything he built up comes crashing down. Will his boyfriend be okay with having a boyfriend? Kat doesn’t know yet.

Hell Week - juniperallura

Word Count: 540

Summary: For prompt: "Can you write a story about Trans Boy Keith on his period? And he has cramps but his bf(s) is helping him with it and it's adorable? It doesn't matter who the bf(s) is."

Keith gets cranky on his period, but Lance doesn't care

Girl In Drag - Zirijava

Word Count: 2, 730

Summary: ”You just want to get attention, why else would you start walking around like that?”

I sighed. ”All I ever wanted was to be myself.”

She held up her hands. ”I get that, I do. But if you don’t want the world to know, then why make it so flashy? When people look at you, they don’t see a boy. They see a girl in drag. Why don’t you just do us all a favor and be who you’re supposed to be.”

You're you, that's what matters. - ghostlyghouls

Word Count: 1, 874

Summary:Lance hears Keith crying in his room late at night and decides to find out why.

Valid - CasanovaStrider

Word Count: 1, 046

Summary: Keith is a boy. He is. Sometimes he just had a hard time believing it himself. Lance is there to help.

Rattling the Frames, (Getting Inside My Brain) - truflais

Word Count: 748

Summary: But Keith wasnt taking a chance this time. He wasnt about to ruin his only binder on a stupid whim.

No matter how many times he passed, he could still hear the voice in the back of his head.

You're not a real boy.

You're a girl.

You. Are. A. Girl.

what's better than this just guys being dudes - iamnotalizard

Word Count: 2, 205

Summary: in which keith wants to come out to lance, and does so when he feels safe and happy and not pressured

Burning Out - lumberjackwiki

Word Count: 6, 226

Summary:Keith could barely function as a human before, but now? He wasn't even human so why should he try?

Surprise, I'm a nice guy! - wholesomeklances

Word Count: 1, 363

Summary: 5 times Lance misgendered Keith + 1 time he didn't

aka5 times Lance had no idea Keith was trans + 1 time Keith actually told him

Burned but not buried - Qpengsin98 (Qpenguin98)

Word Count: 1, 495

Summary: So he stands in the men’s section with his head low, trying not to draw attention to himself.

Keith hates shopping.

teeth and all - viscrael

Word Count: 2, 668

Summary: “Do you want to kiss someone?”

Keith almost drops his Bayard.

You're Not Supposed To Care - Qpenguin98

Word Count: 2, 484

Summary: At the time, Keith had thought it was a stellar idea. Make out with the guy you like, no one suspects a thing.

Keith's Worst Enemy - wholesomeklances

Word Count: 1, 897

Summary: Keith thinks he shouldn't bother Lance with his monthly subscription to The Blood Flow™. Shiro disagrees.

this oneshot revolves around menstruation! there's no description of blood, but if the subject triggers you for any reason, don't read!

I'm coming out of my cage - wholesomeklances

Word Count: 1, 852

Summary: How Keith came out as a trans boy and then as a gay boy.

Periods Are a Bitch - hogwartsschoolofanime

Word Count: 951

Summary: Keith would take hours of intense fighting over this. Literally, nothing can be worse than the fucking pain in his stomach. At least Lance is there to give him soup and read Harry Potter.

In which Keith has period cramps and Lance is the best boyfriend ever.

Glass Lion Menagerie - Anonymous

Word Count: 13, 865

Summary: Keith was fragile. Keith did not like to feel fragile.

A Quarter Past Midnight - Gigapoodle

Word Count: 14, 266

Summary: When Keith found himself standing in front of a hulking blue metal lion, of all things, surrounded by a hexagonal shield like it was straight out of a straight-to-DVD sci-fi movie, he simply guffawed. If this was what the higher beings were trying to guide his hand towards, they could shove that hand up their asses.

Bitter Coffees Shouldn't Sweeten the Heart - Lisboa

Word Count: 4, 569

Summary: For Klance Secret Santa 2016 (the original prompt will be added to the notes along with the name of the amazing person who gave me this prompt on December 25th)

And that’s how he found himself groaning against his pillow as it rained cats and dogs outside, his brain running miles an hour as his heart twitched painfully on his chest. He fell for him, and he fell hard. It should not have happened like this, not when Lance – flirty little Lance who was clearly into girls and not into Keith – meant so much to him. Romance would ruin what they had, and Keith would blame himself forever if that happened.

