#fic: aimtybfy

[indestructibleheart]

I know what the single line in the book is but I would like you to ramble about it for me

[clears throat] SO BASICALLY

it's actually a passage, not a line. i was tired and idk why i said "line" bc it's several:

When he was younger and the anxiety got this bad, when the stakes in his life were much, much lower, this would be the point of self-destruction. If he were in California, he’d sneak the jeep out and drive way too fast down the 101, doors off, blasting N.W.A., inches from being painted on the pavement. In Texas, he’d steal a bottle of Maker’s from the liquor cabinet and get wasted with half the lacrosse team and maybe, afterward, climb through Liam’s window and hope to forget by morning. The first debate is in a matter of weeks. He doesn’t even have work to keep him busy, so he stews and stresses and goes for long, punishing runs until he has the satisfaction of blisters. He wants to set himself on fire, but he can’t afford for anyone to see him burn.

this bit. this bit lives underneath my skin and has since i first read the book. i think it's the most underrated and under-appreciated glimpse at alex as a person—not the fsotus, but alex. like... it drives me CRAZY how people interpret him as so confident and comfortable with the spotlight and like he doesn't have to try as hard as henry... when this boy is masking all. the. time. and, like, there's just something about that "he can't afford for anyone to see him burn" bit. because alex has to be perfect. if he goes nuclear, it can cost his mom the election. it can affect his father's career. plus, allll the people who are just WAITING for him to slip up will be RIGHT. he doesn't get to self-destruct. i read this passage and i want to pick him up and hold him bc he hurts me.

i just..... i love alexander claremont-diaz with my whole chest.

...ANYWAY. (you said you wanted rambling. you're getting rambling.)

so the au is, like... so what if, when the stakes in his life were lower, he self-destructed in a very public way? what if, to get him back on track, his parents sent him to boarding school? 👀 and uh what if 👀 someone else 👀 also went to that boarding school? 👀 like maybe the extremely well-behaved son of a beloved actor? 👀