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tiikerikani · 2 years

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In which I'm a clingy mess

(I want to put the whole thing under a cut but I'm afraid it'll be buggy again like last time, because this editor is buggy AF and god forbid you press Ctrl+Z out of habit and paragraphs jump around and/or disappear.)

2023.03.18 Espoon Kultturikeskus (Tapiolasali), Espoo

Part 1.

Senpai drove up to the stage door with the gear trailer at exactly 2:25 PM.

They'd recently upgraded, adding a trailer to the entourage of two vans, and apparently the roadies don't feel confident driving with that yet. (He told me this last week.)

I had warned him last week that I'd be there super early because I had a photo I wanted him to sign, and to give him a page with some comments about the new songs. He had been like, well if you don't get a chance to give that to me directly you can always give it to Pate to pass onward. The fact that he doesn't seem bothered by me writing all these notes to him kinda bothers me in return?

With that taken care of, I went on downtown to deal with another thing and went home to rest a bit and adjust my costume.

__________

Part 2.

Pendants are the new capes. They're significantly less unusual than capes, but they are artistic (rather than just a logo or something, as I've often seen with band jewelry) and individually handcrafted. As such, they were selling much faster than capes. There are a few making-of pics on the artisan's Instagram.

It strongly recalls the cheap metallic arrowhead pendant (like the cheapo ones you get if you search on AliExpress) I had in high school. This is apparently intentional, although it's specifically also intended to be heart-shaped. Sometimes it feels I'm being called back to be the teenage fangirl I never got to be, except with (a bit) more money, so even my teenage accessories are returning with upgrades.

__________

Part 3.

I spotted the one woman whom I'd met up with at the show in July. She hadn't seen them since then (and had fully expected me to be here). She was at the end of the first row, the blonde fangirls and some others in between.

I was kind of hoping they'd play more of the new songs, rather than the same ones they played on the pre-recorded performance that was on TV last week. (I know they have more prepared; the set from the night previous was slightly different.)

At one point the acrobat was helping run a guitar across the stage and of course he was barefoot so he tripped and faceplanted stylishly but it broke. The roadies fixed it but Pate wasn't happy and sent it back.

I watched Pate during Hetken ikuinen and I know just enough guitar to notice that his was tuned down, so my doing the same in my piano cover is consistent and valid ;)

And I guess the guitar solo in Kukaan ei koskaan gets a refresh with each new album or something? (It's tradition for them to play it at every show so they do need to keep it fresh.)

Hey this wide-angle thing on my phone is great, I can actually get the entire band into the picture even from the first row

Never mind the time he broke the Finnish internet singing La Bohème on TV, if this doesn't give you chills I don't believe you

youtube

__________

Part 4.

"I don't know if this is an appropriate question, since I'm just a fan doing fan things, but which song should I cover next?"

"...like with the piano? Hmm, that's hard... Meissä asuu elämä could be good? It's a challenging one though."

Am I prepared for this challenge because it's gonna be a TOUGH one (I mean both in creating the arrangement and, uh, considering who's picking this.)

Of course it has to be the ONE song that isn't in the songbook so I actually have to work it out myself.

Realistically though I kind of want to focus on piano covers for a while, since they're a bit easier, and gosh that's a hard song to make a video for. I feel like I'd need access to documentary footage since it's about social justice.

__________

Part 5.

As I left (forgetting to take a selfie of my costume from one of the mirrors in the lobby) I checked the karaoke queue from my phone and it was practically empty, so I picked a drink and a song.

I finished the drink and it was still pretty early, so I wandered back over to the stage door, out of clinginess, mostly. Senpai was still there helping to load stuff. (Dang, it must really suck for him to drive that back to wherever their storage is and then all the way back home.)

I told him that nobody went to karaoke with me as I had anticipated (I'd mentioned this in my note, but I don't think he'd had time to read it yet) so I was gonna go home and cry.

"Or sing?"

"I already sang Kukaan ei koskaan and nobody there knows who the fuck I am so I'm going home and crying."

__________

Other stuff.

It's not like I want to be anywhere else doing anything else. I just wish there were more people to experience my happy moments with me. And maybe capture them so I have something to remember them by?

I often imagine myself as a character in a film and it's especially tragic that I never get to see what that film looks like from the other side.

Like having to ask strangers to take my self-portraits so I don't actually get the opportunity to set up the shot exactly how I want it.

__________

Other stuff, 2.

Speaking of self-portraits.

Here's my costume minus cape, I went larpy and took the blue cape to be kind of color-coordinated with the album cover (it's not quite the same shade). I'm just missing a brown t-shirt but the price of the new t-shirts is a bit steep at 40€ and my pants are already brown.

(As I've written previously I put a lot of thought into my outfits!!)

(They got party noisemakers last summer and I was like lol??? why??? But then I got the sword holder and actually it was exactly to acquire and put the horn into, so I haven't taken the plastic off yet.)

__________

Other stuff, 3.

Some of the groupies have... roles. For example, there's at least two whom you could describe as the "embedded photographers". Of course they have an official, paid photographer who gets to run around, but these two also have nice cameras and a significant number of the concert snapshots they post on social media are from them.

And then there's the blonde fangirls, well, I'm not sure how I'd describe their role. They're just extremely fangirly and collect set lists. (And if I pieced together the puzzle correctly, it's one of them who drew the artwork on the playing cards. So in a sense it is fan art even though she was commissioned to do them.)

So what's my role? Cape model? Walking clingy sob story?

(My hand shifted as I hit the shutter button. Sorry, Jönkka!)

Maailma palaa

Kohti sydänpeltoja

Meistä kuiskaillaan

Tummilla teillä

Suru ei oo ystävä

Samaan mutkaan kaatunut

Exodus (a cappella)

Tanssimaan (acoustic)

Aika paljastaa (acoustic)

Kiljut riemusta

Reppana

Faarao

Kolme hyvää vinkkiä

Älä lopu yö

Nuoriherra

Onnellinen mies

Hetken ikuinen

Meissä asuu elämä

Kukaan ei koskaan

Arlandan portailla

#music #concerts #band merch #vesterinen yhtyeineen #set list #forever alone #i swear to god fangirling is such a dang rollercoaster #clingy fangirling

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nightshade-minho · 4 years

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Free Rent 5- ‘Level Up’

Changlix + fem!reader

Warnings: nipple play, titfucking, light choking and slapping, double penetration, face fucking, overstimulation, orgasm denial

You sat on the bed, pouting as you watched Felix kill yet another character on the screen.

It was a quiet morning, and most of the boys had gone to their classes. You’d been taking absences for the past few days due to a sudden cold, but you’d recovered quickly thanks to how caring and sweet the boys were, and was almost ready to get back to normal life. You smiled as you remembered the soup Minho had made you with some help from Jisung, the little massages Hyunjin liked giving you, Chan making sure you took all your medicine correctly and Seungmin and Jeongin continuously checking up on how you were feeling, more than happy to bring you water, plushies and anything you needed.

Felix had volunteered to stay home and look after you. However here he was, his eyes trained on the video game he was playing rather than on you.

You whined as he kept jamming buttons, his tongue sticking out as he concentrated. Crawling over, you poked him in the back. He shrugged it off, a quick shake of his head telling you that you were not supposed to disturb him.

You sat back and sighed again. It wasn’t like you didn’t enjoy video games...you played a lot of those back when you were in high school. (You’d opted to leave your ps4 at home when college rolled around.)

However, the fact that Felix was focusing all his attention on something that wasn’t you was irritating.

For the last few days you’d been endlessly babied and taken care of, so saying that you were needy was an understatement. You’d gotten used to the constant attention.

Suddenly, a devilish idea bloomed in your mind. You hopped off the bed and left the room, an action which Felix didn’t even notice.

You went to your room, shuffling through some boxes in the closet and finding what you were looking for almost immediately- a big pink box with a white ribbon.

It was one of the first gifts that Chan had given you, along with the collar. You hadn’t thought of using it till now, but you felt like the situation called for it. Would Chan be mad if he found out that the first time you used his gift was with Felix and not him? Maybe. You shook your head, and opened it anyway.

The lingerie was white and angel-like...it was perfect for what you wanted to achieve. You quickly changed into it, looking in the mirror.

Even though you’d gotten better, you still looked a little tired. So you put some makeup on, hoping that you’d look more alive. Fluffing up your hair, you were finally satisfied.

With a grin, you made your way back to Felix’s room. When you opened the door, he looked up a little before his eyes went back to his videogame. Then his eyes shot back to you, widening as his brain finally processed what you were wearing. He pressed the pause button.

“What...what are you wearing?”

“Oh, just a little gift from Chan. You like?”

Felix swallowed. “Seriously? Why’d you change into that now?”

You wanted to smack your forehead. You sidled closer to Felix, a finger tracing a line down his arm. “You were focusing all your attention on the game and ignoring me.” You said with a pout, giving him puppy eyes. He chuckled darkly.

“So that’s it? You wanted some attention?”

“I...well, when you put it like that...”

