#felicitas rauch imagine

[katelynnwrites]

We’ll Be A Fine Line (We’ll Be Alright) | Felicitas Rauch

warnings: descriptions of blood, injury and general angst along with mentions of smut

word count: 4612

summary: feli accidentally injures you during an international game

a/n: happy monday. i’ve actually always wanted to write this prompt so i’m pretty excited about this. also i couldn’t resist adding that last part, i’m not sorry 😂

You love international breaks. The chance to represent your country on the world’s stage is not something you would ever take for granted.

After you made the move to Germany, to play for VfL Wolfsburg, international breaks become even more special.

They become one of the few times you’re able to be in the country of your birth, with the friends you have grown up with.

This time, you’ve been given an even more special chance, a rare opportunity to play against your German, Wolfsburg teammates.

You’re especially looking forward to playing against one particular teammate.

She’s a defender and you’re a striker. It’s a cliche really.

Ahead of the upcoming Arnold Clark Cup, your girlfriend had bet you that you wouldn’t be able to score against her and you had countered her bet with your own, that she wouldn’t be able to prevent you from scoring.

The reward of the bet is interesting, that the winner will be able to do anything she likes with the other.

And you really really want to win. The thought of being able to have your way with a certain Felicitas Rauch being more than enough incentive for you.

******

England playing against Germany is the last fixture of the tournament so playing against Feli isn’t really on your mind yet.

You do however, text her frequently and in return, receive a constant stream of TikToks that she has found funny.

You’re laughing at one of them when Georgia plonks down in the seat next to you.

‘What’s so funny?’

‘Nothing Georgie.’

‘Aw come on! You’re never here anymore and now that you are, you won’t even tell me what you’re laughing about.’ Georgia pouts.

You soften at her words and quickly unlock your phone, showing her the video Feli had sent you.

The Manchester City player chuckles.

‘That is funny.’ She says and you laugh again.

‘I didn’t know you had a dog though.’

‘Me?’

‘Yes you? Your lockscreen is a brown poodle.’ Georgia says in confusion.

‘Oh! She’s not exactly my dog.’

‘Okay…’ Georgia’s confusion only increases and she makes to ask more questions only to be unable to do so because Sarina starts giving instructions.

As you listen to your coach, you glance down at your lockscreen of Cinnamon before unlocking your phone once more, this time to look at your wallpaper.

It’s a good thing Georgia had only seen your lockscreen because your wallpaper, a photo of Felicitas kissing you would have been a lot harder to explain.

******

It had completely slipped your mind to tell your England teammates about Feli.

There had just been so many things going on, your recent move to Germany, a new apartment for you to settle, a new style of play for you to adapt to and your struggle to learn a new language.

Your relationship with Feli had started amongst all that and before you knew it, months had passed by.

How could you tell them about your German girlfriend now?

******

On the contrary, Feli’s national teammates know all about you.

So many of them played at Wolfsburg with you and the rest have heard all about how head over heels Felicitas is for you.

They would never miss an opportunity to tease Feli who is usually reserved and a tad shy.

The perfect opportunity lies in whenever she calls you.

Somehow even when you are countries apart, you always manage to make your girlfriend blush.

Her German teammates love you for that and you frequently get sent photos of Feli’s red cheeks during the international breaks.

******

Having headed up to your hotel room early, you make the most of your roommate’s absence to call Felicitas.

She answers almost immediately, her smile being the first thing you see.

‘Hi my love.’

‘Hello.’ She greets, cheeks already dusted with pink from the term of endearment.

You grin, ‘How’s England treating you?’

‘Good but I miss you.’

‘I miss you too Feli but we’ll see each other tomorrow.’

‘I can’t wait.’ Your girlfriend murmurs.

She adjusts her phone, giving you a glimpse of her surroundings. It looks like she’s out on her hotel room’s balcony.

Having finished propping her phone up, she cheekily asks, ‘Ready to lose?’

You laugh, ‘You wish.’

‘Liebling, being able to do whatever I want to you is pretty good motivation. There’s no way that I am losing.’ Feli states.

Confidently, she adds, ‘I’m sure you’ll like what I have planned.’

‘Well as nice as that sounds, I think that both you and I will prefer what I have in mind for when I win.’

There’s no mistaking the tone in your voice.

Feli swallows hard, her blush intensifying as she stammers, ‘S-Sorry liebling. No can do.’

You giggle and your girlfriend looks away in embarrassment, clearing her throat.

‘I love you but I won’t be losing. You’ll see.’

‘We’ll see.’ You agree.

You’re content to just look at her but you hear the door of your hotel room opening.

‘I’ll see you tomorrow. I love you Felicitas.’

Feli nods, having heard your roommate from her end of the call.

‘Ich liebe dich. I’m really excited to see you.’

She ends the call, just as your roommate enters the room fully.

‘Who were you talking to?’ Leah asks curiously.

‘A teammate from Wolfsburg.’ You answer honestly.

‘She speaks German to you?’

‘She’s trying to teach me to pick it up faster. I’ve not been too good at it so far.’ You laugh self deprecatingly and your roommate giggles.

‘Are you feeling okay about playing against your club teammates tomorrow? It must be a little weird for you.’ Leah asks, unintentionally slipping into her role as captain.

‘It is but I’ll be okay Lee. We had a conversation about it before I left Germany. We promised that there would be no hard feelings and we’re actually quite looking forward to it.’

******

Sarina and the other coaching staff had asked you about how your German teammates at Wolfsburg played. You had given them as much as you could, telling them about your personal experiences with their playing styles.

They have also come up with their predictions for Germany’s starting lineup.

It’s no surprise to you that they think Feli will be playing.

Your girlfriend had gone from being left out of the 2019 World Cup to being Germany’s starting leftback and you could not be any prouder of her.

You see the work she puts in day in and day out and you know that she deserves to be there.

When you arrive at the stadium, you see that Sarina is right. Feli is starting for Germany and as you line up near her in the tunnel, you give her a brief hug that lets her know that you are proud of her.

You know that the extra tight squeeze she gives you in return means that she understands and is proud of you too.

******

Ellen White scores first, with you assisting her goal.

You can’t help but smirk at Feli as you walk back to your position.

She rolls her eyes at you and later when you’re within earshot, reminds you that you haven’t won the bet yet as you weren’t the one who scored.

******

The rest of the game goes as expected, with Germany playing physically and England playing the ball forward as much as possible.

Your Wolfsburg teammates have landed quite a few tackles on you but have helped you up each time.

You don’t take it to heart, having expected it already. It’s not like you have not done your fair share.

Playing in Germany has rubbed off on you and you now have a tendency of being a little more physical.

You haven’t had any direct contact with Felicitas though, the defender being kept occupied by your English teammates.

By the 94th minute, you know you’re going to win. While you yourself have not scored, Millie and Fran have added to England’s goal tally.

Lina Magull scoring in the 41st minute is not enough for Germany.

You’re thinking about ways to somehow convince your girlfriend that you’ve won the bet anyway as you begin lining up for a corner.

It’s in Germany’s favour but you’re not particularly worried, knowing that Mary has the safest hands around and that this corner will probably be one of the last actions of the game.

Feli’s taking the corner and you focus back on the game just in time to see the ball fly.

You jump up, along with everyone else but Leah is the one who gets her head on the ball.

She clears it and then you’re off, sprinting clear of the other players. Maybe you would be able to win your bet properly.

The ball gets passed to you and you make a run for the goal, only to be taken out a fraction of a second later.

You scream.

There’s no other way to express the horrific pain you are in.

You’re not even aware of the way your body curls in on itself or the way your hand blindly clutches at your injured ankle.

Sobbing into the grass, you cry out again as gentle hands turn you over.

If your eyes weren’t squeezed shut, you would see that your girlfriend looks like she’s about to throw up.

‘I didn’t mean to. Oh my god I never meant to hurt her.’ She repeats, over and over again.

Feli is inconsolable, shaking all over as she looks at you on the ground.

Your English teammates push her away, in their rush to get to you.

She doesn’t register Keira shouting at her or Lucy holding the ginger back.

Laura grabs her and moves her aside, just enough so that she can still see you but not be in the way of the worried England team.

‘She’s going to hate m-me.’ Felicitas stutters.

‘Hey Feli she won’t. It was an accident.’ Laura tries but Feli isn’t hearing any of it. She trembles harder when Laura hugs her tightly, the Eintracht Frankfurt player doing her best to keep her friend’s breakdown from the cameras.

The German players gather around Felicitas, helping Laura to block her.

Your English teammates are trying to do the same for you.

You’re still crying, unable to answer any of the questions the medical staff are asking you.

‘Feli.’ You whimper.

‘Felicitas.’ You plead again.

Leah squeezes your hand. You hadn’t even realised that she’s holding your hand.

‘Yes. It’s Felicitas Rauch that tackled you.’ Leah tells you, thinking that it’s what you want to know.

It isn’t.

‘I want Felicitas. I want my girlfriend.’ You beg.

Leah blinks but doesn’t question you, knowing that you are in no shape to properly answer anything.

She just gets you your girlfriend.

******

‘She didn’t mean it.’ Alex Popp states, as Leah approaches.

‘I hope not. Rauch needs to go to her girlfriend now.’

‘No. I can’t be near her. She won’t want me there.’ Feli cries, furiously shaking her head.

Leah glances at you and then back towards her before firmly saying, ‘Look I don’t know you. But she’s in a lot of pain and asking for you so I’m bringing you to her whether you like it or not.’

******

‘Liebling, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I should never have gone in for that tackle.’ Felicitas rushes out.

‘Feli…’ You gasp and your girlfriend chokes back a sob, taking your hand in hers.

‘I’m sorry.’

‘It’s okay. I know you didn’t mean to but Feli it really really hurts.’

You’re trying your hardest not to cry more but a few tears slip free anyway.

The expression on your girlfriend’s face looks like heartbreak but she whispers, ‘I know. I know. You’ve got to let the medics take you off the pitch now okay?

Trying to be brave, you nod and the medical staff takes it as their cue to put you on the stretcher.

‘Please don’t leave me.’ You beg and Felicitas scrubs her tears off her face. She angrily thinks to herself that she doesn’t have to right to cry.

‘I promise. I’m right here liebling.’

Her gaze remains on your face but the briefest glance at your bloodied and bruised ankle, now visible thanks to the medical staff who had removed your boot and rolled down your sock makes her want to be sick again.

Feli’s face is pale and tear stained but she never lets go of your hand.

She’s right beside you, holding your hand and walking off the pitch with you.

The referee decides to end the match there but that doesn’t matter to your girlfriend who would have walked off the pitch anyway, regardless of what the referee and coaches had to say.

******

Your girlfriend is carefully stroking your hair, doing her best to soothe the pain she had unintentionally caused you.

The bed you are sitting up on is cold but Feli’s hands are warm. You try to focus on that, letting her familiar touch give you some comfort.

The medical staff are examining your ankle now but by just looking at it, you think that there’s little chance you would escape with a mild injury. You are sure you would be on the sidelines for a while.

When your team doctor looks up at you and gives you a little head shake, you know your suspicions have been proven.

‘I’m really sorry but you’re definitely going to have to go to the hospital now. We’ll contact your club and let them know.’

‘How bad is it?’

‘A few months out at least. Your ankle is badly sprained and the hospital will give you a more thorough x-ray but from what I can tell, it’s been fractured.’

Your face crumples and you bury your face in Feli’s shoulder. Her arms wrap around you, holding you close.

‘I’ll give you a moment.’ The doctor murmurs before leaving.

‘I’m so sorry.’ Felicitas breathes.

You cry even harder, the throbbing pain in your ankle doing you no favours.

Your girlfriend inhales shakily, kissing the side of your head before beginning to pull away.

You stiffen the instant you feel her loosening her grip on you.

Your eyes widen in fear and you panickedly ask, ‘Feli w-where are you going?

‘Don’t you want me to go? I’m the reason you can’t play let alone walk. I hurt you liebling.’

‘No. You didn’t mean to. Stay please. I need you. Please Felicitas, don’t go.’

‘I won’t.’ She whispers, her heart breaking all over again as she realises exactly how vulnerable you are.

‘You promise?’

Your girlfriend hugs you close, ‘I promise. As long as you want me here, I’m here.’

******

You don’t want Felicitas to leave your side. You think she understands as well because she’s still sitting by the side of your bed and holding your hand when you wake up.

Her Germany kit has been replaced by a hoodie and shorts so you think that one of her teammates must have helped her out.

The German player’s eyebags have always been pronounced but the sleepless night she has had have made them so much darker, like bruises under her eyes.

‘You’re awake.’ She mumbles, when she feels you moving around.

You frown, trying to wiggle your toes only to fail. The new cast on your leg sees to that.

You don’t remember it being there so you assume that the doctors at the hospital must have done it after you had taken the painkillers which knocked you right out.

‘Felicitas? Does this mean I’ve won my bet?’

‘The bet? Liebling, that’s what you want to talk about right now?’ Feli’s tone is incredulous and surprising to you.

‘Why not Feli?’

‘Because I hurt you. My mistimed tackle broke your ankle.’

‘Fractured.’ You correct but your girlfriend winces all the same.

‘You are here because of me. You won’t be playing for three months. Can you please yell at me? Be angry at me liebling.’ Felicitas insists.

‘No.’ You answer simply.

‘No?’

‘I’m not mad at you. I know that it was an accident. You would never hurt me intentionally.’

‘I would never and it was an accident but please be angry at me. I deserve to have you hate me.’ Your girlfriend begs.

‘No. I will never hate you Felicitas. I love you. You’re the love of my life.’ You easily say.

The words come naturally to you because it’s all true. You know it in your heart.

Felicitas bites back a sob, ‘I love you so much. You’re the love of my life too.’

‘Don’t hate yourself Feli. It really was an accident. An unfortunate one but an accident nevertheless.’ You softly plead.

Your girlfriend exhales shakily, leaning in close and pressing a kiss onto your forehead.

You shiver, closing your eyes and soaking in the feel of her lips on your skin.

‘Feli?’ You breathe.

‘What is it?’

Your request is barely audible, ‘Can you kiss me please?’

Felicitas kisses your cheek carefully in response.

‘A proper kiss Felicitas. I-I haven’t had one of those for weeks and I miss it. I’ve missed you.’

You’re so shy that prior to the events of the last twenty four hours, Feli would have teased you before showering you in as many kisses as possible.

But now she quietly checks, ‘Are you sure? I have missed you so incredibly much but I don’t want to cause you more pain.’

‘You won’t. Felicitas I know you won’t.’ You swear fervently and your girlfriend gives in.

Her lips brush against yours gently and so tentatively that it makes you want to cry.

‘More. Please Feli please.’

Felicitas can’t deny you. She has never been good at doing so but now she finds herself completely unable to even try.

Her hands cradle your face tenderly and she gives you the most loving kiss she can.

You would have cried if the door of your hospital room didn’t open. As it is, Feli pulls away from you with a sharp jerk.

‘Okay then…Is this a bad time?’ Leah asks.

Behind her, Alessia and Tooney’s faces are tomato red from the display of affection. It makes you giggle.

‘No. I’d say come in but you’re already inside.’ You joke.

Leah laughs and places the bouquet of flowers she had been holding on your bedside table.

‘They’re beautiful, thanks Lee.’ You genuinely tell her.

The England captain smiles at you, ruffling your hair in the manner that only an older sister does.

Alessia and Ella settle themselves onto the couch along the side of your hospital room and you give them a warm smile.

Felicitas stands awkwardly beside you and as Leah starts telling you about how the other England girls will be along any minute, she murmurs, ‘I’ll give you a moment liebling.’

‘No don’t go. Stay. I’d like you to meet my national teammates.’

Your girlfriend hesitates and you add, ‘They’ll be nice to you, I promise. You can tell them what the doctor said because I was asleep for most of it.’

‘Okay…’ Feli sits back down by your bed and you grin, reaching out to intertwine your fingers with hers.

Leah looks at you expectantly and you sheepishly grin at her.

‘I’m sorry for not telling you earlier but this is my girlfriend. I always meant to introduce you guys to her but I guess she made her own introduction.’

All three of your national teammates chuckle at your sense of humor.

‘Nice to meet you.’ Feli cautiously says.

‘It’s nice to meet you too Rauch. Next time have a less dramatic introduction okay?’ Leah teases.

You laugh and Feli has a tiny smile on her face when she agrees.

******

You think your hospital room must be the noisiest one around. You’re actually worried that the nurses would kick all of your fellow players out.

When Laura Freigang arrives, bringing a pack of Sharpies along with a couple of other German players, the noise level gets even higher.

Your friends argue over who gets to sign your cast first but you put a stop to it.

‘My girlfriend gets to go first.’

Laura hands the Sharpies over without protest.

Felicitas takes it and after a reassuring nod from you, goes over to the end of your bed, where your injured foot is propped up on a pillow.

Gingerly, Feli begins to draw.

She sticks her tongue out in concentration and everyone in the room can see your obvious heart eyes.

Kathy takes a photo subtly.

Felicitas finishes soon after, pressing a kiss onto your forehead before sitting back down at your side.

There’s a small grin on her face and you look at your cast to see a brown dog.

‘Is that meant to be Cinny?’

‘Yeah.’ Feli’s smile widens and you laugh.

‘Thank you.’

There’s a moment where it’s just the two of you in your little bubble before Tooney loudly says, ‘My turn now!’

******

As your fellow players continue to talk, you can see that your girlfriend is exhausted. She rests her head on top of her folded arms that are on your bed.

The dark circles under her eyes are worrying you.

You know she hasn’t slept since before the match so you decide that despite how well meaning your England teammates and Feli’s national teammates are, visiting hours for you are over.

It doesn’t take much convincing on your part. All you had to do was tell a half truth and say that you are tired.

Leah wrangles the English players out and Sara Doorsoun shepherds the German players out so that you’re left alone with your love.

Feli anxiously smooths loose strands of your hair out of your face.

‘You’re tired? Do you want to sleep more liebling?’

‘Only a little and I wouldn’t mind another nap but that’s not why I asked them to leave. I asked them to leave because you need to sleep.’

‘Me?’

‘Yes you. Now get in with me.’ You insist.

The hospital staff had informed you that you wouldn’t be discharged till later in the day so you could let your girlfriend get some rest first.

Felicitas hesitates, eyes flicking down to your injured foot. Your friends have seen to your cast, ensuring that it is now thoroughly decorated.

‘You won’t hurt me. There’s a pillow propping it up so I’ll be okay.’ You assure her, already shifting to the side of your hospital bed to make space for her.

It takes you lifting the covers and staring at her expectantly for her to tentatively settle down beside you.

‘I missed you.’ You mumble into her shoulder.

‘Ich liebe dich.’ Feli promises and you give a contented sigh once you bury your face into her neck.

Inhaling deeply, you begin leaving little kisses on her tanned skin.

Your girlfriend lets out a soft moan.

‘Liebling…now’s not the time or the place.’ She breathily says.

Drawing back slightly, you sheepishly mumble, ‘Sorry.’

Felicitas carefully scoots closer to you, so that your back is pressed against her.

She kisses your shoulder, pushing your hospital gown to the side so that she has access to a larger expanse of skin.

‘Feli this isn’t fair.’

Your voice is tight and it’s taking every ounce of your self control not to turn around and kiss her silly.

‘I thought you said that this isn’t the time or the place?’

‘I’m sorry.’ Your girlfriend apologises but you can feel her smile against your shoulder so you know that she isn’t sorry at all.

Felicitas presses another kiss onto your skin and you audibly groan, ‘My love you’re supposed to be sleeping.’

