#erinsstory

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bored on a Sunday night: a boring series It's been great and it's been fun, but my time here is done -Erin

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i still do

okay so i havent been on here in approximately FOREVER! so just to preface (is that even the right word) this post is about to get pretty dark and dumb, which im sure i will regret later and want to delete but whatever so here it goes...

SOOO i was recently reading through my journal and there were a lot of little snippets of it that really stuck out to me so i though i would share them and maybe talk about them a little bit because im in a mood and this seems like the only way to go about doing it so lets just jump right in 

“im tired of being sad”  wow what a way to start this, one of like the saddest things i think i read of my writing. i never realized before how emotionally and physically draining it is to be sad. it actually takes a lot of effort to be upset and it sucks. 

“i wish i was happier with myself” okay well lets just keep up with the really depressing things in my journal why dont we because that seems to be the theme. its honestly heartbreaking to see some of the things i have written and 100% of the time i dont even know where these feelings come from. 

“i dont know how to be happy” i in NO way, shape or form have a crappy life of any sort so i feel like i have no excuse to be feeling the way i do but i fucking do and it sucks. i guess you dont have to have a reason for being sad, but i personally feel like i have to justify why i feel these things 

“i want to change but i dont know how” alright quick shout out to my girl aubry. i have noticed so much lately how confident and positive of a person she is and it makes me happy everyday to see how much she loves herself and i wish i could be more like her!! teach me your ways babeeee

“everyone says ill be okay one day, but when will that day come” yeahh so i hate being told that time helps and stuff like that (even though im a hypocrite and probably have said the same things to people before) because then i feel like i just sit around waiting for things to change, but thats not how the world works. i just need to get off my ass and do something about it but i guess i dont know how :/

okay this is a dumb one and i feel like a middle schooler putting this on here but fuck it.. “of course the one time i actually make an effort to have a relationship with a guy he leaves in four days” true story, i met an actually really nice guy and of fucking course hes just in town for an internship and is leaving this weekend to go back home/school. just my luck. 

i hate going back and reading these things because it hurts to see that i ever felt these things but mostly im mad that i still do 

its been great and its been fun but my time here is done 

-Erin 

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random late night thoughts 😳

I was reading through questions on a website for no apparent reason and one of them was “what’s your biggest fear?” My default answer has always been “dying” but when I actually sat there and thought about it, it’s not really that my biggest fear is dying (it is scary) but I think my biggest fear is not living my life to the fullest. This is literally the cheesiest thing and I’m sorry you are reading this right now. But I think that’s my biggest fear and I hope one day I won’t be able to say that because I hope to be living my life to the fullest because this is the only life I have (that I know of)...... It’s been great and it’s been fun but my time here is done 💙 Erin

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i miss the warm weather when everything was better It’s been great and it’s been fun but my time here is done <3 Erin

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how do you make friends in college?

So I go to a community college, which in my opinion isn’t the “traditional” college experience of being trapped in a room with a random person for four years (which sounds awful btw). Anyway so I feel like in the traditional college atmosphere it’s a lot easier to make friends because it’s basically like high school because you are seeing, mostly, the same people everyday so you have that advantage to make friends. However, in community college you may just see someone once a week for 18 weeks and that’s it…how the hell are you supposed to make friends that way???!!??? Beats me. Anyway in my college 100 class (which is basically like an orientation first year class you are required to take) we had to make goals to work on this semester. One of my personal goals was to talk to people more so I have been trying to talk to people more in my classes and be less socially awkward lol. So I have a nice little story to tell. Today I had English at 9 in the morning and we did peer revising of essays and one of the girls in my group is super nice and we talked quite a bit. After class we were walking out together and I asked if she had another class and she said not until 11, and my next class wasn’t until 12. So I asked if she wanted to go to the coffee shop with me and hang out until her class and she said…yes!! It was wild. I never do stuff like that, I’m so antisocial! We walked up to the coffee shop up the street from campus and found out we actually have another class together that we didn’t even know about, what are the odds lol! Anyway thought this was a nice lil update on my day and I feel bad I haven’t posted in a while so here you go. I’ll try to update more!! It’s been great and it’s been fun but my time here is done

