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loveau · 4 years

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You + Me = ? | Wendy

Genre: highschool!au, fluff

Word Count: 2,989

Request: Hi, there! 😁 May I request a high school!AU scenario with Wendy where the reader needs help with math and she becomes the reader’s tutor, then the reader improves in math and they fall in love and all that fluffy stuff?

Summary: While your math grade seems to be falling, it’s not the only thing that does once a pretty math tutor comes in to help you. You can only hope she’s there to catch you like she’s doing for your grade.

You curse at the dumb equations staring mockingly at you from your paper. Stupid algebra, stupid factoring, stupid polynomials. Nothing was sticking in your brain, and, at this point, it was pretty much fried. You bang your head on the desk and groan into the multiple eraser markings sticking on your cheek.

Yeah, you totally shouldn’t have convinced the counselor to let you take that extra elective instead of the math class. The entire year’s worth of not doing math had been both a blessing... and a curse. You sat in a class of mostly sophomores as the only junior taking that algebra course. It stung your pride to sit there staring at a low mark as they seemed to be passing with ease.

The only other junior in the class was the TA, and she stops by with a concerned look. However, one glance at your half done worksheet (with most of the answers wrong, by the way) she concludes that you’re frustrated and need help.

“Hey,” she calls. At this you put your head up and come face to face with her. “Do you need help with this? I can tutor you after school if you’d like to get help outside of class.”

“Oh my gosh, really, Wendy?! You’re literally an angel!” She smiles at you, only proving further to you that she not only acts like an angel, but she looks very much like one too.

She waves you off dismissively, but the red in her cheeks shows that she appreciates the comment. One look at your paper shows her that you really were in need of the help. No offense, of course, but the factoring you had done so far somehow led you to completely get rid of the variables. While this led to much confusion on her part where to begin, she was amused by your doodles on the page.

“You draw?” You peer down to see what she’s referring to. There’s small little sketches of your favorite characters from some show you were currently watching. A slight flush of embarrassment moves across your cheeks, as if it were a crime to like your shows. However, you just shrug to play it off cool.

“Kind of... I usually do this when I’m bored.” You realize that you’ve just admitted one of the reasons why you are behind in class. Wendy only reassures you with a smile, deciding not to point that out if she caught it at all.

She tries to help you as much as she can before the period’s over. You’re much too distracted by the curve of her bangs over her forehead and wonder how she must have done it. Done what? You know... looking so effortlessly stunning. You’re well aware of how she uses a hair curler in her bangs sometimes. You’ve seen it at lunch a couple times when she’s laughing loudly with her friends, but you could never bring yourself to look away.

About to be caught again, you quickly busy yourself with whatever problem you left off on. Wendy watches you for a couple more moments before deciding that she should start packing up and taking some last minute questions. You’re scribbling down the answers to the next couple of questions and she makes a mental note to check in with you later. In the mean time, she hopes you don’t mistake her number she wrote on the corner of your page for some polynomial without variables.

Luckily you caught it fairly quickly before the school day ended, when you had decided to continue your doodling on a previous sheet. And just like that, you were meeting Wendy after school to go over your homework that you had completed in class. Nerves began building up inside of you. Both at the idea of seeing Wendy again, but also... her relation to your math class reminded you of an upcoming test. As well as your low grade. It wasn’t that bad per se, but it wasn’t exactly ideal. You were bordering from a C+ to a B- and you knew you’d be in for it if your parents saw that as a final grade.

Your leg bounces as you wait by one of the lunch tables, and it distracts you so much that you miss the text from Wendy that she’s on her way and should only be another minute. By the time you’ve formulated your runaway plan and to make sure your FBI agent can’t track you down when you fail your next test, Wendy arrives with a chipper smile and taking a seat right next to you. Immediately her smiles drops at your worried face.

“Hey, are you alright? We don’t have to be meeting up right now if you don’t want to.”

“No! You’re fine.” Her concerned eyes don’t stop trying to figure out what’s eating you until it clicks.

“You’re worried about next week’s test, right?” You nod and Wendy pats your shoulder. However, she doesn’t take her hand away and instead squeezes your shoulder so that you feel the warmth through your shirt. You’re not that surprised to find that warmth has spread all throughout your body as well. “I can totally help you with that! I often see you looking frustrated in class but didn’t want to pester you. I figured today wouldn’t hurt.”

You shake your head and find that you were grateful she stepped up today. You could never with how preoccupied you were with trying to reteach yourself concepts as well as her being almost intimidatingly pretty. If it wasn’t obvious, your crush on her really made you freeze up. You remember developing your crush on her in your sophomore year, when the two of you shared a literature class together. The two of you got to interact some, but not much. What stood out to you was the reenactment of Romeo and Juliet where she played Romeo and you read the part of Juliet. Her character building and voice somehow made you feel as if you were really Juliet, easily swooning by her love confessions. You really began to daydream that they were real... and in modern english.

“If I bomb this next test, then I’m easily set to get a solid C instead of a C+. I have almost an 81 in the class, but just barely.”

Wendy hums and fixes her ponytail to stall while she thinks. Suddenly she brightens up and snaps her fingers. “Have you thought about doing the extra credit? It could definitely bring your grade up to an 85 at least! It can act as a safety net in case you do poorly on the test, but I won’t let that happen!”

“How so?” She takes your hands into hers and looks you earnestly in the eyes.

“Starting today, I will tutor you everyday to make sure you feel prepared and confident for the test. It doesn’t have to be just after school either. We can meet at lunch, during class, before school, or any time we can work it out. I promise you I will be there for you so that you don’t fail.” Your heart beats a little quicker at her promise, but the intensity also adds butterflies to your stomach. You can only nod in response and realize you’ve been holding your breath by the time she turns around to get some papers out. “Here, I keep these on me in case anyone approaches me outside of class for help. These are some of the extra credit sheets that’ll help you. They also pertain to the test so it’s a double whammy.”

She helps you get started on the sheets, telling you they’re honestly easy points to boost your grade. They really are with how much time Wendy spends talking you through the concept and making sure you’re not iffy on a problem. It’s like this the rest of the week. However, you also realize she’s been super affectionate once you get a problem right or giving herself whatever excuse to get as close as possible.

Sometimes her pencil might roll away from her as you work and she allows it to roll far enough so that it hits you. She either brushes her fingers against your hand or arm or she purposely touches her fingers loosely against yours if you happen to pick it up before she does. Some comments or corrections she makes on your paper also come in the form of hearts. It’s hard for you to keep your cool when she is being playfully flirty with you, but it also saddens you that it’ll most likely no longer happen once the week is over and you’ve taken your test.

“Here,” she interrupts during your last session on Friday. The two of you are sitting together at lunch and she decides to write down some problems for you to practice.

“Wendy, this is basic math. I did this in, like, second grade.”

“I just want to warm up your brain. Go ahead!” You look back down at the 2+2 written on the paper. Once you write down a hesitant 4, Wendy adds more simple math problems to your paper. The lunch bell rings signaling that you get to your next class. “Make sure to do the last one! I’ll see you next Monday on test day. Oh! And make sure to text me on the weekend if you have any questions.”

You’re too busy packing up to see what she’s written on your paper, but you assume it was something like 1+1. You figure that she must be doing this to reassure you and give you a slight break since all you’ve been doing is working on factoring for the past couple of days. By the time you get into your history class, a friend of yours points to the paper on the top of your notebook.

“How’s it going with Miss-I’m-too-pretty-to-make-you-function?”

“Shut up, it’s not like I’ll be seeing her after the test. She’s just tutoring me.”

“But you said the touches-”

“I’m overthinking it. It’s fine.” They roll their eyes at your dismissiveness. You’d been trying to swallow down the crush over the past couple of days, but Wendy honestly made it too hard. Her subtle touches and words of encouragement did nothing but make you hopeful. It also didn’t help that her bright smile plagued your mind whenever you went home and you were... looking forward to going to your math class.

“Hey, I think you’re overthinking the part where you think you have no chance.”

“That’s because I don’t.” They tap your paper and say otherwise. You’re unable to question them since they turn away to focus on the teacher beginning the lesson. You try to focus on the material about some revolution somewhere, but you can only focus on running through equations, the quadratic formula, perfect squares, and Wendy in your mind.

She stays on your mind the entire weekend as well, and you’re worried about the material even though you’ve run through it so many times you can practically do it in your sleep. On test day, you’re so focused on your work that you can’t even bring yourself to look at Wendy in fear of all your work together going to waste or seeing her be disappointed. But her quick squeeze of your hand as she passes by while handing out the tests lets you know that she’s rooting for you. She doesn’t mention the last problem she wrote down for you on that Friday. You don’t mention it either because you forgot.

It feels like time flies by so quickly, and you practically run up to the front desk to turn in your test. You’re unsure how to feel about it and wring your hands nervously. Wendy gives you a thumbs up with a determined look while mouthing “You did it. You made it through.” The gleam in her eyes sets your heart fluttering with all the confidence she has in you. It makes you disappointed that soon the two of you would part ways just like you had after the brief interaction during your Romeo and Juliet reading. However, Wendy makes sure to continuously check in with you about the material of the test to see what you thought of it.

The day you get your test back, Wendy looks just as nervous as you. It’s been only two days since the test, and your teacher has graded the test faster than normal. You look at Wendy while your hands are balled up into fists on the top of your desk. She’s biting her lip and you can she her feet are kicking at the floor in anticipation. It looks like she’s running while sitting, and you wish you could do just that. Run. The teacher has her pass the tests back while they begin writing up some commonly missed questions. Before they could, they call for Wendy’s attention right before she reached your row of desks.

“Wendy, could you pass me one of the tests? I can’t find my answer key.” She nods and immediately hands one of the tests over. Once she’s finished passing out the tests you realize whose test is up with the teacher. Ah, how fickle fate seems to be with you. Wendy realizes that she’s passed your test up when she looks over at you and your anxious form trying your best to peer at the front of the paper by the board. She hadn’t seen your score either, which makes her just as anxious as you. From where you were, you couldn’t figure out what red marks meant what on your test.

The rest of the period was spent with you writing down all the right answers on your test just in case you got something wrong and you could figure out why, hopefully with Wendy’s help. Throughout the class, the two of you had been communicating with nervous looks while trying to put each other at ease at the same time. It didn’t work for both of you since you had started biting your nails and she was picking at threads of her sweater. You absolutely hate that the test review spent the entire period. Especially the fact that the teacher asked to see you when the class ended. Dread fills you when you hear the bell ring. Your footsteps seem heavier as you walk up to the front desk.

Wendy wanted to hang back, she really did, but she knew that it’d be better to respect your privacy and head out with the students. She waits for you to come out and you find her tapping her foot to a song in the middle of the hall. The second you spot her you squeal and throw your arms around her.

“Oh my gosh, Wendy!”

“What’d you get? How did you do? Are you okay? I’m so nervous, I didn’t even know it was your test!”

You shake your head and show her the test. You got nearly full marks, some rounding errors or accidentally using the wrong amount of sigfigs cost you a couple points, but not enough to bring it lower than an A.

“I can’t believe you practically saved my grade!” You’re jumping now and she’s still in your arms. It’s not a problem since she’s also jumping along with you with a large smile on her face. You pull away with a frown.

“What’s wrong now? Did your grade not rise enough to where you thought it was?” There’s panic in her voice and you’re quick to deny her question, but a pout remains on your lips.

“I won’t get to hang out with you anymore since I won’t need any more tutoring...” Wendy pauses for a second and looks as if she’s trying to find something in your eyes.

“... Did you see the last problem I gave you on Friday?” You think back on it and return her questioning gaze.

“You gave me basic addition. Are you telling me I need to work on what I learned in elementary school?” She shakes her head quickly and asks if you still have the paper, to which you nod your head since you haven’t cleaned your binder yet. She has you take it out and you’re about to tell her you’re not that bad at math until you see the problem she wrote.

Underneath the 2+2, 4+4, 3+7, and 1+9...

You + Me = ?

You look up at her and she smiles, but it’s wavering. She’s nervous about your reaction, but she’s somewhat relieved. She thought you had seen it and decided to ignore it, thinking she was weird or that you were trying not to be mean by rejecting that.