‘Soon. But first I need you to know.’

‘Know what?’

‘You win the bet. I’m yours.’

You smile, turning to face her with some difficulty.

Your girlfriend’s smile matches yours and you can’t resist tracing her dimple with your finger. It makes Feli smile wider.

‘I had a plan but it’s got to wait a while.’

‘What did you have in mind?’ Feli asks curiously.

You blush furiously and quietly admit, ‘I wanted to fuck you in the shower.’

Your girlfriend giggles.

‘Shower sex? Liebling, that's what you want?’

‘You don’t have to if you don’t want to. Don’t feel like you owe me anything, especially sex.’ You quickly tell her.

‘Liebling no. I want to. I just- You didn’t have to make a bet to have sex with me. In the shower or anywhere else. It’s actually kind of hot.’ Feli murmurs.

She brushes a feather light kiss against your nose.

‘You’re really hot and I kinda sorta am always at least a little turned on by you.’ Your girlfriend happily confesses.

Your eyes widen and your blush that you don’t think can get any darker, does.

‘How about this? When your ankle heals, you can fuck me in the shower as many times as you’d like. But when we get back home, as your ankle is healing, I’ll give you the shower sex that you want.’

‘Really?’

‘I promise liebling.’

‘Okay. Now I’m really looking forward to getting home.’ You breathe.

‘Me too.’ Feli agrees.

You can’t resist kissing her affectionately.

Her eyes shine a little and you find yourself kissing her again, whispering against her lips, ‘Felicitas it wasn’t your fault okay? It was an accident.’

‘Okay.’ Feli quietly answers.

‘I mean it.’ You emphasise, wanting your girlfriend to know that she doesn’t have to blame herself.

She gives you a tiny nod in response, ‘I know you do.’

‘Are you gonna sleep okay? I’ll be here if you have nightmares…’

Your girlfriend exhales in surprise. There’s no way you could know that unless Sara had told you.

And her friend had.

When Feli had been distracted earlier, Sara had taken full advantage and confided in you that when she brought a change of clothes for your girlfriend, Feli had admitted that she could not sleep without hearing your scream of pain.

Her guilt ridden nightmares are the main reason for the dark circles under her eyes and you needed to help her see that she had absolutely no reason to feel guilty.

Feli takes your hand in hers, ‘I won’t. I know I didn’t mean to injure you and I know that you aren’t angry at me. It wasn’t my fault but I will definitely be working on my slide tackles from now on.’

‘Good.’ You whisper, giving her another kiss.

You try to pour all your love for her into it, needing her to know how much she means to you.

Felicitas must feel it because she sighs into your mouth, her entire body relaxing.

She wraps her strong arms around you, letting you find comfort in her embrace and in her effortless ability to make you feel safe.

And loved. So incredibly loved.

The painkillers have eased the throbbing pain in your injured ankle but it’s Feli’s presence that helps you get through the remaining ache.

Your girlfriend takes in a deep breath, soaking in the moment.

It’s brought to an end by her yawning loudly.

She tries to stifle it but fails, the resulting tinge of pink on her cheekbones making you giggle.

‘Love, get some sleep please.’ You instruct and Feli huffs a laugh, kissing your forehead protectively before finally, finally letting her eyes slip close.

******

If she spends the flight home thinking about how best to pin you against the bathroom wall and fuck you gently with her fingers, all while making sure that you keep your weight off your injured ankle and are in no danger of slipping, well she would just say that she’s being thorough with her preparation.

German Translation:

liebling - love

ich liebe dich - i love you

[cinnies-stories]

felicitas rauch / remember when...

first post! had to be feli! A little angsty hehe :)

-

A sharp, searing pain shot through your left ankle, forcing you to crumple to the ground with a loud, terrifying scream. The stadium roared with a mix of cheers and gasps as the reality of the foul - the injury - sank in.

Lying on the turf, your mind raced with a tumult of thoughts. The throbbing pain in your ankle was eclipsed by the disappointment of having to leave the game prematurely, with the thought of how serious the injury might be. You clenched your teeth almost painfully, determined not to let the anguish show on your face.

Immediately, your teammates rushed to your side, their expressions a mix of concern and helplessness. Amidst the sea of worried faces, you caught glimpses of empathy and shared frustration. You wondered if they understood the weight of the disappointment you felt, not just for yourself but for the entire team.

Laura was the first one to break the silence.

"You're going to be fine, okay?"

You didn't know if she was trying to convince you or herself with her shaky statement.

As the medical staff hurried onto the field, your mind replayed the moments leading up to the injury. Each step you took, each kick of the ball, now felt like a distant memory tainted by the harsh reality of the present moment.

You questioned the timing, the unfairness of being sidelined when you had just come back from your ACL injury.

The pain intensified as the medical team assessed your injury. Your jaw tightened, and you found solace in focusing on your teammates, who hovered above you, refusing to leave you on your own.

Laura's hand had found your own, gripping it tightly and holding it close to her chest, a reminder that no matter what - she would be there for you.

You chuckled at the absurdity and caught her eye.

"Remember when everything used to be fine?"

-

As the camera focused on your strained expression, Feli hesitated, torn between the remnants of your shared history and the present animosity. The TV screen became a window into a world where choices carried no consequences.

Your injury unfolded before her eyes, and a surge of conflicting emotions washed over her. The bitter memories of your recent break up clashed with the lingering echoes of her immense feelings for you.

In a moment of vulnerability, Feli picked up her phone, fingers hovering over the keys. She recalled the countless times you had faced challenges together, side by side.

"Remember when you gave me your all, like I gave you mine?" she thought to herself.

However, in this moment of unresolved pride and lingering resentment, the defender chose to withhold the message, leaving you to stare at your silent phone.

-

You couldn't shake the void left by Feli's silence. You checked your phone almost every minute, hoping for a message that never arrived. The disappointment weighed heavily on you, and your team mate's chatter became distant echoes against the ache in your chest.

With a heavy sigh, you muttered to yourself, "Remember when you cared about me?"

It was a painful reminder of the emotional distance that had grown between you and the German. The absence of Feli's message felt like a tangible rejection, a confirmation of the fractures in your once unbreakable connection.

Laura's hand found your shoulder in a soft pad. Your best friend didn't have to hear you confirm it, she knew that her Germany teammate was still on your mind.

-

Alone in her room, the brown-haired defender sat surrounded by the remnants of a shared past—photographs scattered like fallen leaves on her bed. Each image held a soft, poignant memory, a testament to the love that once flourished between her and you.

As she gazed at a photo capturing a stolen moment of laughter under the shade of an old oak tree, Feli's heart swayed with the weight of nostalgia. Your smiles were genuine, carefree, and the world seemed to fade away in those stolen moments of intimacy.

Feli smiled at the memory.

-

The gentle rustle of leaves created a natural canopy under the old oak tree, casting dappled sunlight on you and Feli as you sat side by side, fingers intertwined. It was a day etched with the warmth of late spring, a day that held the promise of blooming love.

Feli had stolen glances at you the entire time, your eyes reflecting the hues of the sky as you shared soft smiles that spoke of yet unspoken feelings. The air buzzed with the energy of something new, something more than just friendship.

"I've been meaning to tell you something," Feli had confessed, her voice carrying a nervous excitement that mirrored the fluttering butterflies in her stomach.

You had immediately turned to her, your curiosity evident in the quirk of your eyebrow. "What's up?"

A shy grin had played on the defender's lips as she mustered the courage to speak from her heart. "Y/N, I've been thinking a lot about us, about what we mean to each other. And, well, I was wondering if you'd ever see me as more than a friend?"

The words had hung in the air, a fragile bridge between friendship and something deeper. Your eyes were wide, and a soft blush painted your cheeks. The oak tree seemed to hold its breath, as if waiting for your response.

Of course you said yes.

The relief in Feli's eyes mirrored the joy that blossomed within yourself and the moment was sealed with a gentle kiss, the world around you two had seemed to fade, leaving only the soft murmur of leaves and the shared warmth under the protective embrace of the oak tree.

Under the old oak tree, time had slowed, creating a space where the fragility of new love was shielded by the enduring strength of nature. The soft, cute moment lingered like a timeless snapshot—a memory woven into the branches of the tree and the fabric of their shared history.

-

The softness of their past contrasted sharply with the current reality of heartbreak and silence. The room, once filled with the echo of your laughter, now felt hollow, haunted by the question lingering in the air:

"Remember when you actually loved me?"

As Feli traced the outline of your smiling face in the photographs, she couldn't help but wonder how they had arrived at this distant point. The images whispered tales of a love that had been vibrant and real, now reduced to a collection of fading snapshots.

Lost in the reverie of your softer moments, Feli couldn't shake the yearning for a time when love was a shared language, not a casualty of circumstances. The photographs, once cherished tokens of your connection, now served as bittersweet reminders of a love that felt like a distant, fading star in the vast expanse of your shared history.

Nevertheless, she smiled, while she put the pictures away again.

-

Back in your own room, you - just like Feli - stood surrounded by fragments of your shared love—photographs, handwritten notes, tokens of a love that now felt like a distant echo.

Disappointment, sadness, and anger converged in your trembling hands as you clutched the memories that had once been a source of joy.

With each tear, the glossy surface of a photograph was marred, mirroring the cracks that had formed in your relationship.

Old notes, once exchanged in moments of intimacy, were now reduced to confetti, scattered on the floor like the remnants of a celebration gone awry.

As you ripped through the tangible echoes of your past, your emotions spilled into the room, a tempest of conflicting feelings. The sound of tearing paper echoed in the silence, punctuated by your own heavy breaths - you didn’t know whether it was because of your injury or your broken relationship. The room became a battlefield of emotions and you found yourself losing the war.

In the midst of those torn fragments, your tear-streaked face bore the weight of a love turned bitter. The photographs and notes, that Feli had given you with soft kisses and promises of 'forever', now lay discarded, a testament to the irreversible damage inflicted on the bond you  had once believed to be unbreakable.

Finally, you found yourself whispering to the empty room,

"Remember when we thought none of these would become past tense?"

[inuyashaluver]

I love jealous fanfic, so right now, I'm obsessed with Felicitas Rauch right, and you and her go out on a date and the waiter is flitting with you and ask you questions and all that stuff and at the end of the night woth felicitas get quite angry, that waiter ask you out and you can do that every with the ending but I think it would be quite funny. Thank you, and I love your work ❤️

the waiter - felicitas rauch

felicitas rauch x reader

description: in which your girlfriend takes you out to dinner on your anniversary and the waiter seems to take an interest in you

warnings: swearing, suggestive, german in bold italics!

a/n: hiya!! thanks so much for the love and request, hope you enjoy ❤️❤️

⋆ ★ ⋆ ★ ⋆ ★ ⋆ ★ ⋆

you and your girlfriend, felicitas are very much enamoured with each other. everyone knew it, as did you and your girlfriend.

you two had been together for over 5 years, living together in germany absolutely smitten for each other.

—

you’re a sports journalist, having made the big move to germany from australia about 6 years ago. you had been learning german for a large portion of your life, you were relatively fluent but it still made you extremely nervous to interview people in their native tongues.

it was after a loss for wolfsburg that you and felicitas laid eyes on each other for the first time. she always dreaded interviews after defeat, she rolled her eyes when she got pulled for media.

but when she saw your pretty face on the pitch nervously shifting your weight between your feet, she perked up. she was excited, but you were a little tense, especially when you saw the gorgeous player smiling charmingly at you while she got mic’d up.

“hello” felicitas smirks, holding her hand to you for a handshake. you smile brightly at her, taking her hand and shaking it firmly. “hi, big fan” you say shyly, the girl in front of you raises her eyebrows amusingly, “well it’s very nice to meet such a pretty fan” she winks, your knees almost gave out.

“you guys ready?” your cameraman asks, cutting your interaction short. you give a curt nod, smiling at the girl who gives you a reassuring smile, almost implying you’d continue the conversation after your duties.

“hello everyone! (y/n) (y/l/n) here with the amazing felicitas rauch” you smile at the girl and she smiles back, waving to the camera before focusing wholeheartedly on you. she was entranced.

“despite the unfortunate loss today, you played amazing, a definite favourite in my opinion.” you talk directly to her, holding eye contact with the girl was hard but the way she’s smiling so softly at you made you feel a newfound confidence you haven’t had before.

“well that’s good to hear” felicitas laughs, moving her body slightly closer to you, you smile sheepishly and continue . “how are you feeling about the team’s performance overall?”

she nods at your words, “i think we played really well, even though we lost. but it’s nothing we won’t bounce back from, i think today we all made mistakes and that’s okay. the other team played better today and we’ll come back better” she shrugs, smiling at you while you listen intently to her words,

“we are definitely looking forward to the next match, thank you for speaking to us today” you smile at her, she places her hand on your arm quickly before letting it hang back to her side.

“it’s been an absolute pleasure” she smiles back at you, waiting for the camera to be turned off.

“thank you again, felicitas,” you attempt to shake her hand again but she experimentally pulls you into a quick hug. “no worries, and please, call me feli, i hope i see you around” she grins as she pulls away, you can feel yourself a little warm.

“yeah, me too, feli” you breathe out, she smiles and waves at you, walking off to the change rooms but not without looking back at you and checking you out.

—

and she did in fact see more of you, you were at every game and it made both of you giddy. every time she saw you, she’d pull you into a tight embrace, each one longer with every interaction.

she made an effort to hang around after each of your interviews to chat, sometimes lasting over an hour of just getting to know each other.

and after a little while, she knew you liked her, your pink cheeks telling her everything. and so, she asked you on a date and laughed when you instantly agreed. the rest is history, now living together in germany absolutely in love.

—

it was your 6th year anniversary, you and felicitas were heading out on a special dinner date to celebrate. it took her everything in her power to let you actually leave the house, you looked absolutely beautiful. when you walked out into the living room to an awaiting felicitas, she swore her heart stop at seeing you.

“my god” she mumbles, she hides her face in her hands and leans back on the couch, you smirk a little and move to sit sideways on her laps. “you okay, baby?” you tease, placing an arm behind her neck, she takes her hands off her face and wraps an arm around your waist,

“mein liebling (my darling)” she breathes out, kissing your cheek repeatedly as she pulled you closer. “you’re absolutely beautiful” she says in awe, taking in your appearance, her heart fluttering at the thought of you being hers.

“you look beautiful too, geliebte (loved one)” you smile brightly at her, brushing a piece of hair off her face, both of you had pink cheeks, truly endearing how after 6 years you’re still so shy around each other.

“should we skip dinner?” she smiles suggestively, giving your thigh a gentle squeeze, you chuckle and give her a gentle kiss on her lips, hearing immediate protests from your girlfriend when you pull away.

“no, let’s go” you say cheekily, pulling her up from her seat and receiving a half assed glare from the girl you loved so much. “beauty only gets you so much” she sings out, teasingly pulling you close to her, lips grazing gently. she smirks at seeing you tense up, she knew how much she made you nervous and she loved it.

—

you both made it to the restaurant, lovesick smiles evident on both of your faces as you sat down. you both engage in conversation, hands interlaced over the table as you talked.

“this place is very romantic, feli baby,” you grin, resting your head on your free hand while you look at her, “only the best for mein ein und alles (my one and only)” she scoffs proudly, giving your hand a gentle squeeze as you chat about the ambience.

though, the moment is ruined when your waiter for the night makes his way over.

“hello, ladies, i’ll be your server for the night, can i get you anything to start with” the waiter smiles, only looking at you with a hungry gaze. felicitas immediately raises her eyebrows at watching you completely unaware, you were focused on her, your hands still intertwined on the table.

“maybe just some wine for now?” felicitas suggests and you nod at her with a smile, looking up at the waiter to see him already looking at you. “i’ll get that for you right now” he winks at you and you look slightly shocked, was he flirting with you right now?

the waiter walks off to get your wine and felicitas begins to giggle. you look at her in surprise, “looks like someone’s got a little crush” felicitas teases, you instantly roll your eyes and sit back in your seat, your hands separating causing the girl in front of you pouting slightly.

you were about to say something until the waiter comes back, “here you go, beautiful” he smiled charmingly and it made you feel sick, you smile kindly at him, thanking him and dismissing him but he doesn’t move.

“let me pour it for you, pretty girls shouldn’t pour their own wine” he smirks, pouring your glass first before quickly doing felicita’s, you not rejecting the offer had your girlfriend feeling a twinge of jealousy but you were genuinely in shock, not knowing what to do in this situation.

the waiter leaves for a moment and you nervously sip on your wine, felicitas narrows her eyes at you challengingly. “he’s friendly” she grits out, her jaw clenched as she takes in your appearance. “yeah” you cough out, quickly averting the conversation as both of you talk normally. until the waiter comes back and takes your order.

“excellent choice, you’re a woman of good taste” he winks when you recite your order, you freeze up and look at felicitas in shock.

“yes she is” she coos at you, she was furious, she tells the man her order and reaches for your hand again, you happily and very quickly take it. apparently this meant nothing to him because he flirted with you the whole rest of your time at the restaurant.

felicitas surprisingly let it continue, teasing you everytime he would leave. she’s not worried about it at all, but she is jealous. she knew you loved her more than anyone so she didn’t think that much of it, until you were about to leave and he slipped you a note with his name and number on it before walking away but lingering nearby to see your reaction.

“you’re fucking joking” she laughs in disbelief, promptly taking the paper and ripping it before throwing it on the table. the man’s eyes widen as felicitas pulls you up from your seat and pulls you close by your hips. she presses you into her, kissing you passionately, making you lightheaded when she slipped her tongue into your mouth.

she smiles against your lips when you whine into her mouth, wrapping your arms around her neck to pull her closer. after a few seconds she parts from you, giving you a playful slap on your behind before grabbing your hand and dragging you out of the restaurant, making an effort to walk in front of the waiter and winking at him, kissing your temple as she walks you out. “my pretty girl” she says proudly, no ounce of insecurity evident in your voice at seeing your desperation for her.

you give her a shy smile when she pulls you to the car, opening the door for you and rushing off to the driver’s side. as soon as she’s seated, she pulls you into another fierce kiss, pouring out all her pent up frustration into it. she pulls away with a teasing tug on your bottom lip between her teeth, placing a hand on your thigh as she drives you both home.

“it’s very cute that he thought he had a chance with my girl” she chuckles, giving your thigh a squeeze.

“i only want you, feli” you breathe out nervously, she looks at you briefly with a smirk, “oh, i know, baby” she teases, ready to get you home as quickly as possible so you know exactly who you belong to.

⋆ ★ ⋆ ★ ⋆ ★ ⋆ ★ ⋆

liked by lena_oberdorf and 44,232 others

feli_rauch: meine bessere hälfte (my better half), 6 years and counting xx

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yourname: my baby!

↳ feli_rauch: you’re the cutest

↳ yourname: yeah, the waiter thought that too

↳ feli_rauch: you are on very thin ice right now

↳ yourname: i love you?

↳ feli_rauch: mhm

[totaly-obsessed]

Felicitas Rauch Appreciation

woso appreciation masterlist | with @alotofpockets

[soccer-love]

Little one

Alexandra Popp x reader

“Attention, the pregnant lady is coming over.” Svenja shouts as she spots me walking towards them. 

I roll my eyes, since I’m pregnant Alex got really protective over me, even when we’re around her team or friends, which are normally the people she trusts the most, but I guess its just her mother instincts going crazy. 

“Chill and you may remember that I have an actual name.” I say and she nods. 

“Y/N Popp.” Another thing the team can't shut up about, the fact that Alex and I share a last name, even though I still use my old name while playing soccer, well I did, I haven't played since I’m pregnant. 

