#except then u start forgetting easier math

[cravingcrazewriting]

youwillbefound.org

Trigger Warning- Mentions of suicide attempt and suicidal thoughts.

youwillbefound.com is a safe haven for any troubled teens/young adults who are looking for someone to find them. This site intends on being a place to reach out to others and to find them as you wold want yourself. Harassment is strictly prohibited. If we find you are abusing this site to target and harass people who are suicidal then you will be banned firstly for a week, secondly for a month, and thirdly will be a permanent ban and removal of your account. We hope you find whatever you're looking for on youwillbefound.com and we wish you the best of luck! Have a fantastic day!

What was Evan doing?

It wasn't like him to get a social media. It wasn't like him to rely so much on people, but yet he did, for no reason whatsoever. He did meet someone who he could trust, and needed help as much as he did. It was nice. He only had a few other friends who friended him out of pity.

He was currently on his laptop, writing his therapy letter, when he heard his phone go off.

HighandAllMighty: hey dude, wuts up?

Evan made a smile. High, that's what Evan nicknamed him due to privacy issues, was one of his closest friends, he'd even call him a best friend. High suffered from Anxiety and Bipolar, and had a very hard time making friends due to all of his outbursts. On the internet, he was able to calm himself down and not act rashly, but sometimes would assume the worst and snap at Evan a few times, but when that did happen, he'd awake to multiple apologizes from High.

High admitted to smoking openly, from cigarettes to weed, mainly because the way it calmed him down and less likely to snap at people. Evan didn't really mind this, since High's parents didn't get him any medication to him. If it helped, then that was that.

AnAnxiousTeen: Nothing much, just sitting in bed. I might write my therapy letter soon. What about you?

HighandAllMighty: sweet. Honestly I'm just dazing in and out atm. Me and my family just ate and my dad is trying to start shit again. HighandAllMighty: so the usual bs

AnAnxiousTeen: I'm so sorry.. I wish I could help you.

HighandAllMighty: Nah, don't be. U should probably start your letter.

AnAnxiousTeen: Well you know I hate writing them so I'd rather not heh

HighandAllMighty: hey, can I ask u something kinda important?

AnAnxiousTeen: Sure! Ask away!

HighandAllMighty: can we FaceTime? HighandAllMighty: I know u might not want to bc of ur anxiety HighandAllMighty: it was just something I wanted to try, if you wanted to at least

AnAnxiousTeen: I'm.. not sure.. I need time to think this over. AnAnxiousTeen: My mom is still home, so I can't right now.

HighandAllMighty: I understand. It's ok

Evan was trying not to freak out.

He was scared. He was scared he'd disappoint High. Incredibly scared of the mental image he imaged him looking like and being a huge let down and not being able to say anything and make things ten times worse than what they are and-

"Honey! I'm heading out! There's a twenty on the counter! Please get something to eat while I'm gone! Love you, bye!" Heidi called from downstairs, pulling Evan out of his thoughts. A moment later a door closing could be heard.

Evan sighed and ran his fingers through his messy blonde hair. There was another complication; he had completely fallen for High, one hundred percent in love.

HighandAllMighty: ah man, I'm rlly srry. My dad is gonna take my phone. HighandAllMighty: we'll talk later, k?

AnAnxiousTeen: I understand. I'll see you when you get back!

HighandAllMighty: in one week. Bye bud

Evan laid down on his bed. A whole week?! This obviously wasn't the first time it happened, but would that stop him from missing him? No. Definitely not. It'd be a lonely week without him.

This would be a long week

~~~ It was only Tuesday.

High had his phone taken on Saturday, so they were completely out of touch for tree days straight so far, and Evan was miserable and lonely.

Evan was sitting in his room, unenthusiastically working on homework. He was sinking into a depressive state. He'd never admit to it, but there was something wrong, that he just wasn't happy. He let out a sigh, setting his pencil down and grabbing his phone. The only notifications he had was some posts from people he liked, and a text from Jared.

Jared K: U have math done?

Evan H: -Evan H has sent a picture-

Jared K: thanks

Well, that made Evan feel even more like shit. It made him feel like Jared would only miss him for his car insurance if he suddenly disappeared. Hell, his mom would have it easier if he was gone. And High.. he was just a burden to him. Fuck it, he needed to vent.

AnAnxiousTeen has posted a status update: I'm always being told that things will get better, that I'll find someway to deal with my social anxiety, but nothing is seeming to be working. No one would notice if I suddenly left, if this account was suddenly shut down, maybe except for @HighandAllMighty but if I'm being honest, I'd be doing him a favor. I wish that things were different. I wish that anything I said mattered to anyone. Because let's face it. Would anyone here notice if I disappeared tomorrow?

After posting his update, he got a handful of responses, that mainly said stuff among the lines of "I'd notice! Please don't do anything rash!". It didn't feel real to Evan. He knew how this stuff worked. After a week of his death, people would forget him. All he could think of was how thankful his anxiety held him back from another attempt.

AnAnxiousTeen has posted a status update: If a tree falls in a forest, and no one is around to hear it, does it ever make a sound?

There was a lot of debate about this one. No one saw the hidden subtext, that he fell-no, let go of the branch that was holding him and was now restrained to a cast. It made his stomach do a cartwheel at the thought.

AnAnxiousTeen has posted a status update: Sorry for all the depressing stuff tonight. I'm going offline to hit the hay early.

Well, that wasn't a total lie. He had homework to do first, then he'd probably lay in bed till sleep took him away.

And that's exactly what he did.

~~~ HighandAllMighty: why didn't you tell me how you were feeling?

High was back, early, and Evan was downright terrified.

Unlike before, he used almost perfect spelling and grammar, something he'd only do in serious situations. Evan hated confrontation, so so much.

AnAnxiousTeen: I'm sorry.. I didn't want to be a burden...

HighandAllMighty: you could never burden me with your problems. HighandAllMighty: we have to look out for each other, otherwise we'll loose us both. HighandAllMighty: I want to video chat with you. I want to see /you/. Let me help you. Please

Evan didn't really think when he answered. He didn't consider what his anxiety was telling him. He just had to make it up to High, especially with what he just put him through.