He shook his head. “You’re a little bratty slut. Now that you have my attention, what do you want?”

“I was just...hoping to spend time with you, really.”

Felix raised an eyebrow.

“Fine! I want to be touched. Wanna feel good.” You mumbled, wringing your hands.

Felix rolled his eyes. “Tell you what. If you pass this level, I’ll think about giving what you want, okay angel?” He handed the controller to you, an evil glint in his eyes.

You almost wanted to laugh. That was super easy. You had years of experience when it came to video games, although you were a little rusty. That orgasm was as good as yours. You cracked your knuckles and took it from him, your eyes scanning the screen.

It was a combat-based rpg game, and you were pretty good at those. Right now, it was in the middle of a fight scene. The little video game character was fighting a huge mechanic dinosaur onscreen. It looked intimidating, but you were pretty sure it would be a piece of cake.

You unpaused the game, concentrating as hard as you could, trying different moves and landing a lot of damage on the robotic dinosaur. You were pretty confident, surprised at how well you were doing. But then, you felt Felix press himself to your side.

He put an arm around you, his fingers closing around your breast as his other hand ran up your thigh, slightly spreading your legs apart.

“W-Felix, no! I’m-“

You tried to focus on the screen in front of you, but Felix’s fingers had now migrated to your clit. You let out a moan as you closed your eyes for a moment, shooting them open when you heard a loud noise. Your character was really struggling on screen. Determined, you focused your attention back on the game, but it was clearly a losing battle. Felix pulled your right boob out of the bra, the cold air tightening your nipple. His other hand pulled your panties to the side, his fingers running over your glistening folds.

When he pushed his fingers in, you knew there was no point in trying anymore. You let go of the controller, whining as he pumped his fingers in and out of your pussy at a fast pace.

Felix suddenly ripped his digits out of your pussy. Fascinated, he held his fingers up to you, stretching them apart and showing you how wet you were, strings of your arousal clinging to his fingers.

“You lost, angel. Now what?”

You rolled your eyes, climbing on to Felix’s lap and grinding a little. His hand came to rest on your hip, but he looked angry.

“You’re very bold today.”

You smirked as you leaned in to kiss his neck, but you gasped as Felix’s fingers went around your throat, pulling you away so that you were facing him.

“You fucking brat. You don’t listen, do you? I bet you wouldn’t pull these stunts with any of the others.” He gritted his teeth, flipping you around so that you were now under him. He pulled your other breast out of the bra too, giving you kitten licks on your nipple. He sucked your little bud in his mouth, the lewd sounds making you wetter as he kept eye contact through it all, slobbering all over your boobs, messily sucking and biting, leaving pink bruises all over you.

“Mm...I love these tits.” He said, with your nipple between his teeth.

He sat back up, ridding himself of his sweatpants and then his boxers.

“You think I’ll go easy on you? No, baby. You’ve got me wrong, I’m afraid.”

He crawled back on the bed, watching as you stared up at him. “Now, imagine if you’d tried this with Minho...or god forbid, Chan. What would they do to you?”

You didn’t say anything, but he lightly slapped your cheek and raised an eyebrow.

“I...I’d get punished.” You squeaked out. A smile broke across his face. “That’s right.”

“Now, since I’m just a little better than them, I’ll let you choose your punishment. What would you like?”

His hand had gone to your covered pussy again, rubbing your clit persistently.

You stayed silent, not knowing how to respond. Your breath was getting shaky.

“Nothing to say? Alright, I’ll take matters into my own hands, then.”

His hand drew back, and you whined at the loss of contact. “Please, Felix, touch me!”

He grinned. “I don’t know if you deserve to cum. I know I’d like to, though.”

He took his cock in his hand, pumping it a few times as he pressed it to your covered pussy. He moved aside your underwear and nudged the head of his cock between your folds, staying in that position for a few moments. His eyes found yours, daring you to complain.

He hummed, crawling over you until he had both knees on either side of your torso.

He unhooked your bra, throwing it off the bed before his finger started playing with one of your nipples.

“When you first came in here, I immediately noticed how cute your boobs are. I mean sure, your face is adorable too, but these?”

He pinched your nipple for emphasis. “These are heavenly.”

Felix put his finger in his mouth to wet it, going back to playing with your bud as he winked. “I could tell you weren’t wearing a bra under that sweater. Could clearly see your pretty little nipples poking through it. Drove me crazy.”

His hand went back to stroking his cock as he laid it between your boobs. Then, pushing them together, he slid his cock in and out of your cleavage, letting out a broken moan as he did so.

His thumbs stroked your nipple as he held them together. He felt himself grow harder at the visual of the tip of his cock poking out from between your cleavage each time he thrusted.

“F...Felix...”

He cocked his head to the side. “Mm? What is it, slut?”

You pressed your thighs together at an attempt to relieve the ache in your pussy. You wanted to be touched so badly. However, you knew that if you disobeyed him, he’d be angry and wouldn’t let you cum at all. No, you needed to be obedient, and please him.

So each time his cock thrusted up, you poked your tongue out, licking his dick. He moaned louder, eyes widening.

“What a good girl! Hmm, maybe you deserve an orgasm after all.”

You perked up at that, and he chuckled. “I haven’t confirmed it yet. I’m still thinking about it, so you better keep being obedient.”

He shakily groaned, bucking faster as he chased his high. In a few more thrusts, he pulled out, stroking his length as he came all over your chest.

“Mm. So pretty like this.” His finger rubbing his cum into your nipple.

He moved off you, and you could breathe better as you sat up, gazing up at him hopefully. “Hmm...I’m still thinking about giving you what you want. Regardless...I know you have a box of sex toys. Why don’t you run upstairs and get it for me? I’d like to try some of them out on you.”

You paused for a moment.

“Go on.”

Sighing you got up, leaving the room and making your way to the staircase. However, you were completely parched. Needing a glass of water, you decided to make your way to the kitchen.

When you opened the door, you hadn’t expected to see Changbin in front of the fridge, a peach soda in his hands. He turned around slowly, jaw dropping as he saw you standing there in your panties, your breasts dripping cum.

You spoke before he could. “I thought you had a class?”

He took a sip from the bottle in his hand before setting it down on the counter.

“I did.”

He didn’t say anything else, coming over to you and looking you in the eye with an eyebrow raised.

“Aren’t you supposed to be sick? Why are you walking around the house naked, pray tell?”

You tucked a strand of hair behind your ear. “Uh, I’m feeling better now.”

“I’ll say. That’s Felix’s?” He pointed to your chest, and you nodded sheepishly.

“Hmm. Well, I’ll let you get back to what you were doing. Go.”

You hesitated.

Changbin frowned. “What’s wrong?”

“I...he isn’t letting me cum. Would you help me out, please.”

He paused for a moment, before chuckling darkly as he looked away from you. “Well, you obviously did something to deserve that. Now go, get your punishment.”

You stayed put, looking at him imploringly as you bit your lip, trying to look as cute and innocent as possible. Which was difficult, considering the fact that you were almost naked.

Changbin sighed as he stepped closer. He put his hands on the back of your thighs, carrying you and placing you on the counter.

He spread your legs apart, looking you in the eyes as he pulled your underwear down, placing it on the counter beside you as his eyes took in your glistening cunt.

“Wow. You weren’t lying when you said that he wasn’t letting you cum.”

You whimpered, throwing your hands around his neck. “Please Binnie, I want to cum so badly. Would you touch me?”

A dark look passed over his features. “We’ve all been taking care of you over the past few days since you were sick. That doesn’t give you the right to be a brat though, y/n.”

“Binnie.” He scoffed. His fingers poked at your clit and you let out a squeal.

“Hmm...you really need to be put in your place. I think Felix might need some help to execute the required punishment.”

You were secretly delighted with how things were playing out. Changbin liked overstimulating you, and at this point, you would even take that over not having an orgasm at all. Changbin threw you over his shoulder, spanking your ass as he took you back to Felix’s room.

Felix looked up, frowning when he saw Changbin.

“What’re you doing here, hyung?”

He set you down on the bed, stepping back to undress as he replied. “Just helping you out, don’t worry.”

Felix shrugged, turning his attention back to you. “Where’s the box?” You shook your head and he laughed. “It’s alright, I can see you got sidetracked. However at this point, I don’t think we need toys anyway.”

He pulled you up and put you on his lap, your back facing him. Turning your head to the side, he pressed his lips to yours, moaning as the two of you made out feverishly, your hands gripping his thighs.

Changbin, finally naked, climbed onto the bed and looked over you, a menacing look in his eyes. He held his length in his hands, languidly stroking as he looked you over. You were sitting on Felix in such a way that his dick was rubbing up against your clit, peeking out from between your thighs.

Felix’s grip on you was firm, preventing you from grinding your clit onto his erection. He kissed your shoulder as Changbin moved forward, pressing the head of his cock between your lips, sliding in as you choked with the suddenness of it all, your nails digging into Felix’s thighs.

