#finally went to a doctor to see about my chronic ear infections which keep coming back

[stinkrascal]

[donnerpartyofone]

TL;DR - i finally got an MRI for my ear, which has been fucked up and constantly clogged since september and developed tinnitus in february, and apparently, supposedly, there is nothing wrong with it. so there’s nothing to do about it. so just like with my eye and my skin and my lung and my etc, i have a problem that i can’t do anything about, that i can’t even get the satisfaction of a diagnosis for, and i’m so pissed off about how much time and energy i’ve spent trying to improve things for myself when there was absolutely no point in doing so, that i just want to set my body on fire to really show it what i think of it.

i’m so, so mad. the last couple of months have been almost nothing but wall to wall doctor’s appointments, and with zero exception, they have all been a complete waste of time. it hurts because my body tortures me, of course, but it hurts worse than that because i convinced myself that i HAD to do this, that it was Mature to face my fear of doctors and generally the Right Thing to Do, when i absolutely didn’t want to do any of this at all.

i suffer a lot from an internalized impression of myself as being lazy, defeatist, and dramatic. it comes from a lot of places. i grew up in an environment where i was the only open depression sufferer, under one parent who definitely considered depression to be an antisocial behavioral problem, to be treated like any other shallow cry for attention. i also grew up in an environment full of obvious talents, all of whom would go on to be published, or even public figures, and not to be a complete asshole, but the idea that “you can do anything you put your mind to” is kept alive by people who have the baseline talent necessary to succeed at things they put their minds to. if you subscribe to the idea that success requires nothing other than commitment, then the implication is that all failure is a matter of laziness, petulance, and defeatism--never lack, never inferiority, never ordinariness. on top of all this, my personal interests--horror, sexually graphic media, comics, underground music movements, the usual roundup of morbid or antisocial cultural items--were considered pretty much...well, not very adult. so what i’m coming to is that if i can’t prove my adulthood in any way that has to do with who i am or what i’m capable of, then the very least i can do is Be Responsible. (and of course i get made fun of all the time for being an uptight rule follower but JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, LITERALLY WHAT ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO DO)

one of the main ways you can Be Responsible, if you have the means that is, is to look after your health. the world is full of icky, boring, degrading, depersonalizing, and occasionally painful tasks that are necessary to keep the societal cogs turning. if you can’t make art or have ideas or be beautiful or become an athlete or whatever, you can still show that you’re alive and generally hygienic by going to the dmv, voting, showing up for jury selection, or going to the doctor. you can still grasp the final shred of integrity offered to you by doing things no one wants to do, but that we know are necessary for the vitality of self and society. so i’m extra good at doing stuff that people my age frequently shirk--the dentist appointments, the doing your taxes the second the forms come in, etc--because they’re sort of the only things i can do that prove that i’m not, you know, a complete piece of shit.

so this year, at the start of february, i decided i was going to get a real handle on my health. i’d been going to doctors for various things already, of course, even though it was pretty much never satisfying; the only thing i can think of that ever got fixed or explained was the pathological growth of scar tissue over my eyeballs, which required some pretty fucked up surgery. but at this time, i had a lot of problems building up. my left eye developed a small spot, and a constant glare that borders on having double vision. my right ear remained completely stuffed up since i had a cold last fall, and began to ring constantly at the end of the winter. my right lung has felt alarmingly tight and weak for...years actually. the right side of my face is constantly beet red, like i go fresh with somebody’s wife, and i can see how it’s thickening and bending my flesh all out of shape, which rosacea will do progressively and incurably throughout your entire life. i decided that instead of quaking in fear of doctors, and also in fear of wasted time, i was going to straighten my back and go nip this shit in the bud. after all, when you’re miserable but not doing anything about it, people kind of hate you, and then you have THAT problem on top of all your real problems. sometimes you gotta give the people what they want.

so how did it all go?

my skin: since no insurance company considers rosacea a medical problem, which is actually complete fucking bullshit, i decided to take matters into my own hands. i researched what rich people do for their uninsurable problem, and decided to use my recent (traumatic) inheritance to take care of myself. i tried three different preposterously expensive topical treatments that i was told are a “magic bullet” for rosacea, and all of them made my face blow up like a fucking macy’s day balloon. then, after four rounds of extremely expensive, painful and scary laser treatments, i had absolutely no results other than that my face was actually MORE reactive for about a month after the last one. i’m fucked.

my eye: according to my optometrist and ophthalmologist and corneal specialist it’s “just” regular scar tissue from my terrifying surgeries, not the pathological scar tissue that i had to have removed via terrifying surgery and localized chemotherapy. this kind of sucks because it means i can’t just get it removed again, but at least there is a slight chance that my body will reabsorb it like regular scar tissue. (oh yeah? and what’s my luck USUALLY like?) my only “treatment option” is to use eyedrops four times a day, which is actually extremely uncomfortable, and which pretty much means i’m just not allowed to wear makeup ever again.

my lung: after two rounds of clear x-rays and a breathing test that only detected slight asthma, through two GPs and a pulmonologist, nobody has anything to say about why i have this chronic breathing problem. there’s some indication that it might be a “muscular-skeletal problem” that’s putting pressure on the one lung, so i guess i need to add a physical therapist or something to my endless list of specialists.

my ear: two or three trips to urgent care (i forget how many now), two GPs, an ENT, a fucking weird hearing test, and an MRI have done absolutely nothing for me. after a cold with a sinus/ear infection last fall, my right ear remained permanently slammed shut; if i pop it, it closes back up in seconds. i do not have the same problem with the other ear, it is clearly a physical problem. in february, my ear began to ring agonizingly and has not stopped for a second. in all this time, i went through round after round of antibiotics, antihistamines, anti-inflammatories, steroids, etc. nothing works. no one can see any type of problem. apparently i have the option of electing to have a tube surgically inserted into my ear, although i can’t quite figure out what the risk factor is, both for my tinnitus, and for my hearing in general. 

and OF COURSE, depression: part of the stigma against depression is that it’s a choice, somehow. like fresh air and exercise and looking on the bright side are so effective that if you’re depressed, it must be because you LIKE IT THAT WAY, because otherwise you would use these simple and free cures for your so-called illness and it would be all over, right? anyway i kind of hate being depressed, and i’ve been working my fucking ass off trying to deal with it. i see a nutritional therapist (a licensed psychiatrist) who prescribed me a number of nutritional supplements that i do think help, but they are unthinkably hard on my stomach. i tried lexapro, and it made me feel so abnormal, and cut into my general quality of life so badly, that i didn’t keep it up. i tried a generic version of wellbutrin, and it made me violently sick to my stomach, and caused my ringing ear to ring deafeningly for days after a single dose. the brand name version wasn’t much better. then i tried lamictal, and felt totally great AND NORMAL for like a week, and then i got the rare and potentially deadly lamictal rash. sometimes this just indicates a basic allergy, and sometimes it indicates Stevens-Johnson Syndrome which causes something called TOXIC EPIDERMAL NECROLYSIS WHICH REQUIRES LONG TERM HOSPITALIZATION TO GROW YOUR SKIN BACK. i had to deal with this on the day of mandatory final exam presentations in a class where i was already struggling, and this was one of the darkest days i can recently remember. after this, my psychiatrist tried to prescribe me abilify, but after i started to hear about the side effects and personal testimony of certain friends, i decided i couldn’t handle it. very possibly, i just cannot be medicated for depression, unless i’m willing to sacrifice everything else around the depression too. 

...this is all pretty much a retread of an experience i had for a few years, a few years ago, where i was having these abnormal paps, so they constantly had to drill painful core samples out of my cervix to keep checking up on the NOTHING that was going on in there, until one day they were just like...uh your tests are coming back fine now, and we don’t know why they didn’t before, and it just doesn’t matter, you don’t have to do this anymore PLUS you could have just been sitting on your couch jerking off this entire time and it would have done exactly as much good as this cycle of being humiliated and tortured by doctors in a while that leaves you curled up in a ball sobbing every time. i’m still pretty pissed off about it, if you can’t tell.

so like i don’t know why the fuck i’m doing all this. i don’t know why i do anything. nothing fucking comes from even my most herculean effort except a relentless sense of mystery that is starting to border on satire. i don’t know why i have so many problems. i’m 38 years old and i’m in ok shape. i don’t have generalized immune issues or anything. my doctor said i have some of the best lab work she’s ever seen. why the fuck does all this shit happen to me. i’m trying so fucking hard to enjoy my life. it’s hard to be in mental and physical pain all the time, the latter for absolutely no coherent reason. i mean i’d rather have a bunch of random problems than like, lupus or MS or something, for sure, but everything that happens to me is so meaningless and arbitrary, i’m starting to get that feeling like god hates me. it’s also hard to have the constant feeling that so many people think that failure to enjoy life is exclusively a matter of “not trying hard enough”, being a pill, looking for attention. i don’t know what to do anymore. i’m real pissed. i think what i need is a change of philosophy, which will be a long hard road. at least i know it’s the one and only area where i, and only i, have some level of control. wish me luck.

[thepoliticalpatient]

Your unsolicited advice isn’t helpful

And it might even be harmful.

Story time from my own life. I have Crohn’s disease, which is a digestive disorder, which means that everyone feels entitled to give me their dietary advice.

I always figured there had to be some way I could change my diet to make my symptoms better, but my doctor said there weren’t really any known correlations between diet and disease severity. His best advice was to keep a diary of what I ate and how I felt and look for correlations on my own, as the relationship between diet and symptoms, if any exists, is usually highly individual.

I kept the diary. I tried different elimination diets. Never noticed a damn difference no matter what I did. But I couldn’t shake this feeling that I was responsible for my own malaise because I just hadn’t found the right things to eat yet. I began to associate eating with guilt, and it became a chore to eat at all. I would procrastinate or skip meals because it felt like no matter what I ate it would never be the right thing. I knew that not eating wasn’t a good option either, but when it came down to making a decision about what to eat it just seemed there wasn’t any option that wouldn’t make me worse off.

I weighed 74 pounds during the worst flares I had as a teenager. That is probably in larger part because of the diarrhea that comes with Crohn’s, but the disordered eating wasn’t helping.

The responsibility of keeping myself nourished finally became too much and I thought, if I have nothing in me at all, maybe my guts can finally rest and heal. I went to the hospital and requested to be put on IV nutrition. I was very sick at this point. My doctor recommended against it but I insisted. I was on IV nutrition for 2 months and I still didn’t heal until I switched up my medications. So please explain to me how eliminating X food from my diet is going to solve my problems if eating literally nothing at all doesn’t do the job. The decision to go on IV nutrition damn near killed me too because the catheter that was delivering the nutrition got infected and I went into septic shock.

I was getting kidney stones during this part of my life too, so I had to be on a low oxalate diet which required abstaining from many vegetables. In my other ear was a friend who was telling me I needed to try this crazy strict diet wherein you’re not allowed to eat any sugars or carbs. I remember looking at the intersection of these two dietary restrictions and seeing that pretty much the only acceptable foods I’d be allowed to have would be bananas and a particular type of yogurt that I would have to make myself following a strict recipe. And the sad thing is that I actually considered going on this all-bananas-and-yogurt diet.

I remember when I was in the hospital with my first small bowel obstruction, having a nurse ask me what I’d eaten that day and going off on me because I’d dared to have a donut. He was like, “How can you expect to be healthy when you’re eating crap like that?” Well buddy at this point in my life I was actually quite healthy, it was after my colectomy and I’d allowed myself to eat more freely because I wasn’t having Crohn’s symptoms anymore. I was in the hospital for a small bowel obstruction caused by scar tissue. Don’t shame me over having taken pleasure in a dessert. This same nurse also tried to push some kind of freaky aloe-drinking treatment on me as a miracle cure so I don’t know what the hell he was doing in the medical field.

Going off to college damn near broke my brain because I had to survive on dining hall food. I had myself convinced that everything there was going to kill me. Again I began with the obviously flawed thinking that eating nothing at all was better than eating bad food.

Anyway, this has turned into a long rant, but the TL;DR is that in hindsight I realize that I was exhibiting symptoms of orthorexia, which is an eating disorder. Here’s a definition that I’ve lifted from nationaleatingdisorders.org:

Those who have an “unhealthy obsession” with otherwise healthy eating may be suffering from “orthorexia nervosa,” a term which literally means “fixation on righteous eating.” Orthorexia starts out as an innocent attempt to eat more healthfully, but orthorexics become fixated on food quality and purity. They become consumed with what and how much to eat, and how to deal with “slip-ups.”

Basically, what I’d like to say to well-meaning people who wish to suggest lifestyle changes to chronically ill individuals is - just don’t. Trust me when I say that the chronically ill want nothing more than to be well, are highly educated on their conditions, already know their treatment options, and are trying their best to achieve wellness. They probably have already tried your suggestion, or they have a valid reason why they can’t or shouldn’t. But the pursuit of wellness can become extremely stressful and unhealthy when it requires us to go to extremes. So, please, trust in the intelligence of your sick friend and just keep your suggestions to yourself.

[flannagangladys]

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[allenmendezsr]

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“My Tonsil Stones Were Completely Gone In 4 Weeks…”

I got your book and did what you said and my tonsil stones were completely gone in about 4 weeks. It feels so good not to be embarrassed. This is the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me.

Banish Tonsil Stones

“Finally, you can discover exactly how to get rid of your tonsil stones for good… don’t even think about having a long, drawn out surgery or wasting your money on expensive nasal sprays and tablets.

This step-by-step program will show you exactly how to get rid of your tonsil stones naturally and ensure they never come back!”

From the desk of Diane Puttman creator of BanishTonsilStones.com

I know exactly what brought you here today!

I know how it feels to think at first that you can just cope with your tonsil stones and get through life without treating them. I understand what it’s like to have a boyfriend and not want to kiss him because your are embarrassed of your foul breath.

I remember what it felt like to be so ashamed of having this condition, trying to hide it from friends, family, even my partner. You’re not alone. I went through exactly the same roller coaster ride of emotions that anyone with tonsil stones goes through.

What if I told you there was a simple, easy and cheap way to permanently get rid of your tonsil stones for good without surgery?

“It Feels So Good No To Be Embarrassed”

Dear Diane,

I have suffered with tonsil stones for nearly a decade. When I first read your story, I felt an instant connection with you and your experiences.

I can not tell you how long it’s been since I didn’t feel self conscious being close to someone. I got your book and did what you said and my tonsil stones were completely gone in about 4 weeks. It feels so good not to be embarrassed. This is the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me.

“My Tonsil Stones Are Completely Gone”

I just wanted to say thank you for your book!

