#for the record Mason was the kid the whole year at a crush on since he was smart kind handsome athletic and just an all around good kid

[ameliathefatcat]

James accidentally outed Al by teasing him about having a crush on Mason Wright, son of Cho Chang

Al wanted to punch him so much, Harry thought it was funny that Al had a crush on his ex-girlfriend’s son. Ginny didn’t care too much she was annoyed about how James and Harry were handling the situation. Lily became terrified of coming out since she didn’t want anyone to laugh at her.

[mattyfm]

new york’s very own matthew oliver was spotted on broadway street in converse . your resemblance to luke hemmings is unreal . according to tmz , you just had your twenty-fourth birthday bash . while living in nyc ,  you’ve been labeled as being temperamental , but also benevolent . i guess being a gemini explains that . 3 things that would paint a better picture of you would be bubbly laughter, the smell of fresh coffee, & long drives to watch the sunset  .  ( cis male & he/him  )  +  ( monique , 20 , she/her , pst . )

my name is monique i’m both the baddest and saddest bitch you’ll ever meet and i have NEVER written a concise intro in my life, so be prepared for a lot of jumping around, incomplete thoughts, and information you didn’t ask for. without further ado let me introduce you to my angel boy matthew oliver.

𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐬

full name. samuel matthew oliver.

nicknames. sam, sammy, matt, & matty (preferred name and most commonly refereed to as).

age. twenty-four.

date of birth. june 17th.

occupation. actor. (i might give him another job eventually but don’t hold me to that)

sexual / romantic orientation. bisexual & biromantic.

birthplace. asbury park, new jersey.

zodiac. gemini.

spoken languages. english.

𝐛𝐢𝐨𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐩𝐡𝐲

samuel mattew oliver was born to two extremely loving parents jeremy and elizabeth marie oliver, arguably one of the most influential celebrity couples known to man, at least that’s what it felt like growing up in the household, everyone was talking about the oliver’s and when they weren’t...well that never happened

as a middle child, preceded by his older brother mason, and succeeded by his younger sister cassandra, naturally he was born with a crave for validation, anything that separated him for his siblings

but naturally in his need to be different he found his closest allies, more so mason than cassie, but eventually she grew on him, and was most certainly not forced upon the dynamic duo of brother by their parents, but believe me he grew to adore her!

childhood was seemingly normal minus the bombarding questions from nosy students who wanted to know what it was like to have celebrity parents or be rich or live in a house with more bedrooms than necessary 

unlike his siblings however matty reveled in the attention way more than he let on, it was nice to be noticed for something, even if it wasn’t quite what he’d been hoping to be noticed for

but by no means was he stupid! he wouldn’t allow anyone to take advantage of him and had an unusual talent for knowing when people only wanted to use his friendship as some sort of gain for himself, and extended this talent to his sister cass, because boy oh boy did she need it

their dad who i forgot to mention was a professor at juiliard, his alma matter, caused a constant bouncing back and forth between their coastal home in new jersey and their urban townhouse in new york

both places felt like home to the trio! they made so many good memories, however matty was extremely preferential to the coast, and to this day maintains a beach boy vibe, swears everything is just better by the beach

going back to his upbringing for a minute high school rolled around for him and mason and he just became even more extremely protective of cassie, he went through things extremely unknown to his family

on the outside he was the model person and student, honor roll, a long glowing list of extracurriculars including sports, even holding down a normal job like everyone else at his high school, and not a single blemish in his criminal record, the squeaky clean olivers remained squeaky cleans

HOWEVER there was some shady stuff going on behind the scenes my guy, nothing too terrible, just the usual teenager with loving parents who raise a troubled teen, not because of any past trauma but a need to feel seen

DRUGS & ALCOHOL TW got into a lot of fight but always told them they had to fight after school, he got into drugs, nothing too hardcore, just weed (is that a weed i’m calling the police vibes).....at first.....but that’s a different story so moving on! he of course drank with his buddies at high school parties, honestly just vibing my guys, just straight vibes always

secret!!!!

CAR ACCIDENT TW & ALCOHOL TW & DEATH TW one day he’s vibing, it’s the summer they’re celebrating another school year complete, and by the end of the night nearly black out drunk at this point, he knows he can’t go home so he decides to get a ride home with a buddy he worked with, tell his parents that said buddy took him home after work, they worked on homework and fell asleep. and honestly had he had a little less to drink, he would’ve realized that his friend was just as drunk as he was, but they drove anyways. this lead to a drunken car accident, that ended in the death of a pedestrian. thankfully his friend’s dad was a lawyer, and they covered that shit up immediately.

after this whole ordeal choose an accelerated course of study to pursue his acting career, finally something people would talk about that would be solely his, like not really, but let him have his moment alright, he was desperate 

lowkey feels guilty about being a hypocrite towards cassie because he’s telling her not to do any of the thing 

ADDICTION TW he almost kicked his habit but getting back into acting and the guilt of having blood on his hands, was too much for matty, and he developed a drug / alcohol dependency, which he recognized was extremely harmful! he went to rehab! and has been very vocal about his struggle with addiction ever since

had an on set romance with a costar that crashed and burned, quite publicly, and was just not good for his mental health one bit! def didn’t help with his constantly teetering sobriety but he managed to get through it with the help of his family and his friends

acting wise he’s starred in a bunch of movies but his baby is the netflix show that he’s been working on, i would like to think it’s kind of a sitcom esque show mixed with the same comedic timing of the office, parks n rec, those kinda self-aware humor vibes

ADDICTION TW he plays one of the main character, and his dipped his toes into directing and writing a couple of episodes, the show truly gives me one day at a time vibes, just brings light to mental health, addiction, important issues you don’t normally see portrayed on tv, and he def plays schneider, the bumbling rich boy who does and says what he’s told, struggles with addiction, has a super childish nature, and just a hint of self-awareness but just a hint as a little treat

this is so ooc but i’m realizing he’s quite literally schneider from one day at a time

MENTAL HEALTH TW & ANXIETY TW has receded from that cool kid persona he once held back in what i refer to as his ‘glory days’ and is now extremely vulnerable to everything and everyone, will literally cry if you even look at him the wrong way. struggles with really bad anxiety, among other mental health issues (which is why his netflix show and he advocate so heavily for mental health!) but is quite literally one of the nicest people you’ll ever meet, softness runs in the oliver family ig.

IS LITERALLY SO CHILDISH....where was once extremely mature for his age....he now copes with his trauma by just acting like a toddler, literally mixes chocolate milk IN HIS MOUTH like a heathen, but that still doesn’t stop him from being fiercely protective of cassie, and will fight anyone for her

currently vibing! filming, being his best(?) self, and making trips to the nj coast

𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲

positive traits. accommodating, adaptable, affable, affectionate, agreeable, altruistic, amiable, attentive, caring, cheerful, communicative, compassionate, considerate, courteous, creative, dependable, easy-going, empathetic, exuberant, friendly, fun-loving, generous, gentle, genuine, gregarious, helpful, honest, humane, humble, joyful, kind, lively, loyal, loving, optimistic, outgoing, passionate, playful, reliable, resilient, romantic, sincere, sociable, tender, trustworthy, thoughtful, understanding, and warm-hearted.

negative traits. anxious, amenable, avoidant, awkward, critical, defensive, disorganized, dogmatic, (over)emotional, evasive, foolish, forgetful, forgiving, gullible, headstrong, hopeless, idealistic, impatient, impulsive, irrational, messy, moody, oblivious, (over)protective, sensitive, shy, thoughtless, and weak-willed.

𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬

here’s some basic plot ideas but we can always brainstorm smth! friends, frenemies, enemies, friends to lovers, childhood friends, ex best friend, costars, unrequited crush, bad influence, exes, one night stand, roommates! i have

[elysiansaysthings]

task 004

people interview with elysian

What do you like doing in your spare time?

"this is the most basic answer but i really love having time to spend with my kids. with me working and them in school and after school activities and the babies being in daycare, i really like spending my says off with the kids. i take them to the movies or the park, or we'll have a pool day or a picnic. sometimes i'll take them into my recording studio so i can capture those funny and sweet moments when we're just talking," ellie said with a smile.

Who is or was your celebrity crush?

"if we're talking mainstream celebrities, i'd jump in front of a bus for chris evans. listen, if i was single... i'd be his wife and i wouldn't take no for an answer. but, my actual husband has always been my number one crush. i thought he was the cutest thing when i first met him. we were kids when we met and i had the biggest crush on him and i told my sister 'i'm gonna marry him one day'," she said, smiling. "and i did. best decision i ever made."

Are you single?

"i am not, i'm happily married. you'd be surprised at how often i get asked this, even though i have a ring on my finger and we're together all the time," ellie said with a laugh. "like, i've been pretty well known my entire life, and the fact that people still ask if i plan on getting married is insane. i also think it's really funny when people ask if i plan on having kids, because i've got five already and they're with me most of the time when i go anywhere that's not work, so that always makes me laugh."

What’s a daily routine consist of with your family?