Changbin was always rough with his face fucking. He liked it best when you were a drooling mess, tears rolling out of your eyes as he slammed into your throat over and over again. He didn’t let you breathe, going faster as Felix thrusted up slightly, his length rubbing against your vulva and causing you to whimper around Changbin’s cock.

Felix held your right boob, stroking your nipple as Changbin groped your left one, still pumping his cock into your mouth. Felix pinched your bud hard until you cried out, the sensitivity making you feel dizzy.

He proceeded to slowly stroke around it again, his mouth now sucking on the sweet spot on your neck.

Changbin finally pulled out of your mouth, his eyes travelling to your pussy.

“Felix, put it in.”

Felix looked up at him for a second, wondering if he should exert his dominance, but he didn’t care. At this point, he was aching to be inside your pussy.

Felix lifted you up slightly, moving you forward and lining your slit with his cock. He pulled you down onto him, stuffing your pussy full.

Changbin grinned. “Now, this is probably gonna be a tight fit, but if Minho and Chan can stuff both their cocks into this tiny hole, I bet we can too.”

He looked down at you, pressing a kiss to your cheek before pressing his manhood against your clit, rubbing it a few times before shoving his cock in beside Felix’s. You screamed loudly, nails gripping Felix so hard that you were pretty sure he’d be bleeding a little by the time this was over. Felix’s hand snaked around your throat as Changbin finally got his entire length inside you. You panted heavily as you adjusted.

The two of them began moving after a while, once your breathing returned to normal. They fucked your pussy relentlessly, their hands wandering all over your body as you whimpered incessantly, so wet that the boys’ thighs were soaked with your arousal.

“Look how wet you are...fuck, you’re enjoying this a lot, aren’t you? Little cockslut.”

The two of them went slower for all of five seconds before they were slamming into you again. You started garbling incoherently as you felt your orgasm wash over you too quickly, setting all your nerves on your fire as you moaned shrilly.

The two of them didn’t let up on your sensitive pussy, rubbing against your g-spot and overstimulating you. You wanted to push them away, but you couldn’t deny that the pain felt so fucking good. You relaxed, lying like a rag doll as they pounded into you, their thrusts getting sloppier as they neared their highs.

Felix came first, spurting his cum up your pussy. The sensation caused Changbin to shudder, finally releasing his load as well, painting your walls white as he collapsed on top of you, panting.

He got off you after a minute, pulling out slowly. Felix slowly lifted you up, flipping you around on the bed and pulling out of you as well. The two men groaned as they watched their cum streaming out of you endlessly, pooling onto the sheets in a small puddle. Changbin got up and searched for his clothes that were strewn all over the room as Felix used his finger to rub his juices all over your vulva. A finger slipped past your entrance. He pumped a few times, marveling at the squelching, pornographic sounds your cum-stuffed pussy was producing.

Changbin sat on the edge of the bed, now fully clothed.

“Do you think we should have just let her rest? She was sick, after all.”

Felix scoffed. “Really, hyung? You’re usually the one who doesn’t go easy on people. Y/n was bratting it up, she asked for it.”

You were feeling too exhausted to reply, but you sat up on your elbows, making eye contact with Changbin.

“It’s alright...I’m fine! Any ounce of sickness is completely gone.”

Changbin pressed a palm to your forehead, nodding in satisfaction when he felt that your temperature was normal enough.

“I still have a feeling that Chan would kill us if he found out we fucked her right after she recovered.”

Felix pursed his lips. “We have a safe word for a reason, don’t we?” You nodded in agreement as Felix got off the bed to go to your room, presumably to get some clothes for you.

“Better to be safe than sorry.” Changbin pulled the duvet over your curled up body, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead as he looked at you affectionately. Felix soon returned, with clean underwear and an oversized sweater that definitely wasn’t yours. He handed them to you, before finding his underwear on the floor.

He got under the covers with you as Changbin contemplated for a second before deciding to settle in beside you as well.

Felix spooned you, his hand holding your boob and squishing it from time to time, giggling against your neck.

“Hey, these aren’t stress toys, you know?” You said, smiling. Felix pressed a soft kiss to your neck as his hands went back around your waist.

“They sure do relieve a lot of stress for me, though.” You giggled as you looked back at Changbin, who pinched your cheek.

“Go to sleep, y/n. Good night.”

“You mean afternoon, dummy.”

“Whatever.” He mumbled, a smile peeking out. You rested your head on his chest and felt your eyes droop with drowsiness as Felix stroked your hair.

As you drifted off to sleep, you heard the faint sounds of the front door opening, and then footsteps.

“WHY THE FUCK ARE THERE PANTIES ON THE KITCHEN COUNTER!?”

#skzsmutnet #Felix smut #Changbin smut #Felix Angst #changbin Angst #Felix Fluff #Changbin fluff #stray Kids smut #skz smut #stray kids #skz

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segenassefa · 4 years

Text

2: On Consumerism, Fighting Demons, and Societies Inevitable Collapse

Quarantine has been lowkey surreal. My constant complaint of never having enough time to do all the things I want/should be doing has now left me bored in the house, bored in the house, bored with nothing but time to get said things done. However, it is a dual edged sword - with the collapse and subsequent reformation of civil society outside my doors, it leaves me wondering – as well as a lot of other people – in the words of Miss Juicy…what the hell we gone do now?

Nearing the end of the first leg of my university career, I should be thinking about getting ready to transition to the next logical stages of adulthood - saving for an apartment, applying for permanent residency, as well as graduate schools and part time jobs. Yet, I’m worried about if these things will even be a possibility within the next month, six months, or even the next year.

On top of ALL of that, the recent BLM protests and the way that people (read: white people, Latinxs, Black men, homo/transphobes, etc.) have shown their asses the past few months is beyond mortifying - especially regarding the treatment of black women and how our value as individuals as well as a collective to society is really perceived.* This is not to downplay the murder of numerous black men in society, BUT who the fuck is riding for black women aside from other black women? And not just the ones who find attractive, or are racially ambiguous, or the ones you feel as if you get “guilted” into supporting and demanding justice for, I mean each and every black woman. I’m just saying, it gets pretty disheartening to feel like the legwork of the revolution is on the back of one category of people, and that your value to society is measured by the amount of emotional labour you’re ready to do for others, or how fat your ass is (but I digress…).

I feel like most people have used material things as coping mechanisms instead of actually facing their feelings and dealing with the things that bother them. Just think of the number of packages that have arrived on your doorstep the past few months. Breaking the glossy seal of packing tape is similar to therapy, until all the boxes are open, and you start feeling like shit again. And now, more than ever, there’s a lot to be bothered about. Western society has dedicated phrases based on the phenomenon of substituting true self-work with figurative emotional bandages (Phrases like comfort eating and retail therapy come to mind).

It’s nice to think that we – the people entering their adolescent and young adult years – will be the one to change these things, but suddenly it’s 2 am, you have twenty different things in your Amazon cart, (who the fuck needs a metal straw cleaning kit?) and you’re trying to see how far you can stretch and grab your debit card before falling off of the bed.

The conflicting messages pushed by society don’t help all that much either. If you look up “Kondo method” or “decluttering my closet” on YouTube, the numbers of videos that come up is astounding. Pages and pages of sweaty-faced, smiling YouTubers monetizing from this kind of faux “minimalism” only to post haul videos a few days later because “I threw everything out and now I have to rebuild from scratch sksksk!”. Does this not just perpetuate a cycle of buying and throwing and buying? I am....confusion, to say the least. Still I watch them, because I’m a hypocrite, and am also easily amused.

I will be the first to admit I have always had a very unhealthy relationship with money, with self-image, and with measuring my self-worth in proximity with “stuff that stems from a complicated relationship with physical self. Follow along:

Growing up, I was a fat kid. We don’t even have to sugar coat it. Think Terrio, but better eyebrows and more hair. Except I was not killin’ em, just myself. I always envied my friends who were able to go shopping at regular stores – read: Hollister, Abercrombie, Urban Outfitters (yes my friends were white), meanwhile I was condemned to shopping in the women’s department.

So, to compensate, I would buy trinkets – things like nail polish, lip gloss, journals, you get the point. My proximity to worthiness was measured not by the things that I bought, but within the act of buying. Growing up with parents who were also financially frugal also altered my relationship with money and blessed me with crippling buyers’ remorse after every purchase, even on things that are important (read: groceries).

But as a kid, buying “stuff” was fun for me – it gave me some sort of purpose, and the acquisition of things (even if they weren’t the same things my peers had) made me feel like, to some extent, I could compete on the same playing field. As I got older, and I started to have real expenses, I moved towards second-hand shopping. I would religiously find myself at Goodwill on weekend, after school, or with friends. I could literally feel an endorphin rush when I would find something that I would consider a “good deal”, and it made me feel (again) purposeful, to be spending money, even if I didn’t need whatever I was buying.

I should also add that the people in my immediate family does not believe in thrift stores (“Why am I working for you to wear other people’s clothing?”, I remember my dad asking me one day), so the act of second-hand shopping was also my form of rebellion.