AnAnxiousTeen: Of course, just give me a few minutes to set up.

HighandAllMighty: thank you. I mean it

Evan let out a puff of air and set his phone down. His mom was home but sleeping, so he'd have to be quiet and not talk to loud, which wasn't a problem because he's.. him. He grabbed a set of dark blue headphones (he preferred them because they felt more comfortable on his ear) and plugged them into his phone. He made sure they worked okay and sent High a message.

AnAnxiousTeen: I'm ready. Can you send the request?

-HighandAllMighty has sent you a Face Time Request!-

-x Accept x or x Decline x-

Evan hesitantly hit the accept key and sat down on his bed, tidying up his shirt and hair while it loaded. Things'll be fine. They'll be perfectly okay. Just stay completely calm, don't fuck anything up, and your guys' friendship will be saved.

A minute later, the Face Time had finished loading, and on Evan's screen he was greeted to a pale skinned boy with long brown hair that went down to his shoulders, his eyes were blue but they had this brown glint to them that really made them stand out and made them so much more mesmerizing. He was wearing a simple black hoodie and the rest of his outfit Evan couldn't see.

The room Evan assumed was High's was messy, to say the least. Evan never understood how people could find what they needed in a mess. That's why he kept everything organized and clean, so if he needed to find anything, he could right away. It was an anxiety thing he couldn't get over. Evan also noticed the contrast of dark colors in High's room, that was mainly dark purple and black for the most part. Evan knew High enjoyed dark colors rather than light ones it made sense to why his room was painted that way.

Holy fuck was he hot or what?

"Um, hi! C-can you hear me o-okay?" Evan asked nervously, adjusting his headphones ever so slightly. He could hear some shuffling around so he took that as a good sign.

"Yeah, you're good. What about me on your end?" High asked, leaning back.

"Yo-you're good too," Evan nodded, confirming that he could hear him quite well. "Why did you w-want to call?"

"Well one, I wanted to see what you looked like, and two, I need to ask you a few other things, and this is the best way to see if you're lying or not," he simply said, shrugging his shoulders.

"O-okay, ask a-away," Evan smiled, shuffling slightly on his bed to get comfortable, waiting for whatever High was about to ask.

High inhaled, staying silent for a moment, before asking, "..Are you suicidal?"

Evan immediately tensed up. He hadn't put much thought into being depressed or suicidal, although he had those thoughts a lot he couldn't possibly be.. right? "I.. I don't know, a-actually... It could be a p-possibility, I do get suicidal thoughts and... a lot of self h-hate..."

High nodded slowly, picking at what appeared to be black nail polish. "Well, have you ever... attempted?"

Evan bit his lip, and he turned his gaze to his cast, although it wasn't planned, it still counted as one. He simply nodded his head. "It's.. s-scary..."

High let out a sigh. "I know the feeling all too well.. Just, wanting it all to end, but yet your anxiety is telling you not to, and you get so afraid.. I dunno, it's a reminder that you're still human I guess, attempting or not.."

"Honestly, it's m-my anxiety holding me b-back from trying a-again.. I'm scared I-I'll fail again.." Evan chuckled meekly, picking at his cast's plaster.

"Well, I'm glad," High smiled at him. "You don't know how much better you've made my life. I.. probably would've attempted again if I didn't know you.."

"Same with m-me. I'm.. so, so a-alone at school, I don't have any f-friends, and I was-well, still kinda- miserable. But, when we started t-talking, I didn't feel as alone a-anymore.." Evan admitted, blushing lightly.

"I wish I could meet you," High admitted. "I can tell no one's signed your cast still, and I really wanna fucking sign it. I.. I want to be by your side... Helping you order food, keeping you company, hell, I even know a few places down here you'd fucking adore and I know it.."

Evan smiled like a complete dork at these things. "That's s-so sweet.. You probably w-wouldn't like to meet me though.. I-I'd be so awkward.."

"Hey, don't put yourself down like that. I prefer awkward over cocky assholes any day," High said. "And like, not to mention you're a fucking amazing guy. Any girl would- fuck how do I phrase this?- well, she'd be pretty lucky to be with a guy like you," High told him, a noticeable blush appearing on his cheeks.

Evan blushed probably more than what he should've, but he couldn't help it. No one except his mom had said this type of stuff to him. "Honestly, t-thank you.."

"Okay, secondly, I need to tell you something really important. I hope it won't weird you out or anything but here it goes.. I really, really like you- and I don't mean that in the friendly way, I mean like- fuck this is harder to explain than I thought. Look.. I'm, head over heels in love with you, man.." High finished.

Evan was in pure shock. He had his hand on his mouth and felt like he could've cried. All that his mind could register was he liked him back. Holy fuck, he never thought he'd see the day his feelings would be returned. He could process words, he moved his hand away from his mouth, revealing a huge smile he was wearing and said hand anxiously ran through his hair.

"Holy f-fuck.. I.. I didn't think you'd l-like me back, so I never said anything.. Oh my god, t-this is incredible!" Evan admitted, watching the brunette's shocked expression turn into a smile.

"Holy shit, you actually like me?" High asked, and Evan nodded to him, he'd proudly admit to it, because now he had nothing else to loose.

"Does this mean we're like.. a thing or..?" High trailed off, and Evan laughed, saying, "Maybe! I t-think We should try."

High smiled at him, "I'd love to date you.. even if it's long distance.."

"Can I a-ask you something?" Evan smiled sheepishly, tugging lightly at his shirt while High responded with a "You can ask me anything you want to."

"What-what's your a-actual name?" Evan asked slowly, as stated earlier, they both kept their names a secret for privacy, but Evan was too curious to contain himself from keeping the question residing in his mind.

"It's Connor. What about you?" High- no, Connor returned his question, gazing at him with a loving gaze.

"I l-like to go by Evan.." Evan hoped that would satisfy him, because who'd want to date a guy with a name like Mark? No one, that's for sure.

"It suits you," Connor stated. "A wonderful name for a wonderful boy."

