#fweh fweh late again but still on the right day!

[mattibee-portfolio]

Flora of July: Lavender

Smell: nice, Color: rad, Flower: t o p  n o t c h

[writer-and-artist27]

The Start of Something Else

Written late at night to flesh out an idea originally encouraged by @owlsofstarlight and inspired by CYB 81. I don’t know when this’d take place in S&S, probably before October Tenth where things go to shit, but it’s been something.

A final send-off, I suppose, to my old crush on @langwrites. Because I still love her, but not in that way. She’s my best friend and one of my greatest friends ever, and nothing more, nothing less. Friend is honestly the best title I can give. Kei and Tomo are the same.

Please go along and play Tomo He from Cardcaptor Sakura for the second half of this piece. Since I find that the song is beautiful and fitting, more so when looking at the translated lyrics.

“So, are you two dating?”

The question was completely out of the blue, and to be honest, not expected in the slightest. Kei had tensed first with the way her shoulders stood, and my feet were already freezing in my sandals as it took all I had to swivel my head back towards the person who had asked. It seemed to be a curious civilian I hadn’t seen around the cafe before, her brown eyes earnest as she leaned in to look at us. Curtains matched the eyes with her tied-back curly brown hair too. In a ponytail. The only things keeping her away from Hisako’s exact appearance (specifically of my past self) was the obvious Japanese-inspired clothing that Konoha had as a standard, the curly ends of said ponytail, and a lack of glasses.

Hisako, though…

Did she seriously ask that? My Nobody was raising Oblivion like a hammer as her jaw clenched. Did this person seriously ask that?! While you two are hanging out!? THE NERVE!

At least she was expressing it better than me when it came to the brutal side of honesty.

“Um,” I started, feeling my voice crack. “Not to be rude, but uh. Wh-What brought that on, if I could ask?”

“It’s because you two always walk together!” the girl didn’t even seem deterred, leaning in enough to burst some kind of bubble with the sparkles in her eyes. Earnest, sure, but to be on the receiving end of that… “And the way you two talk so openly, with the hugs! It’s so cute!”

“Um,” my face was already starting to feel hot, because what. We were already attracting a crowd from the girl’s loud voice, and this entire scene being out in public daylight did not stop the sudden marathon my heart was riding on. “Th-Thank you?” It came out as an unsure squeak than anything else. “But, um.”

The wayward stares were painful.

Why couldn’t I say anything. Why couldn’t I say anything.

Why couldn’t my heart stop, whycouldn’tmyheartstop—

“Hey, about that.”

Thank god for Kei.

“Sorry to rain down on your train, ma’am,” she said coolly, arms crossed while turning back to face the road in front of us. “But we’re not in that kind of relationship. Tomo and I have been childhood friends, and she’s still my best friend now. Nothing else to share.” An arm went around my shoulders, and my breath hitched as soon as my feet were moving again. Kei was — she was pushing me forward. “Now, if you’ll excuse us, we’ll be leaving.”

She was helping me get out of the situation. Of course.

Hisako stayed silent, letting out a single sigh of relief.

“Huh?” A pause. “W-Wait, I still have a question!” the girl yelled after us, the gravel scratchy in sound as she took a few quick steps forward. She was still going on about this? Even though she wasn’t even bothering to introduce herself? “Are you two really not dating?!”

A single second was all it took. My best friend turned her head.

“No,” Kei said flatly. “Now mind your own business.”

And with one more push, we were walking out of the crowd, and I just had the smallest sliver of time to look back and mouth an apology, bowing my head apologetically. Judging by Kei’s grip, she wasn’t planning on letting go anytime soon, at least until we got out of the situation without any stragglers, so all I could catch was the girl’s shocked brown eyes before getting pulled away.

“Fucking hell,” Kei muttered, and my mouth still felt dry as soon as the familiar visage of Nagareboshi Cafe loomed in the distance. “What kind of question was that? Out in public too, just when we were walking to fucking relax…” she trailed off, and it only vaguely registered in my head that she was giving me a confused side-eye. “Tomo?”

When did I stop breathing?

Better question. When did I stop responding? Why was my heart still—

Lub-dub, lub-dub, lub-dub.

I put a hand to my chest, over my Wayfinder necklace to squeeze. I ended up taking up some part of the front of my dress, but the grip was comforting. Relieving.

The hand on my shoulders squeezed too. “Tomo-chan?” The gruff voice from before was gone, exchanged for the softness that I already knew as something safe.

Kei was always someone safe.

I took in what felt like my first breath this entire afternoon before looking up at Kei apologetically. “I-I’m sorry. Thinking. Or, something.” The smile on my face felt forced this time as I instinctively shrugged my shoulders, my Wayfinder still clutched in-between my fingers. “I’m sorry.” There wasn’t anything else to say but that.

