#esp when its a situation that could theoretically happen!

[mythgirlimagines]

I wonder why it’s so hard for people to realize that when I’m scared of something, saying “that’s just silly” doesn’t magically make that fear go away

[that-gay-jedi]

It should actually literally, in all seriousness and with no caveats, be illegal to have a society in which people with like 9 usable hours max on a good day have to work 8hrs/day to make rent, at that point your job is consuming your entire life in the most literal sense and esp when after stringing 5 of those together I'm usually bedridden at least half the weekend.

I feel so weird complaining about it because my current job treats me so much better than the other job I left (which was, without exaggeration, physically killing me and thank fuck I managed to bail when I did) but then if I look at it objectively instead of comparatively it's like. Even if they weren't wringing their money's worth out of every minute I'm clocked in, and believe me they are, it's still past what anyone in touch with reality would calculate as realistic.

Hell if I were being paid to pet puppies for 8 hrs/day that's still all my usable hours on my best day. That's not even getting into what happens on the days that many of my clocked in hours are stretching the definition of "usable." I'm actually quote-unquote lucky in a twisted way that I can just drain all my reserves and suffer the consequences on the weekend bc otherwise I'd be hitting fire-able levels of unproductivity or worse.

And this job has me poking my little disabled fingers around in people's bank accounts in such a way that one wrong click can create a situation that fucks somebody's life up for weeks. Previous job was more stressful because of the toxic environment but the trade off was the quality control was such trashgarbage that an abled person could probably clock in hammered drunk and be fine.

The level of responsibility here however is enough that you're never really doing it on autopilot. Hell if I *really* click the wrong thing or disclose the wrong information I could theoretically go to frickin jail. Basically every decision I make on and off the clock has to be based on what's going to allow me to remain vertical and verbal during work hours.

I know I'm absolutely not the only person who in a reasonable society would be either unemployed or working vastly reduced hours. Hell, once again it's a sick kind of privilege that I have to choose between chronic overwork and houselessness because not everybody who got priced off disability by the rising cost of living even had that choice.

I dunno pals it's just all my words like unsustainable, irrational, unhealthy and unjust are far too mild to describe our current social structures and even calling things flat-out unacceptable has kind of lost its meaning at this point.

[ofauroradreams]

a very long thought post about Liana’s magic, esp in the beginning when she first unlocks her powers and learns what’s she’s capable of

under a read-more bc it got kind of long:

Liana’s powers unlock with the death of her boyfriend.  the shock and trauma and grief of the moment cause her powers to surge and unlock themselves.  over the next couple of months, her powers fluctuate and act out randomly due to a build up and lack of control, until Liana becomes aware that she has them.

her powers are influence-based.  a powerful tool in time but Liana is only barely aware of its potential and actively controls her use of it bc she doesn’t like messing with people’s minds.

she can influence people’s perceptions of things: for example, making a chocolate milkshake taste like hot coffee; vanilla ice-cream taste like mint; grapes taste like strawberries (all real examples of development).  this can extend to how it looks or feels and so on.

she can also influence their thoughts and feelings: she chooses to do this through the use of drinks.  if someone is stressed about exams, influence a herbal tea to calm them down; if they haven’t slept, influence a tea to make them feel tired enough to sleep, if only for a few hours; if someone is struggling with a creativity block, give them a tea influenced to make them feel inspired (again, all real development examples) and so on

it’s not just limited to mental influence.  she can also influence the body to heal faster and plants to grow faster.  her healing influence only extends to non-permanent injuries, like cuts, bruises and some breaks.  any permanent damage -- hearing loss, vision loss, paralysis -- is not within her capabilities (as she grows and expands her powers, this could become possible but not so soon)

she can also “influence” an object’s location: otherwise known as teleportation.  she can also “influence” an object into existence but she’s not sure if that’s genuine or if she’s just teleporting it from somewhere in the world.  her teleportation is useful in one particular aspect (other than something like teleporting pizza in a crisis lmao): when she’s out of the house without her weapon and finds herself in a situation where she needs it: bam, teleport it into her grasp.

