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tams-writeblr · 5 years

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The Rise of Skywalker - Ending Fixer upper

So, um, I kinda did a thing? I was super disappointed by the ending of The Rise of Skywalker and I couldn't really get over it, until I fixed it. Just for me, just for my own peace of mind. It's not good. English is not my first language, I initially wrote this in German and it's a little better there. I wrote this in between going to the hospital (my dad is still hospitalized after his stroke on Dec. 21th) and work and taking care of my mother so it may seem inconsistent at times since I sometimes could only write two sentences before hurrying to the next appointment. But I have the urge to share this, somehow. I don't want that writing to go wasted and maybe, just maybe someone out there feels better after reading this too. Shout-out to all the great fan fiction writers out there, that made the time after TROS more endurable especially to @shruggyben that's trying to fix the whole mess that TROS is in their fan fiction.

Word count: 4.569

#BenDeservesBetter

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Ben's torso collapsed feebly on the ground.

Rey didn't have the slightest chance to catch him but her hands were right at his chest and neck. “Ben! What's wrong with you?“

But Ben Solo couldn't answer. Her words only got through to him like through a long tunnel. Well, seems this is the end, it crossed his mind. But he wasn't afraid of death. He got ready to become one with the force. Maybe he would finally be reunited with his mother, for sure with Luke. And maybe, if he allowed him to, he would finally be able to speak to his grandfather Anakin. The force wrapped comfortably warm around his heart and his soul. Using the last of his strength, he got a glimpse of Rey beautiful, gracious face. No, he didn't want to see tears on it. Of course, Rey, she won't be lonely without me, will she? She does have her friends. She was ready to die for those people up there. They'll be good to her, right?

“Of course they'll be good to her. But nevertheless Rey will be lonely without you. Have you already forgotten what Palpatine just revealed to you?“

Ben twirled around. Without any warning he found himself within a blazing white light. He couldn't identify a room and the voice he had heard was unknown to him until now.

Behind him stood a young man with wavy brown hair.

Ben's lips parted and he gasped for air in disbelieve. „Are you … Anakin?“

The man nodded and smiled softly. “Finally you are listening to me. I'm impressed by you capabilities. If only I had had half your abilities and half your dedication, maybe I could have saved your grandmother Padme from death too.”

“I wanted Rey to live. She deserves it more than me. But … I don't want her to be lonely. She will get over it, won't she?”

Anakin looked down. “You are two pieces of the whole. Do you know the term ghost pain? When I was alive I lost all my lips and even with the best prostheses I got, I kept on feeling pain in places that weren't even there anymore. And I fear, that Rey will feel that too.”

“No!”, Ben screamed at this grandfather, his idol, at the top of his lungs. “I won't allow that! Send me back to her! She must not suffer! She doesn't deserve this!”

“No, she doesn't.”

Ben froze. Without turning his head he set his eyes on a second person that appeared out of nothing on Anakin's left. “Mother”, slipped out of his mouth. Red spots spread on his cheeks, endless pain mirrored from his face.

“That's why I am here.” Leia walked towards her son. Her face was full of determination – and love. “Ben, I have seen this day coming when I finished my training as a Jedi. I swore off the force to protect you, to protect my then unborn son. I collected my energy all my life for this moment. Give me your hand.”

Hastily Ben grabbed both hands of his mother. “I'm so sorry. There are so many things I need to tell you.”

But Leia shook calmly her head. “This is not the time for that. Rey is worried about you. But bear in mind, my son, when you need me, I'll always be there for you.”

“All of us.”

Ben looked up watching into the faces of dozens of Jedi, whole generations of them. They all nodded cheering at him. In the front row Anakin and Luke Skywalker.

“And now take my force and be there for Rey. She needs you.”

Ben's eyelids started flickering and his brown eyes opened.

“Good gracious Ben, are you alright? I was so afraid you'd die!”

Ben found Rey's worried glimpse. She had tears in her eyes but hadn't started crying yet. Ben smiled. “No, rubbish. It just crossed my mind that I have to face your friends now. And for them I'm still Supreme Leader Kylo Ren.” Painfully he sat up. Too bad, his mother wasn't able to heal his broken bones.

“Of course I'm going to explain everything to them. When I say it's okay, they'll accept that.”

But Ben only shook his head. “No Rey. I don't want that. They are right. I've done so many unforgivable things. I'm the last one, that's gonna forgive me. I have to receive my just punishment.

“But you've been possessed by the dark side - “

“But I have let myself be seduced by the dark side”, he cut her word harshly. “I can’t shuffle out of my responsibility.”

Rey yielded some inches away from him. He had never been so harsh to her before. “I am not going to accept that”, she said determined and got on her feet. Troublesome she walked over to one of the dead Sith guards and ripped his cloak. “Leave your clothes here and escape. You shouldn't struggle finding a ship in this tumult. I am going to tell everybody that you saved my life and became one with the force. Only someone with a really pure heart can become one with the force. And if they need evidence, they'll find your clothes here. I don't think that anyone will come check, but we should play it save.” With her face averted Rey held out the long, black cloak to Ben.

Ben ran his fingers through his hair and pulled his brows towards his hairline. “You want me to get undressed? That's not quiet the right moment for that, is it?”

Rey countered his words with a strict view of her eyes. “It is not the time for some Solo-joke! I did explain my plan to you, didn't I? To calm you, I'm going back to my ship and return to the resistance's base.” Her eyes got softer when Ben finally took the cloak out of her hand. “I am going to find you.”

“I know”, Ben answered and looked after her, as she vanished form the cave system. Painful he got out of his clothes and wrapped the heavy cloak around his body. It had to look natural, if really somebody came to check Rey's story, so he draped his clothes like he had died lying on the ground, like he almost did. Should he tell Rey the truth someday? He limped his way back, had no idea how he managed to climb the iron chains back to the top and reached the surface as the last ship of the resistance made his jump into hyperspace. Around him, everything was in flames. It smelled like spilled fuel and burned, organic material. Soon Ben found an X-wing that was taken from the sky by Palpatine's force flashes. The pilot was sadly decreased but the ship was in a good enough condition to not call it suicide to fly off with it. So Ben pulled her out of the cockpit and took of her helmet – red seven was her identification. Ben closed the green eyes of the pilot and put on her helmet. Then he got into the ship and hasty started all systems. But where should he go? Soon the resistance would be the new government of the galaxy, so it had to be a remote place. His mind crossed Jakku for a second. That place was so remote that even Emperor Palpatine couldn't find Rey there for over ten years.

“Tatooine”, suddenly rang Luke's voice in his head. “Go to Tatooine and find Owen and Beru Lars' hut. I was raised there. So the hut more or less yours anyway. I wasn't found there for nineteen years, while still carrying my fathers last name.”

“Tatooine”, Ben murmured. “Yet another desert dump. If Rey would be happy with that?”

“I thought it's you going into exile?”

Ben rolled his eyes. “I don't wanna talk about that now, uncle Luke, okay?”

Uncle Luke chuckled knowingly and vanished from Ben's head.

“So it's Tatooine!”

Ben landed the X-wing ungently yet safely on Tatooine's desert ground. Two suns stood high on the sky and burned into his pale skin. Life on a space station had taken its toll. His bare feet touched the hot sand. Not a soul was seen anywhere or … Was that a market back there on the horizon? Clunky he dragged himself through the desert, still the pilot's helmet under his arm. The market seemed to never come any closer and Ben was more than once assured, he wouldn't make it. But finally, mobilizing all of his left energy, he reached the last stand before the desert began.

An old lady served the stall and sold strange dried fruit.

“Please”, Ben panted. “I need your help.”

“Watcher!”, gasped the old lady. “Young man, sit down!” With impressing speed for her age she placed a stool right behind Ben, so that he only had to dump down. “Here, take a sip!” She placed a bottle with some red liquid on his lips.

Ben took a tiny sip and looked intensely at her. “I'm looking for the hut of Owen and Beru Lars!”

The old lady pulled her eyebrows up in surprise. Then she pulled her arms confidently into her sides. “First, you need a doctor. You are lucky, my friend Maisie owns a medidroid. I'll take you to her.” With that, she turned over her shoulder and shouted at an other stall owner: “Hey, Butchwaa! I've some small emergency over here. Could you please shut down my stand?”

Butchwaa, a humanoid, winged life form, made an approving noise in a language Ben didn't know and the old stall lady helped Ben back on his feet.

While they walked over the market towards a small settlement, she pointed at the helmet in Ben's hand. “You're from the resistance?”

Ben nodded briefly. “Yes, you might say that.”

“What happened to your stuff?”

Awkwardly Ben realized that he still was only wrapped into a single cloak and avoided the lady's glimpse embarrassed. “I can't talk about that right now.”

The woman nodded understanding and took him quietly to a small, dark mud-walled house.

Ben, where are you? Rey sat in the middle of a roaring celebration, her eyes closed, her mental hand pulled out to the farthest edges of the galaxy but she didn't get a response. It was so strange, usually she could always feel Ben at the back of her mind but now there was only emptiness.

“Rey!”, Finn's voice took her out of her meditation. “You should also have some fun!”

Rey opened her eyes and saw Finn, Poe and Rose standing under her den and waving with some beer jugs up to her. Finn even held two jugs in his hand, one of them was for her. Rey slowly came down to them, a small smile on her lips. She took a jug out of her friends hand and took a deep drag out of it, then she smiled labored at her friends. “Yes, it's a good day for the galaxy.” She let her view run over the celebration resistance fighters. All of them were happy and danced, drank and whispered sweet nothings to their loved ones. Only one of them let his shoulders hang even with the big golden medal, that he always dreamed to have, hanging down his neck. “Excuse me for a moment”, Rey murmured and pointed at Chewbacca with her chin. She paved her way though the celebrating folks and knelt before the Wookie.

A sad buzzing left his throat.

“I know, I'm so sorry for you, that they all left us.”

Chewie whined for a heartbreaking half of a minute and then dropped his head into his hands.

Rey looked at her hands. “Well, you know … About Ben …” She struggled with herself, could she really include him in her secret? “Ben isn't dead Chewie. I'm in contact with him. He went into exile and he's going to tell me where he is. Would you like to join me, when I got to Ben?”

A deafening relieved whining left Chewbacca's throat and Rey quickly told him to be less noisy.

“Nobody must know about it. I haven't heard of Ben yet, but I'll leave tonight. There is something else I need to do. So you'll join me?”

Chewie nodded quietly, relief and real happiness was on his face. He snatched behind his back, where he had left his bear jug. The beverage in there was already flat but he touched her jug so hard, that half of her beer slopped around.

Finally it was a happy party for even the last members of the resistance. They celebrated until deep into the night and when a small stripe of light scratched the horizon, Rey was already back on her feet.

She trailed her way through drunken bodies and overtired soldiers and finally reached Finn's den.

He was asleep on his back with his mouth wide open and his arms spread away. Loud breathing sounds left his throat. Rey had to smile. She would miss him the most, he was her best friend. She put her hand into her leather bag where she carried Luke and Leia's light sabers and the old Jedi writings with her and pulled the tiny blue fragment of a crystal out. It was a part of Luke's kyber crystal, broken from the big part of the crystal during her fight with Kylo Ren. The fragment of course was too small to fuel a light saber but if Finn was only half as force sensitive as Rey thought, he knew what to do with it. Rey leaned over her friend to place the crystal into his hand when his blanket moved.

The dark haired head of Poe Dameron came twenty centimeters out of the blanket, still a comfortable smile on his lips, his face snuggled at Finn's broad chest.

Rey wasn't surprised at most amazed. Smiling she placed the crystal between Finn's fingers and turned away from her friends. On quiet soles she sneaked through the sleeping resistance fighters.

Chewie was already at the falcon, eagerly standing at the ramp, the engine running. He asked her with a quiet roar to hurry up.

Rey stepped next to her co-pilot. “Chewie, set our course on Endor. I have to go get something there.”

The ramp of the falcon closed behind the two that left without looking back.

Chewie let the falcon fly off on half power. Him and Rey didn't want to risk being noticed and followed by someone.

But of course their action wasn't unnoticed. A former storm trouper opened his eyes as the falcon rose from the surface. Finn rubbed his eyes in disbelieve and noticed the crystal fragment in his hand. He looked at intensely it for a moment and then looked behind the falcon. Take care, Rey, he thought and pulled the crystal at his chest. We'll meet again for sure. He buried his face in his best friend's hair. Poe still was his best friend,, no matter what happened between then tonight right? Finn looked once more back to the falcon, that than made his jump into hyperspace.