I began to amass a collection of clothing that would put Kylie’s closet to shame. I began buying things for events and situations that were yet to happen, for other people, for when I lose ten pounds. It was a madness.

In freshman year of university, I had an unhealthy relationship with clubbing clothes. Did I have the figure for clubbing clothes? Absolutely not. The funnier part is, I couldn’t even go clubbing because I wasn’t 19 at the time. And yet I had drawers and drawers full of the stuff. Not to mention that clubbing clothes is incredibly similar to summer clothing and living between Minnesota and Canada meant that these things were barely seeing the light of day.

The moral of this was – I could never figure out my relationship with stuff, This quarantine has forced me to try and break down the compulsion behind my behaviour. I felt like I was spiralling the six weeks that they closed thrift stores, and I knew myself well enough to not try and online shop with the same kind of frequency as that. But the crazy part was, I didn’t die. I didn’t go into withdrawal (ok, I did a little bit, but whatever), and I was able to take the time to go through the things I already owned and find some hidden gems that were routinely buried in the cracks and crevices of my closet. It was like the episode of Family Guy when Peter realizes he has a vestigial twin – alarming and cool at first, but then it’s just alarming and annoying.

Its more embarrassing to realize that some semblance of myself image is tied to the frequency with which I am able to spend money. I would never say that participating in capitalist society gives me some kind of purpose as a black woman because God forbid. Also, considering that a lot of big names companies are actually racist and fatphobic as hell creates a whole new dimension for analyzing the power of my black dollar, sometimes creating another spiral of guilt leading to you guessed it – more spending.

As much as it seems like it, however, this self-reflection was not in vain. In the past month, I’ve cut down my closet from +200 pieces of clothing and shoes to about 40. If you ever want a fun, humbling activity this quarantine, just clean out your closet and be honest with yourself about how often you wear certain things. It was revolting to see the number of shirts, dresses, pants, skirts that I had bought and convinced myself wholeheartedly I was going to wear, only to pull them out of my closet months later with the tags attached *insert Marge Simpson covering her face meme*.

But at the end of the whole ordeal, it felt really good to look at my space and not feel burden or guilt. It was somewhat philanthropic realizing that not only will these clothes make someone else happier (I donated pretty much everything because it’s not always about money), but that my quality of life was not dramatically impacted in owning (or not owning) certain things. The past few weeks, I’ve spent more money on going out and sharing experiences with friends, but still nowhere near the same amount of money I would have spent buying clothes and other material possession.

Youtuber Kelly Stamps has a video on how minimalism “cured” her depression**, and the whole thesis boils down to the idea that owning less things gives you less to compare yourself too, thus making you happier (in a sense) and allowing you to focus the energy and time that would have been centered around maintaining and building your collection of possessions other things.

This still doesn’t break down the root of the issue, but it’s a start. I think when you have traits or patterns that you’ve participated in for so long, it becomes hard to step back and be objective enough to realize that you – yes, you – are part of the problem. I can blame my habits on a lot of things but at the end of the day, it’s important to realize that certain cycles seem never-ending because I actively choose to participate in these kinds of behaviours (accountability is sexy, huh?). While I’m not ready to face all my demons quite yet, it’s easier to do it with a nice wardrobe and a streamlined sense of mind.

Notes

*When I say black women, I mean ALL black women. Not some limited, cis-gendered, heteronormative view of what a woman is. Over here we ride for all those who identify as women.

**She emphasizes that she doesn’t actually means that it cured anything, but rather helped with her anxiety, and in turn, helped with her depression.

Links

That Family Guy Episode

The Kelly Stamps video

#cms #selfhelp?#consumerism

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fatedfuturist · 5 years

Text

things about my interpretation of tony stark. updated june 07, 2020.

here’s my exhaustive explanation for how i am not canon-compliant with the events and characterization of the mcu.

the reason for this is… well, there are several reasons, but i don’t want to stir shit up or just, in general, stomp on anyone else’s love for the mcu. and don’t get me wrong— i do love the mcu! but there are parts i’m critical of for personal reason, as we all have opinions on certain things. bc, yeah, you can love something, or someone, and still be logically critical about it or them.

anyway, here’s where my interpretation differs…

as per stated on my rules: i take inspiration for tony from multiple sources, including the mcu, marvel comics, the television show: avengers assemble, and my own personal headcanons. TONY IS ALSO ASIAN (SPECIFICALLY CHINESE) AMERICAN!!

i will admit that saying this isn’t particularly helpful if people don’t know, specifically, where i differ in terms of my interpretation of our dumbass genius. some of this info is scattered about on my blog, but here, it’s all consolidated into one post.

chen kun is my face claim, and i do use stuff from tony’s story from the mcu as a base. however, there are events and moments from the movies, that i selectively ignore due to personal preference; and then i build on top of my foundation with ideas, themes, and/or events from other sources such as the aforementioned sources listed above.

throwing this all under a read more because, like i said: exhaustive list. very. very. very fucking long. i’m serious– read at your own risk.

howard stark was an extremely abusive and absent father for all of tony’s childhood; tony did actively seek attention and approval from howard because he was rather aware of how famous he was and wanted the acceptance and validation from his dad; there wasn’t much shown in the mcu regarding his relationship with his father, but my inspiration for his father-son relationship comes from the comics;

an example of his verbal abuse: “you don’t want to be a sissy, now do you? stark men are made of iron!” (Iron Man, 1968);

an example of early exposure to alcohol: at age five, howard forced a drink into tony’s hand (which he did drink), stating that it would teach him “to be a man,” and that it’d “put hair on your chest” (Iron Man, 1968);

yes, this means that tony ‘forgiving’ howard in endgame is completely chucked out the window;

tony loses his parents the night of december 16, 1996 (not 12/16/1991), at the age of seventeen;

jarvis, the family butler, was more of a father to tony than howard ever was, and yes, this is why he names his first fully-functioning AI system jarvis;

tony was close with his mother, maria; she was his safehouse, and she taught him to be gentle and loving, and she also taught him the piano, which tony still periodically practices during his own time in private. in an avengers assemble episode, there is a piano in the tower that tony protects twice, which i reckon is because it has connections to his past with maria;

tony ain’t an old grandpa. i don’t see him being older than, like, 35–40 in the present time for my writing (chen kun is 44). this comes from comic and avengers assemble inspiration, which has been fairly ambiguous since they never mention his age. for plotting purposes in the mcu though, yes, he can be like 42–52 if needed.

tony is, by default, single unless otherwise stated. the reason for this is simply because i’m not big on tony / pepper in the mcu, and it’s not because i don’t like pepper (i love her as a character as an individual), but i just saw that the way they were written (so, this, yes, blames the mcu writers) was completely trash; they sort of redeemed it in endgame, but... in general, they had a lot of potential but then some writing choices pretty much ruined the ship for me;

this means that morgan does not exist unless otherwise specified and discussed, though i do enjoy the concert of tony being a dad to his own kid and breaking that cycle of howard’s shitty parenting;

i’m going to be as honest and transparent as i can: i do, for certain, love writing stevetony. they’re my primary ship. not simply in mcu dynamics, but from the comics and avengers assemble. however, like some can attest to, i will never force a ship on anyone. if you express no interest in them romantically? that’s fine. we can write them simply as good friends and comrades. i won’t stop writing or plotting with you if you don’t like them in a romantic dynamic. if you do like it that way? cool. i know it might be intimidating to discuss this given i look like complete trash for them, but i never choose who i will/will not write with based on whether we ship or not;

tony, publicly, hints toward being bisexual and biromantic a lot of the time as he’ll practically flirt with anyone at all times, but he never really openly admits it due to his oh-so ancient internalized homophobia (thank you for that one, howard and societal expectations of the time);

justin hammer is a long time rival in the industry, and often meddles with tony and his work all the time. it’s nothing new. the lack of foundation established in IM2 doesn’t provide much insight into their relationship. long story short (taken from avengers assemble): hammer is a punk bitch who’s jealous and tony is tired of him and will gladly beat his ass any day of the week whenever he drives a tank into his front door (which happens more often than not).

tony is fantastic with children. he loves getting to interact with children because he knows how excited they are to see him and/or iron man (seen in both the mcu and in the comics). this type of attention he’s okay about. if he can inspire children to do good things and be good people and be heroes in their own right, then he’s doing his job;

tony fosters the intelligence and dreams of bright individuals all the time by offering scholarships for high school graduates and post-secondary students, and also provides internship opportunities (equal opportunities regardless of race, sex, gender, religion, disability status, age, etc.)

we only see this occur with peter and harley in the mcu, but there are other kids— like riri williams! tony sees these kids for the bright minds that they have and he wants to help them and keep them safe as he knows these are the brains of the future.

let me run over iron man 3. like i said, i ignore some shit from the movies. tony doesn’t initiate the clean slate protocol, he doesn’t throw the arc reactor into the ocean, and he doesn’t remove the arc reactor from his chest. he will get surgery to get the shrapnel removed because if i were the follow the pain that comes with the comics, tony would literally be always on the verge of death at all times, requiring a chest plate to be recharged constantly to make sure the shrapnel doesn’t get closer– see? that’s a lot and i’m... lazy.