her powers are more instinctual at her core: and since Liana’s instinct is to defend and help people, that’s where some of the strongest abilities lie: in her healing influence, but she’s also able to shield people.  both passively, as protecting them against magic attacks; but also actively creating a magical barrier that defends against physical attacks.  she often does this on instinct, with her magic guiding her

the more she uses her powers, the stronger they become and she will eventually unlock and learn new abilities

an important note: the theory (truth?) behind her magic is that magic itself is a sentient energy, bound by different rules, that chose Liana as a specific host for some destiny that probably doesn’t exist yet and definitely hasn’t been seen.  as such, it chooses to heal her, revive her and altogether keep her alive, even if/when she dies (which has canonically happened once or twice)

other magical aspects: she can see the spirits of people trapped after their deaths, particularly around Hallowe’en.  she’s somewhat sensitive to otherworldly and inter-dimensional beings, after a whole thing of being knocked out of the planes of existence for a while.  her magic does not work against aliens from other dimensions (like the Kraang, for example).

part of her magic being sentient is that she is capable of absorbing another witch’s power.  this is mostly limited to if the witch dies and she is right there at the exact time; she theoretically could absorb a living witch’s power but would probably not choose to do so.  but this is one possible route of learning new abilities.  she does not know of this part of her magic, however, and does not seek out witches in general, never mind gaining their powers

[realmzenith]

answer All the questions for your newest oc

DEAD U HAD TO ASK FOR NEWEST DIDN’T YOU. welp in that case have ya boi eneko

What’s the maximum amount of time your character can sit still with nothing to do?he’s a patient dude! eneko can likely sit still doing nothing for as long as his physiology will allow aka until he needs to go to the bathroom or smth. he does well w low activity as he’s an introspective person

How easy is it for your character to laugh?FAIrly easy?? on a level of one to ten w one being laughs at anything that moves or doesn’t move i’d say he’s a.. 6. ok so not that easily like he IS fairly taciturn but he will smile and laugh at a good joke esp if he’s comfy around the person making it

How do they put themselves to bed at night (reading, singing, thinking?)by crying- no jk he doesn’t… cry… emotions? what are those??? (thats a lie he’s an emotional mess) he will plan for the next day, strategizing and such but that’s honestly rlly bad for him. he stresses easily. on nights when he’s got a clearer head he’ll hum softly or read if he’s not feeling too guilty abt burning off candles. he does like night walks they always clear his mind

How easy is it to earn their trust?oh oof that’s a tricky one. not that easy but at the same time- OKAy yeah just not that easily from one being the easiest to ten being the hardest he’s likely a 8

How easy is it to earn their mistrust?VERY hard. once you’ve gained his trust he will be LOYAL af to u eneko is quiet n not the most expressive but he will absolutely go down in flames for someone he’s deemed trustworthy. a solid 9. 

Do they consider laws flexible, or immovable?laws are flexible defo. he PREFERS structure but if morality trumps laws he will break them. it also helps that he’s lowkey part of a rebellion so technically his existence in the present is breaking the law

What triggers nostalgia for them, most often? Do they enjoy that feeling?god save us all. he’s a nostalgic dude so uh, oh damn i dont have backstory for him yet i made him last night rainy stop bullying me but ykw we’re doing this. flowers defo. queen anne’s lace n bluebells esp? bring back memories n also pumpkin stew. mixed memories w that one. queen anne’s lace mean sanctuary n bluebells mean gratitude which is LOWKEY ironic considering they spawn memories of burning along w memories of his older sisters so yes?? he does like remembering his sisters but no not in that context. the stew is a weird reminder of his first love n that’s. also complicated 

What were they told to stop/start doing most often as a child?talk more and talk better. he’s got a bit of habit of being short abt things and the middle sister of the fam was ALWAYS getting on his case abt no u can’t word it like that but the eldest was and is a terrible influence n absolutely encouraged it bc she found it hilarious. it’s good they love each other i swear

Do they swear? Do they remember their first swear word?yes he’s part of a rebellion and a soldier what more do u eXPECt and no he doesn’t remember his first swear word. he also doesn’t curse that much dont get me wrong. he has to be comfy around u

