#feng xin is perfectly aware what’s going on

[sweepingboy]

pov general xuan zhen caught you staring at his boyfriend

[tragcdysewn]

was that luke chen? oh no no, that was just feng xin, a canon character from heaven official’s blessing. they are eight hundred+ years old, use he/him, and are aware that they are not actually from washington dc. too bad they can’t stray from this city for long.

how long has your character been here:

a little under two years

what is your character’s job:

he does archery instruction for all ages, but mostly young kids

where has your character been pulled from in their fandom:

currently, he's entirely up to date through the end of the novel

has any magic affected your character:

his memories have bounced around a bit, initially only remembering the fall of xianle, and then only up to his son's reveal, before going unaware on valentine's day 2022, and then remembering fully to the end of canon

and any other information you might find useful for us and the other members to know:

feng xin was born the youngest son of a nobleman in the kingdom of xianle. he wasn't very close with his elder brothers, simply due to the age difference, as well as his lack of any inclination towards politics, but he was perfectly content in his family anyways

he excelled at combat and defense skills, and at age fourteen, was chosen as the bodyguard for the crown prince, xie lian. the two became very close very quickly, and he put the prince up on a pedestal, almost worshipping him to the point that, when xie lian's servant, mu qing, began to join them, he was cruel to the boy simply because he didn't feel like he could trust him

in spite of that, the three spent almost all their time together, and were all very close friends. when xie lian ascended to heaven when they were seventeen, he took them both with him as junior officials, and they continued to follow him in everything he did

eventually, war came to xianle, and the trio did everything they could to help, even descending to fight for their people against the word of the heavenly emperor, resulting in all three being banished after xianle was taken over by yong'an

they went on the run with xie lian's parents, feng xin's entire family having been killed in the war, and had to resort to doing whatever they could to get enough money to survive. eventually, the strain of it pushed mu qing away, though he returned after a fight with xie lian, that resulted in the prince and feng xin sending him away permanently

during this time, feng xin had been courting a prostitute by the name of jian lan, buying her for nights simply to talk and spend time with her. though one day, she ended things with no explanation, and feng xin left her when she requested it

soon after, xie lian began to slowly descend into a worse mental state, and while feng xin was aware that his friend wasn't well, when xie lian snapped and sent him away, he left without protest

he spent some time wandering alone, and eventually ascended as a god on his own, becoming the martial god of the southeast, with mu qing monitoring the southwest. he spent the next few centuries wandering the mortal world, looking for any remnants of the life he'd lost, until one day, xie lian returned to the heavens

his friend was assigned to investigate a case of a ghost killing brides, and while neither feng xin nor mu qing felt they could go as themselves, they disguised themselves as junior officials from their own palaces, accompanying xie lian to assist and protect him

they spent quite a bit of time following various cases, including one of a ghost fetus that turned out to be the child of feng xin and jian lan, the reason she ended things with him all those years ago, as well as uncovering that the heavenly emperor was the calamity who had helped destroy xianle when they were young

they all worked together to fight against and defeat the emperor, and actually managed to talk out their issues and begin to reconcile, though jian lan and her son vanished after the battle, leaving feng xin still feeling as if things were unfinished

in dc, he's working on continuing to repair his friendship with his old friends, as well as trying to get himself to a better place mentally after everything that's happened

[spockandawe]

Hello! While I know this point must have already been talked about a lot in the fandom but since I have only recently read tgcf, I don't know much. I came across threads on where people talked about Hua Cheng being obsessive and toxic, with his existence being centered around Xie Lian and hence not having a grounding personality and life of his own + the scene of Ten Thousand Gods Cave.

Since I have been reading your metas, I was curious about your thoughts on this? Thank you!

Sure thing! Apologies for the slow response, this whole thing with my back has been really disrupting everything I want to accomplish. Now, I think that Hua Cheng is obsessive in a way that could easily become toxic, but calling him obsessive+toxic relies on only a shallow reading of the character and limiting yourself to the point where he is at the very start of the story, ignoring all the character/relationship development that happens over the course of a very long book.

