#enidposting

[ihatetheinternetandeveryoneonit]

Warm.

[isofile]

she is not very good but that’s ok

[gidianthe]

*thinking abt enidposting* do you remember how we used to run

[haaawaiianshirt]

u got that based enidposter swag

YEAHHHH ENID MY BELOVED immense autistic lesbian swag <33 hoping and praying for more Enid fic I miss her

[g1deonthen1nth]

let it be known that despite the amt of enidposting i do on her. wednesday addams is my original babygirl. i wd watch the addams family all the time as a kid. i have always loved her i will never stop loving her she is engraved on my soul

[ihatetheinternetandeveryoneonit]

The Gang Meets Kaidan

((T for violence, some blood and unpleasant death of unnamed evil guards))

Kaidan awoke still alive, much to his surprise. He'd hoped his captors had given up trying to squeeze blood from a stone and ended it already; he knew nothing, and they knew it. But even when the prison collapsed and most had vacated, a few Thalmor remained behind with him. They were desperate. Desperate for what, he didn't know.

A noise roused him from his thoughts. Whispers, and he thought he heard a chuckle, too.

“Let's see what our prospector here can do.” A dark voice crooned.

Kaidan felt sick, trying to brace himself for another “session.” Rarely did he ever have a moment to prepare.

Strange, though. Usually the guards spoke in Aldmeri unless they were addressing him. What games were they playing this time?

Another voice grunted, and he flinched as he heard the approaching footsteps. He chastised himself for displaying fear like that. He could hear two people now. One was speaking, the other one—a woman?

"Shhh!" she hissed at the others.

No, he thought. Not another woman interrogator. Not like last time... His whole body tensed. An anger filled his arms with a tiny spark of renewed strength.

Go ahead and come closer, he thought. See what happens.

The barred door swung open, and Kaidan dug his nails into his palms, not even looking up to see who had entered. The footsteps stopped. Then there was silence again, except for the sound of breathing.

"Ahem--"

Kaidan lunged at the visitor. “I'll kill you all myself!!”

To his small satisfaction, she stumbled backwards, smacking the stone floor. Good--about time they got acquainted with it for once.

The others snickered.

“Easy there, friend.” one of them spoke in a low voice, and a distinctly non-altmer accent. “We're getting you out of here.”

Kaidan glanced up at his visitors. It was hard to tell in the dark, but he couldn't see any Thalmor robes. That accent, if anything, was closer to Lleyawin. He had never wandered into Elseweyr or Black Marsh, though. But then again, both were under Dominion rule and he wasn't about to forget it.

“Really, now?” He muttered hoarsely.

The one who had approached him sat on the floor, hooded and cast in shadow. She scoffed.

“Really,” a woman near the back of the group reassured him, then chuckled at the other woman on the floor. “C'mon Enid. We'll make sure he won't bite.”

“Feh!” The woman on the floor scrambled to her knees. She slowly approached him, holding up her hands to the lock. “You'd better not,” she growled in Nordic, but he couldn't quite distinguish the accent.

Kaidan froze, unsure if he was surrendering to a fleeting hope that this wasn't some sick Thalmor ploy.

A light erupted from her hands--pale and cold. An all-too-familiar light, as Kaidan's body reacted of its own accord. Thrashing, screaming, kicking, cursing. He bashed his head into hers before she could even react.

Enid crashed back on the floor, and her magelight extinguished. "By the mists!!” She spat.

Kaidan's heart was still hammering as he tried to gain control of his breath.

“Had a time with mages, haven't you?” one of the group commented.

“I'm done!” Enid hissed from the floor, holding her forehead. “He don't like magic? T'row him a lockpick, he can open t'ose locks with his godsdamned feet!”

“Oh, but Prospector, we're dying to see your alteration in action!” the woman from the back said.

“Well, seems he isn't!” Enid thrust a finger at Kaidan.

Kaidan, still catching his breath, searched for her eyes--something he could try to read off of her, but finding no more than the sharp tip of her nose poking from that hood.

