#explains why he's such a bitch tbh that shit is fresh he's gotta be like mega mad about it

[chabbit]

I caved and decided to watch FFXV Kingsglaive before finishing the game and tbh I think if I were Regis I would have just stabbed the emperor at the signing instead of playing cute little word games. Like at that point he knows Niflheim isn't actually aiming for peace. The emperor chose to go to the peace signing and sit directly next to a guy who can famously summon like a hundred sword at once, if he gets stabbed that's on him. Empire can't fight a war and go after Noctis if they're dealing with a succession crisis. Let them eat each other alive, it's not your problem.

I mean obviously it wouldn't have worked because no one knew about Glauca or I guess Ardyn at that point (was he in the room?), but crucially I (as the fictional king of Lucis) also would not have known about them. I would have just stabbed that motherfucker. Regis my guy you are a warrior king. You can summon a hundred swords!! That's more than enough for all the higher ups who, crucially, are sitting in the room with you!!

I mean yeah it's a bad look to kill a bunch of foreign leaders "unprovoked" during peace talks but who's left to do diplomacy with anyway? Niflheim?? Who don't actually want peace anyway??? Maybe they'll think twice about fucking with you if you cut the head off the snake. Literally.

[sungchanlele]

“The Rain”The importance of Rasmus Andersen.

Okay listen up, imma going to speak about this amazing and probably misunderstood character who I have learned to love very dearly: Rasmus Andersen.

Now, i don’t know if you (reader, yes, im speaking to you) have finished watching The Rain but I’m about to drop some big fucking spoilers try and show that Rasmus is a very important character who deserves respect and love, so be warned.

Now, I’ve seen either here or in Twitter some people talking shit about Rasmus, calling him a spoiled brat, childish prick, crybaby kid etc etc…in very few words: a completely annoying character.  Well I disagree to that, so  I’m about to drop in this mini rant and be warned: this is MY OPINION about this character and what I learned about him during the course of the series, so by the end of the day if this mini rant helped that’s great, and if people agrees with me that’s also amazing, so with all that being said let’s proceed shall we?

In the first episode of The Rain, we just get kind of introduced to these fantastic characters in a very stressed environment, why? Because the rain is coming, and it’s a very dangerous rain tbh, so the character of Simone and Rasmus are shown tense and scared. We get to meet Rasmus in the car, and is a kid, a 10-year-old kid, who basically, at his very young age, lived basically the eradication of humanity. 10 YEARS OLD and in the span of an episode: he experimented a kind of a apocalypse, a 2012 shit, his dad left them and to worse thing up here: he saw his own mom getting killed/infected by the rain with his 10 YEAR OLD eyes. By this rate, he has many reasons to be traumatized, but worse of all: By the end of the episode, we see Martin’s gang entering the bunker and Rasmus just got to see the grass and the sky for at least 5 seconds before being shoved back to the bunker, and he is again taken from freedom.

Now, by this point, everybody watching the series probably started to think about Rasmus as a childish baby because he says things like: “I want to get out NOW” and him reacting when Simone tries to comfort him saying “LEAVE ME ALONE” but its actually the other way around: how would you feel if you managed to get some freedom after being 6 years locked on a friking bunker with limited space and no sunlight and fresh air, and suddenly that freedom gets snatched again in less than 5 seconds by some fucking strangers with guns (BIG ASS GUNS) threatening to kill you, your sister and locking you up in a EVEN SMALLER PLACE (because lets be clear, the bunker may be big, but it can get small when you get used to the zone).  So, it can be reasonable Rasmus’s anger, yes I agree that he could have controlled it, but lets be real here, everyone would be scared and even claustrophobic if you were in his place.

Moving on, allow me to leave one thing clear, of all the brilliant characters of this amazing series, there’s one that I feel fucking pissed with, and its Beatrice.  (but ngl, she’s written brilliantly). And before you come here as a mob to murder me, let me explain myself why I don’t like her. At episode 1, I started to like her a lot, she helped Simone and Rasmus and stood by their side, and I appreciate her for that (but at this point I dunno if she did that just for convenience; because she liked Rasmus since the moment she laid eyes on him; she really supported Simone and her decisions; or she liked to contradict Martin’s orders) I kinda hoped it was the last 2, and I carried on watching the episode with that mentality, until I noticed the pairing that it came to be Rasmus and Beatrice.  Now listen up, why I find this pairing odd? Because Rasmus in a 16 year old kid who spend 6 years locked in a bunker with no other human contact but Simone, and most of his life before the events of the rain he was constantly sick

so he spend many time also with his parents getting checked and being supervised, laying on the bed. What am I getting at? This kid is NEW to the business of love, not sibling love, like love COUPLE, and this woman, (because lets be fucking real Beatrice is older than Rasmus), comes in and starts seducing this kid. THIS KID, WHO STARED IN AWE WHEN HE SAW TREES. And not just that, Beatrice is a manipulative person who lied to Martin when he said that his parents were in the church or something, to not get separated of them 

and then lied to Rasmus again with his parents being dead in the bed. (LIKE WTF WOMAN WHY U GOTTA LIE TO A KID?)

Now, I don’t know how to interpret Rasmus’s expression when he saw Beatrice and Martin having sex on episode 2, Lucas’s expression there is brilliantly masked in an amalgamation between shocked/curiousness, and that’s when he started to feel a spark of probably jealously. 

And don’t get me wrong, is probably normal for teens to get attracted to adults, it happens, but for adults to respond… its weird, and even more weird in this case, giving Rasmus’s past years of the very few many human interaction he had during 6 years. Get my drift?

Okay, back to Rasmus, having reviewed the past traumatic experiences that he has seen and experienced in the first episode and after being outside, in the span of a very few days, Rasmus:

• Was stabbed and almost died of blood loss and that injury got really infected, so he was in pain.

• Almost got murdered by a crazy doctor by being injected the virus.

• Was probably almost murdered by the other doctor at the house of the old people in episode 5.

• ATE human meat, like WTF people.

• Had a drug addiction to morphine and it was getting bad…

• The person he loved (why Rasmus why) died, and is probably HIS fault.

And the worse of all: his father didn’t help him in the end, on the contrary: he was about to get killed by his own hand. And even if it was for humanity’s own good, this in not Infinity War bro, and that dad wanted to pull a Thanos up in this bitch, like NO dude. Rasmus didn’t deserved to get that gun pointed at him by his own dad. He deserved to get cured, which is the principal reason that his dad left them on episode 1, and I MEAN, the dad is a scientist, THAT’S HIS JOB! One would say that when you know that your own son has a dangerous virus, one would do everything in his power to get his kid cure, right? Not Rasmus’s dad, which is fucked up.

THE POINT HERE IS: of all that messed up shit that Rasmus experienced, the moment he lost Beatrice is when he reached breaking point. Although some people might say that Rasmus fell into that depressive point because of her, my thesis is also that all those traumatic experiences that Rasmus has gone through the series, and loosing many important people, Beatrice is the trigger that sunk him deep. Those emotions invaded his mind, clouded his reason, and not even Simone could bring him the solace he needed, and that’s saying much because Simone was usually the one calming him, offering reassurance and protection. But nothing mattered to him in that moment this focus was the loss of another person important to him and Patrick’s reaction didn’t helped at all, it worsened things up by leaving Rasmus literally alone, Simone showed him affection but she was more focused on getting him away from Beatrice’s corpse (which I don’t blame her at all, I would have done the same), while the others were too shocked like Martin to calm him.

