#falling down and winter of rebirth dont have them

[elle-p]

In the original theatrical version of Spring of Birth and Midsummer Knights Dream:

Yukari doesn't talk to Makoto outside his room.

Makoto doesn't go the the Velvet Room after awakening, nor does Yukari talk to him in the hospital. It skips to the 18th after he passes out.

The newspaper Mitsuru shows looks different.

When fighting the boss on their first run of Tartarus, Makoto waits a bit before summoning Orpheus again(it's like a second I don't get it...).

Yukari, Junpei, and Makoto don't have to worry about the monorail not stopping. The scene ends with Junpei saying he could have handled it himself and Yukari looking at him. It then skips to the test and daily life for the 30th.

Half the scene where SEES interrogate Natsuki is gone: she doesn't mention her friends hearing voices calling them into the Dark Hour, and Yukari doesn't get mad at Makoto not caring about Fuuka being missing.

There's a butterfly on Makoto's evoker after defeating the Emperor and Empress.

Akihiko doesn't confront Shinjiro about his Persona after he runs away from the Hermit.

Akihiko doesn't ask Mitsuru about Shinjiro's surpressants after Ken feeds his fish.

The calendar after Akihiko walks past Shinjiro looks different.

Shinjiro's memorial happens on the 15th instead of the 7th.

The flowers look different.

Shinjiro's portrait is clearer.

Makoto has a different expression.

[crescentfool]

What do u like so much about persona 3? (I found ur account when i was looking for templates so I dont actually know much about it!!)

Do u reccomend it?

hey hey!! its totally fine to not really know much about persona 3- i think that's understandable, and i am more than happy to share a brief overview of why i like it (with no spoilers!)

the short answer is, yes, i do recommend p3! i've been into p3 for around 7 months now and it's still been stuck with me, lol.

for a textbook answer/summary on what p3 is- persona 3 is a part of the persona game series, which incorporates elements of mythology, jungian psychology, and tarot cards as game motifs! with persona 3 specifically, the journey of the protagonist focuses on the themes of death, and the meaning of life.

i find that the themes of p3 are really resonant with me- there's just something so profound about media that discuss the purpose of life, and making the most of living. and the characters that i gravitate to the most are ones that in my eyes, exemplify those themes (looking at you, minato, ryoji, hamuko and aigis). i wont go into too much detail but like. GOD does this game's themes make me insane (affectionate, ofc).

as persona 3 is a 15-year old game, i would say that the most convenient way to get to know the plot would be by watching the four movies (#1: spring of birth, #2: midsummer's knight dream, #3: falling down, #4: winter of rebirth). the movies in are a little less than six and a half hours and do a great job of condensing the events of a 80-hour long JRPG. i binge watched the four movies of the course of three days and i can say it was definitely worth it, even without knowing anything about the game!

if you find yourself wanting more depth- then i'd recommend playing either persona 3 fes (PS2) or persona 3 portable (PSP), as you can live out the day-to-day life of the protagonist and get a chance to become better acquainted with the characters! the gameplay is a bit dated, admittedly, but there's always playthroughs and compilation videos that show the highlights of the game w/o playing it.

and in regards to my own relationship with persona 3- i find that it's one of those pieces of media that i am happy/proud to say that i'm a fan of- and not tack on degrading jokes/insults about being into it (y'know how some fans of some pieces of media say "god im so cringe for being into <xyz piece of media>?" yeah that's not how i feel about p3 at all LMAO).

i think that's all i have to say about p3 from a general sense! i really adore this game and it's characters- their dynamics definitely live in my head and i certainly want to protect them all (they have so much to deal with 😭).

i would have said "check out my tags underneath the art i reblog and/or post!!" but then i realize i say stuff like "FUCK IM GONNA BANG MY HEAD INTO A WALL I MISSED THESE TWO SM IM A CRYING CAT" and i dont think that explains my emotions all that well 😂 (but i do think it shows that i love p3 nevertheless)

but aNYWAY this is getting really long LOL. i hope that this long response makes it evident that i love p3 and if you ever want to give it a try, i sincerely hope you enjoy it! thank you for sending me this ask, i love to occasionally unleash my passion for my hyperfixations into this void that we call the internet. may you have all of the fun times unleashing your own thoughts into the void too, cog! ✨🎉🙌

[teatitty]

Rogues Lore

First of all I want to thank @schweeeppess for letting me spam her with Rogues lore 2 months ago cuz it made this post so much easier to type out when I can just copy-paste everything and then edit it to be more cohesive lmao

Second this is under a read more because it is A Lot

Leonard Snart AKA Captain Cold

He grew up with a super abusive father and his only refuge was when he would hang out with his grandfather in his grandfather's ice truck. When the grandfather died, he grew tired of his dad's abuse and set out to start a criminal career and moved to central. 

(He's the one who started the rogues!) 

He found blueprints for a "cold gun" which he ended up making from scratch (it’s also canon that he knows the gun so well he can remake it out of scraps in about 30 seconds to a minute) and had three main rules in his group: No Killing, No Harm To Women Or Children and No Drug Use. His cold gun is capable of interfering with the speedforce cuz it can reach “absolute zero” which is even colder then Mr Freeze's tech. 

He's also the only cold-based villain capable of mastering this temp. In New Earth he was described as an "adversary" but in Prime Earth (same backstory as before mind you) he's described as being a straight villain whose only rule in the group is "no killing" (which seems to be a pretty flexible rule these days cuz DC has made him more, well, down with killing). He's also much younger here then he was in NE. 

