#equally heartbreaking bc I know the feeling of wanting to share everything about something you love and having to cut yourself off

[trampledore]

So.. I am now going to explain why I have come to realise that I ship Sylki.

I know a lot of people don't like that ship and I totally understand why. In fact, I still prefer a sibling dynamic between them bc I ALWAYS prefer sibling dynamics. For me, those relationships feel much more profound and real, especially in the context of the MCU. That's probably one of the main reasons why I loved Black Widow so much. It had that awesome sisterly love between Yelena and Natasha.

In my opinion, as soon as it comes to romance in the MCU, it's underwhelming. Some relationships like Thor/Jane are there just for the sake of it, develop way too fast and without any good reason and leave me completely cold. Then there is the bad ass/dumb ass dynamic, where a kick ass woman falls in love with a guy who's unable to stay serious for more than 5 minutes; like Hope/Scott and Gamora/Quill. I kinda buy those, bc there is actually a development from "I hate him and his stupidity" to "I can stand him and am kinda fond of his antics". Those ships usually kinda grow on you and in the case of Gamora/Quill I actually buy that they deeply love each other.

Then there is Nat/Bruce...let's not talk about that...what the hell was that even. They never addressed it again after AoU...

And Pepper/Tony....which I know many people ship but I'm really not a fan of. With them it's a friends to lovers story. Cute, but tbh I never felt like they were truly romantically in love or anything. But that's just me.

The notable exception here is Wanda/Vision, which actually had a strong emotional impact on me in WandaVision and made Vision's death in Infinity War more heartbreaking, BUT it developed mainly off-screen and I could not have seen that coming in CA:CW. If it wasn't for their own series showing us Wanda's grief for him I would still be wondering "How did this happen?".

What I want to say is this: Almost every singly one of the canon MCU ships feels inconsequential and/or convenient to me. Like, with the exception of Gamora/Quill and Wanda/Vision I feel like all those couples could break up tomorrow and the characters would more or less easily get over it soon enough. Even if they are together, happy and somehow in love, I always feel like "this love story could have happened with another character as well. This was not his/her soulmate, they just learned to get along and then something started. If they had never met, that character could have ultimately found someone else".

NOW. With Sylki it's the first time that I feel like this is not the case. The series gives me the feeling that Sylvie might just be the only person in existence that Loki could ever truly love bc she accepts and understands him fully. If they had not met, neither of them would have found anyone who they would have loved equally (and I know Mobius/Loki is a dream team, but even with them I don't feel like they were really made for each other. In fan fiction perhaps, but as a canon ship?)

And beyond the plot obviously suggesting that they are fated for each other in some way (the nexus event on Lamentis), Sylvie and Loki seem really cute together. And I mean that as an objective fact. Their interactions in the 5. episode was made to look cute and project teenager awkwardness.

They seem to fit well together on an emotional level and they truly need each other. When I look at them I can actually see how they might be the perfect superhero duo.

So essentially, I feel like Sylki is a much more real and profound love story than what the MCU usually offers us.

On another note (and I don't wanna get too deep into that rn) there is the issue with this so-called self-cest, whether that is a thing or not.

Personally, I feel like Tumblr tends to oversexualize everything. Like, for all I care they will never have sex or even kiss. For me that is so completely unimportant for a love story...idk. like, I feel like the physical aspects is all the fandom thinks about...but guys, look at their emotional bond!!! If they weren't incidentally both born as Lokis they would be PERFECT together in all ways. Like...on an emotional level they ARE!

(Please note that this is basically me ranting and I don't expect anyone to share my opinion or agree with everything I said. I realize that some of this is quite controversial)

[bbq-hawks-wings]

Really long ask - Part 1: Hi, sorry for this long rant, but I just wanted to vent since I saw this latest story posted on AO3 and I am restraining myself on commenting on their story so I'm just letting my anger out here about it and other issues regarding fan-depiction of Hawks. It's vaguely related to your post on how DabiHawks or Dabi+Hawks stories make it all about Dabi and always made Hawks out to be the one who starts the problems in their relationship or is the one trying to get Dabi's

Content warning: passing mention of r*pe in a fanfiction.

LOOOONG post under the cut.

(Cont.)

Dabi's attentions when it's canon that it's the complete opposite. This latest story that came up in my feed was about Hawks "harassing" Dabi (who apparently has a backstory of r*pe) and Twice helps Dabi works out his feelings. Among the hoards of tags condemning Hawks, they decided to use "Hawks is very uncool in this fic heads up" so that's another one to add to my filters. I think I also have to block the "Dabi Needs a Hug" tags too bc he's always woobified like heck. 

I really want to read stories where Hawks interacts with Twice since they have a bond/drama with each other, but people have been adding Dabi and either making it seem like Hawks has been gaslighting Dabi in their "relationship" or with Twice. I can acknowledge stories where Hawks feels guilty for what he had to do or Twice being anger/betrayed over Hawks' actions since that is actually what happened; but I will not stand for Dabi claiming Hawks took advantage of Twice or Twice and Dabi having feelings for each other with Hawks in the way bc Dabi is a) the one who let Hawks in b) knew Twice is gullible and c) used Twice as bait. Even in the stories that are cute/causal+funny, Hawks is always the one who gets threatened with fire, harsh insults, or guilted into compliance but the seriousness of the first 2 are always brushed off and the third kinda makes me want it that Hawks doesn't have friends bc most people write him as a bad friend who only cares about his own problems (especially the ones that write Hawks like a celebrity/night club person). 

On writing Dabi, his issues always take priority over everything else, his family loves him, and the lov is always chill with him. He's usually written as the fun asshole/caretaker (bc of his big brother status or ablity to cook). Those factors aren't bad by itself, but it's extremely irritating when the writers/artists can give that level of care to Dabi, but just reduce Hawks to a meme who is a workaholic for the government/scared of punishment & not bc he really cares about the people he saves/helps. It's not like I hate the DabiHawks pairing, but the majority of the content (esp the recent ones), are frustrating to read & Hawks' character is usually written in bad out of character extremes. I am really mystified that I'm praying for canon content rather than fanmade most of the time.