“You got it.” Alex says as she walks over, wrapping her arms around me. 

“You were good today.” I say and she softly kisses me. 

“Hey Y/N.” Do greets me as she and Feli also come over, both of them wrapped in VFL Blankets. 

“How are you feeling?” Feli asks, she's one of my best friend, former room mate and also going to be the godmother of our baby, when she's born, what should be in about two or three weeks. 

”Really good, except that this little one is kicking my rips.” I answer and place a hand on my belly, feeling the soft movement underneath my skin. 

“Well she's going to be a great soccer player one day, just like her mom.” Alex says, giving me a soft smile while laying her hand over mine. 

“She?” Svenja asks. 

“Alex decided that it's going to be a girl.” I explain.

“I didnt decide it, I just have a feeling that it's going to be a girl.” Alex defends her self, Feli and Do laugh while Svenja just rolls her eyes. 

“Hey, sorry for interrupting you guys.” Obi cuts in “But we thought about getting dinner tonight to celebrate our last Bundesliga game of the year, feel free to bring your partners with you.” 

She points at me “And future children in your case.” 

Everyone agrees to come, while we make our way towards the locker rooms. 

“I will hurry, so we can drive home together.” Alex says and lets go of my hand. 

I chat a little bit with Tommy and the trainer team, till Alex comes back and we drive home. 

“Do you want to go out with the Team tonight?” She asks, as we take of our coats and I lean down to great our dog Patch. 

“Sure.” 

I go and make my self some tee while I watch them, playing on the living room floor. Patch trying to get his favorite toy back while Alex holds onto it, like her live depends on it. After some minutes he's practically dragging her across the floor. 

A warm feeling goes through my body and I think its just the feeling that I normally get at moments like this, the feeling of my love for this women. But when I feel something running town my legs I realize what just happened. 

“Alex.” I call out but she docent look up and just hums in response. 

“Alex!” I repeat, this time she stops from trying to get the toy and looks up at me. 

“Yes?” 

“I..um I think my water just broke.” I explain and somehow I’m way calmer then I thought I would be in this moment. 

“Oh...okay, I’will get the bag we prepared and then I drive you to the hospital, okay?” she asks and gets up, I see a little bit of panic and fear in her eyes but also excitement. 

“Yeah.” I answer a bit lame, she pulls me into her arms for a couple of seconds, calming me down.

“I can't wait to meet our little one.” she whispers and kisses my cheek before pulling back. 

When I was about thirty weeks pregnant, so about eight weeks ago, we prepared a bag with things we would need for the hospital. 

We get into our car and during the whole drive she holds my hand. 

When we arrive at the hospital, they bring us into a delivery room and a nurse comes to take my vitals and a doctor comes to cheek on me. 

“I called our parents and send Feli a text.” Alex explains after she comes back inside, from informing our family, and the doctor told us that everything is looking good. 

“Okay.” I say, giving her a smile while she sits down next to me, placing a hand on my belly. 

“I am way calmer then I thought I would be in this moment.” I admit, sharing my thought from earlier. 

“Me too, but I think it's because you’re calm.” she says and leans down to kiss my forehead. 

An hour goes by and I get contractions more, Dr. Deluca comes back with a nurse and they confirm that I’m now seven centimeters dilated. 

“You’re lucky, Mrs. Popp, first time mothers normally take a while. Also on the ultrasound your baby looks great so its not bad that she will be broke two weeks earlier then you expected.” she explains, before looking at Alex for a second. 

“We made some good experiences, that it is really comfortable if the partner sits behind the person that's giving birth, if you're willingly to do it, you can.” the nurse explains. 

“Would you like me to do that?” Alex asks and I nod. 

She takes off her shoes, before climbing onto the bed behind me, her legs on each side of me and I lean against her, again she grabs my hand. What would I do without her? 

My thoughts get interrupted by another contraction, I reach for the nearest things to grab and find her thigh. 

“Fuck.” I breath out, she softly pushes a string of hair out of my face. 

“Okay, it's time to push.” Dr. Deluca informs us. “Ready?” 

I nod through the pain. 

“Now!” 

I say and hold back a scream as I push, Alex whines a little as I squeeze her hand but she doesn't say anything. 

I have no clue how fucking love it goes but I know that I’m really tired by the time Dr. Deluca tells me to push one last time. 

“I can't, I  can't.” I say but Alex shakes her head. 

“You can, you are so strong, Y/N.” she whispers, kissing my temple “I love you.” 

When I finally feel the relief and our baby is out, I feel my body relaxe. 

A soft cry fills the room and I almost start crying because I’m so happy to finally meet my baby. 

I watch Dr. Deluca wrap something into a towel and let my head fall back onto Alex shoulders, before a nurse comes over and softly lays the tiny body in my arms. 

“Here she is, your beautiful baby girl.” 

I don't know how do describe it but the second I get to look at my baby, I feel just unconditional love for this tiny human. 

“Hey baby.” I whisper and she opens her eyes a little bit, she looks at me from same blue orbs Alex has. 

“She’s so beautiful.” Alex whispers, wrapping one arm around me and softly brushing over the cheek of our newborn. 

“Whats her name?” Dr Deluca asks, Alex gives me a questioning look and I nod. 

We already choose a name, one for a girl and one for a boy. 

“Charlotte Felicitas Popp.” 

They give us some more minutes with our baby, before taking her to do some checkups. Alex stays with them while Dr Deluca does checks on me and a nurse helps me to get the sweat of off my body and chance into some joggers and one of Alex shirts. 

After that I get my baby back and they bring us into another room, the nurse tells me to get some rest but lets us know that we should go get her when we have any questions, before leaving us alone. 

Alex sits down next to me and holds Charlie for a litte while, before passing her back into my arms. 

She pulls out her phone and takes some pictures, sending them to our parents and friends before sending someone a text massage. 

“Hey, babe.” she says and I look up, from my babys blue eyes into hers.

“Yes?” 

“Feli send me a text earlier, saying that they're outside, waiting till she's here, as a support.” she explains “Is it okay, if I leave you for a second just to tell them that everything’s fine.” 

“You can bring them here, if the nurse is okay with it. I’m sure they wanna meet Charlie.” I say and Alex smiles. 

“Are you okay with this?” 

“Yes of curse.” 

She walks out and after a couple of minutes she comes back, Feli, Obi and Svenja behind her. 

“Hey.” I greet them. 

“May I introduce you to Charlotte Felicitas Popp.” I say and see everyone melting by the first look they get at our baby. 

“How are you two?” Sevnja asks and comes closer. 

“Really good.” I say, Alex sits down next to me, wrapping one arm around me. 

“You know, by saying that you could bring your child with you to our team dinner, I didn't mean it like that.” Obi jokes, making us laugh. 

I open my mouth to response, that I didn't understand it like that too, when I see Feli wiping tears out of her eyes. 

“You’re good buddy?” I ask and she nods. 

“It’s just...she got my name.” she says now completely bursting into tears. Tears of happiness. Svenja goes and wraps an arm around her. 

“Yeah but now you always have to be there for her, or I’m going to give her a different name.” I joke, making Feli laugh again. 

“Thank you and I will, I’m going to be the best aunt ever. I promise.”

Well now I’m about to cry and that's exactly why I knew from the first moment of my pregnancy that Feli would be perfect as a godmother. 

We chat some more, till Alex kindly asks them to leave and they wish us a goodnight. 

“I love you.” I say as Alex sits down next to me again and kisses my temple, Charlie fast asleep in her arms. 

“I love you too, you both.” she responses. “More then I could every tell with words. 

[skipper1331]

No thoughts, quick actions // Felicitas Rauch

a/n: based off this request.

Long distance relationships were something you never wanted to do. The thought of having your lover not near you, made you feel unwell, the risk of misunderstandings high and the longing terrible at times. You had seen it with your friends - nights that were spent crying on your couch because of a fight or dozens of rom com movies because they missed their lovers.

It broke your heart to see your friends that miserable and you could only imagine how awful their partner felt in another city, country or even continent. Those moments made you realize that you wouldn‘t want to be in a long distance relationship.

You kept that promise for a long time but when Feli, the german international and vfl Wolfsburg player approached you after a international friendly your heart was immediately stolen by her.

She came up to you with the intention to apologize for her sloppy tackle but the conversation took a quick turn as you found yourselves engaged in holiday stories.

Fast forward, the two of you have been a couple since 5 years.

In less than a few months after your encounter, the defender had let you forget all your opinions about long distance relationships.

Felicitas was worth the distance and every single misunderstanding - she was worth everything. You couldn’t deny that it was hard, super hard, at times but you managed. Holidays were spent together instead of telling each other stories about it, daily phone calls, short cute messages throughout the day made it possible.

You had to admit though, after 5 years of long distance you grew tired. You wanted to wake up next to Feli everyday, share a home with her, hug, kiss and touch whenever. From day to day it became harder to hide your disappointment or the fact that you missed Felicitas terribly. Nights were spent crying on the couch, some sappy rom com playing while you ate ice cream. It was getting too much, the honeymoon phase was over, you weren‘t blinded anymore - the familiar feeling resurfaced.

You hated long distance relationships.

and slowly you couldn‘t do it anymore nor did you want to.

Felicitas noticed your behavior, the bags under your eyes visible through the phone, the change in your mood and schedule. Besides being a professional football player, you started to do even more sports in your free time. You had to distract yourself, if you didn’t do so, the feeling of sadness would eat you alive.

Actually, the change was not only noticed by Feli but your teammates too, nobody asked you about it though.

Some of them didn‘t want to assume - maybe they were just imagining things.

Some of them were afraid of your reaction - would you be mad?

Some of them respected you too much to intrude in your life - if you had a problem, you would talk to them when you‘re ready.

It was Lia who took the matter in her own hands - she was one of your closest friends as she asked you if you wanted to get some coffee together after training.

It was a rainy day. The two of you sat at a table near the window, the smell of coffee filling the café, "You alright?" the Swiss asked.

A simple question, a question that most people would answer without any hesitation, even if the answer was a lie. You thought about lying to Lia, telling her everything was fine which it wasn‘t - Lia knew that. Added to that, Feli had texted her, both of them friends ever since their Turbine Potsdam time, to make sure everything‘s alright with you. So, there was no point in lying.

"I will leave the club in the upcoming transfer window" you replied and not with 'no' like Lia expected you answer.

There were no thoughts, just quick actions.

You looked at her no sign of confusion, anger on her face displayed - you couldn’t tell what she was thinking, her reaction calm and composed, something you appreciated very much. Wally always had to hear every thought before she could say something about the situation.

"I miss Felicitas" you mumbled with sad eyes, "and Wolfsburg offered me a great contract" you let the words sink in, not for Lia but for yourself. You would leave Arsenal in about 2-3 months, the club you spent the most time of your career and it will break and heal your heart at the same time.

"Say something, please?" the silence was deafening.

"What do you want me to say?"

"What do you think about it?" nervously, your fingers hit the table while you hoped her respond wouldn’t hurt your feelings or questioning your actions.

"I think it‘s the right decision"

-

After many conversations with your management and Wolfsburg, you flew to Germany as the deal was settled and ready to sign.

Feli didn‘t know about your arrival in her home country nor that you were in the exact same building as her - your transfer wouldn‘t be announced till the very end of the transfer window, Wolfsburgs wishes.

When you signing the contract, a heavy weight fell of your shoulders - you couldn‘t wait to see Felicitas everyday.

"In case you‘re wondering, training ended half an hour ago" Tommy Stroot winked, leaving you alone.

It took you about 25 minutes to your girlfriends home, one single rose in your hand. You rang the bell, cinnamon already barking behind the door as Feli opened it, trying to hold her dog back.

"Hi" you said, smiling widely. Your heart felt so complete.

"Wha- hi?" the defender pinched her arm, was this real? Were you really in front of her? "What are you doing here?" she asked, perplexed and shocked. Her question was forgotten when her senses kicked in. You were standing in front of her! Within seconds, Feli‘s arms wrapped around your neck, hugging you like you would disappear. Your own arms went around her waist, pulling her impossibly closer. Oh, how you had missed her.

Neither of you could tell how long you stood in the hall, only when cinnamon barked, you pulled apart yet still in each others embrace. "I missed you so much" you breathed out, one hand coming up to caress your girls cheek. There was so much love shared, eyes telling the truth as you stood there in silence.

"I can‘t believe you‘re here" the defender chuckled happily, still in cloud nine, "for how long?"

"We should go inside" you told her at the same time, both of you giggling lightly before the German pulled you into her home. "So? How long?" she asked again, turning around.

You were silent for a moment, taking a deep breath, "I signed with Wolfsburg today. They will announce it soon" you replied in a low voice, somehow shy and afraid - how would she react?

No thoughts, quick actions

"You did what?"

"um, I signed a contract with Wolfsburg?" nervously, you scratched your neck, "I couldn‘t be away from you anymore. I just wanted to wake up next to you, see you everyday and kiss you good morning. I‘m sorry! I‘m sorry I haven’t told you about it! Please don‘t be mad" you rambled.

There was a deafening silence as Feli let your words sink in.

You were here.

For longer than just a few days.

You signed with Wolfsburg.

You‘ll be here everyday.

"I don’t know what to say" your girlfriend told you honestly. She was confused, happy and terrified but overall happy. She just didn‘t understand. Why haven‘t you told her about your signing? Was this the reason you acted differently? Did you miss her as much as she missed you?

you gulped, "oh" not expecting that kind of reaction. You thought she would be a little bit happier but her expression was empty. "I should go, um, this is for you. Sorry again" you mumbled, holding out your hand with the red flower.

"No, wait" the brunette said, gathering her thoughts as quickly as possible, "I’m happy you‘re here but it overwhelmed me" she smiled shyly as her hands went up to cup your cheeks, "you‘re so beautiful" her thumbs caressed your cheeks, eyes looking at you with so much love. Slowly but surely, her expression became readable - she was happy and so in love, "Will you move in with me?"

"If you want me to?"

"yes!"

-

Living with Felicitas was wonderful, the two of you matched perfectly - while she did the cooking, you did the laundry.

Your life in Germany was amazing as well, most of the Wolfsburg players knew you already and welcomed you with open arms. You adapted rather quickly to the german playing style, working yourself to the top - key player of the team.

It was hard at times, especially in the first few months as you missed England, the wsl and your family and friends but being with Feli healed every open wound.

Playing in the Frauen Bundesliga didn‘t stop you from watching all of the matches - you were a gunner through and through, no kisses or celebration touches at the Wolfsburg emblem.

Felicitas always joined you watching every gunners game, supporting the Arsenal the the same as you did. She did it before when you still played there, so why not now? It was something you appreciated very much.

-

"Was?! That‘s a yellow!" she jumped out of your arms, yelling at the tv. Chuckling at her, you pulled her back, "you know they can‘t hear you" you said. In fact, it should have been a yellow card for the Aston Villa player but as so often, the ref didn‘t agree with that opinion. The German international grumbled, sinking further in your embrace as she elaborated why that should have been a yellow card. Seeing Felicitas in your Arsenal jersey, in your arms and annoyed with the ref’s decision as it was against your club made you realize that she was the woman of your dreams. You wanted her to be your wife.

It didn‘t take you long to find the perfect ring for your girlfriend. As soon as you had entered the jewelry store and saw the shining simple ring, you knew it. That‘s the ring. You bought it immediately.

Now, you had the ring but no idea where to propose.

Beach proposal? No beach.

Restaurant proposal? No, too many people watching.

It had to be simple, somewhere Feli felt comfortable and where the two of you had enough privacy.

Home!

That‘s it!

Ring? Check.

Place? Check.

When? As soon as possible.

Leaving the jewelry store with so much confidence radiating off your body, you made your way to the heart of the city, buying flowers, wine, candles and balloons. You‘ve never been so sure about something.

-

Thankfully, Feli was still out with Obi and Ewa for a photo shoot, which gave you the perfect opportunity to set everything up. Rose petals decorated the path to the living room, flowers and balloons filling the room as some nice dinner and wine waited on the balcony.

However, as the stress subsided, a new emotion came to the surface - nervousness. Sometimes, you did things before your brain could even register what you were doing or rather what you were about to do - It often led to rushed actions without second thought.

But for once in your life, the thought and quick action was perfect, even if your brain wasn’t connecting all the dots, at least not yet. This was right. This was the right move.

Felicitas and you have been a couple for years, you lived together, worked together and loved one another - your heart knew what to do.

Make her your wife.

You sat on the couch, waiting for Feli. The food was probably cold, the varnish of your nails completely pealed off as you started outside, the velvet box in your hand. When was she coming home? With each minute that passed by, your nerves rose. Your earlier confident self turned into an anxious one - you hadn‘t even prepared a speech. Gosh!

Desperately trying to think about some loving words, you only snapped out of your trance as you heard the keys being placed down, "Liebe?" the brunette called right after.

"Living room" you called, standing up from the couch, arms hidden behind your back.

Just now, the defender realized the pool of rose petals on the floor, heart skipping more and more beats, the closer she got to the room.

She gasped when she saw the beauty of a living room, her true love standing in the middle as candles lit the room, "hi" you smiled.

"Hi?" your girlfriend said, looking around, eyes so bright as she walked up to you, "what‘s all this?" she asked a bit confused. Of course, the german knew about your no-thoughts-quick-actions as she called them, always surprised with the things you decided - never a clue what you were 'thinking'.

Her arms looped around your neck, claiming their usual spot as her fingers started to play with your hair, the most effective manner to calm you down.

"Marry me" you breathed out, no others words spilling out of your mouth.

Silence.

"I love you and I don‘t want to spend another day knowing that you’re just my girlfriend when I want you to be my wife. I promise to treat you right and love you with every inch of my heart till the end of time" you filled the awkward silence, rambling about the love you shared. "Take this ring," you opened the velvet box, "as a promise and a sign of love and fidelity. You‘re my forever." you got down on one knee, looking up at the love of your life, "please, will you marry me?"

"Yes!" she shrieked, clinging on to you for her dear life, kissing every inch of skin in her reach. She had waited so long for this moment. She knew she wanted to marry you as soon as she saw your first no-thoughts-quick-action move. She was totally smitten for you ever since.

[gowoelfinneniguess]

“The rejection helped me grow as a person” – Deep Talk with Felicitas Rauch

[title music]

-I brought something else, it’s in my shoe-

-I believe that was a bit of a turning point in my career-

-those are the things in life that ground you-

[title music ends]

Feli: My name is Feli Rauch, and these are seven things that are important to me.

I’ll jump right in with the first thing I could think of, which is my tattoo. This is a wave and a heart. People who know Sara [Doorsoun] may know she has the same tattoo. The heart is for my friends and the wave is for the adventures I experience with them. My friends are incredibly important to me. You need people who give you loyalty and support, but who can be honest with you at the same time. Sara is one of those people for me, we have come to a point where we can be blunt with each other, and we talk smack during practice, but afterwards it’s all good and done. You need people like that in your life, who support you, who you can be upfront with and who will be upfront with you in return. That’s why I would put my friends first. My family comes at a close second. My mum, my dad, my brother, my stepdad, they’re all super important to me. They have been with me for all my life and I enjoy and appreciate the love they have for me and the love I have for them. Not every child, not every person, is lucky enough to have a great family who supports them. I value them very much.

I brought a picture as well. This is my mum's hand, it was taken right before the Euros. I don’t know if my mum will be thrilled that I chose this picture, but it’s a nice way of showing the close bond I have with her. We have a matching tattoo as well, mine is at the back of my neck.

DFB: Do I see another wave there?