“Tomo, what are you apologizing for?” Kei said incredulously, eyes wide. “You didn’t do anything — Oh.” The realization was quick, probably because of the mess my chakra was making right now. The controls weren’t even in hand now because of my heart beating so hard. She immediately pulled me into the cafe, walking past all the customers and the hubbub before opening the backdoor that led to the stairs up to the place I knew as home, closing the door behind us without too much trouble. “Hey, Tomo, you don’t have to overthink it. We can talk about it. It might help.”

That sounds nice. Hisako said softly. She gave me a nudge. Go on, Tomoko-chan.

“Fweh,” was the little noise that left my throat, because now my heart was beating again, I was nervous again, and I didn’t want to mess up again. This was starting to sound like something else I remembered, and the last time—

“What?”

That last time, I never saw Ty ever again.

“Just, Kei, I…” I gulped, ducking my head, because making eye contact with her would be hard, and the way my heart was going was not a good sign. This was starting to look like that day all over again, and I hated it. I hated me. “It’s hard to talk right now, and… and I don’t want to make you feel bad. Or just ruin things. I… I’m scared.”

Tears were already starting to come up to my eyes with the snot budding in my nose.

“What did you just say?”

The parallels were too much. My heart was too much.

Kei took a breath, and the hand lifted itself off my shoulders. A few steps was all it took, and then I could see the front of her green flak jacket. “Tomoko. You can talk to me about anything. There’s nothing to be scared of. At least, I hope so.” She paused before reaching over, and I tried not to jolt when the same hand from before reached over to squeeze my right shoulder. “If I can, I can kinda poke at things and you can tell me when I can shut up.”

What.

What? “N-No, Kei, it’s not—” the protest was already dying on my lips as soon as I raised my head and made eye contact, and the heat was coming back. Everything was coming back. The warmth, the pain, the dryness. All of it. “You… you don’t have to do that. I-I can talk. Or try. I have to. I—”

The first tear slid down my cheek and fell to the floor before I could finish my sentence.

“Tomoko.” Kei’s voice was still soft, this time tinged with shock as the hand around my shoulder wound around and my cheek was resting on her shoulder. “It’s all right. You don’t have to push yourself. It’s okay.”

No, no, nonono, it’s not—

My arms were limp against my sides. Why couldn’t I move, why couldn’t I be better— “You’re… you’re not going to ask?”

“I could guess,” Kei said instead, still hugging me even when I wasn’t responding like I should’ve been. “But I wasn’t going to. It’s all up to you, Tomo. Your problems are yours, and if you don’t want to say them, I wasn’t gonna pry.”

Still saying my nickname like that. I didn’t deserve her. I didn’t deserve her at all. A weak chuckle left my lips. “Y-You know me. I’m the worrywart. I can’t help it. I’ve had a lot of people try to pry… back then.”

Kei was already guiding me towards the staircase so that we could sit down at the steps, nodding quietly. “‘S why I said I wasn’t going to pry. But I can listen too, if you want.”

The girl’s question from before was still echoing in my head. “Dating”... was that really how things were always going to turn out? That same question, even when…

“I’d go to hell and back, just for you. I love you, Vy.”

My mind couldn’t forget Leo, so then why did my heart…

Lub-dub, lub-dub, lub-dub, lub-dub.

“I’m sorry, Kei.” The next tear slid down my face, and I reached up to wipe at my eyes before it could escalate into a waterfall. “I’m so sorry. F-For making it awkward. For feeling like this. That…” I gulped a breath as soon as Hisako raised a small sign saying, You can do it. There was no turning back. “What happened earlier, I-I’m glad that you stood up for both of us, y’know? For doing that. I-I don’t think I would’ve been able to.”

Kei sighed before nodding, squeezing my shoulders all over again. “That lady was just fucking rude. But I’m guessing that’s not the only thing?”

I clutched my Wayfinder a bit harder. “Y-Yeah. Because, when she asked, ‘are we dating…’ for some reason, a small part of me hoped it was true.” My mouth was moving without me willing it anymore. “And I know it’s not, I know you’re not into that, but for some reason, my heart’s been beating harder, I don’t know what to do anymore, and there’s the fact that I—” the tears were coming back with a vengeance. “I left Leo all alone. And I don’t feel like, like I-I deserve feeling like this. Like I deserve you.”

I said it. I freakin’ said it.

“I-I, I just,” my voice was cracking. “I don’t know. I still love you, Kei, but I never fully saw you in that way. We’ve been together for so long, it just became natural to say. To express. And, the way she said it, like that, it just made me feel so…” the tears were starting to trickle down onto my necklace. Unsure, conflicted, worried. Detestable. “I don’t know. I’m just scared, of losing you. Because of this shit.” The sob was already close to tearing itself out of my throat and emerging into the world. “Because past me lost people from it before.”

