#folks we might have a new blorbo i fear

[erythriina]

rip john irving you would have loved getting a little too drunk and cuddly with your coworkers at the bar on karaoke night fridays

[autumnslance]

I have a question! How do you get over a fear of writing and creating a character? I try to write but I start feeling anxious. My brain doesn’t want to come up with anything. Even trying to imagine a character in another series causes the anxiety. I know I should stop but I don’t like the idea of stopping as I feel like I’m failing.

Is it the creation, or the potentially sharing with others, that's actually scary? Is it what others may say? Is it feeling like what you might come up with isn't "good enough" in some way? Is it fear of a self-insert, or of being derivative? Feeling like you have to create characters and stories to be in fandom, rather than wanting to create for the sake of it?

A lot of times, it's our fear of how others might react or think that stops us. We're afraid of looking dumb, or oblivious, or otherwise Incorrect in some way, and that we'll be ridiculed or scorned for it. We're taught to fear failure and the judgment we think comes with it.

It's easy to say "kill the cop in your head" and "screw what others think, create for yourself" but it IS hard, if it's a point we want to even get to for ourselves.

So figure out what part of the process actually is scary. I guarantee it's not actually "all of it!" There's at least a ranking of "scariest" to "least scary but still nerve-wracking". Once named and acknowledged, and broken down, it's a little easier to tackle.

I made up stories and characters in my own head for years before I ever shared them with anyone. A teacher singling out my and another student's stories as meeting the mark of an assignment in completely opposite ways helped. Screwing up the courage to post to my high school's nascent lit journal was hard.

I was terrified. I was one of the weird kids constantly bullied or ignored. If people knew who I was, they didn't like me cuz I was awkward and unsociable. But I wanted to write, and adults I trusted who read the few things I actually turned in told me I was decent at it, so I did it scared anyway.

And nothing bad happened. Some folks thought my stories were OK. If they said anything at all.

It took me several years before I was able to post anything online. Some was access. Some was fear. Some was feeling like I didn't have characters or stories to share. I got into roleplay, online and in person. My characters were...well, LynMars, my usual handle, is from a Vampire LARP character I played over 20 years ago, and made a lot of baby roleplayer mistakes on. I did her dirty in many ways. She wasn't a good character. Had a basic screwed up backstory but no real goals or plans. I played her for a few years and learned a lot from her, and so she's stuck with me as a reminder.

Several of my characters from those days weren't great; unimaginative, derivative, some very much "wow I did not know better back then..." But...we had stupid goofy RP fun anyway, learned from those characters and each other, tried new things. Sometimes they worked. Sometimes they didn't. A lot of times it was nerve-wracking.

There's a lot I write that I don't post. Some because it isn't ready yet. Some because I'm not ready and don't know that I ever will be. It's scary. And some of that is the bully still in my head, and I know it, and some days that's easier to deal with than others. Some days I can tell the bully to screw off. Sometimes I keep those stories private, I tell myself as indulgences.

I give myself the grace to fail, and remind myself that doing it scared anyway is where many of us live every day.

Anxiety sucks. Even with meds and therapy, it doesn't entirely go away. Figuring out how to work around it, or through it, or even wrangle it into submission and work for oneself, is tricky and individual. But it doesn't own or define you and your creativity.

Start small. Start simple. Start for yourself and don't worry about sharing it yet. If making up a new character is hard, find a favorite canon character, marinate and rotate that blorbo in your brain awhile, then file the serial numbers off as you imagine them in What Ifs and AUs. Share only if and when you're ready, if it's a thing you want to actually do.

And you may not. You don't have to create anything to be part of fandom. You don't have to have OCs with full backstories and planned futures. You don't have to write or draw or screenshot stories. You can just vibe.

Find why you want/need to create. How much it means to you. Isolate what parts of creation and/or sharing are so scary. Figure out if it's something you personally truly want or need. Then you'll be able to chart your path forward, one way or another.

[outpost51]

Happy STS! If you were to design a deck of playing cards based on characters in your WIP, who would you assign to be the King? The Queen? The Jack? The Ace? And the Joker?

Happy STS Nopal!!

You’ve triggered my cartomancy trap card!!