Feli: Another wave, they are a major theme of my life.

DFB: I recognize a pattern.

Feli: A wave-pattern.

My mum used to be very much opposed to tattoos, until she got one with me. Ohana means togetherness, family, close friends and blood relations. Those are the things that ground you in life, that ground me, that’s why I cannot be without them and why they are at the centre of everything for me.

DFB: Why the waves everywhere?

Feli: For one, because I love to surf. I learned how to ride waves five years ago. The wave means freedom to me, waves have ups and downs just like life does. You can plan ahead internally, but life never seems to go the way you imagined it. That’s exactly what waves are like. Each wave is different, but when I’m on my surfboard, when I feel the waves beneath me and I look out at the ocean, that feeling of endlessness calms me down. That’s why the symbol of the wave is special to me, it contains so much, it means freedom. I very much enjoy that too, I like to be independent.

DFB: You got that tattoo with your mother. Are you more your father’s or your mother’s child?

Feli: Intuitively I would say I’m a mother’s child, simply because we have spent more time together. When I think of my dad, I immediately think about football. From an early age, he taught me and my brother everything. We used to have technical training sessions in our backyard, or just kick at the goal, always with my dad around. Unfortunately he had to move to Berlin for work pretty early on–we still lived near Hanover then–so I couldn’t spend as much time with him anymore. When you’re growing up, especially as you’re going through puberty, you experience so much and you have to deal with so much, and in these moments my mum was always there for me. That’s why we have a closer connection.

I have something else for you–I don’t even have to go looking for a picture, it’s right here on my screen.

DFB: A dog!

Feli: A dog! Not just any dog, my dog! We always had a dog when I was growing up. Our little cutie lived to be sixteen years old. In Potsdam I got my own place, and I always knew I had to live with a dog again. I enjoy being outdoors, being active. When I was 18, 19 years old I had to be taught how to be responsible. As I said, I like being independent, but it’s good to have some responsibilities. That was a big step for me at a young age, to know that you’re responsible not just for yourself, but for this other little creature as well. Dogs have given me a lot, and they still do. It is such an honour to come home from practice or from uni and to be greeted by a little four-legged friend. It calms you down on the inside. You come home, you get to switch off, you go for a walk, which is also a social activity. We always meet new people on a walk. I can’t imagine life without a dog. Cinnamon is her name–because I like eating cinnamon, obviously that’s how the dog got that name–she’s been by my side for almost five years now and I love every day with the little lady.

DFB: What is Cinnamon’s best quality?

Feli: She’s a real daredevil. She never thinks twice. She’s brave, confident, but not stupid. She’s got some poodle in her, I notice because she challenges me here and there. Sometimes she remembers things you didn’t even realize you were doing. She had to learn that she can’t get any food from the table. As soon as she got one little thing–even by accident–she would show up every time to maybe get something again. She’s a lot of fun, smart, adventurous, cheeky, but very cuddly as well–just a dog with a lot of character. Nothing more to add. Nothing bad–well, one thing: when we go on walks, she always wants to interact with other dogs. She’s not aggressive, she just wants attention. She’s always looking to make new friends, so she, um, calls attention to herself. She’s so small, she has to be vocal.

This is one of the first kits I had. The beautiful number 13, nice DFB look. If you start playing football, once you get hooked on it, you won’t be able to live without it anymore. That’s why I would add football to my list of most important things. To be able to do what I love every single day, to earn my dough that way, is something I enjoy so, so much. It’s incredibly fun to be able to turn your hobby into a profession. Only a few people make it that far, and that hard-earned privilege is something you have to enjoy. I like to think back to this jersey because we weren’t exactly wealthy, but my mum went and got the flock anyway, with my favourite number 13 to boot–sorry, Sara Däbritz–I think my mum still remembers the joy on my face when I got it. It’s those little ties back to my family that made me realize that my parents would do anything for me, that they would always make sure I don’t lack anything. Not even that jersey, clean and ready for every training session. I wanted to wear it constantly, it was tough for me to grow out of it. I loved it so much.

DFB: Do you have anything else?

Feli: I brought something else, it’s in my shoe.

DFB: Whoa!

Feli: That got you all excited, huh? It’s my inlays. I need my shoe inlays, I’ve had them for 13 or 14 years now. I can’t even walk right without them, my knees would start hurting immediately. That’s why some of the most important things in my life are my shoe inlays. I’d like to say hi to my orthopaedist!

DFB: Amazing, I did not know that. In Herzogenaurach I heard that they measured your feet and that one of your feet was slightly shorter? Or longer?

Feli: Cheers to Adidas! Hi Adidas! I have bunions. It’s an issue for many women, probably some men too, usually women though because of high heeled shoes. That’s not the cause for me, it’s genetic–my mum, my grandma, great-grandma all have them. I used to play with cleats that were two sizes too big, size 42. When they measured my feet, we found out I can comfortably play with a size 40 if the shoes are a little wider. Sveni likes to call me “Flosse” [=flippers] because of my big square feet, but I think those times are over now.

DFB: What else have you got for us, Flippers?

Feli: Well, actually, sustainability is very important to me. I didn’t bring anything to show it though, I could have gotten my bamboo electric toothbrush from my room. I like living with less. If I buy something new I want to be mindful about it, I often look for furniture and stuff on Ebay. I don’t want to live a wasteful life. I own three pairs of sneakers. This is a new pair I just got from Chris at Adidas, so I’ll be happy with these for 1, 2 or 3 years. I value experiences over material possessions. It’s through this minimalist streak that I have developed consciousness for sustainability–Do I really need this? What’s the environmental impact of that?–I want to be aware of that at my club too. At Wolfsburg we are a team of three sustainability experts who regularly talk about these issues with Volkswagen. We try to do our part in questioning and changing systemic issues that have been long established. Nature and the environment are vital to us, and we would like to leave something behind for the next generations.

DFB: Do you have a special memory, a special day you wouldn’t want to miss?

Feli: From my life as an athlete I’d like to focus on a tough moment for me: 2019, when I got the call from Martina [Voss-Tecklenburg] that I hadn’t made it into the squad for the World Cup. I believe that was a bit of a turning point in my career. I have always been a late bloomer, so that moment was like an allegory for my entire career: once again I hadn’t made it. I had to question whether I was doing enough. It triggered my ambition to apply myself even more, to finally make it to a tournament. I believe it made me stronger as a person, I think I can handle setbacks very well now. I’ve grown thick skin. Still, that moment was important, because life isn’t always perfect. I could have mentioned titles, all of them have been wonderful, validations for our hard work, but you learn the most in those moments that aren’t easy, the make or break moments. That one moment has helped me so much in the long run.

DFB: How did you react in the moment?

Feli: I cried (laughs). I cried.

DFB: From an outside perspective, your style of play has evolved since then. You’re still very technical, you still have great vision, but your posture is totally different. Is that because you’ve changed internally?

Feli: I think as a young person, setbacks can really affect your confidence. Your ego would have to be massive if everything just rolled off your back. I tend to overthink things, when it comes to other people but also when it comes to myself. That’s something that–you have to be carefree to a certain degree in order to play football successfully. I had to work to get my carefree side back, which isn’t easy after a setback. I learned to focus on other things and not to linger on the bad stuff. I try to remind myself of all the good things in my life. In tough moments it isn’t always easy to do, but at this point I think I know how to handle them. I always want to think things through for myself, but I have learned to confide–to confide in my friends and to confide in the coaches. That’s a skill that I have “mastered” over the last three years. Now I have made it to a European Championship and I could even become a European Champion!

[perpetually-enamored]

Finding woso couples I didn't know about brings joy to my life:') Are Elise Kellond Knight and Felicitas Rauch a thing or am I imagining it?

[katelynnwrites]

Think I Forgot How To Be Happy, Something I’m Not (But Something I Can Be) | Felicitas Rauch

warnings: reader’s prior messy break up

word count: 3642

summary: you leave north london broken but maybe in germany, you’ll meet someone who helps you to heal, part two can be found here

a/n: requested, some fluff for my fellow germany fans. also my brain kinda went off on it’s own tangent here so this is what it is 🥺😂

Germany is not somewhere you thought you would ever live in. Yet here you are, in your new and empty apartment, having signed for Wolfsburg.

Arsenal had been your home for as long as you could remember and you had never planned on leaving your childhood club.

You were happy there. Until you made the stupid decision to date a teammate.

That’s where it had all gone wrong for you.

The way your relationship had ended, you wouldn’t wish that on anyone. The initial dismissal and pulling away by your ex had left you with trust issues.

The inevitable break up led to you falling out of love with North London. All the little corners and places in the city that you had once loved so much and therefore shared with your ex were now tainted with painful, sour memories.

So encouraged by your Arsenal teammates who have had a front row seat to the way your relationship had fallen apart, you had left the only home you had ever known for Wolfsburg.

******

You arrive in Wolfsburg to Jill’s open arms, the former Arsenal player having been instructed to look out for you.

She picks you up at the airport and brings you to the apartment where you would be staying.

The Dutch woman offers to stay and help you unpack but you give her a small smile and tell her you would be fine on your own.

You don’t want to say it but you need a moment alone, to process this enormous decision that you had made.

Jill understands and leaves but promises to be back so that you can carpool with her to your first training session with the German club.

Alone in your apartment, surrounded by cardboard boxes, you sigh and sit down to think.

******

Jill introduces you to your new teammates. They’re all welcoming, friendly and nice, excited to meet their new English teammate.

You’d remember a few of them, from international friendlies.

Lena Oberdorf especially because she had almost taken your ankle out with a solid tackle.

She rushes to greet you first, saying she is so glad to meet you and worrying if you hold any hard feelings towards her.

You didn’t and you tell her as much, giving her a warm smile.

Svenja Huth is next, taking her duties as captain very seriously and wanting to make sure you are fitting in okay.

The following faces you meet kind of blur together, unfamiliar German accents being the only thing you catch.

Until a brunette steps forward, meaning to introduce herself only for a blonde to interrupt her loudly, ‘I’m Jule and this is Felicitas.’

‘Don’t call me that.’ She mumbles, making Jule giggle.

‘Ignore her please. I’m Feli and it’s really nice to meet you.’

You laugh and shake her hand.

Feli smiles and you give her one in return.

******

As lovely as your new teammates are, you’re still not letting them in and keeping your guard up.

It bothers them, when you make excuses to miss team meals and leave team bondings early.

You play well with them on the field, connecting easily and creating goal scoring opportunities. Your talent is not something that was ever in doubt but now it shines through. The German style of play suits you.

But your distance concerns them enough that they ask Jill, the only one who you seem willing to open up to about why you seem so closed off and sad.

Jill tells them about your messy break up and how much it had hurt you.

She doesn’t share enough to violate your privacy but what she said had been enough.

Your Wolfsburg teammates are kinder to you after that, patiently waiting for you to let them in.

Especially Feli who is particularly enamored with you. With your English accent and smile.

The German has been trying to keep her growing feelings for you under wraps but it’s been getting harder for her to do so.

She loves spending time with you, adores the way your eyes light up when you find something funny.

When she finds out you’re a dog person, she brings her dog to training.

Feli watches as you laugh, letting her poodle lick your hand. Her heart skips a beat when you look up at her, a big grin on your face.

The sound of your laughter gives her a warm feeling inside, so much so that she’s smiling like a fool.

Jill leans against the wall with her and quietly says, ‘Well done. This is the most relaxed I’ve ever seen her since she got here.’

‘I just want her to be happy.’ Feli murmurs, shrugging lightly.

In that moment, Jill realises exactly how smitten her teammate is.

******

You weren’t blind. You know that your teammates know what is up with you.

But slowly and surely, their patience and kindness begins to pay off.

Feli is a big part of that.

The German player had caught onto how much you love her dog and had repeatedly invited you to a park not far from the training grounds.

At first you had made your usual excuses but Felicitas had been gentle but persistent in her asking, so much so that you had acquiescenced.

In the time you spend with Feli and Cinnamon, you get to know them both.

Cinnamon loves getting the spot behind her ears scratched and Feli loves her coffee.

As you grow more and more familiar with a certain German, you find yourself developing feelings for her.

Eventually it gets to the point where you wake up one morning, on an off day and catch yourself excitedly getting ready to see her at the park.

You don’t go that day.

You ignore all her subsequent texts and calls.

They are anxious and worried at first but soon get even more frantic.

You hide under your blankets and keep your phone far away from you.

So great is the pain in your heart and so heavy are the thoughts in your head that you forget that you gave Jill a spare key when you moved in.

The depth of Feli’s feelings for you are not to be underestimated because soon enough, she’s there with Jill.

Jill who takes one look at you in your room and quietly sits down beside you on the bed, where you’re curled up.

‘Schat, I know that you’re scared of what you might feel for Feli but for what it’s worth, I believe that she couldn’t be more different than your ex.’

The Dutch woman waits a moment and upon not getting any response, sighs.

‘She was so worried you know. Feli practically begged me to come here and check on you.’

‘Was she?’ You softly ask, tearing up slightly as Jill talks about the German woman who has found her way in your heart despite your best efforts to keep her out.

‘She still is. I couldn’t convince her to go back to her apartment so she’s here. I managed to get her to wait in your living room till I spoke with you.’

‘She’s here?’

You panic and stand up, rushing to pull your bedroom door open.

Felicitas freezes, she’d been pacing you think.

Cinnamon barks happily and runs up to you. The brown poodle gets an absentminded pet from you before you straighten back up.

You keep staring at Feli and barely notice Jill leaving the apartment after saying that she’d give the two of you a moment.

‘Hi.’ Feli softly says.

‘Felicitas.’

‘You’re the only one who I don’t mind calling me that you know? Well, other than my parents.’ The brunette gives a tiny laugh before she takes a step towards you.

‘You mean a lot to me. The way I feel about you isn’t a secret.’

The sharp inhale that escapes you is loud. You didn’t know that your feelings were returned and the anxiety her confession causes must be clear on your face.

Feli’s eyes widen and she quickly says, ‘I know someone hurt you badly and I want you to know that I would never do that. I really care for you and I'd just like you to know that if you ever want to let me in, I'll be here. You don’t have to feel the way I feel but I'm here. I'm always going to be here for you. I'm not going anywhere, I promise.’

‘You promise?’

The way your voice wavers makes your unsurety apparent.

It’s why Feli doesn’t hesitate to answer with certainty, ‘I promise.’

You stay silent, trying to see if she really means it.

After a moment, you decide she does. You trust that she does.

‘Okay. D-Do you still want to go to our park now?’

It’s a tiny nervous step from you but a step nonetheless.

‘Of course.’ Feli is quick to agree, a wide smile on her face.

The fact that you had referred to the park as yours and hers, gives her butterflies in her stomach.

******

You join your teammates for lunch.

If Feli had to bring Cinnamon and sit beside you for the whole meal, she didn’t care.

Neither did your teammates who are over the moon that you are finally comfortable enough to start letting them in.

They don’t explicitly say anything to you but the way they grin and hug you, shows you that they care.

The meal is lighthearted and fun, situated at a pet friendly restaurant, to accomodate Cinnamon.

By the end of it, you have decided that getting to know your teammates outside of training wouldn’t be so bad.

Especially if Feli was going to hold your hand every time she thought you were anxious.

******

You begin going over to Feli’s apartment.

She convinced you to come over one day, after playing fetch with Cinnamon, saying that she’d like to introduce you to proper homemade German food.

You’d hesitated but she had looked at you so pleadingly you could not say no.

So you said yes.

And that is how the twice a week dinners started because the food that Felicitas makes is just so good.

You might even say that it makes you fall a little harder for her.

Feli tries to teach you how to cook but it doesn’t really work out. It’s almost laughable really, how hard the both of you try, you to cook and her to teach you.

Eventually the two of you just resign yourselves to the fact that it wouldn’t work and settle into a new routine.

One where you go shopping for groceries together and cook together in Feli’s apartment.

A routine where you insist on paying for the groceries since she cooks and where you sit on the counter, sneaking pieces of food to Cinny as you watch her cook.

******

As the months pass by in Germany, you make sure to keep in contact with your old Arsenal teammates.

Your English teammates you still see at camp but you miss your other teammates.

Especially Lia who you have always been particularly close to.

Lia who you call one night, to have her answer your video call with a knowing smile.

‘Lia?’ You nervously question.

‘You’re falling in love.’

‘What? Lia no.’

‘I was watching the game today. I saw you run to a certain Felicitas Rauch as soon as she went down. You were the first one by her side.’

‘I care a lot about all my teammates. I’d do the same for you.’

Lia doesn’t just laugh, she giggles.

‘Yes but you wouldn’t be smoothing sweaty hair off my face or helping me sit up. Or holding my hand as you walk me back to my position.’

You frown, remembering the moment from earlier.

Feli had been tackled and had gone down holding her ankle. She had not got back up, so you had sprinted right over.

Upon hearing her pained gasps, you had immediately tried to soothe her pain as best as you could.

It hadn’t occurred to you that it would be broadcasted on live television.

You had just been so focused on Feli and the fact that she had been hurting. Everything else was unimportant then.

The way Felicitas had gratefully held your hand as the medics checked out her ankle, it assured you that you had made the right decision.

Lia’s new fit of giggles brings you out of your thoughts.

‘I’d hold your hand and walk you back to your position if you wanted.’ You grumble.

The Swiss woman laughs once more before looking at you seriously.

‘I’m so glad you’re healing. It wasn’t easy to see how broken you were before.’

‘Feli’s been…’

You trail off, not knowing how to explain exactly how kind, patient and warm the defender has been to you.

Lia nods, ‘I know Feli and I know you. I also know that you’ll be good for each other.’

‘I don’t know Lia. I’m just so scared. Feli means so much to me and she’s been incredibly sweet but there’s always the chance that this all goes wrong. I love Germany and I feel at home here now. I don’t want to lose that again.’

Your former teammate nods once more, understanding your fears.

But then she asks something you should have asked yourself a long time ago.

‘Why does Germany feel like home?’

The answer is one you know deep down. Germany only feels like home because of Felicitas.

******

You curl into Feli’s body, your palm resting on her stomach.

She shifts, allowing you to get more comfortable.

‘Thanks.’ You whisper, so as to not disturb the rest of your teammates during the movie screening and she presses a kiss onto your hair in response.

You don’t stop her when she presses a second and then a third affectionately.

If anything, you relax even further into her.

With her so close, you can hear and feel the way her breath stutters every time the movie picks up.

It seems that Feli scares easily and you find that adorable.

******

Twice a week dinners at Feli’s apartment become a nightly occurrence.

One evening when it’s her turn to host team bonding, you answer the door.

Jill smirks.

You roll your eyes.

She catches you alone, in Feli’s kitchen later on.

‘Whatever you two are, it’s not just friends.’

‘I know.’ You say softly and despite Jill’s excited follow up and slightly invasive questions, you don’t say anything else.

******

Despite how close you and Feli are, she’s not your bus buddy.

Your bus buddy is Jill and hers is Kathy.

Today though, Felicitas is having a hard time.

It didn’t matter that Wolfsburg had won the game. By her high standards, she had played an awful game and she’s just so tired. She is exhausted and furious at herself.

All she wants is to go back to her apartment and sleep. And maybe cuddle with Cinnamon a bit.

Feli is so out of it that she doesn’t notice Jill nudging you and not too quietly murmuring, ‘Go to her.’

Kathy switches with you easily once she sees you coming towards her.

It doesn’t occur to Feli that you have noticed her change in behaviour and would want to check in on her.

So when you slide into the seat beside her and reach out to hold her hand, she jumps with surprise.

‘I got you.’ You promise and guide her to lean against your shoulder.

