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cryptid-killjoy · 1 year

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Flotsam had a short list. He was getting it checked off all while adding events to it he never knew were exciting enough to write down.

Go to Blarney Castle

Kiss the Blarney stone

Steal plants from the Poison Garden

Add in WENT TO THE JEDI TEMPLES please and thank you very much and you're welcome.

Thomas Laveau was a God damned genius for that one. All hail the stone boobie gods slash beehive fortresses.

It was on to a new day though. It was babysitting day. That's what Flotsam was referring to it as even though they were getting grown adult visitors because of the way Caim spoke of them as his children. It was the chimera boy the Hellbird had a real protective demeanor about. He had a boring name, Adam. But, the demon was often religiously symbolic like that. Valerie recalled meeting the kid shortly at Caim's dinner, but it wasn't like they got to know him. Valerie also recalled him being rather quiet and moving like he was in pain and having a cover on his nose.

"If he has the other guy to watch him I wonder why Caim wants us to watch him too?"

The other guy. That was Silvain, the one that actually wanted to come see the Titanic display. Much like Bastien, much like Eeyore, Silvain had a hobby of similar mindsets. Silvain was a self professed tragedy collector. He would tell almost anyone he met he collected tragedies if they asked him what his hobbies were. The Titanic was one of his favorites. So of course when Caim mentioned his dear friends the Laveaus going Silvain suddenly needed to go too. This caused a whole ruckus in which Caim found himself simply calling Flotsam right up about it. Watch my people. I got shit to do. Where Flo found himself saying okay then. Cool. Sure thing.

Silvain and Adam are best buds and have been for years. Caim doesn't trust them alone or as far as a ten foot pole. This is why he loves them. Their chaos is grand, but with both their lives so fragile Caim doesn't want their souls getting into another demon's hands when they croak, not for a second. So this overprotectiveness has to do with their soul contracts, and one lack thereof. Flotsam doesn't understand any of this, but what he does know is they feel they owe that demon a big debt for helping them with the gender change and having kids, so a little babysitting for a day for the guy's chimera kid and his pale friend with the red eyes while they're at a museum doesn't seem like such a big favor to him. What's a little extra company?

The two were conversing outside the museum waiting for Laveaus as instructed when Flotsam caught the sight of them. They were both so different. If they hadn't come from Nola their appearance might have given them a double take.

While Adam was working the kink out of his shoulder Silvain approached. He handed Flotsam a letter with Caim's seal in wax.

Flotsam glanced over at Thomas and decided they should open it before going further in case it was instructions for the day. He broke the seal and leaned so Thomas could read it at the same time as him.

"Dear Laveaus,

Thank you for taking care of my family today. I'm counting on you to see their bodies get back to me. If for any reason they should perish in your presence pray instantly to alert me. Do not hesitate. Hesitation is bad.

Silvain knows Adam's medication schedule. If for any reason something happens to his pack with his supplies due to damage or human or supernatural interreference, pray. This is the fastest way to alert me of any emergency.

If for any reason Silvain perishes without Adam I've attached his medication schedule in case you have to continue without him.

Thank you again, President Caim

PS. If Adam does bite anyone there's antivenom to use in the med pack if you think they deserve it. I leave that solely up to your discretion."

Flotsam's lip drew down and had a hard time not laughing, but he held it in. "Fun." His eyes shifted over to Thomas passed his kids again. "So, who's up for Celine Dion cheesiness all over true remnants of historical tragedy?"

Two of the newbie hands went flying up like me, me, me. Then little baby hands were waving around. Maybe it was a coincidence and weren't really doing it for that, but Flotsam decided they were.

"Votes are in, Dad. They want to go in too. What do you think?"

#flotsamxthomas #silvain and adam

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cryptid-killjoy · 1 year

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After a lovely evening with his husband, lovely. Lovely. Flotsam's mind started to realize a part of them was always Valerie and just like parts of Flo remained in Val, Val's manner of speech/thinking was still in Flo. He did. He had a god damn lovely evening with his husband before packing for Ireland. Now he remembered why he missed having a dick though. How lucky was he to experience his handsome husband every way possible?

He woke in a good mood. Even going back to bottle mode didn't feel as intense as it did the first time now that he'd gotten to switch back and forth. There was a safe feeling in knowing all he had to do was take off the necklace if Valerie really needed to. All Flo's little secret fears and true wishes were out of the bag so to say and Thomas and his wolf helped put Flo at ease there too. Halloweening was on the list of to dos. So Flo wasn't freaking out. Everything was going to be okay no matter where in the world they were. He still wanted to get away after all he'd learned of himself in the middle of what else had been stressing him. So he was back to escapism mode with the vacation wanting to get away, but really, it wasn't so heavy anymore. Thomas was still being the fix it guy for him and all it took was a conversation he never wanted to have.

The first thing Flotsam did was start to write a list of things he wanted to do before leaving Ireland. Order mattered not. He found the basics, as far as basics go for him. He isn't the sort to want to tour every damn castle in Ireland or anywhere else in Europe. But, Blarney Castle he'd go for.

"Babe. So fair warning. I'm taking the kids to carry out their first felony. We will accomplish a family heist at the Blarney Castle and steal plants from the Poison Garden. Goals. I have them."

Go to Blarney Castle

Kiss the Blarney stone

Steal plants from the Poison Garden

The Northern Lights

See The Rocky Horror Picture Show at the Grand Opera House in Belfast ((because it has to be fate that's playing while they're there))

The National Leprechaun Museum

Titanic Museum

Goals indeed. "Northern lights. Pretty sure there's somewhere in Ireland you can see them. I so wished you were there when I got to go to Alaska. I wished it the whole time we were staring at the sky. Not that I told anyone this back then because I was still in young crush me who refuses to tell anyone I like you in that wayish. But, we can see them in Ireland too. Even better. Your green world. Meant to be. Has to happen."

He was googling things on their way there, in parking lots, in lines, sitting around waiting for flights, all those boring moments he took his moment to play tourist. He spoke as they were on their way to the rental.

"Rocky Horror is playing at the Grand Opera House. Feels like an authentic Irish experience to me." He laughed having a hard time picturing Rocky Horror being done with Irish accents and couldn't help not smiling. "Leprechaun museum for cheesy pictures with the kids and Titanic Museum for morbid pictures of us having fun taking end of ship movie photos at what's essentially a memorial of dead people's things drudged up from bottom of the ocean, Captain. Gotta love capitalism." He said with his own cheesy grin.

He grinned over at him when he called him Captain remembering their date on the boat. He really liked that. "We should buy a boat. Also this is the last trip without Pippin. I'm getting her a damn plane for real. The one I would have ended up getting Chip. I halted on that because of his zombie-thing worried that maybe he shouldn't be flying around after all wings or not. But, Pip's still clear headed. If anything they can fly together and she can take over if he zombies out."

They were building an air strip out in Nola. It's all Feral now. They were probably never going back any how. Time to consider where to keep a private plane elsewhere.

When they finally pulled into the rental and Flotsam got to see where his escape was going to be he smiled. It felt like something Thomas would pick.

