#god help them if andy gets on that croquet field

[wickedpact]

and see the thing is, because booker appears the be the oldest of the group (and also the most.... white frenchman of the group) all of the wealthy men like him (not romantically but like. in the straight rich businessmen way men would like each other.) so while nicky and joe (...and andy) are being sought after (andy’s prob doing most of the pursuing of women tho) by all these women (and the one man in nickys case) booker is sought after by their fathers/brothers/husbands to go hunting together and play croquet and discuss rich man things over drinks in the fancy sitting room (that one at least includes drinking so booker hates it the least.) however. idk i’m feeling a touch bad for mr booker here. maybe there is 1 woman who has a crush on him, maybe one of the quieter types, perhaps maybe even a *gasp* lower class woman? like rich people had like... paid servants back then? (im basing this knowledge of this era on the fact that i’ve seen most of downton abbey and i’m picturing an estate similar to that? but with. less nice rich people? idk) extra hillarious if booker is... completely unaware that this woman is Absolutely Smitten with him, the others All See it but whenever they say smth about it booker is all “nonsense! she’s just very nice that’s all :)”

god if this woman turns her attention to nicky... oh dear. i feel like nicky wouldn’t take very kindly to the woman who tried to poison andromache (“she also tried to steal my heart, nicolò, you could be angry about that too nicolò” “don’t be ridiculous yusuf, that woman could never even come near to your heart. however she came very near to poisoning andromache.”) so he’s probably pretty... cold to her (or as cold to her as he can be if she is nobility, though would nicky really care hsvdbdb) but as we know this woman does not Back Down Easily. nicky eventually will just, zone out when she starts speaking to him, and she takes it with a Very Fake Sweetness (“...sorry, what was that? i was thinking about the price of potatoes” “oh? you’re so intelligent :) i would love to hear your thoughts on the price of potatoes :)” and i can’t decide if it’s funnier if nicolò was genuinely thinking about the price of potatoes (really honestly probably not that out of character) and then just fuckin. starts a full on speech about it right there. or she asks nicolò for his thoughts and he just responds with a very quick “no :)” and then leaves the room.)

also i will only say this Once but andy will tease the boys about all the ladies lusting after them only for her to be over there knee deep in [redacted] - 2ta

joe nicky and andy: running around, having Shenanigans, desperately trying to avoid getting hit on by nobility of varying genders

booker and the lads:

if there is any goal to the con besides posing as nobility (ie. discovering information or smth) then booker is def the only one making any headway on that goal. he is absolutely socially drinking his way to that intel and loving every second of it

BOOKER AND HIS 1 ADMIRER I LOVE IT andy joe and nicky are just (largely unwillingly) participating in this bizarre love polygon and watching booker and this 1 single lady, like a maid or smth?, be heartbreakingly adorable with each other

nicky: wow i want what they have.

joe:

joe: we have been married

joe: FOR SEVEN HUNDRED YEARS,

nicky ABSOLUTELY was thinking about the price of potatoes and joke’s on that lady, bc he will spend the whole ball/event/whatever talking about the price of potatoes, and joke’s also on nicky, bc she will sit there and pretend to actually be engaged with the potato discussion the whole time

and she TOTALLY knows he hates her ass bc of the poisoning andy thing (tho she thinks its older brother (well.. younger brother) protectiveness) and shes like yeah.... this is definitely a sexy hatred.... meanwhile nicky is gayly thinking about potatoes, his husband in that new suit, and wondering what annabelle is up to at that moment. this woman just Cannot score for the life of her

re: booker i was also thinking like.... some little girl, like the daughter of one of the rich white guys hes always hanging out with, takes a liking to him, like 7 or 8 years old, and he occasionally buys her gifts, like bits of ribbon or a doll or smth.... and hes like 50% ‘man i wish i had a daughter’ and 50% ‘boy am i glad i didnt have any more kids than i did bc Dead Child Angst’‘

i was also laughing my own ass off last night thinking about the Squad buying all these rich people clothes pre-con and bc nicky’s supposed to be andy’s brother and is thus prolly going to have to help her get into some of her outfits, he has to go to the fittings with her, like idk maybe andy’s pretending to be a Common Girl who just got married to some rich guy, and so the Tailor Lady/Dude at the Rich People Fashion Store(TM) gives them an afternoon of lessons on the 17 Steps On Getting Into Victorian Finery and The Fifteen Different Outfit Changes You’ll Have To Go Through Throughout the day, etc etc

and nicky’s just over here Absolutely Hating that he knows what an s curve corset is, much less how to lace one, and andy’s like ‘you think you hate knowing what it is, try wearing it, you bastard fiend’

meanwhile joe and booker are out somewhere drinking and smoking cigars and uh [checks notes]

and watching a soccer game

[spintrebuchet-blog]

Wimbledon is here.

