#eyetwitch. come here

[inutaffy]

i literally get heated so easily if i was in a game that encouraged/sanctioned violence and you LAUGHED AT ME? 😐

[vermanaward]

6.1 stuff. here be spoilers (all content)

msq  - generally good. the new dungeon is neat. love the armour set. tataru’s glam set was a surprise, but a pleasant one. tickled me just how many people i saw running around in it (dyed or otherwise). it’s a nice set; simple, but nicely detailed. my only gripe is there are no pants for some reason?? tataru pls

pleasantly surprised that we’re touching on Void stuff again so soon. disappointed that the void quests from shb had zero mention but them’s the breaks.

i adore the contrast between the cowards of sharlayan and the alchemists of thavnair. sorry but if your response to ‘we built an artificial voidsent’ is not ‘holy shit that’s awesome’ what kind of scholar even are you. (little disappointed that allag’s artificial voidsent saw no mention but i guess those only really show up in like. fates and not story content)

...i should go talk to cylva and unuk (and beq for that matter) again to see if they have any new dialogue. (they won’t, but hope springs eternal)

drk 🤝 rpr 🤝 blm [spending the 6.0 patch cycle looking into the camera like they’re on the office]

my drk-trained-blm wol eyetwitching every time someone refers to the void as ‘the abyss’, like

i like a lot the implications of That Voidsent turning up free from Contract. curious if he or golbez are going to attempt a heel face turn. little sad that the Cloud is seemingly confirmed dead, but until we see a body etc

awful plot twist could be that vrtra’s sibling is the Cloud. or That Avatar. don’t know how probable it is squex would go that route but. dragons are by their nature unsundered, which would give her a huge advantage over other voidsent...

alliance raids - The Monkey Is Up To Something. i initially mistrusted deryk too but it seems to be just good old fashioned social anxiety? idk!

the art style for the ‘twelve’ makes me think a lot of the Four Lords, which makes me wonder if they are ancient auspices or something of that sort.

raid itself is a lot of fun. far more colourful in design and variety than the nier trainwrecks, music slaps, wiping on nald’thal twice because half the alliance (me included) didnt realise you could see the scales was more funny than it has any right to be. armour is gorgeous. i was on rpr and scored the chestpiece, idc about stats it’s just pretty

endsinger - lovely weapons. music is eh but i got tired of that just being pulled into msq endsingers. fight itself is gloriously mech heavy. had a bash at it last night and we got her to 50%ish. i confused the fuck out of both the static healers and my usual melee buddy by tanking (our usual OT was otherwise engaged). healing your own living dead is fucking glorious.

pve balance - mch’s ‘balance’ is insulting, ,nobody was surprised. smn and rpr players doomposting are the bane of my existence. sam got dumped on big time, we all knew it was coming, yoshi p knew they would hate it, and yet. as a drk enjoyer i feel for them i really do, their dps just got fucked. drk came out extremely well and i’m just going to enjoy it while it lasts.

pvp balance i’ve only had a chance to play the new mch in pvp but. bruh. if pve mch fucked half this hard i would never play anything else. deleting players across the map is grand. everything feels satisfying to use, and there’s a better risk/reward for pressing your buttons versus just spamming heat blast. drk looks like a blast but i only had time after raids for a couple of matches before i crashed. ngl am tempted to mod the appearance of the drk pvp lb onto pve shadowbringer

pvp mode seems fun?? only played a couple matches, was weird to get feast achievements lel. took me a while to work out the whole team needs to be present to ‘lock’ a crystal’s progress but it makes sense. matches are fast at least. gonna try ranked later and see how it goes.

kinda eh about the majority of ‘new’ pvp rewards - upscaled hw af armour, and old feast weapons. yay. there are some new weapons (for some classes only, ones added since hw i think??) available for the season rank currency which look nice. gnb is sick. rdm is just. weird.

[earlgraytay]

ani-mana21 replied to your post “i need a fic (i may need to write the fic)  in which, due to An...”

Light Yagami trying to deal with some twin peaks bullshit is something I'd definitely read.

it’s not just the Twin Peaks bullshit (unless you mean York’s very special flavour of Neurodivergent Detective).  EVERYTHING about York is pretty much handcrafted to piss Light Yagami off. 

First there’s the fact that the Death Note is arguably not gonna work on him. Even setting aside the fact he’s probably using a fake name... it’s hard to say whether the Death Note uses your wallet name, the name you think of as ‘yours’, or the name you use most often, but it’s probably ‘your wallet name’. And York’s body’s wallet name is not Francis York Morgan. 

Added to that, I don’t think York can die of a Death-Note-Induced heart attack from using his name. Special Agent Morgan sure can, but York specifically? He seems to have an existence outside of their shared body, it’s not his body. It’s all very metaphysical and Weird, and doesn’t seem to have clearly defined rules.

Misa takes one look at York and goes “nope. Nuh-uh. No way, there’s two names and numbers and they’re all weird and blurring together and I think I just had a weird vision with creepy baby angels???? I am getting a migraine just looking at this guy, I love you but I can’t even.” 

AND IF YORK BEING, LIKE, ARGUABLY IMMUNE TO LIGHT’S ONLY WEAPON ISN’T ENOUGH. 

L is an asshole. York is an extroverted, unpredictable, kind-hearted asshole. 

York is willing to talk about what he’s thinking. But unlike L, he’s a little harder to understand. He has that bad habit of talking in in-jokes with Zach (calling George the King?) or references to American media that are oblique even to people who’ve seen the thing (Tom and Jerry, anyone?). He also has this habit of coming off as massively condescending.  It’s an unpleasant combination to deal with even if you aren’t a megalomaniacal dipshit who’s trying to understand what your opponent is doing so that you can murder him!

York runs around making friends with everyone. York probably convinces the Yagamis to have him over for dinner. Mrs. Yagami and Light’s little sister love him. The other agents either love him or can’t stand him, no in-between, but he’s perfectly happy to do mundane fetch quests and sokoban puzzles for them all day long. Everyone seems to like the guy, even though he’s crazy and loosey-goosey and disrespectful and everything that Light hates. So Light’s charisma can only go so far to make people dislike York.  

And everything about York’s routine and schedule is slapdash and unpredictable. If we take gameplay as characterization here- which I think we’re supposed to do- York gets sidetracked like no other. York will spend half his day driving up a mountain listening to ska music looking for trading cards or going fishing, rather than doing a time-sensitive important autopsy. York comes back with a bag full of Gamera merch after being missing for 13 hours and skipping an important staff meeting, just as the office is closing, and is all “yeah the receptionist wanted this for her kid???? what do you mean she's gone home for the day?” Then he stands in front of the office smoking ALL NIGHT LONG waiting for her, instead of going home. 

Light: eYETWITCH INTENSIFIES

So yeah, Megalomaniacs Hate Him! Local Man(s) Discovers Weird Trick To Foil Supervillainy. (The weird trick is Being Yourself) 

(Also, existing in the Death Note universe would solve one of the bigger plot holes in Deadly Premonition, IE: “how the hell did York pass the mental health screening to get a security clearance in the first place?!” Like I know he’s supposed to be a little bit of a nepotism hire, but you have a ten minute conversation with York and you just know he’s not neurotypical. 

If York was orphaned at a young age, Wammy could easily have taken him into his School For Autistic Detectives. You know the FBI would be drooling at a chance to get a Wammy’s kid on their roster, considering that whatever the hell Wammy does consistently churns out great detectives. And York is a known quantity. They knew his dad, they know York wants to be an FBI agent right out of the gate, they’re not going to have to give him a king’s ransom in legos to get him to be loyal. They’re willing to put up with some... quirks... for that good good Wammy’s training.) 

[wheremytwinwatches]

[Where My Twin Watches]: Full Metal Alchemist Brotherhood Episode 20

Last time Roy was a badass, Lust bit the dust, and Ed ran into a familiar face. Onwards!