Now, when it comes to the flashback books? Hua Cheng can have a little obsession, as a treat. I’m not going to say that the way he feels back then is any kind of basis for a healthy adult relationship, but Hua Cheng is approximately ages 10-17 over the course of book 2, and isn’t much “older” after his death as the ghost fire and as Wuming in book 4. He’s not relating to Xie Lian in a way that’s going to lead to a relationship of equals at that point, but he’s also a kid who’s worshiping a god who saved his life at a young age, twice, and who comforted and reassured him when their kingdom’s guoshi told him that he was doomed to bring misfortune to everyone in his life. All of their interactions in book 2 are extremely good reasons for why Hua Cheng would idolize him and obsess over him in that way, and I’m not going to fault him for any of it.

Now, I would say that the end of book 4 illustrates how badly that kind of idolization can go better than anything set in the present day, but it’s telling that this is also the point where Xie Lian abruptly realizes how much he doesn’t want to be Like This, and hauls his life around. Even eight hundred years later, he’s more ashamed to speak of this part of his life than anything else. He’s way more willing to laugh at his own pain and suffering than he is to even mention a time where he was cold and controlling with someone who offered themself to him.

SO. In the present, Xie Lian has a very good reason to know that he does not want to take advantage of someone else’s offered devotion. It’s an old memory, but when we see how much he doesn’t want to talk about it, it’s clear that it made an impression. If the direction of this book was only up to Hua Cheng? He’s already made it abundantly clear that he’s willing to sacrifice his everything, including his sense of self, if Xie Lian asks, but Xie Lian has confirmed very strongly to himself that this is not what Xie Lian wants.

And Xie Lian is walking a very fine emotional line in a lot of ways that he himself isn’t even fully aware of, but the early development in the book has this really interesting balance in the dynamic between him and Hua Cheng. He’s happy to rely on Hua Cheng for advice and help, but he’s also completely willing to worry for him (when he jumps into the sinner’s pit) and to gently scold him (when he jumps into the sinner’s pit). Hua Cheng worries about what will happen if Xie Lian finds out who he really is, but Xie Lian pretty much confirms it to himself, and when Hua Cheng is finally anxious enough to ask about it, Xie Lian’s main reaction is ‘isn’t the important thing that I like you as a person?’

If Hua Cheng was left to his own devices, he’d obsess over Xie Lian in a way that let himself suborn his entire identity to whatever Xie Lian wants from him, but Xie Lian has been so horribly lonely for so long, and even before a relationship enters the picture, what Xie Lian wants is a friend. And Xie Lian, on his own, is determined not to let himself take advantage of a person the way he took advantage of Wuming. And no matter how much Hua Cheng wants to submit himself to Xie Lian, what’s more important to him is what Xie Lian wants. The meta that’s been doing good circulation that I bet you saw was about how Hua Cheng developed his own independent sense of self over the last eight hundred years, no matter what he’d originally wanted, but as he gets to know Xie Lian in the present, Xie Lian makes it clear that Xie Lian likes who he became. 

Hua Cheng does still definitely take the position that ‘whatever Xie Lian wants is more important than what I want’, and that could go badly in so many ways, but from the very beginning, Xie Lian is firmly, firmly expressing, ‘I like who you are and I want to be friends.’ Xie Lian doesn’t scold Hua Cheng for being a dick to Fu Yao and Nan Feng, or for breaking heavenly artifacts, even one that used to be one of his own treasured possessions. He scolds Hua Cheng because ‘you jumped down into that pit and I was afraid you would be hurt.’ He doesn’t try to sand off Hua Cheng’s sharp edges or change him, and isn’t willing to sit back and relax as Hua Cheng puts himself in harm’s way. He doesn’t give Hua Cheng room to make himself a less-than, and (probably unintentionally) positively reinforces Hua Cheng when he lets bits of his own true personality show through. One of the reasons I love this book so much is because that relationship could have so easily turned toxic and controlling, but the main pair like each other so much that they manage to pull through into a healthy, balanced relationship.