What lie do they most frequently remember telling? Does it haunt them?gosh uh. eneko is still v underdeveloped so i .. WELL I CANNOt tell u in the present it’s prbly smth angsty involving his sisters or his lovER but the answer to does it haunt him? yes absolutely he must Suffer :)

How do they cope with confusion (seek clarification, pretend they understand, etc)?it depends on the situation’s levity. if it’s smth important he will absolutely bluntly ask for clarification if it’s smth casual he’ll just nod and pretend like he knows what ur talkin abt bc social anxiety is a b

How do they deal with an itch found in a place they can’t quite reach?Suffer in Silence

What color do they think they look best in? Do they actually look best in that color?he doesn’t rlly think abt this. he likes green tho but he wears a lot of black (that’s partially required by his associations and partially bc idk what other colors exist thanks @ god) he looks best in hmmm red

What animal do they fear most?himSELF 

How do they speak? Is what they say usually thought of on the spot, or do they rehearse it in their mind first?he’s usually fairly forthright so he sounds like he’s saying whatever comes to mind but the reality is he says abt 1% of what he’s thinking and he won’t say things that are quite obviously rude. who knows tbh maybe he gains secret enjoyment from watching ppl squirm under his bluntness eyes emoji

What makes their stomach turn?torture n he hates the sight of bones. blood he can stand but bones? no thanks. unfort in the business they’re in he comes across both of those more than he’d like. he also hates working in the theoretical. it’s unnerving but he’s fine if someone he trusts is wading thru the abstract for him aka thank u @ kent for being the resident intuitive 

Are they easily embarrassed?nah not particularly 

What embarrasses them?if u slap his BUTT in public jkjk i mean that would embarrass him if u caught him by surprise but hmmm he doesn’t like attention if u draw attention to him he’ll freak a lil that would fluster him also excessive praise esp if it’s expressed publicly. he squirms beneath the spotlight

What is their favorite number?19. day of the month he last saw his sisters smiling

If they were asked to explain the difference between romantic and platonic or familial love, how would they do so?he’d prbly say smth deep which i cannot truly replicate but prbly smth like. “familial love is steady. it’s the mountain beneath which u were born. it’s the protection n the stability n the impossible sheer volume of it that can’t quite be comprehended. platonic love is like cords linking u to them. it’s the promise, the assurance of i will pull u up if u fall and if i can’t ill fall w u. it’s a tug o war and an anchor. romantic love is a stallion. it’s the passion and the chance but if u know how to tame it it serves to make u a better man than u could ever become on ur own. it’s the teamwork and the flames”

Why do they get up in the morning? to execute justice and to experience each new precious day he’s been gifted

How does jealousy manifest itself in them (they become possessive, they become aloof, etc)? it’s ugly when jealousy rears its head in him. he doesn’t SAY anything but his actions become more erratic and he has a harder time focusing. it’s likely he’ll become more impulsive. he’s not DANGEROUs per se but it’s not a situation u want him in

How does envy manifest itself in them (they take what they want, they become resentful, etc)? envy he’s better about. mostly bc unlike w jealousy he doesn’t already have the thing. it’s smth he’ll just push down and soldier thru like he does w most uncomfy things in his life

Is sex something that they’re comfortable speaking about? To whom? oh MY GOD DONT TALK ABT SEX that’s SCANDALOUS- the answer is no he finds it unprofessional in his line of work but he would be comfortable discussing it w his s/o

What are their thoughts on marriage? good. he approves. however, for himself he finds the prospect unlikely considering the high risk nature of what he’s involved himself w. he expects to die before 35 in all seriousness

What is their preferred mode of transportation? in the sweet embrace of death horseback

What causes them to feel dread? the knowledge that everything’s falling apart. that fate and circumstance are slowly but surely chipping away at the very foundation of what u live for and there’s absolutely nothing u can do to stop it. also freaking the appearance of the antagonist or his minions

Would they prefer a lie over an unpleasant truth? in theory? no. in practice? he’s actually p sensitive that’s a difficult one to answer. it would greatly depend on the circumstance but in the long run he prefers the truth

Do they usually live up to their own ideals? yes but in his own eyes, no. he holds himself to extremely high standards and is very self critical. also he has rlly unachievable ideals he’s a lil bit idealistic beneath the guise of realism

