#gabriel has a direct connection to that so hes gonna be feeling lots more guilt and regret

[noahtally-famous]

made a 16-slide presentation for gabriel jha, i spent three days back to back on this (and planning out the fic that takes place before, during, and after tdpi that's centric around his and dave's brotherly bond, alenoah, noah and dave's friendship, and alejandro and carlos's brotherly bond)

(the slideshow reads like a character wiki page 💀)

no going back now. while i finalize the slides (idek if i should post it here, it's a full-on oc form for a character only i care abt 😭 but it would be good background info), have some before/after racing accident that had dave auditioning for total drama picrews of gabriel! (so in other words, pre and post tdpi gabriel)

[crushing83]

Okay, guys... I’m sick with some sort of flu-like plague (working in an animation studio is worse than preschool, germs-wise, I swear!) and I want to write but I just can’t stop coughing long enough to even think about writing. I’m going to go curl up with a movie or two, and hopefully pass out in a cough-syrup-induced snooze... and in the meantime, if anyone seeing this feels like reading the little snippets I’ve pasted below and weighing in on what you feel like I should tackle first, when I’m feeling better, I would appreciate it!

(There’s SPN (slash, gen, char/ofc, char/reader) and AB/BtVS (Willow/Asher) and SPN/Criminal Minds (Spencer/Gabriel) and Tolkien/FF (Owen Shaw/Thranduil) under the cut...) 

1. “Bring it on Home,” the current MOL AU story...

"What if it *was* my fault?" Sam interrupted.  

The words were out of Sam's mouth before his brain---and all its worries---could hold them back and keep them in Sam's mental vault of secrets. He saw Dean's eyes widen and then he looked down at his feet; he didn't want to see Dean's face when the truth was between them.  

"Sammy... no, it... if you'd seen traces of sulphur or anything weird, you would've protected her."  

Sam sighed and moved away from Dean, taking a position against a couple of crates that seemed to be doubling as a table. "I'd been having dreams of how she died," he admitted, still looking down at his feet. "For weeks, before. Not after. I mean, after, too, but those were dreams. These were... they felt different. But, I shrugged them off, because we don't have psychics in our families... because if you found out and thought I was a witch or something---"  

"Hey, no," Dean said, softly but quickly. "Never. Sammy. You are my brother and nothing else matters."  

When Dean came closer, Sam wanted to move away but Dean tapped his chin and forced him to raise his eyes. He wasn't scowling, he wasn't frowning. He wasn't smiling, either, but he looked more pleasant than upset.  

"Do you really think any psychic on either side of our family would've 'fessed up?" Dean asked.  

2. “Six Months,” the current vape shop AU (Sam/Gabriel) story...

"Good boy," Gabriel murmured. Sam felt his face heating up in reaction to Gabriel's compliment. "Now. What do you need to do?"  

"Wash up. Find sweatpants? And call Donna. Oh, and text you before I leave."  

Gabriel made a soft, pleased sound before he spoke again. "Good," he said, his voice still soft. "If I don't hear from you in an hour, I am going to come looking for you."  

Before he could curb the reaction, Sam was smiling into his phone. Gabriel cared enough to worry, enough to come for him if he took too long. Maybe he and Gabriel were becoming real friends. The idea was enough to dissolve the guilt in his head. He knew he'd do the same thing for Gabriel, if he ever came to Sam for help, and... it felt *good* to let himself believe that they were more than customer-and-proprietor.  

"Thank you, Gabriel," Sam whispered.  

"You're welcome. I'm happy I can be here for you," Gabriel said. "Just... get here, okay? I'll handle the rest for a little while."  

Sam nodded, even though Gabriel couldn't see the gesture, and he ended the call with another few grateful words. When he pocketed his phone, he looked around the room and decided to wash his face and change his shirts before calling Donna. He could do the rest while they talked.  

3. “Untitled,” an ace-spec!Sam/pan-Gabriel story I’ve been messing with...

"You're kidding me, right? The whole point of this is to mingle---and probably hook-up---and you want to invite the celibate kids to put a damper on things?"  

"They're not celibate!"  