In Flash 2016 #17 we see another upgraded version of his gun that's capable of separating the Flash from the speedforce directly and, in doing so, causing Barry excrutiating pain. Generally, he and Barry had more respect for eachother in NE, to the point that Len even considered him family. In PE, though they have teamed up now and again, Len is far more hostile towards Barry, sometimes even being written in a way that suggests he wouldn’t mind if Barry died.

Sam scudder AKA Mirror Master (the first one!) 

He was a simple convict who just really wanted to learn how to get inside a mirror's reflection. He practiced in a hall of mirrors and, once he succeeded, became Mirror Master. He was a frequent foe for Barry and, during Crisis on Infinite Earths, died around the same time Barry did.

 He was the one who discovered the "mirror world". At one point he got himself trapped there and hated that the mirror world could just get him whatever he wanted instead of him stealing it so he got Barry to bust him out. He could also use mirror's to mind control ppl (dont ask) and this intrigued Barry. 

 On PE he's dating Lisa Snart (Len's younger sister) and is the only Mirror Master to exist. In N52 he, Len, Lisa, Mick and Marco all got fused with their weapons for a while and given meta-human abilities which I. hate because it took away what made them all so cool (I'm fine with Marco tho and you'll find out why in a minute) he's also a really big attention seeker lol

Hartley Rathaway AKA Pied Piper

Alright most of Hartley's info is from NE so: he was born deaf to wealthy parents who got him very high-tech hearing implants. He became obssessed with sounds and started experimenting with sonic technology. Bored of his rich life (and sometimes it's implied he had ableist and/or homophobic parents too) he took to a life of crime after learning how to hypnotize people through music (Pied Piper ayyy). 

He was the first person to ever successfully break out of Iron Heights and did so because he befriended the rats there and used them to help himself escape, adding more to his whole Pied Piper thing. After Barry died he gave up crime and started working to help the poor and underprivelaged (I'm not saying he quit specifically bc of Barry's death buuuuuut most of the Rogues did so). 

He struck up a close friendship with Wally and came out as openly gay! On PE all that we know for certain is that he's a "reformed vigilante" who's the conductor for the Central City orchestra. He used to share an apartment with Barry (yes for real) before he moved in with his bf, David Singh (also Barry's director in the CCPD). Lisa was the one who convinced him to come out to the Rogues, and they were all chill with being gay, their problem came when he started dating David who is, you know, a cop.

He has a pet rat called Moon (cute, right?). Also in pre-N52 canon (cant remember if it was NE specifically or older) Hartley once had a nervous breakdown after Barry arrested him so Barry took him to get help at a mental health hospital :')

(Some artists draw him blonde, some brunette and others go more for reddish-brown it’s kinda confusing)

Marco/Mark Mardon AKA Weather Wizard

On NE he's a two bit criminal called Mark Mardon (he's also white and yes thats important to note) but one day, after escaping from a cop van, he ran to find his brother, Clyde, who was a scientist only to discover his bro had died of a heart attack (however, there's implications that he actually murdered his brother and simply blocked out the memory). 

He then found Clyde's notes on how to create a wand to control the weather and made it for himself. The worst he ever did on NE was imprison a town in winter and after Barry's death he went into semi-retirement (told you the Rogues all did this)

On PE however! He and Clyde are Latino and are the heirs to a huge cartel! Clyde takes over the cartel and Marco wants nothing to do with that life. After their father dies, Marco runs away and eventually becomes Weather Wizard. 

He comes back when he hears his brother has been murdered and gets accused of the crime. He finds out it was Clyde's wife, Elsa, who orchestrated the whole thing and, in a fit of grief and anger, kills her with lightning. He also tries to kill himself at the same time but it doesn’t work. After her death, he curls up into a ball and starts crying because he feels like he hasnt got any family left but then Lisa shows up and is like "yo the rogues are still here for you bitch"

His emotions affect the weather in this continuity and I’m a weak bitch for that but that’s 100% my bias for Ororo Munroe showing itself lol

James Jesse AKA Trickster (the first one!)

James Jesse was born to the Flying Jesses, famous circus performers. He, however, was afraid of heights, and preferred reading stories of Western criminal Jesse James. 

He invented air-walking shoes to get rid of his acrophobia, and this led to his fame as an aerialist at the circus. Buuut he wanted more excitement in life and became a conman instead! He had a lot of wacky gadgets like exploding teddy bears and, after Barry's death, moved from Central to Hollywood and started working in special effects. 

Like Hartley, he even attended Barry's funeral. He once beat the devil, Neron, at his own game and eventually started using his skills for good, collecting weapons of incarcerated villains so they couldnt fall into the wrong hands. He eventually died protecting Hartley during Final Crisis. Deadshot was the one who got him. 