Phew! After the back and forth it looks like we got to the end of that! (Or did we?! *Dun dun DUUUUN*) If not, though, feel free to keep the asks rolling. Lol Foxy and I are usually pretty happy to receive as many asks as people want to send even if it takes us a while, individually, to get to it. Now to finally address what you sent.

I find myself in a weird place when it comes to OOC fanfic because on the one hand people can write whatever they want, and I don’t really have a place to criticize them; but also when they blatantly and willingly misinterpret a character so they have grounds to bash on them it also leaves me acutely uncomfortable. I don’t think I’d call it “problematic” as much as a squick? Like, if they’re willing to blow past all the obvious proof to the contrary about their claims of a fictional character just because they hate them, then are they willing to do the same thing to a real person? Usually, those kinds of thoughts are pointlessly extreme, but we know those who unironically and/or unapologeticly call fans of the heroes “bootlickers” so... It’s like, ooc vent fics are also fine; and if you want to rewrite a character to fit the narrative scheme you’ve set up that’s cool as long as its tagged (“ooc [character]” or something) and/or just mention in the a/n that they knowingly and willingly mischaracterized them for the sake of the fic. Just. Don’t. Claim. It’s. Canon.

And speaking of canon, as much as I’m sure Horikoshi knew Hawks and Dabi were going to end up shipped I think it’s obvious that he never was going to canonically write them ending up together, yet here comes the “canon must validate my headcanon” crowd calling him a bad writer because the author had some bigger narrative goal in mind than having two pretty anime boys kissing.

And the worst part to me is, I feel there’s a distinct slice of the DabiHawks crowd missing out on some of the possibilities of this ship by intentionally mischaracterizing them. Like, the aesthetic equal/opposite draw of the ship is phenomenal as it is and I don’t even ship them, but I can see a wide range of possible fics based solely on the principle that they are canonically incompatible!

At the end of the day, Dabi is a dime-a-dozen edgelord - that pain in the butt OC that so many newbie D&D players make that they think is so deep and dark and mature, but is about as cookie-cutter as they come. It’s not that this kind of character is unsalvageable or a hopeless Gary Stu character, just that they don’t often come across as compelling in and of themselves or that they need more than just selfish hatred to carry them through a series. Two kinds of edgelords that can be done well are the “Out of the Ashes” edgelord and “I’ll Pull You Into Hell With Me” edgelord. The first kind recognizes there’s more to life than their sad backstory and getting even and thus choose to aspire to more noble causes - think Joel from The Last of Us. The second recognizes they’re actively doing wrong and come to embrace it - being more concerned with getting what they want than taking the moral high ground - think Frank Castle, aka the Punisher - and even these darker, “unsaveable” kinds of edgelord antiheroes can have redeeming qualities such as meeting and helping a young hopeful and telling them, “I know I’m on the road to hell, so if you want to save yourself you’d better not follow me.”

Dabi actually has what he needs to become the second type right now (assuming he’s Touya) and could even evolve into the first not unlike Kratos from God of War, but that potential can’t be fully recognized until you admit that he’s fundamentally self-centered and a bad person as-is. He may have the tragic backstory complete with justifiable hate at his genuinely abusive father, but rather than using that as fuel to see that never happen to anyone else like it did him - he just wants to get even. He burns people alive, knowing well he’s participating in the same destruction that his father committed to make him what he is now. He doesn’t recognize any of the merits of hero society and is only concerned with burning it to ash. He could use what happened to his family to incite compassion in his heart and take others under his wing, but instead he uses people as a mean to his own ends. He isn’t even proper grimdark - he’s just your run of the mill egotistical megalomaniac with a punk aesthetic.

And that’s still a good character in the grand scheme of things, maybe just not alone! Moreso, it’s a good villain and EVEN BETTER when you put him next to Hawks who is at his core:

Fundamentally Hopepunk!

Hopepunk is about being good and kind as an act of rebellion against a cruel and unfair world no matter how bleak it gets or how badly you’re beaten down. Despite his own cruel past, Hawks still has a heart to help others for no other reason than to help them, he constantly changes the odds to save as many people as he can when he’d be given a pass for letting the cards fall where they will, and not only is his aim to “help others” but to make sure that there’ll never be need for heroes again. He’s an active rebel against the system fighting with kindness and goodness, fervently looking and listening for the next opportunity to do good.

In agreement with you, Hawks and Twice are interesting to explore because while Twice is an optimist looking to make the world a better place, he’s still a step or two removed from Hawks’ worldview because Twice refuses to let go of the “family” he found for himself while Hawks is willing to sacrifice himself for others. That dynamic is so interesting, and it’s what made them so initially compatible and subsequently heartbreaking in canon.

And it’s such a disappointment to see this unwaveringly earnest character reduced to “shitty fratboy” so often. For a lot of people newer to his character I can understand the confusion, but there really isn’t an excuse if you’ve been reading the series, and the possibilities for fics with this canon personality are just so much more interesting to explore, especially with Dabi as his sort-of opposite.

For DabiHawks to work well, you have to recognize that something has to give in either of them. Some of the juiciest, most angsty content is when you have two characters grow close together over commonalities only to be reminded that despite everything else they share, that One Thing will always keep them from truly being able to see eye-to-eye. Either Dabi has to grow past his hatred and relearn compassion and empathy, or Hawks has to lose grip of that hopeful vision he has and fall into despair. Both options are good to explore, but both require the acknowledgement that Dabi’s view of the world is fundamentally bleak and selfish, especially compared to Hawks’. For a supposed revolutionary out to change the world for the better whose a diamond in the rough with a heart of gold, that’s not exactly on-brand; and at the end of the day the issue is that some are unwilling to admit that what they wanted Dabi to be is likely not going to happen and they love that fake version Dabi more than they love what Hawks actually stands for which is why Hawks always gets the shaft in the end.

