#god forbid I inevitably lose track of time and end up locked out of reading it without paying forever

[dirkxcaliborn]

"date has changed, returning to home screen"

me: oooooh I see by 03:59 that meant reset was at 4 am. I see now-WH...HUH..... IT'S 4 AM!?

[jay-and-joy-write-naruto]

HEEEY! HEEY! HEY! Give me attention! 😣 Could you please do Modern AU+Mafia AU! Madara, Itachi, Sasuke, and Fugaku headcanons to their Wife/Husband getting kidnapped for ransom(that's the word for money if I'm correct)? Please and thank you! - Punpkin

Joy: this mafia au is literally one of the best things ever I love it to death

Madara

In a mafia AU I feel like Madara would probably be the big boss. The head honcho. Don Madara Uchiha (that has a nice ring to it). And he’ll be FURIOUS that someone’s trying to use you against him. Like how dare you? It’s pretty impressive that they got to you in the first place, considering Madara’s devoted a ton of guards and security to protecting you. But fun time’s over, time to get serious. And Madara very serious about your kidnappers.

When he first hears about the ransom he’s gonna be pretty angry. Might hit his desk or throw something, but he calms down pretty quick. He has to, otherwise he might put you in danger. So he takes a few deep breaths and starts rattling off orders. He sends several people to investigate how and why you were kidnapped (he needs to rule out a possible mole in his ranks), and he’ll have another squad of people trying to find you without making it obvious. Lastly, Madara himself will handle negotiations with your  kidnappers and buy time for his subordinates to investigate. He haggles with them, delaying and arguing as much as he can. He demands evidence that you’re there and that you’re safe before even thinking of paying the ransom.

Of course, Madara’s endgame is to have his own people sniff out the kidnappers and carry out a rescue mission. He sure as hell is not going to reward the kidnappers with either his money or his compliance, and he sure as hell isn’t going to let them keep you. As soon as his lieutenants have located where they’re keeping you, Madara’s kicking the door down, guns blazing. If he has to he’ll gun down the kidnappers where they stand, but he’d like to take them in for some…extra interrogation.

If he captures the kidnappers, then he definitely keeps them locked up for a while, extracting every last bit of information from them. Their contacts, their methods, everything. And once he’s done with them, Madara might inflict some additional punishment. No one gets away with taking you.

Speaking of which, Madara gets extra protective once you’re back. He leads a dangerous life, and the last thing he wants is for you, his lovely spouse, to get caught up in everything. So he doubles–no, triples your bodyguards and stations more of his subordinates in and around the Uchiha mansion. He makes you get apps on your phone that can alert him in case something happens, and he gives you jewelry and clothes that have buttons linked to alarms in his office. He might get borderline yandere a bit; if he had his way, you’d even have a chip in case you’re kidnapped again. All for you, darling~ Just in case.

Itachi

Itachi would be a lot less hellbent on revenge than Madara, I think. His number one priority is to get you back safely, and if that means paying the ransom then he’ll do it.

He betrays no visible distress when he’s told that you’ve been kidnapped, but someone who knows him well can notice the way he taps his fingers against the nearest surface, how he chews on his bottom lip, and furrows his brow, deep in thought. Itachi takes a few minutes to think and then directs his subordinates to thoroughly investigate your abduction. One of his lieutenants communicates with your kidnappers, listening to their demands and talking them into lower and lower prices for your release. Itachi listens on the side, drumming his fingers against a mug. If the investigation comes up empty then he’ll still have a way to get you back.

As soon as the investigators return, Itachi’s going to take action. Normally he’d wait for more information to filter in or at least confirm every relevant detail, but he absolutely cannot wait when it comes to you. If he can, he’ll send a rescue squad, but if your kidnappers can’t be taken down with brute force or you’re in serious danger, he won’t hesitate to pay and keep you safe.