On Prime Earth his parents were straight up neglectful and, instead of creating his own boots, he stole them from STAR labs instead. This version of him is also WAY more fucked up and murdery then NE to the point us long-term Rogues fans got really upset at how much DC had changed him 

On NE his real name is “Giovanni Giuseppe” (swear this is, like, the only italian name DC knows) and on PE the Flying Jesse's were a deliberate rip off of the Flying Graysons

George “Digger” Harkness AKA Captain Boomerang

The illegitimate son of an American toy-maker, W.W. Wiggins, and an Australian woman, Betty Harkness, George Harkness was raised in poverty in the small town of Kurrumburra, Australia. His stepfather, Ian Harkness, hated the boy and made his life miserable. (Like canonically Ian was an abusive alcoholic and even abused Betty who was too ill to defend herself or George. The reason George goes by "Digger" is cuz that's what his mom used to call him before she died; it's aussie slang for "soldier") 

In school, Harkness crafted a boomerang. He discovered he had great skill with the aboriginal weapon and often used it for mischief with his best friend, Mick Wentworth. He further honed his skills while spending some time hiding from the law in the Australian bush. 

When Digger was eighteen, he and Wentworth robbed a general store and were able to make their escape with the aid of Digger’s boomerang. However, this incident caused Digger’s stepfather to kick him out of the house. 

His mother gave him a plane ticket to Central City and told him to get in touch with Wiggins. Wiggins had been searching for a spokesman for W.W. Wiggins Game Company's latest product, a toy boomerang. Under the alias "George Green", Digger auditioned for and got the job. Wiggins outfitted him with a costume and gave him the name "Captain Boomerang."

Ridiculed by the audience, he took to a life of crime instead.

His story is pretty much the same on PE. The only diff being there was no childhood friend and Digger made boomerangs in an attempt to impress his absentee father. Also he has a habit of making up fake stories about himself lmao 

The only one's he really doesnt stab in the back are the Rogues and Harley Quinn but everyone else? fair game. In Flash: Rebirth he and Barry even exchange favours for info and it’s implied this is a regular thing for them

Roscoe Dillon AKA The Top

He technically appears on PE but he's one of Thawne's acolytes so lets just. Skip that and focus on NE instead

Literally his whole thing is that he was obssessed with spinning tops as a kid and taught himself how to spin fast enough to deflect bullets. He became a criminal, tried to blackmail the entire world once, and was Lisa's first boyfriend! 

He was also her ice-skating coach and taught her how to spin super well like himself! He has a very confusing characterization tho cuz sometimes he was written to be all about revenge and killing but other times he was just like the other rogues; a blue-collar criminal who stole things because he liked to. 

He died eventually which I'm not going to try to explain cuz it's...yeah. There's also this whole thing where he could possess people after his death but this was in the silver age and that shit just happened sometimes so whatever 

In short: Roscoe has a really cool concept to him but nobody really knew how to write him so he ended up all over the place

He also has a Spinning Top shaped satellite in space where he stores all his loot (dont ask)

Mick Rory AKA Heatwave

Mick Rory has pyromania! Very severely! He was born on a farm outside of Central and, as a child, was very fascinated with fire. This turned into an obssession and he ended up burning his house down. So fascinated by the flames, however, he never ran to get help, watching his whole house burn down (and killing his parents inside) and he ended up living with his uncle after this. 

On a schooltrip, his schoolmate stuck him in a meat locker as a prank where he gained Cryophobia (fear of the cold) so in retaliation Mick locked the boy in his house and set the thing on fire (again, pyromania). He ran away again and ended up becoming a fire-eater for a circus. That didn't last long either because, surprise!, he burned the place down. 

Desperate to find a way to help his obssession, he happened to see the Rogues operating in Central and decided to take up villainy. At first he and Len got into a few altercations with eachother due to Mick's fear of the cold but eventually they settled their differences and Len officially brought him into the Rogues. 

Mick kinda relies on them to keep his pyromania in check basically. There was a time where he was, briefly, reformed and gained a close friendship with Barry (even being roommates with him. By then he'd already known Barry's real identity for a few years) and used his pyro knowledge to become a fire-fighter consultant. At one point he even worked for the FBI

His backstory is practically the same on PE the only difference being that he never expressed regret for burning down his house, and actually says he wishes he’d burned down the whole neighbourhood instead

Lisa Snart AKA Golden Glider

When I say her NE version is leagues above PE I mean it. 

Like Len, she suffered abuse under their father and escaped it by becoming a figure skater under the name Lisa Star for the Futura Ice Show! Her fame came from her very fast spins, a trick she was taught by Roscoe. When Roscoe died while fighting Barry (brain complications though there’s more to it, but again I’m not going to get into that) Lisa turned to villainy, blaming Barry for her lover's death. 

Her attempts on Barry and Iris' lives were always foiled. She used a pair of ice skates that created their own ice flow, and had many gadgets that caused hypnotism. She also stole Len's gun once but retooled it into a twirling Baton. 

When Barry died she renounced her feud with him and attempted to go straight again with her brother. They created a company that recovered lost or stolen items. Eventually she returned back to a life of crime, went through three boyfriends, all using the name Chillblaine (she named them that iirc), until the fourth Blaine killed her. Len got revenge on that one 

On PE, however, Lisa had a brain tumor (it got cured later) and was a tag-a-long villain for her brother and her boyfriend, Sam Scudder. This version of her never became a skater and is instead murderous just for...the sake of it. She also has this thing about wanting to be the leader of the Rogues instead of Len, and when she's in charge of them for a while the Rogues’ morals change and killing is suddenly fine so. Whatever. NE Lisa is the best (also her whole outfit? Stunning)

Roy G. Bivolo AKA Rainbow Raider (not technically a Rogue anymore but he was a member for a while)

He appeard on PE as Chroma but gets murdered by Grodd so we only have NE canon to use (they did my mans dirty) 

He was a wonderful painter from an early age but was born colourblind. His father, an optometrist, was determined to create a device that would let him see in full colour. Toy didnt get the device until after his father's death but unfortunately the device didnt let him see colour. 