Who do they most regret meeting? ohohOHO jk i have no idea not there yet in the story but prbly the antagonist he’s a b

Who are they the most glad to have met? funnily enough? he could almost say the antagonist. he’s the reason why eneko’s working as hard as he is for what he is. without the introduction of the antagonist he would’ve been oblivious to the terrible injustice around him and likely ended up a victim by some obscure mindless death order. however the person he truly admires is the rebel member who took him under her wing however she’s still in the works so i can’t give u much on her

Do they have a go-to story in conversation? Or a joke? i don’t think so, no

Could they be considered lazy? NOPE not in any sense of the word. eneko works extremely hard. he’s v dedicated n dutiful

How hard is it for them to shake a sense of guilt? oh, very hard. he’s naturally altruistic so he tends to take failures to heart and internalize them and considering the dangerous line of work he’s in he oftens has guilt building up inside him. he’ll likely carry it w him for the rest of his life once he’s decided to be guilty abt smth. if someone doesn’t help him w it it can break him down in ugly ways

How do they treat the things their friends come to them excited about? Are they supportive? yes!! he’s a pure son. you’ll definitely get a smile out of him if smth good has happened to u. he’s very supportive of his friends. he would die for his friends and likely all of u i just want u all to know this 

Do they actively seek romance, or do they wait for it to fall into their lap?neither. he finds seeking romance irresponsible w his lifestyle. as i previously stated he expects to die young

Do they have a system for remembering names, long lists of numbers, things that need to go in a certain order (like anagrams, putting things to melodies, etc)? he has fairly good memory esp w faces! but otherwise? i would say he learns best by touch. he’s a tactile person and also fairly auditory. music defo helps him remember things

What memory do they revisit the most often? prbly the day he separated from his sisters. it’s not a particularly good memory but it’s seared in his mind

How easy is it for them to ignore flaws in other people? he doesn’t ignore ppl’s flaws per se? he’s p perceptive so it’s difficult for him to just turn a blind eye at least within his own mind but eneko is v tolerant of ppl and accepting. even if he dislikes u it’s doubtful you’ll know he’s fairly good at keeping up the same respect for most everyone he comes in contact w. but yeah? he knows what flaws are there but he will simply accept ppl bc he knows everyone, including himself, esp himself, has many flaws

How sensitive are they to their own flaws?oh oof yeah he’s?? a p sensitive guy so while he recognizes his own faults jabs to his weak spots will hurt him and he’ll prbly sit on the accusation or callout for days esp if someone accuses him of being selfish or immoral or not having done enough for the ppl he cares abt (smth along those lines) he’d absolutely hate that. but if u tell him he’s blunt he’s going to be like im well aware of that

How do they feel about children? he’s SUCH A DAD he loves kids and he’s rlly good w them they love him bc he’s SOFT ok but he doesn’t plan on having them himself even tho he’d like to for the exact same reasons he isn’t pursuing romance/marriage

How badly do they want to reach their end goal? enough that he’d die to reach it

If someone asked them to explain their sexuality, how would they do so?eneko is either demi or grasexual w pan preferences. he’s also panromantic. if someone asked for explanation he’d be like “i’m attracted to people of all genders” and just leave it at that unless ofc they were like RLLY curious or smth but he doesn’t rlly consider himself demi or pan or anything he just knows he isn’t straight LOL