But you know what made Rasmus’s character powerful? What scene that made people seems to misunderstand? The scene in which he injects himself the virus saying: “No more people should die because of me” in episode 7. It’s such a powerful scene that shows how Rasmus is not childish or annoying; it’s the contrary, he’s a boy who wants to protect the people he loves because he doesn’t want to loose anyone he cares for. 

He has grown up in a very violent environment and he’s so fucking scared for the people he loves that he’s willing to die for them just to keep them alive. So the moment Simone tells him: “People are gone because you needed protection” he takes a decision, a dangerous decision; he injects himself the virus, sacrificing himself for the others sake. 

What people are failing to see (by my perspective) is that Rasmus’s character evolved and changed in the course of days, and he is far from a crybaby or a childish person; he is a boy that is scared and reacts to his emotions, he is overpowered by them and he is a very intelligent person that acts instinctively, so the worse thing is that the minute his father said: “I’m not sure I can” (help him) and Simone backing away from him and Rasmus asking: “Am I contagious?” he comes to understand the dangerous person he has become and the high probability of being the reason of Beatrice’s death.

So what can I conclude from Rasmus’s character? What do I see in him? I see a boy who, had to experience traumatic events since he was 10, had to pass 6 years locked in a bunker not experiencing life like a normal teen, had a very complicated love experience with a person who is older than him, had an drug addiction to morphine, had to witness a person very dear to him (his OWN dad) point a gun at him ready to shoot him. I see a boy whose emotions are powerful because he has not known how life works, he’s scared, he just wanted to see the sky…and of course, he could have handled many situations with more calm, but as a teen who is now starting to live life after 6 years of lockdown, he doesn’t know how to react to some things. Rasmus deserves to be seen as a person who is traumatized, who deserves happiness and love thrown to him, to be protected and be saved from that virus.

[rockybalfeatherboa]

getting these mtl headcanons outta my system

This is a long ass post but these r some random metalocalypse hcs that I feel kinda strongly abt some r real silly ok here it goes 

Aka me projecting

Toki - Enjoys activities like roller skating, weight lifting and boxing (that’s why he’s yknow fucken ripped) - Also enjoys model cars but not nearly as much as his beloved fighter planes - Thick brows - Hair is very thick and smooth (and,,pretty) but he doesn’t put a lot of work into is making the other guys kinda jealous - Sometimes shaves his legs below the knee but that’s it - Does shit like host teen choice awards and guest star on children’s tv shows BUT THEN acts surprised when kids love him,,,tf bitch this is ur fault - Absolutely loves physical affection he fuckin loves hugs and kisses!!!! - Prefers making out and titty groping groupies (and maybe a blowjob) over having sex with them .. but will still do it if he feels like he’s up to it - Kisses with his eyes open (and overall just real fuckin weird ok) - Keeps the video from Juliette sarmangsadandle in his nightstand he treasures it - Mostly writes his own keyboard parts for songs - Band thinks he’s hilarious when he doesn’t try to be but when he tries to tell jokes they don’t work ,, but he’s really funny in Norwegian it’s just the jokes don’t really translate too well so he just,,keeps it to himself - Pickles taught him how to smoke and now they like to chill and smoke together it’s like “their thing” - But he’s really picky about it he only smokes indica - (This is me projecting) Learned the phrase “if u feelin froggy then jump” and never stopped using it

Skwisgaar - shaves e v e r y t h i n g bc of 1) the aesthetics and 2) loves the way it feels - long lovely legs - huge fucken feet - has a klokateer pluck and tweeze his eyebrows them shits be on fleek - cries in secret at least once a day it’s become routine - He kept in touch with his Swedish gf for a while but then fell off and went back to hoeing #hoe4lyfe - Secretly wishes he can go back to wearing all white but he has to maintain brand recognition bc of the band - Wears very slight sweet smelling cologne behind his ears and wherever else cologne goes - Either eats a fuckton or not very much during the day,, keeping his metabolism on her toes - Guitar playing for him is like ultimate stress relief and also he fidgets with it he loves that thing - Has a book of various songs or riffs that he’s written on the guitar that dethklok will never ever use - Wears highlighter - Has run into one of his grown ass children in the bank one time and had to get the fuck out of there immediately,,they didn’t realize it was him tho -  Puts his feet on nathan just to bother him - Great teeth / really conscientious about hygiene - Cold hands and oily skin type - He has a pretty good sense of rhythm but ,, he can’t dance he can’t dance for shit oh my god it’s a disaster to look at - “I look like I can’t cook… that’s accurate” - When he drinks wine he does that thing where he swirls it around like a bougie piece of shit - Lactose intolerant :/ - Talks with his hands a l o t it’s over dramatized and very fascinating to watch - Responds to compliments with “I know”

Murderface - closet gay*   *gay but he grew up in such a homophobic environment so he tries to ignore it and pretty much force himself to be straight, explaining his constant trouble with women (Bc the attraction isn’t genuine ) and his fragile masculinity (so he’s always a “fellas is it gay to-“ or a “no homo” type of guy ),, his self esteem issues don’t help this out at all - big fuckin crush on skwisgaar (and skwis loves the attention) - sleeps with a retainer - hair is so dry,,,,,,please give this man some conditioner oh my god - knows pretty much everything about the civil war and the American revolution literally ask him anything he’s like a textbook - Somebody come get this man a pedicure - He has a lot of fans and they adore him it’s just that he’s oblivious to it,,, ppl love murderface!! - He’s not as ugly as he thinks he is or that people make him out to be, it’s just that people may think that only Bc the rest of Dethklok is so pretty. He kinda just ends up looking the worst by four-way comparison. It’s just a different type of look he has there’s nothing really wrong with his appearance - Imma go head and say it,,,he uses “y’all” - He and toki have actually made some decent songs for planet piss but it’s usually when they’re jamming out so they pretty much never get recorded 🤷🏽‍♀️ or remembered - He can move his dick voluntarily I mean I already knew that people with dicks can do this but murderface has like a whole new level of control with his - Got banned from Fintrolls bc he pissed in the olives but he just keeps coming back bc what are they gonna do? nothing - He takes his weapon/torture device collection very seriously like when u walk into his room u better not touch a damn thing or so help me -