"ollie usually wakes up first. he's the one that gets the house running. the other kids have to get up for school, otherwise they'd be asleep until nine or ten, and harper's usually awake by seven, but if she isn't then i wake her up because she's the one that's difficult to get put down at night, so i try to keep her on a schedule for sure. we have breakfast, i get the kids to school and daycare --- or mason does, but they get there either way. we go to work, one of us picks up the kids, gets them to their after school activities, if there's shopping that needs to be done then one of us will do that while the other stays home with ollie and harper, then whoever stayed home will go pick the kids up, we do homework, we do dinner, we get baths and showers taken care of and then we either watch movies or play games or let them do their own thing until bedtime. i wish the days were longer so we could have a little extra time, but we got lucky with what we have so i try not to complain too much."

How would someone get your special attention?

"a couple different ways. i'm that person that people go to. i know what it's like to need someone to lean on, so i try to be that person for my friends and family. if someone needs to talk, all they have to do is text me like 'hey, i need to vent' or something. another way is just... be nice. be courteous. i like nice people. a real good way to get my attention is being funny though. i love humor. if you can get me to laugh, you've won it all."

What has been your best/worst date?

"my best date was when mason proposed. it was really romantic. he set the whole house up with flowers and candles and he cooked, and he made it this really beautiful, elaborate ceremony and i could kind of tell something was going on and in the back of my mind i was like 'oh my god, is this it' but i was waiting to get excited until i knew for sure what was going on. then he asked me to marry him and that was that. my worst date... probably the same date because it got cut short. this was this year, i was pregnant with harper and i still had like... a week until my due date and we thought i'd go longer because all of our other kids were late. so i was having contractions all day, but they weren't close enough together to think anything of it. i get braxton hicks contractions every time i hit that last part of my third trimester so i thought that's what it was. well, after he proposed and the excitement died down, my water broke and harper was born less than two hours later. it was the strangest labor i'd ever experienced. all of my other labors progressed slowly, like my contractions got closer and closer, then my water broke, but with harper my contractions were still about forty-five minutes apart all day so i wasn't really worried about it. but she came really fast after my water broke, my midwife almost didn't make it to the house in time. i was crowning and mason was like 'please stay in, pleast stay in' and gabby was like 'i call dibs on catching her'," ellie laughed. "but i mean, i guess i can't really call that a bad date, huh? cause that was a happy day. i dunno, i guess i don't really have a bad date. unless we count all the times i had morning sickness and our dates had to be cut short because i was too nauseous, but yeah. none of my dates have ever been bad enough to consider it being bad."

Would you date a fan?

"never. it's never a good idea. kudos to those that can make it work, but it's just not a good idea in my opinion. fans idolize you and they think nothing but the best. they think they know you really well, but they really only know what they see online and on tv. and then when they really get to know you in person, their perspective changes. i'm no saint. i've said and done some pretty controversial things and i'm extremely opinionated, and unless you truly know me and know what my intentions are when i speak those opinions, you'd probably get offended because of how i deliver those opinions. so no, never date a fan. not for me, anyways."

What is your favorite thing about your fan base?

"i love that they're just... so unconditionally lovable. they're so loyal. they're so supportive. and i really love that they call me out on my shit. sometimes i don't see the problem in something i do or say, and when they call me out on it i'm like 'oh shit, that was a dumb thing to say or do'. i appreciate it when they tell me why something i said or did wasn't okay though, because sometimes i don't understand the reason behind it being a bad thing, so i love that they explain it and give me the history of how it's problematic, so i can change the way i word things."

What’s your biggest pet peeve?

"i have several. i don't know what my biggest one is, but the ones i hate the most are when people smack their food or gum. i hate it. noisy eaters piss me off. it's disgusting and it takes no effort to chew with your mouth closed. if my infant can do it, a grown ass adult can do it. another one is when people leave their dirty laundry on the floor. specifically my household. there's a laundry basket for every single person in this house, all they have to do is put their dirty clothes in their baskets. i don't mind doing all the washing, it keeps me occupied, but don't leave it on the floor. dirty socks, that's the thing that aggravates me the most because i don't like anything to do with feet. i can't stand it, feet don't have a very pleasant smell and they're the dirtiest part of the body in my opinion, especially when you run around barefoot. oh, doors. doors is another big one. if a door was closed when you came into a room, you better close it when you leave it. and that means close it all the way until you hear the click, don't just close it until it hits the jam and leave it, like actually close the door. that one irritates me so bad i've chipped a tooth because i grit my teeth when i get irritated."

What’s your annoying habit?

"probably not realizing when i'm being annoying. thankfully i have friends and family that tell me when to knock my shit off, or they'll use a certain tone and i'm like 'crossed a line, i'll step back'. i don't realize that i'm doing it. personal habits, i'd say probably that i go through so many cups a day. i can't use the same cup twice. doesn't matter if i'm getting the same drink, i have to use a new cup. i'm like that with all dishes, so most of the dishes actually come from me because i have to get a new one, i can't reuse a dish."

Do you get used to being a celebrity?

"i hate this question because i always sound so conceited and full of myself. but my answer will always be, i've been a household name since before i was able to talk, so i kind of don't know what it's like to not be a celebrity. it's kind of like the olsen twins --- we all grew up in front of the camera, so the celebrity lifestyle is the norm for child stars."

Who is your inspiration?

"my nonna. she's worked so hard every day of her life to be treated as an equal and not just as a woman. of course being respected as a woman is important, but like... my gender isn't the only thing about me, yanno? nonna taught me that just because i'm a girl, doesn't mean i can't be just as successful as a guy."

Do you speak any other languages?

"i speak italian and greek, those were big ones growing up because the family is from italy and greece. and i use american sign language a lot, which has come in handy in so many unexpected circumstances, like when i meet fans that are hearing impaired. it's nice to be able to actually have a conversation with them and not have to use an interpreter."

Where would you like to visit?

"i would love to go to greece one day. i've been all over the world, but i've never been to greece and i've heard it's really beautiful."

What’s your favorite place you’ve been able to visit so far?

"australia and japan, hands down. japan has such a cute quality to it, and australia has the best accent by far. don't tell my husband though, he's british."

If you weren’t famous, what would you be up to right now?

"i still wish i'd gone to college, honestly. i've always, always wanted to work at nasa, so i would have definitely gone to college to major in something that would help me get in to the program. not even to be an astronaut, just at the facility because it's amazing."

Who is the messiest person you know?

"oliver. this kid can mess up a room in 0.0001 second."

What’s the most interesting thing you’ve read or seen written or said about you? Was it true or made up?

"i think the funniest thing i read was that i had a boob job. which i've never had, i'm just always pregnant so my boobs never have time to truly go back to my pre-pregnancy size. but also, push up bras. they're my friends."

What would you like remembered about you?

"my loyalty. my love. my determination."

What is one message you would give to your fans?

"be yourself. don't let anyone push you do be someone you're uncomfortable being. be yourself, no matter who that might be."

[externally-upset]

1-100

Alright going all in I see. Let's do this

1. I mainly use Spotify

2. I try and keep it clean but somehow always winds up messy

3. I've got brown eyes

4. y'know I've got a really generic name but I do like it. Why, I have no idea

5. I'm currently single

6. Scatterbrained, happy, adventurous

7. I've got natural black hair

8. So I don't drive because it actually hurts my leg to drive. Also I can't sit still for longer than 5 minutes

9. I shop everywhere that has toys lmao. I'm a toy collector so I'll go anywhere that has em

10. I don't really have a style. I try and live my life as cozy as possible

11. I don't really have a favorite social media account

12. I have a full/queen size bed

13. I've got lots of siblings. In all, I've got 6 sisters and 2 brothers, but some are step family. I've got 1 bio sister and 1 bio brother, both younger than me.

14. I've been looking into moving to Washington recently, but I think I'd rather travel the world than settle down somewhere, for now at least

15. I don't use the filters myself so I can't speak on that

16. I don't use makeup so I don't have a fave brand to talk about

17. I shower everyday, I get really sweaty so I gotta

18. I don't have like a definite fave TV show. It varies from month to month. Although this summer it was Nisekoi, which is an excellent anime

19. I wear a size 11.5/12 shoe

20. I'm 5'11

21. I wear almost strictly sneakers

22. I don't go to the gym, I should though. I really should

23. Dream date would be to have one lol, um I guess to go up to the mountains together and star gaze or something to do with the mountains. I just enjoy being outside

24. Too much to count 💸💸 lmao jk I've got $60

25. Ain't wearing any but if someone came through right now, I'd put some black ones on

26. I had four, but my mom stole 2 of them

27. I was working in drywall for awhile but I hopped out of that and am currently applying to places. I specifically was a taper, so like when drywall is put up in the house, there are gaps between the pieces put up. I covered those gaps up, all over the house. It doesn't seem like a lot but when you've got 15-20 feet ceilings, it gets hard

28. I've got quite a lot of friends and I love them all

29. I've know I've done bad stuff that others remember me for but I can't think of anything

30. Oh man I loooooove lavender scented candles. Lavender scented anything is the best

31. I honestly can't think of any boy names that I like

32. 3 girl names: Sochi, Lavender, and Laurie, which is actually the name of one of my best friends

33. Anthony Hopkins is my favorite actor by far

34. Fave actress is definitely Meryl Streep, I fell in love with her when I first saw the Devil Wears Prada years ago and it just snowballed from there