“S-sorry...” he managed, feeling humiliated and weak. “Just...a warning, please.”

“Fine, here goes...” she growled. With a snap of a finger, her magelight ignited once more, illuminating her face under the hood. It was a thin, pale face, with tiny pupils and pressed lips. A few curls poked out of a white cap, but there was nothing else to soften her exasperated gaze, nor the angry red lump growing on her forehead.

“So I can see what I'm doing, alright?” She arched her eyebrows and wiggled her fingers around the light. “The rest is just feeling the lock and moving the parts. Shouldn't hurt unless you're made out of brass.”

Kaidan swallowed and nodded, bracing to tolerate any phobias and condescending remarks if it meant seeing daylight again.

She gingerly scooted back up to him, narrowing her eyes at his tensing muscles. Kaidan tried forcing himself to relax with a shuddering sigh.

She leaned over his shoulder and hovered her hand over his left shackle. He could smell the familiar scent of travel--pine, sweat, and a hint of smoke. It stirred a renewed longing for that long-forgotten freedom--freedom which was strangely so close now. He tried not to think of how he must have smelled to her.

Enid hmmed and clicked her tongue, massaging the lock. He glanced over her shoulder at the rest of the group, a couple of which were still snickering.

Kaidan wasn't all too sure about them--four total: A barely leather-clad Nord woman, a small man drowning in furs, someone covered head to toe in Dunmer armor, and what looked to be a blue Khajiit--must've been the dim light playing tricks on his mind--in threadbare hunter's gear.

“Sorry,” the small man in the furs quipped in a high voice. “We're laughing at her, not you.”

“Why?” Kaidan furrowed his brow.

“SHH!” Enid shushed none-too-politely.

The man shrugged at Kaidan.

She resumed her work on Kaidan's shackles, muttering and huffing. Minutes dripped by painfully, with this woman awkwardly bent around him and his filth, with an amused audience. And as far as he could tell, there was no progress.

“Um,” he gingerly turned his head. “Is everyth--?”

She shot him a look that silenced him.

With renewed focus on his shackle, she leaned in closer. “C'mon, c'mon...” she growled, again in Nordic.

He felt a click in the metal.

Kaidan didn't wait for her help to wiggle his wrist from the chafing iron band. Enid swiveled her waist to face their audience.

“Ta-da.” She said flatly, flourishing her hands at them.

“Nice, very nice,” the dunmer sighed. “I'm sure our client will find you valuable.”

“Hmpf,” she turned back to Kaidan, rolling her eyes, and scooted to his other shackle. She was able to free that one a bit faster this time.

“Thank you,” Kaidan sighed, rubbing his chapped wrists.

She replied with a grunt, rocking back on her feet and dusting off her aproned skirt.

“And I'm sorry...” He switched his speech to Nordic.

“Hm?” her head snapped down at him.

Kaidan awkwardly pointed to his forehead. Hers would certainly carry that mark for a few days.

“Oh, t'at.” She frowned, touching her bump. She spoke more quickly and confidently in Nordic, yet he still couldn't pinpoint her accent. “Well, just don't do it again.”

Kaidan chucked for the first time in what felt like an impossibly long time. “Deal.”

The nord woman led the group into the cell and they quickly circled around. “Name's Sofia,” she crooned with a wink.

Kaidan grimaced, unable to recall when he had last had the chance to bathe. “Kaidan,” he nodded.

He flinched at a finger tap to his shoulder. “And I'm Lucien! Pleased to meet ya!” the imperial man chirped.

“Not to interrupt the niceties, but we oughtta move,” the dunmer muttered. “I imagine there might be a stray guard or two.”

“Wait,” Kaidan wobbled on his knees, trying to find the strength to stand. “I know I owe you, and I don't have the right to ask, but they have my sword. I'd like to get it back.”

Enid pressed her lips. “No time.”

“Look,” Kaidan stumbled to his feet, feeling the prison spinning. He grabbed onto the stone wall. “It's not just sentimental. They were after my sword. If it's that important, we don't want the Thalmor having it, right?”