Finally, a simple solution to his problem that has plagued me for so long. I followed your method exactly and my tonsil stones were completely gone in 3 weeks. My breath was noticably better within a day. I couldn’t believe it. Something so simple, worked so well.

“You Have Changed My Life”

Ms. Puttman,

After I read your story, I realized that I was not alone with these awful tonsil stones. There were other people out there with the same thing. I had gotten to the point where I didn’t even want to kiss my husband.

Just like you, I went to the doctors but my tonsil stones always came back. They told me the only way to permanently get rid of them was to have surgery.

In a last ditch effort, I purchased your guide. I followed the steps exactly as you laid them out and now my tonsil stones are gone… and they’ve been gone for six months now. The best part is that I know that I can keep them from ever coming back.

I cannot say thank you enough. You have literally changed my life.

When I was 18 years old I had smelly balls clamped on my tonsils, and I thought I had tonsillitis..

My problems started when I was just 18 years old. When I first spotted these foul, smelly “balls” clumped on my tonsils, I thought I might have an infection in my throat, maybe even tonsillitis. There really wasn’t much pain associated with them but they eventually started appearing in my mouth as well as my tonsils. I would sometimes even cough them up. At this point, I thought I better go to the doctor. After quite a lot of poking and prodding, the doctor prescribed me some antibiotics and asked me to come back in when I had finished taking them.

Ten days later, I had finished the antibiotics but the tonsil stones were still present. So, my doctor prescribed more antibiotics, this time a different kind. But, after taking antibiotics twice, the tonsil stones were unphased and still in my throat. I just hoped they would go away on their own.

Eventually, I became convinced these stones were just food that was stuck in my throat. I would get a long Q-tip or even a chopstick and attempt to dislodge what was there but I was unable to remove them with these methods.

I went back into my Doctor and he referred me to an ear, nose, and throat specialist. As soon as he looked in my mouth he said, “looks like you have tonsil stones.”

“Tonsil what?” I replied. I had never heard of such a thing.

The specialist told me they were quite common and went on to describe the process by which the tonsil stones form.

Food particles were being trapped in the tiny crevasses on my tonsils. Over time the food would rot and cause bacteria in my throat, hence the foul smell and bad breath.

Then he told me the only solution to getting rid of tonsil stones was to undergo surgery and have my tonsils removed!

I had never had surgery before in my life and was very nervous so I did what any normal person does, I “googled” it on the Internet. I did some research and found out the average recovery time for an adult having a tonsillectomy was at least 3 weeks, sometimes even longer.

I could not afford to miss work for 3 weeks!

Then I read horror story after horror story about how painful the procedure was for an adult. How you couldn’t eat or drink for weeks. And how you had to stay all drugged up to numb the pain.

But the ear, nose, and throat specialist had told me that I would either have to cope with the tonsil stones or have them removed surgically. My heart sank. Tonsil stones were already causing me to avoid romantic relationships because of my foul breath. I was so ashamed. And now, unless I underwent a painful surgery, I was given a life sentence. I cried that night. Why me? Was I being punished for something I had done?

After feeling emotions of anger and guilt for about a week, I decided there was no way I was going to let these tonsil stones take control of my life any longer. Surely there must be a way to get rid of them without surgery. I decided to ignore what the doctor told me and

Tonsil Stones Treatment

find out the truth for myself.

I committed myself to learning anything and everything about tonsil stones and how to get rid of them without surgery.

I went on a mission to discover why so many people were affected with tonsil stones. I went to natural therapists, homeopathic doctors, and even a Chinese herbalist but they couldn’t help me. I took a slew of herbal medicines and natural antiseptic drops but nothing worked. The tonsil stones were still there.

After two years of this constant emotional battle, I finally found a different and viable solution to this common problem. It was quite simple, really, and it attacked the root cause of tonsil stones, not just the symptoms.

It was quite a journey to uncover something that really worked and I must admit, I was skeptical at first when I tried it. But the evidence was right there in front of my eyes. I decided that I might as well try it and see what happened. I had nothing to lose anyway so why not?

I truly didn’t think I would EVER get rid of the tonsil stones and the chronic bad breath that had tormented me for so long. However, I desperately wanted to feel better about myself and I wanted these tonsil stones GONE FOR GOOD, so I decided to give it my best try.

Within just a few days, I began to notice some improvement.

The extremely foul breath I had suffered with for years started to subside. After about 2 weeks the bad breath was completely gone and so was any sign of tonsil stones.

I couldn’t believe it. I held my hand in front of my face and exhaled. My breath was neutral. I rushed to the bathroom with a flashlight looking for any visible tonsil stones in the mirror. NOTHING. I swallowed several times and my throat was completely clear.

My tonsil stones were gone, forever! I finally felt free again!

“It Worked… Thank You!”

Dear Diane,

Thank you so much for sharing this information. My doc would only tell me surgery was the only option. But your method, it worked. It was simple and it was easy. Thank you!

“Anyone Can Cure Their Tonsil Stones”

Dear Ms Puttman:

Thank you so much for writing this book. It gave me a clear understanding of exactly why people get tonsil stones.

Once I understood exactly what was causing my tonsil stones, it was so easy to get rid of them permanently. Really, anyone can cure their tonsil stones with this method.

“Thank you for giving me my life back!”

Thank you for giving me my life back. I tried just about everything under the sun to get rid of my tonsil stones. After reading your ebook and following your treatment, I’m cured!

I have been suffering with this most of my adult life and tried everything shy of surgery to get rid of them – none which worked. I couldn’t believe how simple the cure was.

Everyone with tonsil stones should try this.

So, may I ask you, what have you done in an attempt to get rid of your tonsil stones? No doubt you’ve tried most of the same things I did. You may even be considering a painful, drawn out surgery to have your tonsils removed. Have you given up on trying to find a cure for your tonsil stones and “settled” for coping with them the best you can?

Let me tell you right now, it doesn’t have to be this way!

You do NOT have to live with tonsil stones any longer.

Nearly 10 years have passed since my amazing discovery. I can honestly and confidently tell you,

MY TONSIL STONES HAVE NEVER RETURNED!

I created this simple guide for getting rid of your tonsil stones once and for all to spread the word to the countless other people out there who are going through the same misery I did, desperately looking for a cure but unable to find one. And, to help those people who have given up and decided to “cope” with disgusting tonsil stones.

I wrote my story and am sharing the exact program I followed to get rid of tonsil stones forever because you need to know that there is something you can do. You don’t need to suffer with this embarrassing ailment any longer. This is an easy and inexpensive solution to a problem that won’t go away on its own.

You can get rid of your tonsil stones without drugs or painful surgeries.

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60-DAY CASH BACK GUARANTEE

If at any time within the next 60 days of purchase you’re not completely satisfied with everything found in Banish Tonsil Stones guide. Simply let me know and I’ll return your purchase price immediately and in full. No Questions Asked! No ifs, ands, buts, or maybes. No hidden clauses, asterisks or small print.

YES!!! I want to INSTANTLY SECURE my copy for the heavily discounted price of just $77.00 $37

[d1tman-blog]

Here is my life...(I sent this to my medical provider, Piedmont Healthcare)

I am sending this here because I can't get it to my medical team any other way. I can't afford ink for my printer, so I can't print the excerpt to hand it them, and it is too long to send in MyChart. My Care Team consists of Dr Sanjay Sarin, Dr Ashish Bhimani, Dr Garry McCulloch, Barbara Conlon, NP, and Hannah Folds, NP. Because I for some reason usually don't feel as terrible during my visits to the medical team, it seems like the day to day feeling shitty all the time isn't taken into account. Dr Sarin asks if I have gone to work every time I visit him, but I do well to walk across my living room many days, much less hold down a job. To give you all an idea what being Tommy Johns is like, I am including excerpts from my diary. It is a bit long, but shows pretty well what it is like being me. I don't have a death wish, so please don't try to do the psychiatric exam on me. I don't need one, and I will just quit Piedmont and go to another healthcare facility. .......................       ..Diary Excerpts 3 Before you get started on the diary, put something that mildly buzzes next to your ear. Keep it there a few minutes. That is one of the things I have going on 24/7/365, and have had it for 3 years (tinnitus). Now get a belt and tighten it as tight as you can by hand around your head. that is what I feel 24/7/365:                                                             My life changed drastically and unalterably in early October, 2015. I had gotten that terrible flu that went round Atlanta and did not understand or recognize it's severity until I felt as if I would not draw another breath. I woke up one Sunday morning unable to breathe. I could only breathe sitting straight up. Monday morning I made a doctor appointment with my general practitioner. To make a long story short, I ended up in the hospital in late October  for the 1st of 14 times, sometimes only 5 days per stay, sometimes as long as 9 days (as of 5/23/2018).  I remained in the hospital a week. The flu had developed into pneumonia, and bacteria from the pneumonia damaged my heart even more than the childhood illness did), causing congestive heart failure, atrial fibrillation, and an enlarged heart. Complications from these and from the medicines to combat it have also caused renal insufficiency and elevated liver enzymes. I am now on 9 medications to combat the diseases. I have also had two TIAs (mini strokes) and precancerous polyps were removed from my colon. To those who will be conducting and/or involved in my funeral:                                                     Don't spend any more money than necessary to bury me. If I am near death and someone finds me, don't use heroic measures to save me. Just keep me from as much pain as possible. It is in many respects difficult to contemplate death, but the facts and my present condition preclude a long life, so I will end this journey shortly.  I am comforted by the words attributed to Julius Caesar in Shakespeare's novel: " Cowards die many times before their deaths. The valiant taste of death but once. Of all the wonders that I yet have heard, It seems to me most strange that men should fear death, Seeing that death, a necessary end, Will come when it will come." To be honest, I will be glad when this life of misery and pain is over. I wish it would have been different.  I wish that all I had dreamed and aspired to had become reality. The circumstances have dealt a different path though. I have taken a very different road in life than I ever would have imagined. There is so much to say: The loss of broken and unrealized dreams, expectations unfilled, life cut short. I hope my ramblings on Facebook, Twitter and tumblr, and my encounters on this journey called life have had a positive impact on someone, and that I have made a positive difference in someone's life. I will keep a diary starting on page two of this document. I hope to live a long life, but It doesn't seem like that is to be. I have made some tremendous mistakes in my life, but hope the good I have done outweighs the bad. There isn't a day that goes by when I am not saddened unbearably by losing the love of family.  To everyone, I love you. Diary: 10/18/2016. I felt pretty fair throughout most of the day, although I haven't slept a lot. I haven't really kept track but I believe I slept about 4 hours from 4:30am until 8:30am, then from about 2:30pm until 4:30pm. I feel like sh*t now. Weak, heart beating hard... I think nearly every day about not living through this any more...Congestive heart failure, atrial fibrillation, and an enlarged heart - it is a bitch to live with - no energy, no stamina, hurting or in some type of discomfort constantly. 10/19/2016 Another day feeling like total sh*t. What else is there to say? 10/20/2016 I feel a little bit better today - still no energy to speak of. I hurt my back, so am dealing with that in addition to everything else.  I stay tired and sleepy nearly all the time... 10/21/2016 Can't sleep. Heart racing, lungs feel tight. 10/22/2016 went back on Proventil inhaler. I think last dose was about 10:45pm 10/21/2016. Have to wait another hour for another dose. can't breathe. Weak stomach tight/bloated. have dry cough. able to sleep 5 hours after 2nd dose of Proventil. Still no energy, no stamina. Throat and mouth dry. slept another 3 hours. Ear infection is back. Ear infection is bothering the hell out of me. Constant ringing. a little sick - don't know if it is from ear infection or other malady - had runny stool several times yesterday. Lost my appetite. Got prescriptions and started back taking them. I hope it gets me feeling better. Kevin's arraignment was Wednesday - charged with felony marijuana possession, misdemeanor marijuana possession, and drug paraphernalia. Finally getting a little hungry. Ate 1/2 Big Mac large meal earlier; Will finish it. Lasix is working me over. 10/23/2016 hard to breathe - can't sleep well. yet am almost overpoweringly sleepy. I finally got a little sleep - about 5 hours. Stomach is cramping, still no energy, no stamina. 10/24/2016 Woke up early - hard to breathe. don't have stamina or energy for sh*t. Get extremely tired when sitting in a chair and need to lie down and rest, but it takes a long time to sleep - if I am able to - because it is hard to breathe lying down.  made a doctor's appointment for Thursday at 3:30pm. 10/25/2016 same as yesterday. may be getting a little worse. 10/26/2016 my worst day yet. same as the days above, but can't get relief even for a moment. Constant pain and discomfort, tightening band around my head - helluva headache 11/8/2016 Still feel nauseous about 3/4 of the day each day. Doctors think it is the medicine that makes me sick: Indications for some of the meds say will make you sick. Kevin still has shitty attitude. He doesn't get it that he will need to impress the hell out of the jailers to get conditional release program. 11/11/2016 Sick as sh*t. I hope that is what is causing me to be so confrontational with people rather than me turning into an a**hole. I went off on Jecca. Got jealous because she contacted an old boyfriend of hers. Turns out he called her because he has some type of injury to  his hand and foot and wanted some sympathy. I told her if she continues contact with him I would start hanging with sluts and send her pictures. I told him I would stomp his ass if he kept contacting her. I got pretty nasty with her before we finally made up and resolved it. 11/12/2016 I have been off the diary except sporadically for a while. I thought I was getting better: No such luck. Started driving to class today and threw up all over myself and my car. I am extremely nauseous, and have a tremendous headache.  I get hungry as hell, but then get full after only two or three bites of food. Death would be a blessing. No energy, listless, no ambition, no drive. Headaches are the norm for me, and the ear infection is chronic with constant tinnitus. 11/13/2016 pretty much the same as yesterday. a general feeling of malaise, nauseated. 12/4/2016 I was invited to Christmas dinner. I hope I can have the energy to go. It is getting to the point I don’t even want to be around anyone. I just want to be in the comfort of my own home. Becoming even more of a recluse than normal. New medication regimen seems to be working a little better. Still feel weak and sleepy most of the time. I guess tinnitus will be permanent. 12/12/2016 Was invited to a show free of charge to sell my jewelry. I don’t have the stamina to set up my display, much less be there several hours. Headaches are normal, and tinnitus is constant. 4 days now with no sleep. Period. Zilch. Nada. Bupkis. 12/24/2016 I can’t make it to the Christmas dinner I was invited to. I don’t have the energy to go. Staying home and cooking chicken with vegetables. 11/14/2017 It has been a long time since the last entry, but what's the point? At least by reading it I discover again the pain and shitty feeling all the time are not new. I don't know what the merit is in that, but it makes me feel like maybe I am not getting worse: I just get the unparalleled joy of feeling like total ** all the time: Nausea - constant; headache - constant; tinnitus - constant. It is all 24/7/ 365 until I manage to sleep for a little while - 3 or if I'm lucky, 4 hours at a time.  YIPPEE!!! On a different note, Jecca and I are no longer together. When I incurred tremendous financial burdens because of the CHF, she no longer wanted to stick around. It has really done a number on me emotionally, but on the other hand, it wouldn't be fair to want her to stick around and watch me die, becoming a widow in the prime of her life.   I would like at my funeral, Crossing the Bar read during the service: Crossing the Bar   BY ALFRED, LORD TENNYSON Sunset and evening star,    And one clear call for me!   And may there be no moaning of the bar,    When I put out to sea,     But such a tide as moving seems asleep,    Too full for sound and foam,   When that which drew from out the boundless deep    Turns again home.   Twilight and evening bell,    And after that the dark!     And may there be no sadness of farewell,    When I embark;     For tho’ from out our bourne of Time and Place    The flood may bear me far,   I hope to see my Pilot face to face    When I have cross’d the bar.                                                                                                                                         9/12/2018                                                                                                                It has been quite a while since my last entry, but each day is  rehash of every other day.  To add to the fun of my life, My right shoulder has started hurting and I am in excruciating pain. It is from an old exercise injury from doing back arm pushups, when I tore my rotator cuff. I can't afford another doctor bill, and have to live with it. 10/22/2018                                                                                                                                                                                                                         My shoulder still hurts. I can barely lift it shoulder high, and it wakes me up hurting like hell. I only sleep 2 or 3 hours at a time because of it, and have to move it with my left hand until I am awake a little while and it limbers up again. The Tylenol the doctors told me I can take for pain aint sh*t...I might as well be taking Gummy Bears for pain... I started an online ministry - not much participation - only 24 members after a few months, but I post sermons and positive thoughts for the day, most of the time twice a day on the positive thoughts.. Well, I will stop blubbering. Nothing can change, unless I somehow have the good fortune of being hit by a Mack truck or a meteor falling from the sky to put me out of my misery, or something like that. Yippee ki yay. Anecdote: I may seem at times to not have much patience with people when they have their little foibles. I am not cold hearted, and have tremendous empathy when people are truly in pain or have grief. It is the little mundane bs that people grouse about that annoys me.