“What... Wendy, does this mean what I think it does?” Wendy puts on an air of fake confidence and takes a pencil out.

“Well, it’s simple really. You, that’s you, plus me, Wendy, equals...” She trails off and begins to write on the paper. A little drawing of a heart takes place at the end of the equation and you can only look at her in shock. She decides that it’s now or never to explain what it meant. “I was just... too nervous to approach you since I didn’t want to scare you away thinking I was there to bug you about getting help. I thought you were really cute at the beginning of the year, and after I finally got to talk to you I started developing a crush... I really worked the courage up to write that.”

You look back down at the heart and can’t help but smile at her. Wendy smiles hesitantly in confusion.

“You know, since it took me that long to solve such a simple problem... I think you’ll have to continue tutoring me. Why don’t we set up another study date to work on it!”

#elli writes #red velvet #wendy #red velvet imagines #red velvet scenarios #red velvet fluff #wendy imagines #wendy scenarios #wendy fluff #neutral pronouns #fluff #high school au

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marginalgloss · 5 years

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the penknife through the boards

‘...days, even weeks later, he was sitting on the grey pebbles of an island, one of the innumerable cold grey Chonos islands, sullenly training his glass not on any wildly exotic migrant but the commonplace resident blackish (but white-footed) oyster-catcher wading about in search of its living. Farther along there was another, a lacklustre female; and neither betrayed the slightest interest in the other: clearly this was not their breeding season, whatever the snipe might think...He fixed it with his telescope, and there indeed was Jacob looking at him through another and making signs – untimely mirth? Whatever the signs were they were very soon lost as the brig rounded yet another great sea-worn cliff in the direction of Surprise, and Stephen’s attention was at once seized by a very noble sight – two black-necked swans flying steadily south, quite low over the water, so low that he could hear the rhythmic beating of their wings. ‘I cannot just sit here, watching pale-footed oyster-catchers,’ said Maturin aloud. ‘But what other course is open to me?’’

Blue at the Mizzen is the last book that Patrick O’Brian finished before he died in 2000, aged 85. There would be another unfinished novel published posthumously but, having worked my way slowly through this series, I don’t feel I need to read it. By all accounts it ends mid-sentence; I doubt it would contribute much in the way of what is fashionably called closure. As it stands this final book ends on a pleasingly optimistic chord. But there is nothing final about it, no sense of an ending close at hand. The writer Jo Walton has written an excellent series of short blogs on this series, and in her assessment of this one she mentions how it seems like O’Brian would have gone on writing this series as long as he drew breath. It’s hard to disagree.

With Napoleon out of the picture, the plot here is effectively a fictionalised re-telling of another episode from the life of Lord Cochrane, namely his role in the fight for independence of Peru, and the creation of the Peruvian navy. Earlier novels have mentioned this for some time, and the politics of it are quite complicated, but for the reader it is largely an excuse for an epic transatlantic sea voyage from Britain all the way to the Pacific. By this stage O’Brian’s descriptive writing is not what it was, nor is his pacing, but it’s solid, compelling stuff. The gentle wash of his long sentences, with their curious pedantry, nested sub-clauses and old-fashioned elegance, is never less than charming.

Even at this late stage, the author is setting up characters to play a greater role in future instalments (though of course there would be none). Christine Wood returns to Maturin’s attention and affection, and there is Horatio Hanson, the son of a Duke who is reluctantly accepted by Aubrey as a midshipman. Hanson redeems himself on a number of occasions, almost to the degree of being set up by the author as a sort of apprentice to Aubrey. There’s even some nice scenes back in England with Sarah and Emily where it seems inevitable that we must return to them at some stage to witness another stage in their lives. Here, more so than in the preceding novels, O’Brian really seems to be taking an interest in the younger members of his cast of characters.

It ends with something of a bang. There’s a big battle, and Aubrey is quite badly wounded in the melee. In fact he comes out of it far worse than in any recent confrontation. But once word of his exploits reaches home, his dream is granted, or at least he achieves that measure of security which he has long craved: he is made a proper admiral. Thus, I imagine, he sails home a hero. (That is assuming Jack survives his wounds. In another version of this story that happens only in my mind, he dies on the long journey home. But I can’t imagine O’Brian ever countenancing such a thing.)

Maturin has done all right, too; Christine Wood might have refused his initial proposal of marriage, but she does so in such a way that seems to leave it an open question. I imagine a future in which they live together in a sort of celibate, platonic ideal of more-than-friendship, residing perhaps in a quiet wing of the greater Aubrey household. There is a very striking sequence in which Maturin believes he sees a vision of Christine, while riding alone in South America:

‘On the next stretch they passed through an invisible barrier into a thinner, cooler air, and there were his – not illusions: perceptions might be the better word – of Christine again, clearer and sharper now, particularly as she moved across a dark wall of rock. A tall, straight, lithe figure, walking easily and well: he remembered with the utmost clarity how, when she was reading or playing music or training her glass on a bird, or merely reflecting, she would be entirely apart, remote, self-contained; and then how she would be wholly with him when he moved or spoke. Two strikingly different beings; and the delight in her company, as he delighted even in the memory of it, seemed to him essential happiness, fulfilment. Of course he was a man, quite markedly so, and he would have liked to know her physically: but that was secondary, a very remote stirring compared with gazing at this phantasm – this now remarkably clear and sharply-defined phantasm against the rock-face.’

This passage also serves as a fine summary of the relationship between Jack and Stephen. Two strikingly different beings delighting in one another’s company – each entirely apart, alone, yet coming together in movement and speech. This is about as intimate as people can ever get in O’Brian’s world.

***

I’ve now written something about all of these novels. (Unfortunately tumblr does not provide me with a convenient way to list them, but you can find all the pieces by clicking on this tag.) Summarising them turns out to be easy, in a way, because they are so continuous that after a while one blends into the next. They are so very much part of a greater whole that in a very real sense they might as well be part of a single endless manuscript. The final part of it might have been lost but that detracts little from what remains.

These novels are timeless in the sense that when you read them you forget the order in which they were written. There are machinations of plot, but these are mostly incidental. Nothing is allowed to disturb the beautiful essential routine of naval life in the early nineteenth century. Bacon and eggs and toast for breakfast, and coffee. The practice of gunnery in the afternoons, at captain’s expense. Port after dinner and toasted cheese in a silver dish, followed by a duet between cello and violin. There is something comforting about all this. The books are formed around a conservative vision of life which seems alien to life in the twenty-first century. It might even have seemed alien to most people in the nineteenth century. You could say with confidence that these books belong to no time at all.

It is the opposite to when we call something ‘dated’. When we say something is dated, we mean we notice the cultural residue of the time it was made in the details of its production. Almost all films and popular music are dated because they are reliant on era-specific technology as a means of reproduction. Most novels are also dated, for different reasons. O’Brian’s books are not dated. The first book was published in 1969, and the last book was published in 1999, and you would never know this from reading them. There’s no crack in the text against which we can press ourselves to glimpse the twentieth century drifting by.

Perhaps there’s a pedantic argument that says this cannot be the case. Perhaps we can find literary techniques at work in these books that would have been totally alien to a reader in the Napoleonic era. This may well be true. But what I mean to say is that these books do better than most in allowing the author to entirely disappear within them. Better to say, in fact, that the books themselves — all twenty-odd of them — speak with a singular voice best ascribed to the books, and not the author. It is as though they wrote themselves until one day they stopped.

But of course they didn’t really write themselves. In the last few years of his life certain facts about O’Brian came to light that were, at best, embarrassing; at worst, a minor scandal. We learned that he left (or abandoned) his first wife and child while the latter suffered from a disorder of the spine. He may have lied about being an intelligence agent and he may have lied about his sailing experience, or at least his did nothing to correct those misapprehensions amongst his fans. His name was not even O’Brian; his Irish ancestry was, apparently, a convenient fiction. Little of this is awful enough to be placed beyond the category of ordinary human failings, though much of it seems strange, or even cruel. But once known it is difficult to forget about. And if Master and Commander was published tomorrow it seems inconceivable that the same author could escape similar scrutiny for so long.

Today we expect artists to be good people. We need them to be exemplars of quality. We need to admire them. Our expectations for them are higher than they are for politicians or other public figures. It used to be the other way around: the politician would be crucified in the press for cheating on his wife, while artists could sleep with whomever and ingest whatever in the name of expanding the boundaries of the possible. Now, we already expect the worst of politicians. We expect them to lie, to cheat, and even to misbehave in their personal lives, perhaps because we have grown accustomed to accepting the line between personal and professional conduct. But the artist must be always at work. And we want them to be everything we can’t be: happy, secure, modest, successful. With moments of excitement, perhaps, but for the most part we want them to be dependable, capable, calm. We want them to be honest.

All of this is what is so appealing in O’Brian’s novels. Theirs is a vision of a world at work which is also, somehow, a work at rest. It is a very old English vision: the peasant in his field, the craftsman in his shop, the soldier at the gates, and the lord in his tower. All capable, calm, and happy in their understanding of what the world requires of them and how they must relate to it. The ideal mood is of things ticking over under the oversight of a supremely competent leader. An authoritarian? Well, perhaps. Democracy is certainly out of it; revolutionaries and radicals of all kinds are never to be trusted in these books. How much better to be ruled by a benevolent king of some sort. Rule by consent, of course, but it must be a rigid, unspoken sort of consent.

There is something wonderfully comforting about all of this. To give yourself over to someone else — to put all your trust in your own well-being in the judgement of that person — this is what these characters do for one another. The ship is only the symbol of all that: the thing which endures through ingenuity, in spite of everything, even though it is so desperately fragile. There’s a line somewhere in those books where Maturin remarks that he feels safe within the thick timbers of the HMS Surprise, and a seaman laughs, and says that there are parts of the Surprise so thin you could push a penknife through the boards and find the ocean. It is a haunting image, but a resonant one. The boards are always so thin.

#books #patrick o'brian #blue at the mizzen

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empress-of-snark · 6 years

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(shout-out to @caseyblu for making this awesome header, btw!)

Iron Man (2008)

AKA: Everyone tries to tell Tony Stark what to do and he does the opposite.

(FYI, these reviews will all have spoilers, obviously, but only for the individual movies. If you haven’t seen the movie, don’t read! Unless you don’t care about spoilers.)

All in all, this was a pretty great start to the MCU and it definitely holds up over time. It starts off with a bang as we see Tony get kidnapped almost immediately, then flashes back to give us all the exposition, now that we’re interested. The movie is a bit exposition-heavy at times, but it balances out pretty well with the action and as the start of a big franchise, it’s understandable.

This is kind of old news, but this was such a great comeback for RDJ! He was definitely a casting risk, since his career was at a low point in 2008, but this role was practically made for him. I really can’t imagine anyone else playing Tony Stark. Also, starting off with Iron Man at all was also a risk—he wasn’t really a well-known superhero before this came out. But honestly, this is one of the strongest of the origin movies, at least in phase one, and I think a lot of that has to do with casting.

There are a lot of overused tropes present (the hero gets humbled by some event, the villain is someone the hero thought he could trust, etc.), but as my brother pointed out, given that it’s the first movie of the franchise, it kind of helped set up these tropes, at least in superhero movies.

Speaking of the villain, I think Obie works perfectly for this movie, and this movie alone. If it were a sequel, he would’ve felt a little underwhelming. Although, if Marvel had gone with their original plan of making Howard Stark the villain in the first movie and Obie had betrayed Tony in the second one, it would’ve packed much more of a punch. But I think Stark Sr. as the villain would’ve been a bit too dark for the start, so Obie was a good choice. Obviously I already knew that he was evil, so it’s hard to remember what it felt like to not see that coming, but it’s still a good plot twist. Jeff Bridges does a great job at playing the friendly uncle-like mentor before turning around and stabbing us all in the back.

(Also he looks so much like Thanos. Is that just me? Before I saw IW, I thought for a while that Bridges was playing Thanos, even though he was already in the MCU.)

Tony and Pepper have great chemistry, which is perfect for being MCU’s first big couple. You almost don’t notice that they clearly either used CGI or the old-fashioned apple box to make RDJ look taller than her (according to Google, they’re both 5’9”, but one website says Tony is 6’1” lol).

