#ficflashbackfriday

[cg29]

Virgil’s Bad Day

After taking this screenshot earlier (Season 3, Episode 18: Avalanche) it reminded me of one of my posts on here that have since disappeared into the abyss... So I decided to make it my second re-post of the day... Here’s the 1st 

***

The 2nd: Chapter 1 of Bad Day. Definitely one of my favourite fics - (Started Christmas 2017 and didn't hit complete until May 18)

BAD DAY: Full of physical and emotional whump, family moments, humour (well I made myself laugh) romance and an annoyed Virgil... Virgil’s day keeps repeating, what will it take for it to end and a new one to begin?

*** 

DAY 1:

Virgil yawned, rolled over, and glanced at the clock. 7am… Too early to be woken by the alarm system going off, warning him that he was needed for another rescue. Dragging himself into a sitting position, Virgil released another yawn before jumping out of bed. “Ouch!”

“Wow, are you alright?” Kayo asked, sprinting into the room.

“Yes,” Virgil nodded, rubbing his knee.

Kayo glanced at the offending bedside drawer that had been left open. “You know you really should keep that shut.”

“Wasn’t me who left it open,” Virgil frowned, “but when I find out who’s been going through my things they are in deep sh…”

“Virgil Tracy, watch your language!”

“Sorry grandma!”

“Now, hurry up and join your brothers,” Sally said, starting to leave the room, “we have an important mission to complete… Kayo, come along.”

“Yes grandma,” Kayo looked over her shoulder at Virgil who was now frowning at the bedside drawer, “I’ll see you in a minute.”

Virgil nodded and watched as they both left, he then shut the drawer vowing to himself he would hunt down the offending brother later. Standing up, Virgil released yet another yawn as he grabbed some clean tracksuit bottoms and a top, quickly pulling them on he made his way into the command centre to be greeted by his grandma, Scott, Kayo, Gordon, and Alan alongside the hologram of his brother John in Thunderbird 5.

“Getting slower in your old age Virg?” Gordon quipped. “and where’s your usual lumberjack gear?

Virgil whacked his hand around the back of Gordon’s head. “What’s the situation John?”

“It’s one that you’re not going to like!”

“Really?” Virgil questioned, wondering what it could be.

John sighed. “I’m afraid so… Oh, and for the record this wasn’t my idea!”

“What wasn’t your idea?”

“This!” Gordon chirped pushing a large box into Virgil’s view.

“No, it can’t be?”

“I’m afraid so,” Scott answered, looking at his brother sympathetically.

“You sounded the alarm system at 7am, for this?”

“Yep!” Alan replied, shoving a smaller box into Virgil’s arms. “How else were we going to get you out of bed at 7am?”

“But…”

“No butts!” Sally chastised. “Now, as the saying goes… Many hands make light work!”

Virgil put the box down and opened it to reveal some glittery decorations. “Man, I really hate Christmas!”

“Oh, come on Virg,” Scott said, grinning at his younger brother, “you used to love it.”

“Yes, when I was a kid!”

“You’re all still kids to me!”

“That’s because you’re ancient,” Alan joked.

“Watch it kiddo!” Scott laughed, before looking back at Virgil and shaking his head at his continued grumpiness. “Now, hurry up and help. The sooner we get this done, the sooner you can have a mince pie!”

“Fine,” Virgil huffed beginning to empty the box of its contents.

“Oh, Virgil…”

Virgil stopped what he was doing and eyed up Gordon, who was the contributor of the suspicious call. “Yes?”

“You’re not wearing a Christmas hat, everyone else is.”

Virgil looked around the room, everyone was indeed now sporting a red Santa hat with the words ‘Ho Ho Ho’ on the front. “Okay then, I’ll wear one.”

Gordon shoved the item into Virgil’s hands and then happily skipped away while humming carols.

Virgil shook his head at his brother’s joviality, and then looked at the item in his hands. “What the?”

“It was the only one left,” Gordon chuckled, from the safety of the other side of the room.

“Put the hat on sweetie.”

“But have you seen it grandma?”

“Yes, I have, and with that frown that you’ve had plastered across your face all morning… Well, personally I think it suits you!”

Virgil huffed and pulled the black Santa hat on, which had the words ‘Bah Humbug,’ printed on the front.

“It looks great!” John stated.

Virgil glared at John’s hologram. “Why aren’t you down here helping out?”

“Because I’m on duty.”

“Hey, I’m happy to swap roles for a day if you want to join in on the family bonding session.”

“No thanks,” John laughed, “I’m happy up here!”

“Suit yourself,” Virgil sighed, going back to the decorating.

“Why don’t you get a coffee Virg,” Scott suggested, “you might feel a bit brighter then.”

Virgil grinned at his brother. “That’s a great idea, I’ll go and get one now.”

“No, you don’t,” Sally ordered, “if you wanted coffee, you would have been quicker getting in here this morning!”

“But grandma, I’ll be more productive once I’ve had a cup.”

“You are not going anywhere near the kitchen until this is done!” “Oh man,” Virgil responded, pulling a face.

“And don’t pull that face… It will get stuck that way!”

Scott placed a hand sympathetically on Virgil’s shoulders. “Sorry bro.”