Sam sighed and closed his eyes. He liked Charlie and he knew his brother considered her practically family, but studying was pointless when she was in their apartment. Dean had come out a year ago, and Charlie had basically gotten him on every committee she could after that; he was on a Safe Spaces board, something that worked with local businesses to create a directory of services and resting places for <I>everyone</i>, and he'd also been roped into doing volunteer work with kids, giving them older role models who weren't heterosexual, and he was on the Pride committee, too. Sam was impressed with Charlie's tenacity in getting Dean to commit to so many activities, but the fact that she was in each group, too, probably helped. The only problem was when they were organizing an event they were in the apartment; that did nothing to help his academic focus.  

He was in another room and they were still interrupting him. Though, to be fair, he could usually ignore their arguments about who the hotter porn star was because he didn't care *at all* about who won.  

"Oh, c'mon," Dean groaned. "Everyone has sex. It's a neurochemical drive or imperative or whatever. Just because they haven't met the right people yet, or just because they're choosy or saving themselves for 'the one,' that doesn't give them special status. No one discriminates against them."  

"I can't believe you just said that," Charlie replied. "After everything you've been through, after everyone you've met, you can't imagine that attraction is a sliding scale just like gender or orientation? You can't imagine that it's hard for them to meet people and connect with them in a positive way?"

Dean's grunt might as well have been a punch to the gut. Sam felt... abandoned. Any shred of hope he had tucked away, after the incident with Andy, seemed to shrink inside of his heart.  

Sam couldn't tell him. He couldn't have those words directed at him---not from Dean. Hearing them directed at a nameless, faceless group was hard enough.  

4. “Falling is the Easy Part,” my Criminal Minds/SPN crossover...  

"Where is Sam, Dean?" Spencer asked.  

"Out," Dean replied. He sighed again. "Cas told me Ezekiel was an okay guy, for an angel, and at first, I thought... I thought it'd work out. Even if I had to trick Sam into it. But..."  

"It's not going the way you expected?" Spencer asked.  

"Not really, no," Dean said. "I shouldn't be telling you this."  

"I don't mind," Spencer replied. "I know you two go through a lot, and right now, things are difficult. It's Sam I have history with, sure, but you're the most important person in his life, and even if it were only for that reason, I'd be more than willing to listen to you."  

"You're not gonna confess your undying love for me, are you?" Dean asked.  

Spencer snorted. "No," he said. "Your virtue's safe."  

"Don't have much of that left, Doc," Dean said after barking out a brief laugh. "But, ah... well, thanks. For listening."  

"It's no problem," Spencer said. "We're in Virginia. I don't know what sort of trouble we might encounter on the road, but we'll do our best to get there in a couple of days."  

Dean sniffed once. It didn't sound like a crying sniff, but Spencer wasn't well-versed in Dean's sounds. He waited, trying to listen to see what Loki was doing; Loki's silence was unsettling and it pressed upon the parts of his mind that was trying to piece together the mystery Loki wouldn't share.  

"That sounds good. Gives me time to try to put Kevin somewhere safe and figure out what the fuck to do," Dean said. "Be careful. If anything looks angelic, just hightail it out of there."  

5. “Out of the Box,” a SPN fic with an OFC where I’m not sure if there will be a pairing yet...

His footsteps come closer and I inch back a bit more, trying to make myself as small as I can in the darkest part of my cage. I must have whimpered because he makes low, crooning noises so unlike anything I've ever heard before that I'm peeking out at him before I remember how wretched I am.  

"Hey there," he murmurs. "I'm Sam. The other guy's my brother, Dean. We're not here to hurt you."  

"Someone's in there?"  

"Looks like a woman," Sam says, without taking his eyes away from mine. "Dean, start looking for the keys or a way to open this."  

"Do a silver check," Dean replies.  

It makes sense. I know enough about the devil's other hobbies. If they're like him, even a little, they are aware of everything that can bite and kill.  

"Hey," Sam says. His attention is on me again. "Can you give me your hand? I have a knife. I'm not going to hurt you. I'm just going to put it on your skin. Just to make sure it won't burn you."  