Pickles - has nose piercings but doesn’t wear em - Small ear gauges - Strong toned legs especially shins and calves - Has not had a swig of h20 in 6 years but somehow has nice skin (a mystery) - Loathes Seth but absolutely a d o r e s  the baby!!! He loves that damn baby and always appreciates when Seth or amber send pics or FaceTime call !! Fuckin uncle pickles!! - Helps toki compose his keyboard parts for songs (Bc he too can play the piano) - Kinda flexible but not as he used to be,,he used to be able to do a full split - Likes to bug Charles a lot bc they’re the closest in age , sometimes they hang they’re good buds - Watches shitty reality tv (bad girls club, LHHATL (it has to Atlanta), etc) as a guilty pleasure - Kind of an asshole but in a way that leaves u wanting more - Played basketball freshman year of highschool,, he was ass at it lmao - Idk how much this has to do with being a headcanon but if pickles was a vine he’d be “I said whoever threw that paper, ya moms a hoe” he just carries that energy - Smells like a light combination of weed and cologne it’s really nice - Will tell one of his band mates to go blow their nose if they’re sniffling too much

Nathan - doesn’t like it when people touch his hair without asking but HOWEVER if u ask before u do he’d probably say yes ,, just gotta warn him first damn - Hates hates h a t e s feet it’s like a weird squirmy phobia. He’s ok with his own feet and just *seeing* other peoples feet but let someone’s bare foot touch him and he’d probably black out tbh - Really socially awkward outside of his stage presence but I think we all knew this - Nathan’s really sweet he just ,, u gotta know him - Really emotional when he’s drunk - Secretly cussing out everyone in his head - He doesn’t completely dislike physical affection but he’s not crazy about it either - Also kisses with his eyes open (but unlike toki he’s trying to work on it) - Dad bod but we all knew this too - Slightly introverted ..he likes to party and shit but can only take that much social interaction for so long then it’s time for him to go home - Eyes are so striking and pretty oh my god it’s like they’re shining it’s all his gfs favorite thing about him - ,,,,,,,thicc - He’s one of those people that rip off their hangnails instead of cutting them 😖 - He can throw down on the grill goddamn why isn’t he in charge of snacks? - Knows how to suture a wound with some level of proficiency - He loves his parents he just hates how they embarrass the fuck out of him god leave me alone mom and dad! - This is ironic to the last thing but remember that video where it was like “son let me hear some of your music” “I don’t think you’d like it” “c’mon let me listen” and the song is just “I hate my dad I hate my dad I hate my dad” the whole time yea that was Nathan in high school - Strong arms (b,,beautiful) - As a kid he used to poke at roadkill for uhh entertainment - Used to be self conscious about his reading glasses but doesn’t gaf anymore - Severe case of resting bitch face he’ll literally be chillin but his face will be mean muggin but that’s just the way he looks - Tried PCP and ended up having to be chained to his bed betcha he’ll never smoke that shit again - likes crime investigation shows and serial killer documentaries - Will n e v e r  refuse a fresh hot salted pretzel

[dieuleveut]

January 22nd, 2018

Hooty hoo. We had unprotected sex, and he’s admitted that he’s in love with me.

It’s almost wild how parallel he is to Matt, or maybe I’m just under the ex bias. Where you’re still not quite over your ex, because everything about the new guy reminds you of the last guy. But I don’t think that’s it.

On Friday, we had a triple threat date. We got coffee at Leaves ‘n Beans and it was a nice, cute chat. A few awkward silences here and there but nothing major we could fault ourselves for. The Peoria Tower was within our view and he suggested that we go walk up there and check out the view. We left the coffee shop around 5:30pm. When he picked me up an hour earlier, I decided not to bring a coat since it wasn’t that cold. But now a brisk wind had picked up. He noticed and asked if I wanted to borrow his jacket. Kindly (proudly), I refused. It wasn’t that cold. The tower was closed, so we just ended up walking to our next date spot: Cayenne. It was a niche little Mexican fusion restaurant. Lots of great decor and overall a fantastic ambiance. Again, conversation was nice and cute. He’s got a dangerously infectious smile.

Afterwards, we drove through the Peoria Heights, looked at some nice buildings. I’m trying to show off my House Hunter skills and describe what certain house styles are. He doesn’t know what a Victorian house looks like, and I’m thinking “how do you not? It’s such an eye sore lmao.”

We drove to Family Video, rented The Omen. We get to my apartment. The movie doesn’t work. We make out. After some strong deliberation on my part and tired of making out to the intro screen of The Omen, I invited him back to my room. Mostly to make out, but one thing lead to another and we’re giving each other head. He eats pussy like a champ. Seriously. Like his life depended on it. Oh my god. I returned the favor, but started getting tired. And while he said he liked it, I’m sure my style is too gentle for his taste. And again, things got heated and we just said, “fuck it let’s fuck.” He didn’t bring a condom and tbh I hate condom sex. So yeah, unprotected. Didn’t so much as ask him about STDs. Made him swear to pull out. Thank god he did, but jesus did he blow a load! It was dark and I couldn’t see where he all came, but I felt something splatter on left eye and all over my stomach. I know I should be grossed out, but I think I like being covered in cum. Hooty hoo.

We hung out for a bit, trembling and sweaty and tired, before he left. Then I spent the rest of the night wondering or worried what was going to happen next. Mostly, I was concerned about possible pregnancy. I scooped a finger in there a few times to make sure I didn’t pull out any semen. I honestly couldn’t tell enough to ease my mind, so I made a firm decision to get Plan B the next day. I spent most of the night googling whether or not I should, and finding cheaper alternatives since Plan B is damn near $50. Understandably so. You wouldn’t want it cheaper, then people would be buying that shit like candy.

So I prepared to just maybe have this be a one night stand. I had admitted to him what happened with Matt, how Matt cheated on me. I opened up to this guy and he got his smashing time so maybe he was done. I was going to be okay with that. Not that I was. No no I wanted to continue to have a good time with this guy. But I know how the stories go. I didn’t want to be disappointed.

But the next day, he texts me asking to hang out again. And he specifically says that he doesn’t want to fall into sex every time we hang out. He genuinely wants to bond, cuddle and be with me. That makes me so happy! So I invited him over yesterday even though I was planning on a Saturday just for myself. I’d been up since 8am and reasonably tired, but I thought I had enough energy to hang out with him. He didn’t tire me out. He gave me energy.

We watched Scott Pilgrim on my computer, kissed and cuddled during the movie. Afterwards, we got a little lost in each other’s limbs. You know? When you just kind of lay on top one of another? Head on a shoulder, head on a stomach, buried face in hair. And we just talked. It was flirting, chatting, being. Then the talk got serious. I could tell that he had had an “uh-oh” moment.

“You’re not...falling for me, are you?” I asked. He got quiet. Broke eye contact, covered his face in his elbow. Softly, he replied, “Yeah.”

Shit. Shit, this wasn’t supposed to happen. This was just supposed to be a fun thing, a good time, a nice memory. This wasn’t supposed to be a THING. And then he said something that legitimately triggered me because I could swear Matt had said the exact same thing.

“What if I don’t want to just be a memory? I don’t want us to just forget about each other when you leave.”

I told him that I just wanted to have a good time, and he got visibly upset. He did the same thing Matt did. He stopped talking to me. He shut off. He turned around, put his socks on as if he was about to leave.

I could almost feel as though this may be the last time I ever saw or spoke to him. Gotta have some good last words. “I’ve had a good time with you. If I never see you again, just know that I really enjoyed hanging out with you.”