It’s not a perfect relationship, because perfect relationships are boring and unrealistic, and there’s no tension in a story if two characters are perfectly in step. But by the end of the story, this is a more perfect relationship than I’d ever expected to be invested in, because they’re so in sync, haha. 

I think the moments that show the ways it’s not obsessive in a toxic way best come through in the times when Hua Cheng has some sort of grudge against a person that Xie Lian genuinely cares for. It starts with the shitty teens in the Banyue arc, but even near the story end, Mei Nianqing is Xie Lian’s old beloved teacher, and is also the person who told Hua Cheng ‘wow! you’re destined to fuck over everyone who ever gets close to you’ when Hua Cheng was just a little kid. It’s clear that Xie Lian likes and respects him a lot, and Hua Cheng feels not at all compelled to play nice. He’s happy to continue being nasty as hell to Feng Xin and Mu Qing, who are Xie Lian’s next two closest friends. He’s not even willing to be nice to E’Ming even as 1) Xie Lian pampers it, and 2) E’Ming is literally a part of himself. 

And he doesn’t hide this at all. He’s willing to act in ways not at all aligned with Xie Lian’s own opinions, especially as time goes on and Xie Lian doesn’t correct him. He’s willing to act against Xie Lian’s wishes in order to protect him (taking back his spiritual energy in the black water arc, overexerting himself to the point of dissipation at the climax), and it becomes more clear as the story progresses that he’s a person who wants only the best for Xie Lian, but who exists independently from Xie Lian, and isn’t willing to completely defer to Xie Lian’s desires or to override Xie Lian’s desires for what he thinks is best. To me, this relationship is primarily defined by how much the two of them like each other, and especially early on, I could see it easily tipping in an unhealthy direction, but it feels like most of the later relationship development specifically exists to undermine that particular flavor of toxic dynamic, and what we end up with is a very sweet, very balanced relationship. Hua Cheng’s willingness to submit himself to what Xie Lian wants is overridden by Xie Lian’s desire that Hua Cheng be himself, because that’s the person who Xie Lian loves.

[curiosity-killed]

evidence of a lost past part 4

(chronologically WAY after parts 1, 2, or 3 BUT i wanted to write kissing so i wrote kissing)

cw: mentions of internalized acephobia and generally wonky feelings about sex. no actual on-screen sex, just a lot of making out

story tag

Xie Lian slides to his knees from the penche and drops his head to rest on Hua Cheng’s chest, groaning in laughter. All the rest of the piece is coming together, but this transition still feels sticky, clunky, like they’re missing a step. Burying his face in Hua Cheng’s t-shirt, he huffs out a laugh. They’ll figure it out. It’s right there, just out of reach. For once, not being able to do it perfectly doesn’t feel like a failure or calamity; with Hua Cheng’s little huff of laughter underneath him, it feels like they’re trying to chart a new path through undisturbed woods, hand in hand. He likes it, the challenge, the back and forth, the bright spark of epiphany when it comes together.

Groaning, he props himself up to grin at Hua Cheng.

“San Lang,” he says and then stops.

Until he looked up, he hadn’t realized how close they are. It’s not the first time they’ve been pressed chest-to-chest—between the choreography itself and slips in lifts or turns, they’ve been spinning within each other’s orbit for all of this—but Xie Lian looks up and realizes that he’s draped across Hua Cheng, arms bracketing his ribs, hips caged by his thighs. And Hua Cheng— Hua Cheng is looking at him so steadily, lips a little parted and cheeks dusted pink.

At the academy, they discouraged dating as a distraction. Students were supposed to be focused on their studies, on excelling in both school and auditions, not making out in the backseat of a teenager’s old sedan. Jun Wu had been blunter.

“You can tell,” he’d said once, amused and a little condescending.