[raisingawarenesserasingstigmas]

Chrissy Teigen Opens Up for the First Time About Her Postpartum Depression

This post originally appeared here.

by: Chrissy Teigen

When Glamour first told me I was going to be on the cover, I was freaking thrilled. Seriously. As a longtime reader, I couldn’t believe it. I’d always assumed that wearing swimsuits (or half a swimsuit) or having the occasional nip slip (or bit slip) wouldn’t make me the go-to choice for a women’s magazine I not only love but respect.

Yet here I am! Next they asked me to write an essay. I was super into it, but then cringed every time I opened my laptop. Topics? I quickly realized I have truly talked about everything possible. I guess that’s the dilemma one faces when they…well…can’t shut up. I’ve been a chronic oversharer since birth. So I decided I’d talk about something no one really knows about me, mainly because I just learned about it myself. What is it? I’ll get there.

Let me start here: To a lot of you, I think, I seem like the happiest person on the planet. I have an incredible husband—John and I have been together for over 10 years. He has seen my successes and failures; I’ve seen his. He has seen me at my worst, but I will say I don’t think I have ever seen him at his. He’s exactly as compassionate, patient, loving, and understanding as he seems. And I hate it. OK, I don’t hate it. But it can certainly drive you nuts sometimes when you’re as cynical as I am. If I weren’t me, I would politely excuse myself to make the most epic eye roll of all time if a woman talked to me about her significant other the way I just did to you.

When John and I got together, I found my love for cooking. On one of our earliest dates, I took him to Daniel (four dollar signs on Yelp, ahhh!). I drank a $40 margarita, ate salmon rillettes (fancy salmon spread), and prayed my card wouldn’t be declined. I couldn’t afford to take him out to more dinners like that, so I started cooking more and more at home for us. I started with my own version of that salmon spread, then roasted whole branzino, osso buco, chipotle BBQ chicken. When my first cookbook came out, I finally felt proud of my work. I feel that same pride in Lip Sync Battle, where I get to work with LL Cool J and watch Channing Tatum and Jenna Dewan go head-to-head as Beyoncé and motherf-cking Paula Abdul. My job, essentially, is to have the best time humanly possible.

And a year ago, in April, John and I started our family together. We had our daughter, Luna, who is perfect. She is somehow exactly me, exactly John, and exactly herself. I adore her.

I had everything I needed to be happy. And yet, for much of the last year, I felt unhappy. What basically everyone around me—but me—knew up until December was this: I have postpartum depression. How can I feel this way when everything is so great? I’ve had a hard time coming to terms with that, and I hesitated to even talk about this, as everything becomes such a “thing.” During pregnancy, what I thought were casual comments about IVF turned into headlines about me choosing the sex of my daughter. And I can already envision what will be said about me after this admission. But it’s such a major part of my life and so, so many other women’s lives. It would feel wrong to write anything else. So here goes.

I had such a wonderful, energetic pregnancy. Luna sat inside me like a little cross-legged Buddha facing toward my back for nine months. I never saw her face in a sonogram, just her butt or the back of her feet. Every time we kinnnnd of saw a nose, she would quickly dodge, and I was left guessing again. John, my mom, and my sister were all in the delivery room. John was DJ-ing. Luna, fittingly, popped out to the song “Superfly.” The first lyric is “Darkest of night. With the moon shining bright.” I immediately put her on my chest. And she had a face! I was so happy. And exhausted.

After I had Luna, our home was under construction, so we lived in a rental home, then a hotel, and I blamed whatever stress or detachment or sadness I was feeling at that time on the fact that there were so many odd circumstances. I remember thinking: “Maybe I’ll feel better when we have a home.”

I went back to work on Lip Sync Battle in August, when Luna was four months. The show treated me incredibly well—they put a nursery in my dressing room and blew up photos of Luna and John and my family for my wall. When Luna was on set, they lowered the noise levels. They turned down the air so she wouldn’t be cold. Only the most gentle knocking on the door. Pump breaks. I mean, there was no better place to get to go back to work to.

But I was different than before. Getting out of bed to get to set on time was painful. My lower back throbbed; my ­shoulders—even my wrists—hurt. I didn’t have an appetite. I would go two days without a bite of food, and you know how big of a deal food is for me. One thing that really got me was just how short I was with people.

I would be in my dressing room, sitting in a robe, getting hair and makeup done, and a crew member would knock on the door and ask: “Chrissy, do you know the lyrics to this song?” And I would lose it. Or “Chrissy, do you like these cat ears, or these panda hands?” And I’d be like: “Whatever you want. I don’t care.” They would leave. My eyes would well up and I would burst into tears. My makeup artist would pat them dry and give me a few minutes.

I couldn’t figure out why I was so unhappy. I blamed it on being tired and possibly growing out of the role: “Maybe I’m just not a goofy person anymore. Maybe I’m just supposed to be a mom.”

When I wasn’t in the studio, I never left the house. I mean, never. Not even a tiptoe outside. I’d ask people who came inside why they were wet. Was it raining? How would I know—I had every shade closed. Most days were spent on the exact same spot on the couch and rarely would I muster up the energy to make it upstairs for bed. John would sleep on the couch with me, sometimes four nights in a row. I started keeping robes and comfy clothes in the pantry so I wouldn’t have to go upstairs when John went to work. There was a lot of spontaneous crying.

Anytime I was seen out, it was because I had already had work or a work event that day. Meaning I wouldn’t have to muster up the energy to take a shower, because it was already done. It became the same story every day: Unless I had work, John knew there was not a chance in hell we were going on a date, going to the store, going anywhere. I didn’t have the energy.

Before, when I entered a room I had a presence: head high, shoulders back, big smile. Suddenly I had become this person whose shoulders would cower underneath her chin. I would keep my hands on my belly and try to make myself as small as possible.

During that time my bones hurt to the core. I had to go to the hospital; the back pain was so overwhelming. I felt like I was in an episode of Grey’s Anatomy: These kids were around me, asking questions. Maybe it was a kidney infection? No one could figure it out. I saw rheumatoid doctors for the wrist pain; we thought it might be rheumatoid arthritis. I felt nauseated all the time, so I saw a GI doctor. I wondered: Am I making this all up? Is this pain even real anymore?

By December I had started my second cookbook. With the first, I was in the kitchen the whole time. I stirred every pot, tasted everything. Had genuine excitement for Every. Single. Recipe. This one came at the height of my losing my appetite, and the idea of having to test and taste recipes actually made me vomit. I was still on the couch a lot.

Before the holidays I went to my GP for a physical. John sat next to me. I looked at my doctor, and my eyes welled up because I was so tired of being in pain. Of sleeping on the couch. Of waking up throughout the night. Of throwing up. Of taking things out on the wrong people. Of not enjoying life. Of not seeing my friends. Of not having the energy to take my baby for a stroll. My doctor pulled out a book and started listing symptoms. And I was like, “Yep, yep, yep.” I got my diagnosis: postpartum depression and anxiety. (The anxiety explains some of my physical symptoms.)

I remember being so exhausted but happy to know that we could finally get on the path of getting better. John had that same excitement. I started taking an antidepressant, which helped. And I started sharing the news with friends and family—I felt like everyone deserved an explanation, and I didn’t know how else to say it other than the only way I know: just saying it. It got easier and easier to say it aloud every time. (I still don’t really like to say, “I have postpartum depression,” because the word depressionscares a lot of people. I often just call it “postpartum.” Maybe I should say it, though. Maybe it will lessen the stigma a bit.)

I wanted to write an open letter to friends and employers to explain why I had been so unhappy. The mental pain of knowing I let so many people down at once was worse than the physical pain. To have people that you respect, who are the best in the business, witness you at your worst is tough. Even though this was something I shouldn’t have to apologize for, I did want to apologize. Because on a set, people depend on you. A lot of people are coming together and all you have to do, Christine, is put on a unicorn head and shoot a money gun. Editors are wondering what the f-ck happened to the girl they gave a book deal to. This shit was flying through my head and I felt horrible.

I actually did write my executive producer on Lip Sync Battle, Casey Patterson. She is one of the most amazing women in this universe and I never doubted she would understand. She told me she had noticed and was always here for me. I had to postpone my second cookbook, but my editor, Francis Lam, and publisher couldn’t have been more understanding. To go from discussing layouts and recipes and shoot days to a complete “off” switch was, I’m sure, not a great thing to hear. But, again, I cannot overstate how lucky I am to work with these people.

Before this, I had never, ever—in my whole entire life—had one person say to me: “I have postpartum depression.” Growing up in the nineties, I associated postpartum depression with Susan Smith [a woman now serving life in prison for killing her two sons; her lawyer argued that she suffered from a long history of depression], with people who didn’t like their babies or felt like they had to harm their children. I didn’t have anything remotely close to those feelings. I looked at Luna every day, amazed by her. So I didn’t think I had it.

I also just didn’t think it could happen to me. I have a great life. I have all the help I could need: John, my mother (who lives with us), a nanny. But postpartum does not discriminate. I couldn’t control it. And that’s part of the reason it took me so long to speak up: I felt selfish, icky, and weird saying aloud that I’m struggling. Sometimes I still do.

I know I might sound like a whiny, entitled girl. Plenty of people around the world in my situation have no help, no family, no access to medical care. I can’t imagine not being able to go to the doctors that I need. It’s hurtful to me to know that we have a president who wants to rip health care away from women. I look around every day and I don’t know how people do it. I’ve never had more respect for mothers, especially mothers with postpartum depression.

I’m speaking up now because I want people to know it can happen to anybody and I don’t want people who have it to feel embarrassed or to feel alone. I also don’t want to pretend like I know everything about postpartum depression, because it can be different for everybody. But one thing I do know is that—for me—just merely being open about it helps. This has become my open letter.

As I’m writing this, in February, I am a much different human than I was even just in December. I’m over a month into taking my antidepressant, and I just got the name of a therapist who I am planning to start seeing. Let’s be honest though—I probably needed therapy way before Luna!

Like anyone, with PPD or without, I have really good days and bad days. I will say, though, right now, all of the really bad days—the days that used to be all my days—are gone.

There are weeks when I still don’t leave the house for days; then I’m randomly at the Super Bowl or Grammys. (This is cringeworthily unrelatable, and I am very aware of that—it’s giving me anxiety.) Physically, I still don’t have energy for a lot of things, but a lot of new moms deal with this. Just crawling around with Luna can be hard. My back pain has gotten better, but my hands and wrists still hurt. And it can still be tough for me to stomach food some days. But I’m dealing.

I’m grateful for the people around me. John has been incredible over the last nine months, bringing me my medicine and watching horrible reality TV with me. He is not the goofiest guy, but he has gone out of his way to indulge my sense of humor. When I was having a good day, he would go to Medieval Times with me and put on the crazy period hat! He sees how much my eyes light up when he does that stuff, and he knows that’s what I need. I know he must look over at times and think: My God, get it together. But he has never made me feel that way. He wants me to be happy, silly, and energetic again, but he’s not making me feel bad when I’m not in that place. I love John and Luna more than I can imagine loving anything, and John and I still hope to give Luna a few siblings. Postpartum hasn’t changed that.

More than anything, I always want to have enough energy for Luna—to run up the stairs with her, to have tea parties with her. As she gets older, she’s becoming more and more fun. Her eyes are getting so wide, and I want to be there for those wide eyes. And I will be.

Phew! I’ve hated hiding this from you. XX, Chrissy

Postpartum depression is a common medical condition and, as Chrissy notes, symptoms can vary. Click here for information on diagnosis and treatment. To read more stories from women who have struggled with postpartum depression, click here.