Because I pushed Ty away. Because I died and left Leo all alone to suffer.

Kei was silent the entire time I rambled, the only indication she was listening being the hand still wrapped around my shoulders. I wasn’t expecting to be pulled close all over again like when we were kids, a cheek gently landing on top of my head. “You’re not going to lose me. Ever. For the other stuff...” Kei paused, contemplating. “I don’t know, Tomoko. I’m sorry I don’t have a better answer for you. My brain doesn’t work that way, and I’ve never fallen in love before, here and back then.”

I didn’t even know where the curiosity came from until it was already seeping into my voice. “R-Really?”

The hand on my shoulders moved upwards to gently rest on the side of my head. “Yeah. Crushes, sure, but not love. So I can’t fully sympathize with what you went through, as Vy.” Kei made a small noise in the back of her throat, something between a huff and a hum, as she started brushing through my hair. “But I’m not going to tell you to stop caring. Or to stop being you. It’s not about whether you ‘deserve’ something or not. Whatever happened back then, I get that it hurts, but you’re not just Vy anymore. You’re Tomoko, the pianist who played Kingdom Hearts music for a brat that needed a friend.”

The beginnings of a laugh replaced the sob in my throat as soon as the memory was said and done with. “References? Now?”

“There’s no better time but now, Tomo.” I could even hear the smirk in her voice. “But hey. I get it. I… I can’t love anyone like that yet, but you being there, the way you are, it makes me glad to have you.” She paused before adding a quiet, “I can guess what I’d be like alone, which is why I’m so thankful.”

The relief was sudden. It was warm and cold and sudden, and I felt like I was going to burst from how much my heart was expanding to fill my ribcage. “You… you really mean that? You don’t mind?”

“We’re not going to stop being friends just because someone couldn’t keep their mouth shut, Tomo.” As if to emphasize it, Kei bonked my head with her cheek. Ow. “We promised, after that first nightmare in the Academy Days, remember?”

Of course. Of freakin’ course. “I-I wouldn’t forget that… I was crying like an elephant that day.” But the laughter was real, and Kei was grinning too, from what I could tell of our close proximity. “I’m sorry for ruining your clothes with so much snot and tears.”

“Eh,” Kei waved it off with her free hand. “It comes with being friends.” She paused before slowly standing up from the stairs, stretching. “Welp.” With one hand in her nearest pocket, it did not take long for her to pull out a handkerchief, turning around to promptly offer it in my direction. “For cleaning up?”

Dork, Hisako said softly.

I took it, wiping at the waterfalls before they could grow anymore. The smile this time was wobbly, but still real. “D-Dork.”

“I’m a born dork, Tomo.” She paused before kneeling down to my sitting height. The glint in her black eyes was something I couldn’t put a finger to, but it was at least warm. Understanding. “But hey. Do you feel better now?”

Judging by how much my cheeks were starting to hurt? Yes. “Yeah, yeah.”

The smile on her face dropped for a hesitant frown. “I’m sorry, Tomo. Again.”

Shaking my head was natural. It wasn’t her fault at all. It was just my anxiety. All over again. A soft, tired giggle left me instead. “It’s fine. But, Kei?”

“Yeah?” she inclined her head, cowlicks batting her cheeks all the while. “What is it?”

I wiped at my face one last time before folding up the handkerchief to place onto the stairs. Then, out of some kind of childish instinct or what have you, I opened my arms in her direction. “C-Could I get a hug? Just a big, big hug.” Those same black eyes widened, and the heat was coming back to my cheeks this time, but I continued on. Clarification was necessary. “Carrying is okay too. I… I just want to feel a hug. Encompassing, friendly, snuggly. Like, like when we were kids.”

It took one second. “Goof. You don’t even have to ask.” My best friend then smiled, rolled her eyes, and reached over.

Kei didn’t even hesitate in lifting me up by the waist to squeeze in what could’ve been the tightest hug in existence. I could feel my ribs creak to the point of bumping with each other, but my sandals weren’t touching the floor, the grip was firm, and my best friend was hugging me. I reached over to wrap my arms around her neck, resting my cheek atop her hitai-ite bandana.

Ink and mochi. The same scent.

This was how it started, and this was how I was hoping it was always going to be.

“Hey, Kei?”

She hummed softly. “Yeah?”

The last question left my lips naturally, with no crack in my voice. “It’s okay to be happy with friends, right? Without romance?”

A single pause. Kei proceeded to put me back down onto the ground, but didn’t let go of the hug, bumping the side of my head with her cheek. “Yeah,” she said, voice still soft. “It is.”

For the first time that afternoon, I could faintly hear the notes behind Kairi’s Theme as a true, steadier smile covered my face. I couldn’t help but hug back tighter.

It finally felt like something changed for the better.