Virgil pulled his puppy dog eyes at Scott and gazed longingly at his coffee. “Scott, can I have a sip of yours?”

Scott laughed. “No way, this one’s my first, and I was lucky to grab it myself.

Virgil furrowed his brow as his brother walked over to join Kayo for unpacking duties while drinking the coffee.

“Err, Virgil.”

Virgil turned at smiled at their resident genius. “Hey Brains.”

“You can have my coffee, I’ve already had one!”

“Really?”

“Of course. You look like you need it more than I do!”

“Thank you, that’s very sweet of you, and would be very much appreciated.”

Brains pushed his glasses back up and signalled to Max to come forward with the coffee.

Virgil took the coffee out of the robot’s hands. “Thank you, Max,”

Max beeped, turned, and wandered back over to the tree which it had been helping to decorate.

Virgil exhaled with relief when he sipped the coffee. “Thank you, Brains.”

“Anytime Virgil,” he answered, before going back to his own decorating duties.

… …

Several hours later the island home was spiffed out with a big tree, lights, and an abundance of tinsel and decorations. After consuming lunch, mince pies and hot chocolates, everyone had dispersed into their own areas. Alan was now happily killing several Zombie’s in an online computer game battle, Brains had disappeared into his workshop, Gordon was swimming, Scott and Kayo had said they were going to check over their birds and had disappeared together. Meanwhile, Virgil happily played on his beloved piano.

“Well, you seem a little bit happier than you were earlier.”

Virgil stopped playing and smiled at his grandma. “I’ve had a chance to wake up.”

“Good, then since you’re smiling now, you can sample one of these chocolate muffins that I’ve just finished making.”

“Err… You know thinking about it,” Virgil began, standing up from the piano and heading towards the door, “I’m feeling a bit tired. I think I’ll have a lie down.”

Virgil sighed with relief when he reached the safety of his room. That had been a really close call, he normally wouldn’t turn down store-bought chocolate muffins, but anything cooked by grandma, especially after having a large lunch was a definite no go, and he would now need to hide out for a few hours until the offending cakes had all gone. ‘Maybe I should take a nap,’ he thought, seeing how comfy his bed looked. Agreeing with his decision, Virgil literally jumped onto his bed, padded the cushion, and then settled himself down. Suddenly, noticing his art cupboard was slightly open, Virgil jumped back of the bed and checked to make sure nothing had been taken, while muttering under his breath that he would hunt down the offending brother, ‘most likely Gordon’ he thought, and make them pay. Once he was certain nothing had gone he glanced around the room to see if anything else was out of place. Noticing a fallen book on the bottom shelf, Virgil went over and went to put it back in place when he realised which item had disappeared.

… …

“Gordon Cooper Tracy!”

“Uh oh!” Gordon yelped, his head popping out of the water when he heard his name being yelled.

“Gordon Cooper Tracy!”

“I didn’t do it!” He automatically answered, when he saw his giant bear of a brother raging towards him, with a look that was very rarely seen on his face, but when it was you knew it was best to run and hide until the storm that had brewed inside him had passed.

“Where is it?” Virgil growled, yanking his brother out of the pool.

“Where’s what?”

Virgil swung around to see his grandma looking at him. “Mum’s music box, it’s gone!”

Gordon shook his head desperately. “I haven’t taken it, I promise!”

“Oh, come on Gordon, it can’t just grow legs and disappear!” Virgil snapped.

“No, it can’t,” his grandma answered, “but if Gordon said he didn’t take it then I believe him.”

“No, I wouldn’t,” Gordon confirmed, “come on Virg, I know how much that box means to you!”

Tears began welling up in Virgil’s eyes. “Then where is it?”

“Don’t worry sweetheart,” Sally said placing a comforting arm around him, “we’ll find it… Gordon go and round up the others and get them to start looking.”

Gordon nodded, grabbed a towel so he could dry himself on the way, and went to fetch the reinforcement.

Meanwhile, Virgil was led indoors and made to sit down in the kitchen. “Right, coffee or another hot chocolate?”

“Chocolate please grandma,” Virgil sniffed.

Sally nodded and began making the drinks.

… …

Five minutes later Scott hurried into the kitchen, causing Virgil to look up hopefully. “Any luck?”

Scott shook his head causing Virgil’s own head to sag into his hands. “Don’t worry, everyone is looking, we’ll find it!”

“Hope so,” Virgil muttered miserably.

Scott pulled Virgil into a warm hug. “I’m sure that whoever as taken it will realise how much they have upset you and return it.”

Virgil nodded. “Well, if you do find out who it is then let me know so I can throttle them.”

… …

Half an hour later, Virgil sat in the lounge with Scott’s arm around him while the rest of the family continued their search.

Eventually Sally stepped in the room. “Found it!”

Virgil jumped up and wiped away a few tears before taking the item out of her hands. “Thank you, grandma… Where was it?”

Sally waited for everybody else to return and then looked around the group. “It was sitting outside your bedroom door, obviously whomever took it decided it was best to return it.”

“I’m just glad it’s back.” Virgil stated, opening it to reveal a beautiful ballerina inside.