Evan flushed at his comment. "Well er- it's n-not as beautiful as 'Connor'. It, it fits you, so so well.."

"Are you calling me beautiful?" Connor teased him, and Evan just laughed.

The two ended up chatting for an entire two hours, enjoying whatever they could get out of each other's presence. They were both hopelessly in love, despite distance keeping them apart, they hoped they would one day meet in person.

That would be more than enough for them both.

A/N-I fucking love this AU so much?? I loved writing every second of it,and going over 2000 words better prove it.

Anyways I'm opening up requests! I don't have a lot of ideas so please request so I can keep updating this book! Thanks a ton!

[toomuchtimenerd]

Review for ‘The Unhoneymooners’ by Christina Lauren

Admittedly I ended up reading this book much quicker than I expected. Perhaps it was the fact that I was desperate to make myself forget I had ever read The Cruel Prince, or maybe I just needed some light reading to make myself feel like I was 15 years old again and reading my very first book on kindle: On the Island by Tracey Garvis Graves. Perhaps a bit of both. Regardless, The Unhoneymooners was a delightful book that flew by so quickly despite being around 400 pages. I think I needed something super lighthearted and contemporary to temporarily draw my mind away from high fantasy. I love fantasy, I really do and my entire folder of drafts for fantasy stories that I’ve brainstormed over the last several years is proof of my love for fantasy. But sometimes it’s still nice to get away and read something about nonmagical people in a nonmagical world surrounded by nonmagical things. This book did just that for me, and the fact that it’s mostly set in Maui pulls at my heartstrings a little because my first vacation with my boyfriend was actually in Maui too. What a happy coincidence.

Even though this book didn’t stir a lot of great, wild emotions within me the same way a lot of YA fantasy tends to, I’d still like to comment on some parts that I liked (which was a lot) and a few parts that were kinda ‘meh’ with me. This review is probably going to be a lot shorter than what I’ve written before, but that’s okay. 

The Unhoneymooners is about a 30-something-year-old Latina named Olive who narrates the entire story with the exception of the epilogue (which is narrated by the male love interest). Some background on Olive: she’s supposedly incredibly unlucky and unfortunate in life... almost like somehow all her luck has been sucked dry by her twin sister Ami. Ami’s the one who wins all the jackpots for random stuff in life, so much so that she managed to snag enough jackpots to plan a dream wedding and a free honeymoon for the price of only around $1000. As someone who also proclaims herself to be somewhat pretty unlucky in life, I relate to Olive pretty hard. I used to not be a pessimist, but whenever I look back on some of the stuff that has happened in my life that were TOTALLY out of my control I can’t help but chuckle and be like “wow my life is pretty darn unlucky sometimes”. Now it’s just easier for me to deal with certain things if I don’t get my hopes too high up beforehand. But enough about me. 

The story starts with Ami’s wedding, and unfortunately the jackpot she won for a free luxury shellfish catering at her wedding goes completely awry and almost everyone gets serious food poisoning. All except for our lovely heroine and of course, the love interest. The male lead is Ethan, the older brother of Ami’s new husband and also a guy that Olive does not really like at first. They met about 2-3 years ago, when Ami and Ethan’s brother (Dane) first started going out, and because Olive misinterpreted Ethan’s facial reaction at her eating cheese curds she forever believed that he didn’t like her and she wrote him off as a fat-shamer or something of the sort. Kind of weird, but okay I guess. Ethan’s your typical hottie, also 30-something years old and apparently has the looks of a frat boy (like Dane) but the personality of a homebody semi-dork (unlike Dane). Ethan does something math-related for a living and loves staying at home. He also has a lucky penny. How cute. 

So when everyone’s yacking and having explosive diarrhea all over the place, Olive and Ethan decide to make good use of the free honeymoon to Maui and make an agreement to tolerate each other for the length of their trip. The book very quickly gets juicy, considering a series of events happens and they are essentially forced to put on a constant charade of pretending to be newlyweds. All this pretending wears and tears down their emotional barriers with one another, and next thing you know they’re sharing feels and kisses and tongue action together. We find out that they both shared mutual feelings of attraction when they first met, but Dane had actually warned Ethan to not get involved with Olive due to her penchant for negativity (which stems from the fact that she’s so unlucky in life all the time). At one point at a baseball game or something, Olive goes to get cheese curds and as she’s enjoying her food she stumbles into Ethan who apparently makes a weird face at her and she gets incredibly insecure and feels like he was fat-shaming her. Turns out (and I can’t believe this took over 2 years to reconciliate) he was trying to mask his attraction towards her and avoid her out of respect for Dane. But Olive just assumed the worst, thinking Ethan did not like her and decided to return the feelings with mutual dislike. This alienated Ethan, and obviously who’s going to pursue a girl who’s giving you the vibes that scream ‘stay away from me!! i dont like u!!!’? Not any normal, sane, decent guy. 

Personally, I felt like this backstory between Olive and Ethan was super weird and not the most well fleshed out or even something that remotely makes much sense. I get feeling insecure and I understand not liking someone simply on the basis that you think they don’t like you. But I don’t understand how someone completely misinterprets a facial expression THAT much and then holds it against the other person for THAT long. Heck, I’m absolutely one to hold grudges against people but even I don’t think I’d hold a grudge for that long over something like that. But hey, this whole book is meant to be comedy fluff so I ain’t too bothered by this nonsense backstory. 

I’d say about 70-80% of the book is literally just about the relationship build-up between Olive and Ethan, and the rest is about the shitshow that is Ami and Dane, specifically just Dane. Turns out he’s been cheating on her for the majority of their 3-year relationship, and tbh Ami’s initial reaction to Olive informing her of Dane’s unfaithfulness kind of pissed me off. It’s one thing to not want to believe it, but it’s another to completely disregard it and turn it back on your sister by claiming they’re just trying to sabotage you or something. Thankfully, this whole issue is resolved pretty quickly and Ami’s way of finding the truth out herself was simply magnificent. She texted each of her husband’s side-chicks through his phone, pretending to be him, and had them all come by their house at the same time on the same day just so she can confront Dane and all his flings about his faithfulness. So beautifully done, it almost brings a tear to my eye. 