35. My celeb crush is either Bonnie Wright or Jessica Keenan Wynn

36. Fave movie has gotta be The Great Mouse Detective

37. I used to read a lot, not so much anymore. Of everything I've read though, Christine by Stephen King has been my favorite read

38. Everyone wants to say brains are more important and they are, but unfortunately in the world we live in money rules over all

39. I used to be called Chancho but not any more

40. I've been to the hospital more times than I'd like to think. I had a heart condition that flared up in high school so I spent a lot of time at the hospital. I'm still not even sure what it was and am sure the doctors made it up to take my money

41. TOP TEN SONGS:

Beauty and the Beast - Angela Lansbury

Beauty and the Beast - Celine Dion, Peabo Bryson

Higher - Creed

Eres Mi Droga - Intocable

Crossing Field - LiSA

Don't Blink - Kenny Chesney

Junkhead - Alice In Chains

Your Decision - Alice In Chains

Losing A Whole Year - Third Eye Blind

Forever Halloween - The Maine

42. Nah, no meds for me

43. I think I have an oily skin type

44. Biggest fear is leaving those I love behind when I pass along to the next life

45. I don't know how many kids I want

46. I always have my hair either in a bun or braided

47. I live in a medium sized family home

48. My grandma has been and always will be my role model

49. It was being told how wise I am

50. Last text I sent was to my homeboy, telling him "this school shit is wack"

51. I was 6 years old when I found out Santa wasn't real

52. A nice Truck is my dream car or maybe a souped up Subaru, with an anime wrap for shits and gigs

53. I'm cool with smoking weed, but no cigarettes and only smoke outside, don't need my stuff to smell

54. Yeah, I'm here in college, but I don't like it

55. Rural areas by far. I've always wanted my own farm

56. I wanna be a high school history teacher and that requires a degree, so that's why I'm in college

57. I don't like the shampoo and conditioner from hotels, don't like the way they feel. That being said, yes I'll take them

58. I've got freckles but you can barely see them unless were face to face

59. Yes and no. It really depends on my mood. I try to take more smiling pictures now

60. I've got quite a few, mostly memes though

61. Of course I've peed in the woods, with the amount of times I've been hiking and camping with no bathroom in site, you gotta

62. I watch almost strictly cartoons, if we're being completely honest

63. Chicken nuggets smack, no matter where they're from

64. If it calls for it, honey. If not, then sweet and sour sauce

65. Alright, so it depends where I'm at. If I'm home alone, just my underwear. If there are people here, shorts. If I'm at someone else's house, I wear whatever I have on

66. Never participated in a spelling bee in my life

67. My hobby is collecting. I've been collecting things since I was a kid. I've switched between many things in my life. I've gone from Wrestling figures, to sports cards, to vinyl records, to Funko Pops. I actually collect a little of everything I've mentioned now

68. I can't draw for shit

69. I don't play any instruments, although I've tried learning how to play the Ukulele

70. Last concert was seeing Four Year Strong and Seaway like 2 years ago

71. I prefer tea over coffee

72. I guess Starbucks as I've never had Dunkin before

73. Marriage sounds nice, but I don't need to. Like if I'm dating someone and they said they don't wanna get married, I wouldn't have a problem with it. As long as we're in love, that's all that matters

74. Aha, I'm not answering this one

75. If ever I get married, I don't know what the last name situation is gonna be

76. Burgundy and blue look absolutely fantastic on me

77. Yeah there are a few people I miss

78. I always sleep with my door closed and my closets too

79. I belive in ghosts, although I prefer to call them spirits. Used to see them frequently as a child, still do sometimes

80. Biggest pet peeve is when people try to tell me what to do. Not like suggestions but actually tell me what to do. Irritates me to no end

81. Last person I called I think was my Dad, but that's because I couldn't find him in the store

82. Black Cherry Vanilla is the best but no one sells it anywhere

83. Golden Oreos are pretty damn good so I'll go with those

84. If I have to choose, probably rainbow sprinkles

85. Just a plain white tank top

86. My phone background is a picture of Ricky from Trailer Park Boys saying "Man, maybe I am gay."

87. I can be outgoing, it kinda takes a bit for me to open up though

88. I fucking love when people play with my hair

89. My neighbors across the street are very nice, but next door neighbor is a dick, always judging shit

90. I usually wash my face in the mornings

91. I used to get high a lot, not so much anymore, although I'd really like for that to change

92. I spent a good portion of this year drunk, so that's a problem. I actually only started drinking when I turned 21 last September. Never been hungover either, so I've been blessed

93. Last thing I ate was some chips

94. "Thank you to the miracle that we are able to meet in a dirty and ugly world, even like this" My Song - Girl Dead Monster. This is from Angel Beats and these are rough English translations

95. I prefer winter over summer, but spring is my fave season

96. I love night time, always will

97. I will always pick dark chocolate over all other chocolates

98. September is my favorite month, not because it's my birth month, but it's the one month where everything feels right

99. I'm a Virgo

100. Last person I cried in front of was my homeboy Mason, albeit I was drunk as fuck and don't remember it but he does. Says I scared him

Goddamn that took forever, but I did get over being bored, so bless you Anon

[salimahbicharara-comun]

Under the Mistletoe

Ivar the Boneless x Reader

Summary: Modern AU. Ivar hates people. It doesn’t matter if it’s his family or the family of his family. It doesn’t matter if it’s his nephews and nieces (that he loves with all his cold heart but he’s never gonna say it out loud). And it doesn’t matter if his mama invited the girl he has the most embarrassing crush on, he’s going to hate her too.

Word Account: 4900+ (yeah it’s 5300 words long I just don’t want to say it)

Warnings: swearing, brief mentions of alcoholism, kids being little shits, my horrible writing, etc.

A/N: This is my contribution for @ivartheboneme‘s Writing Challenge. My prompt was “Is that a mistletoe in your hair?”. Congratulations for your 1200 followers, honey! 

I’m obssesed with the idea of Ivar touching the piano and interacting with his nephews and nieces, okay? Don’t judge me.

Thank you so much for being my beta @brightlycoloredteacups, and for making those amazing comments while doing it. You’re the absolute best.

Ao3 link here and spanish version here.

I think is painfully obvious that english isn’t my first language, so if you see any mistakes in the narration is because of that. Please let me know what do you think! The credit of the gif goes for it’s respective owner.

It was already getting dark and the smell of dinner was already spreading throughout the gigantic house. There was snow on the street and the children of the neighborhood kept playing outside, throwing snowballs and making angels on the ground. The living room was illuminated by the lights of the Christmas tree and the gifts were scattered around it, too many to fit all under the tree. The whole family had gathered, and for the first time in a long time a whole day passed without a fight breaking out in the house.

 Ivar wondered how much damage he’d do to himself if he jumped out of the window on the second floor, and if the snow would cushion his fall.

He watched as Ubbe ran through the living and dining room chasing Mason and Igor, imitating the sounds of a beast. At first Ivar thought it was cute, but after they tripped on his cane three times he was beginning to want to strangle them with the beard of Santa Claus's ornament.

It's not that Ivar doesn’t love his nephews; on the contrary, he adores them –though he will never admit it– but only the first thirty minutes of their presence. Like with almost all the children he has know in his life, the first hour or two are angels. Everything they do is tender or funny, something worthy of a suburban mother recording and uploading to the internet to show off her golden children.

But after the fifth time they throw something in your direction just to pick it up from the ground and put it in its place you start wanting to wrap them in wrapping paper and give them to the hungry forest bears for Christmas.

Or maybe it’s just Ivar who thinks that, who knows.

Right at that moment he was trying to relax in the armchair in the living room, facing the fireplace. The cold of December made her bones ache, and as often as the main door and the door of the terrace opened and closed, the icy air entered the house. The pain in his legs was making him even more moody than usual.

But one of his countless nieces and nephews –there are seven, in fact; three girls and four boys–, Gallett, had gotten bored with the Christmas cartoons and decided to go to keep his grumpy uncle Ivar company. His idea of ​​'company' was to throw bread rolls at him and stare at him blankly. Ivar likes Gallett; he doesn’t talk much and usually kept himself busy. But like every child, he’s still one, and after a while Ivar just couldn’t stand him.

"Stop that," he told him when another little ball of bread hit his cheek. Gallett ignored him and threw another, "If you keep doing that I'll hang you up on the balcony for three hours." Gallett stuffed a ball of bread into his mouth and looked at him blankly. Another thing about Gallett: he doesn’t feel intimidated by his threats. "I hate you."

"Grandma says that's what you tell the people you love." Gallett slowly ate the bread ball and threw another one at Ivar. Ivar caught it and threw it into the fireplace. "So I'll take it as a compliment."

Ivar sent him a cold, indifferent look. Gallett returned it.

"Gallett, leave your uncle alone. Go with your father; he's going to throw some fireworks, if you want to see." Aslaug went to the corner where they were and stroked her grandson's hair, nudging him in the direction of the hallway towards the patio door. The slightest expression of emotion crossed Gallett's face before he rose from the floor calmly and disappeared into the corridor.

Ivar watched as his nephew left and then turned to his mother. Aslaug sat next to him on the couch and leaned against him, a glass in her hand. "You had tamed the beast, there."

"I‘m learning, leave me alone. Surely it took you awhile to deal with children when you had us."