Hey, they show Ed and Papa Elric in a graveyard during the intro! I’d just written that off as a symbolic thing or something. So does that mean we’re gonna have Ed going through the Gate again and the Xing contingent fighting Wrath? I will also take little May Chang zapping some werewolves, please and thank you. We open with Papa Elric and Ed staring at eachother (and a gravestone for a Michael Cusbert, random name or someone connected to the show?). [Papa Elric]: “Hello, Edward… You appear to have grown some.” 1-Will the short jokes never cease? 2-Really, dude? You haven’t seen your son since you ran off who knows how many years ago, and your first words are essentially “Huh, turns out kids grow up over time.” Ah, and he’s spoken with Granny Rockbell, knows that Ed tried Human Transmutation. Ed responds by asking why the heck he’s come back when there’s nothing left for him there. PE just asks why Ed burned down “his” home. So, am I supposed to have any sympathy for this guy? Like, at all? Disregarding my belief that Papa Elric and Father are the same person (seriously, beard), just in terms of being a dad I am finding him sorely lacking. Ed states that they burned it down as a symbol of their reso- [PE]: “No you didn’t. You were hiding the memory. You didn’t want to be reminded of what you’ve done… And thought you could erase the memory by destroying the evidence.” Step off, buddy. [PE]: “You ran away… And you know it.” WOW. Ok, you can just fuck right off, dude. You’re gonna stand on your dead wife’s grave and say that kind of shit to your son? I agree with Ed, you make me sick. [PE]: “He’s exactly like I was when I was his age.” Hahaha NO. You don’t get to compare yourself to the Protagonist, dude. Just… just go. Episode 20 - “Father Before the Grave” That night, Ed’s sleeping at the Rockbell’s when the door opens. So we’ll get Granny’s response to- YOU. Nope nope nope stop looking in on Ed just go away and Flashback to Kid!Ed clutching at PE’s leg with a smile and Baby!Al gazing up. Oh, so NOW you feel remorse for running out on your family. Whoop de friggin doo. PE reaches out to touch the son he ABANDONED before chickening out and leaving. And whadya know, Ed who has been through numerous deathly struggles over the past years was awake the entire time. Downstairs, good dog! The Rockbell’s automailed hound is sitting in a corner and growling at PE as he gives a wry grin, before turning back to Granny and numerous wine bottles. Seems she’s going over photo albums, remarking on how PE looks like he hasn’t aged a day (hmmmmm) and asking why he was gone for so long. PE… asks about the results of the HT the boys attempted. Dude. You know that Ed’s listening in, and you’re gonna make him think that the event that destroyed their lives was even more of a failure? The worst part is that we know he’s right, since Al’s flashback to the Gate ended with him looking at Ed from inside the TC. Still, dude. Dick move. Ok, let’s go away from this awfulness for a bit. Back in Central, Al’s holding up his end of the bargain and telling Ling about his Soul Armor status, who is very impressed. No need to eat or sleep or breathe, as long as his sigil’s kept intact he’s functionally immortal! Except for what Barry mentioned last time, about how a body can’t maintain a foreign soul, and Al thinks that he’s a ticking time bomb. Well ok, hold up. That’s based on an offhand comment by a homicidal maniac, regarding a corpse that had an animal’s soul stuffed in it. I don’t think that’s really comparable to you, Al. At the very least, why don’t we get a more scientific look into the subject than a murderer? And Ling does bring up a good point, if the body can only hold a soul for so long, why not transfer it to a new body periodically? Problem solved, right? Still, as much as I like the transhuman immortality robot idea, I don’t think the guy we’ve seen bumming for free food is really comprehending the isolation of the form, which Winry calls him out on before storming away. Winry’s moping on her bed when Al comes in, and tries lightening the mood by complaining that Ed and Winry are always the ones to lose their tempers, he never gets a chance. Then we get a flashback to Al's first night in his Soul Armor, realising that he can’t (not doesn’t have to, can’t) fall asleep and mentioning that to a younger Winry. Current!Winry cries into a pillow and demands a promise that Al will get his body back. On his own end, looks like Ed’s dreaming, running towards a distant light and demanding that they give Al his body back. Suddenly Truth! [Truth]: “Take it? Do you even know what you’re saying? You’re the one who tossed his body aside and put him in that armor… Aren’t you, alchemist?” And then That Bastard Tucker shows up saying that he and Ed are the saNOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE. And then it gets WORSE when a hand reaches out and Ok good Ed’s awake now. Suddenly I’m seeing advantages to Al not having to dream. Meanwhile, Granny’s yelling that Ed needs to wake up, his father’s about to head out. Wait, head out? Where’s PE off to now? Oh hey, it’s the photo wall with PE’s face blocked off. Which PE asks for and takes as it’s the only picture of the entire family. Then he’s already heading to the door (not surprised he’s not even waiting for Ed), but pauses to tell Granny something. [PE]: “Something terrible is going to happen in this country soon… You should escape while you can.” [Granny]: “*shrug* This country’s lousy with terrible things. And I can’t leave. I’ve got other people who need me here in case they want to come home.” [Heartless!PE Who Completely Ignores The Wall Of Cute Kid Pictures]: “I’ve given you my warning.” And like that, Hohenheim is gone, with a comment that he won’t be able to enjoy her cooking anymore… ok, that is either implying that Granny is going to die (NOPE) or Hohenheim is (?). Ed just looks out the window as his father leaves yet again. Now weather’s rolling in as Ed and Granny are walking up a hill, Ed has a shovel… oh no. No no no please tell me you aren’t going to dig it up. This knowledge will not help you, Ed. The rain starts falling and Ed is vomiting from exertion and stress, refuses to go home (as opposed to this pile of burnt rubble) as he won’t be able to move forward until he knows for sure. And because he refuses to let Hohenheim be right about his running away. Please. Please, just stop Ed. You’re constantly heaving, and as tough as Granny is it can’t be good for her either to be out in this rain. Let it go, please. But they keep digging through the rain, and as it finally slows Ed stops digging. Grabs a tuft of hair. Rushes to the bucket to wash it off. And turns to Granny with a stricken face, saying that Mama Elric had chestnut hair. But this hair is blond- wait, black? ...wait, what? It’s not blonde? I mean, maybe it’s burnt black. But I thought it was… They dig up the rest of the remains, Granny declares a femur too long and the pelvis for a male… ok, hold up. You’re basing this off of bone lengths and hair color? Ed, did you not see how deformed and broken that Thing was? That was not an example of a functioning human body, so why would you base this off of damaged parts? Aaargh, but as Granny declares that all the parts from the HT aren’t his mother, Ed laughs brokenly before declaring that it really is impossible to bring the dead back to life. But as Granny tells him to get ahold of himself, Ed says that it’s alright? That this has been a symbol of despair for so long… ok, how is this a symbol of hope, then? [Ed]: “Al can be returned to normal.” …? Um, I am not seeing the logic connection here. The HT remains are reburied, and Ed gives a call to Teacher. Oh dear. That subject. I’m sorry Ed, but that is really something you should not talk about over the phone. Back to the graveyard, Ed and Granny are looking over the Rockbell gravestones as she thanks Ed for telling her about how they helped people. Then they head out, Ed asking if Hohenheim said where he was going and Granny saying she didn’t even bother asking. But then she says she forgot something? A message for Hohenheim from Mama Elric? [Mama Elric]: “I’ll be gone when he returns… Can you tell him something? I need him to know… I couldn’t keep my promise. I died before he did, and I’m so sorry.” A promise to not die before him? Whatever the details, Granny doesn’t know, and asks Ed to pass it on if he runs into Hohenheim again. Ed grumps at being a messenger boy, but agrees. Now, back to Central! Where Ed’s sure that Al is just waiting, annoyed at being cut out of the loop… [Ed]: *eyetwitch* “What the hell?!” Al, rather worse for wear, apologizes to Ed for being so damaged, who then starts freaking out over Xing and the Lady Ninja mooching off room service before he kicks them out. Now, story time! After Ed’s brought up to speed on the Goths and Barry and the speculation that Al’s armor is gonna reject his soul (again, solely based on something Barry said), Al’s patched up. Winry is of course worried and asks if Al can get his old body back, Ed insists he can. Now, Ed’s turn to tell a story. Al is of course shocked at Ed saying he dug up the Resembool body, and more so at the claim that it wasn’t their mother. But this convinces Ed that they can return Al to normal? Explanation, please! But Ed insists before that he needs to know… if Winry remembers them fighting as kids about who’d marry her. Pfft! Winry confirms that she turned them both down ([Ed]: “W-whatever.”), so Ed asks for the reasoning. [Al/Winry]: “I just don’t like men who are shorter than me.” Aw, chin up Ed! It’s the only way you can try to be taller than her! Oh! OH! Confirmation that it really is Al, not just a copy from Ed’s memories! Al remembered something that Ed didn’t know! Thank Leto, this show may be playing fast and loose with dental records and hair remains, but this is sound reasoning! And if we have proof positive that Ed could pull Al’s soul out, then Ed believes that Al’s body is still in the Gate and he can pull it out. Like Barry’s body, separate from… ok, now you’re losing me again. As I understand Armor!Barry was made when his body was killed for murder, not lost in the Gate of Truth. That body did exist separate from the soul, but it wasn’t lost in another dimension or whatever, just stuck in the ground here. Ed asks Al to think back to the Gate, what he saw, and Al says that he grabbed his own hand (that creepy grinning version of Al from the flashback). So Ed’s determined to confront Truth again, and pull Ed’s body out!... but then there’s that last part of the memory. Al looking at Ed from inside the Thing. But while that Thing was Al, his soul didn’t bind. Huh. So good news is that they didn’t harm anyone else’s soul that time. Bad news is that this supports the “foreign body rejects soul” idea. Ergh. Oh, Teacher’s calling back. She and Sig did some research, and confirmed that the Thing that they summoned didn’t share any traits with them. So that’s it, then. Death is permanent. But at least they have closure. And the Elric Brothers have closure too, knowing that their attempt wasn’t a second death for Mama Elric, both of them blaming themselves. But with that closure behind them, they still have their mission: Get Al his body back. We get Al demanding that he share the burden with Ed, saying that he’s gotten by through being treated like a normal person from his friends… and crying that he can’t take the lonely nights anymore. But that’s going to change. The Elric Brothers have a target, and they’re gonna tear right through the Gate and punch Truth until they get that body back! And the Brothers are back at it, that eagerness that they had when first searching for the Philosopher’s Stone. Even Winry is taken back at how broad Ed’s shoulders are in his confidence. Brace yourself, Truth. The Elric Brothers are gunning for you.

[eorzean-capitalist]

Out of the blue, heard in the office:  These girls who’re transgendering to men, when they’re 40 and decide they don’t wanna be that anymore, can they switch back?