I still personally hold a bit of a grudge against the DaiHawks ship as a whole purely because, as you said, Dabi always seems to take priority over Hawks instead of letting the two build a dynamic together. Hawks is always the one who has to give, and the torture porn some have made him go through to “make the ship work” is downright disturbing to me. Even at its height DabiHawks content completely flooded the Hawks character tags on Tumblr with some of the same problems that have persisted to this day such as emphasizing their aesthetic as opposed to their dynamic and rampant mischaracterization.

Anyway, that’s my long-winded response. What do you think, @autumn-foxfire?

[1000-directions]

You and Angel (alexenglish on ao3) are some of my favorite writers and I'd love if you could spare any writing advice? I esp like how much research you put into your works but how do you strike the balance between infodump and cool detail? I'd also love some pointers on just the general narrative building you do, it's so good. Anyway I hope this isn't too weird bc i sent a similar ask to @queerindeed and you totally don't have to answer this if you're uncomfortable

hi!! first of all, @alexenglish is sooooo fucking talented, so good at world-building and characterization, such a genuine GIFT to the written word. it is heartbreaking that we have ended up in different fandoms, but they are someone whose friendship i really cherish, and someone who had a huge impact on the way i write and the way i think about the stories i choose to tell, and it’s an honor just to be mentioned in the same breath as them 💚

in terms of detail, i see myself as a less-is-more kind of writer. i don’t normally go into a lot of descriptions of what people look like, or what people are wearing, or how the room is set up, unless it feels really important to the story OR it’s something that i am genuinely excited to describe. i know some people really like those details, and that’s awesome, that’s why everyone’s style is different and every story is a fun surprise. personally, i just don’t like writing that kind of stuff, and i’m a very big advocate of writing what you enjoy. obviously, not every single moment of the writing process is going to be fun, so i really try to maximize the parts that are fun and skip over things i’m not thrilled about, to the degree that a story allows.

in terms of research and infodumping...sometimes it’s okay for you to know things that you don’t explicitly put into the story. like for one of my stories, i looked into historical halloween celebrations in the united states, and i know trick-or-treating probably isn’t something bucky barnes would have any personal connection to because it didn’t exist as we know it when he was a child. it’s not something i need to know for most stories, but it’s still something i keep in the back of my head, and if i do ever need that detail, i have it. and even if i don’t use it, it’s still something i know, something that informs how i treat this character and the disparity between the world he grew up in and the world he currently lives in. another similar detail that many writers have used is that the bananas that are commercially available today are a different (and allegedly inferior) cultivar from what bucky and steve would have eaten in the 40s. i’ve never needed to use this detail in a story, but it’s something i know, so if i ever do write a story that involves a banana, it’s something i can draw on.

in terms of structuring how to share info with your reader, i think it helps to have a super strong pov. though to be fair, i think a super strong pov always helps everything! if you’re seeing things through a character’s perspective, then the details that they focus on can do double work: you are revealing information to the reader, and you are also revealing something about the character by showing what is important or eye-catching or noteworthy to them. example: character A walks into a room and sees characters B, C, and D. in one story, maybe we give equal weight to their impressions of everyone, describing where everyone is sitting, what they are wearing, what’s on the TV, what the lighting looks like, all of it. in another story, maybe A starts some of that stuff and then gets so transfixed on describing character C that everything else kind of melts away into the background. that tells you something about A and C’s relationship that is absent from the first version.

a lot of times, i will start a fic with dialogue, or an action, or right before an action is about to happen. i think it builds nice momentum and sucks a reader into a scene before they even necessarily understand what’s happening. so maybe i let a little something play out, a few lines of dialogue, someone walking into a room, someone about to do something they’re nervous about, and then i can hit the reader with a few sentences or a paragraph of “here’s what you need to know to get to the next point in this fic.”

all that being said...i always, always, always think the most important thing about writing is to enjoy it. if you’ve done a lot of research for something and you really want to incorporate those details, do it!! you can do it in narration, you can do it in dialogue (one character explaining to someone else is a classic place to hide an infodump), you can do it in endnotes if you just can’t make it work in the story but still want to share your information with the reader. and by that same token...if you don’t like doing research? someone’s probably gonna yell at me for saying this, but like...you don’t have to do research if you don’t wanna! we do this for fun, for free. no one should be grading your work and giving you points off for historical inaccuracy or whatever. i know that for some writers, it is very important for every detail to be correct. i am not one of those writers. i like for my details to feel correct within the context of the story, i don’t want anything to be so jarring and egregious that it pulls readers out, but i’m also not that bothered about getting all the minutiae accurate. and sometimes, i think focusing too much on small details can really pull attention away from what i like the most about stories, which is emotional connections between people.

i don’t know if i even came CLOSE to answering the questions you asked! thank you so much for your very kind words, and i hope you have a nice rest of your day!

[vegetalass]

Don’t Just Eat the Egg, Eat the Whole Damn Nest

LMFAOOO i wrote most of this WEEKS ago after I saw this post on @rockboci’s blog abt WHAT IF twig was a RO and i was like…. Dam they right

Found it again 2nite and finished it up

Tfw ur sidestep but u also have a crush on sidestep :(

i also really wanted to figure out how to make that scenario of ‘two sidesteps’ work bc.... Damn we all sidestep bros

I also saw another post on Malin’s blog about peoples sidesteps interacting… and i was like…. Yea…. me too…

Ive been SOO busy lately that i havent been keeping up with fallen hero but all the spoilers i do see look LIT

Hopefully i can catch up soon!

Warning: contains Fallen Hero: Retribution spoilers.

FH:R belongs to @fallenhero-rebirth and Twig belongs to @rockboci

gn!Sidestep/Twig - 1229 words

It’s uh... funny the way things work out. The way that fate sometimes decides to run its course right off the track and straight into the stratosphere.  

