#god a bowl of rice and meat and beans would hit so fucking good right now

[applepidotcom]

it is not a good idea to go looking at pictures and videos of food when one is starving why am I ignoring this piece of wise advice

[neohowphinktams]

10/16/19 - recap

Today was amazing. I had such a powerful dream last night. Taylor's Lover Fest was actually a wedding invitation, and the place was super trippy fancy in the dream. I remember saying to Taylor, hey you're really important to me because someone from my psychosis is related to you. Then somehow I talked to Trump, and also, the military had some weird drug testing podium thing. I also remember wanting to go for a run with some people in the forest, and there was this graphic of poorly animated people running, and I was like vibe...then we went running, and all the tree's just POPPED out it was beautiful as hell, and that's a meditative state that I hit while dreaming. I'm so lucky I woke up. I seriously think when I leave my music on all night, the AI plays therapeutic shit for me.

Then I woke up and Tweeted about it, so I could have like a dream journal. Bob told me that the EMDR could bring out weird dreams. I woke up ,made tea, listened to music, and sunbathed, then did some abs and push ups. Then it was 12pm, and I still hadn't eaten and I had to leave for Voc Rehab at 1pm, so I ate some of the 3 day old burrito. The rice was like stale. Ate a little of it, then made my way to the bus stop. I was checking my wallet for the free day pass that Voc Rehab gave me, and I couldn't find it. I started walking back figuring I'd have to take a Lyft, but then I checked my receipts pocket and there it was. I has spent a solid amount of time looking for it, and I had walked back a decent amount. I had 4 minutes to reach the bus, and that was two blocks away. So I put my bad leg in overdrive, and walked as fast as I could to the bus stop. I made it with time to spare. They didn't punch my ticket, which was nice, and the I got to VOc rehab, after taking the train. SLC has great public transport. Matt redid my Resume and it's super professional now. Took the train back into town, then waited for the bus for a slid 40 minutes which was great. I just laid down with my backpack as my pillow and sunbathed, and soaked in the beauty of the fall colors. It's my first day without ANY weed, and it feels bizarre, because you feel really high sometimes when it's getting out of your system. There were some kids that were skateboarding and trying to do Ollie's so I gave them a tip to try and roll the board with their front foot, so they could get the back wheels off the ground.

Got back and decided I wanted moire exercise and knocked on Dylan's door. He wasn't home, so I just went for a walk by myself. It was a nice walk. When I got back, I checked my messages, and Gini wanted to hang out, so we went for a walk up to the library. There was a book called walking meditation, but after a bit, and talking to the librarian about how I also wanted to get into local politics, she said tat would be online. We looked around a bit more, and I checked out a stargazing book. THere were so many great books at the library. SO many. The Avenues have a killer library, and I'm sure that's because of the Mormons.

Then we came back and parted, and 10 minutes later Gini called asking if I wanted any food. I said I had a burrito, but after thinking about it I did want Gini's food, so I called her back, and she brought this like bowl of rice and beans and meat and vegetables and some kind of break holding it all in a bowl. It was good. I still have some actually. Then I showered, and used the Squat soap that I bought online and was $36 for 6 bars. The bars are kinda big, and it feels like that soap is thick. After my shower I went outside with my music, water, and cigarettes and enjoyed the sunset. Came back inside and did my sheets, which I'm sitting int right now and they smell great now that I have detergent that isn't 2 years old and stinks. Did my laundry, then I cleaned my plate from my room with the burrito and cleaned the dish. Then I organized my desk, because it feels really good to take care of one's self. Then I made some Relax Me herbal tea that Dustin got me. I've taken a fair amount of Gabapentin today too, just to fend off the weed cravings. I also took a second dose of CBD which helps a lot. I shaved that goatee off and it looks so much better. I'm not supposed to have facial hair, I've determined.

Jerren went to a Metal concert today, so that's how he's feeling I guess. OH! I almost forgot. I played about 40 minutes of guitar this morning, because Jerren lent me his guitar yesterday. It was SO MUCH FUN! Oh my god I miss my guitars. Just jammed for about 40 minutes, loving every second of it, until my fingers were like Dylan, no more. I did some practice with Yousician half an hour ago, until my daily limit of use for the free version was done. I FUCKING LOVE playing guitar, and especially at this point in my life, where I'm on the tail end of a cycle of transformation. I also sprayed some Febreeze Bora Bora in my room, the bathroom, and the kitchen so the house smells nice. Anyway it was an amazing day 1 of sobriety, very productive day, and I had so much fun with the guitar

@taylorswift

#journaling

#sharing

P.S. I'm gonna do one of my meditations off Zen. I also did my evening routing from Fabulous, but I really need to do the morning too.