#especially with 20 hours of rehearsal a week on top of other classes

[thepencilnerd]

- 𝐄𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐛𝐨𝐝𝐲 𝐓𝐚𝐥𝐤𝐬 3 -

➳ Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3 || Part 4

➳ Pairing: Mark Tuan x Reader

➳ Summary: AU! The members of GOT7 take a year off from being idols and decide to go back to school. Mark is the jerk with a temper, but what happens when he meets a girl with an attitude to match his own?

➳ Genre: AU, fluff, angst, enemies to lovers

➳ Word Count: 2.7k 

➳ Warnings: Swearing

➳ Really Really- WINNER

a/n: Masterlist & links to other parts can be found @ my main URL

Cracking the egg on the side of the bowl, I whisked in the diced carrots, chives, bell peppers, and red onions into the omelet and poured it onto the pan. It was Saturday morning and I was distracting myself from my impending doom by cooking.

“Breakfast on a lazy Saturday?” Claire yawned. Tying her bird’s nest of a bed head into a makeshift bun, she clasped her hands over her heart in an exaggerated manner. “My best friend is truly the best.” 

Laughing at her antics, I flipped the omelet and slid it onto her plate. She pressed her hands together and bowed forcefully before digging in. 

“Slow down,” I chuckled, pouring her a glass of juice. “You’re going to choke on a piece of carrot.” 

“I will die a happy fat bunny,” she said with a full mouth. Crinkling my face in fake disgust, I wiped the corner of her mouth with a napkin and laughed. 

“What time are you leaving?” Claire asked, taking a break to sip her juice. “You don’t want to be late for your study date.” 

I glared at her slightly but couldn’t help and laugh at her wiggling eyebrows. Shaking my head, I sighed and began doing the dishes. “It’s not a date, Claire.”

“Well, what time are you leaving? Hello? Earth to Y/N?” 

“I’m leaving in—” I craned my neck to glance at the living room clock. “10 minutes.”

She crammed the last few pieces of egg into her mouth and quickly got up to snatch the dishes from me. “Go go go go go-” 

“Claire, it’s okay—” I chocked through my laughter. “I’m not going to be late, don’t worry.”

She responded with grumbled words and spat out a few pieces of onions and bell peppers. She then chewed, swallowed, and then paused before resuming to talk again, now much more understandable. “Just get there early and wait while drinking some coffee. I’ll do the dishes and clean up, so go!”

Rolling my eyes, I glowered at her before changing, then was practically thrown out of my own apartment. Living at a ten-minute walking distance from the college made Claire and I grateful, but also forced us to go to classes every day, as we didn’t have any excuse not to. The only exceptions were the rare instances that we got sick or class was canceled. 

The entire stroll to campus was filled with anxiety and light panic, to say the least. Would I be able to control my temper around Mark? Was he even going to be there? Did he know I was going to be the one helping them? What if I get mad and lash out on everyone else in the group? Swallowing my worries, I shut them out and found myself already at the entrance.

The door to the coffee shop jingled open and I was surprised to see that it was pretty empty. There were a few regulars huddled in their groups, but the usually bustling weekend scenery was now quiet and calm. Greeting the cashier, I ordered 8 iced coffees and brought them to the largest group table. 

“Idiot,” I facepalmed. “What if they don’t even drink coffee?” Getting up and grabbing packets of sugar and cream, I placed them in sets along the drinks and waited. Almost immediately, the door opened and a group of guys walked in, the tallest locking eyes with me. 

“Y/N!” Jaebum greeted, the guys following him as they all walked towards the table. Everyone wore smiles and cheery grins except for Mark, of course. 

“Wow!” BamBam squealed. “You bought us drinks?”

I nodded and smiled in response, all of a sudden feeling shy for some unknown reason.

“You shouldn’t have,” Jackson wailed. 

“And she laid out the cream and sugars for us,” Youngjae awed.

Shuffling into their seats, Jaebum sat on my left and Jackson sat to my right, organizing the circle table so that the seating order was me, Jackson, Youngjae,  Jinyoung, Mark, BamBam, Yugyeom, and Jaebum. Of course, the cheeky bastards had arranged the seats perfectly so that Mark was sat directly across from me, causing him to shift uncomfortably in his seat.

“I’m Yugyeom by the way,” the new face introduced. “I was sick on the first day, so my apologies for the late greeting.” 

“Oh, it’s alright,” I smiled, grateful for his cheery and polite demeanor. “My friend told me about you guys.”

At this, everyone looked at me with their eyebrows raised in surprise; even Mark. 

“Yeah, she’s a bit of a fan.” Rubbing the back of my neck and forcing laughter, I prayed that someone- anyone- would change the topic. 

“So that means you really didn’t know who we were when you first met us?” Jinyoung asked with wide eyes. “Woah.”

“That’s so cool!” BamBam laughed. “We haven’t felt that normal in years.”

The group erupted into a warm fit of laughter that helped me relax a little bit. 

“Sorry about that, I don’t really listen to—” 

“Don’t apologize,” Jaebum assured. “You don’t have to know who we are. If anything, it feels nice when someone gets to know you for who you are, not just for what record label you’re signed under.” 

“Or how handsome you are,” Jackson added.  “Or how much money you make,” said Youngjae.

“Or your savage personality,” Jinyoung quipped.

“Or how adorable you are,” Yugyeom and BamBam said in unison, high-fiving each other but then earning a smack on the head from Mark and Jinyoung, respectively. 

“I’m glad I could help with that,” I giggled at their impish nature, but then I remembered that we still had to study. “Should we go over the lecture notes?”  

Nodding in unison, I started going over the key points from last week’s abnormal psych presentation, I couldn’t help but notice how calm Mark seemed today. He hadn’t glared at me, yet- and seemed like he was actually somewhat paying attention to my makeshift lecture. Almost as if he was refusing to meet my gaze, he never made eye contact with me for an entire hour and kept his focus glued on his notebook. We took a few breaks here and there and talked about each other’s personal lives more. Apparently, they were attending as undeclared majors and taking a few classes that they found interesting. 

Once we got to the topic of their lives the year before, I was nearly taken aback as they talked about it as if it were a live-action movie. Their idol lives sounded even more hectic and unbearable than a working college student’s; constantly being watched by the public eye, not having an inch of privacy for themselves, pushing through grueling daily rehearsals with extra training hours, and not even being allowed to do normal things like date or go out to parties. Add on the pressure of meeting their fans’ expectations and feeling as if they would never reach their own? No wonder some celebrities felt so miserable in the spotlight; it seemed like glamorized hell. 

Meanwhile, my less interesting pre-college life involved working overtime to help my parents pay rent and bills, spending weeks on end staying up late to keep up with my part-time jobs and extra homework; I even missed out on prom because I couldn’t handle any kind of large social situations or loud parties.; my anxiety always ended up getting the best of me. 

“We can’t lie and say that we don’t miss it,” BamBam said, “It’s tough, but we still love it a lot.”

Jackson and the others nodded in agreement. “I gave up everything I had set up for me just to become a trainee; fencing and a full scholarship to one of the best colleges in the world, but I wouldn’t have traded it for a thing.”

“Sometimes I really do wonder what our lives would have been like if we went to college and grew up like regular 20-year olds...” Yugyeom pondered, sipping his drink in deep thought. 

“We probably wouldn’t have even gotten to meet each other,” Youngjae responded, making the guys nod their heads at the realization.  “And we wouldn’t have gotten to watch you kick Mark’s ass on the first day of school,” Jackson chortled, choking on his coffee as Mark punched his shoulder. “Hit me again, do it—I dare you!” 

Suppressing my laughter and looking down into my hands, I blushed. “Yeah. It was-” I paused, trying to think of an appropriate word.  “—an interesting introduction, to say the least.” 

The guys started laughing again, pointing and teasing each other about their first impressions that day. Glancing slightly up to Mark, I saw that even he had a hint of a smirk playing on the edge of his lips. Taking this as a sign that I was hopefully getting on his neutral side, I felt myself relax a little. 

I couldn’t tell if it was because of the caffeine rush or how much I’d been laughing, but my face was now bright red and I was on the verge of tears. Not to mention their constant sibling-like bickering and childish insults made them the literal definition of ‘grown-up children.’

After three more hours of discussing the history and progression of psychotherapy, what typically would have been a group of mentally exhausted college students was instead a bundle of vibrant 20-year olds. Normally, I would have been completely drained and ready to knock out, especially considering it was a Saturday, but for some reason, I was much more energized and awake than I was earlier.

"Regret coming back to school already?” I asked them, scanning across their tired faces and chuckling to myself. 

“We can’t all be like you, Miss Einstein,” Jackson sighed with his hand pressed on his forehead like an actor in an overdramatized aspirin commercial. 

BamBam was practically sleeping on top of Yugyeom. “The professor is more merciful than you,” the youngest remarked in a sleepy voice, snapping awake when Jinyoung scowled at him, probably sending a telepathic message for him to wake up before he was killed in his sleep. 

“The devil works hard, but Y/N works harder,” BamBam’s voice muffled through his sweater that was now pulled over his face. 

Jaebum was the most awake out of all of us, which I found surprising considering the fact that he had been the one who had paid the most attention for the entire cram session. “How about we all celebrate our first official day of hanging out like normal people by going out for dinner?” he offered. 

The guys all eagerly agreed without giving it a second thought, then turned towards me to confirm that I was also going. “I’m not sure—” 

“Please?” Yugyeom whined. “You deserve it the most out of all of us.”

Jinyoung and Jackson both nodded enthusiastically; Jackson was clearly the more fervent one. “You took time off of your Saturday to tutor seven single brain celled idiots; it’ll be our treat.” 

“Please?” Jinyoung even pleaded. 

“You even bought all of us coffee!” Youngjae pouted. 

“Your roommate should come too,” Jaebum encouraged. 

“Okay!” I finally agreed, holding my hands up to shush their seemingly never-ending badgering, and began packing my stuff up. “But I’m paying the next time I help you guys.” 

Giving each other high fives, Mark finally decided to speak. “You’re tutoring us next time too?” 

I blinked a few times before processing that he had actually spoken for the first time today, and to me of all people. “Ye-yes. Yeah. I mean, if you guys- only if you’re okay with it. Me. Helping. Studying?” 

My cheeks flushed bright pink again. Why was I stuttering so bad today?

He didn’t respond, only making a small ‘hmph’ before closing his notebook. 

“There’s a really good place barbeque place two blocks from here,” Youngjae mentioned as he and the others rushed to chuck their belongings into their backpacks. “We’ll meet you guys there!” 

Before I could ask him what he meant, the five imbeciles- minus Jaebum- were burning across the floor as they dashed out the door. Looking to Jaebum with my mouth wide open, he gave Mark and I a quick wave and a tight-lipped smile before following them out—the only one of them to actually walk out like a sane person. 

Mark wore the same expression as me but scoffed as if it were a usual occurrence. When his eyes locked onto mine, we both repelled like opposite poled magnets, then he resumed gathering his things. 

Deciding to break the ice and be the mature one, I tried to start a conversation with the temperamental prick. “Do you know what that was about?” 

Mark only shrugged. I wouldn’t have given up this easily, but something told me that he wasn’t in a mood to be bothered today, so I thought it’d be best to just let him be. 

“I guess I’ll see you at dinner.” Not wanting to test his or my patience any further, I said goodbye and marched out. About eight strides out of the coffee shop, a pair of hands suddenly grasped me by the shoulder and spun me around. 

Mark had his lips pursed and discomfort was written all over his face. Gently grasping his hands and taking them off of my shoulders, I stood there with my arms crossed and gave him a look of expectancy, waiting for him to talk or walk away. 

“Well?” I finally blurted out. “Did you forget something?” 

No response; just a puckered lip and fixated stare that was directed to the ground. After a few more seconds of him with his hands crossed behind him and swaying back and forth like a toddler, he spoke. 

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled apologetically. 

My eyebrows knit in confusion at his sudden apology. 

“For being such a dick to you the first time we met and for acting like a douchebag the second time.” His hands rubbed the back of his neck, appearing to be a habit that showed when he got nervous. “–and for waiting this long to apologize.”

I pressed my lips together and tried to resist the urge to grin, smile, chuckle, or even giggle. I gave it my all, but a small snort came out of my nostrils that then turned into a full-blown fit of laughter. 

Mark’s eyes were wide open in shock and he was utterly speechless at my reaction. 

“It’s okay—” I choked, wiping the edges of my eyes that threatened to spill tears. “It’s really- it’s- it’s okay!” I pat him on the back lightly while still wiping my damp eyes. 

“You’re not mad?” he asked with his jaw-dropped. 

My snorts had finally somewhat subsided, giving me a chance to breathe steadily again. “No, I’m not mad. At least, not anymore.” I placed a finger under his chin and helped him close his still-agape mouth. 

“I’m not going to lie and say that I wasn’t mad before, but I tried to understand where you were coming from. You lived a completely different life for so long before coming here, so maybe you’ve never dealt with someone as standoffish as me or as similar to you.” 

“But I thought you—” I held my hand up, stopping him from overanalyzing anything further.

“You were rude. I was rude. It doesn’t take a therapist to see that we both have issues managing how we feel things and let them out, but it’s fine. As long as you don’t act like a dick for the remaining time being, we’re okay.”

He opened and closed his mouth a few times, struggling to find the right words to say. “So, we’re—good?” 

I nodded my head, giving him a small smile and another pat on the back. “We’re good.” 

“Thanks...” he mumbled and rubbed the back of his neck again. 

“If it makes you feel any better,” I whispered while leaning closer to him. “I hate apologizing first too.” 

Just as he was about to falter his words again, I began skipping excitedly to the dinner rendezvous. Pausing to look behind me at Mark who was standing still and looking at me wide-eyed, I motioned him to follow me. “You said you guys were paying for dinner tonight, remember?” I shouted, ushering him to walk by my side again. 

Snapping out of his daze, he nearly ran into a bench before catching up to me. 

[londoncapsule]

Transcript of Jeffrey Dean Morgan’s interview on the Howard Stern Show

I put together a rough transcript of Jeff’s latest appearance on the Howard Stern Show on 9 April 2018.

Since it was an almost hour-long interview, it’s quite a long list and also due to the NSFW topics discussed, you can find the rest of the transcript under the ‘Keep reading’ bar.

During the interview Stern asked Jeff some highly personal questions as well, but Jeff answered all of them (and did so with class and humour, I think) so proceed at your own risk if you’re not comfortable with reading about such personal stuff.

