#filled with a secret loneliness i will not thinks about . filled w a transparent love i will always scream about .

[faaun]

abt to drink some coffee n do more lecture work 4 tomorrow . i have so much work but i missed uni so much

[airi-p4]

While it lasts

This was supposed to be kind of a S4 theory about akumatized Luka + a canon-verse Lukanette approach. I guess my hand slipped?  This is similar to my previous fic ‘Betrayer’, in which Juleka was the akumatized one. 

Warning: ANGST.

AO3 _________________________

"Jagged Stone is your father" Anarka had just told her twin children.

Luka's world was shattered into pieces.

Jagged Stone. His favorite musician. His inspiration. His mother's old music partner.

Their father.

One word occupies his mind: abandoned.

And the image of him takes a 180 degree turn. From admiration to despise.

His idol abandoned him. Him and his sister. His mother too.

Why?

He hates it. He hates all of it.

He hates it so much, not even his girlfriend Marinette can calm him down like she usually does. Not even her sympathetic voice or her sweet heart melody can heal him. Neither could her hand pressed on his in comfort.

Juleka's mind had gone blank for some seconds. Memories of how fond Luka was of Jagged Stone occupying her mind. 'Cool', she thinks, and then she focuses on her brother, who is clearly in shock.

In silence. In a trance.

He can't hear anything anymore, she realizes, after noticing how he isn't paying attention to either Marinette's, her mother's or her own calls.

His heart song is strident, loud, noisy- And his eyes lose all his light, all his kindness too.

'Abandoned'

This word keeps spiraling in his mind. On repeat. In an infinite loop.

"Luka!" He hears Marinette's voice call him in alert, finally making him snap out of it and find the strength to fight the akuma that just entered his guitar.

“Marinette… Don’t abandon me…” he begs, holding her while fighting not to lose control and fall under Shadow Moth's control.

“I won’t”, she assures him, clearly supporting him. She keeps encouraging him not to fall into the darkness of the dark butterfly.

Her melody is sincere. So sincere she can’t hide her still unburied feelings for certain blond hair and green eyes that make her heart flutter. And he can see it: the moment that is bound to happen, the moment Marinette will break up with him to go to Adrien. The moment all walls separating them will collapse and they will meet each other in the tangled maze of secrets they’re currently trapped in. The crumble of the castle that allowed him the miracle to have her by his side at this moment.

“You won’t” he whispers, feeling his biggest fear close: Silence- loneliness.

Abandoned.

His arms tighten around her, holding her even closer, impeding her from moving. He pulls her so close he's even hurting her a little. Marinette slightly protests in a cry, but she’s more emotionally affected than physically. "Luka-!"

She's scared.

She wants to assure him she’s honest. She wishes to be able to give him all her love, her existence-

And his newly appeared akuma form is willing to take it all.

His guitar is now a big fish net, his body has grown 3 times bigger and his looks are similar to a sea God. ‘Glaucus’, he calls himself. The name of the God of the fishermen in Greek mythology. His hair is longer, and his belly has become a transparent fish tank, where he plans to keep his loved ones, both safe and close so they don’t abandon him.

Punishment for the ones who abandon, lie and betray.

Protection for the loved ones.

'Justice', he calls it.

He doesn’t even need a big fish tank, because his loved ones are limited. A countable number of individuals is enough for him: Marinette, his mother, his twin sister, the rest of Kitty Section… Mylène too, maybe, since he would feel bad for Ivan if he left her out of it. And he would consider Marinette's family too, since he knows how much she appreciates them.

As for punishment? It's also clear: Jagged Stone comes first, followed by Lila Rossi among others who have dared to hurt his loved ones, such as Chloe Bourgeois and Bob Roth.

Marinette trembles at the vision after he finally lets her go of her to grab his fish catching instrument. A tear escapes her eye, and slides to fall from her chin. And then she runs: because that’s the only way she can help him: run, transform, defeat him and fix the damage she will fight to prevent from happening.

But she's ignoring the most important fact. The fact that that's exactly the action which will lead to her down fall, the sight that frightens Luka the most: Marinette turning her back to him, leaving him all alone.

His song abandoning him.

Rage, pain and despair fills his heart, unable to be contained with his meditation or her music. The music he himself turned into a loud mess, sounding just like nails scraping on a chalkboard, painful to his ears and his soul.

And that’s when he traps her, his net capturing her and turning her into a small, bright pink colored mermaid, he literally swallows to get her inside the fish tank he carries inside his transparent glass made belly.

A relieved sigh leaving his throat: Marinette is now secured. She won't leave his side again. ‘Who’s next…?’ He questions himself, looking at his horrified mother, Anarka as he smirks. He'll soon have all of them in his treasured fish tank.

And what will happen to those who deserve punishment? Fish out of the water- dry fins gasping for oxygen. Dead fish with eyes as cold as their hearts. Or even better- Jagged is going to be abandoned on his own before that- just like he cold-heartedly abandoned him and his sister.

And now that he mentions it… 'Where's Juleka?'

The akuma looks for her, but he doesn't see her around. 'She can wait' he decides, his chants summoning a big sea wave to carry him to his unwanted father's hotel suite.

__________

Jagged Stone can't believe his eyes. An akuma claiming to be his son has just turned Penny into a goldfish, who is now struggling with tiny desperate jumps for oxygen to breathe through her newly acquired fins. Impossible without water. Fang is next to join Jagged's personal assistant, now tiny and convulsing.