Me: *eyetwitch* 

Her again: I mean I know this guy who’s transgendering to a woman and he just bitches that the state doesn’t pay for his surgery. I mean he’ll just haveta cope cause the state of Kansas doesn’t let you change your gender on your birth certificate.

Another office-mate: Well you can’t put it back on when you’ve taken it off!

All three of them laugh.

Me: ... Actually, it’s possibly to transition back through surgery if someone decides they do not wish to be transgender anymore.  This is also really awful for you guys to be discussing in a public office where the door is wide open and your voices carry down the hallway and we have patients who come in here to pay their bills who are transgender.  Also, transgendering is not even a word.

Them: ... What was wrong with what we said?

Me: ... seriously?  

[robotslenderman]

So hey, I realised I only told a couple of friends of how jury duty last year went, so I’ve copy-pasted (with minor editing) the shenanigans below. Content warning under the cut.

Content warning: the guy was a pedophile who tried to (keyword being “tried”) bait 13YOs into meeting up with him.

Having said that, I walked into this case expecting to be scarred for life and instead the whole thing was so ridiculous, the man was such a loser, the victims were so badass that the jury was like “this guy is a total joke.”

Especially after the fuckboy incident.

The trial ended up being pretty goddamn funny. Mostly thanks to the Crown Prosecutor, who had no fucks to give and was yelled at more than once by the judge for getting really sarcastic.

Here are things I wrote down over the course of jury duty:

The phrase, “Having sex with twelve-year-olds is overrated.”

“John* is now going to read about masturbation.”

That time we accidentally trapped two judges in a supply closet.

The random, partial handprint on the ceiling of the courtroom. Only one other juror ever saw it.

At one point I was exhausted and pretending to read from my folder and closed my eyes for a while. 

Afterwards, our jury officer went “ha ha ha I saw you but you were totally reading, right?”

“HA HA HA WHAT A COINCIDENCE YES I WAS!”

How awesome the victims are. Snips from the logs:

“Want to see a picture of my great penis?”

“What’s so great about it?”

“I love you.”

“Okay.”

“I love you.”

“I don’t.”

“Oh.”

“I’m not some Asian hooker!”

“I’m in love with you.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“Because you also said that to my sister!”

“I love both of you!”

“[Not amused]”

“Please block me, or I’ll keep wanting to talk to you. Thank you for helping me get over you, Nina*.”

The fact that the accused was trying really hard to be dodgy and creepy by convincing another victim to keep it secret. Meanwhile the victim was just as determined to bring him home and have him meet her family.

“I love you, Audrey*.”

“My name is Adriana*!”

Meanwhile, the face identity the police set up to catch the pedophile was as dumb as a post.

And the accused fell for it.

Then later spent half his time on the stand insisting the fake identity was so dumb that there’s no way he could possibly have thought she was really thirteen.

(No, really, he actually used that as a defence.)

One of the victims had the name of a Mass Effect character.

The “fuckboy” meme.

First conversation after being appointed to the jury, wondering if it’s too late to escape:

“What do you suppose we’d have to do to get kicked off the jury?”

“Come in wearing a badge saying ‘It’s Okay To Say No!’“

“OOOOOHHHHHHHH!!!”

Explanation: the marriage equality vote was going on at this time and the “No” campaign’s slogan was “It’s Okay To Say No [to same sex marriage]!”

One of the jurors is a middle eastern guy who grew out his stubble for a few days before the trial and glared at the barristers when they were rejecting jurors in the hope that they’d “think [he] looked like a terrorist” (his words) and get rid of him.

It didn’t work.

After he told us this, he said, “I should have grown a beard and put three plaits in it.”

Watching the slow decline of our next door neighbours’ collective mental health.

Waking up one morning to find they’d posted jury duty memes on their door.

“Waiting for the jury to come to a verdict” 

[Picture of a skeleton]

“Look at all the fucks I give” replaced with “look at all the counts we have to decide”

A picture of a group of old white guys in suits laughing their asses off, captioned with, “And then I said it’d only take fourteen weeks!”

They’ve been deliberating for two and a half months.

Every time one of my fellow jurors ran into them they came back wide-eyed and traumatised, convinced next door had totally lost it.

“Ha ha ha, you must be new here.”

Next door’s jurors often looked over their shoulder and squinted at us suspiciously if we happened to glance in their direction when they went into their room.

Rumour has it that they’d lost it so much they’d become obnoxiously perky, in that “I’m about to go insane” kind of way. I wasn’t sure about this, but later one Very Happily opened a door for me with a massive grin and a bit of eyetwitching, and... yeah, it’s totally true, they lost it.

There was also a rumour one of their walls was covered in mugshots, but I never got to see it because of aforementioned suspicious squinting and cagey behaviour.

Occasionally, between sessions, a member of the jury will, out of the blue, say, “Fuckboy” and have the entire room crack up.

“Fuckboy 2.0!”

Wincing a bit and thinking, “Man, the Defence is asking the accused some hard questions!” only for the CP to basically go “hold my beer” and totally lay into the guy.

I will never, ever in my life see anything as awesome as the Crown Prosecutor laying into a pedophile ever again. It’s over. I may as well keel over and die now. I’m amazed the accused didn’t crack because he held this guy’s balls to the fire for three days.

Ladies and gentlemen and distinguished guests, the fucking Crown Prosecutor:

“So your aim with these meetups isn’t to have sex with underaged girls, but simply to get them to agree to meet you?”

“Yes.”

“... That’s it?"

“It’s a hobby.”

“Have you considered stamp collecting?” [Gets chewed out by the judge.]

“So the pinnacle of your sexual satisfaction is when they agree to meet, is that correct?”

“Yes. At my age, I don’t need anything more.”

[Vaguely smug] “Well, here we have Jane Doe* agreeing to meet up with you. That’s the pinnacle of your sexual satisfaction, that’s all you want from this conversation, correct?”

“Yes.”

“Great! Let’s have a cigarette!”

“In this chat log, we clearly see that this woman has claimed to be fifteen years old, and you’re now telling the jury you think she was lying. Why?”

“She’s in Rwanda, and claiming to have dated many white men. That’s not possible because I’ve been to Rwanda, there’s barely any white men like me there."

“So you must be hot property in Rwanda, huh?”

[Slightly put out] “Well, actually, yes!”

The accused kept insisting that no, cybersex didn’t turn him on unless the other person was turned on, no really, honestly, truly, he would never be aroused unless they were too and this was all for his partners’ benefits! Really!

He kept doing this until the CP blurt out, “Oh for god’s sake, if you’re so damn nice, why don’t you open a charity?”

(The judge yelled at him again.)

Reading the following sentence out in a completely deadpan tone of voice, as if describing the weather: “I suggest to you that you wrote the phrase ‘I want to suck your clit and cum -- C-U-M -- inside you’ in order to obtain an erection.”

He often read out sexually explicit excerpts like this. It got even funnier every time there was a misspelling, because the CP would absolutely insist on pronouncing it exactly as it was misspelled and also spelling it out.

“The victim said she was ‘spechless.’ I think she meant ‘speechless.’“

As he read out excerpts where entire sentences were made out of internet slang, bad spelling and acronyms, you could visibly see him age.

Srsly the other jurors thought this guy was boring. Boring. What was wrong with them this guy is amazing.

Fuckboy

The deadpan, srs bsnss dry humour of the Crown Prosecutor was only made even funnier by the contrast with his counterpart (the Defence Lawyer) being flamboyant and found of flourishing his cape every time he sits down.

The jury naming the DL “Happy Jumps” because he liked to spring out of his seat every time he was addressed and, when standing, would never stop smiling. Then when he sat down again cue the cape flourish!

(Even funnier because every single moment he wasn’t standing up he knew perfectly well his client was screwed and his face reflected it.)

I Would Now!!!! :)))) Like To Address The Jury!!!! :)))) To Inform Them :)))) That I, Happy Jumps, :))))) Speak Like This :)))) As If I'm Capitalising Every. Word. I Say. :)))) Complete with lots of. Hand. Gestures. :))))) And Emphasizing Every Other Word :)))) And Pausing. Inexplicably. In The Middle Of My. Sentences. :)))) Just So I Can :)))) Smile At The Jury :))))

He talks exACTLY LIKE MY FUCKGING DAD DOES WHAT THE FCUK

Except for the part he introduced himself to us and at one point said, “As the court case climaxes, I will -- wait, advances, I MEANT ADVANCES.”

The jurors naming one of Happy Jumps’ cronies “Benny” because of how much he looked like Ben Affleck.

At one point Benny got inexplicably banished to the public gallery.

It’s okay, he was invited back to the bar table later.

The moment Happy Jumps officially doomed his own client to never being taken seriously by the jury again:

“So, your screenname here is written as JohnDoefb*. John Doe* is your name, correct?”

“That’s correct.”

“What does ‘fb’ stand for?”

[Flinches]

“?”

[Incoherent mumbling]

“Could you please repeat that louder?”

“...”

“...”

“... ‘Fuckboy.’“

The entire jury lost their shit.

(Very, very quietly.)

[jacnaylor]

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Rachel Scott (sorry?), Aeryn Sun, and Donna...