“It's not our job fighting T'almor.” She unlatched a water bottle from her hip, tossing it to Kaidan.

“Oh, prospector!” Lucien piped up again. “Let the poor chap get his sword back!”

“We just got our asses handed to us in those dwemer ruins.” The dunmer grumbled. “Even if I disagreed with the prospector here, we're in no shape to fight Thalmor agents.”

“Speak for yourself, Teldryn!” Sofia grinned, cracking her neck and unsheathing an axe. “At least these so-called high elves are nice and squishy!”

“Squishy, you say!” The khajiit chuckled. “I'm in!”

“Looks like you two are out-voted.” Lucien shrugged at Teldryn, who scoffed. Enid groaned.

“Thanks,” Kaidan croaked before taking a long draft from the waterbottle. “I owe all of you.”

They snuck on through the other side of the cell, Enid at the lead after casting a couple unknown spells. She moved silently, with the khajiit and dunmer close behind, bow and shortsword drawn respectively. Kaidan and Sofia filed right behind them, with the small imperial tailing the group.

“Down that hall,” Kaidan whispered. Up ahead, Enid rounded the first corner of the hallway.

One by one, they followed around the corner. Enid crouched near the next corner, holding up a finger.

Damn, already spotted a guard, it seemed.

“Oh, just one,” Sofia chuckled. “Inigo's a great shot--one hit to the throat and they won't make a--”

“AUGH!” Enid yelped, stumbling and landing on her rump. Something small and fuzzy retreated from her ankle, and Kaidan thought he spied--a porcupine!? He blinked, but his eyes didn't deceive him. The rodent turned back to stand on its hind legs and stare at her.

“Is someone there?” The guard's voice called.

“FUCK!” she hissed, looking down at her white stockings now impaled with several quills.

Enid scowled at the porcupine. Raising her hands, she cast some spell, spinning the creature around. With a squeal, about a dozen quills yanked themselves free from its back, flying to the prospector before hovering around her casting hands.

The guard rounded the corner, right on her now.

She ducked backward, swooping her hands to direct the quills straight into his face.

The guard howled, clutching his face as blood dripped down his cheeks.

Sofia wasted no time jumping past the others and cleaving his head with her axe.

Enid collapsed to the floor, nursing her leg and scowling at the retreating porcupine. “T'at does it! I oughtta pluck and roast you!”

“Aww, he loves you, Prospector! He's been following you all the way from Lake Ilinalta, hasn't he?” Lucien squatted next to the porcupine, who snorted at him and turned its back. “Looked like he was trying to get a good snuggle.”

“Well, maybe it can go love on someone else,” Enid furrowed her brow, gingerly pinching one of the quills and wincing. “Been a literal t'orn in my side...”

With a wet squelch, Sofia extracted her axe from the twitching thalmor guard. “That was alright, hope there's more!”

“No, I get the next one!” Inigo hissed. Under the torchlight of the prison hallway, his fur was indeed blue. Sofia didn't respond, unashamedly pulling out the guard's pockets.

"Damn, just a couple septims,” she tsked.

“F-f-fu....” Enid's hands twitched at the quills, not quite able to steel herself to grab them.

Teldryn sighed, squatting down and yanking them all at once with a flick of the arm.

A pained grunt erupted through her clenched teeth. “That dumb animal...”

“Let's move.” Teldryn had already hopped back to his feet and peered around the corner.

“Sure,” Enid grunted. “Inigo, go ahead.” She nodded at the Khajiit.

As they proceeded, she was content to limp in the back of the group alongside Lucien.

Teldryn moved like liquid. The halls flickered as they moved further into the offices, but no sign of life.

“Hm,” he said, glancing at the room at the end, with the door left ajar. “Seems to be the storage room. Perhaps--”

Kaidan felt a wetness on his bare feet, nearly slipping. Far more slick than water.

Oil.

“WAIT!!” Kaidan called out in horror, but already a lantern plummeted from the ceiling.