On fans and fame

- Jeff lets his beard grow long now because he’s off work, “it’s my farm thing” and “hopefully people don’t stop me on the street to tell me to go to hell”, because he gets all sorts of stuff in the streets these days

- since he’s on The Walking Dead he has experienced a new level of fame with fans, paparazzi and autograph hunters even stalking him at the airport by buying a plane ticket and stalking him at the gate, there were even fights breaking out in Chicago when he refused to sign stuff for people who were trampling over other people at the airport

- while leaving Good Morning America that morning he was called a “motherfucker” for not stopping to sign when he was late for the Howard Stern Show, which really pissed him off because they were acting like he owed them somehow, but he was like “I don’t know you, guys”

- he doesn’t want to stop for selfies all the time, especially when he’s out and about with his wife and kids, the only time he sometimes makes an exception when it’s for a little kid (unless they are being manipulated by their parents standing behind them), the kids can get any but it’s the adults that are “super rude”, but he loves the fans and tries to be very good to them, it’s “the guys trying to make a living selling your autograph online” who bother him

On his farm

- their farm has “turned into more or less a rescue operation”, they take in a lot of alpaca and now have like 16 of them, because alpaca were thought to be the “it” animals some years ago and many people got rid of them later, they are really sweet animals except for shearing time once or twice a year when they spit on you, but they have to be sheared because they don’t shed and the summer heat is not good for them, Jeff has someone helping him with their shearing but he sits on top of them while they gets sheared and they process the wool and at some point they could have a little business of it, but for now they give the wool to friends who knit

- his six-month old baby donkey, Paxton is following him around the farm like a puppy, he got three donkeys last year for Father’s Day from Hil, and 2 days later there were four donkeys, they didn’t know that one of the donkeys was pregnant, he was there when Paxton was born and he imprinted on Jeff, before the press tour he had to “fix him” because Paxton just started getting amorous and he didn’t want him to breed with his mother, so Jeff’s not sure if upon his return Paxton will look him in the eye again

- he just wants to be a “gentleman farmer”, it’s now kinda turning into a more full-time thing for them, he has a total of 120 acres of land and “it’s neat” and “really beautiful”

- they are active in the community and still have the candy store they saved together with Paul Rudd

- Rhinebeck is an an hour and a half from New York City, “hour forty tops”

- when he was doing The Good Wife he took the train to go to work, because it takes him 12 minutes to get to the Poughkeepsie station from his farm and then he took the train to Penn Station every day

- Jeff invited Stern to visit him on the farm for the day to paint, but Stern was worried because they don’t know each other that well and “you are Negan”, but Jeff replied “I’m not really Negan in real life though man!”

- Stern was still worried about the idea, so Jeff offered to leave him the farm, or they can walk or drive around the farm, he has 40 acres of just woods, three houses on the property, he’s got a herd of highland kettle, every spring they bring in yearling melt cows with their mothers he raises and then they go to the milk farm and then he brings in another set

- Jeff loves the farm life so much that sometimes he doesn’t want to go back to acting, but he hasn’t made enough money yet to do that, Stern asked him how much money he would need to stop acting and just live on the farm comfortably and take care of his family, to which Jeff said that he wants the farm to be completely paid off and his kids to go to college, he doesn’t need a big number, “I don’t know, 20? But like taxed and for that you have to make 40″ but he doesn’t think he’s getting there

On his bromance with Norman

- Norman is “awesome” and he “loves him”, he’s family and was the first person to come and see Jeff’s baby after she was born

- Jeff and Norman met like 20 years ago, they hung out, were in the same circle but then he didn’t see or talk to him for 10 years at least and when Jeff joined the show they “were just joined at the hip”, Norman was super stoked that Jeff got the role and that he knew him, but had nothing to do with Jeff getting the role, they are together all the time, Norman bought a place up near Jeff’s farm in Rhinebeck, their bromance is ”solid” and Jeff’s happy that at almost 52 he has a best friend

- he was the type of guy with a guy best friend in his 20s but when he started dating and then met Hilarie that “all went out the fucking window” and since he lives on the farm now with his family there are “no boyfriends around anymore”

- Jeff and Norman live next to each other in Georgia and are there without significant others for most of their lives now, when they’re not working they are on their bikes and sometimes when Norman’s not working that day he would drive by the set (they live an hour away from the set) to meet Jeff and they would have some bro time, that’s their quality time together, but since they are on their bikes they are not talking to each other, but on the show Negan and Daryl "are totally not bro at all”

- Jeff confirmed that Norman and Diane Kruger are together and that “she’s beautiful” and “he’s very happy” and that Stern should have him on the show because he’s listening to him every day too

On riding motorbikes

- last year Jeff and Norman rode on Norman’s TV show Ride around Spain and this year in London (which was “kinda sucky because it rained the whole time”) and all over England and while shooting they follow the camera van so they don’t have to know the way or check the GPS

- Jeff is aware of the dangers of biking and has seen some bad stuff but has always ridden knock-on on that and has always been very lucky

- he has 7 bikes, is a Harley guy (Norman’s a Triumph guy), has wanted a Harley Davidson since he was a kid and has had a relationship with Harley Davidson ever since he could afford to buy his first one

- Jeff’s dad rides too, he has a Harley as well and Jeff just saw him three weeks before the interview, they were riding together out in Palm Desert

On acting

- Jeff still thinks about his former manager who had dropped him before he made his big break by landing Grey’s Anatomy, Supernatural and Weeds, and kinda hopes “she’s kicking herself in the balls” but he doesn’t run into her these days since he moved from California years ago and now lives in Upstate New York

- Howard asked his opinion on when a struggling actor should give up acting and Jeff said that he doesn’t know because he was there at that point when he was ready to give up but at 37 he didn’t know what to do, if should he go back to college (he dropped out of college after 1 month) and he survived by building decks and fences and had no fall-back plan (”I put all my eggs in one basket”), he didn’t own a home, had a room mate, his biggest concern was making sure his dog had food and he had rent on the table, his parents weren’t fully behind his plans either, since he only got minor roles (or he wasn’t even recognisable due to being masked as an alien) or roles in shows that got cancelled or were not picked up, so what kept him in the game was that he had nothing else to do and from the age of 30 on he kept extending the deadline by 1 more year of when he would give up, he did auditions but always almost got the role, he was always auditioning for Jon Hamm (”fucking Jon Hamm destroyed my shit for a while”)

- Jeff thinks that “we don’t make enough movies anymore”, there are huge blockbusters but not enough little art films out there with brilliant acting, it’s all going on TV now, Jeff loves TV but doesn’t know what’s going on anymore because there is so much of it, it’s hard to keep up, but he wants to start watching The Bachelor because Howard likes it so much

On The Walking Dead

- Jeff promised to get Stern a Lucille so he can bash some people over the head

- Stern hates that the night scenes on The Walking Dead are too dark and you can’t see anything and Jeff has a problem with that too and hates night shoots and would do anything but night shoots, and thinks that work suffers because of that for the acting and the crew, especially midway through the season (“you’re all hurtin’, everybody’s in bad shape”)

- when they killed of Carl he “wasn’t happy” and was “bummed” because he had been a fan of the comic book before taking on the show and one of his favourite storylines was the Carl-Negan relationship, it was one of the reasons he wanted to do the show and now it’s “fucking gone”

- Andy broke Jeff’s nose in the mid-season finale of season 8 during their fist fight, and Jeff knew that he was going to punch him because Andy gets so amped up before scenes, drinks a lot of coffee, gets excited, and they did rehearse the scene but Andy went from 50% during rehearsal to 130% when the cameras were rolling, Jeff knew immediately when the scene started that they were too close to each other in the scene, they were hitting each other and on the second hit Andy cracked him on the bridge of his nose, he dropped to a knee and his eyes watered and he was like “Ah, dude!”, Andy was more upset about it than Jeff, “he’s not an asshole at all, he’s a great dude”, they kept shooting, Jeff took a minute, put an ice pack on his nose and went back to shooting after 10 minutes, and Andy sent Jeff the a massage certificate and a facial the day after, but Jeff doesn’t do them, “Andy is one of the sweetest people you’ll ever meet in your life”, his nose was just popped back into place and had an X-ray done later but it was just a hairline fraction with a little bit of blood, but later in the season Jeff “kicked Andy in the nuts” which made him feel better

On the Negan vs Rick relationship

- they talked about Jeff saying on GMA that morning that he feels that on The Walking Dead Negan and Rick are equally bad, Howard said that Negan is way worse than Rick, because he forces women to marry him and fuck him, to which Jeff argued that “we never see him fuck, we don’t know”, but then they argued that he’s trying to get them pregnant, but Jeff said that “that was him getting in Dwight’s head” and Howard added that Negan irons the faces of people and burns them in the furnace as punishment and Rick would never do that, and he’s enslaving people, but Jeff argued that he isn’t enslaving them and they can go if they want

- Jeff mentioned the the kill ratio, Rick killed 50 of his people in their sleep and started the whole conflict, “Negan hasn’t done anything to Rick and his group” at that point, then Daryl took out another 20 of his guys with a bazooka, by this point Negan had lost like 70 people and then Negan killed Abraham as punishment, but because Norman/Daryl punched him, he sadly had to kill Glenn too, but Jeff “still blames Norman for that”

On Rampage and Dwayne Johnson

- Dwayne Johnson’s huge success is driving Jeff nuts “maybe a little bit”, he thinks Dwayne is such a big movie star because he’s got the ability to make fun of himself and is kinda self-deprecating and “as an audience we love that” and we all think that he’s a guy we could have a beer with, Dwayne works very hard, and Jeff wouldn’t be surprised if he ran for president, he thinks Dwayne is a very smart guy business wise, and Jeff calls him “Dwayne” or just “Rock”

- when Dwayne landed on him during a stunt while shooting the scene where the plane goes down he felt “like a freezer falling” on him but they have never worked out together

- they talked about the feud Dwayne Johnson and Vin Diesel had during shooting The Fast & Furious about Vin not coming out of his trailer, which neither Stern, nor Jeff understand (”it’s one of my peeves”), Jeff said he’s with Dwayne on this, because when he arrives on the set he’s ready to go and do the scene

- Rampage is “a popcorn movie at its finest” and “believe it or not it has some heart in there” and Dwayne and George are “cute as shit” in the movie

- Howard was wondering if George had a cock and massive balls in the movie but Jeff said no, later Howard’s looked up that an erect gorilla cock is 1 to 3 inches long only, and they were talking about cock sizes, to which Jeff added that “I’m all talk myself”

- they mentioned how hot Naomie Harris is, “she’s the real deal, a really cool chick”, Howard asked if she had a boyfriend and Jeff said no because she can’t meet any good men and she even asked Jeff if he knew anybody but he said that all the decent guys he knows are with somebody and “she’s gorgeous”, but maybe she’s too picky but Howard commented that Jeff should feel great around women like her being the greatest guy around them and that they eat their heart out that they can’t be with him because he’s married already, to which Jeff was just snickering

On his private life and family

- his first marriage didn’t end because he was a struggling actor but because his best friend had an affair with his wife, and he’s still his friend, it didn’t even faze him really, and wasn’t mad at her because “we shouldn’t have gotten married”, it was a stupid thing, they were married for like 3 months, but he was really disappointed with his buddy for breaking the bro code and didn’t talk to him for a year and then ended up with him in a fist fight at an audition at the Warner Brothers lot but then it was over and now they are buddies again, but his marriage was gonna get annulled regardless, they were both too young, too stupid and six years later they were friendly again with his ex-wife, it was a Vegas wedding because they didn’t have any money, and being married when you are broke is “ridiculous”, because he couldn’t even support himself or feed his dog

- he calls his new-born daughter Georgie, they named her after an episode of Bonanza (”A Girl Named George”) and Gus was named after Augustus McCrae in Lonesome Dove, because Jeff’s got “this western theme going” and thinks that “in my other life I must have been a cowboy of some sort”

- he could live without acting “a lot less”, he would be happy to do one movie a year, and do some writing and try directing at some point in his life, but he’s been so busy going from one job to the other and he feels like he’s missing out, he’s really feeling it now with Gus, when he leaves to work (he’s shooting The Walking Dead between the end of April until Thanksgiving) and he tries to get home on weekends but it’s not enough with an 8-year old and it gets really emotional, but with George “unless you have a boob with some milk in it, she doesn’t give a shit” and “she looks at me after like 5 minutes like ‘Where’s my mum? Give me my mum!’“

- Jeff doesn’t work out (”Dude, does it look like I work out? I throw around bails of hay around on the farm.”), he hasn’t seen the inside of a gym in 20 years, he works the farm as exercise, down in their basement they have a running machine but it just has 1 mile on and is “collecting dust”, Gus has a genetic disorder called PKU, his body can’t process protein so he eats a protein shake, which made Jeff’s and Hilarie’s diet much healthier, they watch what they eat, he walks his 120-acre farm as much as possible, he’s doing chores and dinking around, he chops a lot of wood, he heats his farm in the winter time with fire wood

- he doesn’t have a huge entourage, is “low maintenance”

- both of his kids were born at a hospital, not at home, he delivered them, cut the umbilical cord, had no idea what to do, thought he would be there just to lend support or hold a leg, but they had a midwife who pushed him in there as soon as the baby’s head was crowning, with Gus he waited too long and he got stuck in “no-man’s land” and “his head was shaped like a cone”, with George he was ready, and as soon as she crowned he grabbed her by the cheeks and pulled her right out perfectly

- Stern was wondering if having seen Hil give birth to their kids and the image of “the baby’s head poking through the vagina” is bothering Jeff sexually now, to which Jeff said that he has “seen a vagina before” and for some reason separates the two, it’s not the same thing, and Hil is “more beautiful than she’s ever been” and “was the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen while letting it all hang out”

- Stern asked if they went back right back into “banging” to which Jeff replied that it takes a little bit, a little healing and letting that rest, but “yeah, we do all right”

- Stern asked him if they wanted more kids, to which he said “Jeez, no! We’re tapping out. Oh, dude, I’m 52!”, it’s too perfect that they have a boy and a girl now, since they were trying for a second baby since Gus was born, it was a rough go, they lost a couple of babies, it was an emotional ride for them so now “we’re done” and he thinks he will "snip the balls”, if he did it to his donkey he “might as well do it to myself”, but he feels that now he’s almost so old it “maybe shouldn’t work anyway”, Stern suggested that he should wear a rubber, because it slows him down, to which Jeff replied “I got you, I feel you on that” and “I don’t know what we will do” and he’s gonna “Howard Stern my shit” and Stern added that fucking a woman is the greatest thing to which Jeff said it’s something magical, but they agreed to discuss this further together on a different occasion together with Norman

- during the farewells Jeff said to Stern that “I just love ya” and the thing he had been the most proud of in his career was being on the show before and he still has people coming up to him every day saying that his interview on Stern was the greatest thing they had ever heard

If you want to listen to the full interview, you can do it here.

[nashvilletonihon]

There’s No Race, There’s Only A Runner. Just Keep One Foot In Front Of The Other...