Photograph by: Miguel Reveriego

[i-am-very-very-tired]

Chrissy Teigen, 31, is many things: a Sports Illustrated cover girl, a New York Times best-selling cookbook author, a host of the Emmy-nominated TV series Lip Sync Battle and the soon-to-be designer of a fashion line with Revolve. But she’s best known for what her husband, John Legend, calls her: “smart mouth.” She opines on everything from politics to stretch marks, 140 characters a time on Twitter. And her commentary is often so “you took the words out of my mouth!” that all you have to do is hit RT and add the word “PREACH.” What women love about Teigen is that she is, as she admits, “an open book.” She will show off a perfect seared duck breast—and tell you she accidentally sliced off her fingertip on a mandoline. Ask her about the wildest place she’s had sex? She’ll answer. (An airplane.) She approaches any topic with that same raw, real candor. But there’s one thing she hasn’t shared yet: After giving birth to her daughter, Luna, last April, Teigen developed postpartum depression, a condition affecting one in nine women, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. In this exclusive essay for Glamour, she talks about her experience, why she kept it private, and how she’s doing now. And she is as raw and real as ever. Over to you, Chrissy. When Glamour first told me I was going to be on the cover, I was freaking thrilled. Seriously. As a longtime reader, I couldn’t believe it. I’d always assumed that wearing swimsuits (or half a swimsuit) or having the occasional nip slip (or bit slip) wouldn’t make me the go-to choice for a women’s magazine I not only love but respect. Yet here I am! Next they asked me to write an essay. I was super into it, but then cringed every time I opened my laptop. Topics? I quickly realized I have truly talked about everything possible. I guess that’s the dilemma one faces when they…well…can’t shut up. I’ve been a chronic oversharer since birth. So I decided I’d talk about something no one really knows about me, mainly because I just learned about it myself. What is it? I’ll get there. Let me start here: To a lot of you, I think, I seem like the happiest person on the planet. I have an incredible husband—John and I have been together for over 10 years. He has seen my successes and failures; I’ve seen his. He has seen me at my worst, but I will say I don’t think I have ever seen him at his. He’s exactly as compassionate, patient, loving, and understanding as he seems. And I hate it. OK, I don’t hate it. But it can certainly drive you nuts sometimes when you’re as cynical as I am. If I weren’t me, I would politely excuse myself to make the most epic eye roll of all time if a woman talked to me about her significant other the way I just did to you. When John and I got together, I found my love for cooking. On one of our earliest dates, I took him to Daniel (four dollar signs on Yelp, ahhh!). I drank a $40 margarita, ate salmon rillettes (fancy salmon spread), and prayed my card wouldn’t be declined. I couldn’t afford to take him out to more dinners like that, so I started cooking more and more at home for us. I started with my own version of that salmon spread, then roasted whole branzino, osso buco, chipotle BBQ chicken. When my first cookbook came out, I finally felt proud of my work. I feel that same pride in Lip Sync Battle, where I get to work with LL Cool J and watch Channing Tatum and Jenna Dewan go head-to-head as Beyoncé and motherf-cking Paula Abdul. My job, essentially, is to have the best time humanly possible. And a year ago, in April, John and I started our family together. We had our daughter, Luna, who is perfect. She is somehow exactly me, exactly John, and exactly herself. I adore her. I had everything I needed to be happy. And yet, for much of the last year, I felt unhappy. What basically everyone around me—but me—knew up until December was this: I have postpartum depression. How can I feel this way when everything is so great? I’ve had a hard time coming to terms with that, and I hesitated to even talk about this, as everything becomes such a “thing.” During pregnancy, what I thought were casual comments about IVF turned into headlines about me choosing the sex of my daughter. And I can already envision what will be said about me after this admission. But it’s such a major part of my life and so, so many other women’s lives. It would feel wrong to write anything else. So here goes. I had such a wonderful, energetic pregnancy. Luna sat inside me like a little cross-legged Buddha facing toward my back for nine months. I never saw her face in a sonogram, just her butt or the back of her feet. Every time we kinnnnd of saw a nose, she would quickly dodge, and I was left guessing again. John, my mom, and my sister were all in the delivery room. John was DJ-ing. Luna, fittingly, popped out to the song “Superfly.” The first lyric is “Darkest of night. With the moon shining bright.” I immediately put her on my chest. And she had a face! I was so happy. And exhausted. After I had Luna, our home was under construction, so we lived in a rental home, then a hotel, and I blamed whatever stress or detachment or sadness I was feeling at that time on the fact that there were so many odd circumstances. I remember thinking: “Maybe I’ll feel better when we have a home.” I went back to work on Lip Sync Battle in August, when Luna was four months. The show treated me incredibly well—they put a nursery in my dressing room and blew up photos of Luna and John and my family for my wall. When Luna was on set, they lowered the noise levels. They turned down the air so she wouldn’t be cold. Only the most gentle knocking on the door. Pump breaks. I mean, there was no better place to get to go back to work to. But I was different than before. Getting out of bed to get to set on time was painful. My lower back throbbed; my ­shoulders—even my wrists—hurt. I didn’t have an appetite. I would go two days without a bite of food, and you know how big of a deal food is for me. One thing that really got me was just how short I was with people. I would be in my dressing room, sitting in a robe, getting hair and makeup done, and a crew member would knock on the door and ask: “Chrissy, do you know the lyrics to this song?” And I would lose it. Or “Chrissy, do you like these cat ears, or these panda hands?” And I’d be like: “Whatever you want. I don’t care.” They would leave. My eyes would well up and I would burst into tears. My makeup artist would pat them dry and give me a few minutes. I couldn’t figure out why I was so unhappy. I blamed it on being tired and possibly growing out of the role: “Maybe I’m just not a goofy person anymore. Maybe I’m just supposed to be a mom.” When I wasn’t in the studio, I never left the house. I mean, never. Not even a tiptoe outside. I’d ask people who came inside why they were wet. Was it raining? How would I know—I had every shade closed. Most days were spent on the exact same spot on the couch and rarely would I muster up the energy to make it upstairs for bed. John would sleep on the couch with me, sometimes four nights in a row. I started keeping robes and comfy clothes in the pantry so I wouldn’t have to go upstairs when John went to work. There was a lot of spontaneous crying. Anytime I was seen out, it was because I had already had work or a work event that day. Meaning I wouldn’t have to muster up the energy to take a shower, because it was already done. It became the same story every day: Unless I had work, John knew there was not a chance in hell we were going on a date, going to the store, going anywhere. I didn’t have the energy. Before, when I entered a room I had a presence: head high, shoulders back, big smile. Suddenly I had become this person whose shoulders would cower underneath her chin. I would keep my hands on my belly and try to make myself as small as possible. During that time my bones hurt to the core. I had to go to the hospital; the back pain was so overwhelming. I felt like I was in an episode of Grey’s Anatomy: These kids were around me, asking questions. Maybe it was a kidney infection? No one could figure it out. I saw rheumatoid doctors for the wrist pain; we thought it might be rheumatoid arthritis. I felt nauseated all the time, so I saw a GI doctor. I wondered: Am I making this all up? Is this pain even real anymore? By December I had started my second cookbook. With the first, I was in the kitchen the whole time. I stirred every pot, tasted everything. Had genuine excitement for Every. Single. Recipe. This one came at the height of my losing my appetite, and the idea of having to test and taste recipes actually made me vomit. I was still on the couch a lot. Before the holidays I went to my GP for a physical. John sat next to me. I looked at my doctor, and my eyes welled up because I was so tired of being in pain. Of sleeping on the couch. Of waking up throughout the night. Of throwing up. Of taking things out on the wrong people. Of not enjoying life. Of not seeing my friends. Of not having the energy to take my baby for a stroll. My doctor pulled out a book and started listing symptoms. And I was like, “Yep, yep, yep.” I got my diagnosis: postpartum depression and anxiety. (The anxiety explains some of my physical symptoms.) I remember being so exhausted but happy to know that we could finally get on the path of getting better. John had that same excitement. I started taking an antidepressant, which helped. And I started sharing the news with friends and family—I felt like everyone deserved an explanation, and I didn’t know how else to say it other than the only way I know: just saying it. It got easier and easier to say it aloud every time. (I still don’t really like to say, “I have postpartum depression,” because the word depression scares a lot of people. I often just call it “postpartum.” Maybe I should say it, though. Maybe it will lessen the stigma a bit.) I wanted to write an open letter to friends and employers to explain why I had been so unhappy. The mental pain of knowing I let so many people down at once was worse than the physical pain. To have people that you respect, who are the best in the business, witness you at your worst is tough. Even though this was something I shouldn’t have to apologize for, I did want to apologize. Because on a set, people depend on you. A lot of people are coming together and all you have to do, Christine, is put on a unicorn head and shoot a money gun. Editors are wondering what the f-ck happened to the girl they gave a book deal to. This shit was flying through my head and I felt horrible. I actually did write my executive producer on Lip Sync Battle, Casey Patterson. She is one of the most amazing women in this universe and I never doubted she would understand. She told me she had noticed and was always here for me. I had to postpone my second cookbook, but my editor, Francis Lam, and publisher couldn’t have been more understanding. To go from discussing layouts and recipes and shoot days to a complete “off” switch was, I’m sure, not a great thing to hear. But, again, I cannot overstate how lucky I am to work with these people. Before this, I had never, ever—in my whole entire life—had one person say to me: “I have postpartum depression.” Growing up in the nineties, I associated postpartum depression with Susan Smith [a woman now serving life in prison for killing her two sons; her lawyer argued that she suffered from a long history of depression], with people who didn’t like their babies or felt like they had to harm their children. I didn’t have anything remotely close to those feelings. I looked at Luna every day, amazed by her. So I didn’t think I had it. I also just didn’t think it could happen to me. I have a great life. I have all the help I could need: John, my mother (who lives with us), a nanny. But postpartum does not discriminate. I couldn’t control it. And that’s part of the reason it took me so long to speak up: I felt selfish, icky, and weird saying aloud that I’m struggling. Sometimes I still do. I know I might sound like a whiny, entitled girl. Plenty of people around the world in my situation have no help, no family, no access to medical care. I can’t imagine not being able to go to the doctors that I need. It’s hurtful to me to know that we have a president who wants to rip health care away from women. I look around every day and I don’t know how people do it. I’ve never had more respect for mothers, especially mothers with postpartum depression. I’m speaking up now because I want people to know it can happen to anybody and I don’t want people who have it to feel embarrassed or to feel alone. I also don’t want to pretend like I know everything about postpartum depression, because it can be different for everybody. But one thing I do know is that—for me—just merely being open about it helps. This has become my open letter. As I’m writing this, in February, I am a much different human than I was even just in December. I’m over a month into taking my antidepressant, and I just got the name of a therapist who I am planning to start seeing. Let’s be honest though—I probably needed therapy way before Luna! Like anyone, with PPD or without, I have really good days and bad days. I will say, though, right now, all of the really bad days—the days that used to be all my days—are gone. There are weeks when I still don’t leave the house for days; then I’m randomly at the Super Bowl or Grammys. (This is cringeworthily unrelatable, and I am very aware of that—it’s giving me anxiety.) Physically, I still don’t have energy for a lot of things, but a lot of new moms deal with this. Just crawling around with Luna can be hard. My back pain has gotten better, but my hands and wrists still hurt. And it can still be tough for me to stomach food some days. But I’m dealing. I’m grateful for the people around me. John has been incredible over the last nine months, bringing me my medicine and watching horrible reality TV with me. He is not the goofiest guy, but he has gone out of his way to indulge my sense of humor. When I was having a good day, he would go to Medieval Times with me and put on the crazy period hat! He sees how much my eyes light up when he does that stuff, and he knows that’s what I need. I know he must look over at times and think: My God, get it together. But he has never made me feel that way. He wants me to be happy, silly, and energetic again, but he’s not making me feel bad when I’m not in that place. I love John and Luna more than I can imagine loving anything, and John and I still hope to give Luna a few siblings. Postpartum hasn’t changed that. More than anything, I always want to have enough energy for Luna—to run up the stairs with her, to have tea parties with her. As she gets older, she’s becoming more and more fun. Her eyes are getting so wide, and I want to be there for those wide eyes. And I will be. Phew! I’ve hated hiding this from you. XX, Chrissy Postpartum depression is a common medical condition and, as Chrissy notes, symptoms can vary. Click here for information on diagnosis and treatment. To read more stories from women who have struggled with postpartum depression, click here.

[allenmendezsr]

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“My Tonsil Stones Were Completely Gone In 4 Weeks…”

I got your book and did what you said and my tonsil stones were completely gone in about 4 weeks. It feels so good not to be embarrassed. This is the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me.

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This step-by-step program will show you exactly how to get rid of your tonsil stones naturally and ensure they never come back!”

From the desk of Diane Puttman creator of BanishTonsilStones.com

I know exactly what brought you here today!

I know how it feels to think at first that you can just cope with your tonsil stones and get through life without treating them. I understand what it’s like to have a boyfriend and not want to kiss him because your are embarrassed of your foul breath.

I remember what it felt like to be so ashamed of having this condition, trying to hide it from friends, family, even my partner. You’re not alone. I went through exactly the same roller coaster ride of emotions that anyone with tonsil stones goes through.

What if I told you there was a simple, easy and cheap way to permanently get rid of your tonsil stones for good without surgery?

“It Feels So Good No To Be Embarrassed”

Dear Diane,

I have suffered with tonsil stones for nearly a decade. When I first read your story, I felt an instant connection with you and your experiences.

I can not tell you how long it’s been since I didn’t feel self conscious being close to someone. I got your book and did what you said and my tonsil stones were completely gone in about 4 weeks. It feels so good not to be embarrassed. This is the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me.

“My Tonsil Stones Are Completely Gone”

I just wanted to say thank you for your book!

Finally, a simple solution to his problem that has plagued me for so long. I followed your method exactly and my tonsil stones were completely gone in 3 weeks. My breath was noticably better within a day. I couldn’t believe it. Something so simple, worked so well.

“You Have Changed My Life”

Ms. Puttman,

After I read your story, I realized that I was not alone with these awful tonsil stones. There were other people out there with the same thing. I had gotten to the point where I didn’t even want to kiss my husband.

Just like you, I went to the doctors but my tonsil stones always came back. They told me the only way to permanently get rid of them was to have surgery.

In a last ditch effort, I purchased your guide. I followed the steps exactly as you laid them out and now my tonsil stones are gone… and they’ve been gone for six months now. The best part is that I know that I can keep them from ever coming back.

I cannot say thank you enough. You have literally changed my life.

When I was 18 years old I had smelly balls clamped on my tonsils, and I thought I had tonsillitis..

My problems started when I was just 18 years old. When I first spotted these foul, smelly “balls” clumped on my tonsils, I thought I might have an infection in my throat, maybe even tonsillitis. There really wasn’t much pain associated with them but they eventually started appearing in my mouth as well as my tonsils. I would sometimes even cough them up. At this point, I thought I better go to the doctor. After quite a lot of poking and prodding, the doctor prescribed me some antibiotics and asked me to come back in when I had finished taking them.

Ten days later, I had finished the antibiotics but the tonsil stones were still present. So, my doctor prescribed more antibiotics, this time a different kind. But, after taking antibiotics twice, the tonsil stones were unphased and still in my throat. I just hoped they would go away on their own.

Eventually, I became convinced these stones were just food that was stuck in my throat. I would get a long Q-tip or even a chopstick and attempt to dislodge what was there but I was unable to remove them with these methods.