"Only with you, Ivar. You were a pain in the ass for years, throwing me pancakes and pulling my hair at every opportunity you had."

Ivar rolled his eyes and looked at the fireplace, but a smile crept over his lips. Aslaug sipped at her glass and curled up beside him, staring at the blazing fire in front of them as well. Ivar stretched out his legs and glanced at the contents of his mother's glass. He hesitated a few moments before asking the question that tickled on the tip of his tongue, "How's rehabilitation going?"

Aslaug exhaled slowly through her nose, thinking about her answer for a few seconds before turning to him, fiddling with the orange juice in her hand, "Better, actually. It was a good decision that of the psychologist too. It has helped me a lot. You should look for one too." Ivar huffed and Aslaug hit him on the shoulder, "It would help you with those anger problems of yours. Maybe  even help you talk to, I do not know, girls, maybe?"

"Okay, we're in dangerous territory." Ivar stretched and stepped out of his mother's grip, moving to the other end of the couch. Aslaug giggled and put her feet up on the couch, tucking them under it. "We won’t have this conversation again. Not now, or ever."

Aslaug took another sip from her glass and rested her head on the sofa, "Oh, please. It's not like I'm matchmaking you with a girl I knew in the market."

"You never go to the market, and of course you do. You love your grandchildren and you want one of me, but that won’t happen." Ivar used his cane to point his mother accusingly. Aslaug just rolled her eyes and hid her smile behind her glass.

Aslaug pulled her legs out from under her and put her shoes on again, watching as the rest of the family entered the living room. The voices outside stopped and a few minutes later Ubbe appeared in the room, Mason, Igor and Gallett behind him. Passing the festivities with all the Lothbrok’s in one house was a strange concept to analyze.

Hvitserk, Margrethe, and Sigurd's girlfriend, Blaeja, were still in the kitchen, preparing the immense Christmas dinner. That could be one of the only reasons that Ivar was still in the house. That, and that his mother had insisted on having a peaceful and conflict-free meeting. Only for once.

Ivar could never deny something to his mother.

The family settled in the room and everyone kept busy. The children ran and shouted and played as they always did and nobody paid much attention to them. One of the TVs was still on on the second floor, the muffled sound of voices and music reaching the living room. The children left the tv on again.

Aslaug took a last sip of her juice before pulling the sleeve of Ivar's jacket, "Play something with me."

Ivar couldn’t say no to her, so he nodded and stood up, watching his mother's smile grow. His cane was a bit different today; that morning Igor and Malena thought it would be fun if they wrapped his cane with wrapping paper and glitter, sticking some Christmas decorations and Hello Kitty stickers. Ivar loves it, but he wasn’t going to tell them that. He still has some pride left, no matter how much Sigurd tried to deny it.

His mother sat on the bench of the black grand piano and made room for him, patting the padded surface of the seat. Ivar managed to put his legs under the piano and set his cane aside. Gallett took it and hid behind the sofa where Ubbe and Igor were sitting. Ivar ignored him.

Aslaug ran her fingers gently over the piano keys, feeling the soft texture. With a soft breath, she pressed a key and the sound echoed in the room.

Nobody was paying special attention to them, and Ivar doubted that it would change, so he played another key. Aslaug smiled at him and pressed another. Ivar pressed his lips together to keep from smiling, "What do you want to play?"

"Surprise me."

Ivar thought for a few moments before starting to play the song he knew by heart. Aslaug watched him press the keys, humming the song until it was her turn to play. It was a duet, a calm piece that they had been in the habit of playing since Ivar was a kid and his mother started teaching him to play the piano to give him a hobby. Of all the things of his childhood, this was one of the things that Ivar missed the most.

Ivar almost felt breathless when the song ended, his hands still hovering over the keys. His mother didn’t seem affected in the least, apart from the smile that stretched across her lips. Ivar was about to suggest touching another song when she interrupted him, "I have a surprise for you."

Ivar raised an eyebrow at the sudden statement, "Really? What?"

Aslaug bit her lip and looked over her shoulder, directing her eyes in the direction of the front door. "I invited Hvitserk's friend."

"Hvitserk has a lot of 'friends', mama. You'll have to be more specific than that."

Aslaug rolled her eyes, but she didn’t stop smiling, "The pretty 'friend', Ivar. You know who I'm talking about."

Ivar felt his cheeks heat up and fought against the feeling. He wasn’t going to blush just for the mention of Hvitserk's pretty neighbor, the pretty girl with a dazzling smile and captivating eyes and soft skin and sweet voice... And it's not as if he had some ridiculous crush on her, of course not. But yeah, he does have a ridiculous crush on her, but that is something he is not willing to admit. Not to himself, and not to his mother.

Aslaug tapped him on the forehead when he stayed silent, "Don’t panic, fool. She’s not going to eat you."

"I'm not panicking," he said, but the tremor in his voice gave him away.

It was his mother's turn to raise an eyebrow in his direction, "You Lothbrok’s are so dramatic. Nothing bad will happen just because you talked to a pretty girl, Ivar. It's not the end of the world."

"The end of mine, yes." Ivar tried to ignore the fact that he had practically confirmed what his mother told him. "I'm going to hide with Gallett for the rest of the night, bye."

"Ivar," His mother scolded him, but Ivar was already limping toward the white couch to his left.

Ubbe gave him a strange look when he dropped behind him, "What the hell are you doing?"

"Running from my problems." Ubbe just shrugged and continued talking to his eldest son.

Gallett made space for him in his hiding place and returned his cane, taking out a video game console from his jacket pocket, "Hard night, huh?"

Ivar watched as the console screen illuminated Mario Kart. "My turn is next."

"As you wish." Gallett shrugged and reached for a piece of cake from a plate beside him. The child knew how to form a good hiding place; Ivar had to grant him that.

After maybe an hour of passing the console between them –six wins for Ivar and nine for Gallett. Ivar owes him a piece of cake– Ivar's legs were starting to hurt and the food was gone.

"I'm bored." Gallett turned off the console and put it back in his jacket, leaning against the back of the couch.

Ivar imitated him, "Me too. I don’t want to go out."

"Why not?"

Ivar pursed his lips and refused to look at his nephew, "Someone that I don’t want to be here is coming soon."

Gallett was silent for a few seconds before reaching for his cane and beginning to fiddle with a Scooby Doo sticker, “You don’t like that person? Like uncle Sigurd?"

Ivar snorted at the mention of his brother's name, but ignored it in order to keep the thread of the conversation. "I do like her." Gallett looked at him oddly. "But I do not want her to come today. People don’t like me."

Gallett frowed and looked at him with his gigantic blue eyes. Sometimes it was so obvious that he was a son of Ubbe, the resemblance was chilling. "What's wrong with you?"

Ivar looked at him as if he had grown another head, "When you were younger and you didn’t want to go to bed, your father told you that Uncle Ivar was going to come and eat you."

"I think you're fine." Gallett shrugged and returned the cane, picking up the empty pie plate and standing up.

Ivar smiled at him from below, "Thank you, dwarf, but that's because I have a sweet spot for you."

Gallett smiled too, the slightest curve in his small lips, "Dad says you also have a sweet spot for Y/N, so I don’t think you’ll have any problems with her tonight." Gallett straightened his hair and came out of hiding, disappearing into the hallway that led to the kitchen. Ivar wanted to sink his head in the earth in shame; even his eight year old nephew knew of his oh-so-obvious crush.

He sat there for a few minutes, contemplating again his plan to flee through the second floor window. He was still planning the perfect escape when a small hand landed on his shoulder. Ivar was ready to turn around and tell one of the countless children to leave him alone, but he stopped when he saw the mop of curly blond hair staring at him with a candy-smeared smile.

Ivar exhaled slowly and smiled at the little girl, "Thora, you're full of candy."

Thora didn’t answer him and instead pointed her plump finger at something on top of him, sticking her other hand full of what looked like cotton candy –where the hell did she get that thing?– in her mouth. A small cluster of mistletoe hung above their heads on the wall, perched so innocently against the upholstered wall. That must have been Hvitserk's work.

Ivar looked at the plant poisonously for a while before returning his gaze to his favorite niece in the entire universe, "What's up, sweetheart? Do you want me to give you a kiss?"

Thora removed her hand from her mouth and pulled a milk caramel out of her dress pocket and offered it to him. Thora, like Gallett, was a girl of few words. But unlike her older cousin, Thora was an angel on Earth. Of course, she still throws tantrums and rages and cries and screams, but for Ivar's eyes there is no girl more perfect than her.

Ivar accepted the candy without hesitation and kept it in his pocket, indicating that he would eat it later. Thora smiled again, as widely as her face allowed, and closed her eyes and moved her head to the side, offering him her cheek.

Ivar let out a chuckle and pressed a soft kiss on his niece's plump cheek and pinched her stomach gently, earning a squeak and a giggle. Thora sank her hands in his hair and waved it.

"Thora, enough, your hands are dirty." Sigurd appeared in his line of vision and approached his daughter, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her away from Ivar. Ivar fixed his hair, feeling how the candy had stuck to the strands. The sensation made him shudder.

Ivar sent a bitter look at his brother, "You always kill the fun."