I shouldn't but I know what happens when I disobey orders---even when they're disguised as suggestions. To avoid more pain, I force myself to move my hand towards Sam. He slides his through the bars and presses his palm against the back of my fingers. He's so warm.  

The devil is always cold.  

"Easy," Sam murmurs. He has the knife in his other hand. When he presses it to my hand, nothing happens. He smiles at me. "There. See? You're okay. We're gonna get you out of here."  

"If Ketch had the place rigged to explode, it could've been to keep people out, but it also could've been to keep people in," Dean says. "Might not be the only trap."  

6. “The Pitch,” the first story in a (maybe) series with an ace spec OFC and Sam, Dean, and Cas...

"Dean!" she called out.  

"Uh... no," I said, quietly. "Charlie, no."  

"Charlie, yes," Charlie countered. "Dean! Get your fuzzy butt over here!"  

Dean was the one that made me blush earlier when he threw a wink and a couple flirty questions my way. He seemed like a good person; a lot of the community seemed to turn to him and two others if there were problems or if someone needed help. But, he and his friends were too handsome to ever put me at ease around them.  

Before I could slip off of my stool, Dean appeared over Charlie's shoulder. After he kissed her temple and wrapped his arms around her shoulders from behind, he said, "I got waxed yesterday, Charlie. I am as smooth as a baby's bottom. *Everywhere.*"  

"Ugh, gross, TMI, Winchester!" Charlie hissed.  

The use of a last name surprised me. A lot of people used nicknames. If anyone used their first name, they never gave out their surnames. It wasn't like fetishes were completely taboo anymore, but some of the club-goers didn't want to be outed to their bosses or families. I was included in that group; I worked in a casual environment and I knew no one would care but I wanted to keep my private life separate from my work life for as long as I could. Sometimes, I forgot that other people didn't have that need for separation or compartmentalization.  

Dean chuckled and peeked at me before turning his attention back to Charlie. "You love it," he insisted.  

"Dude."  

He kissed her temple. "Sorry, Queen of Moons," he teased, using the name she used during The Strap's infamous Dungeons and Dragons weekend event. "How may I be of service?"  

"Are you still looking for a live-in sub?" Charlie asked.  

Not bothering to be discrete, I aimed a kick at Charlie's shins. She winced, swatted her hand against my knee, and turned her attention back to Dean.  

"Well?" she asked him.  

"Charlie, may I have a word with you *in private*?” I hissed.  

"Nope."  

Dean rolled his eyes. "Charlie, you didn't even give her a clue?"  

"Kitten takes too long to make a decision," she huffed. "And, when bad things are happening, she gets bummed out and can't see the awesome happening around her! I'm doing my toppy duty and taking over."  

7. “Untitled 2,” a Sam/Gabriel/OFC fic from nearly two years ago that I’ve never gotten very far along...

I woke up with a scream in my throat and a distant wail in my ears. That was hardly unusual, given my current predicament. Since being grabbed off of the street over a year ago, nightmares were a regular thing no matter if I were awake or asleep. I'm in Hell---though my cellmate assures me Hell is something altogether different---and there is too much horror for my mind to process.  

As I brought my left hand up to rub my eyes, I felt fingers curl around my right hand. They were gentle fingers. I knew that touch. I turned towards my cellmate and managed a small smile.  

"Hey," I whispered.  

He smiled back at me and held up a bottle of water.  

"Thanks, Lo," I whispered.  

I pushed myself into a sitting position and took the bottle from him. He stood up before sitting down on my cot, being careful to keep a little space between us. Across those inches, I could feel his energy. It was different from other people and other monsters; he said he was the real Loki, and I found that hard to believe, but I couldn't deny that he felt *different* than everyone else I'd ever encountered. That different feeling---his presence in my life---was the only good thing about where we were.  

"It's all right," I said.  

Loki sighed. "Nothing is all right," he said. "If I were up to full strength, I'd have a shot at getting us past the warding, but..."  

"Sure you could," I murmured.  

"One of these days I'll do something to convince you I'm the real deal," Loki said.  

8. “Alive at Last,” my Buffy/Anita Blake crossover...

