#forcing myself to not delete my entire online presence but by god i need to go by a nickname or smth on here

[dreamertrilogys]

quick assign me a (nick)name based on vibes

[hoe-for-ares]

AU in which Red Rising is just a futuristic roleplay held in a chat full of teenage boys...

l posted once about it, but never went in detail. I was getting bored, so I wanted to make a list of the boyos from the AU - the homies behind the characters they are playing, duh! I imagine them having a roleplay chat and a homie-talking chat, that is mostly a voice-call never-ending conversation that is occurring while they are also roleplaying. Internet homies, also!

Feel free to add more.

Darrow - played by a 16 y/o Scottish boy, a know-it-all-mf, with an extensive knowledge. *Big nerd, fanatic of Ender’s Game and Star Wars. *Where does this dude even fit so much Ancient Greek history? *‘’Wait, why would someone even spend their time reading this crap???’’ - the homies in the chat. *All his friends created big, powerful Gold personas to shame him Red persona, but then Darrow went really deep with it and created a whole storyline about inequality and slavery, all in a long shower session. *No one took him seriously, but Darrow was dead serious - and also no one, maybe aside of Roque and Nero, didn’t really care what the hell he was talking about, but they followed him anyway because it was about badass warriors conquering and torn mfs apart! *He keeps deleting and rewriting his phrases, correlates everything with history and art, making the roleplay to seem wayyyy too serious. *He is anxious as shit if he doesn’t GET THIS LINE RIGHT! 