the reason for those choices are simple: clean slate protocol undoes his character progression;

the arc reactor is just a part of him as a person, stands as his heart;

avengers movie nights, (video/board) game nights, and training days exist and you will never be able to pry that out of my hands. tony always shows up fashionably late with coffee and pays for when shit gets broken by thor. team building exercises exist plenty within avengers assemble, including the fact that they share chores and decides who gets to do the next load of laundry from whoever chooses the short stick from the bunch.

tony has had anxiety and depression since he was a child. it just didn’t really flare up and get identified as a real, tangible mess of emotions and thoughts until he’d been kidnapped (and nearly died, at that). it got worse when he failed to address it until after IM3. into the present-day, tony deals with anxiety, depression, and PTSD all the time, but has improved (…sort of) when it comes to handling all of it, and certainly has grown to recognize similar symptoms in the people he cares about;

on another hand, tony has displayed symptoms of ADHD, but it’s not officially diagnosed, and some of these symptoms include, but are not limited to: hyperactivity (staying awake for days on end) and hyperfocus (hyper-focus on work), distractible (easily distracted when he’s not focused on something), rambling (talks a lot and often makes rather intuitive connections due to how busy his brain functions), impulsivity and recklessness (self explanatory), constant need to move around and/or do something (in meetings, he will be moving somehow, whether it’s tapping fingers or feet, or shifting around in his seat);

there are days where he feels inferior due to how human he knows he is (in comparison to most of his team), and other days, he feels as though he’s more machine than he is man. these feelings fluctuate depending on how he’s doing with his mental health, and/or if he hears and/or sees anything about him that points toward either idea;

there is always overwhelming guilt for those he can’t keep safe or people that die; tony doesn’t like to kill anybody (unless it’s robots, because… they’re robots, not human lives); though, if pushed far enough with no other choice, he will throw conventional morality out the window for the sake of protecting all that he believes to be for the good of the world;

tony isn’t jacked. he isn’t captain america fit, but he isn’t particularly thin, either. his body is sort of like a runner’s build (for visuals, refer to valerio schiti’s comic art of tony). i interpret tony’s body as a slight bit slimmer. he exercises, and being in the suit also is its own form of exercise. god forbid we discuss his eating habits, though. and–– he also isn’t short short, but he isn’t tall, either. he sits at 5’10”, which might be a little below the average male, but that’s about it.

speaking of eating habits, simply put: tony can’t cook for shit and that’s it. he’ll try to cook for his significant others’ on the occasion, but he can’t be blamed if he burns everything.

tony isn’t ‘woke’ or perfect, as it’s imperative to remember he grew up as rich and with financial and some social class privilege (since he was rich), despite the abuse and harassment he experienced during his youth. it’s taken him time to recognize this, and he realizes it really doesn’t cost anything to be a better person, which is why he tries to be better when it comes to his tone of voice when discussing certain topics he has no authority to be speaking of, and by taking action with simple manual labour when it comes to chores (so he doesn’t hire other people to do shit for him). he also knows he can’t be a man of ‘all bark and no bite’ when it comes to supporting people and causes, hence why he actively advocates for female and youth empowerment through both words and actions.

in regards to ca:cw events, i would prefer to ignore them. for specific-plotting purposes, this can be dropped, but i prefer the events of avengers assemble when it comes to ‘civil war’. it’s actually really simple:

tony was not honest about his intentions with the team regarding a robot that was initially made for him by howard, which ended up with an ultron reboot that nearly risked loads of civilian lives and the team’s lives;

steve confronted tony about it when they returned back to avengers tower. with tony’s insistence that everything was now fine, steve decided to resign due to tony’s dishonesty and lack of trust in the team;

this splits the team in half, where steve takes— well, they decided to leave since they didn't like tony's lack of honesty— natasha, the hulk, and the falcon to work under SHIELD as the ‘secret avengers,’ and tony, clint, and thor remain as leftover avengers (later with the addition of ant-man and temporarily, spider-man, in some missions);

in the end, they all join back together after learning to appreciate their differences and reconciling under the fact that there wouldn’t be any more secrets that could risk the world, and the team’s safety;

if i am to follow the events of the mcu— between ca:cw and infinity war, he develops nanotech for his armour, which is embedded into his very skin to accommodate for nanobots, which interacts via neural transmissions (visuals here);

tony recognizes that he lost his temper and let his emotions get to him in the moment, which fucked up shit that could’ve been talked through and fixed;

tony is an alcoholic. he recognizes that he always will be, though he’s always working toward sobriety. he certainly relapses every so often when things are rough and he feels as if he has no other options, but he’s aware that relapsing is part of the process of recovery. he has attended AA meetings (alcoholics anonymous), and has been AA sponsors for people in the past;

to skim through the events of infinity war and endgame should these be part of the things you’re curious about (this is getting really long and i’m sure you’re tired of reading this—how have you gotten this far?):

after returning from space, tony took a few months (~ five) to recover from those three months of malnutrition, dehydration, and the wound of thanos’ stab. tony sealed the front of his injury, but he sure as hell wasn’t seen dealing with the back end. during this time, he’s able to regain some muscle mass;

he lives on his own, retreating to the cabin to escape from the responsibilities of being a fallen hero who ultimately failed the people he was supposed to protect.

during the five year gap, he keeps in contact with the other avengers, but very rarely. they’re the only ones who know where he lives;

like i said— tony does not say any of that forgiving bullcrap to howard. victims of abuse don’t have to forgive their abuser, parent or not. let’s just imagine the entire interaction didn’t happen at all;

tony doesn’t die;

he used the infinity stones; but, to maintain consistency with what the mcu established w/ thanos: he sustained significant damage to his right arm, up to the shoulder and neck. it’s gravely scarred. the overall function of that arm also diminished greatly. vision out of his right eye is not as sharp as it once was, either;

a year of recovery and physiotherapy later, tony decides to amputate and go for a prosthetic. he works with shuri and wakandan tech to build an arm;

despite the end of the looming, world-ending thread, tony still battles resurfacing trauma. not every day is happy, but he is working toward recovery. there are days he doesn’t remember chunks of what happened due to the power of the infinity stones; sometimes, he doesn’t even want to remember it, anyway;

tony retires. sort of. for the most part. if the world really needs iron man, he’ll be there;

tony may have handed CEO-ship to pepper, but he still handles a lot of work for stark industries, and that’s what he primarily does post-endgame.

the multiverse and realm-traveling happens a-fucking-lot

#✧ i just want to feel like i’m still living. ≻ headcanon.#well fuck this took over an hour #and now i need to go to bed lmAOOOO #the formatting seems a bit whack bc i just copied and pasted it from my notes #but oh well #MFDSJHFDJSDFS #fuck this got long #long post //#tw: long post

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sage-nebula · 7 years

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It's making me really happy to see you posting about Animorphs... I love that series.

Well, I’m happy that you’re happy, because Animorphs is incredible and I feel that it’s terribly underrated! So many people dismiss it as a joke because of the covers, but honestly, re-reading the series as an adult (or at least as an older teenager; I remember picking up one of my books when I was fifteen and being amazed at the amount of violence and gore that I just did not notice as a child) is such an experience, because there is so much depth to it that a child-aged reader just might not pick up on. I could get into an entire essay about how deep and wonderful Animorphs is in the way that it forces its protagonists to constantly examine the choices and decisions they have to make in this war in terms of moral justification, and in fact I originally did have a really long essay typed up about it in this response before deleting it, but I’ll spare you. All I’ll say is, despite being a children’s sci-fi series from the late ‘90s - early ‘00s, it actually addresses the heavier, more gruesome aspects of war better than many of its modern day contemporaries, and it makes its protagonists acknowledge and own up to the fact that they come against moral lines (and sometimes cross them) without letting them off the hook for it. The Animorphs reach many points, over and over again, where they’re forced into morally gray (or even dark) territory. And each and every time this is acknowledged. Each and every time they actually discuss it, argue about it, fight about it, both with themselves and with each other. There are times when they’re called out by the enemy and allies alike. There are times when they have to acknowledge that though the Yeerk Empire itself is evil, there are individuals within the Empire who aren’t—and that even though they were led to believe that the andalites were the Big Good, in all actuality, the andalites are not nearly as pure as they were led to believe, even if there are (again) individual andalites who are on their side. Animorphs exists in a perpetual shade of grey, has social commentary all over its pages, and while it’s not perfect (because nothing is), it’s damn well excellent and I really wish that it wasn’t as underrated as it is. It deserves so much more.

So, that said! I’m happy that you’re happy that I’m posting about it. I’ve actually just started a re-read myself, and even though I’m just in the first book, I’m already enjoying it. I really recommend a re-read (and a first read to anyone who hasn’t read them), because they’re certainly worth it.

But with that said, to actually answer your question … actually, I have in a couple different ways.

