#gif-ing this movie in parts over a several days

[offhandway]

[lowkeysebastianstan]

Hello, I understand you're upset over Endgame, but maybe you should wait a bit until things are calmer, and reflect on what happened in the movie? My favorite character is Bucky too, and I do believe Steve's relationship with Bucky was more important than with Peggy (after he woke up in the future), but I also believe the end of Steve's arc is fitting for him. I'm legit just trying to make you see that, perhaps, things aren't as bad as you might think they are?

hi! sorry, i had to let it settle for a day, my first instinct was to be salty af, it just be like that these days, but i realise that you’re coming from a good place, and wish a better experience for me. for which i’m grateful, i am, i get it, as i think i’ve mentioned, i wish we all came away from this movie happy and content, but alas. 

as i sat there watching it i was strangely detached throughout, it was a bit like when i was watching infinity war, but back then i was very doubtful they’d be able to pull it off. but pull it off they did, with a few glaring mistakes, sure, but as a whole infinity war was above and beyond what anyone expected. 

so i think i was lulled into a false sense of security, i let myself believe they’d do it again, but this time better, bc how could they not, this was going to be the last hurrah for several of these characters, the only question was how.

and even if i did enjoy parts of it immensely during the viewing, as i said, i just felt this strange detachment, and idek, it evolved into a panicked disbelief as i realised that no. i’d been had, they failed, omfg did they fail. and this was way before the end, already i had so many issues, so so many. 

my son asked me yesterday, after someone irl actually asked me what i thought, poor sod, and i primarily went on about steve, if there were other things i didn’t like. as a challenge, bc he thought that steve’s ending was the only issue i had, having focused mostly on that, and he, like you, wants me to like it more. and i want that too, especially for him, i feel quilty af that i can’t even pretend, (although at this point they really shouldn’t start in on it, i mean), but then i realised that i’ve spent years waiting for this, giffing, writing, meta-ing, discussing, imagining, just- and he hasn’t obviously. i know i should, as a mum, just shake it off, but i’m also human, and i fuck up way worse than this as a mum on the daily so i figure it could be worse. anyways, he asked me if i could tell him other things i didn’t like. and i answered him, i told him about the tonal problems, the end for nat, the inconsistencies with the time travelling, steve’s lack of grief throughout, (apart from for a woman he’s moved on from with her niece, that had lead a fulfilling and rich life, that had told him to move on, and he’d accepted, idek) the ensuing constant chekov’s compass, (seriously, seeding guys. discreetly. look it up), reducing thor to a comic relief (yes, hemsworth showed his comedic muscles in ragnarok, but come on), the hydra!cap callback, (yikes, really, they felt the need to rip that wound open), the “openly gay” representation, (he had what 3 mins screentime in tws? wow, really going above and beyond the bare minimum) the apparent previous engagement every dustee had to meet back in wakanda at reassembly and a few other things i’m too tired to remember now. 

then he asked if there were anything i liked at all. i remembered two things, although now i actually remember three, so yay! and by liked, i mean still. i loved “worthy”, (even if, in retrospect, is he though), i loved carol’s arrival and i loved the a-force surrounding peter. see? bright side. oh, and bucky looked goooood, (although a bit on the skinny side, maybe not all the dust came back?) but yeah. the scales were kinda skewed. he actually seemed fine with it, but i will stop talking about it in front of him. i think it’s mostly out of my system, and i’m actually considering rewatching it, only to try to find more positives, i will admit that it is overwhelming and things slip through the cracks. 

the ending sealed it for me, obviously. i teared up a little for tony, i’m not a total monster, but then i started crying for real when i realised how badly they were going to handle steve. the first thing i raged over was actually “buddy”. like????? especially since they had called back the sentence previous. i mean. i was still holding back straight after, i actually tried to do what you’ve suggested now, let it settle, maybe it wasn’t as bad as i thought. and it wasn’t. it was way, way way worse. so no. i appreciate the sentiment, but no. the way i feel about this will never change. 

anyhow, i’ve never been this deep into a fandom, and this will be the last time i will be so. sw ends at christmas, this ended now, by this i mean the cap chapter is over in this incarnation, and i doubt i’ll go along to the next phase. oh, i’ll probably watch the movies, but fandom? caring? no. that’s done. and it hurts quite a bit. i had actually hoped this would bring me back not kick me so hard in the c*nt i’ll never recover. so yeah. this is it for me. 

oh, i won’t delete or anything like that. not yet. i won’t even delete @but-i-loved-you-first, and i actually have a few wip gif sets that i might finish (if i ever stop giffing my current subject). i learned my lesson after i deleted my biggest blog after the last jedi trailer dropped, i kinda wish i had that now. and who knows, some other of sebastian’s projects might tickle my interest, one never knows. sadly, right now, that’s not the bucky/sam team up. damn.