 An emerald swale exists in London where dukes would play in the past, and immortals dominate it in the present. I bring you – Wimbledon. This is the holy grail of tennis.

(Center court with the roof closed. That’s Nigel, by the way. My espionage sensei. He used to work in the Mi6. Great guy. Although, he cheats at canasta).

There is a whiff of sentimentality and wistfulness to this place. As a staunch romantic, I am averse to both, but here...I make an exception. Let me prove it to you. In 1880, it started as the ‘Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club’. Over the passing years, croquet lost fashion (unsurprisingly) and its name was omitted from the front billboard. This did not last long as nostalgia kicked in and brought back the word.

I’ve been to the Center Court many times. It is especially beautiful after the rain. Water droplets bring out a sparkle from the grass. The burst of zest is overpowering and all one has to do is just surrender to them. Astronomers say that the Earth was once bathed in stardust, but I wonder if this place got a little more than others. Everything about Wimbledon is just right. . There is not a single sponsorship label to be seen. No pump-up music. Not one cheerleader. And, the result? Dogmatic commitment from players that churn out matches that are both gritty and sublime.

Plus, how good these strawberries and cream look? 

Wimbledon use to have a pigeon problem until 2002. Then MTB, sent in one of my colleagues - Rufus. 

Now. It is time for me to address the Big 4. 

Andy Murray - the Dreadnought of Dunblane - (Slam Count: 3. Rank: #1). 

Yeah, it’s been that kind of year for Murray. He came as the top seed at the Australian Open, for the first time in his entire career. Everyone expected him to storm his way to the finals. Instead, he lost to a crafty Misha Zverev in the fourth round. 

Murray...what happened, man? Just overnight, you lost your mojo. Last year, by this point, you had reached two slam finals and were coming into Wimbledon as the second favorite, to Djokovic. 

Recently, McEnroe commented that you were “a distant fourth” among the others of the Big 4. This is your chance to prove him wrong. Wimbledon is the starry diamond of all the jewels of the ATP treasure trove.

Remember this: you’re number one. You have got the ranking and the seeding. Sure, the rhythm hasn’t been great from the last six months. But, keep in mind, how many more years do you see ahead? You’re already 30. This might be the last time you’ll have the number one seeding at Wimbledon. Winning this title would put ahead of Wawrinka, in the slam count, and rightfully so.  

I am reminded of a passage from Paradise Lost. 

“In dubious Battel on the Plains of Heav’n, And shook his throne. What though the field be lost?  All is not lost; the unconquerable Will; And study of revenge, immortal hate,  And courage never to submit or yield: And what is else not to be overcome?”

When looking at Murray’s most recent highlights, notably from his semi-finals in Paris, against Stan Wawrinka - where he was up two sets to one, you just notice the sense that he is playing too passively. 

There is a Scottish saying which I wonder has gone to Murray’s heart:

 "Whit's fur ye'll no go past ye”. This basically means, ‘What will happen, will happen”. 

Andy, you need to drill that cynicism out of your cranium. I want to see Andy play with the same fervency, that he used to. I am talking about Braveheart times Nessie. I want to see that same demented perfectionist blast scorching aces down the tee. Remember, the same weapon that you destroyed Federer with, back in the finals of the Olympics back in 2012.

Nevertheless, Murray, I shall leave you be and wish you luck with a saying from your Native Scotland - Long may your chimney smoke. 

(Oh, and when you do get on a roll, and steam your way through the first week, which I’m sure you will; after demolishing your opponents, quote the great Demoman, “Oh, they’re going to have to glue you back together...in Hell!”. 

Novak Djokovic - the Djoker - (Slam Count: 12. Rank - #4). 

Nole has been rusty all season. He looked decent in Madrid, but losing in the finals of a Masters 1000 to a rookie, shows that he hasn’t gotten his clutch gene back. 