“Hyperspace jump successful, autopilot activated”, Rey resumed, pulled some flip switches and stood up from the pilot's chair.

Chewie road pleased and tried to stand up too, but a muted beeping from the engine room stopped him.

“Did you hear that?”, Rey asked.

Chewie got energetic on his feet and almost ran Rey over as he passed her. He pulled the engine hatch open and pulled without effort an in protest piping BB-8 out of the shaft.

“BB-8, what are you doing here?”, Rey asked terrified. On BB-8 piping her facial features fell. “What do you mean, you listened in on us and preferred to follow us? What about Poe?” Again BB-8 piped his answer nervously. Rey’s face got soft. “Oh, of course, Poe now has other responsibilities and doesn't fly as much as you used to, but that doesn't mean he likes you any less. But to be true, I'm actually glad you're here, we didn't take a board droid with us …”

Chewbacca murmured apprehensively and BB-8 beeped in protest.

“I know you won't betray us BB. But you must not overreact when you find out where we're about to go.”

“Rey!” Ben startled up from a deep almost coma-like sleep.

“Good evening, my name is ZB-29, I'm your medidroid in charge. I splinted your multiply broken leg as well as stopped an inner bleeding. Against the broken rips only helps quiet and relaxation, I am afraid. I therefore ask you to stay in bed for the next five to eight days.”

Ben looked skeptically at the medidroid. An old, outdated model with rusty hinges but he hadn't expected more. And he didn't intent to listen to ZB-29. He pulled the blanket away and found his legs covered in ugly brown trousers.

“Please young man, remain laid down. Such a behavior is not beneficial for your healing. Lay down or I have to call for my master.”

“Just call her”, Ben murmured and tried to stand up but his splinted leg failed to hold him.

In this moment the old lady from the market and her friend, who introduced herself as Maisie, entered the room. “What did I tell ya, Anuk, he already tries to get lost. Nothing is so hard as a man's ingratitude!”

So Anuk was his rescuer's name. “I didn't want to get lost and I am very grateful for both your help. But I really need to go. I have to find the hut of Owen and Beru Lars!”

“Oh my, Lars, I haven't heard that name in centuries”, it slipped out of Maisie's mouth. “Beru and her man have been very good to me and my Jericho when he had that attack on the field back then. How long ago is that horrible story? At least thirty-five years. She and her man have been killed in such a horrible manner and their foster son vanished. He is reputed to have become a hero of the republic but he was never to be seen around here anymore. Anyway, new or old republic, Empire or first Order, out here that doesn't matter. We don't feel a difference here. I'm turning one hundred years soon, boy, I've seen so many systems come and go. Of us, nothing ever changed. We don't care who takes our taxes. Senators, Grand Morffes or Generals, for us as small system, nothing ever changes. We've always been the last ones of the food chain.” “Geez Maisie. He only wanted to know where the farm of those two is. Nothing about your political views. Once you feel better, boy, we'll take you there, okay? Anyway, what's your name? How do you know the Larses?”

Ben looked briefly at his hands. “I'm Ben, Luke's nephew.”

“Nephew?”, it slipped out of both women's mouths. “I didn't knew Luke had any siblings.”

“A sister”, Ben answered and smiled at Anuk. “My mother.”

Anuk and Maisie returned his smile. “Very well, then get some good rest, Ben. The farm of the Larses is empty for more than thirty-five years, it won't run away within a week.” The two women left Ben alone only with ZB-29 at his side.

Rey, Ben sent his thoughts back out traveling. Rey, I'm on Tatooine. Come here in a week. I'll transmit the exact location where we'll me to you later.

A week passed surprisingly fast and finally Rey landed the falcon on Tatooine, the planet, that looked so shockingly like the place she grew up on. Almost with disgust she left the falcon into the boiling sand, felt the heat of the soil through her canvas shoes.

BB-8 didn't like the sand either as he got stuck in the Sand again and again.

“A desert planet of all things”, Rey murmured an Chewie howled assuring. She had landed pretty near to the Lars moisture fare. Surprised Rey noticed, that the sand had taken over more than half of the main building. It must have been abandoned for a very long time. Sadly there was nothing to be seen of Ben. Rey killed some time with sand sledging on a metal plate and inspecting what was left of the Larses household. Then she finally heard steps above her head.

“I'm sorry, I'm late. The medidroid wouldn't let me go.”

Immediately Rey's eyes welled up in tears. “Ben”, she gasped and levitated with the help of the force the dune up.

Ben walked with a stick, wore rundown brown clothes that were way to short for him and sandals of which his toes came out. “The people around here, have been really generous to me. They took me in like I was one of their kind and shared everything with me, they could do without.”

Rey hugged Ben happily. “I'm so glad to see you. I was worried sick, when I didn't hear of you for more than a day.”

Ben places his giant left hand on Rey's hand and lightly kissed her hairline. “I was pretty much incapacitated. But ZB-29 has put me back together pretty well.”

Rey gave him her bright and shining smile and Ben forgot all the pain that had pestered his body before, the stiff leg the probably stayed like that forever and the countless new scars he had taken. This smile, this warm loving welcome, redressed him for all that. He hoped to see that smile every day for the rest of his life. Did he deserve to be happy? Probably not. But Rey did. And as long as he was the one to bring her happiness, he had a reason to be alive.

“I've got them with me”, Rey remembered impetuously and dug in her big leather bag. She pulled out Luke and Leia's lightsablers.

“You want to do it here?”, Ben asked, not without a hurt glimpse at both sabers.

Rey nodded. “Yes, I will be nice, to have them near us, wouldn't it?”

Ben wasn't quite sure about that. Jedi-relics were known to attract the force ghosts of their former owners and he didn't know if he really wanted to be haunted by his crazy uncle for the rest of his life. But he agreed with a little nod. He was physically just not able to disagree with Rey.

And so he watched her from a distance as she knelt down into the sand and placed the lightsabers next to each other. Then she placed both her hands above them and the sabers started to sink to the ground. Deeper and deeper they sank into to chilly, almost damp soil. Rey was adamant that they gave his mother and uncle a symbolic grave and bury their lightsabers there. That was a typical Rey idea, how could he have said no to that?

Rey slowly turned around and faced him. There were red dots on her cheeks but she didn't start crying yet. “There is something more I have to show you, well actually more than one thing …“First she took a grip into her bag again and pulled out a completely new lightsaber. The handle was beautifully done and from a dark material with a ring on the one end being the fuse. Rey turned the ring and a yellow light-sedge evolved.

“Yellow?”, Ben breathed doubtfully. “But yellow lightsabers … “

“Are made of refined, red kyber crystals.”, Rey ended his statement. “It's your kyber crystal. I've been on Endor to get it. It's your, if you want it. I can build myself a new lightsaber.”

But Ben only shook calmly his head. “No Rey. I don't need a lightsaber anymore. I don't want to be a warrior anymore.” He pulled his hand around her wrist and she deactivated the light-sedge again.

“Good, then I'll keep it for me for now. I hope it brings me more luck than you.” She clipped the lightsaber on her garment as she always had done with Luke's and looked shyly at her feet. “You should know, that I haven't been alone on Endor. And I'm not alone here.” She quickly looked at Ben and pointed at a place behind him with her chin.

Puzzled Ben turned around. Who should Rey take with her? Wasn't it her plan that he went into hiding? And then he recognized Chewbacca, standing next to the falcon.

BB-8 was standing next to him, beeping in stir.

Chewie protested against BB-8's objections with an unnerved barking and kicked the small round droid to the side. After that he sprinted to his good-son and pulled him into a might and hearty hug only a Wookie was able to perform.

“Chewie”, Ben gasped and dropped his stick to return the Wookie's hug. “I'm so sorry for everything … “

Chewie cut vocally his words. He didn't want to hear any excuses. Of course the loss of his best friend still did hurt but having his good-son alive and well was enough for him for now.

“He would like to stay here with us. And BB-8 too. It'll take him some time to get used to you, but he promised to stay quiet about our whereabouts.”

Ben looked leery down at the little droid that still beeped nervously and carefully kept his distance from Ben. He would have to keep a close eye at the bucket.

“So that's our new home”, Rey noted and walked back towards the main house. From that point she could see a local woman walking past them in a distance with her pack animal.

When she noticed the foreigners too, she led her beast away from the invisible path the were walking and came towards them. “How unusual to meet new people around here”, she stated in her native dialect. “But it's also nice, to see some new faces. Who are you?”

Rey turned over her shoulder to look at Ben, Chewie and BB-8. Surprised she noticed Luke and Leia's force ghosts standing right behind them. No one except from her had noticed them yet. “My name is Rey and they are Ben and Chewbacca.”

“Rey and Ben … “, echoed the native woman. “And further?”

There Ben stepped next to Rey and took her hand with a proudly swelled chest. “Skywalker, Rey and Ben Skywalker.”

Chewbacca hollered pleased and offered to help the native woman to carry her goods bring home what she accepted gladly.

Slowly the two suns of Tatooine sank behind the broad horizon. “Do you think you can get used to this place?, Ben asked, still holding Rey's hand. “I know that you hate desert planets.”

Though Rey shook her head, her eyes fixed on the two suns. “No, I don't hate them. I'm coming from such a planet. They are exactly my line.” She looked at him with a smile. “We only have to get the farm free of the sand.”

Ben nodded and smiled. He didn't know that the future would hold for them, but with Rey at his side, he knew he could face all adversities.

#ben deserves better #star wars #star wars: the rise of skywalker #star wars: tros #fan fiction #star wars fan fiction #reylo #rey of jakku #ben solo #rey skywalker #ben skywalker #chewbacca #bb-8 #rey x kylo ren #rey x ben #tros spoilers #tros fix it

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legionofpotatoes · 5 years

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Okay then, since both of y’all are just delving in I’ll try to keep things (relatively) spoiler-free and stick to story sense and semiotics! Few caveats:

Have not had prior experience with Kojima’s body of work and if that’s a prerequisite in how I “should feel” about it then yike on a bike (just getting this out of the way based on what I’ve had talked at me)

My read excludes the entire context of moment-to-moment gameplay; I basically watched chronological story cutscenes stitched together with NPC interaction vignettes sprinkled in-between. 9 or so hours in total.

I did this because the gameplay does not interest me at all - and not in protest of chill social games (I adore both No Man’s Sky and thatgamecompany stuff, for example, and try to champion anything without Gun in it), but because the setting and length did not align with my expectations for something to invest so much time into. Still, I was super intrigued by the story, and, to a lesser extent, the plot.

also I have a hard time writing in condensed English, so this may run quite long. I’ll put the rest under a break. Second language, sorry!

I’m trying to think of a good way to start this. Like I said, the story, or what the thing was ABOUT, was infinitely more interesting to me than whatever wacko packaging Kojima thought up for the narrative. Which was a complicated, thought-out piece of fiction shattered into many disparate pieces and fed to us in a mystery-box-filmmaker kind of way, making us reverse-engineer what essentially was a rather simple interpersonal uhh. family tragedy, I guess.

But to its credit the lore is visibly built solely to support whatever thematic messaging Kojima would want to weave in there - something I can respect. Meaning it gets as wacky and as nonsensical as it needs to be in order to reflect the high-concept allegories at play, aaand then it does so to a fault. I adore works of fiction that don’t give a shit about “tone” - I hate that word more than anything in modern media - but effective symbolism in storytelling, IN MY OPINION, requires a deft hand, nuance, strong authorial position, and a good grasp of social context.

I want to like, go through these four points individually and nitpick my problems with the game in their lens, because I think they cover pretty much everything I feel like saying:

1. A deft hand - to me means to selectively dramatize correct themes and plot points as you go so that shit makes sense in the end. I felt this was incredibly lacking here. It was like a symphony going for hours without a crescendo. The absolute wrong bits of soulless exposition would be reiterated THRICE within a single cutscene while necessary context of, hell, character motives or even plot geography would be left vague. Intentionally vague, some would argue, but their later function would never arrive. Other times, what would visibly be conceived as wink-and-you’ll-miss-it foreshadowing could overstay its welcome to the point of inadvertently spoiling a later plot point. My girlfriend sniped the (arguably) most important reveal of the game, which is left for the tail end of the final epilogue (!), in the first hours of watching. The symbolics and allusions were just too plentiful where they should have been more subdued. I am DYING to provide examples here but I’m keeping it spoiler-free. Again, if this is a Kojima-ism, too bad; but it’s not a catastrophic failure of storytelling by any means. There are very few masters of this thing working today. But what can be easier to navigate, I think, is...