Ten, Eight, Seven - lordbatty

Word Count: 3, 217

Summary: Ten years is a long time to try and return to a normal state of living. To Keith and Lance, being able to settle down with a family makes it easier.

I think I'm In Lesbians With You - Qpenguin98

Word Count: 2, 028

Summary: He stops laughing. “Wait what?”

“I’ve never seen Scott Pilgrim before?”

“Holy shit you have got to be kidding me. What, did you grow up in a shack?”

Lance’s face pales as Keith deadpans a “Yes.”

Pick me up, Hold me Down - Qpengsin98 (Qpenguin98)

Word Count: 3, 436

Summary: “Keith, please just- we can talk this out, just get out of the water.”

Stop. Breathe.

Where are you?

Take Time to Breathe - orphan_account

Word Count: 7, 645

Summary: Keith's been part of team voltron for a while now, and theoretically, they should all know each other's secrets. But Keith is still in the closet to all but Shiro, and his dysphoria is eating him alive. When he cracks during a mind-meld exercise, Lance makes it his personal mission to reach out to the red paladin.

If - WildWolf25

Word Count: 15, 857

Summary: If you can fill the unforgiving minute

With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it, (“If” by Rudyard Kipling)

(How Keith and Lance met and what their lives were like before Twelve Nights)

But The Foundation Is Crumbling - Qpenguin98

Word Count: 4,145

Summary: It’s the safest space they can be in together, piled in a car, eating pizza and backwash soda. No one to give them rules, no one to make fun of but themselves, no one to try and tell them all the things wrong with them.

Tick Tock - Ididntsignupforthisshit (Oliver_Ravenwood)

Word Count: 117, 477

Summary: Keith knew that his luck probably had little to do with Paula the Bobble Head. In fact, he had a sneaking suspicion that it had to do with the constantly ticking timer creeping up on his left thumb. A Soul Counter, as most called it. It was a natural phenomenon occurring in humans. In each person intended there was an ever present timer, constantly ticking down until the time where they would find their soulmate. When the timer would reach zero, a second tattoo-like marking would appear on the person’s skin – their Soul Mark. This would appear on the person’s soulmate in much the same place. Each pair’s Soul Mark was unique to just the two of them.

OR: The one where Keith was working and he found his soulmate - who just happened to be his favorite actor, Lance MotherF**king Vasquez.

What Could've Been - FaeOfStars

Word Count: 12, 927

Summary: "I hesitated to type, realizing what his last reply meant. He... liked me? I could feel my face heat up a bit more and I peered through my dark bangs to avoid letting him see the redness of my cheeks. His expression still held a hint of anxiousness, but he now wore a small smile on his face as he stared at me, waiting for me to respond. My fingers hovered over the keyboard, unknowing of what to press. Before my fingers could touch a single key, I saw letters begin to appear on the document. Lance was typing again.

'im sorry I shouldnt have said that'

Finally, my fingers moved.

'No, no. It's fine! I just... I don't know. I didn't expect that.'"

Keith was in love with Lance. Lance liked him back. It should have been simple from there, but unfortunately, life doesn't always work out the way it should.

Over My Dead Body! - VinVictory

Word Count: 38, 038

Summary: "Hey, Keith? Are you done yet?" Lance asks from behind the door. "Can I come in?"

"Yeah, I'm done changing."

Out of curiosity, Keith looks over his shoulder of how Lance will enter his room. He eyes the door.

"Aaaaannnddd, you're in your boxers." Lance says.

Silence.

Sonovabish went through the door!

*Where Lance is a ghost and Keith is the only one who can hear him! :0Join Keith as he discovers the revelations and the truth behind Lance's death.

Banksy-Ass Wannabe - n00dl3Gal

Word Count: 3, 287

Summary: Lance has done many, MANY stupid things in his 19 years.

But ruining someone else's spray might be the stupidest.

ESPECIALLY if that person is his biggest rival.

(The Graffiti/Street Artist AU that no one asked for, with hints of College AND Coffee Shop AUs, because I'm a giver.)