"She was ruining your precious hairstyle. You should thank me. "Sigurd rolled his eyes and pulled out a napkin from God knows where and began to clean Thora's hands and face. Ivar still couldn’t understand how his brothers had obtained that strange ability to have everything they needed when they became parents, and he doubted that he would ever understand it.

Sigurd pet his daughter on the back and sent her to the kitchen, where her mother Blaeja was still preparing dinner. It was already around seven in the evening and there was still no sign of you, but the dinner smelled amazing.

Ivar watched as his brother stood up and offered his hand. Sigurd rolled his eyes when Ivar didn’t immediately accept, "Don’t be paranoid, chicken feet, take it and get up. Dinner will be ready soon." Ivar ignored his hand and stood up on his own. Sigurd huffed and stepped back, offering him his cane hesitantly. Ivar took it reluctantly.

Sigurd's expression changed to a mocking one, "Also, Y/N will arrive soon. I don’t think hiding behind the couch is very seductive of you." Ivar sent daggers to his brother's back as he walked away.

With a defeated sigh, he left his hiding place and went into the living room again. His mother played the piano absentmindedly, her gaze lost in the snow falling outside. He was about to approach his mother again when the doorbell rang. Ivar froze, and he could see from his place how his mother's eyes lit up.

"I’ll go."

Ivar moved as fast as he could towards her, "Mama, no."

Aslaug stood up and sent him to the same look she gave him when he behaved like a little shit when he was six years old. Ivar groaned and collapsed next to Ubbe, watching his mother's smile grow and then disappear from his sight on the way to opening the door. Ivar sank on the couch, pouting. Ubbe patted his head the same way he did with his children when they were upset.

"You look stressed."

"Oh, you think so?" Ivar rolled his eyes.

Ubbe tapped him on the ear, "Relax. A friendly face would do you good right now, don’t you think?"

Ivar nibbled on his lip, "Y/N is not my friend."

"Well," Ubbe's lips stretched in that smile he always kept hidden from everyone except his brothers, "You could always end up being more than friends tonight."

Ivar growled and sank deeper into the sofa. There was more of his body on the floor than on the seat. "Not you too."

Ubbe opened his mouth to answer him, but the sound of the door closing and footsteps coming down the hall stopped him. Ivar tensed for what seemed like the fifth time that night and hurried to straighten up, and ignored Ubbe's gaze when he tried to make his hair look good. The cotton candy had stuck to his hair, and there was no way he could get it out before you arrived.

Ivar was having a mini panic attack when his mother reappeared in the living room, talking casually to someone who was following her closely. You entered behind Aslaug, taking off the giant blue coat and hanging it on the rack. You wore another sweater under your coat, and a bright green hat rested on your hair, which was slightly damp from the snow that melted on it. Ivar lost his breath.

"You're drooling, duck head." Ubbe hit him on the shoulder and laughed, bringing him back to reality, "If you're so worried about talking to her, just act like you're talking to me." Ivar grimaced. Ubbe rolled his eyes, "Well, as if you were talking to someone you like." Ivar's expression didn’t change. Ubbe sighed and patted him on the shoulder, "Just don’t be an asshole, Ivar. Please."

Now, that was something Ivar wanted to do, but he doubted he could do it. Ubbe gave him one last squeeze of encouragement on the shoulder and stood up to greet you, putting a sincere smile of welcome and talking casually with you. Ivar almost wanted you to talk to his brother for the rest of the night, no matter how much his stomach twists with jealousy at the thought.

Aslaug and Ubbe talked with you for a while, the children circling around him. Bjorn greeted you briefly before disappearing to God knows where –Ivar had to make a better effort to get to know his family–. Ivar entertained himself with his phone for a few minutes before Ubbe went to the kitchen, winking at him before disappearing from view.

Now his mother was alone with you. That's not good.

Ivar could feel it before it happened. His mother brought you closer and closer to him, chatting quietly about anything that came up. Ivar tried not to react every time you laughed or raised your voice a bit when they played a topic that excited you.

Finally, Aslaug stood up, "Dinner is almost ready, they must surely need help. Y/N," she paused, and Ivar couldn’t help but look up from his phone. His mother was watching him out of the corner of her eye, "I'll leave you in Ivar's capable hands." She paused again, this time looking directly at him, telling him with just her eyes that he couldn’t ruin it. "Ivar, behave." And she left the living room.

Ivar was tempted to just ignore you and keep fiddling on his phone, as he did with everyone he was left alone with, but he couldn’t do that to you. 'Don’t be an asshole.' Ubbe's voice echoed in his head. Yeah, right. He can work with that. Great, cool, okay.

You put your hands on your lap nervously, avoiding looking at him and instead observing the burning fire of the fireplace. You nibbled your lip with insecurity, and Ivar clenched his hands into fists. He wanted to be the one to bite that lip.

He leaned back against the couch and tried to act like you were someone else, "You look terrible."  Suave, Lothbrok.

Fortunately, you had never been one of the people Ivar could intimidate. You raised an eyebrow in his direction, "What a lovely observation. Do you say that to all the pretty girls you meet?"

Ivar felt the corner of his mouth rise. Holy shit, you're amazing. "I never said that I think you’re pretty." Ivar has never doubted your charisma and kindness, but he knows that if he continues on that path your patience will end quickly. You had never been very patient with him, anyway. Maybe that's why Ivar was so attracted to you. "In any case, I don’t even know if I would put my efforts into conquering you."

You snorted and shook your head, your wet hair shaking gently, "Your efforts shouldn’t be very impressive, then. I've never seen you with a girl other than your mother."

"Excuse you, my moma is an excellent company, thank you very much."

You opened your mouth to reply, but there was no malice in your eyes when you answered. "I'm glad to know there's a man left in the Lothbrok family who values ​​a woman."

Ivar shrugged, stretching his legs. His stomach was a knot of nerves, but he was managing it well. You still haven’t tried to slap him, that's a good sign. "Only one? What about Hvitserk? I've always thought he was a charming young man, don’t you think?"

You pressed your lips to hide your smile. That is another thing that Ivar likes about you; While you would never take his shit, you were not willing to fight forever either. Maybe it was because you felt that he didn’t really say anything to you for the purpose of hurting you, but Ivar could never be sure. Not with you.

"Your definition of 'charming' is very different from mine, Lothbrok."

"Oh, please, we've talked about this." Ivar allowed himself to smile, his usual arrogant facade surfacing for the first time since I heard your name that night, "For you, I'm Ivar, angel."

"Ew." A voice sounded behind them. From the threshold of the corridor, Gallett peeked not so discreetly and showed an expression of disgust. "They are flirting. Gross."

Ivar rolled his eyes when Hvitserk's voice came into the room, "You are the worst spy ever. You just lost your piece of pumpkin pie."

Gallett redirected his attention to the threat. Interesting, that's what scares him, lose treats. Ivar made a mental note.

The voice of his nephew and his brother disappeared quickly, submerged in a fight in the kitchen. By now, it must have seemed like chaos. There were still some children in the room with you and with Ivar –Malena and Mason, Bjorn’s kids, played cards in front of the fire and screamed every time one of the two changed the rules–.

You stared at the place where Gallett had been a few seconds before, "What was that?"

Ivar didn’t want to answer, "My family likes to play matchmakers, as you can tell."

"With us?" You asked. Ivar shrugged. You snorted, "That’s ridiculous."

Ivar tried not to take that statement too personal, "You tell me. Mama wants more grandchildren. Three is not enough. She wants at least one of each of us."

"Ubbe already has two; take one and you're tied."

Ivar let out a chuckle, "That would stop her from pressure me, at least."

You let out a ragged laugh –Ivar didn’t feel that shit of butterflies in the stomach,– and took off your shoes, tucking your legs under you in the same way that Aslaug had done almost two hours before.

You looked around, "It's nice here. I didn’t do much in my apartment, I just put a little plastic tree and that's it. It's nice to see a well-decorated house."

"That's what everyone says, until they have to remove the goddamn lights."

You gave him an incredulous look, "Like you had ever untangled the christmas lights." Ivar hid his smile behind his hand, and shrugged his shoulders in defeat.

"You caught me. I'm a spoiled brat."

You laughed, this time a real laugh, and you reclined on the couch. Ivar stretched out his legs and stroked a spot on his knee. The cold was no longer affecting him as much as it had in the day, and his legs didn’t hurt anymore. Maybe that was the reason why his mood changed so suddenly.

He was still leaning on his legs when you directed your attention to him again. Ivar saw how you opened your mouth to speak and then you closed it abruptly, looking at something on him.

"What?" He asked.

You had eyebrows together in confusion, "Is that mistletoe in your hair?"

Ivar imitated your expression and brought both hands to his head. Effectively; there was something stuck to his hair just above the nape of his neck. His eyes widened. "Fucking shit."

You tightened your lips to contain a smile and stood up in front of him, "Let me see."

"No, go away." He refused to lower his arms.

You sighed and hit him on the forehead. "Do you want to have a branch of mistletoe in your hair all night so that your whole family can see it?" Ivar thought about the question for a few seconds before shaking his head, "Then let me help you. Put your hands down."

Ivar did hesitantly, and immediately you went to work. He had to tilt his head so you could easily check his hair, so Ivar had his forehead resting on your abdomen throughout the process. He would be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy the moment.