Hey guys. It’s been a few days (ok, maybe a little bit more than that) since I last posted anything. To be honest, I don’t have much to tell. I’ve been at my high schools for two weeks now and have actually taught less than a handful of times. This upcoming week is the Cultural Festival, so both Amino and Kumihama have been focused on preparing for that. This means there are shortened classes and varied schedules depending on rehearsal times. Cultural Festival is a school wide event that requires the students to all participate in various activities. At Amino, the First Years are required to perform in a play. The second years are required to sing and the Third Years are required to dance. There are also food stalls, games and activities that the teachers can buy tickets to. (I have one for a Japanese tea booth I plan on visiting on Wednesday.) At Kumihama, all of the students chose to perform in different plays depending on their homerooms. There is a general atmosphere of excitement and anticipation filling the hallways and classrooms at both schools and I am 100% ready to see all of the students hard work and effort come to fruition. We just have to hope against hope the typhoon doesn’t ruin everything.

This past month has been one of the most difficult of my life. I’ve been very open and honest about my struggles regarding moving to and living in Japan. This week was especially hard because I was not feeling well, school and classes did NOT go how I had imagined them and I was incredibly emotional and homesick. (For those of you following the saga that is my sleep schedule, I wish I could inform you that it’s getting better....but it’s not.) I thought maybe a run would combat the stress and anxiety I that I was feeling, so Wednesday night I did just that. In 90 degree weather and at least 1,000% humidity I put on my running clothes, laced up the new sneakers I bought (because I FINALLY found a pair in my size) and just...ran. I didn’t have a set destination. All I knew was that I needed to run away from my emotions. (Spoiler alert: They caught up with me later.) As I was aimlessly running, I stumbled upon a park a short distance from my apartment. Curious, I decided to take a little detour to see what it had to offer. Turns out there were a few tennis courts, a small lake, a really, really nice baseball field and some nature trails heading up a “mountain” toward one side the stadium. 

Feeling adventurous, I decided to explore one of the trails. I quickly realized how out of shape I am as I began to climb the almost vertical stairs. Huffing and puffing I hauled myself up this mountainside. With each step I took I became more and more emotional. I kept thinking about how classes that day had been a total bust. The students sat there. Stone faced. Silent. They just stared at me like I had grown a second head as I attempted to introduce myself. The more I tried to make it exciting, engaging and fun, the more they refused to participate. You want to talk about feeling judged? Stand in front of a classroom full of 30 high schoolers who want nothing to do with you and what you have to say. 

(It ain’t fun.)

Wheezing and panting, my mind filled with failures of the day, I finally reached the top of the mountain. Exhausted, stressed, anxious and downright fed up, I sat down next to a small, run down temple and cried. 

“What am I doing here? Why did I leave the great life I had in America for this? The students don’t care. I can’t understand anyone. I’m alone and I miss my family. I miss Preston so much. Does he miss me like I miss him? I miss going to movies with him. Feeling his arms around me in bear a hug. God, what I wouldn’t do for a hug. From anyone. I could still be working at a really great job right now back in the States and having the time of my life with my friends. Instead, I’m here. I don’t want to be here anymore. I feel like such a failure. This is too hard and I honestly don’t know if I have anything left to give. It’s only been a month but it feels like a lifetime. I want off this roller coaster. Please. I just want to go home.”

I cried until I thought I couldn’t cry anymore. (I did the next day while on the phone with my mom.) I sat there next to that temple with snot, sweat and tears running down my face and felt so, hopeless. To have so many things beyond my control is new for me and I hate it. I knew this was going to be hard but I had no idea it was going to be THIS hard. I know by now that I must sound like a broken record when it comes to this. “Yes Rachel, we get it. It’s hard but god bless, pull up your big girl panties and DO something about it.” Or maybe that’s just what I would tell myself from the outside looking in. And I promise you all that I am. I’m studying Japanese like it’s a dying language, saying yes to every offer that involves hanging out, grabbing food or exploring, getting involved in after school activities like Kendo and attempting to stay as busy as possible to keep my mind off of the crippling doubt and anxiety ridden thoughts I’m having.

Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. 

That being said, I’m a firm believer that the universe gives you exactly what you need precisely when you need it. Enter Kate and Jess on a rainy Thursday evening. A few days earlier, Leah (my predecessor) had reached out and informed me that last year an older Japanese couple, Kumi and Masani Yoshida, had invited some of the JETs over to their house for a weekly dinner. The wife used to be a JTE at Amino (my base school) and apparently their bread is famous among the Kyotango AET’s who have had the pleasure of attending one of these gatherings. 

I’ll be honest, I didn’t want to go. I had just finished bawling on the phone to my mom when I got the message that they were outside my apartment. I quickly splashed some cold water on my face, slipped my sneakers on and walked outside. No make-up. Messy hair. Sweaty and sick looking. “Sorry I look like death warmed over.” I mumbled. “Not at all. You look great.” Kate replied with a smile. (Already being much nicer than I deserved.) “Would you like to follow us so that you know how to get there the next time?” Not feeling particularly social, I quickly agreed and got in my car. 20 minutes later we had arrived at an adorable Japanese home with two of the kindest people waiting for us inside. (I dare someone to find an unkind person in Japan.) 

Dinner was entirely vegetarian, comprised of dishes like noodles, rice and vegetables all grown in and harvested from their personal garden. AND THE BREAD. (I would 100% die for that bread.) The Yoshida’s didn’t even seem to mind that I was mostly speaking in English, too tired to try to work out what I wanted to say in Japanese. Kate and Jess have been in Japan for five years now and did most of the translating for me and the Yoshida’s in return. I was maybe a little more candid than I should have been upon first meeting them about how lonely and miserable I was. (Keeping in mind that I had my incredibly gracious hosts sitting right next to me.) I told them mostly everything. How isolating the countryside is, especially when you’re a Prefectural JET because you don’t get the luxury of meeting all the Municipal AET’s at the Board of Education almost every week. I talked to them about how sad and homesick I was and how I didn’t know if I had it in me to last an entire year. They both listened with patience and responded with kindness. Kate told me about how she went through the same feelings and emotions when she arrived. Her situation was a little different from mine because she wasn’t a JET at that point and had no job to work at or school to attend. “I was home for 10 hours a day, by myself. It was awful.” she confided in me. “But don’t worry. We’ll make sure you’re not alone anymore.” I almost started crying at the dinner table. 

As the meal began to wind down, we made plans to return again the next week. This time Kumi invited us to come earlier than 6:45 so that Kate and I could help her cook dinner if we wanted. It’s a fantastic opportunity to expand my Japanese recipe book and authentic dish making skills, so of course I adamantly agreed. Laden with leftovers and some brand new towels (the Japanese love giving gifts) I slipped on my outside shoes as Kate informed me that Kumi is well versed in the art of tying and wearing 着物 kimono and that there is a festival dedicated to kimono is October. I was immediately invited and have plans to attend with Kate and Kumi if our schedules allow. Kate and Jess also made plans to pick me up the next morning to show me around Kyotango, take me to the grocery store so that they could help me with any questions I might have regarding labels and food items and to basically let me know that living in the countryside isn’t a death sentence. (However much it might feel like one at times.)

So this morning, we did all of that. It may have been raining but that didn’t dampen our spirits as we bought locally grown veggies and homemade bread at a cute café down the street from where I live, drove along the coastline for some of the most gorgeous views I’ve ever seen and a place that I definitely plan on taking my family and Preston when they come to visit next year. We grabbed a delicious lunch of ramen at the mall where I do some of my grocery shopping and capped off the afternoon with a trip to this tucker away liquor store next to the train station where I can find all of my favorite American whiskeys and spirits for half the price. Places I never would have known about if Kate and Jess hadn’t taken time out of their Saturday to drive around and show me. I am forever indebted to them and their kindness. We already have plans to go hiking once the weather cools down for good and to go to the 温泉 onsen (Japanese bath/hot spring) for some girl relaxation time when school gets to be too much. I laughed and smiled more today than I have all week. Most importantly though, I didn’t feel judged for the way I’ve been feeling. Here they are five years later with no plans to leave and a potential house in the works. Life’s funny, ain’t it?

I have no idea what tomorrow will bring. I have no idea what the next 11 months will bring. (Except maybe tears. And most certainly memories.) What I do know is that I am slowly surrounding myself with a group of wonderful, kind, caring, gentle, patient and genuine human beings who make each unknown day a little bit easier to manage. It makes me excited to introduce my family and boyfriend to them. To show my loved ones the people who have become so dear and so close to me. My network of support and a safety net when walking the tightrope gets to be a tad too scary. 

I’m one fortunate gal, I tell you what. I haven’t given up just yet, and I’ll keep puttin’ one foot in front of the other.

- レイチェル (Rachel)

[lordofthebigtimesupernatural]

Hello! Would you write 20 year old Keith, no longer living with shiro (because college) going back for a weekend and getting sick/hurt and his father takes care of him and reminisces about Keith's childhood?

Hello there! Thank you for your patience and I had a lot of fun with this one. Poor Keith is homesick and Shiro is reminiscing about Keith’s childhood. Hopefully, this is the start of a roll and I can get out a bunch of asks. Thanks for sending this prompt nonny! Enjoy!

x.V.x

              Keith was a perfectly independent man at the fresh age of twenty-five.

              He was halfway through getting a teaching degree in college. He had his own apartment and he even had a boyfriend, who seemed to be sticking around. He paid his bills, received benefits from his military service, walked his dog and made dinner all by himself.

              In fact, Keith had been an independent man since returning home from service at twenty-three. He had only spent about six months at his dad’s place before moving into the dorms (which had been a complete nightmare).

              All in all, Keith was an independent man who did not need a parent to take care of him.

              Or, that’s what he kept telling himself.

              Life was good; it really was. His boyfriend was in the top five sweetest people in Keith’s life next to his father and his dad. He was just beginning to understand that this relationship might just be what love was like. His dog was great (even if he missed Red with all of his heart), school wasn’t too much of a challenge and he even had a small job as a teaching assistant at a dance studio.

              His choice in careers had been rather shocking to everyone. Everyone, even Shiro, had expected Keith to become a pilot of some sort. So, they were rather shocked when Keith announced that he wanted to become a dancing instructor. Better yet, Keith wanted to become a dancing instructor for kids with special needs or disabilities. However, everyone had supported Keith’s decision, especially Lance who was always telling Keith to let him know when Keith decided to open his own studio, and Lance would become his business partner in a heartbeat.

              Life was good, but Keith often found himself missing his old life from time to time. He missed his father’s constant presence. He missed the smell of fresh coffee in the morning, even if he despised coffee himself. He missed his grandparents coming over almost every day and annoying his father to no end. This was what it was like to be homesick.

              Keith’s shoulders slumped in realization. He was homesick.          

              His dad wasn’t really all that far away. He was about six hours or so from where his dad still lived. It was a bit much to try and drive home at 2pm. Besides, his dad didn’t need to be bothered with these silly worries that Keith had. He knew that he had to simply grow up. He couldn’t rely on his dad forever.

              So Keith continued on, not finding the time to take a trip down to his childhood home, to visit his dad, for several weeks. The more and more that Keith went on, the more stressed he was becoming. His moods were slowly dropping, despite his friends’ and boyfriend’s attempts at cheering him up. It was getting harder and harder to keep his sadness at bay. He found his insomnia beginning to return and his appetite decreasing.

              Even Keith’s students at the studio had noticed his sudden depressed moods and while their attempts at cheering up their teaching assistant were adorable, even they couldn’t keep a smile on Keith’s face for long.

              It was then that his boyfriend knew he had to do something. Something to bring back that spark in Keith’s eyes. Quietly, he slipped out of the room during one of the rare chances where Keith had managed to fall asleep, due to exhaustion, before dialing a familiar number on his phone.

              “Takashi? Hi, I think we need to talk.”

x.V.x

              “Keith, you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.” Shiro was smiling despite his words. He resisted the urge to take even more pictures than he already had. Keith was already plenty embarrassed for a ten-year-old. On the ground, from where he was pouting, Keith crossed his arms over his chest and merely sighed loudly. Beside him, Lance giggled but continued with his stretches.

              “Yeah, Mr. Grumpy pants. If you wanna do ballet, you gotsta loosen up. You’re too stiff when you’re grumpy.” Lance announced after he finished stretching. His own leotard was a deep, royal blue with lots of sparkles and glitter adoring it. Lance looked absolutely drop-dead, adorable in his leotard. It was fairly obvious that he was far more comfortable in the ballet studio than Keith was, and that this was his element. Shiro always remembered watching Lance’s gymnastic performances and he had to admit that the kid had talent.

              “No. I’m here and that’s enough,” Keith grumbled, not bothering to move from where he had planted himself on the floor, even when the teacher had arrived. His own leotard was plain black, without any sparkles or added to it. Just the way that Keith liked it. It was looser than what most dancers would have worn, but Keith vehemently refused a skin-tight suit.

              Lance rolled his eyes but Shiro was surprised when Lance didn’t fire back an argument. Instead, he smiled slightly and headed over to the teacher with a bright smile. The other children all flocked to the beautiful dancer, and even Shiro smiled in greeting to her, but Keith was seated firmly on the ground.

              Sighing, Shiro knelt down.

              “Hey buddy, you don’t have to sign up for ballet if you don’t like it,” Shiro said softly, as he tried to get Keith’s attention. Keith puffed his cheeks out in a pout and shook his head. “Come on buddy, it’ obvious that you’re very uncomfortable and that you don’t like this. We can go home, before class starts. How about that? You and I can go home and cuddle up with Red and watch movies on the couch?”

              For a brief moment, Keith looked as if he really wanted to go with Shiro, but in the end, he shook his head once more. “No daddy, I can’t.”

              Feeling like this was going to take a while, Shiro finally sat down on his butt. “How come baby?” He gently stroked a finger up and down Keith’s cheek. For a split second, Keith’s eyes glanced over at Lance and Shiro almost thought the worst.

              Could his baby boy, have a crush on Lance? Was he doing all this to impress a crush?

              Shiro was too young to be worrying about boyfriends. Keith was too young.

              “Lance really likes ballet, and he’s been wanting to try it,” Keith mumbled quietly as he fiddled with his thumbs. Shiro felt his heartbeat beginning to pick up in speed. “But some kids at school were making fun of him for it. Said it was for stupid girls. Not boys.” Keith admitted quietly and suddenly Shiro’s heart began to crack. Oh.

              “They made Lance really sad and he didn’t want to be the only boy, in case they were right, so that’s why I gotta do this daddy,” Finally, Keith looked up at Shiro and Shiro was stunned at the fire and passion in his son’s eyes. It made Shiro fall in love with his son all over again. “So Lance won’t be alone and he can be happy, and to show those dummies that ballet can be for boys too.”

              “Oh, my little star,” Shiro beamed proudly at his son, before scooping Keith up into his arms. “You have no idea how big your heart is. Never, ever, lose your heart baby, no matter what happens, okay?”

              Keith giggled as he tried to wiggle out of his dad’s arms. “Okay, daddy.” The two sat in a quiet embrace until the teacher began to call for her students. Keith wriggled some more. “Daddy, I gotta go. Put me down now.” Reluctantly, Shiro put his son down with a kiss on his forehead before Keith was walking over to Lance and the other kids.