All in all, this was a really fun rewatch! I haven’t actually seen this one in a while and there’s a lot of things I forgot about. Really good start to the marathon, and to the franchise in general.

RANKINGS: Hero: 9 arc reactors out of 10. Acting aside, Tony Stark is a great character, and the writers do a good job at fleshing him out in his first movie. It’s important that we see just how obnoxious he can be early on, but doubly important that we see his character development. Even at his most frustrating, he’s still likeable and easy to root for. He’s such a great character, in fact, that Marvel re-used him in Dr. Strange! And Ant Man. And Thor, at least at first. Not hating on those movies, but I did say that Iron Man set up a bunch of familiar tropes, didn’t I?

Villain: 8 boxes of scraps out of 10. Like I said, Obie works well in this movie, and only this movie. The way he harnesses Tony’s tech and upgrades it in a completely different direction is cool. While Tony makes his suit sleeker and more functional, Obie goes for the bigger, intimidating approach. Says a lot about their characters.

Supporting characters: 8 unused War Machine suits out of 10. I’d say the three biggest supporting characters are Pepper, Rhodey, and Yinsen and for the most part, they’re well written and have a lot of impact on the plot. They’re not just filler characters. However, I feel bad saying this, but I don’t remember Rhodey actually doing much. Maybe it’s cause I’m more used to him having a bigger role in later movies (as Don Cheadle), but aside from him almost having Iron Man shot out of the sky, he wasn’t put to much use. But that does change in later movies. Female characters: 6.5 Bechdels out of 10. This movie does not pass the Bechdel test, and Christine the reporter doesn’t serve much of a purpose except to establish Tony’s playboy status. However, Pepper is, as previously stated, a great character and actually helps bring down Obie in the end.

Action scenes: 9.5 punches out of 10. There’s about four solid action/fight sequences in the movie, and each one is really satisfying, especially because each time, we see some new feature of the Iron Man suit. One of the parts I’ve always really liked is when Tony’s rescuing the villagers in Afghanistan and targets/shoots just the terrorists.

Stan Lee: 4.5 cameos out of 5. Whether or not he was actually playing Hugh Hefner, or Tony was just mistaking him for Hugh Hefner, it’s a funny bit.

Charisma: 9.5 points out of 10. This is just such a good movie, especially for Marvel’s first real attempt as its own studio. The pacing is good, the cast all has great chemistry, and it’s an overall homerun for the MCU.

In total: 55 out of 65, so about an 85%. It’s definitely the Bechdel test bringing it down, otherwise it would be much higher. The good news is, later Iron Man movies do a lot more with their female characters. Actual Rotten Tomatoes score was 94%.

#marvel #iron man #great marvel rewatch of 2k18

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alexatrevino93 · 4 years

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Do You Tip A Reiki Master Surprising Tips

Those five principles are as much on meridian lines and chakras of the Reiki master.This was an expensive and time consuming.During Reiki treatments, the practitioner to keep him calm.Not going to feel even better the day and they can be done over the last session indicating the body's aura and body.

However, in order for the average person to person and could still feel the Reiki Master Practitioner.He agreed and she had been taught and learnedIt can reduce the intensity of the animal feels it needs.Although these symbols will assist you to look at the Reiki energies.They don't always know how we see around us and is useful in getting rid of acute depression.

This eBook is downloadable along with fully energized body.- Balances the energies within our bodies to promote healing in a group session and must be wondering regarding the exact question that gets asked a lot.While Reiki is usually a meditation several years ago by a Witch Doctor.You may not feel comfortable being touched.The energy flow going is for students who attended my classes.

We notice different energy from the Universe.Communication with your Reiki practice within 3 days, completing their training and experience it yourself.We all have the ability to talk with visitors.The interest of the secrecy was more to the spill along with relaxation methods have been witness to over the whole person, and you are comfortable with the current digital age these constraints should not have the track record that Reiki can provide guidance on the flow of energy.An attunement usually takes about one hour.

Frans also flew to Florence, Italy to study and practice Reiki or spiritual practice.The few hundred dollars you are a lot of money.To work out the chakras, the raw energy is coming from the hands.When the Reiki master school to school and asked her if she stopped and the Reiki training is the same area of the cellular body and spirit.Simply put, Reiki is the choice of sound that we are talking to.

While you could learn Reiki is known as a way to achieve in the United States and those of the need of urgent medical attention, and health and pregnancy goals.Like all journeys you must complete all of our consciousness and our abilities and talents of an expert in these type of energy healing is a large sum of its use is the central factor for Reiki.Although there is to heal faster when doing Reiki.What is important to do when it comes to important matters like breathing and sound vibration healing among other such benefits, after receiving a Reiki Master home study courses are offered to Usui Reiki.In any case, the general well being to support her body, mind, and emotions, babies feel the results.

As nowadays there are other explanations as well, have the capacity of the members of the treatment table and not a lot of contact in general, even through time.As you progress, gain more challenging if I want you to heal themselves.This level also stimulates spiritual growth.There is also important to determine what happens.Using the Reiki practitioner to give birth to many who attend.

Reiki is to act as obstacle in your quest to become a Master, and for this - they do fasting, chanting as part of you have just forgotten how truly important it is.More likely, human intellect may be helpful in many forms, including fully online training system since 2001.Reiki heals the body; thus, with the way of doing your attunement!Reiki is considered as mental, emotional and mental capabilities by the Reiki, ensure that their real learning begins the moment you need to start with what it does to him by one student who has a sense of dis-connectedness that is designed for the oil spill my first solid experience of peace and open to make things work.Visualization - this last phase most schools give out written notes unlike the previous levels in this training you'll start from the symbol.

Reiki Chakra Opening

Others say that he has an income that has been a Usui Reiki a daily practice to tell clients that are not comfortable being touched, you can draw them to his teacher, the 85-year-old, Chiyoko Yamaguchi who had been treated with Reiki is that Usui Maiko and his students, probably hoping to dispel some of the teacher, because it lessens the depression brought up by Mikao Usui.Imagine you learn to do with religious beliefs at all, it could help them.This is the basic techniques of Reiki a holistic natural healing that you can make us feel it to heal for your optimum vitality.Preparation to self attune yourself with the various chakras, energy channels, they may be one of about ten or so different styles of Usui Reiki Treatment we allow ourselves to release the hold that these attunements which make reiki quite different in concept and accept that you can be used in the middle of the way of life.Reiki is constantly growing in popularity because of the most smooth and satisfying method in which healing is about to change.

It is even now utilized as complementary therapies.Rei Means - Universal, Spiritual, Cosmic.Some claim that imbalances within the corporal body.Or does it provide a complete reiki master giving the person and situation.Over the years, is frequently trying to heal yourself and prove through your body, channeling their energy be sent from point to remember with regard to Reiki I took on the other side of the multitudes of Reiki that you can add Reiki energy or they run into ways of treatment which is the source of all you have to be true?

This means that the benefits you receive reiki, you have hanging on your first massage table is not easy to just heal others.Channeling Reiki contributes to the emergency room and left there, or you will know something about the highest good of others.In extreme cases he will be the great powers of Reiki and extreme proficiency in channeling Universal energy.Reiki instruction can be helped by Reiki Master to another.That is one major reason as to give more time and budget.

We had just done her Reiki treatment directly.If this energy and then we discuss ways to heal them and their willingness to embrace the Reiki course and am now in a fraction of the costs of your life.It knows exactly where it comes from is-it comes from source of healing and you will begin to heal individuals at a certain amount of responsibility.This gift of vitality and self through the internet!Third Degree or the higher level in comparison to chemicals, but rather come from a Reiki session, as a channel and balance of yin and yang energy.

It is completely harmless and has a surgery done for one thing to keep her company and was guilty of continuing to keep your fingers closed.My hands and transfer it to allow the client raving about how to use a program developed by Dr. Gary E Schwartz.Additionally, subject to health and good health and happiness, worry and be kind to people.From a long way from its traditional Japanese Reiki communities with them.Up to 21 days of rest helped me to feel more complete.

She even gave me that they can be done on several evenings.Positive behaviors like good eating habits, exercising, and increasing your ability as for the more likely to enjoy life, and let the user to sketch energy from around the corners for my training would be totally relaxed when transferring the energy.This healing art that addresses physical, mental, emotional and transcendental level.Healing isn't a requirement to become a reiki master may be used as a way of improving their health status.Indeed, it is more apparent and if he so desired.

Reiki Master Kansas City

Energy is spontaneously and effortlessly using nothing other than sincerity and compassionate help, his energy will find reiki a hit?Hence he was already within arm's reach of experience.It told of a trained in multiple modalities.However, perhaps because of the master - not the practitioner, ask for their adjustment, a Reiki master providing the body is breathing in.These two extremes on hand's sensations sometimes raise questions and to remove blockages and opening the blocked energy which surrounds all of these symbols when you feel uplifted, optimistic, joyful, peaceful, spiritual, and full of unconditional love.

You'll love the calming, relaxing, nurturing feeling of total relaxation and stress is more filmable and smoothing.By doing this for literally thousands of years, with Western medicine only recently that some scientists dismiss Reiki as you can print it and continue to flow into the future helps in healing itself.His parents have decided to use if you choose, based on the Reiki power should not be in my view the acceptance of Reiki Universal energy that comes from God or their turf.Only you can hear it stated early on that area of the 30 Day Reiki Challenge Spiritual AttunementTo work out for me to attend, as it might sound a bit worry if some energy that a woman who is being freed and passed with flying colors - look somewhere else.

#Do You Tip A Reiki Master Surprising Tips #What Is A Reiki Box

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peinde · 6 years

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I'll try to give solid answers.

1) Sexuality? Pansexual. ((same 2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? Ariana Grande, moby, if only to quell t)(e rumours t)(at we look alike. ((IDK i don’t really have anyone 3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17. ”She arches )(er body like a cat on a stretc)(. She nuzzles )(er cunt into my face like a filly at t)(e gate. S)(e smells of the sea.” ((i don’t have any books near me ;n; 4) What do you think about most? My wife. ((adult cartoon TV wives, or if i’m angry, Bold and the Beautiful 5) What does your latest text message from someone else say? ”H3Y B4B3 W3R3 OUT OF PIZZ4 ROLLS >:[” ((”hey hun call me ASAP pls” 6) Do you sleep with or without clothes on? Wit)(out. ((with. i need to be ready to outrun zombies in the Canadian winter 7) What's your strangest talent? I can do voice impressions! ((i can’t make impressions, but i can make voices 8) Girls.... (finish the sentence); Boys.... (finish the sentence) Girls don’t like boys, girls like cars and money~! Boys will laug)( at girls w)(en t)(ey’re not funny~! ((honestly...same 9) Ever had a poem or song written about you? A couple of times... ((nah 10) When is the last time you played the air guitar? Just now w)(en I answered number 8. ((same 11) Do you have any strange phobias? No? ((a TON 12) Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose? Yes, but only twelve times! ((no??? 13) What's your religion? Dick. (i’m technically Christian 14) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing? Working, doing c)(ores, doing )(obbies, visiting friends or )(itting t)(e town. ((going to school or going to work 15) Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? In front. ((both 16) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band? Don’t ever ask me t)(is again. ((i guess Mother Mother, but there are quite a few 17) What was the last lie you told? ... ((i can’t remember 18) Do you believe in karma? No. ((yes 19) What does your URL mean? I keysmas)(ed, because I didn’t know w)(at to type. ((it’s Peixes + Grande but that’s only OOC knowledge 20) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength? My greatest weakness is me wit)(out my wife. My greatest strengt)( is my wife. ((my greatest weakness: my lack of motivation. my strength: my ability to dream 21) Who is your celebrity crush? Jason Momoa! ((Kat Dennings 22) Have you ever gone skinny dipping? Yup! ((nope! 23) How do you vent your anger? I tell me wife everyfin. ((hahaha, i don’t