2. Nuance - this kinda goes hand-in-hand with the upper point but is a bit more important to me and applies to what SPECIFICALLY you decide to heighten in order to slap us across the face with your deeper meanings. Certain characters - not all of them - feel like caricatures. The silly names and overt metaphors (wearing a mask means hiding something! connected cities all have ‘knot’ in their name!) are honestly, genuinely FINE as long as their function isn’t betrayed, but the lean into metaphor worship can sometimes wade into SERIOUSLY shitty territory as contemporary implications are ignored altogether, and that ties into my fourth point, which I’ll address before looping back to the third; needless to say, approaching sensitive subjects with broad strokes is not exactly the way to go. But broad strokes is almost exclusively what this game does, forgetting to incorporate...

3. Social context - and I feel like avoiding examples here will be difficult lest I end up sounding like a dogmatic asshole; but there is a right thing and a wrong thing to do when co-opting IRL concepts to fit fictional messaging/storytelling. I feel that a character “curing” themselves of a phobia by experiencing emotional growth that vaguely corresponds to what the disorder could have symbolized is a wrong thing. And I don’t even want to get into all the wacky revisionism the lore ended up twisting into, which was mostly honestly entertaining (the ammonite will be a good hint to those who’ve played it), until it decided to, again, lean a bit too hard into painting today’s reality as a crisis of human connection and imply some questionable things about why, uh, asexual people exist, for example. Yes it makes some sense within the context of the lore and what’s happening in the plot, but it’s completely lacking in social know-how of the here and now. In other words: a Bad Look. To me, this type of wayward ignorance is a much more serious issue that can historically snowball any piece of writing into a witless disaster. I don’t know if it quite does it here, but it’s not really my place to say. Still, you can have wacky worldbuilding that has no sense of dramatic tension, nuance, or awareness towards the audience, and yet containing one last vital glue holding it all together, and that would be...

4. Strong authorial position - or intent I guess, to speak in literary terms - and I still have trouble pinpointing how and where this exists in this game. A bullshit stance you say, and I hear ya; cause this here is a video game very pronounced in its pro-human-connection messaging, painting the opposite outcome as an apocalyptic end to our species. And as I understand the gameplay is all about connections too - leaning into that theme so hard it even renders itself unapproachable to most capital-g Gamers. I honestly respect the balls of that. But really, as an author who headlined the creation of this thing, what was it really about? What were you trying to say?

And beyond “human connection is real important to beat apathy” I got nothing, and I think that’s because of points 1 and 2 failing in succession, and then point 3 souring the taste. It just had to be apparent the moment the curtain fell, is what I find. You just have to “get” it immediately, get what it was trying to say, but that will happen only if it’s been articulated incredibly well up to that point. Maybe the entire punch of that message REALLY depends on you spending dozens of hours ruminating on the crushing cost of loneliness as you haul cargo across countries on foot and connect people to your weird not-internet? If so, I’ve missed a vital piece of context, and with this being a videogame and all, it’s honestly a fair assumption. But otherwise.. it felt like a hell of a lot of twisting and turning and plot affectations that only led to more plot affectations and sometimes character growth (which had its own bag of issues from point 3) and not a hell of a lot to say about human connection beyond the fact that it is. good and useful. It felt like a repeated statement instead of being an argument. Does that make sense? I understand the story optics here are zoomed waay out and set on targeting the human condition as a whole, but like.. if you’re committing to a message, you have to stand by it.

Why is connection good? it’s a dumb question without a DOUBT but since the game has set out to answer it then it.. should? Did I miss the answer? I may have, I honestly can’t exclude the possibility. My lens was warped and my framework of consuming storytelling is a bit rigid in its requirements (the four points I mentioned), so maybe I’m just too grouchy and old to understand.

I just think Pacific Rim did it better and took about 7 hours less to do it! And yet, it, too, involved Guillermo Del Toro. Curious.

If you made it this far and are interested in my thoughts on the technical execution of it all as well, uhm, it’s pretty much spotless? Decima is utilized beautifully, the Hideo vanity squad of celebrities all do their very best with the often clunky dialogue, the music is great, the aesthetic and visual design is immediately arresting, and it certainly does an all-around great job at standing out from the rest of the flock. I fell in love with the BB a little bit. It is also a game that is incredibly horny for Mads Mikkelsen, which almost fully supplants the expected real estate for run-of-the-mill male gaze bullshit. It is. A change.

That’s all I got folks

#death stranding spoilers #reference

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elizabethrobertajones · 6 years

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14x02 watching notes

I appear to be fully booked for the whole weekend through to Tuesday so this may be the only thing I post about the episode until then, hope you all are having as much fun as Cas will at the party he’s apparently gonna throw to prove he’s cooler than all the other angels.

*readjusts my beanbag chair from Professional Sloucher to Serious Typing Mode* It's 5:13am and I've been awake 45 minutes watching this thing download and paused the new Adventure Zone episode for this... Mittens assures me it's well-recieved, so I'll go ahead and assume we burned enough sage to ward off the worst of whatever happens to their episodes...

Or, of course, Speight is directing.

So, expectations are pretty nebulous, because at this point in the story I really don't have demands, hopes or fears, except maybe that Buckleming don't handle or if they do, don't maul having Dean back. I DO miss Dean. It's very possible if he showed up in this episode everyone loves it because Dean-o is back.

I've never voluntarily called him Dean-o before. I think Gabriel's influence over the season is contagious.

Speaking of which... *hits play*

Are we getting a recap of Christian Keyes getting smushed because he, also, is alive? (er, the vessel, I mean) It would balance out Nick a great deal but it's also almost too much to ask I feel

14x01 recap: good, no sign of wirework. 14x02 recap: bad, everyone is levitating.

Also hilarious - no recap whatsoever of the past episode, because we have entered the Buckleming AU. Which is either Speight's shade or Buckleming's hubris that they don't need no canon to tell them what to do.

Nice. Creepy. Good start, sir. 10/10 would immediately go over and try and play that cursed piano despite my fear I would die instantly.

asdhdjsfkdsf the detail that Mikey took his hat off and a dramatic shot of it sitting there with the same reverent detail as the other spooky things from the rest of the intro shots

Interestingly the vampire that Mikey is bleeding is presented in much the same way as Lucifer was in 13x21, left to just stand there and dribble essence from the neck which making small choking noises. This is either stuck pig imagery, or the suggestion from unknown powers that be directing this to suggest that the entire Lucifer concept is being bled dry by wringing Nick out of it too.

This isn't going to end well.

While he's doing that, I would like to ask if that's a smidge of his own grace, or if he went and found Metatron's or something.

It also is very reminiscent of Lucifer creating demons - experimenting and playing to create the worst of the worst. Alastair and Lilith had white eyes and Lilith could do some sort of evil smite. The first demon, and the only one we've ever seen do that. Fandom long headcanoned that Lucifer used his own grace to make her, and it makes sense in a weird way that as he gets more corrupt, so do his creations - from pure white-eyed demons to murky yellow eyes to red and pitch black. Also: get more stupid. Azazel is the best and smartest, and each YED we met, if we assume they're in age order... Asmodeus is so dumb as a pile of rocks that you have to assume Lucifer realised that whatever he did to perfect the recipe in Azazel was tapering off and the good good stuff was over, so no more YEDs before you find out what Asmodeus's little sibling would have been like. His next known canonical attempt to make a demon isn't using his own grace, but using the Mark of Cain to corrupt, er, Cain.

Mikey is falling into this exact same nonsense from the opposite direction of his brother, AU or otherwise - humans are bad, corrupt evil things are better because they're less complicated and as an angel, humans give me a headache. Michael seems at least to have believed that there were good people - if he could just flipping find them - and that if he smote all the sinners maybe some good people would be left. It's coming at the same conclusion from opposite problems - he has earnestly sought out the best in humanity and then ended up scouring even the worst like Kip and those killers he mentioned, and finally settled on monsters, Eve's corruptions of humanity into bloodthirsty creatures motivated only by hunger. And now he's playing with them and using his own power to corrupt them further.

PS: Eve is going to be SO PISSED

That IS a very effective way to smite a vampire.

He's very clean and efficient and while he's "getting his hands dirty" in the metaphorical sense, there's a very careful remove in the actions we see on screen, of him standing watching very impartially.

He also sounds a shade more Dean-ish in that quip, and let's just go ahead and assume that the quip unlocked Dean a lil, or else that being in this vessel so long is beginning to wear on Michael - the influence goes both ways, and it's like seeing Captain Holt from B99 crack and quip, except this is the lawful evil version.

Plus, the flippy flippy and all... He's getting comfortable. I bet Michael might have been able to do SOME cool flip with a knife but trust me, you're possessing the second most blade flippy guy on this planet, second only to his husband, so that's a full perk of being in the Michael Sword and nothing else.

No one has asked Cas how he feels about AU Bobby, which is weird because he and Bobby were BFFs back in the day.

Trust me, it happened off screen. Sometimes Cas flapped up smelling like whiskey and cigarette smoke and Dean would be like dammit did you just come from poker night with Bobby and I wasn't invited?

(True behind the scenes details from season 5)

AUBobby wants a beach vacation as much as Dean does, though. Well, he wants to hunt by the sea.

Okay I never knew "veracity" could be used as a synonym for "voracity" but google assures me that people are literally just really lazy about it because I THOUGHT AUBobby meant voracity, but he SAID veracity, and I was like, why is he saying angels aren't known for telling the truth??? and then my other part of my brain that is more sensible but works slower caught up with the context... This language is stupid. I apologise to second language speakers for that line. It was said "veracity" but it means "voracity" because we are a garbage culture, as english speakers as a whole.

So yeah, angels aren't known for their partying, no offence, party!Cas.

This is now 2x between here and 13x20 that Cas has been directly accused of not partying, plus how he went to a party in 13x22 even if he stood stock still the entire time, so I have to assume that the rise of party!Cas is gaining narrative and symbolic momentum and we WILL see him kicking back by the end of the season.

"None taken, I tend to agree with you." TEND, as in, other angels are stuffy assholes who never party, but I, party!Cas, have stood with my arms by my side and a stoic expression, all through your welcome to paradise!earth party, so *I* am in fact, cool.

He misses those poker nights. Ellen and Jo taught him well.

AUBobby has a perhaps Jim Beaver-honed response to "it's Dean" when worrying about what's up with it. Or, of course, as much as he may have come to like the guy since the AU rescue, this was still a lil test of why they had to be concerned, leaving it to him as the one guy in the room who is still getting to know him, to say what is unspoken by everyone else.

Sam then prompts Cas to give us some clunky exposition on why he can't come, because Michael will sense him.

Buckleming, you literally are the ones who say Cas down in a chair and had him tattooed to ward him against angels. That was your thing. You did that. You.

It may be a sign of improvement that Cas is being left behind with specific explanations for why, but it's still hard to read Misha's expression as between Cas Is Sad He Can't Go Near Dean, which is crazy he's not putting up a fight and going anyway, and I Have To Say This Line To Explain It And They Don't Teach You How To Say Bad Exposition In Drama School.

"Yeah sorry"

This deserved at least 2 more lines of contention and scowling, or, of course, Sam proposing this to Cas on the spot, or Cas himself regretfully announcing that he had to do it to give them the best chance in a self-sacrificing way, then rationalising it with having to stay behind to babysit.

Cas just said Jack wasn't an infant. He's a year old. He's barely even a toddler yet. You really read that many parenting books and don't know that?

Okay yeah. Anyway lumping Nick and Jack together as charges to watch - a suggestion somehow that they're a joint burden? It demeans Jack to Nick's place, in the context. Cas hasn't actually had a great deal of on-screen parenting to Jack except like 2 nice moments basically bookending the entire time they've both been alive on the show in 13x06 and 14x01, and I'm going to have to chalk this up to a lil anxiety about bonding with the sulky teen Jack that it's something Cas now feels apprehension about. He's the father who's rarely home and clocked in the least time nurturing Jack directly, while Mary has a wild lead and Sam and Dean both also a good chunk of it, with Sam pulling weeks ahead of Dean, of course.