              Never lose your love, Keith.

x.V.x

              Shiro smiled to himself at the memory that had come to mind as he leaned against the wall outside of the rehearsal room. Of course, only once Keith was old enough did he and Shiro have a good laugh on how ballet was not Keith’s thing. Though, it had been the start of Keith’s passion for music and eventually led him to other forms of dance that Keith enjoyed much more.

              After receiving the call from Keith’s boyfriend, Shiro had packed up for a weekend trip to his son’s home the very next day and left bright and early in the morning. He’d been dying for a reason to visit Keith or have Keith visit him, after not seeing his son for nearly six months straight. Shiro knew that as Keith got older their time together wouldn’t be as much as it was when Keith was a child.

              He grew homesick without his son, despite staying home.

              Apparently, Shiro hadn’t been the only one and upon hearing of Keith’s sadness, he was ready to drop everything.

              He’d gotten into town about an hour ago and after dropping off his stuff at Keith’s and welcoming Keith’s boyfriend with a hug, Shiro had driven all the way to the studio where Keith taught at. Granted, Shiro was aware that Keith was a teacher assistant and while he had seen pictures and some videos, he had never seen Keith teach in person.

              Before greeting Keith, Shiro wanted to take a few moments to observe his son and watch him. To see the man that his little boy had grown up into.

x.V.x

              “No Daddy,”

              “No?” Shiro sighed tiredly. It was late in the evening and Keith still wasn’t in bed. Keith’s bedtime had passed about three hours ago, and the boy had yet to even get into his bed.

              “Daddy, no,” Keith repeated. His butt was firmly on the ground, and his face set into a pout. He was missing his pajama pants but Shiro had managed to wrangle a shirt on him. Keith had been learning to become very vocal since uttering his first words a little over a month ago. Before Keith barely even breathed too loud but now he was talking every day and while Shiro was thrilled with happiness that Keith was talking, Keith’s favorite words seemed to be “Daddy” and “No.”

              Not only that, but Keith’s sentences can still sometimes be frazzled and Shiro didn’t always understand what Keith was saying which frustrated Keith.

              “Keith, you know that bedtime was at eight o’clock,” Shiro tiredly explained to the four-year-old. “And what time is it now?”

              “No time daddy!” Keith shrieked. Shiro winced, forcing himself to take in a deep breath. He had expected outbursts and tantrums like this. Of course, he did. That’s how kids worked. Keith might be one of the most well-behaved children that Shiro ever knew (and no, of course, he wasn’t biased) but even Keith wasn’t immune to temper tantrums and fits.

              “No, Keith’s it’s past eleven o’clock,” Shiro said firmly, hands on his hips when Keith slapped the floor. “Way past your bedtime mister. Past daddy’s bedtime too.”

              “No,” Keith slapped the floor again. “No. No. No.”

              Sighing, Shiro bent down to pick Keith off the floor, only for Keith to meltdown in a fit of screaming and crying. His heart would twinge with every shriek, but he was honestly just so exhausted right now. Keith must be tired.

              “Keith, no. Don’t hit people.” Shiro grunted when Keith whacked at his head. He managed to grab Keith’s arms only for Keith to continue to scream and cry before going limp in Shiro’s arms.

              “It’s time for bed, honey, you’re exhausted.” Shiro pleaded tiredly one more time. Keith’s cries only increased in volume, but he remained limp in Shiro’s arms.

              “No, no, no. Bed, no. Time, no.” Keith hiccupped. Shiro wouldn’t have been able to understand Keith on a regular day, but when his brain was fried with exhaustion and he was covered in tears and snot, he didn’t have a chance.

              Eventually, Shiro sat down heavily on Keith’s bed and began humming. He closed his eyes, beyond exhausted as he hummed alongside Keith’s cries. Until, eventually, all that Shiro could hear was his own humming. Shiro glanced down at Keith with one eye open and nearly sagged in relief upon seeing Keith asleep.

              Finally.

              As careful and as quietly as he could, Shiro tucked Keith into his bed (forgoing the pants for one night) and crept out of Keith’s room. He practically faceplanted into his bed out of exhaustion.

              Don’t worry Keith, the sun comes after the rain.

x.V.x

              That hadn’t been Keith’s first or his last meltdown. But after each and every one of them, there was always smiles and laughter.

              Shiro smiled even wider at the thoughts in his head while watching Keith with his students. Shiro could clearly see that Keith’s smile was fake and that he wasn’t putting his all into the lesson, but despite his own inner turmoil, he was extremely attentive to each and every student. Any time one of them asked for his help, Keith gave them his whole attention and made sure to keep helping them until they no longer needed it. He constantly praised the form, routines, and looks of all the students.

              Shiro was so proud to call Keith his son.

              In the next second, Keith glanced up from his students to look through the window where most of the parents were waiting for the lesson to end when his heart stopped upon seeing his dad. He had to blink several times just to be sure that his dad wasn’t a trick of the light.

              However, the longer that his dad stayed the waterier his eyes became.

              His dad was here. He’d come when Keith had needed him.

              Quickly, he turned back to his student, embarrassed, and refused to cry in front of them. This left Shiro laughing quietly to himself.

              x.V.x

              “Keith, what do you want to be when you grow up?”

              “A dog-training, fire-breathing, astronaut pilot, for the army!”

              “…wow, that sure is…a job.”

              “Or I’ll just be daddy.”

              “Like me?”

              “Yeah. Being daddy sounds great. You were the best.”

              “Aww, Keith. I’m so touched.”

              “Yep, ‘cept I won’t have a lame-ass haircut as you.”

              “Keith! Language!”

              “But daddy, that’s what Uncle Kuro and Antok always say. I agree, but Uncle Kuro’s hair is just as bad too.”

              “Can’t argue with that.”

x.V.x

              “What are you doing here?”

              “You know a, “Hi Dad, it’s so great to see you, wait how about a hug,’ would have been just as nice too.” Shiro chuckled while Keith glared at him. “You were really good out there. Those kids love you and you really help kids that other people don’t know how to help.”

              A small blush slipped over Keith’s cheeks at the praise and Shiro beamed. “But I missed you. It’s been over half a year since your last visit! Besides, I wanted to see how you and your man were settling into your new place.” Shiro smirked, wiggling his eyebrows and Keith rolled his eyes. He playfully punched Shiro’s shoulders before waving goodbye to his instructor and the kids.

              “So you were lonely?” Keith asked, refusing to admit that it had been his fault that Shiro had come up for a visit.

              “Yeah. Can you blame me? My friends are all out of town on a camping trip and Uncle Kuro is traveling overseas, and my only baby boy is six hours from me. Plus, it’s embarrassing to go to my parents’ house every day at my age. I’m beginning to think they’re cleaning up my old room for me to move back into.” Shiro shuddered to himself and Keith snickered.

              “You wouldn’t be able to fit in that racecar bed.” Keith chuckled causing Shiro to laugh.

              “I’ll have you know that it was a limited edition, giant lion robot warrior that defended the universe from evil aliens.”

              “Dad.”

              “Yeah?”

              “Thanks.”

              “Anytime sweetheart, anytime.”

[hale-of-stiles-heart]

For the sexting prompt: Derek knows Stiles is the best boyfriend ever and knows stress eats at him, and he becomes this anxious broody mess that is impossible to deal with, so when Stiles starts texting about how he'd make him feel better, the stress of finals is all just a blur and he can't focus on anything but think about anything but Stiles voice whispering the texts to him and how he can't mess this up

This stayed pretty PG and has a bunch of fluff but hopefully, you like it! And because it involves Derek taking care of himself, I need to tag @halerogers and @nerdderek (also on ao3!)

Derek was smart.

He had always been, even as a toddler. He had started reading long before other kids and had even managed to achieve his beta shift before any of his other siblings had.

In high school, he had been valedictorian, something his mother had absolutely loved to brag about. His siblings, on the other hand, had constantly teased him about being a nerd.

Now, in college, he was top of his class, well on his way to achieving the highly coveted title of valedictorian. And that would make it beyond easy for him to secure a position at either the high school or the community college back in Beacon Hills.

He was an overachiever by nature, a trait that ran in the Hale family, and while that wasn't necessarily a bad thing, the stress and anxiety it brought with it certainly was. Especially since he turned into a broody, short-tempered mess that was impossible to deal with when he was stressed.

He was constantly worried that he would fail, that if he didn't throw himself wholeheartedly into every little single thing he did, he would screw everything up. That he would somehow let his entire family down by not living up to their expectations for him, that he would be taking their sacrifice for granted.

It was a heavy burden that made him hunch his shoulders and run himself ragged trying to do whatever he possibly could to make his family's memory proud. Even to the point that he could barely focus on anything besides the constant anxiety that had taken root in him.

Finals only added to that stress, the weeks leading up to them full of all nighters and homesickness so severe he found himself curling up in bed wishing he could drive home for a weekend. But he couldn't. He had to study.

He already knew everything that he needed to. He knew every detail of the French Revolution, every single cause of World War I, every invention industrialization had provided the world.

But he was worried that he would forget everything when he sat down to take the test. That every piece of information in his head would simply vanish.

So, there he was at a quarter to midnight on Saturday, perusing through his textbook to make sure he had all of his dates right. June 6, 1944 — D-Day. 1954 — Brown v. Board of Education made segregation based on race illegal. July 20, 1969 — the first moon landing.

He was about to look up another date when his cell phone buzzed in his pocket, breaking his concentration. Rubbing at his tired eyes, Derek pulled out his phone to find a text message from Stiles.

You in bed?

Derek sighed and rolled his eyes as he typed out a brusque response, I'm not in the mood for sexting, Stiles. I'm studying.

That's what you said four hours ago, Stiles pointed out. He added a frowning emoji at the end of his statement, the simple gesture making him smile. Now close your textbook and do exactly what I tell you to.

Derek dragged a hand over his face, yawning as he finally let himself feel the exhaustion that had been clinging to him all day. Stiles was right, staring down at his textbook, rehearsing dates in his head wasn't going to help him.

Okay, Derek texted back as he stood up from his desk and rolled his shoulders. Six hours hunched over a textbook wasn't good for anyone's back, even a werewolf's.

Draw yourself a warm bath, babe, Stiles instructed, Derek grinning at the thought. He did as Stiles said, flicking off his desk light and padding down the hallway to the bathroom.

The sight of the bathtub made him sigh in relief when he turned on the lights, the soft blue of the ways soothing. He checked his phone again when it buzzed in hand with another message from Stiles came in, this one reading, Use one of those bath bombs I got you. The vanilla brown sugar one.

Derek did as instructed, setting his phone down on the edge of the sink as he sat on the lip of the tub and toyed with the faucet until the water was the perfect temperature. As the tub filled, he rifled around under the sink for the box of bath bombs Stiles had given him as a housewarming present.

He grabbed the brown sugar, vanilla bath bomb, the one that reminded him of fresh baked cookies and crisp fall days. After unwrapping it and turning off the faucet, he dropped the bath bomb into the steaming water, watching as it fizzed up and tinged the water an almost orange hue.

I'm about to get in the tub, Derek informed Stiles, adding a bathtub emoji just for the hell of it. He kicked his boots off as he patiently waited for Stiles to answer.

You go ahead, Der. Put on some music while you're at it, Stiles replied as Derek started tugging his Henley over his head. He was unbuckling his belt when Stiles added, When you're done, put on your comfiest pajamas, climb into bed and get some sleep.

Derek very eloquently responded with a string of heart emojis, using all of them at least twice each. Setting his phone down on the sink after queuing up one of the meditation playlists Boyd had put together for him over the summer, he finished undressing.

He sunk down into the tub with a sigh, leaning back as he felt the warm water relax his tense muscles. Wiggling his toes, he tipped his head back and closed his eyes, listening to a dreamy instrumental song that was peaceful if not a little melancholy.

The scent of vanilla filled his nose as the soothing notes of a piano accompanied by the serenade of a violin reverberated off the walls. Focusing on the comforting deluge of sensations he was experiencing, he was finally able to forget about all of his worries.

They melted away like wisps of smoke whipped away by the wind, leaving him completely unburdened. He would have to come up with a way to properly thank Stiles, he reflected as the playlist began replaying, informing him of how long he had been luxuriating in his bath.

With a content sigh, he pulled the stopper and stood, grabbing a towel off the rack to start drying himself off. He wrapped the towel around his waist as he grabbed his phone to pause the playlist, shutting off the light on his way out of the bathroom.

He tossed his towel into the laundry hamper when he got to his bedroom, sitting down on the edge of his bed as he rooted through his drawers for his comfiest pajamas. Said pajamas consisted of a pair of flannel lounge pants that Stiles had given him at the start of the semester so Derek would have something with his scent on it.

Derek found himself smiling softly as he tugged them on, forgoing his usual boxer briefs in order to be as comfortable as possible. As he climbed into bed, he checked his phone out of habit. He had several unread messages from Stiles.

He was immediately worried that something was wrong. But when he checked his messages he was pleasantly surprised.

You're so amazing, Derek. I wish you could see that.

You're so smart and brave and strong.

You're gonna kick your finals' asses, babe. I just know it. Show ‘em who the alpha is.

I love you, Derek. I love you so freaking much it's ridiculous.

Derek smiled at the words long after he set his phone down and plugged it in for the night, falling asleep imagining Stiles whispering all of those sweet words into his ear. Yeah, he was going to be okay. He just needed Stiles to remind him sometimes.

[ultrahellodear-blog]

Tired

Cudia, Jon Benedict

              Heavy, the first thing I felt early in the morning was the heaviness of my morning dreaminess. My arms felt like  pair of Iron cables as I reached for my phone. Like a lightning, white light flashed my sigh. Like thunder, time woke me in a snap. 5:30am, I woke up too late. I bolted up-straight in a panic as I reached out for the already-filled thermos to heat some water for my bath.

              A stampede of tiny footsteps trampled on the roofs of houses. A day wherein students will always check the Facebook page of ACDRRMC for the chance to stay at home “legally” and slack off the entire day. Unfortunately, that day wasn’t “the day.”

              I swore in my thoughts, because the next thing I knew is I woke up again. 5:45am, I slept for another 15 minutes. The cold air of rainy season is a sleeping spell for almost anyone. As if it had a petrifying debuff casted on me and the bed had some entangling trap of invisible vines and roots that kept me from standing up. Morning rainy days are like Adarna Birds that sing slent songs that drive you to sleep.

              I grabbed my thermos of hot water and ran towards the bathroom. In my mind, I was anxious that the water was already warm due to my stupidity of falling asleep. But regardless, I had no time of dwelling on that thought and just poured that fuming water on the blue pale.

              I stirred the water, hoping that it would turn hot. But it turned warm, not warm enough to wash away the cold air caressing my bare skin. I was shivering the whole time and the only thing that can warm me is by pouring a dipper of warm water spontaneously. But I can’t start by pouring water from the top, I had to start from the feet. Because according to research, pouring from the feet is the most recommended start of taking a bath.

              I dried up after a long bath. The first thing I checked was my phone. I opened my data to go online on facebook messenger to check if Ranza had sent a message. She did. And I  replied “huhuhuhu, I’m sorry. I woke up late. See you at school. Ingaatt!”