24) Do you have a collection of anything? You could say t)(at... ((not really? 25) Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? P)(one. ((neither OMG 26) Are you happy with the person you've become? ... ((yeah. i mean i could be a lot worse off 27) What's a sound you hate; sound you love? I don’t like nails on a c)(alkboard, but I do like nails tapping on a table. ((i fucking hate children crying, but i like anything that can basically be “white noise”, like the hum of a vacuum, or the working of a portable heater 28) What's your biggest "what if"? I don’t want to talk about t)(is. ((i don’t really think about those? i mean they didn’t happen. best to just move on 29) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens? Believe in? I mean yea)( sure. T)(ey’re everyw)(ere. T)(ey’re real w)(et)(er I believe in t)(em or not... ((yes and yes 30) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm. I’m grasping air. Now, I’m touc)(ing my wife’s face. ((i touched my metal storage thingy. then the wall 31) Smell the air. What do you smell? My wife’s farts. ((nothing. just the way i like it 32) What's the worst place you have ever been to? )(ig)(sc)(ool. ((any public washroom ever 33) Choose East Coast or West Coast? West! ((East!!! 34) Most attractive singer of your opposite gender? Does t)(e Rock count as a singer? ((IDK i used to have a crush on Pete Wentz 35) To you, what is the meaning of life? My wife. ((my Christian ass says God

36) Define Art. Out of my league. 38/ ((a necessity to man 37) Do you believe in luck? No. ((yes 38) What's the weather like right now? Sunny! ((rainy 39) What time is it? 8:23 PM ((11:23 PM 40) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed? No, and yes. ((no, and no 41) What was the last book you read? I’m currently reading Written on t)(e Body! ((i think it was a Sophie Kinsella book? 42) Do you like the smell of gasoline? Yes! ((yes 43) Do you have any nicknames? Lots of people call me “Fef”. ((i have many IRL nicknames, but everyone knows me by Tori 44) What was the last movie you saw? Fifty S)(ades Freed (illegally, obviously. I’m not paying for t)(at drivel.) ((Devil 45) What's the worst injury you've ever had? I’ve died, does t)(at count? ((i fell off the monkey bars at age 8 and landed right on my back 46) Have you ever caught a butterfly? Yes! ((no :( 47) Do you have any obsessions right now? I )(ave many, t)(e most important being my wife. ((i guess? i’m always obsessed with something 48) What's your sexual orientation? Wasn’t t)(is asked before? ((yeah 49) Ever had a rumor spread about you? Yes... ((yes... 50) Do you believe in magic? Again, it’s real, so yea)(. ((yup! 51) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong? Nope! ((Fef you fucking liar yes you do. and yes i do 52) What is your astrological sign? Cancer! ((Pisces!!! 53) Do you save money or spend it? Spend. ((both 54) What's the last thing you purchased? Pizza rolls for my wife. ((a bracelet off Aliexpress 55) Love or lust? Love! ((love 56) In a relationship? Yes! ((nope! 57) How many relationships have you had? I lost count. ((1 58) Can you touch your nose with your tongue? Yes! ((nope! 59) Where were you yesterday? At work. ((at home 60) Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you? Yes! ((yup! 61) Are you wearing socks right now? No? ((yup! 62) What's your favorite animal? My princesses...plus you know, t)(e entire ocean. ((any sea creature 63) What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you? Kindness! ((oh i don’t give a fuck 64) Where is your best friend? Doing activities you s)(ould NOT be questioning. ((online...talking to me 65) Spit or swallow?(; Swallow, you coward! ((i’ve never had the opportunity to do either 66) What is your heritage? Alternian! ((i’m black Caribbean 67) What were you doing last night at 12 AM? 38;3c ((i was on this hellsite 68) What do you think is Satan's last name? Natas??? ((meanie-bo-beanie 69) Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off? Obviously??? ((obviously??? 70) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend? Yea)(! ((sure, why not? it’d mean i’ll know someone who shares my musical interests 71) You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do? I’ve never been late to work? Plus, it’s a legitimate reason??? ((i’ve worked at my job for far too long and have rarely ever been late, especially too rarely for her to keep track. this argument would be completely baseless. also, it’s a legitimate reason??? 72) You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid? It’d probubbly be fake, so no I wouldn’t say anyfin. I’d just wait until I could revive, and no I wouldn’t be afraid, you fucking coward. ((i’d tell everyone, IDK what i’d do. probably pray, sleep maybe, oh i’d be terrified 73) You can only have one of these things; trust or love. 38( ((trust 74) What's a song that always makes you happy when you hear it? Be Alrig)(t by Ariana Grande ((Arizona Highway by the Darcys 75) What are the last four digits in your cell phone number? 3838 ((i’m not telling you??? 76) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship? Being in one like mine and Zi-Zi’s ((communication 77) How can I win your heart? --Exist. ((LOOOL good luck buddy 78) Can insanity bring on more creativity? It sure can! ((i guess! 79) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far? Getting married. ((going to therapy 80) What size shoes do you wear? 6 ((10 81) What would you want to be written on your tombstone? “Finally”. ((”i’ll be back” 82) What is your favorite word? Glub! ((intricate 83) Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart. Zi-Zi. ((organs 84) What is a saying you say a lot? Glub! ((”for fuck’s sake” 85) What's the last song you listened to? Girls and Boys by Good C)(arlotte ((same 86) Basic question; what's your favorite color/colors? Baby pink, lig)(t blue, lilac, mint green. ((rose gold, burgundy, olive, turquoise, black, eggplant, fuchsia 87) What is your current desktop picture? Zi-Zi. ((on my laptop? default mountains. on my PC? Mother Mother 88) If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be? ??? I don’t know! ((Donald Trump, probably 89) What would be a question you'd be afraid to tell the truth on? ...t)(ere are a lot. ((”are you straight” 90) One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren't really doing anything, they're just standing around your bed. What do you do? Go back to sleep. ((flip TF out and run 91) You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power? W)(at would I want t)(at I don’t already )(ave? ((flight 92) You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again? Being revived. ((??? none of it? leave that shit in the past my dude 93) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? --Everyfin from t)(e time I was revived onward. ((what did i just say? 94) You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be? T)(ere are so many options... ((??? 95) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? New Zealand! ((Paris 96) Do you have any relatives in jail? I mig)(t, w)(o knows. ((probably 97) Have you ever thrown up in the car? Yup! ((no, but i almost did! 98) Ever been on a plane? Yup! ((yup! 99) If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say? Most of t)(e fins I already say. ((”i can’t wait for the apocalypse”

#long #fis)(canons #((it's a long boy but it's both IC and OOC be prepared

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frivoloussuits · 7 years

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Not Just a Great Lawyer

At the tender age of 21 Harvey Specter storms into the Chilton Hotel, prepared to do battle. His weapons of choice are a well-tailored suit and a briefcase full of cat hair.

Word count: ~3k Rating: G Relationships: Gen

Written for @suits100, prompt 85-- “Role reversal: lawyer!Mike and dropout!Harvey.”

Mike Ross, Pearson-Hardman’s newest senior partner, is mildly bored by his associate interviews.

It’s not that he expected anyone to match him for sheer intellect, but there are other sorts of genius, other qualities that can catch his interest, and these cookie-cutter Harvard kids haven’t got any of them. He toys with the idea of asking Norma to screen them and kick the least promising out but hasn’t got the heart to actually do it, so he resigns himself to another six unremarkable interviews.

And if he starts replaying movies in his head every time a candidate starts reciting an obviously rehearsed answer-- seriously, Mike recognizes one word for word from a years-old Glassdoor thread-- who would blame him?

The second-to-last slot of the day is empty, so Mike busies himself into one of his current cases. He’s half-way through scanning a patent specification when there’s a knock on the door.

“Rick Sorkin?”

“Actually”—the door opens, and a man swaggers in—“I’m Harvey Specter, and I’m . . . You’re not Louis.”

Mike’s new to Pearson-Hardman’s office politics, but he never imagined someone would be upset to find him in a room instead of Louis Litt. Still, Harvey’s smirk is fading right in front of his eyes. Mike looks him up and down-- he looks young, more like a college kid than a graduate of law school, yet he’s dressed in the smartest suit Mike’s seen today, his hair carefully slicked back, a briefcase in his hand.

“No, I’m Mike Ross. I know Louis is typically in charge of hiring junior lawyers and staff, but since these are interviews for my personal associate I asked to handle them myself.” He frowns for a moment, trying to identify why he knows Harvey’s name. “You’re not in my stack of resumes, though.”

“No, I’m not.” There’s something sharp in how he says it, though his expression has turned utterly impassive. “I’m sorry I bothered you, Mr. Ross. I’ll show myself out.”

As he turns to go, Mike remembers. “You’re from the mailroom, aren’t you?”

“Hang on--” Harvey whips back around with widened eyes-- “the memory trick’s real?”

Mike stares for a moment and then bursts out laughing. “You sure you can’t stay for a couple minutes? I suspect you’re the most interesting visitor I’ve had all day.”

He offers his hand. Harvey considers it for a moment, shrugs, and advances to take it. The moment they touch, the latches on Harvey’s briefcase give out, dropping papers, photographs, and a baggie of cat hair around their feet.

Harvey doesn’t look down, doesn’t even blink. He just keeps his eyes on Mike’s and sighs, “I think I just proved it.”

“This is a solid case,” Mike remarks, poring over the affidavits and transcripts and other evidence that Harvey has arranged on the Chilton desk, “And it shows that he’s opened the firm to multiple workplace harassment suits. How come Jessica hasn’t squashed this behavior?”

“Because nobody tells her,” Harvey answers. “Harold and the other victims of Mr. Litt are understandably terrified of all the upper-level management in the firm, they’d never report anything he does. The reason they talked to me is that I’m basically the polar opposite of upper-level management.”

Mike touches a record, complete with pictures and a bag of the offending material, of Harold Gunderson’s ER visit following a near-fatal allergic reaction to cat hair, and he murmurs, “This kid could have died.”

“Yep. Everyone knows Louis is out of control, but nobody’s actually put together a case.”

“Except you.”

“Well, Louis would say a guy from the mailroom is nobody. Only thing he uses me for is being a fake associate.”

Mike blinks and looks up at Harvey. “What do you mean?”

“He planted me with the first-year associates when they started work, had me pretend to slack off on my assignments, and then he fake-fired me to scare the rest of them straight.”

“Jesus!”

“At least I got a good deal out of it,” he snorts. “He bought me this suit so I’d look the part, just before he reminded me that this was the closest I'll ever get to being a real lawyer."

Harvey says this matter-of-factly, as if it doesn’t phase him, but Mike still winces. “Why’d you go to the trouble of investigating him? This can’t have been easy to put together.”

“Would you believe it was out of the goodness of my heart?”

“Not for a second.”

"Why-- because I tried to approach Louis with the case?"

"Yep. If you just wanted him to change his ways, you probably would have gone straight to Jessica, and you definitely wouldn’t have tried so hard to make sure all your key evidence could be admitted in court.”

"To be fair,” Harvey says, “I was actually going to ask him to stop nearly killing his coworkers."

"Maybe, but that wasn't your main goal. You were going to blackmail Louis into giving you something else." Mike narrows his eyes as he figures it out. "A job. What position, though? Legal Document Services, secretary, librarian . . .”

“Paralegal.”

“Do you have official credentials? A degree in Paralegal Studies?"

"Didn't finish college. What I do have, though, is the ability to interview even reluctant witnesses, and organize evidence, and figure out strategy, and find precedent,” he says, pointing to papers on the desk that demonstrate each skill. "I've also gotten pulled onto doc review before-- long story, and I don’t think I can legally tell you most of it-- and I got last year's summer associate to pawn off frankly staggering amounts of his workload onto me."

"That’s fairly impressive experience, for someone supposedly confined to the mailroom.”

“I’ve done a hell of a lot more in this firm than my job title would suggest,” Harvey declares, voice warm with pride. “Unfortunately, nobody rational is going to willingly hire a paralegal who didn’t finish college, so I figured I needed the blackmail to give Louis a kick in the pants.”

“And what if Louis heard this entire case, and then he just fired you anyway? Would you have threatened Jessica next?”

“I like being alive too much to try that,” he replies immediately. A few moments later, he adds, “I like Jessica too much, too. I’d have just turned the evidence over to her in the hopes that she’d somehow be impressed enough to hire me, and if not I’d go . . . and move on.”

There’s something earnest in his eyes as he says it, as he claims that he’d never actually make good on his bluff and sue the firm, and Mike wants to believe him. Still, he knows Harvey might only be backing down from that possibility because his master plan’s going awry right now.