It took him a bit to respond (man, do Aries have a way with pregnant pauses), but he turned over and asked why I bothered to go out with him in the first place then. I started crying, “What am I supposed to do? Not make friends while I’m here? Am I supposed to just shut myself off from everyone so I don’t hurt anybody after I leave? Is there something so wrong with just wanting to make good memories with people while I’m here, without having to make it SOMETHING.”

“No, no, I’m sorry that’s not what I meant,” he went for me. Fuck. I hate it when I cry in tense conversations. I know I’m a cute crier and it’s hard to hate me when I cry. I tell him to not pity me but I didn’t get the point across. I think crying in front of him made him fall more in love with me.

I don’t know how the conversation waned out, but he ended up snuggling the back of his head on my stomach, his body resting between my thighs. I stroke his hair as we talk. I start, “Maybe it’s better that I’m not staying in Peoria for any longer than I am. That way we won’t get more attached and won’t--”

“Wait, what do you mean?” He turns to look at me. Fuck, I think I’m putting my foot in my mouth again. Stop it.

“Never mind. Nothing.” I pull an Aries move on an Aries, see how you like it.

So the night ends well. We make out for a little bit more and he leaves, but not after a loooong Minnesotan goodbye. I also need to stop trying to start the same inside jokes with Eric that I did with Matt. I tried to reintroduce “henlo” and the Minnesotan goodbye. I said to Eric “you’re so snuggly/cuddly” the same way Matt used to say to me.

Anyway, this is a long entry. My bad. Mostly for formatting it in novel-style. That’s just how I’d like to picture yesterday. Now, today, things are more tense. I haven’t seen him all day but we had been texting pretty consistently, until he brought up that he missed me. He felt shitty without me. He felt that his feelings towards me were making him irrational. And I’m sitting here thinking...fuck. This is a parallel with Matt again. The same paradox. Do I fuck this guy up/over by just being concerned with my own personal happiness and just having a good time with him, while he just hurts at home, he hurts when we’re not together? Or do I actually do what I should’ve done with Matt, and cut him loose earlier rather than later? White-fang him? Break his heart now so it doesn’t hurt so much later?

Why are they both so adamant on not being a memory? Isn’t everyone a memory to someone? I mean, the only people who aren’t “just memories” are those who are a part of someone’s daily life. Like family, or a spouse and children. Even then, my family is a memory to me. I rarely see them or speak to them and most often i find myself looking back on my childhood or my younger years. I love memories. So I just don’t understand the whole anti-memory thing with Matt and Eric. Someone please explain.

So I tried to white-fang Eric. I told him, “If I’m hurting you by not being with you, then maybe I’m not good for you.” If I wanted to get metaphorical with it, maybe I’m like a drug to him like I was to Matt. It’s easy to say yes to me in the moment, but once I’m gone, I’m going to hurt like a bitch. And the more you say yes, the harder it’s going to hurt later on. Maybe like sinking your teeth into fresh concrete. If you pull out now, you might be fine. But if you wait too long, you’re going to lose teeth and it’s going to hurt like hell. So I thought maybe it’s best to pull out now.

He responded, “I like you a lot. I wanna to move to LA with you and we just met. You’re not hurting like I am, it seems. Yeah, I’ll just talk to you later.”

Then I thought it was over. I let it seep in. That was his goodbye. I thought to myself, wow so you were so obsessed with not being a memory that you just made yourself a bad one.

And BELIEVE IT OR NOT, he texted later tonight saying, “If I’m going to be a memory to you, I want to be a good one, not bad.” Can he read my mind?!

And thus, I am in another dilemma. I white-fanged him already, and that took a lot of my emotional strength. Do I attempt to white-fang him again? At the moment, my thought is that I would love to see him again, but only if I know that he won’t hurt afterwards. Only if I know that he is also down to have a casual good time. I don’t want to see him if it’s just going to hurt him. He shouldn’t worry about how I feel. I’m good at burying my feelings. That doesn’t mean they’re not there, I just pretend they’re not. Plus, we’d only met on Wednesday. I need more time to fall into someone else. That person would have to become an integral part of me, of my day and my life. I like him, but jesus, I don’t love him and I wouldn’t stay in Peoria for him (the inverse of what he would do for me.) Oh fuck, what to do.

The funny thing is, I have fantasized about this exact scenario. I played out before my dreams the idea of casually meeting someone from Tinder, and have him accidentally fall in love with me while I play the distant, emotionally unavailable one. Maybe he would angrily make me confront my fear of feelings, outing me for my romantic faults. I would mull over his rant, every word of his hitting me at my core. Then one night, I would rush over to his place, drenched in rain and tears, telling him he was right and that I was wrong to avoid my feelings. We kiss and the world is a happy ending.

Hard to imagine that happening in the span of a week and a half. Plus, that would be really inconvenient.

---

11:42pm

Basically, it’s over. I told him that he should think of me as a good time and move on after I leave and he got pissed, saying “people aren’t something you play with and leave behind.” He also told me that if I didn’t see him as a future partner, he wouldn’t see me. And I mean, honestly? Good! The fact that this guy was asking me to consider him a future partner (!!!) in the span of less than a week?! What in the actual irrational fuck. So yeah. White-fanged and ghosted. Just. I hope he finds peace.

Me on the other hand? I’m quickly disappearing back into my depression. Work kept me busy, but I arranged a therapy appointment with my counselor Jacob from my Bradley time last year. Then I texted my mom, asking if she would be willing to help me pay for the one visit. This lead to her prying into “why? why don’t you talk to me instead? why can’t you just speak with papa and i? You’re making me feel like a bad parent.” I just. Why do I even bother? I ask her to help me pay for something regarding my mental health and she makes it about her parenting skills. I understand, I just wish she would too.

Then she calls me tonight, about an hour ago. Sure, why not? I’ll pick up the phone. And again, she’s judgmental. She’s opinionated.

“See? Remember I told you you shouldn’t get into a relationship while you’re there? You can come back home, live here for the next chapter of your life. I don’t understand why you have this depression; you have a good family, a good job, a good life. I just don’t get it. Just get over it. Everybody gets depressed sometimes and they just work past it. Maybe you should talk to Papa. What does this guy even say that makes him so good huh? The therapist.”

After some yelling and arguing with her, I just shut off. “Whatever. Love you. Bye.”

I cried on my bed. I called Sophie over and had her lie on top of me while I cried. I laid there, cold and unmoving. Until finally I decided to at least function and take care of myself. I took a shower. The hottest I could bear. Then I switched the knob to spout into a bath. Hottest bath I could bear. I let my tears melt into the hot water, losing myself in the heat searing into my skin. It was the only thing I could feel, the only thing that made me feel, was the burning of the hot water. I laid down, sunk my head underneath the water, the pressure popping in my ears. I could try to drown myself like people do in movies, right? But the water escaped into my nostrils and I quickly sat up, coughing up water through my mouth and burning through my nose. I’m hoping a brain-eating amoeba made it into my bath water somehow and is now living in my brain. At least that would explain why I feel so dead in the head lately.