              I rushed myself to my uniform, then to school. But there’s one thing I hate about early mornings: 6:30am commutes—traffics.

Imagine a trip that would normally take five to ten minutes. Then slam a traffic on that scene and the trip will feel like a mile-long journey. Sometimes I wished flying cars already existed today just like what the movie “back to the future” imagine the 21st century.               The jeep pulled over around HRPC, beside the ministop. I stepped down and rushed towards the university gate. Regardless of whether jay-walking being either a crime or not, I did not care. As a person chasing time, I don’t care about things anymore except being in time.

              I slammed my I.D. on the attendance and I ran towards the PGN building. The campus was crowded as if you can’t drop a needle in between the gaps of people walking within the campus. And after this crowd, the last obstacle every HAU student will encounter is either the crowded and congested elevator or climbing up to 7th floor through the means of stairs. I was so happy that I Stood in front of the elevator door, but in the end I was forced to take the stairs

              It was very tiring. The air was cold, yet I was sweating.  I don’t know if I’m the cause why I feel hot or it is generally hot inside the building. But, I hate it when I sweat. I feel like all the bath I took was gone in a snap.

              Even though I’m irritated by the terrible sweat and heat that I felt while walking up the stairs, I was firm enough to continue. What was my choice anyway? School s is School, I must comply.

              Thankfully, I got in the room on time. Everyone stood up and the Prelims was just about to start.  I was safe.

              I dropped my bag on my seat and I turned towards Jaylie who was smiling to me. “O bat ka nalate?” she said in sarcastic tone.  She was clearly teasing me.

              I simply smiled without any retort. I was too tired to even reply and I just simply turned towards my teacher by the start of the prelims.

              --------------------------------------------------------

              Class began. I knew it was the first day, but I felt really tried and drowsy. I could barely remember anything from the first subject. My mind is too tired to even process information and record everything my teacher said.

              The first subject met its end and the first break of the day started. It was supposedly a break where everyone should be resting or eating their snacks. But in our class, it was different. Everyone rehearsed their plays for the 2nd subject: Applied Social Sciences. Of course, it was normal for me. But normalizing this kind of culture, was it really meant to be normal for students?

              I did my part in my group. My role is simply a father shaming his daughter (cruel, right?). I feel like a typical abusive father in GMA Filipino noontime dramas. It was an easy and underwhelming role. On top of that, I even forgot to bring my own costume for the play. But rest assured, I was clever enough to use my jacket, bag, umbrella, and I even borrowed spectacles as a cosmetic. And during the presentation, it all worked out.

              Due to the lengthy amount of time the plays consumed. Not everyone was able to present their outputs. The last group were forced to present during lunch time or they will suffer a loss of grades.

              School really is tiring, especially Mondays. The presentation for Social Sciences was not the only activity we have for that day. We still had two subjects to prepare for. And up next is Politics and governance.

              First, we had our lunch. I invited Jaylie to come with us down, to the PGN basement and buy our lunch. But she insisted in staying due to her responsibility in the group. She was ought to prepare for their presentation since they will be the first performing group. I agreed, but I insisted on buying her something like a drink or anything. She asked for red tea. We rushed down the building through the elevators and bought ourselves lunch and drinks. Then, we rushed back up again since we did not have much time to slack off. I tell you, honestly, Monday is really tiring.

              We got up, we ate, we talked, we laughed.  But it all took place in just an hour. Then, we went back to our responsibilities. Yes, fun times are just short times. We always try to find one, even if we can barely have any.

              But life is not just enjoying, responsibilities are a part of it. After lunch, we immediately started our creation of stations for our gallery walk in Politics and Governance subject under two hours. Here’s a comment: 2 hours was not enough. WE EXERT OUR BIGGEST EFFORTS IN CREATING GOOD OUTPUTS AND 2 HOURS WILL NEVER BE ENOUGH. Our group even agreed to prepare 20 sheets of coffee-stained papers prior to the actual preparation day. We also had curtains, 6 sheets of cartolinas, and a bunch of black and white images just to capture the vibe of the first Philippine Republic.

              2 hours had pass, and I’m craving for home. My brain is depleted with juices and I can just drop down and melt into water. But despite of this long hell I am forced to take, we still had one subject, “TRENDS”.

              Our teacher only gave us 1 hour. YES 1 HOUR. It’s like accomplishing everything without committing a single mistake. We had no time for brainstorming, what we only had was work and work. Thankfully, my group mates were able to prepare visual aids prior to the actual preparation date and all we did left are simply cutting and pasting.

              After an hour, the first group presented. Honestly, I felt bad for them. It was almost impossible to prepare under an hour. I knew the pressure in that, I felt that, too.

              We only had two presenters for that time. The rest, we were granted more time to prepare. Towards the end of school, most of us stayed in our room to continue our preparation for Philippine politics and governance. Yes, even though school had ended, we are still working after the long and tiring hours of learning. Right school it is.

              Jaylie and the others went home ahead of me. They had much work to do, so did I. So I went home all by myself. I rode a jeepney all by myself. I felt heavy pressure of the day on me during the whole ride. As if a gargoyle birched on my shoulers and moving is almost impossible.

              I watched the passing lights of the city. Usually, I’m riding with Jaylie on the way home. Now, it feels uncomfortable without her with me. I had no one to talk to, I was simply silent during the whole ride.

              “Para po!” I asked the driver. He pulled over underneath the overpass and I stepped down to go home in my dorm.

              Rest? Nope, that’s not real. As students, it felt like rest was not an option, always. Because when I got home, I began working on my assignments and things to review for our presentation. I want to have some fun, but that would put my schedule into great risk. The week was already a hassle, I can’t afford stressing out again.

              After all the work I did,I slept around 9pm. Normally, I would sleep at 12am. But I feel really tired to even exceed. I messaged Jaylie before I slept, I told her that I’m going to sleep. And the next thing I knew, I was asleep.

              To summarize my whole day, Mondays are hectic and tiresome. It is the busiest day of the week, compared to the rest. All I ever wanted was to learn, but not to push myself to my breaking point.

Photo by CBN News

[wumbleberry-fc]

Chai, Flowering Tea, Blueberry-muffin Tea, Kombucha

Chai: Where do you want to travel next?

I would like to visit Canada, since I’m going to live within 60 miles of the border real soon, and I would also like to visit more states in the US, as I have been in 20 states now (not including only being in an airport).

Flowering Tea: What is a movie you can always watch?

I am always down to see the movie Airplane! It’s hilarious I recommend it with high regards.

Blueberry-muffin Tea: Tell me a memory that makes you smile.

This is the story of June 2nd. (WARNING: VERY LONG)

So, the last assembly of the school year is dedicated to the senior class, and it’s known as the Senior Assembly. It features speeches by a couple students, final performances by senior drillers and senior cheerleaders, a performance by ‘Man Drill’ (where some male juniors dress up and perform in a hilarious parody of what regular drill might do, meme style), performances by any senior soloists or groups of senior students who wish to play something for the class (2016 featured a lovely original jazzy performance by all the senior brass, and then some students sang ‘Fix You,’ among other things), announcements of the staff who will be leaving with the seniors, department honors,  and then there is a moving up thing where each class transitions to the next class, and the seniors go into the middle of the gym and watch a slideshow of whatever pictures the students sent in, and then the band plays the alma mater for the last time for them (also, they play at the entrance procession as well).

This year, it was combined with Gordy Games, which is a day where pretty much classes are super short, and then it’s a fun, casual day, with food trucks on campus, bouncy houses, a dodgeball tournament, video games, a movie, and yearbook distribution, where anybody can go wherever they want and nobody cares what you do, so long as it’s legal. It’s the one day where no administrator even semi-actively tries to enforce the no underclassman off-campus policy, and it’s just a super easy day to not worry about the end-of-year stress and just be kids for a day.

Well, this year, I was one of the three seniors who gave a speech. Back in late April, word was sent that they were looking for seniors interested in speaking at graduation. One student would speak at graduation, a couple would speak at the Senior Assembly, and one would speak at the Last Lesson.

Only a total of 7 of us even bothered to draft a potential speech. A week after writing the draft and presenting it to a panel of teachers (on May 1st), I found out that I was one of those chosen for the Senior Assembly (which was the one I wanted).

Flash forward a bit: Three days before the assembly, I was pulled from my last period and told to report to the principal. When I got there, she told me that a meeting should’ve happened way earlier but she was swamped. She then told me that there was no flow in my speech at all, there seemed to be no clear point, and it needed to be completely rewritten, and so I promised that I’d have a brand new speech written with a point and a flow by lunch the next day (Yep! 21 hours to rewrite from scratch a 5-minute speech).

The next day, which just so happens to be my birthday, I had my new speech printed out and ready, and I was a ball of nerves as I walked into her office at 11:30. She had me read the new speech, and she said “This is a million times better, thank you. I approve of this speech,” and I was so relieved oh my goodness.

Now onto the day of the event and the happy memories!

It was a late start Friday (8:50 instead of 7:20), but we had to be there by 6:30, which was fine. We did the run-through of things, and when us three speakers finished, we were able to go, and I joined the philharmonic orchestra in a zero period rehearsal to practice our combined pieces for the concert the week after, and then we had 12 minute classes.

The entrance was long but I loved walking in to the sounds of everyone cheering for our class with the band playing some pep tunes and it was great! There was a greeting, the drill performance, the first speaker (who was alright, not very emotionally stirring or anything. It was... speechy.), the cheerleaders, the Man Drill, and then it was my turn.

I went up to the podium, and gave this speech:

Hello. I am Alex Walter, and I have one thing to say:

I love Hazen.

Well, I have more to say than just that. I stand here before you today representing the senior class. I am not a Representative of the class, I am not the four-year three-sport varsity athlete, I am not the most popular guy in the class—I am a regular, run-of-the-mill senior student. Except for one thing.

I love Oliver M. Hazen Senior High School. After 4 years, not many of the 388 of us can say the same. While I don’t hold the belief that ‘Hazen is whack,’ I do understand where it comes from.

It began four years ago, when 368 of us sat in these bleachers for the first time as a Hazen student. At our orientation, we were oriented to Hazen, told the rules and guidelines, and given our first warning about our culminating project. Immediately after, we forgot our way around, nobody remembered to not clump around in major hallways and stairwells, and were told not to put off our culminating project. Four years later, and we still don’t know the bell schedule, where everything is in the school, how to keep walking in the hallways, and what the culminating project is.

Furthermore, thanks to No Child Left Behind, we were privileged to have the opportunity to take all these BRAND NEW Standardized Tests. Wasn’t that Smarter Balanced Assessment Consortium fun!? And how about that new version of the SAT WITH Essay?!

Miscommunication, though, is one of the biggest reasons Hazen isn’t always kept in the highest regard. I miss the days where the food services accounts emailed about a low balance $5.00 before overdrafting, instead of $5.00 after. I’m waiting for the day when the system finally marks excused absences as excused. Especially when I was in the Lecture Hall all day. And speaking of the Lecture Hall, as I pointed out there during the Constitutional Convention, it took three and a half years to find out how to check how many detention hours I had. Luckily, despite not being the best student, I didn’t have any.

Beyond all of this, though, we must keep in mind that, just like life, Hazen is more than a few things. Hazen has many layers, just like onions, ogres, and all of us. We are more than our grades and test scores. We have our special interests, hobbies, priorities, and lifestyles. Our beloved Assistant Principal Mr. ____ is more than a strict disciplinarian. He is a loving father, a fantastic dancer, and the best reader of Green Eggs and Ham that I have ever met! And Hazen is more than kids who don’t listen, government-mandated and -implemented educational standards, and faulty electronic systems.

Hazen provides amazing acceptance and diversity in both opportunities and activities. Seriously, last year we formed a club where we would literally sit around and play Super Smash Bros. Brawl for an hour and a half each week. And that is on top of D&D club and Gamer’s Guild club.

We have a Gay Straight Alliance, a Black Student Union, an Asian Student Coalition, and a Latino Student Union. We have the Yearbook, the Kilt, and Lit Mag, which all feature superb writing and artwork! We have a drama department that puts on an astounding two shows a year, or in the case of this year, eight! We have top-class, state championship-winning FBLA, Drill, Cheer, Choir, Orchestra, and Band programs! WE HAVE A MARCHING BAND!!!!! We have a school store operated by DECA that introduced me to the wonderful world of bagels. We even have athletics!, who, while they might not win all their games, they win spots in our hearts.

I personally don’t participate in all of these activities and groups, as, well, it’s hard to be an active member in seven groups who all meet at 2:15 on Thursday. But the ability to have so many choices to pick and choose from is brilliant.

It’s these choices that define our Hazen experience. For me, I chose to join the band. I joined a group that not only gets to make music, but gets to support our school and our community. I got to scream, or cheer, to my heart’s content and dance like nobody was watching at games. I got to play stand tunes and pop songs for you all. I got to grow as an individual in both musical maturity and emotional maturity. I gained an accepting environment filled with friendly people. And by marching this year, I even got the athletic component in and did some physical exercise. I got the full Hazen experience, all in one.

It’s our choices that characterize and embody Hazen as a whole, and, I have to say that I don’t want to leave. You make me proud to be a Highlander. You make Hazen a place I want to be at. You make Hazen a place I love.

I’ll miss you.

(I know at least two people who recorded my speech, but I still haven’t seen either of them so I can’t provide that for you guys, but it was beautiful!)

After that, it was a Orchestral Quartet, the final senior speaker (who’s speech was sad and deep), the senior dances, the farewells to the departing teachers, the moving up, the slideshow, and then we left for Gordy Games.

At Gordy Games, I kept receiving compliments on my speech, and I hung out with my three greatest friends. We ended up bailing the school, and went an got Thai food at a place about a mile from campus, and then walked over to a park another mile away and had a picnic and it was my first ever picnic type thing and we just sat there for over 2 hours eating and talking and hanging out and it was like the best ever, and then we walked another 2 miles back to one of our houses, and departed from there at around 5, after 4.5 hours together.

And every time I think about that day, my face just brightens up completely, because it was the four of us, together, completely happy on a stress-free afternoon being best friends and I love them all and that is one of the happiest days of my life!

TL;DR: A speech that I had to rewrite last-minute for a school-wide assembly went brilliantly well and afterwards I hung out with my 3 favorite people (that I’ve met physically) and had an even better time, for one of the best days in my life.

Kombucha: What do you order on pizza?

Either an all meat pizza, an all meat stuffed pizza, a cheese pizza, a sausage and green pepper pizza, or what I just found to be good, a chicken bacon ranch pizza.

-----

Thanks for the asks!!!

[elizabethsharmon]

Numbers

Skam Month: week three, day two (tirsdag) ⇾ angst

Read on AO3

If couple of years ago anyone had told him that’s how he would spend his Friday evening now, he would have just laughed at them. But here he was, sitting in the dimly-lit teachers room, checking essays of his students. It was almost 8 p.m. and he still had twelve papers to read and grade. He made himself tea and was now taking a break, looking out of the window. He was deep in his thoughts when he heard a ping . He looked at his phone:

Sana

When can we expect you at home?