Felicitas does so with a breath of relief.

When you carefully kiss her cheek and pull her even closer, Feli thinks that everything is going to be okay.

******

You’re more affectionate with her than ever and Feli loves it.

She loves how comfortable you are around her now, from holding her hand on team walks to cuddling with her on her couch.

Now, having traveled back to North London, for the Champions League, Feli is especially glad you’re letting your walls down.

She knows it would be hard for you to be back in your old home so she wants to be there for you, as best as she can.

Svenja had given out the room assignments and you had eagerly pressed a kiss onto Feli’s cheek when you found out she would be with you.

‘Hi roomie.’ You’d teased and she had held out her hand to you.

‘Hello.’ Feli murmurs, smiling when you take her hand.

As she follows you into the elevator, she makes a mental note to thank her captain.

******

You’re so excited to be back in North London. You’ve missed the city and your friends.

You’re even more excited to take Felicitas to your favourite cafe.

She loves coffee more than anyone you have ever known and you hope that she likes the coffee there.

Unfortunately that has to wait till after the game. You will have a chance to do that tomorrow, before you fly back to Germany.

First you have to play and hopefully win against your former team.

But for now, you’re content to watch Feli get ready for bed.

Felicitas who looks so cute with her glasses on.

So you tell her that and she blushes, making you laugh.

******

Feli squeezes your hand in hers as you line up in the tunnel. The Arsenal players aren’t here yet so the defender takes a moment to check on you.

‘You okay?’ She asks and you nod, wrapping your arms around her waist and burying your face into her neck.

You take a deep breath in and Felicitas rubs your back soothingly.

She smells nice and you allow her to calm you down.

Feli places a brief kiss onto your forehead and then steps back as the Arsenal players join your team in the tunnel.

‘Lia!’

The Swiss player hugs you immediately. Lia’s eyes meet Feli’s and she mouths, ‘Thank you.’

******

Your game ends as a draw.

As you go around shaking hands and sharing hugs with your former teammates, there’s a lot of laughter.

But when you’ve made your rounds, you’re back at Feli’s side, slipping your hand into hers as she walks back towards the tunnel.

Feli looks at you in surprise.

‘Don’t you want to spend time with your old teammates?’

‘I have.’ You answer but Felicitas squeezes your hand.

‘Don’t you want to spend more time with them?’

‘Nope. I want to spend time with you now.’

‘Oh.’ Felicitas’ cheeks turn a bright pink and she brings your joined hands up to her lips so that she can kiss the back of your palm.

If Lia or your ex sees the short moment, they don’t say anything.

If your ex-girlfriend glances at Lia, the Swiss woman’s only response is to shrug as if to say, ‘You’ve lost her.’

******

‘To go or having here?’ The barista asks.

Feli eyes you in question and you say, ‘To go please.’

As you wait for your coffees to be ready, you explain, ‘There’s somewhere I want you to see. It meant a lot to me when I was growing up here.’

Felicitas simply holds your hand and smiles at you reassuringly in answer.

When you leave the cafe, she deposits your joined hands in her jacket pocket for warmth. In doing so, she catches the expression of complete adoration on your face and feels the familiar butterflies in her stomach flutter around.

‘How’s your coffee?’ You ask, as you lead her down the street.

Feli grins, ‘It’s good. I understand why this is your favourite coffee.’

‘It isn’t anymore.’ You whisper.

‘It isn’t?’

‘Yours is.’

Felicitas visibly tries and fails to fight back her smile.

‘It’s the cinnamon I put inside isn’t it? I told you it would grow on you.’

‘You were right.’ You admit and Feli laughs. Her thumb brushes over the back of your hand and you duck your head to hide the way your cheeks burn.

‘Come on. We’re almost there.’

‘Okay.’ Feli murmurs.

******

It’s only a short walk from there and it’s spent in comfortable silence.

When you reach a small side street, you gently tug Felicitas with you, into a park just beside it.

‘It’s beautiful here.’ Feli quietly says.

‘It is. But you should see it in the summer. There’s so many flowers then.’

You and Feli sit down beside each other on the bench. You rest your head on her shoulder and Felicitas exhales.

She finishes her cup of coffee and then sets it aside.

‘Why’d you bring me here? Not that I don’t want to spend time with you but why?’

Sitting up properly, you look at Feli for a long moment.

Her eyes are so pretty you think.

Gingerly, you reach out to trace the contours of her jaw. Felicitas melts, leaning into your touch.

Very very slowly, you begin to close the gap.

Feli catches on immediately and she gently stops you.

Your eyes widen with hurt and you pull away, making the German player rush to stop you.

‘Liebling I want this. I really really do. I just need to make sure that it’s what you want too.’ She softly says.

‘Felicitas…’

Feli tucks a loose strand of hair behind your ear. It’s an infinitely sweet gesture that has your breath catching.

‘You met your ex-girlfriend last night and I know you’re saying you’re okay but that couldn’t possibly have been easy for you.’

‘It wasn’t. But I am okay Felicitas.’

‘But you-’

‘Feli I don’t care about her. I care about you!’

Felicitas stares at you wordlessly.

‘I never brought her here, I’ve never brought anyone here except for you. This is the park where I first learnt to play football.

Your voice is barely audible when you say, ‘It means the world to me and so do you Felicitas.’

This time, when you try to kiss her, Feli doesn’t stop you. She meets you halfway instead.

Dutch Translation:

schat - darling

German Translation:

liebling - love

[katelynnwrites]

It’s All My Love (You Got All My Love) | Felicitas Rauch

warnings: major fluff

word count: 2114

summary: felicitas has all your love

a/n: part two of Think I Forgot How To Be Happy, Something I’m Not (But Something I Can Be)

‘Felicitas!’ You manage to greet, before the German player has you wrapped in her arms.

She spins you around and you laugh. The door of her apartment is kicked shut, Felicitas far too occupied with you to close it properly.

‘I missed you.’ Feli mumbles as she sets you down gently.

‘I missed you too.’ You admit and Feli’s eyes light up.

Her hands grab onto yours and she leans down to share a kiss with you.

‘Felicitas.’ You breathe, eagerly chasing after her lips when she pulls away.

‘Feli please.’ You half beg and she obliges.

Two weeks away from her at national camp was far too long and now that she’s here, you can’t get enough of her.

‘I made you dinner.’ Felicitas tells you, in between kisses.

‘It’s gonna get cold.’ She tries.

Switching it up, you become a little firmer with your kisses. Feli groans and lets you.

‘What did you make?’

You keep kissing her and Feli struggles to answer.

‘Your favourite.’ She gasps eventually.

‘You’re too good to me.’ You confess and Felicitas shakes her head.

‘No…I promise you, you deserve to be happy. I’m just lucky that you’ve found it with me.’

‘Believe me, I’m the lucky one.’ You answer and Feli simply pulls you back into her arms.

******

Felicitas hands you one of her earbuds and you hand her Cinnamon’s leash.

‘Come here Cinny.’ Feli says and then grins as her poodle runs up to her.

Cinnamon stays still long enough for Feli to clip her leash on and then she’s jumping around, excitedly waiting for her walk.

You laugh and open the German player’s apartment door, making your way outside. Feli passes you her poodle’s leash so that she can lock her door.

It’s a little cold so you tuck your hands into the pockets of Feli’s hoodie.

Initially, Feli had lent it to you, with every intention of getting it back but now she’s learnt that she likes you in her clothes and you’ve learnt that you like wearing her clothes. Feli smells so good and her clothes smell just like her.

Cinnamon barks impatiently and Felicitas laughs.

‘Okay okay I’m hurrying.’

Feli finishes locking her apartment door, hits the play button on her music and then takes your hand in hers.

You grin at her choice of music and Felicitas simply shrugs, kissing your cheek lightly before letting you and Cinnamon lead the way.

******

Feli sighs happily as your fingers comb through her hair.

You massage her scalp lightly and Feli leans back, letting the back of her head rest against your legs.

Running your fingers through her hair again, you begin braiding it. Felicitas starts to doze off and you’re just finishing the braid when Jule and Lena come barging into the rec room.

Feli jumps at the loud noise, eyes flying open in panic.

You laugh, pulling her up, off the floor and beside you on the couch.

‘Go back to sleep Felicitas. It’s just Lena and Jule.’

The German player mumbles indistinctly, pushing her face into your shoulder.

Stroking her hair gently, you let her fall back asleep. It takes some skillful maneuvering on your part to get her laying down without waking her, with her head in your lap but you succeed.

You keep up your ministrations, even as more of your teammates file into the room.

Felicitas sleeps soundly through several rounds of card games and the resulting disagreements. Nothing is too trivial for professional athletes to be competitive about.

Lena, Jill and Lynn seem to subscribe to the above sentiment, their playful argument growing in volume.

Still, Feli continues to sleep. Her chest is rising and falling with even breaths when Sveindís sits down beside you.

The young Icelandic player glances at Feli for a moment before saying, ‘I’ve never seen your girlfriend with a braid before.’

You softly answer, ‘She’s not my girlfriend.’

‘And you’ve never seen her in a braid before because she doesn’t know how to braid her own hair.’ You add lightheartedly.

‘Oh. It’s just that you both seem so close.’

‘You mean you’ve seen us kiss.’

Sveindís flushes with embarrassment, ducking her head and looking away.

You chuckle, understanding her confusion, ‘It’s okay. We aren’t officially dating but I know what I mean to her and she knows what she means to me. I think that’s enough right now.’

******

‘Dinner at my place tomorrow?’ Feli asks, smiling when you agree.

It wasn’t like she expected you to say otherwise. It is routine now, for you to come straight from the airport, to her apartment after international breaks.

‘I miss you Felicitas. See you soon.’

‘Miss you more. Have a safe flight.’ Feli tenderly says before blowing you a kiss and ending the video call.

Kathy snorts. Her roommate had been calling you every night of the international break and she thinks that she’s never seen Feli so soft. Not even with Cinnamon who Feli had once swore was the love of her life.

‘When are you going to actually ask her to be your girlfriend?’ She asks.

‘She knows that I’m hers and I know that she’s mine. Isn’t that enough?’

‘Feli…’

Felicitas sighs and then admits, ‘I don't want to push her. She’s still healing and I’m willing to wait until she’s ready. For now, I don’t need a label on what we are.’

******

‘Hey you.’ Felicitas drops a kiss onto the top of your head.

‘Hi.’ You grin.

Feli lightly tugs on the Germany hoodie you are wearing.

‘You look good in my clothes babe.’

Your heart flutters but you don’t know if it’s because of the way she’s looking at you or the pet name.

Your cheeks turn red and Feli hums, ‘Can you paint my nails for me please?’

‘Of course.’

Felicitas hands you her box of nail polish bottles and you ask, ‘What colour are you wanting?’

Feli hums again, ‘It’s up to you.’

That’s how you end up sprawled on Feli’s bed, Cinnamon beside you as you blow on her freshly painted nails, to dry them more quickly.

‘They’re pretty. Really subtle.’ Feli laughs, looking at the rainbow nails you had painted for her.

Each of her nails are a different colour and you had left kisses on the tips of her fingers in between your painting.

Giggling, you admit, ‘I couldn’t help myself.’

The German player chuckles, admiring her nails before glancing at you.

‘Do you think they’re dry yet?’

‘I think so.’

Touching her nails lightly, you give her a smile when you realise that they are in fact, dry.

‘Good. Because I really want to kiss you now.’

‘Okay.’ You whisper and Felicitas takes this as the go ahead to slide her fingers into your hair as she brings her lips down to meet yours.

******

Wolfsburg wins the league.

And Feli chases you around the confetti strewn pitch with a bottle of champagne.

‘Feli.’ You breathe, when she finally catches you, drenching you in alcohol as she tumbles down on top of you. You’re flat on your back, Felicitas trapping you beneath her.

She supports herself with one hand, making sure she doesn’t put too much of her body weight on you.

The empty bottle of champagne is left forgotten and Feli’s breathing is a little heavy but she carefully pushes sweaty strands of your hair out of your face with her free hand.

‘Felicitas.’ You murmur and she nods, understanding the intensity of the emotions in your eyes.

She can hear your breathing catch and knows that your heart is pounding in your chest.

‘Not here. I promise you that we’ll have time later.’

******

Later as it turns out, is back in your apartment, one of the few times that Feli’s ever been there.

She doesn’t care about that now though, too busy slipping her hands under your shirt.

‘If anything gets to be too much, you tell me okay? I’ll stop.’

Feli’s fingers reach the band of your bra and you shake your head.

‘I need you to verbalise this for me liebling.’

Felicitas emphasises her words by keeping her previously wandering hands still. The feel of her warm hands on your bare skin is driving you crazy.

‘Don’t stop. Feli don’t stop.’

The desperation in your voice is clear but Feli waits for you to say what she’s been waiting for.

‘I swear I’ll tell you if I need you to stop.’ You promise and Felicitas decides that’s good enough for her.

Your shirt ends up on the floor, next to hers and you never have to ask her to stop.

******

You wake up in an empty bed but one with warm sheets so you know that Feli hasn’t left you alone for long.

Anxiously, you pad out into the rest of your apartment, looking for the German.

You find her in the kitchen.

‘I didn't think you’d be up yet.’ She sheepishly murmurs when she sees you.

‘You’re here.’ You whisper, rubbing your eyes to make sure you’re not seeing things.

‘Of course I am. I would never leave you.’ Feli assures you.

Walking up to her, you wrap your arms around her waist and rest your head against her chest.

Felicitas brushes a kiss onto your hairline in response.

‘I meant to make you a coffee.’

You pull back just enough to look her in the eye.

There’s nothing but warmth and affection in her gaze but you still say, ‘Don’t do that again.’

‘I’m sorry.’ Feli blinks, meaning to take a step back but you refuse to let her, tightening your arms around her waist.

‘I want to wake up with you beside me next time.’

‘Next time?’ She asks, in a mixture of joy and confusion.

‘Always Feli. You’re great in bed but I think you’ll make a brilliant pillow and big spoon too.’

The German player blushes and you laugh before ceasing your teasing.

The next few words you say are quiet and shy.

‘Felicitas I’d like to be your girlfriend. If you’ll have me? I'm ready now.’

Feli kisses you with all the emotion she has in answer.

‘I'd love that.’ She breathes before kissing you once more.

******

Feli teaches you to surf.

Unlike her, you’re not a natural at it but eventually you do manage to catch a wave.

Watching Feli cheer you on, with the sun and complete joy on her face, you know that you’ve fallen for her.

As you sit on the beach with her after, watching the sun set, you lean into her arms.

‘Thank you.’ You whisper.

‘For what?’ She asks, amusement clear in her eyes.

‘Everything.’

Felicitas’ only answer is to pull you even closer and place a kiss onto the top of your head.

******

‘She loves you.’ Feli softly tells you as she watches you play with Cinnamon, on the floor of her living room. The brown poodle licks your hand, as if trying to tell you that she agrees with her owner.

You look up and smile at her.

Feli smiles back and then says a sentence that changes your world.

‘I love you too.’

‘Felicitas.’ You breathe and she takes your hands in hers.

‘You don’t have to say it back yet, or ever. It's okay. I love how we are and I'm perfectly alright if it stays this way.’

‘Felicitas, I'm in love with you.’

‘You a-are?’ She stammers.

‘I am. I love you Feli.’

‘T-That’s so good.’ Felicitas chokes out and she’s just so emotional that you laugh, hugging her tightly.

Feli wraps her arms around you in response, burying her head in your shoulder.

‘Feli are you crying?’ You ask, as you feel your shirt beginning to get wet.

‘No…maybe…they’re happy tears.’

‘Okay.’ You giggle, rubbing her back lightly.

Cinny is pawing at you and you tell the small dog, ‘I think I broke your mom.’

Felicitas laughs, her voice muffled when she says, ‘Did not.’

‘Whatever you say Feli, whatever you say.’

Feli takes a few more moments to herself before she looks back up.

Her eyes are a little red and you carefully brush away the remnants of tears on her cheeks.

‘I love you Feli, I’m sorry that I made you cry.’

Your girlfriend shakes her head, a smile on her face as she answers, ‘Don’t be sorry. Like I said, they’re happy tears.’

Gently, she places a kiss on your forehead, your nose, both of your cheeks and then on the corner of your mouth.

‘I love you.’ She says seriously before finally giving you a proper kiss, one with an intensity that lets you know that she means it and that she is your forever.

German Translation:

liebling - love

[katelynnwrites]

What Would You Do, Baby, If You Only Knew? (That I Can See You) | Felicitas Rauch

warnings: not proof read 😅

word count: 5618

summary: you don’t think feli can see you but she can…what would you do if you only knew?

a/n: requested and based off taylor swift’s i can see you 🥰

You’re used to hiding behind the lens of a camera.

It started as a hobby when you were growing up, a way for you to capture moments you didn’t want to forget. It allowed you to be involved in whatever was going on while still staying true to your quiet and shy personality.

Years later and that hasn’t changed even though you have managed to turn your hobby into a full time career.

Working as a professional sports photographer, you have the once in a lifetime opportunity to meet elite athletes and watch them be at the top of the game, all the while living your childhood dream.

You love it and now that you are working for VfL Wolfsburg, you’re enjoying your life even more. Germany is a fascinating country and you are privileged to be able to photograph as many parts of it as you’re able to on your off days.

The staff members of the German football club, your fellow colleagues are lovely and the players you are tasked to photograph are even more so.

They’re a funny, charismatic lot that have absolutely no hesitation in trying to draw you into their chaos.

While you do appreciate their efforts, you are happier watching them enjoy themselves than when you’re actually participating.

Though in the aftermath of a huge win against Bayern, their joy is infectious and it’s the reason why you have a soft grin on your face as you look through the viewfinder of your camera.

As you snap away, trying to catch as many smiling faces in the ongoing locker room party as you can, you revel in the satisfying clicks of your camera shutter.

A few of the players are going out of their way to pose for you, their antics making you laugh as you continue to capture their raw happiness.

Though there is one particular face that you can’t help searching for.

You know that you’re not supposed to be biased, that you are meant to be taking photos of all the players equally but you just can’t seem to help how your camera unconsciously finds one Felicitas Rauch.

It has always been that way with you, from the very first moment you arrived at a training session.

You were introduced to the team and then left alone to start your new job and take photos of them training.

Feli’s big smile, one that seems almost too big for her face at times had quickly become your favourite sight.

Through the nature of your skillset, you’ve seen a lot of pretty things but you’re certain that the word pretty doesn’t do the German fullback justice.

She’s absolutely beautiful. The kind of beautiful that steals the very air out of your lungs.

You know fullbacks are rarely recognised and appreciated for the work they do but you can see Felicitas. You are convinced that she deserves more attention and you hope your photos of her help put her in a bigger spotlight.

You can see her now, as she celebrates with Svenja, pulling the older woman into a tight hug.

Diligently, you snap away with your camera, capturing the heartfelt moment. You know that both players are close and as you glance briefly at the resulting photos on your camera’s small digital screen, you know that they will appreciate you saving the memory for them.

As you discreetly leave the locker room, along with a few other staff members who want to give the players’ their own little bubble, to celebrate as a team, you resolve to look through your photos at a later time and send them to the respective players to keep or to post on their social medias if they felt like it.

It is that thought of your work that distracts you from catching the smile on Feli’s face dim.

She wants you to stay and wonders what she has to do for you to do so.

You’re the team’s photographer and to her, staff members are just as much part of the team as the players are. In her mind, there is only one team and that means that you are entitled to celebrating the win, like any player is. You don’t have to leave early.