"Look at you giving us the real deal experience, Cap. This is so great. Perfect for all of us." He kept picturing him with the sea behind him. Something kept making his mind go back to that date. He remembered how Thomas looked with the blue waves of adventure behind him. But, he really did like the privacy there. With the triplets he liked their own space. He'd accept the maid service for the time being. Flo's one of those people who would rather do something himself than have people near him sometimes. So, it would be no wonder if he ever called them off or put a do not disturb on the property as a whole because fuck people. No maid outfit required for Thomas. It would probably weird Flo out if he did.

"Oh, you know what else I want to do at some point? Go to the rebel poet's pub. James Clarence Mangan. I don't know the name of it. But, I know it's in Ireland. I'll find it if I look it up. But, I heard he haunts a pub in Ireland. I'm going to find out if it's true." Leave it to Flotsam to want to go get autographs of dead celebrities, not live ones. "Maybe Leap Castle, but only because I know it's like one of the hauntedier ones and I would love to see the murder hole, but really. I don't need to see every castle in Ireland, ya feel me?"

Then right as he said ya feel me as he walking through the quaint style cottage of neutral colors he spotted the prize winner of the property. The ocean.

"Oh!"

It was ocean front property. Flotsam started to glow. He didn't need River's inner physical glow to see this beaming straight from the inside out. He stopped yick yacking and his whole face lit up.

"Oh my fucking a-hole. Look at that. Look what you did. We are sitting next to the ocean. Like... on purpose. We can just walk outside and it's... it's right there." He pointed out at it over top of the stroller he'd been pushing. "Right there." He jumped enough to where both feet came off the floor and knees rose waist high. His feet in those heavy kicks stamped back down. "Right there, Thomas. It's right there. Real ocean."

They didn't have to get into a car and drive there first, get the car and go home after, consider the light of day, or night, length of travel back for drying off, cleaning up, anything that beach brings on. It wasn't a lake shore. It wasn't a river's shore like on the old Mississippi. It wasn't a swamp. It was a real life ocean shore.

"Right. There." He kept pointing.

#flotsamxthomas

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cryptid-killjoy · 1 year

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Flotsam managed to drive home on his Harley from the pub. When he fumbled through the front door he’d appear drunk like he’d just come home from a bar fight and technically he did. The only thing was he hadn’t had a drop to drink nor had any fun doing it.

“I’m home.”

He’d look so tired. He expelled a lot of energy using so much power. He hadn’t used to much voltage in a long time. It was physically draining, but the whole ordeal was emotional draining too. Worst case scenario to Flotsam was the idea of his parents being lab rats because being a dumpster baby and all, he just couldn’t get the puzzle pieces to fit. Finding his birth mother in all this didn’t feel like part of the puzzle at all. This was the most confusing eye opening day he’d ever had. He was in shock and if it wasn’t for the memory of the worry on Thomas’s face he’d be in complete denial and disbelief.

Scout would beat Thomas to him, but Flo’s heavy eyes would be on his husband from second one. The way Flo would cringe would be unmistakable too. Yeah, Flo started it, but he didn’t walk away unscathed. He got his fair share of wounds from picking a fight with Thaddeus on this one. He might not have had black eyes or a broken nose, but the damage was there. His jaw was swelling. His lip was busted. His knuckles were cut and his hands were black from the surges of so much power. Blood was rolling down his arms from where they were fighting back and forth over that knife when Flo tried to filet the fucker. A few accidental splices got turned on him just from Thaddeus trying to push him away and disarm him. Even the heel of his boot was broken off from stomping on the guy. Flotsam couldn’t believe how strong this guy’s bones were. Talk about a thick skull. It really wasn’t natural. He knew Scout had seen it all too. Family always knew everything.

He’d kiss her cheek then whisper to let him have some space to clean up and wind down. She’d back up and hug Thomas too before going off to mind her own. “I’m glad you’re home Daddy.”

“Me too.” He’d say still looking at Thomas. He wasn’t sure what he was expecting. He wasn’t sure what he even wanted to say. All he could think was poor Thomas. He knew all that, maybe even more all this time, and was holding in for him. He wasn’t sure how to take that.

It hurt.

It hurt because it was one the most romantic, brave, honorable things he could have ever done all because he asked him to. But, it was so heavy. How did he think he was going to carry it? Clearly he doubted he could or he wouldn’t have started to spill that day even though he changed his mind and doubled back. The whole thing hurt Flotsam’s heart. His very existence had always been a burden on anyone he cared for. It was hard for Flotsam to wrap his mind around it, that he could possibly be worth all this trouble.

#flotsamxthomas

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cryptid-killjoy · 1 year

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@orleans-jester

orleans-jester

“Runs in his veins,” Thomas said proudly. Maybe some other parents wouldn’t be thrilled aboutt their child having the swamp life in tthem, like itt was part of their evolution. But he was. He’d gotten tastes of it, back when Flotsam had taken him to the encampment and showed off his childhood, and his nature-loving soul adored it. It wasn’t all about open meadows and pretty forests and picturesque mountains. He liked ALL nature, the ugly, tthe dirty, the dangerous. The white rapids and the flaring volcanos. So he fell in love with the swamps too. He was getting more in the mood when he put on the march, and when Flotsam was growing more excited, clearly. He was stoked - though admittedly, it was more for watching Flotsam be in his element like this. He knew he was going to have a good time. This wasn’t a trudge along behind and only smile for the camera type of trip, he was going to go as full in as he could. They rarely had to threaten in their new home of New Zealand, except for with Thaddeus of course, but Thomas would have been threatening him anyway, just to keep him on his toes. They were really well liked there. There were respected there. When they walked into a business, there weren’t looks of exasperation or fear or ‘oh no, here we go again’ from the staff. They were greeted with smiles, with light conversation, with excitement because even though tipping wasn’t customary in NZ, Thomas did it anyway. This was more the way that Thomas was used to being treated, since he hadn’t had that reputation that the Laveaus had until he became one, so he felt like he was in his element. “Fucking right you are,” Thomas said, taking the opportunity to check out Flotsam once more. Floresecent lighting, fireplace lighting, natural sunlight, Thomas didn’t care, just as long as he could look at his husband. He looked good under all the different types of light. He even looked good in the dark, where Thomas groped like a blind man at the well-memorized contours of his body. “Your legs are shapely but I don’t know if they can handle the stairs the way they used to,” He said, playfully. He’d be impressed if they did. They were getting to used to their level house without any stairways. He was holding his own though, as they climbed up the steps, with the triplets in their arms, in their little carrying case on Thomas’s front and back, getting views from all sides. Really, it was like watching everything in every direction when Thomas focused on the open windows. He was fine with slowing down too, not saying anything, and taking Flotsam’s pace rather than hurrying up ahead. Even his legs were starting to burn. It was going to be a lot easier coming down than it was going up. He was there, focused in on Flotsam’s heartbeat, making sure it was still going strong, ready to take over and carry him if it came down to it.