Teldryn shoved Sofia and Inigo forward, and Kaidan stumbled back into Enid and Lucien as the lantern crashed onto the floor and an inferno engulfed the dunmer.

“Amateurs!” Teldryn spat, unfased by the blanket of flames..

“Teldryn! Catch!” Inigo tossed a guard at Teldryn who, still on fire, held his foe in a scorching headlock. The guard screamed, and Enid and Lucien recoiled in disgust at this rather drawn-out and gruesome death.

As for Kaidan, well, he didn't wish it on his worst enemy, yet he couldn't find pity in his heart for any thalmor.

Lucien stared wide-eyed at the charred remains Teldryn dropped to the floor as the last of the fire went out. “Was that really necessary?”

“He tried doing the same to us, didn't he? Or she. I didn't get a great look.”

Enid limped around the group and the guard to glance into the room. “Is this it?”

Kaidan followed her in. There was little but a chest labeled “Evidence.”

“Must be,” he said, kneeling before the chest and opening it. He couldn't remember the last time a smile found his face, but he was now beaming at his old armor. “Ey, old friend,” he muttered, touching the glassy steel.

“Awwhh, does he have to cover up?” Sofia whined as Kaidan donned his armor. Kaidan stopped and stared at her for a moment, and the rest of the team collectively rolled their eyes.

And right below his armor, his sword.

“Thank you,” he addressed the team as he latched it to his belt. “I owe you my life.” He addressed Enid, who frowned. “All of you,” he looked around the group. The others smiled. Except maybe Teldryn, but under that chitin helment, he gave a solemn nod.

“Well, if you're not too busy, you should stick with us.” Sofia winked. “We could always use another strong healthy man on our team.”

Enid shot her a look that could send a dremora back to the deadlands.

Teldryn shrugged. “We're not splitting our profit six ways, but if he doesn't mind--”

“What profit??” Enid scoffed.

Lucien didn't wait for a vote or even an agreement from Kaidan. He simply grabbed his hand and shook it vigorously. “Welcome aboard!”

[ihatetheinternetandeveryoneonit]

Campfire Confessions

((Rating T. Content warnings in the tags for uncomfortable things and heavy implications of bad things done to characters))

((Timeline--before the gang meet Caryalind or Rufus, and before the dragons have appeared. After Sunny the porcupine has been named and gendered.))

The crackle of the campfire settled their nerves even before Sofia brought out her keg. That brought the smiles to most.

"Let's make this interesting," she announced when she finished pouring their tankards. "How's about a little game of questions?"

The team complied in varying states of enthusiasm: Inigo at the highest--rubbing his hands, and Enid and Czitrin tied at the lowest--groaning and scoffing respectively.

Sofia chuckled, taking a swig. "I'll start, for all of us. Where's the most interesting place you've 'done it?' Hows about you, Lucien?"

Lucien went pink. "Uh, oh, well..." he cleared his throat, before he blurted. "Well I haven't done it at all. Yet!" He clarified, going absolutely red and wide-eyed.

Sofia cackled. "Oh we can fix that!"

Lucien buried his face in his hands.

"Inigo, your turn!"

Inigo chuckled. "You're an irreverent one, my friend. Let's just say, it was a romantic evening in a surprisingly warm cave!"

Sofia nodded, not quite satisfied that the story was spicy enough. "Czitrin?"

"Hmph!" The Telvanni drawled. "Besides from my guardian's home, I've never felt the need to consummate anywhere besides the inns." Czitrin held a hand to her mouth in shock at her own words.

Sofia rolled her eyes.

"My," Enid cleared her throat. "Seems no one is private or decent tonight."

Sofia smirked. "And how 'bout you?"

It was Enid's turn to roll her eyes. "Windhelm. Palace of Kings."

Sofia's eyebrows rose, and Enid returned that with a sarcastic smirk. "The t'rone."

Sofia's jaw dropped. The others stared in stunned silence. Except for Inigo.