"Who are you!? Why are you doing this!? I have no kids!! Don't lie!! Stop this! Turn them to their original forms! They could die!" The rock star angrily begs under Glaucus lashes.

"You're the one who is lying! My mother never lies, so you are the one lying when you say you have no children! You're the one who abandoned us!" He yells as angry as Jagged. "All the admiration and respect I had for you is now hate and disgust! You deserve punishment for the sake of Justice!"

"Stop right there, mermaid boy. Didn't we already make it clear what the difference between revenge and justice was when you were 'Silencer'?" Chat Noir joined the battle, protecting Jagged from being crushed under the akuma's weapon.

The akuma attacks again, but this time he's stopped by someone else. Someone Chat Noir brought along with him- a new superhero.

_______

During the time Marinette was trapped, Tikki, safe and sound, had carried a Miraculous to Juleka, who was watching terrified at how the events developed on TV. She was too focused to notice the kwami, but she clearly noticed the box that fell on her hand out of nowhere. Reaching it, she curiously opened it, and a magical creature appeared in front of her.

"Hi there! I'm Roarr. It's nice to meet you, Juleka!" The little tiger introduced himself.

"What are you? What's going on?" Juleka questioned.

"I'm a kwami. I grant powers! Put on that jewelry and call for the magical words to transform into a superhero"

"Me? A superhero like Ladybug? I don't think I can-" she nervously mumbled, unconfident.

"The guardian chose you for this mission! You want to save your brother, right?" Juleka nodded. "Then say the words: Roarr, transform me"

"Roarr, transform me" Juleka said, and magic surrounded her. Her new appearance was purple with tiger-like orange colored stripes over her body. Her mask was the same colors of the suit, and a pair of tiny ears decorated her now tied hair, her ponytail loose in the wind.

Moments later, she ran towards the hotel, unknowingly followed by Ladybug's kwami.

And the battle started.

________________

"Luka! I know you're hurt, but Jagged is telling the truth! He never abandoned u- you! He never knew he was a father! He probably doesn't even know by now!" The new hero desperately yelled.

"Lies! All lies! He deserves punishment! And you do too!" The akuma points at the heroes and Jagged who is hiding behind them.

"I'll show you the truth!" The tigress announces, calling for her superpower.

Her claws become shiny and with one touch, she marks an ‘X’ on Jagged's forehead, and a purple cloud comes out of his mouth and surrounds them, as if they had just entered his dreamland- except it's, in fact, the rock star’s memories.

Luka is in denial. It is true. Jagged Stone never knew about them. Which means he abandoned them unknowingly. Was he innocent, though?

No, he wasn’t. Because he had indeed abandoned his mother.

_______

Meanwhile, Marinette had been trying to find a way out of the fish tank. She couldn't transform into Ladybug even if Tikki was free, because that would make her identity public. She needed another plan.

That's when she asked Tikki to get Juleka the tiger Miraculous- and it had, once again, been the right choice.

Marinette couldn't just stay still,watching. She fought to find a way out.

Making use of the constant moving water, and with Anarka and Kitty Section's help, she found a way up, arriving to his heart. Or was it the akuma’s heart? It didn’t matter to her as long as she could save him.

The sight was not what she had expected: a vast sea surrounded by colorful stained glass with the people he cared the most portrayed on them. Anarka, Juleka and Kitty Section were there. Big, colorful and shining bright.

Marinette continued swimming in his inner tormented sea of darkness until she found another glass under a cliff: hers. It looked beautiful, but unreachable, since a rose garden guarded and protected it. Untouchable beauty.

Was this Luka's vision of her? A beautiful flower surrounded by thorns, with green stains on paint messing with the almost perfect piece of art’s balance and making it painful to watch?

Marientte felt her heart ache in guilt.

She knew she was the cause of the hurt in his eyes which he sometimes looked at her with. He had always seen through her, despite how much she had been starting to believe her own lies about ‘moving on’ and ‘love’.

Marinette shook her head: no time to waste. Cry later. Focus now.

Her tail brought her to a cliff island with a broken stained glass window next to it. The one that belonged to Jagged Stone, as his name was written on a rock. It most likely broke at the revelation of Jagged being Luka’s father, but now the window was pitch black, with the pieces scattered on the floor. Silent.

She could feel his fears of being abandoned in her own skin, and froze at the realization: his endurance and his strength were only there thanks to music. A music his heart lacked at the moment.

Music.

That's the answer. Music was what healed his heart. This time too, he needed music.

But what could she do without musical knowledge? Or without any instrument to play?

'My voice' she notices. ‘I still have my voice’

Marinette starts singing her own heart song as composed by Luka, while the battle outside continues, now with their visit to Jagged Stone's memories.

Perfect timing.

And clouds appear over Jagged's glass window, the wind carrying some pieces back to its original place- partly reconstructed.

Maybe the mermaid form had another purpose, Marinette wonders. Maybe Luka couldn't completely let go of music, after all, whether he was akumatized or not. Or maybe...

Back to present, Marinette sees a light up that lifts her out of Luka's insides. Next time she blinks, she has recovered her original appearance- clumsy human girl Marinette.