I went back into my Doctor and he referred me to an ear, nose, and throat specialist. As soon as he looked in my mouth he said, “looks like you have tonsil stones.”

“Tonsil what?” I replied. I had never heard of such a thing.

The specialist told me they were quite common and went on to describe the process by which the tonsil stones form.

Food particles were being trapped in the tiny crevasses on my tonsils. Over time the food would rot and cause bacteria in my throat, hence the foul smell and bad breath.

Then he told me the only solution to getting rid of tonsil stones was to undergo surgery and have my tonsils removed!

I had never had surgery before in my life and was very nervous so I did what any normal person does, I “googled” it on the Internet. I did some research and found out the average recovery time for an adult having a tonsillectomy was at least 3 weeks, sometimes even longer.

I could not afford to miss work for 3 weeks!

Then I read horror story after horror story about how painful the procedure was for an adult. How you couldn’t eat or drink for weeks. And how you had to stay all drugged up to numb the pain.

But the ear, nose, and throat specialist had told me that I would either have to cope with the tonsil stones or have them removed surgically. My heart sank. Tonsil stones were already causing me to avoid romantic relationships because of my foul breath. I was so ashamed. And now, unless I underwent a painful surgery, I was given a life sentence. I cried that night. Why me? Was I being punished for something I had done?

After feeling emotions of anger and guilt for about a week, I decided there was no way I was going to let these tonsil stones take control of my life any longer. Surely there must be a way to get rid of them without surgery. I decided to ignore what the doctor told me and

Tonsil Stones Treatment

find out the truth for myself.

I committed myself to learning anything and everything about tonsil stones and how to get rid of them without surgery.

I went on a mission to discover why so many people were affected with tonsil stones. I went to natural therapists, homeopathic doctors, and even a Chinese herbalist but they couldn’t help me. I took a slew of herbal medicines and natural antiseptic drops but nothing worked. The tonsil stones were still there.

After two years of this constant emotional battle, I finally found a different and viable solution to this common problem. It was quite simple, really, and it attacked the root cause of tonsil stones, not just the symptoms.

It was quite a journey to uncover something that really worked and I must admit, I was skeptical at first when I tried it. But the evidence was right there in front of my eyes. I decided that I might as well try it and see what happened. I had nothing to lose anyway so why not?

I truly didn’t think I would EVER get rid of the tonsil stones and the chronic bad breath that had tormented me for so long. However, I desperately wanted to feel better about myself and I wanted these tonsil stones GONE FOR GOOD, so I decided to give it my best try.

Within just a few days, I began to notice some improvement.

The extremely foul breath I had suffered with for years started to subside. After about 2 weeks the bad breath was completely gone and so was any sign of tonsil stones.

I couldn’t believe it. I held my hand in front of my face and exhaled. My breath was neutral. I rushed to the bathroom with a flashlight looking for any visible tonsil stones in the mirror. NOTHING. I swallowed several times and my throat was completely clear.

My tonsil stones were gone, forever! I finally felt free again!

“It Worked… Thank You!”

Dear Diane,

Thank you so much for sharing this information. My doc would only tell me surgery was the only option. But your method, it worked. It was simple and it was easy. Thank you!

“Anyone Can Cure Their Tonsil Stones”

Dear Ms Puttman:

Thank you so much for writing this book. It gave me a clear understanding of exactly why people get tonsil stones.

Once I understood exactly what was causing my tonsil stones, it was so easy to get rid of them permanently. Really, anyone can cure their tonsil stones with this method.

“Thank you for giving me my life back!”

Thank you for giving me my life back. I tried just about everything under the sun to get rid of my tonsil stones. After reading your ebook and following your treatment, I’m cured!

I have been suffering with this most of my adult life and tried everything shy of surgery to get rid of them – none which worked. I couldn’t believe how simple the cure was.

Everyone with tonsil stones should try this.

So, may I ask you, what have you done in an attempt to get rid of your tonsil stones? No doubt you’ve tried most of the same things I did. You may even be considering a painful, drawn out surgery to have your tonsils removed. Have you given up on trying to find a cure for your tonsil stones and “settled” for coping with them the best you can?

Let me tell you right now, it doesn’t have to be this way!

You do NOT have to live with tonsil stones any longer.

Nearly 10 years have passed since my amazing discovery. I can honestly and confidently tell you,

MY TONSIL STONES HAVE NEVER RETURNED!

I created this simple guide for getting rid of your tonsil stones once and for all to spread the word to the countless other people out there who are going through the same misery I did, desperately looking for a cure but unable to find one. And, to help those people who have given up and decided to “cope” with disgusting tonsil stones.

I wrote my story and am sharing the exact program I followed to get rid of tonsil stones forever because you need to know that there is something you can do. You don’t need to suffer with this embarrassing ailment any longer. This is an easy and inexpensive solution to a problem that won’t go away on its own.

You can get rid of your tonsil stones without drugs or painful surgeries.

You can stop the embarrassment and humiliation.

You can start changing your life today.

I want to help you because I do not want you to continue going through what I went through on a daily basis for so many years. I know what it is like to deal with tonsil stones on all levels, physically, mentally, and emotionally.

I know the burden and strangle hold this is having on your life! I care about you and I am 100% confident that with my help you can permanently get rid of your tonsil stones just as I did!

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Imagine being able to get face to face with your partner without holding your breath or wondering if they notice your bad breath!

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Finding this solution has completely changed my life for the better and freed me from a nightmare that had taken over my life.

Here is just a small sample of the things you will learn when you invest in my guide:

My proven 4 step solution to naturally eliminating tonsil stones and keeping them gone forever WITHOUT SURGERY!

Freedom from the pain and embarrassment caused by tonsil stones and their side effects.

How to prevent tonsil stones from returning for the rest of your life.

Imagine being able to get up close and personal with your partner without feeling self-conscious of your breath.

Discover what foods promote the growth of tonsil stones and what you can do to replace them in your diet.

Why doctors don’t completely understand tonsil stones and why they are so quick to rush to surgery or medication as the only option.

A complete understanding as to why some people get tonsil stones and some people don’t.

Discover why your tonsil stones may be the warning sign of another serious health condition and discover how to fix this condition AND get rid of your tonsil stones at the same time.

Focus on the root cause of tonsil stones – not the symptoms.

Get your life back – Imagine no longer feeling like a slave to your situation but being able to once and for all get rid of tonsil stones forever.

Learn how to identify the problem ingredients in your food that are making your tonsil stones worse.

Finally, complete and honest answers as to why drugs and surgery are not the answer.

Stop the need for “coping” mechanisms like breath mints and sprays.

And much, much more…

“I Finally Found The Cure”

Diane,

After years of suffering, going from doctor to doctor, with no light at the end of the tunnel, I finally found the cure I was looking for when I found your Banish Tonsil Stones book. I owe you a huge a debt of gratitude

I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. Feel free to use this as a testimonial on your website if you’d like

“The Only This That Works!”

This book is a must read for anyone suffering from tonsil stones. If you’re like me, you’ve tried everything including antibiotics. This was the only thing that worked. I gave your program to my sister who also suffers from tonsil stones and she is doing great.

Are you ready to get rid of your tonsil stones once and for all?

This solution will work… when you work with it. I can give you directions and show you the way – but only YOU can make it work for yourself.

Take the steps so many other skeptical tonsil stones sufferers have taken. Download the Banish Tonsil Stones ebook today.

My Banish Tonsil Stones guide is currently on sale for $77 $37

This price is ust a fraction of what you are spending on doctor visits and medicine. Not to mention the embarrassment you feel on a daily basis.

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If you’ve come this far already looking for a cure and learning how to “cope” with tonsil stones, and you’ve experienced the emotional ups and downs that have gone with them but yet still have those annoying tonsil stones, then don’t you think you really owe it to yourself to at least try Banish Tonsil Stones?

Heck, you deserve an end to your embarrassment – you deserve to find out how simple and easy it can be to naturally get rid of your tonsil stones for good without the burden of a huge hole in your wallet from trying a ton of useless alternative therapies.

You have a simple choice to make right now – this could be a major turning point in your life. Are you going to say “no thanks” to this opportunity, live with the embarrassment and accept your tonsil stones as “just a part of life?”

OR are you going to take control of your life, be a master of your own destiny, stop covering up your tonsil stones and break out of your own version of solitary confinement and return to a life of freedom and vitality again? The choice is yours.

Only $77 $37 With Lifetime Access

Here’s to your future free from the pain and embarrassment of tonsil stones!

Best regards,

Diane Puttman

Former tonsil stones sufferer

P.S. If you have tonsil stones, you need this guide. Even if your tonsil stones haven’t become severe, they won’t go away on their own. They will just continue to get worse. You owe it to yourself to eliminate these disgusting tonsil stones once and for all.

P.P.S. The current price is just $37. Please order your copy immediately as I cannot guarantee this price will not increase in the future. So grab your copy now while it’s still at this low price. Don’t you owe it to yourself to try “the proven” way to eliminate tonsil stones?

Immediately secure your LIMITED EDITION RISK FREE copy of the Banish Tonsil Stones now!

YES!!! send me my copy right now YES!!! I understand my RISK FREE investment is covered by your 60 day cash back guarantee

60-DAY CASH BACK GUARANTEE

If at any time within the next 60 days of purchase you’re not completely satisfied with everything found in Banish Tonsil Stones guide. Simply let me know and I’ll return your purchase price immediately and in full. No Questions Asked! No ifs, ands, buts, or maybes. No hidden clauses, asterisks or small print.

YES!!! I want to INSTANTLY SECURE my copy for the heavily discounted price of just $77.00 $37

[allenmendezsr]

Tonsil Stones! *up To $22/sale* New Vsl!

New Post has been published on https://autotraffixpro.app/allenmendezsr/tonsil-stones-up-to-22-sale-new-vsl/

Tonsil Stones! *up To $22/sale* New Vsl!

 Buy Now    

“My Tonsil Stones Were Completely Gone In 4 Weeks…”

I got your book and did what you said and my tonsil stones were completely gone in about 4 weeks. It feels so good not to be embarrassed. This is the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me.

Banish Tonsil Stones

“Finally, you can discover exactly how to get rid of your tonsil stones for good… don’t even think about having a long, drawn out surgery or wasting your money on expensive nasal sprays and tablets.

This step-by-step program will show you exactly how to get rid of your tonsil stones naturally and ensure they never come back!”

From the desk of Diane Puttman creator of BanishTonsilStones.com

I know exactly what brought you here today!

I know how it feels to think at first that you can just cope with your tonsil stones and get through life without treating them. I understand what it’s like to have a boyfriend and not want to kiss him because your are embarrassed of your foul breath.

I remember what it felt like to be so ashamed of having this condition, trying to hide it from friends, family, even my partner. You’re not alone. I went through exactly the same roller coaster ride of emotions that anyone with tonsil stones goes through.

What if I told you there was a simple, easy and cheap way to permanently get rid of your tonsil stones for good without surgery?

“It Feels So Good No To Be Embarrassed”

Dear Diane,

I have suffered with tonsil stones for nearly a decade. When I first read your story, I felt an instant connection with you and your experiences.

I can not tell you how long it’s been since I didn’t feel self conscious being close to someone. I got your book and did what you said and my tonsil stones were completely gone in about 4 weeks. It feels so good not to be embarrassed. This is the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me.

“My Tonsil Stones Are Completely Gone”

I just wanted to say thank you for your book!

Finally, a simple solution to his problem that has plagued me for so long. I followed your method exactly and my tonsil stones were completely gone in 3 weeks. My breath was noticably better within a day. I couldn’t believe it. Something so simple, worked so well.

“You Have Changed My Life”

Ms. Puttman,

After I read your story, I realized that I was not alone with these awful tonsil stones. There were other people out there with the same thing. I had gotten to the point where I didn’t even want to kiss my husband.

Just like you, I went to the doctors but my tonsil stones always came back. They told me the only way to permanently get rid of them was to have surgery.

In a last ditch effort, I purchased your guide. I followed the steps exactly as you laid them out and now my tonsil stones are gone… and they’ve been gone for six months now. The best part is that I know that I can keep them from ever coming back.

I cannot say thank you enough. You have literally changed my life.

When I was 18 years old I had smelly balls clamped on my tonsils, and I thought I had tonsillitis..

My problems started when I was just 18 years old. When I first spotted these foul, smelly “balls” clumped on my tonsils, I thought I might have an infection in my throat, maybe even tonsillitis. There really wasn’t much pain associated with them but they eventually started appearing in my mouth as well as my tonsils. I would sometimes even cough them up. At this point, I thought I better go to the doctor. After quite a lot of poking and prodding, the doctor prescribed me some antibiotics and asked me to come back in when I had finished taking them.

Ten days later, I had finished the antibiotics but the tonsil stones were still present. So, my doctor prescribed more antibiotics, this time a different kind. But, after taking antibiotics twice, the tonsil stones were unphased and still in my throat. I just hoped they would go away on their own.

Eventually, I became convinced these stones were just food that was stuck in my throat. I would get a long Q-tip or even a chopstick and attempt to dislodge what was there but I was unable to remove them with these methods.

I went back into my Doctor and he referred me to an ear, nose, and throat specialist. As soon as he looked in my mouth he said, “looks like you have tonsil stones.”

“Tonsil what?” I replied. I had never heard of such a thing.

The specialist told me they were quite common and went on to describe the process by which the tonsil stones form.

Food particles were being trapped in the tiny crevasses on my tonsils. Over time the food would rot and cause bacteria in my throat, hence the foul smell and bad breath.

Then he told me the only solution to getting rid of tonsil stones was to undergo surgery and have my tonsils removed!

I had never had surgery before in my life and was very nervous so I did what any normal person does, I “googled” it on the Internet. I did some research and found out the average recovery time for an adult having a tonsillectomy was at least 3 weeks, sometimes even longer.

I could not afford to miss work for 3 weeks!

Then I read horror story after horror story about how painful the procedure was for an adult. How you couldn’t eat or drink for weeks. And how you had to stay all drugged up to numb the pain.

But the ear, nose, and throat specialist had told me that I would either have to cope with the tonsil stones or have them removed surgically. My heart sank. Tonsil stones were already causing me to avoid romantic relationships because of my foul breath. I was so ashamed. And now, unless I underwent a painful surgery, I was given a life sentence. I cried that night. Why me? Was I being punished for something I had done?

After feeling emotions of anger and guilt for about a week, I decided there was no way I was going to let these tonsil stones take control of my life any longer. Surely there must be a way to get rid of them without surgery. I decided to ignore what the doctor told me and

Tonsil Stones Treatment

find out the truth for myself.