And given me the chance to ramble about some characters folks haven’t seen in Arsonist Chronicles yet!! [happy stim]

So I read a standard deck of playing cards the same as I’d read tarot (sans the major arcana), with the suits converted as such: spades = swords, hearts = cups, diamonds = coins, clubs = wands, jack = knave, ace = knight (I know, I don’t read the aces as aces, great crimes have been committed on this day). You didn’t come here for that though, you came for blorbos and blorbos you shall receive!

★○★○★○★

♤

King of Spades: Taredd is as brilliant as he is charismatic — a shame he uses what would otherwise be qualities of a good leader to be a manipulative little bastard. He’s the current king of the Fae while the Seelie Courts hold power, and only recently assumed the throne after his father mysteriously abdicated mid-Revel. The whereabouts of former king Theodas are unknown.

Queen of Spades: Princess Cassara, Cassie my beloved. Sharp, clever, and as calculating as her brother, she’s quite happy in her position as second-in-line — she gets all the perks of nobility with none of the boring work that comes along with it. That, and she might have a massive secret mutual crush on her personal guard, and as queen, she’d be expected to marry someone for political gain. No thanks!

Jack of Spades: Funny enough, a queen — the nebulous queen of the Unseelie Courts, to be exact. Although, she technically isn’t a queen just yet; she slipped away into the night right before her coronation a few months prior to the start of Unlikely Adventures. There’s a rumor she’s sought a fresh start among the humans, in retail no less, but it’s so preposterous, it’s passed around as an ironic joke rather than viable theory.

Ace of Spades: General Nelene is the aforementioned personal guard. She was part of the ritual trade-off when the Seelie Courts took over — the monarchs of the two choose new guards from the ranks, and then trade. It’s supposed to be a show of trust but, well. Fae. Anyway Nellie has a big lesbian crush on Cassara and they’re totally ✨ Doin’ It ✨ on the DL, and they’re definitely Not Planning Anything Nefarious. What do you mean the Knight of Swords represents unbridled ambition? Noooo, no, Taredd trusts her with his life, his sister’s life, and control of his forces—

♡

King of Hearts: Life — not for the King thing, it’s because she’s compassionate and generous, but she’s got great control over her emotions and she’s wary of disrupting the universal balance.

Queen of Hearts: Death. Yeah, we saw this one coming. She’s all the hyperempathy and none of the balance, thinks with her heart, doesn’t consider so much the consequences of her actions. Listen, you take an evening stroll through a graveyard and not feel your heart shatter into a million pieces over a little girl crying about her sister. I’m not saying I’d hand her a book of necromancy instructions, but I totally would.

Jack of Hearts: Ayla, of course. She’s the very embodiment of why we should not let our id run around unchecked. War crimes.

Ace of Hearts: Phada — she’s a whole can of worms by herself, and the reason we can’t have anything nice have vampires.

♢

King of Diamonds: Savras Zegan! Yes diamonds is my FZS&S suit. Savras is a funny little hoarder of objects both mystical and mundane.

Queen of Diamonds: Paghana Fithum, mother hen of the entire supernatural community.

Jack of Diamonds: Miorina Stazor, don’t fear the Mia, but do fear the Reaper. Something, something new life, resurrections, etc.

Ace of Diamonds: Tom Smith — a man of utmost diligence. Nuff said.

♧

King of Clubs: Acheron La Croix, Sang-d’origine bloodline. Imagine, if you will, the stuffiest, velvet-smoking-jacketest vampire ever. Now give him Dad Energy™️. Yeah, that’s Acheron.

Queen of Clubs: Fiery, determined, strong — Pamela Foster, president of the HOA and progenitor of the Castlebury Park vampire bloodline. It’s not often a new bloodline forms but when it does, it’s a big fucking deal — not to Pam. She has gardens to judge and citations to write and meetings to run and bake sales and festivals to coordinate and boy does she give the Vampire Council a run for their money.

Jack of Clubs: Psyche Hunter is a newer vampire and brings “fresh, young energy” to the council, whatever Acheron means by that. Personally, I think it’s because she taught him how to use a smartphone. Also, she’s been adopted by Keir and they’re bisexual power besties, and I just think they’re neat.

Ace of Clubs: Keir Toussaint is the perfect example of a centuries old immortal who’s fully integrated into modern society. This man was turned in fucking 1802. Fuckin regency era rake ass loves Fortnite and shitty beer. Brash, impulsive little punk.

🃏

Finally, we’ve reached the end. The wild card. The very embodiment of universal entropy. The Deep. [kisses his stupid head] Bastard <3