"Run!" Chat Noir commands, and she obeys. As she runs, she gazes back at Luka, who shows her a painfully sad smile.

"Marinette!" Her kwami calls her before she can give it deeper thought. "Tikki! Spots on!"

Moments later, Ladybug makes it to the battle. "Lucky charm!"

____________

The battle ends soon. Too soon, to Ladybug's surprise. ‘Why did he offer no resistance?’

She'll have time to think about this later. First… "Miraculous Ladybug!" Ladybug rushed to recover Juleka's Miraculous so they could go back to Luka as soon as possible.

"Thank you, Ladybug" Juleka says, running off to hug her brother.

Marinette detransforms next and soon reaches them too. But she hesitates again. Should she be by his side when she hurts him so much?

Luka meets her gaze and smiles softly, apologetically and embarrassed, but clearly welcoming her. And she doesn't hesitate anymore to join their collective hug, melting in love after a swirl of emotions. They part from the hug and they all focus on Jagged Stone who is still processing what happened.

"Wait a second- Are you really my children…? You thought I abandoned you…?” Jagged asks the twins, before turning his head to Anarka. “Why didn't you tell me? Weren't we partners? 'Rock-'n'-roll until the crocodile controls'. Remember?"

"You said you wanted to go solo. You left me behind. Did you really expect me to go back to you after the humiliation I suffered? I gave you my heart and you threw me away as soon as you could!" Anarka yelled.

"I was young and immature, and not the best father figure, I admit it! But I deserved to know! You should have told me!"

"I'm telling you now! They are your children, Luka and Juleka. If you ever want to meet them, you know where we live. Don’t you ever come back if you plan to abandon them later" Anarka says, grabbing her children's shoulders and guiding them to move out of the hotel room with a push.

"I'm sorry…" Luka mumbles to Jagged, before leaving the room.

"I'm the one who is sorry…" Jagged admits to Marinette before she runs to follow the Couffaines and Kitty Section. “I’ll go visit sometime! I promise!”

“Are you ok, Luka?” Marinette asks after leaving through the hotel doors, seeing how Jagged is looking at them from the highest balcony.

“I will be. Eventually…” he returns his gaze down to focus on Marinette, reaching to hold her hand. “I don’t need Jagged’s music as long as I can listen to yours''

Marinette feels her cheeks burn.

________________________

On their way home, Marinette can’t take what she’s seen out of her head. ‘It was Luka's heart, right? And Luka’s true feelings. He truly loves me’, she realized. ‘But why…?’

With an instant of bravery, Marinette pulls Luka's hand to separate themselves from the rest of his family and friends.

"Luka… I- Am I painful to be with? To watch?" She bites her lip a bit and asks in terror. “Am I hurting you?”

"Of course not, Marinette. Never.” Luka assures her with a soft, faint smile. “You're more than I could ever ask for. You're the most beautiful song I've ever heard"

"Even if I have those unbearable to watch green stains...?" she whispers, embarrassed and angry at herself for not being able to make her feelings go according to her wishes.

"It can’t be helped, can it? And even if that’s the case, for me, you’re still the most beautiful despite those colors"

“Is my heart song really enough to cover for that ugliness? I hate it myself…”

“You shouldn’t. Imperfections can enhance beauty. I don’t mind them as long as I can hear your song up close” he answers.

“But-! Are you sure…? Aren’t you afraid I might end up abandoning you?” she finally asks, scared for his answer.

“I am. I’m terrified” he admits. “But how am I supposed to stand in the way of your wishes- your happiness? I can’t and I won’t do that” Luka shrugs, “Aren’t you scared of being abandoned too?”

“I am” she answers, after giving it some thought. “and that’s not the main reason for it, but I want to stay by your side” she realizes, “more than ever”.

Luka squeezes her hand and shows her a soft expression. “Thank you for always saving me. Akumatized or not,” he whispers to her ear. It surprises Marinette to see how his cheeks are pink over his fond smile.

“No-! I- I just sang a song and- It was all thanks to the new her-” she stopped herself. Luka couldn’t possibly remember what happened when he was akumatized. No one told him, no one showed him the news. He couldn’t know he turned her into a mermaid, or how she sang. Yet he thanked her for saving him.

‘Of course he knows’ Marinette understands. ‘Yet he didn’t reveal me to Shadow Moth and he let me go on purpose, too’. Her thoughts deepen. ‘I get it now’ she reaches her conclusion. ‘He wanted me to save him. He wanted me to take him back after he realized he was on the wrong side. It makes sense. He protected me despite being akumatized once again- like when he was Silencer’.

The girl’s feet stop walking for a moment at the revelation, causing Luka to look back at her. Taking one step closer, she raises on her tiptoes and gives Luka a kiss on his lips, surprising both of them.

‘I wonder what kind of music his heart is hearing now,’ she wonders, ‘because I can only hear a grateful and sincere happy tune in my own heart right now’

“Your heartsong is beautiful” she finishes with a smile he reciprocates.

Most likely, both of them knew deep inside that their relationship as it was now was bound to end at some point, sooner or later. Maybe both of them would always be afraid of loneliness and being abandoned, too. But wasn’t it enough to enjoy the music they created in that instant, while it lasts? Isn’t it the same with live concerts? They might end, but the sensations last forever in memories. Is it something to regret? Neither of them felt it was. And perhaps both of them secretly agreed with that logic as they continued walking hand in hand, enjoying each other's company and welcoming their mutual love and support, in whatever form their relationship changes into in the future.