Felicitas wants to get to know you better, your tendency to hide behind your camera intriguing her.

She’s attracted to you because of her curiosity but also because she thinks you are too gorgeous to be constantly ducking away from attention.

It’s too bad that you’ve put away any thought of anyone, let alone someone like Feli Rauch being interested in you.

You indulge in daydreams sometimes but you’re confident in the fact that they would only ever remain as figments of your imagination because you have long since assumed that you would spend your life alone.

It is just in your nature.

From a young age, you developed the belief that you are too introverted and too much like a wallflower to be noticed.

You’ve made your peace with it and are content with the life you lead.

If only you knew that Felicitas is planning to turn all that upside down. She can see you and she’s planning on making you well aware of it.

******

It starts when you send her the photos you’ve taken.

In your hotel room, you send each player every photo they are in after reviewing your camera roll and editing some of its contents.

All the players respond with their thanks and this isn’t new. It gives you a warm feeling inside, knowing that they are grateful for your hard work.

You’re just beginning to turn in for the night when there is a knock on your hotel room door.

That is new and surprise is evident on your face when you open it to see Feli standing outside.

She’s clearly dressed for bed, in an old Germany hoodie and shorts. The pair of glasses she is wearing makes your thoughts go straight to how cute she looks.

There’s no camera for you to hide your blush behind and Feli smiles as she notices.

‘W-What are you doing here?’ You stammer, shuffling your feet in embarrassment.

‘I just wanted to say thank you in person.’ Felicitas shrugs easily.

‘Oh. Well you’re welcome.’

Your cheeks flush even redder and the German fullback’s smile widens.

She reaches out to tuck a few strands of hair behind your ear and you freeze at the feel of her fingertips on your skin.

It’s an unexpectedly affectionate gesture that results in your breath audibly catching.

Feli is paying close attention to you and she notes that down immediately.

As you make no move to back away, Felicitas savours how soft your hair feels against her fingers.

‘You look beautiful with your hair down and especially so when you’re blushing. Have a good night.’ She whispers and then she’s gone before you can blink.

You stare at the empty corridor for a moment, unconsciously bringing your hand up to brush against the side of your cheek, right where moments ago, Feli had touched you.

It was only for a few brief seconds and if not for the way your heart is racing, you would be sure you had imagined the whole thing.

As it is, you can hardly believe that it’s not a dream because Feli being even remotely interested in you seems far too good to be true.

******

Feli is intent on making you believe it.

She has been watching you for ages and spending her time trying not to feel it.

It’s nearly impossible for her though, especially when you brush past her in the hallway outside the locker room.

Your hair isn’t tied up like it usually is and it’s the knowledge that her words have clearly had an effect on you that makes her want to learn everything about you.

The tiny bit of physical contact that she had made with you the other night has made her crave more.

She knows exactly how much she sees you, how she’s always been intrigued by you but now she knows that it goes beyond that.

The German fullback wants you. She truly wants you to see yourself the way she sees you.

So what would you do if she went to touch you now?

******

Felicitas starts off small.

As the team is going through their cooling down exercises, Feli jogs up to you. She lightly nudges her arm against yours, startling you slightly and making you nearly drop your camera.

‘Sorry.’ The older woman mumbles sheepishly.

‘It’s okay.’

You readjust your camera and then look up at her.

‘Do you need something?’

‘Not exactly. Can I borrow your camera though? I promise I’ll be careful with it.’

You hesitate. Your camera is precious to you and if it was anyone else, you would have said no straight away.

But it’s Feli Rauch asking.

The particular piece of equipment that you are holding has been with you since your career started. It isn’t just expensive but also holds an enormous amount of meaning to you personally.

You have a number of cameras but this is the one you cherish the most.

‘I’ll stay right next to you the entire time. I just want to try being half as good as you and take photos of the team.’ Felicitas pleads.

You soften and gingerly hand your camera over, making sure that the fullback puts the camera strap on.

‘Danke.’ Feli excitedly says.

She turns towards you and takes a photo immediately.

‘Felicitas what are you doing?’

‘Taking photos of my team. Which includes you.’ She explains, continuing to snap away.

Blushing furiously, you drop your gaze down towards the ground.

‘Hey don’t do that. Your eyes are too pretty to be hidden like that.’

Feli uses her finger to gently tilt your chin upwards, allowing her gorgeous brown eyes to meet yours.

You are speechless and you don’t know if it’s because of her sincere compliment or because of the physical contact.

‘Smile for me.’ The older woman prompts and you do as she asks.

‘See? Like I told you before, you’re beautiful.’ Felicitas murmurs as she shows you the photos she’s just taken.

You shyly thank her and Feli laughs softly.

‘No problem. Want to give me some tips before I try taking photos of our other teammates?’

‘Yeah.’ You nod, always eager to talk about your passion.

You show Feli the basics and then she stands beside you as she takes her photos.

Her fellow players are more than happy to be her subjects and Felicitas has them in fits of giggles as she yells out her instructions.

You can’t help but join in, sharing their laughter.

******

When Feli finally returns your camera, it’s as she promised. In perfect working condition, without a single scratch on it.

She had taken the utmost care with it, correctly inferring how much the device means to you from your earlier hesitation.

‘Thank you. Really. I had a great time learning from you.’ Feli says, her eyes practically shining.

‘It’s no problem. I had fun too.’ You tell her.

‘I can see why you love photography so much. There’s just something special about looking through the lens and having the ability to capture the moment.’

Your eyes widen in surprise. Not many people get why you love photography so much let alone when they are only just beginning to know you.

‘I’m glad you understand.’ You breathe.

Now it’s the German fullback’s turn to blush, her cheeks being dusted a light pink.

You are in awe of the fact that you’ve made a woman so out of your league blush and that gives you a little burst of confidence.

Confidence that leads you to blurt out, ‘Do you want to look over the photos you’ve taken with me? I usually go over all the photos and do some editing before I send them out.’

Felicitas looks delighted.

‘Yeah. I would love that.’

******

That’s how you end up at Feli’s apartment.

You had planned on doing your work in your usual cafe but the Wolfsburg player insisted on inviting you over, saying that it’s the least she can do after you had so generously lent her your camera and given her an impromptu photography lesson.

No matter how many times you said that she didn’t owe you anything, Feli had refused to take no for an answer.

So you get to meet Cinnamon.

The older woman’s brown poodle is an absolute darling and you can’t resist taking a couple of photos of her.

Of course you seek Feli’s permission first and she more than happily gives you the go ahead, on the condition that you send her all the photos.

This you fulfill easily and Felicitas gushes over how cute you’ve made her dog look in them, like Cinny needs any help looking adorable.

She bends down to show Cinnamon the photos on her phone and your heart flutters at the sight.

Be professional, you chide yourself. You have absolutely no right to be thinking about how attractive Feli looks.

It’s a struggle but by the time the older woman straightens back up, you’ve succeeded a tiny bit.

Felicitas smiles, unaware of your internal struggle as she directs you over to her couch.

‘This okay?’ She checks and you nod.

You let her sit down first and cautiously ensure that there is a sufficient amount of space between the both of you before you settle down.

It’s enough of a distance to make you feel safer.

Rather self consciously, you begin the motions of a well practiced routine, taking the memory card out of your camera and inserting it into your laptop.

‘Wow that’s a lot.’ Felicitas breathes as she takes in just how many photos there are.

You chuckle and look closer, scrolling down till you find Feli’s collection of photos.

Clicking past the few she had taken of you, you turn your laptop screen towards her so that she can see her work.

They’re actually quite good.

You fix a few details, cropping some and editing the lighting in others, all the while explaining to Feli what you are doing and why you’re doing it.

Feli watches you in silence, paying rapt attention to everything you are doing.

It’s very clear that you know what you’re talking about and she is quickly becoming obsessed with the very sound of your voice.

She must be staring too obviously because you catch her.

‘Felicitas? Are you okay?’ You nervously ask.

The German player shifts closer to you and her close proximity has your heart rate increasing.

‘Felicitas.’ You breathe and something in her brown eyes changes.

It makes you anxious but all that anxiety disappears when the fullback carefully reaches out to cup your face with one hand, her thumb brushing across your cheekbone.

‘Tell me to stop and I will.’ She softly says.

You open your mouth but no words come out. You’re completely and utterly captivated by her.

‘Tell me to stop and I will.’ Feli repeats, even more quietly as she cautiously closes the distance between the both of you.

Her intentions are clear and you can’t tell her to stop.

She fervently searches your face for any sign that you don’t want this. That you don’t want her as badly as she wants you.

The brunette doesn’t find anything because you do. You want her so incredibly much, more than you’ve ever wanted anything.

When you say nothing, Feli practically brightens with hope and gently presses her lips onto yours.

You gasp into her mouth and respond eagerly.

Feli smiles against you and picks up her pace.

Enthusiastically, she slides her free hand into your hair and she lightly pushes you down, so that your back meets her couch.

Your laptop is long forgotten and you barely register the thump that it makes as it slips off your lap and onto the carpeted floor.

The older woman takes advantage of the newly created space and swings her leg over your body, so that she’s straddling you.

You moan at the feel of her hips against yours.

The soft noise further encourages Felicitas who having drawn back slightly to breathe is kissing you again. This time without holding back.

Her fingers tug none too gently on your hair eliciting a groan from you as you slip your free hands up and under Feli’s shirt.

Your heart skips a beat when you feel the goosebumps that form under your touch. It spurs you on and you continue exploring her body, trying your best to memorise the way her muscles flex as you do so.

Feli moans your name when your fingertips smooth across her abs.

If she hadn’t drawn you in before that, she has now because you’ll do anything to hear it again.

******

When you leave Feli’s apartment, it’s with kiss swollen lips and tangled hair.

As Felicitas sees you out, she pulls you flush against her and brings her lips down to meet yours one more time.

‘For good measure.’ She winks before gently pushing you out and closing her door, leaving you a flustered mess.

******

You’re barely in your car when your phone chimes with a notification.

It’s Feli tagging you in an Instagram post, featuring the photos she’d taken of you earlier. Photos that you had sent her after your impromptu makeout session.

The post is captioned, ‘I can see you.’

It is followed by a winky face emoji that causes you to blush all over again.

******

You wait at the end of the hallway, outside the locker room for the older woman.

When she does emerge, she saunters over to you and wraps an arm around your shoulders, pulling you into her side.

‘Hello.’ She murmurs, kissing the top of your head just once.

‘Hi.’ You answer, with a breath of relief.

It still amazes you that Felicitas pays attention to you. That she sees you.

Then Felicitas does what she’s been thinking about since she saw you waiting down the hall.

She ducks into the first empty room she notices and tugs you in with her.

Your yelp of surprise is silenced by her lips on yours, the bruising kiss that she gifts you with making you weak in the knees.

It’s perfectly as she visualised, the shocked look on your face as she pins you up against the wall before you melt into her, completely and utterly willing to let her do as she pleases.

The way you look at her is nothing short of reverence and Felicitas knows that she will never take advantage of you. Not when she is beginning to look at you in the same manner.

******

Feli keeps everything professional and you try your best to do the same but something’s changed.

She can’t stop herself from showing her newfound affection towards you. She smiles at you all the time and you cannot help but capture all of those little moments through the lens of your camera.

In the back of her mind, from her spot on the training field, she is always thinking about you.

Constantly, she can feel your eyes on her and it makes her smile in your direction.

It is getting to the point where your camera roll is made up almost entirely of her. You’re simply unable to tear your eyes away from the phenomenon that is Feli Rauch.

******

It’s not just you that is keeping a watchful eye on Feli or just Felicitas that is keeping a watchful eye on you.

The rest of the team is too.

The older woman has picked up on this and she moves fast and quiet.

You won’t believe half of the things she sees inside her head, the things she’s hoping she’ll get to experience with you by her side.

She wants more than just stolen kisses, more than just your hands exploring her body in the dark. Felicitas desperately wants it all to be out in the light of day.

She wants to be able to kiss you whenever she can, just because she can. She wants to be able to do so in front of everyone, regardless of who they are.

The fullback simply wants to show the world how truly, madly and deeply her feelings run for you.

Felicitas hopes you stick around and wait to see these things happen.

She’s willing them to happen so badly.

There are a few things that she is wondering now though.

******

One, what would you do if she went to touch you now?

She is looking for a certain kind of physical touch now, not just the simple, casual touch of friends. Feli is searching for much more than that.

You’re not in her hotel room so she seeks you out. For this particular away game, the players are rooming on the floor above the staff.

When Feli makes it down to your floor and knocks on your door, she’s taken aback by how fast you open it.

‘Hey…’ You breathlessly greet her.

‘Hi. Are you going somewhere?’ Felicitas cautiously asks.

If you have plans, she doesn’t want to disrupt them despite the obvious disappointment that she is already beginning to feel at being unable to spend time with you.

It is a good thing then, that the only reason you were leaving your room was to find her.

You tell her that and the older woman can’t stop the big smile that is forming on her face.

That expression does not leave even as she rests her hands on your hips and pushes you lightly back into your room.

You offer no resistance and are in fact happily following her lead.

That’s question number one answered in the German woman’s mind.

******

Two, what would you do if they never found us out?

They in this case refer to her teammates and your boss.

While there aren’t any rules about players and staff fraternisation, you and Feli do not want to be the reason that there are.

Hence why the both of you are trying to keep your budding relationship on the down low.

It’s not really working, despite your’s and Felicitas’ best efforts because the two of you are far too smitten with each other.

The heart eyes, the lingering touches and most of all, the way you both just seem to gravitate towards each other.

So while no one explicitly says anything, the suggestive looks and teasing comments are all it takes to let you and Feli know that the two of you are not as subtle as you had both hoped to be.

The fullback watches you carefully for any sign that you mind when one of your teammates brings it up but she doesn’t find any.

This somewhat answers question number two for her because it wasn’t you who made the decision to draw the team’s attention to the both of you. It had simply happened, out of your control but nevertheless does not seem to be bothering you.

Felicitas can’t build up enough courage to ask you outright so this will have to be enough for now.

******

Three, what would you do if we never made a sound?

Felicitas’ grip on your hips is so tight that you’re sure she is going to leave bruises behind.

Not that you care because it is going to be a nice addition to the collection of marks she has already littered your body with.

You are trying your best to stay silent, knowing that the walls of this particular hotel are thin. There are players resting in the next room and you don’t want to disturb them but when Feli’s lips find a sensitive spot on your neck, you can’t help but cry out her name in pleasure.

The brunette pulls back immediately.

‘What happened to being quiet? You don’t want our friends to hear us do you?’

‘No…’ You shakily whisper.

‘Then try harder.’ Feli firmly instructs, although the teasing edge to her voice tells you that she isn’t angry at all.

It causes the tiny hope that you have been harbouring to blossom. Maybe Felicitas wouldn’t care if all this sneaking around comes to an end. Maybe she even wants the whole secret to unravel.

And when Feli is far too good at demonstrating precisely how well she has come to know your body…an impressive amount in the short time you have been playing this ‘What are we?’ game, the both of you are subjected to a relentless amount of good natured mocking at breakfast, the morning after.

In particular from Lynn and Sveindis who had been roomed next to you and Feli all night.

The Wolfsburg player knows the answer to question number three now because as the rest of the team pokes fun at the pair of you, you endure it all with a soft smile on your face.

Felicitas can’t help but slip her hand into yours under the table.

******

When Wolfburg qualifies for the Champions League final, you’re beyond ecstatic and so are the players.

You eagerly take photos of all their celebrations, till a certain brunette pulls you headfirst into them.

‘Feli! Feli I’m working!’ You protest but the older woman doesn’t listen.

She takes a moment to check that your camera is properly secured by its strap around your body before she easily picks you up and spins you around.

The small action makes your heart fill with even more emotion for her. You adore the fact that she cares enough about your love of photography to extend it to your equipment.

Your breathless laughter rings out across the field and your heart is light.

When Felicitas sets you down, her brown eyes are sparkling under the stadium lights and her hands are resting firmly on your waist.

You can see her in her bright green kit and messy bun, loose strands of hair falling into her face.

In that moment, you know that she couldn't care less about what anyone thinks. Not the club staff, her fellow players or even her fans.

She just wants to know what you think.

‘Are you happy?’ Feli whispers.

Her thumb strokes gently against your waist, over the material of your shirt as she speaks. She keeps her voice low, wanting you to know that her words meant just for you.

‘Incredibly so.’ You murmur, making sure that your voice is soft because you want her to know that your answer is meant only for her ears too.

‘Good.’ The fullback breathes and leans her forehead against yours lightly.

She inhales and exhales and you do the same, commiting the moment to memory.

You have your eyes closed so you depend on all your other senses. The cheers of the crowd, the warm feel of Feli’s hands, her steady breathing and how she smells.

Sweaty because she’s spent the last ninety minutes running around but also underneath all that, she smells like her lavender shampoo.

And you’re enamoured with it and her.

‘I know you’ve got to get back to work but will you wait for me after? Please?’

It’s a quiet, nearly timid request and one that you are more than happy to fulfill.

‘Of course.’ You nod your agreement and the German woman grins.

‘See you soon my shutterbug.’

She kisses your cheek quickly and then runs off towards the other Wolfsburg players before you have time to process the nickname or her public display of affection.

******

Your camera bag is slung around your shoulder and you anxiously fiddle with a crease in your shirt as you wait for Feli down the hall. It’s a familiar situation but you’re unusually nervous tonight.

In between a glance down at your shirt and and back at the locker room door, the brunette is right in front of you.

She doesn’t even bother saying hello, choosing to pin you up against the wall and kiss you senseless.

Her hands cradle your face and she pours all her emotion into her affectionate gestures.

Your legs give out and Felicitas presses your back harder into the solid surface behind you as she supports your weight.

‘Feli.’ You pant when she finally breaks the kiss to breathe.

‘Felicitas.’

It’s a single plaintive word that falls from your lips and the fullback tilts her head in a silent question.

‘We have an audience.’

Her mouth falls open in a ‘o’ shape and she turns around to see what is practically the entire team standing behind her with big cheesy grins.

‘Something you two want to share with the class?’ Svenja teases.

Feli simply rolls her eyes and despite the blush on her cheeks, kisses you soundly once more.

Lena’s and Sveindis’ cheers of, ‘Get your girl!’, fade into the background because all at once, Felicitas Rauch is not only at the forefront of your mind but is the only thing on your mind.

You won’t ever tell about how she kisses you because everyone can see the effect she has on you.

She’s your addiction.

******

The brunette fullback’s secret mission is not so secret.

Not to her family, her fellow players both club and national and her fans.

Especially when the first thing she does upon arriving back in Wolfsburg from national camp is to show up on your doorstep.

You end up going with Feli to pick up Cinny from her dogsitter and the older woman decides to be the photographer for a change.

The photo that she uploads onto her Instagram is one of you holding Cinnamon on your lap, in the passenger seat of her car.

It’s captioned, ‘My shutterbug and my poodle.’

Feli’s mission is to show you that you are seen and when the post blows up, it’s evident that you are

You are seen not only by Felicitas but by the world.

******

Leaning against the door frame of your apartment, you hear the tell tale sound of someone approaching.

You hope it’s who you have been waiting for and when a particular, one of a kind defender rounds the corner of the hallway, a smile lights up your face.

Feli’s heart just about bursts with all the affection she holds for you, when her eyes meet yours.

You’re wearing one of her sweatshirts that she must have left behind by accident.

On you, the article of clothing is too big and you have the sleeves bunched up to your elbows.

You self consciously pull at one side of it when Feli keeps staring at you, murmuring a soft, ‘What?’

