#i fucking hate to fall in love

[fan-de-las-tetas]

I dream about you sometimes. Did you know? I dream about you, about your chocolate eyes looking at me, about your curly hair where my hands belong, about your body against mine, about your laugh, about your stories. I dream about you.

And of course you don't know. you couldn't, i dont let you know. it would kill me.

of course you dont know, because the reason i dream about you is because i dream of apologizing, i dream of you standing tall above me, i dream of you looking me softly and telling me that theres nothing to forgive, i dream of you looking me with rage telling me to go fuck myself, i dream of you and you yell at me, you slap me, you hate me, you stomp away in a fury and you never come back. i dream of you and you kiss me, slowly, passionate, you hug me, love, forgiveness, you and i are on my couch, you and i are together, we are boyfriends.

i still use your boxers as shorts, i still use your t shirt as my pajama, even though i say it will be the last time, right before doing it once again.

three little words dance and die in my throat every time i think of you.

but even though i feel like dying inside, craving, yearning, pining for your touch, i will not call you, i will not text you, i can't. i swear i can't.

because if i do then i might as well indulge in you, if i do then i will get to feel your lips against mine again, i will get to hear your crazy stories, i will get to put my head on your shoulders and smell you, to know you're real. and then i would kiss you and i would want to indulge some more and maybe... fall in love.

and i can't do that, i swore i wouldn't. i swore it when i saw my heart ripped off my chest, bleeding while i saw someone whose name does not belong to them anymore walk out. i swore i wouldn't when three words had the capacity of tearing my heart apart again, the stitches carefully done being ripped by a hug, by a kiss.

and i can't do that to myself, im running out of thread, im running out of space, im running out of tears.

and until i figure it all out, i'll still dream of you, and you won't know. i won't ever let you get close enough to know again.

[hypertechnica]

THE LOVE TRIANGLE

ford, fidds, and bill are living in a late 70s/early 80s sci fi psychological horror film that was buried upon release due to its explicit gay themes but quickly became an underground cult hit

numerous associations would decry its depiction of homoeroticism between its principal characters, but nobody could deny the surrealist film had its merit. “it’s like someone concocted an unholy combination between the shining and space odyssey and then died of the instantaneous nuclear fallout. why would anyone make this? are they stupid?” one reviewer said.

more alternates + sketch under the cut

[pinacoladamatata]

blink and you'll miss it moments around skyhold....

[aroaceleovaldez]

Nico and Percy's dynamic through the series is eternally funny to me, because it's just. like.

Percy's having a constant mental struggle between his fatal flaw of loyalty with a promise he made to Bianca to protect Nico, versus his Big 3 kid desire to maim other Big 3 kids / Poseidon descendant urge to totally maim Nico specifically. He hates Nico so so much. He thinks Nico's annoying and weird at best, and creepy/sketchy when he's older. The only positive thoughts Percy has towards Nico are "He's Bianca's brother and Bianca was my friend and I owe her/He's Hazel's brother and Hazel is my friend and would kill me if I was mean to him," "He's a powerful asset and useful ally (if questionable)," and "He's kinda pathetic and I feel maybe a little bad about it." Percy has multiple occasions throughout the series where he strongly considers - and on one occasionally actually goes through with - throttling Nico.

Meanwhile, Nico is following around Percy like a lost puppy. He explicitly can never bring himself to even dislike anything about Percy no matter how hard he tries. He has a whole bit in BoO where he's mentally going "UGH he's so stupid BUT IT'S ENDEARING HOW DARE HE." He's totally smitten. He's making deals with his dad for Percy. He's making convoluted plans to help Percy stand a chance against Kronos. During the entirety of BoTL it's like he's playing tsundere - "I'm helping NOT PERCY SPECIFICALLY with this quest! Me helping Percy would be SILLY because I DEFINITELY HATE HIM." Then he proceeds to show up to Percy's birthday party to basically ask him on a weird date and spend the entire next book scrambling around trying to help him or protect him or impress him. And Percy could not give less of a shit.

Just. That dynamic is so funny to me. Percy is the founder of the Nico Protection Club in that he's the one they're all protecting Nico from and meanwhile Nico is throwing himself at Percy to the point where the literal god of gay love calls him out on it.

[alevens]

zolu is maybe one of the easiest ships i've ever liked. they're dating, except when they're not, they're best friends even when they're kissing and they're still captain and first mate when they aren't. they hold hands, they hug. they have sex. they don't.