A sense of Dad Who Is Always At Work Forced To Bond With Child While Mom(s) Are Gone, to use some heteronormative tropes, feels like it's at play. The dad who is always away on business trips is forced to spend time at home over Christmas with the kid while the other parents are on a wild vacation to Florida... What fun scrappy bonding experiences do they get up to?! :D

Of all the tropes flying around, to stick to heteronormativity, Cas has always been "the father" to Jack while others around him waver between maternal roles or not. But even in the very start, he "completed" the parental "set" with Kelly.

Is that enough airquotes to be clear I support non-traditional family structures? :P

But it puts Cas also in a place of having some of these toxic masculinty types of fatherhood, of being away for work all the time and not putting in the work for the kid or being too eager to fight and sacrifice himself than to be there. Hard as he works to protect them all, his connection IS that of the guardian angel who watches over, the one sworn to protect, who most often talks about his bond to Jack under that obligation and that promise to Kelly, the sense of a duty to protect Jack, but very little in the way Sam especially fell hard on the side of "nurture" in the nature vs nurture debate and put in all the emotional labour associated with the mother in traditional parenting structures.

(This was good for Sam to do considering Dean had done it for him, and because Dean did it for him - being both mother and father - he's largely exempt and can dip in and out of how he parents Jack with impunity, given he had his moment about this in 12x22, days before Jack was born, and was therefore freed from character arcs grappling with it in the same way)

Cas is like "Nick is a MESS" same, buddy.

"He was housing, he deserves a shot at rebuilding his life" Sam is talking about himself here, which is weird because Nick was the topic of discussion a moment ago

I feel weird that Sam is admonishing Cas here, because Cas has not lain on the floor and thrown a tantrum about not going to save Dean, as ungrateful as he is being about babysitting Nick... it's making a weird conflict between Cas and Sam which is now veering into a philosophical argument about Nick, which makes me feel that if this is not just weird Buckleming dialogue issues where they find it hard not to write things as a conflict, Sam and Cas haven't had the rosy bro bonding time together while Dean is gone that it seemed, or that, like with Sam snapping at Mary about her optimism, Sam's in a Mode about this where he's on his last rag with everyone secretly because of lack of sleep. And Chief!Sam may also be struggling with being an authority figure among his own family, as every single one of them "outranks" him in age, parenthood, experience or scowliness, and Sam once described himself as "the least of all of you" meaning Bobby and Cas specifically of the people who in this room he'll find himself naturally deferring to. Sam's leadership is natural among the AU peeps but perhaps a struggle that with his family, he's still the leader, but there's no Dean to have the final word, and that in itself is an awful reminder, when he finds himself being the last word on a subject without Dean's input.

I have to assume this is like 5am and AUBobby showed up early to work to see Mary and the rest of the AU peeps aren't around yet

Cas then throws in the line about how all he can see is the supreme agent of evil, which is fuckin hilarious that it was Sam's trauma yesterday and we know angels are much more likely to relate to the glowy blob possessing a face, and anyway most of Cas's worst Lucifer trauma came from being POSSESSED by him, seeing him wearing Sam's face, or being beat up by Vince fucking Vincente. You only really ever saw Lucifer as Nick in 12x23 and the last few episodes of season 13, bar like one encounter back in 5x10. That is a very very recent association.

Unless, of course, he's still MIGHTILY PISSED that Lucifer killed off 2/3rds of his poker game and that's where his "supreme evil" trauma comes from.

Let's go with that.

Do you think Eugenie forgot that Lucifer was an hallucination in season 7, and also that Cas was dead during that?

(don't @ me about him seeing hallucifer in 7x17, he said in 7x21 that he stopped seeing hallucifer pretty quickly and I'm going with Edlund canon when in doubt :P)

"You talking about my dad again"

Jack. Hon. You have absolutely no relation whatsoever to Nick, except via whatever family line ties him extremely vaguely to Sam as a similar vessel of Lucifer. I don't even know how to describe where that puts him on your fucked up family tree, but trust me, you don't need to worry. Biologically, you are the son of an ex-president of the united states.

But yeah, snarky!teen Jack is here in full force. I'm not sure I'm ready to deal with the baby's angsty melodrama years :'D

Do you think

and I ask this hypothetically while full of dread that I am right

do you think Eugenie has forgotten that Jack is not Nick's biological son

Jack getting the good good framing of standing with his back to the war room, trapped in the library, as he's grounded. This central framing demands the eye to seek out wings, but in this case they're kinda furled behind him, if you see them as the dark shadows of the room beyond.

Of course the war room/library symbolism is always a thing, that action is the former, home the the latter, so this is clever to show Jack's desire, but also that he is stuck, and we see the bar patterned lights on the floor in the war room which are used as prison imagery. Jack's effectively locked out of the war room with a baby gate.

"Let's move," Sam says, with a virile pump of his gun, leaving Cas and Jack to feel impotent at home.

Sam does not get the dick imagery often enough

Blargh Nick again. Hello fuckface. Listen, I just wanna say before we get into this scene, that I've almost universally seen Mark P eyerolled at but said "at least he's a really good actor so the scenes were really good even if he sucks as a person and we hate Lucifer". I do not agree. I think he's a ham who over-acts and it was annoying as Lucifer but by this point expected and had at least transitioned slowly, but seeing Nick do the whole routine of standing up from bed, and then blowing on his stab wound and wincing and fanning it? That whole thing was just... too much for me. Nick should have been still and quiet and sad, but as soon as he started doing that it harked back to Lucifer in 13x13 when he was cold and hungry and over-acting rubbing his poor empty tum tum and rubbing his freezing arms. What made Mark P so good in season 5 was that Lucifer had a slow, cold and STILL menace to him, that while he might have gestured widely and been violent, especially in his dramatic scenes he was still and menacing. That's all gone by now and he acted Lucifer as a clown, and fair enough as an acting choice I guess when this isn't my favourite character or actor, but now it's salt in the wound that Nick was supposed to come across sad and vulnerable, and instead of bestowing some gravitas on him and taking us back to the start and actually TRYING, Mark P fell into clowning as if he thinks doing these funny things is what his fans who are apparently out there want to see, and my stretched to breaking point lie I repeated to myself about "oh he's a good actor at least" shattered because he was just playing the fool again, over-acting as if to gain cheap sympathy points, when his stillness and sadness and NOT overacting was literally the only way to have pulled Nick off without it being annoying.

This is a cake and eat it, well Lucifer is dead but I'm still here, and now I will act almost exactly the same, kind of dealio and I'm pissed and not standing by that self-comforting lie any more because every single step of the Lucifer journey so far since 11 we've placated ourselves with various phrases and concepts to make it okay to do all this but keeping Nick around is where the story breaks and so too does my patience for forgiving it.

*Cas employs his Anti Nick Shoulders* I deeply approve of these shoulders

Could they not give Nick, like, a sudoku book or something? He is just sitting here wallowing in having been Lucifer.

Omg Cas is getting to use this to actually talk about himself. I'm actually liking this. Cas self-reflection is a wonderful thing. Everyone can relate to Nick, even if they hate it. Every single person will file in here and talk about themselves to Nick at some point or another.

Nick's like "why am I heeere" and Mr Giant Teddy Bear is like "I know right?"

Wait is Nick's son called Teddy? That was unfortunate mind-melding with BL I just did. *shiver*

Also hilarious: a chosen flashback to Nick holding a teddybear beside the crib and I swear to all that is holy that Speight is deliberately implying after reading the line "Teddy" that Nick said yes to Lucifer on behalf of his wife Sarah and this bear.

I can SEE his face making a note here about what flashback to cut to.

His sparkling eyes are reflecting off this screen so much I'm getting glare from it.

*Mark P cries a lot* There are a few little leaps in this conversation to get to the point too quickly but overall this wasn't a bad scene... Perhaps because Cas carried it enough with his sinscerity that Nick wailing was at least balanced and the directing matched the intensity of it all. Speight really is good at making things work and this was pretty brutal which means that the overacting is compensated for, and Cas inserted enough genuine emotion from an empathetic character.

It's all hovering unspoken about family where Nick does it for his wife, even if he regrets it now and feels like he has become a monster and is wracked with a guilt Cas can heavily relate to as it drove his season 12 early actions intensely, and his child. Cas also did it for family, and they give this definition of family where it could be anyone beloved in the family, so that platonic overlap is there between Cas and Nick's motivations. But implicit is that Nick's wife was the one that made him say yes, and Cas stands over Nick in much the way that Lucifer stood over him in 5x01 when appearing as Sarah. Cas is/was the wife in the scenario in a weird way to Dean, for whom he chose to be possessed to save from Amara, aka the monster that had come into the house and would kill his beloved ones in their beds.

Promo scene! Aw AUBobby and his rusty FBI skills.

The coroner talking about a spree killer harks to Dean's issues balancing being a serial killer with a saviour, as I talked about pre-episode with the themes connected to Dean being possessed by Michael, and channelling all the worst of him. In this case, the torture AND the wantonly killing vampires

God damn Mary's red suit is awesome though.

"neck wounds" I thought Mikey healed those? I guess I can see residual scarring on this body so maybe healing vampires isn't as neat as healing people, because corruption...

"Why is an archangel hunting vampires in the first place" HAVE YOU MET DEAN? This is how he blows off steam when he gets a HANGNAIL. You think being possessed by Mikey will stop him?

"Huh" Sam says. "huh," I say, because they actually did some Smart Detective Work to come to that conclusion and perhaps this is just because BL needed the next lead but we've never actually seen them ask this specific question about people coming to identify mystery bodies to find the next lead ever. And perhaps because even if it happens off screen it's a dead end in all their other cases, but this was still something BL wrote that put a clever concept in Sam's head, and I am at the bottom of the barrel with them when I'm complimenting them for not making the characters act like complete idiots.

The other thing is, this cuts out an entire scene of them in a motel opening a laptop and googling surveillance footage, and I don't know if they have been banned from writing the everyone sits around and googles the monster scenes, at least since they made Crowley pop in and google a photo of the president in 12x08, and then Dabb openly mocked them for it in 12x23, but it's a pacing GODSEND to have the characters act intelligent and ask questions that solve problems instead of relying on the magical answer box to tell them where to go next.

See again: low low low expectations. Whether it's Speight clean up work or they've been told off, this is great stuff, and files off a lot of the edges that make their episodes wearing on a cosmic, soul level, that between the weird content, they're also just clunky and poorly paced.

Cas n Jack sceeeene.

It's Jack's desk! I'm so happy!!

I asked hypothetically the other day on a promo pic and I'm so happy to see Jack has his own lil desk in the library. He looks like a kid doing his homework

my heart is swelling

with all the table meta - it's another thing where they've changed stuff around to give Jack a space, a place he calls his own in this large weird Bunker. That table had to be dragged from one of the side offices or store rooms and set up for him because it's never b een there before, but now Jack has an alcove of the library he calls his own and he can sit there and do his research... And the alcoves give a sense of an enclosed room space, something comforting and like... library womb like.

The Bunker has adopted him :')

It's so weird seeing a character in this show who habitually doesn't wear a ton of layers around the Bunker - he's been in a t-shirt with nothing over it in both episodes, grey. He's young, open, honest, but hasn't found his way yet, hasn't got a tribal colour scheme. No plaid, and has only worn beige and blue in neutral Cas colours, his main father figure in a sort of aspirational sense, even if Cas is the dad who's always out on work and not there to raise his son.

Jack's identified as human in 13x23 but in a way he is a homunculous - the concept of what was originally believed to be how babies formed in a sort of medieval/rennaisance time (perhaps still is by BL) that the sperm was a tiny weeny complete person and they just got put in the womb with no other input from mommy and grew there. There's definitely a weird shade of homunculous implications in how Jack's parenthood is talked of, and of course he was then born as a fully formed man, which is a sort of transliteration of this nonsense belief, but the concept that he practically was a small adult Jack and then a big adult Jack and at no point an actual baby. Even in the womb in 12x17 we saw him turn and stare at the camera, betraying a sort of primal intelligence, the idea of a bored god waiting in the womb to be born, learning and acting from within.

And only now is he sort of set up to stop being a baby and start being a man when it comes to handling adult intellectual stuff and he's not learning from scratch but is treated like he has a more solid baseline for the world around him these days. He's learned enough to join society, but not enough to have carved his place yet. It's a very strange cusp of growth, and perhaps a good metaphor for being a teenager, in a way: that you realise you have been very stupid up to this point but now you are very smart and ready to be an adult (except, unfortunately, adult peoples will look back at this unformed humonculous version of themselves with the greasy hair and poorly understood radical political opinions and whatever, and be like, WOW, I was an idiot.)