He took that break too, holding onto the rock and looking about, wind lightly blowing on his face, through the gingery beard. He took a water out of his pack - thinking ahead given the exercise - and offered it to Flotsam. The monstaries were cool for a quick look. For a little bi of a thought experiment. Like imagine being secluded out here, it might as well be a deserted island if it wasn’t for the boats going back and forth. What would he bring to a desert island? Flotsam, maybe some good knives, though Flo was more than likely to have that covered himself. Maybe a couple of brews, why not make a date out of it. Now that was an idea. None of the annoyances of other people. Except the monks had the other monks and if Matthew Gregory Lewis was right - monks were assholes. “Lots of water, I imagine,” Thomas said. It wasn’t as if there were any shops or giant coins or other such attractions to keep an eye out for. “Maybe some puffins, over on Little Skallig.” He was fine with it though. He didn’t need anything big and grand to look at, not when nature was already all around them. “Dunno if we can from here, love, since we’re way on the south western side, but we can travel north, go there, stay a while. It’s not as if we’re in THAT big of a rush to get back home?”

Course he missed Scout. Chip and Dale. His grandkids. But this felt a little more important at the moment. He had missed outt on the Alaska trip since he hadn’t been talking to Flotsam at that time yet, it was shortly after that they came back into one another’s lives. But he heard all about it, saw the pictures and the videos, and felt an insane amount of envy. Being cuddled up with Flo, watching those lights? Yes please. So he was fully on board with driving seven hours up there to hopefully catch the lightshow.

Flotsam loved Thomas liked the swamps. Sometimes Valerie got so caught up in the fact they'd felt they had to leave and had left it she forgot she was allowed to love it as much as they did. Little moments like this fed their soul and continued to remind them they were also allowed to love who they were.

"Oh, I know you didn't just dis my gazelle legs." He laughed.

Jokes aside and unknown to Flotsam Thomas was ever focused on his heart during the climb as was probably more the real risk for Flotsam's health physically than his legs if there was one. Thomas would be able to notice though Flo was pretty good at not pushing himself. He'd pace himself when the time was right. He would hear strain, but Flo would always manage to slow himself down before he'd get into any danger zones. It'd be the sort of thing a normal human would never notice, not even Flotsam, not consciously doing it, but Thomas's ears able to hear it. Flo just knew when he felt like he needed to slow down. So he did. He'd never know anything was borderline detrimental if he'd have pushed. But, he never did. He was happy. He wasn't stressed.

Thomas kept him smiling. "Lots of water. Okay, Mr. Obvious."

He kept chuckling along when Thomas didn't seem to know about the northern lights.

"Yeah, no. I'm in no hurry I suppose. We could or I could just look it up first." Then he pulled his phone and realized there was limited to no cell service. His bars were flickering so he spoke in Star Wars mode. "Oh right. I forgot. My communicator is out of range here."

"Ah well, guess we just stay till night and find out, or simply ask someone." He sneered his nose a little as he said. He wasn't the sort of guy that refused to ask someone for directions if need be kind of old stereotype, but he didn't like to bring people into his fantasy world once he spaced himself away from the other boat riders enough to feel like he was having a private time with Thomas. He had damsel in distress face for about two seconds as he considered these options in his head. No. He hated the invasive feeling of "other people" in his life so much he finally said, "Guess we're staying all day then." Then he smiled, took a deep breath, and got his gangly legs moving again, not a care in the world, space un-invaded, happy as a rogue-jedi-clam.

When they did reach the monasteries Flo had to chuckle at their formations. He couldn't help himself because movies be damned he didn't prepare himself and each turn of the steps was surprise.

"I need all the pictures here. Chip and his fam is going to be so jealous we got to hang in the punk rock beehives and he didn't and I want all the proof for bragging rights. That is one pilot that didn't get to come to the stone temple." He smacked his knee at his own joke. "See what I did there. For real though. They look like beehives."

He took one of the pups as his mind started to gear up and held her high like he was standing on Pride Rock as he jumped on a small stone formation between two big stone beehives with the grand view of the water behind him.

Then he yelled out in sing song Lion King voice at first, "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh Zabenya I'm standing between the two biggest punkest boobs. I thank thee boobie Gods for the harvest of my trappings. After Valerie got her bust she got the three best kiddos and a Mr. Laveau of the most sexy proportions. I will be grateful and thankful and totally 'rrrrrock' my boobs with pride in the Great Boobie God's honor that they have bestowed upon me such a hot rack."

Then he bent down to one knee, put the child on it, took a sec to balance, and pulled his white light saber, gave it a twirl to telescope it out, and posed like it was a movie moment of reverence and awe.

Picture perfect. His saber was made of a conductor too, so that he could jolt a little of his electric sparklers in the handle and it would light up and crackle something fierce in comparison to some of the toys people could purchase. It was a creation Scout and Dale helped with of course. So, the moment would catch a couple travelers' eyes from afar especially from being loud and yelling out words like boobie gods. So, even though people weren't closely nearby, a few were still watching from their own hilltops what the fucking and/or with big eyes.

Then after making sure Thomas got some pictures he turned around and said to the rock hives gods, "Oh, and by the way, I love what you did with Dolly Parton, but thanks for keeping mine a little more modest."

It was probably best people weren't too-too close because they would be thinking Flo was out of his mind. He probably was either way but carrying on hollering about having boobies while he was clearly a flat chested man would probably seem a little odd to people.

He ran up to Thomas after his burst of excitement and said, "Is it bad I kinda want to fuck in a giant stone tittie because I kinda really do?"

#flotsamxthomas

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cryptid-killjoy · 11 months

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HC: This is the Irish Halloween celebration mentioned before. Ireland Vacation during spooky season. Happenan.