[heechulhamster]

The Truth You Can’t Hide VI

KIM JUNMYEON (SUHO) x Fem Reader

Chapter 6 [The Truth You Can’t Hide MASTERLIST]

1 - 2 - 3 -  4 - 5 - 6 - 7   ongoing

You did it so well for six years. You’ve hid your son from the biggest threat of his life. But one mishap led to the biggest secret in your life being face to face with the man you’ve kept him away from all these years - his father.

Mafia!AU, Angst.

“What do you want from her?” Junmyeon spoke with a voice full of held back temper. 

Yixing’s door was barely even open, he took time in analyzing who was this man who just loudly knocked on his door at nine in the evening. 

“Junmyeon?” Yixing asked, as he put on his glasses that hang on the collar of his tank top. Junmyeon didn’t even bother to answer, still standing firm on his ground in the rising atmosphere left hanging by his question. “No bulky bodyguards now?” 

Junmyeon was further irked by the chuckle that came out of Yixing’s lips. “I believe I asked a question, Zhang.” 

Yixing peeked his head from the doorway into the halls of his apartment floor. And after noticing that there wasn’t anyone to see the two of them, he spoke again. “You should come inside.” 

Junmyeon tried to refuse yet he figured out that Yixing wouldn’t answer his question right and upfront, so he welcomed himself inside when the latter stepped away from the doorway. He was barely even five steps in before he spoke again. 

“Zhang, what do you want from Y/N?” His voice stern and low, as if trying to assert dominance and power over the other - despite knowing that Yixing himself isn’t one to be threatened. 

“Why should I answer your question, Junmyeon? Why are you here in my house at this hour of the night?” Yixing replied, a smirk displayed on his lips taunting Junmyeon even more. Yixing then walked to the small bar of his spacious bachelor’s pad and grabbed the half consumed whiskey and a shot glass. “Would you want a drink?”

“I’m not here to play games with you, Yixing.” Junmyeon took three large steps toward Yixing, his voice few volumes higher. “What are you doing back in my life, what’s your reason? I swear to God if you’re using her as one of your pawns in your game again-” 

“In your life, Junmyeon? I’m not meddling with your life. I didn’t even know she was your ex until I dropped her off your house.” Yixing answered with an amused face, obviously entertained with Junmyeon’s display of cluelessness. “The world doesn’t revolve around you, Junmyeon. I have no business to deal with you anymore. The case has long been closed and your father has rested in his peace for a while now, what made you think that this is about you?” 

Junmyeon was almost taken aback by Yixing’s upfront expression, no hint of lying nor games evident in his emotions nor the tone of his voice. 

“Honestly, Junmyeon. Are you here as the CEO of your business or as a jealous ex-boyfriend?” Yixing asked before he drank down the contents of his shot glass, the way his hands swiftly put it down the granite counter resulted to a sound heard all over the silence of the room.

The question actually put Junmyeon’s mind out of pace, as he felt too transparent to the one he was supposed to intimidate. It was part of Yixing’s job, after all. But was he that obvious? That he was able to extract a question that Junmyeon was asking to himself and was highly in denial of the blaring answer to. 

“I figured.” Yixing responded with a short scornful laugh to Junmyeon’s silence. 

“You know, on the long expanse of the hearing and all the background checking I did in your whole family, I don’t remember ever seeing a son of yours.” Yixing introduced another topic that’s been bugging him for a while. “And that’s what like, five years ago? How come do you have a son that’s almost 7 years old?”

“It’s none of your business.” Junmyeon replied quickly. 

“But it could be, soon.” Yixing answered. A bitter taste filled Junmyeon’s throat and his mood immediately turning sour on Yixing’s implication. 

Could he bear another man acting as a second father to Jaejin? He was jealous yet thankful for Jinki being there, but he knew very well that he could’ve been a better father than anyone given that he knew that he had a child. So could he stomach Jaejin growing up with another man? 

Could he see you be happy again with someone that’s not him? 

“Junmyeon, I’m not after anything malicious nor do I have untoward intentions about Y/N. I like her, I know you’re well aware of how great of a woman she is. It was unexpected for me to find out that she has a child, who you father. But my intentions with her is pure, and you have nothing to worry about. Whether regarding your business, your name, or her feelings.” Yixing patted Junmyeon’s shoulder, an action that shocked the latter. 

“That is unless if you want to get back with her, a judgement and a choice that only she could make.” 

And Yixing’s last words reverberated in all of the chambers of Junmyeon’s mind all throughout his ride home. Eventually seeping in his consciousness deep enough to keep him awake at night. It got him wondering if there are still the odds of you choosing to get back with Junmyeon again. 

He remembers his utmost devastation when you left him, citing the difference in interests and that you grew apart from each other due to spending too much time apart among other reasons. Junmyeon spent weeks, and even months leading to years of blaming himself for losing you. Not knowing your real reasons, he always thought that he should’ve prioritized the guiding light of his life over the corporate interests that he wasn’t fully agreeing on. 