Then...then I couldn’t stand the heat any more and stood up. I turned on the shower head and blasted cold water all over my body. The change in temperature threw me for a shock. I could feel my head getting dizzy. I propped my hands against the cold shower tiles, making sure I didn’t collapse somewhere my skull could crack onto. It felt...that’s it. It just felt. It woke me up a little but all I wanted was to physically feel something.

I sat back down in the hot water. It felt funny, my bottom half warm and my top half cold. Finally, I got out of the shower/tub. Forced myself to eat something, even though the thought of food made me nauseous. I dry heaved a little. This is not happening again. I will take care of myself. Maybe pretend as though one side of myself had a lobotomy, and the other self has to take care of her. I don’t think I’d mind that. A lobotomy. How different could it be from me now?

I wanted to cut myself again. Not on the wrist. Just a prick on the thumb or a slice on my palm. And I thought to myself, I wanted to do that because 1) I wanted to feel something and 2) maybe cutting myself is a way of giving me a reason to feel shitty. You know? A visible scar that says “hey i feel like shit.” Because otherwise, if there’s no scars, no blood, people hear that I’m depressed and ask, “...why?” But if I’ve got something to show for it, maybe they’ll start understanding.

Fuck. I feel like such an emotional middle schooler. Just give me a lobotomy. Then this can be as simple as possible. No complexities. No emotions. Just nothing.

----

2:48am (literally a minute after I finished the last post)

Haha I just reread the entry from January 18th and I just need to say that I’m so amused by the irony.

“With Eric, maybe these two weeks won’t be enough time to cultivate strong feelings. We’ll just remain in that honeymoon phase without having to worry about the future.”

Nope, bad luck be with me, the boy developed feelings on the second/third date and is considering moving to LA with me. Of course he did. Of course.

[punkscowardschampions]