Uggggh agreed, soo much. I didn’t even ship Rachel much with…*that* honestly, but then I rewatched s1-s2 with sis before s3 and she kind of made me ship more, but the first time around I was all about Rachel and Rachel alone. Wish it had stayed that way. Now yeah, it has to be either Tex or her *dead* bf, I’m gonna go with the bf.

omg i totally forgot about the dead bf! (aka michael? i think lol. remember in the extra vids and she calls him bub? the CUTEST) who like we literally all know should have come back. even rhona implied that he should have come back. the dead bf goes missing as a journalist in china. the third season is about them uncovering shady stuff going on in china. like. they basically wrote a way for him to be introduced then fucked their own shit up. i love him and i ship him with rachel because i have a lot of headcanons for them. (also lmao we can’t even say his name. i was reading a book with a character called marc dane and it reminded me so much of him i was just eyetwitching every time they said it)

and suits: yah they dragging this shit out SO MUCH. like...it has been seven seasons (im not watching s7 rn tho). and we’re basically where we were at the beginning in terms of donna and her life outside the firm and in terms of donna and harvey. like. i feel like they think this show is gonna on on forever so they have time not to start the things they need to but they do not have time. it is gonna end sometime andthen they will have to rush it. just you watch.

and aeryn<3 never have i seen a ship so pure as john and aeryn. i have complaints but its mostly because some of the things make me sad, not because i don’t understand why they were in the show. also all the angst that happens and the breakups actually have reasons. they actually have progression and they make sense. it doesn’t feel like drama for the sake of it it just feels like the actual plot. i don’t give this show enough attention on here. i’m watching so much right now and the later seasons get a bit harder to watch, but i really need to watch it again like i said. i need to stop only wanting to watch it in the summer (thats a whole thing with me lol) bc then i might actually get to it

[peacekeeperangel]

WAFF RP- Bad times Bird Times.

This was a highly entertaining if heartbreaking session with @ichiwashername-o So I thought what fun it would be to share it all with you guys RIGHT?! *Eyetwitch*

If you’re confused by Any character you can find most in @ichiwashername-o‘s fanfics What are Friends For  and A Happy Little Accident

And Now look at me attempting sketches of this RP in the future. Bleh. XP

* IchikoWindGryphon:  Fel had been Gaster's trusted assistant for a great number of years.  From practically the time Fel was old enough to be on his own he served under the great doctor, learning much under his guiding hand.  But he had also noticed the doctor's distance over the years.  He noticed Gaster becoming more reclusive, more obsessed with his mission.  And for it all to come to a hideous head . . .

Fel shook his head.  He couldn't help but blame himself for letting such a thing happen under his nose.  It was disgusting.

He was old now, his tabby fur growing more and more grey.  but he still had enough energy in him for one last ditch effort to help his cause.  Gaster thinks he could brute force his way through the barrier using living weapons?  Fel had a much more subtle plan in mind.

Angel: "Doctor wait up please!" the bright red Fox monster groaned hitching his backpack as he followed the old cat. He had made the mistake on assuming just because Fel was old, that he was feeble. Just the opposite as they tramped through the caverns far from Hotland and Waterfall, Fel was outpacing his assistant by leaps and bounds. "Darnit Lenny keep your stupid mouth shut next time." He wheezed under his breath as he jogged to keep up.

IchikoWindGryphon: Fel cast an irritated look at his own personal assistant.  "Don't tell me you're getting tired now," he said.  "We need to head all the way to the Ruins.  We have much further to go."

Fel kept up his pace, occasionally stopping to "consult his notes" (a poor excuse to let Lenny catch up and catch his breath)  But Fel pressed on, driven by a rather peculiar reading he found working in the lab.

An abnormal magical spike was registered right at the very edges of the cavern. Fel didn't have the slightest clue what it was but it was strong . . . and primal.  He hoped it would be . . . something.  A key to their torment, perhaps.

Angel: "I'm not tired!" Lenny wheezed, "I'm just..." he paused dead in his tracks, his eyes catching something glinting bright in the dark. "Whoa..." he breathed. "Hey doctor Fel, check it out!" Curiosity drove the fox to drop his napsack and squeeze through a tiny crevase in the tunnel- something he wouldn't have been able to do with the napsack on- until squeezing into a room chock-full of Human and Animal skeletons.

"Hooooleee Crap." Lenny squawked.

IchikoWindGryphon: "What is it? What do you see?" Fel asked.  He was much bigger than Lenny, and couldn't fit into the enclosed space the little fox had disappeared into.  "Are you alright?"

Angel: Lenny turned back, "Oh yeah I'm alright doc. I found... Well it kind of looks like the Dump back in Waterfall but with... Lots of bones." he  carefully nudged the pile, making sure it was stable enough to support his weight.

IchikoWindGryphon: "Hm, be careful.  Who knows what fetted rot lurks on those corpses.  Don't linger too long in there!"

Angel: "No worries boss, this is super creepy. I thought Humans had funerals for their remains- Boxes with flowers n' such." Lenny half-shouted as he began to climb the skeletons.

"I mean I knew Humans were pricks but at least we have the deccency to leave our loved ones dust with their favourite stuff."

IchikoWindGryphon: "Humans normally have proper burials," Fel acknowledged.  "Death is a sacred and taboo thing for them. Only in profound displays of disrespect are their bodies thrown away so haphazardly.  They must have been criminals . . . or enemies.  In either case, why are you still in there?"

Angel: "Thought I saw something shiny." Lenny admitted continuing to climb "Metal's worth a lot of gold in the Recycling racket-AHA!" at the top of the pile half-buried under the skull of a bear was an urn made of heavy brass. "Sweeeet!" Lenny cheered reaching- then yelping as a sharp fragment of bone pierced his hand.

IchikoWindGryphon: "Lenny, please get out of there," Fel sighed.

Angel: "Ow Ow, On my way doc, just hang on." Lenny pulled the bone out of his hand, ignoring the violet Mana welling up in his palm- He'd grab a monster Candy to fix that once he had collected his prize. He grabbed the urn "On my way Doc!"

Lenny turned to go, making the mistake of tucking the urn under his arm, his bleeding hand touching the metal- and awakening the thing that had died centuries ago.

With an explosive POP! the Urn's lid burst allowing an ashy fog to escape and fill the room- "Whattheh-" Was all Lenny could say before he began to cough as the ash filled his lungs, cutting and drinking more of his magical blood before he knew what was going on

IchikoWindGryphon: "Lenny?!?!  LENNY!!! Answer me!" Fel cried as he tried to claw his way into the crevasse.  "LENNY!!!"

Angel: Lenny couldn't say a word, but to whatever tender mercy there was, he was dead before he had even time to realize, turning to dust, his dust joining the ash cloud before it swirled up to the top of the bonepile and formed a fox-like monster, but unlike Lenny who was small and red, this monster was as tall as Fel and a dark Ash Grey mixed with deep red. "Aaaaaah....." He sighed in delight. "Lovely." he inspected himself. Or specifically his hands. "Hm. Not exactly my old form, but I could get used to it."

IchikoWindGryphon: Fel heard that voice . . . the voice that definitely wasn't Lenny.  Fel flexed his hands, yellow magic encompassing his hands and forming long and vicious claws.  He growled.

"Whoever the hell you are . . ." Fel snarled.  "Come out here and tell me what you did to Leonard!"

Angel: The thing turned. Whoops, turned out his snack hadn't been alone. Ah well he could use a guide. quietly he returned to ash before zipping through the crevase, briefly inspecting the prepared-to-attack Fel before reforming behind him. "Why Sir, who's this Leonard you're talking about?" He purred before prodding Fel in the back of the head with a finger glowing a sickly mauve colour

IchikoWindGryphon: Fel turned and with a high pitched shriek he slashed at the thing behind him.  It definitely was NOT Leonard. He jumped away, magic still glowing fiercely around his claws and fangs pulled back into a snarl.

Dammit, he was too old for fighting.  But he wasn't giving up without a fight!  Not after . . .

Oh god . . . Leonard was dead, wasn't he?

"What did you do?" Fel asked hoarsely.  "WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY FRIEND?!"

Angel: the thing stepped back easily avoiding Fel's claws. "Sir, I am your friend!" He said before grabbing the old cat by the throat and staring him in the eyes "Leonard Vulpeca is right here...." He growled back his eyes glowing the same sickly mauve "So long as you Obey Me. "

IchikoWindGryphon: Fel grasped and clawed at the hand that held him, his magic-empowered claws digging into the thing's flesh . . . but his "blood" was not normal monster blood or mana. It was black.  Like tar.  Fel's eyes went wide . . . and he could feel his mind slipping.  He felt a fog descend on his mind . . . everything became light and distant.

It was like sleeping . . . just fading away and listening to that one singular voice . . .

"What . . . what are you . . . ?" Fel whispered as he felt his mind go blank.

Angel: Vulpeca smirked setting the cat monster down and brushing his labcoat off, carefully inspecting the black blood as it burned away and healed. "One of a kind." He answered, "Even while I was still human." he flexed his limbs and tested the new abilities he felt burn in the back of his mind. "Fantastic! I knew magic had potential but this- THIS Is incredible!" he formed a magic bullet and flung it at a wall- a little too close to the geased Fel. "Whoops! Better not damage the new help quite just yet!" Vulpeca giggled. "Might need him still. Tell me Cat, what do the Monsters call you and why were you here with your friend Leonard?"