You’ve always heard people joke about things such as alternate universes, or parallel lives, yet it has always led to you wonder why it was you that actually happened to end up in one.

Metaphorically speaking, of course, because you like to pretend that you’re someone completely normal and that nothing bad has ever happened to you in your life. EVER.

Not that you’ve ever truly managed to convince yourself of that, as there are a lot of things that you’ve done and have had done to you that you’d rather not think about, but you try to live your life the way someone normal does. You eat the things you like, you smoke the things you want, and you do your best to believe that everything is easier now that you’re not living a life that someone else created for you.

And what can fate do about that?

Nothing, because you continue to watch Twig do exactly the same.

They don’t look like you, not even close, and still, it seems as though you’ve been following their tracks since before you can even remember. Back before you had seen the sky, when you still used to listen to other kids whisper about who had and who hadn’t managed to see the real world as if it wouldn’t get you all killed if anyone human heard.

You know they all did, and knowing that is even the reason you got to escape.

“You know,” Ortega said once, interrupting your thoughts while wiping coffee cake crumbs off his cheek as he spoke, “I did tell Chen you were nice.”

You try to be kind. You try to be strong. And you like to hope that you know Twig a little better than you have ever let on.

Granted, they know you, too, but... you seem to have some form of mutual understanding when it comes to keeping quiet about the things that only the both of you know.

Your shared abilities, for one. Your different-yet-shared heinous plans, another. Even Dr. Mortum, and a bunch more stuff like that.

Except that… Twig works for themselves, and you, um... work for the good of the people and all things that come with upturning the government on behalf of getting revenge and once and for all being free.

Vice versa, maybe?

Not that you could ever say that out loud, of course, as you’ve always been more of an “in your head” type of person anyway, which you find to be quite ironic in this case, when Twig just so happens to smile whenever you think anything mean.

Twig knows all this about you, though, as well as the in-your-head revenge game that you play, as you find that they actually happen to know a lot. You know they agree when you think about it, and you can always feel the way Twig’s thoughts shift from black to white as if they were saying “cheers” to the single-person party in their mind that was made up of only you.

You don’t catch them smirking. You never do. 

That being said, Twig is… not really a secret. Not to you, at least. And it’s a funny battle that you fight almost every single day, because you aren’t a secret to them, either.

Twig sees Ortega. You, in a way, look, at Ortega. Twig looks at Herald, and you, just as strangely, see Herald.

Or... something like that, at least. You don’t think too hard about what’s really happening anymore, spending more time focusing on both getting revenge and then running away for the rest of your sorry life. Twig raises their glass to that thought, as well.

Because it’s as if fate decided to slice the world in two when you died during the Heartbreak at the exact same time as Twig.

Different room and different window, but still. You would argue that it counts, even if some might say the split came around the same time you were extracted from a water tank into a world already succumbed in tears.

You always knew Twig was actually a crybaby. It was just too bad you didn’t really know them at all, and frankly still don’t.

You just don’t know if that’s a good thing. You don’t know if you want to.

Not that you were ever on the waiting list to become a Ranger the way that Twig was, but you had your moments.

You remember Ortega. His smile, his charm, and his big, warm hands. You remember Chen, who in retrospect didn’t like Twig much either, and how you felt whenever he turned his back towards you but his front towards them. And you definitely remember feeling as favored as a lonely and lost vigilante could ever could, even when Twig gave all the interviews and you simply made your way.

Things weren’t great as a vigilante, but you had your friends, and Twig had theirs. It was just a shame that they were the same people.

You almost wish you could go back. Back to when all the titles (and skintight clothing) still fit, although in some ways, you like to think that sometimes, they still do.

Even if they can and did get you killed.

You can’t blame the Rangers for picking sides, just as you can’t blame Twig for feeling equally as resentful when they failed to find their body, too, and then decided to give up.

Or something.

Whatever.

You have that in common.

Same home, same hospital, same death.

Cheers, Twig!

There’s a silent conversation you have with Twig, one that hangs on the balance beam between trust, empathy, and the fact that you, in a way, almost share blood.

Twig ignored the thought during the last time you saw them. Although, they happen to ignore you a lot, anyway, as you remember in detail how you could only sputter are the blank expression they passed your way during the last time you tried to converse, as if you were never meant to have a place on this split-in-half-earth.

Even if you’re partly why it split.

Oh well.

“I was thinking that, uh..” you start, feeling like one of those ugly gray birds with big red eyes, before you’re interrupted by a voice as cold as steel.  

“Well, maybe you shouldn’t.” Their reply is quick, yet miraculously timed and callous, even if you do your best to assume that it was a joke.

Ortega looks at you with raised eyebrows and shrugs, doing nothing to hide the broken-lipped smirk that opens his jaw.

You try again, voice hoarse “I was thinking that maybe next time you go to the diner, I could come too.”

You try to smile, pushing any annoyance you feel towards Twig full force.

They don’t seemed phased, however, and continue to smile slightly at Ortega’s laugh when he assures you that, yes, you’re always welcome to get dinner with them at “any time and always.”

Twig’s thoughts twist again, the way they always do when you think of them, especially now at your insistence that you don’t want to be left behind, and you can feel that fucking smirk again.

You wonder what it’s like to have a sibling.

[moreracquetball]

what are some of your favorite things to write? in general, but also dialogue vs description and why,, also (though im sure you've been asked this before) which are your fav songs from the marvin trilogy & why? :0

Ahhh, i love love love love this ask a lot!!

My favorite thing to write is probs anaphoras (I think that’s what they’re called?) Here’s an example of what I mean from my Whizzvin College AU:

And Whizzer wants to go back to how things were before—when it was just fun, with mouths pressed against inner thighs and secret glances when out with friends and arguing for the sake of getting the other to take his pants off.

But no, no, no, Whizzer wants to go back to how things were before even that—when they hated each other and it seemed like it would always stay that way, with mouths shooting off snappy retorts and pointed glares when out with friends and arguing just for the sake of hearing themselves talk.