Instead, the goggles could project beams of light that could become solid objects, make him invisible, blind his opponents, or affect the emotions of his targets. Angry that he couldnt pursue an artistic career. he decided to become a thief and primarily stole famous artwork. He was eventually killed by Amunet Black

Evan McCulloch AKA Mirror Master (second one)

Evan was born to rich parents Louis and Carol Erikson who gave him up for adoption because they were too young to be responsible parents. He ended up at the McCulloch orphanage. 

At age 8 he was molested by one of the older boys there and, in self-defence, ended up drowning the him. At 16 he left the orphanage, taking on the name of the woman who raised him and moves to Glasgow (he’s scottish btw) 

He found that it was super difficult to hold down a job but, needing to make ends meet and constantly breaking the law anyway, he turned to a life of crime and became a hitman and then a professional assassin.

One day he got hired to kill his birth father but was unaware of who his target was until after he took the shot. Grief-stricken, he attended the funeral and tried to work up the nerve to approach his birth mother. By the time he had, she'd committed suicide and he turned himself in for his crimes. 

Either the Scottish or US government gave him Sam's old Mirror Master gear and hired him to be a mercenary. 

His first job was scaring Animal Man into stopping his activism, but he failed because of Animal Man’s wife. Refusing to actually kill the wife and children (thanks to his own morals) he gets fired and helps Animal Man seek revenge.

He continues to work as a criminal and supervillain-for-hire, even working out of costume as a mercernary in Britain.

Eventually he found his way to Central City and joined the Rogues, taking over as Sam Scudders official successor. There was a time where he had a Cocaine Addiction which caused friction between him and Capt Cold because of Len’s rule against drug use. 

Throughout all of this, Evan made sure to donate a portion of all the money he ever got to the McCulloch Orphanage

Axel Walker AKA Trickster (second one) 

On PE, Axel was recruited by the Rogues early on in his career. He messed up during a heist and they kicked him out (they'd never do that but w/e) 

He worked for Mob Rule as a henchman for a bit then went freelance when MB was arrested. He saved Cold's life cuz he felt he still owed Cold a debt. When Grodd took over Central, Axel tried to join his side but Grodd tore his arm off from the bicep (ouch) and left him to die on the street. Axel got himself a cool sleek robot arm and returned to crime anyway. He got accused of murder, Barry cleared his name, but he still got sent to Iron Heights for other charges. 

The Rogues, hearing about this, went to bust him out and were like "okay fine u can hang with us" and he stayed with them from then on

In NE canon, while Jesse was working with the FBI, Axel stole all his gear and ended up working for Penguin in Gotham. Penguin gets attacked by Tarantula, Axel fails to stop her and a few days later he gets caught by Robin (Tim) for causing trouble in Gotham. 

He moves on to work with Amunet Black, but after her defeat is offered to join the “new Rogues” by Capt Cold and accepts the offer. Some stuff happens, he fights the OG Trickster who leaves him in a dumpster and tells him never to pick up the gear again, then Axel answers an ad from some college students asking for a trained hero to teach them some things, he has dinner with them and then kills them all. Neat.

When Jesse died, Axel redonned the Trickster gear and started operating his own crew out of an old Rogues hideout. When the Rogues returned to Central, Axel found out they were gonna retire and go underground. He rejoined them to help them get revenge on Inertia for manipulating them into killing Bart Allen, and he stayed with the group henceforth. 

Evan explained to him that joining the Rogues wasn’t a matter of him wanting to be one, but why he needed to be one

In short: Axel is a punk kid who wants to fit in with the big boys and the Rogues are the only ones who really gave him a chance, acting like his older siblings. It’s worth noting that canon never mentions any relatives for him so, as far as we know, crime is all he’s ever known

And that’s all of them!

[bitchywitchy-baby]

Tarot notes

Major Arcana:

0-21

Start with suits

Then elemental 

Minor arcana

Court cards : thinking of someone 

Pair numbers usually more comfortable

Inpair 

Arena of suit: what type of things youre looking at

Numbers are symmetry in the suits

1 beginning of idea, passion, hope 

Not tangible

2 about union about 2 people or present or pass, unity, balance, decision, 2 things facing each other

3: usually transition 

4; require a shift, or an action, shift in perspective

5: without fail conflict, middle of the journey, all the excitement and inspiration has warn off, tension

6:  relief, not always peachy, got a break 

7:  sticky, can be seen in 2 ways: cautionary, hey if you go down this exact path where are you going

8: work, labour(not necessarily career), energy

9:  celebration / resolution / results, getting grades back for mid term, speaking clearly, big cards like not like missing bus

10:  conclusion, beginning of something new, element of caution, 

Court cards 

pages:  

Students, young impatient

Knights are the teenagers, action related

queens: mastery with a female energy, care nuturting clarify, harmony

kings: mastery with male energy : father figures, senior, non maternal feeling, guides, bosses, usually not love interests, 

In reference to thinking of someone  

wands: creative energy, ex: king of wands senior marketing executive, 

elementally: 

South: summer : wands: creativity, passion, inspiration , burn out, stress from external, conflict, temper clashing, lovers quarrels, hot sex, celebration, very active (as they get higher up there’s more movement in the cards< opposite for winter, = fire 

north: winter, hibernation, domestic domain, money shelter healthy body : suit: pentacles, cold, concise, calculating, methodical to survive winter, not screaming from the roof stops = earth  (earthly matters what matters to your physical well beings