IchikoWindGryphon: Fel, his eyes glazed over, felt himself compelled to answer.

"I am Fel Onyxclaw, and I am the Assistant Royal Scientist," he said in a monotone voice.  "I came here because I sensed great magic.  It is evident that the magical reading I detected was you."

Angel: Vulpeca cocked an eyebrow. " Assistant Royal Scientist? Well well well I've made a useful friend indeed. Tell me Doctor Onyxclaw, who is the Current Head Royal Scientist?"

IchikoWindGryphon: "The current Head Royal Scientist is Dr. Wing Dings Gaster," fel said plainly.

 "Or . . . he was.  He is currently under arrest."

Angel: Vulpeca froze. "The Hand of Death...?!" That wasn't so good.. until he realized "Under arrest? Oho What did that High-and-Mighty corpse do so bad that it resulted in we Monsters arresting him? Vulpeca paced back and forth

IchikoWindGryphon: "He is facing crimes against monsterkind for unethical experiments on other monsters," Fel said.  He furrowed his brows.  "Accused of abusing, torturing, and neglecting 'test subjects.  Also accused of assaulting another monster."

Angel: Vulpeca burst out laughing. "Ha, really now? How about that, I guess old Redstrike broke whatever constitued a brain in Wingy's head." Vulpeca paused. before pointing a finger at Fel. "Well Doctor Onyxclaw, tell me about your companion Leonoard." he snapped his furry fingers as if to say "Hurry up"

IchikoWindGryphon: Fel indulged Vulpeca in what he knew. Lenny was an assistant, but their relationship was strictly professional.  Truth be told, Fel didn't know much about him or his personal life.  Lenny was studious, a people-pleaser, always eager to lend a helping hand.  Over all a good worker.  But Fel couldn't tell Vulpeca any more than that.

Angel: Vulpeca nodded. "Very good Doctor. I'm going to tell you what happened. Your Assistant Leonard stumbled across an old Artefact with a lot of magic, he absorbed Said Magic and transformed into the handsome specimen you see before you." Vulpeca waved at himself as he magically formed a suit of clothes that was fancier- yet as simple as the clothes Lenny had worn for his demise. "Deciding to study the phenomenon we will return to civilization. In the presence of other monsters I will be as diligent an assistant as ever there was." he stepped forward and grabbed the old cat by the chin to stare him in the eye. "You will be my servant until I no longer have use of you..." he smiled. "Understood Doctor?"

IchikoWindGryphon: "I understand," Fel said flatly. The haze was complete.  If there was any remnant of Fel's free will, it was good and buried under Vulpeca's magic.

Angel: Vulpeca let go of Fel. "Well let's not dilly-dally then." He said cheerfully grinning as he picked up Lenny's backpack and slung it over one shoulder. "Let's be on our way Good Doctor!"

Back in Waterfall Cirri shivered slightly as she wrapped her bright blue scarf around her neck. It just felt like something dark and foreboding had happened... What was it that humans called that? She knew there was a term for it but the exact words were escaping her at the moment in her quiet Waterfall home. "Oh well I'm sure Grillby will know it." she concluded.

Angel: Cirri made her way from her high cliffside home down to Snowdin, it had been a few weeks since the incident at the Trial, and while she had wanted to stay and help Grillby with the Skeleton Bros, job obligations had forced her back home. She had called every night to check on her foster Father, and now she even had a free weekend to drop in and check on everybody. She had even brought presents!

IchikoWindGryphon: Sans and Papyrus . . . were not doing well. Sans took it especially hard that he lost control and almost hurt people.  He was constantly beating himself up for hurting his brother, no matter how much Papyrus protested he was alright. Grillby found himself helplessly unqualified to comfort them, despite his best efforts.  Neither the boys wanted to talk to them, both choosing to stay secluded in the guest room, only emerging to eat. They barely spoke any more.  And it was affecting Grillby's work severely.  He found himself closing up the restaurant earlier and earlier.  His top-notch food was losing its flavor.  He was forgetting orders, recipes, even.  

Things were not well.

IchikoWindGryphon: Grillby was lost in his thoughts, wandering back home after deciding to close up after the lunch rush.  Saturday nights were usually prime time for him but he didn't have the energy for it.  He found it frustrating he was reduced to sulking around his home  . . . but he was running on fumes.

Gaster, for all his faults, for all the times in the past he had been cold and distant . . . Gaster had always been there for Grillby when things went bad.  And did things go very bad very quickly for the retired general.  Whenever Grillby had a violent flashback, Gaster had been there to ground him.  Whenever PTSD rocked him to the core and paralyzed him, Gaster was there to snap him back to his senses.

And now Gaster was gone, and Grillby felt hopelessly lost.

Angel: Cirri arrived at Snowdin and felt the sour mood. Grillby's distress was effecting the happiness of the rest of the community- Almost everyone out in the street was grumpy or sad in one way or another. "Oh dear." Cirri murmured passing one of the Canine Guard who looked like the saddest puppy in the world. "I hope things aren't this bad at Grillby's...." She hugged her bag of presents and made haste for Grillby's place, knocking on the door. "Answer the door quick Grillby this is giving me Deja Vu in all the worst ways."  she shivered remembering the visit to Gaster's lab that changed everything.

IchikoWindGryphon: Grillby answered the door, greeting Cirri with a smile that didn't reach his eyes.  He stood off to the side and silently beckoned her inside.  Ever the gentleman, he helped her with her coat and bags, hanging her things on a nearby coat rack.

"It is good to see you," Grillby said in a quiet voice.  "How are you?"

Angel: Cirri smiled sadly back at Grillby "Better now that I can see you again." She gave Grillby a hug willing some part of her to ease the hurt in Grillby somehow. "Where's Sans and Papyrus?"

IchikoWindGryphon: "In the guest room.  They haven't left the house since . . ."  He trailed off, glancing out his window at the sentries stationed just out of sight.  "They blame themselves for what happened."

Angel: Cirri sighed. "I was afraid of that." Her having to leave soon after probably didn't help things either. "Well I'm going to go say hi,  and then I'm treating everyone to dinner." She said firmly. "I may not be as good a cook as you Grillby but I think having a break in the kitchen might do you some good anyway." she gave the fire elmental's hand a reassuring squeeze before heading to the guest room, hovering slightly as to not betray her presence too soon.

Cirri stood in front of the door, then, ever-so carefully she tapped on the Door. "Sans... Papyrus? It's Cirri. Can I come in?"

IchikoWindGryphon: There was a bit of a silence before a brief grunt could be heard, presumably permission to come inside.  The room was dark, the bed stripped of its covers as the skeletons huddled under them in the far corner.  The two brothers were holding each other, gripping each other so tightly as if they were afraid they would fly off if they let go.  Sans didn't look at her but Papyrus offered Cirri a smile as she entered.  

"Hello, Cirri," Papyrus greeted.  "You lok well."

Angel: "Hi Papyrus." She smiled warmly back, "I missed you two you know." she kneeled on the floor before them. "Sorry I left so soon, I had to take care of things back home in Waterfall."

IchikoWindGryphon: "It's ok," he reassured.  "And maybe it's best if you weren't around us for a bit," he added timidly, staring at the ground.  "It would be awful if we hurt you."

Angel: "Nuts to that." Cirri replied sharply. "I'd probably have a better chance of hurting you than the other way around." she admitted.

IchikoWindGryphon: Sans let out a sharp laugh.  "If you really think that then you must be pretty dense.  Which is hilarious, being an air elemental."  Sans' eyes went dark.  "You shouldn't be here.  The doc was right.  We're dangerous.  We should be locked up, before we hurt anyone."  The poor skeleton began to shake.  "I almost killed people, Cirri.  If any monsters were dusted because of how stupid I was, I could never forgive myself."

Papyrus hugged his brother.

Angel: Cirri looked Sans straight in his pupil-less eyes. "Sans I don't know what I can tell you than this." she said. "I trust you and I care for you. If your so scared that you might dust someone then..." she paused.

"...Then I'll stop you myself!"

IchikoWindGryphon: Sans nodded knowingly.  "It may come to that.  So . . . thanks."

"And I will as well, brother," Papyrus said firmly.  "You may be bigger than me but I'll do everything I can to make sure you don't ever hurt anyone!  I can promise you that!"

Sans allowed himself to grin.  "And I promise the same to you, bro. Thank you."

Angel: Cirri smiled, turning a shade lighter. "Now, I know I'm not as good a Chef as Grillby but I brought a Treat from Waterfall I think Sans may enjoy- and I brought you both something to help cheer you up." she stood up. "But my only stipulation is that you spend some time outside of your room for a little bit. Just enough to see your presents, that’s my only request!"

IchikoWindGryphon: "Presents?" both the boys parroted in unison

Angel: Cirri nodded. "Something someone gives to another to show them they care." she explained. "But they're out in the hall with my things and I have to get supper ready first- so You're going to have to wait."

IchikoWindGryphon: "Uh . . . ok . . . we'll come downstairs with you."  Papyrus gripped Sans' hand and led him out of the bedroom and downstairs.  Grillby was there, and his flames burned just a shade brighter seeing the boys out of the room.