“It’s a shame it doesn’t work anymore,” Sally sighed, “didn’t the ballerina used to dance to the music as well?

“Yes,” Virgil nodded, “I was about 12 when it completely stopped working, but I can still remember the song it used to play, it was so beautiful”

“Could you play it sometime?” Alan asked.

“Of course, Alan… Not today though, I’m not really in the right mood.”

“Well, I know what will cheer you up,” Sally announced.

“What’s that grandma?”

“The chocolate muffins that were baked earlier, I’m surprised no one’s tried one yet.”

“There’s a reason for that,” Gordon chuckled under his breath.

“I heard that,” Sally said, looking at Gordon with a sly smile.

“Sorry grandma,” Gordon replied.

“So, do you want one Virgil?”

“No thanks grandma, I’m not that hungry.”

Sally smiled knowingly. “Don’t worry, I had help baking them from Max.”

“You did?”

Max, who was next to Brains beeped his confirmation.

“Well, in that case,” Virgil smiled, “I think I could go for one or two.”

“Great, Max will you go and fetch them.”

Max beeped and went to get the muffins.

Everybody’s mouth watered when less than a minute later, Max came back in the room carrying two trays of delicious looking double chocolate muffins.

“Wow, they look delicious grandma,” Alan stated reaching out for a muffin.

“Put it down Alan,” Sally ordered, “Virgil gets to try the first one.”

Virgil reached out with his hand, picked up a muffin and bit into it.

“Well, how are they?” Kayo asked.

Virgil swallowed the bit he was chewing and nodded approvingly.

Everyone’s face lit up at this news and they all went to reach for one, but instantly stopped and put them back down when Virgil suddenly spat out a piece of the cake.

“Virgil, what’s wrong?” Scott asked.

“Is there coconut in here?” Virgil questioned, beginning to turn a slight green.

“Max picked out the ingredients” Sally said, looking at the robot.

Max beeped an affirmative.

“Oh god!” Virgil mumbled.

“Okay Virgil, come with me,” Scott said, putting an arm around his brother and leading him out the room.

Max beeped at Brains wanting to know what was wrong.

Brains glanced down at his friend. “Oh Max, we need to get to the infirmary to help Virgil… He’s allergic to coconut.”

Max released a series of very sad beeps as he followed Brains to the sickbay.

“It’s okay Max,” Brains said, rushing into the room, and going over to Scott to help him get the injection ready, “y…you didn’t know, I should have t…told you.”

Max beeped some more.

“I’ll be okay Max,” Virgil muttered, “like Brains said, this isn’t your fault… And it’s not yours either Brains!”

Brains smiled. “I just hope you remember that in a few seconds.”

Virgil was going to question why, when he saw Brains stepping towards him with a needle in his hands. “Is that necessary, my reactions are never that severe!”

“I…I’m afraid it’s needed Virgil,” Brains replied, “It’s better to be safe, rather than sorry!”

Scott shook his head at Virgil’s reaction. “You know being the medic of the family, you’d think you would be used to needles!”

“Giving them is never a problem, I just don’t like being on the receiving end!” Virgil complained, wincing away from Brains and the needle.

“Now, come on Virgil, stop complaining and look at me.”

Virgil made a groaning noise, but did what Scott had asked. “Ouch!”

“All done,” Brains announced.

“Can I go to my room now,” Virgil pleaded.

“Nope, you know the score,” Scott stated.

“Brains, please?”

Brains fiddled with his glasses. “Sorry Virgil, your b…brother is right, you need to stay here where we can m…monitor you.”

Virgil pouted, but nodded his agreement.

Brains smiled and with Max left the room.

“Are you alright bro?”

“Yes,” Virgil exhaled, “It’s just today’s been a bit shitty!”

“How so?”

“Well, being woken at 7am by the alarm system, and not being able to start the day with a coffee. Well, until Brains kindly offered me his. Then being forced to do Christmas decorations.

“Which you secretly love!” Scott announced.

“No, I don’t!” Virgil answered giving Scott a cheeky smile.

“Mm… Sure you don’t,” Scott countered. “so, what else as made this a bad day then?”

“Well, there was also the incident with my music box disappearing, and then this.”

“Yes, I’ll allow those last two.” Scott said, turning to the door. “I’m just going to get myself a coffee… You stay here, and maybe get a nap!”

“I will,” Virgil agreed, “oh Scott.”

“Yes bro?”

“Can you make sure Alan doesn’t have any of those muffins. His reactions are always much worse than mine.”

“Don’t worry I’m sure me, Kayo and Gords can finish them all off.”

“Yeah, I’m sure you can.” Virgil chuckled.

Once his brother had gone Virgil settled himself down for the much-needed sleep he felt he had needed all day.

… …

Virgil yawned and rolled over, he could hear the alarm system going off, but he knew there was no point getting up, there was no way Scott would let him out on a rescue after having the shot.

“Hey Virgil, what’s taking you so long?”

Virgil groaned as he slowly opened his eyes. Suddenly realising he was in his own bed he sat up and looked at Kayo. “What’s going on?”

“What’s going on… We’ve got a mission, that’s what’s going on!”

“But I was just in the infirmary!”