Pentacles: winter / earth

Wands: summer 

Swords: spring : duality, possibility, intellect, choice, fog is lifting maybe 

Cups : fall : slowing down, gentle, nostalgic 

spring: east, air = suit is swords : intellect, self (brain, anxiety, depression, good ideas, choices, learning, training, the mental labour before you unleash in summer), first buds of stuff, major Grief in a non physical way ex: 9 of swords being kept up at night during their own thoughts swords = psychic state, physical state is winter 

fall: west, water, cups: emoti9on, intuition, healing often, cyclical, changing, shape shifting, harder to nail down like feelings are, love, connection, memory, sense of self 

More so energy than actual age

Earth infancy, old age

Spring: childhood

Wands: teens and 20s maybe 30s, career oriented

cups: adulthood

3 card spread to start

Major arcana:

Take them out of the deck 

Look into the images, 

We start with the fool: 0 

Looking for a job,  leap, trust and trying something new 

1: magician 

Little more prep than fool, infinity symbol, has each suit on the picture, has everything he needs, he knows he has to do the work  regardless that he  has the tools. 

2: high priestess: 

Witchy bitch, great learner, isn’t taught by someone, she is teaching herself, caught between light and the dark, always hard to read and its intentional, in between beginner and novice, fruitful, potential for abandonment, commitment might be there but not full engagement. Persimmons behind her, knwoledge is sexy, cat energy, curious, playful, selfish

3: empress: procreation in a broad sense, everything is possible, new choices, new habits, growth, earthly goddess, new energy, new paths 

, wonderous possibility

4: emperor: taking care of business, Aries, warrior, got through for fighting, time to grind, may or not step on peoples feet, wealth 

5: hirpphant: teacher, dogmatic for a reason, preachings come from a desire to know and help, powerful, not unforgiving, 

6: lovers:  complicated, might mean happy and good or could be temptation for infidelity (to your values stay true, relationship, job, moral code, temptation to hide what you want, tempting you away from your path, the lovers could be great if they could stop the external temptation

7: chariot: motion, feeling good but not sure where you will land, strong foundation, 

8: strength: making friends, or strength through kindness, hard things are best done with love, you will be your most powerful when you can take that strength with kindness, only this and magician have the infinity sign. 

9: hermit: unity, interiority, hard journey to find the light

10: wheel of fortune: if its bad its gonna change, if its good its gonna change, things are in balance, more you are at ease, less tightly you hold on, the best you will deal with the changes

11: justice; fairness, balance, honesty especially with yourself, reap what you sow, standing up for yourself (maybe walking away, setting boundaries, saying what’s on your mind)

12: hangman: stuck, transition, nothing he can do about it, dealing with it and not minding being stuck. What can you learn from the situation that you are in, it will end when it ends, youre not in control, similar to wheel of fortune

13: death: rebirth, big changer, often seen coming,  watery card, fluidity, 

14: temperance: middle path, being kind to yourself, patience but not being frozen, not rushing, 

15: devil : addiction, lust, gluttony, lust, obsession, 

16; tower: change you dont see coming,  intense,  could be internal or external 

17: star : wishes and dreams, pretty goal card, big goals and small goals to be in line with big goals

18: moon: something is hidden, things dont see the daylight, befriend your dark side, you’re a nice person but sometimes you get mad or you have flaws, fun nighttime connections, sexuality maybe give more sun to that, 

19: sun: super bright, if moon is freedom, sun = happy but confined, putting in a lot of work, hot and heavy and hard and paying off, not liberating but satisfying, not a peaceful card. 

20: judgement: leaving behind old habits old versions of ourselves, choosing to be called to something, 

21: end of the journey theoretically, all of the elements are represented, huge milestone, celebration, good omen in a future reading or optimism in a tool position reading

l.ots of water: fluidity, emotions, change, 

Fire: passion, creativity, possibly destruction, intense

Earth: ground, always present , buildings 

Air:  intellect, sky, lots of brain happening, 

[bookwormcheerleader]