right. i think i’ve given more than enough of an answer, again it’s painfully apparent i don’t get many asks, so thank you. i probably needed to vent a bit. 

i hope you’re having a kick-ass day, and that you continue to enjoy fandom and every positive it entails.

ps: for anyone wondering, i’ve not given up on finishing hc, i still want to, if for nothing else to manage to complete my own challenge, but i’ve been, er, distracted since i came back.

pps: i remembered two more things i liked, i liked how they reintegrated gamora without retconning the stupid soul stone caveat, and i thought rocket was maybe the best character in the movie. :)

[wolfpawn]

When Ghosts Come For Us

Chapter 50

NOTE This is based on the movie Crimson Peak, so if any of the subject matter in that was uncomfortable for you, you will find this similar. I will *NOT* be describing incest in this, it will only be implied, same as the movie.

As I have stated already, my laptop is broken at present so please excuse grammar mistakes and the lack of GIFs and pics.

Also, I do not own any image or gif used in this story.

HERE is the link to Chapter 1 on Ao3

Rating - Mature

“I’m fine.” “Lady Sharpe...” “Mrs Matthews, I said I am fine, please, my letters and some writing material,” Charlotte ordered before shifting slightly. “Perhaps a blanket behind my back?” Margaret immediately complied, recalling when Charlotte was on forced bedrest carrying Thomas Jr and liked to sit up in the bed. “Thank you.” It had been over two weeks since she had caught pneumonia and had been forced to fight for her life. She was grateful at least that she was so delirious with fever, she had not felt her body be forced to cease making milk. According to one of the nursemaids, that was horrid and meant burning and painful breasts. “Little graces” Charlotte had called it. She was still weak, her voice was barely more than a whisper as her throat was still recovering and she was only about to drink liquidised meals and most of which seemed to be chicken soup, but she was fine with it. She did not mind the meal and she could feel her body strengthen with every bowl.

She demanded that Thomas be brought in twice a day to her again. She knew she was too weak to even hold him, but she wanted to see him and have him see her. She was terrified that he would forget her in their time apart and that would hurt her more than any beating her parents ever inflicted on her. She had decided to write to her brother and her husband.

As Thomas suspected, as soon as she was over the fever stage, she was adamant she would defeat her illness and under no circumstance was he to engineer a situation where Mr Brown would gain from them any more than they had to bribe him with. Her first order when given a piece of paper to write with in her weakened state was to telegram Thomas and tell him to stay in Allerdale Hall and ready everything. She knew as well as Thomas that Mr Brown would see that the mines were more profitable than even they had thought it would be and with the local police station being the first of many new and local contracts they had been asked for, there was high chance that if he would not go for Charlotte’s fortune but that he would focus on the mine’s deeds and she could not allow that. That was her son’s future, his guarantee of wealth after she left this world and there was no way she would risk it. If she were to die, she would still die with or without Thomas being in Pembrokeshire.

Dearest Edward,

I miss you terribly. I know that were you here, you would have my head hurting from the lectures of what was I thinking. I can even hear your voice as you say it, that little vein in your forehead only fit to pop because of the frustration my actions have caused you. I am so sorry, big brother. I am sorry for the stress and concern I have thrust upon you. I am fine, tired, worn and more than a little cold, but fine, nonetheless.

I have done nothing but eat chicken soup these past two weeks, I fear if I eat much more, I will begin to grow feathers!

I finally seem to be able to wiggle my toes again. I was worried for a time, they seemed reluctant to even work, all I felt there was coldness, it was not pleasant. I had to be bought workmen’s socks, several pairs. I look ridiculous, I think you would find it funny also.

I love you, Edward, so very much. While I was ill, I thought of you. I dreamt that you and Joanne wed and that you had a little girl with the most beautiful auburn hair. I do not know why I saw her with that particular colour hair, you are blonde haired and Joanne is brown, but if you saw her, I wanted to cuddle her so tight, she was the most beautiful little thing. She looked a lot like you. I hope it comes to pass. It brought me joy in my sickness.

Tell Joanne I think of her too, and Mrs Davies, of course. I hope to embarrass you many times more with her come spring. I think when I return to Cumbria, I will make more time to visit her and you too, I suppose (I jest). I realise here how alone I am, even in Allerdale Hall. It is unhealthy and I will have to rectify that.

I fear I must rest now. I did not think writing would exhaust me so, yet I find myself fighting sleep now.

I love you, Edward.

Please look out for Thomas if you see him.

Charlotte.

She forced herself to stay awake long enough to write the address and seal the letter. “Margaret?” “Yes Ma’am?” her ever faithful maid was to her side a moment later.

“Keep these together. I have written to Dr Thompson of what was said of my condition, I will write to my husband when I wake.” “Of course, Ma’am. I will not have Dr Thompson’s posted until you write to Sir Thomas,” Margaret swore as she took the small tray Charlotte had been using to write on away. “Thank you. I just need a small rest.” With that, she lay her head on the pillow and closed her eyes.