#flotsamxthomas #head canon #flotsam head canon #Instagram

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cryptid-killjoy · 1 year

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@orleans-jester orleans-jester Of course the inside would be totally ripped out and completely redone in the Laveau style. They’d never keep it like this. Just tear out the insides and the ‘skin’, break it down to the bare bones and then build it back up again. Even the process sounded so goddamn Laveau with all the macabre details. It felt really good just being able to relax with Flotsam again. Reminded Thomas of the old times when they would just plop on the couch together, watch some Top Gear, laugh at how stupid the men could be and have a couple of brews and some popcorn. The current view was much better than the television, no matter how HD they made the screens these days. Thomas had a pretty good read on Flotsam, or so he liked to think. He knew that mind was going, the gears turning, could swear sometimes he could see and smell the smoke that was being caused from everything moving too fast like a treadmill. That scene in Modern Times where Charlie Chaplin is working in the factory and gets sucked up into the machine, that’s how he pictured Flotsam’s brain sometimes. He might not always know exactly what was turning those gears, but he could see when they were turning. He knew about the nightmares. He still read over that journal, treating Valerie and Flotsam’s dreams as if they were his own. They had such a vivid imagination that they wrote them so beautifully and Thomas could picture it in his head like it was a movie. He’d sometimes get caught up in thinking about them, as if they really had been his. So he’d been extra affectionate at night lately, lots of kissing and cuddling and arm and back stroking until he fell into the darkness of his own sleep. To reassure him that no matter what happened, they were going to be safe because they had the stupid, foolish, cliche, cringeworthy power of love on their side and they were all still living because of it. All five of em here in this cabin. He’d wait for Flotsam to open up about this one. About why those gears were gearing to go. Trying to force Flotsam to talk was rougher than trying to get blood out of a stone, and he wasn’t going to go ruining their vacation over it. Besides - he looked happy right now. Well and truly excited for this experience that Thomas was planning. So he’d relax with his brew and their food and the ocean and the pups and watch his husband do a very dorky kung-fu lightsaber battle against the air, and love him all the more for it. - So the next morning came, as mornings often do, though the night had seemed particularly long for two reasons. Number one, Thomas was excited for the next day. That always made it seem like time was slowing down. Time goes faster when you’re having a good time, but goes slower when anticipating one. And the second reason was he was being more cautious about Flotsam’s nightmares. Trying to be more on the edge of sleep rather than falling down it in case he was needed for comfort, for calming down. But the morning came, and it seemed as if there was no dream to worry about. That felt like a very good omen for the day ahead. They had the morning routine down perfectly. The triplets were at the age where they could hold their own bottles, but obviously they were still watched, supervised, cuddled while they did so. Then there was the diaper feeding and getting them into their little outfits for the day. The squirmies were really kicking up though. Little legs kicking when they felt the fabric, like they wanted to be free. “That’s the swamps in em,” Thomas would say when Stark made it difficult to put his little pants on. Just for Flotsam, Thomas would dress in light clothing, doing his best to emulate a sort of Ewan McGregor vibe, grooming his gingery beard in the same style.

Course Clopin didn’t approve of Piper being used for anything, not by the government especially, and not to do stupid little favors. But this? This didn’t count as a stupid little favor. When he’d hear about it later, he’d order a JarJar Binks costume, just so that he could be huffy and say ‘How wuude’ that they didn’t invite him. Also, as long as Piper was happy to do it, there was no problem-o. Thomas didn’t ask for anything, because he didn’t really have anything. Star Wars wasn’t his jam, and he was always much more amused watching Flotsam and the twins and Scout get into their lightsaber battles than joining in. Still, he’d have fun trying to be like Obi-Wan for the day.

Kids packed - because honestly that felt like it took longer than any diaper bag - and they were ready to go down to the docks where they would take a boat up to the island. And a B-E-A-UTIFUL day, as Thomas would do in the Bruce Almighty voice, doin a very dad thing of standing outside of the cottage door once they were all out, do a stretch, hands on his hips, and look up at the sky. Looking blue and clear -a rare one for these parts of the world. But just all the more fucking perfect. Another good omen. Nothing bad was going to happen today. Then he picked up the two car seats that were on either side and carried them to the car, smelling the air. Even that, somehow, was green. It just had that earthy smell around it that reminded him of their own Lothlorien. It was a comfort to know that no matter which continent they were on, there was always going to be a place with that smell. He chuckled over at Flotsam and fastened the babes into the backseat. “It’s the deep breath before the plunge,” He quoted Lord of the Rings, of course, as he got into the drivers seat. He didn’t have the wealth of Star Wars quotes that Flotsam had, so he decided to be a little shit and use one from his own franchise. Though he was trying to get in the Star Wars Spirit. As soon as he started up the car, he loaded up the Imperial March on his phone so it played through the speakers as they drove away from the cottage.

Down to the docks, which were busy today, given how nice a day it was. People wanting to go out on boar tours, or just to have a nice day of it, going out on fishing. They weren’t taking a big boat out there, it was just a small ferry, fifteen people. And their little family took up five spaces on their own, though with the stroller, it gave them quite a bit of sitting room. Normally babies or small children weren’t allowed but Thomas handed over a bit of extra cash for them to look the other way about some very well behaved babies that they’d be carrying.

“I did a bit of light reading last night,” Thomas said, once they were situated on the ferry, under the open air, heading towards the strange shaped islands. “It’s 670 steps up to the old monastaries, near where they filmed. So if it comes down to it, I’ll carry you on my shoulders and you can hold the triplets,” He said to Flotsam with a teasing grin.

Flotsam would already sit around the cottage rental by the ocean imagining it different even though it wasn't theirs just because it was so not him, his mind always in artist mode and seeing the potential in angles, space, shapes, and areas with his own ideas. He couldn't help himself. His brain was always creating.

The way Thomas saw his mind wasn't entirely wrong. It was always chugging away full steam ahead on a track that never ends in one way or another. Having Thomas know his every dream was strangest form of intimacy considering they were sort of thing a person usually didn't have to tell another soul if they want to. Considering the Laveau eyes it was one of the few places beside their own thoughts a person had true privacy. So, sharing them all freely made him feel completely ripped or bore open for the other whether it was silly dreams or not because those personal ones like that came, and he was always truthful. It was also strange to get affection for it as an adult as if they needed consoling over their nightmares. They were annoyances harbored in the soul, just a dream he usually bottled up like everything else. That's how Flotsam had always treated them. He wasn't scared of them or too worked up. That was more of what was often behind the quiet brood. He figured somehow psychologically even involuntarily it was one more way he punished himself otherwise his mind would let it all go. Therefore, he must deserve it. It would stop when he paid his debt. However, once he started getting that extra affection he liked it. Thomas always knew just to do even if Flotsam didn't know he needed it.

Flotsam was truly excited from the moment something Star Wars was mentioned. It might not have been Middle Earth, but it was pretty damn cool. It was one more reason why he liked the mando staffs, they reminded more of wizard staffs. Flo was all about kung fu fighting with a Gandalf staff in his hands. High-yah. He was pretty sure someone would say he desecrated the tool by putting a parasol on one end, but he's a rebel like that. Not that it was easily seen wrapped in black leather to appear like a long handled hand grip section to keep it closed in place while down.

Thomas was looking hot as fuck as in his Obi-like attire. Flotsam was totally weak for it, beard and all. Even if Star Wars wasn't his favorite jam Flo sure hoped he was still going to have fun. Flotsam kinda wanted him stoked him too or why bother? Brain spiral. He wanted to do something they'd both enjoy and thought they were. Kind of why Flo was so stoked.

"What's that saying? Can take a kid out the swamp, but can't take the swamp out of the kid? Something like that." Flo laughed. "Atta boy." He kept praising Stark like it was a good thing.

Flo would smirk back as Thomas quoted back, always quoting. Flo would hardly give him demerits for Gandalf quoting. Flo has a habit of mix and matching his fan bases. One of Flo's favorite things to do is make up his own lines while watching the movies. For example: whenever the guy from Kim Convienience shows up as a fighter pilot Flo will shout out something in that guy's accent from the other show, "This star destroya is only-a for da gay." - Which is a mix of a line from a funny episode where his character was upset about pride day and was trying to give discounts only to gay people in his store. Everything was 'only for da gay.' Flo consistently mocks everything about Star Wars all while watching it in comparison to how he watches Lotr in complete reverence every single time.

Flotsam grew a sinister Grinch smile when he heard that Vader March hit his ears. "Oh yeah." He flipped the hood of his cloak up feeling the vibe.