So in conclusion, The Unhoneymooners was a lighthearted and enjoyable read that truly had me either smiling or silently laughing for maybe a third of the book. The language was great, the chemistry between Olive and Ethan was oh so ooh la la, and way Lauren weaved in the love and support of a big close-knitted (and very dramatic) family was heartwarming. I may try to search for more books like these since light fluff is always much needed to help treat my seasonal depression (thanks January). But I’m always worried about shelling money over a book that ends up reading a little too much like corny fanfiction. For example, I absolutely adored Meg Cabot books when I was in middle school, but now that I’m in my 20s I really don’t think I could read any of her books for more than half an hour. If I tried, I would end up rolling my eyes out of their sockets. Books about a contemporary romance between teenagers seemingly always end up becoming so dramatic, but then again it’s probably because teenagers are incredibly dramatic. I should know this, after all, I definitely was a dramatic teenager. I wish I were being sarcastic. I’m just going to sprinkle some of my favorite quotes from The Unhoneymooners so I can help myself forget about how unnecessarily dramatic I was as a teen.

“I want to say something sassy, but the only coherent thought that comes to mind is how insulting it is that eyelashes like his were wasted on Satan’s Errand Boy...” (Lauren, 2019, Ch.2) 

- TELL ME WHY IS THAT QUOTE SO RELATABLE? WHY ARE BEAUTIFUL LASHES ALWAYS WASTED ON MEN?? MY BOYFRIEND HAS THE MOST STUNNING LASHES EVER MEANWHILE I NEED TO GLUE FALSIES ON MY DAMN EYELIDS JUST TO ACHIEVE HALF OF WHAT HE’S GOT

“I can appreciate my body in a bikini and still want to set fire to the patriarchy.” (Lauren, 2019, Ch.7)

- All I can say is yas preach 

“I am a homebody, through and through, and there’s nothing like being at home.” (Lauren, 2019, Ch.15)

- Also too relatable. I enjoy traveling, I enjoy vacations, I enjoy spending a night out with friends, and I enjoy a good party. But at the end of the day, there’s nothing I enjoy more than my own bed

[starlights-and-submarines]

♡ 70 Questions ♡

I was tagged by @raiiion tysm! sorry it’s late! Also this is more like,, 59 questions bc some are missing. I tag whoever wants to do this! 01: do you have a good relationship with your parents? Yep for the most part!! 02: who did you last say “i love you” to? My mom x3 03: do you regret anything? The only thing i really end up regretting is having regrets in the first place tbh bc no one has a straight line in life and i want to remember that as much as i can 04: are you insecure? yUP 05: what is your relationship status? In a relationship 06: how do you want to die? ??????? I dont think about how I want to die except the fact i want it to not be inconvenient to anyone ajduehde 07: what did you last eat? A sausage, egg and cheese sandwich. 08: played any sports? Badminton, soccer and ??? american handball if that counts,,, kinda volleyball but not really i got increasingly worse at it as i attempted to continue 09: do you bite your nails? yeh 10: when was your last physical fight? i have no idea 11: do you like someone? yeh 12: have you ever stayed up 48 hours? In the past yeah 13: do you hate anyone at the moment? No 14: do you miss someone? Nah everyone is pretty around atm 15: have any pets? Two, a cat and dog! 16: how exactly are you feeling at the moment? Pretty good, no real problems. 17: ever made out in the bathroom? No and I’m not sure if I ever want to. 18: are you scared of spiders? yES sort of 19: would you go back in time if you were given the chance? Nah 20: where was the last place you snogged someone? uh idk? XD 21: what are your plans for this weekend? I’m currently writing this at the end of the weekend and my plans were to do whatever i had to do and have nothing in line for the rest of the hours apparently 22: do you want to have kids? how many? I love babbus but they are not on the agenda rn 23: do you have piercings? how many? I have two in my ear XD like just regular piercings 24: what is/are/were your best subject(s)? I was an all around student but I guess english, history and math ;u; but i am bad at all of these so wtf school was a lie 25: do you miss anyone from your past? Of course! 26: what are you craving right now? Nothing owo 27: have you ever broken someone’s heart? Probably 28: have you ever been cheated on? Yep 29: have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? Yes but hopefully not for a really bad reason?? It happens when the convos got deep and that’s happened to me for years quq 30: what’s irritating you right now? Nothing owo 31: does somebody love you? Yeah! 32: what is your favourite color? It changes ALL the time. Right now it’s orange. 33: do you have trust issues? Yep 34: who/what was your last dream about? I’m not sure entirely, but lately all of my dreams have been like,, one full day of my life. Then I wake up and none of the stuff actually happened. 35: who was the last person you cried in front of? I dont know if it was my mom or a friend 36: do you give out second chances too easily? Probably XD 37: is it easier to forgive or forget? Forgive for me 38: is this year the best year of your life? No? But idk what the best year of my life would be 39: how old were you when you had your first kiss? Like 9 or 11 I have no idea and it was by a weird like two year younger than me person,, life is jacked 40: have you ever walked outside completely naked? Do you take constructive criticism on your questions xD jk but no 51: favourite food? Idk, chicken nuggets or pizza 52: do you believe everything happens for a reason? I guess? OwO 53: what is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? Played toy blast auhduehd 54: is cheating ever okay? nO 55: are you mean? I hope not?? 56: how many people have you fist fought? I never fist fought anyone asdf 57: do you believe in true love? I think it’s possible for sure :0 58: favourite weather? Rainy! 59: do you like the snow? Yup yup! 60: do you wanna get married? Maybe one day, but nothing extravagant. To me, marriage is a bonding session where you spend more money than necessary and love someone the same way you do in house clothes but in fancy clothes. 61: is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? I think it is so long as it’s not every single sentence I would start laughing 62: what makes you happy? Other people being happy! 63: would you change your name? Nah 64: would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? Yeah bc idk where they are and I dont care to know 65: your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? Reciprocate or let them down easy? XD Idk what was this question 66: do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? ,,,yes?? 67: who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? a friend?? XD what are these questions 68: who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? @angelsocean 69: do you believe in soulmates? Sure! Anything goes as they say 70: is there anyone you would die for? the world o_o

[boredomoverloadmy]

College (in a nutshell)

So I’m officially done with college *insert party streamers emoji*. Actually I’ve been out for some time now but I have yet to get off my lazy arse to do anything genuinely productive (other than trying to master a few piano pieces with little progress). Mum put me in charge of most of the domestic work at home and chauffeuring the kid here and there and the groceries and all that jazz. I would go back to that part-time teaching gig but I reckoned I’d only be around for awhile and mum agreed to give me some allowance (mostly for the groceries though). But that’s beside the point of this post now isn’t it?