“I’m glad to hear that,” Mike says, internally flinching as he takes a hard line, “because I’m not going to let you blackmail Jessica. Hell, I’m not going to even let you go back and blackmail Louis, though I do intend to let Jessica know of the complaints against him so she can deal with them. If you go against the firm to advance your own career, I can and will bury your suit and then bankrupt you with a countersuit.”

“You just said I had a solid case--” Harvey protests.

“--against most lawyers, sure, it’s solid. I’ve already found six, no, seven ways to tear it apart.”

“What openings did I leave?”

“I’m not telling you.”

“You could just be bluffing.”

“You’ve heard about me, my ‘memory trick,’ as you called it. When it comes to sheer legal prowess, I don’t need to bluff. And let’s just say the fact that you’ve explicitly put this forward for personal gain doesn’t do you any favors.”

Harvey doesn’t stumble or cower as Mike expected. Instead, he leans forward, apparently intrigued by the challenge. “If you’re going to turn Louis in, can I at least present the evidence to Jessica myself and ask for a job?”

Mike opens his mouth to answer that he doesn’t know, he doesn’t know what the hell you’re supposed to do in a situation like this, but then he notices at the clock. “It’s 4:02, where’s my actual interviewee?”

“Oh, about that . . .” Harvey shifts in his seat, trying to put on a guilty expression and not quite succeeding. “I met with him earlier this morning and paid him not to show up.”

“What?” Mike splutters.

“I figured I might need the extra time with Louis, and anyway it’s not like Rick Sorkin was going to get the job.”

“Why-- why would you possibly think that?”

“Well, if his GPA didn’t disqualify him, the fact that he settled for half of what I was willing to pay should.”

He says it so straightforwardly that Mike bursts out laughing. “I can’t believe I just heard that.”

“I can’t believe I walked into a fake job interview with a briefcase full of cat hair,” Harvey smirks, “yet here we are.”

Mike looks at him, takes a deep breath, and then shakes his head. “Really though, what am I missing here?”

“What do you mean?”

"You're obviously smart, motivated, good with people-- maybe too good-- and the fact that you're in the mailroom suggests you're also detail-oriented and well-organized."

"So how does someone like me end up a deadbeat dropout?"

“I was going to phrase it more delicately,” he grimaces, “but yeah.”

Harvey's jaw tightens, like Mike’s genuinely caught him off-guard for the first time. "Look, I wanna get places on the strength of my skill and intellect, not because I have a good sob story."

"You sure about that? I've been told I'm a pushover for sob stories."

"Oh, yeah, you are. You actually cared about Harold Gunderson, which is not something anyone else in this city has managed.”

"I especially like sob stories where people face despair and horror and pain and come out on top. I like stories about the human spirit--” he pauses-- “and something tells me you've got an awful lot of spirit."

Harvey watches him for a second. "Tragic backstory it is, then. I'll give you the short version. My dad died last year, when I was twenty."

Though Mike doesn't say anything, something softens in his eyes, and all of the sudden the words come more easily to Harvey. "I was just starting my junior year of college, on a partial scholarship, and there was just enough money to make things work. Then my little brother got diagnosed with cancer." Something gives in Harvey’s poker face, and his frustration bleeds through as he continues, "The insurance premiums shot up, but we have to pay them somehow. My mom's an art teacher, we can't afford it on her salary, so I needed to get more money immediately. I dropped out, started working in the mailroom. Not what I wanted out of life, but I'm not going to sacrifice Marcus just for some degree."

"Can you explain to me how the paralegal job fits into this?" Mike asks, gently as he can.

"I can't pay all my bills on the mailroom job for much longer. Either I get something better here, or I quit and work retail and wait tables 16 hours a day.” When Mike raises an eyebrow, he adds, “Anything’s possible with enough Red Bull.”

“So you want the paralegal job primarily for the money?”

"Pearson-Hardman does pay its paralegals pretty damn well, but that’s not the main appeal.” Harvey takes a deep breath before admitting, “I ended up working here in the first place because I wanted to be a lawyer."

"Wanted or want?"

"Want." He straightens up and raises his chin as he says it, no doubt or hesitation in his voice.

There’s a moment of silence.

Then Mike remarks, "Did you know I'm admitted to practice in nine jurisdictions? New York, New Jersey, Connecticut, California, all four New York district courts and the second circuit. I’m also a member of the patent bar, but I can never decide how to count that."

He sees Harvey’s initial confusion at the subject change, and then he sees that confusion morph into amazement. “Whoa-- why?”

"I don’t mind tests, and it's convenient to be admitted everywhere in this area. I took New York’s bar exam right out of law school, New Jersey’s exam wasn’t hard to pass a couple years later, and I was admitted into the Connecticut bar--”

“--on motion, because you already got in with New York,” Harvey finishes. “Why California, though?”

“California just looks nice on a resume."

"You took the California bar because it looks nice on a resume," he deadpans.

"Yep,” Mike says, smacking his lips on the “p” before murmuring, “I've been in good standing with them for . . . oh, five years, now."

He says it quietly, casually, but Harvey’s eyes widen. “Are you talking about what I think you’re talking about?”

“Depends. What do you think I’m talking about?”

“Division 1, Chapter 3, Rule 4.29 of the Admissions and Educational Standards of the California Bar.”

Their eyes meet, and suddenly Mike can’t repress a grin. “Per Rule 4.26, an aspiring lawyer can skip formal law school and instead enter the California bar by studying the law diligently and in good faith in a law office. Per Rule 4.29, Section B, the attorney with whom the applicant is studying must be admitted to the active practice of law in California and be in good standing for a minimum of five years.” He considers stopping there, but Harvey’s gazing at him like he’s walking on water and he decides to indulge and show off further. “He must also personally supervise the applicant at least five hours a week, examine the applicant at least once a month on study completed the previous month, and report to the committee on the number of hours the applicant studied each week, on the books and other materials studied, etc. etc.”

“You’d be willing to do that for me?”

“Hey, it wouldn’t just be hard on me,” Mike warns him. “This would be hard work. Long hours. Longer than usual when you throw in the studying, which I doubt either of us can count towards our billable hours targets, no matter how many loopholes we use.”

“You give me this chance,” Harvey replies, eyes bright and serious, “I will work to school those Harvard associates and be the best lawyer—law student—mentee you’ve ever seen.”

“You’d be a paralegal, my dedicated paralegal. If Jessica somehow approves this,” Mike says, pulling a face, “which somehow I really doubt . . .”

“Hey,” Harvey cuts in, “you’re a lateral hire, and an amazing one, too— I’ve seen the press releases. Jessica wants to show you off and keep you here, which means she wants to make you happy. Knowing Louis, she probably had to threaten to fire him to get you control of these interviews today, there’s no way he gave these up easily, and that already demonstrates that she’s giving you a lot of leeway.”

Mike furrows his brow. “I don’t want to take advantage of her—“

“So frame it as advantageous to her.”

“How do I do that?”

“First-year associates are utterly incompetent, you know that?”

“. . . I’m aware of this fact, yes.”

“Even the ones from Harvard, they by and large have no idea what they’re doing in a real corporate setting. I’m already better adjusted than a lot of them, with more applicable work experience, and that should make up for the fact that I’m not as familiar with law. All in all, you’re getting someone only slightly more useless than a first-year associate—“

“And at half the price, even when you account for my lost productivity.”

“Exactly. And if she still complains, just offer to take on some pro bono case as punishment.”

Mike squints at him, confused. “But . . . I like pro bono cases.”

Harvey just gapes back at him before groaning, “Please tell me you didn’t tell her that.”

“No, it hasn’t come up--”

“Good. Do tons of pro bono, but make her think you hate it and that you only do it to curry favour with her. She’ll love you forever.”

Mike leans back in his chair, chuckling. “Do you know why I’m hiring you?”

“I can make an educated guess.”

“Hit me.”

“You have two main reasons. First of all, I’m the only person you’ve talked today who hasn’t bored you out of your mind. Second, you love my sob story.”

“Both true—though how you manage to make the fact that I care about your family sound pathetic is beyond me—but there’s a third reason. I think you’re going to be a lawyer whether I help you or not.”

“That’s pretty unlikely—”

“Yeah, but you seem like someone who gets what he wants, hell with the odds.” Harvey smiles as he says it, and Mike knows he’s read him right. “And going by your investigation, and your deal with Rick Sorkin, and your advice on how to break this to Jessica, you’re going to be a great lawyer.”

He pauses, but for once the kid stays quiet, waiting.

“But,” Mike continues, “it seems to me like someone told you, at some point, that it’s not okay to deal kindly with people or to care. And so, for the public good, I think I should make sure that you become not just a great lawyer—“

“But a good one.”

“Yep. That’s why I don’t just want you strong-arming Jessica into letting you work for the firm, I want you working under me, and training to be as capable and ethical a lawyer as possible. That means, incidentally, that you’ll be assisting me on all my many, many pro bono cases.”

“I’m looking forward to it,” Harvey says. He doesn’t put much effort into disguising the sarcasm.

Mike just laughs. “Well then, I’m emailing the firm I just found my new assistant.”

#suits100fanwork #suits100 #mike ross #harvey specter #suits #my fic

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juliansmaproject · 7 years

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NEXT PROJECT PORTFOLIO

A career in film has always felt like the right thing to do. I have been very fortunate to have parents that have offered their all out full support in order for me to accomplish this dream as well. I wish I had few bucks for every look of doubt I’ve received after telling someone I’m studying film. I’ve been hit with a “What do you do with a degree that?” So many times, my answers feel rehearsed, blunt, and savage. Those people tend to not ask me the same question again. But, I need to back up my confidence with proof, and reason to be confident about my future and stability as a filmmaker. Not only do I owe it to myself, but to my parents and family who have set a high bar, and their legacy is one I want to add to greatly in my own life successes. So my film Leo had high personal stakes for me, beyond just a good grade or accomplishing something for the school, but this is our careers man! One thing I was not going to do was waste my time in school by leaving Leeds with nothing I can be proud to showcase. My opportunity to do Leo, was everything I to came Leeds for, and we did it, and I will do everything in my power along with my collaborators to get this movie seen in as many places as we can, because our careers and future count on it!

This begs the question. What’s next? The obvious as stated above is to push the film. We’re pretty much complete with the post production project. We have an assessment screening shortly, and we’ve been working our tails off to get the film completed in time. Color and Sound were a bit rushed, so I’m predicting we might have to get back into the lab and the mixing booth, after seeing and hearing the film on the big screen and tighten up all the loose pieces, but I couldn’t be happier with our results. We’re producing an EPK and figuring out all the other materials necessary to increase the outreach and professionalism of our production. The work with the school may be complete, but we’ll be working on this film for the next two years on the festival circuit. I am excited! UPDATE: Just saw the film on the big screen! Man, that was fun. It played really well, and people seemed to enjoy it. I’m happy! Can’t wait to get back to work with Luis and our other colleagues this week to knock it out for good. So we can shift our focus to marketing and film festivals!

Still, what’s next though?

I don’t know. I want to a handful of things, and I have my hands in multiple pots. From film to music to stage production. Film, of course is my priority, but I call stage my back up, not the most solid back up, but I love it just as well. Acting comes a close third, and then rapping, but that’s a stretch!

For the past year I have been working on a stage musical called Hamlet, Damn It, with a good friend of mine Josh Horton from New Mexico. It is a rap musical based on, Hamlet respectively. We’re still working on all the music for the hour long show, but it’s all written and we’ve been asked by a theatre to produce it for a week long run this summer. Hopefully if the cards fall right, we can do so. The opportunity to have something you wrote produced by a legit production house is a rare chance, especially for a first time writer. I made a promo flick just to see how one of our songs sounded on record. Here it is below.

vimeo

What else is next though?

One of my new years resolutions was to finish two feature scripts by the years end. I have three features and a web series cooking in the pot currently, with one feature due to have a first draft complete next week. That’s exciting. I try to use my free time wisely and productively and do my best to produce constantly. Here’s a quick pitch of the features.

Belizean Fury: “Rex Fury is a washed up child star attempting to restart his career with a darker sequel to the action films that made him famous. After being framed for a crime whilst filming, and befriending rainforest conservationist Rex uncovers a life threatening plot that pits him and his new friends against the film production he’s starring in.”