Indie & Rio

Indie: where you left me to go mama?? Rio: aw bubba 😧😔 Rio: plenty of stuff in the kitchen if you ain't already raiding Indie: got my head in the fridge never over its madness Indie: 🍾 + 🍊 for breakfast innit 😂 when you lavish Rio: 😂 we on the champagne too Rio: calling a 2 drink max for you so you don't rinse 'em 😜 Indie: dont be lawin that for me too tho Rio: Bitch I is, keep up Indie: naaaah thats only a glass in each hand Indie: you got rules whenever you be but cant gimme none Rio: 😑 Rio: even you can't test me rn tho Rio: on ☁9 Indie: jam girl im playin 🍾 aint lush 😕 aint be telling mckenna that i cant hang w the poshos but fr Indie: is it? whats got you feelin higher than me? 411 Rio: not got dem mature tastebuds yet younger 😉 Rio: [Picture in the Tiffany shop] Indie: allow it i got 👅 that 💸 cant buy bitch Indie: what bling the boy tryna drop on you 👑 didnt even hear you arguing like 👏 get it girl Indie: guilt gifts be 🔥 Rio: Better than the 🚬 joke I thought you would Rio: maybe you are gettin so grown 😜 Rio: nah nah Rio: not even Rio: idk how to say it it feels surreal, like Rio: you'll think i'm playing fr Indie: innit tho 👵👵👵👵 Indie: ?? Indie: youre playing not to take me w to get a 👶 🎁 but you kno 💖💖💖 Rio: That is a good idea tho the price tag would have you shook Rio: [Pic] Rio: It's an engagement ring Rio: ahh I feel a bit sick Indie: YOUVE GOT JOKES MAN 😂😂😂 Indie: even mckenna aint that highkey he gonna proper wife you rn Rio: mad init Indie: serious? Rio: yeah Rio: promise Indie: 😲😲😲😲😲😲😲 Indie: bitch i aint wearing no dress to the 💒 tho Rio: i know Rio: but how you gon' be maid of honour if you don't? 😘 Indie: ill tax that best man role from other mckenna if you keep playing 💪😎😎 Indie: & i aint callin you mckenna now thatd be a madness of getting you caught up w that boy in convos Rio: Fine we'll discuss this later Rio: 'cos ain't like it's happening now so you know Indie: locked you down w out locking in a date i get it Rio: Yeah Rio: what do you think then Rio: honest Indie: its sick news Indie: the boy be acting right & appreciating what he got 👑👑💖💖 Rio: i'm so glad you think so Rio: thanks, babe Rio: ain't gonna make a big song and dance and tell everyone but i ain't gonna hide it either Rio: know everyone gonna have an opinion, again Rio: just can't get enough, clearly 😂 Indie: feelin the love that you spoke it to me Indie: the only opinion that counts b that he aint finding no better hoe here, in the 24 or anywhere Indie: facts Rio: You gonna make me cry and they gonna throw me out this boujee ass store Indie: wipe dem tears on 💸💸💸 so they kno you can hang still Rio: 😂 Rio: already gonna be out here wearing someone's college tuition on my finger like Rio: see why people do this more than once, get a nice collection going Indie: mckenna gon 😭😭😭 boy is soft Indie: dont let him hear you chatting bout no round 2 Rio: 😏 Rio: poor baby, don't be mean Indie: catch me getting married never i gotta live this thru you amp bitches Rio: Fair, didn't ever expect I would Indie: gon kick it old school like your nan 👶👶👶👶👶 but no 💍 Rio: 😖 Glad you out here thinking so highly of me bitch 😜 Indie: 😂😂😂😂 Indie: is you got the fear tho for reals or nah? Rio: It's weird Rio: I know it's what I want like I didn't even think about saying nah but Rio: you have every other voice in your head saying it's too quick or we shouldn't even be together at all, you know Indie: i feel it Indie: i got em in mine tryna chat against everything i tryna do all the time Indie: gotta just chat back that they bein dry Rio: Yeah Rio: you right Indie: how we celebratin this?? thats what i wanna be knowing Rio: we should go out for dinner Indie: catch me thirdwheelin over 🍝 soz baby boy 💋 Rio: shh nah, it'll be good, there are some fancy places that do food you'll actually eat so we can live lavish Indie: tell him bring a friend if he rollin w any still 😂😂😏💘😏 Rio: Not tryna get you NONE at my engagement party tah Rio: get you fill o the food tho 😋 Indie: it aint gotta be heavy Indie: been long since anyone meshed me tho so help a hoe out Rio: hmm don't be tryna play addickted Rio: i'll get you a vibrator, like Rio: not to say go fuck yourself but Indie: 😂😂😂😂 when your ma been out for the day & brings home 🎁🎁s like Rio: pah, he'd actually die of embarrassment Indie: when you out your man as vanilla tho Indie: o mckenna Rio: I just don't reckon he wants to think 'bout you meshing Rio: no offence, like Indie: back trecking like its your job baby Indie: 👀 you & his ways Rio: 🙈 den gurl Indie: too late to swerve dat 🏩 Rio: 🙄 just be thankful i never brought it to ours when we was sharing Indie: safe Indie: I kno you in your ☁ rn but when you back cos shit b testing me & dat 2 drink minimum Rio: What's up? Indie: ex-boy got a new 💘 so he tryna pass my shit back but cos i aint there hes @ the squad & they vexed @ me cos of Indie: 💔💔💔💔💔 Rio: 😔 Rio: Are the lads gonna get it or nah Rio: Don't suppose it's worth seeing if Drew still wanna be Dad of the year one last time, like Rio: may as well use him if he's offering, yeah? Indie: things been heated since the 🐕 & what of mine they are holding so like no beef to the lads but idk Indie: am i tryna text him ever tho 😒😒😒 Rio: Yeah, we'll go 'round the houses when I'm back Rio: someone will go get it Rio: don't worry Rio: we won't be long now Indie: & like not tryna still have love for that boy but aint it mad quick miss me for a few after you dash me Rio: It is Rio: but I ain't surprised, it's how lads, esp lads like that, do Rio: doesn't mean it didn't mean nothing to him necessarily Rio: could still be crying 'bout it in your inbox in a few, not trying to give false hope even 'cos fuck him Indie: i dont wanna be hurtin over this no more Indie: gotta get not bothered Rio: I know Rio: fake it 'til you make it, babe Rio: all you can do Indie: innit tho Indie: tell mckenna to buy me bling too thatll help 😂😂😂😂 Rio: 😂 Rio: 'course Indie: not saying he gotta drop a rents worth on the drip like Indie: just how much he feelin Rio: also not tryna be your sisterwife like Indie: no mood Indie: he vanilla but i aint tryna compete w your moves still Rio: Teach you but I'd have to charge Indie: hes on daddy hype too hard i cant be chattin like that to him or no lad soz boy Rio: Don't really put you in any mood but 😒? Rio: Fair Indie: why drop 💸💸💸💸 on therapy when you can spend on 🚬 its all good Rio: It ain't Rio: but we'll make it Indie: you reckon drews gon show w 👶🎁🎁🎁 or imma be repin for the fam? Rio: I don't know if that'd even enter his head Rio: tbh Indie: she could ⛔ us all in a big sweep Indie: me you & him Rio: She could Rio: I don't think she will you though, babe Rio: not like you've done shit wrong Indie: she just aint about me Indie: i feel it w her too Indie: itll b how itll b Rio: yeah but she can't be that petty Rio: even if she wanna Rio: she's a grown ass woman Indie: neither of em out here acting like they grown Indie: why she gonna start when she have this kid Rio: 