#eridan my secret silly

[dalishthunder]

Another excerpt for the anon who said that it makes their day because that ask made my day asdlkjfalsjdfk

Eridan had a grype call he needed to get to right after the session so he made a relatively hasty exit leaving you alone with Cronus. "Do you wanna hang out downstairs? It's probably more comfortable."

You remembered very vividly the way you'd broken down in front of him while he was drunk and the way you'd wanted so badly to just let go and you.... You weren't sure if you should trust yourself... which was silly because of course you could trust yourself. So despite your long (probably awkward) pause you nodded and he beamed and you felt an uncomfortable pang in your chest like you just swallowed too much bread with a too-dry throat.

Cronus grabbed your hand and led you down the stairs to his dude cavern (and you tried to ignore just how many doors there were in the hallway because how... how were there that many rooms in the basement level? What was in them? Was one of them a sex dungeon? Probably! But you were far too polite to ask... though you really wouldn't want to ask about that last one.... yeah.... Much better to not wonder or wander).

It was still as dimly lit as you remembered it the first time, but the soft light of the day outside filtered in through thin, horizontal windows up towards the ceiling and something about it gave you the sense of deja vu, except for the massive pile of pillows and blankets in one corner.

"So do you wanna watch a movie, chief? Or maybe just talk?" He gave you a blinding smile and you quickly averted your eyes, catching quickly on the bizarre pile. Surely he didn't just take every pillow and cushion and blanket in the house and make a nest out of them did he? Was that normal behavior? Or was he like... just a bit messy? (After all he was rich, he could afford to not care about messes because he could just pay people to clean up after him. Something you would have loved to be able to do. Fuck doing dishes.) "D'you like it?"

"Like what?" You replied. His p-

"My pile. Do you like it?" Cronus looked at you with equal parts excitement and anxiousness.

"Uhhhh..." You tried to glean what answer he wanted from you by reading his face. "Yyyeeees?"

That was apparently all he needed to hear before he rushed over and flopped down on it, patting his lap and watched you expectantly. You just gave him what you hoped was a withering look and he patted the space beside him instead. You debated for a moment whether or not to sit on next to him in that monument to decadence and comfort or sit on the couch like a normal person but he was giving you puppy dog eyes and he really was awfully cute. (Can we keep him?) So despite your hesitance and better judgement you flopped down on the pile.

It was extraordinarily plush.

You sank in the perfect amount.

This was... this was quite nice actually.

Cronus immediately wrapped an arm around your waist and pulled you flush to his side. You pushed him away equally as quickly because, "Damn, leave some fucking room for Jesus, will you?"

If the confused look he gave you was anything to go by, the reference clearly went over his head. But the sentiment behind the statement rung true. You needed some personal space.

"What's wrong, kitten? You ain't feelin' good?" He reached out to stroke your cheek, hand cold (always cold) but they kept it so goddamn warm in here that it wasn't the temperature of it that was the issue. It was the presumptuousness of it all.

Wrong? Nothing was wrong. You were fine. You just needed some personal space because he was massive and smothering and you were... god between the pillows and blankets pulling you in and the clinginess of the man beside you you were... fuck you couldn't even breathe.

He cradled your face in his hands, making soft shooshing sounds and a few high, warbling clicks. "You ain't gotta hold anyfin in on the pile." The expression on his face was gentle... the sort of gentle way one would look at a baby deer; with all the tenderness in the world and you hated how vulnerable it made you feel and you were going to fucking scream.

No.

No. You were fine.

You focused on the way your nails dug crescents into your palm.

"I'm fine. I just need a little personal space is all."

Cronus pouted but you had no intention of giving him more than that. You hated feeling poached eggy. (Though truth be told you felt... you felt more like a fried egg. Crinkly and crispy around the edges. Chewier, less soft... you weren't even sure if you had a gooey center right now).

"You don't gotta be shy, chief, you can tell me anything." He tried again. "That's what piles are great for: feelings jams, secret sessions, y'know pink shit." You squinted at him, trying to figure out if he was trying to insult you (why would he though...). "Geez, kitten, no need to get hostile here, you were super into sharing the other night."

