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fuck-customers · 3 years ago

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Tw: weird homophobia, really long one sorry

I wear a rainbow mask because I am a known lesbian. I’m working self checkout, a customer comes up to use a register and she looks at me and is like “Oh, why are you wearing a rainbow mask? Is it Hawaii? Are you Hawaiian?”

Turns out Hawaii is called the Rainbow State so fair question, but I didn’t know that at the time. So I’m just like “Wha?” She repeats “Is it for Hawaii? Or (voice drops into whisper) or a homosexual or...”

“Oh yeah, I’m gay.”

“(Horrified whisper) Oh my god.”

So I just bop around cleaning my machines, and let her do her thing when I notice she’s having issues with her plantains ‘cause customers always struggle with produce at self check. So I’m heading over to show her when she waves to another customer waiting for an available machine.

“(Frantically) Sir can you help-?”

He just points to the lesbian in the uniform on her way to help her and her shoulders drop in despair. I sidle up. “Okay hon, what you’re gonna wanna do is-“

“(Disgusted) Do not call me hon!”

Now this is a southern region and hon is my gender-neutral go to. BUT she didn’t have a country accent and I know it’s different connotations outside the region so I tell her I’ll try my best. We get that figured out, platanos were her last item, so it’s time for her to pay which means asking if she has the store card and method of payment while she huddles against her cart as far from me as possible. Trouble ensues about do you have a card, need a card, what’s the phone number, etc.

“(Panicked/Agitated mumbling) I just need- I need someone else. Somebody else-“

“You want me to holler for my supervisor for you?”

“Yes!”

I have a supervisor who’s gay. You know I thought about it. But she was bumming me out and I didn’t want him to get bummed out too, so I hollered for the cishet one instead and got back to helping the other customers. She comes over, lady finishes her order thanks to the power of my straight supervisor, and (my favorite part) circumnavigates around my go backs to try to avoid walking past me. Except she still has to because of the layout of the self checkout so fission mailed. Anyway, a cart’s in her way and I just see her moving out of the periphery of my eye (don’t realize it’s her or the lengths to which she’s going to avoid catching my gay). “Oh, lemme get that for you hon.” Oops, but it wasn’t intentional. Mea culpa.

Anyway, she exits the building, I immediately call up the closest cashier to quickly goss and laugh about it while there’s a dip in customer flow.

SHE RE-ENTERS THE BUILDING

Goes over to customer service, and then I hear a page for a manager to come up for customer assistance. I am dying. The ending is anti-climactic. Manager was busy with a truck, told her to wait 20 minutes. Took 22 or 23 getting up there so she got corporate’s number instead and left right before he showed up.

Anyway, time for theories (she refused to tell the customer service rep the reason she wanted the manager, stating “It’s his job to do that. Not you.” which, like, fair enough but also it was my non-rainbow’d but still gay supervisor who was running the desk so 🤔). Is it:

Just plain homophobia

Assumed I was a lesbian predator because I called her hon (however, I did call everyone else hon around her of multiple genders while she was doing her thing and waiting for my supervisor so she knows it wasn’t targeted only at her).

Anger at rainbow appropriation (I saw a “Hang Loose Hawaii” slogan on her mask, probably why she asked about my mask in the first place. Considered that possibility with my autistic coworker who was wearing his rainbow spectrum pin)

All of the above

Place your votes now!

#cashier problems #submissions #fuck retail #trigger warning #tw: homophobia #submission

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jacobsnicket · 4 years ago

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oh, we’re using the made up names?

”Thomas summons (ha, summons) his best “Why Would You Do This To Me” sigh. “Tyrone. Why did you give me a sentient cloak?”

“Because you’re Dr. Strange,” Tyrone says, like it explains everything.”

Thomas gets his PhD and Tyrone is generally annoying about it.

Read on AO3

It’s the day of Thomas’s graduation as a doctorate student, and it’s bringing back some memories from his last graduation, four years ago, with the others. Man, that was one crazy graduation ceremony. Of course, this time, he’s the only one of them on stage.

That doesn’t mean the others aren’t here, of course - Brad looks mildly bored, Maria wolf-whistled when they called his name, and Tyrone is probably sobbing louder than his father at this point.

When the ceremony is finally over, no holdups or weird reveals that one of the students is actually a demon because that had been done already, and he’s running to the reception hall because he has the very strong urge to give everyone a big hug, Tyrone clings onto his arm and starts sobbing again.

Thank the stars he’s a human right now. Demon tears are a nightmare to get out of anything and he very much wants to keep this robe.

“You did it, Thomas! You’re Dr. Strange!” For some reason, he giggles at that. “You’re Dr. Strange… ” And now he has a sobbing, giggling demon clinging onto his arm. What is his life.

“Tyrone, are you drunk?”

Tyrone pauses his giggling, though not his sobbing. “You know I can’t get drunk, Tommie boy.”

“I should have never introduced you to my parents.”

Speaking of his parents, now they’re enveloping him in a large group hug that would have been more comfortable if Tyrone wasn’t still clinging to his arm. They tell him how proud they are and how much he’s grown since being a little boy at the bakery and his mom is probably crying enough to rival Tyrone now.

As if Tyrone had heard his thoughts, he starts sobbing even louder. Thomas really hopes Tyrone hadn’t heard his thoughts. They had had a very fraught discussion about that the first time he had done it, and it was a gross invasion of privacy.

The others congratulate him, and Maria suggests they head to the Mangy Dog to celebrate. Everyone agrees (Tyrone’s agreement is hard to make out between all the sobbing and giggling), and Mom and Dad insist on paying.

“No, really, it’s fine, I’ll pay, you don’t have to-”

“But, Tommie, it’s your graduation! It’s your special day! Let us do this for you, please?”