Oh my god are BL really going to keep writing Good Cas Lines this episode? This stuff where Cas schools Jack gently and lovingly with knowledge Jack has been up all night reading then Cas is like yeah this is stuff angels know from angel sunday school but I'll be kind about it and validate what you just read... Like, the lesson is the act of the research, more than the knowledge. It's up to Jack not to feel stupid that he did all that work and Cas was like, yeah. I knew that. I'm an angel.

OH MY GOD Cas is actually having the chat I wanted with Jack about how he felt when he lost his grace

*shoves a fistful of popcorn in my mouth*

Jack all hurr blurr you don't understand I want to go run to my room and slam the door because I'm a teen and I have just discovered human tragedy and angst, NO ONE IN THE HISTORY OF EVER HAS SUFFERED AS I HAVE

and Cas is like, *ruffles his hair* it's okay little buddy, I too was a homunculous in season 9, which Lizzy has a weird deja vu feeling she wrote about but would not for the life of her know where to find that because it was probably buried in watching notes

"what did you have left?" "well I had Sam and Dean... but I had something else"

me: *clutches chest, gasps, hangs on tenterhooks*

Cas: "I had myself"

me: FLAILS WILDLY

Sorry, this isn't very meta, I've just written so much on the nature of grace and of Cas, and whether he has a soul or not still, but he is very much talking about the time when as a human he had a soul and was "himself" without his grace, and though he felt the loss of his POWER he didn't feel a loss of his CORE SELF, of who he is (which is an ongoing question they're all answering about themselves, with Jack Homunculous Winchester as the main example to channel the others through). It's really important to me that Cas has this core self, this certainty of who he is beyond his duty, his grace, everything that is forced on him by Heaven, but that this part of him who he may or may not know is his soul is there and filled with, well... Cas's nougat centre. Because Cas has been playing THAT game far longer than Jack has :P

"The basic me. As Dean would say, without all the bells and whistles"

Dean is reaching through Cas to mock him for us when we don't have him in the room to directly accuse Cas of having a harp, and I love that Cas loves Dean so much that he lets Dean drag him for having bells and whistles (which Cas will take literally) even though he's not here.

That's true love.

They share what is possibly the grossest smile ever and I am going to weep to see all this fondness for each other and for Dean being expressed. Like, ugh, families loving each other and being all wholesome and sweet. What is this garbage.

"You know, Sam and Dean... they weren't born with their expertise" yeah because they're not fuckin homunculi

Cas is basically equating Jack to going back to the start that they had, a do-over on his life, that he lived his first year as a magical all-powerful baby, but in a weird way, losing his grace makes him more settled, gives him a chance to understand himself without his power and learn that he still has a core self, a soul with all the good stuff in it, and to begin again and learn things the slow way, but a way in which he will grow more naturally and take the lessons that are needed to form the real edges to a character that turn into maturity.

"They've been at it since they were children"

and so have you. filed under: ow.

Literally no one on TFW had a normal safe happy childhood free of monsters metaphorical or otherwise.

Anyway Cas then reminds Jack that he has to do things slow to be as good as Sam n Dean, and moves on to it's important not who you were in your past - because this fuckin one and a bit year old already has a gritty past - but who you are and what you will do with the FUTURE. And Cas still wholeheartedly believes in Jack because of Jack once showing him a vision of the future that they might have - the happy ending, world without monsters, all that jazz that Dabb era is eyeing up hopefully.

Oooh Mikey's going to a partyyy.

That fuckin ring on his little finger. It's coded especially in media that he's either in a cult or gay. It's such a weird lil detail for Mikey to have added to the ensemble that I almost wonder if he smited a guy to borrow it wholecloth and took every detail. Though he's a fucking fashionista so maybe he can't resist adding a detail like this.

After all he wore dirty war-torn clothes for years in the AU, but even then had a sense of grandeur about it, an over-dramatic flair with the long coat that said that he dressed well, even for the scenario, and different, standing out from the rest of his minions.

Now he's here on paradise!earth, with all the tailors you could ask for, so he's going to dress like the lord of this planet it's begging for, in all the finery you can drape his fine sword in.

Sword does not approve of bowtie.

DEAAAN! HEY! I'VE MISSED YOU ILY

"GET OUT"

"I don't think so"

WOW, RUDE. There's rules about this, buddy!

"You can't!"

"oh but I can, because, see, I own you." It IS Michael who punches the mirror... I was certain it would be Dean, but it's Michael lashing out at his angry reflection, shattering the image of Dean. What a metaphor. In the Mark of Cain arc sometimes Dean looked at himself in shattered mirrors but it was a passive shattering. This is a statement from Michael that he can see Dean and he's shattering his entire self, refusing his right of consent - in a BL episode it's ironically hilarious so long as nothing else dub con happens, that this is the actually seriously applied good use of consent stuff. And Michael talking about owning Dean - it's that presumptiveness about others' consent that was Dean's biggest downfall in putting Gadreel in Sam, the cosmic karma lashing back out at Dean that he can't punt Michael out like Sam heroically punted Gadreel out, because Michael OWNS him. Dean is historically, cosmically, always for eons before his birth, been "the Michael Sword" - a true vessel with this guy's name inscribed on the hilt, and Michael has calmly taken full possession of his ultimate weapon, because well, why not.

UGH and then Michael takes control again by way of talking into the mirror and his reflection behaving normally because he's wrangled it back into control. A+ DIRECTION, SIR.

(Also because it's not Dean - maybe it's not so much a meta detail but the expectation might be that Dean would lash out at Michael BECAUSE he's angry and lashes out and smashes mirrors so many times, but he has no control to even move an arm to lash out... He's utterly trapped, just like Cas was tied to that chair.)

I love seeing Cas storming confidently around the Bunker running stuff while the others are out, being the one who is looking over Jack, taking the calls about their findings, and now dealing with Nick wandering in to angst some more. This is Cas at home and although it's still weird the AU peeps are ALL taking a day off coming into work after seeing how embedded they were in the hub, it's wonderful to see Cas here and without the AU peeps it is more cozy in the sense of being more like the home they privately kept.

Nick comes in like I WANT TO SOLVE MY COLD CASE THIS IS MY RANDOM DISTRACTION FROM THE PLOT

but then Cas puts his hand on his shoulder and he flicks back to Lucifer in an instant, trying to dissolve Cas in a panic from being touched. Cas is understandably completely and utterly freaked out.

And for all our talk of Rowena and Sam and their trauma from Lucifer, of course Cas has had a lot too even though I'm kinda eye-rolly about him talking about Nick as the face of all evil, of course this episode has been about his Lucifer trauma so far. It's really interesting to see Cas rattled by something because he is so solid most of the time - last episode he exuded "fuck you" from every pore for every moment except briefly when Jack was dragged into the room. But Nick has him on edge and now there's some Buckleming fuckery afoot with ongoing vessel issues, we're seeing the very strange visual of a Cas who is legit freaked out.

Anyway I really like how smooth this was, even with camera changes. Speight is really wringing excellence out of them, and the script, weirdly, and maybe because it's Nick so Eugenie is focused, is actually contemplative and full of interesting emotional conversations, which they often seem to blow off whatever the brief. Even with the dialogue hindrances, the real meaning and depth is being plumbed by the scenes as a whole.

So yeah, here is where I have to grudgingly say MarkP can play evil kinda well but also considering, again, FOUNDER OF THE AMERICAN CAPITALIST PARTY? This is his calling, and he is a caracture of the man who plays the devil.

And this is something rather scary and sinister about what's going on with him which genuinely is played with some of that season 5 gravitas, which is super weird to see because I have got so used to him being a clown, even in his previous episode.

I have to say, due to that, I give Speight a lot of credit because he's really, really good at his job.

"What went through your head just now?" I ask that a lot, and thanks for the reaction gif, Eugenie.

I need very little prompting to assume you are writing Nick and Brad is writing the rest.

Nick is a fine line of guilty and confused, and hiding his intent, either because he doesn't know, or he DOES. It's good. Credit where credit's due.

"Some of his influence still within you" it's CRUEL to give that line to misha.

Kinda meta that there's a cockles joke from an old JIB or something about "influence" as jizz and 13x21 and all the jokes about Gabriel's grace.

But we're getting to a 9x11 parallel in the structure of the episode, but Cas is left behind with Nick rather than Sam, and Sam gets to be out there looking for his brother... And of course Dean within Michael experiences a shattering greater than the Mark of Cain did to him...

"Lucifer may have inflicted more damage on your psyche" yeah no shit we were warning you he would have the Hallucifers

Cas does the most terrified slow shoulder touch ever - there's a real right shoulder wrong shoulder thing going on. Last episode he clasped Jack on the correct (left) shoulder, and this time he tries to touch Nick on the right and nearly gets smote, and then this touch is on the same, as he discerns what's wrong with Nick, and I get a mirror of 11x11 where Lucifer did the wrong shoulder touch to Dean, and have him the only inkling something was up with Cas, that Dean shrugged off because, ow.

Anyway white man has angst. Nick has the Hallucifers and he has to find out who killed his family. He's got like his entire own TV show premise of nonsense going on here and it's going to be crammed in between everything else.

Bet you anything real monsters did it

"And then what

Dude's got nothing to live for

we're so over these murdered wife revenge arcs

The old flipperoo of it being terrifying for a monster when 3 scary hunters bust in weapons drawn. The vampire has a terrible apartment and she didn't even get a new car - it's like she went from one crappy life to the next and the only thing that changed was she was now a miserable vampire. I'm sympathetic to her for now :')

Oh look how surprising, this side of the story is being 2x03 still - aside from AUBobby snarking that vampires "never do" anything wrong, in the position of one who never learned a grey area because lower Winchester exposure, the vamps are feeding on animal blood, and mourning the loss of their nest. This is another Lenore. Of course we started the episode with them in the morgue finding vampire teeth on seemingly human victims, as in 2x03, and the killer is the deadliest hunter in the universe - the heavily Gordon themed side of Dean which has been symbolised by vampires the whole time from Lenore to Benny...

OH this is the girl from the cold open. So I assume she's going to explain how she got away. We have to assume the cold open was several days ago - long enough for her to lie low, Michael to ditch all the vamps, AND for them to be discovered again and moved to the morgue and then for this branch of TFW to come out here. Which explains that Michael must have already moved on and be ready for his party in the present day, which is a stretch of time enough to form his next plan.

"I-if you let me go!" yeah AUBobby lunges at her when he assumes the conversation is over, because he never dealt with this before, but looks over to Sam now, and then Mary does.

We cut away before we find out if Sam decided her fate, so that current silence on the subject may be left ominous or may explain a lot about Sam when we find out whether he had her killed and has turned ruthless, or is still soft Sammy who dealt with Lenore and knows how it goes.

Mikey, what are you up to?

He's tapping Dean's charm but with a hint more of Jensen's whiskey smoothness in his voice than Dean's coarseness, so this is legally defined as assault.

This is horrifying. GIVE IT BACK.

I'm calling the police. Michael has made off with Dean's entire seduction routine to trap this monster, and I am horrified.

Weirder still hearing him just casually called Michael. Brrrr.

Ooh she's a werewolf. Somehow I hadn't managed to work that out in the glimpse in the promo and thought she was a new monster type.

I guess Mikey is shopping around.

Wow she really has prominent teeth. I wonder if that's a sexy trait in werewolves.

He takes a drink as he menaces towards her - he's still got that calm drifting through kinda attitude that Michael had even in the AU when he was Christian Keyes, and he's starting to have fun, which is really really bad.

I don't think Michael has ever had fun in his life.

He's like the perfect little kid who does well in all his studies then sneaks off and drowns the family cat in the back of the garden as an outlet.

"Now. Summon your master."

Is this the elusive Werewolf Alpha who survived even season 6 because the show just Could Not Figure Out What To Do With Werewolves until season 9

Nick has an ENDLESS series of white shirts to indicate he's a sweet innocent dude now

because, you know we have a hard time dealing with that

Nick is ranting like a privileged white man

I mean his family is dead, I just struggle with Nick for obvious reasons

and as soon as his mannerisms cross a line, he loses me again

He's kinda weird with Cas as well because he knows Cas, kinda, and he has to be 100% on board with all the nonsense, so he's just A Bloke dropped in this life now but casually chatting to an angel. it's weird. "You know what a cold case is, Castiel?" liike, he knows Cas doesn't always know stuff but he is also just going off on one.