Whizzer wishes that Marvin had never kissed him that day. He wishes that he himself could have been smart and kind enough to not kiss Marvin back.

Anyone who’s ever read one (1) fic of mine knows that I like to use repetition of phrases and sentence/paragraph parallels. I just love how it makes the prose really flow with a rhythm, you know???

I really like description (esp bc then I can use metaphors and imagery and try to make pretty prose that just ends up sounding like purple prose when I read it back), but I think I’m wayyy better and more well-practiced at writing dialogue. My dialogue is never really choppy (maybe a little over-flowy at times but it’s usually p okay) and I feel like my descriptions (of another character, of the setting, of the narrator’s feelings, etc) is a hit or miss a lot of the times, so I’m more comfortable writing dialogue.

My favorite songs from the Marvin trilogy, you ask????

In Trousers:

1. My Chance to Survive the Night

It’s the most pivotal moment of the entire musical and the peak of Marvin’s character arc. After spending the entirety of the story having a sexuality crisis (wondering over whether he liked guys, whether he liked girls and guys, whether he liked girls at all in hindsight), Marvin finally accepts his homosexuality and commits to his true identity and literally says “that’s it for girls.” The music is also very jazzy and slow (compared to the majority of In Trousers songs, which have very fast melodies), and I just really loved Chip Zien’s voice here in particular. Esp at the very end, when he just lets it all go and starts belting it out, my heart skips a beat. It’s my favorite song of In Trousers.

2. A Breakfast Over Sugar

I love the exploration of Marvin and Trina’s relationship pre-divorce. Esp after knowing in hindsight how they react/treat to one another in the later sequels (obviously, I had listened to Falsettos before In Trousers and only knew of Marvin and Trina’s relationship in that sense as bitter exes), this song just brings a lot of context and depth to their relationship and past. It shows Trina’s desperation and willingness to play house and be unhappy, and it shows Marvin’s growth of character as he is through playing this charade and wants something real in his life - even if he has to give up all that he had ever known. The duet is also written very realistically and uniquely (it sounds more like free-flowing dialogue than lyrics to a song, if that makes sense??), and the slow piano just - ughhh, KILLS ME. Wow i ranted a bit sorry about that.

3. Another Sleepless Night

It’s one of the songs that gives pretty equal attention to all four of the characters and not just Marvin, which i really like. It also shows how Marvin has affected each of the women in his life even after years of separation and just how selfish Marvin has really been throughout his life and how much he has taken from these women. I’m also obsessed with the lines “I know this girl. I call her my wife. She is my wife. She is my thorn in the bushes. No happy endings and no fuss. What a girl, what a saint, what a wife ain’t is my wife. So I sleep in a bed too big for one person. I’m big for one person. But this bed is bigger than both of us.”

March of the Falsettos

1. This Had Better Come to a Stop

First of all??? Just the music in general is??? A full-fledged banger??? But even aside from the scarily catchy melody, I love how much it adds to the story by demonstrating like a “typical” day in their lives and how they all bitch and accuse and heart-break over one another. It shows Marvin’s selfishness and meanness, and it shows Trina’s anger and heartbreak, and it shows Whizzer’s frustration and helpless, and it shows Mendel breaking through the barriers of this tight-knit family and wedging himself in there, and it shows Jason in the background of it all, watching with wide, disappointed eyes. It also has the parallels between Whizzer and Trina (the whole “I met this man today…” and trying to make Marvin jealous; as well as the shared look of pain and the soft “this is all very neat”), which I am 100% HERE FOR OMG. And it has the blessed line: “AND STILL THE BASTARD DIVORCED ME.”

2. I Never Wanted To Love You

I could actually talk about this song for approximately 100,000 hours, so I’ll try to keep it short. For one, it’s right after the most climatic scene of the musical (”Marvin Hits Trina”), which makes the song all the more devastating. Mainly, love it because it shows 1) the complex nature of all these characters’ relationships/dynamics with one another (all of which have been driving the whole plot and theme) and 2) It’s the beginning of Marvin’s redemption arc and him confessing his wrong-doings and the root of his insecurities. I love the slow, melancholic melody and the harmonies and the lyrics, and it’s just - really really really powerful.

3. I’m Breaking Down

It’s def my fave solo of the Act 1 AT THE VERY LEAST. It’s just so hilarious and Stephanie J. Block KILLS IT OH MY L O R D and I love Trina a lot and it’s just one of the more light-hearted songs that never fails to hype me up and make me smile

Falsetto Land

1. A Day in Falsettoland

It’s just so pure and happy and I love the little piano bit. Mendel is esp hilarious in the first part (and it’s the closest that he’s ever come to a solo soooo i love it lots) and Trina is i c o n i c and the lesbians are sooo cute (Tracie KILLS IT ESP - OHHHHHHH HER “DO YOU KNOOOWWWW HOW GREAT MY LIFE IS?”) and it shows how Marvin and Whizzer’s relationship has matured and grown stable and less toxic and they all tell me that “everything will be alright” and every single time, I almost believe them.

2. Year of the Child

I just really love the melody and the choreography and vocals. Marvin and Trina are like so very cute in this song bc it shows how much they both adore Jason, and Mendel is such an icon, and it’s the introduction of the lesbians next door!! What more could you ask for????

3. What Would I Do?

Honestly I can’t even talk about how much I adore this one - how often I binge-listen to it and feel my heart sink and swell - how all the layers and melancholy and references and harmonies and just everything about it can move me to tears. It’s so so so so so good and so so so so important and I could write 10k words dissecting the lyrics and context and overall meaning and purpose, but for now i’m just going to shut up.