He’d pointed out company members with careless ease, making Xie Lian flush with mortification. When he said Feng Xin had been experimenting, Xie Lian had been relieved to find out that Jun Wu’s insight wasn’t infallible—and then, they’d been back in their little shoebox apartment three blocks from the studio and it had come up and—

For months, Xie Lian had walked around the studios with a prickling over-awareness of his own skin, as if everyone could know every secret he hid from just one look.

But now, Hua Cheng is looking at him and there’s no judgment, no smug curl. He looks at Xie Lian like he sees him, all of him, and wants it, blood and blisters and all. Xie Lian hesitates, drawing his bottom lip under his teeth as he tries to wrestle his panting breath back under control. Hua Cheng’s gaze dips. He swallows.

“San Lang,” Xie Lian says, quiet, like a secret, “I—may I—“

“Yes.”

A burble of nervous laughter escapes Xie Lian, and his fingers tighten in Hua Cheng’s t-shirt.

“Ah you don’t even know what I was going to say,” he scolds. “I could’ve said anything—“

“Gege,” Hua Cheng interrupts firmly, “yes.”

“Oh.”

He holds back a moment longer, his breathing finally settling into a natural rhythm. Hua Cheng waits, hands flat against the marley and gaze trained on Xie Lian.  Biting his lip, Xie Lian takes a breath and leans in.

Hua Cheng always feels cool—his fingers are often ice-like and his silk and Dri-fit tops stay sleek and chilled even out in the summer smog.

He doesn’t now. His lips are soft and warm when Xie Lian meets them; the mint of his chapstick stings against Xie Lian’s lips. Pressed this close, Xie Lian can feel the rabbit beat of his heart, the heat radiating from his chest. Pulling back slightly, Xie Lian releases a shuddering exhale and blinks his eyes open to find Hua Cheng staring up at him, hunger in his eye.

“San Lang,” Xie Lian says.

“Gege,” he answers, gaze dropping back to Xie Lian’s lips before he drags it up again.

Xie Lian can’t help smiling, a sudden, heady rush cascading through him. It doesn’t feel like a distraction or disgrace. It feels like the most natural thing in the world to find how their bodies fit together in this dance, too.

“San Lang,” Xie Lian says, “say my name.”

Hua Cheng pauses a moment, watching Xie Lian with open hunger. His breathing has picked up again, and Xie Lian feels a smug sense of satisfaction. He did that. He did that with just one kiss.

“Xie Lian,” Hua Cheng says. “Xie Lian.”

He curls up as he says it, hands finally leaving the floor to grip Xie Lian’s waist. There’s no hesitation in this kiss, and Xie Lian closes his eyes on a sigh as Hua Cheng takes the lead. He chases Xie Lian’s sigh, tongue slipping against the seam of his lips, and Xie Lian opens to him. For once, Hua Cheng is greedy with him, his hands mapping out Xie Lian’s back and sliding up to comb into his hair. He kisses as if he’s drowning and Xie Lian is a breath of life, and Xie Lian can’t help but cling to him, awash in pleasure and delight.

They’re both panting when they separate, and they’re still pressed so close that their breath is shared in the slim space between them. Hua Cheng’s eye is half-lidded, his cheeks pink and lips slick, and Xie Lian gazes down at him with slack wonder. His hands are still tangled in Hua Cheng’s t-shirt, tight enough they’ve drawn the fabric up to bare a pale stripe of his belly. Releasing one, he reaches up to brush Hua Cheng’s hair from his face, and his hand slides down the curve of his cheek to cup his jaw.

He leans in, gently guides Hua Cheng toward him, and kisses slow and long and sweet. The hand in his hair tightens briefly, and Xie Lian hums low in pleasure before it releases, slipping away from his nape to smooth his hair back from his brow. He doesn’t bother opening his eyes; he trusts Hua Cheng’s hands to hold him steady.

The strained elastic in his hair slides out with Hua Cheng’s absent combing, spilling his hair around them like a curtain, and Xie Lian can’t help giggling at the way it tickles his neck. He pulls back just a little, just enough to tuck the front section behind his ear. Beneath him, a grin dawns across Hua Cheng’s face—bright as sunlight, slow and sweet as spring. He reaches up to run his fingers through the length, knuckle brushing the side of Xie Lian’s neck, and a shiver runs through Xie Lian at the touch.