Flo was getting used to money being handed under tables to get what they wanted instead of threats. Oh how life had changed. What a world. It had gotten to a point of it hardly being a thought anymore. What was a thought was seeing they were going to get on a boat again. Just that alone kept Flo happy. "I'm starting to feel like I have my own personal matelot, Mr. Laveau... and it's sexy." Though Flo had to laugh a little. "I sort of feel like I'm on The SS Minnow right now and we're about to get lost at sea like on Gilligan's Island. If we do get stranded with this group of people, for the record, we're the sexy ones.... and l'm like Ginger, only the rock star instead movie star and everyone's disappointed because I'm taken."

Then Thomas started teasing him about how many steps had to be climbed. "Oh, you think I can't make it huh? Challenge accepted."

He kept trying to seem all Jedi serious as he trekked, but somehow he kept slipping more into one liner goofball side of Star Wars and kept grinning and laughing instead. He was focused on the physicality of it but he was no Scout. Lanky and strong sure, but age and illness had deteriorated the guy just a wee bit. He was winded sooner than he might have been in his glory days. It was going to be a refuses to give up on it walk. He'd have to slow down and take his time, really pace himself.

Honestly, it was only when he slowed down he got to take it all in. He looked out and sat on the steps a moment to really take the place in.

The monasteries weren't really the biggest part of the hype to Flo. It was more about the scenes when Luke Skywalker was in hiding with so much turmoil in his heart. That was relatable. Running away. Isolating in a beautiful land that meant something meaningful to him to keep peace in the universe elsewhere. Flotsam liked this place the more he thought about it. It was Skywalker's sanctuary very much like his own little Lothlorien in New Zealand. The very thought made him breathe the air in deeper. He felt a kindred way with it's nature in these thoughts connecting with it through the storytelling. It started to put a very peaceful look on his face.

"What do you think we'll see when we get to the top?" He asked honestly unsure considering he hadn't looked through any tourist information. "Can you see the northern lights from here too? I read you can see them at a place called Malin Head here which I had on my list. It had old country scenery like this around it. I just thought it'd be cool to see the lights together, but even cooler from the Jedi Temple." And yes, of course he would continue to call them Jedi temples even if they were monasteries of a different sort.

#flotsamxthomas

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cryptid-killjoy · 1 year

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@orleans-jester

When Flotsam had mentioned the shirt, that had been enough. Thomas knew that Flo was going to want it. Anything with an eel, an octopus, a shark now - it was their thing. So of course he was going to buy the shirt without Flotsam having to ask for it. He liked taking the initiative with gifts like this. “I know you pretty well by now, love. I know what catches your eye.”

No matter how many tourist places they would go to - this would be his favorite spot in Ireland right here. Made him tempted to just buy out the property, just so they could keep coming back and having this. But they can’t just keep buying houses any place they liked, the taxes would be insane. But still - a beachfront property. Not touristy. Maybe something like that was doable, like a cottage where they could grow old, really old, together.

Good food, a good brew, this was a gorgeous day. Even with the faint traces of the waxy chapstick still on his lips, no matter how many times he had tried to wipe it off. He had an arm around his husband and the other one holding a beer, savoring it slowly rather than just drinking it down. It wasn’t a get drunk kind of night. It was a fuel the fire in his belly enough to feel happier, if such a thing was even possible.

Yeah, he knew he would get Flotsam good just by mentioning that.

He could literally see the words entering into Flotsam’s brain through his ear.

He licked his lips with a big grin on his face, and nodded his head slowly likes yesssss, you’re getting it, eyebrows raised like the Jack Nicholson nodding gif.

He was chuckling for sure now, it turning into a belly laugh just at all of the excitement of his nerdy-ass husband. That was what had drawn him to Ireland in the first place. He’d been looking at filming locations for Flotsam’s favorite movies, just sorta rushed looking into it, looking for ideas. Some in Italy - no, Kuzco would want to break into that vacation, and they needed it to just be them to be honest. Fuck LA, they didn’t need those kinds of beaches or the ditzy blondes that went there, hoping for Hollywood. Ireland it was, and it was to Ireland they had come.

“Oh, don’t worry, I planned already for your shopping budget, of course we’re going to get you everything that you need,” He said, his chuckles pouring out a little lighter this time, now that he had gotten most of them out. Flotsam was all about the aesthetics, a lot like his female alter-ego, so he had actually though about this. A whole new outfit, just for this one day? Fucking FOR SURE.

If only he had sandy blonde hair, he could have showed up looking like Obi. There had been a comparison of him to Ewan McGregor once or twice.

Then titty twisters had him laughing again, falling over backwards, holding his stomach. “Jesus wept, my nipples have never been happier for respect, I can tell you that,” He said, moving his hands up to block them just in case Flotsam changed his mind.

He was just getting back up when Flotsam leaned in with all of that love and he sucked it up like a Henry Hoover, happy to have gotten that very dramatic, very on brand reaction out of his husband. “Y’know I love ya too, that’s why I keep one or two things up my sleeve at all times,” He said, his eyes basically shooting out hearts towards Flotsam.

He crossed his legs like a kid, criss cross apple sauce, and watched Flotsam’s display. This nerdy side was fucking adorable. He loved it. He wouldn’t change a single thing about this moment, about his excitement, about the moves that Flotsam was rocking right now. And then a smirk as Daddy came out from Flotsam’s mouth. Not Valerie’s. Flotsam’s. He liked that too. Flotsam was no kitten but … Thomas would always be Daddy.

“We’ll leave early to get you your outfit, then we’ll take the boat in the afternoon,” He offered, figuring that the outfit was just as important as everything else around here. He’d still be wearing his GAP jeans and his dad shirts, while Flotsam would strut around and be the true fashionista.

He got his phone out of his pocket and pulled up the website. Easily booked it. The bookings only lasted a little while, because it was depending on the weather. It could be a treacherous place to get to. But weren’t some of the best places in the world? Since tomorrow was looking good, they were taking bookings and he went ahead and got them. “Lovely, we’re on it. We’re doing this.”

"Yes you do and I love you for it. Thank you."

If Thomas bought out this beach property Flotsam would go into redecorating mode upon instant knowing. He loved the beach front, but the decor wasn't a for keeps situation inside. He'd need creative control on aesthetics. It would need completely gutted and filled with his personal touch. The ocean however... perfecto. Flotsam would be eating cake by the ocean daily with his parasol just because it'd become a thing now in his mind that he needed one in Ireland.