"Heh, good one. You really had them!"

Enid nodded and raised her whiskey flask at him before taking a sip. Sofia blinked in realization at Enid's untouched mead.

"Who's next, my friend?" Inigo's voice shook Sofia out of her stupor. "You or Kaidan?"

Kaidan's head snapped up from his whittling. "Aye? What was the question?"

Sofia fell back into her grin. Surely such a handsome mysterious man would have some notable experiences. "Where was the most interesting place you... 'discovered the magic,' so to speak?"

Kaidan's whole body went stiff. His eyes grew wide and the words choked out of him like unswallowed vomit. "The prison where you found me."

The fire suddenly grew cold. The silence from the team was deafening. Kaidan's eyes darted along the ground and he scrambled to his feet, marching into the trees. Wordless, Inigo sprinted after him.

Sofia's stomach dropped. "I-I think...enough games tonight." She stammered.

Lucien looked around. Enid's mouth was agape as she stared out into the dark of the forest where Kaidan and Inigo had disappeared. Czitrin narrowed her eyes, studying Sofia's guilty frame.

"Wh...what just happened?" Lucien glanced at his three remaining companions.

"Yes, Sofia," Czitrin leaned forward as Sofia dodged her gaze. "What just happened?"

Enid furrowed her brows, exchanging a glance with Lucien.

"I-I..." Sofia sighed. "...I'm stupid."

Enid also sighed. "Well, yes, but can you be more specific?"

The words cut Sofia like a knife, but they weren't wrong. She felt sick.

"I just expected some funny embarrassing stories, not..." Sofia bit her tongue. "I put some truth potion in the mead."

"You what?!" Lucien squeaked.

"YOU DRUGGED US?" The firelight flared in Czitrin's eyes.

"I'm sorry." Sofia swallowed. "I didn't think--"

"That's right, Sofia, you don't t'ink." Enid pinched the bridge of her nose. "You just...fly wit' every little whim that manages its way into your head! You never t'ink 'would this ruin our plans, or would that ruin someone's day?' No, it's always 'tis is fun, fuck you all!"

"No, it's not 'fuck you all.' It's that I want you all to have fun too."

"DO WE LOOK LIKE WE'RE HAVING FUN??!" Czitrin shot to her feet. She rushed forward and jabbed a long finger into Sofia's collarbone. "If you force your 'fun' on me again, by my ancestors, I will have you killed. Do you understand?"

"Yes."

"DO YOU UNDERSTAND??"

"Yes! I promise! It won't happen again!" Sofia's throat was tight as Czitrin stomped away. "I'm sorry. All of you. I shouldn't have forced your secrets out--'specially without warning you."

"Don't apologize to me." Enid shrugged, telepathically lifting her untouched tankard and pouring it into the dirt.

Lucien quickly emptied his too, but the damage had already been done. He shook his head, hoping to shake off his own embarrassment for more important matters. "Let's go find Kaidan and Inigo."

The others nodded, and they all got to their feet.

"Maybe not you, t'ough." Enid glanced at Sofia, who sat back down sheepishly. "Who's to say if he's keen on seeing you right now?"

The three jogged into the darkness. Sunny scrambled after them for a stone's throw on her stubby legs, her quills rolling over her chubby body as she reluctantly plodded back into the reach of the firelight.

She approached and retreated for a spell. Her nose nearly touched Sofia as she gave a quick sniff and an even quicker snort, before trudging off to wait at Enid's tent.

[ihatetheinternetandeveryoneonit]

Enid's Relationships in Team Dragonborn

Sofia: Reluctant bestie Sofia is drawn to Enid's mystery and clearly repressed nature. She is the most able to take Enid's general abrasiveness in stride. Enid regards Sofia as her "devil on the shoulder" but finds herself going along with Sofia's antics. Enid cuts through Sofia's "dumb" facade and is ironically less condescending than the others by being blunt. To an outsider, it would appear that they're constantly insulting each other, but that's just their friendship--poking fun and challenging each other.