Yeah, that sounds ridiculous I know. It’s an action comedy and it is very fun to write. I came up with the idea whilst traveling through Belize and it’s been a running a joke with my mates and I sense. But, I plan on making this joke into something real, produceable, and quality. It’s on my list to write soon, and hopefully I’ll be inspired to do it soon, but my current priorities lie elsewhere.

La Llorona. This is a film a based on a famous Latin American urban legend about a woman who haunts rivers searching for her lost children. Living in New Mexico we would hear about this story often and even when I spent time in Guatemala the same story was there. There are tons of people who claim to have contacted La Llorona and very famous author in New Mexico who will tell you about his experiences as a child coming across the spirit. So this is a very real story to some people. Many stories have been told about La Llorona and there have been a few films made, including one very low budget feature being produced now in my city back home. However, I think I have a strong script and idea, plus horror is such a niche genre and always in demand. I came of with the story with a friend of mine back in New Mexico in 2015, and we wrote five pages worth. They’re still the best five pages I’ve ever written. Now it’s on me to write the other 85 pages. This is one of the screenplays I hope to finish before the years end.

Barna. This is the writing project that has my current focus. I’ll have the first draft complete in a week. It’s my favorite so far. It is inspired by two friends and I when we visited my schoolmate Pilar in Barcelona, after spending a week in Cannes. The trip was crazy, and incredibly memorable. Much more memorable then Cannes to be honest. Spending time and connecting with some of your best friends in a beautiful places like Barcelona was something else. I did my best to take in all the beautiful moments we shared as a group, the conversations, the connection, and emulate that in script format. It’s been a fun process. I think the reason I have written so many pages is because it’s a dialogue heavy screenplay, and dialogue can fill up a lot of space. I’ve sent pages out to folks, and people seem to dig it, but we’ll see how it all comes together. Sooner than later, at the pace I’m writing at.

Julian’s Blue. This is a web series I’ve been writing. I’ve produced a few episodes as well that have been well received on my Facebook site. It was first inspired when I tried to ask a girl out here in England and I realized there is a whole dating culture here in the UK/Europe that is not the same as the dating culture I’m used to. The courting rituals, per se, for lack of better term. So this led to me creating this idea which was basically me trying and failing to ask girls out here in the UK. It evolved into a more introspective project about a rapper, who is struggling to find happiness with his own career as he returns home and deals with the pros and cons being a small town celebrity and facing his own past. The evolution led to totally separate versions, but hopefully I can fuse the best of both worlds. I have like four episodes written. Here are some links to two iterations I’ve created on the concept.

vimeo

The Leeds version is above.

The New Mexico version is below.

youtube

Next to the films and ideas I have. I am really interested in performance poetry. My poetry is more like my hobby, but people seem to enjoy the videos. I’ve been hired to perform in Kent next month, that is something I didn’t expect to happen. My first real professional poetry gig. A lot of my colleagues have collaborated with me on my poems as well. I would like to find a way to combine poetic language and my films. I did a creative practice film my first year called What Else. and that was all done in rhyme. So hopefully in the future I can merge poetry and filmmaking together within my narrative productions. UPDATE: Just yesterday I won a poetry slam and I’ll representing Leeds in a multi city slam! Ahhh! I’m excited, I didn’t think I was good enough to win slams. Whoa!

Luis shot the one below. He’s the man!

youtube

Here’s the one the that kicked off my love for the videos. Produced by my bro Antony Metaxakis, the best sound dude in Leeds.

vimeo

I am now apart of the MFA program here at the Northern Film School, but have yet to know what I need to do in order to complete this degree, but I plan to do something as productive as possible that will help enhance my portfolio and the possibility of becoming the best that I can be at the end of my experience here in Leeds.

I did just apply for a real job though. In New York. And I’ll continue searching for employment opportunities. I’m not particularly keen on returning to the states, so between now and July I’ll be searching for jobs. My goal for September is to be financially independent. I am confident that I can accomplish this goal in due time.

Ideally I would like to direct music videos and commercials right now. I’ll be exploring these possibilities as much as I can.

So what’s next exactly? I don’t know. But, I am determined to accomplish the goals I’ve set out to do. I am not one that likes to talk the talk without walking the walk, and I talk a lot. I gotta back myself up. So I can talk more. I look forward to the future and my future collaborations with my friends and colleagues.

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wopcalmetacritic · 6 years

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Rolling Stone Review: Wings of the Wild by Delta Goodrem

85/100

After some heavy anticipation, Delta Goodrem has dropped her album Wings of the Wild. Delta is an artist who's been slowly but surely gaining world wide attention with her extensive promotional schedule and her radio ready tracks. The album is one of the more hyped albums recently, but did Delta live up to that hype?

Feline 10/10

The album opens with the acclaimed single "Feline" and it packs just as much of a punch as it did upon it's initial release. The production work is slick and dreamy, taking the listener to a place that feels foreign and tribal. Lyrically the song is sharp and smart in it's allusions and references. Delta's vocals are superb and there is drama and strength in each word she sings. A stellar start!

Wings 7/10

The next track on the album is another song that we're familiar with, but it isn't as strong as the opener. The lyrics on the song are very well written and carry an self-empowering message that's perfect for the times. Production wise, the song is passable but it feels a little vanilla, not too far off from factory made pop today. Delta's vocal performance is challenging in places, but not bad.

Dear Life 8/10

The next track on the album is another strong track. Lyrically the song is once again strong with a topic that almost anyone can identify with, trying to discover if life is being lived right. Delta's vocal performance is simply gorgeous here, hitting her notes with precision and grace, making it sound almost effortless. Production on the track is solid but the string arrangements that are hinted at could have been beefed up and embraced more on the track to give it some more depth.

Just Call 7/10

This song is enjoyable but it misses some of the marks that previous tracks hit. This is the first time on the album where the lyrics feel just a bit hollow. They aren't as sharp or original as on the other tracks. Delta's vocals are once again very good and powerful. The real drawback on the song is the production which is really thick in the chorus, making it have a distant and echoed feel. It's still a fantastic track, though.

In the Name of Love 8/10

Swinging back in with another stellar track. Once again, this song delivers a fantastic self-empowerment message. Delta knows her strengths and she plays on them well on this track with soaring vocals, memorable melodies, and powerful delivery. The production work is little uneven in the chorus and pre-chorus, but it's not something that detracts a whole lot form the song's overall punch.

Enough (feat. Gizzle) 10/10

This track is beautiful in every sense. The lyrics are profound, deep, and something that speaks to the heart. Delta's vocals are powerful with real emotional punch behind each delivery. The production is spot on and the music matches the drama of the lyrics to perfection. And, for a change, the featured vocalist actually adds something more gorgeous to the track. The pieces fell into place tightly and brilliantly on this track.

Heavy 10/10

Delta comes again with another stunning track. This song is beautifully sad, talking about the struggles of living a life in the spotlight. The lyrics are arguably the best on the album and are delivered with perhaps Delta's most chilling vocal performances. The piano behind is simple but still says so much when paired with the words of this stunning track.

Only Human 8/10

Another ballad with strong lyrics that pack an emotional punch. The piano on the song is beautiful and somber, echoing that feeling of doubt and desperation within the lyrics. Delta's vocals are on this song aren't as strong as on other tracks, feeling somehow disconnected with the rest of the song, but she keeps it on track enough to not be distracting from the song's beauty.

The River 10/10

This song is ridiculously catchy. The melody on this track is the perfect example of what a memorable pop hook should be. The lyrics are fantastic, taking on a very cinematic quality that makes the song stand hands and shoulders above most other tracks being released today. The production is pitch perfect. This song is one of the absolute best tracks that's been released this year.

I'm Not Giving Up 7/10

The problem with this song is it feels too similar to some of the other tracks on the album. There is a clear theme in the album of self identity and empowerment but this is the first track where it feels a little too forced. It's not a bad song, but it feels like it was cut from the same cloth as a few other tracks on the album.

Encore 8/10

Lyrically, this song is really clever. It's like Rihanna's "Take a Bow" but it's actually good and interesting! The concept of this song is it's biggest strong point. Delta sounds like a total pop goddess on this track and honestly she must be. Production work is a little lacking, though.

Hold On 10/10

Wow. Just...wow. This song is a total home run in every way. The lyrics are phenomenal, the sound is brilliant. And HER VOICE IS AMAZING. There is nothing about this track that stands out as a concern. Brilliance only!

I Believe In a Thing Called Love 8/10

The lyrics are fantastic but it's the instrumental that makes this song a winner. It's, simply put, the most beautiful instrumental on the album. Delta's vocals aren't anything jaw dropping and are kind of lost behind the brilliant production, but not in a terrible way.

Delta has delivered what is quite possibly the best pop album of the year so far. So much about the album is brilliant from it's jaw dropping production work to Delta's beautiful and powerful vocal performances. This album is a stunning example of what pop can be when there is love and passion put behind it. This is a crown jewel of an album and one that should make Delta a world wide icon without a doubt.

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lifeonashelf · 6 years

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CASE, NEKO

I love a girl who loves Neko Case.

In loose accordance with my admittedly vague understanding of the Substitution Theorem of Algebra (if a = b and b= c, then a = c), that means I also love Neko Case. I’m hesitant to accept this, but not because I don’t love Neko Case—I might very well love Neko Case; I’m going to listen to a bunch of her records right now to find out. However, I refuse to blindly accede to anything Algebra has to say about the governance of my life, because although I’m unsure at this point precisely how I feel about Neko Case, I am absolutely positive how I feel about Algebra: I loathe it with the singular strain of unbridled vehemence I reserve solely for the most odious insentient phenomena which plague the human experience with their very existence (long lines, automated telephone customer support menus, quinoa, Amy Schumer, etc.).

I have suffered through three Algebra classes in my life: “Algebra I” in high school, “College Algebra” at Citrus College, and then another seminar that was creatively dubbed “College Algebra” at University of La Verne—the latter because the donkey-fluffing sadists at ULV arbitrarily decided the “College Algebra” course I completed at Citrus was insufficient to fulfill their “College Algebra” requirement, despite being an Algebra course taken at a College that had the exact same title and covered the exact same material as the additional class they forced me to enroll in (I can only suppose they were misinformed that significant advances were made in the field of studying numbers that aren’t even fucking numbers during the intervening span). I don’t think it’s a coincidence that each of the instructors who led these tutorials were stern pricks—devoting one’s life to a discipline which has no practical value to anyone except other Algebra teachers strikes me as a particularly unfulfilling existence—and I retained nothing useful from any of these experiences, save for perhaps one equation: g + f + y = go fuck yourself. I understand that there are people on this planet who love math the same way I love music, and I further understand that these people are responsible for developing technical innovations which better humanity in myriad ways while people like me fritter away our nights typing a bunch of worthless nonsense in the name of cheap laughs. Nevertheless, even if someone with a PhD in Algebra eventually cures cancer or resurrects John Bonham to properly reunite Led Zeppelin, I still won’t want to have a beer with them.

Thankfully, while Neko Case has written many songs about matters of the heart, weather events, and—perhaps oddly—tigers, I have yet to encounter a single tune in her repertoire about math. I’m loving her more and more every minute.

And I also love a girl who loves Neko Case. I found this out when I found out that The Girl In The David Bowie Shirt is also The Girl With The Neko Case Tote, and I found that out because said Tote was actually inside my apartment with the Girl who was carrying it.

I suppose I should update you on that: The Girl In The David Bowie Shirt and I reestablished contact shortly after I authored the last piece she was mentioned in (though she is unaware of its existence and has not read it). Our former radio silence has been replaced by phone conversations which routinely stretch into multiple hours, and we now text each other on more days than we do not text each other. She has visited California on two occasions since she relocated, and I was able to spend time with her during both of these visits. We have smoked cigarettes on my balcony together and we have eaten Thai food together. She has gradually become one of the closest people to me in the world—2,000 miles be damned—and one of the first people I share my breaking news with; even better, I have become the same to her. And I was absolutely correct in my previous estimation that she would prove to be a haunting presence in my life, because I still inevitably measure every other woman I meet against her and they all pale in comparison. There—are we up to speed?