So now I’m going to talk about my college experience. Nothing special really and I don’t think I’ll be able to go into detail about it so if you have any questions feel free to ask. I have an ask section up there *points to the top of tumblog* and I (finally) turned my tumblr notifications on so I may be able to answer a.s.a.p this time.

I started my foundation studies June last year (2016) at Kolej MARA Kulim, Kedah affectionately known as KMKu under the Pre-U USM program. Basically its just like any other foundation like if you’d go to Universiti Malaya’s or UNIMAS foundation. But the difference for my program was that I had a sponsor (MARA) who would be supporting my degree studies later on, given that I reached the minimum requirements. Subsequently, those in my program were more or less “tagged” as to which field of study they would be pursuing post-foundation. I and 36 other people who were my classmates in college were tagged to do Medicine in USM-KLE in India later this year (2017). I’m not going to go into detail as to what USM-KLE is because I’m saving that for another post.

I’ve actually had a lot of people ask me why I didn’t choose to return to the UK. I have my reasons, mostly because I decided to pursue Medicine in the way that I wanted to. I’m the kind of person who chooses caution and strategy above everything else, so taking IB or A-levels to me was out of the question from the very get-go. Again, I’m saving the story behind that for another post.

Going off to literally the other side of Malaysia was both exciting and scary for me. When I was in secondary school it never really occurred to me that I’d be leaving Kuching because at the time my mindset was “ace SPM get good grades other stuff comes later”. So when the day finally came, I had no idea what to do with myself. My teachers would give you the illusion that I had it all figured out, just as I had the illusion that all my other seniors had it all figured out. The truth is, you never really do have it figured out. No matter how shiny your high school reputation looks, in the end we’re all just winging it one way or the other. But that’s okay. That’s life. Just go where the wind takes you and you’ll arrive to the place you’re meant to be eventually.

There was another person from Sarawak going to the exact same college for the exact same course. Her name is Martina and she was introduced to me by my old primary schoolmate over WhatsApp. She’s not from Kuching but we both decided that it would be better to be in contact with someone from the same state for travelling arrangements. We left from different airports though, I took a direct flight from Kuching to Penang while she had to transit via KLIA from Sibu. On some occasions we’d wait for each other at Penang airport to catch a taxi to Kolej, which was in Kedah (it was easier to go there via Penang rather than Alor Setar because it was closer).

Registration day for me was chaotic. It wasn’t because of the management though, I’d say that our seniors, Oddytix did a good job handling that and orientation. It was because I was missing some documents and I FREAKED (not an exaggeration). The fact that the only way to go home to re-do things was by flight did not help either. Before I left I double triple checked my documents so when I made such a big blunder by not printing out some of the required documents I felt so incompetent and I didn’t want to trouble my parents more because not causing trouble for my parents was why I accepted the offer in the first place. But in the end I guess it just added fuel to the fire. Throughout the first semester I found myself drowning more in the paperwork for the offer than the actual studying; constantly having to check in with my parents and the post office about my corrected documents. Note to self : when I decide to set up a scholarship someday brief the scholars as to how it’s done to save everyone’s time and energy.

My batch (which would be named Erovra) consisted of about 100+ students which was a few people more than the Transformers (my high school batchmates). We were divided into 3 classes, USM A, B, and C (see the use of the Oxford comma there? I just learned that haha). My class was USM C which consisted of 36 other people bound for India, a few people more than in 5 Delta (my graduating high school class). Each class was further divided into four tutorials, e.g. C1, C2, C3, and C4. My tutorial was C1 which had 11 people, 4 boys and 7 girls (Alya joined a bit later) including myself. Regrettably my tutorial was late to come together unlike other tutorials which bonded quite closely in the first semester. Towards the end of foundation I realised the reason why other tutorials called us C paling pelik and believe me it is a fact I will not deny (especially Lah I had no idea you were like that tbh hahahaha). 

Generally speaking, the first impression I got from my classmates was that God had copy-pasted 30+ versions of Stephen Goh Kok Yew, except some were female and none were Chinese or aspiring body-builders (inside joke. Transformers 1115 will understand). They were so studious that if Ben were to enroll in this program Ben would have been shocked and disgusted; shogusted (but deep down inside Ben is super rajin too don’t deny it). But I guess that’s how things are going to be from now on. After all, you wouldn’t want your future doctor to be a lazy bum now would you?

Before I forget, in this college there are several programs doing foundation studies (UniKL, MKPM or the regular matriculation, UMK and USM) and each program is referred to as a “unit”.  For accommodation the girls in my unit stayed at the Fatimah Az-Zahra block or FAZ. Each room had a minimum of 4 occupants. One of my roommates, Awin, was my classmate while the other two, Nida and Bella, were from USM A. Everything in basic in kolej was provided despite the fact that it still felt like we were in boarding school. For me, it was a level above what I’m used to, mainly because it had a laundromat and washing machine. I washed my all my clothes by hand in boarding school, even during my senior years and even when my hands started to have the skin peeling and flaking off because my skin doesn’t take too well with detergent. That was mainly because the one and only washing machine in my block would already be used and most often it was the juniors who used it but I was too lazy to play the seniority card. I don’t do that shit even if you’re what people would say “kurang ajar” with me. Berkat and kifarah are my magic words. But in kolej thankfully I didn’t have to worry about that which is a huge improvement, as opposed to what other people would say (people who’s schools can afford a lot of washing machines I suppose). Plus, food was provided albeit being the standard asrama food. My friends under other scholarships complained that most of their money went to buying food which was expensive in their area, so even though I found out I couldn’t stomach ikan keli (new discovery) for the most part I took what I got.