Angel: Cirri nodded in satisfaction before heading to the kitchen, one bag of goodies in tow. after a small amount of time and some boiling water Cirri called the guys in for a simple meal of Hotdogs and French Fries.  "Sans seems so determined to eat with his hands, so I thought some finger food might be nice." She wiggled her fingers to emphasize the point. "No forks needed." she added as they sat down to the meal

IchikoWindGryphon: Sans poked at his food for a bit before taking tiny bites, Papyrus as well.  Even Grillby didn't seem to have much of an appetite but they ate anyway.  Sans seemed to like the hot dog and poured himself a heaping portion of ketchup with it.  Papyrus wrinkled his non-existant nose at the red sauce and chose to eat his dog and fried plain.

Angel: After supper Cirri nudged the guys into the living room and pulled out her second bag. "First for Grillby-" With this she pulled out a bag of wood chips, a bow wrapped around  the top. "I heard this was the new snack for Fire Elementals in Hotland so I picked up some for you to try." she gave the bag to Grillby.

IchikoWindGryphon: Grillby couldn't help but let out a chuckle.  "Oh, thank you, Cirri.  This takes me back.  You know . . . when I was a little spark, my . . . father for lack of better words would give me wood scraps like these for snacks.  Gaster thought it was hilarious."  He trailed off, holding the chips in his hand.  "Thank you Cirri."

"You had a dad?" Papyrus asked.

"Well, it's different for elementals.  Elementals are created via complex primordial magic.  It's a magic form that's been lost to the ages.  A magician created me, but he gave me to an innkeeper.  The magician owed the innkeeper a great favor, so the magician created me to serve the innkeeper as  thanks.  The innkeeper treated me wonderfully. Treated me like a son, really.  And he also was the closest thing Gaster had to a father as well."

Sans and Papyrus looked at each other.  "Who . . . who were Gaster's parents?"

"No one knows for sure," Grillby said.  "Gaster was a street urchin as a child.  He doesn't remember much of his childhood, other than living off the streets."

Angel: Cirri nodded. "I was given to a very Old Air Elemental when I was 'born'." She said. "Unfortunately he was killed when I was taken as a slave during the war." a small pang of sadness went out for her Grandfather. it was centuries ago but it still hurt like his death was yesterday. "Anyway, next is Sans' gift." she pulled out a joke book- Which secretly had layers to it. a Quantum Physics book was carefully wedged into the joke book and another joke book was wedged into the Quatum Physics book- If nothing else Cirri felt like Sans would appreciate the silliness of the gift. "I hope you can read Sans or I'm going to look very foolish right at the moment." she said

IchikoWindGryphon: Sans let out a laugh.  "This is great!  I love it.  Thanks. Here, let me read one.  Ahem.  'An atom walks into a bar and says 'Barkeeper!  I think I lost an electron!' the barkeeper says 'Are you sure?'  The atom says 'I'm positive!'  Ha!  This is fantastic."

Angel: Cirri laughed. "Good! Glad you like it so much." Once more she dug into the bag "Last but never least, Papyrus." She pulled out a large red scarf made of soft but heavy materials. "I thought it might look nice on you." She said. then pointed to her own lighter scarf of blue "Heh, we can be scarf buddies."

IchikoWindGryphon: Papyrus's eyes lit up as he took the scarf and carefully wrapped it around his neck.  He seemed at lost for words.  "Thank you, Cirri," he said gently.  He couldn't think of any other words so he reached over and hugged the elemental.

Angel: Cirri hugged back, pleased she had raised the morale of her guys.

Meanwhile Vulpecula was up to mischief of the highest order. "Is this all of Dr. Gaster's messed-up research?" He asked the guard in charge of the evidence locker. "Doctor Onyxclaw needs as much of it as he can to explain-" he motioned to himself with a shrug

IchikoWindGryphon: Fel stepped forward.  "We will need to review the notes.  Orders from King Asgore.  The jargon is difficult to interpret, and Gaster's . . . unique language doubly so.  We will translate the notes for your case against Dr. Gaster."

The captain of the guards, currently overseeing the evidence storage, glared suspiciously at the two monsters.  He knew of Fel but the fox monster was a face he hadn't seen before.  Whatever the case, it made the captain uneasy.  But he trusted Fel, so he allowed it.

"You are free to look at the notes, under my supervision," the captain said.  "I am sorry to say much of the evidence and notes we have of Gaster's were destroyed in the attack a couple weeks ago.  This folder is everything we have left."

Angel: "Damn." Vulpeca thought viciously, although he never stopped smiling genially. "Well we'll have to make do eh doc?" he said peering over at Fel.

IchikoWindGryphon: Fel nodded.  "They will suffice. Thank you Captain, we will begin looking at them." Fel sat at a nearby table and began scouring the notes.  He turned to Vulpeca, a faint grin on his face.  "This is the research of the transformation of the two subject.  Transforming them into feral beasts."

Angel: Vupleca smile grew a little broader. "Think you could repeat the process with any monster?" he asked ever-so-quietly as he made motions to sort and re-organize the file into a neat easy-to-read order.

IchikoWindGryphon: "It will be difficult.  Dr. Gaster was tampering with very volatile and dangerous CORE energies . . ." He paused.  "But it is doable."

Angel: "Excellent." Vulpeca had studied the case very thoroughly. "I have just the subject in mind then. Get everything you need to get it done, then meet me back at the laboratory." his stomach grumbled... it was time to hunt again. "Hey Doc I'm going to knock off for the day and head home, do you need me for anything else?" Vulpeca said loudly for the guards benefit.

IchikoWindGryphon: "I am fine as is," Fel said, playing along to the silent commands of Vulpeca.  "You may leave, I will finish here."

Angel: "Thanks, see you later Doctor Onyxclaw." he stood up and made his exit... when he paused by the Prisoners wing. "Hmmm..." it was probably a bad idea.. .but Vulpeca had been dead for an absurdly long time, and he was interested in tweaking an old Enemy's ire just for the hell of it.

Turning to ash, he floated above the standing guards, throwing distractions and exploring until he found his way to Gaster's Cell reforming by the Magic-Nullifying gate- currently abandoned thanks to a little fogging on the guards minds, making them think they had been called elsewhere.

Vulpeca entered. "So this is the mighty Champion of  Monsterkind, brought low by his own good intentions."

IchikoWindGryphon: Gaster sat up straight in his cell.  His eyes were black.  Blue light flared at his fingertips.

<<Who . . . no . . .>> he whispered.  <<WHAT ARE YOU?>>

Angel: Vulpeca chuckled. "Good question. I don't quite fully know myself." he inspected a hand. "I had your associate Dr. Onyxclaw give me a full physical after I revived. Best he could guess is that my Determination to get back everything you and Redstrike stole from me was enough to cling to my ashes." he stared back, his eyes a solid white to Gaster's black. "A Dash of Monster and a Dash of human. Not quite one or the other." His eyes returned to normal the Bright yellow iris dancing in merriment. "Isn't that just amazing?" He giggled.

IchikoWindGryphon: Faster than Vulpeca could blink, Gaster was at the bars, eyes flaming with blue light,  The shackles burned Gaster's bones but his rage blinded him from the pain.  

<<Don't think I haven't forgotten your voice, you cretin,>> Gaster snarled.  <<I don't care what you are I WILL END YOU.>>

Angel: Vulpeca grinned. "Oh Good you Do Remember me. I'm so glad." he stepped back. "Do you suppose my little Cloud remembers me too? She was so cute and nearly ripe for harvest too." he scowled before shoving Gaster back into a web of off-purple lines

IchikoWindGryphon: Gaster let out a furious roar.  <<DON'T YOU LAY A HAND ON HER YOU SICK WORM!>> he howled.  Gaster then began to laugh maniacally.  <<You think you can take her so easily!  She's protected far better than you know!  You will never get your filthy paws on her!  They'll rip you apart!>>

Angel: "Your pet Freaks. Yes they'll be tricky." Vulpeca nodded solemnly "But here's the thing O' Hand of Death." he held out both hands. "I've spent a very long time since your banishment from the surface outwitting Hounds." he stepped back. "It was my Old Age and Hunger that got me last time. Now I am young again and I have a whole bustling population to keep me Sated for as long as I want. As well as a whole host of useful powers and willing if slightly press-ganged servants." He bowed. "Whereas you Dear Hand, are in disgrace, distrusted by all who know you and cannot warn your guard dogs without them striking you down first." he smiled maniacally. "I think I can outwit a couple of bony mutts and a candle don't you?" He laughed wickedly before turning to ash and slipping out the way he came- he had a meal to track.

IchikoWindGryphon: Gaster mustered every ounce of his magic--no matter how much it burned, no matter how much the shackles seared his bones, he forced himself to focus,  he concentrated on his magic--

And he jumped.

The bars electrified him as he tried to teleport through them, searing him with electric fire.  He screamed so loud and so terribly the cell walls trembled.  He was thrown back, hitting the opposite wall hard and fell against the ground.

And for the first time in a very long time, Gaster felt an overwhelming sense of fear.

<<Cirri  . . . oh god, Cirri . . .>>

And he begged to whatever deity that may be listening that Grillby and his creations could keep her safe.

Angel: Back in Snowdin Cirri was introducing the Skeleton brothers to the wonders of snow, grabbing handfuls and tossing it into the air to form pretty showers, or rolling it up into balls to carve out however they wish- in Sans case it was less rolling up into a ball and more gathering a lump to lie in.

