#froggy's chronic bullshit

[awesomefroggy]

Sometimes I sit here and I can feel myself losing braincells to just how frequently I get migraines. It's fine I didn't need to think anyway

[awesomefroggy]

Them: Oh man! You left your job? What have you been up to?

What I want to say: being too tired to complete basic chores, can really only comfortably leave the house like twice a week, getting to pick one floor of my house to exist on for the whole day, am so chronically nauseous that two applesauce pouches and some cookies is an accomplishment some days, hopping between therapy and physical therapy and still trying to see irl friends, resetting joints and stretching muscles that hurt too much to do the physical therapy, feeling really guilty listening to all the stuff anyone else is accomplishing in a day, trying to distract myself with a million creative projects that I will inevitably get too tired to finish...

What I actually say: Oh! Y'know, taking some time to slow down, do housework, all that good stuff. I've started a couple of art projects, wanna see?

[awesomefroggy]

I'm back to feeling bad about whining about how much I hurt but also my Everything is exacerbated and I'm tired and cranky and sad

[awesomefroggy]

*flops to the floor because body has decided to not support anything*

[awesomefroggy]

I do hate when the They are right and most of my issue is dehydration. Oops.

[awesomefroggy]

me: oh boy! I'm so excited to start climbing again! It felt really good and it was super great and my pt was really proud of me for it!

also me: *dislocates my shoulder two weeks later trying to shove a too big couch upstairs*

me: ... fuck

[awesomefroggy]

Generally I'm pretty numb and nonchalant about having hEDS, and I'm very good at getting mad at myself for not doing enough or not doing better, and then I have to explain parts of my condition to someone new and say things like "I need to use kinesio tape on my neck because my tendons are too weak to hold my head up properly" and I'm like ohh right, this is fucked, this is a fucked up thing I have, oops

[awesomefroggy]

New level of chronic bullshit unlocked: actually bedbound. Can't stand up or walk on my own. Sitting up is so hard. Napping and migraine meds helped the brain fog, but I cannot do much more than rotisserie around in bed and try to hydrate and snack. Fuck

[awesomefroggy]

This new migraine med is an absolute lifesaver. The complete difference it makes in my ability to be a functional human being is enormous. There's so many more things to get under control, but I'll happily take the victory

[awesomefroggy]

Today's self care is building myself a pillow nest on the couch surrounded by snacks and various entertainment things and then not fucking moving because if I so much as blink I'm going to sublux/dislocate something

(pay no attention to the now fucked up entire right side of my body. Sometimes sacrifices must be made. Besides, I think ankles are supposed to look like that)

[awesomefroggy]

Friend: Hey, how was it?

Me: Oh, it wasn't too bad at all! *proceeds to tell you the worst fucking thing you've ever heard*

[awesomefroggy]

I got to climb for a good long time tonight. No rush to be anywhere. No pressure to save strength for more different exercises. No anxiety about being up on the boulder and missing an important call. Body in a relatively good place for doing so despite a small head cold and a blood pressure drop earlier in the day.

And I warmed up on a totally new, very puzzling problem I'm excited to work on. And I flashed a v1. And I kept working on the v2 overhang that I've been struggling on, and a person who'd struck up small talk with me about my hair taught me how to heel hook (and my hip stayed in place while I did it!!!). AND I got higher than ever on an auto-belay route than I've ever lasted. And the kicker?? I was hydrated enough to break a sweat.

It just feels good. It's nice to get to work out a bad day. And it's so nice that using my body feels good. I've missed it.

[awesomefroggy]

Chronic bullshit is bullshit. Therapy and three small errands should not make me feel like I need a two hour nap

[awesomefroggy]

Today's homebody challenge is to eat three meals and finish this book club book in time. So far we're 2/2 on meals, we'll see how the book goes.

Sudden storm last night made the temperature plummet by like 25° in the span of nearly 10 mins (then bounced back up as soon as the rain was done) and the body sure is rioting. The joints and the fibro and the migraines (which my app informed me I'd been free of for two blissful weeks) flared immediately. I had my first actual fall last night trying to go upstairs to bed as my hip entirely gave out. But instead of having to go to work, having to haul a wheelchair out with shaky limbs, having to paste on a smile as my hands and thighs tremble– instead of all of that, I woke up at a good time. Took the morning super slow. Got all of my meds. Did some good stretches and got some muscles to relax even if I did sublux a finger doing it. And now I'm propped up on many pillows reading a very good book and eating pizza rolls.

It's so weird. But it's so nice.

[awesomefroggy]

i am very tired of being big and brave i would like to be smol and scared now pls

[awesomefroggy]

Sitting in the ER is BORING 😭