#flowey is a jerk as usual! yaaaay....

[undertalethingems]

Bark at the Moon Chapter 9: Setup and Punchline

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Rating, Setting: Gen, Pre-canon

Chapter Warnings: None

Chapter Summary: Terrorizing Snowdin is fun enough, but Flowey wants more--where's Papyrus in all of this...?

Flowey suppressed a giggle as he hid beneath the lowest branches of a pine. Two monsters--a purple deer and a double-eared fox--were hiking just outside Snowdin. Idiots. Didn't they know there was a beast running loose?!

Flowey's smile turned jagged. There was a crack, and plumes of snow burst around the hapless monsters. Withdrawing his vines, he sent them running with a shower of pellets, delighting in their screams. He'd gotten bored of killing, but instilling fear in people was still fun and he had the perfect scapegoat.

Well, more like scape-dragon. His little rumor had done the trick. Even if he couldn't get Sans to attack, the townsfolk were so used to nothing happening it was easy to whip them into a panic. A prod here, a nudge there, a hail of bullets in between, and all of Snowdin had been buzzing within a week. He'd given it another just to really let it set in--and then let his pet go.

Flowey hadn't actually seen Sans in a while now, though he'd noticed his tracks around town and heard him howling at night. To think the toughest opponent he'd ever faced could be reduced to hiding in the shadows and relying on people's trash to get by! Though... that's more or less what all of monster kind was doing... A simple fact of life wasn't the best insult. Flowey frowned, his gloating spoiled. So much for that.

His fun over for now, he left his hiding spot to check in on the latest with the Guard. They usually met around this time to discuss the day's orders now that living in Snowdin had actually become eventful. Flowey liked keeping track of just how much chaos he'd caused, so he popped up beneath another tree and eagerly listened in.

"Undyne should be here soon, right?" Doggo was saying, and there was a rustle--presumably one of the Dogi nodding.

"We're supposed to meet with her at nine sharp. I wonder what our orders will be now that we know the beast is real," Dogamy said, and Doggo growled.

"I don't like it. We can't smell it, barely anyone's seen it--and its tracks just disappear into nowhere! Maybe it did eat Sans and stole his weird... appearing without moving thing..."

Flowey stifled a laugh. How were they all so dumb?!

Dogamy sighed. "Those brothers sure were something... at least Undyne told us Papyrus is okay."

Huh. So someone knew where Papyrus was...

"I've just gotta wonder about Sans after he was so worked up... and then he got sick, and we haven't seen him since. I hope he hasn't... you know..."

Doggo huffed. "Yeah. Damn. Oh hey--there's Greater Dog with the rest of 'em, guess it's time. Undyne's probably two steps behind 'em."

Flowey ducked a little closer to the ground to see better. He could hear the clanking of armor as Greater and Lesser Dogs trotted up with Dogaressa in tow. All the dogs shuffled around each other happily, sniffing and yipping; Flowey gagged as the Dogi kissed each other sloppily. Then someone started the morning howl, and they collectively threw their heads back to cry, their hot breath sending plumes of vapor into the chilled air.

Flowey found it all incredibly dumb.

Metal clanking rose over their voices, and their howls died away as they turned to salute their captain. She returned the gesture as she surveyed her troops, and sighed. She looked troubled.

"Anything to report before I begin?"

"No ma'am," Dogaressa replied firmly, "to our knowledge, there have been no further incidents. What are our orders for the day?"

Undyne nodded. "Right. We need to see if we can capture this... creature. It's clearly not a human, which means it has to be a monster somehow, so I don't want anyone hurting it. Whoever they are WON'T escape justice. Understand?"

"Yes ma'am!" they chorused.

"Good. Now, if it's scavenging from people's trash... that's gotta mean it's hungry."

"I can relate," Doggo murmured wryly, and Dogamy elbowed him.

"Ahem," Undyne growled, then continued. "What I was saying was, we might be able to lure it out with food. Today, I want everyone to scout out places that look promising--where there's been a lot of tracks, places that naturally make escape difficult. We're NOT letting this thing get away."