I think poor Cas has decided since the Nickifer moment that he needs to spend more time actively watching over Nick, and once more is trapped with a ranting annoying man

this is his curse.

"But you're not dead. You have a second chance."

"you don't understand"

Ah, teenagers, such a problem :P

but seriously, this is hilariously the third converastion this episode Cas has been in where he directly relates to the very specific weird metaphysical problem that Nick or Jack is going through because there's literally NOTHING that Cas hasn't already been through. He might yet make an excellent therapist just because of how many weird torments he's endured.

Cas speaking with fondness of Jimmy :') Such a feeling of Jimmy being a good man who went to Heaven, and for Cas, raised as an angel like this, being in Heaven with your soulmate is the ultimate happy ending for good devout people - in 4x20 when he's still in Claire he tells Jimmy he served well and will go to Heaven like it's a reward, and despite everything he still seems to default to that, especially for the comfort of knowing this about Jimmy of all people, because of how directly responsible Cas is for destroying their lives, and knowing that at least they got this is a WONDERFUL coping mechanism for angels to tell themselves it's all okay, when they get the correct vessel with the proper permissions and they're a good and pious person who prayed for it etc etc.

Cas and Lucifer remain the only angels we've ever seen actually court their vessel properly, although it's implied Anael did similar. Most others have hopped right in without securing full and informed consent. Er, not that Lucifer does, but at least he has full and informed bullshit trickery, which, um. Is a thing?

Nick how DARE you call Cas a "stone cold bodysnatcher" who's no better than Lucifer. Jimmy is gone and Cas has had this vessel remade for him like six times since then. It's the Jimmy Model Vessel mk.VI, as sculpted by God or the Empty.

*sobs about Cas saying what happened to Jimmy was his greatest regret*

SUCH GOOD CAS STUFF this episode

The alpha werewolf is a white guy in a suit, surprisingly.

Michael, also a white guy in a suit, sits opposite him, and they're pretentious about their cognac.

"She thinks you're a god" that's the second time that's happened. He kinda liked it when it was applied directly to him but not an accusation of BEING Chuck, just that that's how he comes across.

Oh good he's just the leader of the pack, not the Alpha.

Still wanna know who that is

His sales pitch is about their purity in wanting to kill to eat to live once again. I find it hard to believe a werewolf with snooty opinions about alcohol who wears a suit like that doesn't have some human sins, but it seems that Michael is judging them by their monstrousness first, and waving aside their other habits in favour of the big picture of how they live their lives.

"Fully tested" you fucking liar

He's talking around the truth... It's fascinating watching him threading the line of judging people for sinners without falling into that himself.

I do wonder how he knows about wine unless his previous vessel did... or he's taking from Dean's pop culture and deadpan bullshitting it. Sorry, I'm still stuck on that detail. Character stuff always entertains me so much more than plot :P

"Believe me, it's an absurd dream" He's passively observed at least like 3 attempts to enslave the human race for food just in the last few years. He knows.

Mikey, you can't go around promising that, they know it doesn't work. Dick Roman couldn't pull it off, and you don't have his business acumen.

"Why be the huntED when you can be the huntER"

ANTI DEAN ANTI DEAN ANTI DEAN AAAAAH turning over EVERYTHING he works for

UUUUGH

Okay, Jack's wandered off and found his grandparents without a single warning and I am WOUNDED.

They seriously need to put more warning in for these things because ow ow ow ow ow

Oh my gooood he's named after Kelly's daaad

Look at these nice grandparents

"So you were like her intern" oh ne the intern jokes of last summer have come around and stabbed me

I repent

Oh NO nerdy little Kelly

this is awful

where is this episode coming from? I can't believe someone's managed to wrangle Buckleming into doing good stuff with everything so this is actually emotionally well-told

this is probably their best episode yet and i'm half an hour in

"We have a grandson!"

This is emotionally mauling me like an angry bear

"Jack kind of looks like her!"

*Jack attempts to speak from a lump the size of a planet in his throat*

*Lizzy types from within the bear's mouth, as it tries to stuff my down ITS throat*

NOUGAT GOT HIS HUG

Sam spared the vampire girl!!! YAY

She's called Lydia. You assholes literally used that name before for the Amazon Dean hooked up with

I can't believe Michael took the time to change his suit. He has a suit for business and a suit for meetings.

"the hunters" Oh that's cold. Dean, can you hear how he dismisses your FAMILY?

Oh nooo he metatroned her. This was a traaaaaaap and she was bait

Aww Lydia :(

He smites like Lucifer killed demons with his mind

it's so scary

How can Cas be mad at Jack I just nearly cried at a Buckleming episode

anyway he and Jack are having the equivalent I am your dad and I set curfew, vs I am a grown up I can go out when I want argument for his teen son he's unfortunately not engaged with much.

"the only real family I have left"

Cas gets SO PISSED

I AM YOUR DAD, SON

But he pushes it down and asks if it helped because Cas is good and nice and loves Jack

Once Jack reveals that he looked like the weirdly photoshopped Kelly on a horse (oof) Cas gets mauled by the same Feels Bear and relents completely because he's legally not allowed to cry but he wants to

"I suppose there are worse ways to be human than to be kind," he says as speight exploits the fuck out of the bunker set, having them sit either side of the door between war and home, tables in the centre, them on the pillars flanking it. It's a wonderful image. I'd go into it more but I suddenly think I have no time at all

"So they're going to kill him," lil Hamlet of Nougat says all firmly, re: Michael

Cas switches gears from "this precious child" to "uuuh" immediately

"And if he doesn't leave?"

I can see Cas being that meme where everything is an action blur around his face to express deep horror as Jack keeps prodding worst case murdering Dean scenarios

Listen, when this little ball of damp feathers you call your son is joining in with the entire universe challenging you if you have the guts to see Dean killed for the greater good, you have a problem that EVERYONE can see

"Dean doesn't matter!"

*shock lines intensify*

"You're all so focused on trying to save Dean"

Yeah, he does the same for all of you.

This is the pier conversation from 11x14, but 1000x more intense.

Cas is like "?????????????? HOW DARE?"

Cas can not comprehend a world where Dean dies, but our lil Shakespearean hero is determined that it has to happen because he WILL kill Michael, it's been put on his shoulders and he WILL DO IT DAMMIT.

(later)

Cas did not have this in the parenting books

"Do you think he'd want it any other way?"

"no but i love him"

I can not BELIEVE Jack got a flounce off stage left and Cas is the one left shook

damn, kids are hard

Nick has also wandered off to meet some relatives.

Cas is the worst at keeping his chickens in the coop

what was he doing

lying on Dean's bed sniffing the pillow

Oh dear, but it's the neighbour who as this conversation goes on I'm starting to assume was the one who killed his family.

Is he gonna go all Lucifer on this guy?

Uhoh, bulletproof werewolves

man I am gonna miss my bus if anything else happens

Mary saves AUBobby <3

Hi Deanchael, come to torment this poor family

You know you coulda brought Cas because he knew you were here the whole time anyway

DEAN! HI!

That was a really cool move Dean.

"Sammy"

"It's me"

Unless it's NOT

"He just left"

"why"

"i don't know. I don't know!"

me too bud

Hey look Nick killed the guy with a hammer

What a surprise

Welp now I have to take my 3rd choice for bus to yoga but I finished and now I will be gone all weekend byeee love you yell about this later <3

#14x02 #season 14 spoilers #my stuff

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dailyaudiobible · 6 years

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02/15/2019 DAB Transcript

Exodus 39:1-40:38, Mark 1:1-28, Psalms 35:1-16, Proverbs 9:11-12

Today is the 15th day of February. Welcome to the Daily Audio Bible. I’m Brian, it is wonderful to be here with you today. Hope you had a nice Valentine's Day yesterday. We concluded the book of Matthew. So, the first gospel, the first book of the New Testament yesterday. So, when we get to the New Testament today we’ll be beginning the book of Mark and we'll talk about that. And today we will be concluding the second book of the Old Testament, the book of Exodus and we’ll move on from there tomorrow. So, we’re reading from the Contemporary English Version this week and we’ll conclude the book of Exodus with chapters 39 and 40 today.

Introduction to the book of Mark:

Okay. So, that concluded the book of Exodus and like we said a minute ago, we finished the book of Matthew yesterday, which brings us to the gospel of Mark. And, so, we should know right off the bat that Mark was not a disciple of Jesus, he wasn't one of the 12 and he wasn't an apostle. Actually he was more of a long-term disciple of Peter and we first see him show up in the book of Acts. We also know him as John Mark and he lived in Jerusalem and came from a fairly wealthy family. His mother's name was Mary and she had a big house and she had a servant named Rhoda. I mean we learn all of this from the book of Acts. She was an early believer and opened her home to other early believers and our church tradition tells us that her home may have been the place of the upper room where the Holy Spirit was poured out on the early believers after Jesus ascension. Obviously, that's not explicit in the Bible, it's tradition but totally plausible. So, Mark was around all this all his life, like even as a boy and would've been part of the first generation of children that were raised up to know Jesus was. So, we’ll get to the story soon enough, once we finish the Gospels a little bit more towards the summertime, but the apostle Peter was captured by Herod and was gonna be executed by Herod because Herod had put some other Christians to death and this was pleasing the religious leaders and so on and so forth and so he planned to execute Peter but an angel came and sprung Peter from jail. And, so, it was to John Mark's house, right, to Mary's large home that that Peter went first. And all the believers there were praying for Peter earnestly, that God would deliver him, and God answered that prayer by sending an angel to lead Peter out of jail. And, so, Peter comes to John Mark's house and Rhoda the servant girl comes to answer the door and she sees him, and she slams the door in his face, basically because she can't believe it's Peter. And, so, we’ll get to that story soon enough but that gives a little bit about who Mark is. And Mark had a cousin and his name is Barnabas and Barnabas was a dear friend of the apostle Paul. So, Mark actually goes with Barnabas and Paul on Paul's first missionary journey. So, this there’s a pedigree here and church tradition tells us that he went all over the place as an interpreter even for the apostle Peter in Italy and even in Rome and everywhere that they go Peter shares the gospel of Jesus Christ. So, Mark has heard the story told by Peter over and over and over everywhere that they go as Peter is doing his evangelistic work and then Mark remembers all of this and recalls it and maybe even at some point was asked to write it down so people could remember all of Peter’s story and eventually does. And, so, in a lot of ways we can consider Mark to be somewhat the gospel according to Peter. And, I mean, nearly all biblical scholars agree that the gospel of Mark was the first gospel written and definitely the earliest gospel found in the New Testament. And it's from the gospel of Mark that Matthew and Luke draw a lot of their material and that is why Matthew, Mark, and Luke are known as the synoptic Gospels because they share a lot of the same material. Although Mark's gospel is the earliest most rudimentary of the Gospels. And even Greek scholars look at the gospel of Mark which was written in Greek and would say like, you know, it's like an elementary school level language, it's written really roughly, like its not written beautifully, as nice prose, it's actually clunky, which actually kind of makes it beautiful because it's like what were about to do is read the first written account of Jesus life and ministry. So, let's settle into that and just let it speak to us, let it wash into our lives. And, so, we begin. Mark chapter 1 verses 1 through 28.

Prayer:

Father, we thank You for Your word and we heed the voice of wisdom today. “If You follow me”, She tells us, “we’ll live a long time.” And if we have good sense that's good for us but if You don't and we fall into arrogance then we’re just hurting ourselves. So, Holy Spirit, plant that in our lives. We learned yesterday from the book of Proverbs that we begin by honoring You Lord, this is the beginning of wisdom, but not the end. It's just the beginning when we honor You. We've taken the first step toward being wise, toward living a wise life; however, if we will follow Your Holy Spirit's guidance in our lives and we continue to honor You and continue to listen to the voice of wisdom and obey then we're going to be the ones to benefit. Help us to do that Lord because so often we listen to the counsel of the scoffer or the mocker and we’re anywhere but next to wisdom. But we want to string together a series of days and weeks and months where every day we are honoring You and every day we are listening to the voice of wisdom. And if we can string these days together, then it won't be too long before we realize that we are living within wisdom, we are living wise lives, and we are becoming wise. We need this. As we just stand here and look back over the seasons of our live it is so starkly apparent which seasons we didn't practice wisdom at all and which seasons did. Now we want the rest of our lives to be one long continuous season of wisdom where we continue to grow not only in wisdom but in awareness and vigilance so that we are wise, so that we have grown up, so that we become a mature son or daughter of the king. Help us Holy Spirit, come lead us in the way of wisdom we pray. In Jesus’ name we ask. Amen.