So it’s not even “When will you come home?”, it’s already “when can we expect you”.

He started furiously typing I don’t know because I have work to do and it would take me twice as long to do it if I come back home because it’s so loud there and I can’t concentrate and besides you said in the morning that it’s okay because you’ll take care of them tonight so what’s your problem?

He deleted all of this. He could already see in his mind how this conversation would go. Sana would text May I remind you that it was you who wanted so many kids! and then he would write something like So what? Are you telling me you didn’t want to have kids with me? and then they would both regret it and he really didn’t want to fight with her. Especially now.

So he just texted:

I still have some essays to grade, I’ll need another hour or two.

Ping Sana

Okay. Buy some curry on your way home.

He wasn’t sure if she was teasing him or not. On the one hand she had terrible cravings for spicy food lately, which was apparently common for pregnant women, but on the other hand he was sure there were still some red hot chilli peppers in the kitchen so the ‘curry’ thing might be just a subtle way of telling him she’s angry at him.

He shook all these thoughts off his head and started reading another essay. He didn’t even raise his head when someone walked into the teacher’s room.

“What are you still doing here so late?” Vilde asked.

“Midterm essays.” he answered pointing to the pile of papers in front of him. “And you know, I could ask you the same thing.”

“Kosegruppa. Last rehearsal before the Easter break. You and Sana will come to the premiere, right?”

“Mmmm, yes, of course.” he nodded. Vilde was a director of school’s theatre club and she was so excited about their new production and Yousef really didn’t know how the hell did he forget about this. He should have remembered, he was helping them with choreography for the musical number after Act I. He really hoped he put a good poker face and Vilde hadn’t noticed he forgot about it.

“So, how’s it going?” she said sitting with a cup of tea across from him. He looked at her confused and she pointed at the papers he was checking.

“Ugh. Horrible. Please remind me once again why do I even work here?”

“Because they pay better than in the primary school?”

“Yeah, that’s probably it.”

And they needed money. Now that they were expecting twins they needed to find a new place more than ever. And obviously they could buy a bigger house for the reasonable amount of money, but Sana didn’t want to even hear anything about moving to another borough and it’s fair to say that living conditions in Briskeby were not the cheapest. And it wasn’t really like they couldn’t afford it, they would always somehow make ends meet, but Yousef always wanted the best for his family and he knew that three rooms and one bathroom for eight people will not be enough. That’s another reason why he was working on two shifts, after one of the teachers had a nervous breakdown shortly before Christmas he convinced the headmaster not to hire new teacher before the next year and he was now the substitute teacher for political and human rights. Which on the one hand was interesting to get a new perspective how his students think about everything that’s going on in the world right now, but the second shift also meant less time with his family and he hated that. But again – he needed extra money.

“So how is Sana doing?” Vilde asked.

“Uhm, she’s fine.”

“Yeah? So what? Just three more weeks?”

“Yeah. Or maybe even two. No one knows actually, with twins it can all happen much sooner.”

“I admire you guys.” Vilde sighed.

“You do?” Yousef asked confused.

“Yeah. I don’t know how I would be able to raise six kids. You’re superheroes, you know?”

He didn’t know. And he wasn’t sure they were able to raise six kids. He doubted that very much. He couldn’t believe how stupid he was when he once said he wanted to have twelve kids, that would be mission impossible. He was fine with just three, but Sana was teasing him all the time that she promised him they will have a basketball team and she never breaks her word. And then she got pregnant with their youngest girl. And Yousef really thought that’s it. But no. Few months ago when he came back home from work, Sana was waiting for him in the kitchen with dinner, kids were sleeping over at their grandparents’ house. He asked her what’s the occasion and she said that she just became the chief of cardiothoracic surgery department. He was so happy for her, he knew it was her dream for a long time, but soon he noticed that she wasn’t that happy after all.

“What is it? Aren’t you happy, Sana?”

“I am, I am, but… there’s one more thing…”

“What is it, Sana?”

“I’m pregnant with the twins.”

He was completely dumbstruck. He didn’t know what to say. It sort of became the unfortunate routine, actually, her getting pregnant every time she reached another milestone in her career. The first time she got pregnant was during her final year at the university. He was over the moon then, but she wasn’t as excited as he was – she was happy that they will have a baby, but that meant she would have to wait one more year to start her internship. Only after Isak said he’s going to take a year off after university to chill and help Even with his film, Sana started enjoying her pregnancy. She never wanted to admit this, but that was the only reason why she was so anxious about being pregnant then. Having a baby? No problem. Graduating from medical school top of her class just 4 weeks before the labour? She’s Sana freaking Bakkoush, she can do everything. But not starting her surgical internship with Isak Valtersen? Uh-uh, no way. Then after she finished the internship, Isak went on to start the residency program, while she took a year off – because she was pregnant with their son. Finished the residency? Second son was on the way. Finally passed the exams and was officially a cardiothoracic surgeon? Pregnant again. So when she told him she was pregnant with the twins now, he could only think about one thing.

“Sana, please swear to me that if you ever become the chief of surgery or the director of the hospital or whatever, just please promise me that you won’t come back home and tell me that we’ll be having triplets.”

She only laughed at that and now it’s six months later and soon there will be eight of them. And he had no idea how they will survive this. It was already hard with four kids. Last summer for the first time since forever they could fly over to Morocco for vacation. People had no idea how hard it was to travel with four kids, they had to book the whole row of seats on the plane. And now they would have to wait probably another two or three years to go anywhere abroad. But that didn’t really matter, he could survive without travelling and other stuff, he was more worried about how they would manage to take care of everything here and now. Sana would probably be on the maternity leave for a year, but knowing her she will definitely go back to work as soon as possible. And that means that she will start coming back home tired all the time and they will again only spend one day a week together as the family. And thank God, they’ll be having a boy and a girl, because if they were to have twin girls or twin boys? There was no way Sana would know who is who. He remembered one time when Sana came home after 20-hour shift at the hospital and when she laid down half-consciously in bed she just whispered “number 2 needs to go to the dentist and number 3 should be vaccinated soon.” When he teased her the next day that she doesn’t remember their kids names and thinks about them as numbers, he certainly did not expect to see that guilty look on her face. Which only confirmed that she indeed thinks about them as numbers.

“So that’s what we are to you, Sana? Just numbers? One, two, and three? And what am I then, Sana, huh? Am I a patient zero?”

She tried to explain herself, that she doesn’t think about them as numbers, it’s just that she needs to think about thousands of things a day and it makes her easier to remember everything, but this was a really weak explanation for Yousef. He then pulled his phone out of his pocket and showed her a picture of a baby and asked her which one is this. And when she replied – no actually, she didn’t reply, she guessed – he was more pissed off her then before.

“Sana, this isn’t even our baby! This is the daughter of my cousin from Turkey! How can you not even know how your own kids look, Sana?”

They had a huge fight then, they never fought like this before. This was actually the only time they had a proper fight, they haven’t really talked with each other for the whole week, they were just muttering some things about who would pick the kids from the day care or who will go shopping. But after a week of quiet days, he couldn’t do this any longer and wanted to finally make up so he bought a bouquet of bluebells and some ingredients to prepare her favourite soup. But when he came back home, it turned out that she was already there, fixing dinner for them with their kids. The whole kitchen was a mess, kids were throwing flour at each other and if Yousef hadn’t helped them, they would definitely have had to order pizza instead of making one themselves. And he didn’t need to make that soup for Sana, because it turned out she already cooked it for them. It was the first time she actually cooked anything herself and he couldn’t have been more proud of her (even though it didn’t taste nearly as good as his mother’s). After the dinner they talked and promised each other not to fight again like that ever.

But now, few years later, he felt like they were in the exact same place as then. She was staying at home all days and he was working all the time, and that’s probably why she was so mad at him. She hated not doing anything. She wanted to work. She was working all the time as though nothing was going on until the fourth month, then she stopped operating, but was still working at the hospital for the next two months, until finally both Yousef and her OBG made her go on a leave. And he knew how much she hated that she is basically bedridden right now, but there was nothing he could do about that. All they could do was wait.

Vilde got up and put on her coat.

“Okay, I’m gonna get going. I want to visit Julie and Mari on my way home.”

“They’re still living with Magnus?”

“Yeah, it’s better this way. Now that Noora and Amalie are staying over at my place, we wouldn’t have enough space.”

“How’s it going with Noora? Has she talked with him?”

“Yeah, she did. He finally calmed down and let her go, so that’s good. But he also said he is going to fight for the custody over Amalie and Noora’s now terrified that she might lose her.”

“No, she won’t, everything will be fine. There’s no way any court would give him the sole custody.”

“That’s what I’ve been telling her, but she says that he has a lot of friends among the judges and she’s just so anxious about all of this that I don’t really know how to help her.”

“Just be there for her. That’s the only thing you can do.”

“I will be.” Vilde smiled and got to the door “Tell Sana I say hi, okay? And promise me that you won’t stay here too long.”

“Yes, professor Hellerud.” Yousef saluted and giggled.

“Goodnight, professor Acar.”

Yousef was really grateful for having a friend like Vilde. He was always jealous of Sana having Isak as her work buddy and since he started working at Nissen, he finally had one of his own. He never thought they would become so close with each other, after all she was Sana’s friend and not his, but she was the first person who helped him once he started working there. At the beginning she always asked him if he wants to go and eat the lunch with her and some other teachers and others would come and go, but he and Vilde would always have lunch together since then. They weren’t the closest friends ever, he still didn’t kind of understood what’s the whole deal between her and Magnus, though Isak tried to explain it to him once – they broke up after the end of high school because Vilde needed space, she then took a gap year and apparently had some life changing experiences living in Barcelona for a year. Magnus was waiting for her all this time, but she came back to Oslo as a totally different person and told him that she still needs time to find herself and he deserves so much more than she can give him so she needs to let him go and he also has to let her go. Since then they haven’t really been in touch until a few years later they bumped into each other by accident and went on a coffee together. After that they started to talk with each other again and after Magnus confessed he still loves her after all this time, they promised each other that if none of them finds anyone before their 40th birthday they will get married. But after her 30th birthday, Vilde really started to envy Yousef and Sana and she wanted to have kids of her own, but she knew how it is to be raised by a single parent all too well and she didn’t want the same for her child and long story short now she has two beautiful daughters with Magnus and they are living across the street from each other. Yousef didn't know all the details, but it seemed like this arrangement fits them.

He tried to get back to grading the papers, but he couldn’t focus any more. He packed the essays to his backpack and decided to go home. On his way back he was trying to decode Sana’s message: did she want curry powder, Indian curry or Thai curry? He had no idea. He remembered there’s and Indian restaurant near the school so he went there and ordered one curry for take-out. If that’s not what she wanted, then he’ll eat it. But he really hoped he made a right guess.

When he came back home around 9 p.m., the TV set was playing really loudly and it’s fair to say that what he saw in the living room was beyond his expectations. Sana was sleeping on the couch, hugging the bowl with popcorn. Their oldest daughter was sleeping on the other couch, with her arms stretched she there was no space left on the couch. Their youngest one and boys were sleeping in front of Sana on the pool mattress that Elias bought for them and they insisted on inflating it three months before their summer vacation just to see if it’s comfortable. Apparently it is. Yousef smiled and pulled out his phone and took several pictures of his family and then made a selfie with them in the background. He is so gonna tease them about that tomorrow. He carried all his children, one by one, to their bedrooms. He would also take Sana to bed, but she was so heavy right now that it would be impossible to carry her there without waking her up. So he just covered her with the blanket and when he wanted to take the bowl from her hands, he heard her whisper:

“Nooo, that’s my popcorn.”

He just chuckled and kneeled in front of her. He could see how she sniffs her nose, she must have smelled the curry. She finally opened her eyes and smiled widely when she saw his face in front of her.

“Halla”

“Hey there” she whispered, stretching on the couch “What’s that smell?”

“Indian curry.” he said, raising the bag with the take-out “I wasn’t sure which one you want and it was too late to get all of them, so I thought I’ll get you the Indian one.”

“Good, because that’s exactly the one I wanted.”

And as soon as she smiled and he saw her dimples, he completely forgot why was he even angry at her in the first place.

[wfitvacations]

12 Health Retreat Hacks (That You Can Do At Home This Weekend)

Nurture, reboot and deep clean your fitness habits

Health retreat programs overhaul our workout habits and get us moving in the right direction towards change.

When people practice action, they develop associations in memory between the action and aspects of the context in which it typically occurs. – American Psychological Association

Hi, I’m Cat Smiley: the owner of West Coast Fitness Vacations. We’re a wellness retreat and weight loss camp company on Vancouver Island in B.C., Canada. In my experience, weight loss boot camp programs like ours have a lot to offer both during the fitness retreat and after.

But there are some things you can do today without being on a health retreat, to receive similar rejuvenation benefits. In this article, I’ll share my top 11 ideas.

CHECK OUT OUR WEIGHT LOSS CAMPS IN B.C., CANADA

1. Change your home environment and routine

Breaking up is hard to do, whether it’s quitting the habit of being perpetually 5 minutes late, or smoking.

Health retreat programs such as West Coast Fitness Vacations works as a catalyst towards new behaviour – partly because participants change their environment and routine.

Changing your routine could be as simple as waking up earlier, driving a different way to work, or joining a new gym.

More drastic environment changes could include redecorating your dining room – new pictures or perhaps paint!

Try a new drink at Starbucks! Meet a friendly person from yoga class for a tea – be open to new friends.

Reorganize your wardrobe, donating, selling or gifting everything you no longer wear.

Treat yourself to an afternoon makeover at your local mall – makeup, new outfit and trip to the hairdresser.

Challenge yourself to change the little things that you do daily, to make way for creating healthier habits.

20 small tips from our best wellness retreats – to make today more meaningful

2: Pick a date for your fresh start – and stick to it

As soon as you know that you’re going to a weight loss resort, you’ll probably get a push of motivation. Whether that’s cleaning up your habits, or starting to exercise more, booking a trip gives you a future landmark. Behavioural scientists call it ‘The Fresh Start Effect” – an important time on the calendar that helps get started on goals. The study researched 3 key patterns following landmarks: google searches for diet, gym visits and commitments to pursue goals.

Commit to an upcoming landmark like New Year, birthdays, Mondays or semesters to shift your routine.

Clear your schedule in advance to allow sufficient time to get started on your goals, on those dates

Go to the bookstore and browse journals – I personally love productivity planners!

Get yourself ready; organize your food, groceries, workout clothes and gym classes to start that day.

Leverage big picture thinking by using landmark dates to start a new chapter. Create clear action plans on the time and effort required to achieve it! The first 3 months of your new routine are the most vulnerable. This is the best time to hire a professional to support your aspirations and help with clarity.