Studying and exams felt way different for me. Perhaps it was because I was surrounded by people who came from different kinds of schools. I felt a bit out of place honestly. My strong points were always reading and humanities subjects (Sejarah, Language, that sort) but now I had to put more emphasis on pure sciences. I constantly fell behind in Maths especially (no surprise there frankly) but I sought help from Muja and Zatil mostly which lead to small but consistent improvements. The lecturers were also really nice and helpful and we could approach them whenever. However I felt that my downfalls were caused by time, not that I didn’t have enough but maybe because I had too much free time (you can gasp now). For 2 years I had become accustomed to starting class at as early as 6.30 a.m. and finishing at 6.00 p.m. only to continue after Maghrib until 11.00 p.m. that having gaps in between felt strange and I felt I could have managed my time a lot better than I did (*highlights this point as a reminder for degree studies*). 

Two major components of my program to India (other than the exams) were the interview and IELTS. The interview was as straightforward as a medical school interview could get. IELTS was the rumoured killer. IELTS is basically some big shot English exam in which you have to score a certain “band” to be allowed to study or work overseas. Our requirement was 6.5/9.0 overall minimum. Now if you knew me personally you’d say “Faqihah mesti band 9 punya” which is close but not really. I scored an 8.5/9.0, which actually serves me right because out of the 30 hours access to the IELTS online learning module I used a total of 0.00 hours and the night before IELTS I was watching Moana with Bella. I kid you not and yes you can slap me later. My main downfall was the writing component. I wrote under 250 words for the second essay which was unusual for me and could have resulted in getting a 5 , I got a 7.5 for the writing component which was okay and my reading, speaking and listening components helped quite a lot. During the writing test I was very much distracted by the terrible kindergarten pencil and the crazy old guy who was making a fuss before the writing test. But as I’ve said again again this year, “as long as I pass what is required its more than enough”. 

I’m not going to lie. There were some moments where I doubted myself; whether I had what it takes to do medicine. I think each of us felt that way somewhere along the line, just no one dared to say it out loud or else there’d be people being condescending and saying “eh kata nak sangat jadi doktor kan”. But again, the truth is no one ever really has anything figured out. There were many times I thought to throw in the towel and go home. That would have been easier. But I realised the cliche of it all, that if it was easy everyone would do it. And that is the naked truth. You think you’re in control of things but it actually isn’t you. It’s Allah’s doing. Every. Step. Of. The. Way. You’re only expected to do your best with the challenges at hand. You don’t need any other reason to do it, only that Allah showed you that this is the way; and then you start walking. Crawl, if you must. As long as you follow it. 

I know that this is just the tip of the iceberg and that there will be many more moments like these to come, but I’m writing this down so that when those moments come I’ll know where to look for the courage to keep going. And I hope after reading this, you will too.

[j-mats]

J mat 15

Things that can fly walking

Only reason im alive be ause ppl who want to kill me have to get on stage to do it.      People judging in audience wtf you stabbed him in the neck man thats a bitch move

Im kinda dissapointed that my phone cant walk.

.put it on d floor. Look it doesnt do anything. I have to do everything. U kno poke it in the right place. U know back in the day if u were poking something man you were probably retarded.

Man back in the day people were working the engines hitting eachother w abig stick

W afan

I wanna go see a farm..but i might get murdered. Raped. I wanna go see..

Evolution. Became huge beasts killers while humans were like "this place is uncomfortable. Make bed house fire. Thaat thing is annoying lets make something that kills it

I wanna do this! Oh wait that requires time and effort

Flying suit jumping. It seems like alot of funi want to do it. U know what also seems fun. Getting a bunch of friends together and shoot an arrow sttaight up in the air. Seems like alotta fun. But im not gona do it

Havna bby. Build tv ill bring a remote. Divorce n takes tv fucking whore

Im not following a fire it killed. N he said no that huy lived

How did they meet each other "im huge bro bro im huge too" and they were just friends after that. Hafthor crew

Feel like its alot easier to get someone to kill me here

Dont pretend you dont care about that 1 sports. You are americans sports is a religion here

Im not black... but i feel black when i watch basketball. When a black guy dunks a white im like "yeah fuck you white guy.. this aint yo sport"

Frozon usain bolt

"I cant improvise" huh? Like what you mean. Your whole life is improvised.

God just threw u here babayvoixe* "what should i do?? "I dno fuckoff im never talking to you again do whatever" but can i call you. Can i pray. Yeah but nothing is gonna happen

And he had big long and veiny(heart)) ...just pumping and pumping (heart)).. actually now that i think about it that might have been his cock and he molested me..(and i was molested)

Whos insecure anout his sexuality. Im notgaybut i like hot water on my ass in the shower.....

 excetra(more things)....thinking of all those things for a joke

Why are people in such a hurry to go 60 mph

I was laying there like this picture me naked. Alright stop you guys . Have you ever been with a thousand people who are picturing you naked dude.. its even wierder then it sounds.   

But anyways i was laying in bed likethis.. mmmmm this is so nice i love this.. then my girlfriend started banging on the door GUNNAR GUNNAR GuN- What you fucking whore.. and then she broke up with me         (B)

Hve u ever been so fked u forget ur fked.

2higj talkin to 2 girls

Inside artificial playground. U dont even know why youre tgere ur mom just went be a kid here now. Wow just 30 secs ago i was a kid over there now im a kid here AAAAAAAGGGGHJJJ Then you just start running through a tube like a psycho n then u meet another kid in the tube n ur like "who the fuck is this dude"

2 numbers cant be a pattern. 1 mathmetician watching this YEAss you can! With a math joke that no1 gets except his one friend that he explained it to 3 times and he thought it was ok

Sleepin in area51

This guy had a triple x tat on his neck n scar inhis face. I asked him if he had stories. "Nah not really" i went huhh? It was dissapointing but here are some stories i thought he was gona tell:

((Hardcore voice))

1. I was working as a bouncer right 'thats tight' i said. This guy broughtabanana ther n kielled him son 'right on' i said

))Then i chopped his hand off oh thats that talibanana i says((

Modern aciencw is basically magic...