Kayo raised an eyebrow at Virgil. “Have you been having weird dreams?”

“Yes, I guess so,” Virgil replied, releasing another yawn before jumping out of bed, “ouch!”

Kayo glanced at the bedside drawer that had been left open. “You know you really should keep that shut!”

Virgil gazed at the offending drawer his mouth wide open.

“Virgil, are you not dressed yet,” his grandma chastised.

“But…”

“No butts… Now, hurry up and join your brothers,” Sally said, starting to leave the room, “we have an important mission to complete… Kayo, come along.”

“Yes grandma,” Kayo looked over her shoulder at Virgil, “I’ll see you in a minute.”

Virgil glanced around looking for some clothes when he spotted the tracksuit bottoms and top he had been wearing. Shaking his head in disbelief he quickly pulled them on and headed out of his room, hoping his theory wasn’t correct. Virgil reached the command centre and stared in shock at his grandma, Scott, Kayo, Gordon, and Alan alongside the hologram of his brother John, in the now non-decorated room. ‘This can’t be happening,’ Virgil thought, stepping forwards to join his family.

“Getting slower in your old age Virg?” Gordon quipped. “and where’s your usual lumberjack gear?

Choosing to ignore his brothers remarks this time, Virgil glanced at John “What’s the situation?”

“It’s one that you’re not going to like… Oh, and for the record this wasn’t my idea!”

Virgil gulped at the familiar nature of this. “What wasn’t your idea?”

“This!” Gordon chirped pushing a large box into Virgil’s view.

“No, it can’t be?”

“I’m afraid so,” Scott answered, looking at his brother sympathetically.

Alan shoved a smaller box into Virgil’s arms. “Come on Virg, join in the fun.”

Virgil placed the box on the floor and opened it to reveal the glittery Christmas decorations inside. “Oh god… Not again!”

***

 Available in full on A03 & Fanfic.Net

[gumnut-logic]

Fic Flashback Friday

For new followers, for good memories sake, for fun, or just for the hell of it.

Post a section of fic from one of your older complete fics. Older fics sometimes sit around forgotten and can be missed by new readers or discounted because their summaries don’t explain fully what they are about. A little promo, a little reminiscing and a reminder to you that yes, you can write great stuff.

Alternatively, post a moment from your blog from the writing process where you had some great fun with friends and great conversations about the characters or the fic or great feedback. 

You can also post recommendations to other writer’s fics. We all love a good rec.

Or artwork, reblog artwork! I likes artwork.

Multiple entries on Fridays welcome, even on Saturdays (cos yeah, I didn’t think of this until Saturday morning in the shower, but fortunately half the world is still in Friday :D).

Don’t forget to share the link to the complete fic. Share the love and give us all some weekend reading.

Reblog this post and attach fic and/or tag with #ficflashbackfriday and your fandom so we can all share in the fun :D

Nutty (off the edge, but learning to fly)

[fromchaos]

i like my body

read it on the ao3 at http://archiveofourown.org/works/7846558

(repost of an old fic just bc)

summary: adam has noticed for some time that while ronan seems to be getting more comfortable every day, he’s been feeling gradually stranger in his skin.

pynch, rated m, #everyoneistrans

title from the poem “i like my body” by e. e. cummings, which vaguely inspired this fic. in order to fully get into the mood, listen to the entirety of the front bottoms discography.

cw/tw for gender dysphoria, brief references to adam’s past, mentions of gender confirmation surgery, and non-graphic descriptions of sex. in addition, i’d just like to say that i am but one trans person and the experiences of these characters certainly don’t represent the experiences of all trans people. okay, enjoy!

the first time one of them leaves a mark, it’s almost completely an accident. ronan gets carried away lavishing attention at the meeting of adam’s neck and shoulder, and later there is a faint red splotch in that very spot. he doesn’t notice it until he’s brushing his teeth before he leaves for work. as he kisses ronan goodbye at the door, he comments on it as casually as possible, “nice leech action earlier.” adam swivels his head to the side, baring the little mark to ronan.

ronan looks embarrassed, which on him is really just one of many variations on “mad.” he won’t meet adam’s eyes when he snaps, “sorry, won’t happen again.”

and maybe adam should have expected he’d take it this way; physicality between the two of them has been a slow, rambling journey, ironically nowhere near as natural as it had felt with blue. they still haven’t done anything more than clumsily feel each other other up in the midst of a heavy makeout session. any verbal acknowledgment of it by either of them usually makes the other respond with teeth and claws bared, ready for a fight. “no, ronan,” adam says, trying for a tone that could be described as earnest, “really- nice.”

it’s still not enough, still awkward in the way words usually are between them. their flirtation had been about actions and spontaneous gestures for so long that it sometimes feels like things get lost in translation. when adam had asked gansey about it, his sage advice had been, “if you can’t talk about it, you shouldn’t be doing it.” and adam wants to be doing it, wants to be doing even more of it, so he bravely struggles through moments like this one.

ronan’s face breaks into something more open and unreadable, and he gives adam one more kiss before shoving him out the door. on opposite sides of the barn’s walls, they are both smiling.

