#fuck el Dean Funes

[fan-de-las-tetas]

I dream about you sometimes. Did you know? I dream about you, about your chocolate eyes looking at me, about your curly hair where my hands belong, about your body against mine, about your laugh, about your stories. I dream about you.

And of course you don't know. you couldn't, i dont let you know. it would kill me.

of course you dont know, because the reason i dream about you is because i dream of apologizing, i dream of you standing tall above me, i dream of you looking me softly and telling me that theres nothing to forgive, i dream of you looking me with rage telling me to go fuck myself, i dream of you and you yell at me, you slap me, you hate me, you stomp away in a fury and you never come back. i dream of you and you kiss me, slowly, passionate, you hug me, love, forgiveness, you and i are on my couch, you and i are together, we are boyfriends.

i still use your boxers as shorts, i still use your t shirt as my pajama, even though i say it will be the last time, right before doing it once again.

three little words dance and die in my throat every time i think of you.

but even though i feel like dying inside, craving, yearning, pining for your touch, i will not call you, i will not text you, i can't. i swear i can't.

because if i do then i might as well indulge in you, if i do then i will get to feel your lips against mine again, i will get to hear your crazy stories, i will get to put my head on your shoulders and smell you, to know you're real. and then i would kiss you and i would want to indulge some more and maybe... fall in love.

and i can't do that, i swore i wouldn't. i swore it when i saw my heart ripped off my chest, bleeding while i saw someone whose name does not belong to them anymore walk out. i swore i wouldn't when three words had the capacity of tearing my heart apart again, the stitches carefully done being ripped by a hug, by a kiss.

and i can't do that to myself, im running out of thread, im running out of space, im running out of tears.

and until i figure it all out, i'll still dream of you, and you won't know. i won't ever let you get close enough to know again.