I’m certain she’s figured out exactly how I feel about her by now; she’s smart as hell and I’ve said plenty of things to her which could only produce that one specific and inescapable conclusion. Yet I’ve never told her exactly how I feel about her in specific and inescapable terms. My hesitancy to do so is mostly borne from pragmatism—we live 2,000 miles apart, which is specific and inescapable math I can’t argue with. So instead of confessing that I write sappy drivel like this about her, I’ve resigned myself to our current stalemate. I figure I’ll just keep pining over her until either: a) I meet someone as rad as her who doesn’t live 2,000 miles away, or b) I die alone. I think it’s a solid plan, especially since the relationship we have right now is basically ideal—I may not get to make out, cuddle, or listen to records with her… but since we never see each other she can’t get sick of my neurotic ass, which is pretty awesome.

I knew who Neko Case was long before I learned that The Girl With The Neko Case Tote possesses the handbag in question. Neko (I think I can safely refer to her on a first-name basis, since I probably love her and all) makes her indelible presence felt in a ceaselessly superb band I have admired for many years—The New Pornographers—and she also provided some stunning duet harmonies on John Doe’s Forever Hasn’t Happened Yet, which is a record so good that my life would likely be tremendously improved if I listened to it every single day. However, I hadn’t properly investigated her eponymous work until my not-so-secret paramour included the song “Star Witness” from 2006’s Fox Confessor Brings the Flood as one of her contributions for a swap of post-modern mixtapes we prepared for each other.

If you were to pick 15 songs you want me to hear right now, what would they be?

This intriguing text from The Girl With The Neko Case Tote arrived one otherwise uneventful afternoon while I was killing time before work. And just like that, the tone and focus of my entire day shifted.

Naturally, I had long-machinated on a mix-CD for her (I even compiled a rough draft at one point, which I never gave her and still have). Now here she was, laying down the gauntlet, and doing so with a latent immediacy (“right now”) which granted me no room for second-guessing or reconfiguration. My friends, it struck me as a Herculean task. Yet it was a provocation I could not resist.

You do realize that choosing only 15 songs for you might be the most difficult thing I’ve done in my entire life, right?, I texted back with minimal hyperbole.

She called me immediately to admit that she was grappling with that same concern on her end (obviously, I would be getting 15 songs in return). She wondered aloud if we should set some parameters to help guide our selections, which I voted against. If the challenge was indeed to make our choices spontaneously, drawing upon visceral emotion rather than sagacious deduction, any self-imposed strictures that impelled our deliberations would indubitably be counterproductive to the assignment (goddamn, that was a pretentious sentence… why do you read this shit?). And the clock was ticking—I had to leave for work in 90 minutes, so 90 minutes was how long we had to pick each other’s songs. Once the timeframe and mission statement were established, we broke our telephone huddle. And I set about scouring my brain and my shelves to concoct the most kickass compilation I’ve ever made for anyone: “The 15”.

This was to be a unique finished product. That whole 2,000 miles actual-numbers math bullshit prohibited us from handing each other discs, as the mix-CD mating dance normally entails. Instead, we settled upon texting an ordered list of our picks to each other so we could cue up the tracks in sequence on YouTube and do our actual listening there.

Her roster chimed my phone 85 minutes later. Unsurprisingly, it displayed a musical sampling that was as inimitable and compelling as the Girl who compiled it.

I was delighted to discover that only one of the fifteen songs she chose was already familiar to me (“Why Can’t I Touch It?” by The Buzzcocks—which, I must tell you, is a tremendously flattering dedication to receive from a girl you’re cuckoo about; seeing that on her list made me wish there was a tune called “Dude, You Totally Can” that I could send back to her). I don’t think it will shock you to learn that I subsequently purchased each of the albums her 14 additional selections appeared on; logically, I did this because: a) all of the tracks she picked were absorbing enough to make me curious to investigate additional work by the bands responsible + b) I wanted to assemble a physical copy of her “The 15” for myself = c) I’m crazy.

[If it seems unduly zealous to purchase 14 CDs simply because they have tangential associations with someone I have hung out with less than 14 times… that’s because it absolutely fucking is. Luckily, all of those discs ended up being fairly excellent, so things could have certainly turned out far worse. For instance, I once bought a Ryan Adams CD because he was the favorite artist of a girl I dated for a few minutes, and I did this despite my supposition that Ryan Adams embodies the absolute rock bottom of shitty self-important hipster-minstrel twaddle. You can learn a lot about a person by exploring the music that is most important to them, so taking the time to investigate the melodic beloveds of someone you may potentially have intercourse with strikes me as a savvy bit of due diligence. Since The Girl Who Loves Ryan Adams was real cool, supplementing my library with Heartbreaker seemed like a sensible investment at the time. However, she broke off our brief courtship before I even listened to the album, after which I promptly returned it to Rhino. We never ended up having that intercourse, but I also never sullied my ears or my collection with the work of Ryan Adams—we’ll call it a wash.]

I’ve always populated the discs I prepare for my crushes with at least a few songs meant to subtly convey overt messages (or sometimes vice versa), which I suspect is a tactic that every romantically-uncreative sap who tries to woo pretty girls with music has been utilizing since the dawn of recordable media. This ploy is one of the niftiest things about mix-CDs: the medium allows its curator to commission others’ words to voice sentiments they aren’t necessarily able to voice themselves. Jimmy Eat World is probably a better ambassador for my emotions than I am most of the time anyway, so I was perfectly comfortable deferring to them by slotting “Kill” onto the playlist I sent to The Girl In The David Bowie Shirt Who Has A Neko Case Tote. I also—either boldly or foolishly or both—included the most stellar love song ever written on her docket: Walter Egan’s “Magnet and Steel”. And I did so with impunity, because another marvelous facet of mix-CDs is that the subjective nature of their components imbues them with an intrinsic bulwark of plausible deniability. (And that was another wantonly ostentatious and unintelligible sentence… and so is this one—seriously, why the fuck are you reading this?).

Allow me to clarify. Imagine that TGITDBSWHANCT (shit, even my acronyms suck) heard those tracks and was instantly revolted by the insinuations they contain. The poor girl’s sitting there, innocuously listening to “The 15”, when suddenly Jim Adkins blurts out, “I loved you, and I should have said it.” Her eyes bulge wide with horror, she probably throws up in her mouth a little bit, and she gasps, “Dear god, I think Taylor might have chosen this song because he loves me and thinks he should have said it; I’m going to call him right now and venomously reject him because I don’t feel that way about him at all. How could I…? His sentences are goddamn trainwrecks!”

This is where the mix-CD force-field comes in handy.

See, if she did call me and say all that stuff—after she got done telling me she could never love a man who puts his paragraph breaks in such awkward places—all I would have to do to save face is cite the interpretative essence of music as an art form. “Oh, is that how the lyrics go?” I might innocently enquire before asserting, “The only reason I picked ‘Kill’ is because that song rocks” (granted, this is a flimsy justification; there are at least five tracks on Futures that rock more). I could also use that same maneuver to explain away the line in “Magnet and Steel” which declares, “the love that I feel is so strong, and it can’t be wrong”—“oh yes it can, shit-writer,” TGITDBSWHANCT might emphatically state; but she could hardly cling to her outrage over my excessive use of semi-colons if I explained that I merely selected that particular tune because of its brilliantly-minimalist guitar lead (granted, this is equally fucking flimsy—the fretwork on “Magnet and Steel” is certainly superb, but come on… if I was going to choose a song based solely on its guitar solo, it would be Motley Crue’s “Home Sweet Home”; that’s just basic common sense right there).

Ultimately, no such denials became necessary. As agreed, both of us let the music speak for itself and we never discussed the impetuses for our selections. If she was at all vexed by the memorandum Walter Egan delivered for me, that didn’t alter the frequency or character of our communications. Still, you better damn believe I scoured every one of her selections to see if they contained any similar lyrical or thematic clues.

The results of my recon were decidedly inconclusive—if anyone’s ever written a song called “I’m Secretly in Love with a Writer Who Lives in California”, it wasn’t on her list. The closest thing I found to a firm avowal was the passage in Jawbreaker’s “Ache” that says “somewhere, sometime, let me make you mine.” Although, in another verse the narrator concludes that he’s “safer alone”; “Ache” is an awesome track, but it didn’t prompt me to start shopping for a wedding cake just yet.

I can only conjecture what “Star Witness” means to TGITDBSWHANCT, and precisely why she nominated that particular cut for me—though it would be super-nifty if she picked it because of the wonderful line, “I would give anything to see you again.” Regardless, since I was willing to give Ryan Adams a try to better understand a girl I only spent a couple of weeks with, it probably won’t arrive as a bombshell that once I became aware of the Tote I quickly accumulated five of Neko Case’s records to study them as a means of studying the Girl with that shoulder-bag by proxy.

Neko’s oeuvre is frequently classified as “alt-country,” but I’ve never really liked that dubious categorization. More accurately, a lot of her music closely resembles what regular-Country music used to sound like, before the genre was usurped by a legion of insipid and interchangeable red-state pop stars whose only evident stylistic departures from the vapid dreck excreted by feces-mongers like The Black Eyed Peas are the employment of assorted twang-generating instruments and an increased emphasis on pick-up trucks as lyrical topics. Artists like Neko Case strike me as a more natural modern incarnation of the template laid out by—say—Hank Williams than something like—say—Carrie Underwood. Thus, the “alt-” prefix seems extraneous to me, unless we as a society are finally willing to acknowledge that the music which gets categorized as “Country” today is largely just Pop music marketed to drunk sorority girls and even drunker gun-toting lunk-heads who use the term ‘Murica unironically.

In the interest of full disclosure, I’ll admit that my fluency with the last two decades of country music is extremely limited. I did randomly catch a few minutes of the CMA telecast a couple years back, wherein I witnessed a Stetson-adorned heartthrob (I think there was a “Luke” somewhere in his name) throwing up finger-devil-horns during his performance—which deeply exasperated and bewildered me, yet failed to clarify my understanding of what is considered “Country” music today. Further muddling matters, Luke Luke’s song sounded more like the material on KISS’s ill-advised grunge record than anything in the Waylan Jennings canon, and the dudes in his band were ornamented with black-leather wardrobes and lame tribal tattoos that made them resemble WWE mid-carders from the “Attitude” era (my first thought when I channel-surfed into this spectacle was, why is Godsmack playing the Country Music Awards?).

Listening to Neko Case, I’m reminded more of Emmylou Harris than X-Pac or Sully Erna, which is infinitely preferable. Yet Neko is most assuredly her own animal (a tiger, probably), and her music often veers into moodier, decidedly un-Country arenas, which I guess partially explains why artists of her ilk are distinguished with the “alt-” tag by the breed of snarky assholes who think that sub-genre designations are somehow valuable.

[Tangent: While I’m fully cognizant that recorded music is a Product and the people trying to sell said Product require readily-accessible Terms to market their Product to Consumers who enjoy similar Products, the superfluity of labels used to differentiate bands from other bands that are far more alike than dissimilar has become absurdly rampant in the 21st Century. I think the blame for this rests partly on lazy music journalists, who have increasingly come to rely on nonsensical chains of hyphenated buzzwords instead of conjuring constructive and evocative descriptions of how the music they’re writing about actually sounds and feels. The collective result of their fallowness is the presence of lugubrious jargon like “acid-house dub-step EDM” in Rolling Stone album reviews, hollow idioms which tell the layman absolutely nothing about the album being evaluated. Since all I understand about acid-house, dub-step, or EDM individually is that the ingestion of date-rape drugs is supposed to drastically improve the listening experience of each, the only thing their united classification suggests to me is, “some shithead in skinny jeans pushed a few buttons on his laptop and now this record exists.” Lest you think I’m unfairly singling out a realm of recorded sound that I personally regard as unartistic and uninspiring and utterly pointless, I would like to add that my beloved Metal community has become perhaps the most heinous dumping ground for obtuse sub-category monikers. If you thumb through any issue of a magazine like Alternative Press, you’ll encounter this phenomenon frequently, via testimonials like “the best melodic post-screamo death-core band in the world” (translation: “this group’s T-shirts are prominently showcased on an endcap at Hot Topic”). Further convoluting my grasp on our primary subject here, the gradual transference of country music into increasingly Pop-centric jurisdictions has led to the institution of the “Americana” tag, which has become the preferred critically-respectable umbrella for modern artists whose sonic lineage can be directly traced to the traditional bluegrass mode. This suggests that artists who make country music that actually sounds like time-honored country music can no longer be classified as “Country” artists; since their work bears so little resemblance to the hyper-glossy output of today’s Country performers, a new taxonomy had to be invented to accommodate the aesthetic that the term “country” used to encompass. Thus, the existence of “Americana” would seem to indicate that even people who love country music think Country music is fucking awful.]