“Xie Lian,” Hua Cheng murmurs, soft as prayer.

Smiling, Xie Lian shifts so that his forearms rest on the floor by Hua Cheng’s head and lowers himself to lay flat across Hua Cheng’s chest. The motion makes Hua Cheng’s breath hitch, and he grins even as he draws Hua Cheng’s hair back from his face and presses a kiss to his lips.

“San Lang,” he murmurs without pulling back. “San Lang, San Lang, I never knew kissing could be so nice.”

Hua Cheng laughs, his smile curling against Xie Lian’s featherlight kisses. His hands have returned to Xie Lian’s back and hips. Restless, they travel the breadth of his shoulders and knead the dip of his lower spine. Even now, they stay above his baggy t-shirt, rumpling the fabric and never slipping to the skin beneath.

“Only with gege,” Hua Cheng promises inanely, and Xie Lian laughs as he leans in to kiss the tip of Hua Cheng’s nose.

Reaching behind himself, he curls a hand around Hua Cheng’s wrist and guides his hand under the rucked up hem of his t-shirt. Hua Cheng stills, shifting back to look at Xie Lian searchingly.

“Gege?” he asks.

“I trust you,” Xie Lian answers, letting go.

Hua Cheng’s hand stays flat and still against his lower back for a moment, as if waiting for a trap to spring. Xie Lian exhales, lets his body go slack and heavy against his and kisses him soft and chaste. Finally, Hua Cheng seems to believe him, and his hand drags up the muscles of Xie Lian’s back in a long, light stroke. His fingertips are still cold, a startlingly contrast to Xie Lian’s overheated skin, and as they skate against Xie Lian’s back, a shiver chases after them.

Pressed together as they are, every little shift and brush sends heat pooling low in his belly, and for once, he can’t spare a thought to be embarrassed. He’s always thought this was something he couldn’t have—all of it, any of it. He didn’t mind, mostly, but a quiet, bitter part of him had been sure that this was yet another of his failings. When he thought of dating, it was always chased away by the spectre of looming confrontation, of his not being willing enough or experienced enough or being too shy altogether. He didn’t want to mislead someone, let them think he would want everything they did only to turn around and deny him.

But that shadow can’t endure Hua Cheng’s unyielding light. He knows, down to the core of himself, that if he pulled back—if he stood up and said that this was just an experiment and he never wanted any more—Hua Cheng would let him and wouldn’t leave him. He’d stay, and he’d never ask for it or suggest it or slip half a step beyond the boundary Xie Lian sets.

Xie Lian doesn’t deserve such care, but he presses into it and holds tight.

He loses track of time, tangled together on the floor. Hua Cheng’s legs have tightened around his hips, and his hands trace frostwork shapes against his skin, just enough to have Xie Lian’s whole body trembling with not-quite-enough. He presses down more firmly and swallows the low moan that escapes Hua Cheng’s lips.

The door creaks.

“Hua Cheng, the— Uh.”

Xie Lian freezes, eyes flying open. Under him, Hua Cheng goes suddenly stiff and still. His hands freeze where they’re spread across Xie Lian’s back, one trapped under his shirt and one just above the waistband of his sweats.

Behind them, Yin Yu clears his throat.

“My apologies,” he says. There’s the metallic squeak and quiet thud of the door swaying back into a body, like he’s turned away to give them some privacy. “The second company is all here.”

Mortification flushes Xie Lian’s entire face, and he retreats to hide in Hua Cheng’s chest. Hua Cheng’s hands slip out from under his shirt to draw him close in a protective kind of hug, like his arms can hide Xie Lian away when they’re blatantly making out in the middle of the studio floor.

“Go ahead and start warming them up,” Hua Cheng says after a moment. “I’ll be there shortly.”

There’s a small pause.

“Perhaps I should inform them you will just be joining us for rehearsal?”