Lucien: Cringe past-self Enid is much more intolerant of Lucien, for how much of herself she sees in him. Before she left the college, she was also a self-proclaimed intellectual who valued little of the mundane world. Experience squeezed the arrogance out of her and replaced it with cynicism and self-loathing. She is very impatient with his optimism and "well actually"s. Lucien respects Enid a great deal for her unmatched skills in alteration, a too-oft ignored school of magic in his mind, and for her insights into the nature of magic, which are profound if not a tad overgeneralized at times. But he is hurt by her lack of approval towards him, and her decision to isolate rather than share her skills.

Kaidan: Unobtainable, and she'd like to keep it that way Enid tries her upmost to keep things strictly business with Kaidan. Even though everyone EXCEPT Kaidan can see she gets flustered around him. Kaidan, meanwhile, interprets this as her being cold/rude to him, which he does his best to ignore. Add to that, Enid is not at all impressed by Kaidan's attempts at humor or trying to sound smarter than he is. In truth, though, she deeply respects Kaidan's quiet and practical nature, and considers him the smartest person on the team (by virtue of not being completely reckless). However, his staunch nord upbringing and the prejudices and stubbornness that comes with it are a bit off-putting after her previous relationship with a nord. Particularly, Kaidan's prejudice against magic/magic-users. Magic has always been her source of security and safety, and she takes great umbrage with being scorned for that.

Czitrin: Grumpy sisters-in-arms They are both loners and misunderstood, and they respect that about each other. Enid, however, tries to look out for Czitrin whenever Czitrin is being reckless, and cares the least about Czitrin's open disregard for others. As Czitrin is the boss and almost everyone else is a meathead or otherwise total idiot, Enid is Czitrin's trusted second-in-command to get things planned out.

Inigo: Work acquaintance with cool stories Inigo's far more tight with Sofia and Lucien, but tolerates Enid just fine most of the time, unless she says something that has him really rolling his eyes. He likes hanging out with Rufus and teaching him archery, which Enid greatly appreciates. Every now and then they can discuss things on a philosophical/spiritual level that the others just don't share an interest in.

Rufus: Estranged demigod son 11 years old, he feels betrayed after Enid disappeared when he was a newborn. Up until they reunited, he only knew her as the mysterious "witch" that his father and the people in Windhelm always called her. Even after she found and rescued him from a hagraven, Rufus feels a deep fear that Enid will abandon him again, and often talks back and misbehaves. Their relationship is further strained when they discover that he is the last dragonborn, and his father consequently rediscovers an interest in him. Half nord, half breton, Rufus has been taught to be ashamed of his breton side, and won't use magic except to set things on fire. He insists on possessing nordic cold-resistance that he doesn't have, being taller and stronger than he is, and wanting to die in battle to have a place in Sovengarde.

Teldryn Sero: Barely There Practical and cautious and mostly in agreement with Enid's decisions, albeit a bit impatient. Got himself fired almost immediately by butting heads with Czitrin before leaving the story, which he declared the best day of his life. Enid desperately misses the sanity Teldryn brought to the team.

Edit: almost forgot--

Caryalind: New Guy (don't trust him)

He's a flirt. Enid doesn't like or trust flirts. Nobody knows yet what he really thinks of her.

[ihatetheinternetandeveryoneonit]

Kaidan: Here, take this. *hands Enid 3,000 gold* I've been saving up. Doesn't feel right for you to pay for this house on your own, y'know?

Enid: Kaidan, I can transmute gold out of dirt. I've literally funded all our missions on forgeries. Keep your hard-earned coin.

Rufus: ...hey Mom, I changed my mind. Can you teach me magic??

[ihatetheinternetandeveryoneonit]

"I'm not a daedra worshipper," Enid squeezed her eyes shut. And yet, upon opening them again, Sanguine's rose was still clasped in her hands. The deadly miasma was palpable; she could swear it was visible and dancing menacingly against the firelight of the Bee and Barb.