i was tagged by @trevorfindsthestrals (LOOK i finally got internet access on my laptop again!! Sorry it took so long) 1. Coffee or tea? tea, i had my first cup of coffee on like thursday last week 2. Black and white or color? black or soft, but not pastel, colours 3. Drawings or paintings? idk, whatever is more moving in that moment i guess 4. Dresses or skirts? dresses because i never know how to match with a skirt 5. Books or movies? how DARE you make me choose, i think books, but i wanna make movies (potentially havent really explored that yet) so it seems like the wrong answer 6. Pepsi or Coke? i dont drink fizzy drinks 7. Chinese or Italian? definitely italian on an everyday basis but i LOVE chinese too 8. Early bird or night owl? its almost midnight and i havent started my reading for tomorrow, that counts as an answer right? 9. Chocolate or vanilla? chocolate, unless its a milkshake 10. Introvert or extrovert? introvert, i don’t really like people 11. Hugs or kisses? ive never been kissed so hugs 12. Hunting or fishing? aesthetics of hunting but uh with fishing you can not put a hook on the line and just kinda sit there and chill without looking like the animal lover that your family judges you for being 13. Winter or summer? yes. idk im probably more of a summer person, but i also really like the implications of winter in that everything has to die in order to be reborn, plus i can’t really breathe in the heat, but i also have poor circulation in my extremities so the cold sucks ass 14. Spring or fall? spring, i like the crisp air of fall dont get me wrong, but the rebirth and the petrichor after a spring rain with a crisp breeze that doesnt chill you is just so relaxing 15. Rural or urban? i grew up in the woods so rural but i need to at least be kinda close to a hospital to avoid panicking  16. PC or Mac? pc 17. Tan or pale? is this preference, cuz i dont have one of those, but i am so white that i was the same color as my cheer uniform in high school 18. Cake or pie? cake, i dont like pie crust 19. Ice cream or yogurt? frozen yogurt tbh, it jsut tastes fresher and less heavy 20. Ketchup or mustard? my brother likes to mock me for how much i loved ketchup when i was like 7 as if it was yesterday 21. Sweet pickles or dill pickles? i dont like pickles 22. Comedy or mystery? can we do a hybrid where its like theyre fighting crime but have no ability to act serious, cuz im basically writing a comic book like that with @spectralflutterbeast 23. Boots or sandals? i live in a colder wetter climate so usually boots, but i love sandals 24. Silver or gold? i like white gold typically because its often a mix, it has the matching ability of silver with the warmth in color of gold 25. Pop or Rock? i grew up on steve miller and journey from my mom and simon & garfunkel from my dad 26. Dancing or singing? all i can think of is my shitty karoke the other night, so uh dancing, at least i don’t suck more at that when im drunk 27. Checkers or chess? checkers is easier and i could probably actually win, but chess is more likely to hold my attention 28. Board games or video games? we used to do family board game nights (im currently holding the winnign streak for clue because any games played without everyone dont count) (my extended family is also obsessed with card games, its how we bond, we talk shit and play cards) 29. Wine or beer? wine if i have to have one of these, i dont like fizzy stuff ever so no beer but wine dries out my mouth 30. Freckles or dimples? i have freckles, and i love it when people have dimples 31. Honey mustard or BBQ sauce? i guess bbq 32. Body weight exercises or lifting weights? idk what body weight exercises includes but i have always liked lifting weights, its something im fairly good at 33. Baseball or basketball? BASEBALL IS THE BEST I LOVE IT, i miss playing it so much but its been too long for me to feel comfortable joining an intramural team 34. Crossword puzzles or sudokus? sudoku...i think 35. Facial hair or clean shaven? preference right, um stubble.... im not big on full beards (probs cuz my dad has always had one, seriously pics from when he was 20 we are the exact same but he has a beard, he says he hasnt shaved his upper lip since he was 16) clean shaven is nice too tho 36. Crushed ice or cubed ice? i prefer no ice, but if i have to i like that ice you get in hospital cafeterias 37. Skiing or snowboarding? never been 38. Smile or game face? smirking, its the happy medium 39. Bracelet or necklace? i feel naked without any piece of my jewelry (watch on right wrist, a bracelet on my left, a necklace for me to fidget with, both sets of earrings) 40. Fruit or vegetables? fruit 41. Sausage or bacon? bacon 42. Scrambled or fried? scrambled unless its on toast 43. Dark chocolate or white chocolate? dark chocolate 44. Tattoos or piercings? i have two sets of piercings and i just got my first tattoo last month 45. Antique or brand new? antique unless its something i would feel like i couldnt be comfortable using, i always wind up with a very eclectic mix 46. Dress up or dress down? dress down, never really have a reason to dress up 47. Cowboys or aliens? cowboys, space gives me anxiiety 48. Cats or dogs? dogs 49. Pancakes or waffles? depends on who is making the pancakes 50. Bond or Bourne? uhhhh what 51. Sci-Fi or fantasy? fantasy 52. Numbers or letters? letters 53. Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings? lotr tbh 54. Fair or theme park? fair, i grew up in puyallup (look it up, i can even sing the old theme song) 55. Money or fame? money, i want to buy my parents and aunt nice things 56. Washing dishes or doing laundry? laundry (no icky wet food pieces!) {this is what @trevorfindsthestrals had i just could not have said it any better myself} 57. Snakes or sharks? ummm snakes? cuz theyre smaller and i can run from them if theyre dangerous 58. Orange juice or apple juice? orange 59. Sunrise or sunset? sunsets seem more satisfactory to me 60. Slacker or over-achiever?.....i dont’ know how to answer this question 61. Pen or pencil? pencil, unless im worried about it smudging, then i bought some erasable pens for that 62. Peanut butter or jelly? peanut butter is more filling but i make jam every year so theres that 63. Grammys or Oscars? oscars 64. Detailed or abstract? why cant we do both, like a painting that is overall abstract but the closer you get the more you see the things that make it what it is, ya know, like life 65. Multiple choice questions or essay questions? idk multiple choice questions are harder to get wrong for not having enough info about a particular topic, but im good at and enjoy bsing things 66. Adventurous or cautious? i wish i was more adventurous but insecurities 67. Saver or spender? yes 68. Glasses or contacts? i dont wear either 69. Laptop or desktop? laptop 70. Classic or modern? what medium 71. Personal chef or personal fitness trainer? i would like a personal trainer until i get back in the habit of it and then i would jsut need a gym buddy 72. Internet or cell phone? cell since you cna get internet on your phone 73. Call or text? social anxiety so texting  74. Curly hair or straight? mine is beach wavy 75. Shower in the morning or shower in the evening? ive been showering in the morning because i like what it does to my hair 76. Spicy or mild? spicy please 77. Marvel or DC? wonder woman was my first favorite character, like about the time that bugs life came out because i obviously had two and the other was Flick  78. Paying a mortgage or paying rent? rent, i like assurance but i dont like permanence 79. Sky dive or bungee jump? never been but uh im not that trusting so i probably am jsut gonna go with a no 80. Oreos or Chips Ahoy? chewy chips ahoy 81. Jello or pudding? jello 82. Truth or dare? im a chicken so truth 83. Roller coaster or Ferris wheel? roller coaster, ferris wheels are all of the fear with none of the fun 84. Leather or denim? I NEED BOTH I CANT CHOOSE 85. Stripes or solids? stripes and fat people lol no, solids for me 86. Bagels or muffins? bagels probably 87. Whole wheat or white? whole wheat 88. Beads or pearls? pearls, my mother was a jeweler for 13 years, i cant not 89. Hardwood or carpet? hard wood in a hall, tile or linoleum in the kitchen and bathroom and then carpet everywhere else 90. Bright colors or neutral tones? uhhhh for what, cuz it really depends  91. Be older than you are or younger than you are? i want to be like 34, not rn obviously, im enjoying being 20 and stupid, but i feel like 34 is a good age, of course thats abotu how old my bros were when i idolized them so that might be reflective of that 92. Raisins or nuts? raisins, partially because every time my dad sees nuts he says nuts for the nutty and it has become a conditioned response for me now 93. Picnic or nice restaurant? picnic 94. Black leather or brown leather? brown 95. Long hair or short hair? mines somewhere in the middle 96. “Ready, aim, fire” or “Ready, fire, aim”? wtf does the second even mean 97. Fiction or non-fiction? fiction 98. Smoking or non-smoking? i have asthma 99. Think before you talk or talk before you think? i wish i could think before i talk more than i actually do 100. Asking questions or answering questions? i like to listen to people imma tag: @kiavachiisanoob @warriorsatthedisco @colecast1 and anyone lookinng for an excuse to do one of these