"Here it is! The intruder has been removed." You waved the mistletoe in front of you. Malena and Mason saw the movement and rushed to scream.

"Kiss!"

Ivar sent them a poisonous look, "Keep playing poker, little beasts." He growled, but none of them backed up. His threatening magic was fading; he had to work on it later.

"Kiss!" They repeated. God, Ivar hates children.

You raised a mocking eyebrow in his direction and lowered the mistletoe, "What? Don’t you want to kiss me, Lothbrok?"

"You would like it so much you would never want to stop, angel. I don’t want you obsessed with me." He lied. Ivar wanted to kiss you more than anything in the world, but not right now. Not for a stupid mistletoe, and not with his nephews watching him.

"Only one?" You held your finger in the air. The mocking smile that spread across your lips let him know you weren’t serious. The idea made him angry.

Before he knew what he was doing, Ivar pulled on your arm and dragged you close to him, you stomach against his chest. You gasped with surprise when he pulled you again, bringing you to the same height. "Remember that you asked for it."

Ivar hadn’t kissed anyone in a long, long time, so he didn’t really know what the fuck he was doing. He thought about what he would like to feel when a person kissed him and tried to imitate it, but the very sensation of your lips against his made his head spin. He could hear the screams of disgust from his nephews in the background, but he couldn't care less.

The kiss didn’t last long, maybe five or seven seconds, but Ivar's heart was beating a thousand times per hour by the time they separated. He searched your face for some sign of discomfort or anger, but you seemed as breathless as he was. You just stared at each other for a few seconds before you raised your hand and hit him with the mistletoe branch.

"You're an asshole!"

Ivar paused, "Ouch," he said blankly.

You let the mistletoe branch fall to one side and pushed him gently. "The next time you're going to kiss me I'd like you to let me know before!"

Ivar was still too stunned to react correctly to your words, "You... kiss... what?"

You rolled your eyes and pressed a kiss on the corner of his mouth, "You know, take me to dinner, watch a movie, take me home and then kiss me at the door. Is it that none of the Lothbrok knows how to treat a lady?"

"And you say that while you hit me with a mistletoe?" Ivar was slowly returning to his senses, and he couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

You crossed your arms and gave him a look of 'Try me, bitch.' Ivar did not dare to mess with you right now. Not while the opportunity of his life was presented in front of him.

"Okay, if you want it." Ivar pretended that his stomach wasn’t doing a gymnastics show and shrugged, straightening. "Y/N, would you like to have dinner with me so I can kiss you all I want afterwards?"

You let your arms fall to your side, but the corner of your mouth rose in a small smile, "It's not what I expected, but I know it's the best I can get from you. Wednesday, at six, in my place. A movie and pizza, you think that’s okay?"

Ivar fucking loved it. "Yeah, sure."

Ivar tried to not smile like an idiot in love but he knew he was failing. He hoped that the brightness in your eyes was the same feeling as his and not mocking, because his poor and cold soul couldn’t stand that.

Hvitserk shouted from the kitchen, "Dinner is ready!"

Mason and Malena got up from the floor and ran to the kitchen, completely forgetting the romantic statement they had just witnessed. You looked in the direction of the kitchen. "We should go before the good seats are taken."

Ivar wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you close, sinking his head into your stomach, "Yeah, in a moment."

You laughed and fiddled with his hair, pulling gently. "You're the strangest person I've ever met, Lothbrok."

Ivar thought of the way his heart skipped a beat every time he saw you, and how he had managed to have a decent conversation without insults with you for several minutes. He thought about how he had kissed someone for the first time in years and how he had scheduled a date for next week.

"The feeling is mutual, angel."

A/N: Erik, Alexa, Malena and Mason are Bjorn’s kids, and Igor and Gallett are Ubbe’s kids. Thora is the most spoiled and loved little girl that the Lothbrok family ever laid their eyes on, and it’s Sigurd’s first and only daughter. Hvitserk likes to eat, so it only makes sense if he likes to cook too, right?

I maybe made Aslaug a little too OCC in this fic, but I wanted her to have interactions with Ivar so badly it hurted, so yeah, enjoy it and don’t complain.

As always, leave a comment of what do you think and if you see any mistake, let me know!

Tags: @radi0active-thoughts 

[comic-movieheroesranked]

Cinematic Comic Characters Ranked! (Year 2009) Part One

It’s rough coming right after a fantastic year of movies (2008) but 2009 did pretty well for itself. Terminator Salvation is our only sequel and we also get an X-Men spinoff with X-Men Origins: Wolverine. Kids favorite shows come out with Astro Boy, Dragonball: Evolution, and G.I. Joe: Rise of the Cobra, and we got a couple of thrillers with Whiteout and Surrogates. We also get the debut of the controversial Watchmen! Let’s get started with numbers #84-61!

*SPOILERS AHEAD FOR ALL HIGHLIGHTED MOVIES ABOVE*

Cameo Appreciation: The Minutemen (Watchmen)

The Minutemen consisted of Dollar Bill, Mothman, The Silhouette, Hooded Justice, and Captain Metropolis. They mainly appear in flashbacks as they all somehow die one by one. Dollar Bill dies after his cape gets caught on a revolving door, allowing the robbers to take aim and shoot. Captain Metropolis dies in a car accident, which was thought to be suicide. The Silhouette, who looked so damn fierce, was murdered in a homophobic hate crime with her lover. Hooded Justice's death isn't explained but we do see him stop The Comedian from raping Sally Jupiter. Mothman doesn't die but he ends up going crazy and is thrown into a psychiatric ward.

Cameo Appreciation: Professor X, Toad, Wind Dancer, Quicksilver, and Banshee (X-Men Origins: Wolverine)

There were a lot of familiar faces among the mutants kidnapped by William Stryker. Those mutants were Toad, Wind Dancer, Quicksilver, and Banshee. When they escape with the help of Wolverine, Kayla, Emma, and Scott, they end up running into Professor X! With his jet ready, the professor rescues the group and takes them away to his school.

Cameo Appreciation: Sarah Connor (Terminator Salvation)

Even though she's not technically seen, Sarah Connor's voice is in the tapes she recorded for her son, John, to help him in the future. With her guidance, he's able to learn about his father, Kyle, who will eventually go to the past to help keep her safe.

84. Hollis Mason/Nite Owl (Watchmen)

"You were a better Nite Owl than I ever was, Danny boy."

One of the few Minutemen that's still alive, Hollis Mason was the original Nite Owl and is also one of the two heroes to reveal their identity to the public. He came out with a book about his life as a vigilante but after the hype of it died down he ends up opening an auto shop where he enjoys drinking occasionally with Dan.

83. The Hard Master (G.I. Joe: Rise of the Cobra)

"We need to invite him in and show him the path."

The Hard Master was the man who taught Storm Shadow and Snake Eyes everything they know. I kind of got a little favoritism coming from him when it came to Snake Eyes and it appeared that so did Storm Shadow, who kills him. Or so we think! At the end of the film Storm Shadow admits he didn't kill their master. So if he didn't, who did?!

82. Jared Canter (Surrogates)

"I'm not in the mood for opera."

Jared's murder started the entire film but it wasn't even him that was supposed to die in the first place. He had borrowed his father's surrogate, who was the actual target. His death is the first human murder in several years and starts Lionel Canter's quest for revenge.

81. Daniel DeCobray/The Baron (G.I. Joe: Rise of the Cobra)

"What a mysterious wife you are!"

The Baron got straight up PLAYED! The Baroness only marries him so Cobra can keep an eye on him and his work in the science field and is constantly leaving him, which makes him wonder where she goes all the time. When she reveals her true intentions, she forces him to weaponize the nanobite warheads before she tricks Storm Shadow into killing him.

80. Mr. Squeegee and Mr. Squirt (Astro Boy)

"I love happy endings!"

These two robots are designed to clean windows (One squirts the water, while the other wipes) in Metro City and are present when Astro discovers he's actually a robot. The two scenes they're in are for comedic relief and they show up at the end to celebrate Astro's victory over President Stone.

79. Travis and Heather Hudson (X-Men Origins: Wolverine)

"We all got a choice, Son."

Travis and Heather start the ridiculous trend of everyone who is nice to Logan, will end up getting killed. After he shows up to their barn naked, the Hudson's cloth him, feed him, and give him advice on forgiveness and revenge. Their thanks? They get gunned down.

78. Courtney A. Krieger/Cover Girl (G.I. Joe: Rise of the Cobra)

"Their capabilities are beyond anything we've ever encountered."

Cover Girl was a supermodel before she found her true calling in the G.I. Joe department. She's mostly seen as Hawk's assitant, bringing him papers to sign as well as inform him of missions when he needs it. She's technically the only Joe with a revealed identity who dies, getting murdered by Zartan when Cobra invades the Joe facility.

77. Rubin, Mooney, and Weiss (Whiteout)

"Mooney said not to trust that guy."

Rubin, Mooney, and Weiss are the biologists that discover the lost Russian plane and are at the root of this whole murder investigation. It all starts when Weiss's body is found and later Carrie figures out that he was hit with an ax then thrown off a plane after injuring himself. When the investigation starts, Mooney calls Carrie and explains he'll tell her everything at the Russian base he's at. Of course when Carrie shows up he's lying in his own blood. Finally we have Rubin who actually manages to tell Carrie everything about his team finding the plane except for who was the guy killing them! He takes off because he gets spooked by Doc (who ends up working with Haden, the killer) and ends up getting his neck snapped by Haden when he tries to escape.