Sofia chuckled uneasily, slapping Enid on the back. "Hey, don't read too much into it. Just take it as a sign that we had a REALLY good time."

"I committed a lot of blasphemy…" Enid quaked, not daring to look up from the daedric artifact.

"You did?"

"She did." Kaidan said through his teeth.

"Ohh the Talos statue?" Sofia laughed over her shoulder at him. "I don't think he'd take it personally, I bet he'd take all that smashed mead as an offering! Plus she kept calling him Ulfric!"

"Well, I don't tink they'll be letting us back in Whiterun anytime soon…" Inigo's whiskers twitched.

"Such a shame," Sofia sighed. "That prayer to Kynareth wasn't too shabby. That was a lot of crying."

"I don't know tat she can save me from what I did to Talos. Or Mara. Or…whatever happened with Dibella…" Enid shuddered.

"Well, at least we righted your worldly wrongs, right? Got the goat back, got your second divorce…" Sofia glanced at Enid and rolled her eyes. "You are such a pessimist, Enid!"

"And YOU are a bad influence!" Enid jabbed a finger at Sofia. "I'm never listenin' to your advice again!!"

"My advice?!" Sofia scoffed. "I didn't tell you to have that drinking contest."

"'Ooh, you need a man, haf some drinks with tat guy, live a little! Quit bein' such a buzzkill!" Enid's pitch rose and her accent thickened considerably.

"I said flirt, not have a contest!"

"What's the difference?!"

"We'll have to do something about that staff." Kaidan's pounding head could not take any more bickering. "I don't think I need to tell you how dangerous it is dealing with the daedra."

"I don't even want to guess," Enid admitted, holding the staff at arm's-length.

[ihatetheinternetandeveryoneonit]

Kaidan and Enid bang in Dumzbthar when Lucien is out on errands. They completely forgot that Dumzbthar was sentient and Lucien had reinstated him.

Lucien quickly regrets having a cute little evil robot sidekick when it starts divulging his friends' sex lives.

[ihatetheinternetandeveryoneonit]

Kaidan: Why hasn't the Jarl done something about Whiterun's defenses yet? Drangonsreach is made out of WOOD for Shor's sake!

Enid: Give 'em a moment. He's probably not keen on alertin' the Stormcloaks, and the dragons just came back last week!

Kaidan: It wouldn't hurt to be prepared. For anything.

Enid: Ah, well, I suppose you're right. After all, they don't have anything to defend against dwemer lightning canons, the fools! After the dragons, Dwemer could rise up from the dead next! Any moment now!

Czitrin: *stares menacingly*

[ihatetheinternetandeveryoneonit]

I think I found the funniest most INTJ way to confess romantic feelings:

"Fine, I'll come clean. I was hoping to avoid any misunderstandings here, but it looks like I'm going to have to make things very uncomfortable. I don't hate you. I just have a silly crush. It's awkward, I know, and I was hoping not to have to say anything. Don't worry, I'm sure it will blow over soon. Now in the meantime, if you could try to be a little less attractive, that would greatly help."

[ihatetheinternetandeveryoneonit]

Enid: *muttering to herself* "Oh SO SORRY Enid for running up to you and puking all over your last dress before we get into town, I swear it was an accident! Here, take mine as a loaner!"

Kaidan: I take it you don't like Sofia's clothes?

Enid: *tossing an outfit* Look at t'is! Nords and t'eir frost resistance!

Kaidan: It--erm--yeah, it doesn't cover much...

Enid: I'm gonna die out here!

Kaidan: Well...I could, um, always, ahh...keep you warm?

Enid: *blinks* ...what?

Kaidan: What...?

[ihatetheinternetandeveryoneonit]

Enid: Well, sure, I've loved before. It...didn't end well... Kaidan: Want me to kill 'em? Enid: Kaidan: Ayyy, just kidding! Enid: Don't you tempt me!

[ihatetheinternetandeveryoneonit]

Kaidan: The world is full of fools who never doubt themselves. So why do you doubt yourself? Enid: (crying) Shut up!