Junmyeon just thought that if your real reason for leaving him was finding out about his corrupted double life, did you still love him when you left? And if so, is there any string of such affection left in your heart until now? Did you just try and disregard the weight of being apart with other things, the same way Junmyeon did? He distracted himself with multitudes of work to try and convince himself that he doesn’t wish for you to have not left at all. Junmyeon trained his mind to shut off all the loneliness, the longing, and eventually lock away all the love left for you in the most secluded part of his heart. 

But the truth still stands - that love is still there. No matter how many distractions he tries to flood his days with, how much he try and stop himself from feeling anything, he never really tried to move on. And now that you’re back, with a child of his own blood, the love that he tried so hard not to remember now just demands to be felt, yet again. 

Your hand was firm and decisive on the pen as you signed along the dotted lines and on your printer name. You’ve made up your mind, and you know very well that this is the right thing to do. 

“The process wouldn’t take that long as Jaejin didn’t have a father stated on his birth certificate. It would be easy for us to defend using both of your statements that you two were only apart during the child’s birth.” Atty. Kim reassured as you put down the shiny metal red fountain pen. 

“The court wouldn’t be needing a DNA test anymore?” Sehun curiously asked across you, as he sits beside Junmyeon. 

“No, as long as Mr. Kim recognizes Jaejin as his son, which he already did in his affidavit, there wouldn’t be any questions. And besides, I believe it would be easy to prove that the two of them were in a relationship by the time Jaejin was conceived.” Junmyeon’s attorney explained once more. 

“Another thing, Mr. Kim. I know there’s no immediate need for this, but I suggest that you make revisions in your will and testaments. Probably put Jaejin as your recipient?” The attorney spoke once more, his left hand realigning his glasses on his old eyes. 

“No.” You interrupted quickly, shocking the other three in the room. “I believe that we need to discuss about it first, right Junmyeon?” You smiled back at the familiar face across the oakwood table. 

“I think the will can follow soon after, I don’t think there’s a need for it anytime soon.” Junmyeon responded to the attorney and smiled reassuringly back to you, indicating that he understood your underlying concern. 

“So it’s official.” Junmyeon remarked, a wide and satisfied grin painted on his face as his hand lingered on the papers atop of the table. “By all means, everyone including the law now recognizes my son as, well, my son.” He gave off a nervous yet obviously joyful laugh. And if you look closer in his eyes, you’re sure that he’s close to shedding a tear or two. 

“As if anyone would doubt that, the two of you look like the same person in two different times.” Sehun joked as all of you stood up and accompanied the lawyer outside of the library. 

“I’ll inform you and Mr. Kim once the papers are official. Thank you.” You shook hands with the tenured lawyer as he made his way down the halls and eventually out of the Kim mansion. 

“You look happy.” You said to Junmyeon as you walked side by side towards the living area, the both of you closely followed by Sehun behind you. 

“Of course I am. I’ve waited so long for this. Not that a piece of paper matters, but I’m officially his father.” His cheekbones raised as he smiled, a joy that’s more evident in the shine of his eyes. 

“You’ve always been his father, Jun. I don’t have the right to take that away from you.” You said reassuringly as you caressed his left arm with your right hand, an action that made him react as if he’s been electrified. “You okay?” 

“No, I’m just. I’m just really happy and I think so much energy is in me right now.” He answered with a laugh as he shrugged off. “But thank you, really. For giving me a chance to be in Jaejin’s life.” Junmyeon spoke again, to which you only answered a smile that he quickly understood. 

To say that Junmyeon was over the moon since Jaejin recognized him as his father was an understatement. It was evident in all his actions that Junmyeon had a new driving force in living his everyday life. You noticed that his face lit up differently, and he wore a smile every waking day as he makes his way to Jaejin’s room. It has already been a habit of his to wake up earlier and be the one to wake up his son, saying it’s a good way to get Jaejin used of his presence in the younger’s life. As if they’re not inseparable as of the moment. 

“Do you have plans for dinner? I was thinking if we could go out with Jaejin?” Junmyeon introduced the topic as you walked along expanse of the living room. 

“I actually have plans with Yixing tonight.” You answered rather silently, knowing that there was an ongoing rift between the two. 

“He actually wants to meet Jaejin…” You stopped in the middle of your sentence to sense his mood. 

“...that is if you don’t mind, of course. I wouldn’t bring Jaejin if it makes you uncomfortable.” You continued as Junmyeon’s face was void of any reaction.

“No, it’s okay. I’m sure Jaejin would want to meet whoever you’re dating. You know, sons get territorial over their moms - usually.” Junmyeon attempted a laugh but it was obviously empty sounding. And you weren’t sure what to feel about it. 

“Okay, if you say so.” You said with a smile, searching his face for any second thoughts. But instead, his face melted into a soft warm smile. “I’ll see you later. I left a small present on your office desk, should go check it out later.” And you didn’t even think twice to put an innocent peck on his cheek.

The contact didn’t even last for more than a split second, yet the resurgence of the memory of how soft his cheeks were flooded your senses. How it started like that, chaste kisses on the cheek after he drops you off at your dorm. The quick pecks each time he does a little favor such as opening a stubborn bottle of soda. It was the very same kiss on the peak of his left cheek. And you could tell that he shared the same sentiment in the gloss that formed in his eyes. 

“I’ll go ahead, I need to get dressed and prepare Jaejin too.” You said in haste, not wanting to indulge in further nostalgia that flooded the atmosphere. And you were quick on your heels to turn and walk towards your room in the expanse of Junmyeon’s mansion.