It was damn nice day sitting back with his family, his man, this meal, right next to the ocean, a lager in his hand. It was nice to even have a brew in hand again at all actually. For Flotsam it had been a damn long time. Valerie had some wine, but just kicking back and being able to destress in any way like this at the end of the day was a nonexistent event since being pregnant. Remaining calm and not even overly excited was the challenge of their life with not only their kids' lives, but their own life at stake with it. It was also the hardest state to transition out of. Flotsam was such a reactive being, not just in anger, but in all feelings, sadness, joy, eagerness, fun, laughter. It would exude from him same as his brood. But, going from actual fear of dying all the time and thinking everything could end if he makes one mistake by having one feeling out of place and then now holding that brew and feeling the freedom the ocean brings while leaning against Thomas, it hit him square in the chest. This was part of what made the whole Marina/Thaddeus shit harder, even bringing up the courage to bring Flotsam back harder. Valerie was safe in her sweet spot nestled in reading books with her mind worlds away in whatever adventure Thomas chose to read to her. He became her happy place of calm and peace to get through those nine months and stay out of trouble, no drama, no disasters if at all possible. It was strange to react to Thaddeus that day. As much as it felt natural there was also a fear in the back of Flotsam's head, like muscle memory, his body still telling him he shouldn't move. Their children were going to be turning a year old soon enough and yet that feeling still froze him, cringed his muscles before laughing too much, or talking too much, not barking out every thought that enters his head just because it exists whether it needs to be said or not. He's quieter. It was one more reason he needed to run off right now on this vacay. He couldn't get adjusted to being himself, to feeling normal in his own skin at all... safe in his own skin. This was a guy who never feared death to begin with. He had an it was what it was attitude about it. Then suddenly Valerie's whole existence became caution of herself over those pups, wanting to make sure she'd be around to raise them. The constant fear settled into his very muscles. Freezing before laughing too hard fearing reaction in her belly that could cause her to be torn wide open was habit hard to break. He would have tried to explain it before in middle of night moments when he couldn't sleep, his brain that doesn't turn off, refusing him rest. But, in this moment sitting back watching his little kids, brew in hand, leaning against Thomas, he nearly felt like himself. A small weight lifted from his chest. And no, Flotsam had no interest in places like LA, Hollywood, New York, or Vegas. Overcrowded cities and egos weren't his thing despite having such a sizable one himself. It even entered Flotsam's head after he stood up and was acting so silly kung fu saber fighting that he didn't cringe. He hadn't felt that pulse of warning before. He had an after thought. He'd been down in the sand with his man drinking a brew and jumped right up without thinking. That uncontainable excitement actually being uncontained and managing to burst through meant more to Flotsam than Thomas probably could know right then... or maybe he could? Flotsam stalled in that afterthought moment, posed in battle, holding his saber, and started to just grin. Maybe Thomas would think it was all over calling him Daddy, but that grin held a lot more. It was good. It was a good thing.

Flotsam had been struggling recently with not so great dreams. They weren't his old recurring nightmares come back to haunt him, but they were still trauma induced. Though he never thought of it that way before, the pattern was only becoming recognizable to him because of the journaling of dreams for Thomas. He still jotted them down daily just like Valerie did if he remembered them at all. The good stuff was still mixed in there. Wild fantasies and other worlds. But, he noticed he dreamt more often than he liked to admit of bad drug trips, the hallucinations thereof, or near death experiences of his children, other near death experiences he's been in himself, and oddly it might not be so surprising he had quite an arsenal of real life scenarios to dream of and twist into worse situations. Strangely or not so, it's something Thomas said that kept revisiting his dreams per a quote. "Hasn't there been enough pain?" Flotsam's always trying to get away from the pain in his dreams somehow. He keeps swearing he's trying. The situations change but the quote remains the same. He feels like Al Pacino in the Godfather and it just keeps pulling him back in. So, this vacation meant a lot to him. He needed it in the worst way. He felt good for dinner. He felt excited for a new day. Something about being by the ocean made him feel recharged. So, after the long process of getting all three pups to bed he was even more refreshed and at peace come morning after waking up without a distressing dream to worry his night. It was the mark of a hopeful day. It was the sort of mood that had Flotsam giving Thomas a lovely wake-up call to start his day unable to begin without touching all over his man before the balancing act of breakfast calls from their kids.

Morning closeness was starting to feel as surreal as the ocean outside as he'd fidget with the amulet and feed one of his children. This was his life. Call it midlife? He didn't know. He wondered if Clopin went through this after being couped up inside Claudette for so long and he wondered if he could get straight answers from the guy if he bothered to confide in his old friend again? He wasn't in the mood for riddles. Broody Flotsam wanted real answers. Maybe it'd be best to speak to Claudette. He'd been so conflicted with opening up to anyone other than Thomas anymore.

Flotsam got his outfit though. He got little padawan outfits for the pups too. He couldn't help himself. He had a theme going. Do not doubt Flo managed to get the perfect cloak that still showed off his tall black skinny jean covered legs. The only rogue Jedi able to rock them and make it look right with his slouchy boots. He also spent half the morning taking a big piece of drift wood he found on the beach and transforming it into big staff that could also open up as a parasol. It would take him forever to get the mechanism to work properly as he'd never made such an invention. But, he was pretty sure if Bastien saw it he'd even think Chuck Norris would be impressed. It was martial arts worthy dangerous, wizard cool looking, mando bad ass, and still pop open and slay pretty as a gothic picture. Flotsam thought he was a fucking genius. Then he had no shame in doing exactly what Clopin doesn't like and that's calling on Piper for quick deliveries. But, Thomas gave him no notice, so he felt like he had no choice. He only found out about going to Star Wars world the night before and how could he go without a light saber? Um, he couldn't. So, he called on Piper for help. Piper was one of the biggest Star Wars fans of them all so that helped. She would understand the urgency at least. She was more than happy to pop home for them and get Flo's sabers, because of course Flo had sabers. The fam might have been LOTR fans, but the Laveaus had a few nerd out specialties. Like Godzilla. So, Piper popped in special just to make sure Flo's belt line was armed with his two sabers, one red, one white. He kept a Sith saber and a white one he kept ever since fan boying Clone Wars. He really identified with her. Always had. She didn't want to be a part of the Jedi and felt betrayed by them, but she never became a Sith either unlike her mentor, Anakin. It was why her saber was white, neutral in the force. Flotsam always felt pulled in two directions, always accused of being bad because of where he came from too, forced to become a warrior of his own kind. It was sort of an odd coincidence the Ashoka series was currently running while Thomas chose to take Flotsam to a Star Wars landmark. If Thomas had his own or wanted anything from home now was his chance. Piper was only popping in and out once.

Once he'd get his sabers, hidden parasol staff, eyes dark, kids packed, diapers in what would look like survival gear back packs instead of diaper bags because he didn't want his aesthetic ruined, he'd be ready to go. He'd point at he car. "If you're ready.... I'm ready." He'd smirk. "This is the way."

Yeah he was going there with the catch phrases right out the shoot.

#couldn't deal with tumblr being a dummy head had to move it #flotsamxthomas

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cryptid-killjoy · 1 year

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#a long time ago you blogged the xmen gifset with thaddeus face at the end cuz of what he said to flotsam that was similiar #I had to fix it #thomas feelz #flotsamxthomas #cuz awwe

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cryptid-killjoy · 1 year

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The first thing Flotsam did after driving out an entire tank of gas and then gassing back up was stare at Tray’s house from the end of the driveway. He did not approach it. He knew damn well Thomas could see him staring at it. He knew damn well going up to the door to visit his business partner turned friend didn’t mean he had to be there for drugs, but he also knew damn well if he was sitting outside not going up there for as long as he was stalling there was no other damn reason for him to be reconsidering.