Luffy can hold Zoro's katanas and Zoro can hold Luffy's strawhat and no one bats an eye. one says "You're so cool!" and the other says "You're strong" and it's just another way to say "I see you, this is why I follow you/this is why I trust you". it's not seeing each other for a long time and still knowing how the other's steps sound like against wood and sand. the captain runs and the first mate follows. it's always "Zoro and the others" and "Where's Luffy?"

if they're just friends, if they're something more, if they don't have a label for it, at its core, it's just about how they get each other. they understand how the other's mind works. however you view them, it doesn't erase they fact that they love each other in a way they don't love other people.

[skydaemon]

alecto the ninth is just gonna be harrowhark nonagesimus and the bad bitches she pulled by being swagless and insane

[ohplasticheart]

I'm not sure

[i-eat-mold]

Obsessed with dazai chatacter analyses that view him as a constant cry for help especially in his mafia years. His first few years in the mafia or in general after being taken in by mori are just a constant chain of actions taken as a desperate cry for help, to be seen and helped and at the same time he’s pushing everyone away. Then later on when he’s reaching the end of his time in the mafia during his mid-late teens he seems to have taken in the fact that no one’s just gonna go and help him, so his actions are less dramatic in that way. And then Oda. And chuuya. God I have Thoughts on all of this. But general takeaway about dazai in his early teens is that he was just a kid alone in a cold container and alienated by every adult in his life who probably needs a hug.

This said I stand my ground that he is an absolute piece of shit and I hate him more than anything else in the world

[phoenixkaptain]

Novel A New Hope Vader is my favourite Vader (so far) because he Is Anakin, he is everything Anakin is set up to be. He is intimidating, he is overwhelming, standing next to him feels like standing next to a black hole, he is-

The biggest little shit in the entire galaxy.

You canNOT convince me that he didn’t say half his lines with a shit-eating smirk. He is awful to be around, he is the worst person to ever exist, he is SO annoying.

And Novel Vader is so Anakin because the book can give us details the movie can’t. The book gives us the author’s choice of wording, the way the author intended the scenes to be, and Vader is such a little shit almost constantly but my FAVOURITE will always be when Tagge talks back to him about the Force, saying it isn’t as powerful or scary as he makes it out to be and Vader just-

“I find,” Vader ventured mildly, “this lack of faith to be disturbing.”

-the WORD CHOICE. The fucking WORDS chosen.

“Ventured”??? “Mildly”??? He is CHOKING this man!!! This man is DYING!! He is being such a little shit right now, this is it. This is the Him, this is Anakin Skywalker right here. He is using unnecessary force and being a bitch about it and there will never be anything that so perfectly encapsulates Anakin Skywalker than this fucking scene in this fucking novel.

On the topic and as a brief aside, the novel is what makes me think that Leia was planned to be Vader’s kid, or at least a narrative mirror to Vader, right from the start. She is also such an Anakin.

“Darth Vader… I should have known. Only you would be so bold— and so stupid.”

She just… also. Encapsulates Anakin. Like. Yeah. Yeah, this is what he could have been. He could have been a terrifying figure that people rallied behind. He is loyal to the death, as is Leia. She spits on Darth Vader while he’s having her dragged away. She mocks him to his face. This is the character that the Anakin Skywalker of future movies mimics. Her passion, her anger, her being a little shit and insisting throughout everything that it WAS a diplomatic vessel and they WERE on a diplomatic mission.

Leia is the first character to face down Vader in this novel and not show fear. She is the first character who refuses to submit in the face of the scariest guy in the galaxy. She continues to refuse to submit. She’s just. A great fucking liar.

Leia puts all her trust, her very life and the sake of the entire rebellion she’s fighting for, in a droid. An astromech droid. She begs for them to take the droid further, not for them to find her. She’s willing to die, and she trusts her death will not be in vain because she trusts a droid.

And that, if nothing else, is all the proof needed that Leia is what Anakin could have been.

[wintergrofyuri]

to me izutsumi is like the king's personal assassin/bodyguard but only if she's there and if she feels like it. kabru has figured this out and is a master at getting her to help with laios' safety. but he also just points her to random ppl sometimes and goes "you have my permission to rough that guy up" and she's like oh fuck yeah. a random nobleman is like "that BEAST attacked me" and kabru just goes "sorry :( do you want a kiss for your booboo" while izutsumi stands (read: hides) behind him nonchalantly licking the blood off her claws.

like this

he also does not tolerate randos dehumanizing her or otherwise being extremely rude. he's always ready with that "lady izutsumi is a friend to the crown and you would do well to remember your manners as a guest" speech. shes always like "lady.. waow..". and then he drinks an entire glass of wine in one gulp and gives her stuff off his plate he doesnt wanna eat (laios keeps shoving food in his hands and hes very appreciative but theres no way hes eating all these damn hors d'oeuvres).