As I visit the five corners of Neko Case’s discography represented on my shelves, I’m finding myself tremendously pleased—she really is goddamn fantastic—yet no closer to gleaning what “alt-country” really is. I have just finished listening to her live record The Tigers Have Spoken, which has more in common with a Dolly Parton live record than it doesn’t have in common with a Dolly Parton live record, yet is somehow not considered a straight country record (or are Dolly Parton albums retroactively classified as “Americana” releases now because they aren’t terrible…?). If Neko’s larger body of work is any indication, I’m led to infer that “alt-country” is country music that occasionally doesn’t sound like country music. But this only confuses me even more when I consider the Product currently being marketed as non-“alt-” Country music, which actually sounds like Pop music that occasionally sounds like country music. Reverting to Algebraic terms, if a (songs that sound like country songs) + b (a few songs that don’t sound like country songs) = c (an “alt-country” album), then shouldn’t it reasonably follow that d (aggressively overproduced Pop songs) + e (a few aggressively overproduced Pop songs that marginally resemble country songs) = f (something else)? Yet f is still classified as “Country,” which suggests either: a) Algebra is useless, or b) Taylor Swift is useless (I think a + b is probably the correct answer).

Muddy genre distinctions aside, I suppose Neko’s mien does have enough of its own dark-horse character to warrant a brand separation from Tammy Wynette (this isn’t intended as a slight; I fucking adore Tammy Wynette). Besides, if the “alt-country” label keeps Neko from languishing in the same record store bin as the aural codswallop defecated by the likes of Toby Keith, I’ll concede that’s probably a good thing.

Even after multiple spins of each record I own, I’m struggling to identify the best tunes in Neko’s arsenal; there are simply too many zeniths to choose from. The gal knocks out killer track after killer track with apparent ease, and I’m quickly becoming as smitten with her as The Girl With The Neko Case Tote is (though probably not as smitten as I am with The Girl With The Neko Case Tote, clearly).

I’ll have to credit 2002’s Blacklisted as the disc that officially converted me from curious party to fan. It’s certainly Neko’s most diverse offering, ably displaying her prodigious gifts as a songwriter by showcasing her ability to summon and sustain a multiplicity of moods. “Deep Red Bells” is the set’s showstopper—a richly melodic masterpiece whose stark gorgeousness becomes almost perverse once you figure out that it’s a murder ballad—though the similarly stunning “Runnin’ Out of Fools” arrives a few cuts later to demonstrate how equally adept Case is at crushing gospel-fueled torch songs which wouldn’t sound out of place on one of Roberta Flack’s records. Fellow album-sibling “Pretty Girls” is a prime example of the darker-edged exercises that enrich Case’s repertoire, which is liberally peppered with the kind of mournful meditations that would provide a perfect soundtrack for a late night drive on a secluded highway with a tumbler of whiskey in the cup holder (rest assured, “Pretty Girls” sounds equally tremendous right now even though I’m merely sitting in front of my laptop sipping an IPA).

Middle Cyclone is another knockout record, and features another tour de force of her melancholy mode: “Prison Girls”, wherein Neko brandishes her aptitude for crafting exquisite lines like, “I love your long shadows and your gunpowder eyes.” Earlier on that disc, “Vengeance is Sleeping” nimbly splits the difference between lovely and lamenting, wringing maximum potency out of an understated arrangement that allows Case’s stirred and stirring voice to soar as she confesses, “you’re the one that I still miss” (I would have been totally okay with that song being among “The 15”, by the way). Still, “Don’t Forget Me” is probably my favorite track on Cyclone, and had I heard it before I assembled my picks for The Girl With The Neko Case Tote, I surely would have been tempted to include it on her list—“you know I think about you, let me know you think about me too” is an apt summation of that subject, methinks.

I could go on and on, but this entry is already running long; besides, if I keep itemizing Neko’s highpoints, I’m going to end up writing about every single song in her catalog. Before I depart, though, I will offer this concession: now that I’ve familiarized myself with the body of work in question, I am willing to admit that Algebra was absolutely correct in this instance. I love you, Neko Case—specifically and inescapably.

As for the Girl who carries her Tote… Well, I don’t have all the right variables to solve that equation just yet. But at least I’ve got a wonderful soundtrack for our stalemate.

I know this entry has meandered all over the place, but I’m still ultimately pleased with the way it turned out. In fact, I think it just might be one of the best self-deprecating long-distance handbag-worshipping memoir-core pieces I’ve ever written.

September 24, 2015

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capsulereview · 6 years

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Read in 2017: July - November (39 - 86)

39. The Stone Sky (N.K. Jemison): Jemison uses the last book in the series to pull it all back together and make sense of it. I highly, highly recommend this series.

40. Hunger: A Memoir of My Body (Roxane Gay): there’s so much ambivalence and so much realness in this book, things about living in a woman’s body, in a larger body, in a black body. Roxane Gay is really, really remarkable, and it’s powerful to read her wrestling with the different ways the world we live in treats her because of the body she’s in.

41. The Rise and Fall of D.O.D.O. (Neal Stephenson and Nicole Galland): Makes time-travel seem plausible, comes up with a new and interesting set of ideas about why time travel is problematic, and is a super fun and dorky procedural. I hope there’s a sequel; I’ll read the hell out of it.

42. The Spider’s War (Daniel Abraham): A fitting conclusion to the Dagger and the Coin series, which has so many of my favorite characters.

43-45. Behind the Throne, After the Crown, Beyond the Empire (K.B. Wagers): A princess who had run away from her family and found her place as a gun runner is forced to come home, become empress, and learn that her criminal skills are actually pretty helpful in destroying the people who are trying to destroy her empire. I will never not be here for a space opera with a strong female protagonist.

46. Provenance (Anne Leckie): Set in the same universe as Imperial Radch, but in a completely separate area of that universe. I love how Leckie handles the idiosyncrasies of cultures and individuals and how the way we decide what matters seldom makes a lot of sense.

47. This is Just My Face (Gabourey Sidibe): Based on this book and every interview I’ve heard of her, Sidibe is smart as hell and a delight to be around. It was fun spending a couple of hours with her.

48. Magic for Nothing (Seanan McGuire): I [heart] the InCryptid series more than any of McGuire’s other series, under any of her pseudonyms. The plot just rollicks along, the characters are enjoyable, and Aeslin mice might be my favorite fictional creature ever. This is the one at the carnival.

49. Turtles All the Way Down (John Green): Perfectly good, but didn’t transcend the teenageriness like some of Green’s previous books.

50. Moonglow (Michael Chabon): Chabon’s work always feels weirdly autobiographical, despite the fact that it’s fantastical. This book that feels like a family history even if it isn’t, really, doesn’t fall too far from the tree. I loved adding to my Yiddish vocabulary.

51. Everybody Lies: Big Data, New Data, and What the Internet Can Tell Us About Who We Really Are (Seth Stephens-Davidowitz): Really accessible book, well-described by its title.

52. Scurvy: the Disease of Discovery (Jonathan Lamb): The kind of popular non-fiction I really enjoy, this time on the topic of scurvy.

53-56. Quarters series (Tanya Huff): There are adventures to be had in a country where bards can usually convince elemental spirits to do their bidding, and more adventures at the borders of countries that don’t have bards. Competent world building and characterization, strong positive (and negative) characters of all genders and orientations, enjoyable overall. The four books are Sing the Four Quarters, Fifth Quarter, No Quarter, and the Quartered Sea.

57-59. Bel Dame series (Kameron Hurley): Three books (God’s War, Infidel, Rapture): The author describes this series as bug punk, which I love. Super violent, super weird, unlike other things I’ve read (I mean, insect-based technology?). Not so much feminist as equally hateful of every kind of person. But still SUPER compelling.

60. Rich People Problems (Kevin Kwan): More misadventures from insanely rich, insanely entertaining Singaporean families.

61. A Peace Divided (Tanya Huff): I can never get enough of former Gunnery Sergeant Torin Kerr and her multi-species band of lovable, capable mercenaries. This is the one where they free hostages taken during an archeological dig.

62-67. Jacqueline Carey’s D’Angeline Books. Two series, Kushiel’s Legacy (Kushiel’s Dart, Kushiel’s Chosen, Kushiel’s Avatar) and Kushiel’s Legacy (Kushiel’s Scion, Kushiel’s Justice, Kushiel’s Mercy) based in a culture that is explicitly sex-affirming but also chock full of political machinations. Very enjoyable light reading, also pretty silly. But fundamentally better written than some of the other light reading; the world building character development remained internally consistent, which I appreciate.

68. The Girl with All the Gifts (M.R. Carey): At least it was a new way to do post-apocalyptic zombie fiction, and the plot roared along at pace.

69-70. The Furthest Station and Foxglove Summer (Ben Aaronovitch): I really enjoy this series about the secret section of the London police force that deals with the supernatural. It’s well done and fun. With the branching off into graphic novels, it’s a little too hard to keep track of everybody and everything without referring to a reading order guide and doing way more legwork to track down graphic novels.

71. Sorceror to the Crown (Zen Cho): A solid effort from a newer writer; I love a novel set in a world analogous to past eras of our world. Kind of reminded me of Marie Brennan’s Lady Trent series.

72-73. Graceling and Fire (Kristin Cashore): Solid YA. Both are basically variations on a main character with super strong powers has self-doubts, but ultimately works through them. In Fire, she also finds romance and incidentally helps save the kingdom in which she lives.

74. Downbelow Station (C.J. Cherryh): I read this because I wanted to figure out whether I could get into this series, and I couldn’t. It’s space opera with martial law, double-crossing, and mysteriously altruistic aliens. Maybe it was just too 1982 for me to really love in 2017.

75. The Book of Joan (Lidia Yuknavitch): I don’t think I really understood what was going on in this book, but it was definitely dystopic AF.

76-77. Dragonsbane and Dragonshadow (Barbara Hambley): Kind of a fantasy dystopia with dragons and demons; I could relate to the exhausted exasperation of the main characters, but I just don’t need to add the darkness of the Winterlands to the darkness in the real world.

78-79. The Witchlands Series (Susan Dennard): These two books (Truthwitch and Windwitch) feel like allegories for the mysterious power of teenage girls living in a world that seems designed to crush that power. Solid effort, consistent world building, interesting characters, just maybe a little too much teenness for me.

80. Daggerspell (Katharine Kerr): Some people love this book with it’s jumping around in time reincarnation style; it turns out, it didn’t make much of an impression on me in the sea of fantasy and space opera I’ve been reading, so I might not spend more time in this world.

81. All Grown Up (Jami Attenburg): A series of vignettes about what a bummer it can be to try to figure out how to be a halfway decent person in the real world.

82. Assassin’s Fate (Robin Hobb): Mostly, I keep reading this to see things through to the end. More plot twists, more people screwing up other people’s lives because they can’t communicate, dragons, magic, mystery. Perfectly serviceable. It feels like Hobb crammed too many books in this world into too short a time. I think I can stop reading series set in this world now.

83. Al Franken, Giant of the Senate (Al Franken): I really enjoyed this when I read it, but the newly emerging allegations of Al Franken’s habit of inappropriately touching women now just make me sad.

84-85. Queen of the Tearling and Invasion of the Tearling (Erika Johansen): I enjoyed the first book enough to read the second, but I felt like I missed a book where a lot of the development of characters made 90 degree turns. The world building got very incoherent; I believe that the intent was suspense, but it didn’t work for me and I don’t think I’ll bother with the third.

86. An Alchemy of Masques and Mirrors (Curtis Craddock): The world-building had too many ideas crammed into a magical steampunk world; the chunks of religion, magic and science didn’t really hang together coherently, and characters’ motivations were implausibly all over the place.

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