He eventually put his helmet back on and drove away.

He kept checking his phone. Flotsam night. That was cute. Thomas was so encouraging trying to help him stay upbeat about his broody self. Depression was hard to explain to people. It came right back to him the moment he became Flotsam again. They weren’t just an over thinker anymore. All the cynical outlooks, negative self image, and self destructive self sabotaging tendencies came rushing back in full form. More so the urge to cry started to leave him that was in Valerie and the anger was welling up. Panic wasn’t the go to so much as rage. The need to get out of his head was more to stop himself from doing something that he might not be able to take back if he didn’t numb himself out versus just trying to rid himself of emotions for not wanting to feels sake. The reasons for things were shifting.

See, the problem was he knew why Valerie needed Flotsam right now. She entered into the conversation about Flo coming back because of the children, but when Thomas turned the conversation into Thaddeus and Marina Del Rey, the heart attack shift, all she couldn’t deal with, Flotsam knew he had to. But, just because he was stronger than her didn’t mean he was well equipped either. His mind was gearing up. His insides were stewing even though he couldn’t bring himself to speak about it yet. He’s spent his entire life in active avoidance. He knew he not only had to come back for the children, but he had to come back for this. He had to come back for Thaddeus and Marina Del Rey, whatever Thomas had been talking about that day. Valerie couldn’t do it. It didn’t matter if she’d become a whole person. He couldn’t do it to her. He just couldn’t. She was supposed to be his God damn happy place.

Everything inside him still felt like he did back on Halloween with the shoebox. He wanted to clam up and shut everything and everyone out. He wanted to light the box on fire. But it wasn’t a shoebox this time. It was words that came out of his husband’s mouth and he couldn’t erase them. He couldn’t make this go away. Even a mind wipe wouldn’t make it go away because his family would still be in trouble. He saw the burden on his husband’s face. Valerie saw it. Thomas was worried. Just because she didn’t understand what was behind the worry didn’t mean she didn’t understand Thomas didn’t tell her everything. She wasn’t that stupid. They’d never want to get that look out of their head because it wasn’t fair. They couldn’t for the life of them even now understand how their birth parents had anything to do with the labs or Thaddeus, but the more and more the silence went on between them and their husband, the more their imagination was left to run wild to fill in the gaps.

Something told Flotsam Thomas would probably be proud they managed to drive away from Tray’s even if they were disappointed they actually sat there considering it in the first place. But, they were pretty certain there was no way Thomas wouldn’t take note the moment they parked their bike outside The Lion’s Heart. There weren’t a lot of signs in the Laveau’s special sign language that were just like ASL but I’m sorry was left as genuine rub of the fist against one’s heart. Flotsam did just that so it could be seen in the pub’s glass door reflection right before he walked in. He texted his long text sitting in the parking lot. He apologized for the trouble he was about to cause. Then he made the sign in hopes Thomas would see it through their eyes as he walked in, but Flotsam couldn’t stop his feet if he wanted to. He wanted Thomas to know he was so sorry for however this interaction ended up, but he had to. He just had to. Hopefully, he didn’t stress himself out and give himself another heart attack or anything crazy like that, but he had to get some questions answered.

He asked the bar keep if Thaddeus was in and when he was told he was in his office Flotsam walked straight to the back without permission and closed the door behind him. The shock on Thaddy’s face was as genuine as Flo’s apology.

Now, the last time Thaddeus saw Flo Thomas was in his skin and frankly the real Flo couldn’t recall a thing about that and had no intentions of playing here. He couldn’t remember how Thomas played it all. Flotsam was going to do the only thing he could do and that was be his true self.

“How’s your sister doing? I was going to send a gift basket soon.” Thaddeus asked as friends do when friends hear their pals have heart attacks, but his words were stumbly if only because of how unannounced and sudden Flo’s entrance was. “I wanted to give her some space to rest. I’m sure she’s so happy you came to visit her at this time.”

“Yeah, I’m sure you did. Cut the crap, Thaddy. You’re going to talk to me now. You’re going to tell Del Rey I don’t have Sparky. I don’t have any ties to Sparky and have no power to get access back to her either.”

“What?”

“You heard me. I’m serious. I’m just being honest here guy. I had a demon cut the ties. I can’t access anything so whatever she wants I can’t get it. I have nothing for her. I just need you to tell her to back the fuck off because Valerie might not have made a move, Thomas might not have, but I will fucker. I will. If you have some kind of kink for Del Rey, great. Whatever. I don’t care. She may think she’s safe now if she’s been following me or something and thinks Savvy’s not around, but she don’t know me, bitch. I will eat her alive. Me. Flotsam fucking Laveau. I will fucking eat her slowly if she fucks with my family at all over Sparky. So get her to understand I don’t have what she wants.”

Thaddeus would look more and more confused the more Flo spoke. Flo spoke with authority trying so hard to believe his theory was correct not wanting any of his more wild notions to be correct. The logical one had to be the right one.

“Flotsam, I don’t know who Sparky is, but she doesn’t want Sparky.”

Fuck. Flotsam knew Thaddeus’s faces. His confusion looked so sincere. He hated he knew this man so well.

“Well, what does she want?”

“Her child.”

Then Flotsam’s eyes got wide. “And who is that?”

Thaddeus was sweating it. His mind was racing because of his conversations with Thomas, but here he was finally at a moment of truth. It was confusing because of the trick the Laveaus had pulled about Flotsam and Valerie, but still Thaddeus felt compelled to be truthful.

“She had twins. They had experiment numbers like me. But, they were raised outside the labs and got names.”

“What were they called, Thaddy-addy? What were they called?”

Thaddeus paused at how Flo said his name just the way Valerie might in friendly setting, just them. It threw him off. “Flotsam and Jetsam.”

Thaddeus watched this man stand there with his eyes closed and his pale skin turned so red he wondered how hot it might be to the touch. He wondered if the man was about to cry, scream, or explode. He looked like he might just blow his top.

When he opened his eyes again they narrowed in on Thaddeus. Before the hair could even prickle on Thaddy’s neck reflexes cracked off one another in flashes. Flotsam struck first and Thaddeus rerouted the voltage with his own ricocheting the lightning bolts into a desktop computer and completely fried it. Smoke filled the room sizzling from the screen and modem in a loud crack.

When Flotsam saw Thaddeus had voltage power just like him it not only startled him, it angered him. “You?” Disdain contorted his features as he was adding up possible truths he did not want to be anywhere close to true.

Flotsam picked up a file organizer and threw it at Thaddy’s head and said, “You are not my brother and she is NOT my mother.”

“No, I’m not.” Thaddeus agreed, but he didn’t agree to the mother part and as Flotsam stood there waiting for the second agreement, and the longer Thaddeus stood there not adding the other half in, the worse the pain the pit of Flo’s stomach felt.

This was not going according to plan.

“That’s right you fucking aren’t.” Flo snapped back fast but god damn Thaddeus just would not say Del Rey wasn’t his mother and it was boring a hole in his head.

“She’s not my mother.”

