#even if u have something to criticize about their word choice or sth - like if the author uses an outdated term or sth

[theoestofocs]

reading a truly excellent fic from a small fandom, that hasn't been updated in ages despite the author promising an epilogue: ah fair enough, hope everything's okay, I'll hit "subscribe" just in case bc i loved what they wrote so i'll comment that i liked it

scrolling absently up through the other 5+ comments and abruptly stumbling on a breathtakingly bad faith criticism of -problematic- elements that weren't even present in the fic:

[paraclete0407]

Still trying to chuck all of my old book-ideas and -projects out the window.  Everyone already knows I ran through a window head first, that I had umerous student-teacher relationships though never touched any of them.  Lately I ‘prosecuted’ myself a lot ad considered whether I could even be brought before a court in TW for rape by deception since I overstated my ambitions to get a girlfriend in college.  However maybe as Jimmy Carter would say it’s ancient history.  I also lost the greatest love- or quasi-familial relationship and Xtian fellowship of my life due to being overly blunt about lines I had crossed in the past. 

I made so many mistakes and never followed through.  If I could do just one more thing with my life.

William Blake said you could write a thousand books if you had read and understood Shakespeare or Dante and - while I guess that makes sense, beyond Shakespeare and Dante, I absolutely know that one could write an infinite number of books from the Bible; and that phrases from the Bible such as ‘everlasting consolation’ simply come to me when I try to ‘creatively’ write.  I tried to pursue the identity of a Korean or at least Korea-lover or a teacher or a leader or a man / father.  My parents really want me one day to get married and have male offspring whereas my one serious partner in a relationship kept saying I’d have daughters which I agree with intuitively; ‘howbeit,’ right now I am sincerely concerned that I could die from heart-failure due to either C19 Delta or the Pfizer vaccine.  

I drove to Chicago with a mind to address two matters of business with the Republic of Korea Consul General.  I got badly lost and confused, my blood sugar crashed.  Phase 5 lockdowns, clear plans for ‘pockets’ or containment-zones and a lot of (b/Black especially) people are spitting and coughing like it’s funny.  I remembered very vividly the face of a woman with whom I had once imbibed a little greenish Japanese liquor - the one time I drank alcohol and didn’t blow up my own life thereafter; really the one person I don’t regret ever drinking with - and also remembered the day that the plane touched down at ICN, 6.26.2010.  

I remembered writing a poem about or from Friedrich Nietzsche, And let the men prepare for war / and women reave love and peace / in the rain.  It was something more complicated that ‘propagandized’ and ‘dramatized’ itself.  Ever since Milton class in college I have had a tendency to pursue literary criticism or method or ethos or amplification or extremitization(?) and say more than I mean.  While I realized sth about traditional gender-roles on that morning in the van through the ‘rainsome’ hill-valleys I was kidding myself to think I had instantly or automatically understood everything about Korea and Koreans or, much less, that I had found ‘the complete package’ of my own destiny and would never have to make a serious decision again.

Pope Francis - whom I respect and honestly believe to be the probable or at least plausible successor to Saint Peter, legitimate, (Matt. 16:18) - had spoken a while back of how Catholics or Christians ought to read Nietzsche.  It occurred to me that NIetzsche was not only a literary critic or critic of philosophy or critic of Christianity - which was perhaps what made him totally insane at the end - but also a critic of Germanness, which is a critical category of being or nationhood / identity in this hour when the day of my generation, the Millennials, is far-spent; and the far-flung hope or optimistic wish that Amnesty International, commerce / capitalism / U-2 Bono stuff, etc. - and it appears that drawing of hard lines and war of some scale is guaranteed.  The leader of Burma / Myanmar from my childhood has apparently been superceded by a military government, and my whole ethical world which hinged on peacefulness, teaching/ pedagogy / education / what I honestly call ‘schooling,’ ‘wisdom,’ &c is being burned through and away in the ‘white heat of the Covid revolution.’ 

Anyway, the personal significance of 6.26.2010 to me and a rough but ‘pith-some’ poem called ’Drink Offering’ that I made referring to the end of the life of Saint Paul, has been that in the days I lived in SK I was thinking like a theologian and historian but actually had an atheist’s heart.  I made this Tumblr as well as my Twitter - https://twitter.com/DavidJJohnston3 - as I felt I had no choice but to correct for or mitigate if not retract all of or expurgate the lies I told over the years and the misunderstandings and emotional manipulations caused by my words; whether in terms of mis-perceiving / mis-readng Korea, feeling things that weren’t worth feeling, or believing and/or seeing things about or in ‘Mr. David James Johnston’ that didn’t accord with reality or ‘conform to the pattern.’  

Germany is an important country / nation / civilization right now as she is both Catholic and Protestant, situated in the center of Europe (Oswald Spengler said Germany IS Europe, if not all the West), has a history of something like counter-colonial self-reliance or at least less of a monstrous history of imperialism pre-WW2 in some respects than England, France, or Spain.  I have recently felt as if the C19 pandemic, WW3 menacing, CW2 underway, reflect East-West problematics(?) but also Catholic-Protestant or simply all world religions.  

Two books that meant a lot to me lately were Francis Chan’s ‘Forgotten God’ and John Piper’s ‘Coronavirus and Christ.’  IDK if this makes me seem insane but over the past 5 yers I also had dreams off and on Pope Saint John Paul II whose encyclical ‘Human Life’ appears to have predicted many of the evils being perpetrated in the name of sociohistorical justice, revenge-taking, tribal or other identity-assertion or expression of a group’s self-regard and/or demands for stuff from others if not human chattel.  I had been excited a few weeks ago to play some role in President Biden’s American Families Plan and might really have finally ‘transitioned from the classroom in to Educational Adminstration’ when I had a hazy, sporous sort of daydream and said to myself, reading about CPR-training for Chicago charter schools, ‘They want to slaughter Black children with a bioweapon.’  

Hopefully I am wrong about that; maybe it is I who am going to get killed.  

I also reflected recently, pace Pastor-Teacher John MacArthur of Grace to You, that lies and the Devil kill more than Covid.  And too, abortion has carried off at least a hundred million or I don’t even want to know babies’ lives; ad I have come to believe, in may cases could heavily distort the attitude of an entire society or civilization toward young people, even no matter how much money the government now throws in to ECE or combating childhood poverty.  Again with Pope Francis, honestly, and very worryingly the world is still driving toward a ‘throwaway culture’ or culture of death which is part of why I have been insomniac lately but that is old news too as it’s manifest that Covid and perhaps esp. its present mutation, which is bringing India’s agonies to the ‘first world,’ a divine Judgment that’s testing me personally too, in ways I’m pretty to desperate to answer or measure up to.