76. Moloch (Watchmen)

"I have cancer."

A villain in his time, Moloch is an old man who's given up on the crime life now that he's dying of cancer. He gets paid a visit by his drunk archnemesis, The Comedian, and ends up getting murdered by Adrian so the other could frame Rorschach.

75. Orrin (Astro Boy)

"I feel so nervous!"

Orrin is the nanny robot who works in Dr. Tenma's home and takes care of Toby before he's killed. Even though it's very clear that him and other robots have their own personalities, he's constantly belittled by Tenma for trying to enjoy things like playing with paper planes with Astro. It isn't until the end of the movie that Tenma finally treats Orrin a little nicer, even if Orrin still gets freaked out by the change of attitude.

74. Dr. Serena Kogan (Terminator Salvation)

"You're about to do an incredible thing."

Dying of cancer, Dr. Kogan is the one smart enough to come up with a plan to create a human/machine hybrid. She ends up getting Marcus to volunteer after he's sentenced to death. When he arrives at Skynet Headquarters in the future, the machine uses Serena's identity to talk to him.

73. Richard Nixon (Watchmen)

"We can't let these fuckers think we're weak!"

In this altered timeline, Richard Nixon is able to be re-elected for three more additional terms as well as take on Vietnam as a state. After he disbands the Watchmen, he focuses his attention on Russia and the threat of the nuclear war. After the most populated cities are destroyed, Nixon agrees to work with the other world leaders and untie in peace.

72. Miles Strickland (Surrogates)

"I couldn't tell you his name even if my life depended on it."

The dispensable hitman. Miles is a dread, a human who doesn't use surrogates, and is hired to use the new technology that kills a host through their surrogate on Lionel Canter. He's able to avoid police but ends up killed by his own people in The Prophet's community. It later makes sense as to why he died, seeing as The Prophet was actually a surrogate belonging to the man he tried to kill in the first place.

71. Bradley (X-Men Origins: Wolverine)

"I always thought it would be Wade to come knocking on my door."

A mutant on Stryker's Special Ops team with the ability to control technology. Since he never participated in the killings of innocent citizens, I think Bradley also didn't agree with it but didn't have the courage to quit like Logan did. When he retires, he joins a circus but it isn't long before Victor shows up and takes him out.

70. Toby Tenma (Astro Boy)

"Up and onward."

Toby's death was so sad. He was such a bright kid and even if he had a crushing curiosity that eventually caused his downfall, a lot of his death could be blamed on his father's company as well as President Stone's arrogance. How did no one, human or robot, not notice the kid was in the room? With their technology so advanced they don't have scanners that alert every time someone enters? His death leaves his father in a huge depression which eventually leads to him creating Astro.

69. Zartan (G.I. Joe: Rise of the Cobra)

"This is going to be the achievement of a lifetime."

Zartan works for Cobra with a neat skill of blending in with his disguise. He's pretty decent, managing to sneak up on Hawk and Cover Girl and escaping the facility unharmed before he even gets his upgrade from The Doctor. After going through the procedure, Zartan can now physically alter his body to change into whoever he pleases. Who's his first target? None other that the President of the United States. Zartan kills him in secret before returning to the oval office, the U.S. government completely unaware about his true identity.

68. Janey Slater (Watchmen)

"I stuck by you and this is how you repay me!?"

The guys in this movie were pretty douche-y in this film and Dr. Manhattan was no exception when it came to his ex-girlfriend Janey. She was with him before his terrible accident and she stayed with him after. At first I thought he left her because she refused to be with him in his 'dying' moments, but he admits to leaving her because she's not as attractive as Laurie, which is just SO fucked up. It's also believed Jon gave her cancer, which she's dying from, but it was actually Adrian in his twisted plan to heal the world.

67. Barnes (Terminator Salvation)

"I didn't catch that last part."

Barnes is John Connor's right hand man in the resistance and is loyal to him with every decision he makes. With his brother dying early on in the film, his hatred for the machines makes things difficult when Blair tries to rescue Marcus. However once John deems Marcus ok, so does Barnes and he continues his job in the war against the machines.

66. ZOG (Astro Boy)

"I'm old school."

ZOG was one of the first robots ever created and was abandoned on the Surface World when he stopped working. More than fifty years later he gets revived by Astro using his blue core energy and ends up getting an entire makeover by the surface kids. When Hamegg proves to be a jerk, ZOG saves Astro and nearly kills Hamegg but Astro stops him. ZOG saves the day one last time when he uses the same blue core energy to revive Astro back to life.

65. Laird James McCullen XXIV/Destro (G.I. Joe: Rise of the Cobra)

"I've finally taken my place in the long line of McCullens."

Destro comes from a long line of weapon dealers who happens to be very power hungry. To have the world's leaders on their knees, he tricks the U.S. military to fund his work on the nanobite warheads then steals them back once they're finished. This starts an all out war with the G.I. Joe's. He successfully manages to bring down the Eiffel Tower in Paris but ends up burning most of his face off when he goes against Duke in his jealous rage over Ana. The Doctor saves him and uses the nanobite technology to harden his face, turning him to Destro soon after. And even after that, he gets arrested by the Joe's and is taken to a high guarded prison.

64. General Ashdown (Terminator Salvation)

"This is war, Connor. Leadership has its costs."

Many people in the resistance believe John Connor is the key to ending the war, General Ashdown isn't one of them. In fact, he flat out tells John that he believes he's actually a fake prophet. Since he's a leader of the resistance, you can see how this has them butt heads, especially when it comes to destroying Skynet Headquarters. At first they're on the same page but when John discovers there are human prisoners, including his future father, he tries to stop Ashdown, who believes casualties are necessary. In the end it's Ashdown and his leader that end up being casualties when they accidentally gives themselves up, allowing Skynet to blow them up.

63. Scott Summers/Cyclops and Emma Silverfox (X-Men Origins: Wolverine)

"I can do this!"

It's our first time seeing a young Scott Summers and an Emma who isn't Emma Frost that can harden her skin to diamond. They're both kidnapped by Victor to be experimented by Stryker for Deadpool, Scott's optic blasts eventually making the cut. When Wolverine frees them, they take off with the other young mutants, Emma using her diamond skin to block students and Scott blasting away the shooters. Eventually they run into Professor X who takes them with him to his school of mutants.

62. Lord Piccolo (Dragonball: Evolution)

"With this Dragon Ball, I take my vengeance upon the Earth."

Once again we have a villain that was absolutely BORING!!! Nearly every time Piccolo was on the screen I got bored and there was a least one scene that my eyes got heavy and threatened to glaze over. For someone who was trapped for a thousand years, he was very calm once he was free. He spends the whole movie collecting the Dragon Balls only to be stopped pretty easily in the end.

61. Big Figure (Watchmen)

"While everyone's distracted, we thought we'd bring you a little housewarming gift."

Many criminals were put in jail because of Rorschach and Big Figure was one of them. When Rorschach is thrown in the same jail, Big Figure wastes no time in trying to kill him with his goons. His plan fails horribly, and he ends up getting killed by Rorschach by the end of it. They don't show what happens, only that there's a lot of blood and toilet water so the rest is really up to the imagination.

[idk-yet-when-i-feel-like-it]

Unexpected, to say the least. Chapter 2

Warnings: shitty writing, swearing, idk 

Italics are your thoughts

School Uniform:

Pants: Solid colored pants, no sweats, no leggings, no jeans, no holes.

Shirts: Crew neck shirts or higher. Flannels, button ups, sweatshirts, sweaters are allowed but no logo, writing, or brand can be bigger than a post-it note

Other: No hats, can’t wear hoods up, no sunglasses.

December 11, 2018

You woke up to the sound of your alarm going off and the groans of the two boys you slept between. 

“Shit, when did we fall asleep?” you asked groggily.

“You and E passed out at like 1, I finished the movie.” Grayson responded.

You looked over at Ethan and wondered how the fuck he fell back asleep so quickly. You sat up with Ethan still leaning on you and Grayson got up and went to the bathroom. Your sleepiness wore off as you remember what happened after school yesterday. Shit, what the fuck. School’s gonna be hell, at least they won’t be ther-. FUCK, he’s shadowing me. Hopefully, he sleeps through my getting ready.

You shove, the still sleeping, Ethan off of you and go up to your room to get ready. You grab an outfit that followed your school’s dress code which includes your favorite green jeggings and a cute black sweatshirt. Technically, these pants aren’t allowed at school but I love them too much to care. 

You took a quick shower and had plenty of time left but rushed to leave before Ethan woke up. Fuck it, I’ll just throw my wet hair in a bun. After putting on your make-up you stepped out of the bathroom and ran right into Ethan. 

“Shit, sorry.” You said. Fuck, he’s awake. And ready? How the he-

“Are you ready to go?” Ethan asked cutting off your thoughts.

“You still wanna do this?”

“Hell yeah, I want to meet all your friends and ma-”

“Make my life hell” You finished for him.

“Exactly,”  he laughed.