Back in the day they wuld b like thats magic dude and then they would die of illness at 23

Cut to character on the phone "the fucking whore took the kids"

Call theo.

Its Gunnar from iceland

 Im illegaly high right now allegedly sitting in my igloo fucking my cousins.. and uhh a polar bear ate one of my cousins actually.. but thats okay.

[we-future-first]

Emotional Intelligence: The Social Skills You Weren't Taught in School

You’re taught about history, science, and math when you’re growing up. Most of us, however, aren’t taught how to identify or deal with our own emotions, or the emotions of others. These skills can be valuable, but you’ll never get them in a classroom.

According to Core Spirit, emotional intelligence is a shorthand that psychological researchers use to describe how well individuals can manage their own emotions and react to the emotions of others. People who exhibit emotional intelligence have the less obvious skills necessary to get ahead in life, such as managing conflict resolution, reading and responding to the needs of others, and keeping their own emotions from overflowing and disrupting their lives. In this guide, we’ll look at what emotional intelligence is, and how to develop your own.

Measuring emotional intelligence is relatively new in the field of psychology, only first being explored in the mid-80s. Several models are currently being developed, but for our purposes, we’ll examine what’s known as the “mixed model,” developed by psychologist Daniel Goleman. The mixed model has five key areas:

Self-awareness: Self-awareness involves knowing your own feelings. This includes having an accurate assessment of what you’re capable of, when you need help, and what your emotional triggers are.

Self-management: This involves being able to keep your emotions in check when they become disruptive. Self-management involves being able to control outbursts, calmly discussing disagreements, and avoiding activities that undermine you like extended self-pity or panic.

Motivation: Everyone is motivated to action by rewards like money or status. Goleman’s model, however, refers to motivation for the sake of personal joy, curiosity, or the satisfaction of being productive.

Empathy: While the three previous categories refer to a person’s internal emotions, this one deals with the emotions of others. Empathy is the skill and practice of reading the emotions of others and responding appropriately.

Social skills: This category involves the application of empathy as well as negotiating the needs of others with your own. This can include finding common ground with others, managing others in a work environment, and being persuasive.

You can read a bit more about these different categories here. The order of these emotional competencies isn’t all that relevant, as we all learn many of these skills simultaneously as we grow. It’s also important to note that, for our purposes, we’ll only be using this as a guide. Emotional intelligence isn’t an area that most people receive formal training in. We’ll let psychologists argue over the jargon and models, but for now let’s explore what each of these mean and how to improve them in your own life.

Before you can do anything else here, you have to know what your emotions are. Improving your self-awareness is the first step to identifying any problem area you’re facing. Here are some ways to improve your self-awareness:

Keep a journal: Career skill blog recommends starting by keeping a journal of your emotions . At the end of every day, write down what happened to you, how you felt, and how you dealt with it. Periodically, look back over your journal and take note of any trends, or any time you overreacted to something.

Ask for input from others: As we’ve talked about before when dealing with your self-perception, input from others can be invaluable . Try to ask multiple people who know you well where your strengths and weaknesses lie. Write down what they say, compare what they say to each other and, again, look for patterns. Most importantly, don’t argue with them. They don’t have to be correct. You’re just trying to gauge your perception from another’s point of view.

Slow down (or meditate): Emotions have a habit of getting the most out of control when we don’t have time to slow down or process them . The next time you have an emotional reaction to something, try to pause before you react (something the internet makes easier than ever, if you’re communicating online). You can also try meditating to slow your brain down and give your emotional state room to breathe.

If you’ve never practiced intentional self-awareness, these tips should give you a practical head start. One strategy I personally use is to go on long walks or have conversations with myself discussing what’s bothering me. Often, I’ll find that the things I say to the imaginary other end of the conversation can give me some insight into what’s really bugging me. The important aspect is to look inwards, rather than focusing solely on external factors.

Once you know how your emotions work, you can start figuring out how to handle them. Proper self-management means controlling your outbursts, distinguishing between external triggers and internal over-reactions, and doing what’s best for your needs.

One key way to manage your emotions is to change your sensory input. You’ve probably heard the old advice to count to ten and breathe when you’re angry. Speaking as someone who’s had plenty of overwhelming issues with depression and anger, this advice is usually crap (though if it works for you, more power to you).

However, giving your physical body a jolt can break the cycle. If you’re feeling lethargic, do some exercise. If you’re stuck in an emotional loop, give yourself a “snap out of it” slap. Anything that can give a slight shock to your system or break the existing routine can help.

Lifehacker alum Adam Dachis also recommends funneling emotional energy into something productive. It’s alright to let overwhelming emotions stew inside you for a moment, if it’s not an appropriate time to let them out. However, when you do, rather than vent it on something futile, turn it into motivation instead:

I recently started playing tennis for fun, knowing that I’d never become exceptional because I began too late in life. I’ve become better and have a very minor talent for the game, so when I play poorly I now know and I get down on myself. When up against an opponent with far more skill I find it hard to do much else than get angry. Rather than let that anger out, I take note of it and use it to fuel my desire to practice more. Whether in sports, work, or everyday life, we can get complacent with our skill and forget that we always have some room for improvement. When you start to get mad, get better instead.

You can’t always control what makes you feel a certain way, but you can always control how you react. If you have some impulse control problems, find ways to get help when you’re feeling calm. Not all emotions can be vented away. My struggle with depression taught me that some emotions persist long after the overflow. However, there’s always a moment when those feelings feel a little less intense. Use those moments to seek help.

We talk about motivation a lot. When we’re talking about motivation as it relates to emotional intelligence, however, we don’t just mean getting up the energy to go to work. We’re talking about your inner drive to accomplish something. That drive isn’t just some feel-goody nonsense, either. As Psychology, today explains, there’s a section of your prefrontal cortex that lights up at the mere thought of achieving a meaningful goal.

