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#gamers™ are real and they are very dangerous
nthflower · 1 year
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I hate gamers™ it's not even funny anymore
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clockwards · 2 years
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i watched all 15 seasons of criminal minds in 29 days. these were my thoughts
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Garcia being normal Garcia: 🤪
Hotch, quietly: remind me to have her drug tested
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Reid: Kevin and Penelope sitting in a tree? JJ, that's just dangerous, do you know the statistics on-
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"yeah I'm fine, he wrote me a letter explaining why he left, just like my father did when he left my mother and I" REID LMAO
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Gideon and Hotch giggling happily over charlie chaplin films <3<3 work dads
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man with multiple personalities: do I *look* like personality no.2??
Reid [staring directly into the camera]: 👁️👁️
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Reid making mini rockets and Hotch being a grumpy proud dad about it fhevfhhevdhsgdvsh THEM
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"If I weren't a lesbian, I would absolutely jump your bones" [aimed at Gideon]
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psychopath who only wants to talk to Reid: 😚
Reid: why don't i ever get any normal fans :(
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Random detective [about Reid]: where did you find this kid?
Rossi, whispering: He was left in a basket on the steps of the FBI
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Hotch: we do not have jurisdiction over this very personal set of cases
The Team: 🥺🥺🥺🥺
Hotch: ......okay just be quIET ABOUT IT
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Rossi: My wife always said I had a flair for the dramatic
Hotch: Which one?
Rossi: ...all of them 😀
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Morgan, Reid, Emily, Garcia [staring Hotch down]: we love and care for you
Hotch: im gonna kms
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Rossi, interrogating a suspect: I fucked your wife (real not fake)
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Hotch: Son, you're taking over the business
Morgan: Oh! A promotion!?
Hotch [dumping paperwork in front of him]
Morgan: Oh no! A promotion!!
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[during Hotch's review after The Reaper incident]
Strauss, to the team: 😡😡 Hotch 😡😡
Strauss, to Hotch: 😔😔 Hotch 😔😔
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Hotch: any word on Prentiss?
JJ: she's arguing with the doctors
Hotch, nodding: Good
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Hotch: There are lots of ways sons defeat their fathers
Reid, cheerfully: I just keep getting PhD's!
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[about budget cuts]
Rossi: Let's just hope they don't take the coffee
Reid, very seriously: I'd quit
Rossi: well yeah, that'd save them about 50 bucks a week
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[looking at a machine gun]
Reid: I don't think I have the qualifications to use that
Hotch & Morgan, in unison: You don't.
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[the most suspicious man alive, saying something extremely suspicious]
Emily Prentiss: yes sir I will follow you to this dark secluded secondary location
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Every member of the BAU: ily
Prentiss, with an arsenal of guns: BACK! BACK, STRANGE CREATURES!
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Strauss holding back the entire BAU by the scruffs of their necks like feral cats: I Wish I Had Dogs
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Morgan, sending all the press to Reid: 😀
Reid: No more FBI I'm becoming a criminal just to kill you
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Strauss: Please hire someone normal
Hotch: Here's Doctor Reid, a child who has never passed a field test
Strauss: I'm literally begging you
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Victim: what are you doing????
Unsub: well this is a *gun*, and inside of it are what we call *bullets*
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"a member of the team is in jeopardy"
me: is it Reid? I really hope it's Reid.
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Garcia: altruism is sexy
Hotch, very seriously: yes it is
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The BAU team's nosiness
VS
Reid's secrecy over a girl
- FIGHT -
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Random teen: Get fucked old man
Rossi: Gamer on gamer violence. This is so sad.
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Blake: I don't have any children...except Reid
Reid: I'm not your child though?
Blake: EXCEPT REID
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Anyone: I love you
Reid, just not like other girls: ....Thomas Merton?
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Blake: People just need to say what they mean
Reid: Life would be so much easier without chit-chat
[A Tale as Old as Time - Autism Bros™]
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Reid: I don't like technology
Garcia: Technology doesn't like you, genius
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Rossi: All of my marriages have failed, I'm not exactly what you would call a family man
Hotch: We literally have 5 kids together
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[on first meeting]
Hotch: I'm offering you a job hunting psychopaths
Garcia, caught trying to stop animal testing: I *am* a psychopath
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Rossi, joining the BAU: I have gotten a first husband, fourth wife, and multiple children just by entering this office. I'm the real family speedrunner
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Reid: My dad leaves and suddenly I've got new contenders lining up like it's the bachelor
Hotch: You're not even that great a son
Reid: You were literally first in line
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Bomb Squad: You called??
Morgan: Early bird gets the explosive worm, bitch
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Hotch: How long do you need to do this impossibly long task that no one else could complete?
Reid: Like 30 minutes
Hotch: Awesome. Do it faster
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Reid: I'm arresting you for murder
Cat: ...are we about to kiss?