They make the drive down to the Mangy Dog, all of them squished in the Rainbow Basher, Tyrone still clinging onto Thomas’ arm no matter how unsafe that is, Tyrone.

“Rainbow’d never let us crash, though.” He’s stopped sobbing, and the only remnant of the Tyrone of five minutes before is the occasional giggle for no particular reason.

“Yeah, but Mom and Dad don’t know that!”

~•~

Around a week after Thomas’ graduation, Tyrone thrusts a rectangular box into Thomas’ arms. It’s badly wrapped (just because Tyrone knows lots of things doesn’t mean he can put those things into practice) with purple wrapping paper covered in golden hands with multiple colored dots on them. Probably one of Tyrone’s centuries-old references.

“What is this, a graduation gift? You already gave me one, remember?”

Tyrone is silent. Usually this means “I Am Here To Cause Problems”. Thomas doesn’t know why he rips open the paper and opens the box.

Inside is a thick, scarlet red cape.

“Tyrone, why did you give me a cape.”

“It’s a cloak,” Tyrone says, at the same time that the cape- cloak, fine, springs out of its box and punches Thomas in the face.

It then lifts one of its corners and waves hello.

Tyrone looks like he is trying very hard to not laugh.

“It’s a sentient cloak. Tyrone, why did you give me a sentient cloak? Did you find this in your hat? Because you really need to stop keeping stuff in there so long it gains weird demonic powers.”

“I spent the whole week working on it! Do you like it?”

Thomas summons (ha, summons) his best “Why Would You Do This To Me” sigh. “Tyrone. Why did you give me a sentient cloak? ”

“Because you’re Dr. Strange,” Tyrone says, like it explains everything.

Thomas summons his second-best “Why Would You Do This To Me” sigh, since he’s wasted his first one, and throws the cloak at Tyrone. The cloak promptly floats back to him and fastens itself around his neck.

“Aw, he wuvs you!”

~•~

Thomas is taking a HumFeed quiz on his phone when Tyrone pops into the room.

“I have a gift for you!”

Thomas moves from his comfortable position sprawled on the couch to glare at his friend. “If you’ve gotten me another sentient cloak, I swear, I will kill you. I will figure out an exorcism, and I will kill you.”

The sentient cloak he already has is a handful and a half. It’s currently attempting to get him to click a different answer to “If you had to be a bug, what kind would you be?”. Every time he tries to take it off, it slaps him.

“It’s not a sentient cloak! It’s just a necklace.”

‘Just a necklace’ apparently seems to mean an intricate golden eye on a chain, with a glowing green stone set in the middle.

“Tyrone, what’s this?”, he says, pointing at the glowing green stone.

“Oh, that’s just a green apple-flavored Jolly Farmer. I wouldn’t recommend eating it, though- I found it in my hat and I’m fairly sure it’s radioactive.”

Thomas stares at the weird necklace. The weird necklace stares back.

“Tyrone, why?”

Tyrone lounges on the bed next to him. “Why what? Why is life so meaningless? Why are we doomed to live in a cycle of torment over and over again? Why did they stop selling coffee at the local library?”

“Why did you get me this weird necklace?”

“Because you’re Dr. Strange. Put it on.”

“No.”

“Please?”

The cloak grabs the necklace in one of its folds and manages to tie it around Thomas’ neck.

“Thanks, Cloakie!” Tyrone and the cloak high-five. Thomas screams internally.

“You look dashing, Thomas. Now, hold still.”

Tyrone steals his phone- just as he finishes the last question, too- and snaps a picture.

“Tyrone, please don’t plaster that on social media.”

“Oh, I didn’t.” Tyrone’s grin is a little too wide for his face. “I just sent it to Brad, Maria, and Eddy.”

Thomas kicks him off the bed.

~•~

|four demonologists and a demon walk into a bar|

mom friend: drstrange.jpg

mom friend: hi this is tyrone i just needed y’all to see thgjnfjjdkfneksjdlffjgfmafkh

mom friend: I HATE YOU TYRONE

mareereeree: WHAT IS THAT

Brad: THOMAS IS THAT A CAPE

ed edd n eddy: where the heck did you get that cape

mom friend: please take it i hate it and it hates me

dorky demon dude: cloakie loves you!

Brad: tyrone did you seriously name your sentient cape ‘cloakie’

dorky demon dude: it’s not my sentient cloak, it’s tommie’s

mom friend: i will Literally Pay You To Stop Doing That

dorky demon dude: really?

mom friend: one bag of sour children

dorky demon dude: that’s an unfair deal

Brad: why is thomas dressed up like that

dorky demon dude: because he’s dr. strange

mareereeree: what

Brad: what

ed edd n eddy: what

dorky demon dude: y’all are uncultured

mareereeree: sorry dude but ur the uncultured one

mareereeree: ur the one making references to hundred year old movies

dorky demon dude: i’ll have you know that the mfu is a CLASSIC and should be TREATED AS SUCH

dorky demon dude: EVEN IF IT’S MORE THAN A THOUSAND YEARS OLD

Brad: mfu?

dorky demon dude: Marvelous Film Universe!

dorky demon dude: that’s it we’re marathoning all the mfu movies starting now

dorky demon dude: bring energy drinks and enough meals to last u 12 days bc we’re watching all of them back to back

ed edd n eddy: tyrone how many movies are there

dorky demon dude: oh, around two hundred and fifty-three

mareereeree: aw heck no

Brad: what have i done what monster have i created

ed edd n eddy: whose house?

dorky demon dude: thomas’s, obv

Brad: what’s ‘obv’

dorky demon dude: obviously

mom friend: in the words of a very wise maria, “aw heck no”

#reposting bc it wasnt showing up in the tag #transcendence au #gravity falls #kiran writes #so you want to be a demonologist

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