‘You’re just so adorable.’ The brunette says, stepping into your space with a little smile.

Your cheeks turn pink and Felicitas gently places her hands on them.

‘I love it when you blush for me.’ She adds quietly, before she slants her lips down over yours.

Any embarrassment that you might be feeling about your reaction quickly vanishes.

Felicitas kissing you is all that matters and though she has been doing that a lot recently, you are never going to get tired of it. The butterflies that come alive in your stomach each and every time are never going to get tired of it.

As the brunette makes no effort to slow down, you correctly infer her intentions and pull her into your apartment.

Felicitas smirks when you lock the door, giving in to temptation and pushing you up against it.

‘This feels like a familiar situation.’ You breathlessly tease.

‘I don’t see you complaining.’ She cockily states.

You laugh, tugging on the collar of her jacket.

‘Off please.’

As hard as you try, your words betray just how desperate you are.

And Felicitas knows it.

That almost annoying smirk of hers is back on her face but the brunette obliges, throwing her jacket on the floor.

Your clothes and the rest of hers soon follow.

You didn’t even know it was possible but the way she is looking at you is making you want her even more.

******

Soft, feather-like kisses are what you are scattering all over Feli’s back.

You smile against her skin and now it’s the older woman’s turn to blush.

Idly, you move on to trace an aimless pattern onto her exposed shoulders.

Your fingers are gentle and everywhere your touch goes, Feli’s skin tingles.

‘Meine liebe.’ She breathes, completely and utterly taken by you.

‘What did you say?’ You ask, wondering if you had heard wrongly.

Your German isn’t all that good but there is no mistaking the tone of her confession.

With wide eyes, you keep looking at the woman who is lying with her head in your lap, your sheets pulled messily around her bare body.

Feli sits up, tenderly taking you into her arms.

‘Be mine.’

Her brown eyes are shining and her voice trembles slightly.

‘Felicitas, are you asking me to marry you?’

‘No! N-Not yet at least. Just be my girlfriend now and maybe in a few years I’ll be asking you to be my wife.’ She stammers.

Her hands reach out to cover yours and the reassuring weight of them, as well as the warmth they provide you are all the encouragement you need.

You lean in to kiss her ardently and Feli sighs, both in happiness and relief.

‘That’s a yes then? Please let that be a yes. I can see you. I promise I see all of you and I love each and every part.’ She asks, as soon as you two pull apart to catch your respective breaths.

The smile on your face is one you swear that only Feli can bring out in you.

‘Yes. It’s a yes because I love you too.’

German Translations:

danke - thank you

meine liebe - my love

[katelynnwrites]

5. "I am so angry right now, I could almost forget my love for you."

for feli?

mad woman. (prompt 5, felicitas rauch)

there’s a loud thump in the living room, followed by a series of quick footsteps.

you pause, setting the packet of chips down from where you had been filling a bowl for you and your girlfriend to share.

‘feli? you okay liebling?’

she appears in the doorway of the kitchen, a visibly upset expression on her face.

‘how could you?’ she demands.

‘how could i what?’

cinnamon runs into the kitchen and you have to fight hard to stifle your giggles.

‘she is my dog. now look at her.’ felicitas insists.

you peer down at the brown poodle.

she looks perfect and you tell your girlfriend so.

‘no! i am so angry right now, i could almost forget my love for you.’

despite your best efforts, you simply cannot keep it in anymore.

you burst out laughing.

‘no. no. you stop right now.’ the brunette warns.

you laugh louder, bending down to pick up cinny and giving her a series of kisses.

‘aw look at her feli. she’s adorable and my country’s colours suit her more than yours ever will.’

the wolfsburg defender, if possible gets even more outraged.

‘she is my dog! she’s german like me!’

carefully, you adjust the spain jersey that cinny is wearing. one that she had absolutely no problems with you putting on her.

‘not today.’ you wink at feli who stares at you speechlessly.

both of your men’s national teams are playing a friendly and you and feli planned to watch it.

you just had the good idea to put your long time girlfriend’s poodle in spain’s red and yellow.

it’s a stroke of brilliance really and you have the cheekiest of grins as you breeze out of the kitchen, by feli, while holding the bowl of chips in one hand and her dog in the other.

‘come on liebling, kick off is any time now.’

[katelynnwrites]

Maybe prompt 3 with Feli please?

illicit affairs. (prompts 3 & 13, felicitas rauch)

it doesn’t cross your mind how much you’ve hurt feli till you see her after the game.

she steers clear of you when you and your fellow teammates walk around the pitch, thanking the fans.

sara has her arm around her friend and shoots you a nasty glare when you try to approach them.

it’s enough of a warning that you relent for the moment, waiting in the tunnel for your girlfriend.

she must have known you would be there because she drags it out, taking a long time to leave the pitch.

the brunette is the last one in and she tries to brush past you.

‘liebling.’ you try pleadingly but she shakes her head, keeping her eyes downcast.

‘don’t.’

‘felicitas please. i’m sorry.’

‘no you’re not. don’t lie to me. you’ve done it over and over and i know you don’t plan on stopping.’

‘feli come on. that’s not fair.’

you reach for her hand but she snatches it away, taking several steps away from you.

‘isn’t it? it’s not a secret that i love you. don’t act like it is.’

you flinch but your girlfriend presses on, ‘i love you and you refuse to let me show it. it’s killing me inside. i’m not asking to kiss you in public but can you at least let me be proud of you?’

she’s crying now and sounds completely defeated when she mumbles, ‘i cannot change my feelings for you, believe me i fucking tried. it’s hard to love you when you don’t allow me to.’

‘feli…’ you breathe.

you never thought that your actions would make her deliberately try to get rid of her love for you. it doubles your guilt and the hurt you feel is unimaginable.

you wonder if that’s how the defender has been feeling all along.

‘all i wanted was to celebrate your goal with you, to hug you and congratulate you but you can’t even give me that.’

‘feli i am sorry. please i’m sorry i swear.’ you beg.

‘are you? because i can’t keep pretending it doesn’t cause me pain every time you intentionally push me aside in favour of our other teammates.’

you open your mouth but felicitas cuts you off, ‘sorry doesn’t fix the way you drop my hand as soon as we’re around cameras or how you barely acknowledge me during open trainings. you couldn’t even look at me the last time we did a pre match press conference together. your sorry can’t erase how i felt after that.

the brunette finally looks up at you and it strikes you precisely how exhausted she looks. it’s not physical exhaustion from the ninety minutes played but rather emotional exhaustion.

you hate that you are the one who has done this to her.

her tone is one of finality when she exclaims, ‘you say you love me but i don’t feel loved! i’m only your girlfriend in private and that’s not enough for me. this isn’t the kind of relationship i envisioned us having when we got together. it’s not the sort of relationship that i can live with anymore.’

‘are you…are you wanting us to break up?’ you hesitantly ask, fear already building in you.

feli squeezes her eyes shut for a moment.

‘no. but we’re going to have to if you can’t be different.’

you exhale shakily. maybe your relationship could still be saved after all.

‘felicitas it was never intentional on my part. i just wanted us to have some privacy away from the fans. i love you and i really am sorry for much i’ve hurt you.’

‘i know.’ the fullback nods and she doesn’t back away when you cautiously reach out to take her hand.

‘how public do you want us to be?’

feli runs her thumb over your palm as she thinks.

‘as long as it’s more than what we are now? as much as you’re comfortable with.’ she decides.

your girlfriend’s thoughtfulness and care for you catches you off balance.

you’ve been consistently hurting her and yet here she is thinking about you first. what you have done to deserve her, you’ll never know.

but you will try your best to be worthy of her.

tugging on her hand, you lead her back into the locker room and ignoring all your teammates, make straight for your cubby.

taking out your phone and unlocking it, you hand it over to your girlfriend who receives it with a very confused expression.

‘pick your favourite photo of us.’

feli eyes you in question but does as you ask.

she’s quick about it, going straight to your favourites album and choosing one from a few months ago.

you’re sitting in between her legs and feli has your head cradled in her hands. she’s pressing the sweetest of kisses onto your lips. cinny is in your lap, the brown poodle fast asleep.

you remember the moment well, it’s in your favourites album for a reason. it seems like the moment stuck in the defender’s mind as well.

when felicitas passes you your phone back, it’s easy work for you to post it onto your instagram, captioning it with a simple red heart emoji.

you give your phone back to her, your post displayed on the screen.

‘there. i don’t want you to have to hide how you feel for me because i’ve never meant to hide how i feel about you. i love you and now the whole world knows it.’

your girlfriend is speechless and you bounce on your toes anxiously as you wait for her response.

eventually she smiles widely, pulling you close by placing her hands delicately on your waist.

‘thank you liebling.’ she whispers.

‘don’t thank me. i should have done this a long time ago.’ you answer.

feli simply kisses you lightly in response.

[katelynnwrites]

When You Know (You Know) | Felicitas Rauch

warnings: some pain, insecurities and a tad of angst

word count: 1964

summary: your girlfriend needs you after wolfsburg’s loss, even if she doesn’t know it yet

a/n: requested, original idea here

Feli knows that she is an optimistic person. She’s always been one.

But she is finding it difficult to see anything positive in this. Her club’s exit from the Champions’ League is startling and nothing short of humiliating.

As far as she can remember, this is the first time that Wolfsburg has been eliminated before they even reached the group stages.

Losing again, so soon after that devastating blow is too much.

Felicitas hates that she was a part of it. She can’t help but feel responsible, wondering if there was a way she could have prevented it. She knows she could have played better, defended better against both Paris FC and Bayern Munich.

Last season they made it to the final and this season they won’t even get to play in the European competition.

At the rate her club is going in the league, they won’t be doing well either. Certainly not finishing in first place.

The defender doesn’t know how to reconcile that knowledge with the high hopes and expectations she had started the season with.

In the back of her mind, an anything but quiet voice asks over and over again if she could have made a difference. She is well aware that she has not been at the top of her game recently and that adds to her guilt.

Those thoughts keep her company for the whole trip back home, from Munich back to Wolfsburg.

Several hours of being tormented by her own mind has her at her breaking point and Feli has nothing left to give by the time she reaches the door of her apartment.

She unlocks it and the first thing she notices is that her apartment, while dark, doesn’t feel as empty as it should.

The German woman flicks on the light and jumps when something warm touches her leg.

She is barely able to stop herself from screaming and her heart pounds in her chest.

A familiar bark pulls her out of it and Feli opens her tightly squeezed eyes with a sigh of relief.

‘Oh thank god it’s just you.’ She exhales, bending down to pet her dog.

Cinnamon licks her hand eagerly and Feli relaxes marginally, more than she has since Linda Dallmann scored Bayern’s first goal.

The brunette is so exhausted that it takes a moment for it to occur to her that Cinny shouldn’t even be there.

When it does, Feli straightens up in alarm immediately.

‘Hey.’ You greet, leaning against the frame of your girlfriend’s bedroom door.

The brunette blinks once, twice and then a third time before she is crossing the room as rapidly as she can, practically throwing herself into your arms.

She gasps, clinging tightly on to your shirt.

‘I’m here. I got you.’ You murmur, slipping one of your hands under her hoodie to rub her back while the other supports her.

You know that your girl’s love language is physical touch and you want nothing more to comfort her. Especially right now when she is clearly hurting.

Felicitas sobs, salty tears bleeding into the fabric of your top.

‘How can I help? What do you need from me?’ You offer.

As a fellow professional athlete, you know that’s the best thing you can do for her right now.

Words like ‘I’m sorry.’ or ‘You’ll do better next season.’ don’t help.

Not when the pain and disappointment is so raw and overwhelming.

‘Just hold me. Please just hold me and don’t let go.’ She chokes out.

‘Of course liebling. I won’t let go till you’re ready.’ You promise.

Feli cries harder at that, her slim frame trembling with the force of it.

Gently, you guide her over to her bed and settle yourself beside her. You spoon her close, tucking her head under your chin and wrapping your arms around her waist.

The sheets are still warm, from when you had been sleeping in them earlier, before Cinny’s barks had woken you up.

You guess you should have told your girlfriend that you were coming over but really you hadn’t planned to.

You’d just known that she would need you and yet be too worried of being too much to ask.

As soon as the full time whistle for her game was blown, you had switched off your television and hurriedly packed an overnight bag before making the drive from Frankfurt to Wolfsburg.

Feli doesn’t dare to ask you for many things, constantly feeling like it would make you get tired of her more quickly.

That couldn’t be further from the truth and you have been trying to work on it with her but the fullback’s insecurities are deeply rooted and aren’t so easily overcome.

Gently, you stroke Feli’s hair and press slow kisses against her back.

Your girlfriend whimpers and you hold her a little tighter.

‘Sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up.’ You promise.

The Wolfsburg defender stifles her sobs, breathing out a barely audible, ‘Really?’

‘Really. I swear.’

Felicitas finally relaxes and you keep running your fingers through the strands of her hair.

Eventually her heartbroken sobs slow and her breathing evens out.

It’s only then that you allow yourself to fall asleep, making sure that you are still holding Feli tightly as you do so.

******

Hours later and your girlfriend still hasn’t stirred. It’s a testament to how exhausted she is that she only begins to wake when the sun is high in the sky.

Felicitas mumbles something indistinctly, pushing her face into the side of your neck.

Her legs are tangled with yours and you put away your phone as soon as you feel her moving around.

The brunette’s eyelashes flutter and then she finally opens her pretty eyes.

‘Good morning.’

‘Morning.’ Feli mumbles, her voice hoarse from lack of use and her extensive crying last night.

‘I love you.’ You quietly say.

Your girlfriend gives you a tiny smile, softly replying, ‘I love you too.’

The Wolfsburg defender stares at you for a moment before she wraps her arms around her own stomach, turning in your grasp so that her back is facing you.

You hate the distance she is attempting to put between you.

‘Thank you but you didn’t have to come. Or fetch Cinny from her dog sitter. I would have been okay.’

Your girlfriend’s voice trembles but she steadfastly keeps staring at the wall.

‘Felicitas…’

‘Really. You don’t need to trouble yourself with me.’

Her flat words hit you like a punch to the stomach. You knew she would be thinking something along these lines but it still hurts. It physically pains you to hear those sentences out loud.

You take a few minutes, trying to come up with the right words to say. It’s not easy and eventually you decide on being blunt.

‘Feli? Do you love me?’

The German woman flinches and turns back around to face you immediately, ‘What? What kind of a question is that? Did I do something to make you doubt me? Because I do. I love you. I love you.’

Her red and swollen eyes search yours rapidly and she draws your arms away from her waist so that her hands can lightly wrap around your wrists.

‘I told you I love you earlier. Don’t you believe me?’

Felicitas seems desperate and you feel bad for the shock you’ve sprung on her.

‘I believe you. I know you love me. Incredibly so if you ask me.’ You whisper.

Your girl lets out an audible breath of relief, her hands cradling your face for a long moment before she drops them.

‘Then why liebling?’ She asks tentatively.

‘Because if it were me in pain? Would you have come? Even if I hadn’t asked?’ You answer, reaching for her hands and intertwining her long fingers with yours.

‘Of course.’ The brunette promises in an instant.

She’s still not sure what you are getting at but you hope that your next few sentences help her understand.

‘Would you have thought of me as a bother?’

The fullback blinks in surprise, ‘Definitely not. I would want to be there for you. Liebling, I’ll do anything for you.’

There’s a moment before her own words sink in.

Her mouth forms an ‘o’ shape and she flushes, looking away from you.

Gently, you elaborate, ‘That is exactly it. Feli I want to be here for you. You are the woman I am completely in love with, my everything. Caring for you comes as naturally as breathing to me. It isn’t possible for you to trouble me, especially if you are hurting.’

Your girlfriend’s breathing is so shallow that you wonder if she is even breathing at all.

Giving her the time to process, you lift her hand up to your lips and press tiny affectionate kisses onto each of her fingertips.

Felicitas watches you, shivering slightly every time your lips touch her because of the tingles that ensue.

You give her the warmest of feelings inside and she knows you are right.

‘Let me in.’ You prompt tenderly and the brunette slowly nods.

‘I can’t promise you that I instinctively will but I’ll try my best.’

‘That’s good enough for me, liebling.’

You give her a smile before closing your eyes and carefully drawing her close so that your forehead rests against hers.

‘You got me. You never let go.’ Feli mumbles, somewhat in awe and disbelief.

Her fingers run briefly over your arms which have gone back to encircling her waist.

‘I won’t. I told you I’m not letting go till you tell me to.’ You answer simply.

The defender presses her lips onto yours in response.

‘Love you. Thank you for being here.’ She murmurs.

You open your eyes again, leaning back fractionally just so you can take her in.

Your girlfriend still looks tired but not as shattered as she was last night.

‘Always. I love you too Felicitas, we can talk whenever you’re ready.’

‘I’d like that. Let me just have a few more minutes of cuddles first though? It’s helping me feel better and I have missed you so.’

‘Whatever you need.’ You promise wholeheartedly, your heart easing as you see your girlfriend smile.

Then a thought occurs to you, one that you’re sure will make Feli’s smile wider if you share it with her.

So you do, your mouth curving upwards into a grin as you say, ‘Did you know that I had to show Cinny’s dog sitter a photo of us kissing just so I could pick her up?’

‘What?’ The German woman chuckles loudly, her eyebrow rising in question.

‘She doesn’t know me and I didn’t tell you I was coming so she definitely wasn’t expecting me. I think she was worried that I was trying to dognap Cinnamon.’

Your girlfriend laughs, the sound causing the entire room to brighten.

‘You could have just called me to call her.’ Felicitas says, in between her giggles.

‘I know but I wanted to surprise you.’

‘Well you nearly gave me a heart attack. You know how I am.’ She accuses lightheartedly, giving you a little poke in the ribs.

‘Sorry.’ You apologise with a smile, getting what Feli is referring to.

The brunette is far too easy to scare and it provides her teammates and yourself an endless amount of entertainment.

‘It’s okay. I’m so happy you are here and you’re welcome to surprise me whenever you like. Just please, at least leave a light on next time okay?’

‘Okay.’ You agree and then Feli is pressing herself impossibly closer to you, the usual sparkle in her eyes returning as the weight on her heart and mind lifts.

She knows now, knows that you love her and nothing she could want or do will ever be trouble to you.

German Translation:

liebling - love

[katelynnwrites]

I Belong With You, You Belong With Me (You’re My Sweetheart) | Felicitas Rauch

warnings: feli being an anxious mess lol

word count: 2578

summary: your long time girlfriend wants to propose to you but she has no idea how to, it’s a good thing that you belong with her and she belongs with you

a/n: requested, idk how i feel about how this turned out

‘Hello.’ Feli giggles when you wrap your arms around her waist.

You’ve been waiting outside the locker room for her because your girlfriend’s training session with her fellow defenders had run late but you don’t mind doing so.

‘I missed you.’ You mumble, burying your face into her chest.

You feel and hear her laugh.

‘Missed you too liebling. Even though we’ve only been apart for a half hour.’

‘Don’t care.’ You grumble and Feli giggles again.

As you squeeze her waist a little tighter in answer, your girlfriend thinks that while the both of you could be apart just fine, she doesn’t ever want to spend a day without you.

You echo her thoughts, understanding her perfectly as usual.

‘We’d be okay with being separated but why would I want to do that when we’re so much better together?’

******

That very reason is why Felicitas is nervously fidgeting as she stands in front of her older teammate.

She trusts Poppi, having grown close to her over the many years she’s known the older woman.

Your girlfriend would usually go to Svenja for advice but something about how personal this is to her makes her seek out Poppi because she’s closer to her.