from that point on, ronan and adam rarely appear in public without a few hickeys between the two of them. the others give them shit for it almost constantly, but adam just rolls his eyes because he doesn’t have words to describe how good it feels to have bruises that his friends can joke about, how it feels like he and ronan might belong to each other in a way that isn’t completely terrifying.

in january, ronan gets top surgery as a christmas present to himself. the surgeon is in dc, so he stays with the ganseys while gansey is up there for the winter break. adam asks if ronan wants him there, but he shakes his head and gives adam’s hand a squeeze where it’s held between them on the couch. he doesn’t explain too much, probably can’t, but adam figures he understands some of his reasoning. they’ve been working on it, but they still struggle with being vulnerable in front of each other, and adam feels uncomfortable with any behavior that could be described as “nurturing.” gansey had been taking care of ronan a lot longer, and he’d gotten his own top surgery more than a year before.

when he comes back to the barns nearly a week afterwards, adam is anxiously waiting at the kitchen table with opal, who is chomping on a fork and kicking her hooves. the pig pulls up, and he rushes to the door to see ronan slowly pushing himself out of the car while gansey carries his bag and fusses over him.

“remember, opal, no tackling.”

she snorts, clearly of the opinion that tackling should always be allowed. “how long?” she whines.

“two weeks. at least.” opal throws the fork angrily but comes to stand by the door regardless.

ronan grins when he comes in, even after gansey starts nagging him and overloading adam with care-giving instructions. he waits until opal has given ronan a surprisingly sweet hug to say his own hello. it’s just a light kiss, a whispered “welcome home,” in his ear, but when he pulls back, both ronan and gansey are looking at him with utter delight.

“stop making it weird,” he reprimands, leading the way into the living room so that no one can see the way his face has heated up. ronan takes the couch, lies down with his feet in the air so adam can slide under them, put his feet in his lap.

gansey settles in an armchair, says seriously, “i’m just so happy for you two. you know, this is exactly the sort of fluffy human interest story they put on local news networks, and it’s happening to you. that’s exciting!” ronan and adam sneak a look at each other that says exactly what they think of that, and adam has to hold back a laugh. a transgender fluff piece on local news would probably have a lot less dangerous magic, death, near-death experiences, and a lot more parents and heterosexuality.

“well, i’m just saying that i think it’s nice. things haven’t worked out half-bad is all,” gansey continues, “certainly not as terribly as they could have.”

“you’re right, gansey,” adam says, “we’re just being assholes.”

gansey stays for a while, until it’s obvious he’s just being polite by pretending he wouldn’t much rather be getting an enthusiastic welcome back from a certain tiny fashion disaster. “tell blue we say hi,” adam says as gansey is leaving.

“tell them to go to hell,” ronan adds with a small smile.

the last thing gansey says before he goes is, “i certainly will not.”

after adam makes a lazy dinner of instant mac and cheese and gets opal in bed, ronan gestures to him, says “c’mon.” he follows him up to the bathroom, where ronan starts unpacking the paper bag full of ointment and dressing gansey had left there earlier. he starts to roll up his t-shirt and stops halfway, admits, “my arms don’t really move that far yet.” adam tugs it the rest of the way up and off for him.

it’s not the first time he’s seen ronan shirtless, but it is the first time ronan doesn’t immediately curl up on himself or switch the focus to adam instead. his chest is still bandaged and a little swollen, but he looks good. the context isn’t quite right for adam to get worked up about it, but he admits to himself that his boyfriend is more than a little okay-looking. “you’re gonna have to get used to this glorious sight, parrish. soon i’m gonna be strutting all over the place half-naked. never wearing a shirt again,” ronan jokes when the silence stretches on a beat too long.

adam starts peeling away the first bandage, maybe a little too harsh at first. “it’s january. you’ll freeze your newly-placed nipples right off.”

ronan’s hands come up almost reflexively in a protective gesture. he huffs, “you’re just jealous.” it doesn’t really make sense, but the comeback sits with adam as he finishes cleaning the incisions and changing the bandages.

he isn’t jealous of ronan’s new chest per say, but he has noticed for some time that while ronan seems to be getting more comfortable every day, he’s been feeling gradually stranger in his skin.

over the past few months, he’s been more and more aware of his body with each passing day. maybe it started with cabeswater vanishing or with being in a relationship or the way his chest and shoulders seem to be broadening out. maybe he just has too much time to think about himself now that all of his spare time isn’t dedicated to hunting for glendower. whatever the cause, adam’s body feels at once the most his that it ever has and the most alien from himself that he can ever remember.

they sleep in the same bed that night, eager for more time together even if it’s spent unconscious. adam tries not to get too close to where ronan lies on his back, anxious about disrupting his healing, but he slides their hands together and holds on tight.

they get better at the physical stuff slowly and steadily, to the point where adam would even call it a major component of their relationship, but they stay firmly planted at second base for almost six months. there’s ronan’s weird catholic guilt, adam’s overtaxed schedule, and both of their individual body issues to contend with. adam can’t say he hasn’t thought about it- it’s actually become sort of an obsession. he’s lost precious sleep thinking about how it would happen: what actual acts would be performed, how it would feel, what ronan would look like in that final moment as he tipped over the edge. he’s a planner, and sex is no exception.