The first type of crossover I imagined was a more direct sort of crossover. Something-something happens that results in the Animorphs being transported to the Castle of Lions at some point during VLD’s canon. This isn’t out of the question, to be honest; maybe the Ellimist sent them there (as he does), or maybe there was a sario rip (as happens), or maybe it was something else. This wouldn’t be the first time the Animorphs have been transported across space-time, and I’m sure it wouldn’t be the last. The main thought behind a scenario like this would be seeing how these two teams react to one another. On the one hand, I don’t think the Animorphs woudl be fazed very much at all; they’re well-versed in aliens by this point (particularly Ax, who is, you know, an andalite), and their main concern would be how they’re going to get back to Earth in order to continue fighting the yeerks, considering the fact that … well … the yeerks are taking over Earth. Marco might acknowledge that Allura is gorgeous (and would probably acknowledge the same about Keith and/or Shiro, tbh), but that would be one acknowledgment before he started working with the others to focus on a way to get home. Cassie and Jake would probably be open to hearing what’s going on, and I think that if there was any attempt to recruit the Animorphs into the war against the Galra Empire, Rachel would be super interested, particularly if it meant that she got to pilot a Lion (although, she might think it would have been cooler if the Lions were bears instead, and not just because a lion was David’s battle morph). Tobias would be interested in seeing the Castle and this new alien culture, although I think the lack of forestation would bug him (particularly since the hologram forests in some of the Castle’s rooms would be easy for him, as a hawk, to see through). Ax, too, would be disturbed at the lack of grass, though I could also see him regarding alteans as being just as primative as he views humans, both because we know that (canonically) the technology in the Castle of Lions is 10,000 years out of date, and because alteans walk around on just two legs, which we all know that andalites view as being very clumsy and silly.

Ax would say, looking at their clothing.

“Yeah, but that also means that they have mouths like we humans do,” Marco would point out. “Meaning that they can also sample the pleasures of the Cinnabon like we can.”

Ax would admit, with a pang of regret in his voice.

“Actually,” Hunk would say, “all we currently have in the Castle is food goo.”

“Food … goo?” Jake would ask, wrinkling his nose. Whether he wrinkled it in disgust or confusion wouldn’t be clear.

Ax would say,

So overall, I think that the Animorphs would be mostly focused on how to get back to Earth to continue fighting the yeerks, though they’d probably recognize that they need to help out with whatever situation sent them here to begin with before the Ellimist will send them back. (Conversely, if it was a sario rip, they might be more focused on recreating that so that they can get back home.)

On the other hand, I think that Team Voltron’s reactions would be quite different. Remember that the Animorphs are only thirteen when the series starts. We don’t know exactly how old Ax is, given that he’s an andalite, but we do know that he is about the same age as them, in andalite years. He’s young. They’re all young. They’re kids and this is routinely acknowledged in the books. Despite this, they’re fighting guerilla warfare against an alien invasion. They can’t trust anyone, because the yeerks have infested everyone from their family members to high-ranking politicians and police officers. They can morph into any animal they touch, but this just means that when they fight, they’re literally ripping out throats with their own teeth, clawing through bodies with their own claws, and they have been disembowled and eviscerated more times than any of them cares to remember. They’re kids and they’re already deeply traumatized by fighting a war up close and personal. Now, Pidge was fifteen when she joined up with Voltron. Lance, Hunk, and Keith were 17-18. Allura is somewhere between 17-19, and Shiro is in his mid-twenties. They’re not old, but they’re also not as young (as tiny) as the Animorphs. And moreover, they don’t have to fight as up close and personal as the Animorphs do. Yes, sometimes they do get into hand-to-hand, but they’re always wearing armor and wielding their bayards. They’ve never had to literally bite down on another living being’s arm and taste blood and flesh in their mouths. They’ve never had to slice through a stomach and see everything pour out. They’ve never had that happen to them. And none of them have had to experience the horrors of being an ant in an ant colony. There’s a reason why the Animorphs have sworn off ever morphing ant again. It was horrifying.

And I think that, knowing this—well, first of all, the human members of Team Voltron would be beyond horrified to learn that Earth is currently under invasion, not by the galra, but by the yeerks, which is … kind of worse? At least the galra are waging open warfare. The yeerks will do that later, when Visser Three (after being promoted to Visser One) gets his way, but at the moment they’re not. At the moment it’s a silent invasion, which means that the Animorphs—these children—are the only ones fighting against it, and they have to do so secretly, while also juggling middle school and other responsibilities. That’s bad enough, especially when they recognize what it could mean for their loved ones back home:

“Wait. Do you mean to say that—that my mom could be one of these … controllers?” Hunk asks.

“Yeah,” Marco says flatly. “Probably.”

Hunk goes pale.

But it’s even worse when they look at how young the kids are. Yeah, again, Team Voltron is nowhere near old. But Lance would suddenly feel a whole lot older when he looks at Marco, who’s about four or five years younger than him, who is tiny (because remember, Marco is canonically short), and who should be worrying about things like which girl to ask to the school dance or what video game to play rather than whether he’s going to make it home to his dad in one piece. Of course, god forbid Lance actually express this Marco, because Marco hates being pitied and would counter with something sarcastic (“Gee, why didn’t I ever think that it might be easier and more pleasant to not fight against the Yeerk Empire? If only I’d had the foresight!”), but nonetheless, that’s how he’d feel. I think that Team Voltron would want to immediately put a stop to what they’re currently doing to go help against the yeerks, which might cause some strife with the rest of the coalition (they can’t just abandon the war against the Galra Empire, but at the same time, they’re currently losing their home planet of Earth), but it would also raise an entirely new set of issues, such as … how can Voltron help against the yeerks, when the yeerks are currently waging a silent invasion? Do they get the Galaxy Garrison involved? And what are the odds that the Galaxy Garrison has already been infested—that someone like Iverson might already be a controller?

So that’s one idea I had, particularly with a few different comparisons in mind. (e.g. Marco is what you could imagine ending up with if you combined Lance and Pidge, and Keith and Tobias have so much in common: They’re both orphans, they both have one alien parent, they both feel ostracized from their respective teams in different ways, they both tend to be isolated whether by choice or by force, they both discover their destiny later on, they both have abandonment issues, they’re both regarded as “emo” by their respective fandoms even though they really aren’t, they’re both quite clever, they’re both … well, Tobias is an unwilling dropout due to being trapped in morph, and Keith was booted from the Garrison, et cetera …)

But I also have considered role swap crossovers, to imagine what that would be like as well.

For instance, perhaps the Animorphs (sans Ax this time—sorry, Ax, but the kids just can’t get you from the bottom of the ocean if they don’t have morphing ability) were the ones who, despite being thirteen-year-olds, found the Blue Lion and had it take them to space, and to the Castle of Lions, instead. So they’re the ones who awaken Allura and Coran from cryostasis, and they’re the ones that Allura tries to recruit into the war against the Galra Empire.

I don’t think it would go very well.

To begin with, Marco would be a hard no right away, for the exact same reason that he tried to give a hard no to fighting the yeerks. To quote from the first book:

Marco shook his head. In a quiet voice he said, “Look, I think these controllers are jerks. But if something happened to me … my dad. He wouldn’t be able to handle it.”

Two years ago, Marco’s mom died. She drowned. They never even found her body. Marco’s dad lost it big time. He totally fell apart. He quit his job as an industrial engineer because he couldn’t handle being around other people. Now he was working as a night janitor, making barely enough to support Marco. He spent his days sleeping or watching TV with the sound off.

“You can all think I’m a weasel if you want,” Marco said. “I don’t care. But if I get killed or something, my dad will flat-out die. He’s only hanging in there because of me.”

Marco, aged thirteen, would not be cool with staying in space to fight some evil alien empire. He flat out wouldn’t be. He would want to go home, to go back to his dad, because in all honesty he’d probably already be panicking about being way out in space (how much time has passed on Earth?), would already be flipping out at the possibility of his dad thinking he was dead and committing suicide as a result.

And in all honesty, I’m not sure the rest would be on board, either. I mean, Tobias would be. Tobias was the one most eager to fight the yeerks, the one who felt that he found something worth fighting for, as he tells to Marco early on in the first book. Rachel would be at first, particularly since (again) I think the Lions would excite her, but even she realizes after the police officer controller visits them at the barn that they’re just kids, that this is beyond them, that they should tell someone (even though there’s no one they can trust). She does side with Tobias quickly after that, but she has a moment of hesitation. Cassie would similarly feel hesitant, although at the same time hearing that the galra are oppressing entire civilizations would move her to want to take action. And Jake would be torn, because his family is back on Earth, and he sees both sides. In the books, his motivation for fighting the yeerks was to save Tom. Here, he doesn’t have that, so I’m inclined to think that he, too, would want to go home.

Which would, of course, impossibly frustrate Allura and Coran, but …

In any case, if they did end up staying, then I think the Lion distribution would be:

Black Lion: “The Black Lion forms the decisive head of Voltron. It will take a pilot who is a born leader and in control at all times—someone whose men will follow without question.”

Paladin: Jake Berenson.