[tayegi]

This second chapter made me feel so much of everything, and I admire the OC for being so mature and put her anger aside. I feel sort of ashamed that it's not something I'd do hehe(seems like I need to grow more) I've never felt this way before but somehow your amazing writing makes me feel everything the OC feels! So thank your very much for sparing time to write all of this amazing stuff, even tho you're really busy. Really, thank you. I love you. ♥

Anonymous said:New rules isn't even about the boys for me anymore it's about this lowkey toxic friendship even if they've been friends for years that's the problem. OC couldn't talk to Mijoo about how she really felt not saying she should've told Mijoo to stay away from Jimin but let her know that it really hurt her feelings and Mijoo clearly didn't have a problem putting a boy over friendship. Even if it started with something small like this it could be the downfall to their friendship.

Anonymous said:I just wouldn't be able to trust Mijoo and that kinda ruins the whole friendship right then and there. It's I would think if she was so quick to ruin something for me for her over a guy what else will she do to put herself before me. I know friendships are important most of the time and the reader and Jimin were never together but I just wouldn't be able to associate with her. This is only what the reader is finding out now what else could Mijoo be hiding and I know it might not be that deep pt1

mirajoey said:Fml. I just hate how sweet demure pretty girls who are actual snake. And people keep misunderstanding 'ice queen but true' type of girls. Why do women need to be attractive (pretty) but superficial af to please men? My ex-crush is in relationship with my bestfriend tho😂 she and my other girl keep mocking me for being the only single ass in the group. Idk if they are intentional or not. I'm about to say fuck off bitch whenever they do that. But i'm a softie for friends. So yeah, am i weak?

Anonymous said:i feel like all this hate towards mijoo and the desire to hurt her is exactly how the oc initially reacted, and everyone who had sent in asks about physically hurting her is an instantaneous reaction, but will not actually do so. its kind of like being so angry during an argument with someone that you say things you dont mean. don't take it at heart. im one of the anons who sent in something about hurting her, and i would not in any way physically harm a person. much less a best friend.

Anonymous said:NR 2, Great writing as always. But I wouldnt have been as forgiving, maybe after a day or 2 we could talk things through with her after that. I get why some friendships crumble because of that. Its not because of the guy but because of the betrayal. It would hurt so much more from a friend you trust and have been open with all this. It just means they didnt choose to trust you with the truth and she didnt even admit it after all this time.

Anonymous said:wow that Mijoo... I have two thoughts: 1. "I hate snakeu" and 2. Haven't she heard the phrase, fries before guys? btw I would cut all connections with a "friend" like that. But you are wonderful Lu and never fail to amaze us♡ Thank you for sharing such quality contents so often~ Have a nice day!

Anonymous said:oH MY GOD! New rules 2 had me screeching. Bruh you make me so sad but i love it. Im in emotional turmoil for OC. Im. I just dont know man. Her friends are such asses.

Anonymous said:Ahh new rules hit me so hard, i actually cried! I relate so much to the oc and my own best friend of over 10 years pulled that shit on me and I was so, so hurt that I didn't even cared about the guy anymore but her betrayal really hit me....ahhh anyway that's such a emotional ride!!!! I love your writing 💕

Anonymous said:new rules makes me really sad of how friendships are always regarded as smth less than relationships. and the worst part is people around me would literally question me abt why im so against relationships when im not? i just feel like relationships and friendships are different but equally important.. it's so upsetting to know that friends that you treasure dont treasure you in the same way just because u r not their partner.

Anonymous said:Forgive me if I'm reading way too much into this, but I think the reason Mijo's betrayal brought so many strong emotions in a lot of readers is because most women "dread" something like that happening.. No one wants the "girls hate other girls/pick guys over friendships" stereotype to be true because it IS an awful stereotype, so when it happens (cause some people are awful and some of those people are girls) it's really heartbreaking.. 1/?

Anonymous said:the act alone is terrible but add to it that this proved the stereotype for some people and it can really sting!!I think that's the reason why "Mean Girls" is so popular! It satirizes that feeling and makes it funny/tolerable! The OC is acting in a mature way but given that she's a feminist it can also be that she doesn't want to prove that stereotype and wants to act above it! 2/?

Anonymous said:It's very understandable BUT no one would expect boys/men to be friends after something like that because it WAS hurtful and selfish and awful and Mijoo shouldn't get a pass just because she's a girl and OC wants to prove a point! Remove jimin from the equation and add a job promotion with Mijoo being sneaky and getting it instead of OC for reasons SHE instigated and it should be clear why OC needs to be angry! 3/4

Anonymous said:They should at least argue about it with a line in the sand drawn if it happens again! *not saying you should do that of course, the story is a stroy and should have this kind of layers/complex feelings, I'm talking in a real life scenario I guess* sorry to dump all this on you but it brought so many feelings and I had to write them down!! What do you think? A stretch? 4/4

Anonymous said:There would have been at minimum a month of radio silence from me if I were OC and one of my girl friends pulled a stunt like M.

Anonymous said:To be honest, I feel like maybe how the MC handled Mijoo maybe wasn't the mature thing to do? I guess in the past I always felt like being mature was keeping friends no matter what they pulled, but lately I feel like cutting off toxic friends actually is sometimes the best way to handle things? Like not causing a scene, or anything. It's just that I've come to value trust and respect in my relationships, and after part two I feel like I personally cannot trust or respect her. Just some thoughts!

Anonymous said:how is the OC so patient and... nice ?!!1!1!1 if i were her i’d be a salty ass bitch at mijoo like heck you just stole my crush away from me just because YOU like him. kdndksjsoana i feel aNgEr

Anonymous said:i hope karma fucks mijoo in the ass. i hate everything and i hope jungkook gets his ass whooped too so he can actually act like a human being for once. thanks for writing new rules

Anonymous said:As much as the OC is remarkable for her self sacrifice I feel Jimin had the right to know what happened and Mijoo really needs to know that what she did was not okay. Sure OC didn’t do the wrong thing by throwing a tantrum and ruining Mijoo’s life but I just felt like honest communication is necessary. This brings me to the point that I like how you write realistic stories because in life decisions aren’t so black and white.

