#for trans people; but esp those who just. cannot reasonably transition. or for whom transitioning isn't the final goal

[dataframe]

I loved your peak lords thought-reading comic. The line "besides, i simply couldn't handle everyone lying to my face; acting as though i'm a woman when i'm obviously not" hit me like a truck. Is that a common feeling for trans people? I'm figuring some shit out and this really rang true.

holds your hand. i can only speak from my experience, but i would say it is a fairly common line of thought for trans people, yes. especially when someone is just starting to figure themself out, or those for whom treatment/gender affirmation is generally unattainable

unfortunately, society at large makes it particularly difficult for nonbinary people to find their place - especially if you live in a place that uses many more gender markers in conversation (he/él/etc. as opposed to sya/ta/etc.), it becomes more difficult to avoid casual misgendering outside of specifically gendered terms (in fil, siya/niya is neutral but kuya/ate/etc. would be gendered and common, even from strangers).

however - throughout my entire experience being 'transgender' (genderless), i would say you should still strive to avoid what makes you explicitly uncomfortable. if only a standard held among friends

(and, just a small note, if in the future your 'friends' are purposefully/repeatedly disregarding something as simple as "please do not use masculine/feminine terms for me" ... they are not your friends! or not friends worth having, at least. the trans stuff is not the point here: this betrays a larger issue irt not having the decency to respect your boundaries. if they can discard this on their own whim, it doesn't matter if you're cis or trans or what, they will treat you poorly if they consider your boundaries to be "irrational" in my experience... you deserve much more than that!)

many people, when interacting with those they do not know, will put up a guise of some sort. i, being autistic, do mask often and have become more keenly aware of doing so recently - as such, i've begun to consider my gender presentation to be part of this 'mask'. at times i will still be uncomfortable, but generally speaking, i don't... take the opinions of strangers to heart. it is only natural that in brief encounters people will make assumptions to navigate social spaces. the only times where it really matters, in my opinion, is when you know you will be taking this mask off. when you are meant to be around people who you are spending a lot of time with (thus, seeking comfort with) and trust. these are people who you are actively keeping in your life, and who would need to know how you want to be perceived.

it will be easier to quell your apprehensions/doubts around other trans people, of course, regarding the idea that "everyone knows i'm just pretending to be this thing i'm not" (because then, aren't you all?) -- but if you have good friends, cis or not, they will hear you out and. as a genderless person, i'm pleased enough when i hear their conclusion of "you're just you" ... the one benefit to gender being a social construct, is the social aspect. it really is much easier for cis people to reform their views if they are around trans people and are willing to listen. in turn, trans people who are still upholding a firm gender/sexual dichotomy are that much more difficult to speak with. it is in part just a matter of exposure and patience to have someone become accustomed to letting down the walls between what constitutes as "woman/man/'something else' (derogatory)" ... because there are so many examples of even cis non-conforming gays who have defined those standards and are still fully women or men. spending time in [lesbian] spaces with such people has been immensely helpful for me, personally, in breaking down my own preconceptions of what women "should" be. it truly isn't as clear-cut as society often insists upon!

and. well. going back to the trans friends thing... i really do sympathize with the uncertainty, having to just. offer your heart on a plate and be like 'please don't secretly take pieces of this and destroy my trust' (misgendering you privately/in their minds) -- but, on the other end of things? once i got used to it, i've never once thought about my friends as anything but what they've said they are. and i imagine, and hope, that your friends will feel the same if you do pursue this any further. even if treatment isn't available to you/not something you feel comfortable pursuing to make your gender identity more "obvious" at a glance, you really do deserve a space where you'll feel accepted and at ease to experiment with how you'd like to be referred to - even before making any explicit adjustments to your identity. there is no pressure to figure everything out right away. hell, even if you're not trans, you're still well within your right to bring something up like "i like being called beautiful/pretty more than handsome" or even outright "can you substitute 'bro' for 'girl'" in slang contexts. there's a gay bear i know to have asked for the latter while still happily referring to himself as his bf's husband.

ahhh i've gotten so long-winded, but... tl;dr, i do hope things work out well for you. and even if the practicality of being transgender in certain ways is difficult to handle, it is a burden you should be able to trust your friends will take, because they care for you and you deserve at least one place to feel at ease.