Sevro - played by a 14 y/o east-european boy, because no one can nail ‘em swearing better than an east european. *Moved to US recently and doesn’t seem to fit in, it makes him to not have many real life friends and not feel welcomed anywhere he goes. *He and Cassius are at the same high school, but since Sevro is a little freshman goblin, Cassius doesn’t fw him and ignores him. *Thus, Sevro acts like he hates him in the group chat and roleplay, but he only really is hella intimidated by him.  *His dad is a super cool dude and joins the gang’s games and conversations as often as he can. *Sevro doesn’t like that his father is much more liked than him within the group. *Listens to rock as a way of living and sunk in heavy metal as a coping mechanism.  *Big and proud furry. Has an IG dedicated to his fursona. *Relationships?? BLEAH. They are for suckers.  *But he has a ‘secret’ thing for muscular, tall and intimidating video game girls. Denies his affinity, though.  *Gang acts like they believe him when he insists he doesn’t care about those kind of girls and no girls in general, but Tactus is not fooled so easily and taunts him a lot by creating Victra.  *Also plays Uncle Narol because he wanted the chance to be the father figure since the gang always sees him as a little boy and treat him as such.  *He recalls every hoggish thing he heard from his father for Uncle Narol’s role, but creates his own expressions for Sevro’s.  Tactus - a 16 y/o french boy, neighbor with Roque.  *His only type of humor is yo mama jokes. *Gang is tired of Tactus’s obsession with their mothers, but Tactus doesn’t lose any chance and always recalls their mama in conversation... it is odd sometimes.  *He might have some mommy-issues.  *Also plays Deanna as a way to parody off Darrow’s real life mother, but he really started to get attached to the character. *He lives with his brother’s, that are always mocking him and embarrassing him every time he is in a voice-call conversation.  *But Tactus ain’t having any of this and screams at them - auch. *’’CLOSE YOUR MICROPHONE, COCK-FACE! YOU ARE FUCKING MY EARDRUMS!’’ - Sevro *He kinda wants to cry when his brothers do this, but he acts all tough. Homies can sense the shaking in his voice, but they act as they don’t hear it so Tactus can think he succeeded into fooling them.  *His brothers always force him to drink as a way of theirs of entertaining.  *Most of the time, he stumbles and vomits, no matter how hard he tried to act as one of them. This is the pure comedy his brothers are talking about! *Once he succeeded into drinking a whole bottle of beer without puking. He is really proud of his achievement.  *Groupchat knows all about it.  Roque - played by a 16 y/o french boy.  *Has a funny accent. *Homies are always laughing at him because of his fuddy-duddy accent.  *Tactus, too, which makes Roque hella sad.  *He doesn’t show his sadness and acts unbothered and way too stoic for being hurt because of their stupid charade.  *He really is deeply infuriated.  *Crushing on Tactus 24/7, but won’t show it - only his character is suspiciously close to his’. *Like...always privately sticking to him.  *No one knows what is going on in his private chat with Tactus. What are they roleplaying about? Hmm...  *He is really worried about Tactus’ mental health and brings him over his house as often as he can.  *Has some blessed asf parents, always lenient and nice. Accepted Tactus as part of their own family since his is way too fucked up.  *Rich as shit.  *Talks as pompous as possible. *Always reading and subtly bragging about what smart things he read, by quoting long and complicated verses out of his ancient poetry, early edition books, wrapped in animal skin.  *Kinda jealous of Darrow’s extensive knowledge.  *He was the one who brought Adrius in the group chat... no one knows how the hell he met such a shady dude.  Cassius - played by a 17 y/o american boy. *Knows Sevro personally, but won’t really give a fuck about him.  *Kinda ignores him irl and in game, too.  *His brothers all have curly hair, but he doesn’t - so of course his character has the perfect, craved-by-God, golden curls! ‘’Fuck you, Mother nature! If you didn’t want to give me the curls, I gave them to me myself!’’ *Doesn’t really know how curly hair works - did his character just went into a dirty ass fight and is full of grim? Bruh, whatever! His hair still shines and bounces like a little angel in Heaven! *He is bisexual irl, too, but tries to hide it. *His character is embracing his bisexuality, but he surely ain’t bisexual! No, nope!  *Hides his affinity for boys by making no-homo jokes and calling dudes gay for showing the slightest closeness to him - dayum, he carves for it, but no one needs to know!  *Thinks Darrow is cute, but as a homie, ya know? *I mean, he is totally going on a no-homo trip with Darrow. *He always listens to him and carves to talk to him the most, ignoring the rest of the squad most of the time.  *Also, always asks Darrow to teach him about ancient stuff he won’t care about irl, but once Darrow talks about them...ugh, they become so interesting! He is such a cool bro, dude, he like...knows how to explain thing to his bro!  *Praises the shit out of Darrow. Always mentions him when he is gone. You know, as a good homie does!  *Tactus ain’t fooled by any of it and makes subtle and snarky commentaries about his behavior.  Fitchner - played by Sevro’s dad. *A cool mf. *Proudly laughing his ass off when he hears how creative his son is with his language. *He knows damn well he is his son’s inspiration - beyond proud of knowing he created a genius.  *Single father.  *Joins the boys chat pretty often.  *Fakes reading something next to Sevro so he can listen what the squad is talking about via voice-chat or to keep up with the events in their roleplay because it makes him to feel good and young.  *He taunts his son irl and in game.  *Sometimes Sevro feels humiliated by his father, so he leaves the chat and/or the roleplay. Fitchner always brings him back and promises him not to mix in their game again.  *Squad doesn’t want him to leave, so they beg him to stay every single time when Fitchner says he about to let them play alone. *He can’t resist and promises them that he will come every time when he has a little spare time. *Sometimes acts like he is really busy and can’t join, when he really only wants Sevro to spend his time with his only friends being unbothered or mad by his father’s presence.  *Squad made him to be Ares because they worship him and call him the leader of the chat.  Adrius - played by a 16 y/o british boy.  *Has the stereotypical unintelligible british accent.  *Roque brought him in the group, out of nowhere, long after the roleplay started.  *No one really knows what’s up with this weird ass dude.  *Is online 24/7, but rarely speaks - he is the dude always peeking at the corners and watching everyone talking.  *When he shows up, his character has complex, long monologues when everyone else, aside of Darrow and Roque, can barely spell.  *He doesn’t fw with anyone’s plans and wreck them completely, by popping out of nowhere and destroying everything.  *But squad kinda enjoys it because he creates a good amount of drama within their rp.  *He types hella fast, like dude would spend his entire time sending messages. *Doesn’t he, like, has any friends?  *He never socialize within the group chat, he only breaths in the voice call.  *Squad created an anti-Adrius chat without him, but keeps him in the roleplay because his weird ass plan-wrecking character is interesting.  *He is so mysterious, with his character and all, that he resembles a chocolate egg with surprises. You never know what to expect.  Nero - played by a 16 y/o american boy. *Brought by Cassius long before Adrius came.  *Squad accepted him, but he doesn’t really fw them. *He is pretty shy and wanted to quit the group chat, since he wasn’t really talking much.  *Also, first time when Cassius suggested him to join roleplaying, he declined.  *A big history fanatic, always researching about war and dictators, corruption and tyrants.  *He will mainsplain every single detail in the lives of the big bad guy’s of the history.  *He will also get all ruffled if you don’t know the exact date in which WW1 started - like, are you even paying attention in the class, Karen??  *Gets excited every time Netflix drops a documentary about WW2.  *Cassius brought him the chat because he wanted to obligate him talk about anything else, but sad, miserable historic facts.  *Also, asked him to join roleplaying so, instead of focusing on the history of amok dictators, he can fight against them in a cool, space-knight way! *Became interested in roleplaying after he heard about Darrow’s plotline, all about inequality and war, thus considering it will give him the chance of shining and playing an old good tyrant. *Cassius hated the shit out of the idea, but Darrow was in ecstasy hearing they will have a big bad guy.  *Didn’t really join in the first part of the roleplay due still being really shy and clumsy at it, only joining when Darrow asked him for the execution part, but once he got used to it...oh, boy!  *He once joked about Adrius being Nero irl in the anti-Adrius group chat. Roque told Adrius about it and he liked the idea so much, he decided to make his character Nero’s son! Roque was kicked out from the anti-Adrius group chat just after that, Mustang - played by Cassius. *Why? Well, Darrow kinda cute... *He is just kidding, duuuh! It’s not about Darrow. It’s about playing a beautiful,tough girl so he can ‘’sharpen’’ his homies!  *He is a senior, so he has experience with girls, duh! He can play a girl just fine and give them tips on how to handle one. *OOPS! Sike! You can’t handle Mustang! Nice one, Cassius.  *Forced Darrow to chase Mustang as a way to entertain himself.  *He felt his soul going uwu when Meaper was going on.  *Expresses his feelings through a cocky girl as a way of coping with his feelings. *Made Mustang Adrius’ sister as a way of flipping off Adrius and his plans, thinking Adrius will lose his shit when someone will disturb his perfectionist plans and monologues just as much as he does to others, but it just fueled Adrius’ weird imagination and fitted into his agenda way too perfectly.  *Now he regrets his decision since he is obligated to spend a little extra time around Adrius.  Victra - played by Tactus *Created her for two sole reason. *Fucking around with Sevro’s not-so-secret passion for dangerously muscular fictional woman that can step on him any time. *Flexing fictional muscles in front of the squad by creating a super-giant-titan-ninja-classy-monster-woman to kick their space-knight asses. Even his own, too, because is funny to see women kicking metallic asses of knights, duuh! *And maybe for fw Darrow a bit, by making Victra all flirt with his shy ass. So, let’s say...three reasons.  *He gathered extensive knowledge from all the girls he knows about what the hell a girl likes - had no idea ‘till then, but now he knows what girls prefers the most: slaughter.  Feel free to add!!!