Vancouver Island residential weight loss camp (biggest loser style) – 1-4 months

3: Spend the afternoon planning, organizing and envisioning

Women’s weight loss retreats are BIG on making lists and action plans. Lists are such a rewarding and proactive way to plan a fresh start in the things that you do daily. In our group coaching sessions, I work with guests to guide them towards realistic checklists – that align with their lifestyle.

Write down everything you do for your health for one week. Include meditation, exercise, food, beverages, sleep.

After a week, take a good hard look at what you wrote. Note down all the changes that you think you should make.

List these changes in priority order. Don’t try to quit everything on the same day!

Create columns, today, next week, next month. You can also look at quitting one negative thing per month.

Making an action plan and visualizing yourself following through with it is the best way to improve your food choices. Similar to how athletes use visualization techniques to prepare for optimal performance, mentally rehearsing healthy habits has the same effect. When you can first ‘see’ something, whether that’s through imagination or reflecting upon a memory it plants the seed to take action.

WEST COAST FITNESS VACATIONS – OUR SAFETY PLAN FOR REOPENING

4: Spend the day outside doing something in nature

There are some health vacations that are mostly indoors, focusing on consulting, personal training and fitness classes. Yet the best weight loss retreat for adults (in my opinion) will get outside as much as possible. There’s so much activity that gets the heart rate up; hiking, power walking, biking, kayaking and outside fitness classes. Being in nature is truly refreshing and inspiring, important to me anywhere I travel.

Next time you’re in a new city unsure whether there’s a safe park around, take a cab. The driver will know!

Take time to walk, relax, stretch and let your mind wander in the forest – at least once a week.

Not sure where the safest forest is near you? Google ‘provincial park in [your town]’ or ‘[your town] hiking tours

Get outside every day, at least two sessions of 10 minutes. Even in the middle of winter. Let the sun hit that beautiful face!

NO GYM REQUIRED! CAT SMILEY’S WEIGHT LOSS BOOT CAMP IS 100% OUTSIDE (EVEN IN WINTER)

5: Focus on your sleep

Enhanced sleep is one of the most glorious things about participating in a luxury wellness retreat. Ongoing sleep disturbance and insomnia can result in drastically reduced wellbeing that can effect your long term health. One of the powerful benefits of participating in a residential weight loss program is that all elements of your health can be addressed, including sleep.

Develop an evening ritual with winding down at least an hour before bed. Try tea, skin care, hot shower and taking the dogs out!

Try to follow the same time each night, so that your body finds a routine of waking up and falling asleep.

Exert yourself physically in the day by getting enough exercise and outdoor time.

Invest in an amazing mattress and sleep set! This will truly make the world of difference.

Our blissful daily schedule provides just the right balance of outdoor activity, nourishing food and stress-relieving therapies to promote improved sleeping patterns. These sleep benefits continue even after you return home.

Imagine staying here for a month! Previous wellness retreats in Whistler were in partnership with the Westin Resort & Spa, Whistler.

6: Get strict with yourself

Being held accountable for your food and workouts is one of the huge benefits of joining a health retreat, especially one that focuses on weight loss. At West Coast Fitness Vacations I encourage all our guests to journal prior to arrival. We get them to write down everything in detail using the labels on the food, and measuring the food (instead of estimating the portions). Identifying the problem is the first step in identifying the solution.  

Learn how to use your smart watch to full potential.

Download apps to support your goals, such as step counting and calorie counting.

Set yourself a daily step goal of 10,000.

Learn the energy value that you are putting into your body.

Education is an important part of your personal development towards becoming an empowered, knowledgeable eater. Tracking the time that you ate is a valuable way to increase personal awareness and make necessary changes.

WHY WELLNESS RETREATS IN B.C. ARE WORTH STAYING LOCAL FOR

7: Find a way to monitor progress

Wellness is not about watching the number on the scale go down, and weighing yourself can be triggering. If you’re working towards your goals independently (ie not at a health retreat or weight loss camp), then photo and measurements are also helpful.

Track caloric deficit instead. How many calories did you burn today – and how many did you eat?

If taking your own photo, use the timer on the 10 second setting, phone at eye level. Use your better judgement on this but definitely embrace the unflattering light – it’s where you’ll see the most encouraging improvement.

Commit to taking a new pic every month or so. Save it on your phone to refer back to when you want to quit on your healthy intentions. It’ll be a huge motivator to keep going in the positive direction.

To measure yourself, keep the tape firm but not tight. You can buy one at a hardware store, in most supermarkets or at a craft store. Measure your hips, waist, legs and chest.

Tracking is a good task to delegate to a personal trainer. Even if you only buy a few sessions, measurements and photo will take them less than 10 minutes and likely will be more accurate. It’s tempting to not be completely honest (with both starting point and results) when you’re doing it on yourself! 

DID YOU KNOW THAT YOU CAN LIVE AT A WEIGHT LOSS RESORT FOR 2-6 MONTHS?

8: Set up a system of accountability

Goal setting is an important part of our weight loss camp program.

Set daily goals that you want to achieve, and break them down into smaller chunks that are achievable. For example, perhaps today your priority is to drink 3 liters of water. Break this down into drinking 3 cups before lunch.

Focus on micro-goals as well as the big picture ones. The little steps in the right direction really do add up.

Every Sunday, look back on your week. Note your achievements, and where you could improve.

Reward yourself along the way – perhaps hiring a baby-sitter for the afternoon so that you can enjoy a long walk in the forest.

Hire a coach to support your goals, or join our wellness retreat for a month.

Find your people – an encouraging friend, neighbour or community fitness group to be part of your team.

One of the benefits that you get from being on a fitness vacation is the encouragement and support from the other like-minded guests. It can be harder to keep yourself accountable and motivated on your own. Without a doubt, the team environment that comes from women going on an active vacation together is truly inspiring!

9: Modern health retreat programs celebrate everyones starting point

All too often I hear about triggering experiences from the social environment at other weight loss retreats in Canada (or elsewhere). Being empathetic to the clients emotional triggers (surrounding the topic of size and weight loss) is a necessary leadership skill.

If ‘body positive fitness’ doesn’t fit you, use ‘body neutrality’

Focus on benefits that don’t include the number on the scale. Sleeping better? Get 3 walks in this week? That’s a win!

Try to deflect the topic to something that’s more comfortable for you, when others talk about weight loss

Be mindful of your own communication style. Compliment a fellow challengers commitment to their workouts, instead of asking how much weight they lost. Bond in other ways – you’ll find a deeper and more meaningful connection.

Ditch weight loss as a measurement to whether you’re on track

Be mindful when joining weight loss boot camp programs or fitness challenges, especially weight loss focused ones. Unless the instructor has substantial experience in body transformation and weight management, they may not be sensitive to your needs.

DID YOU KNOW THAT YOU CAN LIVE AT A WEIGHT LOSS RESORT FOR 2-6 MONTHS?

10: Become a planning ninja

One of the best things about participating in a fitness retreat is that everything runs on schedule. Well-organized days really make a huge difference as our customers learn how to apply this organization to their lives at home.  Throughout the years of running destination fitness retreats, we’ve learnt a lot about how to make things run smoothly.

Plan your workout time productively – go to the gym with a solid plan.

Consider hiring an Executive Coach to help manage your work priorities better

Insist that the personal trainer that you hire works with your learning style. Are you visual? Then ask for less verbal explanation and more workout demonstration.

Limit waiting time between workouts and activities. All of your workouts should include super sets and multiple tasks. Let your trainer know that you’d prefer not to rest between sets.

Be proactive with meal planning – look ahead at your week and organize what you’re going to eat. Write a shopping list every Sunday. Prepare rice in advance, keep it in the fridge up to 2-3 days. Cook two portions, freeze the second. Consider buying a second freezer so that you can take advantage of bulk buying, and always have healthy food on hand. Busy lives often make it hard to get to the grocery store.

Read: 10 Fitness Hacks For When You Don’t Have Time To Work Out

11: Seek out new friends

Signing up for a health retreat means that you’re also signing up to meet like-minded, active people. It’s great to have the direct connection with potential friends who’ve got similar values.

Figure out how you can meet like-minded women that uplift, encourage and support you. Perhaps you’ll need to be the group leader to coordinate a meetup or social. Yoga memberships are quite good for meeting others, more so than regular gym memberships (in my experience!)

Join a progressive, 4-8 week fitness program. The community centre has programs all the time.

Be friendly, and look friendly – even when nobody is engaging with you. By having open body language and looking approachable, people might approach. Have a few light things to talk about, and to ask others about – know a few ways to encourage others to talk.

Being surrounded by others with like-minded goals and interests will help significantly with motivation. Goals are always easier to meet when you have a support group of people to cheer you on.

VANCOUVER ISLAND RESIDENTIAL WEIGHT LOSS CAMP (BIGGEST LOSER STYLE) – 1-4 MONTHS

12: Take a break from your every day routine

Sometimes it’s hard to make a change in your life without changing your environment. Traveling to a health retreat is a great way to get out of a rut because everything is different.

Get back in touch with yourself – quiet time, meditation, self-reflection, journalling.

Have the courage to re-structure your life, if needed. Hire the relevant professional to support you.

Take the afternoon off. Go to the spa – have a massage. Or, take a nap. It’s okay to rest!

Do a staycation in your own town, google tourist attractions and actually go visit them.

When you return home from a health retreat you establish a new routine, and you’ll have clearer vision about how you want it to be.

Vancouver Island residential weight loss camp (biggest loser style) – 1-2 months

The post 12 Health Retreat Hacks (That You Can Do At Home This Weekend) appeared first on West Coast Fitness Vacations.

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[dramatistsguild]

Get It On!

Four Possible Pathways to Production in L.A.’s Post-Equity-Waiver Landscape

By Josh Gershick

@dramatistsguild @SexyGayAgenda

After a bitter, protracted struggle between Actors Equity Association and the actor-driven Pro-99 movement, LA writers have been left wondering where, what and with whom they can now produce.

The bottom line is this: LA’s 99-Seat Theatre Plan, which for decades had allowed Equity actors to pursue their art at their own discretion (for little or no pay) in houses of 99 seats or fewer, is dead.

Though many may mourn the passing of the old plan, this is where we are. It is what it is.

But there may be a silver lining: This new reality could force playwrights to be stronger advocates for our own work, mandating that we immerse ourselves in the bloody, sausage-making aspects of theatre, including how capital is raised. Some of us are doing this already.

From this writer’s studied perspective, there now are four clear paths to production.

1. Produce under the new Equity LA Showcase Code, which allows for up to a 50-seat house, a $20K budget and sixteen performances.

The Cons here are many.

First, $20,000 in LA is very likely the cost of theatre space alone – unless you own your own space. Anyone who produces theatre in LA knows this. Secondly, at $25/ticket, at full capacity every night – never mind comps, Goldstar and reality itself – you could conceivably recoup your investment, but it’s not likely. Loss is built into this option.

Further, sixteen shows are too few to build momentum, even with a PR-intense front-loading of the show. Yes, the opening weekend you’ll fill with friends, family and longtime fans.  Thereafter, you’re building on word-of-mouth, press coverage and other outreach, but the clock is ticking and the incline is steep. Yes, you’ll want to hire a keen PR person who’ll bang the drum weeks in advance – but with a $20K cap on the budget, can you really afford to?

However, there is a Pro.

If your show is a solo endeavor, with little or no physical set, relying principally on a simple narrative, force of personality and some light tech, this might be an option.

2. Produce entirely non-Equity.

I believe in Unions. History has shown that, humankind, being what it is, cannot always be relied upon to do the right and honorable thing. However, a non-Equity production need not be a sweatshop, and producing a non-Equity show does not make one evil incarnate.

There is a big Pro here: LA is full of new, well-trained actors waiting for that big break – your show might give it to them.

There also are some major Cons.

First, producing non-Equity, you can’t use your favorite Equity actors, people with whom you may have long relationships and who, by virtue of their stature, may draw press and an audience.

Two, producing non-Equity, you can’t use your favorite Equity stage managers. A crack stage manager is key to a successful show. The SM is your sergeant major on the battlefield, your Top Kick supporting the troops. (However, one’s favorite Equity SM may have an as-yet non-Union mentee who’d like some first-class experience en route to an Equity card. Prayer may be helpful here.)

3. Write something brilliant for an actor who’s affiliated with a membership company.

Under the LA Membership Company Rule, any Equity member may participate (without contract) with any membership company as long as that company was in existence prior to Feb. 6, 2015, had registered their company by April 1, 2015, and had previously produced under the old 99-Seat Theatre Plan.

Some LA membership companies – especially those with a history of launching new work that moves to contract – are overwhelmed by over-the-transom submissions. These companies may produce only those scripts recommended by a member. So get busy! Write something for an actor you love – one who’s a part of a thrilling, innovative theatre company. Sweeten the deal by bringing an Angel so that you become a co-producer.

4. Raise the funds and produce under Equity’s new 99-Seat Theatre Agreement.

Under the old 99-Seat Plan, actors often worked for a small stipend covering rehearsal, plus a per-performance fee, negotiated on a case-by-case basis. Some actors, motivated purely by the material, worked on an entirely free basis. Under the new 99-Seat Theatre Agreement, Equity actors must be paid minimum wage for all rehearsal and performance time. Producing under this agreement requires planning. It’s not Andy Hardy, “Hey, kids! Let’s put on a show!” But it is do-able.

Production costs under the new 99-Seat Theatre Agreement can mount quickly. For example, here’s the breakdown for a five-person cast (with no understudies or double-casting, practically a necessity in LA):

Table reading (15 hours) + Rehearsal (30 hours) + Tech (20 hours) + Run (26 performances, including 2 previews at 3 hours/night) = 143 actor hours

143 actor hours x 5 actors = 715 hours x $12/hour = $8,580

At first glance, this one budget line item (CAST = $8,580) may produce a gasp. But, again, it is do-able, with planning. Through an intentional, well-conceived fund-raising effort, including a judicious crowd-sourcing campaign, careful cultivation of individual donors, the writing of grants, and the hosting of sundry bingo bashes and cake sales, the money can be raised. Further, writer/producers might also affiliate with a 501c3 as a fiscal sponsor, or seek fiscal sponsorship through a national, fee-based organization such as Fractured Atlas, which, according to its mission statement, seeks to “empower artists…by eliminating practical barriers to artistic expression.”

There are other Equity paths to production, such as the LA Self-Produced Project Code, which allows Equity actors “to collaborate as a group to self-produce theatre without the requirement of an Equity contract,” and the Small Professional Theatre Agreement (SPT), new to LA, for venues of up to 349 seats. Under the SPT, there is no budget-cap per production and no restriction on the length of the run. Actor salaries range from $229 to $664 per week, based on the number of weekly performances. (The Temblors, the Southland’s audacious new playwriting collective, is producing under the SPT contract.)

Mark Twain allegedly once said, “Only a fool or a genius rushes into print.” The same can be said of production. LA’s new Equity rules needn’t be an obstacle. Take your time. Choose your path. Plan properly. Assemble a crack team. Affiliate yourself with like-minded artists. Create a fundraising plan. And raise that cash.