'cos she'll have to Rio: unlike Drew she can't just pass it around and hope everyone else does it for her Indie: yeah but she know your ma in law got her back & your real Rio: She can't let Bea raise her kid for her Rio: or Ma Rio: anyway, she's got too much pride in everything not related to Drew, trust Indie: tru Rio: I promise, it's gonna be fine Indie: i got trust in you babe thats how im here Rio: 💘💘💘 Indie: dont be letting it slip now you got 💍 Rio: Never Indie: its chill then Indie: what we tryna wear tonite bitch? Rio: got enough trust in me to lemme pick you up some fresh garms or? Indie: hmmm Indie: cos you in a ☁ yeah Indie: theres your engagement gift ✌ Indie: do it how you gonna Rio: 😂 you know I'm good Rio: and no 👗s Rio: not taking the piss Indie: 👀 Indie: no 🤡ing Rio: would I do a thing like that? Indie: nah but mckenna will if he gets pissy you aint shopping for him 😂😂😂 Rio: We already had to treat him 'cos you know Rio: men don't cuffed 'til the day of Indie: you rode him in there say no more 🤐🤐🍾🍾 Rio: 😂 Rio: Not what I meant even but not gonna lie Indie: 😏😏😏 Indie: i been knew Rio: Keeping it unpredictable is our predictable, babe Indie: you out there vibin 😍😍😍 its a day when you can be extra Indie: make most Rio: As if there's a day when I ain't 😉 Rio: At least my Ma can't say shit to me, she was a marriage and 2 kids deep by now with Eds on the way so Indie: his gon get vocal tho man i feel it Indie: 👀 his dad @ me like 😒 how she livin Rio: I know Rio: Hoping they don't notice, like lemme forget which finger this meant to go on Rio: 😬 Indie: she gon be busy @ the business end of her sis when we hit dubs you all good 😂😂😂😂 Indie: & you could always swerve it so the 💎 not facing out when they 👀 Indie: ✌ hacks Rio: am I tryna stop a muggin' or 😂 Rio: you jokes Rio: also never wanna think about her business end thanks 😷 Indie: innit her drum not got dem thin walls like ours 🙏🙏🙏 or they aint vocal how you and mckenna do Rio: Literally can't imagine how this baby came to be Rio: but I'm chill with that, I don't wanna Indie: used that medical shit fr he aint been near her thats how i clue it Rio: i'm creasing rn and can't even explain 'cos nah Indie: serious she that bitch you tryna lips her & she gotta go shower Rio: I know Rio: Childbirth gonna break her 'less she got that c-section on lock Indie: hit her w all the good gear 🚀🚀🚀🚀 Rio: Probably wanna do it without for the brag idk Indie: o snap Indie: truuuuuuuu Rio: She gotta be ready to drop any day, like Indie: 👀 &👂 Indie: we turnin up if she want us or nah Indie: how many mckennas 👶👶s you gon have? Rio: We'll be about, can't avoid School forever Rio: and shut up bitch 😂 Indie: cmon man i kno you 💭 on it Indie: he a pretty boy Rio: nah Rio: i got a life to live babe Indie: your ma been proved you can have it all bitch Indie: birth dem 👶👶s give em posh names & send em to fancy school like they da Rio: yeah n she given me enough sibs to never need my own Rio: not to mention all your drama 😜 Indie: 😂😂😂 Indie: im a drama free zone now ty what you sayin Rio: whilst we in this postcode maybe Rio: but not for long babe Indie: nah for long imma be swervin that shit ✌✌ Indie: any postcode Rio: 👏 sounds good to me too Indie: got ink to jog me if i tryna slip Rio: yeah Rio: least you didn't get the M too Indie: like i been said id just put an a on it for that shoutout to my 3 mas baby 💖💖💖 all good Rio: there's always that Rio: if you really want you can add to it Rio: reclaim it, like Indie: hacks Indie: but i aint got no 💸💸💸💸 for Rio: I can pay Rio: or Ma would do it Indie: o yeah Indie: imma hit her up when we home Rio: Have you decided where you gonna be? Indie: mayb w bills cos she 😢💔 idk Rio: Yeah? Indie: if edie back then naaaaah Indie: or if drew been locked up can squat in the flat til it reclaimed Rio: We'll work something out Rio: I'll probably look for a new place Indie: you not gon move in mckennas dubs yard like you own that? Rio: Don't think the rest of 'em would appreciate that like 😏 Indie: other mckenna would rollin in that big drum solo gotta be dry Rio: Yeah still don't think I'm housemate choice no.1 Indie: thats her bad cos you 👑👑👑🔥🔥🔥👑👑👑 Rio: 💘💘💘 Rio: You biased Indie: nah i not Indie: im not here for drew just cos he blood Rio: Anyway, can't be presuming that's how he wanna be living, like Indie: is it? Rio: Yeah, he ain't coming here 'til October imagine if I'd legit moved myself in 😂 Indie: he put a 💍 on it how he not gon be down Rio: that's like rule no 1 init Rio: gotta make sure you've got your own taken care of in case everything goes tits Indie: safe Indie: 👑 moves be like Rio: If I really was probably shoulda said no shouldn't I Rio: kick it like his Ma Indie: if he wants a girl like his ma you need to have a convo Indie: that some freaky shit Rio: 😂 Rio: psych101 would blow your mind Indie: i aint even tyna kno what you mean Indie: old white dudes be cracked Rio: Yeah wouldn't have you buzzin' 'bout your daddy issues Indie: what they sayin bout? i wanna fuck drew now? plot twist fam Rio: you know Rio: we all do but clearly got it twisted 'cos my type ain't ever been my da Rio: no offence boy but Indie: your da be 😍😍😍 god bless Rio: have we swapped? 😂 Indie: he raised me higher than drew done so Indie: daddy caleb come thru Rio: 😷 Indie: 😂😂😂😂 Rio: Such a grown convo Indie: hoe im keepin you grounded Indie: livin that grown life 24 7 w mckenna Rio: tru Rio: it's a madness i should still be in school Rio: i feel so 👵 fr Indie: you is Rio: cheeky cow Rio: meant to hype me not wreck me 😂 Indie: he be too tho Indie: so tamed its a madness Indie: remember how he used roll Rio: well you know Rio: 😻 game so strong Indie: you no need my hype bitch Indie: you know what you done Rio: You reckon Indie: girl aint be gettin a callback you got 💍💎💎 & 💒 hype Indie: he kicked it long distance for you & he aint putting in effort no way fore then Rio: Yeah Rio: ignore me Rio: just the fear init Indie: get a new drink Indie: chase that Rio: 🍾 Indie: check your boy i bet he aint feelin no fear Rio: He wouldn't say if he was Indie: hed chat it to you Indie: that boy always talking Rio: 😂 thought you reckoned he was the strong silent type Indie: that was afore he was my new daddy Indie: now i 👀 Rio: 😏 Poor boy Rio: I'll keep it on the dl, protect his ego Indie: ill keep it uncommon knowledge to protect this roof over Rio: yeah, least wait 'til you safe in the 24 to be rude 😜 Indie: innit Rio: right, we heading back Indie: ✌✌ Indie: in a few Indie: less he wants you all to himself Rio: he already been had that Indie: he gave you 💎 you can give him a day 😂😂😂 Rio: is it? Rio: why you want air? 👀 Indie: jam ma im tryna do you & your mans a solid Indie: fore i 3rd wheel your nite like Indie: aint this bitch in your pocket & way when we rollin in the 24 Rio: hmm Rio: if you're sure Indie: trust Rio: then we'll be back with your garms and the reservation later then Indie: safe Indie: dont be doing anything i aint tryna Indie: 💖💖💖💖💖 Rio: 🧡🧡🧡