Used to her routine from when she had served Charlotte on bedrest, Margaret removed the extra blanket behind Charlotte and placed it to the side, knowing it caused her back to arch too much as she slept before going and informing Mrs Matthews of such.

*

“What was she like in Cumbria?” Jane, the maid who shared with Margaret asked.

“She is so lovely, she always smiles and is kind. She makes sure Mrs Phillips and I bring home extra food if we’re hungry.” “Don’t you live at the house?” “No, it’s too old and parts of it are falling down. I mean, Lady Sharpe is ‘avin’ it fixed in all, but that ‘ouse is only fit to be knocked. It’s sinking into the clay.” “She really is foolish if she is wasting money doing that.” Margaret frowned. She didn’t like how people dismissed Charlotte as a silly woman with little thoughts of substance. She knew that Charlotte was well read and always seemed to know all the odd and complex things Sir Sharpe’s machines did. She didn’t seem as silly as people thought her to be. “I dunno. She seems to know some stuff.” “She went out in the rain and nearly got killed. She fed her baby herself. I don’t think she is smart enough to be left with so much money. It’s a good thing she married a businessman, according to Mrs Matthews, they are worth even more now.” Margaret said nothing. She walked into Thomas’s workshop more than once with his tea to see her employers discussing business decisions together. One time, she heard Sir Thomas state very clearly that Charlotte’s idea had made them a small fortune. Even if she was not the smartest woman, recalling her leaving the house a few days after Master Thomas was born in anger and postnatal hormones, she clearly was not without some mind. “I dunno but what I do know is, if I ever marry, I want to be like ‘er and Sir Sharpe.” “They love each other?” “It’s more than love. D’you know when people talk about soulmates, ‘ow they say they just know each other and are like dance partners, perfectly matched?” Jane nodded. “That’s them. They always seem so ‘appy to just sit with each other and read some book. I see ‘ow Sir Sharpe looks at her, like she is some sort of rare thing, y’know, som-ing not everyone sees and ‘e is like, amazed by it. He loves ‘er so much and the way she smiles at ‘im.” “Wow, I don’t think we’ll ever see that.” Jane was envious at the fairytale-like manner her employers seem to love one another.

“What, not wiv John the gardener?” Margaret jested, referencing the man of forty years of age that seemed to salute the maids as though there were any chance teenage girls would find him attractive. Both girls snorted in laughter at that.

“The only way I would marry an older man is if he was like Mr Hamilton, God rest him.” “What d’you mean?” “Well, before Lady Sharpe was Lady Sharpe, she was Lady Hamilton, did you know that?” Margaret nodded, Mrs Phillips had told her such when she went to Allerdale Hall. “Well, he was fifteen years Lady Sharpe’s senior. Apparently, as nice as they were to one another, and Mr Hamilton was fond of her, she was here to give him children and that alone, hence him choosing a young bride.”

“Oh.” “Yeah, apparently he took her from marrying some young man and paid his fees for him to become a doctor as a way of buying her off him.”

Margaret’s mind immediately went to Dr Thompson and the fact that Lady Sharpe had written him before writing to her husband. “Really?” “Yeah, that’s why I heard anyway.” Jane shrugged.

“According to Mrs Phillips, she is a cousin of that doctor.” “Why would you push for your husband to pay for some cousin to become a doctor?” “I ‘eard his father died when he was young and she wanted to ‘elp ‘im.” “No one helps like that.” “Lady Charlotte does. She went and found him a suitable courtship too, wiv a lovely girl from our town. She genuinely cares for people.” “If she cared that much, she’d pay us more.”

Margaret silenced, she could see no matter what, Jane thought little of Lady Charlotte, a woman she cared for as an employer. She always checked on her wellbeing in Allerdale Hall and her kindness to care for her wellbeing in Foxgrove also came to the fore.

*

Thomas looked around warily. The shadows were becoming more and more frequent, as were the cries. When Mrs Phillips left each night, he became all the more skittish. What scared him even more was that Blake seemed aware of said shadows also. Since Charlotte sent a letter to him explaining she was feeling better and that she wished for the work to end soon so that she could see him again, the art room seemed to be far warmer again and Blake seemed to cease his pining in there from the day before the telegram came, in fact, it ceased the day the telegram was dated from as the date that Charlotte had written it. Instead, Thomas noticed that Blake seemed to have taken on a new role; He was now acting as Thomas’s guardian. When Thomas thought he saw shadows or felt a presence near him in the empty house, Blake was by his side, ready to attack, growling and baring his teeth if required at the direction of the shadows. He would not be parted from Thomas now, he clearly felt it his duty to protect his master, even from the unknown.

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