Junmyeon was left standing there, with his younger cousin grinning mischievously behind him as he felt the joyously painful flashbacks that his cousin felt. After all, Sehun knows him well. 

Sehun was there when Junmyeon was almost passed out drunk at the bar a two months after you left him. It took more than a month for the fact that you left him to sink in Junmyeon’s senses. He flooded himself with work, aided by the fact that his father’s physique has been continuously weakening so he had to be in charge. Sehun saw how Junmyeon busied himself until the wee hours of the night to have no chance of remembering that you’re gone. 

Sehun was Junmyeon’s accomplice and removing all traces of your name in the company records - not in result of bitterness but to keep you safe. The company was already in hot waters few months after you left, and Junmyeon needed to make sure that you wouldn’t be involved in any shit that may happen in case they scavenge all existing legalities that the company has. 

Sehun knew how much Junmyeon struggled with his loss, and how much he wanted you back - how much he wanted you still. 

“What was that, hyung? Don’t tell me you’re letting yourself lose your mother and son to that Chinese bastard?” Sehun tapped the older’s shoulder as he made sure that you faded away in the background, unable to hear his mocking. 

“What, who said I’m losing my family to Yixing?” Junmyeon tried to fake arrogance, but his facade was sheer to all senses. 

“Why would you just let him meet Jaejin? First you let him date Y/N and now even build a relationship with your child?” Sehun asked in curiosity, knowing that Junmyeon was never one to just give up without putting up a fight.

“What do you expect me to do, boss her around and keep her from doing what she wants to do? Jaejin already knows that I’m his dad, I have nothing to worry about.” Junmyeon answered. But it almost felt like he was convincing himself instead. 

“So what, you’ll just settle on this… being friends, or co-parents, whatever pretentious shit you call it with her and just focus on Jaejin?” Sehun advanced to Junmyeon’s front as they walked towards the gardens. “And don’t ever try to tell me that you’re over her because I bet all my car and limbs that you aren’t.” 

“No, of course not.” Junmyeon said with a smile. “It’s my duty as Jaejin’s father to try my best to give him a whole, loving family. I know that there’s an expectation in him for us to be the common setup of a family. And I couldn’t let him down, no.”

“Then what are you doing? Why aren’t you doing anything to try and win her back now?”

“She left me for a reason, a strong and compelling reason that I understand. And as much as I don’t want it to, that reason still exists. I don’t deserve her back just yet. If I’m going to try and win her back, I need to be the man she deserves not the Junmyeon she left.” He said with a smile plastered on his face, a peek of hope and wonder if you’ll actually take him back by then. 

Sehun just stood beside him as Junmyeon sat on one of the wooden chairs in the grandiose veranda, still struggling to comprehend what the other just implicated. 

“Speaking of that, Sehun, I need to talk to your dad.” Junmyeon spoke changing in a more serious and stern tone.

And somehow, Sehun understood how Junmyeon will fix that reason - how he’ll get rid of the illicit business he’s been cursed with. 

Jaejin was in Yixing’s hands as you all went down his car, with you carrying the grocery bags filled with food you’re set to cook in his apartment. The both of you opted for a more laid-back date as your son was coming. Yixing also thought it would be a good idea for them to play console in his pad. 

“You need help in the bags?” Yixing asked, as Jaejin sat his head on the man’s shoulders whilst he carried the boy effortlessly with one hand. 

“No, no. I could manage, you already have my heavy boy.” You joked with a chuckle, as you both entered the elevator to his floor. 

Jaejin was quick to power back up once all of you settled inside, energized by the promise of the vivid game of Mario Kart that awaited him at the living room. You’re not sure if he understands who Uncle Yixing really is or his role to your life. But Jaejin, being the polite and courteous kid you raised him to be, was quick to trust anyone you introduce to him with a smile. 

“I’ll just prepare the spaghetti okay, dear? Be a good boy here with Uncle Xing and you’ll get a lot of meatballs.” You said, trying to enthuse and calm the child in the new uncharted territory that is Yixing’s apartment

“Yes, mama.” Jaejin answered with his cheeky smile, the very copy of Junmyeon’s grin. And it stirred up a sense of unease in your stomach. 

You shot a smile to Yixing’s direction, and he nodded reassuringly. So you stood up and made your way into the kitchen to prepare dinner. 

The root of the unease was easy to pinpoint, Yixing and Jaejin looked unfitting with each other. Yes, they shared smiles and giggles, but someone already looks perfect when carrying your son. You know that there exists an image so faultless that no “good” or “just right” would compare. Junmyeon’s dynamic with Jaejin, how the way they look is already an affirmation that they have the same blood. And how, despite years of being unaware of each other’s existence, they move the same. There was no denying that Jaejin was Junmyeon’s child. 

The savory smell of tomato sauce and meat filled the humble spaces of Yixing’s obviously-bachelor apartment. One of your best, and Jaejin’s undisputed favorite. Which you deliberately chose to prepare in case of the small chance that he’ll show toddler tantrums. 

“Because you’re a good handsome boy, you get all the spaghetti you want. Is that good?’ You asked the boy in front of you, his small hands quickly letting go of the Nintendo Switch controller at the sight of the red pasta stuffed bowl in your hands. 

