#funny saying that bcs literally for the past two consecutive years i lost smth important to me in november
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november huh
#🌙.vent#i think this'll be the last vent here i'm gna fix my life#yk if october was a time of change for me#november is. of an end#funny saying that bcs literally for the past two consecutive years i lost smth important to me in november#i'm not sure what else i'll do so i suppose i might as well force myself better#or something like that#i faintly feel a part of me#in pain.#i don't want to do anything i'll regret but i already have so much regrets thet it burdens me so much#but i need to do better. for my future#for something better than the past#i can tolerate feeling empty if its for the sake of productivity & success i suppose#i'm not sure what else to say my mind is blank. it's 4 am i should sleep#i quite don't know what to do anymore but i'll handle this. i'll manage someway somehow#the past is repeating but with different circumstances. it.... hurts.#but i'm fine. i will be fine.#i have to be. i don't know what to do anymore so i might as well just. yeah. whatever#maybe instead of losing a friend i'll lose part of myself instead. this november#i'm saying nonsense smh#i guess this is goodbye for this part of me then. i'll fix myself and return better#i think this is my current breaking point but i don't mind anymore#i'll surely be fine. i'm fine.#i just want this to end. sigh i'll hide i'll just hide every part of myself from now on i'm too tired goodbye goodnight#i don't want to do anymore it's both overwhelming on hope and despair it's been too much for me lately and i'm so tired.#i hate. loneliness and despair so much. sob listening to ffxiv makes me happy but. the pain of my regrets r so overwhelming#hopelessly stuck between hope and despair huh. past and future. real or fake? alive or dead? i can't go on overwhelmed like this.
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