Only three words remain to be said: Get it on!

For more info on Equity’s new rules, go to equityworksla.com.

[theadventuresofharryandlaura]

ASIA TOUR BLOG PART 2: Malaysia After an extremely long travel day from Japan, including a 7-hour layover in Taipei, we checked into our hotel in Kuala Lumpur around 2am. The next morning at 8am, we had a live performance and interview at a local radio station. We were exhausted but so excited to be in a new country! Also, the radio host was so energetic that it brought up our energy levels vicariously. After the radio, we headed straight to soundcheck and rehearsal for our concert that night. We knew we were to be collaborating with a local musician, Alena Murang, but we didn’t know much else about her other than that she played the sape (a traditional Malaysian instrument). It turns out that Alena not only plays the sape beautifully, she also sings, and is committed to preserving the traditional pagan music from her home state of Sarawak, on the island of Borneo. She taught us two songs by ear, and we filled in Break of Reality-style accompaniments around the tunes, and she also improvised beautifully with one of our songs, Star. The collaboration was smooth, natural, and fun! We were able to prepare all 3 songs together in about an hour. The concert that evening, which was preceded by a well-organized press conference, was a lovely welcome to Malaysia. It was packed with a few hundred enthusiastic people, and in greeting the crowd afterwards for signatures and selfies, we realized that many of them were young people. I’m always thrilled to perform for a younger audience—must nurture future supporters of live music! After the concert, we headed to a breathtaking spot: Helipad Lounge. It’s a real former helipad on top of an extremely tall building, that has been turned into a bar/lounge. There is no wall railing around the top, only a ribbon and a few feet of space (this would of course NEVER exist in the US), so the 360 views are uncompromised. We took a LOT of pictures. The highlight of our second and final day in KL was performing at the residence of the US Ambassador to Malaysia, Kamala Lakhdir. She had moved into her home and begun work there exactly one week prior to our concert. But she was extremely gracious, and seemed settled and comfortable as far as we could tell. We played an acoustic mini-concert, and since things had gone so well with Alena the previous night, she joined us again for two songs. It was a beautiful evening, and they set up food trucks (a true American tradition) outside. There were about 120 guests; I’m not sure who they all were but most were connected to the Embassy in some way. We had another early departure the next morning (6am) to catch a flight to Kota Kinabalu. KK is the biggest city in Sabah, a state on the island of Borneo. Borneo is a huge island, partly occupied by Malaysia and partly by Indonesia. It’s a couple of hours by plane from KL. We touched down, grabbed lunch, and headed to a University to give a class/workshop to music students. They were extremely shy to ask questions (sometimes it’s like pulling teeth), but after the class they all came up on stage and wanted selfies and to talk with us individually and ask questions. Maybe they were all afraid to ask in front of each other! We then headed to the library for another mini-concert/ Q&A session. By the time that ended, we were thoroughly exhausted and happy to get back to the hotel. One thing I know about myself, that was reinforced on this trip, was that early morning call times, and especially early morning flights, do not agree with my body, and tend to make me suffer throughout the day. But, playing music and interacting with new people is such an energizing thing that I was always able to get through it. Though it’s a big city, KK feels much more like a beach town than KL. We were staying right on the water, and every night walked along the waterfront through a massive market selling fish, produce, and countless other things day and night. We ended up eating delicious Thai food overlooking the ocean, followed by a visit to a bar that serves drinks and foot massages (really!). We frequented both these establishments more than once during our time there. Our day off in KK was one of the most memorable on the tour. We started by taking a 20-minute boat out to Sapi island through a bright blue, sunny bay. There, we all strapped on some gear and ziplined between it and another island. I had ziplined once before, probably 25 years ago at summer camp, before I was old enough to fear anything. I was a bit nervous to jump off the platform, but once I did, it was a thrilling one-minute ride above the water. We were with our whole Malaysian “team”: Spencer from American Music Abroad who accompanied us to Japan and Malaysia and then headed home, and Mike, Shannon and Hisham from the embassy. Everyone went through with the ride and loved it! In the afternoon, we got special permission to visit some animals in a wildlife reserve on the edge of the city. We met Joe, an adorable baby elephant, and played some cello for him. Joe was much more interested in eating carrots, consuming about 15 during the course of our 3-minute performance. We also played for some orangutans, and fared slightly better, at least drawing them to the front of their area where they sat and listened and regarded us quizzically. Borneo does have a lot of amazing wildlife. I’d love to explore it more if I ever get a chance to return. The next day began with an interview at KupiKupiFM radio, a name I will remember forever because it was so fun to say, followed a soundcheck and rehearsal for our big concert that night. Our collaborations in KK were wonderful: we did “Yesterday” with a guitarist named Roger Wang, which came together really quickly because he’s so amazing, and two songs with a group called Bamboo Woods. They are just incredible! It’s a group of students who play traditional bamboo instruments: flutes, percussion instruments, etc. Their energy and passion for the music is infectious. When we played with them, we didn’t add much to what they were doing because they didn’t need it. There were another couple hundred people in this audience, also young! Thn something bad happened. After the concert, it was pretty late so we went to the only restaurant that was open, a diner style place that was still bustling at 11pm. We were starving, so we were all bent over our menus for a few minutes. After we ordered, I realized my bag was missing. It was hung over the back of my chair, and must have been swiped by someone very quickly. The people at the restaurant said they saw someone running down the stairs, but couldn’t identify him on the surveillance camera. I still have no idea what happened, and was surprised at the brazenness of it. But, much to my relief, my passport was in my hotel room at the time and my phone was in my hand, so I didn’t lose either of these things, and I only lost about $70 in cash. The rest of the night was spent cancelling my credit cards and doing all the other fun things you do when you get robbed. The embassy people, Mike and Shannon, were amazing and helped me every step of the way. I did feel very light for the next few days, only carrying my phone and hotel key wherever I went! Our last day was really special; we started it with an outreach/workshop at an art institute, and then visited a hospital, where we passed out gift bags to sick children and their families, and then performed in the atrium where people could sit and listen to us or look out the window from any floor. I know it sounds cliché, but seeing what those families are going through really put my own problems, such as losing some material possessions, in perspective. It was nice to be able to brighten their days a little with music. Our final evening was spent watching the sunset and toasting a beautiful week in Malaysia.

[mbrl]

a giant update!

 posted first here bc yolo

roadmap-

the stuff i bought from forever 21 today c:

other stuff i did today!

closing the chapter to january (the worst month i’ve had to deal with for awhile?)

things i look forward to in the future: march, april, may, summer.

oh my god i got really cute things from forever 21!! finally ordered a white/light grey windbreaker with swordfish pattern all over it for $20. also got white dolphin shorts (like dolphin style, not literal dolphins) with rainbow stripes on the side. and a dark-ish pink/blush off the shoulder dress with ties on the arm.. it’s kind of weird but was on sale for valentines day & idk how off the shoulder styles look on me... we’ll see ig! it’s really cute and flowy. and another dress, but maroon and long sleeve and floral, kind of in a baby doll fit. it’s lowkey mockneck so the reviews are like help i can’t fit my head through but .. hopefully it fits! there’s some really small lace parts on the sleeve :). and a white flowy vneck top with a bunch of pink flowers on it and a tie in the front. bell-ish sleeves with lace on the upper shoulders and parts of the back! oo and a light weight grey hoodie with kinda cheesy but still cool cool-toned floral embroidery on the hood. it’s p unique but the quality probably sucks and isn’t soft. lastly a peach mid-maxi skirt that has some sheer parts for the bottom half!! it’s like those ballet rehearsal skirts style. 

okay clearly i really like dresses and i think i’m going to start wearing more pink/color because i’m totally over winter in general and how drab that season is. honestly just light warm colors that kind of are reminiscent of furniture fabric/granny aesthetic is totally my vibe. like i want to look like i don’t give a fuck, but not in an emo way but more in a.... idk. i actually don’t know how to explicate my vibe but its like laid back and californian and whatever. hypebeast/grandma/passionate napper/hiker/couch appearance :) also i’m really happy to just sorta word dump and get my thoughts out again because they’re finally good vibes and i feel super excited to share it with my ... laptop screen & whoever’s reading! like getting outta funks is so nice and lowkey reminiscent of a few months ago when i finally got over this stupid boy

anyway okay. today i woke up at 9-10ish because i slept at 3am yesterday :( i felt really weird (ig you can describe as anxious) because of something i did, and i tried to do that thing where i imagined trump spouting all the self hate/angsty vibes i was telling myself, but i didn’t really purge the angst all that much. also i had taken a nap after school + drank boba the day before... (and 2 days before then i slept at 2 bc i had half a cup of green tea in the evening...) also i got angry at myself that i couldn’t sleep because it’s just annoying. it’s 12 am right now and i didn’t take any naps today but i’ll definitely be content & ready to sleep after i right this. so after i woke up, i spent like a few hours cleaning out my room-- i fixed the organization of my desk drawers so it could be more efficient and less cluttered. also the night before when i couldn’t sleep, i hung up all my clothes so that was nice. then in the early afternoon, i finished math hw (literally had 2 problems left, one of which i didn’t know how to do....) and did some japan bowl studying! i also started chatting hella people to ask for interest regarding a possible speaker event that intersections (my social justice club) is hosting... it’s about asian american health disparities, so i got 9 total clubs interested??? now i gotta email the presenter to update them but i’ll do that tomorrow. then from 3-5pm i had a really fun japan bowl meeting that was super untoxic and just productive. this year we have less frequent meetings, but i think we spend the biweekly meetings with... healthier vibes. it’s a lot more fun, and honestly no amount of shame expedites self-studying better than just having a safe and nice environment. we did some practice rounds & i knew the answers to some questions!!! it was fun. i’ll definitely be studying more ahahah this week’s meeting was kind of a throw away but it was good bonding? we also did reading practice.

then i went on tumblr/online shopped/youtubed for 2 hours or smtg..then finished bio hw (3 sections of notes!!!!) while watching gaming streams after eating dinner. then chilled and took a shower, went on tumblr some more, and here i am now! i feel like i didn’t do much but whatever. it’s okay to be leisurely and like.. i just have a worksheet for aplac and a few emails to write tmrw, and i guess that’s it? chill weekend.

okay queue the giant cbt paragraphs:

january was a giant mess mainly because of tasp application... it’s hard for me to take the experiences that i know are invaluable in building my character, and trying to relay that in a effective, understandable way. it made me feel secure because it was almost like i was selling myself/commodifying my experiences, but i was doing it in the course of a 3-4 weeks. it was annoying when i got the diction and syntax just how i wanted it, only for my editor to be like no this is weird. it’s weird to have someone who doesn’t know you try to word your experiences and push you into a template. thank god said editor actually got fired and isn’t my college counselor-- now i have this really tall and goofy friendly white guy (who majored in sociology so you can imagine he’s not the typical yt).

another thing was just friend stuff, but not in a way that points a finger specifically to anyone, it’s just... junior year will literally suck the life out of people and push them to extremes. for me, when i needed support from my friends, it’s not like i could receive it-- partly this is just normal though because normally i don’t confide in them anyway because my life is pretty easy anyway. most of the time/100% of the time i’m initiating the how-are-you type thing and listening to rants and giving advice or playing devil’s advocate or trying to empathize and validate. and when i needed someone to do that for me, i didn’t know how to ask for it? and my friends wouldn’t have the capacity to care for me bc i don’t think they actually know the background of my problems that well. i mean only i really know that and that’s fine bc it’s not really practical for other people to take the time to (1) understand and, (2) care... also it’s not worth it to me to expend the emotional labor explaining to someone. so this really isn’t to sound self sacrificing, it’s just that i consciously don’t expect my friends to be my therapist, but since i have amateur skills & pretty decent emotional intelligence, i’m glad to take that role for my friends. this just blows up in my face every once in awhile when my own problems resurface or smtg and i just turn inward and whatever. thank god it’s over!!! that was basically my january.

someone i kinda know also had something really egregious happen to them. and i can’t talk about it bc i’m making this post public bc i want a record of this on my studyblr blog. anyway i was alone in helping this person with the egregious thing because it’s not the kind of thing i can share (it’s not my story) and also sharing the information can force people to do things that ... wouldn’t be favorable. the stress from that time made me really upset for a few days and i was so angry that the egregious thing even happened, and i’m definitely not the person to get angry.

also had to get my physical for track from this gross pervert of a doctor who uses a stethoscope to touch breasts :\ and i felt really disgusting and gross and it happened and just yuck so cringe ijaijsf don’t wnat to talk about it

ugh okay another thing that i recently came to realize is that fat is really underrated in attractiveness because flab plausibly makes for super comfortable cuddling? basically other than in the context of a fatphobic society (and this isn’t to thin shame), there’s nothing definitively more beautiful about sharp angles or hard muscles compared to soft curves? someone i sit next to in a class wears hoodies and sweatpants almost everyday and they just look like a pillow/perfect big spoon. okay but at the same time food angst and body image stuff is lowkey resurfacing, but in a really lowkey way against myself :(. part of the reason why i got angry last night at myself was because i didn’t like how i drank boba at such a late time, and how i was basically on a sugar high at 2am. so i’m trying to limit my processed food intake as a means of control. i’m pretty safe from relapsing into fullblown AN but a lot of shame associated with certain foods is still there. also i still dislike my thighs and back flab and i didn’t run hard enough to be ready for track and i feel really out of shape :(

a few days ago i went volunteering and was utterly exhausted and not in the mood of being understanding. i don’t think i was being impatient, but i was being more curt than usual when working with somebody. i was really annoyed and dwelling on my irritation and letting it consume me. on the car ride home, i was thinking through all the reasons why i could be so pissy, so i had to think through all this angst and grossness in january. i was always hoping that i was just pmsing when i was feeling especially down during that month, but i think the stress made me skip that month :\ so idk where my period or pms went but goddamn ig i was just especially moody that month if hormones can’t explain it lol

during january, intersections was passed and that was such a big victory. but i didn’t really care about it. i honestly didn’t even want to do anything for it or hope that i’d go well. part of insecurity for me is that i doubt myself so much (sUBCONSCIOUSLY, which is especially annoying bc idk what i actually feel half the time) that i get frustrated easily.

but the stress of the summer app and distancing myself from the stressful things has allowed me to recover, and i’m really happy and my normal self (which i’m really happy about!!!) i’ve literally been writing for 40 min so i’m going to start doing lists for the remaining stuff i said i’d write about

things i look forward to!

feb: planning for intersections, week of break = cramming for jbowl, light school work load

march: starting my club, leadership conference i’m part of, almost time for jbowl

april: jbowl!, spring break, api healthcare disparities presentation?

may: giant speaker event with an alumnus possibly?

summer: lead a free program for low income students around where i live? there’s a lotta red tape and logistics that come with this one though... will be thinking about it for a long time.

okay i’m sleepy bye