but the thing about ronan-the thing about adam with ronan-that he should have accounted for is the recklessness, the spontaneity. when it happens, it’s almost completely different than he had envisioned.

they’ve been having a lethargic day at the barns. no homework, no odd jobs around the farm, just catching up on sleep and heating up leftovers. there’s been a series of movies playing on the television in the living room, but adam has missed large chunks of every single one for trading lazy, sloppy kisses with ronan on the couch. opal had been sitting on the floor with declan’s old lincoln logs for the first movie, but had left shouting and making sounds of disgust once the kissing had started. it doesn’t feel like it’s building up to anything, going anywhere, until ronan comments, faux-casually, “we could be doing this upstairs.”

adam adopts the same tone when he adds, “in an actual bed.”

“with a door that locks,” ronan smirks, now that he’s sure they’re on the same page.

it takes them a while to actually get upstairs to ronan’s room, to remove clothing, to get into a workable position on the bed.

then ronan zeroes in on adam with laser focus, building him up first with his hand, then with his mouth. it’s good (really good), but there are still moments when he starts to get uncomfortable with the attention. he keeps turning his head to the pillow next to him, only to remind himself that ronan is on top of him, below him, not at his side. then ronan will pause and grin up at him, and his stomach settles, and he can just let himself feel good.

when he finishes, ronan crawls back up to his side and collapses, face down in his pillow. adam presses kisses onto his shoulder, his bicep, his shoulder blade- anywhere he can reach while his bones still feel like jelly. ronan turns his head, says, “i’m good.”

“i know. are you looking for a performance review or something?” adam teases between kisses.

ronan groans. “no, asshole. i mean- ugh.” he buries his face into the pillow again, speaks out of the side of his mouth, “you can return the favor tomorrow or next time or whatever. right now- i’m good.”

something about that doesn’t sit right with adam. it’s hard not to think of this as a one-sided exchange, a debt that hasn’t been properly paid, even if he knows rationally that it was a gift ronan gave without any expectation of reciprocation. as if he can hear the gears working in adam’s brain, ronan continues with difficulty, “look, it’s like- it’s- i- you.” he pauses, sighs, cracks a single eye to look at adam, “being with you, getting you off- that gets me off, okay? you make me feel like i’m getting off with the body i wish i had.”

he hadn’t thought of it that way. he isn’t sure he gets it, but adam never leaves something alone until he understands completely. “is that… enough?” “i mean, not always. i still fucking want you, okay? but tonight, just let me savor this shit.”

“okay.”

“okay,” ronan echoes. he wraps an arm around adam, pulls him closer until he can just flop on top of him the way he likes to when he’s on the brink of sleep. adam stays awake a little longer, puzzling out what it is about his body ronan finds so reassuring. in the morning, he does return the favor, and he tries to suppress the overwhelming feeling of smug satisfaction it brings him.

the gang almost always hangs out as a complete group, barring romantic endeavors. sometimes, though, ronan starts to get restless and awful, and gansey starts acting like he’s got a bee in his bonnet, and that’s usually when it’s decided he and gansey need some special friendship time. then things go back to normal again for a while. henry says it’s what adam and blue deserve for breaking up their boyfriends. they say it doesn’t matter why it works, just that it does.

while the two of them are off on their very special friend date, adam meets henry and blue for frozen yogurt at the usual place. at first it had felt wrong to go there without noah, to act like nothing had changed, but a new normal slowly asserted itself as time went on. also, there is only one frozen yogurt place in henrietta.

henry is trying to steal bites of blue’s fro-yo which usually would lead to blue wielding her spoon like a sword and henry getting injured. today, though, blue seems distracted, and ze has free access to her banana yogurt.

“i’m starting to suspect an ulterior motive for this trip,” he says once henry has eaten all of zir own fro-yo and about half of blue’s.

“huh? no!” she startles, then relaxes again, taps her plastic spoon on her lip contemplatively. “i guess i was just thinking about how it would feel to be the token cis person in the gang. it’s sort of weird, right? how all of us are this spectrum of trans identity and you’re…”

“boring cis adam?” he supplies. his stomach does a weird flip and he pushes what’s left of his fro-yo to henry.

“no!” she says again, “i mean, sort of. like, half of fox way is trans, and i didn’t really have friends at school, and now there’s all of us, and i guess what i’m saying is… i’ve never really had cis friends?”

“preach, bluester!” henry cries, drawing the attention of several other patrons at the fro-yo stand.

blue continues, “and i never really thought that a cis person could get it, could be so not-shitty about gender stuff. it sounds weird, but, like, what is that like?”

she’s looking at him so intensely, and now henry is paying full attention too, and adam feels sort of put on the spot. it had certainly occurred to him that maybe it wasn’t conventional for a friend group to be as diverse gender-wise as theirs was, but he’d always figured that was what had made them so intensely bonded. and he’d never really thought about what it meant to be cisgender. he stumbles looking for the right words. “thanks? i don’t know? i mean, what’s it like to be trans?”