Whether your goal is building a career, raising a family, or creating some kind of art, everyone has something they want to do with their life. When your motivation is working for you, it connects with reality in tangible ways. Want to start a family? Motivated people will start dating. Want to improve your career? Motivated people will educate themselves, apply for new jobs, or angle for a promotion.

Daniel Goleman suggests that in order to start making use of that motivation, you first need to identify your own values. Many of us are so busy that we don’t take the time to examine what our values really are. Or worse, we’ll do work that directly contradicts what we value for so long that we lose that motivation entirely.

submitted by /u/Corespirit [link] [comments] source https://www.reddit.com/r/Futurology/comments/bcd61v/emotional_intelligence_the_social_skills_you/

[missmarymac817]

I was going to choose a few of those questions for you to answer but I challenge you to do ALL OF THEM

You're going to hell for this.


01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents?I mean... it's not terrible...


02: Who did you last say “I love you” to?My girlfriend, Kayla. 😁


03: Do you regret anything?I regret things I shouldn't regret. Things that aren't my fault. Ya know?


04: Are you insecure?lol what's security? Heheheheheh heh heh. Heh. 😅


05: What is your relationship status?My gay ass is taken, thanks for asking! 


06: How do you want to die?I'd like to die in the most ironic fucking way possible. And in spite of everyone. Like. Say Kayla we're so tell me “"don't go into the tiger pin, you're allergic to cats!” And I just fling my gay ass into the cage, sneezing and coughing in cat fur as the tiger mauls me. Yeah. 


07: What did you last eat?I had two donuts at break...


08: Played any sports?Yeah. I do marching band in the fall and track in the spring. 


09: Do you bite your nails?When I'm hella stressed. 


10: When was your last physical fight?I've never been in a physical fight. Hmm... I should fix that.


11: Do you like someone?KAYLA BROOKE {last name is censored for privacy} THATS WHO I LIKE


12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours?All the fucking time, bro.


13: Do you hate anyone at the moment?I hate myself sometimes. 🙃


14: Do you miss someone?I miss who I used to be. I was so innocent and adorable. 


15: Have any pets?Two dogs and a turtle.


16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment?Um... idk. Kinda hungry.


17: Ever made out in the bathroom?Heh. Hell yeah. My first kiss was in a bathroom. 


18: Are you scared of spiders?Who isn't?!?!


19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?Hell no. I ain't messing with flashpoint and shit.


20: Where was the last place you snogged someone?Last night. High school basketball game. In the girls' bathroom. 


21: What are your plans for this weekend?I have a track meet on Saturday and church on Sunday...


22: Do you want to have kids? How many?Yes! Three kids. An older pair of twin girls and a younger son. 


23: Do you have piercings? How many?Yeah. Just basic ear piercings. 


24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)?Math and science. Always. Except in first grade when I was dumb as shit.


25: Do you miss anyone from your past?My best friend from where I used to live. We were really close and it was really sad when i moved. 


26: What are you craving right now?Sleep and a neck massage


27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart?Unfortunately yes


28: Have you ever been cheated on?Unfortunately yes


29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?Unfortunately yes


30: What’s irritating you right now?This friggen QUIZZZZZ


31: Does somebody love you?Yes. I mean. I hope she does. 


32: What is your favourite color?That blue in the sky when the sun is rising but it's still dark out.


33: Do you have trust issues?What's trust?!?!? Hehhehehehheeheheheh 😅


34: Who/what was your last dream about?OML ok so it was crazy I was at a grocery store and  for some fricken reason, my friend who's a senior came up to me and told me to steal a bunch of shit and we ran from the grocery and we like drove off in her car and then when we stopped in Nebraska to get gas, I was wearing a really short and tight dress and heels that weren't even mine and then I was back where I used to live breaking up with my ex boyfriend again and it was really terrible then I woke up. What does this mean?!?! 


35: Who was the last person you cried in front of?The senior from my dream. Her last pep band game was last night. 


36: Do you give out second chances too easily?Yes, even with my trust issues


37: Is it easier to forgive or forget?Forgive. I'm very petty


38: Is this year the best year of your life?Hell yeah! I've got my first girlfriend and a new school and a new life and wooooohooooo


39: How old were you when you had your first kiss?15


40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked?As an infant probably, but not since I started school. 


51: Favourite food?I just noticed that whoever made this list is European because of the u in favourite and colour. Anyways, I really like smiley fries. God those are good. 


52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason?Yes. I am a firm believer in the flashpoint theory. Your actions cause reactions and if you change those actions, the reactions will differ and there is only one true way to get the life you're supposed to have. 


53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?I did my hair cuz I'm lazy in the morning


54: Is cheating ever okay?No. Absolutely not. Never. 


55: Are you mean?Idk. I'm mean if I have to be. But never for fun. 


56: How many people have you fist fought?0. None. Nada. Zip. Zero. 


57: Do you believe in true love?Yes I do. In soulmates too. 


58: Favourite weather?I like the weather where I live right now. It's sunny but just a little breezy. 
59: Do you like the snow?I love the snow cuz it means I can escape hell... I mean school... 


60: Do you wanna get married?I do. I want to get married right after college (or sooner) and I want it to last. 
61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?I love when Kayla calls me Baby. I love it. Love it!!!! 


62: What makes you happy?All of my friends make me happy. I love spending time with them even though some of them give me really long lists of questions to answer *cough-Rachel-cough*


63: Would you change your name?Maybe. Idk. I think I'd love to go by my actual name soon. I go by my middle name to save the trouble of people freaking over my name. 


64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?No. It would be very easy to kiss the last person I kissed. Actually. Hey, Kayla! If you ever read this, HINT HINT HINT HINT HINT 


65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?I tell them how I feel and make sure they understand I really appreciate their friendship and I don't want anything more than that with them


66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around?Yeah. Logan from where I used to live (ex boyfriend logan). 


67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?This french horn player last class period. 


68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?Kayla. Yeah. 


69: Do you believe in soulmates?I absolutely do. 


70: Is there anyone you would die for?Any one of my friends. All of them. I swear.