The look on Thaddeus’s face was enough. As if he hadn’t already tried to tell him. As if the puzzle pieces of all his wild horrors hadn’t gone to being one of her experiments too, but not her son. This was one step further than Flotsam’s imaginings had gone.

Then Flotsam just went absolutely loco nuts on Thaddeus. It was a full on attack in that tiny office. It was voltage flying. It was fists being thrown. His lanky ass jumped right on him with his own gutting knife in one hand ready to filet this guy. Thaddeus was an opponent however of equality in defense, reflexes, stamina, and survival. He’d been training all his life in that damn lab. It was a swamp cowboy and a war machine having at it until Flotsam was on top of him screaming, “You were supposed to be my friend! You will die, fucker! You will die. You were supposed to be my friend.”

And there must have been something about this that enraged Thaddeus enough to overthrow Flotsam’s hand, but he managed to get a hold of that gutting knife and push it to the wall. Then Thaddeus called Flotsam Valerie. “I’ve always been your friend, Valerie.”

And this made Flotsam fall back. It got into his head. He shook it like he had water in his ears. He put up his hand like Thaddeus better stay the fuck back.

Side note: The only reason cops hadn’t been called at this point was because his staff saw it was a Laveau that went into his office and after Mardi Gras night Thaddeus made it very clear to his them to let him handle anything regarding that family himself no matter what. He even put that under rules of threat of termination otherwise. So people were ignoring politely the insanity they were hearing in the office, turning up the music, and trying to distract the patrons.

“The fuck you have!” Flo spat back at him. “False intentions. Lies. And don’t even pretend you weren’t trying to get under my skirt.”

“I don’t even understand what you have under your skirt.”

“You don’t give two fucks. You just want it.”

“I’m just like you. I was made how I was made. The only difference is you don’t understand why. I’m not the one keeping this from you.”

Flotsam narrowed his eyes at Thaddeus.

“I should kill you outright for suggesting Thomas would do anything to me. He knows I didn’t want any part of my past you freak.”

Then Flotsam threw the knife at Thaddeus and it pelted him right in the thigh. He keeled over like a shocked circus freak who didn’t believe their partner really missed even though Flo had done it on purpose. “God damn it!” He hissed out his gritted teeth as bubbled saliva stuck to his lips.

“Good God damn. I’m only trying to help you. So you don’t end up like me. FUCK!” He yelled as he got the blade to wriggle back out of his meat.

“There’s your problem, right there Thaddy-waddy-bo-fucking-not-so-baddy right now are ya? I’d never end up like you. Never could. I don’t sell out my friends. If you’re so scared of her, just kill her. Life isn’t complicated, Thad. If someone is fucking with your peace. Remove them. You brought this problem here. Get rid of her.”

“I can’t.”

“Yes, you can.”

“No, I really can’t.”

“Oh good fucking God. What kind of pussy are you? Why not?”

“I mean I can not. It’s in my programming.”

“What?”

“I’ve tried.”

“Come again.”

“This is what I’ve been trying to tell you. I have no control over her here. I can not do anything to her. I may not be an android, but the concept is the same. From my genetics, to the wiring in my nervous system, to my power systems, to the codes of connections that make up my very soul compiled of cloning structures based off the original successful experiment, and the sums of all the pieces of all the successful ones that followed. I’m a little piece of your mother, father, you, your brother, and many others that followed in your wake. There are many more like me. She can mutilate adult souls into the perfect soldiers and morph their bodies in short periods of time not just grow them from infants now. You have no idea how this has evolved. I don’t think you understand what kind of weapon in magic technology your mother is attempting to give the human rebellion in their uprising. If they can not only steal magic and loyalty by stealing free will as well, can you imagine?”

“Stop calling her that.”

“What?”

“My mother. She’s not my fucking mother.”

“Okay. Okay fuck.”

“You seem to be able to think freely.” Flotsam accused.

“But not always move freely.”

“Then maybe you do need to just fucking die.”

“I just want to live in peace.”

“And what does she want with me?” “I don’t know exactly. I just follow orders. When I don’t my body doesn’t work properly. She can shut things down, like breathing, change my reality. You know why I like Valerie? You. Not just because she’s a wonderful woman, but because if I can see her I know I’m in reality. It’s not that fun to live in a world where someone can alter your mind whenever the fuck they want and have been your whole life. But, you’re the one thing she wants to keep an eye on right now. So, if my eye is on you my feet are firmly planted in reality and I am so sorry if I’ve crossed any lines because of that. I owe your husband one too. Butcha gotsta understand. When the only way I’m positive I’m in reality is seeing a very dreamy beautiful person like you bathing in the moonlight under my cameras, coming to dinner, drinking at my counter, whatever it is, well that’s pretty good living to me. You don’t understand the places she sends me. So I’m sorry. But I’m not because it’s all I’ve had.”

“Don’t. Stop. Stop it. Stop it right there. You are not allowed to do that thing where you try to make ME feel bad for YOU.”

Flotsam shook his head. No. No. No. He was rejecting it.

“She threatens me. Tells me she’ll activate you.”

“I don’t buy it. No. She’s messing with your head. If I was the first she hadn’t gotten her experiments that far along yet. She’s just trying to control you with it. If she could she would have already. Don’t be a dumbass.” Flotsam didn’t buy that one either. “She’s a con artist dude. All she does is fuck with your head. She wants you to say that to mess with mine.”

“I hope you’re right. You’re probably right.”

“I don’t get any of this. I can’t have been a successful experiment. I was a dumpster baby. So was my brother.”

“Well you were. Both of you were. I think that’s when she became more interesting in keeping tabs on you. There was only one left of your pair. It made you more valuable somehow.”

Flotsam tilted his head. “My pair? Wait. What do you mean? Are there more twins?”

“I think we all were until she stopped needed to birth them. They always split.”

“So you have a brother?”

“No. Well, yes, but I wouldn’t know him. I haven’t met him. It was later revealed all the pairs were kept separate in different wings for some reason. I only learned this from her recently. She said there was a problem with them, a side effect. It was best to keep them isolated for proper growth.”

“Proper growth.” Flotsam repeated growing angry wondering how they knew anything went wrong.

“What went wrong?”

“I don’t know.”

“What went wrong?”

“I don’t know.”

“WHAT WENT WRONG?”

“I don’t know.” Thaddeus swore. “She doesn’t tell me everything, Flotsam. I do not know. I swear to you.”

“I can’t even fucking look at you right now. I can’t deal with this right now. I’m not done with this. I just.... I can’t deal with anymore of this right now.”

Flo opened the door scorched door and all the employees stared in, gasped at the blood, the knife, the burn marks all over the walls, the fumes that furled out with the whoosh of the door. Flo saw their eyes. He heard Thaddeus try to tell them all everything’s fine and rolled his eyes. “Everything’s NOT fine. Get your boss a doctor. He’s a clumsy idiot that sticks knives into electrical sockets and falls on them. Never trust him to do his own repairs for God’s fucking sakes. What a moron.” Then he stormed out. “Call a repair man next time you fuck up!”

#flotsamxthomas #flotsamxthaddeus #head canon #use the words on the gifs

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