You winced.

"That was... an exception, not the rule. Besides, I'm okay, really."

He didn't look convinced but finally changed the subject. "So my therapist says that I should take more interest in the things that other people are interested in."

[elichatter]

SOLLUX: ready, priince?

you pause.

ERIDAN: wwait a second

the fist clenched around your wand relaxes as you draw it back against your chest, suddenly feeling very silly.

ERIDAN: i remember this ERIDAN: already fuckin done this havvent we sol

the mustardblood's shoulders settle back into their slouch. you see the corner of his mouth twitch.

SOLLUX: 2ure have, ED. SOLLUX: you remember how many tiime2?

it's all a little hazy, but as you settle on the floor to sit beside him, walkstubs tucked beneath you, you wrack your thinkpan for a solid number.

ERIDAN: fuck ERIDAN: sol thinkin in these bubbles is the wworst ERIDAN: always wworried that some fuckin stupid shit might pop into existence and shock the bloody fuck out a me ERIDAN: this is our fourth fuckin time isnt it

sollux really smiles this time. you can almost see him sorting the numbers into pairs in his thinkpan. you roll your eyes, turning away in the same instant.

SOLLUX: yep.

you sit in silence for a while. it's gone like this every time but the first - you catch yourself just as he's powering up, electric flickering between his palms and fangs. feferi vanishes, and suddenly you have nothing to fight about anymore, so you sit. the second time, you talked a little, but he woke up, and you were to embarrassed to bring it up again the third.

it's easier to remember in the quiet, anyway.

you're picking at your claws again, pulling the sharpened edge from each side until it shucks right off like a clam shell. your fingers are sore and rubbed a raw kind of violet, but it doesn't matter much - you know they'll be fine once you find another dream bubble to haunt.

ERIDAN: still can't believve i didnt kill you ERIDAN: wwhat a shitty wwizard i am

sollux cackles, and the sound is distorted by his misshapen mouth. he makes no effort to hide the shake in his shoulders from you - in fact, he jostles you a little as he uncrosses his walkstubs and sticks them out in front of him, red and blue shoes knocking casually together. you're closer to him than you remembered. you make a great show of picking up the edges of your cape and wrapping yourself in it.

SOLLUX: the 2hiittiie2t.

ERIDAN: all that bullshit about hope and magic ERIDAN: surprised you didn't wwreck my shit on lobaf ERIDAN: though it wwouldnt fuckin stop you from havvin to talk to me here wwould it

SOLLUX: ED, thii2 ii2 gettiing kiind of feeliing2 jam liike. SOLLUX: lmao iif you want two move two the piile then

ERIDAN: i wwill literally kill you awwake if you finish that bloody sentence you nooksucker

sollux reaches over and slaps you in the face with the hem of your scarf. you scoff, indignant and surprised, and he laughs again, an ugly, dry sound.

he doesn't let go. instead, he pushes his claws through the loose wool, poking holes in between the purple and blue squares.

SOLLUX: yeah no that piile ii2 offiiciially overu2ed.

ERIDAN: fuckin disgustin i don't knoww howw you an fef evven considered usin it

he shrugs. like everything else about him, it seems lazy and crooked.

SOLLUX: gue22 we needed iit. what an a22hole ii wa2.

at least you're in agreement.

ERIDAN: my thoughts ec fuckin xactly

you've got nothing else to say, after that.

well, yes you do, but you're not going to be the one to say it. and give him the satisfaction? you'd rather be cut in half again. vertically.

SOLLUX: are you goiing two come back? SOLLUX: ju2t 2o ii know how much 2tupiid two prepare for.

ERIDAN: wwhy ERIDAN: are you goin

SOLLUX: yeah.

ERIDAN: oh

he stands, shoves his hands in his pockets and looks out across the floor. the edges of the room have blurred already as your dream bubble comes into contact with another - your next stop, it seems, now that sollux is readying himself to wake up.