[punkscowardschampions]

Ali & Tommy

Ali: Now on the coach Ali: How's Ro been? Ali: Tried to give her as much space as poss Tommy: I'll give it a minute before I let ma know, yeah? Give you some space too like Tommy: Proper shut down. Standard Tommy: She ain't said a word to none of us Ali: Cheers Ali: Been a fucking event, don't think even Ma can top the drama but not dying to find out Ali: I thought as much 😟 Ali: I don't think there's much to be done but be there when she's ready though, right? Ali: idk, plenty of friends cried on these shoulders but never Ro over this, its new ground Tommy: You're alright Tommy: I reckoned as much when she flew home Tommy: Like I've been in with tea but I'm blatantly juggling cups and nothing else Tommy: She ain't about my efforts Tommy: Offered to dance battle him and she didn't even laugh Ali: Tah for being tea boy though, more necessary and appreciated than it might seem when she's catatonic Ali: to be fair, that isn't funny, babe 😜 Tommy: Giving it a go Tommy: x 2 like Tommy: oi I'm well funny Ali: 💚 Ali: hmm Ali: i hope that's not your aim w this theatre school lark Ali: standup you ain't Tommy: Laugh it up or you ain't getting your welcome home cupcakes honey Tommy: 🌟 baker I am Ali: tears of a clown baby bro Ali: 'cos bet mary berry herself didn't whip up anything for your arrival only days previous Ali: that's da Ali: mum is OBVS paul Ali: the accent, the blue steel, the unnecessary harsh judgment Tommy: 😂 Tommy: The cupboards were bare before yours truly showed up to help with the big shop Tommy: Working my ballet body without rest here Ali: wanna have a fab summer not a flab one darling Ali: only thinking of all the money they ain't had to put into your training #datscholarshiptho Tommy: Put your claws away if you ain't aiming them at a diff blonde lad Tommy: That'll be why I'm shameless fave not cause none of yous are about Ali: seriously don't Ali: he better square up when we're in that car park Ali: if the teachers don't get him first...you won't believe the fucking scandal blatantly occurring rn Ali: obvs 😘 'til Bea and Fraze become the big ballers they wanna be and start paying it back Ali: all 'bout that dolla Tommy: if you heard that lad, gotta post up 🥊 Tommy: someone better smack that cunt Tommy: Spill it sister, how is he on worse behavior? Nearly a proper skill at this point Ali: I plan to Ali: just followed Carly into the fucking cupboard bog, like Ali: in what world are you not getting caught Ali: we're in a fucking tin can Tommy: ERRR Tommy: Your Carly? Tommy: she can do better Ali: I been telling her Ali: best believe Ali: can't drag her out like time out bitch Ali: he's a disease s2g Ali: every fucking girl I know Tommy: 💔 not about that for her Tommy: Every girl except you? 🤔 suspect Ali: nah Ali: don't need to tell you he treats her like shit, duh Ali: ☕ Tommy: let me at her inbox tbh Tommy: not having this Tommy: she's a cutie Ali: do it Ali: meddlin' gay who smugly knows best defs a better stereotype than jealous ex Ali: 😣 no tah Tommy: Valid Tommy: Your eyes ain't gone green though, have they? Tommy: If this is a triangle, or love square tell me now bitch Ali: Bitch Ali: how dare you do me down like that Ali: Nah, I just want her to be happy Ali: and ain't happening with that cunt Tommy: Don't you reckon she knows that Tommy: She was happy with you but that went how it went maybe she's not looking for it to be like that again Ali: Oh, so I just let her fuck her life up Ali: polite smiles from the sideline like SOOOOO happy for you babes, what a man! Ali: Pfffft 😒 Ali: be a better gay Tommy: Nah but putting yourself out there for the real shit is such a THING Tommy: I get it Ali: So dramatic the lot of you Ali: not gotta get a pug and a mortgage Ali: if you ain't going out there tryna be happy every day every way Ali: what's the point Ali: a madness Tommy: Maybe she's all out of trying after putting up with your high maintenance arse for so long ☕ Tommy: 😂 Tommy: Nobody's bringing their best for that basic fuckboy Ali: 🖕 piss off hair product Tommy: Like you take any less time putting together your 'effortless' lewks you faux hippie Tommy: Don't be coming for my crowning glory Ali: Bleurgh Ali: forgot how much of a bitch you were Ali: when you going back again? 😘 Tommy: We've all seen you #bringitforberlin Tommy: Not that I'm jealous nah Tommy: But how was it? Drama aside Ali: 👼 Don't push me down the stairs, watching my back now like 👀 Ali: It overshadowed everything lowkey but yeah Ali: still ace Tommy: You'll bring it back around when you flatten Drew Ali: 🍑👏 him Tommy: 👑 Tommy: what are we gonna do about Ro and Carly though? 🤔 Must focus Ali: soz, my booty has that affect Ali: but seriously Ali: I am fresh out of ideas... Ali: maybe he's like Samson and we need to give him a buzzcut Ali: break the spell Tommy: or shove a bowl on his head and ✂ Ali: ain't far off Ali: ☕ it ain't that cute a cut Ali: its just shiny and blonde, snap out of it ladies! Tommy: Honestly Tommy: Meena got all the looks and that's the tea Ali: Oooooooooh! 😉 Ali: No argument tho even if you're 😍 Tommy: SHUT YOUR MOUTH WHEN YOU TALK TO ME ALISON Tommy: She's just better than him very HIGHKEY Tommy: Take it up with our man JC Ali: 😂 Ali: Bless Ali: so sweet Ali: and finally Ali: a matrimony we can all get behind Tommy: excuse me he made me and her both queens Tommy: too fabulous for your hetero baiting of the audience Ali: sure jan Ali: can't fake that chemistry Ali: told you, you're a shit actor Tommy: Take a step back Marsha if you don't want me coming for your weave Tommy: You reckoned on your ex a few back? Marlene would blatantly kill Drew no questions Ali: 💅💄 jealousy's a disease, get well soon bitch 😷 Ali: now you gay baiting! Tommy: 😂 Ali: Let karma sort him out Ali: Ro's well out of it Ali: Carly, I hope, knows what she's doing, even if I don't fuck with it Ali: he ain't gonna 💔 Tommy: Yeah Tommy: Still, drink and debrief when you get home? Tommy: I wanna hear how the teachers throw down Ali: fosho Ali: dog or you SO 100% G.A.Y. now you refuse to go anywhere that ain't flying at least 2 rainbow flags at all times? 😉 Tommy: 🌈 or bust Tommy: not gonna be Ro's scene but if you wanna bring Carly that cunt isn't gonna set foot in such hallowed ground Ali: A different concept for scared straight but I'm with it Ali: I'll ask her Ali: got a party dress I didn't get to debut, gotta save something for the home crowd, like Tommy: I'd watch THAT show Ali: wouldn't we all Ali: so much teen mum to catch up on, you best not have watched it without me! Tommy: Not trying to get struck down ta Tommy: That fury's all for Drew Ali: unless you've deleted all the recording like ur burning after reading, you're alright kid Tommy: Honey I know what's holy Ali: thank God someone does Ali: Drew getting kicked straight to hell and off this bus if he don't chill Tommy: They still going? Tommy: Ugh Ali: Nah Ali: Laoise and her crew dobbed, which fair enough literally no one needs it, doubt they got started before the teachs' were yanking them out Ali: if they had handcuffs Drew would be chained to his seat rn no lie Ali: citizen's arrests and full-scale riot behaviour going down rn from everyone slating Carly Tommy: omhg Tommy: I hope someone's streaming Tommy: Gonna send my girl 💚🍀 Ali: no doubt Ali: reckon we might have to make an emergency stop Ali: couldn't even make the trip home Ali: really lads REALLY Tommy: And I thought my school was full of drama queens and kings Tommy: Christ alive Ali: honestly Ali: got nothing on the common people Ali: i'm so over it Ali: gonna knock myself over the head in a minute so i don't have to deal Tommy: I'd suggest a sing song but don't reckon that'll cut it Tommy: Call me a bad gay again but Tommy: Never hear you over the war cries like Ali: 😂 if there was ever a moment for kumbaya Tommy: If they'd let you keep your 🎸 you'd be thriving Tommy: Yeah I heard about that casual confiscation Tommy: Weapon in more ways than one though, lads Ali: THANK YOU Ali: how we gon' play for peace now Ali: gonna have to get real happy clappy Tommy: 👏stop👏 slutshaming👏 carly👏 Tommy: End with a mexican wave that knocks that cunt out Tommy: She alright? Tommy: I just saw a flash of Ro, safe to say she ain't Ali: I mean, as much as they're all just using this as an excuse to do that Ali: lowkey have a point on this one Ali: why here and why now Ali: its disrespectful Tommy: Talk to her Tommy: Someone's clearly keeping Ro in the loop somehow, is that likely to be her? Ali: Idk Ali: I don't think its her style Ali: she isn't doing it to be malicious to Ro but yeah, idk why she is Tommy: Is she proper 💘 on Drew Tommy: 'Cause lord Ali: How could anyone be Tommy: I have literally no clue Tommy: But Ro's not 💔 about her German accent or whatever Tommy: It's all about him so there's gotta be something we're missing Ali: Oh, that ain't about him Ali: about a lot of things but him being a vessel for her intimacy issues and insecurities is just one of 'em Tommy: So he could've been anyone? Score - 1 for Romeo Ali: Any dickhead who's not gonna make it real on his end and ruin the fairytale, yeah Ali: dime a dozen Tommy: ☕ Ali: safe to say he's fucked the narrative still tho Ali: although, has he? 'cos secretly feeds into the 'i'm wrong and strange' deal we all know is there Tommy: Savage Tommy: But accurate Ali: I know Ali: Die before I said it to her face, like but Ali: makes me worried if she needs to prove that theory right again he could make a reappearance Ali: everyone loves a bit of self-destruction Ali: can't judge but I am Tommy: Samsies Tommy: Fuck's sake Tommy: This family Ali: Rocky the only one with a healthy functioning relationship tbh Tommy: The realest Tommy: Even ma's met her match in ro rn though Tommy: She's lowkey freaking me out and I'm used to you weirdos Ali: Explain Ali: I've seen her at her freakiest, remember, so are we talking worse? Tommy: True maybe I'm just out of practice Tommy: Ghost like vibes catching me off guard Ali: We'll have to keep an eye on the food Ali: she doesn't eat much, and never in front of any of us now Ali: but I can tell when she's had something Ali: make sure we're not hungerstrike vibes again Tommy: I reckon she'll be alright-ish when you get home Tommy: Much as she ever is, you know Tommy: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Tommy: She's not gonna want to go to hospital or any of that shit Ali: Yeah, you're right Ali: I'm being dramatic, it's catching Tommy: 👑 Tommy: Bea will be if she sees her Tommy: Jesus take the wheel and spare me that Ali: 😬 Ali: can hear the 'I told you so' from here Ali: we're all thinking it but shh Tommy: Inside voices like we do at least Ali: Never know Ali: might be the motivation she needs Ali: Bea disappointment Tommy: Oh snap Ali: You know it works Ali: on Fraze too 😂 Tommy: 😂 Tommy: Yeah