Announcements:

dailyaudiobible.com is the website, its home base, it’s where you find out what’s going on around here.

So, my wife, my Valentine, she came in yesterday and shared with us about the More Gathering for women coming up this April. Registration is open, and we are excited. I mean, a new season is coming, and we don't have all of the answers, but we know that the Lord has told us that this season in Georgia on Sharp Top mountain, this is the last year we’re supposed to do this, at least for now, there. So, it's kind of a real celebration because the More Gathering was birthed and has only ever been there. So, it's gonna be quite an amazing time and we have a sense of deep anticipation as we pray into this spring. So, you can get all the details at moregathering.com or go to dailyaudiobible.com and just scroll down to the Initiatives section and you'll find what you're looking for. All the details are there. All the questions are answered and hope to see you, as here in the northern hemisphere, as the seasons change and new life begins to come back to the earth, as winter begins to dissipate, this is when this happens and it is lovely. So, hope to see you there.

The other thing that we are praying into and praying over is the pilgrimage that we’re about to take to the land of the Bible in just a couple of days. So, thank you for your prayers.

If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible, you can do that dailyaudiobible.com. There is a link, it lives on the homepage. I am profoundly humbled and deeply grateful for every brother and sister who has ever clicked that link. We would not be here if we did not do what we’re doing together. So, thank you for your partnership. So, there's a link on the homepage. If you're using the Daily Audio Bible app, you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner or, if you prefer, the mailing address is PO Box 1996 Spring Hill Tennessee 37174.

And as always, if you have a prayer request or comment, 877-942-4253 is the number to dial.

And that's it for today. I'm Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Hi Daily Audio Bible family, it’s James hear from the UK. Just really wanted to pray this morning for, I think it’s T or maybe D from Salt Lake City but you were sharing…you were sharing about feeling the absence of God this morning when I was listening to the DAB. And it’s just a coincidence I think that this morning I’ve just been feeling really flat as well. I’m kind of wondering kind of what is this sensation? And, you know, I have a real connection with God I __ in a really visceral way and it just doesn’t seem to be there at the moment. It’s been absent for a couple days. And I think, you know, sometimes we just become a little bit more…we just become a little bit more immune and we just need to kind of refresh ourselves constantly in that moment with Him. And maybe D, maybe it’s just about taking some time out, maybe it’s about making some time just to be alone, be in the quiet, just be in a place where you can receive. I’m sure…I’m sure you’re considering trying out already but I just really want to pray His grace and favor of you this morning and that there would be a refreshment and a reawakening in your heart and your mind and in mine is well to just remember just pray for __ just remember how much He loves us and how much He wants to be a part and parcel of our everyday walk with Him. I just pray in Jesus’ name that you would feel close to Him and the Holy Spirit would come real close to you today and this week, that you might be able to come back with a praise report and just talks of the love of God and the unrelenting passion and love that He has for us. In his name. Amen.

Hi, I’ll be brief because I’m not sure if this message will take. I tried another time and I think maybe my mouth was not straight on the phone. So, sorry, there won’t be a lot of details to help you when your praying, but yes, my name is Much Afraid, it should be Overcomer. I’m in Asia. Where we are is a Buddhist country with strong spiritual powers. My husband and I are missionaries. We’re in a province but in the capital of the province, not in the country, countryside and we’ve been here for about 15 years. We fairly isolated from the support of the greater Christian body for a number of reasons. Okay. My request is related to this, I never was healthy enough emotionally to be doing this kind of work but I did feel called. I thought I was working on myself inwardly. Well, now I’m not fully functioning and everything is…our circumstances are bringing things to head. I’m and 60 now. So, I really __ to be safe in trying to walk through anything. There’s about to be a crisis, I believe, and I can’t let go and let God walk me through this...

Hello, my name is Christine with the bumpy dog. The reason I use that is, I, up until September, had a beautiful old Italian Greyhound, her name was Lola, and she would have been 18 in December and she, like all old people, had different bumps and I loved her dearly. So, most of the time when I listened to the DAB I always had her by my side. But I was calling mainly to thank Judge from New York. Here’s someone who I don’t know miles away and she said this beautiful prayer and talked about the self and my body and bringing my body back to wholeness. It was such a beautiful prayer and I wanted to thank her and am looking to try and find encouragement in every day because I think that’s the way the Lord reaches out to all of us and if we don’t watch will miss it. So, this message is instead of a message I said before because I really didn’t get my words out. So, God bless all of you and be encouraged and I say all of these words in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

Hi DAB family, my name is Timothy and I’m calling from a long way in Asia, from Taiwan. I’m a longtime follower of DAB family and listen to Brian’s Bible reading almost daily. Today I’m calling for the first time for a first-time caller who called the DAB on January 10th, a woman in her late 50s from New Jersey who has been a nurse I will pray for your job search, which she mentioned it was difficult to find, but you have to know that God is an omnipotent God. There’s nothing impossible for Him. So, I will pray for you job search, it will be very smooth, and it will be a success. I’m sure it will be a big success and I will also pray for your two daughters who don’t communicate to each other. I know with your families love they will start communicating with each other. And I will pray for Karen from Pennsylvania, pray for your strength to overcome a relationship. Loneliness is not an issue for God. He will come into your heart and support you to give you the strength to overcome any kind of relationship problems and I will pray for your son, his sexual identity. And I will pray for Christopher’s community, that we be the salt and light of this world, that in a time of chaos and turmoil we are the salt and light of this world and we are the stability of this world. Thank you DAB family. We love you. Bye-bye.

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betweenthetimeandsound · 3 years

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Three Minutes to Eternity: My ESC 250 (#200-191)

#200: Alice Babs -- Lilla stjärna (Sweden 1958)

“Lilla stjärna i det höga, svara mig, svara mig, Kommer han som jag ska få så kär?”

“Little star up above, answer me, answer me, Is he coming, the man that I will love?”

And so we begin the top 200 with an innocent and sweet number, and which resembles the best of 1950s Eurovision. I'm not a fan of the decade, because most of the songs are a bit too old-fashioned for my taste (especially since we have the beginnings of rock-n-roll outside the contest), but Lilla stjarna is one of the better soundtrack-like songs.

Before Sweden became the superpower in Eurovision we all know and love (or love to hate), they debuted with this dainty, beautiful song that was selected internally. There's a sense of longing in the lyrics, with the narrator hoping that their loved one would return. It’s definitely a fairytale, with that classical instrumentation and Alice’s innocent voice.

Personal ranking: 2nd/10 Actual ranking: 4th/10 in Hilversum

#199: Domenico Modugno -- Nel Blu Dipinto di Blu (Italy 1958)

“Penso che un sogno così non ritorni mai più Mi dipingevo le mani e la faccia di blu Poi d’improvviso venivo dal vento rapito E incominciavo a volare nel cielo infinito”

“I think such a dream will never come back I painted my hands and my face blue Then suddenly I was ravished by the wind And I started flying in the infinite sky”

The original classic from Eurovision, and the biggest hit of them all. It topped the Billboard charts in 1959, won two Grammys in the first-ever ceremony in 1959 (and still the only Italian-language song to do so), and is covered and over again to this day.

Considering the lack of attention most of the songs got in the first two contests, it's possible without Nel blu dipinto di blu's commercial success, we wouldn't have a Eurovision Song Contest to speak of. Or it would've been done for by 1960, haha.

Sometimes, I forget about this song when thinking about favorites, but when I listen to the intro, it starts bringing you into its little world, where I’m actually flying! The lyrics are quite cool and imaginative, adding to that feeling.

And of course, that "Volare..." is enough to keep people singing along!

Personal ranking: 1st/10 Actual ranking: 3rd/10 in Hilversum #Italywasrobbed

#198: Korni -- Moja Generacjia (Yugoslavia 1974)

“Mene majka moja rodi da sanjam o slobodi, U prvoj noći da čujem zveket, Da plačem sa rukom na usnama,”

“My mother gave me life to dream of freedom, The first night to hear gun sounds To cry with my hand on my lips”

World War II in Yugoslavia is not something I've learned about in depth. What I do know is that the Axis powers were able to take the whole country, and two major groups arose to collaborate with them. The Ustashas (Croatian nationalists) and Chetniks (Serbian nationalists) also both sought to destroy the other ethnic group and there was a bit of a mess all around.

(If you have any more information on this topic, let me know as I do want to learn)

Moja Generacija is a harrowing but powerful progressive rock song about those born during the Second World War, and their lives as a whole. I like the dark soundscape along with the instruments that accompanied it too. The orchestration at the chorus is especially noteworthy, because of the sweeping strings and the brass which highlight the times as a whole.

(And apparently, there's a seven-minute English-language cut, which makes it even more of a progressive rock song.)

Personal ranking: 3rd/17 Actual ranking: 12th/17 in Brighton

#197: Shiri Maimon -- HaSheket Shenishar (Israel 2005)

המבט אחר והקור חודר אתה מסתתר, את גופי שובר

“The glance is different and the cold is piercing You’re hiding, breaking my body”

Israel in the 2000s wasn't the best song-wise. I can only think of two songs that were really good in that period--of which this was one of them, which held Israel's best placing this century until Toy won three years ago. And it couldn't be anymore different from the song Israel would eventually win with.

Initially, I didn't get it, as it felt a bit derivative. Even now, it has offgrown me a bit because of pop ballad structure. But what I really liked was the smooth transition between Hebrew and English, along with how well Shiri sings it. She has a really sweet tone to her voice, which really helps in conveying the sorrow of being in love with a cheating partner and having to let go of it for her own happiness.

And that dress--it has to be one of my favorite performance outfits of all time!

Personal ranking: 4th/39 Actual ranking: 4th/24 GF in Kyiv

#196: Inga and Anush -- Jan Jan (Armenia 2009)

“Can't ya see, we aren't free?, Fixed like a tree to the holy ground, With my sound, gotta be always around, I wanna dance, don't ya stand, sister give your hand,”

"Sister, here we go!"

For a dance song, it's actually quite sedate--there isn't many moments of true boppiness, but there was something more "psychadelic" about the production and how it was put together. Either way, it works well all the same.

The sisters do a good job singing together, and I like the mix of ethno and dance music. Plus, their costumes are absolutely expensive and glamourous--I would like to wear them if I ever got the chance.

Also, for some reason, Azeris like to spam the comments on this song and claim that the Armenians "stole" their traditional clothing and music. Considering the two countries' proximity, I'm not so shocked about their similarities, but if Azeris would like to share a bit more of their ethnic music, it's always welcome!

Personal ranking: 8th/42 Actual ranking: 10th/25 GF in Moscow

#195: Sabina Babayeva -- When the Music Dies (Azerbaijan 2012)

“You, you are the best of me The reason that I believe, so don't leave me now...”

(Yes, Azerbaijan can send ethnic-influenced music. Hehe.)

Azerbaijan’s host entry when they brought the contest to Baku is a bit of a standard ballad, but with an ethnic twist. The use of balaban really highlights the melancholy of the song, and the mughum vocals pierces one's soul when performed.

I could feel how Sabina sings every word, pleading with her lover to stay with her despite it all. And that doesn’t begin to add with the beautiful LED dress, adding to the drama of the song as we see it in white, but it gets overlaid with sparks, shades of turquoise, and its final form with reds and oranges. That was a particularly beautiful moment.

A lot of fans believe this was the song that should've won it for Azerbaijan, and I can't disagree! This is a gem indeed.

Personal ranking: 6th/42 (a bit awkward here because I left out my runner-up of 2012 in this ranking, so amongst the songs here it's 5th/42) Actual ranking: 4th/26 GF in Baku

#194: Milestones -- Falter im Wind (Austria 1972)

“Tanz um die Lichter, Schmetterling, Deine Farben flammen auf, Tot ist die Nacht, in deinem Tanz, Ist das Leben hell wie Tag”,

“Dance around the lights, butterfly Your colours flame up The night is dead, in your dance Life is bright like the day”

My first forays on pre-1990s Eurovision was with the British blog, Lovelovepeacepeace. She would recap every year between 1968 and 2000, and 1972 was one of the years I went through the songs because of her. Coincidentally, I got to like Falter im Wind as much as she does.

It definitely fits with the hippy era, in terms of folk music and the general aesthetic. There's even a prominent (weird little) flute motif throughout. The lyrics talk about the life or a butterfly and how it shouldn't go to far into the sun. A bit strange, considering what most other songs are about, but it's a nice and gentle sentiment (with a message not unlike that of "Waterfalls", how strange).