Reasoning: I mean, obviously. Jake is the leader of the Animorphs. He was elected as leader with no contest outside of his own. All of the Animorphs have looked to him for leadership and guidance since day one, and even when he calls for votes (which is often), the final decision is still usually his. Ax recognizes him as Prince Jake (even though he’s not a prince) for a reason. So yeah, Jake would be the Black Paladin, for sure.

–

Red Lion: “The Red Lion is temperamental, and the most difficult to master. It’s faster and more agile than the others, but also more unstable. Its pilot needs to be someone who relies more on instincts than skill alone.”

Paladin: Tobias.

Reasoning: This one is difficult, because certain aspects of the Red Lion (temperamental, relies on instincts, difficult to master, unstable) sound like Rachel. Rachel would also really appreciate the Red Lion’s arsenal. She would like the fire power, as well as the sword. However, I’m not sure that Rachel is best suited for the finesse that it takes to fly Red. Rachel tends to barrel through her enemies, not weave and dodge around them like the swift and agile Red Lion requires. Additionally, Rachel is not a natural flier … but Tobias is. Tobias relies on instincts rather than skill alone, given all the time he spends as a hawk in his own series, and he’s definitely used to being swift and agile. Plus, it’s not like he doesn’t have experience with ihs own issues of being unstable, and it’s not as if he doesn’t know how to handle those that are temperamental. So ultimately, I think that the Red Lion would have to go to Tobias.

–

Green Lion: “The Green Lion has an inquisitive personality and requires a pilot of intellect and daring.”

Paladin: Marco.

Reasoning: Marco doesn’t do the best in school, but he’s incredibly intelligent, cunning, and resourceful. He’s the best at strategy, and later in his own series he hacks a CIA database because he’s bored. Now who does that sound like, hm?

–

Blue Lion: “The Blue Lion is the friendliest of the Lions and the most accepting of new pilots. It requires a pilot who (appears to have) confidence to spare, who is willing to keep going no matter the obstacles they face.”

Paladin: Rachel Berenson.

Reasoning: Again, this one was hard, because we don’t actually have criteria for the Blue Lion (thanks, Lance), so I’ve had to piece this together based on the website and what we see in the show. The Blue Lion, according to the website, accepts new pilots the easiest, and has confidence like Lance. But we know that Lance’s (and Allura’s, for that matter) confidence is mostly for show. They hide their insecurities and fears in order to appear strong for others. Rachel does this as well, particularly early on, as she herself thinks in book seventeen when she volunteers for the mole mission first despite being afraid. But the Blue Lion also appreciates that its Paladins ask it for help sometimes, that they keep trying even after they’ve failed, and Rachel is characterized as one who can fall off the balance beam eight teams and get up on it a ninth. So yes, I think she could work as the Blue Paladin, though again, this one can kind of lean toward Tobias as well.

–

Yellow Lion: “The Yellow Lion is caring and kind. Its pilot is one who puts the needs of others above their own. Their heart must be mighty.”

Paladin: Cassie.

Reasoning: I mean, obviously. Cassie is the heart of the Animorphs, and often acts as emotional support (or a morality checkpoint, even if she herself isn’t perfect). She’s pretty clearly a fit for Yellow Paladin.

–

So I think that, if the kids agreed to stay in space and fight this war, that’s how the Lion distribution would be. But I think it’d be hardpressed to keep them there, particularly with regards to Marco, who would be incredibly worried about his dad and wouldn’t want any part of this war that, in his mind, would have nothing to do with him (as he would tell Allura in no uncertain terms—straight up, “And that’s my problem because? Sorry, lady, but you have to sort this mess out for yourself”).

On the other hand, there’s also the other role swap scenario. One where the Voltron cast never ends up getting in the Blue Lion to go to space, but instead encounters a dying andalite, receives morphing power from him, and then watches as he is eaten alive by a morphed Visser Three.

I’ve imagined a lot of different aspects to this particular role swap AU. The one I struggle with the most is wondering whether Shiro is involved or not, since I’ve kind of already decided that high-ranking officials within the Galaxy Garrison (e.g. Iverson, Sam Holt) are most definitely controllers. Is Shiro also a controller? Was he sent off-planet because he was one, such as Sam Holt, and the Yeerk Empire wanted his yeerk doing things in space? Or was he spared that fate, thankfully, and is instead an Animorph?

Well, we know what the more pleasant scenario is. We’ll imagine that for now.

Just as the Animorphs are all thirteen when they’re sent to the Castle of Lions, our former Paladins are all the same ages they are in canon when they encounter Elfangor. I’m imagining that this would still take place around the Garrison; Shiro, if he wasn’t infested and sent off to space, is an instructor. If he’s still around (Kerberos never having happened), then Keith would still be a student, as would Lance and Hunk. We’ll say Pidge is one, too, because that makes things more convenient (and maybe she’s not concealing her gender this time—maybe she’s open about who she is from the start). Since the Garrison is already infested, the yeerks having hit it up first thing, I imagine that there would definitely be a push around the Garrison to get others infested as well. The Sharing is perhaps an organization already in a nearby town that claims to specialize in reaching out to those “at risk,” whether they’re at risk because they’re orphans (Keith) or because of the stress of academia. Infested Garrison instructors and officials really push others to go. It’s a fun group, they say. Everyone belongs there, they say. It’s good to take the stress off studies, they say. Iverson continuously badgers Keith into going, and Shiro (who in this scenario is not infested, remember, though he could be) says that maybe it’d be fine to attend once just to get Iverson off his back. So Keith does, and he finds it pointless and a little degrading (he doesn’t need pity or to be babied), and so he stops. He’s not much of a follower, he says. Iverson’s yeerk is pissed off by this and says that he’d do well to get in line, honestly, or else maybe his future at the Garrison will be cut short.

So anyway, that’s the set-up. At some point they encounter Elfangor. Instead of an abandoned construction site, maybe it’s just somewhere out in the desert. Who knows why they’re out there. Or maybe it still is a construction site, who knows. But they meet Elfangor, and he’s dying, and he gives them morphing power, and tells them about the yeerks, and then they see him get eaten alive by Visser Three. They hear his dying scream in their heads.

(And really, just think about that … aside from Shiro, who spent a year as a prisoner of war, Team Voltron’s introduction to the war against the Galra Empire was to meet a pretty princess in a pretty castle and be told about it. The Animorphs’ introduction to the war against the Yeerk Empire was to meet a gentle alien who was eaten alive not fifteen minutes later right in front of them. And the Animorphs were thirteen. Jesus Christ.)

Of course, they’re now faced with a decision. Shiro, perhaps, will want to tell those at the Garrison about what’s going on, and Lance and Hunk would be on his side, but both Keith and Pidge would be wary, because … how do they know that people at the Garrison aren’t infested? That’s a good point, Shiro concedes, and so they decide to wait it out and see. And lo and behold, they realize that the suspicion was warranted, because people at the Garrison are infested. High-ranking people are infested. They can’t go to the Garrison for help. They’re on their own with this one.

They learn that The Sharing is a front for the yeerks. They learn that Pidge’s brother, Matt (who is still around in this AU), is a controller. Pidge, who previously didn’t really want to fight in this war, is now gung-ho about fighting it to save her brother (and her father, who is a controller off-planet). Lance suggests just knocking Matt out and holding him for three days so that his yeerk dies, but Keith points out that’s not feasible because the yeerks would link it back to Pidge, and then to the rest of them. They’d be captured and infested. Their families would be captured and infested. They can’t do it.

It all hits Pidge even harder when she learns that the reason why Matt is a controller is because … well, he was taken involuntarily, but since then he has made a deal with the yeerks that they can have him so long as they leave her alone.

They all acquire different flying / battle morphs. So far I’ve thought:

Keith: Red-tailed hawk / black panther.

Shiro: Golden eagle / wolf.

Lance: Osprey / male lion.

Hunk: Black kite / rhino

Pidge: Peregrine falcon / king cobra

I feel like Pidge would really want an owl morph, but the problem is that owls are nocturnal. For the day she would need a diurnal bird, and so the peregrine falcon fits that. Additionally, I recognize that there is a risk at giving her a king cobra for a battle morph due to the fact that snakes can be, well, stepped on, but she might have a grizzly bear as backup. If nothing else, king cobras are extremely venomous; their venom is a neurotoxin and can kill in ten minutes if left untreated. So I mean, it’s not as if Pidge having a king cobra morph is entirely a bad choice, especially if the enemies they’re fighting are focused on the other, much larger, opponents.

I’ve thought of a few other things with this, too, like maybe the reason why Keith’s dad disappeared is because he was taken by the yeerks. Maybe he’s an involuntary host to a Visser by this point? The yeerks wanted to hunt down Keith after capturing his dad, because thanks to his dad’s memories they know that Keith is part-galra, but Keith was already put into foster care and hidden away by the time they could get to him. His dad stalled for that long, at least. So Keith doesn’t know his heritage, and doesn’t know that the yeerks have special interest in him, even if they haven’t put the pieces together yet.