IchikoWindGryphon: Grillby watched from a distance of course. He was a fire elemental after all, he didn't exactly like to get wet. Papyrus and Sans were having fun in the snow, Sans burying himself in his little piles and Papyrus having a delight carving sculptures out of the snow.  He was a natural.

Angel: "Very nice Papyrus." Cirri nodded to the highly muscular self-portrait of himself.

IchikoWindGryphon: "It's my greatest creation!" Papyrus proclaimed.

"It's snow good," Sans chuckled.

"SANS NO."

"Sans yes."

Grillby however felt on edge.  Something was off, and he couldn't put his finger on what.  Call it instincts or what have you but Grillby felt his flames flicker aggressively.

Angel: Cirri giggled when her Cellphone went off in her pocket. "Oh nuts..." she pulled it out and saw that it was the Captain of the Guard. "Hello?"

"Miss Cirri, Sorry to bother you, but I'm afraid thanks to the attack, your written testimony was lost in the fire." the reply came through on the phone's speaker loud enough for Sans and Papyrus to hear.

"It'll only take an hour and I've already sent an officer down to your house to save you the trouble."

Cirri groaned slightly. "I'm currently away from my house, but I'll meet your officer there." she then heard the Captain groan. "Are you alright sir?" she asked

"I-I'll be fine. Seem to be coming down with something."

"Alright. Take care of yourself Captain, Goodbye."

Cirri hung up and turned to the skeleton brothers. "Seems I have to run back home for an errand." she said sadly.

IchikoWindGryphon: "Let me come with you," Grillby offered.  "It won't be any trouble."

Angel: "I'm just meeting a Guard at my house." Cirri reassured. "It'll  take an hour tops, especially if I fly over."

IchikoWindGryphon: Grillby didn't look assured.  "Are you sure?  I don't mean to be so . . . motherly but I'm not getting a good feeling from this.  I can come with, it will be no trouble."

The boys were nodding as well.  "And we can come too, if you like," Papyrus offered.

"Yeah, if the captain lost your testimony, maybe he lost ours as well?" Sans said.  "We should go so we can give them anything they might be missing."

Angel: Cirri sighed. "Well Sans has a Point "  she admitted. Maybe it would be better if they came along just to make sure there were no holes.

"Alright we'll all go together. It can't hurt to be thorough." she shugged.

IchikoWindGryphon: The four set off, taking the boat to Waterfall and then to Cirri's home.  It wasn't a terribly long walk but Grillby's sense of unease only continued to grow.  He gripped Cirri's hand for good measure.

Angel: Cirri squeezed Grillby's hand reassuringly.  "This won't take long, I promise." she said "Grillby.... I was thinking. I'm not particularlly fond of the boats- Nothing against Riverperson mind you but... Wood." she admitted. Trees were alright but she never felt quite at-ease in the RIverperson's boat.

"I was thinking maybe of relocating to Snowdin- to help you and Sans and Papyrus."

IchikoWindGryphon: "Really?" Grillby said, surprised.  "You're sure about that?"

Angel: Cirri shrugged. "Not really sure. But It's been.. empty in my house all alone." She confessed. she was beginning to get used to having so many people around her. "I'll still need my own space but.. having you guys closer would be nice too."

IchikoWindGryphon: "Well, you think about it some more," Grillby assured.  "And I will be happy to assist you moving in!"

Angel: "I will." Cirri said as they arrived at the rope bridge that lead up to Cirri's house. "Careful now, the wood can be slippery at the best of times." Cirri hovered, letting go of Grillby's hand to give both hands for the railings if needed.

IchikoWindGryphon: Beyond the bridge stood an old cat-monster, with greying fur and black striped.  His eyes were glazed over as if in a trance, and he stood, still as a statue just on the other side.

"Hello, Cirri," Fel said.  His voice was hollow.  "Pleasure to meet you.  Have we ever been formally introduced?"

Angel: Cirri floated over to the cat monster. "Um How do you do." She said an edge of nervousness in her voice. "No, I don't believe we have met-" She peered at his labcoat. "Are you a Royal Scientist?" she asked

IchikoWindGryphon: "I am the Assistant Royal Scientist. Dr. Fel Onyxclaw.  I served with Dr. Gaster for a number of years, and let me say that his atrocious crimes were the worst betrayal I have felt in many years.  I believed him to be a good man.  A noble monster.  How wrong we were."

Angel: Cirri nodded sadly. "Ah. yes it was a shock to us all." She said politely. Something about the cat monster was giving her the willies. "Can I help you with anything Dr. Onyxclaw?"

IchikoWindGryphon: "I am assisting with Gaster's . . . case," he said.  "You are here to meet the guard, yes? Good thing I caught you.  I am here to give my own testimony as well."

By now Grillby and the skeleton brothers had crossed the bridge, the three of them eyeing the scientist warily.  Grillby gave the cat a curt nod.  He knew Fel in passing; he had frequented the bar from time to time and was a decent (if abrasive) fellow.  Fel simply nodded in return.

Angel: "Well good! Let's wait inside my house then, it's far too wet for this sort of discussion." She motioned to the front door of her tiny cottage on a cliff and cringed inwardly- Four other people and her was going to be awkward. When the Guard got there it was going to be five and very uncomfortable. She approached the door digging in her pocket for her house keys when she noticed something was odd- Her front door was ever-so-slightly ajar.

"I swear I locked up when I left..."

IchikoWindGryphon: Fel Lunged at her from behind, gripping her in a headlock and turning to keep Cirri between Grillby, the boys, and himself.  Instantly Grillby ignited like a wildfire, his fire like daggers on his hand and his mouth splitting open to form jagged teeth.  The skeletons' eyes glowed with magic but none moved.  A stalemate.

"No one move or the cloud girl dies," Fel hissed.  He brought his claws right up to Cirri's throat.  "And don't think yor little lightning can hurt me, my magic can negate your pitiful sparks."

Angel: Cirri stared at the doctor's claws, in alarm but didn't move a muscle as the door swung open for Vulpecula. "Hmm. You've turned into quite a pretty creature haven't you my dear?" he purred stroking the horrified Cirri's cheek. "Hello General, nice to see the Fire's still going strong eh?"

IchikoWindGryphon: Grillby's flames shot higher, practically shaking and whatever water within a three foot of him evaporating instantaneously.  The skeleton brothers backed away from him ever so slightly.  They were scared for Cirri, but too frightened to act.

"LET. HER. GO." Grilby hissed.

Angel: "Let me think...." Vulpecula made a thinking face "Hmmm.... Nope. I don't think so. I'm just back to reclaim what was always Mine." he grinned. "Unless you'd like to make a trade? I was always fond of Dogs." He pointed to the two skeleton brothers. "They look like such useful hunters too." he grinned

IchikoWindGryphon: Sans and Papyrus looked at each other for only a second before they stepped in front of Grillby.  "If . . . if we go with you, will you promise to let her go?" Papyrus said shakily.

"OUT OF THE QUESTION," Grillby roared, throwing a hand in front of them. "You let Cirri go.  Or so help me I will burn you alive."

Angel: "I'm not the One holding her," he motioned to Fel. "Granted the Poor Doctor is little more than my pawn. I claimed his Free Will as tribute for my ressurection. Tell me General are you willing to to burn an innocent for her Freedom?"

IchikoWindGryphon: Grillby snarled.  His wrists flexed, his fingers now claw-like and his entire body ablaze, flames licking from within his clothes.  

"Coward," he hissed.  "Now I recognize you.  Always hiding behind others like the lowly filth you are.  You disgust me."  He looked over his shoulder at Sans and Papyrus.  "I don't know how, and I'm not even going to try to guess, but that THING . . . he's the one who was Cirri's slavemaster. He's the sick fuck that kept her imprisoned for years!  And here he is again, hiding.  Have you no honor?"

At this, Sans growled, his teeth growing sharper.

Angel: "Honour? No Honour is for the weak and the mewling my dear General. What I have is a Hunger... a GREED that has brought me back from annihilation. I find that works very well." he smiled at Sans. "I'd watch that temper if I were you short stuff. You have a lousy memory when you're big and snarly," He turned his gaze to Cirri "Isn't that right Little Cloud? If it weren't for Gaster you would have been Dogfood at this moment wouldn't you?"

Cirri gave Sans a sad scared look, her whole body shaking like a leaf through the whole ordeal.

IchikoWindGryphon: Sans instantly cowed under Vulpeca's accusation, ashamed at himself and furious over his inability to control himself.  He shook, paralyzed by fear and indecision.

"What do you want?" Sans whispered.

Angel: "My Dear dog I have exactly what I wanted" he grinned. "and by the end of the day I'll have a little more. A Good way to start my new Life in the Underground I think!"  he stretched for a moment "Welp! It's been fun." Vulpecula snickered, throwing an arm around Cirri and Fel "But we three have a date with destiny. Though do try and stop me. I'd love to see the old Corpse proven wrong." With that said Vulpecula turned to ash, lifing Fel and Cirri in it's grasp, leaping over the boys heads and jumping off the cliff Cirri's house stood next to

IchikoWindGryphon: Grillby gave chase, but for all his power he couldn't follow him off the cliff.  The fall would kill him. Papyrus and Sans both ran to him, to the cliff edge and watching helplessly as Cirri was taken.