ERIDAN: ill probably be back at some fuckin point ERIDAN: keep gettin this fuckin dream bubble anyway dont i ERIDAN: got no fuckin choice in the matter

SOLLUX: ok. SOLLUX: well. 2ee ya.

he takes a step, then tenses as if stunned. he thinks, for a minute, and, then, you note with a hint of irritation, two

ERIDAN: wwhat

SOLLUX: 2ay, ED. you want two joiin an army?

is this some kind of joke?

ERIDAN: wwhat the fuck are you talkin about sol ERIDAN: i don't knoww if you remember but last time i wwas trusted wwith anythin i killed two a our friends

you're a little more angry than you need to be, actually. it just seems kind of cruel - to mention something you made no secret about aspiring towards when you know for a fact it would ruin you.

ERIDAN: oh and almost betrayed all a you ERIDAN: havve two say sol that wwasnt your brightest idea

hold on. did you just-? sollux is smirking. you did. fuck.

SOLLUX: you thiink ii wwouldnt keep an eye on you?

that bastard. that mutantblooded bulgepan.

ERIDAN: dont need anyone to keep an eye on me ERIDAN: i am PERFECTLY FUCKIN CAPABLE a handlin myself ERIDAN: BUT since you CLEARLY need someone to guide your stupid nook through the complexities a war ERIDAN: ill come with you ERIDAN: cmon then ERIDAN: lets go

you stand, too, brushing off your pants and chancing a glance his way. he's still smirking, but it's different, somehow. you're not going to think about it.

SOLLUX: 2ure thiing. let2 go.

you walk in time, towards the merging of the bubbles. the look he gives you is more of a question and the nod you return is an answer. when you step forward, you're both looking forwards, his claws still buried in your scarf.

[gamkan]

This Must Stop

Author: Unknown

Source: fyeahgamzeekanaya (deleted blog)