She didn't know much about the ardeur. Any time it was talked about in her presence, it was likened to a hunger. But what she'd felt crash into her wasn't hunger. It wasn't an attack. It was... something else.  

With a bit of daring and a lot of curiosity, Willow lowered her shields. She only relaxed them a fraction, only the same amount she'd done to light candles when she practiced elemental magic, and she hoped it would be enough to give her more information.  

Something lapped at her---not at her skin, but at her magic. Asher's grip tightened on her as if he could feel it. It didn't feel... directed. If anything, Willow would have said it felt curious.  

Was the ardeur sentient? Was it possible to have a self-aware power that fed through others on sexual and emotional energy?  

Willow shuddered.  

9. “I have to run; I’ll find you when it’s safe,” the latest instalment in Bullets & Blades (Owen Shaw/Thranduil)

After slipping into the humid room, Thranduil hopped onto the countertop. Leaning against the wall and drawing up his legs, he focused his gaze on the shower, on the man underneath the stream of water and behind the glass doors. When Owen opened his eyes and saw him watching his performance, he grinned before belting out another (much more cheerful) song. Thranduil grinned and waved; Owen waved back.  

When Owen finished his song and dance routine, he emerged from the shower stall and wrapped a fluffy green towel around his hips.  

"I tried waking you," he said, bending slightly to kiss Thranduil's knee, "but you seemed to be very cross with Elrond."  

Thranduil snorted as he realised he'd been talking in his sleep. "Understatement," he muttered. "We were having quite the argument."  

"I picked up on that," Owen said. He leaned over and kissed Thranduil's cheek. "What were you two fighting about?"  

"He thinks I should gather the others like me and leave for a secret location," Thranduil replied. Seeing Owen's frown, he reached out and threaded their fingers together. "It does not matter. It was only a dream," he added, before smiling a little. "Elrond was an old friend, of sorts."  

"Of sorts?"  

"We mostly frustrated each other," Thranduil said, smiling more. "I haven't dreamed of him in a long time. It's fine."  

10. “The Winchester Gospel,” which is a ridiculous collection of ficlets I’ve been writing that span 2017-2081, approximately

"You really think I was born, and then able to help Leto birth Apollo?" Artemis asked as she sat down at the table in the war room. She smirked when Dean shrugged and Sam leaned forward in interest. "There's a reason some still consider me the goddess of the hunt---of hunters.

"The world has always needed balance. It doesn't always get it," she said, crossing one leather-clad leg over the other. "I was born in a time when Eve had all the power. It was like Purgatory. Dangerous. Vicious. Wild. I almost died again, this time protecting a family from my village. And the Light brought me back. Or, his Messenger did---on His orders."

She closed her eyes and shook her head. The mask of a confident deity slipped away to reveal a nearly-human expression. "I don't remember what the creature was. It's been a very long time," she said, smiling at them a little, no edge to her expression. "Gabriel taught me what I'd need to know. And when he was done---"

”Gabriel?" Both Sam and Dean asked at the same time.

Artemis snorted. "It's a small world, isn't it?" she asked. "But, yes. Gabriel. He didn't stay long. But he taught me enough. And after, the Light returned and asked me if I would help them spread the word. The lore. What kills what. What can be used for protection.”

”Eve," Sam said. "She... couldn't have been happy.”

”Understatement. But for... about a century, I was able to avoid her. I was able to get information to people, I was able to protect communities. I hunted," Artemis said. "When she caught up to me, I was able to put her where her creatures' souls went. It nearly killed me. But, I did it. And I thought the Light would abandon me. I was on the ground, at the foot of a great mountain, barely breathing. I thought the Light had abandoned me. But before I could die, Leto and I found each other. She was in labour, but she healed me---and then I helped her. I became her daughter that day, Apollo's sister because I helped care for him, and when Zeus arrived to see his son, he adopted me in thanks and imbued me with more power.”

Sam nodded. "You became his daughter from his decision to take you in. You were already smart. And fierce. And he liked that.”

”He really liked that," Artemis agreed. "He protected me, supported me... I thought he loved me. And maybe he did in the beginning. But, time changes everyone, as you two will learn.”