QUESTIONS FOR CREATORS

A) Why are you excited about this character?…strong silent type. that’s all i have to sayB) What inspired you to create them?i’ve taken some inspiration from other characters from shows, etc. i’ve written so he’s a bit of a love child of the best of my musesC) Did you have trouble figuring out where they fit in their own story?im still figuring it out so that’s a probable yesD) Have they always had the same physical appearance, or have you had to edit how they look?he’s been edited a bit there were a few reincarnations of him like at first he had straight black hair in an undercut style but now it’s WAVY and dark brown and he also got darker. id say he’s like latino w a lil african blood this is esp amusing considering i literally created him last nightE) Are they someone you would get along with? Would they get along with you?i think we’d get along alright if we could get past the initial awkwardness bc we’re both kind of crap at interpersonal relationships actually he isn’t that bad it’s mostly me and i THINK he might find me slightly abrasive n energetic (even tho im PLOT TWIST low energy compared to most extroverts) but he’s tolerant it wouldn’t be too badF) What do you feel when you think of your OC (pride, excitement, frustration, etc)?love…. i love my soft boi i usually hate my ocs aka i would slap them if given the chance but eneko? deserves happinessG) What trait of theirs bothers you the most?he is not real in general and non existent in actual writing as of the present. the latter tragedy i will soon solve. in all seriousness it’s prbly his bluntness it has the tendency to give me second hand embarrassmentH) What trait do you admire most?his tolerance and patience i have none loLI) Do you prefer to keep them in their canon universe?for now, yes! i dont have a solid grasp of him so until then he’ll stay where he was BIRTHEDJ) Did you have to manipulate or exclude canon factors to allow them to create their character?not rlly! the entire story he’s in is still in the works so everything’s rlly flexible

[uicyoulater]

Yonsei How To Pt 18 - Commuting To/From Songdo

EDIT: BUS AND TRAIN INFO HAS CHANGED SOMEWHAT OVER TIME. THIS ADVICE AND GENERAL NUMBERS ARE STILL THE SAME, BUT COULD BE DIFFERENT (as this was written way too long ago)

For at least your freshman year, if not longer, you will live in the beautiful little city of Songdo. Songdo is great. It has restaurants, shops, good public transport, DFK, Underwood Library, and anything else you may need on a daily basis. You know what it doesn’t have? The rest of Yonsei. 

Major or school events will often happen in Sinchon. Anything historic will happen in Sinchon. Any festival will have its main activities in Sinchon. Your sunbaes will be in Sinchon. Even clubs that hold some meetings in Songdo will often hold large full-club meetings or dinners in Sinchon. Oh, and you want to go out on the weekends with friends in Seoul? The first and easiest choices are Sinchon or Hongdae for most Yonsei students. (Hongdae is also just one subway stop/walkable from Sinchon and Yonsei)

This trip could take only an hour in very low traffic, as seen by the Kakao/Daum maps estimate. (Note that I map to the sports building because 1) that’s where I’m usually going when I commute and 2) it’s about in the middle) This is a lie unless you have a car and are driving at a pretty calm time. Which you won’t ever. Traffic is the worst enemy.

I must preface this with the fact that I did one of these trips at least 2 times a week (except exam weeks) because I was in a club. (Yes there were Songdo practices, but the timing, skill level, and age/grade level were all better in Sinchon). I don’t exactly have a fav way, just some ways that I know are better at certain times or for certain things. Okay, that’s a lie. I do have a fav way. So, here are the best possible ways to get to Sinchon/Songdo and when to use them in no particular order.

1.      Free Yonsei Shuttle Bus

This bus comes and goes pretty often during the weekdays for most of the day. It is also free! BUT you “must” reserve a space on the bus through the online portal system. I say “must” because, if the bus isn’t crowded or it is an unpopular time, you can theoretically just line up and get on in after the people who have reserved seats. For popular times you can’t really do this. Also, if you do sign up, which you really should, you need to be very, very quick about signing up since some popular spots can go in about 20 min or less. Also, if you’re coming from class or a meeting or want to get coffee after a club practice and something causes you to miss the bus then there’s nothing you can do. Also, if it’s rush hour then this will slow down the bus. Overall, this is positive if you know your schedule in advance and are willing to go through hassles.

Pros: Quick (just running between campuses), Free

Cons: Reserve seating, limited spots, limited times, no weekends/late nights, rigid schedule

When to Ride: When you know your schedule in advance or are not coming/going at a busy time

Better Commute to Songdo or Sinchon: Better To Sinchon/Neutral

2.      UIC Only Shuttle

This one sounds better, right? UIC only, so less competition and easier? No. First, this bus must be reserved as well through a Google doc up to a week before in some cases. It’s not as competitive, but not all that much easier and more flexible. You also have to pay for it (with a kinda confusing system) and it runs only a few times a day. Same warning about rush hour. Granted, this system is still very young, so it will probably grow as time goes by and get a lot better if it continues well. 