(Doesn’t Eastbourne sound like a cool name for a spy? Oh, just give it a though. M summons Bond into her office and says, “007, allow me to introduce your new partner. Meet Eastbourne”.). 

Anyways, back to tennis. Playing at Eastbourne would have meant that he would not have any rest before Wimbledon, unlike his rivals who had time to recharge their batteries. But, Nole’s main concern is rhythm. It reminds of me a Smithsonian documentary that I once watched. A cheetah, living in the sandy dunes of Namibia, was at risk of starvation. Just to keep it’s heart pumping, it chased down a measly rat and ate it. Eastbourne is a tiny tournament, with a mere 250 ranking points on offer, yet his decision to play there shows us that the Serb is still hungry. 

Roger Federer - the Maestro - (Slam Count: 18. Rank - #5). 

One wonders what Roger did during his six month sabbatical. Did his team make him drink daily smoothies made out of rare healing fruit, slabbed with ice from the Swiss Alps? Whatever they did, it has certainly worked wonders. He has returned – rejuvenated and motivated as ever.

Don’t forget - he is 35.

At this age, players have usually retired. If they are itching to compete then they do so on the senior tour.

But, Federer remains a true freak of nature. Watching him sweep past twenty year olds, one wonders how many years he has in the tank.

This year already, he has won the Australian Open, completed the Sunshine double with crowns from Miami and California, and remains odds makers second favorite to win here.

There is Sherlock Holmes line that I am reminded of when I watched Federer play his second round match yesterday.

“A man is no happier than doing what he does best”.

Federer’s back on grass. He’s in his element. A crocodile in saltwater. The entire grass court season is three weeks. And, perhaps because of that, only the best of the best have taken home the golden trophy. (That isn’t a figure of speech. The Wimbledon trophy is actually golden).

The famed Carthaginian general – Hannibal, once proclaimed, “God has given to man no sharper spur to victory than contempt of death”.

When you look at the veterans from the Big 4, compared to the youngsters like Tomic who recently said he felt bored – at Wimbledon, you can’t help but think that they greater motivation, the closer they reach to the end.

Agassi recently said that Federer could possibly play for another five years. That would make him forty. Never done before in the Open Era. But, I have come to learn that with the Maestro, you never make the error of betting against him.

Numerous champions across the years had publicly expressed their belief that he would retire soon. From, Borg, to McEnroe, to Wilander. They all expressed their love for the champion but also conceded that father-time remained undefeated.

What I love the most about Federer is that he is an expert tactician. One who is never shy to re-examine and be adaptable. This psychological agility saw him snap up Stefan Edberg as his coach in 2014, who encouraged him to employ the vintage technique of serve and volley into his game. This, combined with a new, larger racquet, saw him return to the finals of Wimbledon, where he waged an epic five-set battle against Djokovic, which he narrowly lost, and improved his ranking from sixth to second.

In 2015, he parted ways with Edberg and brought in Ivan Lbijucic – a veteran player (albeit slamless), to bring a gutsy, streetfighter mentality into his game. He made it two grand slam finals and saw him dominate the North American hard court season with a technique called the SABR. (An acronym for ‘Sneak Attack By Roger’).

Roger’s main goal, ever since 2014, has been to win another Wimbledon. It reminds me of when Hannibal’s generals told him that it was suicide to cross the Alps. 

His response was, ““I will either find a way, or make one”.

Rafael Nadal - El Matador - (Slam Count: 15. Rank - #2). 

Chop. Chop. Boom! 

That was the sound of Nadal dellvering a supermax masterclass in Roland Garros to win his tenth title. I thought Stan played as well as he could, for a mere mortal. But, Nadal at the French Open is a force of nature. It’s as if he has metaphysical allies. The rules of gravity and magnetism bent towards his favor and helped him rout out his veteran opponent. Such was the toll of the match, Stan lost in the very first round at Wimbledon. 

He lost in the fourth round to Dennis Muller. A disappointing result, especially given that he came back from two sets down to level the match. It’ll hurt him for a while, especially given that this might have been his last best chance to win Wimbledon. But, this should fuel his fire for the US Open and finish this year as number one. 

All white uniforms and nothing but brilliance to blight out the competition. For glory! Onward!