So yeah, I’ve definitely thought of a few different crossover scenarios, and I kind of want to write them, haha. We’ll see what (if anything) comes of it.

Thanks for asking! :)

#pidge-eon #animorphs #voltron #animorphs voltron au #voltron animorphs au

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fowlerconnor1991 · 4 years

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Reiki Healing Kidneys Mind Blowing Diy Ideas

A remarkably simple technique that anyone can benefit any health or disease of the universe, a feeling that he was fast becoming convinced that the body to bring about harmony and trust is helpful.Many people don't go beyond levels one or just listen to your children?This form of healing, Traditional Japanese Reiki was being monitored for various forms of healing and learning difficultiesThe system of healing that I originally attained from a Reiki Master on speed dial.

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Reiki Massage Therapy Video

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Reiki Healing Kannada

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#Reiki Healing Kidneys Mind Blowing Diy Ideas #What Is Reiki Nz

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catotheyoungest · 7 years

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Being an Introvert and How to Make Their Life a Nightmare

yeah I’ve been quiet for almost a year and I break it with a rant lol

There’s a lot going on in my life I can’t freaking deal with but the newest development of unfortunate things in the pile of disaster that is my life is something that has moved so far past being offensive or anger-inducing that it’s entered the realm of completely baffling because you must have been raised on an alien planet to act like this.

First things first, I am an introvert. By now you’ve probably seen a bunch of videos and articles and infographics about what this is and how to deal with someone who’s introverted, I’m just going to sum all that up for time.

Hi, I’m an introvert. I enjoy space and time to myself. Sometimes it’s for long periods of time and sometimes it’s not. My quietness does not mean I’m mad at you or annoyed by you, my reluctance for contact does not mean I’m rude, I’m not inherently shy, I don’t hate being around people. All it means is that I’m an inward looking person, I spend a lot of time in my own head and I enjoy it. I like to take time to think and observe when presented with new situations but I’m always paying attention, even if I never say anything you are always in my thoughts. Spending time with people requires a lot of energy from me and I need to remove myself from social life to replenish it. I still care about you and I will resurface when I’m ready. Do not give up on including me in your life and don’t assume other people not constantly interacting with you has anything or everything to do with you.

Now here is how you take an introvert and make their home life suck.

I’ve had to deal with a new, very sudden living situation, and I thought I could handle it, but it’s been very rough and I wish I’d had other options I could have chosen. But all of that is completely unrelated to the people I’m living with. One is my best friend since I was 14, she’s known me for like 12 years, she knows my personality and how I work and doesn’t question my need for space or silence. She and I mesh well because of this understanding. Her boyfriend however baffles me. One of the first conversations I had in this house, like these exact words left my mouth with the household in the room “I’m an introvert. Sometimes I like being alone for a long time and I’m not big on touching”

One of them got it, guess what happened with the other.

There wasn’t really a problem until after Christmas and New Year’s. I don’t really have a door I can lock as my room is the basement and the laundry is down here and really the only thing blocking off my bed area is my bookshelves, so there’s already a lack of privacy that sets me on edge a little when people are here. But I was left alone and I thought “cool my space will be respected.” Until I started waking up to being hugged? Or just touched in general. Like I’ve never met a person that’s just super platonically cuddly by nature to the point where they think it’s ok to just do it to whoever. Or just randomly coming to me at my desk while I’m doing stuff to just go “Hey I’m bored.” and then just sit their like I’m expected to transform into an entertainer. And constantly ask to “show them art stuff” or what am I doing/reading/talking to/why can’t I see the photos on your phone/why won’t you show me your art files

Like DUDE. Even if I wasn’t private by nature that’s still pretty rude. I’m not here as a source of entertainment. My space is not just open season because I don’t have a door to shut.

Eventually I got a little grumpy because I was constantly being touched and cuddled especially in my BED where I’m SLEEPING? Like seriously? My family never even touched me past a hug and then I move somewhere else and suddenly cuddles and hugs and “playful” boob grabs that might be fun and fine to the rest of our mixed circle of friends but not to me, become a constant thing. And I never snapped, never yelled, never made a confrontation. On top of being introverted I’m a very anxious person, I stay out of the way and avoid conflict, when I have problems with people it’s usually because they came up to me and started making an ass of themselves or said something to me that was offensive. But god forbid I get slightly visibly annoyed after months of having no personal space because then I get constant texts about him martyring himself. “Oh I’m so stupid” “I’ll just fuck off” and “I’m sorry” said about a million times.

Like ok, great you want to apologize, but you’re making it all about you. Once you say I’m sorry and I say it’s cool, drop it. And then even my own personal business is apparently free for everyone to just take charge of. There was an incident one Friday night where I got a text along the lines of “hey I’m bored I’m going to help you find a video game design job” First of all, loving the fact that my personal life is something to entertain yourself hen I’m bored, second of all, boy do you even know where to look? Because this is someone who started off the conversation with “graphic design is the same thing right?” yeah right like I’m going to trust you to know how to navigate your way around an industry you know nothing about. Like I’m flattered by the want to help, seriously, that’s really touching that you care, that was just approached completely the wrong way and this is something I would rather take care of on my own or get help from friends who are more familiar with the subject. I even offered the compromise of, if you found someone who wants like a mural painted or see someone needing a person to illustrate a book or a poster or wants a portrait or something, please tell me, that would be just as helpful. But he just kept pushing and insisting and coming off like he knew better than me about my own turf.

Not to mention this nonsense happened RIGHT after I had gotten a bundle of rejection letters for jobs I’d applied to and it hit me really hard, because I’ve been trying for years and failing at nearly everything I’ve set out to do. To the point where I’m completely lost on how to proceed with my life or what I want out of life anymore. And that night just getting another dead end just hit me a little harder than usual. And I’m not expecting people to be mind readers, but just coming in and taking charge and implying I’m lazy or not trying by assuming everything about me without much thought is just...ugh. I was mad. That and I know it was a joke but I swear to god “lol you could apply to Hooters” did not help.

Like I’m utterly baffled because I have never in my life had to explain to someone, hey don’t touch my boobs, hey my boobs aren’t part of my personality, hey don’t manhandle me in my own bed just because you want me to wake up, hey don’t stick your nose in my personal business when I didn’t ask for help.

And I’m even more confused because there’s no malicious intent, there’s no ulterior motive, it’s just platonic ignorance and my personality and existing conditions have no clue how to deal with a person like this. I’ve had a ton of guy friends in the past and even male roommates before and not once ever has anyone of them crossed the line. I had lots of female roommates cross every possible line ever though, but back then I also had like 10 hours of school a day and they would usually fuck off until 4 in the morning so after a bit I never saw them.

And I’ve said that I need space, I’ve said I’m not really comfortable being touched, I’ve asked nicely to back off, and today I even had to hold his hand and walk him through what being an introvert is, again, and he still is missing some key points.

There is nothing wrong with me. I’m not broken, I do not need to be fixed. It took me a long time growing up to accept this part of myself and that it was ok, and to grow into it and learn to be mindful and learn how to make and keep friendships without compromising what makes me feel happy and safe. I only have a few close friends but they’re deeper and more fulfilling relationships to me than I’d get if I had many friends. And when I’m in my own head I may not be very open, but if I’m given the space and time when I do open up I’m amazingly adventurous and eager to explore and have fun and I’m funny and love telling stories, I have things to say and like my voice to be respected. It can just take me awhile to ant to speak, because I don’t like to unless I have something to say. And this is fine. This is who I am and it’s great. I’m my own unique person just like everyone else on this planet isn’t the same as any other.

I’m definitely not perfect and I know that not everyone is going to be either. I just wish I didn’t have to work so hard to make someone understand me when I’ve never had this problem with other people before. Up until this point nothing like this has been an issue, people understood my boundaries without me having to give them a presentation on how some people are different than you.

If you know someone that’s introverted, just give them their space, that’s all I ask. Try to understand that they’re different and listen to their needs. If it really bothers you talk to them and CLEARLY explain how you feel, we’re not aloof or cold, we’re willing to compromise and find solutions that can accommodate all parties. And if you’re an introvert, be prepared for some people to just not get it. There’s going to be people who can’t read body language or take a hint even if you explain yourself. All you can do is politely talk to them and hope it works out. If it doesn’t then maybe they aren’t worth your time, just focus on keeping the peace or find a better place to move yourself to if possible.

Introverted or not, all any of us can do is our best and you’re not going to be able to coexist with everyone and that’s fine, it doesn’t make you any less of a person.

Sorry this is such a downer of a post I just...life’s been really difficult and something like this shouldn’t really be a problem but someone is insisting that it should be and I don’t need this right now and I needed to write down my thoughts. |D

#fun fact I went through 19 roommates in college #because I lived in a 6 person dorm room for most of it and people just liked to play hot potato with housing arrangement #I only ever had to get rid of a small handful of them #because they stole my food #were the kind of obnoxious where theey'd get up at 6 am and put on high heels and clonk around the kitchen singing as loud as possible #or they did crack off of my stuff :D #maybe one day I'll have a living situation that's not batshit crazy

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