Pros: Less competitive, Quick

Cons: Rigid and sparse schedule, reserve seating, very limited times, confusing, no weekends/late nights

When to Ride: Ehhhh……When you have a club or meeting at the exact right time for this or are using it to go to a UIC class in Songdo.

Better Commute to Songdo or Sinchon: Neutral (dependent on time of day)

3.      M-Bus

Oh, the dear M6724 bus. This used to be the best thing around. Before my time, the school gave out free bus vouchers to Songdo students. When I started a year ago, the route basically ran in a loop with the Songdo Yonsei campus and the front of the Sinchon Yonsei campus as its end points. It still stops both places, but it now goes as far as Seoul station in one direction and goes around the whole of Songdo at the end. Of the public transport options, this is the easiest since there are no transfers. It can also be the longest with almost 2 hours if not more during rush hour going into Seoul and twice the price of the subway. It is still great though if you give yourself enough time to take it (For 6:30 meetings on Thursdays I always try to leave at 4:30 at the latest, usually earlier. If I’m early I just get a snack. 2 hours+ is a good estimate for public transport including walking at a slow pace.) Still, if you get in line at a good place then you don’t have to worry about getting a seat in advance and your timing can be more adjustable.

Pros: Easy public transport, no reserved seating, good if you have small baggage, longer hours (than Yonsei buses), runs holidays/weekends, also picks up/drops off at other locations (like Hongdae)

Cons: Slowest method, fills up fast (especially in the evening), comes only every 15-20 min (if you’re on a time crunch)

When to Ride: When you 1) are carrying things, 2) are going to/from Hongdae in your club clothes, 3) a little bit drunk (not enough to puke, but enough that you just wanna sit and not have to pay attention), 4) didn’t get on the Yonsei shuttle and prefer the bus.

Better Commute to Songdo or Sinchon: Better to Songdo (esp. if you’re tired and going home)

4.      Subway (Not using Airport line)

The subway is probably my favorite thing about living in Korea. In my city we have two lines that just kind of make a + shape. Sad. (Busses would compete with that if I didn’t get queasy in buses.) To get to Sinchon from the Songdo Campus, you take three different lines either way you go. Using the non-airport method, you go on Incheon line 1 from Campus Town Station to Bupyeong Station, take Line 1 (Blue line) to Sindorim, and then take Line 2 (Green line, inner circle line) to Sinchon. If you take the express train on the blue line when going into Seoul, it can take as little at 1 hour and 11 minutes (not including walking). If you take the non-express train then it will take a little longer. This is the cheapest (tied with other subway route) public transport and the fastest. It is also my favorite of all. Personally, I don’t mind transfers and I don’t ever feel sick on the subway (in case motion sickness is a thing for any of you) so I love it. If it’s raining/you don’t wanna walk, buses run from the Songdo dorms to Campus Town Station and from Sinchon Station to all of the Yonsei gates. I usually leave enough time, when I use this method, to take the non-express train if need be. (If I see that I’m running early when in Bupyeong, then I get a snack there before practice. The people at Issac toast there know me too well…)

Pros: Cheap, fast, no reserved seating, chill

Cons: Must transfer 2 times, will have to stand more, no express train to Songdo (only express to Sinchon)

When to Ride: Going to Sinchon (or anywhere on Green line), you aren’t taking too much stuff, you don’t mind standing or transferring

Better Commute to Songdo or Sinchon: To Sinchon

5.      Subway (Using airport line)

Why would you use the airport line, you ask? Because it’s actually faster in some situations and runs slightly later. This route also has two transfers, but it only really feels like 1 because the first train ride is only 1 stop away. To take this in the Songdo direction, you take Line 2 (inner circle, Green line) from Sinchon to Hongik Uni (Hongdae, only 1 stop), then Hongik to Gyeyang on the Airport line, and finally Gyeyang to Campus Town on Incheon line 1. Since Gyeyang is the beginning of Incheon line 1, the trip to Campus Town is pretty long. Overall, this method is good if you want to sit down for a longer period or are a little drunk. It’s also better if you have more stuff to carry as the Airport line has a lot of room for luggage. It’s also less crowded at night than line 1 or 2.