“Mama’s spaghetti!” He cheered in the most juvenile of tones. 

Catching Yixing’s eyes as he adores the display of innocence in front of him, it made you smile. Yixing has a warm heart and he obviously loves kids. He was sincere in expressing how much he wanted to meet Jaejin, and you’re glad that Junmyeon gave the go signal. 

All three of you were covered in laughter and fun as you finished the food as you sat on the carpeted floor. Yixing was feeling comfortable enough in the scenario to unnoticeably hold your hand while Jaejin plays solo on the console. But then you quickly remember that you have a smart and observant 6-year old child in the room. 

“Uncle Xing, why are you holding my Mama’s hand?” Jaejin even crossed his arms in a display of displease. And you remember sons’ tendencies to get a little bit territorial with their mothers. 

“It’s okay, baby.” You try and calm down your protective boy. “Uncle Xing is mama’s friend.” 

“No, but you told me only people who love each other only hold hands.” Jaejin answered with a pout, and now you regret explaining teenagers who held hands in a park back in LA that way. 

“Jaejin-ah, you see, Uncle Xing likes your Mama. That’s why I’m holding her hand because I like her.” Yixing tried to explain with a wishfully childlike tone. “One day you’ll understand when you like a girl, you’ll hold her hand too.”

“But, does my Mama like you?” Jaejin cracked the tough question himself, and you feel both eyes on you, vying for your answer.

“Yes, baby, Mama likes Uncle Xing. That’s why I’m letting him hold my hand, it’s okay.” You said with a smile to the both of them. 

“But what about Dad? Doesn’t Mama like Dad, too? Aren’t you supposed to love Dada? I want you to love Dada because he loves me too.” Jaejin fired a barrage of questions and demands that are natural to a child, but hard to give for you adults. 

Jaejin’s pout grew larger, and his eyes started watering - obviously upset with what he heard. Maybe he had this notion, whether it be from a book or a show that he watched that parents are supposed to love each other. Well, that’s usually the case, but sometimes there are exemptions. And your setup just happened to fall on one of them. 

“Jaejin-ah, your Mama loves you, and I’m sure your Dada loves you too. That’s what important right?” Yixing ushered the child onto his lap as he tried to console the disheartened child. 

“No… I want Mama to be with Dada. So they can love me.” And that was when the water gates broke and Jaejin started crying, and your heart broke too.

He was so young, so young to experience the heartbreak that is of separated parents. And it broke you even further that you’re the reason of such pain. But then again, your morals redound you to your reasons. And it was better to have Jaejin’s heart broken by the truth rather than live a life that’s trailed to wrongdoings. And the what if’s and maybes started playing in your mind, a broken record that etched its way into the chambers of your mind. Echoing like a ghost that haunted your conscience and your reality. 

What if there was a way to not break your child’s heart? What if there’s a possibility of you getting back with Junmyeon after all? What if you and Junmyeon tried? 

It took half an hour to calm Jaejin down from his woes. You exchanged worried and apologetic looks from Yixing, as he blamed himself from pulling the trigger to Jaejin’s sadness. But he tried to be as realistic as he could, he knew that keeping the truth from Jaejin would hurt him more in the long run. And it’s a mindset that you understood.

“I’m sorry for that, I didn’t mean to ruin the mood.” Yixing rubbed his nape in embarrassment. 

“No, I understand why you did it. I’m going to have to break it into him one way or another, maybe it was just unexpected for it to go down like this.” You attempted an empty laughter, an attempt of reassurance to the worried man in front of you. 

“I hope Junmyeon wouldn’t go ballistic after I made his child cry.” Yixing attempted a joke. 

“I’ll be the one to explain it to him.” You smiled, as you caressed Jaejin’s sleeping form on the couch. Facedown as a result of all the energy he spent crying for the past half hour. The thing is Jaejin has always been a well behaved child, so the fact that he showed this demeanor is already indicative of how big of a deal it is to him. 

“Speaking of, can I ask you a favor?” You spoke once more to Yixing’s silent figure sitting unusually slouched beside you. Who answered a simple hum in curiosity of the favor you’re asking for. 

“Would you mind if I read… the case files? Or hearing transcripts, whichever you still have, from the Kim Shipping Lines case?” You walked on thin ice, not knowing how he’ll see the request as. 

“What for?” His forehead creased in confusion.

“Well, I need answers to my questions. The unbiased and unfiltered one, that is. And I know it’s only there where I can get such.” You explained. 

Yixing pursed his lips as he thought about the request, before his lips opened again in response. “Sure, let me get it for a while.” 

He stood up and went to his room, as you were left there with a sleeping Jaejin, nervous of what to expect in the case files. It could only lead to either of the two things, a retribution for Junmyeon’s name, or dousing more fuel to the fire that caused this mess ever since. 

With your bag filled with case files from a five year old case and Jaejin sleeping in your arms, you walk back to the front door. It was promptly opened by the househelp in Junmyeon’s mansion. And you swear you weren’t even five steps in the marble floored house when you heard a commotion seemingly coming from the gardens. 

“Ajumma, can you please take Jaejin upstairs? I need to check on what’s happening over there.” You gently and softly transferred Jaejin into one of the househelp’s arms, trying not to ruin the soundness of his sleep. 