“a-damn!” henry cries, “that is not the point of this very scientific inquiry. we are on a journey into the horrific and strange world of the cis mind!” blue nods absentmindedly, but turns back to adam with a strange, conflicted expression.

he shrugs, feeling more uncomfortable by the minute. he wishes the conversation hadn’t taken this turn. he says, almost pleadingly, “i’m serious, guys. i’ve never really thought about it. i figured that’s what being cis meant: never having to think about it.”

blue’s face scrunches up further. she speaks like she’s choosing her words very carefully, “i don’t think that that’s the whole of it, though. like, yeah, i think about my gender a lot which is maybe part of having a more fluid identity than, say, gansey or ronan, but even when i’m not actively thinking about it, i feel it? i don’t really know how to describe it.”

this time, henry is the one nodding. ze says, “if i may, blue’s clues- for me, it’s a sort of like being hungry or being warm or some other bodily sense? sometimes i just feel off, maybe i’m crabby all day for some unknown reason, maybe i just feel uneasy, and i don’t really realize it. then it hits me later that it’s just time to try out some new pronouns because these don’t feel right anymore.”

“right!” blue chimes. “but, like, not always about pronouns. some days, i’m just, like, more aware of my gender and my dysphoria.”

“oh.” adam feels prickly, like his skin is stretched too tight, and then he flexes his fingers under the table, tries not to feel that way because that sounds sort of like- he stands, looks at his watch, realizes he’s not wearing a watch, says, “i should get going. i have a shift at the garage in an hour, and i wanted to pick up some stuff from st. agnes beforehand.” he’s sort of light-headed now that he’s standing.

“‘stuff?’” henry echoes, an eyebrow raised.

blue looks worried, but she puts on a big smile for adam as she goes to hug him goodbye. “i mean, if you have to. we’ll see you around. take care of yourself.”

he rushes back to his car and tries not to think about how blue and henry are totally talking about him right now. about how cis he is, how he couldn’t handle their conversation because he’s a hetero-cis-patriarch (hetero?), how stupid he is for never thinking about gender like they apparently spend all their time doing.

adam doesn’t even have work until that night, a graveyard shift at the factory, so he starts the car and speeds back to the barns instead. he really had meant to pick up some of his stuff from st. agnes since he has to be moved out by the end of june, but right now he’s craving the wide open grounds of the barns so badly that he allows himself this small moment of irresponsibility.

ronan finds him on the roof of one of the smaller buildings towards the edge of the property when he gets back from monmouth. adam had thought maybe he had heard a sound like wheels on gravel twenty minutes earlier, but he had been too stuck in his own head to do anything about it. he feels slow and sort of far away, like he’s scrying but in a closed, limited space.

“thinking about jumping?” ronan snarks, throwing himself down next to adam. when he only gives a noncommittal hum, ronan scootches closer and nuzzles his bristly head into adam’s neck. the sensation helps a little, so he brings up a hand to scratch at ronan’s scalp. “if you’re getting all emo over something, could you at least give me a hint what it is?”

adam chuckles before he can stop himself. “emo? it’s 2015, is emo still a thing?”

“punk might be dead, but emo is immortal, dude,” ronan claims, leaning into adam’s touch. his breath is humid on adam’s shoulder, but the day is mild. they sit and look at the grounds of the barns in silence. ronan doesn’t let it go. “seriously, what the fuck is up?”

he gives adam space to speak at his own pace, knows he doesn’t like speaking until the thought is complete. “do you think i’m a man?” he asks abruptly. “i mean, do you think i’m manly?” he can tell it’s not where ronan thought he was going with this conversation. he stills for a moment against adam’s shoulder before relaxing again.

“honestly?” adam nods. “i don’t get much of a vibe at all from you.”

“thanks.” his voice and his temperament make the words come out sour, but he hopes ronan knows he means it. adam has always been thankful for ronan’s brutal honesty at times when everyone else wants to coddle him.

he shrugs, slips down until his head in adam’s lap right as adam’s arm was getting tired. these little intuitive gestures are probably the most consistent part of their relationship. ronan reaches for his hand, kisses his fingers. “is that all?”

adam takes a shuddering breath. “would this all be over if i wasn’t a man?”

ronan doesn’t answer, just meets his eyes with a vicious intensity and keeps kissing his fingers, his palm. he feels like he might hyperventilate when he asks, “and what if i wanted to try ‘they’ pronouns?”

ronan takes a moment, and when he responds, every word is deliberately enunciated: “you don’t need my approval, adam. i’ll do whatever you want me to. shit, i thought that was pretty obvious.”

he knows that. he does, but he feels like he’s still practicing this whole business of agency, of declaring what he wants and expecting to be respected. adam says, “well, i do. want that.”

“as you fucking wish,” ronan whispers, leaning up to crush a searing kiss to their lips.