Flowey quietly scoffed--good luck with that plan. Sans wouldn't be found if he didn't want to be, and he couldn't be caught so easily either. He would know--he'd had to keep him tied up personally at all times just to keep him from disappearing on a whim. This would be hilarious. Even more so if he messed with them the whole time. The guards broke their huddle to get to work, and Flowey followed with full intent to sabotage.

He dumped snow on the Dogi, threw a stick for Greater Dog that sent him skidding across a patch of ice, and kept pulling on Doggo's tail when he wasn't looking; Undyne was harder to mess with, but he still managed to clock her in the helmet with a big icicle. By the time the morning shift was over, he'd made a thorough nuisance of himself and was quite pleased.

"Maybe this beast is actually a ghost, and they're playing poltergeist with us," Doggo growled dejectedly during one of their breaks, and Greater Dog whined in agreement.

"We'll question the ghost cousins if we have to, but I want everyone to focus on our goal," Undyne commanded. "There's already been one incident today. Let's do everything we can to make sure there's not another. Understood?"

"Yes ma'am!"

Flowey had gotten bored of messing with them, so he left them and settled for poking around town to see what other havoc he could cause while the Guard was occupied. There wasn't much--everyone had taken to keeping their things and themselves indoors, so the most he could do was tap on windows and scratch at walls. But not being able to see the fear on his victim's faces took the fun out of it, and he grew bored of that too. He might as well wait for Undyne to get home so he could find out where Papyrus was.

He wasn't sad to exchange Snowdin's ice for Waterfall's mud, popping up in the corridor just outside Undyne's home. He'd hang out here, then maybe catch her attention as she passed by.

The wait was almost unbearable, but he finally heard her clanking down the passage and wriggled with excitement. Finally, he'd be able to question her--wait, where was she going? She'd passed by and continued down the hall. Flowey lowered a brow, and ducked down to follow her. At one point he overshot--she'd stopped somewhere behind him, at a cleft in the rock walls that wasn't really a path. She sprang up, and he burrowed as fast as he could to catch up before he lost sight of her completely.

He came out in time to see her finish vaulting up the walls and frowned. It could take him hours to find a route through the rock... but he didn't want to keep sitting around. He wanted--needed--to know what Undyne was doing, because this pathway was new. He grit his teeth, and sent out his roots to feel for weak points in the rock.

He finally emerged on a landing some twenty feet above the spot he'd left, and muddy boot prints confirmed this was where Undyne had come through. He peered down the corridor they led into, and cautiously made his way forward. There wouldn't be so many places to hide here--but not far from the exit, he found a nook between a few stalagmites and hung back, listening as Undyne spoke.

"Yeah, sorry about that. There's just... a lot going on with this investigation. Nothing serious, don't worry! But it's got the Guard all worked up and someone's gotta keep 'em on task, y'know?"

"Of course!" Papyrus replied.

Flowey frowned. Papyrus was way out here? Why?!

"Are you sure I can't help yet?"

"No, we can handle it," Undyne replied firmly. "We're close to a breakthrough, I can feel it!"

He heard Papyrus huff. "I'm sure your investigation would be over instantly if I helped, but fine... Anyway! You wanted a sparring session tonight!"

"YEAH! Gotta stay sharp, especially now that there's an active threat. Plus, you're perfect for helping me against--" Undyne cut herself off.

"Against anything!" Papyrus supplied.

"Yeah," Undyne agreed. "Alright, let's get into positions... and, whenever you're ready!"

Flowey heard the familiar ping of a blue attack, and Undyne was already laughing eagerly.

"Right off the bat! Hell yeah, bring it ON!"

Flowey listened to them clash, wishing there was some way to watch--but he hadn't found any more weak points in the surrounding rock. Drilling straight through would take forever--they'd be done by then. So he sat back and listened, and flinched at the hum of a 'special attack'. Flowey shook his head. 'Gaster Blaster' was a cooler name than that, but he never could get Papyrus to use it.

"Hah! You're hardly TRYING!" Undyne taunted as she undoubtedly summoned a ton of spears. "Now, dodge THIS!"

He could almost picture Papyrus darting around each crashing spear--but the sounds he heard didn't match. They were scratchy, clicky, came too close together to make sense with his mental image. Flowey furrowed his brow. What the heck was Papyrus doing? Walking on bone stilts?