[happyliviin-blog]

how to be happy

*warning long post* I feel like this post is going to sound like one Mackinzie made recently but whatever. I've tried to post two times before this and it's not working for some reason so hopefully this one works. Anyway, I've noticed a lot lately that I'm definitely not as happy as I have been before so I want to come up with a list of things that I'm going to do that will hopefully make me happier with myself and my life. Not necessarily a list of goals just a list of things I want to try and do differently(sounds basically like a goal but I feel like it's different lol). I saw a tumblr post a while back that was a list of things to do with someone else and it was like each week you do something off the list that's supposed to be something you haven't done before. Anyway here's my list... ◉gut my room!! Right now my room is a hot mess and I have so much shit I just want to get rid of everything and start over but I'm so attached to everything I can't do that but I just want to not feel so claustrophobia in my room ◉set a fitness goal At the beginning of the summer I was working out a lot more and was excited to keep doing it and then I stopped (stupid Erin) so I want to get back into that ◉be HAPPY with my body going along with the being happy in general idea I want to be happy with my body and who I am because I'm stuck with me ◉stop being "busy", start being productive I say I'm so busy and don't have time to do anything besides work and school but in all reality I have so much free time and need to start using my time to do things I want to do ◉go on hikes and take pretty pictures Photography is something I enjoy immensely and my sister and I have talked about hiking so I could get a nice little workout in and also take pretty pics ◉smile more Since starting college I've noticed that walking around no one really looks at each other so I want to smile more at other people to make them and me happy (I think that's a thing) ◉make to do lists The satisfaction of crossing everything off a to do list makes me endlessly happy ◉read a good book I've been in kind of a reading slump lately so I need a good book to read to get me back in the mood so hit me up if you have any suggestions ◉go outside!! Being out in nature and the fresh air makes me happy so I need to do that as much as possible before if gets cold out :/ Okay well this post has kinda been all over the place and a lot of it probably doesn't make sense so sorry!! It’s been great and it’s been fun but my time here is done <3 Erin

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stressed

Currently trapped in the car with my parents and Mack (for the next three hours) I'm sitting here and all I can think about is how I have to actually go to classes tomorrow morning..yikes..since being at the lake I've been able to procrastinate officially starting college since I've already missed the first three days but I know once we get back in Kansas City I'll get a big smack in the face from reality. Tomorrow I have to go to classes and also have to go back to work. As much as I love my job (im a swim teacher) some days I really dreading actually having to go in but once I'm there it's fine, I don't know why. I'm just weird like that. Anyway back to the rant about school. I can't really explain why I'm so nervous to start school, I think I've just gotten comfortable with high school and knowing everyone and now I'm just scared to be thrown into a whole new environment, pls let me know if other people feel this way too or if I'm just a weirdo. I'm just naturally a very anxious person so yeah thanks for reading!! It’s been great and it’s been fun but my time here is done <3 Erin

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years go by too fast

sitting at my computer blasting music trying to figure out what to write here and the song “too good” by Drake came on and this one line really stuck out to me and I was like well I might as well go with it because I got nothing else. “years go by too fast”. getting ready to start my freshman year in college I am starting to realize how precious time is and how fast it is all flying past me. friends that I have known for the past 12 years are going away to college and it hasn’t really hit me yet but I know it will soon. I am dreading the day I will actually have to wake up and go to a class. I told my sister and her boyfriend today that I am not excited for school and that I just want to power through the next two years and be done with it and now that I’m thinking about it thats a terrible idea. over the next two years i realize i might not see some of the people i’ve grown close to in the last few years but that doesn’t mean i’m not going to meet new people. personally i don’t think i’m the best at putting myself out there and meeting new people but hopefully i can get over that and have a good year in school and make the most of the time i have with the people i know and will meet in my life. 

well this is all i have for now! stay tuned for more…

It’s been great and it’s been fun but my time here is done

<3 Erin