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Cat: You have mommy issues
Reid: L + Ratio. You have daddy issues *worse*
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Morgan: It's my turn to be kidnapped and tortured
Reid and JJ: nnOOO MY BRAAAANDD
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Alvez: Why won't you be nice to me
Garcia: I'm always nice. Look, this is my nice face 😒
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Prentiss: This guy is probably a loner, definitely has commitment issues...
Alvez, just made a full-course meal for his dog: 😤
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UnSub: I NEED A DOCTOR
Tara, cocking a gun: I'm not taking appointments
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Reid: I need to take some time off to look after my mom
[is arrested for drug posession and murder in Mexico]
Reid: ........so how's my mom?
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The Team: We're so worried about Spencer in prison
Reid: I made friend :]
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Prentiss: Luke is snarky. You are snarky. Please just try to get along
Garcia: You don't understand. We cancel each other out
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Reid, entering prison: I am going to make So Many enemies
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Mr Scratch, doing anything: 😏
The Team: It's a trap. Let's go!
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Alvez: I can tell, you're a cat person
Prentiss: Got the nine lives to go with it, bitch
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Cat: I'm pregnant. It's yours
Reid, shocked: You mean you're not a virgin?!
Cat:
Cat: I wish I killed you the first time round coME HERE-
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Prentiss: I need a person I love and trust to relax with
Reid: ....are you gaslighting me into resting?
Prentiss: Yes. And it'll fuckin work.
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Barnes: Don't you want to be unit chief? Don't you have....ambitions?
JJ: I'm ambitious about killing you. Wanna see?
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Garcia: I hate newbie. He's terrible and stupid and has a dumb face and dumb thoughts-
Alvez: We literally just took a selfie together
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Alvez:
Tara: ur mom
Alvez: I DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING SAY ANYTHING?
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JJ, married with 2 kids: I'm a little bit in love with you
Reid, who took her on one date 15 years ago: 😯
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Rossi: You can't ground me! I'm your dad!!
Prentiss: AND I'M YOUR FUCKING BOSS. GROUNDED!
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[Luke and Matt go missing]
Prentiss: The boys! They took our boys!!
Reid: I'm.....right here?
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thessalian · 1 year
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Thess vs Farming Sims
Was up most of the night because ow, woke up far too early. Exhausted but can’t sleep. This seems to be a theme. At least the pain’s a bit better now. Though I’m going to have to go out later to pick up some bits and pieces.
So anyway, I’ve been sliiiiiiiightly whittling down my wish list lately. One of the games I picked up was Wylde Flowers, which was named A Witchy Life Story when I picked up the demo (I guess they didn’t want to give the game away too soon with the title). It’s ... I mean, okay, it’s basically Stardew Valley with the magical elements from various Sims games, but it’s ... a lot more than that, in ways I did not expect. So here’s the bullet points.
It’s honestly a good thing that most of Those Gamers (TM) wouldn’t look twice at a farming sim because “it’s not REAL GAMING”, because those same Those Gamers (TM) would biiiiiiiiiitch about this one. They’d yell about “forced diversity” and “SJW CUCKS” or whatever they call it when there’s, like, more than one POC or LGBTQAI+ individual in a game. As a for-instance, just attended an in-game wedding between a gentleman who’s definitely got some Scottish in the family woodpile and a gentleman of Mexican descent. Which was nice. (I was originally going to have the player character, Tara, go for the classy Iranian doctor lady but the really sweet Black dude from South Africa who runs the local bar kinda got there first and he was adorkable and I figured Tara was high-strung enough to want someone a bit more laid back so I went there instead. He calls Tara ‘kitten’. It’s adorable. Anyway, we also have a lady of Russian descent as the local blacksmith, an Indian lady from London doing meteorological studies, a Native American dude running a farm down the road, a native Hawaiian surfer dude running an exotic luxury goods stall, a family whose origins begin in Italy, a somewhat ... interesting Polish gentleman who I think has some serious shit in his past and is older than he looks, and a non-binary individual who’s originally from Japan who runs a butcher shop. (Their reaction to being given sushi, one of their favourite foods, is hilarious and adorable. Maybe I should have held out for Kai, romantically. Ah well, maybe if I do another playthrough.)
We also have Mayor of Smarm and I hate him. His wife’s probably okay, though.
Also there’s the “faith leader”. Basically this place has Scientologists by any other name. I don’t like him much either, and I am not happy about how many people follow this faith. At least one of them is a little less ... devout, if you can call it that? ... than the others. Just faith groups like that creep me out because of a lot of childhood baggage.