A raspy yelp startled him from his thoughts.

"Oh geez, sorry!" Undyne called. "Are you okay?"

More clicking sounds, and Papyrus cleared his throat. "Yes! I was simply startled by that arrangement, that's all! It was very good!"

"Fuhuhuhu, thanks! I based it on a thing Alphys showed me--I'm gonna surprise the humans by using their own tactics against them!"

"Clever! It certainly caught me off guard! But soon! I'll be on the Guard! Nyeh heh heh heh heh!"

Undyne burst out laughing. "Not so fast! You gotta get through me first, punk! Come on! Prove you've got what it takes!"

Their sparring match began anew, and Flowey continued to eavesdrop. Papyrus seemed to be using his special attack more often than usual--maybe he was getting over thinking he had to 'save it' to keep it special. But... oddly... it sounded like Undyne was holding back? For all her boasting, he could hear it--she wasn't using as many spears as she usually did.

Papyrus confirmed it. "Hmph! You tell me to go all out! But you! You're holding back on me! You think I can't take it?"

"No!"

Papyrus gave an offended gasp. "You don't?!"

"No! That's not what I meant!" Undyne retorted. "I meant 'no' I think you can! I just! Don't--I don't feel like it! Ngaaaah!"

Well, that sounded like the usual number of spears.

"See! I knew you could do better!" Papyrus cheered when the salvo was over. "I even got hit a few times! But this battle isn't over yet!"

"... I dunno, Papyrus. I don't wanna hurt you anymore."

A huff. "You keep saying that! Or things like it! I know you're a very strong monster--you're the Captain! But! You seem to be afraid of everyone else hurting me too, and though it's true I don't wish to be seen, that is not the same... as being able to handle myself in battle! Nyeh!"

Undyne grunted, apparently taken off-guard by his attack. Flowey pondered his words--he didn't want to be seen? He was Papyrus, he always wanted to be seen...

"That's not it!" Undyne grunted. "It's--attacking you right now... feels like attacking a puppy!"

There was a long pause as the battle ground to a halt, but Papyrus finally spoke.

"... I see."

"No, I mean--it's just--you're already so nice! And then, everything that's happened getting you down--I dunno, it doesn't feel fair anymore."

"Our fights are very fair, Undyne! Perhaps the most fair! I am not, despite appearances, a puppy, but a very capable and dedicated warrior!"

Despite appearances!? Flowey's mind raced. If he was right--no, no, he needed to see. He hoped this little chat would wrap up soon, it was getting in the way!

Undyne sighed heavily. "I know, but... Listen, forget I said anything. You're a great fighter. There's just been a bunch of junk that doesn't make sense lately. Let's head home and get dinner, that'll clear both our heads."

"... Okay. I'm sure whatever feelings you're struggling with will be subdued by punching vegetables!"

"Yeah! Need any help packing up?"

"No, I can manage!"

Flowey cheered internally, then ducked back and waited. He could hear Undyne's armor clanging as she approached, and the rustling as Papyrus gathered up whatever stuff he had. And then, more clicking, a steady rhythm against the cavern floor. Flowey practically vibrated with excitement as it grew louder, nearer. The hall darkened briefly as Undyne filled the entrance then passed, and then it darkened again--though not as much, and Flowey kept his eyes riveted to the opening.

Oh.

OH.

There it was. Flowey watched, tucked in his corner, as a tall skeletal creature walked by with an easy grace, its slender claws clicking on the stone. It carried its long head high, with bright orange eye lights reflecting on the corridor walls. A red scarf was draped around its neck, some sort of brightly patterned sash or skirt wrapped around its hips, and a light satchel was slung from its tall dorsal spines. A long, whiplike tail trailed behind, flicking idly as it walked.

Flowey almost couldn't believe his eyes as he passed by, but there was no mistake. It was so familiar, but different. No wonder Sans hadn't been bothered by threats of Papyrus finding out what he was... because he was like that too. They were both freaks who didn't want anyone finding out. A wide grin spread on Flowey's face, and he ducked out to go somewhere private--somewhere he could laugh freely.

Oh, this was all too perfect! He had to do something with this--and already had the groundwork laid out. Now, to figure out just how to use it...