[ladybird19]

Rebirth

It was a clear starry night i was on my way back home from my workshift at the cafe shop and i i had to reach home early today the street as usual was crowded with people of all kinds the hustle and bustle wont even die at night time typical night at new york i reached in my coat pocket and grabbed my car keys while walking to my car park in the corner of the dingy darkside of the street i stopped in my tracks to see the sky high above i always had a strange obsession with the tiny specks of light in the dark skies they hold such mystery they are tiny specks and huge balls of shimmmering iridescent light all at once they appear so different to someone on earth and totally opposite to someone in outer space much like us humans we are never the same person to anyone each one of us is someone different to the others and that’s how us and the celestial objects are somehow alike as a kid i always wanted to be an astronaut but soon you grow up and reality strikes so yeah dreams dont always come true but we gotta hold on to the next best thing in order to survive that’s what i do lately survive more and live little i was lost in the darkness of the eccentric sky even though the part of the streeet was lighted but my eyes were fixated on the sky not realizing where i was headed i continued walking suddenly on hiitting some realization i everted my gaze on the road ahead and the strangest thing happened. I thought i would have to come across that harsh reality again i never thought i would have to face it so soon after stichting up the gaping holes in my body i never thought one glance one glimpse would be like ripping apart the band aids i saw a familiar figure the same height with the same masculine gait with broad shoulders even his coat was the same the brown one i picked it for him last winters all the memories came crashing back to my mind flooding and eating away the grief striken battered shore of my rigid mind the same dishevelled brown hair with curls but now they rough and not neat like before i always loved the rough ones better he hasnt seen me yet fearing the dreaded i decided to walk past him real quick i dashed towards my car avoiding his gaze altogether my heels gave me away and the clicking sound on the cement ground drew his attention i could feel him looking up tpwards me mYbe he wont recognize me i even got a new haircut now my hair is short coz he always liked them long i wanted to colour them red but he liked them black something never lets me let go off him completely because deep down i dont want to All these things i do to erase the past just indicate that how much it still affects me in a wAy it still controls me i walk past him taking in his scent avoiding his gaze though i am well aware that he has seen me As i move swiftly something pulls me back he grabs me by the arm pulling me back i turn around maanaaging to keep our distance i cant bump into him i look up and he is already staring at me with those brown eyes now theyseem so and so dark in the dimly lit street brown the colour of all the things i loved the chocolates i loved and most of all the boy i love witheyes that change colour every moment one time you would find them dark with a hint of mischief and mystery and at other at times they would be like melted rays on sunlight illuminating the day and then they would be like honey with caramel lining shining and sparkling warm and welcoming you home they were my home and then their were times when they were hostile and indifferent and like something you d never seen as dark as the starless sky as gloomy as the bottomless pi of the hopeless dreams with hate piercing out of them crushing your