Quickly making your way to the backyard gardens, you saw a figure that you wish you wouldn’t have ever seen. It just made things worse, even before you had the chance to turn a page in the case files that should’ve been his chance to mend things. 

“Junmyeon!” You called out in anger, and all pairs of eyes were suddenly in trained towards you. As Junmyeon, with fury imbedded in his eyes, still held the gun with shaking hands as he pointed it to his own friend Minseok - his face already bloody and bruised.

Junmyeon was delighted to see a photo album on his office desk, it was the small gift you were pertaining to earlier. It was a mix of emotions to see how the past 6 years unfolded for his dear son. Even seeing your pregnancy photos made his regrets and desire to have been there increase tenfold. How he wishes that he felt Jaejin’s tiny little kicks in your tummy while he was still inside. What a dream would it be to have been there, sharing your moment of labour with you. It guts him to think that you had to shoulder all the pain and hardships alone. He should’ve been there, he should’ve been the one to carry that weight - he could’ve been the best father, the best husband. 

“Wow, even as a newborn, you could already tell that Jaejin was going to be a good looking guy like you, ain’t it?” Sehun remarked enthusiastically as they flipped to a page that showed the still bloodied and closed eyed newborn baby. 

“How do you even see what a newborn would look like?” Minseok joked in return, as he sat on the other side of Junmyeon who’s silently admiring and treasuring the feeling of seeing these for the first time. 

“I mean, you could see the nose. And of course those cheeks, you could already see that Jaejin would look like a bunny.” Sehun replied. 

They quickly flipped through a few pages, until those of Jaejin’s first birthday was now shown. There weren’t a lot of people, only few of your workmates attended as you were just starting your life in LA.

But one picture caught Junmyeon’s eyes. 

He wasn’t expecting any familiar faces in the album, knowing that he doesn’t know a lot of people in LA. But there was an extremely familiar face, holding is then unknown son as the man held a toy in his other hand. You weren’t in the picture, but the background is still that of Jaejin’s first birthday party. Oddly, the stuffed toy was familiar to Junmyeon too. It was because he bought it, for the orphan child Minseok told him he was a benefactor to. 

And it was Minseok who carried his child, with a soft and jubilant expression painted on his face. 

“Wait, Minseok-hyung, isn’t that you?” Sehun remarked naively. Junmyeon didn’t move, neither did Minseok. 

Minseok knew, all this time. He knew that you and Junmyeon had a child, but he never said a word to his closest friend. The friend that he had since high school, the frat brother that he had in college - Minseok chose to be an accomplice in hiding the truth that Junmyeon deserved to know. 

“How did you know?” Junmyeon asked, still not facing the man on his right. His tone stern and threatening. 

Minseok wasn’t able to form any word, his silence an enough affirmation to Junmyeon that he is, indeed, aware of Jaejin’s existence - not that the picture isn’t enough proof.

“Since when did you know?” Junmyeon repeated, Sehun’s mouth dropped agape in the heightened tension around him. 

“I saw her in LA when she was pregnant. She told me the reason why she left, and she asked me to stay silent.” Minseok exhaled and spoke in a calm yet serious tone, standing firm on his ground and reason on why he hid the truth for so long. 

“You never planned to tell me?” It came out of Junmyeon’s mouth more of like a growl rather than a form of speech. 

“A promise is a promise, Jun.” Minseok remarked. 

“You were never going to fucking tell me!?” Junmyeon suddenly stood up, causing the chair behind him to fall down with a loud thud. “You saw how much I fucked up my life after she left, and all this time you knew that I had a child and you never told me?!” Junmyeon’s voice roared through the silence in the garden. Sehun already stood up to try and hold back Junmyeon’s agitation. 

“She had a reason.” Minseok tried to stay calm once more. 

“You didn’t even think I deserve to explain?! You made me look like a stupid fool all these years acting pointless and in haywire after my life fell into pieces and you’ll still have the guts to show yourself in my house, all these time?” Junmyeon’s anger was translated on the way his voice boomed. 

And just when Minseok tried to stand up, Junmyeon’s fist landed a hard punch on his right eye - producing a cut that quickly bled after contact. 

“YOU WERE ALMOST LIKE MY BROTHER!” Minseok was forced down to the floor after Junmyeon went for another strike, now on his lip. 

“Hyung!” Sehun appealed behind, trying to hold back Junmyeon’s angered physique that wanted to charge again to his old friend. 

Junmyeon stood back, and just as Sehun felt almost relieved - he saw Junmyeon ran three big steps to the bodyguard standing near them, pull the gun that sat on the latter’s holster and point it at Minseok. 

It all happened in a whim, a few seconds on standstill except for Junmyeon’s shaking hands unable to pull the trigger. 

That’s when your voice suddenly echoed from the mansion’s backdoor. “Junmyeon!” 

Junmyeon saw the anger, disgust, and disappointment all painted in your face. Your heavy breathing due to shock at the scenario seen before you got Junmyeon’s heart racing, knowing that all you see was him holding a gun against his friend, bruised and bloodied on the floor. He fucked up, again, harder than he ever did before. 

You took two deep breaths, trying to recuperate from the impact of the scandalizing image in front of you. “You just proved to me that I’m right. You’re a fucking monster, Kim Junmyeon.” 

And for the second time, he felt as if all of the weight in the world dawned on him as you turned your back and walked away from him - again.