Trans!Lance

Binder Blues - fairdeath

Word Count: 1, 273

Summary: Lance is tired. Just... tired. Five extra steps to every mission that the others don't follow – bind, cry because it fucking hurts over the blue-black bruises of the last fight, get hit a few times more than necessary, spend 20 minutes catching your breath, ignore the bruises the binder pushes at until the next fight.

keith's jacket - eyeball

Word Count: 3, 307

Summary: Keith's search for his stolen jacket is set aside when more pressing matters arise. The sobs coming from behind Lance's closed door are a bit more than worrying, so Keith lets himself in. He tries to provide all the support he can, but he can only do so much for the sniveling lump of a boy with tear-filled eyes and a refusal to explain himself.

throwing shadows - ilgaksu

Word Count: 3, 334

Summary: “Dude,” Lance says, “It’s not my fault he does this!”

“Dude,” Hunk says, and leaves it at that.

Secrets - potato_fan_girl

Word Count: 3, 567

Summary: Only half the team knew.

Contrary to their belief, Lance was actually an expert secret keeper. With a large family like his, he had to know when to keep his mouth shut. So, despite the loud, obnoxious, open persona he displayed for the others, he could also be sneaky.

So, keeping a secret on an unbelievably large castle ship with only six other people on it was easy.

Or at least, it should've been.

(AKA Lance is trans, and because of a really terrible alien, the team finds out.)

Warm Hands - darkinsanity13

Word Count: 4, 279

Summary: Something's rather literally cramping Lance's style. Keith lends him a hand or two.

Carpe Diems and Chrysanthemums - Gigapoodle

Word Count: 14, 694

Summary: Lance falls unimaginably hard for the biker boy with a black mop of hair and terrible Spanish skills. After years of rivalry, bitter acquaintanceship, and eventual friendship, the realization slaps Lance hard, hard enough to settle into his lungs and sap his life away. It's when he coughs up a petal that Lance realizes just how far gone he is.

Lance McClain decides he is going to die.

A Modern Hanahaki Disease AU.

Trans!Lance and Trans!Keith:

Shades of Purple - candyalpacas

Word Count: 2, 775

Summary: When Lance comes out to the team, he finds out something about Keith he never expected.

I Refuse to Believe in the Existence of a Universe Where I Don't Love You - wholesomeklances

Word Count: 1, 143

Summary: cute trans boyfriends talk about feelings

Just Hear Those Sleigh Bells Ringing - blumen

Word Count: 1, 752

Summary: “I spent six hours on it and pricked myself at least ten times.”

Keith felt his heart leap to his throat. It was a hideous jumper no doubt but Lance looked so proud that Keith could almost forget-Christ, was that a LED light on the nose? Keith felt like apologizing to both Rudolph and the sanctity of the Christmas spirit.

It's Your Typical, Hardcore Casual Sex - lordbatty

Word Count: 4, 395

Summary: Lance is good. Too good. Too right. Keith is too hurt to admit anything, even to himself. And it was terrifying.

#klancecollection answers #klance fic recs #trans!keith #trans!lance #voltron #klance #lance #keith #Anonymous

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viralhottopics · 8 years

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Exclusive: Bestselling author E. Lockhart to publish a new YA novel

Image: delacorte press

Bestselling author E. Lockhart has a new YA novel hitting shelves this fall.

SEE ALSO: Read an exclusive excerpt of Jeff Zentner’s upcoming ‘Goodbye Days’

Announced today, Lockhart’s Genuine Fraud will be released Sept. 5 by Delacorte Press, and imprint of Random House Children’s Books.

Edgy and inventive, Genuine Fraud is an instantly memorable story of love, betrayal and entangled relationships that are not what they seem. Lockhart introduces readers to the story of Imogen and JuleImogen, a runaway heiress, an orphan, a cook and a cheat; Jule, a fighter, a social chameleon and an athlete. This is a novel about intense friendship, a disappearance, murder, bad romance, a girl who refuses to give people what they want from her and a girl who refuses to be the person she once was. Who is genuine? And who is a fraud? You be the judge.

Lockhart is a staple in the YA world, and she’s perhaps best known for her haunting We Were Liars, a deluxe edition of which will be published this May.

MashReads spoke to Lockhart about Genuine Fraud, her career, and her advice for 2017. Then read on for an exclusive excerpt of her upcoming novel.

When did you first know you wanted to be a writer?