Anonymous said:Yes I totally get you Lu. And in all honesty, I wouldn't have forgiven her. I wouldn't have caused that much or big of a scene, but I would have definitely ended my 'friendship' right then and there. It irritated me though that OC even went up to her and touched her asdsfhk. I would have went to sleep. I once had a friend who did the same shit twice. She dated the boys I liked, knowing about my feelings for each of them and then acted innocent. It felt like reading about me. - Reasoning Anon

Anonymous said:And the worst part is that I felt exactly the same way OC did. I just can't be mean to people. No matter how much I despise them. No matter how much they hurt or angered me. Because then I feel so evil, so I let it happen. Then I leash out on other people who never did (Jungkook). I just let them hurt me. And then I feel guilty about having mean thoughts about them. And when OC thought and felt like the asshole, the monster ... man. I already hate this story, go away 😩 - Reasoning Anon

Anonymous said:the oc in new rules is like waaay too kind to her "best friend", why would a "best friend" sabotage a girl's chance to get with a guy who genuinely likes her i still don't understand. it doesn't matter if the "best friend" likes the guy, i am betting the oc is some martyr to be that sacrificial. i would drop my "best friend" if she tried that on me

Anonymous said:LIVID. I'm so angry that Mijoo never gave OC Jimin's confession note, then had the nerve to involve OC as she was stressing over him. I'm frustrated that OC puts Mijoo on a pedestal just bc she's pretty, & seems to see Mijoo as more deserving of happiness than herself. Mijoo is a snake & deserves to be exposed bc she did both Jimin and OC dirty by not giving her his note. She deprived them both of what they wanted, & any relationship she now has w Jimin is tainted by what she did to him a yr ago

Anonymous said:I can only hope that Jimin wakes up and realizes what a snake Mijoo is. With a girl like her, I doubt their relationship can work out (or at least that's what I hope).

Anonymous said:mijoo gotta go

Anonymous said:I'm in love with new rules omg if I found out my best friend hid something like that from me I would be livid I don't know how she kept her cool. Can't wait for the next part! 💖💖💖

Anonymous said:Omg her friend is a snake and she's too forgiving 🤧😫😩 I just want to grab OC's shoulders and shake some sense into her, she's allowed to be angry at her friend, she's deserves to be happy too. I'm excited to see how the rest of this story is gonna develop, I really love all your writing. You have such a way with words that makes me feel like I watching a movie rather than just reading a story. 👌❤️👌

bangtanboys-hoe said:This may be the bitch in me talking but I would've made her feel like shit. I would move out, block her number, and tell Jimin everything. I would've made her life a living hell hole. But this is just a story and I'm too nice of a person to do that.

Anonymous said:okay first how's your day, how you're doing. And second MIJOO IS SUCH A BITCH NO FUCK FHAT. WHAT HAPPENED TO LOYALTY, OC GAVE UP HER LIVE AND MIJOO DECIDED TO TAKE IT DOE SELF. FUCK JIMIN (I love you jimin) BUT BOTH OF THEM FUCK UP THEIR FRIENDSHIP. I couldn't even enjoy the smut I'm so mad. Plus GOOD JOB ON THE NEW CHAPTER! It's really good! Hope you have a good day :)

Anonymous said:Fuck mijoo AHHSGAHHDH WHY WHY WHY

omg im very overwhelmed by the incredible response to ch 2 of new rules and i feel so bad but i srsly cant answer all of your messages. But the intense reactions this fic inspired is so shocking yet understandable. I just hope you all aren’t too upset and that you can have an open mind for the next chapter ^^

[fmdtaeyongarchive]

↬ i hope this autumn breeze scatters our memories away.

date: august 2019.

location: ash’s apartment + a studio at bc.

word count: 1,881 words.

summary: ash said (sorta) fuck love... my impact...

notes: creative claims verification. please blame any part of this that doesn’t make sense on the medicine i’ve been on the whole time i was writing it.

mid-august 2019.

ash sat down at the piano bench and set his phone down next to it, voice memo app set to record. he hadn’t done this in a while. back in the days before he’d become so busy with solo schedules and proven himself as a creative enough for songwriting to be a real part of his job, he used to do this all the time. he’d have too many feelings not to let out in some way (he’d been less practiced at keeping it all in then) and the piano was a loyal friend who always listened. it had been his closest confidant since he’d been four years old. it didn’t matter that he’d been to so many different instruments to confide his troubles. in the end, they all represented the same thing, and that’s what drew him to even the most foreign piano.

a piano was the one thing that had been by his side in his life the longest. friends and partners had come and gone, but the relationship between ash and the nearest piano had never grown stale, even when schedules had kept him away for extended periods of time and caused neglect of their bond. no matter how short his time with the black and white keys was, he never forgot how to connect with them, and that’s more than he could say for so many of the people who had passed through his life — and for so many of the people who had once been his entire life. 

it’d only been a few months that he’d had a piano to call his own. moving out into his own place, a used baby grand was one of the first items he’d invested in for his new home’s interior. more than privacy or peace and quiet, he had a piano to call his own placed in front of the expansive set of windows that fronted his living room. he hadn’t had many opportunities to sit down at it and make music, but, as naturally as if he’d been doing it every night for the past half a year, he let his fingers spread out over the keys and start their push and pull, practiced endlessly until it had become nothing more than sheer instinct. like gentle waves crashing upon sand, taking and delivering in equal measure, his hands slowly traced out experimental notes and chords as he attempted to recreate the composition that had been forming itself in his head for the past few hours, itching to come out and be brought to life.

a piano was so different from the keyboard in his studio. the keys had lived a life of their own and they pushed back against the press of his fingers in a battle happening on the microscopic level, but it was a battle of passion, not wrath. there had been times he’d set to work at the keys with anger, but never toward the instrument itself. simmering anger was better for composing than the explosive type. art laid in the intricacies of a dynamic range, something more straight-on emotions didn’t lend themselves as simply to.