“You can’t wear that though” you say looking him up and down. He looks really good, too bad my school has a dress code.

“Why? Does it look bad?” He asked. Ethan was wearing grey joggers and a semi-tight black v-neck.

“No, we have a dress code. And you know full well grey sweats equals dick print. I don’t need you bringing anymore attention than you already have. You know you’re gonna have to explain why the fuck you did that yesterday, right?”

“What did he do?” Grayson asked coming up the stairs.

“It’s nothing bro, I’m shadowing her today.” Ethan responded quickly.

You looked at him confused, you guys never kept secrets before.

“E, we were supposed to film today!” Grayson exclaimed clearly annoyed.

“Gray, I can just film my day with y/n/n. And then we can do some more filming here or in town after. Anddd then we can save that video idea for the next one.” Ethan reasoned.

“Ok, as fun as this argument is, we’re gonna be late if we don’t leave now.” You lied, walking downstairs. You weren’t late but you really wanted to get coffee.

“Bye, Gray, everything is all good. Y/n/n, wait up I gotta grab the camera and change” Ethan said as he ran downstairs

“What do I wear?” He asked.

You walked up to his suitcase and picked up a olive hoodie and black pants.

“We can be opposites,” you laughed.

“Bet. I’m wearing it.” He replied.

“I feel like I just played myself,” you responded shaking your head.

“You did.”

You and Ethan stopped at a local coffee shop. Ethan had pulled out the camera and got some shots of the drive as well as the coffee shop. 

Pointing the camera at you Ethan said, “Hey guys, I know we haven’t seen her in a few years but this is y/n. She grew up with Gray and I and I’m gonna shadow her at her school today.”

“Eth, I’m trying to order.” You turn to the barista and order “I’ll have a medium Kenya, please.”

“Awh, guys y/n is so polite. Also what is a ‘Kenya’?” He asked.

“It’s like wear the coffee bean came from, basically a black coffee.” You answered.

“You drink straight black coffee?” He said surprised

“Yea,” you laugh. “I like my coffee like I like my men, a little bitter.”

He kept that footage in the video. As well as, the rest of the drive. He’s probably filming to avoid talking about yesterday. That headass.

Getting to school was insane. All those girls were looking for you, not even expecting Ethan or Grayson to be there. When they found out Ethan was there, all hell broke loose. The principle had to make an announcement saying that if anyone bothered him or made a big scene they would be suspended and their permanent record would be stained. After that, everything calmed down.

“Okay, Eth, I’ve got four classes today. We do a block schedule so each class is an hour and a half.”

“Damn, those are so long. I do not miss going to school.”

“Yea, well shadowing is for perspective students so don’t say that in front of the wrong people.” You say hushing him.

Your first class of the day was World Religions. Since you went to a private school this class was allowed. Mr. Blink was the teacher. His first name was Sean and everyone called him sweaty Sean behind his back. The man sweat more than anyone you’ve ever met. Mr. Blink kept the students desks in a semi circle with two rows and the desks were never evenly spread out.

“Miss y/l/n, care to introduce your friend here?” Mr Blink asked.

“Uh, yea, this is Ethan. He’s kind of slow so b- ow!” You laughed as you were interrupted by Ethan hitting your leg.

“I am that not slow.” He said laughing with you and your classmates.

“Okay, that’s enough everyone” Sweaty Sean announced and started teaching.

“Y/n/n, I’m gonna get you back for that.” He whispered into you ear and sending shivers down your spine. You noticed how close his desk was to yours and your arms barely touched as he leaned to one side of the desk. You did not pay attention for the rest of class. This was half because of how boring to class was but also because Ethan kept poking you and annoying you.

The finally rang.

“Where to now, Miss y/l/n?” Ethan asked mimicking Mr. Blink’s voice.

“We have a 20 minute break, dickhead.” You answered laughing.

“Come on, I guess you can meet my friends.”

You brought Ethan up to four of you friends, Mason, Nick, Ben, and Emily.

“Hey guys, this is Ethan.”

“Yo, I’m Mason”

“I’m Ben”

“Hi, I’m Emily.�� She turned to you and said “I thought you were bluffing when you said you knew the Dolan Twins.”

Ethan laughed.

“And, Eth, this is Nick.” You tell him.

They nod at one another and Ethan starts talking with Emily, Mason, and Ben. You walk over to Nick.

“Hey, y/n/n.” You can see Ethan tense at your nickname behind Nick.

“Hey, did you do the English homework for next block?”

“Shit, no. What’d we have to do?”

“Nickkkk,” you laughed, “We had to read Act III Scene i of the Tempest.”

You noticed Ethan paying attention to your coversation again. Is he jealous? No way, he just met your friends he’s probably uncomfortable. Yea, that’s it. If you’re honest though, you definitely had a crush on Nick.

The warning bell rings, seven minutes until class starts.

“Y/n/n,” Ethan tenses again at Nick using that name “wanna give me a quick summary while we walk?”

“Yea, of course.” You answer. “Eth, we gotta go to class.”

“Coming babes,” he winks at you.

What the fuck? This shit again. He’s trying to fuck up my shot with Nick. Dickhead.

“Ok,” you say walking closer to Nick than you are to Ethan, “basically the act is Ferdinand professing his love to Miranda even though they just met.”

“Shit, that’s insane.” Nick comments.

“I believe it is all just your willing suspension of disbelief since the play only occurs in one day. Anyway, then Miranda is like I love you too. Even if you cheated on my I’d still love you and all this crazy shit. And then Prospero is like creeping on them and watching this happen. He’s happy though because it’s part of his plan but also he has to disprove of it to Miranda so that she wants to do it more...” you explain to whole scene and finish as the three of you walk into Ms. VanHout’s class.

“Thanks y/n/n,” Ethan tenses up again. “You’re the best.” Nick finishes as he hugs you.

“Anytime.” And then you wink at Ethan.

Ms. VanHout is a forty something divorcee and she is pretty chill. Her classroom is set up in rows. You sit in the middle row three desks from the front. Ethan sits behind you since the kid who usually sits there is sick and Nick sits next to you. The whole class you sit facing Nick, in order to talk to both him and Ethan.

“Y/n, wanna tell the class your friends name?” Ms. VanHout asked.

“Sur-“ you were interrupted by Ethan saying

“I can introduce myself. Last block didn’t go so well.” A few kids that were in your second block chuckled and Ethan continued

“I’m Ethan and I’m from LA. I am a YouTuber and i have a channel with my twin brother. Ms. VanHout, would you mind if I filmed some of your class?”

“Oh, wow. Sure Ethan. Today we are going to have people act out the scene we read for homework.” Ms. VanHout answered excitedly.

“Y/n would you mind being Miranda?” Ms. VanHout always called on you. This probably had to do with the fact that even though you had so much anxiety you could never say no. To anything. The amount of times that you fell into a relationship with someone you weren’t even into was wayyy too high.

“Sure.” You responded.

“Ms. VanHout, would you mind if I played Ferdinand? I read the material late last night with y/n/n.” Ethan volunteers, winking at you.

That fucker is literally gonna get me killed. All these girls are still obsessed with him. All he does is focus on me. I have a chance with Nick not with him can’t he just let me shoot my shot.

“That’s wonderful, of course Ethan.” Ms. VanHout says.

The other parts are given away to people you don’t talk to and Ethan sets up the camera to film you the scene and everyone goes to the front.

“...And now farewell Till half hour hence” you recite

“A thousand thousand” Ethan replies leaning in and putting his hand under your jaw. “Ready for another dose of hell” he whispers as he kisses you and then turns to exeunt.

“Ethan, was it? That was not a part of the scene and frankly not very appropriate.” Ms. VanHout states.

“Oh, oh it’s totally okay Ms. VanHout. I’ve known Ethan forever and frankly he is a mediocre kisser.” You reply in an attempt to get under Ethan’s skin.

The bell rings just before Ethan has a chance to retort.

“Come on Eth, it’s time for lunch.” You smirk saying “Nick, Ethan and I were going to go out to get lunch, care to join?”

“Oh, I totally want to, y/n/n, but I don’t have an off block so I don’t have time.” Nick replies and again you notice Ethan is no longer amused in the slightest.

“Okay, see you later”

Ethan doesn’t say a word on the way to the car or on the way to the downtown restaurant you both were meeting Grayson at. It was almost scary.

When you arrived, you and Ethan got out of the car and were walking through an alley to get to the restaurant. You got a text from Grayson saying he’d be ten minutes late and finally breaking the silence you started telling Ethan “Hey, Gray is going to be late, he just tex-“ you were cut off as Ethan pushed your back against the wall and placed one hand on the wall beside your head and the other on your hipbone. “Ethan, are you good?” You barely whisper.

“I just wish you wouldn’t have talked to Nick so much and the way he called you y/n/n pissed me off. All this time I was so excited to come to your school and tease you and hang out with you but he was all over you. It just made me so angry and I didn’t know could be this angry about a -“

It was your turn to cut him off you leaned in and cut him off with a deep kiss. His hand moved to you jaw and the other gripped harder on your hip. Your kiss lasted at least three minutes only to end with:

“Y/n! Ethan!”

You both turn to see Grayson standing at the alley’s entrance, mouth wide open.