[kailasquires]

In Case You Missed It...2017 In a Nutshell

In 2017 I pulled a bit of a Disappearing Act, and deactivated most of my online and social media presence, which was already pretty limited to begin with. This was somewhat of a cleanse for me, as I gave up drinking alcohol and deleted my Instagram account for the entire year, and deactivated my Facebook for a large part of the year. I must say that life without drinking and excessive social media browsing has forced me to engage in alot more self-reflection and for that reason I’ve decided to re-introduce my blog. I tend to be a pretty private individual, but for my final activity in 2017 I wanted to be open and vulnerable.

There’s no real topic for this post, but it’s centered around personal life, career, faith and relationships. Instead of simply boring you with a long monologue, I’ve chosen to create a list of 50 things I experienced, learned or appreciated this year. I hope you enjoy. 

Top 50 List of 2017

1. There’s power in the tongue. Start speaking things into existence ! 2. Time is of the essence, so live your best life while you’re still alive 3. That being said, don’t try to rush things. God willing we have 70+ years on this Earth, and that’s a lot of time to fill with love, laughs, accomplishments, failures and new experiences 4. My year sober taught me to be bold, shoot my shot and take the things I wanted in life. Lesson Learned: If you need help with something, don’t hesitate to ask. If you want something, Go GET IT!  5. Don’t ever rely on another person for your happiness. If you haven’t found your happy place whilst being alone, that just means you haven’t spent enough quality time with yourself 6. My brother wins Dad of the year, and I’ll fight anyone on that 7. I love to receive and give feedback. If we’re not constantly improving ourselves, what’s the point of living? 8. Jesus was a servant, spreading love and salvation to all. In the end, The Word of God will ultimately judge us, so I’m making sure I’m aligned with His Word  9. The way to my heart is comedy and food 10. Maggie is one of the most resilient people I know. Keep shining SB!  11. Applying to business school was one of the most arduous, mentally draining and stressful processes of my life, but I’d do it all over again in a heartbeat :-) 12. Child rearing/parenting is one of the greatest responsibilities a person can undertake, and it often goes unappreciated or unnoticed. No parent is perfect, but it’s important to still say thanks to the ones who raised you. THANK YOU MOM & DAD!!! You did an incredible job with my brother & I  13. If a person de-prioritizes you, don’t get angry or question why. Instead respect their decision and repurpose your efforts elsewhere 14. MLT  is one of the greatest organizations I’ve ever been a part of. My MBA prep class is filled with impressively talented, accomplished and fun black and brown folks. I’m forever grateful for the experience I’ve had with you amazing people #BosslandAwaits #CoachJTaughtMe 15. I dated a man with whom things just seemed to click naturally. He was honest, funny, caring, and NOT petty(lol). I believe we both brought out a side of each other that those around us had never seen, and for that I’m thankful. Although this kind of puppy love is exciting and heart-warming it is often times short-lived 16. Chance the Rapper was my favorite artist of the year. He has a God given talent and I pray he never stops shining his light    17. Noise canceling headphones are the best thing to ever happen to a New Yorker who enjoys a quiet commute to and from work. #ThankYouBose 18. I believe in every single one of my friends wholeheartedly and am proud to say that I’m surrounded by incredible people who I am 100% certain will be the industry leaders of tomorrow #WholeTeamWinning 19. Fellas..When I love, I love DEEP and can be a bit crazy at times. Enter at your own risk. *evil smile* 20. But I’m hella fun and you’d have amazing life experiences with me lol 21. I should’ve bought Bitcoins back in the day when I kept telling people to invest. Note to self: Heed your own advice  22. Emotional Labor is real 23. Black women are Dope! 24. People who don’t fit the description in the above comment should NOT take offense to that. I’m sure you’re all amazing as well, I just think that this group of individuals needs to hear it more often. 25. When Isi tells you to wear a life jacket, DO IT!!! Thanks again for saving me from drowning off the coast of San Andres into the Caribbean Sea :-*  26. 🗣Life is too short to waste time dealing with fickle people  27. This scripture single-handedly helped me fight against all the angst I felt while applying to business schools:  “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus” - Philippians 4: 6-7 28. I find it terribly rude when people don’t return phone calls or texts. Like I know you saw my message, the least you could do is say “ok” lol.  #PetPeeves 29. I held up an Uhaul distribution center over a disagreement and went on a twitter rant the next morning; Probably the most gangsta moment of my life, and a great showcase of my millennial sense of entitlement #SorryNotSorry 30. Everyone should engage in the self reflective, soul searching elements of the business school application process: it’s always necessary to press pause on life and take an inventory on where you are and where you say you’d like to be in the future  31. Bikram yoga was one of my favorite practices of the year. I always left feeling empowered and rejuvenated 32. I find inspiration in almost everyone I come in contact with. I’m amazed by people’s stories and wish we could publicly recognize everyday people more often. Low key, I wish I could meet every person in the world.  33. In hindsight, not getting my promotion at work in 2016 was the wake up call I needed to grab a hold of my life 34. I would love to work for Bain & Company in 2 years #SpeakingItIntoExistence 35. All Men Are Trash!!!!!!! 36. Good guys of the world, don’t take offense to the previous statement but with the rise of this #MeToo movement it’s become so apparent how many men impose their hypermasculinity upon us women (ie. inappropriate touching, unsolicited peen pics, street harassment etc.)  37. Barbados might actually be paradise, and it took me 26 years and a vacation with my friend to realize it. Moral of the story: some of the greatest treasures in life might be right in front of your eyes, you just need the right circumstance to help you see it  38. I love to see people smiling and enjoying nice hardy laughs 39. I tried Ramen for the first time this year and it blew my mind!!!! Gotta go to Japan ASAP! 40. Never trust when a man says “I can’t” because when he says I can’t, he ain’t a man. Okay maybe I stole this from Love & Basketball, but I’ve learned it’s so true though! lol   41. I want my next relationship to be God-centered. Period 42. Moving to Harlem has been incredible!! I love the culture, communal harmony and overall liveliness of the area. I can only imagine what the place was like during the Harlem Renaissance #RespectTheCulture 43. This year I limited my traveling to save money and focus on the GMAT, but I still was able to sneak in a few new cities: Budapest(Hungary), Salzbergen(Germany),Medellin(Colombia), Albuquerque, Tulsa and Greenville!  44. One of the best things about moving back to NY is being able to minister  at my home church again, as the resident saxophonist. I feel so much more fulfilled on Sunday mornings 45. This year i was determined to rid myself of gossip, idle talk, & foul language. I’m hoping to speak peace and prosperity into people’s life from now on #BuildingABetterMe 46. In a relationship, “women cannot go backwards in lifestyle” . Chris Rock taught me… 47. God has been too good to me to just sit on my gifts and talents. Laziness is far from Godliness. Disclaimer: This is not a direct quote from the Bible, just my own interpretation haha 48. This year I tried to be very intentional about the words I speak to myself and others. These days I find it’s so easy to say empty words, make & break promises and to be a “yes woman”. I’m hoping to be more genuine and true to my heart from now on 49. I’ve tried dating apps for a bit this year, and still think there’s nothing like meeting someone organically in a cafe or at a nice bashment. However, I can say there are some gems that are so hidden that you need to mine for them electronically ;-) #CoffeeMeetsBagel 50. By God’s Grace I was accepted into all 3 business schools that I applied to. Next year I’ll either be moving to Boston, Philly or Chicago. See you later NYC, I’ll be back in no time :) #WontHeDoIT

Thanks for listening. Peace n Love 

Kaila