Then again ... in case you thought the witchy thing was just a sideline ... oh gods NO. There are there the quests that basically send you into the Fade (they call it the Gloaming, but whatever) and some Fae creatures. And even those are diverse as fuck. We have a fairy and a goblin (I have purchased farming bots from this lovely individual), and a werewolf originally from Alaska who comes by the nonbinary individual’s butcher shop for an epic amount of meat twice a week ... and then we have a curupira. They dug out an old Brazilian mythological creature for this, and did it right - backwards feet and a thing for mischief. I am impressed. Especially since animating backwards feet is probably a bitch.
Oh, and did I mention the witch hunt? I should probably mention the witch hunt. See, this faith group has ... views. Like, “We hate the Summer Festival that’s really just about promoting community bonding and unity because PAGAN”. And “There are ‘witches’ but we don’t use that term; we call them Malcontents and they are DANGEROUS”. There was a whole thing where something escaped from the not-Fade and possessed the blacksmith and she went around accusing poor single mom diner-lady of being a witch and we had to gather a whole bunch of stuff to do a (very quiet, very stealthy, very non-contact) exorcism just as possessed-blacksmith was about to give testimony at a literal, actual, everyone-in-town-must-attend witch trial. Funnily, no one has actually pointed a finger at an actual witch yet. The coven includes our Tara, the cute bar owner guy, the lovely lady who runs the general store, the local florist lady (not sure where she’s from but also not white), the classy doctor lady and the old gentleman from probably-Poland. But the entity possessing the blacksmith shouts ‘WITCH’ at the lady who runs the diner, who was only out after curfew to look for her wander-happy daughter who was out past curfew. (Oh, yeah, apparently we have a curfew and a Neighbourhood Watch set up to catch people wandering into the forest at night. Joke’s on you motherfuckers; I have a broomstick and can fly right over your bigoted judgemental asses. And by the way, witches - by which I mean me - ENDED THE DROUGHT YOU HAD OVER THE SUMMER, so you can fuck all the way off.) Apparently this is going to get dumber at some point.
I think that’s the thing - you can get a little bored with the average farming sim after awhile, but this one has plot, and that plot is ... fairly wild, all things considered. Deals with themes of intolerance and persecution while still being diverse, does its homework about other cultures, and while there are fetch quests of a kind, they’re spaced out with enough fairly meaty and occasionally time-sensitive quests that there’s more investment than just “you know, crops”. Though I am currently celebrating as how I finally got enough compost together for rich soil to have a hay field, so I won’t have to rely on smarmy grifter dude for my animal feed anymore.
Also some of the farm animals have weird favourite treats. WHY THE FUCK DOES A SHEEP WANT TO EAT A LEMON?!? WHY DOES A CHICKEN WANT TO, FOR THAT MATTER?!?
Eh, I should probably throw clothes on and head out for a bit. See if I can nap after some time spent on a bus and a trawl through a grocery store. Might see if I can pick up the fixings for one of the dishes from my Baking Dish cookbook. I’ve been a bit too wiped to do anything this week - for which I entirely blame being stuck with more of the long typing than is feasible because of the combination of Scruffman, Temp, and Violet. At least I booked myself some time off in the not-too-distant future. Fine, it’s in like three weeks, but I can manage.
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biomecharnotaurus · 4 years
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Finished the concept art-reference thing for young Billy, aka William Joseph John Flynn Blazkowicz III "Taggart". You know, Doomguy before becoming mad-holy-boy.
He is based on literally EVERY SINGLE existing canon Doomguy, including the ones from Doom 1/2/3, Flynn Taggart from both the books and Doom Eternal, depressed Quake-doomguy, the crazy ass from the comics and John Grimm Reaper.
Tumblr media
Personality traits and other infos:
He is arrogant, narcissistic and extremely intelligent, he also has a degree in mechanical engineering, art and literature, unlike me, he has a perfect grammar.
He is just a very funky guy, jumps and runs around all the time, eats demons alive (reason why his nails are long, sharp and consumed like claws), he has a tendency on acting aggressively, brutally, like a feral animal, towards his enemies. Because of this, the other marines call him "the Beast" and "Hellhound".
This aggressive behavior makes people afraid of him, they don't even allow his adoptive son and his wife to see their dad/husband anymore.
He has strong catholic believes, tho, not the "fuck gays and other religions" type of believes, more like the "I love every single human and animal, but if you do something dangerously stupid I'm gonna beat the shit out of you, with love".
Even if he seems weird and scary, he still has a gold heart, something that most people fail to understand about him.
His biological dad was an abusive piece of shit, reason why he hates his real last name, but he respects his granpa.
Very useless infos:
Epic metalhead gamer™
He was born in the 08/18/1993. StUpId MiLlEnNiAl
Loves soft things and 3D printers. For no reasons. He just does and that is okay.
Burned his own kitchen twice.
Apparently very worried about becoming radioactive.
Wrote a parody of 50 shades of grey.
"sex is boring ew"
His granpa calls him "Billy the virgin".
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