"Sans! Brother, you have to turn!" Papyrus begged.  "You have to fly after him!  You have wings!  I don't!  You have to save Cirri!"

Sans began shaking, his bones rattling.  "I .. . .I can't I can't I can't what if . . . what if I--"

"Sans!" Papyrus said, gripping his shoulders.  "Cirri promised that if you did anything she'd stop you!  And I promised as well!  But Cirri needs you right now!  Please, brother!"

Sans took a shuddering breath.

And with resolution burning within him, he began to change.

For Sans, the change was always agony.

His tiny body twisted, bent and snapped in a horrifying fashion as limbs lengthened. As spines formed on his back, as his skull sprouted a crown of horns.  He grew taller and bigger, a tail whipping around him and enormous bat-like wings sprouting from his back.

A blue glowing membrane stretched between the digits and Sans let out a terrifying roar as the transformation completed.

Taking only a moment to steady himself, Sans took flight.

Papyrus was about to run off after him, but Grillby grabbed his wrist.

"Gaster. He mentioned Gaster," Grillby said.  "I loathe him now more than anything .. . but he can help us.  Come.  We're breaking him out of prison."

Angel: Vulpeca paused to snag a shredded piece of Cirri's violet overcoat to a rocky outcropping down a dead-end tunnel. "Did you get everything prepared?" He asked Fel sharply.

IchikoWindGryphon: "Making final adjustments now," Fel said as he furiously worked at the controls of the lab.  "So much of the equipment was disconnected when the guards came to collect evidence. Everything is booting up now.  May be another ten minutes."

Fel went back and forth numerous times, consulting the notes, double-checking numbers, making sure everything was accounted for.  This experiment left no margin for error.

Angel: Cirri had been rendered unconscious the moment they had landed from the great height of her home. Her enchanted sleep was thankfully dreamless or she'd be surely having the mother of all nightmares.

Vulpeca floated throughout the lab leaving fragments of Cirri's jacket hither and yon. "We haven't much time Doctor, make due haste." he snarled. He was going to make this happen and  make his revenge complete in all ways.

IchikoWindGryphon: "With all due respect if we do not do this properly we'll not only kill her but kill ourselves," Fel said pointedly.  "Dr. Gaster nearly died doing what we're attempting to do now."

A few more clicks at the controls, and everything was ready.  The same laser that granted the skeletons their shape-shifting powers was now online and operational.

"Ready to proceed," Fel said.

Angel: "Then do so." Vulpeca said. "I wonder if she'll become a dog..." He wondered out loud to no one in particular.

IchikoWindGryphon: Fel started up the laser, and it let out a shrill whine as it reached full power.  A hesitance, and he pressed the master switch.

The full power of the COrE bore down on the elemental.

Fel looked up from the controls.  "Too late," he said dryly.  "We're nearly done."

Angel: Vulpeca smiled wickedly. "Well done doctor." He said in Satisfaction as he lifted the spell over Cirri allowing her to wake up with a shuddering gasp

IchikoWindGryphon: The roaring grew louder. Closer.  Steel door thundered as they were slammed to the ground.

Fel ignored it. "The effects should only take seconds."

Angel: "Very good Doctor. I Shall be taking my leave then." he blew a kiss at Cirri "I'll be back for you later my Lovely Cloud. But  for now enjoy what the Good Doctor prepared." he set a hand on Fel's shoulder, releasing his mind control before turning to ash and slipping through the ventilation ducts.

"Effects? What-!" Then Cirri felt it. a twisting painful feeling right in the very core of her being.

IchikoWindGryphon: Fel crumpled to the ground, his head spinning and his eyes flashing with stars.  But he remembered everything.  Everything he did . . . everything he said

Oh god, what has he done?!

He struggled to his feet, the mind control slow to lift the haze over his eyes. Everything seemed so far away.  He tried to reach for Cirri.

Angel: "Ah-h-h-h..." Cirri wheezed, shooting sparks as her body shifted, her fingers beginning to melt into a single strip. "Oh God.. Oh God... Someone..." She wanted to scream but it was just enough to breathe as her body began to contort, her clothing beginning to tear as she grew in size

IchikoWindGryphon: Fel reached for her, his hand landing on her shoulder.  "Oh, god, oh my god Cirri I'm so sorry," he gasped between sobs.  "Im so sorry I'm-"

A thundering crash could be heard just down the corridor, and charging down the hall was none other than Sans in his terrifying beastly form.

He stopped dead when he saw Cirri.  His eyes went dark, his wings dropping, defeated to the ground.

<<Cirri!>> he cried as he ran next to her, pressing his snout against her shoulder.  <<Hold on, just . . . it's going to be ok.  Just breathe.  You're going to be ok . . .>>

Angel: Cirri looked up at Sans in his big scary form- and smiled weakly "I knew it. I knew you could-" She squealed as bird talons broke through her boots her legs reversing direction at the same time "Oh god Sans is this- this how bad it hurts for you?" she wheezed flapping as silver-grey feathers began to form on her arms

IchikoWindGryphon:  <<Don't talk,>> Sans said quietly.  <<Save your energy.  Just . . . keep breathing.  Don't think about anything else.  Keep breathing.  I'm right here, jut . . . oh god, Im sorry .. .>>

Angel: Cirri screamed her fanged mouth reshaping into a beak in mid-cry, the remains of her clothes shredding into nothing as her body changed into something avian, the last change resulted in silver-grey feathers forming and growing to full use, but at that point she was too wrung out to react anymore

IchikoWindGryphon: No one moved for several moments.  Everyone was still trying to comprehend what happened.  Cirri . . . had transformed. Just like Sans.  Just like Papyrus.  Sans didn't know what to even do, he was too stunned to react.  What could he even say?

He pressed his snout against Cirri.  Tears were streaking from his sockets.

Fel stood, shaking and swiping away the tears in his eyes.  "He-he's going to pay," Fel quivered.  "Vulpeca is going to pay for what he did.  And I swear I will do whatever I can to undo this."

Angel: Cirri twitched  and tried to get up- oh but everything felt so Wrong .  << ....Sans...?>> She found her voice even felt wrong, someone might say it was pretty to listen too but she felt like she was talking through a slide whistle. <<... Sans... Am I dreaming... Please let me hold onto you...>>  she murmured flopping half-delirious from the pain.

IchikoWindGryphon: Sans quickly got under her, his head getting under her shouler and easing her onto her unsteady feet. <<Take it slow.  You're not used to . . . it takes time. And . . . heh, I got more legs out of the deal and you're stuck on your toes.  Good thing you're a dancer, huh?>>

Angel: Cirri blinked wearily before staring down at her feet.... her weird weird bird feet. << my.... What's going to happen to me?!>> Cirri attempt to wail sounded more like a bird trill

IchikoWindGryphon: Sans felt his jaws open and close a few times before words came to him.

<<You . . . you turned.  Like me.  You're a . . . bird, I think.  I'm sorry.>>

Angel: Cirri began to wheeze. It was too much.. to fast the room was beginning to shrink.. <<I got to get outside. Too small. Got to go it's too small....>>

IchikoWindGryphon: Sans didn't hesitate.  Shucking her onto his back, he raced out of the lab and brought her outside as quickly as he could.  Once in Hotlands, he set her on the ground, still keeping close and his snout on her shoulder.

<<It's ok, just breathe,>> he said.  <<You're going to be ok . . .>>

Angel: Cirri just cried, a heartbreaking noise between a flute and a whistle as storm clouds began to from overhead- the second rainstorm underground in decades.

IchikoWindGryphon: Grillby and Papyrus were racing to the Capital, taking the quickest route through Hotlands.  They both paused as they heard a haunting, crying melody echo through the magma pits.  And they saw a stormcloud blooming in the distance.  Grillby's soul lurched.  Ignoring his own safety, he raced towards the storm.

He saw Sans in his beast form huddled over a large and magnificent bird.  Grillby stopped, staring between Sans and the large bird.

Angel: Cirri stopped crying the moment she spotted Grillby. << Oh no...>> She curled her head under a wing. << Please don't look!>> she moaned

IchikoWindGryphon: Grillby gaped.

"C...Cirri?!?!"

Angel: << When I woke up... I started changing. Vulpeca made me....Made...>> she tweeted shrinking back into Sans

IchikoWindGryphon: Grillby didn't need to hear anything further.  He ran up to her, throwing his arms around Cirri's neck and hugging her tight.  He began sobbing into her shoulder.

"Cirri . . . oh, god, Cirri . . ." he gasped.  "Are . . . oh god of course you're not alright.  But it will be.  Cirri, I don't care what that bastard did to you.  I'm right here and I am never leaving you."

Angel: Cirri lifted a wing in a hopeless attempt to reciprocate the gesture.

Meanwhile a delivery was being made to Gaster's Jailcell. An Envelope with no return adress. the moment he opened it a few polaroids of Cirri's new body slid out along with a note in rough hand "SURPRISE! IT'S A BIRD!"

Meanwhile Vulpeca was wandering the Underground laughing uproariously. Life was good.

IchikoWindGryphon: Gaster's entire body shook.  His bones sung a death rattle as he stared at the pictures before him.

Cirri . . . dear Angel above what did he do to Cirri??!!

The pictures burned, blue flames licking the edges and consuming them.  And Gaster fell to his knees, a cry of fury and grief sounding throughout the prisons.