I committed myself to learning anything and everything about tonsil stones and how to get rid of them without surgery.

I went on a mission to discover why so many people were affected with tonsil stones. I went to natural therapists, homeopathic doctors, and even a Chinese herbalist but they couldn’t help me. I took a slew of herbal medicines and natural antiseptic drops but nothing worked. The tonsil stones were still there.

After two years of this constant emotional battle, I finally found a different and viable solution to this common problem. It was quite simple, really, and it attacked the root cause of tonsil stones, not just the symptoms.

It was quite a journey to uncover something that really worked and I must admit, I was skeptical at first when I tried it. But the evidence was right there in front of my eyes. I decided that I might as well try it and see what happened. I had nothing to lose anyway so why not?

I truly didn’t think I would EVER get rid of the tonsil stones and the chronic bad breath that had tormented me for so long. However, I desperately wanted to feel better about myself and I wanted these tonsil stones GONE FOR GOOD, so I decided to give it my best try.

Within just a few days, I began to notice some improvement.

The extremely foul breath I had suffered with for years started to subside. After about 2 weeks the bad breath was completely gone and so was any sign of tonsil stones.

I couldn’t believe it. I held my hand in front of my face and exhaled. My breath was neutral. I rushed to the bathroom with a flashlight looking for any visible tonsil stones in the mirror. NOTHING. I swallowed several times and my throat was completely clear.

My tonsil stones were gone, forever! I finally felt free again!

“It Worked… Thank You!”

Dear Diane,

Thank you so much for sharing this information. My doc would only tell me surgery was the only option. But your method, it worked. It was simple and it was easy. Thank you!

“Anyone Can Cure Their Tonsil Stones”

Dear Ms Puttman:

Thank you so much for writing this book. It gave me a clear understanding of exactly why people get tonsil stones.

Once I understood exactly what was causing my tonsil stones, it was so easy to get rid of them permanently. Really, anyone can cure their tonsil stones with this method.

“Thank you for giving me my life back!”

Thank you for giving me my life back. I tried just about everything under the sun to get rid of my tonsil stones. After reading your ebook and following your treatment, I’m cured!

I have been suffering with this most of my adult life and tried everything shy of surgery to get rid of them – none which worked. I couldn’t believe how simple the cure was.

Everyone with tonsil stones should try this.

So, may I ask you, what have you done in an attempt to get rid of your tonsil stones? No doubt you’ve tried most of the same things I did. You may even be considering a painful, drawn out surgery to have your tonsils removed. Have you given up on trying to find a cure for your tonsil stones and “settled” for coping with them the best you can?

Let me tell you right now, it doesn’t have to be this way!

You do NOT have to live with tonsil stones any longer.

Nearly 10 years have passed since my amazing discovery. I can honestly and confidently tell you,

MY TONSIL STONES HAVE NEVER RETURNED!

I created this simple guide for getting rid of your tonsil stones once and for all to spread the word to the countless other people out there who are going through the same misery I did, desperately looking for a cure but unable to find one. And, to help those people who have given up and decided to “cope” with disgusting tonsil stones.

I wrote my story and am sharing the exact program I followed to get rid of tonsil stones forever because you need to know that there is something you can do. You don’t need to suffer with this embarrassing ailment any longer. This is an easy and inexpensive solution to a problem that won’t go away on its own.

You can get rid of your tonsil stones without drugs or painful surgeries.

You can stop the embarrassment and humiliation.

You can start changing your life today.

I want to help you because I do not want you to continue going through what I went through on a daily basis for so many years. I know what it is like to deal with tonsil stones on all levels, physically, mentally, and emotionally.

I know the burden and strangle hold this is having on your life! I care about you and I am 100% confident that with my help you can permanently get rid of your tonsil stones just as I did!

Our Tonsil Stones Removal Guide

Introducing

BANISH TONSIL STONES:

get up close and personal again!

My step-by-step guide will take you by the hand and show you the exact steps you need to permanently eliminate your tonsil stones FOREVER.

Imagine being able to get face to face with your partner without holding your breath or wondering if they notice your bad breath!

I will show you the exact steps I followed to easily and naturally remove my tonsil stones and keep them from coming back forever.

Finding this solution has completely changed my life for the better and freed me from a nightmare that had taken over my life.

Here is just a small sample of the things you will learn when you invest in my guide:

My proven 4 step solution to naturally eliminating tonsil stones and keeping them gone forever WITHOUT SURGERY!

Freedom from the pain and embarrassment caused by tonsil stones and their side effects.

How to prevent tonsil stones from returning for the rest of your life.

Imagine being able to get up close and personal with your partner without feeling self-conscious of your breath.

Discover what foods promote the growth of tonsil stones and what you can do to replace them in your diet.

Why doctors don’t completely understand tonsil stones and why they are so quick to rush to surgery or medication as the only option.

A complete understanding as to why some people get tonsil stones and some people don’t.

Discover why your tonsil stones may be the warning sign of another serious health condition and discover how to fix this condition AND get rid of your tonsil stones at the same time.

Focus on the root cause of tonsil stones – not the symptoms.

Get your life back – Imagine no longer feeling like a slave to your situation but being able to once and for all get rid of tonsil stones forever.

Learn how to identify the problem ingredients in your food that are making your tonsil stones worse.

Finally, complete and honest answers as to why drugs and surgery are not the answer.

Stop the need for “coping” mechanisms like breath mints and sprays.

And much, much more…

“I Finally Found The Cure”

Diane,

After years of suffering, going from doctor to doctor, with no light at the end of the tunnel, I finally found the cure I was looking for when I found your Banish Tonsil Stones book. I owe you a huge a debt of gratitude

I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. Feel free to use this as a testimonial on your website if you’d like

“The Only This That Works!”

This book is a must read for anyone suffering from tonsil stones. If you’re like me, you’ve tried everything including antibiotics. This was the only thing that worked. I gave your program to my sister who also suffers from tonsil stones and she is doing great.

Are you ready to get rid of your tonsil stones once and for all?

This solution will work… when you work with it. I can give you directions and show you the way – but only YOU can make it work for yourself.

Take the steps so many other skeptical tonsil stones sufferers have taken. Download the Banish Tonsil Stones ebook today.

My Banish Tonsil Stones guide is currently on sale for $77 $37

This price is ust a fraction of what you are spending on doctor visits and medicine. Not to mention the embarrassment you feel on a daily basis.

I am not sure how long I will leave the price at $37 but it will return to $77 at some point.

Because my guide is downloadable and can be viewed on any computer, you can start to use this system today. You don’t have to wait for shipping – you’re literally just a couple of clicks away from getting instant access to the Banish Tonsil Stones guide and starting your new journey to a life, free from the pain and embarrassment that has held you back.

Immediately secure your LIMITED EDITION RISK FREE copy of the Banish Tonsil Stones now!

YES!!! send me my copy right now YES!!! I understand my RISK FREE investment is covered by your 60 day cash back guarantee

60-DAY CASH BACK GUARANTEE

If at any time within the next 60 days of purchase you’re not completely satisfied with everything found in Banish Tonsil Stones guide. Simply let me know and I’ll return your purchase price immediately and in full. No Questions Asked! No ifs, ands, buts, or maybes. No hidden clauses, asterisks or small print.

YES!!! I want to INSTANTLY SECURE my copy for the heavily discounted price of just $77.00 $37

If you’ve come this far already looking for a cure and learning how to “cope” with tonsil stones, and you’ve experienced the emotional ups and downs that have gone with them but yet still have those annoying tonsil stones, then don’t you think you really owe it to yourself to at least try Banish Tonsil Stones?

Heck, you deserve an end to your embarrassment – you deserve to find out how simple and easy it can be to naturally get rid of your tonsil stones for good without the burden of a huge hole in your wallet from trying a ton of useless alternative therapies.

You have a simple choice to make right now – this could be a major turning point in your life. Are you going to say “no thanks” to this opportunity, live with the embarrassment and accept your tonsil stones as “just a part of life?”

OR are you going to take control of your life, be a master of your own destiny, stop covering up your tonsil stones and break out of your own version of solitary confinement and return to a life of freedom and vitality again? The choice is yours.

Only $77 $37 With Lifetime Access

Here’s to your future free from the pain and embarrassment of tonsil stones!

Best regards,

Diane Puttman

Former tonsil stones sufferer

P.S. If you have tonsil stones, you need this guide. Even if your tonsil stones haven’t become severe, they won’t go away on their own. They will just continue to get worse. You owe it to yourself to eliminate these disgusting tonsil stones once and for all.

P.P.S. The current price is just $37. Please order your copy immediately as I cannot guarantee this price will not increase in the future. So grab your copy now while it’s still at this low price. Don’t you owe it to yourself to try “the proven” way to eliminate tonsil stones?

Immediately secure your LIMITED EDITION RISK FREE copy of the Banish Tonsil Stones now!

YES!!! send me my copy right now YES!!! I understand my RISK FREE investment is covered by your 60 day cash back guarantee

60-DAY CASH BACK GUARANTEE

If at any time within the next 60 days of purchase you’re not completely satisfied with everything found in Banish Tonsil Stones guide. Simply let me know and I’ll return your purchase price immediately and in full. No Questions Asked! No ifs, ands, buts, or maybes. No hidden clauses, asterisks or small print.

YES!!! I want to INSTANTLY SECURE my copy for the heavily discounted price of just $77.00 $37

[allenmendezsr]

Tonsil Stones! *up To $22/sale* New Vsl!

New Post has been published on https://autotraffixpro.app/allenmendezsr/tonsil-stones-up-to-22-sale-new-vsl/

Tonsil Stones! *up To $22/sale* New Vsl!

 Buy Now    

“My Tonsil Stones Were Completely Gone In 4 Weeks…”

I got your book and did what you said and my tonsil stones were completely gone in about 4 weeks. It feels so good not to be embarrassed. This is the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me.

Banish Tonsil Stones

“Finally, you can discover exactly how to get rid of your tonsil stones for good… don’t even think about having a long, drawn out surgery or wasting your money on expensive nasal sprays and tablets.

This step-by-step program will show you exactly how to get rid of your tonsil stones naturally and ensure they never come back!”

From the desk of Diane Puttman creator of BanishTonsilStones.com

I know exactly what brought you here today!

I know how it feels to think at first that you can just cope with your tonsil stones and get through life without treating them. I understand what it’s like to have a boyfriend and not want to kiss him because your are embarrassed of your foul breath.

I remember what it felt like to be so ashamed of having this condition, trying to hide it from friends, family, even my partner. You’re not alone. I went through exactly the same roller coaster ride of emotions that anyone with tonsil stones goes through.

What if I told you there was a simple, easy and cheap way to permanently get rid of your tonsil stones for good without surgery?

“It Feels So Good No To Be Embarrassed”

Dear Diane,

I have suffered with tonsil stones for nearly a decade. When I first read your story, I felt an instant connection with you and your experiences.

I can not tell you how long it’s been since I didn’t feel self conscious being close to someone. I got your book and did what you said and my tonsil stones were completely gone in about 4 weeks. It feels so good not to be embarrassed. This is the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me.

“My Tonsil Stones Are Completely Gone”

I just wanted to say thank you for your book!

Finally, a simple solution to his problem that has plagued me for so long. I followed your method exactly and my tonsil stones were completely gone in 3 weeks. My breath was noticably better within a day. I couldn’t believe it. Something so simple, worked so well.

“You Have Changed My Life”

Ms. Puttman,

After I read your story, I realized that I was not alone with these awful tonsil stones. There were other people out there with the same thing. I had gotten to the point where I didn’t even want to kiss my husband.

Just like you, I went to the doctors but my tonsil stones always came back. They told me the only way to permanently get rid of them was to have surgery.

In a last ditch effort, I purchased your guide. I followed the steps exactly as you laid them out and now my tonsil stones are gone… and they’ve been gone for six months now. The best part is that I know that I can keep them from ever coming back.

I cannot say thank you enough. You have literally changed my life.

When I was 18 years old I had smelly balls clamped on my tonsils, and I thought I had tonsillitis..

My problems started when I was just 18 years old. When I first spotted these foul, smelly “balls” clumped on my tonsils, I thought I might have an infection in my throat, maybe even tonsillitis. There really wasn’t much pain associated with them but they eventually started appearing in my mouth as well as my tonsils. I would sometimes even cough them up. At this point, I thought I better go to the doctor. After quite a lot of poking and prodding, the doctor prescribed me some antibiotics and asked me to come back in when I had finished taking them.

Ten days later, I had finished the antibiotics but the tonsil stones were still present. So, my doctor prescribed more antibiotics, this time a different kind. But, after taking antibiotics twice, the tonsil stones were unphased and still in my throat. I just hoped they would go away on their own.

Eventually, I became convinced these stones were just food that was stuck in my throat. I would get a long Q-tip or even a chopstick and attempt to dislodge what was there but I was unable to remove them with these methods.

I went back into my Doctor and he referred me to an ear, nose, and throat specialist. As soon as he looked in my mouth he said, “looks like you have tonsil stones.”

“Tonsil what?” I replied. I had never heard of such a thing.

The specialist told me they were quite common and went on to describe the process by which the tonsil stones form.

Food particles were being trapped in the tiny crevasses on my tonsils. Over time the food would rot and cause bacteria in my throat, hence the foul smell and bad breath.

Then he told me the only solution to getting rid of tonsil stones was to undergo surgery and have my tonsils removed!

I had never had surgery before in my life and was very nervous so I did what any normal person does, I “googled” it on the Internet. I did some research and found out the average recovery time for an adult having a tonsillectomy was at least 3 weeks, sometimes even longer.

I could not afford to miss work for 3 weeks!

Then I read horror story after horror story about how painful the procedure was for an adult. How you couldn’t eat or drink for weeks. And how you had to stay all drugged up to numb the pain.

But the ear, nose, and throat specialist had told me that I would either have to cope with the tonsil stones or have them removed surgically. My heart sank. Tonsil stones were already causing me to avoid romantic relationships because of my foul breath. I was so ashamed. And now, unless I underwent a painful surgery, I was given a life sentence. I cried that night. Why me? Was I being punished for something I had done?

After feeling emotions of anger and guilt for about a week, I decided there was no way I was going to let these tonsil stones take control of my life any longer. Surely there must be a way to get rid of them without surgery. I decided to ignore what the doctor told me and

Tonsil Stones Treatment

find out the truth for myself.

I committed myself to learning anything and everything about tonsil stones and how to get rid of them without surgery.

I went on a mission to discover why so many people were affected with tonsil stones. I went to natural therapists, homeopathic doctors, and even a Chinese herbalist but they couldn’t help me. I took a slew of herbal medicines and natural antiseptic drops but nothing worked. The tonsil stones were still there.