Additional: based on a doodle dump made by Nutellaavenger (now called ophibell-old-blog-blog-blog, abandoned account)

~~~~~~~~~~

Another body on the floor.

She was getting tired of this sight. No. She was tired of this sight. So tired. Her dull eyes followed the indigo splatters that surrounded the body in front of her. The scent was overwhelming; her head was reeling and it almost felt as if her heart were still pounding with excitement, excitement and blood-lust. What a conflicting emotion. These new instincts she had were telling her to do to Gamzee what she had done to Feferi. To Terezi. To Sollux, most recently. Drink. Her vision was blurring at the edges.

Come on, just drink.

The craving was there, it wasn’t a thing she could ignore, but she did not feel the same way she did those three other times - like she was outside her body, just looking at herself bite down her friends’ necks and took control halfway through it to avoid a catastrophe. She didn’t leave her body this time. This was her, all her, shaking slightly at the amazing scent filling her nose, licking her lips…

…Looking at Gamzee’s bloodied body on the floor.

Karkat’s voice reached her ears almost as a distant buzz. Poor Karkat, there was still panic in his voice, it cracked even when he had yelled at her and sent her to do whatever as long as it was away from him as he sat down at Vriska’s computer.

Vriska. She was gone too. Lying face down in a blue pool of her own blood that was still growing even right now. She was gone and the last thing she had done to her had been punching her on the face.

Vriska. Gamzee.

Tavros, Equius, Nepeta, Eridan, Feferioh God there’s only us left.

She felt her knees weaken but she did not fall. She would not fall. Not even as the overpowering feeling of loneliness hit her. No, no, Karkat did not need this. She needed to be strong, she would remain strong for his sake. To be his support. They had already lost so much, she could not let go now, she could not be a new weight on his shoulders.

“Shit sister, what are you doing all up in my grill?”

“I am not ‘in your grill’ Gamzee, I am fixing your hair.”

“It’s all over your face again…” She kneeled down next to the body, brushing a blood-drenched lock of wavy black hair out of the trolls eyes. Closed eyes.

Leaning her back against the wall, Kanaya did her best to mask her giggles as she watched Eridan peruse a number of books she had lent him so he could properly chose what kind of wand he wanted. Her prankometer was definitly rising and saying she was pleased was an understatement.

Also, Eridan was making quite the silly faces.

“Call the High Subjugglators, we have a fucking miracle case, Kanzers is laughing.”

He really needed to stop coming out of nowhere like that. Kanaya jumped slightly before shushing the taller troll. “Be quiet Gamzee, or else Eridan will hear you.”

Gamzee grinned dopily at her, leaning against the wall as well because shit, standing up is fucking exhausting. “Oh shit, is this something my seadweller bro isn’t supposed to know of? What are you so fucking giddy about?”

Kanaya bit her lower lip, throwing a quick glance back at Eridan and leaning over Gamzee slightly, lowering her voice. “Do you feel capable of keeping a secret?”

“Lay it on me motherfucker.” Gamzee’s voice came out in a whisper out of pure mimetism.

“I am playing a practical joke on Eridan. He believes I will manufacture him a wand with magical properties when in fact it will merely be a fancy piece of wood. He has no idea.”

“Aw shit, what’s the motherfucker gonna do?”

“That is the hilarious punchline of this whole entreprise.”

“What are you guys talking about?”

Both trolls immediatly straightened up, one of them doing so faster and more guiltily than the other, but they were both equally greeted by Eridan’s Lifted Eyebrow of Judgement. Gamzee laughed, stepping to the side, slightly hiding Kanaya from view and waving his hand as if he wanted to dismiss the matter.

“Hey my broseidon, it’s nothing, I was just telling Kanzers here some secrets to get them out of my hair, you know?”

“…. Right. Anyway, Kan,” He handed her a sheet of paper with various notes scribbled over it, as well as a rather detailed sketch of a wand. “Here are the guidelines I came up with for our little project. I also included a helpful sketch so the overall look of it goes well with my outfit. You understand of course.”

“Naturally.”

“Well… I guess I’ll let Gam get rid of whatever he needs to get rid of. Thanks again Kan, it means a lot. See you around Gam.”

“Can’t stop the motion of the ocean, bro”

“Whatever.” Eridan left, his cape bellowing dramatically behind him. But unbeknowst to the purple blooded troll, there was more than one secret going on there.

Once he was done waving good-bye, Gamzee turned to face Kanaya again, the same sleepy grin plastered on his face, as usual. He looked down.

Using his body as a shield to hide the maneuvre from prying eyes, one sneaky hand had wormed its way behind him, and one even sneakier little finger had hooked around a slimmer one. Keeping such a contact, Gamzee lifted up their hands.

“To seal the motherfucking promise, girl.”

“For fuck’s sake Kanaya you just ate!”

It was a good thing her face was currently hidden in the crook of Gamzee’s neck. Like that Karkat could think she had given in to her very obvious need for blood. It was better this way.

Karkat didn’t need to see she was crying.

Gamzee’s limp hand was laying on her lap, his body still pulsing with some leftover warmth. That messy mane of hair she had tried to tame to no avail so often in the past now was the very thing shielding her from view. It was almost laughable. In another situation, she probably would have laughed. Gamzee’s hair was keeping her secret. God this was ridiculous. She was ridiculous. And she was about to become even more ridiculous.

“Keep this last secret for me Gamzee,” Her voice came in choked, hushed sobs. Look at her, how pathetic, talking to a sad, bloodied, dead clown. “Karkat… he can’t know but… I won’t be able to keep strong if I don’t-… we’ve lost so much.” Her hands tightened their grip on him.

“I… have lost so much.”

And god, his skin was still somewhat warm. It was almost too cruel. She told herself that maybe he was still there, not totally gone yet. Maybe he could still hear her. Telling herself that he could made her feel better, as meaningless as that was in their situation.

“This must stop,” she whispered almost into his hear. She was talking to him. For him. For her friend. For the troll she wanted to believe was still somewhere inside that broken body. “I will make it stop. Somehow, I will protect all of you.”

She wormed her hand into his and hooked their pinkies.