I read Joan Aikens The Wolves of Willoughby Chase in third or fourth grade and immediately began writing novels about Victorian orphanages, windswept landscapes and cool uniforms.

What draws you to writing YA books?

In young adulthood, people separate from the values and embraces of their families of origin and begin to define themselves as individuals. That process of separation and self-reinvention is extremely interesting to me. Genuine Fraud is very much a YA novel, even though it doesnt take place in high school.

Is your writing process different depending on the genre youre writing?

Genuine Fraud is a psychological thriller, and the only other such book I have written is We Were Liars. All my other books are comedies! The thrillers have intricate plots that require more planning.

Genuine Fraud sounds a bit like an oxymoron. Do you have a favorite oxymoron?

Film producer Samuel Goldwyn is often quoted as saying, I never liked you, and I always will. My new novel is in something of the same spirit.

Genuine Fraud is another suspense novel, like your emotional bestseller We Were Liars. Can you give a hint as to the emotions readers are likely to have?

Both books have twisty plots, but with Genuine Fraud youre unlikely to need a tissue. Rather, I recommend Rolaids and seltzeryoull want a strong stomach.

Youre known for writing incredibly strong and complex female characters, particularly Frankie Landau-Banks, who is seen by many as a feminist icon. The women in Genuine Fraud seem to be in a similar vein. Do you feel you have a responsibility as a YA writer?

Thank you. I am a feminist, most certainly, but my responsibility as a novelist is not to provide role models. My responsibility is to try to write something that feels true to me on some emotional and intellectual level. I write to make a piece of narrative art that represents the inside of my head. I hope that if I have done so well enough, people will respond to it.

As its a new year, what is your advice for your readers for 2017, both for life and for aspiring writers?

Raise your voice. Its an everyday practice. As a writer, as an activist, as a friend and colleague, student or teacherraise your voice in protest, in apology, in curiosity, in praise, in self-expression.

What were some of your favorite books of 2016?

I read a lot of travel stories and novels written in the nineteenth century. I read cookbooks and middle-grade fiction and comic essays. But Genuine Fraud is a complicated portrait of an extremely difficult person, and a twisty thriller as welland here are two 2016 books I read while I was revising it that fit that same description and are incredibly juicy: Girls on Fire by Robin Wasserman is an adult novel about young women behaving more than badly, raw and gorgeous. My Sister Rosa by Justine Larbalestier is a YA novel about a boy whose younger sister is a psychopathchilling and thought-provoking.

Image: Delacorte press

It was a bloody great hotel.

The minibar in Jules room stocked potato chips and four different chocolate bars. The bathtub had bubble jets. There was an endless supply of fat towels and liquid gardenia soap. In the lobby, an elderly gentleman played Gershwin on a grand piano at four each afternoon. You could get hot clay skin treatments, if you didnt mind strangers touching you. Jules skin smelled like chlorine all day.

The Playa Grande Resort in Baja had white curtains, white tile, white carpets, and explosions of lush white flowers. The staff members were nurselike in their white cotton garments. Jule had been alone at the hotel for nearly four weeks now. She was eighteen years old.

This morning, she was running in the Playa Grande gym. She wore custom sea-green shoes with navy laces. She ran without music. She had been doing intervals for nearly an hour when a woman stepped onto the treadmill next to her.

This woman was younger than thirty. Her black hair was in a tight ponytail, slicked with hair spray. She had big arms and a solid torso, light brown skin, and a dusting of powdery blush on her cheeks. Her shoes were down at the heels and spattered with old mud.

No one else was in the gym.

Jule slowed to a walk, figuring to leave in a minute. She liked privacy, and she was pretty much done, anyway.

You training? the woman asked. She gestured at Jules digital readout. Like, for a marathon or something? The accent was Mexican American. She was probably a New Yorker raised in a Spanish-speaking neighborhood.

I ran track in secondary school. Thats all. Jules own speech was clipped, what the British call BBC English.

The woman gave her a penetrating look. I like your accent, she said. Where you from?

London. St. Johns Wood.

New York. The woman pointed to herself.

Jule stepped off the treadmill to stretch her quads.

Im here alone, the woman confided after a moment. Got in last night. I booked this hotel at the last minute. You been here long?