“Yin Yu,” Hua Cheng snaps, tone a warning.

Based on the quiet laughter Xie Lian hears as the door swings shut, it’s not a very successful one. With his face still pressed to Hua Cheng’s chest, he tries to calm his heart and beat down the heat scalding his cheeks. Hua Cheng continues to hold him as around them, the quiet ticking of the studio comes back into his awareness. Beyond it, Xie Lian can hear distant chatter and laughter, the company as they prepare for class. The walls are thin enough here that they should have been able to hear the front doors opening and closing if they weren’t so distracted. His cheeks burn hotter.

“Gege?” Hua Cheng asks after a few moments.

“Hmrf,” Xie Lian mumbles into his shirt.

Hua Cheng waits. Dragging up his tattered dignity, Xie Lian finally pulls his face from Hua Cheng’s t-shirt, though he still can’t meet his eyes.

“Um,” he says. Swallows. “Ah San Lang, I’m sorry, that was—inappropriate.”

His stomach twists as he says it, shame finally catching up to him. He knows Hua Cheng likes him, cares about him. He doesn’t want to ruin what they have.

“Gege can be inappropriate with me,” Hua Cheng says. Xie Lian looks up, startled, to find a hint of a blush still lingering on Hua Cheng’s cheeks. “I liked it.”

“Oh,” Xie Lian says intelligently. His cheeks heat up again, but this time when he ducks his head, he can’t help smiling. “Um. I—me too. I mean, I liked it, too.”

A grin breaks across Hua Cheng’s face, and Xie Lian’s unease dissipates from the force of it. As the shame fades, he can’t help picturing Yin Yu, and he drops his forehead to Hua Cheng’s chest, laughing.

“Ah San Lang, poor Yin Yu,” he says.

“Serves him right,” Hua Cheng says sourly. “He could’ve checked the room first.”

Xie Lian snorts, his shoulders shaking with laughter. He can only imagine what they looked like, tangled together like two teenagers who were too desperate to get their hands on each other to wait for an appropriate space. He can feel Hua Cheng’s laugh escape him in a breath, and one hand sets to smoothing up and down Xie Lian’s back in long, easy strokes. He stays above the shirt this time, which is probably for the best.

“Ah, I should let you go teach,” Xie Lian says, even as he shifts to lay his head flat against Hua Cheng’s ribs.

His heart thuds steady and strong under his ear, and Xie Lian smiles at the reassuring drumbeat. Hua Cheng combs Xie Lian’s hair back, tucking it behind his ear.

“Mm,” he hums, noncommittal. “Yin Yu can deal with them.”

“San Lang,” Xie Lian scolds, laughing. He sits up to look Hua Cheng in the face. “If you don’t show up, his imagination will run wild.”

Hua Cheng’s eye narrows.

“He better not think of gege like that at all,” he says, low, and a funny sense of delight chases down Xie Lian’s veins at the possessive rumble in his voice.

Biting his lips, Xie Lian breathes out a laugh and finally scoots back to kneel instead of draping across Hua Cheng. Hua Cheng follows, sitting up with his arms folded over his knees. Xie Lian hesitates a moment, fidgeting with the edge of his shirt.

“I should let you go,” he says again, “but ah would you want to maybe come over tonight? I can cook dinner and we could just...hang out.”

He cringes as he says it, feeling like a middle schooler who’s never had a crush before. It doesn’t matter that he really hasn’t liked someone like this before. He’s twenty-five, he should be able to ask his—well, whatever Hua Cheng is to him—to come over without sounding so lame.

“How could I say no to gege’s cooking?” Hua Cheng replies with a smile that crinkles up by his eye.

Breathing out a laugh, Xie Lian reaches up to rub at the nape of his neck.

“Ah alright,” he says. “Yay.”

It escapes him weakly, but Hua Cheng’s grin grows. He looks so bright like this, so larger than life in his happiness.

“Yay,” he echoes. “It’s a date.”

The words send a nervy trill through Xie Lian, but he can’t help smiling back.

“It’s a date.”