After two years of this constant emotional battle, I finally found a different and viable solution to this common problem. It was quite simple, really, and it attacked the root cause of tonsil stones, not just the symptoms.

It was quite a journey to uncover something that really worked and I must admit, I was skeptical at first when I tried it. But the evidence was right there in front of my eyes. I decided that I might as well try it and see what happened. I had nothing to lose anyway so why not?

I truly didn’t think I would EVER get rid of the tonsil stones and the chronic bad breath that had tormented me for so long. However, I desperately wanted to feel better about myself and I wanted these tonsil stones GONE FOR GOOD, so I decided to give it my best try.

Within just a few days, I began to notice some improvement.

The extremely foul breath I had suffered with for years started to subside. After about 2 weeks the bad breath was completely gone and so was any sign of tonsil stones.

I couldn’t believe it. I held my hand in front of my face and exhaled. My breath was neutral. I rushed to the bathroom with a flashlight looking for any visible tonsil stones in the mirror. NOTHING. I swallowed several times and my throat was completely clear.

My tonsil stones were gone, forever! I finally felt free again!

“It Worked… Thank You!”

Dear Diane,

Thank you so much for sharing this information. My doc would only tell me surgery was the only option. But your method, it worked. It was simple and it was easy. Thank you!

“Anyone Can Cure Their Tonsil Stones”

Dear Ms Puttman:

Thank you so much for writing this book. It gave me a clear understanding of exactly why people get tonsil stones.

Once I understood exactly what was causing my tonsil stones, it was so easy to get rid of them permanently. Really, anyone can cure their tonsil stones with this method.

“Thank you for giving me my life back!”

Thank you for giving me my life back. I tried just about everything under the sun to get rid of my tonsil stones. After reading your ebook and following your treatment, I’m cured!

I have been suffering with this most of my adult life and tried everything shy of surgery to get rid of them – none which worked. I couldn’t believe how simple the cure was.

Everyone with tonsil stones should try this.

So, may I ask you, what have you done in an attempt to get rid of your tonsil stones? No doubt you’ve tried most of the same things I did. You may even be considering a painful, drawn out surgery to have your tonsils removed. Have you given up on trying to find a cure for your tonsil stones and “settled” for coping with them the best you can?

Let me tell you right now, it doesn’t have to be this way!

You do NOT have to live with tonsil stones any longer.

Nearly 10 years have passed since my amazing discovery. I can honestly and confidently tell you,

MY TONSIL STONES HAVE NEVER RETURNED!

I created this simple guide for getting rid of your tonsil stones once and for all to spread the word to the countless other people out there who are going through the same misery I did, desperately looking for a cure but unable to find one. And, to help those people who have given up and decided to “cope” with disgusting tonsil stones.

I wrote my story and am sharing the exact program I followed to get rid of tonsil stones forever because you need to know that there is something you can do. You don’t need to suffer with this embarrassing ailment any longer. This is an easy and inexpensive solution to a problem that won’t go away on its own.

You can get rid of your tonsil stones without drugs or painful surgeries.

You can stop the embarrassment and humiliation.

You can start changing your life today.

I want to help you because I do not want you to continue going through what I went through on a daily basis for so many years. I know what it is like to deal with tonsil stones on all levels, physically, mentally, and emotionally.

I know the burden and strangle hold this is having on your life! I care about you and I am 100% confident that with my help you can permanently get rid of your tonsil stones just as I did!

Our Tonsil Stones Removal Guide

Introducing

BANISH TONSIL STONES:

get up close and personal again!

My step-by-step guide will take you by the hand and show you the exact steps you need to permanently eliminate your tonsil stones FOREVER.

Imagine being able to get face to face with your partner without holding your breath or wondering if they notice your bad breath!

I will show you the exact steps I followed to easily and naturally remove my tonsil stones and keep them from coming back forever.

Finding this solution has completely changed my life for the better and freed me from a nightmare that had taken over my life.

Here is just a small sample of the things you will learn when you invest in my guide:

My proven 4 step solution to naturally eliminating tonsil stones and keeping them gone forever WITHOUT SURGERY!

Freedom from the pain and embarrassment caused by tonsil stones and their side effects.

How to prevent tonsil stones from returning for the rest of your life.

Imagine being able to get up close and personal with your partner without feeling self-conscious of your breath.

Discover what foods promote the growth of tonsil stones and what you can do to replace them in your diet.

Why doctors don’t completely understand tonsil stones and why they are so quick to rush to surgery or medication as the only option.

A complete understanding as to why some people get tonsil stones and some people don’t.

Discover why your tonsil stones may be the warning sign of another serious health condition and discover how to fix this condition AND get rid of your tonsil stones at the same time.

Focus on the root cause of tonsil stones – not the symptoms.

Get your life back – Imagine no longer feeling like a slave to your situation but being able to once and for all get rid of tonsil stones forever.

Learn how to identify the problem ingredients in your food that are making your tonsil stones worse.

Finally, complete and honest answers as to why drugs and surgery are not the answer.

Stop the need for “coping” mechanisms like breath mints and sprays.

And much, much more…

“I Finally Found The Cure”

Diane,

After years of suffering, going from doctor to doctor, with no light at the end of the tunnel, I finally found the cure I was looking for when I found your Banish Tonsil Stones book. I owe you a huge a debt of gratitude

I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. Feel free to use this as a testimonial on your website if you’d like

“The Only This That Works!”

This book is a must read for anyone suffering from tonsil stones. If you’re like me, you’ve tried everything including antibiotics. This was the only thing that worked. I gave your program to my sister who also suffers from tonsil stones and she is doing great.

Are you ready to get rid of your tonsil stones once and for all?

This solution will work… when you work with it. I can give you directions and show you the way – but only YOU can make it work for yourself.

Take the steps so many other skeptical tonsil stones sufferers have taken. Download the Banish Tonsil Stones ebook today.

My Banish Tonsil Stones guide is currently on sale for $77 $37

This price is ust a fraction of what you are spending on doctor visits and medicine. Not to mention the embarrassment you feel on a daily basis.

I am not sure how long I will leave the price at $37 but it will return to $77 at some point.

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Immediately secure your LIMITED EDITION RISK FREE copy of the Banish Tonsil Stones now!

YES!!! send me my copy right now YES!!! I understand my RISK FREE investment is covered by your 60 day cash back guarantee

60-DAY CASH BACK GUARANTEE

If at any time within the next 60 days of purchase you’re not completely satisfied with everything found in Banish Tonsil Stones guide. Simply let me know and I’ll return your purchase price immediately and in full. No Questions Asked! No ifs, ands, buts, or maybes. No hidden clauses, asterisks or small print.

YES!!! I want to INSTANTLY SECURE my copy for the heavily discounted price of just $77.00 $37

If you’ve come this far already looking for a cure and learning how to “cope” with tonsil stones, and you’ve experienced the emotional ups and downs that have gone with them but yet still have those annoying tonsil stones, then don’t you think you really owe it to yourself to at least try Banish Tonsil Stones?

Heck, you deserve an end to your embarrassment – you deserve to find out how simple and easy it can be to naturally get rid of your tonsil stones for good without the burden of a huge hole in your wallet from trying a ton of useless alternative therapies.

You have a simple choice to make right now – this could be a major turning point in your life. Are you going to say “no thanks” to this opportunity, live with the embarrassment and accept your tonsil stones as “just a part of life?”

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Here’s to your future free from the pain and embarrassment of tonsil stones!

Best regards,

Diane Puttman

Former tonsil stones sufferer

P.S. If you have tonsil stones, you need this guide. Even if your tonsil stones haven’t become severe, they won’t go away on their own. They will just continue to get worse. You owe it to yourself to eliminate these disgusting tonsil stones once and for all.

P.P.S. The current price is just $37. Please order your copy immediately as I cannot guarantee this price will not increase in the future. So grab your copy now while it’s still at this low price. Don’t you owe it to yourself to try “the proven” way to eliminate tonsil stones?

Immediately secure your LIMITED EDITION RISK FREE copy of the Banish Tonsil Stones now!

YES!!! send me my copy right now YES!!! I understand my RISK FREE investment is covered by your 60 day cash back guarantee

60-DAY CASH BACK GUARANTEE

If at any time within the next 60 days of purchase you’re not completely satisfied with everything found in Banish Tonsil Stones guide. Simply let me know and I’ll return your purchase price immediately and in full. No Questions Asked! No ifs, ands, buts, or maybes. No hidden clauses, asterisks or small print.

YES!!! I want to INSTANTLY SECURE my copy for the heavily discounted price of just $77.00 $37

[d1tman-blog]

Not to get ll maudlin and shit, but if I seem impatient sometimes,...well, here is an excerpt from my diary, started when I contracted Congestive Heart Failure and Atrial Fibrillation...

Diary Excerpts 3 The background story really starts in my childhood: I contracted Rheumatic Fever when I was 9 years old, a disease that left me with a damaged valve in my heart, and a slight heart murmur.  Before you get started on the diary, put something that mildly buzzes next to your ear. Keep it there a few minutes. That is one of the things I have going on 24/7/365, and have had it for 3 years (tinnitus). Now get a belt and tighten it as tight as you can by hand around your head. that is what I feel 24/7/365:                                                             My life changed drastically and unalterably in early October, 2015. I had gotten that terrible flu that went round Atlanta and did not understand or recognize it's severity until I felt as if I would not draw another breath. I woke up one Sunday morning unable to breathe. I could only breathe sitting straight up. Monday morning I made a doctor appointment with my general practitioner. To make a long story short, I ended up in the hospital in late October  for the 1st of 11 times, sometimes only 5 days per stay, sometiems as long as 9 days (as of 5/23/2018).  I remained in the hospital a week. The flu had developed into pneumonia, and bacteria from the pneumonia damaged my heart even more than the childhood illness did), causing congestive heart failure, atrial fibrillation, and an enlarged heart. Complications from these and from the medicines to combat it have also caused renal insufficiency and elevated liver enzymes. I am now on 9 medications to combat the diseases. I have also had two TIAs (mini strokes) and precancerous polyps were removed from my colon. To those who will be conducting and/or involved in my funeral:                                                     Don't spend any more money than necessary to bury me. If I am near death and someone finds me, don't use heroic measures to save me. Just keep me from as much pain as possible. It is in many respects difficult to contemplate death, but the facts and my present condition preclude a long life, so I will end this journey shortly.  I am comforted by the words attributed to Julius Caeser in Shakespeare's novel: " Cowards die many times before their deaths. The valiant taste of death but once. Of all the wonders that I yet have heard, It seems to me most strange that men should fear death, Seeing that death, a necessary end, Will come when it will come." To be honest, I will be glad when this life of misery and pain is over. I wish it would have been different.  I wish that all I had dreamed and aspired to had become reality. The circumstances have dealt a different path though. I have taken a very different road in life than I ever would have imagined. There is so much to say: The loss of broken and unrealized dreams, expectations unfilled, life cut short. I hope my ramblings on Facebook, Twitter and tumblr, and my encounters on this journey called life have had a positive impact on someone, and that I have made a positive difference in someone's life. I will keep a diary starting on page two of this document. I hope to live a long life, but It doesn't seem like that is to be. I have made some tremendous mistakes in my life, but hope the good I have done outweighs the bad. There isn't a day that goes by when I am not saddened unbearably by losing the love of family.  To everyone, I love you.

Diary: 10/18/2016. I felt pretty fair throughout most of the day, although I haven't slept a lot. I haven't really kept track but I believe I slept about 4 hours from 4:30am until 8:30am, then from about 2:30pm until 4:30pm. I feel like **** now. Weak, heart beating hard... I think nearly every day about not living through this any more...Congestive heart failure, atrial fibrillation, and an enlarged heart - it is a bitch to live with - no energy, no stamina, hurting or in some type of discomfort constantly. 10/20/2016 I feel a little bit better today - still no energy to speak of. I hurt my back, so am dealing with that in addition to everything else. I think I have made contact with someone - a public defender - who can help Kevin. I stay tired and sleepy nearly all the time... 10/21/2016 Can't sleep. Heart racing, lungs feel tight. 10/22/2016 went back on Proventil inhaler. I think last dose was about 10:45pm 10/21/2016. Have to wait another hour for another dose. can't breathe. Weak stomach tight/bloated. have dry cough. able to sleep 5 hours after 2nd dose of Proventil. Still no energy, no stamina. Throat and mouth dry. slept another 3 hours. Ear infection is back. Ear infection is bothering the hell out of me. Constant ringing. a little sick - don't know if it is from ear infection or other malady - had runny stool several times yesterday. Lost my appetite. Got prescriptions and started back taking them. I hope it gets me feeling better. Kevin's arraignment was Wednesday - charged with felony marijuana possession, misdemeanor marijuana possession, and drug paraphernalia. Finally getting a little hungry. Ate 1/2 Big Mac large meal earlier; Will finish it. Lasix is working me over. 10/23/2016 hard to breathe - can't sleep well. yet am almost overpoweringly sleepy. I finally got a little sleep - about 5 hours. Stomach is cramping, still no energy, no stamina. 10/24/2016 Woke up early - hard to breathe. don't have stamina or energy for ****. Get extremely tired when sitting in a chair and need to lie down and rest, but it takes a long time to sleep - if I am able to - because it is hard to breathe lying down.  made a doctor's appointment for Thursday at 3:30pm. 10/25/2016 same as yesterday. may be getting a little worse. 10/26/2016 my worst day yet. same as the days above, but can't get relief even for a moment. Constant pain and discomfort, tightening band around my head - helluva headache 11/8/2016 Still feel nauseous about 3/4 of the day each day. Doctors think it is the medicine that makes me sick: Indications for some of the meds say will make you sick. Kevin still has shitty attitude. He doesn't get it that he will need to impress the hell out of the jailers to get conditional release program. 11/11/2016 Sick as ****. I hope that is what is causing me to be so confrontational with people rather than me turning into an a**hole. I went off on Jecca. Got jealous because she contacted an old boyfriend of hers. Turns out he called her because he has some type of injury to  his hand and foot and wanted some sympathy. I told her if she continues contact with him I would start hanging with sluts and send her pictures. I told him I would stomp his ass if he kept contacting her. I got pretty nasty with her before we finally made up and resolved it. 11/12/2016 I have been off the diary except sporadically for a while. I thought I was getting better: No such luck. Started driving to class today and threw up all over myself and my car. I am extremely nauseous, and have a tremendous headache.  I get hungry as hell, but then get full after only two or three bites of food. Death would be a blessing. No energy, listless, no ambition, no drive. Headaches are the norm for me, and the ear infection is chronic with constant tinnitus. 11/13/2016 pretty much the same as yesterday. a general feeling of malaise, nauseated. 12/4/2016 I was invited to Christmas dinner. I hope I can have the energy to go. It is getting to the point I don’t even want to be around anyone. I just want to be in the comfort of my own home. Becoming even more of a recluse than normal. New medication regimen seems to be working a little better. Still feel weak and sleepy most of the time. I guess tinnitus will be permanent. 12/12/2016 Was invited to a show free of charge to sell my jewelry. I don’t have the stamina to set up my display, much less be there several hours. Headaches are normal, and tinnitus is constant. 4 days now with no sleep. Period. Zilch. Nada. Bupkiss. 12/24/2016 I can’t make it to the Christmas dinner I was invited to. I don’t have the energy to go. Staying home and cooking chicken with vegetables. 11/14/2017 It has been a long time since the last entry, but what's the point? At least by reading it I discover again the pain and shitty feeling all the time are not new. I don't know what the merit is in that, but it makes me feel like maybe I am not getting worse: I just get the unparralled joy of feeling like total **** all the time: Nausea - constant; headache - constant; tinitus - constant. It is all 24/7/ 365 until I manage to sleep for a little while - 3 or if I'm lucky, 4 hours at a time.  YIPPEE!!! On a different note, Jecca and I are no longer together. When I incurred tremendous financial burdens because of the CHF, she no longer wanted to stick around. It has really done a number on me emotionally, but on the other hand, it wouldn't be fair to want her to stick around and watch me die, becoming a widow in the prime of her life.   I would like at my funeral, Crossing the Bar read during the service: Crossing the Bar   BY ALFRED, LORD TENNYSON Sunset and evening star,    And one clear call for me!   And may there be no moaning of the bar,    When I put out to sea,  

But such a tide as moving seems asleep,    Too full for sound and foam,   When that which drew from out the boundless deep    Turns again home.  