He’s so relieved when he finally lays eyes on you again, and he’s quite clingy for a while after too. He always has a hand holding on to you, and if you two have to be apart he’s going to call you every twenty minutes to make sure you’re alright. God forbid you leave your phone in a different room, lest he freak out and send at least eight panicked aides rushing to your rooms.

When Itachi eventually gets his hands on your kidnappers (he doesn’t rest until he’s got them) it seems like a demon’s fury awakens in him. He refuses to tell you what happened in that room for a long, long time, but you remember finding a stained suit in the garbage a few days afterwards.

Sasuke

Sasuke is not going to take the news well, tbh. He shouts at his subordinates to get out of his office and holds his head in his hands, remembering all the people he’s lost in his life so far. He doesn’t want to lose you too. He can’t. He won’t. *dramatic music*

Sasuke calls his second-in-command and rattles off his order: locate you at any cost. He has no intention of losing you, and he can deal with how you were abducted once you’re safe. Right now, finding you is all that matters.

Despite his family’s protests, Sasuke will join his subordinates on the street. You’re his shining light in a life full of darkness—why should his safety matter more than yours?

When a member of his family inevitably confines Sasuke to his room, he paces, unable to keep still. He reads and rereads the report of your kidnapping, trying to squeeze new information from words he’s already read a thousand times. He calls everyone he can, demanding progress reports one after the other. One of his most trusted lieutenants handles negotiations with your kidnappers, but they have to bar the door so Sasuke won’t get in. No one wants to be in the same room as him in case things go badly.

Sasuke’s subordinates probably track you down and bring you back, capturing your kidnappers in the process. By now, Sasuke has probably ordered someone to just pay the ransom and get you back—he needs to have you with him. His stoic face evaporates when you rush into his room, and he leaps up, throwing his arms around you. He’s never this affectionate unless he has some other purpose, but this time he’s not trying to accomplish a goal. He was genuinely afraid for your safety. But now he finally has you back! Finally back. Finally.

Sasuke’s vengeance is terrifying to think of. His fury seems to seep from his very being, and your kidnappers die slow, painful deaths. Sasuke shows no mercy to anyone who stands in his way, and especially not to anyone who threatens you, consequences be damned.

Fugaku

Fugaku’s probably the most likely out of the four to pay your ransom if it guarantees your safe release. He’d weigh all his options carefully, taking every possibility into consideration before making a decision. He cares about you and wants to keep you safe, but he also needs to think about the mafia’s future

He demands a report’s worth of organized information about your kidnapping as soon as he hears about it. The best way to get you back safely is to be prepared, and to be prepared means knowing exactly what happened and what to prepare for. He immediately eliminates any loose ends that can be used against him, cutting them off with ruthless efficiency. Then he sets about bringing you back.

Fugaku has his subordinates search every nook, cranny, contact, and corner for information about your whereabouts. He pulls out all the mafia’s contacts and informants and sets all his information handlers to high alert. He also assigns a team to find out everything they can about your kidnappers, sifting for any information he can use against them. If they just want money, then he can simply pay them off and get you back without risking violence and his subordinates’ lives. If your abductors want more than money, well, they’ll get it.

To him, this is like a game of chess. A very stressful, very dangerous game of chess with you as the endgame, but once he has all his pieces in place Fugaku swoops in with calculated precision and rescues you. One squad surrounds the perimeter while another captures your kidnappers, and you’re escorted back to the Uchiha mansion in a limousine with twenty armed guards.

Fugaku dismisses his aides and assistants when you’re brought to his office, and he pulls you close. Even if he hides his emotions, he still cares about you dearly, and he is so relieved that you’re safe. He heaps extra protection on you and teaches you how to defend yourself, devoting hours of time to train you in various martial arts and weapons. After all, prevention is the best preparation.

Unlike the others, Fugaku won’t torture your kidnappers. He makes sure they’re dealt with as quickly as possible so he can go back to the dojo and teach you. After all, why waste his time with this trash when you’re waiting? He has better things to do with you.