soul outweighin g all the times they welcomed you home till all you remember is just this unfathomable loathing from the person you d give the world to we locked eyes and time stopped except unlike the first day we met iwas the first to look away cz the eyes were pleading asking the questions i didnot have the answer too and i was drowning again and here i was thinking that i ve learned to swim and losing him had taught me wellof all the monsters i faced and the demons i slayed the one who remained erectt was the one i loved the most destroying me like no one else ever did before i was drowning again and i didnot want to drown my green eyes no more complimented his brown unlike thegreen leaves on the brown branches green represents re birth and hope but in order to be reborned one must die and my beat up bruised body wasnt ready to die holding onto all the memories cutting me like knives so i broke loose from his grip and turned my back once they are right some days the pain is worse than the day it happened and it was one of those days though i heard him saying my name many time s and everytime he did i died a little more his smooth voice was like a blade piercing ,y ears and numbing my heart but i had to do it because i didnot wanna be that girl again one who is bruised and gets used and when she disppears no one anchors her back because my absence did nt make him stop his life still twirled and swirled and movedin beautiful circles while mine came to a halt i could still feel his warm hold sending me electric shocks all i wanted to was to turn around and melt in his arms and hold him tight till all my broken pieces fall together in place it toook everything i had in me to move forward and all mywill power and restraint was used up till nothing was left and i died and now that i died i was reborn and that day i moved on burning all the memories adnd finally doing the impossible moving on i wont be alive like i used to but most days you survive and somedays you live and so on those days i wanted to live well

[trouseyfromthelou]

The Devil went down to the river...

Its been well over a year since ive written anything on here, and even more poetically its been longer still that a post dealt not with my faith, my ex, or music.  Well today, this deals with all of those. And none of them. 

Our world has taken not the dark turn we all were warned of, but a more dangerous turn towards sensationalism, anti-intellectualism, and culture that defines itself by its fears first and foremost. Its disgusting and completely appropriate of the grave ignorance and hubris shown by the country as a whole. 

If you cant tell by the title, which, frankly, is almost always a song lyric, ive come under the spell of The Dear Hunter. And my three greatest loves in music are progressivism, conceptual writing, and sound versatility. All three ive seen in depth in the few albums ive so far dove into. (As an aside, i try to spread out my discovery of new music. Take in 7 or 8 new albums from various artists and see what sticks most in my head, then proceed as my ears see fit.)

Anyway, my brain likes to ponder the deeper questions in life and society usually under the guiding tempo of music. And its that very mechanism that brings me to write again, Well, to write here again.  Its funny. Looking back, my girlfriend at the time, Miranda, suggested i start this blog as a way to clear my head. To grapple with the ups and downs on my psyche. What i suspect was the early indications that as an adult emotions were destined to get the best of me, and the least i could do was out word to virtual page. To fight the sadness and frustration by getting it all out of my system. 

(In turn, the blog ended up mostly being about our breakup, yo yo years post split, and my rebirth as a christian. And yet now i feel a 3rd use coming about in my mind. Time will tell i guess.)

Ive always struggled with finishing books. Reading doesnt sit well with the part of my brain that decides whether to stay awake or not. Regardless, im in the middle of reading two “books” currently and despite my inconsistency i greatly enjoy both of them. I say “Books” because one is a comic book. Preacher, to be exact. Im about halfway through the entire series. Its dark, twisted, vulgar, graphic, and i love it. 

On the complete opposite end of the spectrum, the second book is “The Problem of Pain” by CS Lewis. A practical, Lewis-esque study of the theology behind pain, faith, and the godly experience of man. I started reading Lewis because he was such a large influence on Dustin Kensrue of Thrice, whom is both a lyrical and spiritual “idol” of mine, in as un-ironic a way as possible> Obviously i dont need reminding of the concept of idols as discussed in the bible. But i cant find a better word that i prefer, so idol it is. I wanted to dive into the mind of the man that so greatly impacted the man whose music and lyrics so greatly influence and define my personal theology. Which, admittedly sounds a tad blasphemous, but if need be i can give my long-winded explanation of the idea that god speaks through what we refer to as modern “art.” Still, a technicality i dont fully understand. Oh well. 

I bring up the books im reading, and the music im listening to not as a qualifier of a “cultured” life but instead as a gateway to the way im processing and reflecting on the current state of things in the many worlds in which i exist. (personal, workplace, scientific community, political, friend-circles, etc) 

My personal strategy is to keep up with the circus, all while full-heartedly leaning on my faith, my passion for my career, my love for friends and family, and my musical meditation. You cannot live in this stuff all the time, or you’ll look in the mirror one day and wont like what you see. Those i know who live and breath our political landscape at times seem soo jaded, soo fed-up and yet soo hopeless. It cant be good you the mind and heart. 

Ultimately i have no “one tip to rule them all.” No gold-plated, double-insured advice for how to deal with things. Hell i may change my own strategy in time, as i grow both in political belief but as a person. 

In addition, and i should probably have cleared this up earlier, but i cant guarantee these thoughts will at all seem connected. Im just riffing the thoughts out of my mind as they develop. And im a classic case of jumping from tangent to tangent for hours. 

The bottom line goal was just to get the thoughts out. Put words on the page lest they bounce around my brain long enough to put me in an asylum. And i sincerely hope that if anyone actually reads this, the least they get out of it is the reassurance that their feelings are real and true, and that im just as fond of being the ears to hear as i am the mouth to speak. Youre not alone. Were all in this together.  Aaron Eckhart’s Harvey Dent once said, The night is darkest just before the dawn. That and You either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain.  Neither of those really make sense in this posts context, but the sure as hell make his practically shoehorned in second Dark Knight villain seem very profound. That is before he started killing people based on coin flips. What a weird archetype. 

.trousdale.

“Do the heavens ever spare the crop when the winter falls? Could we really hide if the reaper calls?