Twilight and evening bell,    And after that the dark!     And may there be no sadness of farewell,    When I embark;  

For tho’ from out our bourne of Time and Place    The flood may bear me far,   I hope to see my Pilot face to face    When I have cross’d the bar. I started an online ministry - not much participation - only 22 members after a few months, but I post sermons and positive thoughts for the day, most of the time twice a day on the positive thoughts. Well, I will stop blubbering and blathering now. Nothing can change, unless I somehow have the good fortune of being hit by a Mack truck or a meteor falling from the sky to put me out of my misery, or something like that. Yippee kayay. Anecdote: I may seem at times to not have much patience with people when they have their little foibles. I am not cold hearted, and have tremendous empathy when people are truly in pain or have grief. It is the little mundane bs that people grouse about that annoys me. My sister  died when she was 15 and I was 16, from leukemia. My youngest brother died when he was 3 and I was 17, from aplastic anemia. My other brother died when he was 45 and I was 53, from a lifetime of alcohol and drug abuse. Both my parents died several years ago, and I am the only one left in my original family, and the only close relative I have is my son, who is now 30 yrs old. My girlfriend at the time (1977) died in my arms  because she had been to a party and OD'd from booting cocaine.  I was driving north on I-285 just north of Atlanta in 1984 when I saw a car lose control and t-bone another one, splitting it into. They both burst into flames. I was just behind them and drove through the flames, stopped and tried to rescue the people I saw burning in one of the cars. I couldn't get in to them because the flames had engulfed the car and I had to watch them burn, unable to help. I was driving on a state highway near my house when I was still a teenager and saw a car lose control and run into a delivery truck. The truck flipped over on its top, and the car slid in a ditch. When I got to the car (this was before padded steering wheels and air bags) I found the driver with part of the steering wheel sticking out of his throat. Both occupants were dying. All this is to say I have seen far more than my share of death and I have no patience with people who complain about little mundane things. On the other side of the fortune coin, I lost control of my car during a rain storm in which I ran over a board with a nail in it and blew out a tire in the rain slick highway: I rolled several times and was hit with the car jack in the head before coming to a stop at the bottom of a 27 foot embankment, but was not seriously injured. I was with a group of musicians in 1969 during the Piedmont Arts Festival in Atlanta, when we drove to the countryside with 3 cases of Red Ripple wine, using them as seats.  The driver lost control of the van and we rolled several times down an embankment, and all but two bottles of wine broke. None of us were seriously injured. So forgive me if sometimes am a bit impatient and high strung.  A friend once said, "Don't sweat the small stuff".

[d1tman-blog]

To those who love to post memes and articles that you should be grateful for life no matter what your circumstances,  I am constantly bewildered by people who take the stance that life is precious and must be maintained at all costs. I submit that there are fates much worse than death, and that life lived in constant pain is not a life that is sustainable.  I contracted Congestive Heart Failure and Atrial Fibrillation 3 years ago, and to be frank, have felt like shit ever since. I have diary excerpts that detail some of this... Unfortunately it is painful and difficult. I assume you want the truth. I am drowning in my own fluids and my organs are failing from lack of blood flow. Breathing is both impossibly difficult/strained and painful. I have been in the hospital 11 times during these past 3 years. I had a pretty good job that I had to quit because I couldn't even take the strain of commuting to work, much less putting in an 8 hour day. A fish out of water, short of breathe all the time. All the organs are progressively shutting down. As the kidneys and liver fail, waste products build up…it's a vicious spiral downward. Many people die of arrythmia, Sudden Cardiac Arrest leading to what is termed Sudden Cardiac Death. SCD is usually from Ventricular Tachycardia leading to, or Ventricular Fibrillation. This can occur fairly early once a diagnosis of CHF/HF is made. Only in the end stages, if one survives long enough… pump failure… everything shuts down. Confusion sets in. People “sleep” progressively longer elevated by pillows, or in a chair.. Gasping for air, lungs crackling. Ugh. So, while you are posting all the feel good messages about how grateful we should all be for our lives, that someone else's is worse...well I don't wish this on anyone. The commplications I have from CHF and AFib now also include renal insufficency and elevated liver enzymes. Death, when it comes, will not be kind. I will suffocate in my own body fluids, and my ICD (implanted cardiac device - defibrillator) will jump start my heart with severe electric shocks which have been likened to being kicked in the chest by a mule, until the battery runs out, about 40 to 50 severe electric shocks...

Diary Excerpts 3 Before you get started on the diary, put something that mildly buzzes next to your ear. Keep it there a few minutes. That is one of the things I have going on 24/7/365, and have had it for 3 years (tinnitus). Now get a belt and tighten it as tight as you can by hand around your head. that is what I feel 24/7/365:  Every single day at least 15 to 20 minutes and often all day long, I feel nauseous.                                                           My life changed drastically and unalterably in early October, 2015. I had gotten that terrible flu that went round Atlanta and did not understand or recognize it's severity until I felt as if I would not draw another breath. I woke up one Sunday morning unable to breathe. I could only breathe sitting straight up. Monday morning I made a doctor appointment with my general practitioner. To make a long story short, I ended up in the hospital in late October  for the 1st of 11 times, sometimes only 5 days per stay, sometiems as long as 9 days (as of 9/29/2018).  I remained in the hospital a week. The flu had developed into pneumonia, and bacteria from the pneumonia damaged my heart even more than the childhood illness did), causing congestive heart failure, atrial fibrillation, and an enlarged heart. Complications from these and from the medicines to combat it have also caused renal insuffiency and elevated liver enzymes. I am now on 9 medications to combat the diseases. I have also had two TIAs (mini strokes) and precancerous polyps were removed from my colon. To those who will be conducting and/or involved in my funeral:                                                     Don't spend any more money than necessary to bury me. If I am near death and someone finds me, don't use heroic measures to save me. Just keep me from as much pain as possible. It is in many respects difficult to contemplate death, but the facts and my present condition preclude a long life, so I will end this journey shortly.  I am comforted by the words attributed to Julius Caeser in Shakespeare's novel: " Cowards die many times before their deaths. The valiant taste of death but once. Of all the wonders that I yet have heard, It seems to me most strange that men should fear death, Seeing that death, a necessary end, Will come when it will come." To be honest, I will be glad when this life of misery and pain is over. I wish it would have been different.  I wish that all I had dreamed and aspired to had become reality. The circumstances have dealt a different path though. I have taken a very different road in life than I ever would have imagined. There is so much to say: The loss of broken and unrealized dreams, expectations unfilled, life cut short. I hope my ramblings on Facebook, Twitter and tumblr, and my encounters on this journey called life have had a positive impact on someone, and that I have made a positive difference in someone's life. I will keep a diary starting on page two of this document. I hope to live a long life, but It doesn't seem like that is to be. I have made some tremendous mistakes in my life, but hope the good I have done outweighs the bad. There isn't a day that goes by when I am not saddened unbearably by losing the love of family.  To everyone, I love you.

Diary: 10/18/2016. I felt pretty fair throughout most of the day, although I haven't slept a lot. I haven't really kept track but I believe I slept about 4 hours from 4:30am until 8:30am, then from about 2:30pm until 4:30pm. I feel like **** now. Weak, heart beating hard... I think nearly every day about not living through this any more...Congestive heart failure, atrial fibrillation, and an enlarged heart - it is a bitch to live with - no energy, no stamina, hurting or in some type of discomfort constantly. 10/19/2016 Another day feeling like total ****. 10/20/2016 I feel a little bit better today - still no energy to speak of. I hurt my back, so am dealing with that in addition to everything else. I stay tired and sleepy nearly all the time... 10/21/2016 Can't sleep. Heart racing, lungs feel tight. 10/22/2016 went back on Proventil inhaler. I think last dose was about 10:45pm 10/21/2016. Have to wait another hour for another dose. can't breathe. Weak stomach tight/bloated. have dry cough. able to sleep 5 hours after 2nd dose of Proventil. Still no energy, no stamina. Throat and mouth dry. slept another 3 hours. Ear infection is back. Ear infection is bothering the hell out of me. Constant ringing. a little sick - don't know if it is from ear infection or other malady - had runny stool several times yesterday. Lost my appetite. Got prescriptions and started back taking them. I hope it gets me feeling better. Kevin's arraignment was Wednesday - charged with felony marijuana possession, misdemeanor marijuana possession, and drug paraphernalia. Finally getting a little hungry. Ate 1/2 Big Mac large meal earlier; Will finish it. Lasix is working me over. 10/23/2016 hard to breathe - can't sleep well. yet am almost overpoweringly sleepy. I finally got a little sleep - about 5 hours. Stomach is cramping, still no energy, no stamina. 10/24/2016 Woke up early - hard to breathe. don't have stamina or energy for ****. Get extremely tired when sitting in a chair and need to lie down and rest, but it takes a long time to sleep - if I am able to - because it is hard to breathe lying down.  made a doctor's appointment for Thursday at 3:30pm. 10/25/2016 same as yesterday. may be getting a little worse. 10/26/2016 my worst day yet. same as the days above, but can't get relief even for a moment. Constant pain and discomfort, tightening band around my head - helluva headache 11/8/2016 Still feel nauseous about 3/4 of the day each day. Doctors think it is the medicine that makes me sick: Indications for some of the meds say will make you sick. 11/11/2016 Sick as ****. I hope that is what is causing me to be so confrontational with people rather than me turning into an a**hole. I went off on Jecca. Got jealous because she contacted an old boyfriend of hers. Turns out he called her because he has some type of injury to  his hand and foot and wanted some sympathy. I told her if she continues contact with him I would start hanging with sluts and send her pictures. I told him I would stomp his ass if he kept contacting her. I got pretty nasty with her before we finally made up and resolved it. 11/12/2016 I have been off the diary except sporadically for a while. I thought I was getting better: No such luck. Started driving to class today and threw up all over myself and my car. I am extremely nauseous, and have a tremendous headache.  I get hungry as hell, but then get full after only two or three bites of food. Death would be a blessing. No energy, listless, no ambition, no drive. Headaches are the norm for me, and the ear infection is chronic with constant tinnitus. 11/13/2016 pretty much the same as yesterday. a general feeling of malaise, nauseated. 12/4/2016 I was invited to Christmas dinner. I hope I can have the energy to go. It is getting to the point I don’t even want to be around anyone. I just want to be in the comfort of my own home. Becoming even more of a recluse than normal. New medication regimen seems to be working a little better. Still feel weak and sleepy most of the time. I guess tinnitus will be permanent. 12/12/2016 Was invited to a show free of charge to sell my jewelry. I don’t have the stamina to set up my display, much less be there several hours. Headaches are normal, and tinnitus is constant. 4 days now with no sleep. Period. Zilch. Nada. Bupkiss. 12/24/2016 I can’t make it to the Christmas dinner I was invited to. I don’t have the energy to go. Staying home and cooking chicken with vegetables. 11/14/2017 It has been a long time since the last entry, but what's the point? At least by reading it I discover again the pain and shitty feeling all the time are not new. I don't know what the merit is in that, but it makes me feel like maybe I am not getting worse: I just get the unparralled joy of feeling like total **** all the time: Nausea - constant; headache - constant; tinitus - constant. It is all 24/7/ 365 until I manage to sleep for a little while - 3 or if I'm lucky, 4 hours at a time.  YIPPEE!!! On a different note, Jecca and I are no longer together. When I incurred tremendous financial burdens because of the CHF, she no longer waned to stick around. It has really done a number on me emotionally, but on the other hand, it wouldn't be fair to want her to stick around and watch me die, becoming a widow in the prime of her life.   I would like at my funeral, Crossing the Bar read during the service: Crossing the Bar   BY ALFRED, LORD TENNYSON Sunset and evening star,    And one clear call for me!   And may there be no moaning of the bar,    When I put out to sea,  

But such a tide as moving seems asleep,    Too full for sound and foam,   When that which drew from out the boundless deep    Turns again home.  

Twilight and evening bell,    And after that the dark!     And may there be no sadness of farewell,    When I embark;  

For tho’ from out our bourne of Time and Place    The flood may bear me far,   I hope to see my Pilot face to face    When I have cross’d the bar. I started an online ministry - not much participation - only 22 members after a few months, but I post sermons and positive thoughts for the day, most of the time twice a day on the positive thoughts. Well, I will stop blubbering and blathering now. Nothing can change, unless I somehow have the good fortune of being hit by a Mack truck or a meteor falling from the sky to put me out of my misery, or something like that. Yippee kayay. Anecdote: I may seem at times to not have much patience with people when they have their little foibles. I am not cold hearted, and have tremendous empathy when people are truly in pain or have grief. It is the little mundane bs that people grouse about that annoys me. So forgive me if sometimes am a bit impatient and high strung. you may share this with others  if it will be a testimony or can help with anything.