ash wasn’t able to put a name to all of the feelings he felt in the moment. there were too many and they’d interwoven with another until they became unrecognizable, only able to be expressed in the wave of his fingers.

it was a simple set of chords. it wouldn’t be anything notable for its complexity, but it was remorseful and unrelenting. there was a reluctance to follow the beat, and ash replayed sections as he figured them out multiple times to make sure the feeling was conveyed into the recording he’d be transposing over into his computer later by ear. 

it only took about an hour for him to have one final recorded memo of the composition that he was pleased with.

lyrics had come in bits and pieces as he composed, as tied to the music as the piano notes themselves. the words that came to him told a story that wasn’t his own. not now, at least. they were a story he’d lived time and time again in the past, but had never let come out in such bitter words.

love. it’d been the thing ash had sought out ever since he’d been a little boy with only the way his parents looked at each other and the way they sneaked kisses as they made dinner to idealize. he’d written more love songs than he could ever hope to release about every person who’d taken a piece of his heart since he was a teenager. even before then, ash remembered the elementary poetry he’d written about the butterflies he got from the boy who was so good at soccer at recess and the lengthy love letter he’d composed to his fifth grade “girlfriend”. love songs had filled most every playlist he listened to. even when he had gone through heartbreak, he’d listen to them to remind himself love was still out there.

now, he didn’t want to remind himself of that. where had love songs gotten him? they hadn’t ever made anyone stay, or kept insecurities from bringing love to a fizzling end, or made a relationship with his career and his own mind to contend with any easier. the mirage revealed its truth eventually every time, so why was it so hard to let go of the ideal he’d painted for himself that he clearly wasn’t meant to have?

if he could shatter his stupid heart on the floor of his living room like glass, he would.

late august 2019.

“are you sure you wrote this?”

ash snapped his eyes from his computer screen to the woman standing next to him at her question. of course he’d written it. he wasn’t about to start plagiarizing and claiming someone else’s work as his own. and if he ever did finally abandon all of his morals, it wasn’t going to be for a proposed last minute addition to a track list that was supposed to already be finished. it’d definitely be because he had finally snapped and decided to end his own career because bc wouldn’t end his suffering for him.

“yes?” he answered incredulously and the first response he got in return was a laugh. it wasn’t a malicious laugh, but ash remained tense nonetheless, unable to catch on to what she was implying in his own fatigue-ridden mind and they way her tone was much more humorous than his. 

“sorry,” she apologized, seeming to catch on that his mind wasn’t working at a fast enough speed to read her tone. “it doesn’t sound like you. well, it does. i’ve heard your heartbreak songs. but this is so cynical. you wrote ‘some’ and those songs you wrote on knight’s albums. they’re cute. i don’t know. i expected something more like that.”

ash’s tensed shoulders relaxed, but not completely. the singles he’d promoted from i’m young and daydream had both been songs about heartbreak. he’d written more songs about heartbreak than happiness in a relationship or the butterflies of having a crush if he considered everything he’d ever written. negative feelings were easier for him to write about than positive ones most of the time. they were easier to lose himself in and they were more plentiful in his life for the past few years. why was it hard to believe he’d written this? not to mention cute had been off the table the minute bc had decided he had some sort of marketable sex appeal that they’d been neglecting.

“it’s not that out of left field. and there’s already songs with a similar feeling on the album. that’s why i was going to suggest adding it. the whole back half of the track list is about disillusionment with love, so it should fit,” ash countered, trying not to sound as defensive as he felt. “i geared all of the production to fit in with the sound of the album.” had he failed?

“wasn’t it supposed to be about the sad feelings after a break up? ‘disillusionment with love’ is taking that pretty far.”

ash wanted to argue back, but he didn’t have the energy and she wasn’t wrong. those exact words had never been raised when discussing the concept of the album, and he hadn’t envisioned it in such pessimistic terms when the album had been in its early stages either. it was only when he’d begun writing this song that disillusionment became such a defining term for him. he knew why. his own mindset had changed in the months since the album had begun and he himself had become disillusioned. “but does it work? for the album? do you think it’d be worth pitching?” he asked, more interested in getting an answer to the reason he’d asked her to listen in the first place than dwell on his own roller coaster of emotions recently. or the continuing roller coaster ride of emotions he’d been stuck on for the last four years, seemingly either unable to get off or purposefully torturing himself by refusing to.

“yeah, give it a go. it’s a good fit sonically. you’ve just got to convince them to take such a late addition,” the woman said with a shrug. “but clean up the percussion a little bit. it gets lost in itself.” ash assumed their conversation would end there before she quirked her head at him, one hand on her hip in a stance that prepared ash to be questioned. he wasn’t prepared for what that question was going to be, though. “i don’t want to be nosy, but did someone break your heart recently? you’re pretty easy to see through.”

ash was too exhausted to keep his expression from revealing the surprise at her inquiry. that really wasn’t any of her business and he didn’t consider them close enough to discuss that. they weren’t anything more than work colleagues and ash wasn’t even one for discussing his love life with his closest friends, but he wasn’t blunt enough to say that. she had good intentions, he was sure, but anyone who had sat in on writing sessions with him more than once or heard drafts of his songs should know he didn’t like discussing the details of his private life beyond what he willingly laid out in his songs. it wasn’t how he worked. too many people were under the impression they knew his life already for him to want to voluntarily share the truth with anyone not involved.

“nope.” he forced a smile and a nonchalant shrug similar to her own. he got a dubious look in return and ash swiveled in his chair to face the computer screen again. “really, no. but thanks for listening. and the percussion, i’ll fix that. thanks for the tip. i’ll send it over to some people and hopefully there’s still time to add it.”

he wasn’t lying to her. no one else had done the breaking. he couldn’t blame anyone else for something he’d done himself.

he’d thought his heart had broken so many times, but it was still there, beating and hoping in the background, even when he was the one doing his damnedest to fracture it beyond repair.