Its never long enough, said Jule, at a place like this. So what do you recommend? At the Playa Grande? Jule didnt often talk to other hotel guests, but she saw no harm in answering. Go on the snorkel tour, she said. I saw a bloody huge moray eel.

No kidding. An eel?

The guide tempted it with fish guts he had in a plastic milk jug. The eel swam out from the rocks. She must have been eight feet long. Bright green.

The woman shivered. I dont like eels.

You could skip it. If you scare easy.

The woman laughed. Hows the food? I didnt eat yet.

Get the chocolate cake.

For breakfast?

Oh, yeah. Theyll bring it to you special, if you ask.

Good to know. You traveling alone?

Listen, Im gonna jet, said Jule, feeling the conversation had turned personal. Cheerio. She headed for the door.

My dads crazy sick, the woman said, talking to Jules back. Ive been looking after him for a long time. A stab of sympathy. Jule stopped and turned.

Every morning and every night after work, Im with him, the woman went on. Now hes finally stable, and I wanted to get away so badly I didnt think about the price tag. Im blowing a lot of cash here I shouldnt blow.

Whats your father got?

MS, said the woman. Multiple sclerosis? And dementia. He used to be the head of our family. Very macho. Strong in all his opinions. Now hes a twisted body in a bed. He doesnt even know where he is half the time. Hes, like, asking me if Im the waitress.

Damn.

Im scared Im gonna lose him and I hate being with him, both at the same time. And when hes dead and Im an orphan, I know Im going to be sorry I took this trip away from him, dyou know? The woman stopped running and put her feet on either side of the treadmill. She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. Sorry. Too much information.

Sokay.

You go on. Go shower or whatever. Maybe Ill see you around later.

The woman pushed up the arms of her long-sleeved shirt and turned to the digital readout of her treadmill. A scar wound down her right forearm, jagged, like from a knife, not clean like from an operation. There was a story there.

Listen, do you like to play trivia? Jule asked, against her better judgment.

A smile. White but crooked teeth. Im excellent at trivia, actually.

They run it every other night in the lounge downstairs, said Jule. Its pretty much rubbish. You wanna go?

What kind of rubbish?

Good rubbish. Silly and loud.

Okay. Yeah, all right.

Good, said Jule. Well kill it. Youll be glad you took a vacation. Im strong on superheroes, spy movies, YouTubers, fitness, money, makeup, and Victorian writers. What about you?

Victorian writers? Like Dickens?

Yeah, whatever. Jule felt her face flush. It suddenly seemed an odd set of things to be interested in.

I love Dickens.

Get out.

I do. The woman smiled again. Im good on Dickens, cooking, current events, politics… lets see, oh, and cats.

All right, then, said Jule. It starts at eight oclock in that lounge off the main lobby. The bar with sofas.

Eight oclock. Youre on. The woman walked over and extended her hand. Whats your name again? Im Noa.

Jule shook it. I didnt tell you my name, she said. But its Imogen.

Jule West Williams was nice-enough-looking. She hardly ever got labeled ugly, nor was she commonly labeled hot. She was short, only five foot one, and carried herself with an up-tilted chin. Her hair was in a gamine cut, streaked blond in a salon and currently showing dark roots. Green eyes, white skin, light freckles. In most of her clothes, you couldnt see the strength of her frame. Jule had muscles that puffed off her bones in powerful arcslike shed been drawn by a comic book artist, especially in the legs. There was a hard panel of abdominal muscle under a layer of fat in her midsection. She liked to eat meat and salt and chocolate and grease.

Jule believed that the more you sweat in practice, the less you bleed in battle.

She believed that the best way to avoid having your heart broken was to pretend you dont have one.

She believed that the way you speak is often more important than anything you have to say.

She also believed in action movies, weight training, the power of makeup, memorization, equal rights, and the idea that YouTube videos can teach you a million things you wont learn in college.

If she trusted you, Jule would tell you she went to Stanford for a year on a track-and-field scholarship. I got recruited, she explained to people she liked. Stanford is Division One. The school gave me money for tuition, books, all that.

What happened?

Jule might shrug. I wanted to study Victorian literature and sociology, but the head coach was a perv, shed say. Touching all the girls. When he got around to me, I kicked him where it counts and told everybody who would listen. Professors, students, the Stanford Daily. I shouted it to the top of the stupid ivory tower, but you know what happens to athletes who tell tales on their coaches.