#follow them around being annoying. bonus if that does actually tie back to the main villain somehow

[bacchuschucklefuck]

if they do senior year brennan should make the bad kids deal with freshmen. a pass-the-torch plus leave-this-place-better-than-we-found-it thing will be cute but more importantly making these specific weirdos babysit will be a hoot

[the-desolated-quill]

The Bells Of Saint John - Doctor Who blog

(SPOILER WARNING: The following is an in-depth critical analysis. If you haven’t seen this episode yet, you may want to before reading this review)

Yeah, that was an okay episode, wasn't it? I mean The Bells Of Saint John had the potential to be a truly great episode had Moffat put the effort in, but after some of the crap I’ve had to put up from him recently like Bullshit Of The Daleks and The Angels Take The Piss, at this point I’m prepared to settle for okay.

First of all it’s nice to have a threat that isn’t alien invaders trying to take over the world for a change. Snatching people’s souls using the Wi-Fi is an inherently creepy idea that Moffat uses to great effect. It’s not in your face like a Dalek or a Cyberman. The threat is actually far subtler as you realise just how vulnerable we really are. Wi-Fi has become such an integral part of our lives and 24 hour surveillance has become so commonplace that it’s easy to imagine some malevolent force using the Wi-Fi to take control. That’s what makes it so chilling.

While this is all revealed at the end to be the work of the Great intelligence (did you catch the Classic Who reference? The Web Of Fear? The world wide web? Nice!), the focus is exclusively on the humans behind the plot, and again it’s really refreshing to see human baddies for a change. Celia Imrie does a marvellous job as Miss Kizlet. She has such a great presence on screen and has so many memorable lines. My favourite in particular was when she was comparing what she was doing to working at an abattoir:

“No one loves cattle more than Burger King.”

Also bonus points to Moffat for finally writing a female character that isn’t a dominatrix that speaks only in sassy putdowns and sexual innuendo, a mother figure who’s entirely defined by her reproductive system, or a one dimensional cardboard cutout that has no life outside of the male protagonist. See! I knew you could do it!

Miss Kizlet is a woman who clearly enjoys the power she has over people and has benefitted a lot from working with the Great intelligence, hence why she’d be willing to throw her morals to the side. And the final twist at the end when she’s restored to her factory settings and reverts back to the mindset of a child was undoubtedly the creepiest part of the episode. The Great intelligence has effectively ruined her life for his own ends and he presents a very different kind of threat from previous Who baddies.

The plot itself is fairly decent overall and there are some great set pieces like the scene with the crashing plane and the Doctor riding his anti-grav bike up the Shard, but, as I said at the beginning, this episode had the potential to be so much more and there are some areas where The Bells Of Saint John kind of trips up. First of all, the idea of something living in the Wi-Fi is pretty much the same premise as The Idiot’s Lantern with the Wire stealing people’s faces through the televisions (although to Moffat’s credit, The Bells Of Saint John is far more enjoyable to watch than The Idiot’s Lantern was). In fact Moffat recycles a lot of ideas here. The data cloud stuff is similar to the data ghosts in the Silence In The Library two parter, and the Spoonheads seem to be a cross between the Nodes from the Library two parter and the Smilers from The Beast Below. In fact I really wish Moffat had cut out the Spoonheads altogether. As I said, the reason why the episode works is because of how subtle the threat is. Adding in random robots just tramples over the creepy atmosphere. Why couldn’t they have stolen people’s souls through the webcams or something instead? That would have been far scarier, playing into people’s paranoia about how someone can hack into your computer and spy on you through the webcam.

There’s one idea I don’t think Moffat does nearly enough with and that’s the idea of hacking people. Miss Kizlet uses her iPad to change her employees’ IQ, paranoia, conscience, can upload new skills and knowledge into them and can even control people directly. That has the potential to be really scary, but it’s sadly left by the wayside. Also there are bits of it that don’t really make sense. We see Miss Kizlet change her henchman’s conscience and paranoia levels when he starts asking too many questions and raises another’s IQ in order to find a way of killing the Doctor and Clara, but what I don’t understand is why she doesn’t just lower the conscience and paranoia levels completely and max out the IQ. Wouldn’t that be more effective?

Let’s quickly talk about the main characters. In the previous episode, the Doctor vowed to find Clara. Here we see him sitting on his arse in a monastery, painting pictures of her and only finds her when she just happens to ring him on his phone. That’s an interesting way of looking for someone. I must admit I’ve never tried that one before.

Yeah, if I had to pick a weak link, I’d say it was definitely the Doctor. I know I must be sounding like a broken record, but Matt Smith’s goofiness really does just grate on my nerves. I think what exacerbates it even more in this episode is Murray Gold’s soundtrack over the top of it trying to make the character seem more whimsical as opposed to really, bloody irritating. (Also, no Doctor. You haven’t invented the quadricycle. Quadricycles have been a thing since 1896 and were first developed by Henry Ford, so do be quiet, you silly little man). It’s not all bad I admit. His new outfit looks nice and I liked his confrontation with Miss Kizlet near the end. Matt Smith can often do serious really well. It’s when he tries to be funny when I suddenly feel the urge to reach through the screen and strangle him with his own bow tie.

And then there’s Clara. I remember at the time dreading this episode because of how much I hated the character in her previous two appearances. The very thought of her becoming a companion just made me want to tear my hair out in frustration. When I did finally watch the episode, I breathed a sigh of relief as Clara is... I wouldn’t go so far as to say she’s likeable now, but she’s definitely more tolerable this time around. Jenna Coleman seems to have toned the smugness down a touch, although there were still some moments that annoyed me, like when she called the TARDIS a snogging booth or when she and the Doctor were fighting over the laptop. (Moffat, I know it’s difficult, but can you at least try to write her as though she’s an actual human being?). I also don’t buy that anyone could be this clueless about how to work a computer. I mean I’m technologically illiterate and even I know how the Wi-Fi works. Unless she’s Amish, i’m calling bullshit. 

That being said, I must confess it’s nice to have a companion that’s slightly more skeptical about the Doctor and isn’t immediately bowled over by him like the previous New Who companions were. It’s just a shame that the only reason Clara is joining the TARDIS is because of some bullshit mystery surrounding her. Remember the good old days when companions were fully realised, three dimensional characters that had their own lives and hobbies and motives and desires, and decided to travel with the Doctor through time and space just because it sounds like a fun thing to do? Sigh.

Overall, The Bells Of Saint John is a fairly decent episode that’s occasionally very creepy. It’s frustrating that Moffat didn’t explore the premise to its full potential, but I suppose you can’t expect miracles. Just be grateful this episode is even vaguely watchable.