Alex is staring at her weirdly, wondering what on earth is going on with her fellow Wolfsburg player when Feli eventually just bursts out, ‘How do I ask her to marry me?’

‘Felicitas!’ Poppi says in surprise, patting her friend on the shoulder in congratulations.

‘Stop. Stop.’ Feli agitatedly mumbles.

‘Why? This is a big step for you.’ The blonde asks, her confusion evident.

‘Exactly…I don’t know if she’ll say yes and I don’t know how to ask her.’

‘Of course she will Feli. She loves you so incredibly much and I know you love her too. The both of you have such a strong relationship and I’m really sure she wants to be your wife Felicitas. To answer the second question, you know her best and just go with what you feel is right.’

Felicitas lets out a wobbly breath but this time, does not reject Alex when she pats her shoulder.

‘I just need a plan for my proposal. I already have a ring…’

******

Your girlfriend has had a ring for almost a year now, having bought it on impulse after seeing it in a shop window.

Feli does not do things on impulse, it’s in her nature to always prefer to be cautious and careful instead. Yet when she saw the ring, she could not stop herself from buying it.

The German player can’t describe the feeling that came over her. She just knew that she wanted to ask you to marry her with that ring. The simple piece of jewelry just seemed so you.

It may only be a piece of metal but as Felicitas buries it deeply into the bottom of her sock drawer, she thinks it represents all of her hopes and dreams for what she wants to come.

******

Your girlfriend might have gotten a ring on impulse but she plans her proposal thoroughly.

Alex is her sounding board but the older woman’s advice is right.

Felicitas knows you like the back of her own hand and she relies heavily on that knowledge as she works on her plan.

She’s just finished making hotel reservations for a little weekend getaway when you knock quietly on the wooden frame of the bedroom door.

‘Feli?’ You ask, a bit of uncertainty creeping into your voice.

The brunette has been distant as of late and you do not know what you’ve done wrong.

‘You don’t have to knock to come into our bedroom liebling.’

Your girlfriend’s voice is light and teasing, easing your anxiety immediately.

She would tell you if she is angry at you right?

‘I miss you.’ You whisper as you curl up next to her.

Your fingers grip onto the loose material of her shirt, your body unconsciously betraying just how afraid you are of losing her.

You could be okay without her but you never want to be without Felicitas.

‘I’m right here. I’ve not gone anywhere.’ She murmurs, gently running her fingers through your hair.

‘Okay.’ You softly answer but you don’t loosen your hold on her until long after you’ve fallen asleep.

In doing so, you miss the way Felicitas gently kisses your cheek as she murmurs quiet sweet nothings.

******

When you wake up, you bury your nose into Feli’s hair.

‘Good morning liebling.’ She laughs and you smile.

‘Good morning.’

‘I love you, you know that right?’

‘I know.’ You whisper and your girlfriend holds you close, pressing kisses onto your face.

‘I love you lots.’ She mumbles, in between kisses.

******

You know she loves you and yet as you watch her use her phone even as you’re sitting opposite the table for her, you can’t help but feel a bit alone.

Picking at your food, you decide to sneak a bit of her food off her plate.

Felicitas doesn’t even notice.

******

It’s worrying you, how your girlfriend seems to be with you and yet not with you. Her mind is clearly elsewhere and has been for a week now.

It is getting to the point where you’re almost scared to ask her about plans for the upcoming break you have, only a short weekend off but one that you do not want to let waste.

So you tentatively approach Feli who is making a coffee at the kitchen counter and wrap your arms around her waist.

The Wolfsburg player affectionately covers one of your hands with her free hand.

‘Do you want one?’ She asks, already reaching for another cup.

‘No. It’s okay Felicitas.’

‘Felicitas? What’s wrong?’

Her tone changes from lightheartedness to concern immediately. Your girlfriend abandons her coffee making, turning around to face you.

You never call her Felicitas and she picks up on the change right away.

‘Talk to me liebling.’ She gently prompts, taking your hands in hers.

She runs her thumb soothingly over it and you let out a shaky exhale.

‘Y-You’ve been distant and I can’t help but feel like you’re pulling away.’ You confess.

Your girlfriend swears under her breath, dropping your hands to cradle your face instead.

‘I’m sorry. I never meant to make you feel that way. Just trust me alright? I only need a few more days.’

‘Okay….but a few more days for what Feli?’

She sighs softly and kisses you on your temple.

‘Will you let me surprise you liebling? I really think that you’ll like what I have planned for our weekend off.’ She pleadingly asks, unintentionally answering your initial question.

Standing on your tiptoes, you lean in to kiss her and in the way that you do, Feli knows your answer.

******

Your girlfriend makes an effort to spend time with you now, to show you that she is there despite being busy.

It’s her simple but intentional gestures, of putting her hand on your thigh and drawing random shapes there while still looking on her phone. Of her looking up every now and then to check that you’re doing okay.

It shows you that she cares deeply and you love her all the more for it.

You still have no idea what she is up to but you trust her and that is enough.

******

A few days later and your girlfriend seeks a kiss from you, smiling gently when you oblige.

It prompts you to put the book you were reading away so that she has your full attention.

Felicitas does not say anything right away, choosing to carefully place more kisses on your face.

‘Feli…’ You giggle and her smile widens.

She pulls you close until you’re as good as lying on top of her, in your shared bed before she is content.

You can hear her heartbeat in the quiet moment that follows. It’s the most soothing sound you know and you are happy to listen to it.

‘If I asked you to come with me, just the two of us escaping the city for the weekend….would you come?’ Your girlfriend softly asks.

Her heartbeat audibly speeds up as she awaits your answer, making you fight back a smile.

‘Of course Feli. I’ll go anywhere with you.’

‘Wow okay.’ She breathes and you chuckle.

‘Did you think I was going to give you any other answer, my love?’

‘I hoped not.’ She blushes and you mumble something about how she’s just too cute before kissing her.

******

‘Feli…I know where we’re going is a surprise but can I at least get an idea so that I know what to pack?’ You whine and your girlfriend giggles.

She goes over to your side of the bed and looks at the clothes you have laid out to be packed.

‘This is great liebling.’

You side eye her and she holds her hands up in surrender.

‘I promise that this is all that you will need.’

‘Okay…’ You agree and then mischievously look at Feli.

‘Would you like to share your opinion on which lingerie sets you would like me to pack?’

Feli lets out a loud laugh, a mixture of startled amusement and delight.

‘You know which one I want you to bring.’

‘Oh that one is already inside my bag. I’m asking you to choose from these.’

You indicate a pile of clothes that your girlfriend had somehow not noticed earlier and her eyes widen.

‘Oh no.’ She whispers and you can’t stop the fit of giggles that you helplessly dissolve into.

******

You know that your girlfriend has planned something bigger than a weekend getaway.

She’s all anxious and try as she might, she can’t hide it from you.

The German player is redoing her characteristic messy bun for the third time when you stop her, lightly tucking the loose strands back under the hair tie.

‘Feli? Relax…I love you and I will love whatever you have been working on.’

Felicitas exhales slowly, as if to calm herself down and then kisses your forehead sweetly.

‘Thank you liebling. That means a lot to me, you mean a lot to me.’

‘Then I guess it’s a good thing that you mean a lot to me too.’ You softly reassure her and your girlfriend melts.

‘Go to bed. I know you’re tired and we’re leaving early tomorrow.’

You begin to protest only for Feli to shush you with a kiss.

‘I’ll only be a moment I swear. I just want to double check that I’ve packed everything I need.’

You giggle, knowing all too well your girlfriend’s tendency to overthink.

‘Okay. But if you’re not done in five minutes, I’m coming back here to bring you to bed because I can’t sleep without my cuddle buddy.’

Feli laughs at the term you referred to her as and holds out her pinky teasingly.

‘You silly.’ You murmur, eyes sparkling with adoration as she pinky promises you.

******

As you sit on your bed, waiting for your girl who is still out in the living room, Cinnamon jumps up beside you.

‘Hey girl.’ You absentmindedly greet.

Your girlfriend’s poodle gives a muffled bark that has you frowning.

It sounded like she has something in her mouth?

‘Cinny?’ You question and the poodle answers by opening her mouth and dropping a slightly wet box into your lap.

You freeze and it seems like you’re not the only one because there is a gasp from the doorway.

Seeing your girlfriend is enough to snap you out of it.

‘Yes.’

‘Yes what?’

Felicitas’ confusion is evident and you simply shrug and smile at her.

‘Yes I’ll marry you. Because a ring is what is in this box right? That’s what you were planning so thoroughly for?’

Feli stays entirely still, unable to come up with anything to say.

You keep smiling at her, holding the ring box in your hand and eventually she manages to stammer out, ‘Y-You’ll marry me?’

‘Of course.’ You steadfastly say.

‘But you haven’t even seen the ring yet. Or heard the speech I had planned.’

‘Doesn’t matter. Well it does but at the end of the day, I belong with you and you belong with me. You’re my sweetheart and I love you so incredibly much. It will be the greatest honour of my life to be your wife Feli.’

Your girlfriend, hopefully your soon to be fiancée covers her mouth with her hand.

There’s tears spilling down her cheeks but she crosses the room and reaches out to take the ring box from you.

‘Will you let me ask the question at least? Even though I already know your answer?’

You give her a tiny nod and Feli sinks down on one knee, opening the ring box and softly asking, ‘Liebling I had a whole plan that included me taking you on a weekend trip to a surprise destination but Cinny has seen fit to change all that. I don’t know how she got the box because I swear I packed it into my bag but I do know that you are the love of my life, my everything and the only one for me. I want to be yours and I want to make you mine so will you marry me?’

‘Yes. I’m yours already Feli and I will say yes to anything if it means that I get to spend the rest of my life with you.’

Felicitas shakily slides the ring onto your hand and you pull her close, kissing her and trying to pour every ounce of your emotions into the action.

Your former girlfriend, now fiancée responds just as intently, completely taking your breath away.

‘I love you so incredibly much and I cannot wait to be your wife.’ She mumbles when she finally breaks the kiss.

‘I can’t wait to be yours.’ You promise.

Your eyes are wet with tears but you still manage to admire the ring on your hand. It’s perfect and you tell Feli so.

She sniffles and tells you the story of how she got the ring in the first place.

‘Oh Feli.’ You whisper and gently cup her face in your hands as you press a loving kiss onto her lips.

Your fiancée shivers, the only thought on her mind being you and how her dream has come true. She’s going to get to marry her favourite person in the whole world.

The feeling is mutual and you can’t get enough of your girl.

Eagerly, you pull her into your arms and try to convey your affection by placing kisses everywhere you can.

Felicitas giggles under the onslaught, feeling like her heart might just burst with how much love she has for you.

Cinnamon seems to hate being left out because she barks repeatedly.

‘Okay okay.’ You laugh and pick her up so that she can join in the embrace.

Your fiancée chuckles, taking her brown poodle from you and kissing the top of her fluffy head.

‘Thank you for being my wing woman. Even though you kind of spoilt my proposal.’ She affectionately complains.

Cinny gives another loud bark in response and you grin, kissing Feli and then pressing a kiss onto Cinny’s fluffy brown fur.

This moment fills you with more happiness than you ever thought possible. If this is the start of a new chapter with your fiancée, you can’t wait to see what life brings next.

She’s your sweetheart. You belong with her and she belongs with you.

German Translation:

liebling - love

[katelynnwrites]

Everywhere, Everything (I Wanna Love You) | Felicitas Rauch

warnings: insecurities and world cup hurt

word count: 1692

summary: your girlfriend comes back from the world cup after germany’s unexpectedly early exit

a/n: i had a fever and was sad when i wrote this so it’s kinda all over the place sorry…anyway it’s been exactly a week since we got our hearts broken ❤️‍🩹

‘Cinny let your mom sleep okay?’

You softly murmur to the small brown poodle who seems intent on burrowing under the covers.

Sitting up, you move her and lift the duvet on your side of the bed so that she remains happy while Feli is able to continue sleeping.

Gently, you run your fingers over your girlfriend’s bare back.

Her body is so tense, the bags under her eyes remaining apparent.

You usually joked that Felicitas has been making eye bags sexy since 1996 but now her usual eye bags are made even more obvious by the fact that she had been crying.

Your love had returned from Australia jetlagged, exhausted and devastated.

So devastated that she hasn’t spoken a word to you since.

Other than accepting the tight hug you had given her at the airport, she has been following your lead.

When you suggested she shower, she had gone to the bathroom but had waited for you by the bathroom door with a pleading gaze.

The same had happened when you suggested she take a nap. So just like earlier in the day, you had joined her.

In the shower, you had held her close under the hot water, letting her silently cry, allowing her tears to mix with the clean water.

In your shared bed, you had tucked her in and curled your body around hers protectively as she fought sleep until she had eventually given in.

You are hoping she will open up to you when she wakes up but for now, it’s all you can do to make sure you’re there for her.

******

Felicitas wakes up, hours later.

She wakes up and hurriedly grabs onto your hand, with that pleading look in her eyes again.

‘Feli I’m not going anywhere.’ You assure but she refuses to let go.

‘Okay then.’ You accept and squeeze her hand.

Cinnamon barks in excitement as she realises that her mom is up. She had been lying on the floor but once she hears you talking, she jumps up onto the bed.

Felicitas blinks at the wiggling ball of fluff in her lap and then cautiously pets her dog.

You frown at the tentativeness in her gesture. It’s almost like she’s afraid Cinnamon would disappear.

******

Feli still isn’t talking and it’s been almost a full day since she’s returned.

Feeling awfully guilty, you text Kathy and ask her for help. She’s one of Feli’s best friends and you hope that she has good advice for you.

You know you can’t understand the grief she is going through, you aren’t a professional athlete like her.

Your relationship with Feli was still in the early days when she had lost the Champions League final so you hadn’t known the true extent of what she had felt then. That meant that you couldn’t possibly comprehend that feeling of loss either.

As if that wasn’t bad enough, you also didn’t know what it was like for her after she lost the Euro final in England. It wasn’t something she liked to talk about.

It’s scaring you, how quiet your girlfriend is being so it’s to your immense relief when Kathy texts you back.

She tells you that Feli is normally silent with her grief and would need a lot of reassurance from you. The older Wolfsburg player urges you to make sure she eats, warning you that she has a bad habit of skipping meals after particularly harsh losses.

You reply her text with a quick thank you before turning your attention back to your girlfriend.

Thanks to Cinnamon, she hadn’t realised you were on your phone.

She’s completely focused on her dog, a sort of unreadable expression on her face as she plays with Cinny.

Taking Kathy’s advice to heart, you gently ask your girlfriend, ‘Are you hungry?’

Feli looks up immediately and shakes her head.

‘Feli you have to eat. I don’t know when you last ate but it must be a long time ago.’

Felicitas shakes her head again and you kiss her forehead lightly.

‘Liebling you have to eat. Even if it’s just something small.’

Felicitas frowns but doesn’t resist when you stand up, with her hand still in yours and lead her to your kitchen. Cinnamon follows suit.

Cinny had been staying with you while Feli had gone to Australia so the majority of her toys are scattered throughout your apartment.

Her ball is in your kitchen and that’s what she runs to as soon as the three of you enter.

Feli’s frown intensifies and you squeeze her hand to draw her attention back to you.

‘Hey liebling, why don’t you sit down over there?’

Felicitas stiffens and you have to nudge her into the chair at your kitchen table.

Letting her hand go for just a moment, you walk over to your fridge and take a pot of soy yogurt out for her.

It’s only something small but it’s better than nothing. Your girlfriend’s stomach has been empty for a while and the last thing you want is to make her sick.

‘Here Feli.’

Your girlfriend looks at the yogurt you’re offering before bursting into tears.

‘Feli I’m sorry. I’m sorry.’ You rush out, hating that you had somehow upset her.

‘No no don’t be sorry. I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry.’ She sobs.

‘Felicitas hey. It’s okay. You didn’t do anything wrong.’ You soothe, wrapping your arms tightly around her.

Her shoulders are shaking with the force of her sobs and she chokes out, ‘I did. I disappointed you.’

Pressing kisses onto the top of her head repeatedly, you promise, ‘You didn’t. You did no such thing.’

‘But I did. You saved up your leave just so you could fly down to Australia to watch me play in the knockout stages and now that’s wasted.’

There’s nothing but truth to your words when you say, ‘I love you Felicitas. I’m incredibly sorry the tournament didn’t go the way you hoped but that doesn’t mean my leave is wasted.’

Your girlfriend shakily takes a breath in, her voice small as she says, ‘Not only did I not win the trophy, I didn’t even qualify for the round of sixteen.’

‘I know and I am sorry for that. However, it doesn’t change the fact that you tried your best Feli.’

‘Well my best isn’t good enough! Especially for you.’

‘Felicitas, you tried your best. That’s good enough for me. You haven’t disappointed me because you did everything you could.’

Feli buries her head in her hands, fresh tears escaping from her eyes.

‘I don’t deserve you. You do all this for me…’

She glances at you, picking up the pot of yogurt on the table and continuing, ‘You know I love soy yogurt and you even remember to buy the brand that I’m not allergic to. When I’m away, you look after Cinny for me and send me photos because you know it makes me smile. You keep doing all these things that make me fall more in love with you. I don’t deserve to have you love me the way that you do.’

‘Feli-’

‘I can’t even begin to repay you for all that you do for me. The least I could have done was to play in the World Cup and make it worth your time. I couldn’t even do that.’ She finishes, having interrupted you.

‘Felicitas listen to me. Listen okay?’

You gently take her hands in yours, kissing her knuckles and waiting for your girlfriend to nod.

She does and you say, ‘I love you. I love you and I want to show you that I love you. There’s nothing for you to repay. Felicitas, you are not and will never be a waste of my time. I love watching you play, regardless of whether you win or not. My love for you isn’t dependent on things like trophies. I love you because of who you are. Yes, it’s because you are a football player but it’s also because of all the other things you do. Like when you order pizza with pineapple even though you don’t like it because you know I do. Being a football player is a big part of you but it’s not the only part of you that I love.’

Felicitas sniffles and uses the back of her hand to wipe away her tears.

‘I keep thinking you’re going to leave me. Sometimes I think that Cinnamon is going to leave me too. I know it sounds silly because she is my dog but…’ She shrugs hopelessly, her gaze dropping to the floor.

‘Feli…Cinny won’t leave you and neither will I.’

Your girlfriend shrugs again.

‘Felicitas how long has this been on your mind?’

‘Since you asked me out.’ She mumbles.

‘Feli….’ You breathe.

‘I’m not good enough for you. This World Cup just proves that.’ She adds.

‘Felicitas how can I show you that you are? Because I really really love you.’ You desperately ask.

‘I don’t know.’

‘Will it help if you talk to me? If we talk about this together?’

‘I-I think so. Just maybe tell me that you mean it? That you think I’m good enough for you?’

‘Feli I don’t think you’re good enough for me. I know that you are. I mean it liebling. You are more than good enough for me.’

You squeeze her hands in yours, keeping your expression open and honest, willing her to believe you.

Feli must after a while because she whispers a tiny, ‘Okay.’

Kissing her knuckles one more time, you nudge the pot of yogurt towards her.

As she finally starts to eat, taking small bites with a spoon, you know it’s not the end. There would be a repeat of this conversation, another time that Feli goes silent on you but that’s okay. You’ll learn more about her, about how to better be there for her.

Right now, you’re content to watch her eat. Her eyes may be swollen and there may be tears drying on her cheeks but you’re happy to simply be with her, in your own little bubble, just the two of you and Cinnamon.

German Translation:

liebling - love