[hamilanne]

Chapters: 2/? Fandom: Hamilton - Miranda Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Aaron Burr/Everyone, James Madison/Thomas Jefferson, Dolley Madison/Maria Reynolds, Dolley Madison/James Madison, Thomas Jefferson/Angelica Schuyler, Aaron Burr/Theodosia Prevost Burr (past) Characters: Aaron Burr, Alexander Hamilton, John Laurens, Hercules Mulligan, Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette, James Madison, Thomas Jefferson, Dolley Madison, Maria Reynolds, Angelica Schuyler, Elizabeth "Eliza" Schuyler, Margaret "Peggy" Schuyler, Theodosia Prevost Burr, King George the third, Jacques Marcus Prevost Additional Tags: Pirate AU, Polyamory, Character Death, but only in the first chapter, so far ;), alex is a major wad, aaron is pretty, Swearing, Fight Scenes, sword fights, Bar fights, Peggy is missing ah!, oh wait there she is Summary:

*Co-written with wildflowers-and-a-nap.tumblr.com

Captain Aaron Burr sails the seas on the run, from his past, the British, and now a ship with a strange flag and an even stranger crew. Will he make it through his adventures alive as he comes to terms with his past? Or will he fall victim to it, a martyr strung up by the rope with a noose around his neck? Because piracy is in his blood, and doesn't every pirate get what they deserve? A short drop, and a sudden stop.

[hulklinging]

#FicFlashbackFriday

We all have that fic that we worked hard on but posted at the wrong time, or we wrote it before people started reading our fics, or for whatever reason didn't get as much love as it deserved. In general, we probably all have an older fic that we reread and we're like 'dang I don't hate this, good work past me.' I propose that we all reblog or repost those fics today! I think I'm going to do it every Friday. Just reblog an old fic of mine that I'm still fond of. Or maybe rec some fics that are old enough new folks in the fandom might have missed them and should not be missed. Let's celebrate our older fics too! Let's celebrate our favourite authors and the fic they wrote a year ago that got you into their writing in the first place! It shouldn't just be an author's newest thing that gets love, right? Tag your old fics or your fic recs of older works with #ficflashbackfriday, so I can check them out!

[alexangery]

all my life i been running, running, running,

[cg29]

Scott the Big Brother

Continuing with the reposting of fics that I’ve shared on here that have since vanished. Previous posts: The Canvas, Virgil’s Bad Day, Runaway and 3 TAG Fics

These two are based on Scott and being a big brother.

(Currently in my Pick & Mix Collection. Available On A03 and Fanfiction.Net. Alternative pseudonym: CreativeGirl29)

***

Scott’s 5 Golden rules on being a big brother.

1. Always, and I mean always keep your eyes open! (Especially if you have a younger brother called Gordon!)

2. You can tease your own little brothers. (Only if they know it’s in jest!) However, if anyone teases them, or hurts them in anyway. Then advise that person to run!

3. Always expect the unexpected. (Again, especially if you have a brother named Gordon!)

4. Expect to go grey young! I found my first grey hair the other day. (Yeah … It’s because I have a brother named Gordon!)

5. Prepare yourself to be damn proud! I know I am very proud of all four of my brothers in every single way! (Yes … Even Gordon! … Man, I love my little squid!)

…

Thoughts on being a big brother.

I’ve always been a big brother. Well, technically I was an only child until I was 2 years old, but I don’t remember those early years. According to my grandma, I took to brotherhood like Gordon takes to water!

I was a natural and I remember I was always very attentive of John. Well, I had to be! He was always so quiet, and his first words weren’t until he was 2 … Well, I say first words, when in fact, the first thing he said was a whole sentence! I’ll always remember my mom and dad being really annoyed every time someone brought up their concerns about John. They were always very polite and assured them that John was an intelligent little boy who would only speak if he felt it necessary to do so … Then they would utter a few other choice words behind their backs! Which I would join in on … Well, no one was going to put down my little brother! One time, they heard me, and yeah, well, they were very careful with what they said around me after that!

The second time I became a big brother was a very important milestone for me. I was already 6 years old and John was 4. I remember taking it upon myself to become a mentor to John, and teach him the art of being a responsible and caring older brother. I imparted that much information to him, that in the end John was terrified! He was constantly scared that he would never be as good as me, that he would do something, or say something wrong and hurt his little brother. When Virgil finally arrived (Three weeks late! … Lazy Arse! … Ha, he knows I love him really!)  John was fantastic, and I was extremely proud at how well he had handled everything. The third and fourth time, I was 8 and then 11. So, those times I could pass on the golden rules of being a big bro without scaring Virgil and Gordon half to death and, yeah, they both did me proud, and still do to this very day!

Since I was 13 my role as a big brother as changed dramatically! The first time it changed was when we lost our mom in an avalanche, dad was devastated and drifted into his own world for a few months. So, I stepped up and became like a second parent to my four younger brothers, they needed me to be strong for them and I was… Until grandma realised what was happening, stepped in, and pulled my dad back from the brink. It was only then that I felt could properly grieve for the loss of my mom.

The second time was just two short years ago, when our dad disappeared. Even though grandma was with us, I could see she was struggling herself, and didn’t want to lay too much pressure on her. So, once again I stepped up and as well as a big brother, I also became a second father (Although no one can ever replace our dad!) and head of international rescue. I personally don’t feel like I’ve taken to the roles of parent and leader too well, although my grandma and my brothers keep assuring me that I have.

My final thoughts are that, even though throughout my 27 years my role as an older brother as developed and changed in many ways … And as always, constantly kept me on my toes … There is one thing I would never do… I would never, ever wish to be an only child!