Austria is not usually known for their highlights, but this is definitely one of their best (and a personal favorite of mine). Feel free to go an a road-trip playing this (though not with the studio cut--that's a bit slower)!

Personal ranking: 1st/18 Actual ranking: 5th/18 in Edinburgh

#193: Roger Bens -- Femme dans ses rêves aussi (France 1985)

“Mélodie, mélodrame, sourire et puis larmes Amoureuse ou sans âme, elle est d’abord femme...”

“Melody, melodrama, smile and then tears In love or without soul, first of all she’s woman”

ESC 1985 is notable not only because of a certain ripped-skirt incident, but also because they have a live album with the first eleven songs of the contest. Among these is the French entry, which has one of the best orchestrations of all-time, thanks to Michel Bernholc's arrangemnt.

(And because of that, it is my most-listened to song on Spotify)

The violins primarily make this song what it is—there are synths in the studio track, but don’t pack the same punch. The bass really provides some depth, and the brass at the bridge really sells the whole thing home.

The sense of drama in the song also includes the lyrics about being a woman and embracing her in all the ways. Despite the occasional eyebrow-raising and lip licking, Roger sings this with gusto.

To add to this, where is Roger Bens? This was the last known sighting of him and he is presumed to be dead.

Personal ranking: 3rd/19 Actual ranking: 10th/19 in Gothenburg

#192: Nina Zilli -- L'Amore È Femmina (Out Of Love) (Italy 2012)

“If you were my king, would I be your queen?, Stop breaking up my heart, you kill me – boom boom boom”

No, she's not Amy Winehouse resurrected for one night, but Nina Zilli! She also competed in Sanremo that year, and Emma (see #223) won it with the harsh but determined "Non è l'inferno".

Beyond the retro music and Nina's bouffant on the night, I didn't notice any similarities to Amy Winehouse. This doesn't mean "L'amore e femmina" have its own charms--it falls into the jazz theme that "Madness of Love" (#232) continues, but is the opposite in more than one way.

The English-Italian mix is a but clunky at times, especially in the choruses but it doesn’t take away from the attitude this song brings. I love the jazzy vibes and how Nina sings it with a sense of sassiness and charm. Her backing vocalists really help with conveying the mood, and don't do a bad job when the song goes back to Italian!

(As for the two Sanremo songs in question, I prefer Non è l'inferno to Per Sempre--the former is quite determined, and I really like the lyrics. Though I think the latter would have more appeal in terms of themes, even it's a bit more derivative musically)

Personal ranking: 5th/42 Actual ranking: 9th/26 GF in Baku

#191: Hovi Star -- Made of Stars (Israel 2016)

“Dance with me like we are made of stars...”

This is one of the first songs which got me into Eurovision. I would put this on repeat over and over again, because it's just so beautiful. (Or it was because it's Israeli, haha. Another country bias of mine will appear later.)

The first version of Made of Stars was a trashy and dull dance song, but the rework into a ballad makes it more magical. It’s serene yet touching, with a calming piano motif and a dramatic crescendo at the end.

The staging of Made of Stars also helps; while I'm still put off by the LED face when the backing vocalists sing "you hypontize me", everything else just works. The otherwise starry LEDs, the hoop dancers, and Hovi's glowing presence make this into a sweet, albeit overlooked package.

Personal ranking: 6th/42 Actual ranking: 14th/26 GF in Stockholm

#esc 250 #esc top 250 #esc sweden #esc italy #esc yugoslavia #esc israel #esc armenia #esc azerbaijan #esc austria #esc france #vintage eurovision #three minutes to eternity

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juliusgermani · 7 years

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Homestead Homeschooling: Year 3

“Eh… So… Are you still homeschooling?”

I hear that question a lot. And I get it.

I mean, doing school every single morning. With three kids (one being a wild toddler). While running a blog and our doTERRA business. And writing a real, published cookbook. And keeping up with a homestead, etc, etc, etc.

It sounds crazy. Well, it IS crazy. Maybe I’m crazy.

But regardless, the answer is ‘yes’. We are in the thick of our third year of homeschooling and we don’t plan to stop any time soon. I think we’re lifers, y’all.

I’ve written homeschooling posts for our previous two years, (here’s year one and here’s year two) so I figured I’d keep the tradition alive this year and write up what we’re doing this time around.

Why We Homeschool

Our reasons for diving into Year 3 are the same as they were our very first year. In a nutshell: We’ve created a unique life that we love and I don’t want my kids to miss out on it for 7+ hours a day. Homestead life is rich with lessons, creative pursuits, and opportunities to develop skills, and I personally hate the thought of sending my kids away from this environment for the majority of their childhood. It’s important to us to raise our children to be problem-solvers and entrepreneurs, not just employees– I think homeschooling fosters that idea beautifully.

(This is where I interject my disclaimer: homeschooling is not for everyone. Truly. The intention of this post is not to judge or condemn anyone who chooses public schooling. Heck, who knows? Our kids could end up there sometime in the future. As much as I love it, homeschooling is not my sacred cow.)

That being said, homeschooling isn’t perfect and we certainly aren’t perfect. Having been homeschooled myself (K-12), I’ve witnessed very successful homeschool families and extremely dysfunctional ones. But that happens with public schooling, too. There are days where our mornings are ridiculously organized and orderly, and days (kind of like today) where everyone has a hard time staying focused and the toddler is sticking blocks up her nose while we’re doing spelling words. It comes with the territory.

Homeschooling with Three Kids

Speaking of toddlers, doing school with a two-year old in the house is… interesting. I haven’t yet developed a foolproof strategy of getting school done with other little ones in the house. I doubt I’ll ever get it completely figured out– we just do the best we can. Toddlers have a knack for creating chaos, no matter how good your intentions. Our “plan” is usually for her to play with special toys while we do our lessons, but that doesn’t always work and sometimes she ends up sitting on my lap grabbing at Unifix cubes and flashcards with her octopus arms.

(By the way– these magnetic tiles are the most-played with toy we own. They are out on a daily basis.)

On the flip side, she’s learning by osmosis (she’s starting to count) and she can hold her pencil with proper form while she pretends to write the letter “a”. So there’s that, I suppose.

This is also my first year schooling two kiddos at once (Kindergarten and Second Grade), which has required some juggling. Prairie Boy turned 5 in October, and if he had been going to public school, he likely would have waited to start Kindergarten until next year. That was initially my plan, since he showed very little interested in schoolwork and had a hard time sitting at the table when we started in September. However, something clicked this winter and he’s been soaking up the lessons like crazy. Right now he’s on track with Kindergarten-level work and really enjoys it, so I’m rolling with it. I can’t believe how much he’s changed in just a few short months.

Homeschool Curriculum: Year Three

The amount of curriculum choices out there will make your head spin, but I am committed to sticking with my plan of keeping things simple. I do not try to recreate a traditional classroom, and we focus on the basics. I especially love curriculum that can be used for multiple grades at once, as I believe there is much value in the one room classroom model.

Here’s what we’ve been using this year:

(this post contains affiliate links)

Reading/Writing/Spelling:

Ever since she started Kindergarten, Prairie Girl has been especially strong in math, but slightly weaker in language arts. We had tried two different reading curriculums previously, and I just didn’t love them. She was getting frustrated and reading wasn’t flowing for her. I spent hours searching for different options, even though I knew in the back of my mind what we’d end up using… My mom used a book called The Writing Road to Reading with me, and I hated every minute of it in elementary school (sorry, just keepin’ it real). However, it gave me an extremely strong foundation in writing and reading, and I still use the principles I learned in that book to this day. (The only higher education I have are two Associates Degrees in Equine Studies– that darn book gave me the tools I needed to turn writing into a career. Who would have thought?)

And so, much to my chagrin, I found myself hunting down that very same book to use with Prairie Girl. It’s been revamped over the years and is now called Spell to Write and Read, but the principles and method are basically the same.

But it hasn’t necessarily been a slam dunk. Let me start with the GOOD first:

In less than six months of implementing Spell to Write and Read, Prairie Girl’s reading has improved dramatically. She’s reading fluidly and confidently, and more importantly, she is understanding WHY words are spelled and pronounced certain ways. I felt like the other books were based too much on all the exceptions to the rules… (“A” says “ah”, but wait… not here, or here, or here, or here…) SWR teaches all of the letter sounds right off the bat, along with spelling rules, so the English language suddenly becomes so much more logical. There are still exceptions, of course, but they are fewer and far between. It’s enlightening, even as an adult. We introduce 30-40 new spelling words each week through the book’s lessons. Focusing on spelling as a foundation has skyrocketed her reading ability and comprehension, and when it’s time to read a storybook, we don’t have the tears and frustration we used to.

SWR functions as a spelling, writing, and reading curriculum (supplemental story/chapter books are recommended once the child is ready), and this all-in-one approach fits perfectly with my “keep it simple” plan.

However, there is another side to SWR:

It is a BEAR to implement. While the curriculum itself is brilliant and I believe wholeheartedly in its premise, the organization of the books are less than impressive. They recommend setting aside a large chunk of time to learn how to teach it, and they aren’t kidding. My first clue should have been the multiple “getting started” guides that came with it– no other curriculum I’ve ever seen or used needs this many different instructional sheets, websites, and videos. It’s insane. I may or may not have said some bad words while sitting at the table late at night trying to decipher it all.

Once you’re familiar with it? It’s a cakewalk. But the way the books are laid out feels clunky and confusing to me.

That being said, the time I spent figuring it all out (about 6-8 hours, I think) was worth it, and I’d do it again for the benefits I’m seeing with my kids. Prairie Boy has already worked through all the letter sounds of the alphabet and I’m excited to use SWR with him from the very beginning. I suspect reading will flow more easily for him not having used other books first.

We also read aloud almost daily. Little House in the Big Woods, Farmer Boy, and Mr. Popper’s Penguins have been our favorites so far this year.

Math:

We used Singapore Math for first grade last year, and while it gave Prairie Girl a strong foundation, I didn’t love how they presented some of the concepts. We switched over to Saxon 2 this year and we’ll be sticking with it for next year as well. I like Saxon’s no nonsense approach and the simplicity of how they present each concept. She’s been breezing right through it, and I’m seeing huge advances in her understanding of various concepts since we started the year.

Math with Prairie Boy started out informally. We did a lot of counting at the beginning of the year, as well as making patterns with blocks and shapes. We’re working on counting by 10s and 5s, and he is grasping basic addition and subtraction concepts. We did most of this with simple manipulatives and a white board, I grabbed a DK Children’s math workbook for him a few weeks ago for added reinforcement, but it’s nothing we haven’t already covered.

History:

We’re using Story of the World again this year and I love it. It’s no frills, but the kids adore it and I love that my 5-year old can tell me about the Hanging Gardens of Babylon and the library of Ashurbanipal. I highly recommend getting the accompanying activity guide for each book, although we don’t always do the more complicated crafts (crafts just ain’t my thing). The Prairie Kids love the coloring pages, and I have noticed a huge different in their retention when they color a page on the story topic.

Science:

I enjoyed Dr. Jay Wile’s biology and chemistry books when I was in high school, so I decided to try his elementary science curriculum this year, Science in the Beginning. It’s marketed as a book for K-6, though I’ve found most of the lessons are a little too advanced for a Kindergartener and a Second Grader. It has an experiment for every lesson, which I appreciated, though some are better than others. We’re using portions of it this year, and I plan to implement more as they grow older. At their ages, most of their science lessons are a part of our every day life, so at this point, they are learning more science during the non-school portion of our days. (Weather, solid/liquid/gas, water cycle, seeds and plants, etc)

Moving Forward

And that’s pretty much the extent of it. We start school by 8am every day (I’m a stickler for staying on a schedule– our life functions best that way), and we usually finish no later than 11am. Afternoons are for playing outside, riding horses, art projects, puzzles, legos, or helping Daddy in the shop. I see us adding more into our days as the kids get older, but right now I’m mainly focused on giving them a very strong foundation in math and reading and going from there. Next year we hope to join our local Classical Conversations community (as a way to connect with other homeschoolers) and Prairie Girl will be doing 4-H once she turns 8.

It’s messy, crazy at times, and not for everyone, but I can genuinely say I’m enjoying this homeschooling ride. Do you homeschool? Leave a comment and share your favorite curriculums!

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