[redhedwitch]

shipping the first man and the devil has literally ruined my life. it’s currently impossible for me to think about anything or anyone else.

[poppy-metal]

kinda want shitty!boyfriend patrick to meet villian!reader and they just become this cyclone of toxicity just horrible people who have such cataclysmic sexual energy between them it blows up everyone else around them thats close. like - patrick being in a relationship and hes not the greatest boyfriend but hes not the worst, either. yet. you coming along and because you have a problem with the girl patrick is dating you seduce him at a party that they came to together. 'seduce' being a strong word, because all it took was for you to meet his eyes as you walked up the staircase and he was on your trail.

and it should throw him off that when you pull him close you say, "im only doing this because i think your girlfriends a fucking bitch who can be taken down a peg or two. she doesn't get to have a boyfriend who's loyal and has a big dick" it should. but he just grins and licks hotly into your mouth. he wasn't really planning on dating her that long anyway. if the inevitable breakup was bound to happen -burried balls deep in the hottest girl he's seen in awhile, maybe ever - is a pretty fucking fine way of doing it in his eyes.

"you think i have a big dick?"

"i dunno, zweig. why dont you show me."

[hamartia-grander]

No but Astarion wanting to be valued for more than sex and seen for something that's not just sex regardless of who romances him and Wyll wanting a chaste and genuine romance with sincere and committed courtship with no sex regardless of who romances him is insaneeeeee. I know everyone's talked about this before but everytime I stop to think about it I lose my mind. They couldn't be more narratively bound I'm clawing at the bars of my cage

[butterflysonnets]

yes i'm rooting for m*leven breakup because byler is neat but mostly? i'm rooting for m*leven breakup for the sake of el and mike.

to me, their romance was always a puppy love born out of a combination of social pressures, naïve curiosity, and a lack of true understanding regarding intimacy and romantic love and what it really is. it was real in that they do truly, deeply care about each other and they are close friends, maybe even shared an attraction, but a maturing romance is so much more than that. they've grown up and out of being boyfriend/girlfriend, and that's okay! i think television/film needs to show more often that most of us don't have definite "soulmates" or first childhood loves that we spend our whole lives with. it doesn't mean these relationships meant nothing and didn't impact us, it just means they've run their course and that something else is in the cards, and this is part of life!

i've always felt el was at her best and most confident self when broken up with mike, discovering who she was and what she liked alongside another girl her age instead of just relying on mike for mentorship on how to live in the real world. she deserves more of an opportunity to find herself, her autonomy, and her independence, and to love who she is, and she's made it clear she's felt insecure in the relationship with mike because she isn't being loved and understood the way she wants, needs, and deserves from someone who is her partner.

also, it's okay if mike doesn't love her in "the way he should". he is not obligated to love her romantically and stay in a relationship with her just because she's a girl, because she "needed someone", or because he cares about her a lot. he shouldn't be pressured into a romance if it's not truly coming from his heart. he deserves freedom to find out and honour who he is, too, instead of just staying in his non-functional first relationship — one he got into as a child, essentially — and defining himself that way because it's what's expected when a boy and a girl are close. he loves her in some way, yes, but it's okay if he doesn't feel comfortable or secure being her boyfriend anymore, for whatever reason that is. he's felt insecure too, and that's valid and it matters.

they are their own people and are steadily growing and changing every day. they need time to figure out who those people are, and it's become clear (at least in my opinion) that those people aren't meant to be a couple at this stage.

they deserve freedom. they deserve to grow up and be authentic to themselves and not feel like they need to lie for the sake of a relationship. they deserve to move on from this version of their relationship that isn't making them happy and rekindle the best part of their bond: their strong, beautiful friendship. they don't have to be a couple if it doesn't make them stronger and better and happier people.

i think it would be healthy and wonderful for a show, especially one consumed frequently by young adults, to show a relationship starting, progressing, and ending on good terms in this way. sometimes things don't work out, and that is okay.

[danielleargentino]

farewell, my shooting star

[mychlapci]

fact: this blog is completely and unapologetically weird little girl positive