Pros: Cheap, fairly quick, room for stuff, long periods of rest, only 1 transfer if coming from Hongdae, almost 100% guaranteed a seat on Incheon line 1

Cons: Transfers, slower than express train if going to Sinchon, having to go through Hongik station at night

When to Ride: Coming home from Sinchon later, but not too late ( the last train around 11:20pm, but aim for 11 just in case), when you’re kinda drunk but not throw-up drunk, if you have lots of stuff

Better Commute to Songdo or Sinchon: Better to Songdo

 When in doubt, leave yourself 2 hours total for the subway, 1.5 hours for Yonsei busses (in non-rush hour and if you have a seat), and 2.25-2.5 hours for Mbus when there’s some traffic. This should include walking times if you are going/coming from the middle of Yonsei campus and walk at a good pace.

Do not take any of these if you are wasted or even think you might hurl. They will not allow you on or kick you off later. There are places you can wait/hang out/sober up in both Songdo and Sinchon until the transport system starts up in the morning.

[peristeron]

so y’all its time for the rare “maybe i need to re-examine my dæmon form" time with mala, thoughts under the cut

right, so. for those not in the know, who happen to decided to poke into this out of curiousity — i use the dæmon forum’s methods, which are basically taking the whole thing as a personality typing dealio, for self-reflection and shit. for the past several years i’ve been solidly settled as a tawny frogmouth, and before that, before the shift in analysis style i was a palm cockatoo

BUT recently i’ve been noticing some thought patterns i think i’ve pretty much always had but never entirely paid much attention to or noticed, namely some stuff relating to being image-oriented, particularly when i’m actually dealing with conflicts and not running the fuck away or otherwise avoiding the shit out of them. this isn’t something i ever considered about myself because generally i hate the spotlight and am so conflict-avoidant that the competitiveness that almost always goes along with being image-oriented doesn’t fit me At All

however

i’ve been noticing as a pattern through the past few months just how much i am Deeply Concerned with how things will Look, even when i feel generally past the point of going through the motions/playing the social game/doing my usual sugarcoating that is a lot more purposeful and careful than it probably seems. i Care about how i’m going to look to a theoretical Audience, to the point that it will utterly stress me out in some environments to the point of turning into a slug (see: dreamwidth). i want to make sure my shit is water-tight, i want to make sure that i come out looking Good. which, given internet culture (and especially dreamwidth and tumblr cultures), makes sense, especially for someone whose brain spends 75% of its activity centered on Avoiding Stress/Conflict/Unpleasant Things. if facing something Unpleasant and actively getting involved, it makes sense to not want things to get More Unpleasant due to one’s own phrasing or actions, etc.

anyway

one of my biggest problems with form finding, right, is that my cognitive functions are INFJ and my enneagram is 6w7. that isn’t a combination that’s very common and, from what i can tell, is viewed as kind of weird. i’ve re-examined both of these things (bc i try to avoid quizzes with personality typings and instead try and figure out how the systems work to pick The Most Accurate One, bc im that nerd), and i’m pretty heckin solid on it. but because its an uncommon and weird combo, it can make form finding difficult — bc finding an analysis that has the right combination of weird INFJ/6w7 traits is ............ yeah

NOW FINALLY ON TO THE GOOD SHIT

so i’m poking around on the spreadsheet, bc i know it isnt infallible but its a handy resource to get started with, and i keep pulling up things that are absolute duds. and then im like, “coyote, sure, lets just fuckin look” bc its listed as infj and 6. the analysis linked to that needs some editing, but doesn’t seem egregiously wrong and ... weirdly ... fits more than i expected. so out of curiousity, i popped over to the other two coyote analyses, both of which were written by forum analysis experts

and i stare. because this is............ hmm. it isnt a Perfect Fit, at least i dont think so, but its............... its more on point than i really expected. wtf. the other analysis doesn’t fit nearly as well, which i wonder how much of that is really down to differing interpretations or if it’s because of............. something else idk, but ironically that’s the one that has infj listed in the coyote’s possible mbti. this one doesn’t, but is more accurate to me. /scratches head

this is just So Weird to me bc i’d largely like. not........... considered a canine for myself before, not seriously, not since i got started and went through the “Maybe I’m A Wolf” phase. i’ve been birds for the longest time. but the birds that worked for me before (tawny frogmouth, mourning dove, though that second one fit a lot less closely) are distinctly missing the image-oriented stuff. and the bird analyses i know that definitely do center on it too much. so looking outside of birds, let alone finding one that fits as well as that coyote analysis, is just.................. Weird. it feels so Weird

it even nails something that, like. i never looked too closely in regards to myself bc i didnt like it:

¤ Possessive (revisited) Only some coyotes are territorial year round, but all are territorial during breeding season. Although there's not a lot of information out there on the subject, it appears that coyotes are territorial of the core 10% of their territory year round (usually where the den is located). How aggressively a coyote defends its territory will depend on available resources. In times of plenty, they're more lax; when food is scarce, they're less welcoming. Similarly, coyote people are not Possessive with a capital P, but they are possessive of things they see as uncommon or unique to them. The more obscure the interest or thing, the more possessive they are. Finding someone who shares these interests makes them feel like their individuality is being threatened. In contrast, when something is really popular or common, they don't expect it to be "their" thing and aren't upset by others embracing it. Basically, you could call them conditionally possessive.

SWEATS..................... LOUDLY. i. yeah. this is a kneejerk reaction i have. its not as uniform/regular/predictable as that, and i really need to pay more attention to that feeling and analyze it more when it happens, but i uh. sometimes........... i......... yeah

like. typically, i am not a jealous person. 97% of the time, i dont get jealous about my relationships, to the point that polyamory is a very real possibility for me and has been a thing for me in the past. but occasionally. occasionally. i’ll get... possessive a bit. and a bit jealous, wanting to helicopter and wanting to demand All The Person’s Time, No, Play With Meeeeeeee. i dont let myself do this, ever, because i know its Bad and it feels extremely uncomfortable to feel it to begin with. and there are some things i’ll get weirdly possessive about, usually more along the route of ideas kinda thing. i get the whole insecurity about “if this other person does the thing, then everyone’s going to like them more than me, and no one will like me any more because that person is better than me.” which is bullshit but i haven’t figured out how to bury it yet

squints off............... also i wanna talk about this:

¤ Competitive  ... Coyote people are competitive by nature. They want to succeed and have trouble enjoying themselves if they're losing or struggling. This might cause them to drop activities they find difficult while focusing on what they're good at. They have a habit of comparing their achievements to their peers', which can lead to motivation or jealousy. They want to be the best in their field (or at least feel comfortable with their status), and they'll do what they can to stay there.

again, like i said earlier — being competitive isn’t something i typically consider a trait i have. i dont like conflict, competition feels way too much like conflict to me, i dont like negative attention, etc. ..................... but. b u t. the way this is phrased here? the bolded shit? which is pretty much the entire thing? y...eah. this hits it right on the fuckin head for me. i avoid competition because i hate losing and dont trust my reactions when im not doing well in a competition situation. i avoid things i’m bad at for the same reason (and bc feeling like a failure, bad thought spirals, perfectionism (which is also a trait in this analysis), etc). and, here’s the kicker, even if i’m not participating in something competitive at all, i’m still constantly comparing myself to other people, esp other people who are doing similar things to me (such as, say, role-playing courier six, the most open-ended player character in the bethesda fallouts and thus why am i comparing my OC to other OCs that’s fucking stupid). i may not feel like i want to be The Best One (is that bc i have no ambition/drive, which is a thing, or is it bc i have a huge amount of self-worth problems and therefore can’t imagine myself as being The Best and besides i wouldn’t want that pressure to be and stay The Best) — but i want to feel comfortable and safe in a status of being One Of The Better Ones, or even just One Of The Good Ones. and i want to maintain that status because i hate change (even if i can deal with it after some adjusting)

again — all of this is shit i’ve never wanted to really look too closely at or even admit too much, but it’s been there for a very long time, so its not like i’m magically developing this. its just............. that i’ve ignored it. and now im starting to be more honest with myself about it and its raising a lot of questions

anyway i may not be a goofy af looking bird guys i may be a clumsy, goofy coyote. ???????????????????????????????????